#2792 RHOA S16E05 Part One: Out of this Twirled
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Watch what happens when there's so much that happens.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. What's going on with you? Not much. Just gearing up for a really big week, both in terms of recaps and in terms of travel and live shows. We've got a lot going on. Today we're going to recap a

last night's incendiary Real Housewives of Atlanta. Over on Patreon, we are going to do a double bonus episode covering the finale of White Lotus. So that's at patreon.com slash watch where crap happens. Please join us for that. You can also get our videos there as well. Then we also have a full slate of our normal recaps. We are going, we have three live shows this week in Atlanta.

Boston, Detroit, and Chicago. In Boston, we're going to do the Beverly Hills reunion. And in Detroit, we're doing the classic Vanderpump Rules episode. It's not about the pasta, which is a great episode. And then on Saturday in Chicago, we are going to do Summer House. We also have, just on the feed, we'll have all

all sorts of other stuff. But since it is such a busy week for us, we originally were going to start our Top Chef coverage this week, but we're just going to push it back one week to next week because we just have a lot going on. And it's just as simple as that. So thanks for your patience on the Top Chef front. And we hope to see you

all of you over at our live shows, go to watch for crappens.com to get tickets for our shows. And then in may, we're going to Austin and Dallas. Those will be amazing shows because Texas always turns up and really it's, we always have a great time there. And then in may also after that, we have our very first ever Las Vegas show. So we still have a lot of stuff on the calendar

And we're just excited about all of it. Can't wait to see your faces and excited to see some new faces in Vegas, by the way. That'll be a new face experience for us. So everyone go to WatchCrapis.com, get your stuff, and we will see you there. Anything to add to that, Ronnie? Nope. Nailed it. Did great. Nailed it. Nailed it. Okay. So this is the episode we've all been waiting for for Atlanta. What can you do? What exactly did she do?

Because at the time when this happened, people were putting out fake pictures on the internet of Kenya posing next to a poster board of Brit with a dick on her face and stuff. So I was like, what happened? Also, since last week, the fighting on the internet, you can always just...

rely on the internet to fight over the dumbest things which i love you internet you know with the world tearing down among us it's great to be able to spend hours upon hours on real housewives of atlanta threads reading what everybody's uh pissed about so there's been a big war about like you know this is unfair to kenya brit was the one who threatened to pull a gun and all this well then they released the tapes which were kenya from season six threatening to shoot

phadra and her donkey booty and then pulling out her gun now this was all at her house you know when she was talking to brandon but they were like since when is kenya so upset about gun stuff she pulled she threatened phadra with the gun to the point where phadra showed up with the bodyguard of the reunion and all that which i totally forgot about i have forgotten about that 100 percent yeah i remember that marlo had guns she showed us a tour of her guns but that's all i can remember in terms of that

So then, you know, I love a law show. I love like a legal show, like a Matlock or a good wife, my personal favorite, the good wife. And if this was a good wife episode, you would have had this whole episode being like, you know, justice for Kenya. And then the defense pulls out.

Dun, dun, dun. The tape of Kenya doing the gun thing. And I think any reasonable TV jury would be like, well, then Kenya's fucked. You know, Kenya just sunk her case. So I almost felt for Kenya when that all came out. So, you know, anyway, I'm just saying that to kind of update you with my personal feelings on what's been going on. I'm like, what the hell? Now, after I watch this episode, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, Kenya's fucked.

Yeah. I mean, last week we were all just like, God, Brit is so annoying and she's so awful. And that has not changed. That has completely not changed whatsoever. But it's just, it's sad seeing, seeing this as Kenya's final episode because, you know, she, Kenya's so good at destroying people. And this was, this was just such an, well, it was, first of all, terrible. It really was terrible. And,

like i was imagining like if if if britt had actually been there and seen this that's like it

it's actually deeply humiliating um and there's not and it's like wow you put up a picture of her sucking a dick like as if you haven't sucked a dick she just has it there's just a picture of her and every i don't know i just was like it was really cruel it was it it went from shady and being like villainous to just like cruelty um in a way that that was really unfortunate and it just i just feel like kenya's so much better than that she doesn't have to resort to a scene

Well, better at like being evil to someone, you know, and like knowing how to do it where she makes great TV. And this was just her being really actually like a deplorable human. Yeah. And bringing her daughter up the whole time. Like she is trying to take food out of my daughter's mouth. I was like, really? You're going to, you're going to bring up your daughter while you're showing like.

blowjob pictures to your crowd at the business that's supposed to take care of your daughter. I mean, we'll get there as the episode goes along, but not looking good. Can you?

Okay, so we open this episode, season 16, episode 5, about last night. Over at Shamia's house. And Angela, who also has a... Like, let's not understate Angela's crazy-ass storyline either. Like, what the fuck? This episode is crazy. This whole episode is nuts. It was a crazy episode.

So we open with Angela coming over to Shamia's house. And Shamia's like, you know, I'm so glad you came, Angela. I just...

i just wanted to really apologize for making fun of your physical appearance and angela's like yeah you too you too let's not forget that i also made fun of your physical appearance okay flavor yeah so i got you too so shmita's like you know the bank event with angela you know it started out i mean phenomenal and you know i fit in my olive branch and she accepted and was like we're off the races until we weren't and one of the horses got tranquilized and then um which i think is a reference to brit

and kenya's fight erupting so then britney shows up brit shows up at shamiya's

And Shamia is just saying how like she thought initially Brit was playing and then she was, oh wait, no, Brit is actually really mad right now at Kenya. And so now basically she's invited Brit over because she wants to get the bottom of it. And like what was going on with Brit that night? Because Shamia, don't forget, is the glue of this group. She is the self-proclaimed, speaking of horses, she is the self-proclaimed glue of the group. So she's going to make everything okay.

So the girls come over and Brit immediately is like, oh my God, you guys, I just acted a fool last night. I mean, I do not know what is wrong with me. Let's all sit on the floor. That is how uncomfortable that couch is. Okay. Sumia, you have so much money. I know that couch is gorgeous, but get a couch people can sit on because that shit people roll right off of. They would rather sit on the floor to eat your chips than sit on that couch. They both were down there on the floor and,

And yeah, Britt's like, "Yeah, I haven't even really gone to sleep yet." And Angela's like, "Neither have I." And they're like, "Wait, wait, why didn't you go to sleep, Angela?" She's like, "Well, you know, I just had all that backlash." And like, "But what backlash did you get?" She's like, "Well, the owners of the venue."

I guess the owners were really mad that the, this like fake bank experience was, was sullied on TV. I'm like, you should not be mad. You should be so happy. This has actually immortalized your stupid venue. No kidding. You should actually be paying the cast to make your bank that memorable. Give me a fucking break. Okay. Bank. Get over a bank. Also, I'm sick of your fees. Yeah. General banks. Your hours. Yeah.

These bastards. My overdraft fees. Fuck off with that. So Angela's like, oh, yeah, the bank is so mad at me. And so Britt's just saying, oh, I need to apologize. Who am I going to apologize to? And Shamia's like, well, okay, look, I know Kenya cut you off and that wasn't great. And she goes, yeah, I hate that.

You know, it's the same thing that happened to my nose. So with Kenya at that table, you know, I had the paper and I talked and she cut me off the entire time. Britt, you were acting like an idiot and nobody did anything to you. And Kenya never did anything to you. Like in the whole history of this show, watching what Kenya has done, what she did to you was nothing. She wasn't even being mean to you about your wedding ring. She was trying to figure out what the fuck you were talking about with your wedding ring. Like all of us were, ma'am.

Yeah. And really the best that the producers could do to come up with evidence of Kenya cutting her off was not really even a cutoff. It sounded like Brit came to a period and Kenya responded and was like, okay, you want to have a moment, but it was not like a blatant talking over and like, I'm going to shut you down or whatever. And it was just like,

Like you said, Kenya has done so much worse. And the fact that you are so upset by her response to you being bratty is ridiculous. Yeah. So Brett's like, well, we were talking about me, okay? And, you know, okay. And I get that it would be sensitive because Kenya called her a peasant and her husband won't buy her, you know, marble countertops.

Which is difficult to hear. So, I mean, I get that. But she's too much. She's trying too hard. Kenya only called her a peasant after Brit kept on yapping away at her. And finally, Kenya's like, because Kenya was like, okay, you want to have a moment? You can have a moment. You're having your moment. She's like, I'm not having a moment whatsoever. Even though it was like blatantly a moment. And then finally, Kenya's like, you know what? You know, queens don't talk to peasants. And like, it wasn't like she just pulled that out of nowhere. It was built up to it.

Yeah, it's not like she knew that your husband wouldn't buy you nice finishes. Yeah, she had no idea. She thought you had perfectly nice countertops. She didn't know. Oh, also, speaking of apologies, I know this show's not airing right now, but I wish that they could bring on Ashley to apologize to Roberta Flack. Did you see that whole thing? I saw that she sang Killing Me Softly on the local news. Oh, no. Oh, no.

So Ashley, oh no. So Ashley's like, I'd like to dedicate this to Roberta Flack. And it was just universally panned. I mean, I think even Russia was like, whoa, no, please, no. Cut, cut, gong, gong, we gong it. Please, no.

It was bad. I have to say, I doffed my cap to whoever had the idea to have Ashley on their local news because they knew it was going to be a disaster and they knew the clip would go around and...

and get exposure for the news team so well done your ploy worked yeah hey that's how to take it bank look at fox 5 news okay that's how to take bad news fox 5 is like yes ratings so then ashley went to like some jazz bar because now she has like a jazz band i guess i'm not really sure what she's doing so she uh was it something happens when you put ashley in a hotel with luanne is that she comes out with these ideas that she can also start to sing yeah the birds the

birds flock together. You know, these ones flock to the tune of very off-key songs. So Ashley went to this jazz band and she's like, well, you know, guys, I mean, I'm not going to blame anybody for that. I'm not going to blame anybody, you know, except the musicians and them all and, you know, Fox 5. But, you know, it wasn't me. And to prove that I can sing this song, I'm going to do it now. Boys! And, you know, they're great musicians. They all start playing and say, yeah!

It's like, oh no, no. Why are you doing it again? Why don't you just bring Roberta Flack up and just start kicking her over and over again? Leave her alone. Let her rest. Ashley, for fuck's sake, man.

It's called killing us softly with the song, not killing us intensely and repeatedly with your song, which is what you're literally doing. Let's make it soft. So soft we can't even hear it. Yeah, don't kill me with the migraine, girl. That was rough. So she owes everybody an apology. Okay, so back to this show. Wait, no, we can't go back to the show. I'm sorry. And the reason why is because I made the mistake of invoking Countess Luanda Luceps.

And we have a week until the next crappy hour. So it's probably get forgotten. But Candice LeWandows has made her acting debut on the Murdoch Mysteries where she's playing some sort of like, I don't know. She's it's on her social media everywhere. She's like in a fur and a little hat. It's like a period piece. And there was a clip up. Did you see the clip of her in this show? No. Yeah.

she's like hello i am schmaltes muan blubble and it's pleasure to meet you detective it is so hilariously bad it's like there's just nothing she can't do who got killed she's playing the bongos i'm gonna solve this mystery with bongo playing hit it boys hit it boys you're about to hear a real deal mystery like here's a clip of her uh let me hear it is it playing

I don't hear it. Ben, I don't hear it. He can't see me. He's listening to this clip. Oh, you guys didn't hear it? No. You guys, that's so sad. Fail. Clip fail.

Okay. But also, while you figure that out, this is not the Countess' acting debut. How dare you? Have you forgotten about Law and Order? I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've really failed. A dual fail. I discredited her IMDb, and you guys didn't hear this amazing clip where she goes, Nice to meet you. Oh.

Yep. That's Lou sweeping the acting awards for the year. Okay, so they're back to talking about Brittany apologizing. And Angela's like, you know, I was taking Britt's side. I mean, like, Britt feels this way. Britt told me I didn't like the way Kenya made me feel. And she's like, but it's not just my feeling, you know? Like, the energy's off with Kenya with me.

So then we see Angela and Britt hiking and Britt saying all this stuff. And she's saying...

You know, I just felt provoked and I don't want anybody to think I was trying to intimidate Kenya, you know, because I would never in any form shape anything would want her to feel that I would want her to harm her period. I have no problem telling her that I'm going to apologize. So Britt has obviously been pulled over by producers and we're like, yeah, you can't threaten people with guns.

make it right or you're out and so she you know is gonna now have to apologize yes and so she does the mature thing which is reach out to kenya and say can we have a one-on-one time to clear it up because i feel really bad about what happened just kidding she never does that she brings flowers to a party

So Britt's like, you know, I do have two older sisters and we get into it, you know, and sharing stuff. And I'm just like their family and I love them and like we can be fiery, but then like we love each other. So because of you guys, I'm like going to make a very conscious effort to take it back a notch. I'm going to be better. Yeah, it definitely spoke of she got a slap on the wrist from Bravo and now she has marching orders to. Yeah.

And Angela's like, well, you know us. Family's family. And family's the most important thing. Yeah, family's the most important thing. Yeah, family, family, right. You both hate your families. So could we stop having little side scenes where you talk about how important family is? You both hate your families, okay? I forgot the ages. It sounded like I said you hate your family. But you hate your family. So stop. So now Angela's like, well, but what about Portia saying that she's heard some tea about Charles? Dun, dun, dun.

So she's like, well, let's make it clear. I'm married to a celebrity. So, you know, people are going to say things about Charles. It's just how it is. My DMs are flooded. So it's not like I'm going to rock that boat. You know, I mean, what do you who hasn't slept with Charles? Am I right?

And Britt's like, well, somebody might get slapped if somebody talks about my husband that way. I guarantee you no one is going to talk about your husband the way they would talk about Charles Oakley. And to me it's like, what do you, yeah, no one's going to brag about sleeping with your husband. Yeah, the guy who acts like he has a toothpick in his mouth at all times.

yeah i just don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon okay yeah i agree and shimi is like um you're supposed to be apologizing for threatening violence not threatening more violence and so they all laughed like oh my god britches can't help threatening violence it's hilarious so porsche shows up at kenya's hair spa and uh kenya's like security let you in ha ha

And then they're just talking about like horses wearing yellow. She's like, I brought the sunshine, honey. And then I was like, oh, it's been a crazy day. And Ken is like, it's been a crazy couple of days. You know, I just want to zhuzh up the grand opening. I'm just like,

you know, I just want to see a couple of girls, you know, that want to be part of it. I want to model because this could be her big moment where she's going to be able to promote her hair spa. And what better way to promote it than by showing a guest, having a, giving a blow job on poster board. So Porsche is like, okay, you know, I can still judge the real edges, even though, you know,

I do go naked, but still, I know a good editor, too. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. It's springtime. I've got a travel itch, which works out well since we are actually traveling for tour. And being on tour for our show, that means I've got to come up with a lot of good looks for myself. Because I want to try to look as cool as possible on stage. And thankfully, I have been able to find all sorts of first-class quality stuff at Crappin's.

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Why are there ridges on Reese's peanut butter cups? Probably so they never slip from her hands. Could you imagine? I'd lose it. Luckily, Reese's thought about that. Wonder what else they think about. Probably chocolate and peanut butter.

So then we get the thing that we get every season where Porsche is like, you know, Kenny and I have had our ups and downs, but I'm just so happy where we are. Okay. I heard that before. So now Kelly arrives too, and she's still too much because she's still new. So she's like, oh my God, everyone. Hi. Oh, so good to be here. It's a business owner. So good to be here. Businesses, girl. Am I right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Hey, do you do waffles here? I have waffles. I left my security guard outside this time. It's really just a stack of waffles, but it's a very intimidating stack. They are covered in syrup. So if anybody tries anything with me, they're going to be moving slowly. They will be caught. They will be caught in the log cabin. I literally put a log cabin out there. So, um,

So they're just like laughing about all these security guards. And Kelly is like, you know, I hate what happened with her and Britt, but I like Kenya. So we are here to support and make sure that she gets what it is that she needs in regard to her grand opening. And I'm hoping that what she needs is waffles because that's really all I can offer. People want waffles at hair openings, right? Yeah. So now they're going to, you know,

She's saying, oh, you're such a good hostess, Kenya. And Kenya's like, oh, I haven't always been told that. And then we see a flashback to 2021 when Marlo's coming at her for not providing food for her guests. Which was true. That was some bad hosting. And then ordering herself some DoorDash.

Yeah, that was really bad. That was actually the worst thing I think Kenya ever did. That was one of Kenya's worst seasons. And then slut shamed everybody about Bolo later, you know? Yeah, that was when Kenya was really doing her like, was that her victory lap season where she's like, I read her. Well, she was definitely that's I mean, what the moment she married Mark is when she definitely became very prim and proper. And that was a decline of Kenya. But that was definitely a low point that season for her.

Yeah. So they do a model walk off and they're like, twirl, give us twirl. Can you more hair spa? So they're auditioning models. I'm not really sure because I don't think any of the models actually get their hair done at this place. They just put on a bunch of wigs. And then am I reading that wrong? I think you're correct. I think that they just like any chance to like do model auditions on this show and just in general on Bravo. If they can do that.

It'll be, you know, they will, they will work in a model audition. So that's what they're doing. Cause it's an excuse for people to sit around and pass judgment about normies. And so they do that. Um, so they are all modeling. Yeah, but you're right. Cause they are going to wind up putting on these like fantastic wigs and

And it has nothing to do with their hair. I guess they just have to. And they'll have to walk slowly because they're wigs. So like whatever like runway walking they're going to do now, they're not really going to be able to do in their wig. So yeah, it was a good drag show. I mean, they did do like a good kind of drag show, but I don't know. I think those girls do their own wigs. Drag queens, right? Isn't that part of their thing? Well, I don't think they were drag queens, but it was definitely. No, I just mean like it was that kind of show. You know what I mean? Like it was like a very drag inspired show.

yeah of course drag is inspired by women in the first place so i don't know which came first the chicken or the horse with those wig shows i don't know if it's like one person doing the wig or if it's like multiple people that are doing like a wig competition um that's a bald i just like it's so weird to me you know i'm like wow look at all of you celebrating your dead skin cells hanging out all over your head congratulations

As someone who often walks around his kitchen with a bottle of alcohol on his head, I have to say that watching this fashion show, I was like, well, I didn't know I could use hair to brace that. It would have been much easier.

Um, so they're asking her if she invited Brit to her thing. She's like, well, I didn't specifically invite her. And they're like, but you didn't uninvite her. And she says no. And so they're like, so what even happened the other day? And Kenya says, well, you know, we're talking about my big vagina. I thought it was so fun. And then it all went bad. And so they're like, yeah, you know, and Portia's sticking up for Kenya. She's like, yeah, you know, it took a left turn. Kenya had disengaged. Okay. That's nothing for Kenya. Yeah.

And then when she says that she has a pistol, you know, no, we have to find out exactly what was said. And Kenya's like, well, I know what I heard.

And Kelly didn't hear it. And look, the girl did say she had a pistol and she had a chain. I'm not going to stick up for that because she never should have said that. She did not say, I have a pistol and I'm going to kill that bitch or anything like that. But I think even saying like in anger, you know, I have a pistol. Okay. But how overreact-y are we going to?

I think I'm walking it back a little just because I've seen the end of this episode. So I'm like, I mean, look, my reaction, I feel like I'm of the two minds, which is, and I said this last week, like technically she didn't say I'm, I, she wasn't like, I have a pistol on me and I'm going to use it. You better watch out. Cause I've got a pistol. So she technically didn't do that, but she did say I've got whips and pistols. Like, why is she don't come for me? I've got whips and pistols. So there is a very strong implication, which is very unsettling.

And I think that basically Brit is an idiot for saying that and trashy. And it's wrong to do that. Kenya is definitely, though, doing the Kenya thing where she is now like, oh, I'm going to take that and I am going to like I found a weakness and I'm going to exploit that. Well, I guess with the evidence presented of Kenya also doing this in season six. Now, granted, that was a long time ago. This is season 16. So that was 10 seasons ago. Things were different then.

You know, back when we could threaten people with guns. God, don't you miss those days? Yeah. All the fun days. Well, I live in Texas, so I still live in those days, I guess, you know. Solicitors? How about soliciting a bullet, motherfucker? So Kenya's like, I'm not going to play right now. You know, what I'm not going to do is bullshit. The lies and the gaslighting, all that stuff. I have too much to lose, which is why I plan to lose it all by the end of the episode.

Yeah. So she's like, that was just such a level of disrespect, you know, the level of angst and aggressive nature of how she was speaking, which I mean, I agree with that part.

So Kelly's like, but she's not that person, guys. She's not that person. Well, she is. She's that person because that was her. So unless you're saying she was on some kind of pills or something, she was that person. So don't say she's not that person. Just say, let's help her be a better person, guys. This is Housewives. Let's lift each other up.

Yeah, and Kenya's like, well, you can't just tell me who she is. Like, I have to see it, you know? And she can show me from afar. And Kelly's like, no, what I was saying is I've just never seen her act in that manner. That's just not who she is. I've just never seen that. I think you guys should talk. Now, to be fair, every time I have hung out with Britt, I've been mainly focused on the waffle I've brought with me as well. So maybe I've been distracted and just didn't see that side of her. Well, and also you did see it. You did see her act like that that night.

when everybody else saw it and everybody saw it on the TV as well. So don't say you haven't seen it. - And how about you just meet her also, like, are these actual friends from pre-show or I feel like they just met like three episodes ago. - Yeah, but they're newbs so they're trying to stick together.

So then Portia's like, well, you know, maybe Kenya should do her due diligence and speak to other people who were there and see. And I guess Portia's trying to see, like, did Kenya really threatened with a gun? Because Portia, I guess, didn't hear this. So she's just heard it from Kenya. So I love that she's saying right in front of Kenya, like, should we get some proof of what this girl even said? And Kenya's like, oh, I'll do my due diligence. I'm running a background check. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah.

Dun, dun, dun. And then, yeah, Portia's basically like, yeah, you may need to uninvite. And Kenny's like, I'm twerling on my haters. One last twirl for old time's sake. So now we go to a scene that's pretty wacky, which is, it's Angela and her daughter Amari. I tried to see if I could do Angela's voice. And I sat there and I was talking back to my TV and

I cannot get Angela's bubble her throat bubble right and it makes me very upset and part of me is like am I just gonna talk like Countess Luann when I do her because I was like I was like hello and I just sounded ridiculous and she's gonna be my she's gonna be my whale I think because I don't think I like she's one of those voices that I I can't I can't get right at all what's

Not that I get anyone's voice right, but I can't even approach with her. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't really try to get anything right. I have a lot of accuracy. This is not a show people come to for me to get things right. It's not a hill I even want to climb, let alone die on. More so than usual. I was sitting there going like this. It just was funny because the sound's coming out of my mouth. I was like, I'm like, no, that's not her at all.

To have a kind of a, you know, my daughter, Amari, you know, my oldest. I can't really do it either. So she talks about how Amari lost her father to murder in Chicago when she was just a little kid, seven years old. And so she's been a single mom for a long time. So they've just become best friends, as we'll see in this very scene.

So Amari is like really into coffee. So she's going to have her own coffee shop and her mom doesn't understand the difference between coffees. She's like, just make it out of a Keurig. And Amari is like, mother. So they're having one of those. Peruvian coffee. Yeah. She's like, mom, Peruvian coffee is the best coffee. She's like, I don't know. I can't even go close to the coffee machine because Charles is always in the kitchen cooking food for 40 people that aren't at our house. Yeah.

Your father calls the Keurig a fingerprint magnet that I'm not allowed to use. So I wouldn't really know. He hates it so much he calls it mom.

So basically, Angela is saying that she can't tell the difference between Peruvian coffee and other coffees. And Amari is like, okay, well, blink twice. Forget about the coffee. Okay, I really want to get to the nitty gritty of it all and understand why isn't grandma here? She was supposed to meet us. And I thought we were going to have like a little moment where we can really put our matters to the table. And I could shame you in front of grandma for not understanding what Peruvian coffee is.

And so Angela's like, well, you know, I got a call from your grandma saying you need to talk to your daughter. So what happened? And she goes, what happened? Okay, now listen to this story. So I went to grandma to use the car that you provided for her thinking it would be no problem. Excuse me, you showed up at your grandma's house and said, I'm taking your car. My mom bought this car anyway.

No. Speaking in your grandmother's defense already, just for your first line, your mother buying that car for your grandmother does not make that your car, ma'am. You still need to ask permission to use somebody's car. So already I'm not on her side. I will grant you that.

I will grant you that. In fact, I'm saying that as if I'm not going to grant you something in the future. I think I'm granting all your points that you'll be giving in this scene. I'm going to say yes, I co-sign. I also, by the way, that being said, I love the shadows of Monica Garcia in this fight too. Talking about that Land Rover that became the emblem of what her relationship with her mother was is where the Land Rover would be. Yeah.

When Monica's mom was like, okay, you want to call me a bad mother and shame me on TV? Then you don't get the car I pay for. Bye. So Amari, like even, by the way,

Even if the car was not even given to grandma, even if Angela had just bought the car, it's still not Amari's car to take. Yeah, it's still not her car. Because it's not Amari's car. So she went over, said she wants the car. The grandma said no. And then she says, but then they wanted money from me. And your sister got in my face and called me a demon. And she told everybody in the house, fuck them. All because I wanted to use a car that wasn't hers. It wasn't even my sister's. It wasn't even yours either, ma'am.

So she's like, well, you know how much I helped them and you helped them too. And so Angela gets all teary eyed and she's like, nobody told me that. You should have told me that. You never told me anyone got in your face. None of this makes sense to me. I have to say, I don't understand someone getting in your face. I don't understand. Did you ask nicely for the car? Did you just show up and demand the car? What happened?

Did you take their money to start a Peruvian coffee company? Is that the real story here? I was going to sell that car to invest in some Peruvian beans. So Amari's like, I just never expected that from her because I literally help them with their bills. I help them with whatever they need. And I'm there for every beck and call. I'm there. And so are you. So are you. So then Angela explains that Amari lives in a house that Angela bought

so angela bought a house for her mother and her sister and amari would live there too she goes well it's always the goal of a child to purchase a home for you know their parent and i was just happy to do that and just it blew up and things went left and amari moved out so

i'm already confused why there's a house that has like the grandma the aunt and the granddaughter in it and like why isn't there like an apartment for amari by the way why is amari in the house just as long as you're buying places get her get her or have amari just pay for her own damn apartment like why isn't amari living with the mom why is she living with the grandma why is she not living with us i don't understand that does she not like charles does charles i mean charles did not seem to really enjoy amari because remember he was like

He was like, what was it that he was cracking down on her about? It was something about like the, he was making corn. - Cleaning the kitchen. He was cleaning the kitchen and he said, why didn't you clean the kitchen last night? She was like, I did. And he's like, no, you didn't. She's like, yeah, I did. Well, sorry if it wasn't clean enough for you. So yeah, it's-- - To be fair, he has very rigid standards about that kitchen because we see later on, bark at Angela about not washing her hands and she washed her hands 11 seconds earlier.

Yes. It's been 11 seconds. So then that answers the question why she wasn't living with that. It's probably making her crazy. And she's like, I can't buy everyone a house. So for now, go live with your grandma. And then that turned into a big fight. And so she ended up moving out. So Angela's like, the fact that my mother didn't defend you breaks my heart. It just breaks my heart. And she's like, and they didn't even tell you the full story. It just sucks.

I can't believe someone would withhold valuable information from you, my sweet mother. Could you imagine? Something important happens and they don't even tell you, mother. After you've done so much for all of us in this family, how could anyone hold anything from you? You shouldn't be supporting her. You shouldn't support any of them. So then she's like...

But you got married. Angela's like, yeah. Angela's like, look. But Angela's like, look, it's my mom. My mom needs me. It turns out her mom has bipolar disorder. And so she's always going to take care of her. And then she tells the story about

how her mom, she was eight when her mom was diagnosed, but now her mom is self-proclaimed healed, which I thought she was going to say, so now there's more drama than ever. But instead she goes, but I applaud that because she was using it as a crutch before. I'm like, I don't know if you're allowed to self-diagnose heal from bipolar disorder. Maybe that might be something you might want to circle back to, you know?

Yeah, I'm not sure how all that works. I'd be healthy to check in on that. So then she's like, well, you know, Amari is saying that her grandma was always a good grandma and she's a good woman and I love her. But in this situation, she's wrong. So she's like, okay, well, you know, I want to protect you, but, you know, and she goes, yeah, I'm 24. And she goes, but then you snuck off and got married. And she's like,

Well, so, and then we find out that Anari, Amari, what is wrong with me? I'm reading things wrong. My dyslexia is coming. My self-imposed dyslexia is coming. Wow. But Amari. After you had just announced yourself cured. I know. I'm like, am I cured from bipolar disorder? I'm like trying to like think what I've cured myself of.

I will say this. One thing I've been trying to cure myself of that I've not been able to all my life, waffles. It's hard. It's going to be hard this season, that's for sure, because they're talked about a lot. So basically Angela's like, yeah, and then I find out that Amari got married and that just rocked me to my core, me and my best friend. So she's like, why wouldn't you tell me, baby? Why? Why? And she goes, tell you what? She goes, that you got married. And she goes, I just did.

She goes, right now when I'm asking you? She's like, yeah. Yeah, Amara's very like, whatever, mother. And Angela's saying how it was really hurtful. She's like, she's my best friend. And for her to not want me to know, it's just really hard. And so Amara's like, well, how did you find out? Because you never told me. She goes, well, I found out through your grandmother. So basically, the grandma...

through Amari under the bus. Well, you wouldn't be under the bus. You should be on the bus instead of trying to steal your grandma's car. And what do you think is going to happen when you're...

When you're fighting with your grandma and getting in her and her daughter's face. Like, what do you think? They don't owe you anything if you're going to be acting like that. Why am I mad at Amari? I don't even know these people, but here's why I'm mad at Amari. You don't tell your mom that you got married and then you're showing up at someone's house trying to get their car and you didn't clean the kitchen. The evidence is starting to add up.

It is starting to, when you say it that way, the evidence is adding up. And honestly, like you're asking your grandma to hold a secret for you, but then you're also going to sass your grandma. That's dangerous. You should know better. We've seen a lot of soap operas. No sass, no gas. No sass, no gas. We saw Madeline still on Revenge.

And if you want to come for her, guess what she's going to do? She will sit in that chair with the writing on it and she will destroy you. With one wonky eye. She'll do it. One eye twitching like this. One eye open. She'll do it. If you've got stuff that you're hiding, don't fight with the person who's hiding it for you because it's always going to backfire. Always.

Always. So she's like, I didn't even find out until you were four months married. And she's like, well, I was planning on telling you. And she goes, when? And she's like, when I needed you to sign a car lease for us. She's like, damn you.

and she's like you know for you to act like that i shouldn't be hurt like for you to act like that i should get over it and she's like well i'm not saying you shouldn't be hurt you just have to have to be so stupid about it god you're annoying and just like this is just like that's how you're acting in this moment like right do i get over it and marcia everyone's making it a much bigger deal than

I am like, nothing's changed. Like, well, if it's not that big of a deal, how do you not tell your mom, by the way, I got married. There's someone else in the family. And then Amari.

Loses even more with me because then she starts crying and she's like it's a gang up on a mary day Oh now you're gonna cry and say we're all ganging up on you ma'am You got married and didn't tell your mom. Okay, and also who'd you get married to? Is this a someone that your mom doesn't like it's a man. Is it a woman? Is there controversy? Why were you hiding it? I like I need more than just I got married in secret and tried to steal my grandma's car like I need details, uh

Yeah. Yeah. I, I think that there's, I think this is not gonna be the last time we hear of Amari getting up to some stuff. I think we're gonna find out that she like it's gonna be stupid stuff. It's gonna be like, she said she took the, the garbage out, but she actually only brought it to the garage. And so then it was in the garage and no one realized, and then they got rats. It's gonna be something like that and be like, Amari, why? She's like, well, I was gonna tell you that the garbage was in the garage. I just never got around to it. Cause you know, Charles, you know, Charles has ring cam footage of everything.

So I'm hoping Charles has like some big expose and he's like, oh, really? She cleaned the kitchen. Let me show you her cleaning the kitchen. She was eating my Brussels sprouts in the middle of the kitchen with no paper towel. So she tries the crying thing and it works. So Angela starts crying, too. And they're like, oh, I promised to love you. No, but I promised to love you, too. And then I'm just left with questions. The scene's over and I'm like, what the hell just happened? Yeah.

I just think there's a lot of dysfunctional family stuff happening with these new people. And I'm all about it. I love it. Because honestly, the cast members that come on with functional family is incredibly boring. Like, let's not act like we all are so thrilled when Shamia gets together with her family and she's like...

my sister has always been there for me like if it weren't for my sister she she she takes care of the kids when i had to go to lunch she takes care of the kids when i went to see a movie and then you see the sister being like i took care of the kids because we're a family and then look here's my mom and mom has it down mom just made like fast forwarding made a cheese plate it's like who cares yeah tell me tell me that mom got into a fight with the sister and

because of someone tried to take the car. That's way more. Yeah, that's what I need to know. Yeah, I agree. I don't think that they should not be fucked up. I'm just filled with questions. Mystery. Which is good. I don't need to dwell. I don't need to dwell on the families that seem to actually have healthy relationships. Right. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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Okay, so then we go to lunchtime with Portia and Britt.

So now they're talking about all the Kenya stuff and Brett does her whole... I just took it too far. There's no excuse for my actions. So I can only breathe out of my mouth and sometimes that makes my brain feel a little bit dizzy. But still, it's no excuse.

Thank you to whichever intern had to write the bullet points for Brit to repeat over and over again this episode. They had it on like a little card. She's really laying it on thick. So Portia's like, yeah, well, it was a shock to me that you had a beaver there because like when I met you guys, like you guys were all just like sitting together at Shamia's house. She goes,

Exactly. And there's no excuse. I thought we were cool, and I felt like, you know, when she's around the group, she wants to kind of, like, put on a little bit. So I think that's the tone. It's sort of like, hi, you know, oh, where's your wedding man? But hashtag, there's no excuse.

I thought she was making like light, fun conversation with you because you're confusing as fuck. You're like, well, this is my ring, but it's not my wedding ring. It's my anniversary ring. So she said, so where's your other ring? And you're like, what do you mean my other ring? She's like, well, where's your other ring? Is it another man that you're talking about? She's like, no, I'm talking about this man, honey, this ring. And she goes, oh, okay. So it's like a year anniversary from getting another ring. What is so horrible about that? I didn't get it. So she's still like, well, she was just coming for me.

And no, you just needed to try and go after the big dog. And you failed. Kenya was coming lightly, but it was light. She was being shaded, but in many ways that is actually Kenya's love language. She's saying, I'm inviting you to have a storyline with me. And Brit should have been like Brit.

like someone who's more self-possessed or someone who is good at this would be like oh she wants she wants to be shaded with me i will shade her right back but instead she's like i can't believe she would say that i can't believe she'd do that and she's coming after me and why why can't you speak to brit politely you know when you're in a group setting so she gets all flustered which means that kenya got 100 right under her skin and she should have just been able to shade kenya right back yeah she should have just been like oh yeah show me your ring

I want to see your ring. Exactly. It's really pretty. It's so, it's just right there. Not like, man, let me call my husband. Let me call my husband. And you say, Oh, where's your ring? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Did your husband take it back and cashed it in to try and pay all that rent that he's back on since his place is getting, he's getting evicted out of his place. How's that going? That must be so hard on you. It's all, it's all you have to do. So, um,

Anyway, Portia is like, yeah, well, everybody who witnessed the exchange was like, it was, Kenny was like being pretty chill. Britt's like, well, she was being dismissive and she was being nasty and I feel like she was just targeting me. I'm like, lady, you're on the real housewives of Atlanta. I don't know what you expect and I don't know if you think it's going to get any better, but this is what you signed up for. This girl hates being dismissed. That's probably why she was out doing music videos all the time instead of going to high school. She just got sick of hearing people say you're dismissed. Here we are.

I put a premium. I'm not being dismissed. So Portia's like, you know, there's all these preconceived notions of Kenya because she's Kenya and she can be a monster. And then we see clips of Portia and Kenya getting into it over the years.

And now we're back to present. And Portia's like, yeah, you know, she was ready to go toe to toe, but she didn't. Oh, Portia's like, she was ready to go toe to toe with Kenya, but she didn't realize she was meeting a different Kenya who doesn't give a damn at this moment.

So Portia's like, you know, the back and forth wasn't that big an issue at the table. I don't get it. But then you said something about a pistol, like when we were heading to take her home, you know, and we were like, are you sure she said that? And she said she heard it with her own ears. And Britt's like, okay, so let me tell you what happened. Yeah.

She's like, yeah, you know, yeah. Tell me. And she's like, well, okay. So she was afraid. Okay. I was triggered by everything. She was going, that was going on. No pun intended. Like maybe now's not the best time to be pulling out triggered as a defense. I was like, I was like, I don't want, like, I was going to take my shot and you know, things just popped off. I felt targeted. I just wanted to put a cap on the evening, you know?

Hold on. I have a few bullet points to go over. She wanted to talk and I said, go ahead, shoot. Sorry. I have a lot of ammo here that I really want to get through.

So I was rifling through my purse and I saw... Could you pass the cheese? I love it when it's warm and melty and oozy. Before I could even talk to her, she gunned those engines. Wow. So... My mention...

Inside my brain, I'm like, what? Guns are left. Oh my God, look at that baby Colt running on the street. So I went home and watched Beretta.

So Brittany's like, yeah, you know, she was afraid and I was just triggered, you know? And she literally does go, I was triggered by everything that was going on in that moment. And I just popped off with Kenya. Like, oh my God, come on. You were triggered by the stuff that you started. You literally pulled the trigger on this, just so you know. You're the one who was sassing up. Did you expect Kenya to just be like, huh?

Oh my god I am so sorry Brit I'm so sorry that I've been speaking rudely to you Do you think Kenya Moore is going to say that? No Yeah And also I wish they had shown the clip of Portia coming in and not hugging most of them You know Because Brit's whole thing was like Oh you don't even hug me Just give me a pat Oh god

So she was trying too hard. And Portia's like, well, you know, like maybe that was a heated moment. Okay. You know, like I had a heated moment at Shamia's house and we got into the elevator and, you know, I'm like, I wish I had my pistol. I mean, what do you think I want it for?

Oh, so she was saying, what if I had done that? What if when I was needed, I said, I wish I had my pistol. And so Britt's like, well, okay, you're right. That wasn't the time for me to talk about a pistol. And I take full accountability. I'm sorry. At no given moment was I, you're gonna do anything to hurt Kenya. But I do regret the whole situation and I feel terrible about it. Yeah. Oh, shoot.

So, Brittany is like, you know, I can 100% apologize, you know, whatever. Like, I don't want to give her any more ammo. I just want to, like, show up and just put this thing to sleep.

Like the producers told me to. And yeah. So, and Porsche's like, everyone deserves to be heard unless you're Drew Sidora. In many different ways on that front. So then Brit is like, yeah, I was wrong. And I stand well down with the flag. She's fully doing the, like she's doing her, everything the producers have basically been like, you have to get on that camera and you better, you better wave that white flag.

So now we're at Angela and Charles's and Charles is cooking just mass amounts of chicken. Buckets of chicken. Literal buckets of chicken. Who is this man feeding? Who is he feeding? I mean, I know tall people eat a lot, but God damn, man. Is he cooking for the crew? Is that what's happening? He's like, well, the crew's coming over to shoot. So, you know. Maybe. Maybe, yeah. That's actually a good call. Maybe he is cooking for the crew. He might be one of those people that's.

Yeah, he's just always cooking and like large amounts. And maybe that's why he's getting such a good edit because, you know, they can take a husband like Charles and edit him many different ways. And so far they're like, oh, he's he's a grouch, but he's a fun loving grouch who makes a lot of food. So maybe maybe you're right. Maybe you're onto something.

So, she's redoing her bathroom because Angela cannot stop redoing things. She's doing five houses and even her own damn bathroom, she's just taking a hammer to the walls. Like, what the fuck? Excuse me, that's Amari's bathroom because her mother paid for it. Amari's like, get out of my bathroom, mother! She drives in. She drives through the front door in her grandma's car. Knocked down a wall for you.

she's very irresponsible um so angela's getting ready and so she calls charles upstairs and this is so fun i'm sorry to interrupt you but i love how she called him she's like you know getting her face ready to put on makeup she goes charles

Cause you know, Charles never listens. He just pretends he can't hear. He's literally frying chicken and she wants him to step away from like the boiling hot oil. I cooked some chicken last night on the grill and I literally almost burned everything down. There was such a big fire. I do not, you could not pay me enough money to walk away from like chicken in like hot Bernie things. Because like, I know the moment that I step away from bubbling oil, like,

Everything's going down in smoke. It's a disaster. And he full on goes upstairs to the bathroom to have a whole scene while chicken is bubbling away and boiling hot oil. I don't know. It's terrifying. Yeah, but he's bold, Charles. Charles isn't a little afraid of making a chicken wait.

So, and plus he's got 9,000 other pieces that he can cut. So like, what's one? And they'll just give it to the little kid, you know? So Charles comes in, she talks about going to this Kenya Moore hair thing. And does he want to come? And he's like, no, I've got hair, which I don't know what that even is.

I don't know how that really translates into an answer, but he's like, why would I go? Hair. I've already got hair. Okay. Well, it's not a hair restoration company. It's an opening. We're not going there to get services. He's like, well, can you give me a lineup?

He's like, I've got one. She's like, no, just to support, you know? And he's like, well, why would I go? She's like, well, because you want to support me? And he's like, well, you're aware that this is an all lady event. And also I bought all the chicken in Costco and that's going to be in at least three more hours of frying chicken. But I don't think I have time to get away.

And she's like, okay, well, I got to tell you this, Charles. There was a moment that Portia had. You're going to love this. She said, oh, I got some tea on Charles. And he goes, what, is she the Fed or something? Why do I love Charles so much? Please, Charles, don't turn out to be a monster. Because I really like you so far.

It's actually kind of funny because he does kind of have the vibe of someone who's been famous for a long time where he just doesn't care. So Angela's like, well, I think a lot of people feel like my husband is my soft spot. So in order to crack the egg, if you will...

they want to throw a dagger at our marriage or whatever. So now you can speculate all the hell you want, but you better not say something about my husband. Who's not my soft spot, but don't talk about it. It's like, is he, is we'll talking about Charles crack the egg or will it not crack the egg? Yeah. She, she doubled, she double speaks, right? Cause she goes, now you can speculate all you want, but you better not say anything about my husband, which is it. She's like, you can talk about them all you want, but you better not talk about it. It's,

It's very Magali from Real Housewives of Cheshire, whose tagline was, you want to talk about Magali? You better not talk about Magali. That's a direct quote. One of the all-time best taglines. So Charles was like, she doesn't even know me. And she goes, well, I don't know what it was. And he goes, okay, well, tell her to stay in her own lane because she's barking up the wrong tree. She goes, okay. And he goes, she better hit her brakes a couple of times.

that bark okay so is she barking up a tree or is she driving down the wrong lane like she's in a car barking she's barking up a tree and i was a little surprised that neither of them said the oak tree because that is her tagline right um and he is known as the oak so angela's like well let me all handle this because i don't i don't want to do it he's like yeah you should have handled it when she said it yeah well i didn't she said it was a joke he's like no

say don't joke she goes well yeah yeah we don't play like that he was like yeah google google on google me twice and what comes up she's like yeah i love that google me twice

So he goes, do your job. And when you got her, let me know. She's like, okay. Okay, Charles. He does not care. He checks his timer. He's like, there's a chicken calling. Goodbye. You stupid plot line over with. Okay, bye. So he's like, fix this bathroom. God damn.

He's like, great. And now I've just overcooked five of my 67 pieces of chicken that I'm going through today. No, I'm telling you that man did not overcook one piece of chicken. He had it timed. I love that he whipped out his timer. He was like, okay, that's enough of you. You've taken 45 of my seconds. Goodbye.

Yeah, that is actually the mark of someone who knows how to cook chicken. Like I actually respect that so much when people like I was joking about like how like I'm scared to step away from like if I'm frying anything or grilling anything because it's dangerous. But it's also because like

I don't have that like instinct that some people do. People who are good at that, they just, they can just step away and then, you know, they just sort of like, oh yeah, okay, it's done. And you just walk back. I'm like, how do you do that? It's amazing. Yeah. He has his own little chicken timer, which I like. He's got his own special timer. So it's 24 seconds long.

She comes down with him and she washes her hands. And then the little kid comes down and he's like, do you want some chicken? So he takes some chicken and then Angela reaches over and he's like, wash your hands. And she's like, I did wash my hands. And then they do like a full rewind to show her washing her hands. Yeah.

She's like, anyway, there's still a lot going on with Alicia and my mama. So, you know, it's like, I just haven't, I still haven't talked to Alicia. He's like, all right, well, so I'm not talking to my sister. What's the difference? He's like, fuck him. Who needs him?

Yeah, sisters. Am I right? If I want to deal with sisters, I'll watch the NBC show that's now available on streaming at long last. She tries again. She's like, okay, well, anyway, I'm going to call my mother and my sister and goes, oh, my God, why do you keep bringing up your issues with me? Why?

Do you see I'm making chicken? Like, how many issues are you going to bring up with me in one day? And she's like, we're married. You're who I talk to. And he's like, he goes, I ain't got no time to be taking your feelings in, begging to do this, to do that. I mean, just let it go.

and wash your hands while you're at it charles charles seems both like the worst husband on the planet and also the best like i think i need someone like that who's just like your problems are stupid can we please stop talking about them and just eat my god i know i love i love that he's literally saying to his wife why are you talking to me about your issues am i like some sort of like important person in your life right now

I guess if I was just reading this on paper, I'd be like, this guy's a fucking monster. You better run, Angela. I'm pulling my van up outside. Jump in. But I don't know. There's something about how the way he says it that I'm like, he's so romantic. Like, maybe I could get married. You know what? I think it's...

I think what you're, I think what you are responding to is that he kind of has a no nonsense, no nonsense, no bullshit thing going on. And probably when he says, why are you talking to me about your issues? It's his way of saying like, I know all this. Why are you telling me about it again? Cause she's obviously saying it. Cause it has to be on camera. And he's like,

Don't tell me about it. I've already heard this. I only want to hear something once. I don't care if it's on camera or not. Why are you telling me that? I think how I'm taking it is like just a no-nonsense kind of a person. Like, don't sweat the small stuff kind of a person. He's like, oh, my God. Your sister's fighting with someone? I'm shocked. Wow. The real housewives are trying to cause drama and say I'm a cheater? Oh.

like am i supposed to be scared i'm taking it like he just doesn't he's i take it as him not being mean to her him just being like why are we worried about stupid shit we're rich and we're happy can we just like yeah can we just chill and not worry about stupid fucking petty stuff exactly so angel's saying that charles relationship with his mom and sister is non-existent because remember it all went sour when the mom said something about cleaning something

It's a real bone of contention for Charles. Yeah. And he goes, well, listen, I don't get into family business because my family's rough enough. I'm not putting up with your family, too. Okay? Fuck all family. And I like at least someone's honest because we have, you know, we have both Angela and Britt. Like, oh, family's so important. Family's so important. But you both, your family...

Your family's full of assholes, as you've told us. Like, they're trying to pretend, but then you've got Britt who doesn't really – she's not there for her sister, like we learned last week. And I'm not accusing Angela of anything, but we know they're fucked up. So it's refreshing to hear someone be like, fuck your family. If your family's going to be assholes, then fuck them. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's refreshing. I like it.

Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families from ancient empires to modern monarchs to

to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood-soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there. Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine Empire. Like,

like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property, and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history. Follow Even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus.