Shownotes Transcript
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When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Cat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Watch one, crap it. Watch one, crap it. Watch one, crap it.
What happens when there's so much that happens? What happens when there's so much that happens?
Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Is, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today on a very special Valley Premiere Day is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. What's up? Well, hello. Welcome. Welcome to this very fine holiday. Yes. Welcome to National Valley Day. We're so excited to talk about this show. We're also excited to be going back to Austin, California.
And to Dallas in just a few weeks. And then after that, we're going to go to Las Vegas. So please join us in May for our three big shows that we're doing as we come to the end of the Mounting Hysteria Tour. Thanks to everyone who's come out already. And thanks to everyone who will be coming out for these next three days, next three shows. Go to WatchYourCrapAnds.com to get all your details like dates, times, places, and most importantly, ticket links and tickets.
And we will hope to see you all there. And of course, join us on Patreon, where you can gain access to our bonus episodes like White Lotus recaps with the traitors, etc. Love Island this summer, I'm sure. And then we also have Craps on Demand, where you can just not only listen to us, you can watch us...
Hello from my childhood bedroom. And that is basically the news. Ronnie, what did you think about the Valley premiere? Oh my gosh. It's so depressing and fun. Such bad clothes. It's like below Ross Dress for Level Level. These were bad. And it was just heartbreaking, heart-filling. I don't know. There's just so much terrible good stuff happening. It's like people that I should feel pity for, but I can't.
Does that make any sense? Yeah, they're really, their lives are just like all in the shitter. It's so funny because the way the show was originally pitched last year was, look at all these different couples learning to like be adults in the valley. They're adulting, they got kids, they're figuring out a way. And this year, all their lives are garbage. And they're all angry and they're angry at each other. And it's kind of, it's sort of amazing. Yeah.
Well, it's nice, you know, for anybody who's into gardening or farming or the Bible, you know, watching people really reap what they sowed. That's a lot of it. It's a lot of horrible seeds that we saw planted like a decade ago.
coming to fruition now. And it's like, what did you think was going to grow out of the jack seed? What exactly did you think was going to grow? You thought Jack's was going to grow up and not be terrible. No terrible people grow up and they're even more fucking terrible. Enjoy that. Enjoy the next two decades of your life, you know? And it's like I said, there's a lot of things that I know that I should be feeling sympathy and it's just not coming. And I like that.
I like that. Yeah. I feel like the world is requiring a lot of sympathy right now. And it's important to be able to show sympathy. And I feel like I'm showing it in a lot of my life. So it's nice to have a show to come to and just not be expected to show it. It's like, nope, you all suck. And it's going to be fun watching you ruin yourselves for the next five years. Absolutely. And I have to say, I'm really loving Kristen's segue into middle age. I think...
I feel like she's just like two ponytails away from being, and some bell bottoms from being like the crazy lady who comes to the farmer's market. And I love this. I love this path for her. And I, every time she shows up on screen, I just giggle. Like she just, you know, you know, Kristen, as we knew her on Vanderpump Rules was like a very different person. And now here she shows up, she's like, she's just like world weary. She's exhausted and she just flops around and I love it.
I think Christian is like 10 years away from being that woman in the Kyle Richards dog video. Yes, 100%. She is heading down that path. Kyle Richards is going to be chasing her down the street, filming her on a phone, being like, why did you drag your dogs up the curb? And Christian's just going to be like, fuck you. Fuck your friends. Just because you fuck your dogs don't mean you can say nothing to me.
You know, in 10 years from now, Kristen will be 54. She will be dragging along three dogs on the sidewalk. And then in her spare time, she'll be, I feel like, 5'4".
fish around the country or something, or maybe Dave Matthews, or I don't know. But I think she's going to be like that lady at the concert who's like, oh yeah, yeah, I remember coming to see these guys 30 years ago. They were great. Still the same. I just jam out with them all the time. They mean so much to me. So everybody's sitting down in their confessionals getting ready to be filmed for the first time of the season. And a producer saying, wow, Brit, I know what it's
like going through a divorce it's tough yeah especially when you're dealing with someone like jay x and we see this is all because it's the beginning of the season it's very montagey it's sort of like a trailer it's it's kind of vaguely like coming up this season but it's not it's like
inner Spurgeon them sitting down so it's sort of like deconstructed a bit and so we see Jack screaming at Brittany being like what are you doing the last five months at Britt's and then she's saying that she they're just like fighting about this like hookup that she had and
and she's saying, like, I'm gonna file a restraining order, why am I taking crews, I'm getting full custody, and I'm filing a restraining order against you, and I don't need you running around town getting drunk with all these little sluts. Yeah. Which is...
It's a great way to start the show. Yeah. And she's, um, Kristen's in Jackson's kitchen now saying, you can't be around Cruz because you're like a ticking time bomb. Like if this isn't rock bottom, like here's another drink, get there. Just please, please get there. Okay.
Yeah. And then, Carl, not Carl, hi everyone. No, Jax is basically getting into a car to go to rehab and he's like, "I need rehab. I need help." So, now we go seven days earlier. This is going to be quite a week on the Valley, I have to say, because we didn't even touch on some of these scenes yet. Seven days earlier? Yeah, it was only seven days earlier. That's crazy. I know. It's a lot. It's a lot.
So we're at Jesse's house and he is setting up his, he's so performative. He has in his living room now, it's like definitely American psycho. And he set up like a book of like Zaha Hadid and like Renzo piano. And he's like trying to be all like artsy and like architectural. It's like, sir,
Don't even try. We know. And so he's saying how he's really loving. Now that Michelle's moved out, he's like, we're separated. We're waiting for our divorce to be finalized. And like, now I have my own space. I can organize my seats by color. Yeah. I can make sure there's not a single fleck of dust anywhere in the apartment. Yeah. It's like, finally, she's gone. My wife's, my daughter's,
Life hell. Yeah. It's like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I can organize my suits now exactly how I want. And he does this thing where he looks into the camera and just kind of this like too much, like it hurts. It scares me a little bit. And he's like, yeah,
Co-parenting is not going well. I guess it's that he acts relaxed, but he's so intense that it's scary, you know? And he's like, we're arguing all the time about stuff. She doesn't want Isabella in makeup. I put makeup on Isabella, you know, that kind of thing.
Yeah. He's basically putting on passive-aggressive eyeshadow. And Isabella, by the way, can tell that there's tension in the home because she's just busy knocking pillows off of chairs. That's like her whole thing this season. So he's like, Isabella acts and looks exactly like me. And I'm sure Michelle loves that. And then we... I love...
It's so, these people are so toxic. I forgot how toxic Jesse and Michelle were until just even this opening scene. I was like, oh yes, being dunked right back into this pool of depravity. Yeah. So five hours later, we see Isabella in Michelle's car and she's like, look, I have eyeshadow, stupid. And she's like, you are too young to wear eyeshadow. Why are you wearing eyeshadow? She's like, daddy made me. She's like, okay.
So now Janet and Jason, they're at home with their son who has a little helmet on, which is cute. And Janet's like, before having a baby, I was like, you're going to get hit. You're going to get shit on. You're going to get barfed on. And that's going to be the worst part and the gross part. But now...
I just don't care at all. I was like, oh my God, Janet, that is such an amazing insight that every single person has had before you. Congratulations. Janet, of course, is going to come out with the most basic shit ever. Like, I never knew how excited I was to have babies, but do you know how tiny their toes are and their fingers? Yes, Janet.
- Fucking no. - Congratulations. - So she's like, "And I just love snot suckers because that's where you suck up their snot through a straw and then sometimes it goes in my mouth, but when it's your own baby, you don't care." I would fucking care. I would be like, I would blow it back at the baby's face.
I could use Janet sucking some snot out of my nose right now. I got some allergies. I'm like, bring that shit over here. Help me out. You can have my snot. Is that really what you want? Janet sucking snot out of your nose? Fucking Janet. Gross. So, yeah, she's like, yeah. I mean, if it's your own baby, you don't care about the baby snot. I'd slap that baby with the hose and be like, learn to fucking blow your nose. I was not put on this earth to suck your snot out. Okay? Yeah.
So then we go over to Kristen and Luke and Luke is like, so when was the last time you talked to Janet? Oh, seriously? When she called me and she cried and she was like, oh, I wish we could all be friends. Oh, she's dead to me. Gibson, stop licking your wiener. I see you. And the dog's like, sorry. And Luke's like, so how are you feeling? How are your boobs? Are they sore? She's like, yup.
And he says, yeah, I just want to improve our chances of getting pregnant. You know, increasing physical activity is a good thing to do. You know, also not drinking. And she's like, uh-huh. All right. Who do you think you're with?
- Exactly. - You're with Kristen Doty. She will be drinking. - I think back to like the '70s, and people were like chain smoking in bars and restaurants. And I'm sure like when I was born, people were doing these kinds of things. And like, look how I turned out. Seriously? Is that a rule? Seriously? - I love that the camera just stays on her. Like her not getting the irony of what she just said. - Oh, okay. So they've been together. Oh, now we see Jasmine and her girlfriend, Melissa. So Melissa is the girl in the trailer that we're like, who's that? That's Melissa.
Awesome. And she's finally ready to be on camera. So they're talking about wanting to get married and getting a ring. And Jasmine's like, yeah, yeah. Melissa, she's definitely the one. Definitely the one. She's amazing. You know, she works in tech. Like, she's dorky. In the best way. In the best way. She's great. She's great. I love her. Are you getting me a ring? Are you getting me a ring? Give me a ring. Give me a ring. She's like, oh, babe. Yeah. Yeah.
So then we go to Danny and Nia's condo and they have all these kids and they have no room whatsoever. And Danny's like, last year I had three under two and everybody says it's going to get easier. Well, guess what? They're all lying because I got three under three and it's way harder.
I'm like, these people need to get out of this tiny little box right now. Like, I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling as uncomfortable as I was trying to watch Severance in that cramped little office that they all walk around in. Like, please, find a patch of grass and just live there. I need open space. No wall. Santa Clarita, am I right? Santa Clarita. Santa Clarita.
So they put things down and they're, you know, every time they try to do something, they're screaming babies. You know what? You should have another one. Sounds like hell. This sounds like hell. This show is the seventh ring of hell. Okay. Okay. Yes. So now we go to Jackson Brits and Jax is doing his crazy thing of just stalking around the backyard with a leaf blower. That's Jax's thing. Like, I'm a dad now. This is what dads do. Do you like it? Yeah. Yeah. Getting those leaves blown. Yeah.
Like, Jax can't find anything to do that's not disruptive to those around him. You know what I mean? Find a quieter hobby, bro. Is there an AM, PM out of coffee? What the fuck? Yeah, what happened to that? So, Jesse comes over and he's... They go inside and Jax is like...
Brittany and I have been like separated for like almost nine months. And it's like not going well. She's in a, she's in a rental and we're like allowed to date other people. And by the way, we've harped on this before, but it is still so fucked up that he has made Brittany go to a rental with their child instead of just vacating the house himself. Anyway, he says it's toxic and it's broken. And, um, he's like, but there was a lot of love there for a long time.
And by love, I mean I just like to motorboat her boobs. So there's a lot of that for many years. Yeah. And he's like, dude, I mean, Brittany just keeps calling saying, hey, I want to work on our marriage. I want to work on our marriage. And I'm like, okay. So I just went to the old iPad and she's still talking to Julian. She's still talking to Julian. And we find out after the uts.
that Britt has been seeing one of his friends. So we cut to Britt who's with Michelle and it's like, well, I come home cause he's on his iPad. Well, it's my iPad. Cause like Cruz's Cruz uses my iPad. And then the text messages were on my iPad. Do you understand? Are you following this? Cause there's my band and it's my band and Jackson's on my band. Then he asks, we have a son because the son loves to read the iPad. It's not a difficult story, Brittany, just fucking get it out.
So I said like a sexy video and Jack saw it. And I mean, like we were separated. So like whatever. And Michelle's like, yes, I understand. And Brittany is saying like, you know, Jackson, I still go back to it. And like still doing our podcast together. It's been very successful, you know? So I didn't want to like to stop doing that because we got separated. You know, I thought we might be heading in the right direction, be able to work out our marriage and such, but then all hell broke loose and that completely changed everything. Um, um,
I'm sorry. I know that Jax is like the major villain in this couple, but Brittany, really? You're giving your son an iPad to use that you're sending sexy photos, sexy video. You're sending sex videos and then having them to cruise. I mean, Jesus Christ. Come on. Get one of those silly things like those iPads that are like covered in the thing around the around the edges that like a frog, you know, has like all the padding where there's like nothing on there except some little games. They go boop, boop, boop on. Like, why are you giving the adult? I say for iPad, I need it to be a Brittany vagina free iPad.
Like, is that too much to ask? For Christ's sake. The point is, like, there are a number of, like, child iPad options out there. Like, why are you giving the adult iPad? Don't do this. So, now let's get back to Jax being the villain. So, she's like, yeah, he got real mad, and he flipped the coffee table, and then it hit my knee, and it turned black. And then I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God, and I'm screaming, and I'm crying.
I'm crying. And it was just terrifying. And he was like, you're cheating on me. You're cheating on me. You're still talking to him. This is terrifying. And exactly where we thought Jax would end up. Everything that happens to Jax this season is Jax orchestrated. And it's exactly what you think would happen to Jax. Although he's kept that house longer than I give him credit for.
Jax is one of the least surprising people to ever be on Bravo. His trajectory is just painfully obvious, and you can just go back to any of the old Vanderpump Rules episodes, and it's all there. It's not surprising than sitting on the toilet in the morning and seeing a poop float there afterwards. Yeah.
Yeah. So Jax is telling, he's like, no, she was planning on moving back into my home, but yet sending inappropriate messages. And like, what? Because she told me like, oh, let's work on this marriage. Then I see that she's still texting this guy. And I'm like, put yourself in my shoes. Like, what would you do? I mean, I mean, yeah, you probably wouldn't like, would be mad. You probably wouldn't throw things, you know? And Jesse's like, that's because you have no emotional regulation. And he's like, you should have done what I did and just bought a new fucking BMW, bro.
"Bro, just put some eyeshadow on your child and see how she reacts. That's my plan." So Jax is like, "I mean, we can hook up with other people. We're separated, but my friend, my friend, my friend..." Oh, really? Didn't you fuck Faith? I mean, how many people do you think that Jax has fucked in this circle? He's probably fucked most of them.
Wait, let's just go back to season two. Weren't you sleeping with Kristen, who was dating Tom Sandoval at the time? Weren't you the Julian at one point? Yeah. So Jack's like, yeah, I went full fucking unhinged rage. And like, it was bad. It was bad. It was bad. And I've gotten angry like that before, but that's the worst it's ever gotten. And Cruz was in the other room. Thank God he didn't see anything. Yeah.
He didn't see anything. But like the amount of ruckus you probably made, you just were talking about how you were screaming and yelling and knocked over a coffee table and she's crying. And you're like, thank God he didn't see anything. That poor child has scarred for life, sir. Yeah.
Yeah, and Jax is so sorry that it's all Brittany's fault. And really the only reason he's sorry is because Cruz had to see how he's treating his mother, you know? And Jesse's like, yeah, because, you know, that's how he's going to treat women. So, like, yeah, but you're also Jesse. So... It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.
A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret.
From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.
Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Here comes some classic Jack's accountability, which is none at all. He goes, I don't have an answer for you. What I did was wrong. I lost control. I saw red. I had an out-of-body experience. You're like, okay. But I'm like, oh, here it comes. Show me a guy that wouldn't handle the situation the way I handled it. Literally many men. Like 99% of other men. Yeah. Real, real man. Grown men, adult men. Like, yeah.
Not everyone flips a table and screams at their wife and is basically like borderline abusive like that. So back to Britt. She's like, "I mean, he righteous, he righteous. It's just got so much worse, you know, and I cannot let Cruz be around him by myself." She's like, "You have to be very careful, Brittany. If he's escalating, it takes one second for something to happen. And when something happens, there is no going back." It's like me the first time I caught Rob Reiner's eyes.
So Brittany's like, hey, he needs to stop partying so hard because those are the worst fights ever. Yeah, I don't miss that. Absolutely horrible days. I almost feel like Jesse has a midlife crisis. You're done with your thing, right? Because I'm going to talk about Jesse now. Okay, cool. So like, I want to go out more. I want to just drink more. That's what he's always saying. And I'm like, aren't you 44 years old? Like you're supposed to be calming down.
Exactly. So then back to Jax. Jesse's like, well, you know, I went through a small phase of hookups, but I'm like, God, I'm a relationship guy. Look how much respect I treat my relationship with. It's just me. Real relationship guy. Jax is like, yeah, so how's your new relationships? Oh, it's great. I mean, she's completely different from Michelle. I mean,
I've been a pretty big whore. Now I'm in a relationship with one of the strongest women personalities I've ever met. Women personalities. Strongest women personalities. Let me guess, she's 26. And Jesse's like, she's a magnificent diffuser. That's why I really like her. I mean, it's amazing to hold someone who, be with someone who holds up a mirror to yourself. Because at the end of the day, I'm one handsome motherfucker. And I need to be reminded of that.
yeah, Michelle never did that. She just let me do what I, what she let me do, what I want to do. And then complained about it after like, that's okay. So Michelle would have had valid things to say, but she just said them at the wrong times for you. So if she, if she, if she had known what you were going to do and then told you not to do them, then you wouldn't just be calling her a fucking nag right now. I see.
I see.
So she says that Jesse is always getting pissed at her, like, what's your problem? And she's like, I do not have a problem. I don't know her. She lives in a different country. You know, I just know what you're doing. And that is what I don't like. And she's like, but thank God I have Aaron. He is the bowler opposite. He does not dog down to me. And then we see pictures of Aaron who has crazy eyes. Crazy eyes. Every time they show a picture of Aaron, he's like.
This is, so basically both of them have already rebounded, which is just, this is going to be such a disaster. And she's like, Aaron and I met a couple of years ago. We would casually run into each other on a hike or a coffee shop. And he just brightens like my day. And he's like, yeah, I just feel very genuine person at heart. It's him is Aaron is the genuine person. And I never had that feeling with Jesse. Huh? That sounds awful. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
So she's like, "Girl, I know what was going on with you and I get it. I get it." And Cruz is yelling and she's like, "Oh my God, why is everything happening to me? Why?" So then we go to Janet in a plant place and I just want one of them to eat her.
Let's just say it's the little shop of horrors. They just eat, damn it. She'll just spit her back out. Like, even I have standards. Feed me Seymour. Not that. Not that. So, Janet and Britt are going to be doing some terrarium work.
And she's like, Brit picks out a thing and the guy's like, "Oh, that's gonna grow to be over six feet." She goes, "Oh, I need something that's over six feet in my life!" And so they set up and everything. "Some six feet don't have to wear heels in these shoes!" So they said, Jack starts calling her incessantly, calling and texting, and she's just ignoring, which is great.
And also, by the way, I like these little terrariums they were making, and I have to say, when I get back to LA, I might- I'm a little terrarium curious now, I'm not gonna lie. Go for it. I support that. So then he's just calling obsessively, and Janet's like, "So, is he calling you obsessively?" "Yeah, that's what the stage directions just said!" Now, he just called me twice, and then he said, "How's Cruzi?" And then he said, "Oh, not gonna answer my calls now?"
I just want to see Brittany have fun this summer. Like last summer, she was like really sad. And like Brittany's like one of the most wonderful human beings I've ever met in my life. Like she's just down to have like a good time. Like I've never been like, hey, you want to order Taco Bell? And her to know from Brittany. Okay. She's just like, hell yeah, let's order four nacho cheese dips. That's my girl.
I love Janet coming in here trying to take the Vanderpump Rules Taco Bell thing. She's like, yeah. She's totally trying to do it. We just love Taco Bell. Me and Britt, best friends forever. Fucking stalker Janet over there. So Janet's like, does he realize that he needs help? And Brittany's like, well, I mean, sometimes it says yes, but then sometimes it's like, I'm fucking Jags. Tyler, I don't need nothing.
And so, Janet's like, "It's wild. It's wild." "Yeah, well, we..." Well, now he's spiraling, because he knows I'm having this white party, and I'm like, "Why can't I just have one night of my life?" And we see that there's an invitation that she's invited everyone to party downtown with the dress code is "white party." Yeah, white party, which is funny, because Jax has a cocaine addiction.
So it's like, it's not a slam or a promise. So she didn't invite Jax, of course. So he's going to have a competing party.
He's invited, now he has to make it about himself. I mean, come on, grow up. You are 45. You are 45, bro. So then the plant guy comes back in and the phone starts ringing again. Jackson's a fucking psycho. And so Janice is like, are you ever going to answer? You know what? You should have the plant guy answer and be like, hello, Brittany's phone. You know, like sexy like.
He's like, um, okay, no thanks. So, then we go to Nia walking down the street to a place called Casita, where she meets up with Zach and others. So, Zach is like, oh my god, so, like, has Brittany talked to you, like, within the past couple days about, like, what has transpired? She's like, no, I was at her house, like, three days ago, and it was, like, really scary. Yeah.
Yeah, and she's like, you know, ever since I heard that Jax and Brittany were breaking up, like, me and Kristen were like, no, save your marriage, you know, if he's willing to do the work, you guys can figure it out, but from what I've seen, there's just so much pain.
So much deep, deep stuff happening. It's hard to rebuild. Zach's like, well, I have seen his behavior get progressively more aggressive. Progressively more aggressive. Like aggro, more aggro. Aggressively aggroly, more aggro. It's like, great, it's nuts.
Seriously, seriously, I've arrived, everyone. I heard Zach getting into a loop. I thought I'd just come and break up that situation here. Hi, everyone. Hi. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm glad you're here because, like, Nia and I were just, like, catching up on, like, progressive and aggressive things. And Nia's like, yeah. Brittany's like, we got a jack. Did you hear about this? And they're like, oh, seriously? Seriously? It's like, I've seen Jack be a motherfucker for years, but I've never seen him flip a coffee table. I mean, that...
It's terrible. By the way, some of my friends saw Janet at Pilates and the Janet said, oh my God, you and Christian are fine now. I was like, are we? Are we? Are we, bitch?
So Kristen is, this is hilarious because Kristen, you know, in between seasons, she has the wind in her sails because everyone was on Kristen's side during the last season. And so she knows the internet supports her. So now Kristen is no longer begging for an audience with Janet. Now she's making Janet kiss the ring. And I love when Kristen gets in these modes. She's like, seriously, you want to talk to me? Like, really? You can't just like go up to Mariposa and ask her questions. Like, really? Yeah.
Yeah. So Nia's like, well, she had a conversation with either of you to, like, try and resettle things. And they both say no. And Zach's like, because I was so riled up after, like, her behavior and the things she'd done to me all summer. Like, I definitely said things and I take full responsibility for it. And, uh,
than we see the fight last year when they're like, Zach, come on, stop yelling at Janet because, you know, stress can make a woman lose her baby. And he's like, I don't care. I don't care.
So Nia is saying that she missed all of this because she didn't listen to the podcast where all this shit went down. And Kristen's like, yeah, that's when I lost my shit. And you know, where she publicly says that Zach and I didn't want her pregnancy to go to full term. Seriously. So we see Janet on, on the gabbing with good podcast where she's like, I just want to be surrounded by people who want my pregnancy to go to full term. That's come to my attention that like Zach and Kristen have demonic behavior and they don't want that at all.
She's such an idiot. Oh my God. It's come to my attention that Jack, uh, that Zach and Kristen want my baby to die. So it's wild that she literally just saying, um, so Kristen's like, yeah, fuck her. And you know, she knows that I've been on my own fertility journey, including having a loss. And just because I don't like her, it doesn't mean I don't like her child. I mean, I haven't even met her child. How do I know whether or not her child's a bitch yet?
Probably is, though. Let's be honest. But, like, also, Janet would literally call Brittany and be like, why is Zach there? And, like, there were definitely pictures that weren't even posted. And, like, I don't even know how she knew I was there unless she definitely embedded a tracker in me. I'm like, yeah, there's...
It's a lot of hair there to embed the tracker into. It's in your hair helmet. So, yeah. So he's like, yeah, Brittany and I are each other's person here. We're like each other's person. Like, we've been through so much. Like, she helped me pick out this bright pink doily see-through shirt and matching jacket and shorts. So, like, that's huge. And for Janet to come between that, I'm like, why are you letting Dummy McDumb pants...
Why are you letting boring pants come in between us? I mean, I don't know. Maybe they're like secret lesbian lovers. Maybe they're like... I mean, that's the only way I can understand, like, what other reason would it be for Brittany to be so far up her punani? That's how lesbians have sex, right, anal? Right? Anyway, Brittany has made, like, a little home in there. She's like a little squirrel, okay? Like, there's, like, straw inside Janet's asshole where, like, Brittany's squirrel has...
Sort of like, she's sitting there, she's gathering knots, she's in there, she's getting ready for the winter. How long do I have to go on with this metaphor? Because I can go for a while. And the producer's like, well, at least you're not bitter, Zach. And he's like, yeah, you should be telling her to get over it and, like, suck a dick. Actually, she doesn't suck dicks, so whatever else she does...
Nia's like, "Hello! I think we're all good now." So now we go to Jesse's house. I refuse any talk of oral because that doesn't get someone pregnant. Also, is Nia like a trad wife? Because she's sort of wearing like kind of a pioneer, like a little bit of like a pioneer dress. I was like, "Is she going down the trad wife path? Is she going to be our new Whitney Levitt?" You know?
Oh, I don't know. I don't know if you can be a trad wife and married to an under five zombie actor from Walking Dead. She's trying to make it all happen. I don't see how two things work together. Jesse is... We're at Jesse's house, and we see feet walking up, which we know it's Kristen because we see the tattoos, but they try to make it seem like it's someone else. Like maybe it's the girl from Orange County. And he opens up the wine and, It's Kristen. Kristen's at the door.
Oh, so she's not living in a different country. She's living in a different county. Yes. Sorry. Correction from earlier. So she's like, um, has hell frozen over? Are there like pigs flying? I'm at Jesse's. So she goes in and he's like, uh, hi. And he's like, hey, good to talk to you. I'm so excited to have you back here to talk about our future friendship. So...
You know, it's fair to say that Jesse and I had a colorful past. And we see flashbacks of him screaming at her, scolding her.
They did not show him tweaking her nipple, which probably should have been in there, but basically just being terrible to her. Yeah. And she's like, well, last time I talked to you, like, at least about Isabella, you know, at that birthday party. He goes, okay, look, you know, we decided to have something here at the house and we invited a bunch of people. And I said, if I'm going to invite Michelle, I might as well invite the boyfriend so we can all meet. I mean, that sounds healthy. Right. Yeah.
You know what? Kristen was very specific about Michelle dating somebody last year. And we see the shot of Kristen at the elevator going like, she had a fucking boyfriend for a year. And he's like, if I find out that Aaron was the boyfriend and the guy who broke up my marriage, that will not go over well.
First of all, the guy that broke up your marriage is you. Okay. And second of all, stop being nice to Kristen just to get information out of her. Because you know what? That's what he's doing. He just admitted it. He's like, well, Kristen's the one who knows about her affair and she's the one who's going to talk about it. So I had her ass over here and I'm going to become her friend. So she will throw this guy under the bus and I can see the fuck out of Michelle. But you can't do this to Kristen because Kristen will take the bait. Kristen is totally going to do it.
No, Kristen's going to wind up in a jam again, which is hilarious because he's then going to like drop her. Once he gets the information out of her, he's going to drop her. And then she's like, but I thought we were friends and he used me and Michelle, I'm so sorry.
So Jesse's like, you know, you were right about almost everything, Christian. And I think that on a subconscious level, you know, I kind of knew it. And I think that the suppression of what I actually knew just turned into resentment. She's like, of course, of course, just like Freud said. She's like, yeah, which led to anger, which led to hatred, which led to me just fucking hating your face. But, you know, you didn't deserve to have me project that onto you. No one deserves that except Michelle.
Oh my god, thank you so much for the apology. I've been like waiting for an apology. I've finally got an apology. This was amazing. We're best friends. Michelle's been fucking Rob Reiner for 19 years. Know that if I'm telling you, I am corrupt about something, okay? Don't call me a liar. Unless it has anything to do with faith. But I hope everyone feels really stupid because I feel so validated. Kristen on the victory tour. You're being used, stupid.
So she's like, oh my God, everyone should take a page out of Jesse's book. And he's like, yeah, you know, like I'm just working on evolution, you know, right now I'm a man, but I could be a tortoise one day. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, totally. Totally. It's good being friends. It's so good being friends.
let's go to the galapagos so he's like divorce is i mean it's tough you think you know you think i was like so excited to see my ex-wife with her new boyfriend i mean like even if you're like well beyond it it's still not going to be comfortable chris is like no oh that's awful awful i had to go through it's like yeah it's like you know family separated now it's going to be like team jessie or team team michelle and it's it's already happening well guess what i pick team jesse and this won't backfire whatsoever
Now let's go to Danny and Nia for a lunch date. And Nia's having one of the biggest crises she's ever had on this show. She's like, um, should I have avocado toast or tacos?
it's hard danny is like well we're at home with three kids 24 7. that's if you got three kids 24 7 and each one's going five miles per hour in the same direction what time do they get to buffalo riddle me that bro there are just so many babies in my house you know what i'm saying i came home the other day one baby was in the toilet the other one was trying to flush the baby i said
Jack, stop trying to flush Brittany down my toilet. I've got three under three over here, buddy. We are too blessed to be stressed. Am I right? She's just like sagging on the table like, yeah, easy.
So they're eating. Hey, by the way, stop joking around me. Stop telling people we want to have a fourth baby. All right. We don't want to have a fourth baby. Do we? She's like, yeah, because like you don't even understand. Like, I want to get pregnant. You won't let me. And like, you don't get it as a guy. Like, my body is ruined. I just want to finish having babies so I can stop having my body ruined. I can get my body back.
It's like, all right. Well, I mean, you know, what about, uh, here's the thing is my son doesn't even have a room. Okay. I want him to have a room and a yard of space. Have you ever heard of Santa Clarita? Oh, no. Fucking Santa Clarita. Here we go with Santa Clarita.
He's like, you want to be four under four? We moved to Santa Clarita. I get my big mansion. Marriage is compromised. And so is Santa Clarita. You know, that's the town motto of Santa Clarita. They said, welcome. Elevation compromised. Everyone here has settled.
"Welcome to Santa Clarita, you got pressed out of somewhere." That's the town logo. "Let me guess, you got pressed out." So he's like, "Alright, you want another baby? We go to Santa Clarita, babe." And she's like, "No, no, we can't do that, I want my body back." He's like, "Well, you can get your body back at Santa Clarita." She's like, "Uhhhh."
So then we go to Janet and Jason and Danny and Mia are there pre-partying before the white party. So, you know, they're goss. They're making some gossy goss. And Danny's like, whoa, whoa, let's talk about tonight a little bit. And Jason's like, yeah, the whole Jackson-Britney of it all. I just don't understand. How would anyone not like my wife? Yeah.
I mean, she's amazing. I wish they could just all be like us. The picture perfect marriage. Am I right now? Okay. She's drinking a cocktail of snot. She'll be done and just look away. Right, Janet?
well, obviously we're in the couple's chat. I mean, the fellas chat bros. And then the girls are like, ugh, not the fellas chat. And the girls are telling us like that they looked at that once, that group text and they're like disgusting and awful bit of humanity. So Jason's like, well, it's almost like getting mad at us that we're doing this. And like, well, it's like, well, you know, Jax was getting mad that we're, that we're going to do good Brits. And he's like, well, me and the boys are going to go down to Jax's night for a party. I'm like, um, who are the boys? Cause we're the boys. Oh,
Because we're the boys. We're working at Britt's. That's funny. Yeah, everyone on this thread has chosen downtown LA. And Janet's like, um, I think he's bitter because Brittany is not inviting him, which he has every right to do. Okay.
And so they're like, yeah, you know, we get why she'd be trade. And Jason says, yeah, he feels betrayed because of what Julian did. You know, I mean, that's one of his closest friends that nobody's ever heard of, even though they've known Jax for 10 years on the show. Although we do see a little picture of him being somewhere like at the game night or something. I don't know what this like at the carnival night. Yeah, something like that.
But either way, Jason's like, he's like, look, you know, you know, Julian was one of Jack's closest friends. But at the same time, I cannot condone acting aggressively towards Brittany after finding out you're a man, you're a dad. You've got to be able to regulate your emotions. You just have to. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well,
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Then we go over to Jax's, the bar, not the house, because he's having a big party, his big alternate party to Britney's white party, which is basically like, it's like Jax, Tom Schwartz, a very strange man. And then like Tom Schwartz is one of the triplets or the twins or whatever. I'm going to put a sick offense from Twitter that he's probably invited at the last minute.
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, you know, I'm bummed I'm not invited to Brittany's because like those are my friends. Those are my friends, too. I mean, Jesus, what are you going to fuck all of them? You know, I mean, Jesus, like she's painting me as the worst human being alive. Probably. I mean, the worst, the worst human being. There've been other human beings. Like, why am I the worst? Why?
He's like, producer goes, well, I mean, you were on villains and you didn't finish, but you got beat on villains. And Jack's like, yeah, I lost the five seconds. So how much of a villain am I really? I'm like, well, you're still a villain. You're just now an incompetent villain. Yeah. Yeah. You're on that show for five minutes. Yeah. You were the most talked about for being an idiot.
You got more hate than everybody on that show from being on it for five minutes. And then we get Schwartz, you know, useless Schwartz. He's like, wow, look at this. You've got a jean jacket. You've got a vest. This is great. You've got a bar still. Is that wallpaper? This place is so cool, Jax. Wow. Wow.
I didn't know you could just have a bar that's just like a room with some decorations for Michaels and some wood paddling. I guess we could have done that all along instead of spending $70,000 on a starry night thing over one table. Wow, I'm not upset about this at all!
So we go back to Janet and she's like, this will be the first time in a long time that I've seen Zach or Kristen. And listen, I know that Kristen has a good heart and I miss Kristen. I just miss her so much. It's like being at a kid's birthday party without a pinata. I need something to beat on. Okay.
There's so many happy memories that happened before Zach. Zach is the real problem here. Demonic behavior. So she is going to try to, you know, make good with Kristen because, you know, the internet's mad at her. So she's like, I'm not trying to start over this new friendship because that has not worked ever. I just want to, you know, see where we're at.
So then people are arriving at the party and, you know, Janet, the cars arrive and Janet's like, um, is, oh my God, I see hair. I see hair. Okay, Zach. And someone's like asking, did Zach change his hair? And she's like, no, still Lego.
You know, still looks like a Lego. So, basically, party, party, everyone's going party, everyone's like "Oh my god, we're out of the house, this is amazing, we're adulting!" And then we go to Jesse and Michelle, and the minute she sees him coming, she's like "Ew."
God, I thought he would wear a zood. I thought he would wear a zood. I'm surprised he is not wearing a zood. And she's there with her boyfriend, Crazy Eye Aaron. And she's like, I try to avoid Jesse at all costs, as you will see me display right now when I try to have a parenting discussion with him at a party in front of my boyfriend.
So, there was a lot of hellos, a lot of cross-cutting, a lot of activity. People are like, oh my god, Brit, you did a wet look. She's like, yeah, but leave it behind. And everyone's just saying hi. And then we go back over to Jax's. And Schwartz's
that they finally got Mozzie's sticks at Tom Tom. So that's exciting. And Jax is like, oh, cool. Yeah, so how's the bar doing? He's like, um, yeah, it's doing. It's great. But I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you because I've never seen you so high strung. Mainly because I've been too wasted myself to see it. But the other night, Brittany pulled me aside and like, we had a heart to heart. She said she doesn't feel comfortable being in the same room as you without company. Huh?
Oh, sorry. So I have anger. I have anger. Like, who wouldn't have anger? So now I can't throw around a coffee table? Like, what, is the coffee table coalition gonna cancel me? Like, what the fuck? I didn't know you were capable of that type of behavior, to be honest. Like, nothing about you punching walls or ripping off your sweater to get into fights as early as season one indicated that you would ever have a temper.
he's like my another guy infiltrated my marriage bro like imagine seeing your wife sending nude naked pictures to somebody like that's ridiculous he infiltrated my life jax you were already eating and being emotionally abusive and doing all the other i can't with this whole jax and this whole i'm telling you again i'm not here for this jax as a victim season i don't even care if he goes to rehab he's still a piece of okay getting off drugs does not fix everything about a person this person
Forever. Yeah, no, he's garbage. And it is... Poor Jang's.
It is feeling very redemptive already. And it's like, I don't know why that has ever, why this is brought up that this guy infiltrated the marriage. Like, you flipped a coffee table over and it landed on your estranged wife. And you're like, yeah, but a guy infiltrated our marriage. Yeah, then go knock his coffee table over. Why don't you go knock his? He was the one who was your friend. He's the one who betrayed you. So go knock his fucking coffee table over, you abusive piece of shit. Yeah.
So, and then he, and then Schwartz is like, yeah, but like the way you reacted, that's not fucking valid. He's like, I know, I know, but she flies off the handle on me all the time. And then it gets, then it gets hypocritical. She's so hot and cold. And then she was at the house right after all by herself. And we almost hooked up. I'm like, wait, so you're going to say that your violence was, was validated because she actually, she actually speaks back to you. And then you're also going to sort of be like, and by the way, it didn't even mean anything because also she wanted to hook up with me.
Yeah, like how abusive could I be if she still wanted to fuck me is what he's basically saying and he's like yeah Like she wants her cake. She wants her cake. She wants to eat it, too You know you can't do that a little bit I don't even know what that means really but I'm gonna say it and Schwartz is like well You're headed towards rock bottom, you know, and you need to worry about that because yeah I have a little boy a little boy is looking up to me. Oh god bless that kid Yeah
A little boy who's looking at Zillow to see his own house because you kicked him and his mother out to live somewhere else. I doubt that that kid's going to grow up and really look up to you, buddy.
He's like, "I'm supposed to be his hero, and I'm just going off the fucking rails!" Which reminds me, Sam doesn't have any rails. Do you have any rails? I'm off of rails. Yeah, and he's just in a bad place, guys, you know? So, poor Jax, he's 45 and he's in a bad place. So then we go back to the party and Aaron and Jesse are talking with Michelle. And Aaron's like, "So, how are things going, Jesse?" And he's like, "Good."
Did you see Isabella's pictures from school? They did like a little parade for the Olympics and she drew the Eiffel Tower.
Well, yeah, she showed me all the pictures from Paris. She sure did. And then he tells us that he met this guy at Isabella's birthday party, which he invited him to. And he's like, yeah, you know, he walked into the hornet's nest of guys just judging him. And I guess I said something along the lines of, hey, does anybody here want to blow me besides this guy? So, yeah, I don't think he likes me very much. Yeah.
So, Danny's like, oh, wow. So, how old is Isabella, by the way? She's four. How many have you got? One under four? That's not a good number pairing there. She's like, yeah, she is four. And my only problem with Isabella is that she wants everything. And I think that comes a little bit from you, Jesse. And he's like, well. And she goes, yeah, you overbuy. He's like, yeah, well, it's not that she gets everything that she wants. She doesn't even understand that things fucking cost money, okay? She can't even be spoiled. Mm.
she's like yeah because you do not teach her about money jazzy and he's like oh i teach her trust me every time i say your mom's trying to drive out of money you know so yeah she knows she knows and i say you know what money is it's what your mom's fucking stealing out of your account okay to fuck some other dude so then aaron aaron the boyfriend goes well do you get her everything that she wants and everyone just sort of like is like
Like, uh, you should probably see your way out of this one right now, Aaron. Yeah, go away, Aaron. You're new here. And also, Michelle, why are you trying to start a fight at a party about your parenting? She's like, all I want to do is not keep going with Jezzy in public. By the way, you are spoiling our child. And he's like, I can spoil her and give her whatever the fuck she wants because I'm her dad. So stay out of my parenting. You're not her dad. Dun, dun, dun.
They just continue to be as terrible as can be. I think that she's doing it. The reason why she's saying it in public is because I think she really likes getting him mad. I think that she finds deep entertainment in seeing that he cannot help but be furious. And so she's just pushing buttons for him. And you know what?
God bless. She should. She should push buttons because he's an asshole and he should have his time ruined. So then there's just more party time, more hellos and everything. And Kristen's like, one of my good friends, by the way, just did Pilates with Janet. And then she said Janet was like, oh my God, you guys, I'm going to be friends with Kristen. And then Janet said like, ow, because she fell off the reformer. It was hilarious. I wish I'd seen it, but I kind of feel like I did see it because my friend told me the Pilates story so many times. I feel like I was there. Anyway, cuckoo.
So she's like, oh God, here we go. And Janet walks in. She's like, um, hi, Kristen, can we talk? Okay, Kristen, look, I know a lot's happened. And I want you to know that like last summer was so hard on me. You know, the way you were bullied and not invited anywhere. That really hurt me. So I'd like you to apologize for not being invited anywhere.
That would be great. He's like, fuck you, bitch. She goes, I mean, why would you want to be friends with me? I mean, you said that I wanted your baby to die. Like, what the fuck? And she's like, oh, yeah, I guess I wanted to apologize for that. She was like, yeah, I would hope so. She's like, okay, well, Brittany came and said, you know, Zach is saying he doesn't care if you miscarried. Wow. So Brittany, you know, Brittany is a real great friend, too.
by the way. Remember, Brittany was at the heart of the whole controversy last year. This whole thing. Janet was mad at Kristen because Kristen told Michelle that Janet... But it was Brittany who started everything, even before Janet. Okay? So Brittany... I can't believe Brittany just went and told that to Janet. So Janet says that that fucked her up.
And Kristen says, well, I don't condone that. She goes, well, she said, well, especially if you're eight months pregnant, really, we'll fuck you up. She goes, but it doesn't change that he's my best friend. And I wouldn't drop a friend because he made a fucking mistake. And she says, uh, just because Zach's my best friend. What? I don't want like all of it. What? I don't want your baby to come full to terms. Seriously. Seriously. Um, and Janet's like, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I rubbed you in with Zach's demonic behavior. Um,
Yeah. And she said demonic behavior like five more times. Yeah. She's like, I mean, basically, if you want to be friends, I think we should be best friends and just ice out Zach, right? We should just get rid of Zach completely. She's like, no, he's still my friend. She goes, okay, well, if you want to be friends, we can get rid of him, you know? She's like, this is a gaslight apology. And you're including demonic behavior from Zach? Like, demonic? I mean, come on. And she's like, well, it's hard to separate you from Zach.
Zach. So that's where I'm coming at. Okay. Well, that's something you have to work on. And Janet's like, fine. And are you sorry for anything? For what? For anything I did last summer. I had no demonic behavior. What'd she do to you? I mean, she outed you for saying that Michelle is a Trumper. And so she's probably a racist that you are still denying to this day and was probably true. So that's all Kristen did from what I remember from last year. Does she do more?
No, I think that was basically it. You know, I think that like it just escalated, but I don't think that Kristen did anything that was like above and beyond. If only we'd had a reunion, some of this could have been hashed out. So Kristen is like, Janet tried to paint me as a complete asshole liar last summer. I see flashbacks of that. And she's like, there's so much power to be had.
that if you can't just like say yes i did it and that's like why i'm sorry and then we see uh flashbacks of kristen trying to apologize to people and like no one wanted to hear it from her yeah and kristen's like your apology feels like so not genuine okay and she's like um well i wish you well i wish this had gone better but it didn't enjoy your demonic friend okay demonic behavior i'd just like to leave you with that demonic behavior
Hold on, I have some baby snot in my throat. All right, we'll talk later, Kristen. I'm just, like, fed up at this point, and I'm realizing, like, we're not going to get to a place of peace just yet. Yeah, Janet is, like, trying to manipulate me, like she does everyone else, into believing her own bullshit, and I just don't see a future where I will ever trust Janet again.
So when we go to Michelle and Jesse, they're still talking. And Michelle's like, I met with a woman today that is one of the best into getting kids into school. So she gets top millionaires and billionaires into schools. Okay, but that's not you guys. Why are you talking like you're a top millionaire? Be quiet. Yeah.
And Jesse's like, oh, you know what's interesting is that you made a decision to meet with somebody about our daughter. She's like, excuse me, this is Rob Reiner we're talking about. He has connections in all the good private schools. Yeah, she's like, call a lawyer. That is absolutely allowed, Jesse. He goes, okay, fine. She goes, I'm not doing anything wrong, Jesse. And he's like, well, what if I want to look at schools in Orange County? Because that's where she's going to be going to school. Orange County it is. Okay, what...
No, Isabella is not going to school in Newport. It is not an option. She lives in Los Angeles. I live in Los Angeles. I don't want to have this conversation. And he's like, but I could live in Orange County. She goes, no, no, no. That is fine. But she goes to school in Los Angeles. She will stay in school in Los Angeles. She is not moving to Orange County because you have a girlfriend in Orange County. That is it. Yeah.
The subtext is, what part of the TV show called The Valley sounds like it's called Newport Beach? We have to stay up here, you fucking idiot. Yeah, and he's obviously just trying to trigger her. He's like, yeah, then I'm going to move our baby. What do you think of that? So she's like, okay. So he's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're getting a little aggressive. She's like, oh.
I don't think Jesse was expecting me to move on, but I did, and I think it hurts him a little bit. And the thing about Jesse is that when his feelings are hurt, all he wants to do is get revenge.
So she's like, okay, if you want to go to Orange County, then maybe I will take our daughter full dime. And he's like, you'll never get full custody. Never, never. She's like, oh, that is not Drew. And so she's saying, he's just trying to hurt me, you know? And she says, well, okay, when you move to Newport, we can have the conversation. But before then, we can go to court and the judge can decide. Jesse's like, damn it.
Would I love to move to Orange County? Yeah, I fucking love it down there, bro. And I think my business could really thrive. I could get onto selling Orange County, whatever that show is. It'd be awesome. Would Isabella have a better education? Probably. But Michelle will never let it happen. I mean, just look at how Junikia's kids turned out. Smart kids, bro. Look at them. Look at all the kids who have come out of Orange County and tell me that it's a bad place to grow up. Tamara's kids. Lynn Curtin's kids.
Vicky's kids, they're killing it, man. Yeah, everybody's doing great over there. I'm surprised that Michelle's not more open to the idea because she would be in the closet over there about like...
Being like hardcore Republican. I know they actually do seem so Orange County. They seem so Newport Beach. But I think at this point they're now, I think that Michelle does love her LA lifestyle. She's like not yet ready to sort of like pack up the bags and just settle down in Orange County. And I think also she's like, we are doing a TV show called The Valley. Like, well, this is our, this is our new thing. And I'm not going to give this up. It's bad enough that we're actually not even in the Valley. We're in West Hollywood. We're just barely on this show. You know, I'm not going on Orange County. This is my chance.
Yeah, so she's like, whatever, you are wrong. My baby is not moving to Orange County, okay? And so she's telling me, can you believe this shit? And then Jesse is talking about her to all the guys and goes, look at the conversation over there. She's just so fucking resentful.
Done, done, done. Jesse, the least resentful person on this cast. Right. The person who's like putting yellow eyeshadow on just to piss her off and threatening to move her out of town. She's really got a problem. So then Christian's like, last summer was bad.
but this summer is going to be a lot worse. So we see shots of later in the season, which is basically a shit show. I mean, they all go through this shit this year. I mean, uh, Jason is accused of taking off his wedding ring when he goes out without Janet. Um,
The other one, what's the little four under four? What is he doing? Yeah, Danny has an issue. There's something with Danny. I mean, at one point, Brittany yells at Nia. I mean, wow, that's like a shock. Like, that's someone who would yell at Nia. But, like, it's just all imploding. I mean, these people are just miserable, and they're just falling into a pit of deeper misery in the valley.
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You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Mannock's door. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Dee.
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Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches.
Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's the VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kerr. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo.
Karen McMurdo. She gets an A. It's Kelly B. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose.
We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. Give him hell, Miss Noel. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a can and Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrink.
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