Shownotes Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only, Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. What's going on with you?
Not much. Just ready to talk some Top Chef. We have three shows left on our tour. We may be adding two more, but we're not sure. We don't know what's going on. But for right now, we've got Austin and...
And Dallas. Those are going to be happening on May 8th and May 9th. I'm sorry, May 9th and May 10th at Emo's in Austin and the Texas Theater in Dallas. And then on May 15th, the following week, we have Wise Guys Town Square for our very first Vegas show. So come join us for our
last three shows of the tour and uh we're gonna have the best time ever tickets are at watch for crappins.com and don't forget you can also go to patreon.com slash watch for crappins and get all sorts of extra content to really fill out your entire watch for crappins experience there's bonus episodes crappins on demand where you can watch us we just have a lot of fun over there this nice community discord community all the good stuff so check that all out and um you know live your life have fun with it be great
What's going on with you, Ronnie? How's your day going so far? Good. Ready for a little Top Chef action, buddy. Top Chefy Chefy. How are you feeling about it?
Yeah, it's good. I mean, I really like, I like everyone that's on the show. I'm glad that my, the curse of me continues to continues to really be strong. Where and I, if I really like someone or if I decide that they're going to go far and they're going to get make it to the finals, they get eliminated. So, you know, I'm glad I still have that power. I was not happy.
With this, as you can probably understand, but I didn't feel like it was undeserved. Although there was some controversy. So we'll see when we get to the end, but we start. And also the whole episode was controversial. Pickles.
I mean, I thought it was going to be like pickled, pickled things. Same, you know, which would have been okay, but all pickles. No, this is why I quit. You know, there's only so much you can take at some point. You're just like, no, I have to eat 15 pickle dishes. No, bye. I quit. I'm going to a different show on what channel is it going to be on? CBS. You got a new show CBS. Wow.
Hi, I'm Padmanakshmi. I'm so sick and tired of hosting food competition shows, which is why I'll be the new host of America's Culinary Cup, coming soon to CBS.
Yeah, so she's gonna do that because she didn't want pickles and I'll blame her. It's too many pickles. And they get so important people to talk about the pickles. Like, "And here we have the president of the Culinary Institute of the James Beard founders of founding chickens. And what do you think of pickles?" She's like, "Let me tell you what I feel about pickles." You know, that lady did not want pickle day. You know, that lady was so pissed off when she found out she was stuck on pickle day.
Well, that was like the time that we got to go to Top Chef Just Desserts and we got to be with the crowd that tasted everything. And we had like the unconventional dessert day where we had that like falafel ice cream or something. Everything was terrible. There was that guy from the Beastie Boys that was on that. Wasn't he in the Beastie Boys? I don't know. It was so strange. I think so. Yeah.
That was a weird one. He was the guest judge, right? He was one of the guest judges. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, we got stuck. We got stuck with some really bad desserts that day. Yeah, there were a lot of like, this is a panna cotta ham and cheese sandwich. I'm like, what? No, that does not work. It was...
It was crazy. So here we have Kristen. 10 chefs remain to compete in the Ultimate Culinary Showdown. Their grand prize will be Saratoga Spring Water and the official top water of Top Chef and Delta SkyMiles and Delta Medallions. She really does the corporate thing very well. I noticed that with Kristen. I'm like, what is Kristen's personality? I'm like, oh, her personality is saying corporate taglines. With Saratoga Water, you were hydrated and you were family. Yeah.
Everything is just like, she's so good at saying them. She's like pie chart, pie chart, Excel spreadsheet. So we start in the house where people are, you know, wacky. Cesar is dropping, is drawing faces on fruits because he needs friends. You know, Cesar. And he's scared. He's scared of humans. So he's talking to bananas. Yeah.
And then Lana is like, that was a hard challenge. I'm like, yeah, because you just had to deal with someone who wanted to put hollandaise sauce in the middle of your chicken kama sutra, not karma sutra. So I can imagine if she's a little bit like, I'm just glad I got out of that alive.
Lana has this way about her where she's just either cheering on everybody, which is nice, right? She's like, go team, let's go team. Or she's saying really obvious things or she's trying to get other people to talk. Have you noticed? And it's not, by the way, it's nothing that's even annoying about her. I think she's a really nice girl. I just don't know much about her and here she's leading again. She's like, so you guys had a team that maybe had some moments and Paula's like, yeah, you know, this elimination challenge, Massimo. Oh my God. We started amazingly, but.
Honestly, I just need to leave it behind. I need to just leave it behind. And we didn't get any cuts of Mossimo being like, no, no, more reduced, more reduced, more reduced. However, throughout the entire episode, every time that Mossimo did something, they would cut to Paula being like, and every time Paula did something, they'd cut to Mossimo being like, so they're like trying to survive. Mossimo was never even making a face, which cracked me up, but they kept cutting to him and going, a sheen.
This is my other favorite thing. Paula would be like, well, chefs, I made you some cottage cheese. He'd be like, yeah. So she's pissed, but it has leaked onto the other chefs. Like they all hate Massimo now. And you can tell because I have to pick team soon. But Paula's like, my biggest disappointment is this.
Or sorry, my biggest fear is disappointing people. Oh my God. You got to get over that one. You'll start to enjoy it after a while. So naturally that segues into, well, I just have to think about my boys. And now everyone, it's a, I draw strength for my children segment from a chef, the chef. That's what I love. My favorite thing, by the way, is these chefs come onto the show every season and
Every episode, sometimes twice in an episode like this one where they talk about, oh, they draw strength from their kids, draw strength from their kids. Because, you know, they have to say this because when they're not on the show, they're at that restaurant the entire time. They see their kids like once a month, probably because they're in that kitchen because the restaurant industry is so demanding. So they have to be like, let me make a public announcement to save my kids some therapy later on. But that's when he tries to blame it all on me.
They also never do it when they're happy. You know what I mean? It's never like, oh my God, I just won $10,000 in a quick fire. Oh my God. I can't wait to shower my children with gifts. I miss them so much. They, they're the reason I won this because I have kids. It's never that it's always when they're getting kicked off or about to get kicked off or they're pissed off when they're a bad mood. That's when they're like, but my kids.
- So it's a depression thing. It's not like share the happiness. It's like, I'm depressed. It's because I have fucking kids who are bringing me down. Cut the cord. - If I'm on this show, you're gonna see me get on the phone and be like, okay, I'm just gonna FaceTime with my board games. Just put the board games up. Dom, can you just aim the camera at the board games? I just want to look at them. Okay, I feel great now. Thanks so much.
So Lana's like, yeah, you know, you've got kids and you're really leading by example. Your kids are never going to get someone. Your kids are going to never let them have someone else force them to reduce the sauce more than it needs to. So she talks about how her son was born with Mobius syndrome and then he was not supposed to be able to talk or eat or walk and he can do all those things now and that he's resilient and she wants to be resilient as well.
which is a great story. Love to hear that. I also think it's funny when like this kid is dealing with like the challenges of this kid, this young child's life. And she was like, I just want to make a really good thing for Chipotle today. I'm going to be resilient. It's all worth it. I left my sick child behind, but now I'm going to get to reinvent a cilantro flavoring. I will be resilient too.
So then they walk in to the kitchen, I should say, not the test kitchen. And there are a bunch of Chipotle bags there. And Vinny's like, hmm, Chipotle, do we get to put hollandaise on a burrito? Please tell me. Please. I did that at the Nomad so many times. Yeah, he's definitely like, you mean Nomad-tlay? That's what we call it at the Nomad. Okay.
I remember once for lunch at the Nomad, I was like, I could really go for a burrito. So I grabbed a bowl and I filled it with Hollandaise sauce. I said, well, it's as close as I'll get. God, I love the Nomad.
Um, Kristin's like, okay, chefs today, we are going to keep it in the family with our guests judges. Please welcome top chef master Susan Lee, sir, sir Lee and his son, Jen Bentley, jet Bentley. Sorry. And, um, they come in and Katiana is like, when I think of Canada, I think of so early. Okay. That's the first fucking thing I think of. And here he is. It's crazy. I remember being a young chef.
And when I ordered and I waited and I received his cookbook because this was before motherfucking Amazon. All right. Anybody ordered his book on a Kindle? You're a fucking loser. I waited by a mailbox. Yeah.
I love that she gave us the full arc of that experience. I remember I ordered and I entered in my credit card and it expired. So I had to look up another credit card and then I had to re-enter my password just to verify that it was me because I had a new payment method. And then I put my credit card away and then said, what's your security code? So I got the security code and then I waited and then it arrived. That was what you call a Canadian book purchase. It's amazing.
And jet is like, oh, you know, top chef master is definitely my favorite show. I've never been on a better show than this one. What a show.
And Sir Sir is the son. It's the son, right? No, Jet is the son and Sue Sir is the dad. Oh, so he's saying, this is the best show my dad's ever been on. And then the dad's like, yeah. And when I walked in here, I said, I'm ready to go. Well, chefs, it's time to unwrap your next challenge brought to you by Chipotle and the family of Chipotle brands. Please enjoy. So then we...
then Kristen says, has anyone here ever come across Susser and Jet on your social media feed? Which of course none of them have, but then some of them like, yeah, sure. We'll just say yes. Oh, Hey, thanks for watching guys. And they're like, yeah. Um, so how did you guys wind up going viral? And, uh, were you underwritten by a corporate sponsor? Because I know some great ones that would love to work with you.
Yeah. And just like, you know, so many kids these days are called Nepo babies. So I didn't really want to go into my dad's footsteps, but I also wanted to profit off of his work. So I just started filming him cooking and I would say, you know what? I brought some home, some takeout, make it something different. And he would. So basically it's great. I've gotten around the Nepo baby thing. We've got a great following and I still don't have to do shit. So it's win-win.
That's actually very wonderful. So the other day, chefs, you ordered from a local Chipotle here in Toronto for lunch, featuring ingredients you can pronounce and flavors you can't forget. Each of your orders are on the display. Please take a look. And so Tristan's like, what? This is so wrong. This is such an invasion of privacy. Why is revenge porn not okay? But this is okay. If I ever walked into a room and they're like, hey, Ronnie, here's your latest DoorDash order.
I would be so humiliated. It's not pretty. I'll tell you that right now. It's not pretty. - Well, also they think they're off the clock and they're just getting some like whatever throw away Chipotle order, but it turns out it's a trap because it's gonna be used against them.
But I'm actually okay because this gets used against Vinny. Vinny is now at the bottom of the list for me. It was fucking Nomad Hollandaise. I just hate him. If he says the Nomad one more time, it's just so gross. Like, wow, you have a cool job. You did not invent the Nomad, sir. Stop taking credit. It's like, oh my God, I worked at Disneyland once. I'm Mickey Mouse. I'm iconic. No. No, you're not. What?
Well, I'm glad you remembered your orders because like Sousa and Jetu, you'll have to create a new dish. But not to worry, you don't actually have to use the prepared food to cook with. Instead, you'll have access to the real ingredients that make up your order. And to be exact, Chipotle uses 53 real ingredients on their menu because every bite has a backstory built by hand, sourced with heart.
Okay, so the original people take fast food or take whatever delivered food and recreate it into something creative. And you're just giving these people fresh ingredients. How is this the same thing? This is bullshit. I don't like this. This is a stupid challenge. You should have gotten their exact order and been like, there, you got some chips and salsa. Make that into something good. I agree.
I agree. Cause like Vinnie got like a, got like a quesadilla. So he should just, that to me, I know that there's 20 ingredients in that cause they say so, but like, I don't really see 20 ingredients. I just see tortilla, cheese and chips. And I think that's all he should have to work with. Yeah. I would love to see that. So Vinnie goes sick. So then, um,
She's like, "Okay, so all you're going to have access to for this challenge are those ingredients, you know, and you won't find a can opener or a freezer at Chipotle. So those are both off limits." It's like, do we find telephones? Do we find pens and paper? Like, why the fuck do we have to become cavemen, Kristen? That's actually a better challenge. Reinvent a cheese quesadilla for cavemen. - Caveman quesadilla.
I'd be into that. I'm pretty much down for any quesadilla. So basically, um, whoever does the best remix of the original order is going to get $10,000. And so it's exciting. So they all go start doing their thing. So Tristan is saying that, um, he's like, uh, he says, I usually just get beef and all the sauces, but I must've been alone that day. So that's why I got dairy. So, um,
He had some, he had some tootin going on there. He was ready for a farty party, farty party. Um, and Henry and I liked that this poor guy, Tristan's like, I'm usually healthy. Just get beef. No, stop doing that to yourself. The diet industry has lied to you. So then, um, Henry is, uh, he's, he just wants to eat his Chipotle over in the corner, you know?
And he always gets the same ones and he's like, but what the fuck do I do with this? I guess I'm going to make a queso fundido. So now this is where they all kind of lose me because 90% of these people just make Mexican food out of Mexican food. Yes. Come on. I thought this was so silly. And also like, he was like, there's almost too many ingredients. I was like, it's like onions and peppers.
I feel like you can make it work. I think there's a path forward. And he chooses the simplest thing, queso fundido. That's like melted cheese. Really? That's the best you can do? - I'm queso bordido. Bring the fun. Where's the fun? Put the fun in the fundido, sir.
And he says, I'm definitely pigeonholed in this one. Like, all the flavor profile is just chili peppers and tomato. I'm like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that chili peppers and tomato is just not enough of a flavor profile. Just like two bold, punchy flavors for you. I guess that they didn't have those at the Nomad. Well, you know, last week he got screwed in his mind by Indian food. And this week he's being screwed in his mind by Mexican food. Vinny is just too white.
Vinny, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. And even as a white man, I have to tell you, you are too white. Just please go home already. You're embarrassing. He's like, actually, I don't, I don't identify as white. I identify as Holland is. So Massimo is, I identify as nomad. Yeah.
It's hard to know where I'm really from in this world. I sometimes just call myself a, I don't know, a nomad. It's really, really tough now with passport restrictions to even get my gender put on there. I mean, I'm trying to put gender nomad and they're not having it. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
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Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.
A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres. But who was hiding a secret?
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So Massimo's like, "We do a tostada at my restaurant, and that's actually the secret course." Catepalo's like, "Hashing!" And he's like, "Yes, and in my humble opinion, that dish is the best thing on the menu, and it's not even on the menu!" I'm like, "Could you please stop yelling at me? We get it. You make a tostada on the side." - He's got a secret tostada on his menu. Massimo's secret weapon, the hidden tostada on the menu.
So, Shway is going to do Mexican. Crazy. No, he says the obvious choice is Mexican. He's like, but I'm going to do an Asian style rice bowl. And so, hopefully they'll appreciate at least one person doing something maybe different and ambitious. So, that might be good. So, here's what I'm going to do.
With my 30 minutes, I'm going to cook some brown rice that takes longer than 30 minutes and see how that works out. Brown rice, how long does that take? 22 minutes, right? I don't think it takes a full 30 minutes, but it obviously does take longer. And I feel like it is a quick fire. So why are you going for the longer cooking version of something? I don't know. I think that's a risk.
and it winds up burning, backfiring in his face. - Also, is that how street bowls are made with brown rice? I just feel like brown rice, like we order it, but I don't think there's a person who orders brown rice that's not thinking, "Oh, I'm gonna take the healthy option, it's brown rice."
You know what I mean? It just sounds gross. Like if you're an eating competition, use the full flavor stuff. Use the white rice. Yeah. He's probably like, well, I really like the nutty flavor brown rice. So Tristan says that he's, he, however, is also going to translate the ingredients to a different culture. He's going to do a West African thing. And then Cesar is doing something in the blender and he's like, well, I ordered a salad because I like salad.
So I'm making a Caesar salad because my last name is Caesar. Oh my God, stop yelling at me. It's like, I love plants. I really love plants. And in my apartment, I have like little plant babies. I draw faces all over them. The rude Vegas talk back to me. I grow them under my bed. I have a plant light under there and they show his bed and he actually does have grow lights under there.
He looks like actually kind of a stud, right? Like, "Welcome to my bedroom." It's like, "Welcome to my bedroom. Oh my God, don't, let's not do this too hard. I have a rootabag under there with a face."
If we get too freaky in this mattress, we could wind up smashing the Rutabaga's face. Yeah, it kind of looks like Alien. You know how in Alien there was backlight, all those eggs? Like, ooh, it's an egg. There's an egg. There's an egg on the alien. There's an alien egg on the planet. Kind of looks like he's got that going on under his bed. Or like Poltergeist. A little scary. Yeah, it's a very modern bed to have the lights coming out from under.
So he's going to, he's going for, but just to put this in clear English for everybody, he got a salad. So he's going to make a salad. Okay. So then, but the pun is worth it for the pun. Worth it for the bun. Yeah. Worth it. So Tristan is, he notices that everybody's using the grill. So he, instead of fighting for space, he's going to do a tartar. And, um,
I don't know. He used to work for Marcus Samuelson. So he learned a lot from him. And thankfully he did not take on the habit of wearing a small little hat all the time. And then we have Massimo who is just, he's like, I'm glazing, I'm grilling, I'm glazing, I'm grilling, I'm glazing, I'm grilling. And like you see Paula being like, I can't do shwang enough. She's like glazing, shwang, grilling, shwang. I have to cook here. I can't keep doing shwang faces.
He's like, there needs to be a pep. There needs to be a pep of flavor. Is he losing his hair throughout this competition? Did you notice that today? He looked patchy and I'm a bald person. I'm not hair judging anybody. It's not that, but he looks like he's lost literal patches of hair since the last episode. He's getting stressed. Maybe, maybe. Yeah. So Vinny's like, I hope I'm making $10,000 chili chiles.
Cause I've won no money. Just like how he says, I hope I'm making chili chiles, right? I'm a broke ass bitch. So they have five minutes. By the way, chili chiles, I just want, sorry, chili chiles, delicious, universally adored, but you're on a top chef. And so you're going to take, okay, you're going to take these ingredients and
And just make the dish that you make when you have like leftover ingredients. Can you try to like elevate it a little? I mean, I know you can do an elevated chili quiles, but he, it feels like he's making like a,
Like the chili chiles that you make when you have leftover tortilla chips and you need to use them up. Like instead of making something fresh and new and exciting. I just like that chili, he got chili as an ingredient and it fucked his head so much that he literally went to something called chili. He's like, what do I do with chili? Okay, there's chili, there's bean chili, I don't have beans, there's chili chiles, I'm doing that. Chili chiles. With a hollandaise.
Chefs, you have five minutes left. That's five minutes left where you can enjoy the fact that this isn't fast food. It's food fast. Sponsored by our friends at Chipotle. Thank you. So utensils down and now it's time to try it out. Henry's first.
And he's like, oh, you know one of my favorite things? Queso Fondido. So I made a quesadilla version, which is just that with some tortillas. You made a cheese quesadilla. And an avocado sour cream mousse. You ate a cheese quesadilla. No, actually, I'm sorry. It was Vinny who made a cheese quesadilla. But if you put queso Fondido in a quesadilla, doesn't that just make... You just made a quesadilla, right? I don't see this being...
What? Yeah, you just made a quesadilla. They make everything sound so fucking fancy in here, but you just made a quesadilla. So I don't know what they were expecting, but this is what they're getting. So Kristen's like, do you know how many ingredients you had? He's like, a lot, which is why I use three. Enjoy.
So Massimo is like, I grill chicken thighs and then grilled tomatoes and oregano, avocado, grilled cilantro. And let me tell you what else. Pep! Pep! Much pep. Sooster's like, okay, so, oh, this is nice. Use the grill. And he's like, yes, I prefer to cook maybe a bit more primitively. Just like the way Gale dresses. Hi, Ghost Padma's back. I was watching the whole time. I just didn't want to say anything because you're all too stupid. Mm-mm.
And Cesar, he's like, I only got salad, so I made a Cesar salad. And they're like, oh my God, that is so cute.
So he made a salad with romaine. It actually looked very nice. It was like a composed salad. And he grilled the avocado and he put it together. It actually looked quite beautiful. His looked beautiful. He made a little sculpture with the avocado kind of around the edge and then charred it. His looked good, at least. And then Jet is like, do you regret just ordering a salad that day or what? And he's like, no, no. I love salad.
I usually put faces on salad. I like when salads talk back to me. So then Lana's like, I made a marinated grilled pork shoulder and avocado cream and corn succotash and crispy tortillas. And Paola made like a tostada with pork shoulder and everything. And she's like,
Uh, Caesar likes the use of Serrano. And then Tristan brings up his thing, which looks amazing. Uh, which is like a steak tartare flavored with Obiatta. Um, and he says it's like a, it's an African curry, sofrito, et cetera. With a green harissa. He says he made a green harissa, but that looks like some,
It's like really liquidy. But yeah, his looked pretty good. And Vinny did a grilled pork and roasted tomato. Chili-Kilis, everybody. And Jet's like, is this your normal Chipotle order? And he's like, no, I mean, normally I'd get some tacos with a different meat in each one. And, you know, normally I just go up and I just say, guys, make me whatever you want. Do it like Nomad would. Yeah.
And then as I eat it, I just say, this is not Nomad. And then I leave a star on Yelp and go on with my day. So Katjana makes a, she ordered a high protein salad. So she made a grilled lettuce, chicken and sofritas. And Sousa was like, I like the way you treated the romaine. She's like, yes.
Thank you. I like the way you wrote a book that took a very long time to arrive at my house. I waited a long time. Very long time. It arrived on a goat. A goat brought it to my house. That's how male was back in those days. And so Shuei says that his was inspired by his favorite Japanese dish. And it's a rice bowl with protein on top. And he's like, it's more like a tortilla soup.
So they ask him about the rice and he says he used water and the rice wasn't cooked, which we find out later. But that's why they're asking. So you sir, cause you sir goes, did you use stock or water? And he goes, I use water. Excuse me. Hi, sorry to interrupt from beyond the grave. But the way to ask that question is, did you mean not to use stock and have flavorless stupid rice? I mean, this is top chef. Gail even takes baths in stock. No one uses water here. Yeah.
That was a ghost sigh. So then Bailey... The afterlife is so hard. Turns out, like, even people when they're ghosts still don't know how to dress. Disgusting.
And Bailey did a grilled steak with a sweet corn succotash. You know, I really thought succotash would be great vehicle to highlight a lot of the ingredients. I am serious, serious Bailey now. I came back a new person. I'm a very serious person who enjoys succotash. Old Bailey would have said that. New Bailey would not say that. It's a very serious succotash.
I feel like there was a few Succotashes that happened on this episode. And I think there was a Succotash that happened in Last Chance Kitchen, which I actually watched this week. Is Succotash the new... Is that the new, like, oh, I have a lot of ingredients I've got to incorporate, so I'm just going to call this a Succotash and throw it on the plate? Yes. Pretty much. I'm on to you guys. So Sisar and Jet get to pick the top winners. And Jet goes, oh, well, you know, look...
And Susser goes, yeah, they both compliment it. And she goes, wait, who did they say is their best? The first they say, they're like, oh, we've got some. Some are good. Some are bad. Whatever. And so Kristen's like, well, unfortunately, a few of the dishes did fall a little bit short. Susser, can you tell us who had one of our least favorite dishes? And normally they say, like, they just go through some of the bottom four. But Susser's like, well, Vinny is my least favorite. And Vinny's like, oh.
He goes, "There's one ultimate loser today, and it's you, Vinny." And Vinny goes, "Oh, well, that's unfortunate." And he goes, "Yeah, the dish could be crispier. It needed more flavor. It needed to be a bit melted. I mean, how could you serve a quesadilla that's not melted cheese, sir?" Come on, Vinny. They need to just get rid of Vinny. I can't with this guy.
Jet, who else had some of your least favorite dishes? And Jet's like, uh, Chef Henry. Unfortunately, while we appreciate the sauces, the filling was a bit basic compared to some of the other competitors. You made a quesadilla. You made a cheese quesadilla for us. And you're on top, Chef. Yeah, you're a basic bitch. Okay, yeah, you're a basic bitch. And Kristen's like, oh, and another of the least favorite, although not the worst, right, Vinny? But, um...
That was sway. You know, I liked the fat of your broth, but the rice was not quite cooked properly. And of course, you know, it's rice and, um, you can't cook rice. So that's pretty bad. Okay. So, oh, by the way, did I mention that your rice wasn't cooked? Cause that's hilarious.
But even your rice being uncooked and basically being raw and breaking all of our teeth still tasted better than Vinny's. Am I right? Worst one. God, wow. Vinny lost to an uncooked rice. God, that must hurt Vinny. Am I right?
Hashtag chili, chili, chili. It's more like chili kill us. They were so bad. Okay, now we have, now let's talk about some of our phrases. Excuse me. We all know what you're supposed to say is, and now time for some good news. Jeez. Don't even know how to. I'm a comedian now. Okay, back to the, back to the other good news. Back to the good news that nobody cares about. Back to the good news that pertains to unfamous people cooking on a show that I'm not on anymore.
Chef Mossimo liked the chicken cooked perfectly and the grilling really makes it clean tasting. God, I love a clean tasting chicken. Jesus Christ. Did you use some Dawn on that? Was one of your ingredients Dawn dish soap? Because this was the cleanest motherfucking chicken I've ever had. I like a clean chicken almost as much as I hate whatever Vinny cooked for me.
Jet, what's your favorite dish? And he goes, Chef Caesar. We loved your Caesar. Still love saying that. It was a Chef Caesar salad. That is crazy. You have a future on the internet. Do you have a famous dad? No? Okay. Well, good luck. Do you have a dad who can take your puns and cook them and make them gourmet? Be perfect for you. No, but I have a rutabaga under my bed with a smile on it.
Okay, Sooster's like, yes, you charred the avocado. It was great. Oh, and Chef Paula. Hold on. Massimo, would you like to respond to that?
All right. Chef Paula, I really love the serrano chili and also the saute of the pork. Okay, and we even had a fourth. We just want to say, we don't normally have a fourth one that we love, but we just wanted to highlight how bad Vinny's was by showing another person who was actually so awesome. All right. Guys, we wanted to just say to everybody whose dish was 500 times better than Vinny, and that is 14 of you. Congratulations. You're not Vinny. Okay, you all won. You all won tonight.
but it's chef tristan is the fourth you know you took such a risk using mexican ingredients on a mexican agreement challenge but also you straight away you straight away because to find another cuisine that uses peppers and onions is difficult so good for you it felt like the most remixed dish and not another version of the dish that you already had like you know
Vinny over there with the chilaquiles. Am I right, everyone? Okay. Everyone, we'd like everyone now to stick out your fingers. Okay, now rotate your arms and point them all towards Vinny. There we go. Just point and shake your heads. And the winner is Tristan, and he won because of originality. So good for him, you know? So he won $10,000 from our friends at Chipotle.
So he's won 15 grand, which is pretty good. Yeah, he's killing it. Yeah, three wins in a row. We call that a streak here at Top Chef, much like the streak that Chipotle has, serving fresh food at affordable prices.
So, yay. So now, the guys go, the guests leave, and now the next elimination challenge, let's hope it doesn't leave you in a pickle! And they're like, "Oh my god, what could this mean? What do you think, do you think it's about race cars? Is this a race car challenge? No? Do you think it's a steak challenge? I hope it's a steak challenge. It's about pickles!" They're like, "Oh my god, pickles!"
And she's wearing, Kristen's actually wearing a pickle themed outfit that no one really picked up on. But it was like a dark green bottom and a light green top. She's like, see? Pickles. Pickles. Wow. Thank you, Kristen. Thank you so much for wearing something that's themed like a pickle. Unlike Gail, who actually showed up wearing pickles on her outfit. Thanks, Gail. Everyone appreciates that. Well, last time we had a pickle challenge when I was there, Gail just showed up with relish all over her face. Yeah.
I said, "Was that for the pickle challenge?" And she said, "What pickle challenge?" I said, "Oh, Gail." One time Gail put a canoe in a bathtub full of salty water and claimed that that counted as a pickle. I was like, "That's still a canoe." She ate the thing anyway, but I was like, "Just 'cause it's long and salty doesn't mean it's a pickle, Gail." She said, "I want a pickle." I said, "No, Gail, you just want to be picked. It's not happening in this challenge."
She cried. It was fun. So Kristen's like, so Tristan, you hate pickles. Do you hate them more than figgy duff? That's a callback. Everyone was a callback. Let's call that a Kish callback.
Don't forget off the episode. Remember? It's good. So chefs, please welcome a very special someone that knows exactly what it takes to be in this competition and win it. Top Chef Wisconsin winner, Danny Garcia. Danny Garcia. Does anybody recognize Danny Garcia?
Danny Garcia, the winner of one of our strangest seasons of Top Chef, Top Chef Wisconsin, where people made curd balls for three weeks straight. All right. That really was the season. They're like, okay, today the secret ingredient is cheese. Remember how we ended that season on a cruise ship in Aruba?
"Alright! That was a weird one." So Danny's like, "Oh." That was a farty party. Every freaking challenge was like, "Here's how we're gonna reinvent cheese today. Today, don't worry guys, today we're not just using cheese, we're using cheese curds." So Danny Garcia, "Recognize anyone?" He's like, "Yeah, Vinny. We spent some time working together before at the Nomad. At the Nomad. It was at the Nomad. Just wanna..."
- It felt good to say nomad. It's been 10 minutes since I said nomad. Yeah, we worked with the nomad. Okay, well, we're gonna go way, way back for this challenge. Pickling, that's one of the oldest methods of food preservation. Danny's like, "I personally used a lot of pickles last season." Wow, congratulations. So does Gail every time she brushes her teeth. - Oh, I like that Kristen goes, "You did."
So for this, I remember this, this time they're working in teams of five. No, they're working in two teams of five, right? Creating a five course progressive pickle. I used to, when I was a kid, there was a series of books called sweet pickles and I loved it. Did you ever read those books? Sweet pickles.
There was a book about pickles. Like the characters were all, no, they were all like, they're all animals. But for whatever reason, it's called sweet pickles. That was great. They should have been on this show. No, but my favorite side character of New York is pickles. Oh,
Never forget. - Oh, pickles. - Yeah, intern pickles. Okay, so Lana's like, "I've always been a pickle girl." I would go up to my mom at the fridge and I'd go, "Oh my God, more pickles." But my parents ended up getting a new fridge and they were like, "You can put your pickles in here." So yeah, I got pickles. Finally, we get some Lana backstory. I think this is the first Lana backstory we've ever had. And it's like, I really liked pickles as a kid.
She's like, my backstory is that I have a pity pickle refrigerator. We got you a fridge for all your damn pickles, Lana. So the first course must include cornichon. The second course, a full sour pickle. The third course, a dill pickle. The fourth, spicy pickles. And the fifth course, any guesses? It's going to be bread and butter pickles. Okay, guys.
Any guesses? I don't know why that annoyed me. I was like, any guesses on what pickle it could possibly be? Bread and butter. Well, sorry, Gherkins. You're out of luck. I guess Gherkins and Cornichons are kind of the same, but they're not really. So fuck off, Gherkin. Danny's like, that's my favorite. Bread and butter pickles. Huge, huge lover of that. And Kristen's like, yes. Okay, so... Whose favorite is bread and butter pickles?
I mean, they're nice. That's a child's palate. That's a child's palate that you've got. Bread and butter pickle lover. Those are basically the pickles that just go on top of a burger, right? They're the sweet ones, right? Yeah, they're sweet little discs with the ruffles. I mean, they're fine. I just feel like in a world where you have a dill pickle or a full sour, why would bread and butter be the one that you'd choose? I don't know. I have no answer for that. I think because bread and butter are just good.
I don't think they should be allowed to be called bread and butter pickles because that's like taking, that's like taking the deliciousness of other food and like claiming that you own part of that. No, you don't. You're not bread and you're not butter. You're exactly. I'm telling you, this is like the thing I always say. I don't like when people name their dogs after other animals or just their pets in general. Like, like if there's a dog named bear, like, why are you doing that? Yeah. Yeah. Or a cat named fish. You're like, well, weird. Yeah.
Or a fish called tarantula. Like, why? Why would you do that? Right. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I
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My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
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So they're going to be going head to head in this and only one chef in the winning team can take the prize, which sucks because especially in this challenge, the winning dishes are not on the winning team. So what do you do? Tristan and Bailey as the winners of the last elimination challenge, you both won immunity. So you get to choose teams for this challenge, Tristan.
So Tristan takes Katia. So they basically start picking and they do not want some people and they start talking about it too difficultly. And Danny's like, oh my God, this is like the schoolyard. And Kristen goes, yeah, I don't like this.
You're the one who made them pick teams. So if you don't like picking, are they not picking teams, you know, maturely enough for you? Picking teams is a shallow sport. Don't make them do it and then act like you guys are morally above this. You started this. I agree. I totally agree. So basically the bottom two, it winds up being like Henry and Massimo because Henry is
Like Henry seems so nice, but he's kind of like sucked all season. Like he's been in the bottom. Like he said last week, he's a bottom queen and he's been in the bottom and he always is in the bottom. So he's last. But Massimo is kind of like, Massimo has been good, but he's been sort of on a losing streak recently. So he's really like, he's like, oh my God, I can't believe it's the first time I've ever been chosen last for something. They probably didn't see me. Yeah, that was sad. I felt bad for him. He's like, they probably didn't see me. It's like, yeah, they saw you spilling soap into dishes and,
yelling about, you know, reducing a sauce. Massimo, you're doing this to yourself. Although you're by far the most entertaining person on this show, so I don't hold it against you. So Kristen's like, okay, you know, you have 15 minutes to plan before heading to Whole Foods. And then tomorrow you're going to Danico. And guys, I'm really sorry we ran out of underpasses, but we're going to an actual restaurant.
And joining us as a guest judge will be the James Beard Foundation CEO, Claire Reichenbach, who also has an adorable British accent. Not just a standard one, but like an Angela Lansbury one. So that'll be a real treat for all of you. She also pulled the short stick and got stuck with Pickle Day. So fuck her. Am I right, everybody? We're like, for the CEO of the James Beard Foundation that oversees every single important award, of which there are many with James Beard.
We've given her pickles. Unfortunately, Dana from Food and Wine took the good episode. So guess what? You get pickles. Yeah. So Paula's like, oh, shit, I have to work with Massimo again? Jesus. So Massimo's like, oh, I could do sour. I could do spicy. I could do cornichon. Whatever you want. Last pick, right? More like person who knows pickles the most. Am I right?
So they're all choosing... They're in teams just talking back and forth on what they're going to choose. And it's actually a pretty conflict-free moment. I think because the majority of the women were on one team, so we didn't have...
that typical moment where a female chef says, Oh, I have this like really amazing idea of what I could do with a sour pickle. And I have a complete vision. I know what to do. I've made this a million times. It's a huge hit. I was nominated for a Michelin star based off of this dish. I'd like to make it. And then some guy goes, yeah, but, um, I want to do a tartar with it. So I'll do it instead. So luckily we avoided that entire scenario. And then the woman gets sent home because it happens every single season on this show. Um, that made me happy.
I mean, fortunately the great equalizer on this challenge is y'all get a fucking pickle. You know what I mean? Like no one really wins. So then Lana's like, I want my team to win. You know, it's my end goal. Wow, that's a great end goal, Lana. We are learning so much about you. You love pickles and you want to win competitions. And don't forget the fridge. She has a whole fridge of pickles that her parents got her. Because they got so sick of her pickle.
Her entire overpopulation of Vlasic items in her fridge. Cesar decides he wants to do pickled dessert. And they're like, what the fuck? And he's like, I just want to pull it off. I want to just tell my rutabaga, I pulled off a pickled dessert. Crazy. Like, okay. And so Massimo's like, across the street from my restaurant, there's one of Gail Simmons' favorite restaurants. Oh, really? Is it 1-800-MATTRESS? God, watch out when she gets into that store. Bite marks everywhere. Yeah.
Wow, you found one of Gail's favorite restaurants? Was it all of them? Oh, so your restaurant's across the street from the Charleston Shoe Factory? Someone in comments last week said, God, you guys are so harsh on Gail. Yeah.
Welcome to the show. It's not us. It's dead Padma. Okay. Padma died in the last episode when she heard it was a pickle episode coming up and she tried one and choked on it and died. So this episode killed Padma. Okay. Yeah. Blame her. Yeah. We love Gail. We think Gail is wonderful and we think she's beautiful and she's so smart and sharp and great and
it's unfortunate ghost padma is the one who's mean to gail and it's out of our although just have to gail does have a terrible wardrobe that's true but that comes from me gail cannot figure it out in the wardrobe department but i still love gal yeah it's our responsibility as podcasters to dutifully report on what happens on the episode and unfortunately this is just the stuff that ghost padma said that's it yeah so henry loves spicy and his first thought is korean barbecue
And then Cesar is saying, you know, since bread and butter pickles have more sugar, he's lucky. And they also use turmeric. So he's going to use that. And it makes him think of a curd, a very tart, pungent curd.
Yes. That's what I wrote to Gail for her Christmas card. I said, "Dear Gail, you make me think of curds. Have a great holiday." "Dear Gail, or shall I say pungent curd?"
So Tristan worked in Sweden for a while, and Canada and Scandinavia is like almost the same latitude, so the same preservation methods can be used. So he's going to treat the mackerel like a Swedish treat herring. Made me very happy to hear that, because I love herring. So then...
You don't like herring. I'm not a tinned fish person. I'm not a tinned fish. That's like a huge thing. Everybody's into their tinned fish. I just love a pickled herring. Love it.
So, um, Katiana buys tofu from Whole Foods cause she likes it as a backup. She says, I just always like having tofu around. When I was waiting for Suits Release cookbook to arrive, there was a lot of long cold nights where I had nothing to do, but just hold that tofu close to my chest and just pray that the cookbook will come in the next day. I don't know what I would have done without it. I used to open blocks of tofu and slice them really thinly and then pretend there were words on them that he had written.
By the time his book actually came, I was just so surprised. I mean, what a nice surprise to read words. It was great. Thank you, Tofu, for everything you've ever done for me. So they're done with that. And then they...
Shwai says he wants to start the menu on the lighter side. So I'll be making a fried pickled mushroom with steak tartare and Dijonais. Yeah, sounds light as air. A deep fried mushroom. How's a chicken fried mushroom light? You know what I want? A breaded thing that is locked in lots of oil for a nice light touch to start the meal.
- Yeah. - And Massimo is like, "I'm making fried pickle canola with classic French steak tartare." Okay? It's a risky classic when you have to be a beacon in the sky that you can compare it to. - I love Massimo. - Relax. - So difficult to be a beacon. - Then he's like, "Well, I'll be making a smoked salmon roulette with variations of pickles." And it's gonna be difficult 'cause when Tristan doesn't like things in his competition, he tends to do things really well. But the good news is,
I once made salmon at the Nomad, so I feel pretty good about this. I'm literally going to make another Nomad dish. So Katjana is like, you know what I play on? Duality of pickles. Just fucking kidding. Are you guys still rolling the cameras? Is this a real show? This is ridiculous. Fucking when she said duality pickles, I was like, Katjana is like one of my favorites. But when she said duality pickles, I was like, I'm going to have to you're going to have to go down a notch now because you said that.
So she's going to grill some cucumbers dressed in a dill pickle vinaigrette with some open clams. And she's like, it's fresh pickle dressed in pickle, which I get. I thought that I thought it was a good idea, but it sounded nice. I'm the only one. Yeah, it sounded. It sounded good. So then here's the thing. Fresh pickle. That's the problem. Pickles are inherently not fresh. So if she's trying to make a fresh pickle, she is in trouble.
You have a cucumber. So then Lana is telling us that she's nervous to go up against Katjana because Katjana is like probably the favorite to win at this point. And she's like, I'm keeping it simple. You know, I'm doing brine scallop, dill pickle, beurre blanc. There we go. The end. You know, you don't need a million things in order to get a win. All you need is one shelf in a refrigerator dedicated to you. That's all I need. Yeah.
Wow. That's the first time I've heard our daughter say she doesn't need a million pickles to get something done. So, um, her sassy, her sassy parents watching, getting up, taking on the spirit of Padma a little bit. That was good parent. I like that. Shitting your own child. It's your fault though. You were the one who encouraged her. You're the ones who did buy that refrigerator after all. Don't forget it. So Henry's going to do a braised short rib with pickles. You,
And Cesar is doing a bread and, you know, we know what he's doing. He's going to do the bread and butter pickle curd mustard seed tart with dill ice cream and some fresh cucumber, which sounds absolutely fucking horrifying. But I really like Cesar, and at least it's creative, you know? I agree.
sort of intrigued by it I actually can see how bread and butter pickles could work as an eye like in like a in like a dessert and also I feel like somewhere along the line I did have dill ice cream at some restaurant and it worked out really well so I was like I'm down for his vision I was down for his vision and I'm gonna support him he's also so cute and sweet and like yeah I just feel like I see him trembling it's like a little a little cute animal trembling in someone's hand a little baby animal it's like whiskers are going like this you know trembling I'm just like I just want to support it make it happy
Yeah. Okay. So then, um, we go to back to the apartment and Massimo, we learn a little bit about Massimo. He's FaceTiming his kids and his ex-wife.
And he's like, "Hmm, you know, I have a bit of an ego, and I think my price is my worst enemy in this competition, you know? So I'm trying to remind myself why I'm here." And over a year and a half, I'm separated from my wife. We're together 16 years. And she's like, "How is everything?" He's like, "I have to listen to other people. It's terrible." She's like, "Oh God, I'm so glad I left you."
Yeah, the kids are still climbing around over there. Hey kids, it's your dad. He's lost more hair. Poor guy. You want to say hi? No, say fuck you to dad. Okay, the kid said fuck you. He's like, who cares? Have you ever tried to make ice cream out of pickles? Fucking crazy guy over there. Massimo, it's so funny because when he got onto FaceTime,
they like show like the face times they show like his face and the face something but I thought he was I didn't realize that was like him again I was like oh he has a twin brother I was like this is a nice change up from calling the kids he has a twin he's calling his twin to get support and I was like oh no it's just reverse Mossimo
It's the kids are still there. His ex-wife is so funny and how she deals with Massimo. Cause she just has a smile on his face on her face. Like, God, thank God I'm not married to you anymore. I'm still amused by you though. Your kids are a little miniature used and I can't take them full time, but God can't believe I was ever in the spot that I married you. So how's it going?
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