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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, everybody. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?
Good. Everybody, welcome to the show. It's the Valley Day. So get ready for some toxicity, which is a word that was used 37 times today. But before we get to that, we are finishing up all to all. We will be in Austin and Dallas right in May. It's going to be so fun. And then we're going to be in Vegas in May as well.
So get your tickets over at watchwhatcrappens.com. We're also announcing our two new dates probably at the end of the week. So hopefully fingers crossed. Yeah. Fingers crossed.
And they're going to be quick. So listen, because you have to get tickets immediately. They're tomorrow. Also, our bonus episode is a trailer trash for Next Gen NYC, the new show coming up on Bravo. We had a great time recording it. Check it out, as well as video recaps that are out new every day. Every day that we have a new recap. And those are on our Patreon. And you can also find ticket links and all that stuff. And watch what crappens. Adopt-a-comer.
So welcome to the show everybody. So right before we pressed record, Ben said, God, let's start recording the Valley. That show is mean. And I said, yes, this is a very, very dark show. Very dark.
It is. It is dark. I mean, it's not a criticism that it's mean. Sometimes these Bravo shows, when they get too toxic, there's a need to refresh after Roni season four or what's going on with New Jersey. Sometimes we need a little refresh. But I kind of feel like the toxicity on display here in the Valley, which is really toxic, some of the most toxic stuff we've
ever seen on Bravo. I think it's actually quite compelling. And I think it's actually, it's not too toxic for me because what's kind of brilliant about the show is that like it was established as a show last season of,
Look at all these LA people trying to be adults in the Valley. They're they've moved to the idyllic San Fernando Valley to have a suburban existence. And now we are a season in and things are just so dark and, and scary. And it feels ugly. I mean, it went to that. It went to cancellation territory immediately in season two. I mean,
I mean, normally you get five years and it takes a cast to really start hating each other. I mean, nope. This cast, like, refreshed the valley already? Jeez. But, you know, I've started to believe in refreshes.
Less and less over the years, because guess what? I'm a Bravo viewer and I have taken my medicine. I've received my karma from requesting refreshes and getting them. I know what that can entail. And so now I'm just like, let them kill each other at this point. Although I do have some questions.
Did Jax straight up like abuse Britney and they're acting like they're playing violins during Jax's scenes and making it sound like Jax needs some kind of redemption from the audience because he's not getting it. He was throwing furniture and it hit her. Yeah. So does that what do we consider abuse at this point? Because to me, like, why is he even on the show? I don't get it.
I mean, it is terrifying to me. Last week, it just seemed like – when I say it just, quote unquote, it just seemed like he had flipped a coffee table, which was shitty enough as it is. This week, we find out he actually threw bar stools around.
I mean, throwing barstools around is horrifying. I mean, flipping a table is bad enough, but throwing something big, heavy objects, damaging things, damaging walls, that is the sort of rage that I would not be comfortable around whatsoever. I mean, I think, you know, like whether or not he's on this show, I think that's like a question of cast safety. And if the cast feels like it's okay, because they want to tell the story, then the cast feels that way. I think that one thing we've learned
we've learned is that sometimes when Bravo, when Bravo is like too much of a custodian over what the viewers like should and shouldn't see, like it sometimes doesn't work out so well. And so it seems like they're probably all okay with it, but he seems, I think that Jax is a,
I mean, this is the worst we've ever seen Jax. And we've seen Jax be terrible. Absolutely terrible. It's like disgusting behavior from him and watching him over the course of the episode, literally try to justify it. You know, and he says all the things that, um, uh, you sort of the, the faux accountability phrases, uh,
that he knows he's supposed to say, like, it doesn't justify it. I'm not justifying this. And then he goes ahead and tries to justify things. Yeah, but what about me? Like, he literally was doing that. He's horrific. What about me? The Jen Shah. What about me? Yeah, I just, I feel like he's abusive and he shouldn't be here. And that's not me being like, oh, I'm...
i can't take it i'm like that's not me just being a wuss like i literally think he's abusive and he shouldn't be here i remember back in season two talking about jax and saying something along the lines of this guy we see this guy in la this kind of guy who's already washed up because at that point he was already washed up like let's face it he was like a washed up model you know used up washed up drug addict user abuser narcissist everything else
And I remember saying something along the lines of, yeah, we see this guy in L.A. all the time and this does not end well. This ends bad.
Yeah. In a death. This ends in a murder. This ends in his death. This ends in death. This does not just go away. This is not, Jax isn't somebody you can love. You know what I mean? That Jax is somebody that this ends badly. And so I don't know that I want to watch that on my TV. You know what I mean? I like it in fictional shows, which I guess is why it's in my mind, but I don't like it on. I don't want to watch anybody get killed on this show.
I have to say, the thing that was running through my mind this entire episode was he is actually so lucky because if it weren't for this show, there would have been either something tragic would have happened. He would have wound up in jail. He would have either beaten Brittany. He would have done something to that child. I'm not afraid to say this on the podcast, guys. He would have had some sort of accident. Something terrible, terrible, terrible was going to happen with Jax. He was on a
And we've seen this for years, but like seeing him now that he was actually throwing barstools around because she, you know, sent a, sent a video to a friend. Now I understand why he was upset, you know, but also you're banging like someone as well. And like that double standard does not fly with me, sir.
but it does not warrant any of that violence whatsoever. And I'm glad everyone told him that too. And I'm glad everyone was pretty, no one like let him off the hook this episode, which was nice.
But what I'm not really so interested in is any sort of as I think what you've said is like, I'm not really interested in a redemption storyline where he goes to rehab and he comes back and he's a changed man. He's working on himself and he's better. Like, I don't need the breaking Bonaduce treatment for Jacks Taylor. Like, he's just garbage at this point. He's garbage with or without drugs. Okay. And you can give him whatever diagnosis you want to give him. And it's not going to excuse anything. He's trash. Okay.
And he's trying to already hide behind these diagnosis and it's not gonna work, sir. You do not get the victim cloak, you know, fix yourself and do it off my screen. Cause it's gross. And then I looked up during the show when, you know, how long did Jack stay in rehab? He stayed two weeks and then he had his PR person release that he stayed for 30 days. No, you didn't, sir. It was timed. It was timed when you went in and when you came out and he still even lies in press releases about how long he was in rehab when it was on the calendar, sir. People saw how long you were there.
I mean, just gross. Yeah. I mean, classic Jax. Classic Jax. It's really... I'm really glad that Brittany has finally seen the light after all these years where we could all see it for her and she's finally seeing it. I just feel terrible that she got sort of suckered into this
narcissistic relationship. Brittany is no princess either. Okay. Brittany is no like innocent either, but you know, she's still, nobody deserves Jax. I mean, no one deserves that. No, Brittany has plenty of shitty qualities herself, which we'll get into as we go along.
Right. But it's not nearly as equivalent to what, what Jack's does. Yeah. Jax is just yikes. But it was funny in a way because it's like one of those shows where the mystery is solved at the beginning or you, the audience knows the killer in the beginning. And then, you know, you have to go through the whole episode. I hate those by the way. I'm sure I've said that a million times on the show. I hate those. I'm so sick of those shows. I'm like, oh, we already know who did it. Now let's watch how the wacky detective figures it out. No, it's not interesting.
I'm talking to you, Elsbeth. I thought you were talking to Natasha Lyonne. Poker face you too. You're no Tony Shalhoub. This toxicity is contagious from the Valley because now we're taking shots at Natasha Lyonne.
She didn't deserve that. But we already knew, everybody knows Jax has been a cokehead, but it took this long for the cast to finally say, "And you're a cokehead." And it's like, oh my God, we already knew this mystery. Like, stop acting like you solved something, Natasha Lyonne. It's just Natasha Lyonne. "You need to go to rehab, Jax. I think you're a cokehead." Like, duh, Natasha, catch up, poker face.
I know. But it is kind of exciting to hear them actually articulate it finally after like 10 years of watching Jax Taylor on this show. Yeah. But then, of course, now it becomes like, you all did Coke, which they're like, oh, yeah, but you're like worse, you know? So, and also Coke gets a bad rap in this episode. Just saying. Okay, let's go forward with The Valley Season 2, Episode 2, Checking In. Ooh.
I'm all right. And you know, this theme song becomes creepier as the show goes on too, because the theme song is just like, because I'm all right. Because I'm all right. Nothing is all right. No one is all right. None of you are okay.
No one is okay at all. I do wish this theme song were catchier. I kind of feel like as a spinoff of Vanderpump Rules, we are owed something that we can all sing along to. And just having what sort of sounds like Danny doing karaoke someplace in the valley going, I'm all right. Three under three. I'm all right. It's just we deserve better. Yeah, we really do. I think they need something that's like...
It's hot. It's hot. Oh my God, it's hot. Cause every episode they're like, oh my God, it's so hot. And then, uh, it's hot and it smells and you can rot in hell, the valley.
some country they really do they i mean that is i think part of living in the valley is that you have to walk into a house and say it is so hot outside oh my god the weather today am i right but they're also all wearing sweat sweatpants and stuff yeah what was up with that like zach comes in one scene and he's like he's like it's just a zillion trillion degrees out i'm like you're wearing a hoodie
come on okay we will start this recap uh but we got a good 12 minutes of judgment in there first so that was fun uh so opening credits and um now this was different from last year yeah yeah because last year i think we saw them as like duos kind of like doing silly things like pushing like lawn mowers and stuff right yeah i think last yeah last season i think was really leaning into the jacks loves to mow his lawn yeah
And this season is more like Vanderpump Rules style where they stand somewhere and they like look at the camera. Yeah. Season four, it's going to be Jax just holding a leaf blower up to his nose and just snorting in whatever it's giving him. Yeah. So we see, I guess the first one we see is Nia and Danny washing a car with a vanity plate that says three under three, three under three. Now, by the way, I have to say,
I enjoy saying 303, but I think I'm not sure if I'm... He's really saying it a lot. He's really saying it. It's too much. Like, I just...
Every time he says 303, I'm like, you know, that's not – I'm not excited when you say that. All I think about is macaroni flying places, fingers up noses, and just chaos. I think of Weight Watchers meetings back in the 80s when I was a little kid. And they would weigh you in, and then at the end, Janelle would be like, okay, we've got 303. We've got three people under 300 pounds. We've got it –
A couple of people in the 200s, congratulations. And guess what? We've got one Wonderland people, one person who has made it into 100-pound territory. Danny, stand up. Give a bow, honey. You earned it.
Well, soon they're going to be four under three or maybe four under four because as I mean, we knew that Nia was pregnant, but Nia and Kristen were both on Watch What Happens Live last night with their big old bumps. And they were even bumping each other, bumping their bumps together, which was really funny. And actually, the big thing that like everyone was talking about on Twitter last night was
was that Kristen retired her iconic green dress to the Bravo Clubhouse, which I think it's just so funny. Like, here, Andy, here's a dress I wore. Seriously? Seriously. Nice, subtle gift. It's not going to take up much space. Yeah. Don't you have a pamphlet? Something smaller that we could put in here? I'm not hanging a whole dress in here, ma'am. It's the Clubhouse. Yeah.
Okay, so Janet and Jason are sitting under an umbrella by the pool. I've never hoped so much for an umbrella to fall over on somebody. So I heard that Janet kind of made it on this show by stalking Sheena and becoming her assistant. And then Jason dated Sheena first before Janet. So Janet just gets all the runoffs.
Wait, Jason dated Sheena? Wow. That's surprising to me. I don't know why.
Me too. I was surprised too. I'm going to look it up because now I don't know. Because remember in yesterday's show, I said that there are chickens that are raised headless for chicken. Well, that was an experiment in 2012, but they don't actually raise chickens. Just in case anyone was wondering around, wondering where to sign up for the chicken protest. I was full of shit. So I'm going to put Jason dated Sheena.
Did Jason Caperna and Sheena Shea hook up? Yes, Sheena hooked up with this cast member on The Valley, leaving friends shocked. Wow. Well, I mean, a hookup I can see, but it's hard for me to see that actually being a relationship, you know? No. I don't know why. But I'd like that he's one of Sheena's discarded crusty socks, and now he ended up with Janet. She deserves it.
No, but I mean, I don't know. I think that Jason's a catch. I mean, he's like a lawyer. He's attractive. He seems to have a generally okay personality, except I didn't like when he yelled at Zach last season at all. That's what I really didn't like. I think that Janet actually, I think Janet kind of like was punching, punching upwards, right? Is that what they say? Punching? She was punching.
Yeah, she's punching up for sure. But Jason enables Janet. So there can be no Jason sympathy in my life. For those who were not watching, Ronnie gave a little sizzle finger to that because he's like, I'm waving my finger. I'm very upset. No, no, no. No enabling of Janet. There is no, there is no Jason like, oh, Jason, he's like so nice and so supportive. He supports Janet. Okay. You know, that's like, I
I don't know. That's like cheering on Marjorie Taylor Greene's best friend. Like she's no. Wow. That's a horrible human being. And I don't support anybody who supports that. Period. Wow. Wow. The equivalency has been drawn between Janet and Marjorie Taylor Greene. I mean, are they far off? Janet will become Marjorie Taylor Greene. That's my new prediction. Janet will run for Congress.
Oh my goodness. I could see Janet running for Congress someday. And like, I can too. She's got the rayon for it. That's for sure. Yeah. So for their first couple of years until they're worth $20 million from insider trading, and then they move up to better suits.
So anyway, opening credits, everyone's just standing around. Okay, well, whatever. Let's move on. So we started at Danny and Nia's house, and Danny is still talking about how he wants to move into the deep, deep, deep valley, where I don't even think it's still the valley. I think it's just a different valley. I think it's like Antelope Valley or something like that. It's not the San Fernando Valley. He wants to go to Stevenson Ranch or Valencia Valley.
And, you know, Nia's kind of like, Danny, do you still want to be on this TV show? Because this TV show is what's paying the bills. Okay. Yeah. And also, doesn't he work as like an under five zombie person? I mean, he's got to be there for that. They're not shooting out in fucking Santa Clarita. Or maybe they are. I don't know. I work under five because I got three under three. Yeah. So maybe that's when he'll finally retire, when he's got five under five.
I'd be like, but also they can find life. I've fulfilled. I've fulfilled my destiny. Also, like I've, I do believe that they can find a house that they can afford within the San Fernando Valley. It just might be in some place like Van Nuys, but like,
You know, he wants to he just wants to get like a big McMansion, which is why he wants to move all the way up there. But like, you know, I think you've got to stay in the valley. This is now your lot in life. You're on a TV show about the valley. So you got to get a house. So get someplace in Chatsworth or Van Nuys or up by like Victory Boulevard somewhere like you can find something right now. I mean, I guess we'll help.
I'll go into Zillow. I'll find something for him. I had to drive to Calabasas a few times and that's like a luxury, you know, that's luxury town far away and it's far. That's fucking far. Like, I don't know how to. Calabasas is a different, like a different state.
It's a whole different world over there. It's very far away. It's unpleasant. It's like a white fence, like a white pick. It's weird. It's like rolling brown Hills over there. That's all it is. Dry, like dry brush. Like, like it's like a very fancy place. Obviously people know it from the Kardashians, but when you go there, it's just like rolling Hills and all the Hills are brown.
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Okay. So, um, he was like, come on, baby. We gotta move out to Valencia. Come on. We gotta go out to Stevenson ranch. We gotta go out to Santa Clarita. All right. And marriage is all about compromise, baby. And if you do this for me, I'll give you a baby. I'll allow you to use my tiny person sperm to make another baby, another five under five.
I don't think that's a compromise at all. I think that's a negotiation and I think that's unfair. And I don't think like moving all the way out to Bumblefuck Santa Clarita is a reasonable like offset to her having a baby. No, I think if anything...
Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, I was gonna say having the baby is hard work. That's hard work. She deserves to have some, she deserves to be on like in the, in the first Valley, not like the second Valley down the, down the highway. Yeah. What, what does this let you have my baby? How about she just stays where she is and gets impregnated by a taller person? How about that?
How about that? How about this? How about you get a job? One child that was like five feet taller than the other children reminding you of your insistence on moving to Santa Clarita. That's what you're going to get. How about this, Danny? So how about why don't you supplement your zombie voiceover gigs with a job at like Circuit City or something? Like find some place. I don't know. We're at Costco. Get a job.
Yeah, that's the point. Get out there. See what's out there. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job.
And now we go over to Jesse's house, and he's voice texting about FaceTiming Isabella. Yeah, because he's like – What do they call Isabella later? Is that what he's saying? No, he was FaceTiming, I think, like the mediator or something, and he was like – or maybe he was FaceTiming Michelle. It wasn't FaceTiming. He was dictating. And he was like, hey, when can I FaceTime with Isabella? And then it cuts to –
Michelle, this is one of the shadiest cuts of the entire episode. It cuts to Michelle and she's driving along with Isabella in the backseat. And Michelle goes, oh my God, Isabella, guess who is on FaceTime for you? So we all assume it's Jesse because he just requested to do a FaceTime. And it turns out it's Aaron, Michelle's boyfriend, who's FaceTiming. And he's like, hey, what's going on? And I was like, oh, that is a shady switcheroo. That's like when Clarice, they made it seem like the police were coming in.
to bust in on Buffalo Bill, but it was actually Clarice instead. And you know what I'm talking about? Okay. In the weeds. The point is it was a shady edit. Well, she's like, look at my mustache. And then he said, yeah, that's a real something. Said mustache. What did he say to her?
Like, what the fuck did he just say? Because I feel like I should be offended, but I didn't really catch it. Neither did the note taker. I was like, how dare you? I reserve the right to be pissed at you soon. Crazy eyes. She had a mustache from her smoothie, right? Yeah. But he said, yeah, that's like a real something. Said mustache or something. And I was like, who's that? Are you? I don't remember. I don't remember him. I'm watching you crazy. I'm a guy.
We'll keep tabs on that one. Then we go to Janet and Jason's house. Janet and Jason are the ones who need to move. They keep serving people bowls of things in a closet. They need a bigger place.
Yeah, and they have a very low hood over their range. Yeah, they're low-hooded, tiny living. They need to move to a different place because I believe in child welfare. And I think that nobody should have to grow up that close to Janet. You don't want Janet leaking all over that baby. I mean, personality. You don't need – here's what I say. We don't need – that hood is – okay, I –
I'm just going off of my memory because I didn't actually write down a note of like, let me talk about this hood. But like, honestly, every time they go to her house, I'm always like that hood is so low and so in the center of the shot all the time. Right. Am I correct? That's my memory. Correct. By that, that there's like a low, there's a low venting hood.
It's too much. They live like in Sheena's treehouse, like a cabin out back for Sheena, you know? So they've made Brittany and Jasmine a casserole, which is just fucking rude, if you ask me. And so Jasmine's like, oh, casserole. Great. Yeah. Thanks for the casserole. Don't really love casseroles. Okay. That's a white person thing. So it's not a white person thing. I had no idea.
I don't know if it is or not, but I'm going to give it to her on this one just because it's a white person who's lost somebody thing, because that's when we always got casseroles. When somebody dies or like your mom or leaves your dad for a few days and everyone's like, oh, my God, what are they going to do without the mom? And then they all bring you the casserole and you're like, oh, God, now I have to eat your mom's shitty cooking. God, I finally got a break from my mom's shitty cooking. Now I got to eat your mom's. Jesus Christ.
Well, that's, you know, hence why Vicky was so upset that she didn't even receive one. I was like, Dad, Dad, please apologize to Mom. Bring her back. I gotta have another person's shitty mom casserole another night of the week. I know this may be shocking, but I did not grow up in a casserole household. I don't think my mom made a casserole a single time growing up. Not that I can remember.
so i have no this wasn't stirring eggs and milk and cheese into something putting in the oven and calling it a dish because that's what the casserole you can throw any damn thing in there and call it a meal that is not a meal people okay it's slop it is slop i don't care what any of you say and i know casseroles i grew up on them my meemaw made them constantly the only good casserole is a frito casserole and there i said
Wow. Okay. We're taking a lot of stands today. Frito casserole. Anything with Fritos was good. I love Fritos. No one died here. Take your casserole home. And certainly don't serve it to me in your home. Gross. So she serves them casserole. And Jasmine is like, no. She's like, Jason, you eat this every day? I'm like, the fuck? And that was Jasmine's contribution for the day. Yeah.
Poor Jasmine. They still haven't really found a good use for her. So they go to sit in the sitting area and the terrarium is there that Janet and Brittany made last week. And Brittany's like, oh, your terrarium! It's cute! She's like, yeah, it sweats. It's kind of gross. Okay. Okay.
So last night, I barely know what happened. And Janet's like, well, so last night, it just went downhill quickly, you know, because last night Brittany had a party downtown and Janet tried to make amends with
Kristen, and that did not work out well because Kristen is like, "No, just because now you see that the audience is on my side doesn't mean I'm automatically gonna take you back." So you missed your opportunity. - And also she never really apologized. And this is typical Janet, how she relays the story. Well, it's both typical Janet and Brittany because then Brittany's like, "I didn't even see what was going on or I would've interfered. There was just so many tall people there."
But this is so Janet, how she relays the story. She's like, yeah, you know, I talked to Kristen and I apologized for, you know, the comments that Zach made. You know, I said something like they weren't supportive of my pregnancy. I don't know, something like that. No, you said that they didn't want your pregnancy to come to full term. You said that they wanted you to lose your baby, Janet. That's what you said. They said you wanted, they wanted your baby dead, is what you said. Mm-hmm.
Miss a man. Okay. Casserole. You low hooded casserole queen. Low hooded. I feel like I really need to see an image just to back it up because what if we go back and it turns out the hood is at a perfectly normal, respectable height, then I really have to eat my words. And I just, I just feel weird going out on such a limb, taking such swipes at that hood. So when you're feeling worried about it, just remember there are chickens being grown without heads to make change. I,
So Brittany is like, so what did she say when you said those things? And Janet's like, well, she kind of went in a little bit more and it just felt like I was talking to a crazy person. And Brittany's like, oh, well, I was like, there were so many tall people. I was like, gee, you're like a bunch of redwood forest tree people, aren't you? This is crazy. I can't see a damn thing. Yeah.
So Janet's like, I mean, Kristen, admit wrongdoing. I mean, grow the fuck up. Why don't you grow the fuck up, Janet? Why don't you admit one wrong thing that you ever done in your life? So then Brittany's like, yeah, I mean, I just wish that, you know, you would have kept on partying with me. That's the only thing, you know, that's the thing that really upset me. I'm just going through so much. And Jasmine's like, literally, I was like, ugh.
yeah uh jasmine's other contribution so jess like i was just like really disappointed that it went so south and like i knew i was gonna cry and i was like what am i gonna do like like what am i do stand in the middle of the party and cry i'm like it hasn't stopped literally any one of these people on this show or on vanderpump rules ever before and we see a flashback of her at the party being like jason we have to go we have to go i'm gonna cry right now we have to go um
So, uh, yeah, she went through it that night. "My baby could have died if it saw me crying. They tried to kill my baby again. Babies don't like upset mothers." So she's like, "Yeah, um, I know guys, you know, I know it's just words, but like the shit Zach said fucked up my head." No, no, no.
You were being an asshole and you were trying to keep him out of shooting and everyone said, don't be mean to her or she, you know, that's not good for a pregnant woman. And he said, I don't care. Meaning I don't, you can't use your pregnancy as a weapon against everybody. Yeah. He was what he meant. That's what everybody knew. He meant that you're trying to make it sound like he's a baby murderer. And you took it in a very literal way and you ran with it. We all see it. We all know that we get the context. Okay.
So Jasmine's like, listen, last year was hard for you. And I know that being pregnant, I can't even imagine. And Brittany's like, yeah, I get why they're mad. I love them all. But like, I just can't be in the middle of it. Okay. Because by the way, I got a lot going on, you know, with JX. But you got to like be strong and stuff, you know, because like dealing with JX, it's already like so much for me. And I just want to be a good friend. But at the same time, I'm just like, we're adults. Like we can figure this out.
That's fun. Brittany saying that because Brittany kind of started all this, as I recall. Brittany 100% started all this, right? And she's like, I just can't get in the middle of this. What the heck, y'all? I'm just a girl. Because wasn't it? Wait, just to recap from last year, because it was a whole game of telephone. Wasn't the whole story that Janet told? Did Janet tell Brittany that Michelle might be like a Republican? And then Brittany told Kristen? Janet told Zach. What?
Watch out because she told Zach and Brittany, watch out because Michelle's a Republican, which probably, and she said some things that maybe make her homophobic, which apparently what she said was like the don't say gay thing in schools was going on. And she was saying, well, I stand for the children. I stand for the, which is problematic to say, sorry. Like if you say that, at least defend it. Like no one's asked her about it still to this day. And so then Janet, so then Brittany told Janet and then Janet said, Zach called you racist. Yeah.
Because he said you're a Republican, so you're a racist. So yeah, Britney was there. But like Kristen is the one who just... But ultimately, Kristen is the one who like said it at that one party. Yes. And then they all came at Kristen. And then Janet was the one who did ultimately start this. And so for her to be like, I can't believe Kristen would say that, it's a total deflection of...
her role in this entire mess that kind of got all of last season going, you know? So that's why it's just so strange to me that, that, that Jana keeps saying like, Kristen has to own up to what she did wrong. I'm like,
I don't know what she has to own up to that she hasn't. She actually already did try to own up to it. Like last season, she apologized a few different times and you wouldn't accept it. And now she's over it. And now she doesn't want to hear from you anymore because she's got like all of the viewers on her side.
Yeah. So Jasmine's like, oh, so I guess you unblocked Zach, right? And she goes, oh, my God, I don't even remember unblocking him. So then we go to Jax and Brittany's house, and Jax is doing something I never thought I'd see, which is folding laundry. He's like, I'm different now. So then Kristen comes, and it's awkward as hell. And she's like, oh, my God, it's so weird in here. It's so quiet. It's so crazy without that feeling of like, oh, someone's about to be murdered. It's crazy. Yeah.
Well, I guess I won't sit on that stool because that's the one you broke when you threw it. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I threw my chair, by the way, I have like a little bit of a cold. So like my stuffy nose works really well for Jax. Really sort of speaks to that whole like, you know, Cokie, Cokie Nostril, Cokie Nostril Roberts situation. So Jax is like, yeah, you know, I threw my chair. I threw a cup. I don't know. Like she made me do it.
And Kristen's like, okay, well, how are you doing? It's like, I don't know. I'm a mess. I'm a mess. Yeah, it doesn't look like you're doing so great. What happened? It's like, I don't know. I don't think I've ever gotten that mad before in my life. And I'm not justifying it, but like, I didn't just fly off for no reason. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault that my wife is a slut skank bitch.
Yeah, she's like, yeah, that's justifying. He's like, no, no, no, I'm not justifying it, you know, but I didn't just do it for nothing, you know? Like, it wasn't just nothing. It didn't just come out of nowhere, you know what I mean? Like, who's going to apologize to be losing a stool? Like, I'm the one who deserves an apology.
And she's like, okay, well, your feelings are valid. You can have feelings, but you can't, you know, you got to do something, Jax. And he's like, I know, I know. Like, she's upstairs. She's upstairs, like, saying I want to work on my marriage. And then I go on an iPad and I see these messages. I mean, what? Then I threw shit. So, you know what? Sorry, but that's what you do when you put messages on there. That's what you do. That's what you do. Finding out that my best friend was hooking up with my wife, I was just like, like, I
Again, just as a reminder, I mentioned this last week. Just as a reminder, you and Kristen did this exact thing to Tom's handball many years ago. Don't act like it hasn't been your first time at the rodeo. You have been Julian in this situation. I just felt like I was the Russian in Rocky IV. I'm not trying to play victim here because I'm not a saint in our marriage, but I thought we were trying to move forward. I'm like, you are trying to play a victim here, so you saying you're not trying to play a victim does not
negate the fact that you literally are trying to act like you're the victim in this situation when you like you threw stuff and you're also banging people. Wasn't, uh, the Russian, the bad guy in Rocky four. I, I, I never saw it. I mean, I'm assuming, I'm assuming that it's an American movie made in that time period. The rest of it would be the villain, right? We're a pretty predictable country, but I just thought, I wonder if that was the villain that he just compared himself to. Um,
So he's like, yeah, you know, I've gotten to the point where I'm just not happy. You know, I'm just not happy. That's it. And, you know, it's like the last time I was happy, I think was when my son was born. You know, it was also the last time I got a decent fucking line, you know, fucking dealers, bullshit. It's a bunch of bullshit. And Kristen's like, well, do you want to be happy? And he's like, I kill to be happy. I fucking kill someone to be happy. Use different words, Jax. Also, this may sound super cynical, but,
I don't believe that the last time Jax was happy was when his son was born. I think that he's been jealous of his son and the attention that his son has gotten. And that's why he has struggled over the past few years since his son was born. And every time he tears up because he wants to do something for the son, do something for the son, I just don't believe it. I'm sorry. It's really callous of me.
but I just, I don't, I don't believe the sincerity of it because we saw last year, like he just barely seems to like give a shit. Like, you know, Brittany was doing everything for that kid. And I think it's just like a, it's an easy card for him to play. And it's a humanizing card for him to play. And even if he does, even if it is sincere, like,
I don't believe it because this is coming on 10 years of lies. So like whatever he says does not ever resonate as truth to me. Yeah, I think you're right when he when you say it's it's repairing. It's like a
Reputation repair. You know, he's using his child as like a human shield from people. As far as the rest of it, I don't know. I haven't seen them together enough, but I've seen how he treats everybody else that he quote unquote loves. And it's not great. So, you know.
That's all I'll say about that one. I have no idea. So he's like, yeah, you know, I've gone down this road before with therapists. Oh, really? How many therapists you been to, Jax? Really? Liar. And he's like, yeah, you know, I just have everything going for me. I have everything going. Also, I love that he's wearing he's having mental breakdowns after he just basically abused his wife and is getting thrown in rehab or else he's not going to be able to stay on the show. And he's walking around in a Jax's sweatshirt and a Jax's hat wearing
Like, this is how you choose to advertise your stupid fucking restaurant, Jax? This is how? He's like, come on, everybody. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. Come down to Jax's. We've scratched Mamaw's beer cheese off the menu because Brittany made us. It's going to be nothing but a peaceful experience. Come down.
He's like, I just, I can't be happy anymore. Like, I just, I'm just miserable. I like, I don't, I don't want to live here anymore. I miss my sister. I miss my, why isn't my dad here? He should be fucking helping me with this. And I don't have a mom. I'm like, oh, you do have a mom actually. And I can't talk to her. And I've meant it. And I take it out on my wife. Oh, it's like this moment of like faux introspection that he's trying to show here as if that makes anything better. And it doesn't. Chris is like,
okay seriously also the thing about his mom and this was just something that was going around when he's like oh my relationship with my dad is like totally broken wasn't it that he went to the uh house and this is allegedly as i say later in the show because i have no idea this is just from reading reddit threads back in the day but wasn't his thing with his mom that when the dad died uh he left the mom his stuff and then jacks went over and stole the dad's car out of the um
out of the driveway. I mean, whatever it was, no mother is just not going to talk to their son. Well, I shouldn't say no mother, but most mothers are not going to just cut off their son unless they've been really, really fucked up. I just always take it.
And everything that Jack says about his whatever frayed relationships he has, I just take it with not just a grain of salt, like it's a full on salt quarry that I'm taking it with because I just, I just never really believe that's the true story. Like there is always more to it. And so I think what's actually strange to me.
is later in the episode, Jax talks about how he grew up and he said his dad was basically violent, right? Or had outbursts, etc. It's so interesting to me the way he simultaneously idolizes his father, which is your dad. I don't take that away from him. But he idolizes his father, but then he also talks about how really kind of his dad's behavior was really not healthy whatsoever. And I think that the fact that he has not been able to kind of like
And he has not been able to reconcile those things is actually very sad. The fact that he's like, I wish my dad were here to help. I'm like, yeah, but you're going to tell us about why your dad was actually incredibly toxic to you growing up, you know?
It's dark. It's dark. It's dark. It's dark. And so Kristen keeps trying to remind him she's there to remind him about Britney. Right. So she's like, right. And this is affecting Britney so badly. Right. And he's like, no, like, what about me? What about me? Nobody checks on me. What is somebody checked on me? Nobody checked on me. And she's like, oh my God, Jax, but you're the one in the wrong. Okay. And he's like, no one cares about me. She doesn't care about me. Like she checked on me.
And she's like, well, actually I've been with her and she's sobbing because you call her ugly and fat. And he's like, what? I never called her fat. She goes, yes, you have. I've seen the text. He's like, but I love fat chicks. Like I love fucking fat chicks. Like there is nothing like fucking motorboating a fat chick. All right. Like, I don't know what you're fucking talking about. Like, look through my phone, look through my phone. Everything I jerk off to is a fat chick.
I love women that look like her. Meanwhile, yeah, every single girl that Jax has ever banged does not look like Britney currently. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly?
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So Kristen's like, I have heard Jax say these things to Brittany, especially over the last three years. And even when she was pregnant with Cruz. So Jax, you're not going to win here, which is terrible. Of course Jax is calling his pregnant wife fat. Of course. Of course. Of course he is. Also, I love Jax still saying, no one checks in on me. No one checks in on me. And then later in the episode when like,
more people more people check in on him like literally kristen's there to check in on you he's like i've had this conversation so many times this week it's like so do you want people to check in with you or what no he doesn't want them to he doesn't want them to lecture that he wants them to come over and say god i'm so sorry you're going through all this jack's britney's such a bitch yeah and no one's giving him that which is great you have to control your impulses the rage the reactions it's not fucking easy dude and jack's is like oh
"Oh, you know you've hit rock bottom when Kristen Doty shows up at your house before noon to talk about your fucking issues." - Well, here you are. - You are. You have reached it. - So she's like, "You can't even be around Cruz. This is so terrifying. You can't even be alone with him 'cause you can't control your rage. I mean, come on, dude. Like, put Cruz first, you know? And if he were here right now, like, what would you... Or if he was there when you were throwing furniture around, what the fuck would you do, you know?"
And he's like, I know, I know, I know. You're right, you're right, you're right. Hopefully I've taught him to catch well enough that he would have just caught the stool and thrown it at his mom, who I was fucking aiming it at in the first place. But you know what? You're right, you're right. I take full accountability, you know, for Brittany being a fucking stupid bitch. If life is like not easy and I don't understand how rock bottom for you is not right now.
So he's like, he just is like, what are you shrugs? Well, the thing is this, the reason why it's not rock bottom for him now is it goes back to what we said before, which is that like rock bottom for him would be him winding up in jail or him like, like having some sort of hit and run or something where there would be a fatality. That to me is truly going to be Jax's rock bottom. And I don't think we're there yet, which is morbid to say, but I think it's, I think that's still like in the cards.
So then we go over to Brittany and Zach comes over to her Airbnb or whatever she's living in, which is actually really nice. And it's got to feel much better being there than in that fucking house with Jax. So she's over there. Zach comes over with some Chinese food and he's like, "Hey baby! Hey little baby! It's me, Zach!" And the baby's just like, "Oh God, please no."
Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Cruise is like, it's a lot for cruise. And so they just, they set up some like Chinese food and everything. And Zach is like, oh my God, it's like a zillion trillion degrees outside. Like, I don't know why I wore this hoodie, but I had to also like cover up my sins. Yeah.
So they go outside and Zach is like, so have you heard from Jax recently? And she's like, yeah, well, he texted me this morning saying that he missed his son. He wants to see him. And then he just wrote to me and said, all I ask is that you check in on me. Show me that you care. If you have time to see him, that asshole picks. You can check in on your husband who's going through a hard time.
Why is Jax going through a hard time right now? Please. By the way, why are they having this conversation in front of Cruz about what a piece of shit Jax is? Like, come on. I was also confused about that. Brittany's kind of trash, too. Sorry. But I just worry for that. I just want to show up in my van and put the kid get in the anti van. OK, we're going a few blocks. I'm going to raise you. This is what I was also wondering that.
This is how to bring on Amazon packages and unwrap them. Okay. This is what your, this is what your life is going to be until you're 17. Yeah.
So she's like, yeah, you know, I sent him some pictures of me. It was just my boobies. And he's like, you know what? Like, you're starting to send them because Stella got her groove back. Am I right, bitch? You know what? Like, I'm gay. We're like, here's my dick. Here's your dick. Boom. We're done with dicks. You know, like, I mean, we really want to get private with somebody. We show them our wig, you know, but otherwise, like, it's not that big of a deal.
Now, I mean, I think that Brittany is well within her right to get her groove back, and she should be sexing guys and being treated properly. I don't know why she decided to dip in the same pool as the Jax circle. I think that was – I don't know why. I think it was a terrible mistake on her part. She should have just steered clear of Jax's entire area because you have a whole –
You're dealing with a narcissist. You're dealing with someone who's going to be contentious. And if it comes out, you just don't want to give him any ammo that he can use against you. And I think it was really bad judgment on her part to go down this path with Julian. However, of course, the punishment doesn't fit the crime, anything that Jax does. I'm not saying that Jax is justified in anything he does. But I think that Brittany could have made a better choice in who she was going to get her groove back with.
Yeah, I mean, a friend of Jack's is like class to class. Let's just keep on moving sideways, Brittany. And also like send your titty pics, maybe not on your kid's iPad.
And that's fucking weird. So, um, she is like, you know, I hope that she realizes that she's been walking the wrong path for a while. And she's like, oh, you know, I mean, and then here he is parading around girls who literally shake their tits for money. I mean, come on.
Yeah, because she deserves the best, and she's been accepting the worst. That's Britney. And Britney is like, like, I just, it's just like, it's so much going on. It's just like, oh my God. And I just really want everyone to be able to have fun. And I just like, even last night, like, I haven't even had a conversation really with Kristen about her and Janet's conversation, but I did have a conversation with Janet today, and you guys got to figure something out, because I had a conversation with Janet, then I had a conversation with Jason, and then I had a conversation with the terrarium, and it was so good. It was a really good conversation all around. Yeah.
I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember casserole. That's real good stuff. So he's like, you know what? She's just as bad as Jax. And last year when she was saying I was aggressive, like, girl, you know, you know, I was not aggressive. Okay. And I like when he gets mad because his eyebrows turn into like sideways triangles. He's like, I was not aggressive. You saw that. Okay. It's because we were in a bar.
That's why I was yelling. It was, like, so loud in there. So, like, fuck Janet, okay? Like, whatever. Wait, hold on. I didn't want to talk about Janet. I wanted to talk about you. Because, like, this has made such...
a wedge between us. It's like a literal wedge. And Brittany's like, okay, you're going to cry. You're going to cry now. Okay. Get it out. She's not going to apologize. And she tells us, she's like, I did. She goes, I did put distance between Zach and her because what he said about Janet, what he said about Janet, there had to be a wedge. And then that wedge was delicious cheese. So I melted it on top of some tortillas and put an egg in it and called it a casserole.
Since last summer, there's been a little bit of a distance between Zach and I. And it's just all about the thing that Zach said about Janet. And yeah, she's talking about that wedge. And Zach is like, also the other reason why I'm like kind of upset is because of like,
And she's like, what? Yeah, well, he's my boyfriend, actually. And we broke up. And she's like, oh, I completely... I mean, he could get possibly deported. And his visa didn't get renewed. And it turns out that he's in this situation, which I still don't understand by the end of the episode, that he's got this boyfriend who's Canadian, but can't really be here, but is also married to someone else.
but then like is going to be deported but somehow is able to stay with zach over the summer i i'm very confused by this whole situation he's married to somebody else who's he married to someone else yeah he's married he's like he's in the process of divorcing a guy
But he also is in the process of being deported, but also is possibly going to spend the summer in West Hollywood. I don't know. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's a lot. It was just weird because he was like, yeah, like, Benji and I broke up because he's literally going to get deported. Like, literally going to be deported. And, like, he just doesn't want the stress. Like, he's got to be deported. And so, like, he doesn't want the stress of dating. It's like, uh...
I think Banshee doesn't like you, because it sounds like a... I don't think that's a real reason to break up. All signs. I mean, it's stressful. I'm not taking away Banshee's stress. I'm just saying I've never...
I don't know. All signs for the rest of the episode indicate that Benji may not totally love Zach. I don't think Benji likes you, babe. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you. But Benji's like, sorry, can't go out this Friday being deported. He's like, what? Yeah. Dirt. He's blowing you off.
Yeah. So it's like, yeah, Bungie's Canadian and he's getting deported and he's still married, but he's also separated. And you know what they always say? I'm like, not dramatic, but like, maybe like I'm choosing drama and like, I don't even realize it. I'm like, you were friends with J.
Janet and Kristen and Brittany. So I would say, yes, you do choose drama. And he's very, he's very, this show and very LA in making someone's deportation about himself. He's like, Oh my God. Like, am I just choosing somebody that's getting deported because I like drama? Like, no, I mean,
It's like a terrible thing that's so, that's like, it's a real thing going on in the country. It's a fucking horrible thing. I'm not laughing about that. I'm just laughing that he's making about himself, you know? Yeah. So he's like, he literally said like, he just, he thinks I deserve everything and a better wig. I mean, it was so nice. And like,
I just want it back. So Brittany's like, now, if we're going to both date, does that mean we're going to be each other's wingman? Because I need somebody to have wings with.
"Oh, I'm always your wingman. Okay, I should probably get into the pool because, like, oh no, but my spray ton's gonna come off, never mind!" So then they just laugh, etc. But Zach does mention that he is, he's, like, wants to invite Benji to, like, live with him. But again, if you're getting deported, I don't know how that's a reasonable request.
It's like, hey, do you want to live with me for the summer? It's like, yeah, but I'm not allowed to be in this country. You know, like, I don't know. I don't understand how those two things work together. Well, it sounds dangerous to go on national TV and be like, here's somebody in danger of being deported. And here's their address. And here's the cameras, you know. Especially in 2025. Yeah, exactly. So, but, you know, you do you. So then I understand what it's like not having a boyfriend for a while. Yeah.
I feel like let's do whatever we can. So then we go over to Jesse's house and he's making eggs for his dog Malibu. And so Michelle comes over with her little suitcase and she's like, I wish I could tell Jesse to just bug himself, but we have a daughter together and I just want what is best for her. So I keep it all to myself, as you will see in this scene where I tell him to fuck off 20 different ways.
So Jesse is like, so I want to talk about the schedule. I redid it. And we see a flashback that they had come up with a schedule last season that was kind of like, okay, two days on, two days off, da-da-da. And he's like, I just decided at this point that we're not going to play that game of like, hey, I'm going away, so you take her. She's like, yes, but we haven't played that game because I haven't gone anywhere. Yeah.
Yeah. He's the one that keeps doing it. So basically he's calling her and being like, no, I can't take the kid today. I've got plans. I'm going out. And she's like, you can't just keep changing the date. And now he's being like, okay, well now we don't change the date. So now here's your schedule since you always want to change it. It's like, what the
This guy's fucking crazy, too. He is such a piece of shit. This guy's such an asshole, too. He is awful. And did you notice in his confessionals, he looks totally glazed over and fucked up, too. I mean, this guy's just, what is, this whole show is just like, what coke does to you. That's what this whole show is. It's like, here's what addiction does to you. Watch out, kids. They should just have the opening being somebody opening a fucking egg onto a sizzling pan and say, this is your brain on drugs. And that's it.
The Valley. They should do some sort of Wilford Brimley hologram CGI thing that's like, kids, don't get involved with drugs because this is your future. And then they just show this whole season. Because the thing is, what we've said before, we talked about it last season, is that all these people, they're all our age, basically. Maybe a little bit younger. But...
When we came to LA, when I came to LA in 2001, and I would go out to bars all the time on the Sunset Strip. I used to live right on the Sunset Strip, like directly on the Sunset Strip. And I would go to Cabo Cantina all the time, and I'd go to the Standard, and I'd just go to all these bars. And you'd see sort of the same people. And a lot of these people are those people. Like I would see Jacks out and about. I remember seeing Jacks at the Standard. The reason why I remember seeing Jacks is because, as we've also talked about,
Jack's in like the two thousands was, you don't even understand how hot Jack's was. He was, I know I took a commercial class with him. Yeah, exactly. He was just a baby. He was talking about being an Abercrombie store guy and stuff. He was, he said that they offered him survivor. Like they walked up to him at the Abercrombie when he was like standing there in his underwear at the Abercrombie and offered him the survivor job. And he's like, no, you know, I'm an actor. So I don't want to do reality. I don't do reality. I,
I remember because he also used to go to my gym. So I'd see him at the gym. So he was like the hot guy at the gym. And I remember one time going to the standard and he was there at the next table over and I was like, oh, there's the hot guy from the gym. And he was with a girl. And I just remember the entire time he looked so bored. I just will. Oh, I always have this memory of him tapping his foot aggressively to be like, oh my God, like how much longer do I have to sit through this day before we can go somewhere and fuck. Right. He had that look about him even then. But the point of the story is to say that all these people were
I remember, even if I didn't ever meet them, I remember this sort of like class of people, like when I say class, like graduation class of people who would party together. And now here they all are trying to adult, but they sort of have like kind of the demons of their party days still with them. And I think Jesse Lally is a perfect example of that. Yeah. I mean, I get that part. I get that part of it. But wow, you just watch people age like milk out here. So...
He's like, yeah, I'm not going to play this game with you of like, hey, I'm going away. So you take her. She's like, yeah, I don't go anywhere. And he goes, well, you complained about New York. It's just, yeah, because you went on four trips in a very short period of time. That is why I was complaining to you. And he's like, but for some reason, you just can't grasp my life.
And she's like, um, we agreed on a schedule and you said, forget it. I never said that. And that is not drew. And this is what he does instead of making a fucking eye cow, which both people can get. And both people can see the changes on. He does it on an erasable whiteboard. You see, that's who you're dealing with. Any person who comes up with a whiteboard instead of an eye cow is fucking monster. Psychologically disturbed. Like they're deeply with you.
Monster. She should have taken at least a screenshot of that. She should have taken a picture of it and gone home and entered it into an iCal and copied their attorney or who are their mediator onto that iCal. Rob Reiner.
So he's like, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. She goes, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. He goes, okay, here's the schedule now. Okay, you will have her all day Friday, all day Saturday. Okay? And I'm sorry, I said it actually way too normally because he's being really condescending. He's like, you will have her all day Friday, all day Saturday. And then so now they're – then he's like, and then you're going to drop her off.
to the nanny and she's like, well, who is the nanny? Because it doesn't matter who the nanny is. Like, well, it does matter who the nanny is. I'm her mother and you're going out of town. And she goes, you literally said to me, you're using my nannies that I hired. She's like, well, I found them. Yeah. She's saying that because you're dropping your kid off and she has to pay for the nanny that you're not paying for. That's why she's saying it. Like instead of taking care of your kid, you're dropping it off with her nanny. So then she, who has to pay for the nanny, she does.
Like this fucking guy, man. He's like, well, you didn't want me using your nanny. So I went on OnlyFans and I found a fucking nanny. What do you want from me, babe?
Yeah. So she basically says that, like, they hired a mediator that Jesse had recommended, but it's just not really working out. And she thinks she'll probably have to hire a lawyer or something like that. Oh, you idiot. Hire a fucking lawyer. How in the world are you dealing with this person, this whiteboard motherfucker, and you're not hiring a lawyer? Listen, I'm trying to feel for you, but it's not really working.
So he's like, you can say whatever you want about my parenting and that's okay. It's just a reflection on how you are as a person. Excuse me, because I am a better father to Isabella. Really? Yes, I am. I mean, they're so nasty to each other, these two. And he said, so he says this bullshit. He goes,
Michelle's narrative is that I'm an absentee father who's just off doing my own thing, partying, going out to dinners, leaving Isabella with nannies and an iPad. But the reality is I am struggling every single day to try to balance my work life, my personal life, and my single dad life. And that's the truth. Well, those things are not mutually exclusive. If he had said, she's accusing me of being an absentee father, but the truth is I'm there every single time from 6 a.m.,
to 11 p.m that's one thing but he's like i am not an absentee father i am trying to balance my work life and my personal life like that doesn't let you off the hook everyone's doing it he's like i'm a father who parties sometimes what do you want from me and also you have your baby two days on two days off but you're still needing to balance your personal life which means you're still going out when you have the kid which means you're still leaving her with nannies and an ipad so
Sorry. It's like he, he's, he complains about one thing and then he admits to the same thing in the very sense. It's very, you're a single dad. You're a newly single dad with a very young person. You shouldn't be worrying about balancing your fucking personal life. Like that's the last thing on your mind. You,
You also don't get a trophy for doing what every other human being is doing, trying to balance their work life and personal life, okay? Everyone's trying to do that, okay? So you don't get any participation trophies for that. Now he starts crying because she's going to get – they're switching off holidays by the year, but she gets the first one. So she gets Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. And he's like –
I don't want Christmas and Thanksgiving newly alone being away from Isabella. I just don't. She goes, oh, great. Now you are crying so that I look evil and you look like this good father. And he goes, no, no. It's not the truth. I just...
manipulation is so transparent oh my god it's so transparent it's like you treat me like and he's like no i don't you just told her she was a terrible person literally two seconds ago you said this reflects on what what kind of person you are like yeah oh my god and so she's like yeah she's like
I swear on my mother that you have said that on me, you know, because he said, because she says, you have told me multiple times that you don't give a fuck that I'm the mother of your child. I never said that. I swear on my mother that you have said that to me. Yeah, but you also sworn Isabella's life.
that you didn't cheat on me and you did. She's like, are you serious? I am 99% sure that she cheated on me twice. Michelle is just too short-sighted to say, hey, I screwed up. Just be like, hey, yeah, I cheated. I fucked up. Sorry, Jesse. Sorry, Isabella.
She's like, "Well, what about you? You are dating some random girl, you know, and actually I'm embarrassed for you. You should hear how she is talking to you about everybody else, okay? She has told people, including my friend Skeena, that she is sleeping with other people." And he's like, "What? Who's his friend? I'm calling this friend." So they call up Skeena.
This scene was so toxic, but the fact that it had like a twist of like, let's call Sheena. I literally giggled. Like, who said this? Sheena. I was like, oh God, of course Sheena's in the middle of this. Let's call Sheena. Okay, so...
He's like, so, hey, it's Jesse. You okay to talk? Just want it noted for the record. I just cried because my bitch wife is trying to take my child away from me on the holidays. Noted. Okay. So the reason we're calling is Michelle is saying that my friend in Orange County, she's sleeping with other guys. Is that true, Sheena? She's like, yeah. She said that like literally verbatim. Like literally verbatim.
Alright, okay, well, and she even told me specifically who, so if you want to get messier with this, I can actually get messier, I'm volunteering more mess. It's like, alright, well, so she's sleeping with other guys currently? Yeah! That guy from Baywatch! Which I laughed out loud. What does this even mean, that guy from Baywatch? Who is the guy from Baywatch?
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