Shownotes Transcript
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappin's ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Today, the beverage aisle looks a lot different than it used to. America's beverage companies are working together. We're delivering the options everyone wants. In fact, nearly 60% of beverages Americans buy have zero sugar. You'll find more variety than ever, including more of your favorites, now available with zero sugar. You'll also find more sizes and clear calorie information on the front of every can, bottle, and pack.
We know when it comes to finding balance, the more choices, the better.
When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Cat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Watch one, watch one, watch one, watch one, watch one.
What happens when there's so much that happens?
Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we truly love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, of course, Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Guess what? I will be exclusive with you. I will maintain my exclusivity with you. But does that mean we're boyfriend and boyfriend? We're work boyfriend and work boyfriend. We're work husband. Let's be honest. We're common law work husband at this point. Yeah.
How are you doing today? Welcome to Watch What Crappens, everyone. We're talking Summer House today, and we have so many exciting things to share with you all. Okay, first and foremost, today is Thursday when we're recording this. Tomorrow on Friday, tickets go on sale for our LA show that's going to be on June 19th.
at the Henry Fonda Theater, or just the Fonda Theater, I should say. And that's going to be tickets on sale everywhere. Go to WatchYourCrapHits.com to get tickets. We have another show that's also going on sale tomorrow at 10 a.m. Pacific. Both are going to be 10 a.m. Pacific. But we can't announce what the show is until tomorrow. So keep an eye on our social media. It will be announced on social media what our second city will be. It is going to be on June 12th. I can tell you that much.
So get yourself ready. So we're so excited about these two final dates. These are the final shows that will be added to our tour. And WatchWhatCrapHas.com is where you can get that. And speaking of the tour, we also have two shows next week that we're really, really excited about. We're going back to Austin, which is where Ronnie is based.
And we are going to be recapping Summer House in Austin, which will probably be, that'll be wild because the Summer House season is really just like bubbling and bubbling and bubbling. And then, um,
The next day, we are going to Dallas. We are returning to the Texas Theater, where we will be recapping a classic Vanderpump Rules episode. Ronnie, which one is that again? It's season six? Season six, episode five. It's called Sex, Lies, and Audio Tape.
I'm going to write this down. You know what's so funny, Ronnie? I think I was telling you yesterday that I got a pad. And I'm like, I'm going to have a pad to write things down. And then as soon as we decided what show we're going to recap, I didn't write it down at all. I have a pad. I'm looking at you reading it off your pad. I'm like, this is why I have a pad, to write down things so I don't have to ask. And it's, by the way, thank you to who sent it. It's the Heather Gay pad that says receipts proof timeline. You know who has pads? Adults. So, um...
I feel, I feel very grown up for having a pad. That's why I say that. I'm like, Oh, let me write something down. I feel very adult. So it's great because years later you can go through your pads. I went through one when we started watch what crap is it just, I have them all on a shelf and I was just thumbing through them, you know, as old people do. You're like memories all alone in the moonlight. And I read one and it was like the same. It was like recap real housewives of Beverly Hills notes.
Go see Ben for bagel. You know, it was like, it was shockingly similar, except the technology was different. And it was like, finish your blog on trash talk TV. And don't forget you have a, you know, later it was like, don't forget you have a, what was the thing before take a seat? What was it called? Before the TV, it was the TV party. Yeah. I was like, don't forget you have to edit the TV party video.
That's like a nice little time machine. But yeah, those live shows are coming up. We're going to have so much fun. And then we're going to be in Vegas on...
May 15th. So that's our first time in Vegas. It's going to be a great time. Also this week, we did below deck trailer trash for the new season of below deck. That'll be up tomorrow over on our Patreon. And that's also where you get all of our crappins on demand videos, like the one that we're on right now. So for all the show links, tickets, links, and all that good stuff, just go to watch what crappins. Oh, and the last, we do have a little treat for you all tomorrow. Tomorrow. We are talking to Dorinda Medley and Gail,
Kiki Monique on the podcast. So get excited. That's a fun one. So yeah, that'll just be a free bonus for everybody. And then also I would like to congratulate my friend Ben Madelker for making such another funny cartoon of last week on Bravo, which you can find over on his social, our social, our ticky talky, you know, go give Ben a follow on his social and also our TikTok and you'll see all that.
And you're animating all that shit too, which is crazy. Oh, geez. Crazy. Oh, no. Life is falling apart over here.
I could do real things with my time, or I could animate. No, the animation bug came back to me a month ago, and so now I'm just playing around and wasting hours of my time to make a two-minute video for social media. Why is that less of a real thing than anything else? Well, I wrote a book instead. Oh, I'm so much smarter. No, I mean, it's your art. It's your arting. Okay. Yeah, no, it was fun. Just don't do it in an elevator. Thank you.
ultimately thank you thank you for that chat out ronnie i appreciate that of course okay let's get on with a little blow not below deck god it's friday for us you guys okay
Welcome to No Sense Being Made. This intro has been 97 minutes. Oh, I didn't even press record. Okay, I'm pressing record now. It's been a 97-minute intro, and I've transcribed all of it on my new pad. So everyone, get ready. You can self-edit with the pad work. You don't have to do everything. Okay, well, we have an exciting episode of Summer House to talk about because it was... You know what? I have to say, I'm very proud of our sweet young Lexi because I think she's doing actually a great job of...
with this situation with Jesse. You know, she came onto the season, she was sort of giggly and one-dimensional and like an influencer model. And I just really just wrote her off as like a non-entity. And you know what?
She is holding – she's being really good at just completely dismissing Jesse Solomon in a way that I just appreciate so much. I didn't know she had it in her, and she's doing a great job. I think her pivot from being giggly to having absolute disgust is great. It's like she remembered that she's actually in a totally different tier than he is, and it's like – she's like, wait a second. I'm a hot one. I'm a hot one. Yeah.
It's great. Not that he's old, but, you know, yeah. And she may have seemed three-dimensional when she first came on, or two-dimensional, but her lips have always been four-dimensional. So that's helpful. Her lips have always been giving us a sign that there's something deeper there. You know, they jump right off the screen. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And...
Yeah, good for her. And, you know, I hate watching people in love in real life and on the show. I just hate it. I hate like the deep looking. Like, I don't want to see that, you know, like make out making out in the mall. Like, I don't want us to do it at home, you know. But I do love that turn when people get the ick. That's the part I really like. That's when my friends start calling me again, you know, because like when they fall in love, then you don't hear from your friends when they're in love, right? You only hear from them again when they want to talk shit about their boyfriend.
So I'm like, oh my God, my social life is back. Lexi's got the ick. She really has the ick in a way that I'm so impressed with how...
How committed her ick is. You know, we're so used to these shows where the guy, the fuck boy, does the fuck boy thing, and then the girl gets mad at him, and then he pleads for forgiveness, and then she says, at the end of the day, like, I want to fight for this, and then they get back together, and you're like, why did we even bother getting invested in this moment for you? And then we sit and watch that for like two years. But instead, she's like, no, no, I date celebrities.
I date the Gerber kid. I dated the Gerber kid. I was attached to a Beckham at one point. You're just Jesse Solomon. I don't know. No, no, I'm
I'm a proper climber and I've stayed on this lower step for too long. Okay. I'm going back to social climbing. You're ridiculous. I just feel like watching girls like her get the egg. It's like I'm Pavlov's egg. You know, like I watch a girl get the egg and I know that it's time for lunch. It's like a ding ringing. I think you want to go to lunch and talk about how shitty my boyfriend is. I just come running. Okay.
i'm like i feel like there's also a check of something in there too it's like it's like jessie is like chekhov's dimple and she's pavlov's ick and check out there because you know you know when you see a boy on summer house that this is coming like you can't put a boy on summer house and then not expect this moment to come it's gonna go off so he was check out
Check off stick, baby. You know it's going to cream badly in the end. Okay, so we pick up where we left off at the bed party snooze fest. And it's 9:09 PM, which means there's drama. And in case anyone's wondering, it's Saturday, August 17th. Where were you? What?
August 17th. So close to your birthday, Ronnie. Yeah. Maybe they'll have an episode that's on your birthday. Well, let's say your birthday is the 25th, which means it was a Sunday this year. Is that what it was? Do you remember? I don't know. I barely pay attention on my birthday when it actually is here. I don't remember what day it was on. It means that next week, with any luck, we will see what they're doing on your birthday. Yeah. Yeah.
Huge moment coming up. So then I'll tell you what I was doing. I was in bed. So if this party continues, I will be doing the same thing as the Summer House cast did on my birthday. Just lying in bed all day. So the guests are partying and the girls are talking to Lexi about Jesse. They've decided to turn on Jesse and tell Lexi everything. So she's like, oh my God, you guys, thanks so much for being like girls and like having my back. Yeah.
And Amanda's like, yeah, we love you. Paige is like, yeah, now that you finally started talking shit about someone, we have welcomed you into this household. Congratulations. And even though we've known Jesse longer, he's a guy, so we will kill him. He's dead to me. Mm-hmm.
And now Kyle is drinking from an ice bong, which I love. It's the same episode as Kyle tries to cry about why Amanda doesn't want to have a baby with him. It's like, you're dressed like a sloth drinking shots. Yeah.
Out of an ice loose. Okay. That might be one reason. We see Ciara, she's mingling with people. Amanda and Paige are just standing around. And Paige is like, if you just stay still, they'll think you're a prop for the party. And then we don't have to talk to anyone. And Amanda's like, don't move. Don't move at all. Literally, it's like Stan sleeping. It's like I'm in a bed, an invisible bed that's vertical. This is actually the best thing we've ever done. Stand still like you're a prop. I know, Paige. I'm Amanda.
You think Amanda doesn't know how to stand still and act like a prop?
What do you think she's doing at these DJ gigs? So then Lindsay and Gabby are dancing at each other through the window. And then we go back to Carl and Sierra. Oh, my God. Talk about just grinding my teeth. You know, my dentist gave me something to stop grinding my teeth at night, and I don't wear it. So I keep grinding my teeth, but never as hard as I do watching Carl in scenes like this. I need to wear my night guard right now.
I need a Carl guard for my teeth. Because ouch, this hurt watching this. Yeah, you know what? Because your teeth, you need your teeth to be a little bit more soft. Oh, you've got soft teeth. You need to be more thoughtful about your night guard. Do you have Carl at all protection? We have a Carl night guard. It's a functional night guard. Oh, this is another scene of Carl pretending that he's a real living, feeling human boy. Let's get to it.
Hey, what's up? Any guys through here? Maybe a tall one who wants to drink something that's soft? Anyone?
She's like, well, I never kiss Intel. He goes, yeah, well, I think I've already said too much. Oh, oh, I mean, I was texting the guys, you know, and the light go out. And she's like, did our generator go out? Our generator? Oh, my God. So the lights come back on and he's still there. And she's like, damn, I was hoping he'd be. I was hoping it was a theater kid and just thought that was a natural transition to move to a new scene.
um so uh okay well do you want to sit on this little ledge well it's a little risky i'm i'm sorry taking baby steps it's been like a while since i started a little ledge off but i lost a lot of confidence but i think i can do it i've been on an emotional ledge ever since lindsay i mean i was just destroyed i was like spoon in a garbage disposal like just ledge my whole life has been ledge let's have a seat oh
It's a hard night. Yeah, what a hard night. When I got Lindsay, I was like, I don't know if I could ever go near a small ledge ever again. But here we go. Oh, I'm doing it. Okay, I sat down. Scary. I just feel so great. I'm so proud of myself. I feel brave. I finally sat on a little ledge again. I didn't think I could do it. I told Lil I could never do this, but here I am. Must be something about you, Ciara. And she's like, so, uh,
Have you guys been, have you been chatting and stuff? Or was it just like fun? That girl that you had sex with? And he's like, oh yeah, well we had a good time. I mean, I feel like we're like friends, you know, it was like really cool meeting her parents at a kickball game. And I can say this to you, but like, I have to say when I had sex, they don't really perform. Like I don't think at my optimal level.
Just so we know, Carl. By Lindsay. We know you don't perform, Carl. That's that's your whole plot line for like four years now. OK, we know your your brand is literally soft.
Yeah, and he does kind of blame Lindsay. Your brand is soft, yeah. Soft actually makes a lot of sense as a brand for Carl. So he's like, yeah, I just haven't been with anybody like that since Lindsay. So, you know, walls have to come down. Major, major walls. And she's like, well, are you going to see her again? And he says, oh, I'm trying not to push too hard because I'm Carl. I push soft, you know, and I can't even get a door of a bank open.
It's like really very soft pushing, you know, I'm trying to calibrate that and trying to calibrate that. I'm deeply afraid of fires now because if we have to run out of a building, I don't know if I can even open that door anymore. She's so soft. You know what emergency exits are, don't you? They're hard. They're hard. Hard exits. I'm not good for that.
I used to be able to go through an emergency exit so easily, but I'm just like working on my confidence to do it now. But Sarah's like, so you're switching up because, um, by the way, as you had a blonde, like you, and now we're like going for brunettes and you're doing brunettes. And I was like, y'all, I really need a brunette, you know, like brunettes sort of like the softer of the colors, which is weird. Cause my building is blonde. I don't know. I'm kind of mixed up. It's, it's hard. Yeah. Maybe you've heard a lot from brunette ever since Lindsay. Oh, I haven't been able to tell her color that well.
Hopefully that'll come back to me. Oh, I'm follicly blind. Oh, it's been a while. Yeah.
He's like I need a brunette Ciara. You need to brunette. Oh look who's here even my arms are brunette look at him long bristly hair I got a lot of brunette all over me if you really want to look just like yeah, well, you're not wrong I mean, I've been killed I've been telling the girls. I'm kind of done with white men right he's a whole whoa Hoping that wouldn't be the case. I was just about to soft launch our concept for you. Um
About maybe you and me? Maybe, but hopefully my teeth are so blindingly white that I actually look darker than I am. Is it working? It's working.
Is it working? What about white men with yellow teeth? Are you still white if you've got a lot of yellow in your teeth? So he's like, oh, there goes my chance. Oh, let's be honest, Ciara. Ciara, can I just say something? Can I say something, Ciara? Okay. I think you're beautiful. You're an incredible person. And I just, like, I have to know, I have to let you know, like, I have a crush on you. Okay? I've got a crush. Like, you walk into the room and I'm like, oh, oh, oh.
or you're absolutely like drop dead gorgeous but like when you drop dead you land softly which i like but also like inside you're like incredibly emotionally intelligent like you're obviously like very smart and you have like good morals and like you take care of shit that matter okay i'm sorry but stop it you have good morals if anybody said you know what ronnie
You're beautiful. And you've also got such good morals. Let's get together. I'd be like, fuck off. Who wants to fuck somebody that says that? I know that you would join me in praying for Lindsay. I know if you had a dollar in a pocket, it would like go into Santa's like little red tin in front of a grocery store around Christmas time. Ring that bell. Ring it. Wow. Hey, you know what? You know what's great? When I look at you, it's like reading Aesop's Fables because you have so many morals. Yeah.
You care about shit that matters. Right. And like you're a nurse and that speaks so much more about who you really are. Okay. Carl stop. Do you like this lady? Because a she's gorgeous and B because she's like listening to your emotional bullshit over and over again. Okay. You're looking for, you're looking for a service animal, not a girlfriend.
He's just like, well, you're a nurse. You take care of people who are wounded. Well, guess what? I'm a gaping wound. Still bleeds. Please cauterize me, Sierra. Cauterize me with your good morals. Like she doesn't need to be taking care of you, Carl.
Yeah. He's also Carl. Carl famously is not adventurous. And so he's always going to go the easiest path, the path of least resistance every single time. And in this case, it's like, well, there's a hot girl in the house and she talks to me. I think I'm in love.
So, like, get out there. Go out there into the world, Carl. It's okay. Like, you are a good-looking man, and despite everything, you do seem relatively nice. And so, you'll be fine. Get out there. Stop with this act of, like, baby steps, whatever. Just go on dates. It's not that hard. Kurt's never had a problem finding dates. He's just had a problem not emotionally abusing them. You see? So...
I don't know if you need more strength to date. I think that women need more strength to date you. I think it's a population thing, you know? Yeah.
You know what? The sad truth is he probably knows he's flawed. He knows he's flawed. And so it's probably scary to go out dating knowing that his flaws are probably going to undermine something. But with Ciara, she knows all his flaws. And so he knows that she will accept him for the flaws. So he's like, okay, well, this is the person I should date because now I like...
Like, I don't have to be, I don't have to worry that someone's going to find out something about me and then decide that they're going to leave me. She knows everything, everything wrong with me. But I get that. She still keeps coming up like a nurse. Like, she teaches my emotional bedpan, like, twice a day. I'm so into it. I'm so into it. Every time I shit the bed emotionally, there's Sierra, the clean and I. There she is, my emotional nightingale.
I got up early these days, so give me my Florence Dayingale. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial.
Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.
A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres. But who was hiding a secret?
From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no-strings-attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex.
Wondery's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets.
desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad-free on Wondery Plus.
So, uh, he's like, yeah, I mean, yeah. Like, I mean, look, obviously I've always thought I don't have a shot with you, but do you ever like walk into a room and look at me and be like, Oh, Carl. Oh, I don't know. Do you ever think that she's like, well, can we turn out the lights again? Let's turn out the lights so I can make an exit.
"Oh, wow, all these beds nearby is making me sleepy. Bye, Carl." - Geez. - She's like, "Yeah, well, maybe, maybe before you were engaged to Lindsay." - Fuck it. I took the wrong lazy path forward. Stymied by Lindsay again. God, now Lindsay ruined my life and now she's ruining my future life. This is terrible. I knew I should never have sat down on this ledge. It's so scary up here.
This is so bad what she tells him, though. She tells him, you know, I think what's meant to be will be, are you K-Sara Saran Carl? Yeah. That is so out. That hurt. That even hurt me. And I don't like Carl. I was like, ouch. You just got K-Sara Saran, bro. Oh, no. Back out of the room. Back out of the room.
Whatever will be, will be. Like Olympia Dukakis starred in a movie with this song. That's so sad. K. Sarad Sarad. Yeah, you've been K. Sarad Sarad. And she's like, well, also, I feel like me and Lindsay have so much history. And if I did, she would just lie to me. Now you're doing it for Lindsay? Oh, God, you don't like it? You don't even like Lindsay? Oh, God, this hurts.
Also, I just don't like stepping on people's toes and you actually have enormous toes. I just don't see us dancing together.
I can't have, I can't have, I also can't have the opinions of everyone in this house. I'm just not willing to start a storyline with you is what I'm saying. I just feel like they're better people to start a storyline with. I've already, I'm already dealing with West. I can't deal with you. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, well, I'll just, Oh, you know, that makes me sad. It makes me sad. You know what I mean? Regardless of whatever, like I just love having you around, you know, like maybe you could just like go date around a little bit and then realize like how solid I am. You're not solid. You literally are building your life on a brand called soft.
Solid. Solid as a Carl. Solid and dark. Oh, well, I guess socks aren't very solid. Back to the drawing board, Sierra. Sierra, I will get hard for you one day. He's on a quest to get hard. Carl's saying that he's solid when his entire storyline is, well, everyone, I just want to announce...
I bought a Go-Gurt. I was a little scared, but I'm taking some baby steps and I finally did it. I got the confidence up to get a Go-Gurt. That's too hard. I haven't had a Go-Gurt since Lindsay terrorized me, but I did it. I did it. Everything about him is like, everything in his life feels so shaky, like it's about to fall apart because that's the narrative I think he's leading with is like, oh no, life is scary now.
I'm solid. Solid. Yeah, I'm solid. So try other people, and then when you get desperate, I'll still be here with a full bedpan of emotions. So she's like, uh-huh, okay. And he goes, Carl, I really feel like a loser. She goes, okay. I mean, I called you a loser one time. Okay, we don't have to. We don't. Whatever will be, will be. It's like, oh, I just confessed my love for you, and it's like, oh, fuck my life. Yeah, Carl. Yeah.
you don't get like brownie points for like finding a model hot you know what i mean yeah congratulations you think that sierra's hot okay yeah well well guys i'm healed i made a pass at a at a fucking gorgeous model one of the most gorgeous people on earth maybe i'm healed
She's like, well, I really appreciate this. He goes, yeah, well, I got unleaded fuel for you, so let's go. Oh, God. Oh, my tooth is literal. My back molar is literally turned 360 degrees at this point. What does that mean? I've got unleaded fuel for you. I don't know, but I don't want to know. I don't like it. Who said that? Like, we're talking like a gas station talk now? Like, what are you... Get your Chevron references out of here, okay, sir? Yeah.
shell yeah so she's like appreciate it yeah i got unleaded fuel for you let's go oh god so um west you know huh west always says what i feel like west is always saying like wacky silly things from like is that slang or is that just west saying something because i don't know and i feel like he's like y'all
It's just that they're learning on TikTok. But no, not Carl. West is like, Steffi's learning on TikTok. Carl, I don't even know what, or Carl is getting that. I have unleaded fuel for you. I don't think kids talk like that. I don't think they think in terms of fuel yet, you know? I got unleaded fuel, so come see me at the Carl MPM. So he has a monologue now. He's like, well, I know I didn't, I don't have a chance now, but...
At least I put it out there. She'll slow burn. Come around. Kisara, it's going to work. And if you look back in the last year, I 100% lost a lot of confidence after I dumped someone. And, you know, and finally, after facing some uncomfortable things like dating a strange girl who likes magic, I'm feeling really confident again. And by really confident, I mean really not confident at all. I had to sit on a ledge. It was scary. Oh, oh.
Yeah, you know, I don't trust anything that comes out of Carl's mouth. I don't know. I don't care how sweet he pretends to be as the seasons go on. Carl 8.0, Carl 9.0. You know, I like him a little more now because he's not being actively evil, but I still see that manipulative little guy in there where it's like, okay, here's the end of the season. It's time for me to start going out and getting randos to hook up with me, you know, because I'm on TV. So I'm going to put out the whole like, oh, I haven't dated anybody, but I'm still victimized by being terrorized by Lindsay.
And now I have the confidence to try again. Does anyone want to try with a broken man who just needs to? It's like the same thing in a different form every single year. Yeah. Put him on the love hotel.
We'll watch that. So I'll watch Giselle just decimate him. He and Shannon would be actually very funny together, but yeah, Giselle would destroy him. I mean, I mean, Lindsay's currently just doing it casually on the side here. Cause every time Carl does something, she's always like, really? Like she didn't really hear about any of this, but you know, next week she's going to hear. And she's like, Oh really? Oh wow. It's great. So they hug and,
And he's like, she's just like, oh, you're so sweet. Okay, I'm going to go this way. That's my favorite thing when someone just doesn't even have like even a simple excuse to make. It's just like, I'm going to go this way. With the unspoken and you are not. It's like the unspoken and you're going to go the other way. Got it.
So he's like, okay, but I'm going to watch you walk away. Whoa, there she goes. There she goes. The greatest love of my life. There she goes. Oh, cauterize me. I hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave. That took a lot for me to say that.
Now we're with Lexi, Tom, and Kyle taking tequila shots in the kitchen, and West is talking to some rando at the bar, and she's like, oh, my God, you're like that poem at Christmas. Like, there once was a mouse, and then it was, what is it? It's the night before Christmas, and all through the house. And he goes, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Oh, my God.
Oh my God. She remembered it. So it's like the equivalent of shooting me in the face five times a night. I just, I'm like, ow.
It really is. Yeah, because he has like old-timey pajamas. And then he's somehow, somewhere along the way, he procures a candle and then is able to like go dancing around with the candle, even do limbo with the candle. And he keeps the candle lit. I was like, what this is, I feel like this is an untapped talent, keeping that candle alive, you know? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, hey, you know, we all show some at some point in life. I'm glad that he's showing one. So we go to Jesse, Paige, and Lindsey. And so Amanda's like, how are you doing, Jesse? Have you been drinking your feelings away? He's like, oh,
I'm drinking like a normal amount at a party that I'm expecting to have fun at. And he's not happy with Amanda for what she did to him. She turned on him, turned on him. The Jesse frown is just like my favorite thing. Cause you know, he's got that super cute smile with the dimples, but when it turns into a frown, I think it's just the funniest look on someone's face. It's like, it's because as big as that smile gets is as big as the frown gets. It's, it's like a full on,
on cartoon frown and I just cannot stop giggling. And his teeth are in the same position. Like he does this like touching his teeth thing and he like frowns it down. So funny. It's like his face is in the same, uh, the same contortion as a smile, but it's just slightly like. And it's like, he doesn't know what to do with himself because his smile is a superpower. So when he doesn't have a smile, you can see he's like really out of sorts. He's like, I'm in a frown mode. I don't know how to stop it.
So Amanda's like, so Jesse's like, I just feel like my friends are taking like the worst of anything I say and saying that directly to Lexi. And it's like shifting the energy of every conversation that we have. And Amanda's like, yeah, you're probably upset with us. She's like so happy. She's so happy right now. And by the way, no one is happier than Paige who has a front row seat to all the Jesse stuff that's happening. She's like, oh my God, I can't believe is this really happening in front of us? Like it's...
We're having Jesse drama in the middle of our bed chat session. This is perfect. Yeah. So she's like, well, Jesse, you can't exactly like come vent to us and then be like, oh my God, I can't believe they said something. I mean, it's us, Jesse. Of course we're going to say something. You're an idiot.
- Talk about. - Yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, it's not us, it's your words. It's like, yeah, but I feel like I'm putting my best foot forward. - Oh, bad pun, bad pun, too soon. - Yeah, too soon, too soon. Literally putting the worst foot at every single thing on that foot. I feel like I'm putting my best toe forward and I'm not being overly flirtatious. And then things are like being, getting brought up from like,
Weeks ago. Yeah, but if you're in a five-week relationship, things that are weeks ago, that's a big deal. Okay, it's one thing in like a multi-year relationship, but you only have five weeks to go off of. So if something went bad in week three, that's like, that's proportionally, that's a big part of your relationship. Yeah.
Yeah. And you're still not nothing's fixed and you still keep lying about things every single week. So you're the one keeping this shit fresh. Like if you weren't coming in here with lie after lie and then like, OK, well, now I'm going to try and get Lexi into flirting with West. OK, well, now I'm going to try and guilt Sierra into flirting with me. You're the one keeping this shit alive. I don't think anyone else even really would care at this point. You know, everyone else would just like to forget, you know, but also he's just kind of like.
Like, the easiest thing for him to do with the toe gate thing would have been like, oh, my bad. In that moment, I thought it was a funny thing, but I can see actually that that was inappropriate and not the right thing to do at all. Instead of saying like, what? You're being crazy. The toe thing wasn't even that bad. You're crazy. You know, what you did with Wes is way worse when you were flirting, when you were basically giving Wes a blowjob invisibly on the dance floor. That was way worse than toe thing. Like, he's kind of like...
It's just instead of taking accountability. He's already poisoned the relationship. Yeah. So Paige is like, all right, let's just call a spade a spade. Or let's just call a chicken a chicken. You know what? I'm really ready to say the word chicken and just mean chicken again. That's going to be so good for me. I love that. I love my future for me. I'm a chicken. If Lexi was here that weekend, you would have gotten your balls, your other ball chopped off. Okay. Sorry to make a one ball joke.
Sorry to pluralize it. I will still be respectful of your testicle. You would have been full all starring in Cry to Heaven by Anne Rice. Castrato. It would have been gone. You would have completely gone. He's like, why? She's like, no, I would have fucking killed you. He's like, but I wasn't touching with anyone. So then, of course, we see a flashback of him looking
literally flopping his entire body on top of Sierra. And she's like, "Okay, if I was trying to date you and I watched that, I would have fucking killed you. I mean, how much worse do you want? I already chopped off your ball. Now I'm killing you. What else do you want me to do?" - I will kill you with your ball. - "What else do you want me to do?" - I will kill you with your dog. I will kill you with your dog, your ball. And Lindsay's like, "I'm saying that you met Sierra last summer first before Wes, then it might've been a different story with you and Sierra."
I wasn't great, and that just happened. - I love Lindsay just being all sober and messy. She's, 'cause she just has so much fun. She doesn't even care. She's not getting dramatic. She's just laughing at how stupid everybody is.
Because we also have all the varsity-level girls there now. It's like they all are lined up, and they're all there just to take down Jesse. And he has no idea what he has gotten himself into this group. It's like Nine, that movie Nine. The scene was shot in black and white, which was so surprising. Because all the women of your life are suddenly there like, you're wrong, Roberto! Fergie is writhing on a chair in the scene.
I hated that movie, I just want to say. I just want to put that out there. I just realized I never saw that movie. I listened to the
to the sound like the broadway recording years and years ago but i didn't even watch a movie because it looked so stupid but i saw it being recommended somewhere the other day and i was like oh that looks kind of good maybe i'll check it out it's it's so boring actually the only good part is the fergie part there's a part where fergie does a number that's really good but everything else it is so drop dead boring oh maybe i'll watch it because i started the handmaid's tale last season this final season and i was like i don't know if i can take this right now
Because I just watched all of season five in a week. And I was like, ah, I need a break. So maybe I'll watch something else depressing and terrible. Nine it is. I still want you to watch The Substance. I still think you'll really, I think you'll be really amused by it. I'm waiting for it to come streaming. It'll come out. Oh, it's still not free? I don't think so.
So Paige is like, you put yourself in a pickle, Roberto. And he's like, it was just a joke, though. She goes, oh, a joke. A joke, is it? And he goes, yeah, you know, to make Sierra feel better about it. Yeah, it was just a joke. It was just a joke, you guys. I'm like, uh-oh. Well, first of all, it doesn't even make sense. It's just a joke to make Sierra feel better about it. Like, I don't understand what that is. And Sierra's like...
What? Sierra's hiding behind an eye sculpture. She's lucky she didn't pick that thing up and throw it at him. She's trying to avoid Carl. She's like, I'm just going to hide behind something hard. She's pretending to be a prop. She's just being still. She's like, I heard that this is what you can do. And so Sierra's like, what? You're trying to make me feel better about it? By the way, when Jesse said this, what do you think he meant by that when he said, I'm trying to make Sierra feel better about it?
I was being totally with her. I guess. I don't know what the fuck he's saying. It didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't make any sense of it. And actually, you know what? Luckily, Paige asks. And she goes, make her feel better about what? And then she's like, yeah, make me feel better about what? Make me feel better about what? He's like, well, we were still trying to clear the air with you and...
- West? - So he was trying to get her to be nice to West by saying, "It could have been us." Like, it doesn't, it's like, I guess he's doing the thing like, "Well, you know, I was flirting with her 'cause she was upset with West, so maybe I was buttering her up?" I mean, I don't know what the fuck he's saying.
So Sierra's like, oh, so you think that would make me feel better? That you giving me some pity? Like, oh, if I was here first, it would have been different? Like, that would make me feel better? And he's like, well, I just thought it was a good conversation. She goes, um, you're a weirdo. And that was a weirdo statement. You're a fucking weirdo. And actually, fuck you. Fuck you, actually. Fuck you. I have to say...
I have really grown to enjoy when Sierra just puts someone in the doghouse because I think that's what she learned from Austin because she did not put Austin in the doghouse enough. But now she's learned that the moment that someone is showing Austin-like behavior, you just immediately just cut it off and it's done. And she, cause now I think that like when, if you are on Sierra's bad side, she is done with you. And there's like, I think there's like literally no coming back for Jesse now.
Yeah, I think they're friends now in real life, I think. But who knows? Because now they watch all this and then go to the reunion. So we'll see. We'll see how it works out for the poor guy. So she walks off and then it's partying, partying. Lindsay's shooting a bubble gum. Bubble gun, rather. And then there's line dancing. Wes is making an Instagram story because what the fuck else would he be doing? And then we go to Paige and Sierra.
And they're like, oh my God, look at our party. It's so good. This party was a lot of money, okay? This party, I want to tell you, this party cost more than Craig makes in a year, okay? Breadwinner speaking, breadwinner speaking. Go back to partying.
Wow. Wow. That was so insulting. I'm going to remove every single bedtime thing from all of my stores. Um, that's two stores and everything you do is about bedtime. It's pillows. Oh, here comes one right now. At 24, I lost my narrative or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I,
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.
My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
So then they're talking about Wes with his candle and they're laughing and then Lindsay's getting tired and Kyle's peeing and we get to see the stream. We get to see nice urine on TV. Oh, God. I have to hand it to his wiener. It's just, it can perk up when it wants to because that stream was high. It was like the Bellagio fountain. It was like, I did it my way. So...
My favorite one is the Andrea Bocelli one. I swear. There are certain musical artists who I think they like, okay. I think their goal when they sign up with like a record company is I just want to make music for water fountains. So sign right here, Michael Buble. Yeah.
yeah but my grogan lays like we've got a fountain for you yeah michael buble is like a copycat of a fountain because they never play the michael buble version they you know frankie was first baby that's true they play frank they'll play some josh groban i think you're there yeah josh and this one
Josh Groban became famous by selling his own albums on late night TV for old people. Do you remember that? Is that true? Yeah. He put his CDs late night on the like, and now Josh Groban would be like, yeah.
And then old people bought it, and he became the number one artist because old people still bought CDs. You know what? I love that. I love that for him. Also, he seems like he has a great personality. Isn't that so funny? When he first...
Yeah, when he first came out, his music is so cheesy. Although I secretly do love that one song that's like, you raise me up. Oh, God, it's so cheesy, but I secretly like it. But all his music is just like cheesy pop opera. I was like, oh, stupid Josh Groban. But like literally every interview I've ever seen of him, he just has the best personality. He's so funny and he's quick and he seems so nice.
i love josh groban now i have to warn you you're old you're officially old that's what that's what that means yes i have not accepted mike i have not accepted michael buble though
Yeah, he sucks. And he's like weird. He's like, he's a weirdo guy too. Like they, I will never forget that video that came out a couple of years ago of him doing some interview with his wife. And he just gave her that look like, shut up, shut up honey. And everyone's like, oh my God, he's being emotionally abusive to his wife. And I thought so too. I don't, I don't like that guy. And I don't like, it's like, is it poop play or bubbly? The water thing. I'm like, here's what you are. You're a flat water. You're a water that stays bubbly for five seconds. And then you go flat. Long live Topo. That's,
i always think of i once went to a wedding and um they played that he has that one song that's like did it did it did it did it almost sounds like um it almost sounds like islands in the islands industry whatever but it's it's but he he has a song that's he so he has like one really stupid song that's very popular and i just remember all like the bride and all the bridesmaids were like singing it
And then the mom of the bride came over and joined the group and was singing it too. And I was like, the whole, it just made me so sad that the mom came over and was trying to connect with all the younger women by singing this Michael Buble song. And I was already inherently sad that the women were all singing the song and they were all doing it. And I was like, I could never embrace this artist. Yeah, Michael Buble sucks.
So then, hopefully Michael Buble is driving around somewhere just randomly listening to Watch What Crapped. Wouldn't that be funny? Or I was like, why don't we— No famous person listens to us. It's like Michael Buble, our one famous person, is like, fuck you guys. And then I'm going to fold because I can't help myself. And he'll be like, guys, you guys were hilarious the way you made fun of me. I'm like, oh my God, we were just joking. Come on the show, Michael Buble. Next week, you're like, oh my God, I had lunch with Michael Buble. You guys, he is so funny.
He's so talented. He should be in Fountains. You know what I love? I love that song that he plays that people sing at weddings. I saw the Mother of the Bride do it one time. It was so touching, Michael. It was so touching. I am not... I hate people until I find out that they've heard anything I've said and then I love them. I'm just like that. I can't help it. I'm sorry. Well, we love our audience. That's why. Okay. So then... Let's see. They're making fun of...
They're still talking about how good their party was. And Amanda's like, "Dance, dance. I mean, I know West isn't our favorite person, but I mean, he is doing a good candle dance." And Sierra's like, "Yeah, I'll give him funny. I'll give him that. He is funny." And then we see West doing his splits with the candle. How about you do a bottle dance? Then I'll be impressed. Okay? How about you get together three men, do a bottle dance on the lawn, maybe get up on the roof? Okay, Fiddler.
That's what I'm talking about. So, Lindsay has to go in because she can't dance. Kyle's peeing. And then Lexi is like, "Oh my God, I love this song!" Which is funny because all we hear is the regular- This is Michael Buble. It's a Michael Buble remix. And Gabby goes, "Um, Lexi, here's the thing. You love every song."
I love the, here's the thing. You have to stop declaring this because you love every song and we can't track your tastes anymore. But Lexi is that white girl who like wherever she walks into is like, oh my God, I love this song. And then it starts moving her mouth like she's mouthing the words, but she doesn't know the words. Oh my God, Rufus Del Sol. So then Lexi goes up to Tom Schwartz, who is still here, just sort of
you know, doing his thing. She's like, um, Tom, can I ask you a question? Um, from your perspective, what's the most polite way to lock someone out of your room? He's like, um, I don't know, but you can call Katie. She's sucked me out a lot of times. I have her number. Tell her I said hi.
Matthew and Sierra are getting into bed and like giggling and Paige comes to join them. And they're like, oh my God, we're in like a party, but we're in like a bed and a party. This is amazing. And also I had a bed party and did not bring out one Craig pillow. So I don't know if that gives anybody a clue as to my future, but there you go. Wow. Yeah. I got these pillows from a company called Assembling Up North. So I...
It was just coincidental. It wasn't a message. Glue gunning up north. Using thread up north. There's not a lot of synonyms for sewing, are there? Yeah, I got that from a company called Sewing Down to North One. Get over it.
So they're sitting there and they're still watching West because now he's doing the limbo with the candlestick. And they're amused by it. And Sierra's like, this is like so on brand for us. Yeah. This is like the only party we should throw out. Like I'm not interested in any other themes. But Carl wants to have a guacamole theme. Carl wanted to have a baggy clothes party because he likes baggy pants.
That's so Carl. Sierra's like, wait, also, I'm not even going to dignify that. Let's just get onto this part. Speaking of Carl, Carl admitted that he has a crush on me. And Paige goes, I'm dead. I literally can't. I literally can't. I'm dead. I'm dead.
No, like seriously, I'm dead. I'm literally dead. Yeah, and he also said, like, what if, you know, like, could we work out? And I was like, you know, oh my God, you K-serot him? Oh, geez. Oh God, I'm grinding my teeth. Dead. Dead. Dead. Literally dead. My molar just came out. I ground it 360 degrees. Well...
Hey, when they find my corpse tomorrow, just say she died doing what she loves doing best. Dying in bed. I'm dead. Literally. She died in her sleep. Because my body's right here. Yeah. Like, I mean, like, I love Carl. And, like, I loved having a relationship with him this summer. But, like, I mean, I'm going to jump off a bridge if I date someone else in this house. And also, like, Carl. It's Carl.
Yeah, please don't do that. Let's just push him off a bridge instead. Amanda's like, well, I think he might be confusing your kindness and friendship for something more because you're one of the few people that have really stood by him and cared about him. And he's like, that's what I need in my significant other. It also explains why he also told Kyle he wants to date him. He told the Uber Eats driver that he wants to date him because, you know, he brings him food when he's sad. It makes sense, really, if you think about it.
I have it under good authority that he wrote an email to Barry of Barry's Boot Camp and asked him to go on a date. I'm dead. I'm literally dead. Dead. Literally dead. So Amanda's like, I mean, and you're beautiful. So, I mean, he's confused, you know, he just gets confused. Are you? And Sierra's like, am I confused if I want to date Carl? And she goes, oh, I mean, well, it's me and Kyle. It's just me and Kyle. I don't know what that meant. I got lost in my own head.
it's fun those no uh pages of notes yeah so now they're talking about uh jesse solomon how he's learned nothing tonight and they want to get into real bed so they can debrief the party and uh sierra's like yeah jesse solomon like he said he was like doing what to make me feel better i'm like you think that i need you to pity me i mean wow and he said he's trying to make me feel better about west like what the
No, no. That was him trying to get out of something and then he thought he was saying something nice, but it's like, I don't need someone to make me feel better about a guy over there holding a candle. Just west with that candle. He's literally holding a candle. It's like more pathetic than Craig. Then literally anything Craig has done. Craig owns bees now and that's still worse. It's a candle. A man with a candle.
Jesse's embarrassed that he shared his real feelings, so that's the only out he had. Which was to lie, you know?
Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.
It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. Itchels. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickless. Hava Nagila Webber.
You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey Bee. Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay Dee.
Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Sedana.
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's the VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold.
It's our queen, it's Queen La Ifa.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kerr. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony, Junie. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She gets an A, it's Kelly B.
We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.
She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can in Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking violet cootar. We love you guys.
If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. At Hotels.com, we know some travelers crave an ocean breeze.
Others don't want to deal with sand. And oftentimes, those two people end up together. Compare properties side by side to find yourself poolside, oceanside, and still in a relationship. Find your perfect somewhere with Hotels.com.