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When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Cat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap
Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode.
So then Lindsay is on the microphone and they should let Amanda do this every time because Amanda really does do it the best where she's like, I don't care where you go, but you can't stay here. Every time the saddest end to a party. Okay. Me and my unborn child. Cause I am pregnant. I am pregnant. Just want to say I'm pregnant. My unborn child. We need to eat some food and we need to go to bed. So you got to go get the hell out of here.
Yeah, I was like, get out. So now everybody leaves and Carl's like, oh, hey, Paige, the question is, are we going to go for a second annual Snoozefest? She's like, oh, my God, it's going to be epic. Epic. Save the date. Okay, like, no, next year, like, I need a swinging bed and then, like, a headstone for every time that I die.
Yeah, I hope you can be there, but I guess, wow, I just did it to you too. Another beautiful woman, Olympia Dukakis-ing me.
So now Tom and Kyle are in the kitchen and Tom's like, he's like, dude, thanks again for having me. I feel like a whole human for the first time in a few years. And the shape of my human shape, he's a boy. So... A boy. Yeah.
Yeah, you look really good. I do. I feel good. He goes, yeah, you went to the gym. You made your bed. He goes, I did. I made my bed. You didn't make your bed. You slept on the floor in your suitcase. You never even got in the bed. Yeah. Well, you got to get your first win of the day. Yeah. Well, I'm going to start saying that my first one of the day will be getting Amanda to stop yelling at me at 7 a.m. Oh, so then.
Tom, he's like, "Well, I'm very fulfilled, but there's a void in my life, and that's not having kids." When does Thomas Schwartz have a kid void in his life? You are a kid. You are and a void at the same time. They never want kids until the woman they didn't want kids with says they don't want kids with them anymore. And then they're like, "Oh, but I wanted a kid!" It's always the victim. You know, Tom does it, Kyle does it a little bit later. It's just, I don't know, it's like history. It's nature.
it's nature i guess and um kyle's like yeah dude in my 30s i would look at guys like in their 40s like without kids and i go you selfish you know what i mean you know what i mean really i'd always i would always look at people in their 40s without kids and say god you must have a lot of money i say wow you must really you must you must really enjoy going to brunch you get to do that yeah i'm like wow you must be really strong against pollution
You must have everything figured out. So then Kyle is like, wow, that guy can avoid putting another carbon footprint on the world. I can maybe avoid reusable plastic bags for a week. I mean, look, I'm 42, a couple months older than you. Oh, don't say that. I'm
I'm 4.2 years old. Yeah, well, I never would have thought I wouldn't have kids by now, you know? Yeah, I want to have a family. Yeah, because we're going to be great dads. No, let's rewind that part. I'm sorry. I actually kind of like you both, but probably not.
And so Tom's like, "But wait, by the time they're 20, we're gonna be like 62!" "I guess I'm gonna buy you a drink." "Yeah, we're gonna snore, we're gonna pass out in the Lazy Boy." You already do that. You both already do that.
You're already there. So now it's 1138 PM and Paige is talking to her cat Daphne through her home camera. She's like, hi. Hey, Daphne. Hi. Hi. Do you want to hear something? Oh my God. Jesse said this one thing and then Sierra was like, oh, fuck herself. It was hilarious. I'm like, dead. Dead Daphne. And Daphne's like, meow. Dead too. Meow.
So then there's late night McDonald's in the kitchen and Lexi calls her sister from the floor of her bedroom. And Tiffany's like, oh my God, what happened? Why haven't you called me yet? I've been sitting here with a full face of makeup and crazy hair.
uh you know just posted a new pic on ig and i let me tell you something my mood board has been updated so um let's he's like um so basically today there's like um like just been saying this and like he's been saying like all these like yellow flags about you and like basically he's like talking about me behind my back and i'm like so pissed especially because he like told me like he's like
Love with me. Oh, my God, babe. I'm so sorry. He is shit. Right, Mom? Yeah. We're in bed right now. Right, Mom? Yes, honey. Shit, honey. Right, Dad? Honey, shit. God, we're all here. We brought home a doorman from the bar. We all missed you. We all missed you. Yeah, we're all just sitting here in bed watching the old pilot for She's the Sheriff with Suzanne Somers. Anyway, tell us more. Don't forget, when in doubt...
Line your lips. Line your lips. Line your lips. Oh, we had a terrible night. We went line dancing, which we thought was when you dance when you put liner on your lips. Turns out it's a whole different thing. We were very disappointed. Our lips are really thick right now, though. It got messy. Mom, unfortunately, wasn't able to dance and put that lip liner on at the same time, so...
Looks kind of like you're watching an air traffic map on her cheeks. Yeah, mom is wearing an eye patch now. But it was worth it, right, mom? Yeah, honey, it was worth it. So Gabby comes in and she's crying. And she's like, oh, my God. Is this all for Jussie? Oh, my.
Lexi, we need to slap him around a little bit, and I'm more than happy to do it. Listen, are any of the girls in there? So they're trying to find other girls, and Lexi's like, I mean, it's just such a shitty situation, because he's been painting me like it's one thing, but it's not true. And it sucks, because now everybody's more hesitant to support me and be my friend, because he made me look psycho. Yeah.
You weren't really trying to be everybody's friends, though, anyway. You were, you know, I think you did that thing where you just pick someone at the beginning, and you're like, we're a couple, now we just do couple things. This is like the first episode that we've really seen her kind of, I really truly engage with the other people in the house. Like, all of a sudden, like, Lindsay's in there giving her a hug, being like, Lexi, are you okay? Like, people are checking in on her, people are having chit-chat with her, they're getting the deets. But at the same time, I also do feel like
Like, not only has she... We have not seen, at least based on the editing, that she has really forged, like, too many connections beyond, like, a conversation at kickball. But at the same time, I also feel like they really didn't have any interest in her until they found out, wait, she has, like, drama going on with, like, Jesse. Let's talk to her. You know? Wait a second. We're gonna bring her into the fold. Oh, so then everybody gets ready for bed, and Wes is like, hey, guys, we're gonna watch Zootopia outside. Oh.
Like, we're just cute. We're cute bros. So, why Zootopia? You were just talking about elf porn yesterday. Like, just stop. So, now Tom, Jesse, and Lex are in the cat lines. And he's like, are you guys good? What's going on? We're going to watch Zootopia. We're little boys. And she's like, oh, my God, enjoy that. Yeah.
So, Jessie's like, dude, that was so bad. She didn't even try to watch Zootopia with me.
So Paige and Sierra are... Paige is in bed, Sierra's in the bathroom, and Paige asks what she's watching, and Sierra's like, earwax extractions. It's a nice juxtaposition with the Zootopia, I guess. And now all the guys, they've all cuddled up on each other on the trampoline to watch... I don't even know how they're watching Zootopia. They're watching it on the laptop.
Oh, I didn't see the laptop. I thought there was like a screen that they erected. No, Wes brought out his laptop. And I'm like, don't touch his laptop. Please, whatever you do. That is an infested laptop. You know there's shit all over that. Don't touch it. So they're like laughing. And then some of the boys go to bed, but Wes stays outside. But it rains on his head. So he eventually has to go inside.
And Tom's like, wow. He's talking to himself singing. He's like, I love it here, but I'm ready to go home. But I love the Hamptons. I get it. It's just so like bougie and fabulous, but it's time to go home. I have business to attend to. I miss my dogs. Is anybody here? Anybody? I'm so alone.
What business is he attending to? He's never attended a business in the first place. So then Kyle is waking up next to Amanda and he's wearing the sloth mask and he's like, I feel gross. And then Lindsay brings Tom a coffee and it's nice. And then Lexi is in her room and she's packing and she's emotionally exhausted from...
hearing so many of her favorite songs last night, just one after the other. It just takes a lot out of you. It's like, I'm so manipulated.
So then, now it's 11:02 and everybody's packing and getting ready to go. And it's breakfast time. So then Jesse comes to—oh no, Tom goes to Paige and Sierra's room to say bye. And he's like, "Well, I just wanted to say thanks for letting me in your happy little world. You know, you gotta cherish this. I used to have a happy family in LA, now we all hate each other, so…
Oh, the sad state of a reality TV has been. So Paige is like, well, we're going to love each other no matter what. And if we don't love each other, then it doesn't matter because I'm
I have my bed. Dead. I just hope you don't have a scandal wall. She's like, well, as long as Amanda doesn't cheat on Kyle, I think we can get through anything. You know? Honestly, if he does, it'll still be okay because it'll be hilarious. Let's be honest. So then in the kitchen, tension is mounting. So Lindsay, Jesse's there, his frown, he's got glasses on, which means he's really sad. He's got his glasses and his cap, his cap of sadness, and his frown is really just like frowning.
And he's looking for a sheet pan. And Amanda's like, wow, Jesse, you're just such a lost soul right now. I feel like I did such good work spreading that gossip and destroying your relationship. I'm so proud of myself. And Lexi is doing that thing where she just comes to stand really close to Jesse, but then just like flicks through her phone and won't look at him. He's like, how are you? He's like, I'm fine. Yeah.
Flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, like, like, like, like, like. He's like, oh, no, I'm in trouble. He's like, Lexi, do you have some kind of special order that would make you happier than, like, bacon and eggs? He says, um, here's my order. Stop talking about me. Stop talking shit about me. That's my special order. Ding, order's up. Order's up.
And I love that Amanda is like, oh my god, this is too tense, but it's also so great. I have to immediately go gossip. And she runs out of there and she runs upstairs. And Schwartz is still talking to Paige and Sierra in bed. She just goes right by him and gets into the bed. It's almost like, yeah, Schwartz, I know you're trying to have a scene with us, but we have serious gossip that we have to attend to right now. There's a fight happening downstairs. And Lindsay loves it. She's laughing. She's like, I'm like eggs on the side of you to stop talking shit. Yeah.
she goes yeah that would be nice and goes oh i still don't feel like i was talking shit though oh god so she says okay fine then we should all sit down together the whole house and have a house meeting about it it's like what good for her she's like let's see what everybody thinks because you're telling somebody you're telling everybody a different thing so let's see what they think and he's like well that feels a little extra but okay she says no because it's like why
one that's getting hurt. You know, my sister's getting hurt. My mom's getting hurt. My dad's getting hurt. And the doorman from that bar is getting hurt. Do you know that my mom woke up with lip liner all over her face and an eye patch? Aww.
So then Tom's like, you guys look so cozy. I don't want to rub it in, but you guys really missed out last night on our cuddle party. We watched Zootopia. Paige goes, wait, what? You're disgusting. Get out of this room right now. Yeah, disgusting. So they're now talking about the Lexi stuff going on downstairs. And Tom's like, oh, yeah, Jesse came last night. He was just so defeated. I've never seen anybody watch Zootopia and stay sad. Yeah.
"Well, he should be defeated." "Oh no, but I think he's like, I think it's over, I think." Amanda's like, "I feel really bad." Like, stop smiling from ear to ear right now. This is the most effective bit of telephone that she's ever done. Like, she's never been this potent with her gossip and she is just thrilled. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics.
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.
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Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.
A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres. But who was hiding a secret?
From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no-strings-attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex. One day, we'll be back.
Wondery's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets.
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So now everyone's gathering around the little island for breakfast therapy. So Lindsay's like, "Um, I think you guys have a lot of love for each other. I really do. But I think Lexi's point was that you just shared your concerns with everybody but her and it made her feel like a fool. And it's like, she doesn't believe in brick and mortar, so get over it."
Gabby's like, "Yeah, her whole point is that the yellow flags that you were talking about are not really that real when she's being considerate and doing these things, even vocalizing them to you." And he's like, "Yeah, whatever." And Gabby's like, "Um, okay. Don't shut down and be like, 'Mm-hmm, I've been on this show longer than you, okay?'"
I love Gabi like it's any of her business. She's like, "I'm gonna fight with your boyfriend for you, not my first time." And then she's mad that the boyfriend won't fight back with her. She's like, "Um, hello."
She's like, I'm trying to have a scene, okay? I'm desperately trying to stay on this TV show. Like, do you even care about our relationship? He's like, I'm listening. I'm understanding. I'm just, I'm not going to continue fighting over it. And Gabby's like, um, we're not fighting you though. This is not an argument. This, no one is yelling. I'm just telling you something very obvious. And so Lexi's like, yeah, he thinks everything's an argument. Hmm.
- "Um, Jesse, all you need to say are like words of affirmation. Just say, 'I understand, no brick and mortar.'" Okay, and that's it. And he's like, "Okay, I understand." And she goes, "Yeah, but he doesn't. That's why me, my mom and my sister don't want to date him anymore." And Gabby's like, "Um, I don't think that you do either, to be fair. I don't think you get it. I don't think you get it. And if you want your relationship with me to go any further,
You will understand right now and say, say you understand and mean it. He's like, um, I don't think I'm dating you. Oh, well, isn't that a great story?
I'm learning every line, what is going on down here? We are in group therapy, okay? So then everyone sort of like started to arrive in and Wes asking what's going on and Lex is like, um, he's like talking shit about all the stuff behind my back and it's like made everyone in this house think that I'm like crazy and then he says the opposite and then now I can't trust anyone in the house and like everyone's been like fucking, everything's been like fucking disturbing and he's like getting mad at me and like last weekend and then
apparently flirting with you in the club and that wow this was good see i'm glad she let this one out and let everybody know that he accused her of flirting with west and uh jessica says not true yes it is true you compulsive liar we all saw it and she's like yes it is and he says well i was just trying to say that my behavior the weekend you were gone besides the toe sucking
"What the fuck you talking about besides the toe-sucking? What does that mean? No, we're not going to put the toe-sucking aside." And he goes, "But anyway, the other behavior clearly out of line, but it was not as flirtatious as you were being with, for example, West." And West is like, "Oh, God. Even I can't stand up for you. Come on, man. I'm trying to be on your side here."
First of all, you can't excise the toe-sucking. That's not just a thing. That's just not... That's like, you can't just take that out. But second of all, even if there was a flirtatious vibe between Lexi and Wes in that moment in the club...
And Jesse's actions with Sierra were an entire weekend's worth. It was not just an isolated moment. It wasn't just a dance. It was in the pool. It was here and there. It was everything. It was a whole weekend's worth of flirtation. And so it just doesn't even compare. And on top of that, the fact that he is still framing it like, not only was what I did not as bad as what you did, he's still saying...
it's not as bad as when you were flirting with West. And it's like, you keep on saying that she's flirting with West and she wasn't flirting with West. Yeah, he's making stuff up that he can be mad at so she can't be mad at.
So stupid. It's so obvious, too. And he's getting caught and he just won't admit it. He just keeps lying, you know? So West is like, yeah, that didn't happen. Like, clearly our friendship is platonic, you know? And so Jesse's like, look, I mean, I trust you and I trust West. And that's just how I was trying to say. That's just not how I was trying to say. You're making it sound different. No, she's actually making it sound better than you did.
And so Lexi's like, yeah, and everybody's asking me why we're not boyfriend and girlfriend yet. And maybe it's because we don't know each other well enough. And it's like, no, it's because you have fat ass red flags. And Amanda's like, oh my God, she said red flags. It's supposed to be yellow flags. This is bad.
So Wes is like, but you are still exclusive though. She was like, no, I don't even want to be exclusive. Take the exclusive and shove it out the fucking window. I'm done. So Kyle's like, look, it's Sunday. Like you guys have had tough convos. Well, you guys need to have a chat. You know, maybe like, no, like every single person in the house needs to be involved.
because he's talking shit to everyone and he goes oh let's pipe down a little okay wow excuse me go drown in the pool mr sobbing crying and screaming at least a quarter of the episodes every year you don't get to tell people to pipe down go pee to fucking andrea bocelli okay yeah absolutely he does not get to tell someone to pipe down especially if they're a newbie and they're having like a genuine moment and like this is part of like this is like they're on a show like she's having it's like a non-manufactured fight right now and
And I love that Gabby's like, no one's yelling. Like no one's even, no one even needs to pipe down because no one's even yelling. And the fact that Gabby's had to say that like five times to people is also kind of hilarious. Kyle's like, no, I'm just saying like, let's clean up, whatever. So Carl's like, yeah, I get it. I mean, that's how this can be. Like,
We've all felt this way at some point, especially for those of us who've ever had to talk to Lindsay Hubbard. Oh, I'm traumatized. Oh, my God. This was a lot for me. Guys, I just want to say I'm really proud of myself for coming to breakfast. This was like the first time I ate a piece of white bread since Lindsay tortured me. So I'm on the mend. Kyle, thanks for telling them to pipe down. It was getting a little bit too dense for me. I was getting scared. I was almost going to run upstairs to my bedroom and just sort of do that.
So that's what West and Jesse have done. They've kind of run to a bedroom where Jesse is just all defeated. He's like, I mean, clearly all these flags I was seeing was for a reason. Like, I mean, I guess we're just not each other's person. No, you're a fucking compulsive liar and gaslighter, dude. Like, what are you missing here? How can everybody tell you? How can the entire house tell you one thing and you're still going to make it sound like Lexi's just some crazy biatch that's making shit up?
It's you. Yeah. And of course he did. The calls coming from inside the teeth.
He did the thing that we predicted he would do, which is to say that there were flags, which there weren't. And then when she finally gets annoyed with his behavior, he blames it on her flags that he manufactured. Yes. So he's like, yeah, I mean, she legitimately thinks I've tried to create a wedge between us and the house. I mean, it's just not true. Well, what do you call going to every single person to hit that she's fucking insane and stalking you? Yeah.
And then telling her something completely different. What would you call it? Mm-hmm. And honestly, you're allowed, obviously, to talk. I'm like, obviously? You're obviously allowed to obviously do this. But you're allowed to talk to me. Obviously, so. Obviously. You're allowed to talk to your friends and say, yeah, it's going great. I have some concerns about X, Y, and Z.
Um, but I think that as a whole about how he's handled this relationship, it's just been really shady because he's made, again, he made her seem like, oh, she's the one with all these weird jealousy issues when he's been the one who's been aggressive about that. And he also, I think if he had taken accountability for his behavior that one weekend, I think he could have survived this, but he really hasn't. And then now it's just too much. It's, it's over.
Yeah. So he's like, you know, I mean, if she wanted to make it work, I'd like to be open to it. But it's just like becoming more of a negative stressor, you know. And but he's obviously depressed. I think he's more embarrassed that he got called out in front of everybody. So Wes goes, yeah, good old breakup after five weeks, huh?
Like, "Hello, it's been five minutes." So then it's time to go. So everybody leaves. And then Tom is left there all alone on the doorstep. "Hey, you want a ride, bro?" And he's like, "No, my guy's coming in a minute. I just wanted to make sure that there was one close. I got the Uber that I was pretty sure was going to tell me I'm going to be a good father one day. Bye, guys."
He just left on the stoop. He was kicking his feet in the air. I know. They should have given him a little balloon to hold. So guess what? It's time to go to New York City.
It's Monday. It's 11.20 a.m. And Lindsay and Danielle are at Lindsay's OB appointment. So Danielle's here, and she's like, oh my god, I can't believe this is happening! We are in such different positions than we were a year ago. I mean, you're pregnant, and I'm still the CEO and founder of a soon-to-be very successful app. I'm sure we'll—success is just around the riverbend. Yeah.
So they look at the baby. They get the sonogram. You can see the little baby and the baby kicks. And Danielle's like, oh, I'm like, she's going to tear the fuck out of Lindsay, right? It's going to hurt, right? What are you going to do about that, Lindsay? Lindsay, the baby's going to hurt. It's going to tear you. Lindsay's like, um, well.
And the nurse is like, well, you put your fingers in with some lube and then you rub. And Lizzie's like, um, so like I'm going to be jerking off. I'm going to be like a finger banging. That was like a storyline. That's hilarious. Here we get flashbacks of like finger bang. We finger banged and then kiss. Finger bang. Finger bang. Finger bang. Finger bang. Yeah.
Even back then, there were hints that Carl's dick didn't work right. Even back then. We didn't pay attention. It's a soft finger. So, yeah, so they do that. That's soft. I still don't like that. That was a pool noodle. I pulled a noodle bang, too, to be specific.
You know, when we talk about gaslighting, I'll tell you who the biggest gaslighter is. It's Obies with those ultrasounds. Because every single time, like, well, now look here, there's the eyes and there's the cheeks. Oh, look, you're saying it's wearing a little fedora. And oh, my goodness, it is doing some dancing from West Side Story. Isn't that amazing? I'm like, I see nothing. Your baby has a calculator and a tutu. Very smart ballerina. Bunhead, we call her.
I'm like, this is a blob. I see nothing. How are you telling me there's an eye and a face there? And everyone's like, oh my God, I see it. It's so cute. I'm like, I see nothing. Sometimes I can see a little hand. That's it. We'd be terrible doctors. We're just doing like the Rorschach test. We're like, umbrella, rain, boat. It's a big story. Teddy bear.
It's win, lose, or draw. And we're just like, okay, we're going to bring in Vicki Lawrence right now, and we're going to try to figure out what this sonogram says. I'm Vicki Govelson here to deliver your baby. Let me spread you open. Look at that. Okay, baby. Hi, Vicki Govelson. Get a job. Get a job.
Get a face that looks clearer. Okay. And now Jesse and Lexi meet up and it's 1.13. So we know it's very dramatic. So we go to her house. We're in her apartment. And Tiffany's like hiding under the couch. She's like, I got you, girl. I got you. I got you too, honey. Mom, you just see a little glittery eye patch from behind a ficus. Yeah.
Jesse's like, how are you? She's like, good for you. He's like, definitely been better. It's kind of weird sitting here while your sister's trying to put lip liner on my lips. I'm just trying to have this conversation.
- Keep away for a second, thanks. - And like, you know, it just really shocked me, like how angry you were with me, you know? Like, I just didn't like that you were making me out to be like a monster. She goes, "Mm-hmm, in what way?" While like, I was like trying to make you look jealous and crazy, and like I was being strategic and manipulative. I don't like that you made me look like that. You made you look like that, okay? She just had the nerve to talk to other people about what you were doing and put the,
put the dots together. What do you call it? Strong the dots. Connect the dots. You connected the dots. Okay. Which currently your mother is still unable to do under the couch. She's like, she's had a little bit of vertigo since that line dancing. It was a lot for her. So Jesse's like, yeah, I just don't know if we're going to, if you're going to be able to trust me and I'm not going to defend my behavior. Like I know that I shouldn't have let anybody suck my toe. Yeah.
Like that was messed up. So I'm like, sorry. And I should have gone about things differently. And I didn't realize it was going to be this messed up and I didn't mean it. And like, I don't know. I just don't want to stop seeing each other based off of someone sucking my toe in a threesome that I participated in for 37 minutes.
He's doing that thing where he's like, "Okay, well, you know, I don't want to break up with you, but if you're going to keep on about all this nonsense, I mean, I guess we're going to, you know." That's kind of how he's coming in instead of with like an honest sorry. So she goes, "Normally in relationships, I'm not like really a fighter. You know what I mean? So like, I just like, I'm like, bye, you're dead to me. So like, maybe we're just like not compatible."
And he's like, oh, oh, well, but, like, clearly we have, like, a great connection. Like, I mean, like, is this something I can change? Like, now he's going to change his tune because she's not fucking with this shit, you know? Yeah.
And she's like, yeah, I think it's just a choice that we have to make. And is it worth trying or is it not? And that's kind of like a cliffhanger with them. We don't really see where they land with that. Oh, just dump him. Just break up with him. No, it's not. I mean, if he's already acting like this, just break up with him. Then you get to watch him be awkward and sulky for the next two weeks in the house. That'll be fine. And then he can try and bring you back if he wants to. But have some self-respect. Get rid of him. I want her to date, like, a really hot, like,
athlete or celebrity and then just bring them to the summer house every week next the next summer and just make them feel super awkward about it who is the one who brought madonna's ex-boyfriend or the guy who wound up dating madonna afterwards was that danielle did danielle bring that guy doesn't matter remember what i'm talking oh no yes i do it was that blonde girl that blonde girl yeah i don't remember i mean i remember that happening but i don't remember who did it
Part of me was like, was it Hannah? It wasn't Hannah. No, it was the blonde girl who...
Who was dating Corey. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Sam. Sam. Stop trying to make me look crazy, Corey. It was like almost an identical storyline. So now it's Thursday and Kyle and Amanda are on a lunch date. Let's see how Kyle can learn. Let's see how Kyle can cry in this scene. Every time Kyle goes on a lunch date with Amanda, I'm like, oh, my God, Kyle's probably going to cry. And I can't wait to see it.
They were on top of the refinery hotel, by the way, I noticed. So they're on a lunch date and Kyle's like, well, it's been a while. I can see why she was confused about the Burrata because I was confused there too. I was like, uh...
The bruschetta, whatever it was. You know what I love? In all the years of Bravo ordering, they never really critique the food that they get. The food just arrives and they just keep on talking. But this is like, Amanda ordered like a bruschetta that had like a burrata. She's like, oh, this is it? I thought the tomatoes, I thought there'd be tomatoes. And that's burrata? What is this place? Yeah, she's like, yeah, I guess maybe it was my fault for reading the menu wrong. Whatever, it's free.
So Kyle's like, oh, yeah, I had some blood work done. I'm going to know it's to you. Surprise. You know, and there was something a little concerning. He said my blood cells were trying to mix Taylor Dane with Parvati. So apparently the doctor said there's no fountain in hell that would play those two together. Yeah.
So Matt is like, I mean, is there something we should be worried about? He's like, well, my body is so stressed that it's over-pumping semen. So, like, lots of semen. That's semen. Can you imagine if I'm Cyril? I mean, at least my guys don't have strange heads like Tom Schwartz's do, you know? And she's like...
She's like, "Well, is there a chance you might be sterile? Because if that's true, I'm batting two for two this episode. I break up someone with my gossip, and second of all, I don't have to have a baby with you. Come on, let's do it!" "I really thought I was gonna want to have babies with you once you got rid of the mullein, but it didn't help." He's like, "Wait a minute, what do you mean?" She's like, "Well, I don't know. Like, I'm in a weird place. Like, I'm a bathing suit designer now, you know?"
You know, some days I feel like, why am I not pregnant? But then the other days I'm like, why would I be pregnant right now? Gross. He's like, basically you took away her dream of moving to New Jersey and she's like, no, well, fine. I'm not going to have a baby then.
And she's like, Amanda's like, I don't know, maybe like a year from now or I just I've just been struggling a lot. And I don't know, I'm just like not suited to take care of something else. I love this for her so much. I love that she wants to take care of herself first. She's not feeling obligated to any timeline that's being put on her by a guy or society or whatever. She just wants to focus on herself. And I think this is wonderful. And we need to see more of this on TV.
Well, I worry that Amanda's just, like, given up because it's Kyle and he's never going to change. And she's like, well, I'm not having a baby with someone who insists on living in the city and who refuses to, like, move to a good place for kids and then decides to start DJing to give himself an excuse to be wasted five nights a week until five in the morning out with strangers.
and i'm gonna do it all i guess i'm not gonna have a baby you know what i mean because she always really wanted kids so i'm just hoping she's not doing it because she's just kind of given up on kyle as an option but she's gonna stay with kyle if that makes any sense
But if that's really what she wants, of course, good for her. And it's going to be hilarious to watch how it changes Kyle, because now that she doesn't want a baby, Kyle's going to act like a huge victim. Like, oh, but she said she wanted a baby. Now she's taking it back on me. What am I going to do when he's been the one kicking his feet about a baby this whole time? Yeah.
I mean, we're coming up on three years married. My dad turns 81 in August. Yeah, well, you don't have kids for your parents. That's so stupid. That's the dumbest plan ever. And people do it all the time. But that should never be a reason to have kids. Your dad's going to be old and dead no matter what you do. So have kids when you're ready, okay? His ghost can be proud of you doing it the right time.
That's right. And he's like, I mean, time is ticking, you know, and 90% of the blood, sweat, and tears I put into Glover Boys for our future. Well, actually, it's really just to fund the DJ equipment. I've got a sick remix of Bruce Hornsby I'm working on right now. Our kids, in my mind, the only true payoff is there's just something more than what's in my life right now. She's like, yeah, but I mean, it's not like you're sitting here itching and eager. It's not like you're asking me every day to have kids. And he's like,
I know, man. I just didn't expect you to say that. Yeah, and that's how we end. Wow. Will they ever have kids? Super sad stuff. So, yeah, I mean, I think that's a good decision for her. I just, you know, I said my final piece. I just can't wait to watch Kyle make himself a huge victim for the next few weeks. Like, oh, all I wanted was kids. Yeah.
All right, everybody. That's it for Summer House. The next Summer House recap will be in Austin. And we are hoping to see you all there if you're in their area. And again, go to watchacrapits.com to get your ticketing links to the various shows, including the new shows, which will be, those links will be going live tomorrow. Okay? So thanks for being here. Bye, everybody. Bye.
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