#2829 Top Chef S22E8 Part Two: Grandma Got Run Over By a Restaurant War
39:34 Share

One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses. And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost. Oh, heck yeah.

If you're looking for a way to experience luxury for yourself, try Virgin Voyages. Over $1,000 in value is included in every sailing. Everything they offer, from their menus created by Michelin star chefs to their cabins designed by top international firms, is the pinnacle of luxury.

of luxury. Virgin Voyages cruises are kid-free and catered to adult tastes, and they have some incredible destinations. We're talking Caribbean escapes, Iceland and the British Isles, Miami, New York. You can even live out your below-deck med fantasy with their Lux Voyage in the Med. I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know, the idea of a kid-free ship is very appealing to me,

And all these menus. It's like definitely a boat made for Ben. It looks like a giant, gorgeous club with fabulous rooms. I cannot wait to go. Book now at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning is the biggest practical action movie ever made, topping everything that has come before it with even more unbelievable real stunts, giving audiences an unprecedented, unforgettable edge-of-your-seat experience that is meant to be seen on the big screen. It's the best and biggest mission yet, and the most fun you'll have at the theaters this summer.

Man, I remember watching the first Mission Impossible when Tom Cruise was dangling above those lasers, and it's been great ever since. Yeah, he really does all that stuff, too. That's why it's exciting to watch it. I've seen all of them. Tom's passion for entertaining audiences has him, along with the dedicated cast and crew, pulling out all the stops to deliver the most thrilling, unbelievable feats yet. See Mission Impossible The Final Reckoning only in theaters Friday, May 23rd.

Hello darling, how are you darling? I do say it never truly occurred to me how much I adore British television. But seriously, British TV is so good. And it's not all queens and crumpets.

It's the wardrobes, the witty little quips, the cute little villages where three people die a week, the reality show minus the melodramatic music. They just do TV differently. And BritBox is the place to get it. They have so many amazing mysteries, comedies, crime thrillers, gorgeous dramas, the cutest little gardening shows. Way more than we realized. There's a good chance your next TV obsession will be British. So switch it up and see it differently with BritBox. Start streaming with a free trial at BritBox.com.

Kisses, darling.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. So, Kristen is asking Nina what she thought of everything. And Nina's like, so satisfying. You know, it's like what you feel when you go to granny's house. And...

I don't know why that's funny to me. But she's like, yeah, it's beautiful. Kind of stick to your ribs. You want to sit there for hours and hours and just talk, which is sort of what we're doing while we wait for Shwai to just say something to us. I know I'm kind of jealous of, I mean, look, I had two amazing grandmothers. Both were just fantastic. But sometimes when they talk about grandmothers on food shows, I feel jealous because like my Lebanese grandmother, let me tell you what dessert was. She would go into this fucking freezer in her,

other room, you know, her second freezer. It was like one of those big chest freezers. And she would pull out candy from like 1960. She would just save shit from pick and save and put it in her freezer. And when it was time, she'd give you like 50 year old candy and it was never good. It always tasted like freezer burn. So I get jealous of these people who are like, oh my God, it's just like granny's homemade desserts, et cetera. The other one, the Meemaw boiled us beef every week. Boiled it. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that we have to accept the fact that not all grandmothers serve amazing food. Actually, I had my grandma Sally, not a great cook.

There's like stories about how bad her food was, but like I am too young to remember how bad her food was, but she was like really good at making something called Mondal bread, which was actually an almond bread. And then because actually my name Mandelker, I think it means like almonds essentially. So Mondal bread. I mean, we didn't invent Mondal bread, but that's the Mondal. You didn't invent almonds. I invented almonds. By the way, everyone, I just want you to all know.

I invented almonds. I'm literally writing about almonds in my next newsletter, actually. So that's a little bit of a tease, as we call it. But my grandma Sylvia was a good cook and

The thing though, that I remember that she made, that was the best oddly enough. And she made a lot of things, but the only thing I really committed to memory was she made a killer French toast. Oh, I love when grandma Sylvia made me French toast and she made good peas too. And I don't normally, I don't normally like peas, but her peas were good. But yeah, my, but either one, it wasn't, it was never like going to granny's house and getting that feast and oh God, can't wait for that big granny spread. It was never like that for me either. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm like, did your grandma hit you with a fly swatter and tell you to get the fuck out of the room? Well, welcome to Meemaw's. Okay. She never said the F word there. So Tom's like, well, you know, the desserts. I mean, there was some charm, I guess, to this whole thing. I mean, the concept carried through, but there was just small technical issues. Drag some of the dishes down. You know, it's like, I don't know, Gail's outfits.

Hey! Hey, Tom, that was uncalled for. This must be a safe space. Now that Padma's dead. You can't pull it off, living person.

"Until you can explain your jorts, Tom, stay away from the fashion jokes." So Janet's like, "Well, maybe I'm going to be a little bit of a nitpick here with Schwy, but when you approach the table and someone says, 'How are you?' and you say, 'I'm tired,' don't tell me anything that isn't positive about that and about the customer. And in fact, don't tell me anything about you. I don't care who you are. You are a vessel. Just hand me food." Yeah.

So then we go to Flora and Pafana, and Massimo's like, hello, hello, it's the chefs, it's the chefs, hello, it's me, Massimo, hello. This is a time step. This is juggling. I'm juggling Gorgonzola. They're like, okay, this is too much of a greeting. Jesus Christ, can we get the center bear, please? The just right.

The definition of hospitality for me is the way Henry Hill and Karen Hill felt when they walked into that restaurant in Goodfellas. Within five seconds, there would be serving all sorts of food. It also explains why I hired a helicopter to menacingly fly overhead for when people leave the restaurant and everything falls to shit. Thank you.

So they're like, wow, well, he said hi. And Tom goes, well, yeah, but he didn't give the same touch to the group in front of us. Notice that? Huh? So regular people get treated like shit. Only celebrities get treated well here. Huh? See that? Tom hates Mossimo, and I'm living for it.

Yeah. I'd love that for the first time ever in 22 years, when the chefs give the judge special service. This is the first time Tom cares about it. I mean, what about the people? I mean, you didn't give wine to the other people. I mean, what's going on here? We're all the same.

So Massimo comes straight to their table. He's like, welcome. Welcome to Fauna, Folare, whatever. Massimo's. Welcome to Massimo's. Okay. Where we celebrate land, soil, pasta. We're going to celebrate pasta at some point. You know that, right?

Kristen's like, I'm excited about this menu, and there are some buzzwords that I like. I love a consomme. Please tell me this consomme comes with wet nuts. Preferably in a dessert form. Oh my god, one of Gail's husband's least favorite words. Consomme.

please tell me consomme with every dish, please. So Maspo is saying it's everything's going great and everything. And then he's like, so how long are you in town for chef? And Nina's like, um, I leave on Sunday. Are we really having a conversation right now? We're not supposed to be doing this. Oh, okay. So you're in town for a while. Uh, yeah. And then Jan's like, I, yeah, I'm just in town for a few days and just enough to eat some delicious food. And, um, the time limit for this conversation has expired. I'm going to have to have a nitpick with you very shortly. Thank you.

It's a very awkward conversation and also like super awkward questions. Like, how long are you in town for? She's like, I leave on Sunday. Good. You want to go to a movie? I like movies. You like water fountains? Let's go check out a water fountain. All right, toots. All right. What about you? Huh? What about you, Janet? What about you? She's like, I'm just here to eat some food. Okay. You sure you don't want to date? We could do something. I mean, come on. It's like, don't ask those questions. Don't ask me about my personal life. I don't want to talk to you. You talk to me.

Yeah, yeah, I don't, this is not how it works. So he's like, okay, I'll be back with some food. And Gale's like, well, Massimo is a character. Am I right? And they're all like, fuck this guy.

So then he goes, and Massimo's also, by the way, when he's talking to them, I believe he's also kneeling down. Either way, he's kneeling down on other tables. He immediately gets down on his knees and puts both of his arms flat on the table and then puts his head on his arms like, what's up? What's up? I'm just a cute little man. Ugh.

Are we in a TGIFs? What is happening here? I hate the kneel down arms on the table thing. I hate it. Like, we're not best friends. Give me my goddamn food. By the way, I was guilty of this a lot as a waiter. Really? Well, you were young. You were young. But Janet, you know who doesn't like it? Janet. I mean, the kneeling down, the resting on the table. I like to be a little bit more buttoned up and professional. Or what's the word I'm trying to use? I don't like when waiters are so annoying and terrible.

Intrusive. So, Lana comes out with the first chorus.

So then Tristan brings over his mushroom escovitch, grilled Ontario mushrooms, a little ajo blanco at the bottom. And then the broth is made from dawa dawa and some beautiful bay scallops in there as well. So he says we're veg forward, but a little essence of everything. So, so far, we're not veg forward. I just like to say, except for this mushroom. The mushroom, I think, was...

But, I don't know. You're serving salmon. So far, you're serving salmon and scallops. And what's the other thing? There was, yeah, I guess it's still, yeah. I guess it's more like there's a large vegetable presence, but maybe not vegetable forward. Maybe vegetable side by side at this point. Yeah, I don't get how this is a vegetable forward. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Kristen couldn't be happier because it was a consomme. I just live for consomme. This consomme is beautiful. Nina really enjoyed the broth. She didn't love the vegetables being raw, but Kristen's like, but the consomme itself was just great. I thought it was stunning. I said, at the beginning of the season, I said, someone please serve me a consomme and for it to happen in the middle of Freshman Wars.

It's interesting how they change it up from when they're judging right now to the end. Because she's like, yeah, I mean, the broth was good, but the greens were raw. The chiffonade was hard to eat. The chip was good. So she said it like, this wasn't good, but I did like this one thing. And kind of this yes or whatever. But then by the end, they're like, brilliant dish. Every single thing about it. I know. Just amazing. The consomme was the consummate consomme.

So then Janet is like, Tristan's dish I really loved. He managed to do something that was a juxtaposition of subtle and light, yet rich and savory. Poor and hungry. I'm sorry, are we just going to do this all night? So let's do Gail Ann's. Stringy head and tushy. Anyone else? Subtle and light. Two concepts that Gail has never been fond of.

"Sorry everyone, I just got so distracted by Virginia Woolf. She's juggling right now in the middle of restaurant wars up here. It's very off-putting." "She's already drunk, by the way." So Tom's like, "Well, you know, Tristan's dish is just beautiful. Just beautiful. He's got finesse, he knows when to do it, and I'll bet he wouldn't try to make me a cosmopolitan on Father's Day. So that helps." And Kristen's like, "Yeah, I appreciate that they're explaining their dishes,

And Gail's like, well, but not one person, but Shwai came out to us on the other team, which is fine. I mean, I guess that's fine. We're still really holding a Shwai grudge over there in the new restaurant. Remember when we were over there at Mama Lipon or whatever it was called? And Shwai didn't even say hi to us. Still angry about it. Still angry. Oh, Gail. Still holding on.

Yeah, then we have second course comes Lana has this pith of the year with the VA. It was basically a puff pastry with with veggies in it. And so and that's fine. That's veg forward. But then because it has a lamb, the lamb jus, but that's it. But then Vinny, this was the biggest this this was like, really, this is a violation. He's like, okay, fine.

I made you a confit butternut squash served with some grilled pork served with some grilled pork it was giant slabs of pork in the center of the dish with like a little squash on the side like a little earring squash earrings on the pork

Yeah. He's like, we wanted to give you a little bit of protein. But wait, can I ask you about Lana's dish? It was just lamb jus. But then what'd they do with the lamb that came from it? Well, because normally this dish, I think they said at some point this dish is normally served with like a meat filling. And so they did a vegetable filling for this kind of puff pastry cake. But are you saying what do they do with the lamb that they made the jus with? Is that what you're asking? Mm-hmm.

You'll have to ask Gail because she got there first, unfortunately. Bless her heart. They saved it for Gail to use as mouthwash later. So if any serves his veg-forward pork dish, which is ridiculous. And then Kristen compliments Lana's technical work. And Tom's like, yeah, you know, I mean, the dough is slightly raw. I mean, it was like Gail in food form. Yeah.

Well, I mean, it could have been cooked a little bit more, but it's tasty, so that's good. Yeah, it's like Gail when she finds out the 7-Eleven sold out of Charleston Shoes. She's a little bit raw about it. So Nina loved Vinny's pork, and the squash was amazing. It was breathtaking squash, guys. And Janet's like, how do you get squash to taste that amazing? Oh, my God. Now, the low point on the dish, it was still executed well, was the pork. But God...

Low point. Low point pork. That's what I call it. Well, we call this sandbag pork. You tie it onto something and it drags everything down. Oh, you mean a gale pork? Yes, I'm familiar with the term.

So then Mossimo comes by and Tom's like, "Well, I mean, there was as much pork on the plate as there was..." And Mossimo walks away again. And Gail's like, "Okay, well, we just can't have a conversation here, I guess. I almost missed Shwai ignoring us, because that was a lot. How Mossimo came over here, I mean, can we get a break? I mean, geez, it's always Mossimo, Mossimo, Mossimo. I would like to talk about pork. Pork is my favorite subject."

I actually got an eight. I actually got a five on my AP pork test in high school. And Tom is like, do you feel like you're being handled? She goes, yeah, I feel like we've been over-touched a little bit at this point. Wow, that's a first, Gail. Am I right? So Tom is...

So Tom's like, yeah, I mean, there was as much pork on the plate as there was squash on the plate. And you're telling me this is veg forward? And he went, oh, that dish didn't come through. You might as well call it pork forward. I don't understand it. It's like, you know what it is? It's like you're going to a parking lot, and they say, park over here. But instead of saying park over here, they're saying pork. Pork over here. See what I'm doing there? See what the joke is? Am I porking or parking? What's the deal? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

If you're in healthcare, you've probably heard of FIGS, and if you haven't tried them yet, it's time you did. They're a total game changer. These scrubs are made specifically for awesome humans, designed to handle long shifts, constant movement, and everything the job throws at you all so you can perform at your best. I actually live by a medical center, so I have seen FIGS out in the wild. They look great. They're high quality. I've heard nothing but great things about this brand.

Fig scrubs are engineered for comfort and performance. They're lightweight, breathable, stretchy, and antimicrobial. Built to keep up with long shifts, back-to-back patients, and whatever the day throws at you. And fig scrubs have a modern, tailored fit without sacrificing function. Because who said you can't look great while you're doing great work? They come in flattering styles and colors with smart details so you can perform your best.

And this week is Nurses Week. Go to wherefigs.com and as Nurses Week exclusive, get 20% off everything. That's wherefigs.com to get 20% off. Happy Nurses Week. Happy Nurses Week.

Oh man, the weather is warming up and it's nice and cool at night. It's the best time to be outside on my patio. And you know what I've wanted? I've wanted those like big club chair things that kind of swivel for the outside. And I found them at Wayfair, baby. No surprise there because Wayfair has all things outdoor. I am in the market for a nice outdoor coffee table and I know that I'm going to get it from Wayfair because I already looked and there's like five different ones I'm ready to buy. Well,

Well, right now I'm all about the outdoor seating. I'm pretty much finding every single piece on Wayfair, which is amazing. I mean, they're not joking around over there. And I've already furnished most of my indoors with it. It's just so easy. And I can even have people come put it together. It is so convenient. They have everything your home needs during the warm weather season and also free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff.

Shop a huge selection of outdoor furniture online this summer. Get outside with Wayfair. Head to Wayfair.com right now. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair. Every style, every home.

May is the end of our tour schedule, and we are having a party, people! I'm so excited. We're going to have a huge party. I'm going to get a bunch of food, and guess where I'm getting it from? Whole Foods! Whole Foods Market helps you save on everything you need with the quality and ingredient standards you expect. Look for hundreds of yellow, low-priced signs that help you save without compromising the quality you expect.

from Whole Foods Market. And if you love strawberries, you're in luck because they're on sale right now. I seriously go to Whole Foods all the time just for casual eating. You know, I love their buffet, the best salad bar in town. Or I go there when I'm having a few people over for all my appetizers, charcuterie, if you will. It's there for all of my needs. Are you going to make something with strawberries? Heck yeah, it's a little shortcake in my life. Of course. Yeah. Their house brand, 365 by Whole Foods Market, has daily low prices to help start summer right.

entertain the wallet happy way with chips and salsa, organic ice cream, and refreshing sparkling waters. Your guests are gonna love it. Save on May celebrations with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market.

Let's be honest, nothing boosts confidence quite like great hair. But if you're seeing more strands in the shower, your confidence might not be at its highest. And that's why you need H.E.R.'s Hair. H.E.R.'s Hair treatments are made with doctor-trusted prescription ingredients that many other hair products out there don't have. They come in a variety of options, including oral and topical solutions, so you can find the one that works for you.

They even have options with added hair vitamins and supplements for extra support. Getting started is simple with a quick online hair quiz. Just answer some questions and you'll be connected with a provider to discuss your personalized treatment plan. Through hers, everything is 100% online, so no pharmacy trips, doctor's office visits, or insurance required. Plus, treatments start at just $35 a month.

And the best part? You can get thicker, fuller, healthier hair and start seeing regrowth in as little as three to six months. Start your initial free online visit today at ForHers.com slash crappins. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash crappins for your personalized hair loss treatment options. ForHers.com slash crappins.

Individual results may vary. Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information.

So now Flora and Fonagast are complaining about being hungry and not having menus or food. Everything's falling apart. But Mossimo's just walking around confident as hell, you know? And he's like, well, you know, things go bad. I make sure it's normal. That's what I do. So he's apologizing to tables. And meanwhile, at Nonne Pépin, they're running low on Tres Leches. And they had to put out extra churros instead. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun.

And then back at Flauna, Massimo brings out his dessert, which is that corn ice cream with the blueberry thing. It has like a little blueberry hat on it. It's like a crisp of blueberry. That's like a fascinator on it. And then Tristan has, okay, I love Tristan.

i really do he's clearly going to win this whole show because he wins every single week he's great he's wonderful he's cooking under extreme emotional duress at the moment like this is he's really being a champion his dessert looks delicious looks truly delicious but you know what my issue is going to be with it don't you you know where i'm going with this you know i'm already getting annoyed i cannot stand

Chocolate soil. Like, this is the stupidest culinary trend. It's been around for a few years now where you get dessert and someone makes like a chocolate crumble and calls it a chocolate soil. First of all, why are you calling it a chocolate soil? Like, yes, it looks like soil, but why do you have to take me there? I don't need to eat like a chocolate dirt. Also, like, it usually doesn't taste that good. It's usually kind of like a dry crumble that doesn't really help anything. It's just kind of like, wow.

I made something that looks like dirt. So I'm going to call it a dirt. And when you eat it, you'll find it's not dirt, but it's actually chocolate, but it still tastes kind of crumbly. Like the texture. It also looks just like a chocolate powder, a cocoa powder. It doesn't even look like anything, but that looks like you just like drizzled some cocoa powder on there. It's stupid. And the other thing it's like, I think my two least favorite things are chocolate. It's like a soil, a quote unquote culinary soil or a, a study. I can remember one time seeing one of these shows and someone brought out a dish. I had like, it was like a,

It was like a long dish and had three versions of like the same, like of using an ingredient. And like, this is a study in prosciutto. And I was like, oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Mine. My big pet peeve is a foam. I hate a foam. They look like spit. They're always gross. I just think they're disgusting. Never come out foamy. They always come out like a.

They always I hate those. But he didn't do that. He did do the dirt chocolate, however. And then he did some caramelized parsnip with sherry vinegar for a touch of acidity to bring that vegetable forward. Now, to me, this sounds disgusting. Chocolate custard with parsnips and acidity sounds gross. Sorry, but they like it.

Kristen calls it. They like it. It works. Yeah, it works. So Kristen said, Massimo's dessert was stunning. It was like the consomme of dessert and those plump blueberries. I mean, that could have been a dessert in and of itself. And Janet's like, yeah, the corn is subtle, but it's just, it's just so creamy. It's so perfectly made. And I smashed the beat with energy. Oh yeah. Because Massimo did a whole thing about like, you have to smash it with energy and then become one with the universe. So he had such a ridiculous preamble about his dessert. Yeah.

Everybody liked Tristan's dessert, and Gail's like, "The parsnip adds a little bit of sweetness, but it tastes very balanced." One thing Gail's never been on a teeter log. We always say, "Gail, get off that log," and she says, "No, I'm gonna do it anyway." Well, brings new meaning to the word "timber."

So Tom's like, well, these aren't pastry chefs, but it was executed well. So. And Nina's like cohesive, very cohesive. So now Vinny is like, God, we put so much pressure on ourselves because we wanted to perform for Tristan after his bad news. God, it's so difficult for Tristan, but he did it. He made it through, which is true. Tristan nailed it.

And even though he put sherry vinegar on a dessert and dirt, I'll forget that because he's had a rough day. But Kristen is another debating on what they like. And they think that flora and fauna basically delivered. But the other one was kind of a fail. Let's face it. This one wasn't very good.

confusing yeah it was pretty obvious at this point yeah who was gonna lose although i like that janet's like yeah it was very it was very sophisticated very elevated i just wanted that to be mirrored in the service i mean that was if i have to see one more waiter on his knees talking to me from below my water glass i'm literally gonna leave this entire industry yeah she's like if i ever have a dining experience compared to goodfellas again i'm never coming back to the show but otherwise good

So they go to the judge's table. Tom's like, So each team had an idea of what the restaurant should be. And I really believe that it was in both cases supported really well with your food, with your service, with your style. And I think that's the mark of a good restaurant. You know, you say who you are and you support it.

And of course, by both restaurants, I mean, only one really did it. The other one was a total failure. But we'll try to lift them up a little bit before we just savage them to pieces. Okay. One of you smelled good. One of you smelled ranted. Guess who it is. Not going to tell you yet, but we're going to find out. Okay. Some of you are better suited to just pooping on yourselves and being thrown out of houses. Okay. Okay. Pogmo? Pogmo? I guess one of you were like a thong. The other one of you is sort of like...

Granny panties. You try to figure out which one is which, because it's kind of in your vibe. All right. Are you just leaving this one open for me? No, Padma. We're trying to judge with the living, okay?

So Paula, they ask Nona Pippon how was their day. And Paula's like, oh, it was rocky. You know, I mean, we were running, but we were ready for the opening. And Nina asked Shwai what his approach for front of house was. Shwai, did you mean to suck Dick as the leader of the front of the house? And he's like, um, well, you know, I just trained him like I trained our staff at Jackrabbit Philly, which is a very well thought out blue as a pink color. So, uh...

Did it work? Well, we had questions. We asked you questions and unfortunately you told us the truth. Okay. We said, how are you? And you said, I'm tired. Okay. Congratulations. We're all tired. You think I want to be on this stupid fucking show? You've got to be selling us in your concept. I need more price. Wait, where's why did he, he literally left in the middle of this. He's gone again. I can't even believe this. So why could you please not smoke cigarettes while I'm trying to discuss things with you? Can we get a runner out there to find why we bring it back in? Okay.

So how did it go for Flora and Pufana? And Tristan's like, that was good. You know, we knew what we wanted and we did it. And so Tom's like, well, you want to talk about a front of the house or as I like to call it, bottom of the barrel. Anyone want to come put our elbows up on our table? How are your knees feeling after you spent all the time kneeling at every single table in the middle of this quote unquote fine dining restaurant?

You're on your knees more than my son is when he's begging for jobs mixing iced tea with liquor. So...

Wow. You're more, you're on your knees more than, well, probably gal has been ever, if you know what I'm saying? Wow. Got salty up here in heaven. So then, uh, Mossimo saying that he's like, Oh, it was somewhere in the middle of perfection at a car crash. Okay. It was that line right in the middle. Just running at that energy. Janet's like Mossimo. Okay. I'm also on the business side in case you didn't know. Cause I haven't reminded you in two minutes, um,

Your concept overall was extremely refined. You have a fantastic personality. I don't understand what Goodfellas has to do with any of it. Am I going to wind up in the trunk of some car? Come on. I'm a made man. You know what? You don't like Lorraine Brocco? Just say you don't like Lorraine Brocco.

I don't like Lorraine Bracco. There, I said it. Okay. I say this, you know what? Here's the thing. When Lorraine Bracco and I get together, we become broccolini, and that's just too much for people. Too close to home. So, you know, get more refined. And he's like, heard, heard. I heard that. Didn't like it? Heard it. Heard it. So, Kristen's like, okay, Flora and Pafana, stay here. Nona Pipone, stay here.

Rest on the side, you fucking losers. Okay. Paflora and Pafana, just because of the extra P-H's on two words, you win. So congrats. You won $40,000. Your name was just slightly more pretentious, and that really gave you the edge here. So you're going to get some food. Okay, we're going to talk food. And Nina really loved Lana's dish, because Lana, I loved her dish. It was so elegant. It needs to be on a menu at your restaurant. It's very Southern.

Nina was the one who was actually most negative about the dish. She's like, I didn't like the raw collard greens or something like that. And she said the trap was weird too. She bet she just liked the chip and the sauce. So I was like, oh, well, it's kind of a big change there, Nina. But they roll with it. Yeah.

You should put this dish on your restaurant so that way a reviewer can come in and trash it, and then you can see what it's really like to be a chef. Yeah, please do it at the Southern Restaurant so I can win again. Another year. Best chef. You should put it on your restaurant, get better reviews, and then you can see how it feels to be extremely talented and passed over yet again. And so Tom compliments Tristan and Kristen.

She said, "It didn't just feel like a rich chocolate pudding. The texture was beautiful. The sherry vinegar, that was the shining star for me." - And then Janet's like, "Vinny, what magic juju spell did you put on that squash? Because it's the best squash I've ever had in my life." He's like, "Well, it was cured in hollandaise. That's it, hollandaise. You were a nomad, didn't you?" - It's a very special squash. We call that a nomad squash. So hope you enjoyed it.

It's been around. It's a nomad squash. So, Rostov's dessert was also very good. And Gail's like, it was so balanced. There was tartness. There was beautiful textures. The dehydrated blueberry on top. One of the best dishes we've eaten all day, elbows.

You all won as a team, but there was one chef that really took it over the top for us. For me, it was the consomme, but for everyone else, Nina, Janet, as our guests, you get to announce who that is. A winning chef for today that contributed the most to the success of the team is Vinny. Just kidding. Of course, it's not Vinny. It's Tristan. I mean, you guys knew it was always going to be Tristan.

And so they clap and he credits the team and he tells them that his father passed away. And so it's really sad and they all kind of cry and stuff and tell him that his dad is proud. And Kristen's like, don't ever feel like you have to be on. This is also real life too. Yeah, look at Gail. She's never on and it's her 22nd season. On trend, that is.

Um, yeah, this is, this is well, so last season, what was sort of amusing to me was that toward like the last third of the season, every time Kristen had to eliminate someone, she started to cry. So this is her first cry, but this was like a well, a very well richly deserved cry because it was so sad. And I was crying too. I was like, everyone's crying. I'm going to cry too, but it was so sad. And they were so sweet to Tristan and they gave him, they really, they really supported him in a really loving way. And, um,

And they said, sorry for your loss. So then Kristen's like, okay, well, Nona Pipon, you had our least favorite restaurant of the day, in case you couldn't figure it out. Dummies sitting on the side. One of you will be eliminated. Let's start with Shwai. Wait, is Shwai, he left again, didn't he? Is he here? Is he tired? Tell us what's going on with Shwai.

So, Janet starts with the fruity de mar. The base of flavors was there, I just wanted the flavors amped up, you know? I mean, come on, give me something, give me a little Goodfellas. Hey, wait a minute! Not you, idiot. Not you. So, Nina's like, you know, the second something is under-seasoned, that dish falls flat. And so, Kristen goes, who executed that on the pickup?

And Shwai's like, Chef Paula picked it up. I had the pass. Oh, I thought you were asking what was Gail doing on a pickup truck? I said, that's her bathtub. Sorry, everyone. I was a little distracted on that one, so it didn't quite come together. Kristen's like, I needed a more pump up in the agua chili department. Okay, losers. And Gail's like, um, Bailey, the arancini were fantastic. Great start to the meal. Love the idea of the chorizo.

because you were bringing in the nana and the abuelita. Wow, chorizo. Every grandmother under the sun loves that shit. Am I right? God, what a grandma thing to do. Chorizo. But the cannelloni, I just had one frustrating issue with it. The almonds, they were whole. That was strange. It was very, very strange. You know, Gail, every time she lost a tooth as a kid, just put an almond in the slot. So I'm not sure why she's so upset about it now. Yes.

That's why for the longest time she was known as Gail Almondtooth Simmons. Sometimes she feels like a nut. Sometimes she feels like a nut. There's really no other option. So then Bailey is like, well, I wanted to finish in the RoboCoop.

Is that a machine, the RoboCoop? Is that like a blender or something like that? How do we not know that? Sounds like something we could waste money on, RoboCoop. But she didn't have time, so they immersion blended it. And Paula doesn't take credit for that, which I thought was weird, because that was kind of a Paula thing. And Tom's like, Paula, we all had a problem with your weird wet cake. That was a very strange texture. I mean, I...

Not really sure what to make of that. It was like reaching your hands into a grab bag and finding Gail in it. Could you even imagine? So then, wow, I mean, I'm just shocked by my own commentary at this point. I love Nina, because I don't know why this made me laugh so hard, but Nina just goes, it just looked like a soggy piece of cake. Anyone want to take this one?

Janet, you seem to be doing a good job. You want to go for this? Come on, soggy piece of cake. Gail, go, do it. What is it? Gail's yearbook picture day? I'll accept that. Dorothy Parker says, ha. And Nina's like, well, but then, you know, with the progression of the meal, I mean, we get to the final course, it's like a screeching halt.

And Paula's like, "Okay, I'll be honest, look, I'm the executive chef, so everything you guys have mentioned, it could have been fixed by me." And Gail goes, "Oh, everyone plays a role. Don't worry." Okay? Everyone plays a role. "Yeah, but some people fail more than others. Am I right? Rhymes with pale." Wow. Gail says everyone plays a role, but in the case of Gail, it seems like everyone eats a roll, too. Everyone bases their lifestyle around rolls.

So, Kristen talks to Caesar, and Tom's like, "The short rib, you know, I mean, that was braised nicely. There was a lot of flavor there." And Nina's like, "But the polenta, that was tight. Like, what was that?" Gross. Okay, there is a joke to be made here.

about Gail, but I think there's even a limit for me. So Janet's like, she's like, the churros, you want to deliver on crispy and then light and fluffy and then ended up feeling like it was dense. Dense churros. Dense, stupid churros. It was like that churro came up and got on its knees and took an order from us at the table. Stupid. Good flavors, though.

So, Kristen's like, do you guys have anything to add before we just completely decimate and send one of you home? And they're like, no. Bailey's like, I'm super proud of everyone on the team, but Paula just really crushed it. I mean, everything except the almonds, no offense. And she kept us super organized. She made sacrifices so our dishes could come to life. And Kristen's like, yeah, Bailey, you're always five steps from the grave as it is, so just go ahead and go back. She's like, okay, well, I tried.

Can I say something? I am still caught up on the robot coop. It's called not a robo coop. It's called a robot coop. It's a type of food processor. And I think it's like a high end, like destroys everything in its path thing. Like, it's like you put something in there and it's like, I didn't even know. I'm shocked. I never even knew about this thing. And it is, first of all, I love that it's called a robot coop. Like, yeah.

I'm mad. I want a robot coupe. I just want to say I have a robot. Like, I'm going to... Oh, time for me to make a pesto. Time to get out the pesto robot. We have to look into this. Okay, so time for DeLibs. They love Nina Pippon's concept. They had good follow-through, but at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing.

It's about the food that puts in front of us. And Bailey's dishes were good, which I was kind of surprised because Bailey's looked basic. Like she's serving just another big pasta thing. I didn't I wasn't into it, but they were. And they like the arancini and they thought that was the best dish. So Bailey is safe. And so now they're arguing on why. Like, should Caesar go home before Paula or Shwai? And they're like, no, Caesar, like at least his churro was decent. And with a girl who's like, I love churros.

I'm a big Chiro fan. Someone kept calling them Chiros. It was making me crazy. She said Chiro. Yeah. I know. I love a Chiro. And Gail's like, you know, it always comes down to the chef and the manager. And Janet's like, well, the only element that was a detraction from the concept was schwa. And Nina's like, yeah, there was no interaction. There's just like, how was everything? And then he just scurried away.

Yeah, I was kind of hoping it was going to be Shwai, even though I like Shwai too, but I don't know. Paula has an edge for me. And also, Shwai failed at the front of the house so bad that I thought it was going to be him. Yeah.

I feel like Paula, they did say that Paula, like they give credit to Paula that she sacrificed her own dishes to help everyone else. And I thought like she was doing a really good job as an executive chef. It's just that the dishes just didn't come together. They had a real, they were just totally screwed by that timing with the shopping and they never recovered. Where Shwai had like a mistake that was so...

It was an unforced error. That was a mistake that the other things could be like, okay, we lost track of time. We're trying to catch up. There was chaos. But his was just like, all you have to do is go over that table and don't say you're tired when you get there.

Well, also, they didn't like his dish, but a lot of the stuff was... So people helped him put it together, and the part they didn't like was the agua chile, and Paula helped him with that. So they blamed Paula for that, which is not fair, because that's his dish. Like, that was extra credit for her. So I didn't like that. And Tom's like, well, agua chile should have been seasoned, and it wasn't. And Gail, at least, is like, we're letting him off a bit easy here, okay? And so...

Kristen says, yeah, when you're a guest chef, one of the first things you do when you get to the event is you make sure that they're doing it how you want it done. So I'd rather have an under seasoned agua chili than that torta.

Yeah. And Tom's like, I mean, if she were a cook and had no responsibility, I'd have been cooking that dish. She goes home. And Gail's like, well, it becomes clouded a little bit by the amount of work the team really can make to use what Paula did as that Paula did as for the team as a chef. And Kristen's like, yeah, but like she didn't find the sauce. She's using aguacili. She just screwed up everything. Nina's like, well, I think the time management definitely got away. So basically it looks, it's pretty clear how this is going to go. And

Tom gives his closing monologue. Guys, well, you know, sometimes restaurants open. Sometimes they close. I went to Applebee's as a kid when they first opened. It was a mess. They were microwaving the cheese sticks. Nothing was working. Mayonnaise was on everything. But I still liked it because it was about $10 back then. My, how things have changed. Padma? Thanks, Tom. That was a great story that I'm going to tell no one up in heaven.

Let me tell you who didn't laugh at your story. Anne Rankine. Let me tell you why. She has taste. Okay. Go back to your little show, living people. Guess what Anne said? She said, I'm ranking that story as a zero out of zero. On a scale of zero to 100. She also said, well, is my stepsister Rank there? Oh, yeah, she is. Hi, Gail. Hi.

Oh, God. And Bob Fosse came over and said, how about this for a story? I dance better than all of you. It was strange. It didn't have anything to do with anything, but it set a tone. So, Kristen... Up here we call him Bob Fosse. God, that guy never stops complaining. He's the real Janet Zuccarini of heaven, am I right? Oh.

So it's Paola. She's out of here. And she's still proud of herself. And she's like, "We came as strangers, but I'm coming up with a whole community."

oh i'm gonna miss you know what i'm gonna miss most about paola i'm gonna miss her her little shawl that she just wears during the interviews just wrapped around her shoulders i love it i like her abuelita shawl i also like that she hates masamo so much and it's not yeah that's so it even though i don't hate masamo i feel kind of bad for masamo because he's just so misunderstood but he also is annoying as and i get why they hate him so i support i support it he was too casual with the service but the truth is he actually ran that room very well he was really good about tending on guests

And when Tristan was having a freak out about that one crazy service server, Mossimo was very calm and went and handled it. So he actually did a really good job front of house, despite like his Applebee's, uh,

service. But anyway, that's it for Restaurant Wars. Another one bites the dust. It's always a good episode, and in this case, an emotional one, too. Thanks to everyone for being here. Go to WatchYourCrapins.com to get your tickets. Go to Patreon.com slash WatchYourCrapins to watch us and also to get bonus episodes and things like that. And we're going to catch you on the next episode of WatchYourCrapins. Bye, everyone! Bye!

Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley auto. Put your hands together for Carly clap. Get on the right foot with Chrissy off it. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. It's a Sheila.

We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickless. Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no less namey. She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Bringing the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes, we can-a, it's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches, besties.

Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's the VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen. It's Queen Laifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Kurz. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. She gets an A. It's Kelly B.,

We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it. It's Lola Alcalani. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a can in Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person.

A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret.

From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.

So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.

You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.