#2873 Love Hotel S01E6, Part 2: Friends and Lovers
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Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. So Brant is questioning Wale. He's 38. Ralph is 61. And Ashley's like, so something we talked about is children. This thing with Ashley is hilarious to me. So she tells Wale, hey,

So, Wale, I mean, do you want children? And he goes, sure. When? Probably in a few years. A few years? That's so long. He's like, okay, like in a week then. She goes, oh my God, Wale wants my children in a week. Well, I can't date Wale. It's so hard having children with a man. I'm like, you have two children at home, Ashley. Okay? Are we forgetting that? Any man you're going to be with is already going to be a father to your children.

Yeah, she keeps moving the goalposts when it comes to the children stuff. And then Brandon asks, like, well, how do you feel about being a stepdaddy, both of you? And Wally's like, well, it would depend on the children. I mean, do the children like me? Like, that's a big factor. And she's like, oh, my God. And then Ralph was like, you know, I dated women with children. I got kids. But you just have to work that out organically and see if it works out or not. So it's his non-answer answer. She goes, yeah, wow, that's hot.

well, should we play a little game? Okay, there's a game called This or That. That's where you say two options and then the person's pick one of the options. Okay, this or that. That's a really advanced game. Mountain or beach.

Well, he wants mountain Ralph on speech and Ashley wants speech, which means she's going to end up with Ralph because that's a huge one. So Brant's like, do you want a really great sex or really great date night? And Ralph wants sex. And while they also want sex. OK, so then Ashley wants a great date because that's longer lasting. She's like, most sex last three minutes. And they're like, what? And while he's like, yeah, then you definitely need good sex. You should have answered sex.

Excuse me, I was wondering if I could join in on this game of this or that, which is also a game I play when I go to a cocktail party and I decide, hmm, cocktail weenie or tortilla chip, this or that. I noticed that one of the options was mountain or beach. I cannot but notice that when I played this game with Earl, his options were lake and lake. Were we playing it wrong? Yeah.

He said lake and in and out. So I'm not really sure. He said lake or cheddars. What is cheddars?

Is he trying to push a cheese agenda on me or is that an actual dining establishment? Cynthia is still questioning Mark and he does brownstones in New York City. He restores brownstones. His last relationship was over a year ago and that lasted six years ago. And he will not say how young she was because she was young. Yeah.

And this is, yeah, they keep trying to get around this, but he's not. So then they move on to Mitch who, I mean, I don't care. I'm not paying attention to Nick, uh, to Mitch, uh,

So Cynthia's like, Luann's like, well, Mitch wants to be a globetrotter. That's hot. So then James chimes in. He's like, who is Mitch, by the way? Say it again. Who is Mitch, by the way? I love that Mitch is a globetrotter. Now, who is this man? It's like he's sitting right here. He's been on the entire episode. The globetrotters are fantastic. You know, they are actually considered cabaret performers. They live in Harlem.

So, James, I didn't even know there was a place above the Upper East Side, but turns out that's where all these globetrotters live.

So James has his body draped around Cynthia, and Cynthia is kind of looking grossed out. And so he's like, all right, two questions. Would you consider New York as a third place, or would you consider a third leg as a good boyfriend? Because I got both of them. Yeah.

And Mitch is like, well, I would consider anywhere on the planet to move to. And James is like, well, okay, but do you think that you really love her? Do you think that you could love her the way she deserves to be loved? Mark is like, okay, are you going to shut up? James, be a gentleman. Don't hang on my girlfriend with the way you are. Okay, James, you know what? James,

Compose yourself, okay? Don't have your arm around Cynthia. You're here for me. She's not your girlfriend. She's mine. Why the fuck did the bellhop bring a former model onto your current model, I should say? God damn it, I'm supposed to be the star. Listen, you may have been to Amsterdam, but you're never going to Cynthia. Back the fuck away.

Back the fuck away, James. And he's like, well, but I didn't mean anything. You're right. You're right. You better get your hand down. Put your hand in your pocket and pretend you've got some change in there. That is disgusting. How dare you? You're right. I'm sorry, Luann. Well...

I hope you get those hands out of Lake Bailey because I don't know where I was going with that. I just wanted to say Lake Bailey. Anyway, the point is, be a gentleman. So Luanne, I love that she just totally scolds James. And she should have, by the way. And I'm glad that she did because he was all over Cynthia and Cynthia did not seem to be happy about it. Yeah. Cynthia's like, I'll move over.

I'll just move over here. So then she gets told off. And now Joel brings everybody back together. He's like, I can't wait to hear how the mixer went. Mm-hmm.

All right, everyone, grab a seat. So, Miss Cynthia Bailey, give me the rundown. And so she's like, well, Mitch was great. And I love that he's at peace with his life. And I feel like James and Luanne have undeniable and insane obsessive chemistry, despite the fact that he was groping my backside. But I feel like I want to get to know Mark a little bit more. I want to know what causes a man to have Santa styling, but Aladdin fashion. So I choose Mark.

Basic Gay, what did you think of the Ashley verse? What did you think of Ashley in the Ashley verse? Are you Ashley versing with the citizens of Ashley verse? Well, my choice for Ashley is Ralph because we all know she can't get over her daddy issues. Okay, all right, good, good. Ashley loves a little bit of rosacea. Okay, so Ralph it is. Let's go.

All right. So, Cal, what about you? And Cal's like, Giselle likes money, so Phil. I'm like, okay. And Sophie and Adeline, who of the one people...

Who of the one people that is currently interested in Shannon would you like to go on a date with Shannon? Yeah. And they're like, well, you know, my mom always takes care of other people. So I think she needs someone who can take care of her. And that would be Earl. And I was like, really? What is he going to do? Put algae on a cut? Like, what is the man going to honestly be able to do?

I mean, at this point, I'd be willing to date the valet over here. I mean, it's just... The options are dwindling.

Okay, so the dates have been chosen. There are some cooking dates, guys. Cooking dates coming up. Let's see what these men are made of. Ashley's going to mixology class. Giselle is going to pastry class. Shannon, guacamole class. And Luann, paella class. That's right. And as we all know, that's a class where you eat pies and sing Rihanna songs. So then...

So, mixology class with Ashley and Ralph. And they do that. Ashley's like, it's all in the wrist. He's like, tell me about it, honey. So, they drink their stuff. And Ralph goes, wow, daddy-like. She goes, oh, my God. Brant's like, did you say daddy-like? He goes, yeah. He goes...

Wow. He said, daddy, like, I don't, I don't know about, I'm never going to live with that one down. Huh? Brandon's like, this guy is so disgusting saying daddy, like, oh my God, take me to the closet right now. Let's do it. She said this guy who, when they kiss is like, and then he's like, daddy, like, oh, I'm so cheesy.

So then we go over to Giselle and Giselle's like, Phil is a catcher. Phil is a great guy. But Cal's very protective. Very, very protective. So let's see. So Cal's like, you know, they cook a little bit. And then we see Shannon going to her guacamole class. And she goes, oh, my God. Wow. Is that a sombrero? Wow.

Yes! I love sombreros. Wow. Oh, Earl, I notice that you're not putting on your sombrero. You've never worn a sombrero before? First the vegetables, now a sombrero? Oh, my goodness. You know, sombreros are a very major costume piece in my award-winning show, Dos Amigas, which used to be Tres Amigas before one of them turned into an absolute cow. But, yeah.

Okay, the sombrero's depressing me. Could someone get Tamara on the phone? We just need to settle this. So Adeline is like, I think Earl's a really sweet guy and I think he has really good intentions and it's really refreshing to see my mom talk to a guy that, you know, like that because he's definitely the opposite of her previous relationships. Yes, because my previous relationships were on a coastline and Earl is on a lake. So, take it with a grain of salt, which you might not find in a lake. I'll tell you that much.

So now the chef brings over crickets and she's like, um, cricket, am I supposed to eat people playing the sport or the bug? Because I'm not doing either thing. I'm not a cannibal or a cricket eater. I will not do it unless it's Jiminy. Honestly, I never liked that little person's advice. Oh, well, Ralph, they have an entire bowl of your phone. Oh, not that kind of cricket.

So Adeline eats one and Shannon's like, is there a doctor? Can we get a doctor? Oh, there's a doctor over there. Could you please ask him to also bring my spinach artichoke dip? It's week seven. I'm sorry. I did not realize that crickets were an option for this or that because I would not have chosen this or that.

So they're like crazily eating crickets and stuff. And Adeline's like, it was really good, but I got to get the leg out of my teeth real quick. Excuse me. I raised my daughter to be a lady and look at her have a cricket in her teeth. And then Earl's like eating it. And he's like,

He enjoys it, so he eats a few of them. Oh, oh, oh, I see. So you're having more than one? You're eating them like peanuts, Earl. And yet when it comes to a carrot, suddenly that's off limits. Oh, should I just start calling celery sticks crickets now? Will you be into the band? Hey, Earl, would you like a salad of romaine and tomato? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to say worms and butterflies.

So now Luann has her class and the chef's like, your knife is a new knife. So be careful. This knife is dangerous. And Luann's like, especially on a threesome. Am I right? Luann is like drunk by now. She is swinging that like sharp ass knife around. She's like, oh, well, you know, this reminds me of the time that I auditioned to be part of the Pirates of Penzance sword fight.

I'm a shark, you're a jet. That's scatting, right? That's Divine Design by Candice Olsen, everybody. You're welcome.

There's a place for scouting. A beautiful place for a boop-a-doop. A boop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop. A boop-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop. They're like, ma'am, you just cut off my pinky. Well, get stronger pinkies. They told you the knife is dangerous? So...

Now Luann is talking to Mark about, you know, Mark's trying to be sexual about the seafood. They have lobster, prawns and stuff like that. And so Mark's like, yes, suck the head. And Cynthia goes, that's later. That's later.

And then, so now the chef is like, "Just chop the onion, tomato and garlic." So Luanne takes this knife and she whacks it down on the onion so hard the onion goes flying into the air. And you know, the chef was like, "Oh my God, these people are going to get themselves injured." And in fact, Mark somehow does actually get injured. I don't know how it happens. I don't know if it's from Luanne or whatever, but now he's bleeding.

So, and the chef is like, uh, this is dangerous. Okay. This is like, you guys are joking around. This is dangerous. Are you okay? And I was like, Oh, he cut himself. I drew blood. Don't worry. I was a nurse 45 years ago in the rural confines of Connecticut. Here, come with me to the bathroom and I will treat you. I will suture you up. I'll be a Florence Nightingale. And just like Florence Nightingale once said to her favorite patient,

So then Cynthia's like, wow, you should really not be around knives, by the way. And Luanne's like, I know how to chop. And Cynthia goes, and you know how to cut. Deep, deep, very deep. So then we go back to Giselle and Phil. And Giselle is loving it so far. And she talks about...

How they got to see an astrologer. And Giselle's like, you know, she looked at Phil and said, he's rich. So he also changes all of the time, but for the better. And Phil's like, you know, my communication is much better because I would only speak to people in Bel-Air. Now I only speak to people in Bel-Air, but I'll wave to people outside of the borders of Bel-Air. So I've changed quite a bit. You know, I used to be a controlling, horrible asshole of a man. And then I decided...

I'll be single for a while. So I think I've changed for the better. She's just putting up red flag after red flag. And Giselle's like, so you're saying you're a selfish and you lived in the film movie. He's like, hmm, it was a very good movie.

I would disappear for days on end. I would go to exotic places like Brentwood, California, where no one knew where I was. Because when you're outside of Bel-Air, you don't go outside of Bel-Air. It's all just a misty wilderness outside of those gates. But I would disappear for days on end. I once traveled out of the country to a gorgeous country called Tarzana. Huge, homegirls, huge.

No one knew where I was and I wouldn't tell them. And I just wouldn't talk to people. And I would do what I wanted to do. And I would be...

I was controlling too. I would say, you don't get to leave Bel Air today. All those fun things. I mean, this guy sounds actually terrible, but like all that Giselle and Cal see are just like dollar signs because Giselle sees the money. She's like, I want a rich, rich husband. And Cal's like, I need my client to have a rich husband because she still has to pay me for her services. Yes, exactly.

But also it's interesting to me because they're like, okay, Phil, we really want to open up. Like, what are your faults? And then he's honest about what his faults are. He's like, well, in my last relationships, I've been selfish, right?

And then I didn't really know how to communicate. And so those are things that I've worked on that I think I've gotten better at. And then they're like, oh my God, he's selfish and doesn't communicate. I'm like, no, he was that way. He's actually communicating very well now. I mean, he told you exactly what his problems are, but they're like gross. That reminds me, I went to a job interview one time and the lady was like, what's your biggest fault? And I was like,

sometimes I just like, don't feel like it. Sometimes I'm just lazy. Like I totally, and I mean, I was really young obviously. And I didn't get the job and I told my friends and they were like, why would you say that? And I said, cause she said to be honest. And they're like, well, yeah, you can't, no one wants you to really be honest, Ronnie. No one wants you. I, I, I found that same trap. My friend was like, I had randomly an interview with the NBA, right? Like it was like, it was right after college to like,

I don't know, there was some position at the NBA. I was like, that sounds fun. I could work at the NBA. Wouldn't that be fun? Me working at the NBA. And my friend was like, I was like, I don't know what I should do to prep for this. My friend was like, just be honest. So I went in to meet with the NBA and they're like, well, what would you like to do? I was like, I'd like to be a writer. They're like, okay, well, the NBA. Sometimes honesty is not good. It's time for a commercial.

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So then we go back to Shannon, and they ask if he's ever seen a Real Housewives show. And he's like, well, no, but I mean, you can't live in the United States and hear about those rubber-faced idiots. Am I right? I mean, I thought Orange County was in Florida. And they're like, oh, there isn't Orange County in Florida. He's like, ah, well, then I was half right.

I mean, she, you know, she, she could have walked right by me and except for finding her attractive, I want to throw that in. I don't, you know, that would make me turn my head, but not because she's a housewife or anything. I mean, do you expect the person that you are to watch every show with you? Because, uh,

By the way, fun fact, I am an ardent fan of Fly Fishing USA, so I was kind of thinking we have a little bit of a battle for the TiVo. Yeah, here's the thing. You want me to watch this show with you, but I looked it up on the Internet, and it turns out it's on at the same time as Wild Tuna. So...

I just worry because I have a season pass to Angler United. And it's a really compelling soap opera for men who like fish. Well, I just, I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, you know, the hardest part of doing these shows is having to go through it all again and watch it. So, of course, I would need some, I would need to support Earl there to just tell me I'm right. Call the other women bitches when they betray me. You know, the simple things, Earl. I,

I need to figure out if I can date a simple man and whether or not he will be safe if he ever meets Heather Dubrow, because I'm actually very concerned about how that would turn out. I would be too. Cause you know, Heather Dubrow and Terry Dubrow would just rip him apart. I think I actually need them to be together just to have Shannon bring Earl to dinner party at the Dubrow's. And I think like, so Earl, you live on a lake. What exactly is that? Can it be bought? Yes.

Do you remember when they brought the first Dr. Jen over to their house with her kind of like trashy husband who never had a shirt on and they just completely decimated him? Oh my God. That was one of my favorite episodes of Orange County of all time. That was such an underrated episode. That was so hilarious. And then the guy, he,

put the napkin in his shirt. Oh my God. He put the napkin in and was like ready for meal. And then Heather was making eyes at her, like wine, like wine owning people, like members, your friends, the winery friends. And they were looking, it was, I, I, I, that is one of the most brilliant in your shirt. Do you need somebody to chew, chew the mouth into your mouth, the food into your mouth? So Earl,

Tell me, do you often show up at dinner parties with your shirt open like that? I heard there'll be dancing. Earl needs to know that Real Housewives is a huge part of my life. And he's like, I don't know if I can handle someone being mean to Shannon. She goes, well, I just, I don't know. It might be too simple for me.

So he's like, I have to be honest. If I got to watch a show, I don't know if I could do this. So we finally found Earl's breaking point. And it's having to watch an episode of Real Housewives. Earl's like, fuck this. This lady can emotionally abuse me. She can go find the son who begged me not to be in this life and changed his name and social security number and moved like into the witness protection program to not see me. But here's the breaking point. I have to watch a Real Housewives show. I'm out.

Well, mainly because he knows that there would be like a spread of vegetables put before him to watch it. It's like, well, I put out some carrots and some celery for us to enjoy. We'll be watching this television show. Hang on, I can't do this. It's a bit too much for me, Shannon. That was a trigger point for me. So, of course, Luann is doing the typical Luann stuff on her date. She's like, wow, this is delicious food. I'm having an orgasm over here, boys. Yeah.

Cynthia's like, all right, no more orgasm talk. I'm just trying to vet this man. Fine, I'll stop speaking. And instead I'll sing orgasm. So now we get to the real meat of this, which is Cynthia asking, have you ever dated anyone Luann's age? And he's like, well, no, I mean, close, close, but no. How close? Well, if you took the two numbers of her age and you reversed them.

Let's see. What is 300 minus 22? I think that's... Pi. So he's just kind of like... It's just Pi. I've dated Pi. 3.124...

31, 24, 14, 8, 9, yeah. Cynthia's like, but how close to her age? And Lou, I was like, not close enough. Took him long enough to answer. Jesus Christ. No wonder you didn't make out with me. You only make out with girls who still got their molars in. Yeah.

What happened to the Wins molars? Aren't those things you have removed at some point? Wisdom teeth. I don't just get wisdom teeth removed, I get molars too. Listen, when you're working your jaw a lot, you need to have as much space as possible.

So, yeah, he basically it's clear he just likes the young ladies. Yeah. So he's an old he's an old wealthy man about town. Luann knows all about this. They keep showing clips of, you know, her exes, the gross guys on Real Housewives of New York. So she already knows this. This is not going to be great for her, but she will still go back and like date him and fuck him.

- Yeah, I mean, she'll fuck him, but like he, 'cause he basically, he hedges and says, "I'm interested in people who I can have fun with." The implication being that younger people tend to want to have more fun. But for Luanne, it's just like, okay, this guy's not serious. He just wants to be silly.

And so Mark is like, well, do you want me to say I love you like James does? Well, I didn't ask that. But yes, if you want to say that, that'd be perfectly fine. So I mean, that's crazy. I mean, the craziest thing I ever heard. I mean, doesn't that frighten you a little bit? Yes, terribly. Also, I'm very aroused by it. She loves that. She loves that Mark is saying I love you.

Yeah, that Jeff was or whatever. But she's like, you know, of course, of course, it's scary when he says it too early. But it also scares me that you're not saying it too early. You see, it may be scary, but it happens all the time, Mark.

Are you here? Are you here to play? Are you here to go home? Come on, Mark. What you got in ya? You're playing with the big boys now. So she is thinking this probably isn't going to work, but we'll see. So she's like, I mean, I'm not sure if he knows how to have a committed relationship. And that worries me. So Cynthia's like, you know, I don't think that this is really happening, Luann. I mean, you'll be good friends, but there's something missing here. This is not working for you.

So now, meanwhile, over with Ashley, Ralph and Brandt, they're cheersing and Ralph's like, I'll drink to that. And Brandt's like,

So, is there anything that gives you reservations? Because both of you are just from different backgrounds. You know, I mean, you have kids and divorces, but like, that's it that you have in common? And Ash is like, no, well, there is some validity to this question, but he does kiss like a lizard, and that is very attractive to me, and he does seem like he's like a not terribly interesting person, and that's also attractive to me, so I don't know. He's like, I don't know if I could move, you know, maybe I could move. And she's like, well, he lives in Tennessee, so do I see myself in Tennessee? Yeah.

No. But do I see myself in Tennessee with someone really old, kind of smelly, a little bit of rosacea and watery eyes? Yes. So I don't know. Where will my boner lead me? Why isn't the discussion about why, like, why isn't it about like where the men moving to Ashley? Why is she seeing her trying to figure out her life in Rhode Island or Tennessee? They're here for you. They're going to move. They should move to you in Potomac. Okay.

So it's always interesting on these dating shows because that becomes one of the big things in the end is they date, they fall in love and then they're like, but you just live so far. So should we localize this? Because it seems weird to like start hooking people up from all over the country. And then there are people who won't move, you know, but then if you do say you would move, then they would think you're crazy. Like, what do you mean you'd move for me? That's you're moving a little quickly, Ralph. Yeah.

I want a dating show called Let's Localize This. Localize this. You know, get like Grindr. See who's a block away. See if they'll work for you. You know? Oh, by the way, this has nothing to do with Grindr, but I think I have new neighbors and I think they couldn't sell the house next door to me probably because it's way overpriced and ridiculous. So I think what's happening is that they have rented it out and now there are like seven young people moving in there to like have a share house.

And I'm about to freak the fuck out. Huh? Is it like a share house or is it like an influencer house? Well, that wouldn't surprise me because they're all really young and really fit and good looking. And they're always on their phone. Like I can see them from up here and they're always like they're unpacking, but they're holding a box here. And then they're like taping themselves while they're packing. So probably are. Maybe it's an only fans house. Okay. I'm in. That's good. I'm like, that sounds fun.

Hey, you guys want some Rice Krispies? I'm Ronnie. I'm your next door neighbor. Just wanted to welcome you to the house. Let's localize this. So then... You come out there, you're like, Moana, Moana. So...

Brandt is like, "Um, Ralph, what has someone in a relationship said that you have been maybe moody about?" And he was like, "Well, I'm impatient, okay? I mean, oh wait, I have to back that up real quick because I can make this sound traumatic. At a very late age, I spent hours, eight hours researching ADHD, OCD, dyslexia and discovered, holy shit, I just sat down for eight hours doing something that told me that I can't do something for eight hours straight."

So this is me. I went and I saw someone and I didn't self-diagnose, but it turns out I'm all of these. I'm ADHD, I'm OCD, and I'm dyslexic. And I opened up a book. I own a lot of books, but I opened up a book

And it looks like the alphabet threw up. Well, I mean, this is exactly what Ashley needed. Like, the vulnerable, like, wounded man who's, like, dealing with something. See, this is what Wally has not given Ashley. Wally needs to give a sob story. I mean, Ralph's is a pretty standard. I don't even think Ralph's is a sob story. I think this is a very standard thing that, like, a lot of people deal with. But he presents it like, yeah, man, I've got ADHD. And she's like, huh?

Oh, my God. I can teach you to read at the same time as my children. This is adorable. But also, I, you know, part of me doesn't trust Ralph. I've never trusted Ralph. I mean, I've made it very clear on this show. There's something about Ralph. I just don't trust him.

that he seems like an asshole. He just does. So he's saying now that he's very impatient. That's his biggest flaw. And so now he's realized through reading about it, that it's actually, you know, he's, he's diagnosed all these reasons, but to me, it sounds like you're a grumpy asshole is what it sounds like. And you're a grumpy asshole. Who's come up with a reason that you can say it's medical there. Now, as far as the 80, the reading and stuff, I'm not really sure like the dyslexia, um,

But the other stuff, I'm like, are you just not grumpy? Yeah, it still doesn't explain why you say things like, daddy like me. Yeah, you can't blame ADHD for that. He's like, well, I was trying to read a book about etiquette, but unfortunately it didn't make sense to me. So I didn't get the lesson. So I just say, daddy like me.

But also you're mixing a lot of things in there. ADHD, OCD, and dyslexia. That's a lot. Did you just run out of time to give yourself other things? He's like, well, I also discovered I have restless leg syndrome.

And it makes me impatient. It's in the leg. Tell me about it. I've figured out I had that when I couldn't stop trying to find the beat of things. Now I have a cabaret. Hit it, boys. I've got restless Congo syndrome.

So he's like, it's a journey. Oh, now they're honking. I'm going to kill these people. Oh, that's not going to last. The influencers are honking? I'm telling you. I could hear them like yelling back and forth at each other. And now I hear them fucking honking out there. Probably just one of them is taking too long inside and they want to leave. They're going to have to. Auntie Ronnie is going over there soon. Bueller, you better get your. Go over with a rolling pin. Be like, next time you're going to get this up the side of your face.

Yeah, that's not going to work. Or one of those salt guns that they use for flies. You know how you can shoot the flies with a salt gun? Is this a co-ed house? Is it all men or women? No, it's co-ed. It looks half and half so far. I'm going to need some photos soon. Just letting you know. Oh, God, that's all I need. Our creepy neighbor is up there taking photos of us. Hey, mister, you want a better shot?

Okay, so they've already got me up here taking notes. I'm like, the blonde one took a box in while filming herself. The brunette one honked. The brunette one honked. Okay, so Ashley is, of course, in love now. And he's like, I'm on a journey. I'm trying to get better. I'm on such a period of discovery. Daddy like. Daddy like.

I really like that Raph is being forthcoming. I think that's a good sign for how he would be in a relationship. Did you overlook the part where you said he was impatient, though? Like, you like that he's forthcoming, but you seem to forget. Like, you also just found out he'll be very impatient in a relationship, too. Yeah. So then we go to Theo and James joining Shannon, Earl, and the daughters by the bar. And, um...

You know, they're just asking about Luann and stuff like that. So then Ashley has a conversation with Wally and every conversation they have ends up in an argument. So it's always fun to see how it happens. Yeah. So she checks in with him and he's like, oh, my God, look at you. Red lip, red dress. T, you didn't do my accent today. So she does her accent or his accent.

She goes, "Well, I do do it well." So she, he's like, "Go ahead, go ahead." So she's like, she does her little thing and she goes, "You know, 'cause I didn't know that people from Rhode Island spoke like that. Like, where does your accent come from?" He's like, "I'm not sure to be honest." And she goes, "Well, I don't want to be offensive to other cultures, but I do really like accents." So he's like, "Well, which accent do you like the most?" She goes, "I really like the Nigerian accent." He's like, "Okay, well, you want to learn something in Yoruba and the actual language?" She's like, "Yeah." And he's like, "Okay."

So there's just, it seems like I was like, okay, this is going well. They're having a conversation. They have not started to fight yet. Is this going to be their first successful? It didn't end up in a fight. And I don't think, I think their love language is arguing about stupid things. And so now that they're not arguing, I'm like, they're dead. This couple's dead. Yeah.

But Ashley says, each passing minute that I spend with Ralph and Wale, my feelings for them are just growing stronger and stronger. And my mind just keeps going to the fact that eventually I'm going to have to pick one of these guys. And I just don't know how I'm ever going to do that. It's Ralph. It's definitely Ralph. It's Ralph. And that brings us to the end of Love Hotel. Does it?

i think it's over isn't it no what happened else what else happened i closed the notes i mean it's fine for it to be the end oh wait oh no oh my god there's multiple pages left why are we doing five hour recaps of love hotel for sake i was very shocked

And that was the end. I really thought that was the end. Okay, there's space at the bottom of the page. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Sorry. Okay, so we go to Shannon and James talking, and they're talking about Luann. And Shannon's like, wow, that Luann, what a kick in the pants.

Does she make you laugh? She makes me laugh when she steals all the hot men and leaves me the turtle. Hilarious, actually. That's hilarious. I stopped my entire life by the beach to come down here to another beach to watch all the men gets taken by Luann and I get stuck with the one guy on this hotel who enjoys a leak.

Oh, wow. Laughter. Oh, yeah. I like Luann a lot. I mean, she makes me laugh so hard. I fell in love with her. That's why I fell in love with her. Love? James, how many days have you known her? I'm going to say days. I mean, it hasn't even been a week. So let's calm down on the love. I mean, is she a croissant? No. We don't feel love that quickly for non-croissant things.

Shannon's like, I mean, she met her husband, the Count. She literally met a Muppet and married a Muppet. Can you believe it? And it only took six weeks. And then LeBron's like, two weeks. Well, I wish you'd make your choice now. So that way you would release all these men who I am not able to talk to because they still think they got a shot with you. It was two weeks, but he had a title, to be fair.

So Shannon's like, well, I mean, she just, she wants it so much. Luanne wants it so much that she's willing to say it's all going to work out. I would personally never settle. But anyway, off to another date with Earl the Pearl. So Mark is thinking that their date made things a lot worse because he likes young chicks and just had to admit to it, but he's going to keep trying. He's going to keep trying guys. Yeah.

And James is still trying to explain why he said he's in love with Luann. No, I mean, I can fall in love with people as friends very quickly. I mean, because, you know, and now that it's like morphing into a relationship, being in love with her as a friend or being in love with her more. What I'm trying to say is I like literally just fantasize about her 24 hours a day. I love everything in her body, but that's it. It's pretty chill.

And Shannon's like, um, I think that's scary. It's a few days. And Giselle's like, it's a little red flaggish. So, well, no.

Says the woman who is currently still talking to the guy who's like, well, sometimes I'll walk away. I just leave for a week and no one knows where I am and I don't talk to them. And then when I'm back, I'm controlling. Yeah. He's like, one thing, if I need a break, I would hide my wife's keys and then I would go away for a week. But I've learned now, leave the keys in the bowl.

So Mark and Wale are talking and Wale is like, oh my God, Brant's over there fucking my shit up. What the hell? And Mark's like, oh, I'm sure you were smooth, buddy. You know, you got some magic. You came in strong. It's like, ah, it ended okay. It ended okay. So then Earl goes to Shannon's door and he's brought gifts for the girls. Oh, it's

I don't know if I want it. I don't. He's like, I got you some trinkets. Okay, girls, this one's yours and this one's yours. I don't know if I want Earl's selections from the hotel gift shop. All right. Well, those are some fishing hooks. You got Adeline and Sophie. You've got worms. Okay. You put those on the hooks. You can eat them too, if you want. Uh,

And this is an IOU. It's for an oversized whale painting that I saw in the lobby. Well, we've got a gift for you, Earl. We have found your stepson. We have tied him up and we've put him in the hotel safe. So if you're ready to meet him.

So Cal and Giselle are talking and Giselle's like, well, now I'm looking at Phil with a different lens. You know, you've been playing it safe, Phil. You've been trying to edit yourself so I don't send you home and I don't want that. But he's rich. You're right. Never mind. Yeah, but this is the part where I was like, how are you going to say he's been editing himself? He was so forthright with you. Now you're mad at him for being honest with you. So you're going to kick him out. Yeah.

and luanne's saying i want someone that's gonna chase after me who's really into me someone to love me someone to hug me someone to call me their own cynthia's like yeah you need attention so brandon ash you're walking on the beach and um you know ashley's saying that um like ralph is saying everything she'd want to hear

And, and Brant's like, yeah. And I thought, you know, and I thought it didn't, he didn't raise any red flags. He's like very self-aware also. I'm like, what, what about isn't a red flag? Yeah. What about daddy? Like that's a red flag. But they did, you know, he's like, you love her. You love him. I love him. Fine, hon, whatever. So then we go to Shannon and they're talking about Earl and,

And Shanna's like, "Oh, look at those gifts. It's so nice. Isn't that nice that we all gave you those gifts?" You know, Shanna starts talking where she tightens her mouth and her teeth. "That is so nice." Does anyone feel like they hear Huey Lewis in the news? "Oh, it must be the singing bass he gave you girls. That's a lovely gift."

A fish on a wall. It's hip to be square, I guess. That's what the lesson is. And they're like, he's so nice, Mom. Please just date him so we don't have to listen to you cry every night that we're trying to have our own lives out of town. And she's like, well, here's the problem, girls.

He doesn't like criticism. And I'm me. So I'm not really sure. My love language is criticizing. He doesn't eat vegetables. My other love language. And he doesn't like criticism. So I don't know how I am going to deal with this.

How am I supposed to voice concerns that might be construed as negative? And they're like, yeah, communication is great. Yeah, but when somebody says that you're criticizing me and you hurt my feelings, then that communication is not good. Okay, so I don't know. I really care about him, but unless he can let me speak to him in a rude way, I'm not really sure that we're meant to be together.

So now it cuts to everyone gathering back in there, sort of like that weird room that's not like a lobby, but the sofa room. And all the guests are gone. All the friends of are gone. And Joel's like, all right, well, exciting day. Your friends have left. We didn't even see them say goodbye. We just sort of crossfaded into here. So congrats, they're gone. So now my least favorite part of the job, the next elimination will be right now. No!

No, I'm just kidding. Wow. Oh, wow. It's nice to see that the chef at the resort has some jokes up his sleeve.

That was hilarious. How many more episodes does this show have, exactly? Is anybody going to tell us, or are we just going to keep going until we're dead? Barkeep, I have a question. Would you be interested in a singing bass that sings songs like Heart of Rock and Roll and Hip to be Square? It's free of charge, just for you, for all your good deeds.

That brings us to the end, really, this time of Love Hotel. Love Hotel. Thanks, everyone, for being here. We will catch you on the next episode. Don't forget to listen to our coverage of Love Island, which will be starting this week. Talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.

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