#2892 Top Chef S22E14 Part 1: Fin
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Oh, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hi, Ben.

Hi Ronnie, how are you? Good. Welcome to the finale day for Top Chef. Everybody, we are going to have our own finale day for the Mounting Hysteria Tour live in Los Angeles this Thursday, June 19th at the Fonda Theatre in Hollywood. Come over and see us. Okay, it's the last time.

We're ever going to do it again this year. So come see us. We're going to be recapping the Valley. Also, we're doing Love Island every day that we record, which is three or four times a week over on our Patreon. So if you're a Love Island person, be my person at our Love Island Patreon recaps. Those are really fun. If you want to watch all our recaps and bonus episodes, you can do so at

At Patreon as well. If you want free videos of our regular episodes, you can find those on YouTube a week after they are released. Okay. So let's talk some Top Chef. How'd you feel?

Well, felt good. I mean, it was pretty much the way I expected it to be. There is some Top Chef news, Top Chef adjacent news, by the way, which is that last week, NBC Universal Peacock announced the cast for the upcoming season of The Traitors.

which I was very happy included like five real housewives, including the return of Dorinda Medley. Love that. Lisa Rinna. I think she'll be great. Portia. Great choice. Candace. We predicted. Great. There's a fifth one. I don't remember who it was, but I'm very happy with whoever it was. I just don't remember who it was off the top of my head. Oh, I know. I don't remember who, do you remember who the fifth one was? While we think about that, the reason I'm bringing it up is because Kristen Kish is

wound up as a cast member for the traders. How do you feel about that? Ronnie? I'm excited to see, I'm excited to see it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yes I am. I just think it's like a weird choice. Um, and this is not an anti-Kristen thing. This is just more like, it's kind of funny to have a host of like, like top chef is like in the world of, you know,

fine dining. It's kind of like a prestige show for Bravo. And I don't know, to me, it's kind of funny that they're having a host now being, go back down to contestant level on a show. That's like,

sort of trashier like it's surprising to me because she could it's kind of a risk right that they could have like their host beyond this show of accusation everything so I just was very surprised that they chose Kristen but at the same time it kind of makes sense because most likely the show will air from January until through the end of February or March and that's probably when the next scene of Top Chef is going to start so it's a good way to probably promote Top Chef but it was still like it was an odd casting choice to me

Well, it's odd because she's not a huge personality, you know, but I'm excited to see what her personality is like in that environment for sure. Yeah, it could be very interesting. What if she's like really bitchy and mean? I would love that. I would love that. I would love that more than anything. She's probably be like, I don't want to have to accuse you of this, but.

Honestly, I'm sorry. I think that you're a traitor. I think there'll be a lot of that. She'll be like, I was in episode one, so here on episode two, I can tell you how difficult episode one was. And this is someone who's done this before. It's not easy. This is not the easiest part of my day. So the housewives are Portia Williams, Caroline Stanbury, Candice Elliott Bassett, Lisa Rinna, and Dorinda Medley is getting another chance, which is crazy. And watch them get rid of her first again.

I wouldn't be surprised. I won't.

They better not. I think this is great because last season there were only three housewives and now we have five. So there's like some insurance that they make sure that there's like some housewife that will last for a little bit. I hope that they do something where they protect Dorinda. They could either make her a traitor, but I honestly think that Dorinda will be best as a faithful. But maybe they'll do something where she comes in late in the cage the way Rob did.

Rob Mariano did or whatever. But anyway, I just had to bring that up because I just thought it was, I was so surprised that they put Kristen on, on this cast. It just felt like a, like a different, like the world of like top chef and the traders did not seem like they were intersecting to me, but I guess we'll see how it goes. Yeah. I'm down for it. I'm down to see what that's about. And also I'm down for them to bring pod on. Maybe if they open up that door, we can get a little hello. Hello. Yeah.

She just shows up at every round table like, "Hello chefs, I really didn't like the lamb tonight." Like, um... "I don't think we should be murdering anyone. I think this is wrong." Like, "Pat Mott's the game." "I'll tell you what's a good game. Checkers! I play it with my dear friend, Lena Waithe!"

All right, so here we are with Top Chef season finale. It's the final. It's all on the line, guys. And Bailey is the first one. She's like, oh, my God, Top Chef is no joke. It's like the hardest thing I've ever done. Do I even belong here? Oh, God. I've learned to trust all the weird thoughts that I have, like lasagna today.

Well, I wrote down my plan for the finale and then I bruleed it and now I can't read it anymore, but I feel like it was good. What I can remember of it. And then we have Shwai who's like, well, I wanted to compete on top chef just for my business and for my grandma. And we're horribly in debt. Grandma's in debt too. And I didn't expect the competition to reawaken my grandma, but she's awake now and she's hungry. So I've got to cook for my grandma now.

I sold my grandma to get the plane ticket to come to this show. And now I need money to buy my grandma back. Or I'm never going to cook another thing because I only cook for grandma. Grandma! And then Tristan is like, chefs don't always get the acknowledgement that they necessarily deserve food.

But being on this experience is really special because I've been shown my point of view through creativity. And it's been a really great, long, extremely emotional ride since losing my father, Russell. I'm working on his determination. And now I'm just going to bust my ass even more. And if you try to make fun of me, I'm just gonna remind you, my dad died during this and you can't make fun of me because of that. Because it's too mean. - You can't make fun of me.

So Bailey's like, um, this is insane. We're like looking at the Last Supper painting together. And it is the Last Supper. And I just wonder, did Jesus eat lasagna?

I just feel like this is such an important lesson, which is that we could be throwing our food at the wall. It could be considered art right now. Why aren't we doing that? I'm just going to brulee this painting if no one minds. Yeah. She's like, you know, I mean, this has been done a million times, the Last Supper. And so that makes me think of my food. It's just stuff that's been done a million times. But, you know, you got to get quirky with it. You know, Jesus Christ.

I don't know. He had long hair and liked carbs, made bread for people. So I don't know. I'm really trying to tie this last supper thing to my own life. Quirky, just like Jesus. And so I was like, well, you know, Leonardo da Vinci had a grandmother and she literally don't link it. He literally says he's like, hold on every second, guys. I've got something I've got to say about Leonardo da Vinci. You know what?

He made something spectacular that's lasted through generations. And that's how I feel about food. All these things I'm taking from my mom, my grandma, I'm like, wow, it's amazing. Fun fact, my grandma was the Mona Lisa.

Sorry, everyone. Sorry to keep that secret for so long. I just didn't want to be judged by having a super famous painting grandma, but that's the truth. She did it. She won Lisa. Oh yeah. So, um, he's like, I can't wait to share my food to the world of top chef grandma. That's my grandma legacy. Grandma grandma.

So then Tristan is reflecting on the fact that Judas is the antagonist of the painting and is also the only one who is dark skinned and how stereotyping has been around for a long time. And so that's why it's his mission to increase the value of black food across the world. And he's ready for this.

So they are like, wow, great painting. So Kristen then shows up and she's like, good morning, chefs. Congratulations. I'm sorry to interrupt you. It's just funny to think about because basically they look at it. They all look at the last painting and Bailey is like, quirky. It's quirky. And Shwai is like, grandma. And Tristan's like,

Judas. I never even knew the thing about Judas. That's pretty fucked up, actually. I never even knew that about the painting, did you? I don't know who all the people in the painting are. I'm more of like...

a star centered person. So I just look at Jesus. Everybody else, I'm just like, why are those people like leave Jesus alone? Can the man have a meal? Everyone's like, Jesus, Jesus. He's like, can I eat? I haven't eaten all fucking day. I just spent 40 days walking through a desert, not eating anything. And you guys aren't going to let me have my last fucking supper. Are you fucking kidding me with this?

I was just like I don't know who these people are it's like I don't know it's like that's already somewhere where's Anna Garten yeah so so Kristen's like good morning by the way them staring at this painting was about 15 minutes long they're like well we've got an hour and 15 minutes to watch three people cook something so let's stretch it out

Well, that is always the curse of the Top Chef finale, isn't it? They're like, okay, everything that you said this season, just kind of get your shtick and just repeat that over and over. So Bailey's like, quirky, insecure, grandma, grandma, grandma. I do it for the children.

You know, someday I want to paint a painting, but it'll be my second to last dinner. Because that's come a little quirkier. Well, we were going to have Gail paint her version of The Last Supper, but unfortunately, we don't know how to paint never. Hi, this is Ghost Padma. I was alive until very recently when Ghost Judas ran me over with his Ghost BMW X7. What a great vehicle. Yeah.

You know what's funny? I'm just sitting here in heaven with Leonardo da Vinci talking about The Last Supper. You know, he said he meant that to be a lighthearted romp. Why are you all taking it so seriously? So I was talking to Leo, that's what I call him because we're like friends now, and he said, you guys are taking this way too seriously. This was just an ad for olden times Nutrisystem, The Last Supper. He was the first influencer of heaven.

Haven't you seen his selfie? Jeez. So, um, Tristan, so Kristen comes out and she's like, congratulations on making it to the finale. One of you is going to walk away with a grand prize of $250,000 furnished

By Saratoga Spring Water, I just want you to know I had some Saratoga the other day. It was delicious, but the bottle's empty. It was a beautiful moment, and I've been in your shoes before, being thirsty, wanting some water. So good luck. Good luck to you all. Wow, so sad for your season that you only have Saratoga. Up here in heaven, Leo's drinking Pellegrino. I heard that Gail can't get into many parties because she often shows up as Galatoga. Am I right? Let's go get a dress. Okay.

Saratoga, otherwise known as Gail's Dress Designer. So today's challenge is to make a four-course progressive meal of your life. We want rights across the board. I want all of your... I want abortion rights served to me. Okay.

oh progress i want health care for everybody in an appetizer form yeah you know what because da vinci's creativity knows no limits and that's why we want to see from you today on your final meal of the season so you see what we did there we had a tenuous link to da vinci

And a challenge on Top Chef. Da Vinci knows no limits. Almost like astronauts. When they go to the moon, they also know no limits. Tom, that was from two seasons ago. Give it up already. It didn't make sense now, and it doesn't make sense now. I mean, it didn't make sense then or now. God, I can't believe I flubbed my words right in front of Da Vinci.

So to help you prepare and cook your final meals, we've asked you to choose your sous chef. And in WOC, Lana, Paula, and Zubair. I hope you're planning on making some spicy fried chicken because that's Zubair's thing. I will never forget Zubair's thing because remember when he made his like amazing spicy chicken Chicago winning best sandwich of all time and then he went home like the next week. He's like, I won. I finally used my fried chicken recipe. And now you can go, Zubair.

Leonardo DiCaprio hated your follow-up dish to your spicy chicken. Goodbye.

You're a one trick pony, I'm sorry. And I say that as someone who's friends with Annie Get Your Gun Lady. So Lana is saying, I'm back. This is awesome. I mean, if I can't be here myself in the finals, then it's literally the most perfect next best thing is to be here for Bailey to overcook her final dish. I'm so excited. I can't wait to ruin her fish.

And why? Why did you choose Paula? And he's like, you know, because I've just thought about her ever since restaurant wars. You know how much she sacrificed for all of us? I just wanted someone like that by my side. Today I plan on making something with...

Possibly a sauce that consists of unchopped almonds. He's like, you know, Paula, she does such great work and she's got these children and just made me realize that maybe someday she'll be a grandma, like my grandma. So anyway, she's gonna be my grandma today. She's like, yes, I got you. I'm your grandma now. Kristen's like, okay, fine.

Tristan picked Zubair because he is one of the only people who would get the spices. And so he's like, so we're going to get the flavor down. Okay. Well, now that you've got your sous chefs and oh, a jar of pickles. Thank you so much, Lana. That's so nice. It's from my pickle fridge. American Airlines did not want me to keep it as carry on, but I insisted it was a service refrigerator.

I got a doctor's note. They have 2,000 euro to shop at a variety of local markets, followed by five hours of prep and cook. And then tomorrow, you'll have an additional two hours of prep and cook before service begins at Michelin star restaurant Cracko. Cracko. Made after Gail's backside. Wow, pull up your jeans, am I right?

Named after Gail when she steps into Ross. I'm like, watch out. Here comes Cracko. Clear the aisles. She's pulling everything off the rack. Gail's standing up on the bus. Whoa, release the Cracko.

You'll be serving us judges and an impressive lineup of guest diners, including the owner of restaurant Cracco and Chef Carlo Cracco. Chef and star, owner of Santo Palato in Rome, also Carlo Cracco, and also the host of Italian Wheel of Fortune, Carlo Cracco. Wow. The inventor of one of the most famous candies in Italy, Crackert Craccos.

Cracker Cracko. The inventor of the beloved 1960s board game Racco, it's

Carla Krakow. Wow. And, you know, we know we're missing the disappointment on Padma's face this year. RIP, Padma. Thanks, Tom. Leonardo DiCaprio says, if you had a wig, you could be in The Last Supper. Okay, that's enough of that. But we know that you've all been missing the disappointment in Padma's voice, so we've brought back three Michelin star chef, Claire Smith, to be disappointed all over again.

Wow. Claire, how does it feel to be named after a boutique for little girls? Disappointing. How do you think it feels? I love Claire. It's just like, mmm. That was delicious. Like, you liar. Why do you keep saying things are delicious? You look like you want to spit it out, Claire. And that's what I love about Claire. I know. She's the best. She's like...

This was absolutely delicious and life-changing. For a raccoon, get it out of my face. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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Mmm, sounds delicious. I love history. One time I ate Christopher Columbus. One time Gail went to the library and ate all the history books in there. That was a lesson that she learned on the toilet for weeks. So Shua is like, yeah, I have a grasp on what I want to do. I'm going to do Chinese techniques and dishes that I feel like have influenced me by my grandma. Yeah.

I'm going to do something quirky. I'm going to keep it quirky. Yeah, I'm going to be quirky. Quirky about Bartogamus. My appetizer is going to be called, do I even belong here? I'm going to make a dessert for my appetizer so it feels really awkward. People are like, what is this doing here? I get it, Jeremy Sue. I get it.

The whole vibe is Giro Stravagante, which means eccentric turn in Italian. Wow. Because Gail's whole vibe is Giro in my mouth, eh? Especially when she goes to Little Greece. I just want to be whimsical, so I'm going to serve everything in crocks.

cut to Tarzan the actor still shaking in the corner being like she told me it looked like tiramisu but it was savory laughing

So Bailey is telling Lana that she wants to feature different artisans and chefs that have influenced who I am. That sounds like a copycat meal. I'm not going to lie. And it is weird when she presents it. She's like, all right, well, this is my favorite chef, Boyardee, the spaghetti in shapes of letters. Enjoy, everybody.

This next soup, you'll notice that there are little UFOs and meatballs as asteroids. Thank you very much to my childhood. Enjoy. Yeah. So Tristan, Tristan gives us some history. He says that Italy tried to invade Ethiopia. So he wants to give a nod to that bit of history.

Yum. Delicious. So he's going to do something called Durango. Durango is short for Dorawat, which is the national dish of Ethiopia. And then there's the northern Italian dish, southern French dish called chicken morango. So he's going to do new. He's going to do it with oxtail. So it's going to be chicken morango meets Durango. And all I can think of is casino morango. But.

But that's on me. That's on me. It's like when Gail hasn't washed her hair for a week. You put your fingers through it and you say, what is this, meringue? Oh. He's also going to do oxtail Milanese. I'm so glad you're doing a dish about when Italy tried to invade Ethiopia. Someone should try to do a dish about when Gail tried to invade Dress Barn. I've got an idea. How about someone invades Gail with a comb? Hmm.

laughter

So Tristan says risotto, Milanese and also bucco is a staple dish. So he's going to use oxtail, which is the poster child for Trinidadian cuisine. And Shwai says, well, we're in Italy, so we have to do some pasta, right? So I'm going to make a grandma, grandma, grandma, grandma ravioli by grandma, but it's gonna taste like soup dumplings, but it'll also taste like grandma. And the third course I'm, you know, I was doing research in Milan and I was thinking about osso bucco.

And my mom makes this delicious tangu, which she must have learned from my grandma. So I'm going to do grandma pork ribs and polenta grandma. Yeah. I'm, you know, I'm really thinking about my grandma today. So I'm going to make a pasta dumpling as big as a child, small child. I'm going to go together, but it's going to be big. It's going to be like a human head.

I'm going to make a ravioli and on the inside is going to be a pork filling and on the inside of the pork filling is going to be a little button and you can press it and say, I've fallen and I can't get up. Just for grandma.

So Bailey is going to do my second course. I'm going to do an Annalini Alpini just because I like the sound of it. Annalini Alpini, Annalini Alpino, Annalini Alpini. So that's going to be fun. Do you think that sounds quirky enough? Do I belong here? Hey, if you could vote for me to win, would you vote for me to win or would you just send me home right now? Okay, I'm leaving. All right. The third course is going to be, okay, quirk alert.

Blackened redfish. Oh my god, crazy. That is nuts. It's black and it's red. Hey, what's black and white and red all over my dish falling down a staircase? Get it? Oh, I forgot the white part. Now it's dessert time. It's part tiramisu, part zucca, like pasta, but it's made with pizzelle cookies. What do you think of that? You like that? Is that stupid? I don't even know. You know, I don't know if you know this, but the original name for pizzelle cookies was Quirky Cookie.

Yeah, it's a quirky, it's a pretty quirky dessert, Bazell's. So Tristan has a dessert. He calls it truffle roots. It's basically carrot cake without carrots. He uses parsnips instead. And then he's going to do a coconut milk veil on top. Coconut milk veil? Okay. Wow, what are we recreating? Gail's wedding? Yeah.

Brad of Eatonstein. So, I mean, a parsnip cake instead of carrot cake is, that's cool. I've seen it. I'm not saying it's original. I've seen it many times before. I think that annoys me is the coconut milk veil. You know, Tristan, I really like Tristan.

I'm rooting for him. But he does do very chef-y things. Like when he's always like, I just want this to be kissed by the flame, kissed by the flame. He's definitely the sort of chef that's like, I'm making a soil. And now when he says a little coconut milk veil on top, oh, please. Yeah. Coconut milk. It's a foam. That's probably because he doesn't want to say foam. So he's going to call it a veil.

Yeah, well, I'm glad he didn't call it a foam. I don't know that I love Vale more, but I don't know what a coconut milk Vale is. So, you know, part of that is my own ignorance. I just get annoyed sometimes with the chef-y things like this. Hubert's like, that sounds amazing. I have no idea what any of that means, but it sounds amazing. And Shwia's like, well, I'm going to make one of my favorite desserts, ambrosia salad. And I was like, girl, that's from Luby's.

That's a jello salad with some fruit in there. That's what that's. He's doing it. He's going for it. And Paula's like, yeah, I never would have thought you were like that. I mean, that's what grandmothers eat. Exactly.

He's like, I feel like it's so me because it's trashy and it's something that's playful. I'm like, okay, so trashy while trying to win top chef. Sure. Sounds like that will definitely work out. Also, he keeps calling his food trashy. I don't find his food trashy.

Is it offensive? I don't think he's calling his own food trashy. I don't like it. Be nice to the schwein. Stop that, schwein. Stop it. Stop it. Stand tall in your ambrosia salad. So they go shopping at the fish market and schwein's like, oh my God, this smells like ocean. That's the same thing I say every time I walk into Gail's closet to try and fix it. That's what I say about Gail after she applies her deodorant, which of course, as we all know, is a fresh red snapper.

Is it blackened? Shut up, Aileen. No one's talking to you, weirdo. Just had a lot of quirk potential. So he's going to make... By the way, for the record, yes, it is blackened. She has blackened deodorant. I can't... Gale's blackened redfish deodorant. It's from the brand Sure, but you pronounce it like this. Sure, Gale. Yes.

So he's going to make a panipuri. It's his favorite bite in the whole world. And his eyes are caught by the scarlet red shrimp. My God, it's just glowing red. Give me that shrimp. And Bailey's like, yeah, I'm going to be making a pollopoymats. Pollopoymats. Pollopoymats. Pollopoymats. Nutrient polluchies. Pollopoymats.

you know, it will be this beautiful grilled octopus, you know, but I'm going to make sure all the octopus legs are sort of like going like, you know, cause quirky octopus and then mozzarella. I don't want the octopus to be doing like walk like an Egyptian. Remember that song? Cause it's quirky.

Octopus and mozzarella, it's inspired by my first line cooking job at an Azakaya-style restaurant you show. And people say, you know, you're not supposed to mix cheese and seafood together, but rules are meant to be broken sometimes.

Food network would murder you because the food network really hates that. I've never seen a network hate that more than the food network. And doesn't even crazy haired Richard, isn't he today like, hey guys, how do we feel about fish and seafood? Because I'm on food network most of the time. And by the way, I still have stupid hair. It's not a faux hawk anymore, but it's still incredibly stupid. I'm addicted to stupid hair. Thank you. It's my thing.

His hair is basically just like a ramp. He now is like, I stand next to the building so that way people can get to the next floor. I've literally never seen somebody so committed to like, this is my thing. Stupid hair. I'm Richard Blaze. Chef. Who's giving him positive feedback about it? Who said that this is your thing? Like, it's just...

It's always been terrible. And no one's ever been like, God, I love that quirky hair. Quirky. It's never been good. But yeah, Food Network hates fish and cheese. I don't think fish and cheese is so verboten. I mean, look, people put clams on pizza. They put anchovies on like tuna melts, tuna melts, crab dip. I mean, I don't think I think fish and cheese that McCormick and Schmicks has a mozzarella doesn't sound good. I'll say that. I'm I'm open to it. It's too much rubber.

Too much too in the same thing. But what if it's quirky? Nothing. I know nothing. What about a quirky octopus? What about a quirky mozzarella? What about a quirky mozzarella and a quirky octopus walk into a bar and guess what happens? They're quirky together. Yeah.

So Tristan is his first course is going to be Bacala Mongol. And he's on a hellbent mission to find really good quality cod. And he's like, that monkfish looks really good. So we can't ignore that. And, you know, he doesn't know really what he's going to do with that for now. But he's just basing it on ingredients. And one thing is for sure, he's going to call something a veil. Yeah. One of those fish will come out with a coconut veil on it. So get ready. Yeah.

And then Shwai is saying how Bailey is such a beast. She's like the Italian queen. She makes Italian food that I've never seen done before. Because it's quirky. There, I said it. You know, Tristan, we use all these beautiful stories about his food with all the ingredients he uses. It's incredibly good. His is about like, oh, Italy invaded Ethiopia. And mine's kind of like one time I went to Chipotle and I really liked the tortilla. So I'm making a quirky tortilla to go around this pasta. So his story is much better than my stories. Yeah.

Turns out traumatic history is delicious, but is it quirky? I'll leave that up to the judges. Pretty sure it's not that quirky. So we get to the kitchen and Tristan breaks the cutting board and Shwai's like, whoa, calm down, Massimo. But you know, Tristan was like, you motherfucker, how dare you compare me to Massimo?

So Shuai is going over his second course. He's going to make a pork and king crab soup dumpling ravioli. Kind of Chinese, kind of Italian. Might be awesome or he'll never be allowed in either country ever again. We'll see.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. Like that's his thing. Yeah. And so Paula's going to work on the Asapuco and everything. And then he says, and guess what? My grandma used to make me sweet and sour pork rib. Okay, dude, let your grandma have a night off. You know what I mean? Is she sick of being dragged around this stage? Just leave her alone, bro.

Well, the second course for me is going to be anolini alpini, you know, quirk on quirk, right? With a porcini filled pasta with brown butter pecan. I was going to do regular butter pecan, but I think brown butter is quirkier. And this is a dish that draws inspiration from the mountains of Canada, which I think is a pretty quirky mountain range, those Canadian mountains, right? So we're going to do that. Because, you know, Canada has a mountain and there's a mountain in Italy. So if you have a Canada mountain and an Italy mountain, it totally makes sense in Italy.

Yeah. And then I'm going to do my next thing is a third. It's going to be a nod to Sarah Grunenberg, who is on top. It's a nod to Steve Guttenberg. It's going to be Steve. It's called a Gutenberg Grunenberg. Yeah.

People are going to see and go, wait a minute. Do I recognize this? Where has this been? God, I haven't seen this since the 80s, but didn't even notice it was missing. Jeez. I'm going to call the dish three men and a little lady, and the little lady will be me, but like made out of Annalini. Annalini Alpini, specifically. Oh, okay. I remember this chick, Sarah Grunberg. Yeah. I didn't remember her. I didn't know that's who she worked for.

I thought I looked it up because I was like, oh, I thought I might have been Sarah who was from Kentucky, who was actually on there earlier this season. And then it turns out it was just a different Top Chef contestant. But yeah, I don't remember anything about her, except I think I liked her. I don't remember anything either. I remember her face, but I don't remember why. But I'm on her Instagram now. And it says Sarah Grunberg. Listen to your vegetables. My first cookbook. No, I don't want to listen to vegetables.

I listened to my vegetables last night and knew what they said. Please don't eat me. Can I go back to the dirt? My vegetables said, get a pizza. My vegetable said, thanks for sticking me in the back of your non-Crisper. Now I'm half frozen, half wilted. Thanks a lot, Dick.

Well, I'm going to make this in tribute to her because, you know, she likes to make blackened errata because of her upbringing in Houston, fishing with her grandfather. So basically, I'm just going to go ahead and sniffer off memories from other people and call it quirk.

Tristan is now talking about how he's gonna do his Durango, his Ethiopian-Italian hybrid with the Njeria shrimp toast. And he's gonna do his oxtail Milanese to pay tribute to the Caribbean and Milan. So, and then he puts in like a million hot spices and they all start choking. So Tom comes in, "Hey, hey, Billy, what are you making? Please tell me it's not quirky." Guess what? Bad news.

It's quirky. It's not about my quark. I really wanted to create a menu that consists of all the people and places that have inspired me on my cooking journey. Okay. That sounds really boring. So you're going to do a dessert? And will the dessert actually be a savory dish? Because Tarzan wants to know. Well, it's going to be a torta de pastel. I'm going to layer it with mascarpone, sucre filling, make a little ice cream. Okay. Well, I'm bored. Okay. Good luck. Bye.

You're not winning this. You have no shot at this. But bye. It was good to see you here. Last Chance Kitchen, everybody. Watch it after this show. Usually, that's where she came from. No one cares. Okay, bye, baby. So Tristan is Hubert. So let's talk about your menu, okay? And Tristan says he normally gets discredited a lot trying to do his own stuff in his classical training spaces. So fuck it. He's doing it today.

he's like i'm gonna do a parsnip cake instead of her instead of a carrot cake all right well congratulations the next winner of top chef is tristan but tom too early you've got to at least let them cook their foods all right fine okay well i'll let you guys get back to it um hold on bailey did i talk to you already your dad want to do it again i don't wow that was a good brain my brain trying to help me out there and i just won't let it work

Okay, so let's go talk to Shwai. Shwai, what about your grandma? Well, my grandma. Okay, I'm done. I'm leaving. Bye. Gotta smoke. Gotta smoke. Gotta smoke. All right, chefs. Have a good job. And just remember, two of you don't really have a shot at this, but it's fun to see you cook anyway. All right, thanks very much.

You know, it was been a great journey for me. It reminds me of why are we here? Because Tristan won this already. Okay. That was a good one. Okay, everybody. I'll be out. Bye. Well, I know that if I don't win top chef, at least I have a chance at last quirk kitchen. So Tristan is like, I don't know if I'm going with monkfish or cod for my first course, but I'm going to treat them the same way.

I'm just gonna leave the cooking, all the fish to test tomorrow. So this could either work or could not work. We'll see.

So Bailey is like, well, I just hope I can do it perfect. So, okay, let's see. What's going to happen tomorrow? We don't know. I like Schwoz saying, he's like, I'm really worried about my raviolo. Soup dumplings have always been my Everest. Chefs. So then, so now, all right, wait, Tom is coming back in time. I just want to say something to all the finalists after you're done.

You get to come to have a special dinner, and the rest of you, we left you some leftover eggs from the Hyatt Place breakfast, so enjoy your dinner tonight. I like that they do this every year now. It's pretty cute. I do miss the Padma ones, where she'd be like, Okay, chefs, here's what I've prepared for everybody. It's a plate of my fingernails. I really don't eat dinner. I had my dear friend, Ali Wong, prepare you all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Enjoy.

I've steamed everybody some rice. Nothing else. Hope you enjoy it. Simple. I like to keep it simple, guys. So they go to this Residenza Vignale where Tom is like, he's like basting like a porchetta or something like that. He's always basting a big meat.

And Gail is always making a salad every single, every single year that they do this. Gail makes a salad and then make some sort of like rustic dessert. And Tom always has a big protein. And Kristen this time was making, she made like a little pasta thing and some broth or whatever. So, and Tom has his glasses on like, Oh, welcome. Welcome to our little dinner. We do still know how to cook. It is true. We know how to cook. Yeah. And, um, they serve their stuff, um,

And Gail's like, yeah, salad, anchovy and salad. Simple, simple, simple. Wow. F for effort, Gail. Wow, you put two Fs in effort. Jeez, Gail. That's worse than my fingernail plate. Jeez. Try. Oh, by the way, I was just speaking to Da Vinci and he said, wow, Gail, you really Michelangelo'd up that salad. He doesn't like Michelangelo.

It was a diss, Gail. Sorry. I guess you have to be friends. Maybe if you're friends with Renaissance people, you would understand like the nuances of that diss. But since you don't, I guess it just went over your head. You know what? Monet just came up and said, wow, Gail's a real Monet. Isn't that rude? I think it's actually a compliment coming from Monet. It's not.

By the way, Klimt called. He said, "Stop biting my frames." You really shouldn't eat those frames, gal. His was a legitimate complaint. Pollock's just excited to see you try and make one of his pieces as you drip things all over your shirt all night. By the way, Grandma Moses and I had a conversation. I love Grandma.

She says she just disavows this entire season for so many different reasons. Does she know how to make dumplings? Shwaz, stay out of it. You already stepped on my joke.

So they're like, how does everything feel? You guys feel good? And they're like, great. And Gail's like, have you ever been to Milan before? And Billy's like, no. I mean, the northmost I've ever been is Emilia-Romagna. You know, I didn't get on a plane until I was like 20. It was amazing. It was the quirkiest thing ever. It was like a bus, but then I started flying. I was like, this is a quirky bus. I said, this is a plane, ma'am. And what? I said, this is a plane.

The best part was how they had that video of Todrick Hall doing the safety instructions. I was like, this is a quirky video right here. Well, the energy that you guys brought to this season, and I say this without an ounce of smoke blowing. Well, based on the scent in that room, something was blowing. Something's blowing.

First day, you walked into the kitchen. The three of us turned to each other and we said, Tristan's winning this. Am I right, guys? We looked at each other and we're like, they've got the juju. Oh, really, Gail? Because every time you walk into a convenience store, you always say, they've got the Charleston chews. They've got the juju and you've got the choo-choo.

So Kristen's like, "Yeah, we're truly getting to know you by your food, by your personalities." They're just like, every time you come there, you have your personalities. And it's just such a joy because you're people that say things and they're like, "Oh my God, Kristen, this is beautiful." Don't ever lose that. Okay, don't lose that. Okay, earn this, earn this. So Bailey's like, "Well, I like to keep it humble and a little bit quirky on the side. And I'm also really proud of what I've accomplished to get me here. I mean,

There was the time I tried black and red fish from my old boss, and I was like, this is disgusting. I'm going to serve it in Top Chef. You know, it's a journey. So now we get Gail's poached pear crostata. And Kristen's like, yeah, everybody's going to change their dessert. Wait, what'd she say? Everybody's going to change their dessert. What does that mean? Kristen's like, well, everybody's going to.

Everybody's got shit. No, she's saying like this dessert is so good. It's so good I know I see everyone's gonna change the dessert out. Okay, cuz we're all here in this moment I know what it's like to be a crostata folded over some fruit. It's tough. I

But you could do it. It's special. So, Troy, I was like, wow, this is still exciting for you guys after so many seasons. And Tom's like, absolutely not. You know, I get to mentor, in a way, a bunch of young people. And my book, Why I Cook. By the way, that's why I do this every season. Why I Cook, my book. Why I Cook, my book. I didn't cook my book. It's just my book called Why I Cook. Why, you know what? I really never realized how difficult that would be to plug. We're going to change the name.

You know what I love? I love mentoring in a way. And by mentoring, I mean, I walk into the kitchen, look at what you're doing about three times a season and go, huh? And then they say, what's wrong? And I go, I don't say, I don't, I can't, I'm not allowed to tell you what's wrong. That's the sort of mentorship that I think really is impactful. Yeah, because Tom doesn't really mentor.

he's not like pod i mean well no would he's not like a tim gunn he's like well i wouldn't change those pounds you know he doesn't do that kind of thing he's just like well i mean what is this how you normally do your rice well okay well all right back to writing my book why i cook which is funny because you never see me cook on the show except for once a season when i based a porchetta

My follow-up book is going to be called Why I... You know? And Tristan's like, I mean, it's so amazing when you can be around so many people at the same exact goal, especially now at restaurants. Well, you know, you...

You make that happen. You hire the people that you want to be there. You inspire them there. When I worked at Raquel, which was Thomas Keller's restaurant in the city, the conversation in the kitchen was never about what movie did you see or what bar are you going to or do you ever want to be a mixologist? Because if you ever said that, people would just laugh in your face because who would ever want to be a mixologist? I mean, only an idiot wants to be a mixologist. All we talked about all day long, every second of our lives, was food. Wow, tell me about it. I made the mistake of picking up the phone one time when Gail called.

Shwai's like, wait a second. So you didn't talk about your grandmothers? No, only food. Gail's like, we are so proud of you. So they all give a cheers. And now it's time to go to Krakow. Whatever, Krakow. So Tristan is like, I mean, it's like the last day of Top Chef. So I've got senioritis, you know, it's like, you know, it's the last day of school. It's going to change your life forever. Yeah.

Can I leave at lunch? I'll tell you, when I had senioritis, I was like, I can't wait to skip class and make a root cake with a coconut veil. So then Tristan's like, okay. I have senioritis right now. I can tell the rain's coming in my knees.

so tristan is still having he's like a love island like he's like a love island boy still deciding between two bombshells he's like i don't know monkfish is easier to overcook cod has less less texture they're both my type on paper which one am i gonna choose which one of you is my people

So six minutes and Bailey's like, oh, I need to get a really nice char on that octopus and balance it with the creaminess of the mozzarella, which is cork overload. Watch out. Corking coming through. Although I think at one point Bailey is like very chef and she's like, let's get a char on that octo and get the mozz ready. I'm like, it's octopus and mozzarella. Octo and mozz. Get that octo with the mozz. Can we get the octo with the mozz ready?

So the judges come in and Tom's like, well, you know, we know at this table, the most important thing once you get to a certain level is finding your own style. Because you've got so much money, you really need to learn to dress better. Am I right? Yeah. I didn't say that. I did. Da Vinci did too. So did Pollock. So did Monet. So did Picasso. And that man really doesn't even care.

We all agreed, Gail is the worst. And then I said, exacto. So then, so then Chris is like, everyone, let me, to emphasize this, I'm going to play the piano with one hand on the table. And I'm just going to say, I think we're in for a really big treat, especially you, Claire. I think you're going to enjoy this. Claire, are you going to try to smile? No? That's okay. You don't have to smile. Claire's like, this is miserable. This entire experience, cracko. My asshole.

I would give back all three of my Michelin stars not to sit here for one second longer. So now chefs are starting to plate food. And now Tristan decides with monkfish. He's like, I'm going with monkfish now because it's got a lobster texture. So it's a little late. But, you know, he gets it done, I guess. And Zubair is like sauce directly on the fish. He's like, north of the fish. North of the fish, chef. North of the fish. Yes, chef.

So time to present. So Bailey's like, well, my menu is paying homage to the people that have influenced me, especially the quirky ones.

And then I want to put a spin on their own food. So I want to play around with my first line cooking job from a Japanese background. It was called Benihana and we had grilled octopus. So Gail, I'm going to ask you to open your mouth and I'm going to just flip this octopus mozzarella ball into it. Oh, whoops. Got you in the eye by accident. Sorry about that, Gail. Wow. You missed her head, but somehow she ended up with

an octopus on top of her head anyway. Oh, I'm sorry, is that your hairstyle? Da Vinci's literally LOLing. That's when you're laughing out loud. Stupid Da Vinci. He's very humorless, actually.

So it's octopus, mozzarella, tomato dashi, and giardiniera. It's sort of like the star-crossed lover situation if those star-crossed lovers were quirky and not quirky. Am I right? That's not going to work out. The mozzarella just got left at a restaurant by the octopus and it didn't know what it did wrong. Okay, well that's enough about my love life. Enjoy it.

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one.

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