#2895 Below Deck S12E03: It’s a Hard Knoxx Life
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Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap In's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Well, hello, Ben. How are you? I am doing just fabulously. We are here to talk about Below Deck.

Before we do that, just a reminder, there's not a lot of time left. We have our final show of the Mountain Hysteria Tour this Thursday in Hollywood at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be absolutely amazing. We're talking about the Valley. It's the show that everyone's talking about. So let's talk about it together. Let's all be there, have this big Los Angeles moment. Come join us, please, because we want to send this one out with a bang. So go to WatchYourCrapHands.com. There's a link to the tickets there.

And we will see you on Thursday. Be there, be square. Also, Patreon is going off because Love Island is going off right now. It's so fun. And we are recapping it every day that we are recording this year podcast. So come join us there at patreon.com slash watch what happens. We're having a blast and it's great to see everyone chiming in on the comments there as well as on discord and everywhere else. So,

That's all the news that's fit to print and also crap is on demand where you can watch us not just listen to us. Hi. Hi people on video. So let's dive into some below deck St. David. Oh yes. The first ever five day charter. They're doing it. It's a lot.

That's a lot of gayness from that little guy who everything is a dick joke. Wow. So this is a gay porn episode. We are gay and have access to Internet. I knew a couple of these guys. I mean, not in real life, but like I've seen their work and it made me so excited. I was like, oh, my God. Hi. Yeah.

You're like, oh my God, you're doing such great work. I only recognize one of them, actually. I recognize Cade, what's his face? But no, I didn't recognize anyone else. Cade Maddox is the one that I really recognize because wow, that guy's something else. And then the other one I recognize is Sky Knox, who's the main one, who's always like, oh my God, I'll tell you what we want, a dick in our ass. Like that's the primary. And I recognize him. He was in one.

I don't know. Listen, I know people probably don't want to come to this and hear about porn, but it's a show about porn today. So you're going to have to hear it. I saw this porn where he was in, he was like camping with his friend.

And they're like, hey, our friends are supposed to show up. He's like, I know. Where are our friends? They have our sleeping bags. And he's like, yeah, but they're not here, though. And he's like, yeah, but where are they, though? Because they have, like, all our food and our sleeping bags. And he's like, yeah, but our friends aren't coming. And he's like, yeah, but they're supposed to come. He's like, yeah, I know, bro. But what are we going to, like, do about it? He's like.

well, I don't know either. And he's like, well, it really helps me to like jerk off when I'm stressed out. And he's like, me too. We should do that. But you better not get close to me. I don't even want to see your penis. And he's like, okay. And then they get in the tent. He's like, there's a rock on the ground. I should move closer. And then, you know, it ends up happening. Sky knocks his ass knocked out of the park. That's what happened. He got knocked. That's for sure. Hey, I guess that's where his name comes from.

I do love the opening skits in a gay porn, or it really could be any porn, but especially the gay porn ones, because they just have a certain kind of like...

arc to them, you know, like, oh man, here's your pizza. I mean, I guess that's on the straight porn too, but it's always something silly. There's a lot of stuff like, hey, I'm your stepfather and my, oh man, you better do your homework. I'm stressed because my wife has been out of town and I just get so horny when she's not here, you know, and then, you know, it

It just cracked me up that it's like, wow, our friends aren't here. They're supposed to be here. Well, might as well jerk off together and then bang each other anally. Guess so. Oh, yeah. God bless. Doing great work, Sky. Sky Maddox, is that what? No. Sky Knox. Sky Knox. The Cade Maddox? Cade Maddox and Sky Knox. Yeah. Sky Knox. Yeah. Well, you're doing great work. Keep it up.

And then I was telling my friends because I watched this screener and I was telling my friends, hey, so this is like a gay porn episode of Below Deck. And, you know, they had this guy, Cade Maddox on it. He's so hot. And then my friends looked up Cade Maddox. They're like, oh, that's your type. Gross, Ronnie. And then they judged me all night for liking Cade Maddox. Like, what the hell? That guy's cute, right? Is it in my head?

Yeah, no, he's cute. I mean, Cade Maddox is definitely like, I think he's like, he's like a really famous one because he like pops up. I feel like he's, I see him on Instagram or everywhere. Like, I think he's appeared on many things. I feel like he's a hard worker. Yeah. He does a lot. Okay. The man. Yeah. He hustles. The man is like the candy Burris of porn star. He's just always working. Yes, absolutely. That's exactly correct.

This is probably the best time to announce Ben and I have both molded our penises into dildos that you can buy on WatchYourCrapins.com. Yes. Yes, that is now part of our merch set. We'll be doing a collab with Cade Maddox and Sky...

Sky Rizzy actually surprised you thought I was going to get the one star Sky Rizzy. Yeah, mine is just a fupa with a tiny turtle head poking out because it's shy. Well, we are so happy for our porn stars because they got to go on a boat and do porn star things, which mainly accounts basically is just like like, yes, you're a twink, which, you know, that's like that's like the vibe.

So anyway, though, before they even come on board where we last left off. Yeah. So Frenchie has just come on onto the ship and.

And he is saying, I was in the position last year and I know how intense and tough it is. And Fraser's like, yes, well, we've got your back and that's all that matters. And I'm going to get back to work with the girls. Love you. Can't wait to see what you cook. And then afterwards going up to Captain Kerry and say how you're overwhelmed. Ta-ta.

We've got your back. I'm just looking for the proper area to stab it in. And Anthony's like, oh, me and Frasier, it's like he's such a part of my family, you know, but he's also maybe part of my departure. So I don't know. It's going to be hard between Charter, between everything going on, how to talk to Frasier. But I have to find a way to talk to Frasier. Oh, my God. What am I going to do? I'm going to put on my tightest jeans and more eyebrow pencil than anybody could imagine.

I don't know why it's so hard to talk to Fraser. Doesn't he have a call-in show? Hey-o, 1990s sitcom. Call back. So Fraser... Get it! So Fraser is like... He's telling everyone to work on their cabins and everything. And he's telling Rainbow to hang around Selene. Because Selene is a disaster. And Rainbow is really good. And Rainbow's like, can I say something...

I'm not going to say please. I'm not going to say thank you. I'm just going to be like, do this, do that. And Slane's like, yeah, I know, I know. And I'll say, why? Why? And I will tell you, I have no children.

So Anthony's like, my whole life, I've never been with anyone in the galley or the kitchen. So it can be very challenging, you know, like drama, chef, chef, big man, big, strong man, like chef, big, strong man, like me. We'll see how it goes. And it goes beautifully. They get along so well. I'm actually surprised that the other chef even quit.

After this, I know it was Anthony like eased him into it, made him see that it's doable. The guy was doing well. He didn't have any nervous breakdowns. He only tried to try to proselytize to like three people in a fish. So yeah, I thought he was getting better. I loved when he baptized Anthony in a pool of green peas. That was just so lovely. He just poured them all out in the freezer and said, just dunk yourself in there.

So, meanwhile, Kao is instructing the deck team to do things. And he's like, okay, all right. Well, you know, Ba is the leader. Wait, hold on. Before I can talk about myself, let's have fancy new beginning. And we see all these photos come up. Photos of Kao in his life. And then it says, Kao's Instagram. Yeah, Kao without a shirt. Kao without a shirt holding a fish. Kao without a shirt holding a surfboard. Kao without a shirt eating a sandwich. It's like, we get it. Kao without a shirt. I'm following. I'm in.

You know, as a Boson, I'm the leader of the group. So everything relies on me and, you know, I work hard to achieve the position. I grew up in Rio and my first job was on a yacht. I was the chef on a 27 meter. And then they show a shot of him like standing on a table, like squatting on a table, like he's about to poop on it.

barefoot. I'm like, okay. I'm very intrigued by it. Like, wait, you were a chef? Huh? And so it talks about basically his friends still live in Rio and they're like engineers and lawyers and doctors. But he's going around the globe, which is not that common for someone who grew up in Rio. I guess. Yeah. He was like, in Rio, we don't do this. I was like, really? Did you not see the last season of Blow Duck Down Under? There was literally a Brazilian girl on there. Yeah.

Yeah, I've never heard that Rio's like, you better stay home and become a doctor. I'm like, I'm the first person to leave Brazil. Yeah.

So Rainbow's like, hey, babe, the bed doesn't need to be ironed if you Febreze it and you pull it. She's like, oh my God, why didn't you tell me that? Because she told me iron. You tell me don't iron. You say look at my eyes. She told me don't look at anything. I mean, poop on the bed. Nobody tells me nothing. Work smarter, not harder. Okay, we just work smarter and everything gets done faster. Smarter, not harder. Okay, because in your opinion, do you need to iron this sheet? No. No?

Maybe. I don't know. What's a sheet? I don't know. Why we need sheet? Why don't we just make it on the ground? You have to care about this bed. Whatever you're doing to this bed, care about it. I want to sleep with eggs on me. That's what I like.

Okay, well, okay, you know what? It's done now. Let's just move on to the next step. Okay, just finish the bed. I can't. Okay, I'm not going to do this. You will do it? Okay, good job. You do it. Goodbye. All right, sorry. Rainbow's like, oh, God, this conversation is a waste of my time. Serena's like, whatever. Like,

spring Windex on the bed. God bless her. So Linda's like totally impervious to hearing what other people are saying. It's kind of amazing because they will act, they're actually getting like annoyed with her and she's like, okay, fine. That's fine. Do what you want to do. I don't care. She's like,

Whatever. So now it's 5.04 p.m., 19 hours until charter. So now it's 6.45. Guess what? Nothing happened. Okay, so now dinner for the crew is ready and Fraser is radioing people to let them know. And so Anthony is talking to French, to Selene, and he's like, oh, what is going on? I hear French over here. She's like, oh, I'm fine. How are you? And French, that was in French. And he's like, Anthony's like, oh, guys, can we have English?

Some English guys. Okay, okay. English, English guys. So Rainbow apologized for yelling at Soleil and then she goes, oh, yes, it was very bad with me today. How you yell, yell, yell. Too bad I cannot eat yelling, otherwise I would have dinner already. You know, I have four days experience making bed. It's not perfect, but it's okay. Okay, it's not four days of experience of learning how to do the trapeze. It's making a bed. Like, I think it should be like by hour four, you should pretty much have it down. Yeah.

And Rainbow's like, yeah, but a two-minute conversation about whether or not to iron sheets is way too much for me. Okay? Like, I can't. He's like, well, you know, I just think I'm better with work ethic. You know, I was more than willing to learn. I will iron wall if you want me to iron wall, do it. But, you know, these things take a time. So...

- Yeah, do it soft, please, easy. So then Barbara's like, "Today Solene made a really nice bed, everyone. I was really proud of her. She made a nice bed." So then it's like, "Oh, thank you so much.

But she took two hours. But it was nice. Two hours, but it was a nice bed. Carrie's like, oh, we're laughing today. There won't be laughing so much tomorrow on Chata. So now Carrie and Fraser are going to go over preface sheets. So Fraser announces it's a five-day chart. It's going to be a long one. And Celine's like, oh, they are a bonestar. They're a bonestar. Oh, my God.

All of them. Our primary's name is Sky Knox. He's from Toronto. It's like, oh my God, Toronto. Barbara's like, Jesus Christ, too much testosterone. This preference sheet is literally the only thing that Sky Knox has ever topped. Sky Knox asked if he could submit a preference skeet instead of preference sheet. And I said, absolutely not. Yeah.

And Barbara's like, oh, Jesus Christ, so much testosterone. Well, right. Night one should be Parisian cabaret. Lube in every room. Like, oh, no.

Just like any Parisian cabaret. And then Rainbow's like, oh God, we're going to have so much penis on our face for the next five days. Yes, okay. Marcel has a shellfish allergy, but a penchant for dick. Okay, very important. Everyone needs to know this. He's got a fish allergy and it's not figurative. So please, let's all chat for the shells. No clams in all senses of the word.

So Fraser's like, oh my God, we've got eight gay male porn stars. God, I just swallowed. That wasn't intentional. I'm terrified. We're going to be stretched. We're going to be pulled. We're going to be flipped. We're going to be fucked, but not in a good way.

Alright guys, this is gonna be a fucking hard charter. So we're going to be going to three islands. Okay, we'll head over to Anguilla and at night time they're gonna be going off in kayaks on an adventure! A gay adventure. And then he says the next charter is gonna be a doozy. It's a five day charter. We're gonna do three islands, four countries, lots of gay sex. On each of these islands are their own unique experiences. Anal.

tea bagging everything in between slings swings stings and each evening we're having an epic theme parties that we've never done before so this cruise is going to get spent

Yeah. So he's they want to go to a nudist beach. I just look. I mean, I know that you do porn, but like, is that all? Is that all you eat? Breathe in? What am I trying to do? It's like that's all. That's all they talk about. Everything is a dick joke. Everything has to do with. I don't know. It's like too much of your work life taken home. You know what I mean? I thought porn stars went home and we're just like playing Dungeons and Dragons or like reading or something like I didn't understand. It was like a little dick all the time.

Yeah. But you know what? They got OnlyFans accounts to promote probably. So, hey, like you're on camera. So like promote, promote, promote. But I thought the same thing too. I was like, geez, I kind of, I sort of expected they were going to come on board and just be like,

Oh God, let's play chess. Yeah. We'll play Uno or something. Um, I felt like they'd be exhausted, you know, from having like when you're done with the papers and yeah, I don't just walk around talking about housewives all day, you know, like I go to TJ Maxx or, or home goods or I play piano or play video games or something like that, or look at their porn, you know? I mean, I thought they would secretly all be Tim gaze. Like they were all gonna come on board and be like, Hey,

Does the chef mind if we all take over the kitchen and cook some Bearfoot Contessa recipes? Right. Like, I thought they were going to sit down and be like, guys, does anybody know why Parade isn't really selling in LA? So many tickets left. If you had to choose between Jesse Mueller and...

the lady from the band's visit. Who would you choose? But no, they came on and they were like, oh my God, you're a twink. Just so you know, you're a twink. Yeah. So they come on

Lawrence and Anthony are getting together to plan their meal because the chefs are working together for this charter. So Lawrence is like, let's start from the top. We're starting off with oysters. Oysters would be nice. Oysters, a little champagne foam, probably like a little tiny nickel sized wafer that we could feed to people before we had them drink that down with wine and apologize to the Lord for everything that they've done.

Oh, that is perfect. It's like also beef filet, puree, green beans, you know, it's not so hard. And Anthony's like, he is very organized and he knows exactly what he's talking about. And most of the time I have no goddamn idea what I'm doing. I am the tornado. It's like, oh, great. Well, I'm so glad you got this job. Yeah.

And Lawrence is like, I'm an anti-tornado and you're a tornado, bro. You're not really an anti-tornado, sir. You're calm today, but the tears were a fluttering and a funneling yesterday.

Yeah, you were the storm clouds. You were the storm cloud. So Kyle and Barbara are looking at Kyle's like, here we go, Sky Knox gay porn videos. Let's take a look-see. So they look and Barbara's like, oh my God, click, click, click, let's see. So they look and they're cracking up. And Kyle's like, wow, gay porn is a lot more dramatic than straight porn. That's crazy. I would love it if like Sky Knox is just doing like Macbeth porn. Yeah.

Like with black and white Macbeth porn. - To be in my ass or not to be in my ass. And Barbara's like, oh my God, so much drama, you know? And then we see Sky Knox going, I can get any guy to spell his secret. - It's a lot of drama. Kyle's right, it's a very dramatic movement.

So then Anthony is like, "By the way, Laurence, never date a stew. You cannot trust a stew. They lie." And honestly, I have my cat, bro. I'm a dad. I have my cat. I'm a cat dad. And it turns out he has a cat named Mr. Toons, who is so cute. There's a picture of this cat being like, "Oh my God, get me out of here." Austin, by the way, Austin Kroll just got two kittens and I'm so mad about it because I'm like, "Don't do that. Don't do the kitten thing, Austin."

Don't make me have to say nice things. Like I already had a tough time last season saying nice things about Austin and now like he's gonna have kittens and I love kittens and cats. So I'm like really upset about it. That's why they do it. When a reality star gets a, gets a pet, you know that they're doing it to get some likes.

Yeah. Unless you're, she's like, I have a cat, but I'm keeping her off camera. Please. She's building a whole industry based off her cat. She's building pajamas based off of her cat. Craig was building an industry off her cat. No, she came out with Daphne pajamas. Did she? Oh, she did. Yeah. That's what her pajamas line is named. Daphne. I know that she came out with pajamas. I didn't realize they were called Daphne. Oh, geez. Yeah. You're right. It's time for a commercial.

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So Anthony is like, oh, my God, sometimes deserve better than human beings. Sometimes, you know, some people are so terrible to get you far from boats. I was like, he did. He did. But he also got you rehired. So that's something. He's not a completely terrible person. Yeah, that's true. See?

Look at me, sticking out of the freezer. You see? So Kyle and Solane are smoking on the deck. And Kyle's like, what's this? Just a thing? Or is there a storybook there? Look at that smirk. Your ex-boyfriend? What are you talking about over there? And she's like, more than two years that I have one boyfriend. So I don't know, but I have memory. You know, I'm not sleeping with you because I have memory of boyfriend. Now everybody, listen to my story about my bracelet that will disgust everyone who watches this show.

Prepare to be discussed.

this was this was triggering because she's like these priestesses from my exploits from dylan's you're like okay dylan what whoever who cares flashback to dylan i was like oh no no no no no no it was the worst guy the clip they showed of him was him washing off cold cuts yeah oh he's like yeah you gotta watch your cold cuts off in the sink because i used to be fat one time so i'm not gonna have sulfites thank god i'm not fat anymore

anymore if fat people disgusting why am i afraid that they're setting up the fact that dylan will be coming back like that is too weird like that's oh man like guys look at this i i'm really actually quite good i'm like a ladies man i work out a lot look at my cold cuts i'm like oh god he was just terrible and then he showed up on banner pump rules for no reason oh yeah he's gross

So she said, but I still love him. And I was so sad. So now that's why I like to try to keep everything like that. No risk since Dylan, I never been in love again. Oh God, Dylan ruined you. He washes cold cuts. Elaine, come on. That is kind of a love Island choice though. A guy like Dylan, right? Like, Hey, I really want to get to know you. So like what's your calorie count per day? Like,

He was so bad in so many different ways. Yeah. I don't remember too many specifics about him except the fact that he drove me nuts every time. I remember he used to be fat. And so now he's obsessed with weight and calories. And that's all he talks about and working out. That's correct. That's correct. But he has like blown up lips and like he looks crazy. I don't know. Yeah. Bad, bad move. Bad, bad.

So now Fraser is like, "All right, let's put the lube out, please. But don't put it in a high profile place. I don't want to promote sex because then we have to change the sheets." So they're basically going to hide the lube. It'll be there, but it'll be tucked away. And she's like, "Barbara's like, 'Well, let's just say that we are Catholic.'" So then Anthony is- - It was Catholic. That's so cute. Let's say we're Catholic.

So Anthony's like, oh, nice menu, nice menu. You want to take care of Samantha Tarr?

So Anthony is like, you know, it's not for everyone to get second chance. And, you know, you remember what happened last season. So I cannot make any mistake. Fire twice. Oh, I might as well not go back to France and live in a cave for the rest of my life. It would be so embarrassing. And so now they're like talking about the menu and everything. Meanwhile, there's rain coming in. There's wind is picking up. This is getting kind of stormy.

And Fraser's checking with Barbara about like the uniforms downstairs and Carrie's doing a walkthrough. They're all prepping for everything to happen. Meaning the charter. The charter to start, I should say. So we go back to the kitchen and Anthony's like, oh, fast food is like making lava. It's something like this. It's very war tech. No.

Especially with so much cream. I don't want to hear that. You know, like love sex, love food. Don't want to eat your cream. You know, keep it, keep it to yourself. Lawrence is like, I mean, I've never looked at a plate of French food and thought, yeah, that's like sex and making love. But I have looked at a plate of food and thought I have sinned and I'm going to hell. I guess we all just read things into the food we make. I can't get married before I eat every plate of food. It's too many things. So I have looked at this food and thought, yeah,

Is this food going to survive the rapture? It's coming soon, you know. I think it might be happening during this charter. Oh, my God. My dad was on me about the rapture yesterday. Yesterday. Whenever that was. So two days ago.

Yeah, he was on me about the rapture because he's been – instead of going to church, he goes to like one of those mega church things where they have a cool band. But they got so big that they started building multiple churches. I mean they're – these churches are like concert stadiums, like complete with like the rocking leather movie chairs and shit. And so it got so busy that they started –

Broadcasting church from one church into the other church. So you would go to the church and you're watching on this giant movie screen. Right. So he was like, well, fuck that. I'll just watch. I'm sure he didn't say fuck that, you know, because he's holy. But he was like, I'll just start watching this at home. So my parents started inviting friends to their house now for church day and just getting shit faced while they watch work like they sit and have cocktails while they're watching church.

And now they have this big thing going on at church about revelations. And it's about the book of revelations. And so my dad's like, you know, everything going on in the world right now, it's all revelations. You want to talk about it? I'm like, not really. I sure don't. Are you drunk? He's like, yeah, I just got done with church. It's like, oh, my God, you fucking people.

He's like, of course I've been drinking. We've been at church at home. What do you think we're doing? We're talking about revelations getting shit-faced, buddy. Are you in or are you out?

Meanwhile, like my conversation with my parents is like, how do I connect the Bluetooth to our old 2010 car that we refused to update? Oh, I get that one too. Another software update, huh? Gosh, like basically revelations. I mean, four person. Talk about a revelation. Bluetooth, am I right? Yeah.

All right, so Carrie is like, Fraser, Fraser, Carrie here. Go ahead, Cap. I'm without a uniform, mate. I'm not amused. Guess what? This isn't an adventure.

Oh, uniform drama for the captain. It's a new storyline premiered, launched by Below Deck Med. And now I guess it's part of the canon, which is the captain doesn't have a uniform. So anybody seen my black culottes? No. Well, OK, I'll just be sitting here waiting.

I'm not going out on that deck unless I look like I could be dancing, partying, and shopping at Target all at the same time. So someone fix this. The spirit of Bree haunts this boat. I don't even know what the code of this is. Little pins. Little pins for the boat. Little pins for the pants.

So, um, so Fraser lives like on top of it. He's like, he goes and he's like, I need this. You can fuck up anything, but not that. Okay. If even a plug is two degrees off center, it's on me. So I guess I just need to continue not relying on anyone and telling everyone everything. And of course the episode with the gay porn stars, the episode where I talk about plugs, my bad.

Although if there's an episode to miss your pants, it's this one. Yeah. So he takes his pants and he's like, sorry, I apologise. You know, we're ironing out the season, no pun. And I promise that's what we'll do. You know, listen, I'm not happy about it. I'm super pissed. If I had eyebrows, they would be raised right now.

So I'm sensing there's going to be a lot of action on board this trip. And I'm hoping, I hope requesting lube in every room is a bit of a joke. I'm quite happy that I'm not in housekeeping. I just hope they don't use it all. Like, guess what? They're going to use it all. Then the guests come and they're like, yes, it's a bow built of dick. Yes, I'm going to fuck that bow. I'm sticking that butt up my ass. Oh my God, not me first. Threesome. Threesome with the bow.

I love it. They're all so funny because they're all like very sweet too. And they're like leading them through, leading all the porn stars to the boat. They're like, yes. And they get to that, the primary bedroom where it has that skylight that opens up and Fraser's like, now look at this. And it opens up. They all go, yes.

Like an anus. I want to fuck the skylight. Yes, queen. Yeah, this is where we're going to have our orgy. Kidding, not kidding. Kidding, not kidding. So now we get some...

Bridge drama. Dun, dun, dun. Are we all going to die? It's a tricky bridge. And one of the guys is like, oh, my God, you guys, look at this bridge. We're going under the bridge. Is that sexual? No, it's not. Do I need to brush my teeth? No. Do I need to wash my ass? What does that mean? It's a literal bridge, you fucking morons.

i love the porn star's fascination with the bridge that one guy was like you guys look look at this bridge and the other one goes this wind is fierce they're just like ai a they're like hey ai could you give us some gay dialogue to describe the bridge and some wind this is the tightest opening i've had for a long time go brad yes

So Kerry's like, the wind is kicking up and we have rain and I can crash into this bridge at any time. Imagine going over a railroad crossing and it's icy. I mean, we all might die right now. We've seen boats sink before and this one's about to go down. We're all going to, everyone say final farewells because we're all going to die. Oh, no, made it through. Made it through. Just a boat going through a passage. We did it. We fucked the bridge.

So they go to the table and one of the guys is like, oh my God, we've got a cock ring napkin holder. That's amazing. Someone else is like, yeah, we should give lessons because people don't know that cock rings actually go over the balls. Hmm.

And then he's like, I mean, of course it goes over the balls. I mean, people put it over just the cock. I mean, what is this? An unfierce bridge? Disgusting. So now the water toys are being put out and Kyle's starving and Domo's so hungry he's about to pass out.

And Jess is like, someone needs to go on break. Like, what the hell? So people are getting frustrated because, you know, KO's not really doing breaks for anybody. Like, guys, you need to have breaks here. And don't forget, Jess used to be a bosun and she's taken she's taken like a demotion basically to be on the show. So she sort of knows she's like, um, you're supposed to have a schedule, right?

So now it's time for the first meal. So they've got Côte de Bouffe, grilled asparagus, courgettes, tomatoes, shrimp, quinoa, salmon, salad, tomato, burrata salad. And here is a little box that you can put your dreams of bottoming tonight because it probably won't be happening after this meal. This was actually very healthy, this whole meal.

I thought I was like, wow, that's how you maintain bodies like that. I guess eat some quinoa and some asparagus. Well, they had also like a giant pile of egg whites for breakfast the next day. I was like, man, that's sometimes like that where I'm like, I'm always like, I want to have a great body. I want to have abs. I want to have pecs. Then I see like that pile of egg whites and I'm like,

I don't know if I can make the sacrifices that I can tell us. Sometimes like a muffin top's okay, you know? I think I want to have a nice breakfast. Especially if I can eat a muffin top, okay? I'll keep my jiggly. So, you know, but it is nice to see people with bodies like that actually working for it.

Because a lot of times I feel like on these shows we see really hot people and then they order like cake upon cake upon cake and they're fine. You know, so I like that these guys are like, guess what we eat? Nothing in general. We're really going overboard with this like steamed salmon. It's crazy.

they're professionals. So then Damo's asking Jess if she would ever make a porno. And she's like, oh, absolutely. And he's like, have you? She's like, absolutely. So there's a sex tape out there. She's like, somewhere. He's like, wow. And then Barbara's asking Sky about how long he's been together with Tony. And Sky's like, oh yeah, he's my porn boyfriend, but he has a wife. He's like, I'm married. Yeah, he's married to a woman. Yeah, so this is my man. So they basically have this like

true work-husband relationship going on. - Yeah. And he's like, "Yeah, it's called a modern day relationship. Get over it, okay?" And Barbara's like, "Oh my God, I have no words. No words. I'm Catholic." - So she's like, "So he's just your boyfriend when you're in a scene. So when you're like filming, he's like, 'Insane? A boyfriend insane?' Did you say insane? She said insane. She has an accent." She's like, "No.

I'm just asking because I'm wondering, did you ever do a porno where you had to make a bed? And if so, do you think you could fill in downstairs for Celine? I'm pretty sure she's taking her foot in the sink at the moment. So now the crew is some of the crews having lunch and Carrie is like, wow, it seems like a good group of people. He's like, really lovely. You just really can't judge a book by its whole cover. Can you? Yeah.

So then Lawrence and Anthony are in the kitchen and there's a box of linguine pasta and Lawrence is upset by it. He's like, "Who ordered this?" And he's like, "I don't know, I don't know what to do with it." So they're gonna, Lawrence announces that he's, there's gonna, I'm sorry, Anthony announces that there's gonna be like a penis mac and cheese that will be made with the linguine, so. - Yeah.

So Jess and K.O. are still talking. So she's like, so, babe, we need to send people on breaks for lunch. Like, you can't just not starve people. He's like, oh, OK, well, go have lunch then. OK, like, I mean, do it. But it's like five and nobody's eating. He's like, oh, no, we all had lunch. You didn't have lunch. He's like, no, did not have lunch. So, yeah, you got to give us breaks, bro.

So, um, Barbara's down in the laundry getting it organized and everything, and K.O. is, like, uh, talking to Damo, saying, it's just more, like, stuff. He's like, okay, now you go to, you go to lunch, okay, when she comes back, you go to lunch, but actually only walk halfway to lunch, and then come back, and then I'll send someone to lunch, and then you walk the rest of the halfway back, and then you have only half of your lunch, and then you come back, and then I'll have half of my lunch, and then you go and have a quarter of your lunch, and then we can all sit down together, and by that time it'll be dinner, and it'll all make sense, right? And they're like, um...

yeah and so jess is like wow so you know growing up i was really shy so my mom threw me into waitressing so i'd get out of my shell and that's she also just probably wanted you to get for her which yeah right there she said do something with your life and get me a water if my mom sent me to bartending class at five she would have

so rainbow was like oh i was so out there and so my two older sisters kind of like beat me to a pulp and then beat it out of me fighting was just part of the culture you know just part of that dutch culture dutch fighting you know dutch fight club every child goes through it and there was a point when i was like 13 and my sister was 14 and we just weren't getting along at all so my dad took us on a boat to an island in the middle of a lake in holland he just dropped us off and was like okay you've got 10 minutes to fight it out so that's it

How crazy was that story? I was like, what the fuck? And Jess just goes, no shit. She goes, yeah. He's like, this shit's going to stop. So there we were on an island just beating the fuck out of each other. You know, I lost a couple of teeth, but that bitch lost a nose. And that's just how I deal with it. Fighting. Like, wow, you're going to work out great here. But then later in the episode, we see her just like, I can't do anything.

This is why you can't have your parents read the hunger games while they're still rearing children. They're like, Hey, that's a great idea. We play the hunger games literally every day. It's how we look like this. So, um, rainbows like, yeah, we just fought a lot, you know, and because we grew up not talking about our feelings, they just get bottled up and you know, you explode. And that's why I'm going to beat the shit out of Celine with an iron. Yeah. Um,

So then Lawrence is cleaning the galley and Anthony loves this because he's like, oh my God, this is so wonderful. I can actually cook and someone cleans up my mess for me. So they're having like, they have like a funny kind of vibe together. It's kind of sad that they have to break up because I do sort of enjoy them.

and now it's time to get ready for dinner and rainbow setting the table and selene just falls down the stairs and it's not like she just stumbles she just like we just see a static camera of like the hallway and her body just comes flying out the farewell and just like slams onto the floor she's like oh i'm okay i'm okay i'm like wow nothing affects this woman yeah she really does she really just bounces back literally so then um

Fraser sees Kerry and Kerry's just in his towel. He's like, Fraser, what's wrong with this picture? I've got a boner at work. Not really sure. I don't have any clothes. Understood. Am I supposed to be listening to you? Would you prefer me on my knees at this point? Fraser? I need my goddamn uniform. Fraser.

I thought this was the gay porn charter, though. You can't do a gay porn scene and then not follow through, Captain Kerry. I'm terribly sorry. We've got too many professionals on board to ignore this moment. It's the third time today. How many times do you get your clothes washed in the day? I didn't know captains had like three different uniforms a day. That's nuts. I know. Well, I guess because he has the white. It's just regular.

Well, he has the whites. And then during the day, he's got like that blue polo shirt or something. Don't they have like a blue polo shirt? And then at night, the blacks. So, yeah. Well, there you go. Never noticed. 20,000 seasons later of recapping. I'm just noticing.

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So, Fraser's like, girls, I'm going to say this one last time so you can completely keep messing it up and I can keep not checking that you're doing it correctly. The captain just came to me naked in his towel. Do I still have a boner? I do. He hasn't got his uniform. My boner is still happening. Please get a uniform on the captain so my boner can go down. That would be lovely. Thank you. So, um...

rainbow's like if our team is up and up and up that's not on me i'm doing my job properly it's just such a show it's just i'm like that's maybe not the best attitude it's like i have to help out to make sure that like the people who don't know what they're doing can be better but she's like whatever i'm doing my job yeah i was the one who survived the island in holland they didn't okay i'm not there's no rainbow in team

So then Fraser asked Barbara and she's like, "Uh, Fraser, I can't think of everything, okay? Like, I know, like, now I'm pissed because I'm pissed because I'm not responsible for it. Like, I can't do everything." Everyone has this attitude. Literally everyone on this, on the interior has an attitude of like, "Well, I did my stuff. I'm not responsible for something else, so..."

I don't know. Actually, I think she said that was her responsibility, but she's still pissed. She's like, I'm responsible for it, but I'm still mad. So it's like, okay, where we live, we learn, you know? She's like, no, I'm being pulled in so many directions, doing things all the time, you know? I'm never finishing anything. It all fall on me. Oh my God, I feel like a bad crew member. This sucks. Rainbow, go hit, go hit Sarlane.

I'm putting you both on the bow and just pretend it's an island and now fight. Great. So Fraser brings the stuff to Kerry and he's like, well, I've spoken with them again.

it's the third and he's like what's the third time happened today and he's she's like i know i know so for fuck's sake oh it's not an adventure didn't this happen with captain lee also yeah this is actually not the first time this has happened with yeah yeah um so captain carrie looks so mad though and his eyes get like really satanic when he's mad

Yeah. They get like really, they get really scary. I don't want to, I don't want to make him mad. I kind of do. Don't make him mad. Cause he's hot. Also mad in a towel. Oh, something about a gay porn star charter. It really gets the juices flowing on this episode. I guess. It's hot though. Captain Carrie, a little old man with angry eyes and a towel. Zaddy.

So Fraser, now they are going to do their Parisian cabaret theme. And Fraser's talking about what that is. He's like, it's flamboyant. It's big. It's feathers. It's extravagant. It's fun. It's flirtatious. It's a bit wily. It's absolutely disgusting.

So now everyone takes a step in every day. They are disgusting. I went to one in Montreal. I was like, whoa, okay then. Okay. Anybody take a tap class? Could we start there? Did you get your penis out of my face? I'm from America. I'm not used to people slapping me in the face with their penis. Well, you...

but i'll never forget my time at swinging richards in atlanta where oh that's true i tipped the stripper and he literally whacked me on the face with his dick i was like oh okay that was so funny but at least it wasn't cabaret themed okay it was not parisian cabaret feathers yeah those there were no swinging dicks or just in like dirty dirty like trailer t-shirts and like those poor guys they needed the money

They did. That could have taken place under a freeway and it would have been the same thing. That's a fun night. That was so fun. RIP Swinging Dicks, Swinging Richards. So now it's dinner time and the guests are seating and Fraser is like, welcome to Paris aboard Motor Yacht St. David. We're so excited to have this wonderful evening for you.

Yeah. Can you see? I was being sarcastic. So then Kyle is in a cabaret outfit and so, um, and they're all excited by it. And then he is, Kyle's like, he brings Skye a flower and Skye's like, oh my God, who designed your outfit? He was like, this is, um, this right here. Check this out. And he like lifts up

He lifts up his skirt and he like shows he's like in the thong and everything. They love it because Kyle loves flirting with the gays. So this is like his perfect charter. Yeah. Kyle loves some nakedity. I wonder if he's just get naked and someone has sex with one of the guests this season. Do you think it's this charter? Yeah.

They say it's Kyle. Wow. Oh, that'd be amazing. I hope it, I hope it is. That's, that's really hot. I mean, five days and these guys are horny as hell. They are horny and they don't, they are, these are definitely like a whole as a whole kind of situation with demo and Kyle. So yeah, you know, they're down. Yeah.

So, Barbara, let's see. So, Fraser serves Wagyu ribeye with mashed potatoes, green beans, and carrots. And he says the carrots have an erection, but they're just carrots. I'm not really sure. Yeah, carrots are normally pretty erect.

And then Carrie's like, so how is everything tonight? And Skye's like, it supersedes lunch, which was exceptional. We especially like the window cleaner, which of course is Kyle. It's like, well, we've got two amazing chefs right down there, which is not standard. So just know that going forward, your food will be shitty. There you go.

So, Fraser talks to Barbara and she's like, oh my God, Celine was so nice today. And he's like, oh, I'm going to go tell her. Celine, Barbara said you're amazing. She's like, oh, I know. I see in your eyes that you are proud of me. It is so cute. Get ready for that face to change soon. But right now it's fun to watch. So now dessert, it's a red wine poached pear dessert.

and uh now it's like talent show stuff so Tony starts twerking Marcel shoves his hand in his mouth which is maybe like how like a great great skill set to have as was mentioned on the show that was horrifying and is he the one that um is married

No, Tony is the one who's married. Tony is the married one. Marcel, I don't think is married to a woman. Oh, right. Tony twerks, right? Marcel shoves his hand in his mouth. Tony is like in kind of like a fishnet, like bustier. I don't know. He's like in fishnet lingerie and he's twerking. He's, you know, doing the whole thing. Watching someone put their fist in their mouth is something. Yeah.

So Damo is talking to Jess about KO and she's like, oh, yeah, you know, like, look, there's a bit of a standard that we're not really setting here. You know, I mean, I can't be going to him saying I need to eat food, but I'll speak to him. And if it doesn't change, then I'm going to have to speak to Captain Kerry in Italian. I know. And then...

pictures of Jess and then the words Jess I worked on private vessel you know we never had to break for almost 200 days and it was rough and I was so tired and at the end of the season I hurt myself I fell down the stairs on my back and it really took me out and I couldn't work but I got to take so that's why I have to take breaks like okay not as good as rainbows I had to fight with my sister to the death on an island in a lake in Holland story but you know it's okay

So Rainbow's like, okay, so, uh, Selene, with things like this, instead of leaving it out, just put it away. Because that saves you an entire step, okay? Oh, no, I hear you, I promise. But I'm trying to do it fast, you know? So if I was faster, then I'd try to do it, you know? Like, if I could be faster, I would go faster. But here I am, going fast. And you say, faster? What am I supposed to do? Go faster than faster? Okay, just clean the silverware. Just clean the silverware. Make it look nice. It's too hot.

Make it look nice. Okay, does that sound good? Can you just clean it? So remember how you cleaned your foot in the sink before while you ate a croissant? Okay, do that but with the silverware. Can you do that? Oh, that croissant was delicious. Yeah, did we talk about that when she was eating a croissant in the sink with her feet in the sink? I don't know if that's about to come or if it did come, but like, in case we missed it, that was amazing. She's like, washing her feet in the kitchen sink, nasty, eating a croissant.

That's so good. So Rainbow's like, listen, this is a lot of work, no? And she's like, so Lane is on mids and I'm on leads, even though like, oh no, that's Rainbow. She's like, yeah, look, even though

eating everything on her list is done. I have to send her to bed now. And she's not even done doing shit. And now she's got to be up in the morning. So that's my fault. So I'm just so exhausted and it's dark and it's a long five day charter tunnel and there's no light at the end of it. And then we got the most beautiful scene, which is rainbow at two in the morning, vacuuming the living room and like cry, hyperventilate. And she's like,

Just while she's pushing the vacuum is so funny. She's just standing in the same place, pushing the vacuum like, oh, that is the second breakdown we've had in three episodes. I mean, just the casting on this season. It's great. So good.

And I mean, really, you know, it is Pride Month. So we have this specially timed super gay charter, you know, I'm assuming for gay pride. But honestly, I think the real gift for gay pride was this moment because this was this was gay camp right here for vacuuming and sobbing at the same time. I was like, this is the sort of thing that like, you know, goes in the gay canon. Oh,

so then demo is there because he's also on nights and he's like do you need any more help and she's like no just finished i'm just telling everyone i went to bed at 2 15 so i can wake up and help with turn ups that's me rainbow fight club rainbow working grass up for his sister tries to knock her nose off again so he's like we have chin-ups on board i don't really eat those she's like no it's a bad thing okay i'm gonna go sleep

So she's like, yeah, I'm just the type of person where I just like to brush things under the rug and I hope they go away. And I'm not going to sit there and be like, oh, by the way, I just had a panic attack because that's not how you survive on Fight Island. So I definitely need to find better coping mechanisms for my feelings. But for now, they just get pushed deep, deep down and I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure everything will be in. Meanwhile, close up of the vacuum. It's all mangled and bent and twisted. Yeah.

So they go to bed at three in the morning, which is fucking crazy. So like, so Lane is so funny, but oh my God, I would hate working with her. I would die if I had to work with her, but she's hilarious to watch nightmare. So it's 6 30 AM and everyone's waking up, which is really early for, I would imagine for a bunch of porn stars. And Tony has an announcement, which is guys. I never had someone do this, but he literally peed in my hole last night. Yeah.

Like that's water sports. I, you know, some things, I'm sorry. Just first of all, keep it inside. And then where was he peeing in your hole? In the bed? Was it in the bed? Was it in the shower? Where do you do something like that? Why do you do something like that? You've had too much sex if you need to pee in somebody's hole. It's too much. Okay. I know we're not supposed to kink shame, but enough. Like, come on. Yeah.

So then they're cooking in the kitchen, in the galley. Anthony's like, I'm going to kiss Lawrence because he's like real chef. And he's real OG. He did his part. I did my part. I was very calm, very smooth in the galley. And Lawrence is like, I'll definitely miss his smile. Like, how can you not miss that guy? Good luck, mate. I've got a rapture scheduled in about five minutes.

I'll see you sometime, perhaps. USS Rapture coming to get me any moment now. One horseman was the French toast. We'll see where it goes from here. I know you love a smile, and I think that's so sweet, but in one week, it's going to turn two tiers. And I can't wait. I'm so excited for the real return of Anthony. I cannot take it.

- Yeah, no, he won't be. - So now it's time to lift the anchor, lift the anchor. And Barbara and Cade are talking about, so Barbara's like, "So what about your family? Do they support you in your job?" And he's like, "Yeah, you know, like at first my mom was like super scared, but now she's like one of my number one fans." - Barbara's like, "Oh, when I told my mom that I was gay, you know what, that I'm gay, she wasn't mad or anything. She was worried."

She's like, well, let me talk about my situation instead. He's like, yeah, my mom felt the same way when I first sat on a traffic cone. Now she just goes around town and just leaves stickers up, Cade Maddox OnlyFans. And like, really, he's done a great job of summoning the Cade army. You know, on the back of her Suburban, it says, my son swallows. And I've never just been more grateful for a mother.

So Barbara talks about her coming out and around 15 and she had a girlfriend. She loved being who she is. And a lot of it is because of her mom. And she says, you know, I think you just have to be who you are. And she was the first one to support me. And she'll be, she'll be the one like, you know, like that for the rest of my life. She'll be my number one, which is, which is cute. And then I like Sky goes, well, I didn't come out. I didn't have to come out. Cause I'm just so gay. It's like, it was so obvious. Yeah.

I came out when I was born. I came out. My first word was, ew, why did I come out of that? Yeah. I literally came out of the womb wearing Bette Midler's polka dot dress from Big Business. So everyone pretty much knew.

So Jess is speaking with Kayo now. She's like, I was speaking to Damo and I think we're a little frustrated with the breaks. Like, I understand we're busy, but, you know, you got to give him a 10 minute break every five minutes, you know, five minutes, maybe like you got to do breaks. And he's like, well, hold on. First of all, I have hair. First of all, I have hair.

And, you know, like some boats, they don't give a fuck. So she goes, yeah, but we give a fuck. He goes, okay, well, I'm completely open to suggestions. Okay, your suggestion is to give people breaks. Yeah, that's the suggestion.

So then there's like this moment. So Kao is saying, talking to Kira and he's saying like, oh my goodness, there's some good snorkeling, whatever. And Kira's like, oh, there is? Maybe we could do a little snorkeling excursion. So they're going to set that up, which is the setup to a future issue that the two of them have in about five seconds. In the meantime, the guests are doing facials, but actual. Also, just to make note for later, Kao says, this is so sick here.

here meaning like right in the spot that we're in right and it's good snorkeling and he says yes so we could do snorkeling excursion right okay now now amusingly you you you you clarified that right as i said the guests are doing facials and i think it's really important to just note that these were actual like you know for the skin facials just because given who our charter members are just

Just don't want to leave anyone hanging with the wrong impression. But who knows what these people. But they also were probably doing facials. Yeah. There was actual sperm under those facials. So the anchor is dropped and Lawrence is like, oh, I think the boat's in good hands. He's got the whole world in his hands, doesn't he? I'm out. Goodbye. I'll see you on the other side. If you're holy enough to make it there. Later, suckers. Too much sin.

it's a bit too much sin happening here on this boot it is a sort of funny that like the born again is um is leaving amidst like the most like you know I would have I would imagine the like the the opposite of what I imagine of biblical right um so then he says bye no one really cares and then uh Fraser lets Rainbow go on the snorkeling trip because she's had a hard time and here's where Celine is washing her foot

While eating her croissant. So now, Carrie is like, well, would we like to do some snorkeling this morning before lunch? I know that is not a euphemism for anything, so...

You can get your nose out of his anus right now. All right, what I suggest is back and we're going to go into this point, which is back here. All right. And there's some nice snorkeling. So we'll take the tender and we can swim around in that location right there that I'm specifically pointing at. And I know you all care very much about where I'm pointing right now.

Oh my God, is that the chef leaving? Hey, I just wanted to tell you the same thing I told the womb. Bye, pussy. That's not what I'm going to say. So then Carrie has now told them that they're going to go snorkeling over there. Wherever there was, that's where they're going to go snorkeling. But have they moved a lot? Didn't the anchor go down or did the anchor go up?

I honestly, I don't know because honestly, when, when Carrie mentioned that that's where they're going to go snorkeling, I wasn't paying attention because I just thought it was just a standard, like, here's what your activity is going to be. I didn't realize we're setting up a drama. So, um,

But Kerry goes up to KO and he's like, well, they liked your idea of snorkeling once I pointed out exactly on the map where you said it was going to be. So after lunch, we'll take the boat and an interior staff. And he's like, oh, no, no, no. Wait, actually, it's here, the snorkeling spot. He's like, wait, you said it was back there. There's no it's in the bay. Like, maybe I miscommunication. I don't know. Like, hold on. Did you know that I have hair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I just explained, hey, sorry, you just got me with your hair there a little bit. I just explained to the guests that the snorkeling is back there. Now I look like a clown, don't I? It's like, oh, look, there he is again. Captain Kerry don't know where the snorkeling space is. Oh, it's my biggest nightmare. First, I don't have a uniform. Then I'm saying it's that patch of water instead of that patch of water where the little fishy are. Great, I'll never leave this one down.

This is so weird for him to go so mad. He's like, well, let's get correct information before I make a big scene. And Kara's just like, um, my bad. My bad. Like he doesn't care. It's not that you think Sky Knox really gives a shit where this thing is. Just tell him, Sky, you're taking selfies underwater right there. He'll jump in. He doesn't care.

Guys, who here is very excited to go snorkeling specifically off the right side of the boat? Starboard is it? I don't know. But I will only go snorkeling where I was previously shown the fish are and no other location around this boat. He's like, listen, you can take me snorkeling here. You could take me snorkeling there. But here's what I'm going to get a picture of in any place. My starfish. OK, drop me wherever you want. Is it possible that...

To piss in a starfish's hole? Because it's already surrounded by water, am I right? I can't. I can't. So, um...

Let's see. So Anthony is now talking to the chef while the guests head out for snorkeling. And he's like, wow, look at this, like you never left. Wow, big thing. We want success here, right, Anthony? He's like, absolutely, absolutely. I will not credit you there. All right, well, the biggest takeaway I'd like you to consider is we can't always reach that point, right? And some guests don't want that. Sometimes we just need to be mediocre, and that's okay. Do you understand? Yeah.

It is okay to be mediocre? I dare you, I'll throw you off the fucking boat, loser. Sometimes you just have to put a giant pile of egg whites on a dish and say that's breakfast.

So now Anthony is like, no, okay, it was great having Laurence on board, but he helped me calm down and just be focused. But now I'm back in this galley alone. And so, you know, I'm kind of nervous about that. Like me getting fired on St. David, a terrible moment. So I was thinking, damn, I'm a loser. I'm a bad chef. So pressure on for here. Honestly, I have everything to lose right now.

So he's like, it makes no sense for me to kill myself if they don't want that. Yeah, it's raw. Low standards. Just what you want on a mega yarn. Let's just focus on that. We're working on cafeteria food. You can do this. Okay. So Kyle sees that the banana is out in the middle of the ocean. And he's like, oh, there's the banana. I guess I should get it.

Hello? Hello? Banana, banana? And nobody answers. He's like, I guess I'll get a C-Bob and go get it. So Kerry sees it and he's like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. That banana doesn't have its uniform. Is that banana snorkeling in a place that wasn't supposed to be a snorkeling spot? So Kyle is fetching this banana and he's like, what happened? He's like, well, I don't know. I was just, I saw a yellow thing floating in the water and I thought, fuck it.

Looks like something I could have sex with. Let's get it. So he carries like a good catch, mate. So then meanwhile, the snorkeling, the guys have snorkeled for like five seconds and they're like, okay, we're down. We're bored. Let's go back to the boat. Struggling stupid. So they're coming back earlier than expected. And Carrie's like, oh, you got to be kidding me. It's disorganized.

Yeah, he's like, oh, I try to support my guys, but I've got so much pressure on myself. I've got to be straight up with the guy and let him know how important his job is, how much I rely on him, and that creates pressure. But there's a lot of schoolboy errors being made he should already be aware of. K.O. needs to get his hair in the game. And that's it. I don't think Captain Kerry realizes how many scenes he's setting up in gay porn. It's almost like the gay porn stars come onto the boat and he's like...

Well, there's a lot of schoolboy errors happening around here. I'm going to have to have a one-on-one talk with this person. I'm like, there's another scene. Look at this spunk in titties back in town and he's not got a uniform on. You realise I'm naked under this towel because I can't find my uniform and I'm very angry about it, so how are we going to fix this situation? What I'm about to tell you is going to be very, very hard. Are you open enough to take it?

All I know is there's a long, hard banana just floating around out there, and I want you to get it. Need to practice on something? So he calls KOM, and he's like, all right, we've got a few things happening. We've got a banana floating away. You know that shouldn't happen, right?

I want you to think of it like this way. Banana inside you. All right, banana inside you. You got it? All right. We've got to have communication on point. All right? Now, we've talked about the first day departure. You should have a checklist. All right? Get aboard. Shoes aboard. Luggage aboard. Dick hard. Ass wide. Loosened up. Why am I talking like this? I can't stop myself.

All right. This is how I want you to think about the luggage. Just imagine if you don't get the luggage, you have to go back to that dock, maybe with another one of your fellow sailors, and you'll have to sit there alone waiting for the boat to come back and retrieve you. And then you're just both there alone. And then what do you do when you're both alone and bored? Right? That's what I want you to think about. Yeah.

Now, because you forgot that, Luggers, the entire crew and cast and people on the boat have to be naked. Now what are we going to do? You bad little boy.

so i need to have it in you to finish this job or not and kyle's like oh i'm pretty sure i can do it you know i like we don't do this normally in rio but if you want to do it now you know i can do it i'm not gonna lie i've never had so many people under me oh that's what i'd like to hear you're gonna take more and more people under you eh so you know the best way to start is at the bottom

you need to put some pressure on your team to not make these schoolboy errors. You know what? I'm so concerned about your schoolboy errors. It seems like something happened back in those days. So why don't you put on a schoolboy uniform and get back up here and we'll diagnose what went wrong. And then K.O. ends it in the least porny way. He's just like, I need to start focusing on small things. Like, whoa, this is a porn episode. I know. Or at least some big things.

There we go. Give you something to focus on. Yeah. Adventure. Yes, queen. So fun times, fun times on the boat with the porn stars and my prediction KO will be fired very soon. Yeah. He's messing here.

He's out of here. KO in his hair. Goodbye. KO will be KO'd. All right. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. It's such a fun time. Be sure to come to our live show on Thursday in Hollywood at the Fonda Theater. Go to watchcrapins.com to get your tickets and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye.

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