#2896 Next Gen NYC S1E3: Father Figure
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The two of us have been traveling across the country with our show, which has been so fun. But I tell you, coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own. Yeah, really gorgeous stuff. You know, there's something about a beautiful outdoor space. It's just so satisfying. Your own backyard oasis. Wayfair's got everything you need to level up your outdoor space. Patio sets, lounge chairs, outdoor bars, hot tubs, fire pits, gazebos, and of course, string lights.

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Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Ronnie Garam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Hello, what's going on witches?

Happy Hump Day. It's Wednesday, which means many things, but today, what it means is that tomorrow is the last day of the Mounting Hysteria Tour. We are having our big finale at the Fonda Theater in Hollywood, California. It's going to be very exciting. We're going to be recapping the Valley. Will we have a special guest? Who knows? Maybe. We can't say, but it's going to be fun, and

And we hope you all are there. So go get your tickets, go to watch your crappins.com and, uh, ticket links are there and join us. It's going to be fabulous. Um, thanks to everyone who has come out and seen us this year on our various cities and stops. We've had a blast getting back out on the road. It's our first North American tour in two years. And so it was so, so, so, so, so fun. And, um,

you know, happy to be doing it, closing it out in Hollywood tomorrow. So there's that. Then over on Patreon, we are chugging away with our Love Island coverage, which has been so fun. The season is wild and we're having a great time recapping it every day. So go check that out. Patreon.com slash watch what crap ends.

Those recaps are up basically every day that we're doing recaps here. And also we have Crap-Ins on Demand where you can watch us and not just listen to us. So there's a whole world of crap-ins out there on Patreon. And we want you to participate in it and enjoy it. So that is that. And now today it is time to talk about Next Gen New York City. Oh my God. Wait, Ronnie. Oh, actually, before we start that, there's some very big news. Ronnie, I don't know if you heard this. Tell me if you, stop me if you heard this.

Charlie like texted me and was like, oh my God, like, want to go have some pizza tonight? Unless I'm already at home with your sister and we're like having sex. Can you believe it? Can you believe that Charlie did that? I cannot believe you. Oh, I thought you were talking about the actual news, which is that Charlie filed for bankruptcy in 2023. Yeah.

And he only had $1,500 in his bank account. And then Dame Dash is broke, too. He's $20 million in debt. He also had $20 million in IRS stuff. And his kid got evicted from her apartment. So while these fuckers, well, not Ava. She's done nothing wrong. But, like, while Charlie is acting like, oh, these TV, you know, you guys are so used to being on TV. These reality kids are such trash. Mm-hmm.

Keep going. Keep going. These people are feeding your asses now. So let's get a little bit of respect to a Zolciak. And I've never said that before in my life. Respect to a Zolciak. I never thought I would hear myself say it, but I've said it. Respect the Zolciak.

Yeah, he is awful. And now it's like he was already awful. And now he also you can also add a unrepentant. Is it too far to say racist? But I'm going to say microaggressor.

Either way, he is just he's a dick and he's just getting worse and worse. And he's like unappealing. And now on top of that, you're broke, too. So like you can't be all those things. Yeah. Fucker. So this was also the episode that I officially fell in love. I mean, I've loved the show since it started. We've really liked both of us. We've really liked it. But this is the one where I was like, oh, no, this show's great.

This is the one that solidified it for me. I died laughing, and then all of the other stuff was really good. Riley's just handling herself so well. I fucking love Riley. I never saw that coming. I mean, I didn't dislike Riley before, but they made it look like she has no lines. She's like the whole season. Yeah.

I'm loving this show. I love this show. I can't believe how much I love this. I want to marry this show. I'm going to marry it. I'm not at love yet, and here's the reasons why. I think we are spending too much time with the parents. I understand that the parents are like the hook for this show, that these are the children of stars. But the truth is, this show is at its best when it just focuses on the main cast. This is like two weeks in a row where the second half...

of the show has been significantly more compelling because the second half is when the kids are all just hanging out and doing things. And like, it actually bothered me a little bit that the show, you know, early on in the show, we have this kind of like quick recap of this crazy night out that they all had. I'm like, I want to see that. Why are you making me sit through this awful scene of Seth, uh,

trying out his like motivational speaker thing. Oh my God, I could not stand it. But it was also like, A, it was cringy and I know that's the point, but also it's like, it wasn't authentic. Like it was, this is, it was like stupid to me. I would much rather spend my screen time watching these kids talk with each other. Cause that to me is so entertaining. And I think Bravo has to like, it's like, we get it. We understand they've got famous parents. Let's just like start to like sunset them. Cause there was just so,

too much Seth on this episode. Can we stop talking about, like, first of all, that is senior abuse. You're talking about sunsetting people like a science fiction movie, like turning them into Soylent Green? No. And I will not stand for this slander. I like it. I love the Seth scene. And to me, it was very realistic because...

you know, that thing of like, I'm going to talk to your friend. I mean, that's happened to me. And it's like the most awkward thing ever for the person whose dad or mom is doing it. My mom went into school one time was like, who's bullying you? And she went in and told off everybody in school, which is an adult. I'm like, what a badass. But as a kid, I was like, oh, my God. You know, and she's still to this day, like, well, I went in there and I told those kids off. And I'm like, and, you know, kind of ruined a lot.

At that age, you know. But I also like it because I was the kid who hated hanging out with the kids. So I was always hanging out with the adults. So I'm still like that. I'm still like, wow, I get to hang out with the adults. But then I get to see what all the kids were talking about, most likely behind my back, while I was like watching their moms drink Frenzy and talk shit about each other. So I don't know. It's all working for me. Yeah. I mean, look, I think the show is almost there. I'm just saying...

I like the cast so much that I just want to spend more time with them. And I would like to see their crazy night out. I want to see what happened when they went to this club and Georgia lost her phone. I would just rather spend more time with that than like Seth and Brooks golfing or Seth and Charlie having drinks or whatever, or Gia and Teresa talking about making pizza. Like those things were entertaining, but

but I didn't find them to be compelling. And so I just want more of our children on the show, front and center, doing vapid things. And if there are adults, I want them to be dismissive adults. That's fair. You know what? Tomato, tomato. That's okay. You say you want more compelling. I say stop making this show so life-changing for me, especially the scenes with Teresa, Seth,

And, you know, Charlie's dad hating on Charlie. I love it. I do. That's well, that's OK, because he's dismissive. Like, again, I'm OK with dismissive adults, you know, put in a Kelly Catron, put in like I'm not going to say Anna Wintour, but like, you know, I don't need Anna Wintour. Why wouldn't you say that? Does she even have children?

Are they snowmen? I would love, are they icicles? I would love to meet her icicle children. They're the little mushrooms from Super Mario. They all have her haircut. I'm in. Okay. So speaking of, um,

Icicle Children. Ariana opens the show, of course, because they're still doing this whole like, oh my God, a Zolciak in New York City. Isn't this wacky? So that's how we open it. And Ariana's monologue is like, I'm in New York City. I'm like a kid in a candy shop. I am honestly in awe of my life and the fact that God has blessed me to even be here. I don't even mind the smell of urine and poop. I mean, look,

I was raised in the Beerman household with 15 other children pissing everywhere. Okay. I love the loudness. I'm used to sirens. I love how fast paced it is. Well, I love how she slid that in. I'm used to sirens. My mom calls the police on Croy every other weekend. Yeah.

there's just so much culture and there's like so many different kinds of people. I get this feeling here that's like, just gives me chills. I like walk down the street. It's like how I imagine Alicia Keys singing Empire State of Mind would be, you know, loud, annoying, off key, screeching. Excuse me, could you please have Alicia Keys shut up? I'm trying to do a play here.

You walk down the street and there's a Broadway diva making microaggressions against Alicia Keys and Audra O'Donnell. Like, this is the life. Please be quiet. I shouldn't have to nail my dance. Oh my God. Empire State of my ass. Empire State of shut up. How's that going for you, boys?

So she's like, yeah, I mean, like, oh my God, a bird pooped on me. Is bird poop supposed to be good luck? Because that's incredibly concerning. The bird poop is supposed to be good luck. I don't know if I like this city anymore. I don't believe in these omens. I believe in Jesus. You know who made that bird poop? The Lord did. Whitney Port. I mean, Whitney Rose was my favorite quote of hers. I think that is my favorite Whitney Rose quote of all time. You know who did that? The Lord did.

So Ava is sitting on a park bench. She's talking to Brooks on the phone. And he's like, oh, my God. Riley invited everyone out and took us around Brooklyn. And then Ariana and Hudson came. But you could tell Charlie wasn't interested. And they felt like disrespected by the way that he was telling them because he wasn't very nice. And it was like right after he told me that he wanted to hit.

be in a room with my sister, my sister. And he was like, so you won't be mad if I fuck your sister, your sister, your sister. The disrespect. Girl, it is episode three. Moving on. Like, Brooksie, I love you, but you need to move it along. This is like definitely a kid from the Meredith Mark school of, how dare you talk about my bathtub? What's

Yeah, he has really stringed this one out. And it's just not compelling enough. But it's funny in its own way just because he is so fixated on it that every time he brings it up, just when you think it's over, he'll find someone else. He'll find a hot dog vendor. He'll go see the mayoral race with Kamo and the other guy. I have a question for the candidates.

If Charlie ever texted you and said he wanted to sleep with your sister, how would you feel about it? I'll start with you, Colmo. He's just going to find anyone to talk to about this. Yeah. So Ava's like, I literally feel like a PR girl because like, you know, I hear things about what my client's done. Now I got to go do damage control control. I'm like, well, you know what? At least you're giving yourself a job in your life.

- You can get fake medical insurance after all, healthcare. - She's like, I mean, I don't even know about Ariana 'cause I haven't met her. I don't know her vibes or whatever. So then we see the flashbacks of Ariana being like, "Hi, nice to meet you." And Charlie being like, "Oh yeah, it's crazy how fast you can get a read on someone. Oh, probably doesn't even know what crypto is. Ever heard of blockchain? Loser."

So now we see Ariana and Hudson walking down the street again, and she is still doing her like, I'm constantly walking around the city with swamp ass, and I should probably have just kept that to myself. But God, I love this city. It's like Alicia Keys always saying. Well, but tomorrow we're going to go to Soho for George's event, and I'm excited for it. And we're going to see your favorite person, Hudson, Charlie. Charlie's like, I'm not going to condition my hair today. Ugh.

these these split ends were brought to you by zaxby's chicken today my look is brought to you by tears for fears circa 1984. so charlie is meanwhile go back to charlie now he's in the apartment with ava and she's like so i heard some tea about last night and i heard you were still making comments about chloe and stuff to brooks he's like

Yeah, I was like doing it jokingly. I mean, he doesn't really even care. No, he does care, but he's like not good at confrontation. So he's probably like laughing, but he feels uncomfortable. How many people does Brooks need to actually confront Charlie about this? Because last episode was all about like, I don't want to have like a mouthpiece. And now it's been like the fifth person commissioned to do this.

Girl, it's more than a mouthpiece at this point. It's like a retainer. Like you never take it out of your mouth. It's constantly there. And unless you eat. Yeah.

So, yeah, she's he's basically and I think, you know, I think it's it's a little much, too, because I think Charlie's just fucking with Brooks. I mean, Charlie's an asshole. Look, I'm not going to stand up for for Charlie, but Brooks knows that Charlie's an asshole and he's fucking with him. But I think Charlie's like, why are you trying to make this a fucking storyline, brah? But then instead of just backing off, he just keeps making it worse. You know, so what can you do? You know what, Charlie? I'm trying to stand up for you because I know how difficult it is.

being a wealthy, white, blonde, young person in America. There's no opportunities for you. Nobody gives you any chances. So I'm trying to stand up for you, but you're making it very, very difficult, Charlie, okay? Please, let's feel something for the straight, white, young, rich male in this country.

It's hard to look like a Scars guard without any of the perks of being a Scars guard. So he does have, he does carry that cross. He's a SARS guard, you know, which I know is a real thing. He's a SARS guard, not a Scars guard. SARS being like, sorry, you know, SARS. Yeah.

Yeah. So now Charlie and Dylan are talking and Charlie is like, Hudson, like, so yeah, the other night we had this crazy, this drama. It's like Hudson comes up and he's like, yo, I feel like there was some disrespect for some animosity towards us or something. And I was like, dude, you want to fight? Like, let's go fight. I can hire someone to fight you. And then we see a flashback of Hudson being like, you want to fight? No. And Ava's like, wait, you want to kick this around the corner?

Who says that? Yeah. Like you want it to take. I love it. He's like, I'm so city that I like offer to fight outside around the corner. So we don't disturb any businesses. Well, guess what? There's more businesses around the corner. You fell into the big corner trap.

It's called the corner store. So no matter where you fight, there's gonna be a business. - Boatega fight bro, boatega fight. It's on the corner. Hey, I'll compromise with you and I'll do it on the corner. So Ava's like, I mean, you said you want to fight? And he's like, yeah, but I was like around the corner, right? And then Ariana was like by his side or some shit. I would have fought him for sure.

And Dylan's like, yeah, you guys want some weed? They're like, we're cameramen. We can't smoke your weed. It's like, okay, yeah, but like...

Guys, guys usually like, if they fight, like, that's when they become best friends. 'Cause like, one time I got in this fight and I like wailed on this dude, and then he was like, "Bro, I can't wait to jerk off to you on fuckin' OnlyFans." I was like, "Fuck yeah! I get 15 months, 15 bucks a month from that fuckin' dude. Fuckin' awesome." I said, "Dudes are, bro!" Yeah, man. That's how bros become friends. We just punch each other a little bit. With the fists and with the dicks.

So then Dylan is like, yeah, it was awesome. So the producer's like, what about your face? Like, don't you make money off your face? He's like, no, I don't make money off this thing. It's my body. We see more shots of him shirtless. No, it's your face. Anybody can work out.

You've got the double punch. You know, you've got the face and the working out. So you're making money off your face. Don't mess up your face. And I don't even believe him that he beat the shit out of some guy and had blood all over his hands. Dylan, nobody believes you.

Well, we now go to a driving range where Seth and Brooks are playing golf and Seth is like, get in the hole, get it hole. Oh my God. My dad would always be taking me golfing growing up. And like, that was like one side of it. The other side was that he would send me to like golf intensives. It's golf intensives. I mean, it's called golf lessons. Is that what you're talking about? Is what Gen Z calls lessons intensives? Yeah. Well,

Like you took me to golf camp and he's like, you call golf camp, golf intensive. What the hell Brooks? Are you getting any up the ass? Let's talk about it. Did you swallow? Let's just talk about your sex life. You have a boyfriend. He played golf. He fuck you up the butt. Hey, you ever, you ever done nosies? That's where you fuck someone's nose. You ever done it? I read about it. I saw it on Tik TOK. I read about it on Tik TOK. It was a Tik TOK, but it had words on it. Do kids do that? God,

I'm so glad to get kids back to reading. So let's get back to anal. You like that? It's like, dad, gone.

I actually, I had to go these awful intensives because they were intense and I actually won an award. It was a unique award that they created just for me because I accidentally hit a squirrel with my golf ball, which honestly, that shouldn't have even been an award. I need to unpack that in therapy. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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So then we see the boyfriend who's really cute. So Brooks has a boyfriend now and they're cleaning the apartment. And Brooks is like, I'm going to clean this thing. He's like standing on the counter. Brooks is also wearing like a, he's also wearing like a shirt made of like seatbelts. I'm a fashion designer. Don't know how to use a sewing machine, but I know fashion. Yeah.

So Seth's like, yeah, you know, Cade and I met in Park City. I was out with my mom. Oh, no, this is Brooks. He's like, Cade and I met in Park City. I was with my mom. And he was like, oh, my God, icon queen. And so, like, we're basically together now. Yeah. He buys me dinner, but I have to sign the check. Meredith Marks put hearts on it. It's the customer copy. He takes it home and just pretended my mom signed it. Like, it's his kink.

- Yeah, he lives between like Austin and LA. So I'm like always trying to get him to come to New York, which is hard because when he's not in those cities, he's in Salt Lake City, just like following my mother around and being like, "Icon, mother, mother, icon." So anyway, sometimes he comes to New York City and he like vacuums my silverware for me.

Yeah. Last time he came to visit, he got a hotel room and then at the front desk, they said, are you Mr. Basically Meredith Marks's son now? Okay. We've got your room ready for you. It was romantic.

How's your sex life? Um, that's like not something I need to talk to my dad about. But you do talk about your mom about it? Yeah, because she's an icon. Well, I want a deeper emotional connection. Seriously, I want to be like a mother. That's next level for fathers to be the mother.

The dad becomes the mom's son. That's how it goes. Okay, tell me, what about your body count? Is that high? You got a high body count? What about your boyfriend? He got a high body count. He's like, where did you hear body count? He's like, yeah, I just learned it. It was TikTok. You know what? I just want to make sure you know before you give your heart completely. It's mutual. Are you just a body count on a counter of bodies?

Come on. You fuck the bodies. All right. It's body count. How much anal does that take down? Stop. Do you swallow a load and that's on your body? Is a handy a body count? Tell me. I need to know. What sort of hair does he have? Because I've been told by someone in my wife's circle that you can have hair that indicates your body count.

He's like, well, speaking of body count, Chloe went on a date with Charlie and Charlie said this thing about Chloe. He's like, oh, Jesus. God, I haven't even been here and I've heard about this. What is Chloe's body count? Dad, that's not the point. Does she like anal? Dad, no.

but he texted me after and he said like come meet like like let's meet up unless i'm at my place with your sister he's like wow wow she needs to know who she's signing up for with a guy who behaves like this and he's like well that's is that how you behave he's like at that age like a little 16 year old yeah i mean because it was entertaining i used to be like that but he's 29

Okay, maybe not that age. And he's like, yeah, you were married with three kids, dad. He goes, yeah, but I'm always going to be immature. That's the point, son. You know, those are immature moments. You know, I relate to that. God, I love this kid. God, I want to see if he's got some extra dad. Need a dad? He needs a dad, right? I bet he'll talk about anal. I'm taking this kid to lunch. Yeah, he probably hasn't swallowed loads, right? All right, I won't bring that up. Body count. Lunch with Charlie.

God, I can't wait. I'm going to bring him a cake with Whitney Rose's boobs on it and see what he does. Let's see if he's truly like me. I think I know how it's going to turn out. He's like, Dad, I can handle it. I'm 24. You don't need to go talk to people. Can you? Because it's episode three. I mean, I think in your time, it's like the third week you're talking. It's been a month of you talking. Your dad needs to step in. I'm for it.

Yeah. And basically Seth decides that he's going to, he's like, wow, it seems like Charlie doesn't have a deep relationship with his dad. So I'll be his dad now, which I think is actually a bit like presumptuous to do that, even to someone like Charlie. So now we go over to New Jersey and Gia's like, hi, mom, how are you doing? She's like, I want to go get my Chuckalina leg.

And I got like a Brazilian down there, but they didn't numb my butthole. And I was like, ouch, ouch. And she was like, next time we'll numb your butthole. Okay. I was like, okay. I never did bleach my butthole before.

I never did my bajo before, but I had a Brazilian do my bajo. Does that make any sense? Oh my God, mom. Like I'm for sure moving out, but like it's so difficult because like New Jersey has like a turnpike and then you go like into the turnpike and it could be flooded with water any second. I could die there. I love living here though because, you know, we got a pizza oven. We got like a floor. We got like mops. It's like perfect here.

- Chia goes, "Also, there's no taxes in New Jersey." And then we see on screen it says, "No, Jersey has the second highest average property taxes. You guys just don't pay your taxes." But there are in fact taxes in New Jersey. - Yeah, some of us need to stop listening to our parents because that is such a JoJude icing to say. - Yeah, no taxes here. - What does she mean though, there's no taxes in Jersey? Do they have no sales tax?

What is she talking about? Maybe she meant taxis. I don't know. She's like, so this weekend... We don't got waxes in Germany, in Jersey. That's why my dad's got to get shaved every day by my line.

So this weekend, I'm going to have everyone over for a pool party, which is just what cool kids from New York City want to do. Go to Jersey for a pool party when they could go to Soho House instead. Oh, yeah. I'm so upset I'm not going to be there for it. I know, but I'm going to make pizzas with everyone. So, you know, I'm going to get the dough from Pizza Cucina. Oh, my God. Did you numb the Pizza Cucina first? I never did that before. No, Ma. I got a Brazilian on my Cucina. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ma, you're getting confused. You're getting confused, Ma. Oh, sorry. I meant my ciaccolina. Have you been to Ciaccolina Pizza Cucina yet, though? Uh-uh.

Okay, everybody who's wondering, all the Jersey people out there in the turnpike slamming on their steering wheels, here's the law. You're right. New Jersey has some specific tax policies related to clothing and groceries, but it's not entirely accurate to say there's no tax in Jersey. Jersey does have a sales tax currently at 6.625% on most tangible personal property and certain services. However, there are exemptions for several categories, most clothing and footwear, most

Most food sold as groceries, prescription medications, and certain other items including chuccalina waxing, agricultural supplies, and coochie waxing, which is different than chuccalina waxing.

So there you go. Yeah, we all learned something now. So she, Gia's going to make pizza. She's going to have a sidekick that's going to come. And like Teresa is like, oh yeah, by the way, no one on the trampoline. Like, why do you have a trampoline then? The trampoline is made for these parties. It's made for pool parties. I love it. It's like trampolines for adults only. Like what?

So, yeah, it's there. And she's like, by the way, that camera's outside. So I'm going to be watching you. So, yeah, big party about to come. So now we see Charlie walking down the street and Gia text him about the pool party. And he's like, cool, dope, whatever. You know, he's absolutely disgusted with the idea of going to New Jersey to like Gia's pool parties. I guess I got to do it for the show. But he doesn't want to hang out with Jersey girls.

Okay, so now we get Charlie going to Casa Bond with his mom, Liz, and the mom's boyfriend, Ivor. Oh my God, these two.

So Charlie sits down with these crazy people and he's like, wow, I haven't seen you since like Mother's Day, I guess. And I was like, do you guys in America take Mother's Day seriously, though? Do you? Disgusting. We don't celebrate mothers where I'm from. Across the pond, we say, oh, there's a pond. I'll drown you in it. You insufferable wench who birthed me. That's just how we do it there.

She goes, "Well, you know, it just happened to be that I last saw Mother's Day because I just happened to be in town. So I said, 'Oh, it's Mother's Day. Let's have lunch.'

You know, I almost forgot that I had this son. And I thought, well, I guess I might as well do something motherly once in a while. So I threw him a bone. And I was like, come on, Peter, let's go to lunch. He said, my name's Charlie. I said, well, whatever your name is, I got to do this once every five years. Am I right? God, you went out with the whole family? Oh, whoever just happens to be around sounds disgusting.

He's such a ghoul, this Ivar. So what a weird fucking dude. And she's like, well, I mean, everybody's still speaking to me as of now. So those are the people that got to come.

And Charlie tells us his sad, sad story. His parents got divorced when he was three-ish. He grew up with his mom until he was 10. But then his mom was like, gross, I'm artsy. So she got rid of me. You know, she gave me home-cooked meal stuff. But then she just got sick of me, so my dad took custody because she wasn't really feeling up to it. You know, the first time I sold all my jelly beans and bought crypto with it, she said, you rat. Fucking brat.

And you know, it got more factored when I needed her assistance with my dad. And I was like, dad's mean. Then she didn't do shit about it. And that's when I knew mama doesn't care. Yeah. You're still an asshole, Charlie. I feel nothing. I, I'm going to translate Charlie's story, which is, um, she tried to raise Charlie. He was out of control, spoiled brat, like just getting kicked out of boarding school and shit kicked out of boarding school, private school, private school, private school. Um,

She couldn't deal with it anymore. So she's like, guess what? You now have to live with your dad because he's more stern than I am. So then he was raised by his dad and he's still a little shit. And then anytime he was trying to get his way, he would make his pitch to the mom and sell it in one way. And then he would go tell the dad, like this mom said, it's okay. And then dad would call mom and she'd be like, I never said that, that little fucking shit. And dad's like, you're busted. That's what this story is. Okay. I don't believe any of his spin whatsoever. I don't either. And Charlie's like, it was a beautiful,

man it was a piece it was child's piece so don't believe him and he's like yeah i mean like you mom like you don't alienate us the way dad does she's no it's not alienation you know it's a send to voicemail is what i call it it's always worked for me as a mother

You know, she's like, you know, it's so nice because, you know, we used to go out years ago and now we're all back together. So I can see how the drugs are affecting your body now, all these years later. She's talking about Ivar. So Ivar's like, oh, yes. Same story. It's like we met 40 years ago in Dallas, of all places. She's like, yeah, I was dating Jean-Michel Basquiat. Remember that? He's like, why did your accent turn French?

Because his name was Jean-Michael Basquiat. Come on. Come on, Charlie. Do you want me back? You know, every time Ivar shows up at a cafe with an ascot on and tries to pretend like he's an artist, I just like to remind him that my ex was Basquiat. My best friend was Debbie Harry. So good try, Ivar.

And Ivar is like, yeah, well, your mom went out with my best friend, but he was too boring and she left him, even though he had a huge cock. Charlie's like, how do you know how big his cock is? How are you not playing with your nipples while you talk? He's like, teeth him out and like licking his lips. It's creepy, this guy.

I know Charlie's like, um, Ivar, how did you know how big your best friend's cock was? He goes, well, there's always a hint of mint about us Englishmen, so I knew. Could you take one now? I'm not even around you, but I know you need one. A hint of mint.

So Charlie's like, my mom fucked up in early youth, but she's been such a good mom. She's tried so hard to make up for it. Unlike my dad, who continues to be a dick and open up old wounds. And then we see a flashback to basically the dad saying his sister was his favorite. I don't know. I think his dad's just a realist. I mean, it's just amazing. I remember you were just so intuitive as a child. And it's funny because Basquiat's not your father, but

Your life has grown up to resemble one of his paintings. And that's always really touched me, Charlie. You know, you're just so amazing and intuitive as a child. Always, when I didn't want to speak to you, you would walk away. And it was just glorious. You know, I remember one day I was sick and I said to you, Charlie, you're going to have to make a peanut butter sandwich. And he said, I'll make you one, Mummy. I love you. You brought me a bottle of vodka and a straw, a little mirror with a razor on it. That was the only Mother's Day I'll ever need.

Thank you. And just like that Basquiat, unlike that Basquiat painting that you look like, you have no inherent worth. Anyway, great seeing you again, love. I love that her best memory of Charlie is that he made her a sandwich one time when she didn't feel like making dinner. She's like, your acts of service, Charlie. Really quite amazing. Whenever someone says, describe your child, I say, he would always press the button on the elevator. What a good thing to know.

unfortunately it was a terrible sandwich so that was the moment i realized i had to give you over to your father um so she's like so are you happy with where you are right now that's a rhetorical question you obviously are miserable because we failed you as parents he's like um

Well, I'm at my point in my life where like, I'm 29, right? Like turning 30 soon enough. And it just would be nice if like, I was maybe a little bit further along in like a career path. Oh, well, to be further along, you have to start on one. So there's that. How about that? Yeah. You might want to start, you know? And he's like, dad's an asshole. He doesn't give me emotional support. Like what the hell? I don't get emotional support from Anwar. And she's like, well, Anwar didn't get emotional support because...

There was Gigi, and then there was the other one, and Anwar's the other other one. How do you think he feels? I'm not talking about the Hadids, Mom. I'm talking about Dad. Oh, right, Father. No, it's not that he doesn't support you. He just doesn't like you, Charlie. All right? And in fairness to him, his skill set that he uses in business makes us all rich. So let's be grateful for Dad. All right? You can hire somebody to hug you, Charlie. And I was like, I can do it. Hint of mint. Grrrr.

Oh, wait! I want to show you something, Charlie. Before you start talking about career paths, I want to remind you that

You can just be a lazy artist who coasts off his parents' money. Look, some pictures that you drew. I saved them. Look at these. And he's like, oh, yeah, I do remember them. And so you think for a moment, it'll be like, wow, imagine Charlie has like a hidden talent. Like he actually has raw artistry that he got from his mom who worked in the world of artistry. And we see the painting, the pictures. It's just like doodles of like stick figures shooting each other. Absolutely brilliant. So good. Yeah.

He goes, wow. Oh, my God. I do remember this. Is this dad that I'm drawing getting killed? Bullet through the head. Knife through the head. That's funny as fuck. Wow. Yes. We call these basky knots. When I tell you, I died laughing at this. Like, where else are you going to get this? I brought pictures you drew of your father. Oh, yeah. Someone where I stabbed him in the head. That's one where I shot him five times. God, these are good. God, what a family.

And then he says, "Hey, you know what? You know what I'm rewatching right now? Succession." And Ivar's like, "Oh, isn't it wonderful? Hint of mint.com." And Charlie's like, "Yeah, I mean, if that guy isn't literally Anwar incarnate, I mean, my dad is the dad from that show. Just how badly, like, one of the sons wants his approval and how little he gives a fuck."

i'm like charlie i hate to break it to you the dad is the hero on that show it's the children who are the villains you know no one roots for the kids on that show right i hope you really pay attention to the part where the dad comes in and says i love you all but you're not just serious people just not serious people i hope you pay attention to the charlie

I hope you pay attention to the part where the children are insufferable for four seasons in a row. No one likes them and cheers for their demise. One of the only shows where everybody's like dying to know how it ends and actually hoping everybody gets killed.

It's like Charlie's actually casting himself in the role of like Jeremy Strong. Like, oh, what an honor to be the Jeremy Strong character. The only person. He's like, yeah, you know, like, like the kids. There's that one kid who just wants him to love him, but then he just rips him down. He's like, I don't want to shit talk that too much because like, God forbid I get cut off on this airs. But he's really a vicious motherfucker sometimes. Yeah. And guess what? You're broke now. So. Yeah.

Yes, exactly. It looks like someone got cut off. So now we go over to Brooks's apartment and shy comes over. So finally we're getting to like spend time with shy. Who's in the poster in the front row of the poster. Shy is like, so I got introduced to the rest of the group through Dylan and like, I have a full-time job. I'm an agent's assistant and I spend most of my free time sewing. So, you know, like my mom dropped me off some curtains the other day and then like I put them, I put them up and then I was like, no. And I took them down and it made them into pants.

And I'm wearing the pants right now. And he gets up and he shows us the pants. Babe, those are $10 Ikea sheer curtains. They're like still obviously $10 Ikea shirt. I mean, congratulations on being able to sew, but I don't know. Better eye. Better eye. I did something similar. I really like him.

I turned there's a fitted sheet that I was going to throw out. And instead, I turned that into a pair of shorts. And I was like, Oh my god, this is so cool. I turned the fitted sheet into shorts. And when I tell you they are basically see through this, there's a difference between sheet material and like clothing material.

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't work out. So, um, he's having to show Brooks how to sew because Brooks still doesn't really know. He's like, I got a new machine, but I like, it's like a thing. And like you put a thing on a whatever. Could you do it? He's like, okay, yeah, I'll show you. Just put this on the bottom and then thread the thing through. He's like, Oh,

Yeah, I'm like, really? Like, I'm going to like learn because like I'm a fashion designer and I want to be more than just like a one track suit wonder. And then we see Jen Shaw being like, um, is that it? Is there like any other designs? Is that the only design? What about me?

Says the lady who now is in just a one-track suit rotation. No kidding. That karma came quickly. I wouldn't fuck with Brooks, man. That karma comes quickly. I never thought about that. Now she's a one-track suit wonder. That's cool. I also think it's hilarious that Brooks is on like year four or five of his fashion designer journey and he's only like...

sitting down with his first ever sewing machine he's like okay what do I do it's like it's like at least like at least do this off camera at least learn about it how I was so machine works off camera

Yeah, he should have taken a few weeks before the show started shooting and like come up with some stuff and had them there to be like, look, I'm a designer. I've been doing this since my tracksuit, you know? Yeah. How do you put a thread in the needle? I mean, he literally asked how to thread a needle. Shy is like, why am I better at this than you? I'm not supposed. This is not my role on the show.

So then now Riley shows up and Shia is saying like, Riley is by far the most genuine and they love each other. So Shia is showing how to use the sewing machine. And he's like, okay, you just take the fabric and you move it forward like this. Ow, I just got me. And then he's like, just kidding. And Brooks is like,

Oh my God. Like I literally almost died. I thought you were like serious. I thought you were, I thought you died. I thought like you died of sewing machine. That was so scary. I literally almost fell over in horror. It was like the time Charlie texted me and said,

So he's like, so are you still on your own phone bill? Are you on your parents? And he's like, no, I'm on my parents right now. They were going to switch me out, but then they saw I was still making pants out of drapes and I wasn't ready. So it's actually a good, it's actually a good move on my part. He's like, yeah, same. Like second, I have my own phone bill. I'm going to be like, that's adulting.

Get a needle. Get a thread through a needle, Brooks. I know. Get to work, Cinderella.

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So Shai's like, "Yeah, I'm trying to get off my phone more, 'cause like, if we don't have phones, we don't have a phone bill." Oh my god, that's like amazing. Yeah, that's like crazy. I was thinking like, if I don't buy food, then I won't eat it. So I just stopped buying food. Brooks, why are you eating the sewing machine? We should have talked about food. Ow! The needle hurt, but it's worth it.

So Riley's like, okay, I came over here to shoot a scene with you guys, not watching Marvel about phone bills. So guess what? Georgia lost her phone last night. She was like saying she was like, was going crazy without it. And she was like, so stressed. And when we went out, she couldn't communicate with anyone. And Brooke's like, well, did I really miss that much when I went home? And she's like, yeah, it was crazy. Wow.

Okay, everyone, America, buckle up. Here comes the story. We went to an art gallery event that Georgia produced. Yeah. So we see a flashback and Georgia's like, yeah, so when I'm looking at art, I just kind of like, I feel like nothing sometimes. You know what I mean? That's like what art does to you.

Yeah, I like invited people who I thought would be really interested in this event. So naturally there was a Zolciak there. And then we see the event and Georgia's like, where the fuck are Dylan and Charlie? So then Georgia says, I really like Ariana and Hudson. So then I was like, okay. And then, you know, I have Charlie who's like my friend. And so he just immediately is like, no, I don't like them. And he expects like unwavering loyalty all the time.

Yeah, and Ariana wants to squash the beef with Charlie. You know, she's like, I hope this guy can keep his smaltic energy in his pants and calm down so we can just be friends. So then we see the after party and she tells Charlie, like, let's backtrack. And he's like, sure, I'd be welcome to that. You know, welcome to New York. Let's start over. So, um...

They just basically just wrap up that entire storyline for us. It's like, excuse you. Like we're here. I was invested in this rivalry. How could you just like end it in a flashback? Because we've got something new now. So now we go to Georgia dancing at the after party. You just like, you know, dancing like artists do. Like our hands are in the air. It's like, what? Like I might as well be looking at art right now. I'm thinking nothing. And then I left around 11. I don't really go to clubs.

Because I'd rather like sit on my bed on my iPad, like drawing needles, trying to figure out how to put that string through them. And so Charlie is giving Ariana and Hudson a group hug after they leave. And then Riley's like, wait, so Charlie and Dylan met up with some girls, which Georgia got really upset about. But Georgia was really under the influence. Cut to Georgia just being like, whoa, where's Charlie? Is Charlie even here? Is Charlie in that frame on the wall? What's happening?

And then Shy left early and then like Charlie ditched me with Georgia who still doesn't even have her phone. And then we see Charlie getting in his car and he's like, "Wait, why isn't Riley calling me?" And then Georgia's like, "What the fuck? They just like fucking left me at this party. How could I do this? This was supposed to be the best party of my life. This was like a marshmallow activation at the Haribo store. Premier DJ, premier candy. I can't believe they'd leave." So that's the drama. Georgia's mad now 'cause she got left at a party.

So now we see Charlie walking down the street carrying a skateboard. He's like, yeah, I'm a skateboarder. So I'm basically almost a 30-year-old skateboarder. So surely dad will love me soon. I'm a real rebel. Like you're literally doing Bart Simpson to get your dad's love. Girl.

Yeah. So Seth FaceTime's and he's like, Charlie, what's up, brother? I wanted to reach out to see if you and I could get together. Or as the kids say, hang, I hear things about you that concern me. Hashtag body count. And I want to make sure, you know, there's a grown ass man that cares about you. So that way you don't have to crash out. Be so for real right now. Charlie's like, um,

Okay, I guess we can get together. All right, you got it. Stay strong, brother. Okay, thanks. Talk to you. Bye-bye. Wait, do you guys say bye in a different way? Please tell me. I don't want to embarrass myself.

Catch you later, alligator motherfucker in a trucker. That's right. That's you. See you soon, buddy. He's like, awkward. So then we go to Seth and Charlie. Okay, so they have a lunch. And Seth's like, wow, you're taller than I thought you'd be, huh? Yeah, I'm real excited to. The Charlie chat. Here we go. They're at Chocolate Factory near Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie, Charlie, what you thinking? Just kidding. All right, let's get some iced tea or Coke. Should we do some Coke? You got Coke? A cola. I mean, he's a kid. Are you a kid? You got Coke? You know, you order what you want. I'll go along with it. I'm a cool dad.

cool yeah all right then just so you can feel comfortable with this whole scene we're shooting i have three kids he's like i know and i've always wanted to be like a life coach so i thought i want you to be one of my first non-genetic clients on tv this will go great

because Seth was doing this. Remember after their first season, he's like, Hey everybody, I'm a life coach. And here's what you just got to do is follow my Instagram. I'll give you life coaching skills. All right. These are Ziploc bags. Let me tell you something. You don't want something to get wet. What do you do? Put it in your pocket. What are you fucking an idiot? No, you put it in a Ziploc bag. Make sure you grab it with two fingers and it's zip locked.

Locks, you get it? That's why they call it that. I never really got that until I actually concentrated on what it meant. Follow me, like and subscribe for more good tips like this. Also, you know, give your wife a present every once in a while. Talk to you soon. - Charlie's like, "What I would rather be doing than having this meeting with Seth, I don't know, cutting my own dick off, sleeping, vomiting at my house, fucking Chloe, literally everything." And honestly, this is one of the few times I think I'm gonna be on Charlie's side.

So, Seth is like, hey. He's an asshole, but he makes me laugh at least. I was talking to you before you and Chloe even hung out. I was talking to you. You know, I see myself in you, man. Like, you know, so I know how dudes think. I get it. I get it, bro. Okay? And...

the pride and joy of my life, my daughter, okay? You have a connection going. She's got low body count. You've got high body count. Let's not find an average, okay? And whether it's gonna be a body count transaction or something deeper or more meaningful, I don't know. Be so for real right now. Did I use that one already?

Are you guys coupled up? You closed off? Like, what's going on with you two, huh? Come on. You give her fanny flutters? Just tell me where we're going here, brother man, bro ham. And he's like, I've been on one date with her. But I will say the level of familial involvement is a little more intense than I'm used to. And my mom's boyfriend just talked about her ex-boyfriend's huge dick. So just maybe reel it in a little bit.

We are so back right now. I mean, you're right. And I, you know, I have to say it just sounded like you were objectifying Chloe a little bit, which is really my role, not your role. It's like, well, it wasn't anything crazy. I assure you. Well, you, you didn't say I'd love the opportunity to share sexual energy with your sister. You didn't say that because if you didn't, I'd like to use that one.

Definitely did not use that wording. It's nothing. I mean, like waking up together. I mean, come on. That was it. And he's like, oh, so was the F word even involved in it? He's like, no, I would never call Brooks that. No, no. The body count one. Oh, I don't know. Did I say that? Maybe I did. You know what? Maybe I did. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe.

It's like, yeah, sounds like you're objectifying women, Charlie. Okay. You know, to me, it's a bunch of noise. It sounds like something I might have said. You know, did you get a boner this morning? Did you play with it? What kind of porn did you watch? Huh? Was it like little people being tossed in bars? And just tell me the truth. I'm not getting a boner right now. Why are you staring at my boner? It's a tent.

It's a tent in my pants. Oh, my God. Can we get a glass of water for this horny little goat? Hey, do you have a bathroom we can go into? Just to compare sizes, you know. I just want to make sure we're really as similar as I think. Yeah.

I just really don't want you objecting, drive to find women unless it's in cake form and there's some boobs rising out of it, in which case you can lick those. That's okay. Anywho, um, you know, Brooks, you know, tell me about what's going on with you and Brooks. He's like, well, Brooks and I have spoken about this and, uh, I've apologized at least like three times now. And like, you know, over text, like, okay, well I'm going to tell him, dude,

I love Charlie, he's very remorseful about it. Let's move the fuck on. Great teaching moment for them, okay? That's what we gotta say, right? 'Cause the most important thing in relationships is authenticity. Sometimes you gotta cherish that relationship. You put it in the Ziploc bag and then you close it. 'Cause did you see my video about how those clothes zip and lock?

Okay. The zip is zipper lock. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. News coming in. News coming in. Your relationship is choking your relationship. Okay. Do not put human relationships in a Ziploc bag. Okay. Life coaching lesson update. All right. Don't do it. Kids die like this. This is how kids die. Do you know how many kids have been found in uptown Manhattan with Ziploc bags over their head? Dead.

It's a crazy thing. That's why they need me, Charlie. Listen, I think you're a good guy. You got a boner. I got a boner. You went to Cornell. I got a boner. Tell me about Cornell. What was that like? He's like, I actually went to Emory and then NYU. Oh, so no, no Ivy League. Okay. Why am I trying to save this relationship? Damn it. I thought for sure there was Cornell in there. Okay. Well, great seeing you.

He's like, yeah. And then I got a master's from NYU, you know, talent, restaurant marketing, shit like that. You know, stuff you don't really need in real life. He's like, yeah, I'm so proud of you. God, I'm so proud. Does your dad ever say I'm proud of you? Does he ever ask you to sit right on his lap and whisper in your ear? I'm proud of you, son. Not in a gay way. Your dad won't say that. I said that. Is this inappropriate? Why am I on your lap? Who's the dad here? God.

well my dad did say wow i'm so proud that you got a master's at nyu for something that anyone can just do on canva which is make a flyer for a restaurant and then he said you realize i was being sarcastic right so i don't know technically he said he was proud of me but i don't know if totally he was proud of me i don't know if our conversations were so explicit like that i love that wording

And Charlie's like, yeah, Seth and my dad couldn't be more different. I mean, just in the way he gives me like life advice, like my dad would fucking laugh at that. You know, it's like, this guy is so fucking full of horse shit. - It's fair. So then Seth was like, hey, you know what? You don't get to pick your parents.

But you do get to pick your masters at NYU. God, I'm so proud of you. Wow. Restaurant marketing. Look at and look at what you're doing with that. You are doing something with that. Are you doing something with it? Was it real? Is this a real masters? Is this just something you told your mom? Anyway, remove your expectations completely for both of them. And now it's time to go rip and become Charlie fucking. You know, I actually don't know your last name. Sorry, this.

that's motivational speaking thing. It's really new for me. Charlie Chocolate Factory. That's what I'm going to call you, kid. All right. Charlie and the Boner Factory. Am I right? You and me. So, hey, you got heartburn? Why are you coughing like that? He's like, uh, got a hangover. He's like, oh, yeah? What time did you get home? I remember that. I got heartburn.

home, got three, four, five, six in the morning. Girls with me, guys with me. Who knows? Who knows even what's with me? Are you Pam? What's the Pam thing? You guys hang out with the Pam's person? What's that about? You like cooking? What's that? Fuck everybody. He's a bisexual. Who's he stick his dick in? What's his body count?

You got a roommate. What's his deal? How, what's his body count? Okay. And Charlie's like, yeah, he's like bisexual, you know? Oh, so that's like fluid. So that's fluid. Does he have to go to the, he has to go to like pet boys or something, get that fluid replaced. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Just like want to break the ice. And it's very serious. Hey, I'm just, I'm just a bro. You know, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for getting your fluids changed. Good for you. He's like, it's called pansexual, I guess like pans or something. And he goes, oh yeah, pansexual. That's what I'm trying to get to. Don't tell my wife. How?

It's a good one, right? I went to Williams-Sonoma. I went to Williams-Sonoma. I was like, you got any pans in here? Because it's pans. I came. I came anyway. They didn't like that, though. I'm not allowed to go back there. I turned that Le Creuset into some Le Crustet, if you know what I'm saying. Whenever Charlie wants out of a conversation, he just goes, fair.

Fair. I think I may do the same thing. Fair. Yeah. So now we cut to Georgia, Brooks and Chloe getting on a party bus and George is like, this is the SS Georgia. So they're all gathering for this. And Georgia is Georgia asks Charlie.

Chloe if she's seen Charlie since the date and she's like no you haven't like would you go again and she's like well he hasn't asked me and Brooks is like yeah please do it and disrespect my sister again hey bus driver did you hear this so Charlie texted me dot dot dot dot dot he's like yeah my dad met with Charlie I guess I should have a dad that's like willing to do that like I

Right now it's feeling like a big negative, but also my finger really hurts. Needle to her heart. So then Ariana, everybody starts coming, but Ariana brings laundry because Gia told her to just bring her laundry. And it's like so expensive at the hotel.

yeah she's smart bring that laundry she also brought two giant dogs onto this party bus so then uh now we're in Jersey and Gia's like I really do enjoy hosting parties like the setting up for it is honestly fine and then she's just setting up and there's dog shit everywhere and everyone meanwhile on the party bus the real drama of the episode starts so Georgia's like guys should we play a game and Raleigh's like well

We could do something like whisper a question into Shai's ear and then be like, who's the weirdest person here? Okay, cool. Let's play it.

Okay, so Shai's like, okay, who's the most likely to ditch you at a club? Which is a messy question because we know where this is going. And Georgia's like, um, two points to Charlie. Like, totally ditched me at a club just the other day. He's like, I didn't ditch you. We were busy. We were busy hooking up. We met girls. And Riley's like, yeah, but I told Georgia I was like, it would have been fine if you came up and like, we...

like, Hey, we're about to go with these girls, but like, you didn't even tell us. And he's like, um, yeah, Dylan, I told Dylan to tell you. So we basically did say bye. She was like, Dylan did not tell us. And,

And he goes, yeah, but then you got mad at that girl. And she's like, no, I wasn't. And he goes, yeah, it's on camera, Riley. So she's like, no, I didn't. He goes, yeah, Dylan and I are talking to these girls. And Riley goes up and she's like, yo, you think it's cool just to be here with Charlie, not come up and make sure it's not cool with me. Like you did this whole like thing. She's he's like waving his finger and rolling his head. Oh, hell no. My couch back. Yeah, I backed my couch up all the way into the wall.

And I was already feeling a little like my eyebrow was already raised from earlier in the season when they were saying Riley can be like really scary sometimes. She's like scary. I was like, this feels like a little microaggressionally personally. So Riley's like, I didn't do that. That too with him earlier in the season. And when that happened, I was like, is this like a generational thing where they're just like, that's fine for them? Like I didn't, I honestly had a moment where I was like, is it,

like are we more sensitive to that kind of thing in older generations? Cause it didn't even seem to ping anything on the show. So I was like, well, I was first, I person was actually a little shocked when Georgia said scary. And then the subsequent conversation in this van, um,

mainly because this is a younger generation and they were a generation that was like very active and part of a lot of the conversation around these microaggressions that came out in 2020. So it was like shocking to me, but maybe I shouldn't be shocked because you know, white people are going to white people. But like I was sort of surprised that they were, that they were surprised to be called out for microaggressions in the scene. I'm like,

I'm like, you guys are the young people. It's like the old people that you would think would be the ones who'd be like, what? But like, you're the young people who should have been like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I thought you all had many conversations about this and we're much more in tune about this than, than us. You're the ones who've been schooling the old people. So what? Yeah. Yeah. I thought maybe it's like something that they just collectively were like, okay, well,

I guess. I don't know. Like, it doesn't bother them as anyway. It pinged me, too. But I didn't say anything at the time because I was like, what is it? What are these kids doing? I was like, yeah, it pinged me. But I was like, it didn't seem to be a storyline. I was like, OK, you know, OK, whatever. So then we see a flashback of what happened with Riley and this girl, Sylvia. So Riley goes, what's your name? She goes, Sylvia. Hi, Sylvia. Nice to meet you. Sorry. I love my friends. Girls ask my name. I'm his friend. So you should be nice to him.

Yeah. She was basically. That was the conversation. Well, she was like, yeah, like, um.

basically like why aren't you introducing yourself to us like hello we're here or something and so Riley's like yeah I just went up and said hey I'm Riley and like you didn't say anything you didn't introduce yourself to us and Charlie's like yeah but like what was the attitude like oh yeah and that's what he does this snappy finger head she and she's like uh no I didn't and Charlie goes yeah the girl actually handled it well and Ava's like who and he says the girl like I'm saying that the girl handled Riley well

And George was like, yeah, those girls never introduced themselves. That was off, Charlie. He's like, well, Riley never introduced herself. And I didn't see her go up and say, hey, nice to meet you. First thing she did was like started costing her. And so Riley's like had enough at this point.

Yeah. So George is like, wait, Riley, because Riley starts to cry and she's like, wait, Riley, are you okay? Do you need a hug? Don't touch me. I was like, no, I'm just mad because every you guys all do this. She's and George is like, what are you really? What's what's wrong? And so Riley is like, I'm not trying to make it a thing, but I hate that when you guys try to play this, like I'm scary or I'm scaring the random white girl. It's just so annoying and it just sucks because it's like a real thing that I have to go through every single day. And I'm so fucking nice to everybody.

And there's always like everyone trying to come off whenever I talk to some white girl that I'm trying to scare them. Like, no, your girls were rude. It's disrespectful. Like you're around people. Introduce yourself.

And he goes, well, I don't know about what them being white has to do with anything. Oh, my God, Charlie, read a fucking. It's not about them being white. It's about it's about you making Riley seem like she was a monster and like on a rampage and terrifying when actually the girls were the rude ones.

And Riley was trying to be nice, even though she was a little annoyed by them. Yeah. And she was like, you just like waved your finger and rolled your head. Like, what the hell? He goes, oh, yeah, that's not a racial thing. And she's like, OK, but then when have I ever done that? Like, when I ever like waved my finger and rolled my head. What the hell? Don't do that. And he's like, yeah, I think this conversation is a little bit extra. Which in turn is yet another. So she's like, he's doing it again. Like this guy does not fucking listen or learn. What an idiot.

So Ava's like, I think there are specific nuances that like you don't even think about. And Charlie's like, well, I didn't. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to make you upset. And I was like, well, because you just did the same thing with the hand sanitizer thing, Georgia. Like you were like, oh, yeah, you were just scary in the way you just said it. And I let it go. So we so it did actually ping on the radar. And George is like, well, Riley, you said that hand washing thing so calm to me. And it was just a tone of voice thing. And I love you now. I'm over it.

- It's not about you being over it. - She said it nice, but the tone was scary. Okay, how do you say something nice, but the tone is scary? - Yeah, she said it was a tone thing.

Oh, my God. Calm, but scary. So she's like, I love you. Oh, I'm over it now. It's not about you being over it. It's about what you said. So she's like, but yeah, but I was with you when this happened. And you're annoyed with the situation. And all I said is they should introduce themselves instead of you guys acting like we're two separate groups. It's like a manners thing. And Charlie's like, okay, okay. I subscribe to that logic. Okay. And she goes, yeah. So I'm just introducing myself to show manners that she did not show. And he's like, you confronted her.

This little girl. He goes, this little girl. You confronted her. And she goes, oh, really? Little girl? She's older than me. Because I'm taller, I scared her. Like, why are you trying to spin this narrative that I'm like this scary black girl when I'm not this scary black girl? He's just not getting it. Oh, my God. And also, like, Riley didn't...

I didn't find that Riley was actually confrontational. She said, I mean, maybe she was, she like maybe a little sarcastic or whatever, but when she said, she was like, yeah, she was being sarcastic. She was like, Hey, nice to meet you. Thanks for introducing yourself. Like what the hell? Like you come into a group of people and you don't even say hi, you know?

So Riley Charlie's like, well, this is so far from what I said. Let's be very clear. She's no, it's your mannerisms. You do this all the time. You don't realize when you do shit and it's annoying because it's bigger than just the stupid conversation because this shit I have to deal with and you're just adding to it. And he's like, well, I didn't mean to imitate you in an offensive way. And she's like, okay, well, I'll just hit a chord.

So Ava is saying how Riley is trying to explain to him, like, are there all these different microaggressions that she may be feeling on a daily basis? And he contributed to it unknowingly. And it's not his intention, but like, you know, like double, double down on anywhere else you want in life. But when you've actually hurt your friend's feelings, you have to stop doubling down.

Yeah, like, hello. So she's trying to explain it to him. And he says, he's like, sorry for hurting your feelings. I didn't mean to make you feel this way. And she's like, okay, but maybe be loving about it. You know, you don't need to defend yourself. And he goes, okay, you know what? I'm just going to be silent. This is the classic thing. I can't say anything right. I'll just be quiet. I'll be quiet. All these defensive women. I guess I'll just shut up now. So now he's the victim. Try it more. Yeah.

Yeah. So we get to New Jersey and everyone shows up and Charlie's like, by the way, nobody tell Gia about our fight because I don't want her to be mad at me, too. I don't need more enemies at this party. Oh, relax, sir. You are the aggressor here. You cannot act like you're the victim of anything. So they go to the party. While you sit here, while you sit here spending talking about the entire episode, you're

How, oh, daddy doesn't love me. Daddy doesn't love me. And like you expect some sympathy from us. And yet when when your friend expresses something that she wants sympathy for, suddenly it's like, oh, I can't say anything. It's all defensive. I know. I see what you're trying to do. But at the end of the day, I feel like the audience is just feeling like your dad has a point.

So Riley goes off to the side and calls Candy. And she's like, you know, when people try to mimic black woman and they like purse their lips and like starts slinging their finger around. And Candy's like, I know he did not. She's like, yeah. And, you know, like I've heard the slurs and everything, but no one's ever like none of my friends ever did it to me. I mean, wow. And so then Charlie is like, well,

By the way, like he's talking to Shai and he's like, by the way, I learned Sanskrit in elementary school. Yeah. I mean, I forgot it now, but like I know Sanskrit. So I mean, the juxtaposition of this guy living in such privilege that he's in an elementary school where like the most important thing is to learn Sanskrit like a dead language. He's like, yeah, it's like you learn Sanskrit, but you do not learn how to actually relate to human beings.

so um riley's basically saying like um yeah then basically after that he was just like oh what oh now you're trying to paint me as a racist i'm like i'm not trying to i'm not going to let you paint me as this scary black woman when i'm not and candy's candy's like well i'm glad that you let him know i don't think it's cool he wouldn't have done if it was one of the white girls and you know it just frustrates me to hear that because as a black woman you're the minority and

and it's okay, and you've learned how to make friends in all different circles from all walks of life, and that's one thing I'm proud of you about, and you're not afraid to speak up for yourself, which you shouldn't be afraid, and he's gonna have to learn to deal with black women, and if this is his first lesson, then let that be it. I was like, "Candy birds." - Yes, yeah, candy. - Oh, I love candy. - Yeah, that was great.

So then Brooks is talking to the psychic Amal. And he's like, I wanted to find out if you have a message for one of my friends, like maybe be more respectful towards Brooks's sister because my friend went out with my sister. She's like, oh my God, I knew you were coming. Please stop. I've already seen it. I'm already exhausted from this storyline. I saw it in the bus on the way here. Okay, listen, is your friend the one with the chain with the heart? Because I could feel his energy.

And he's probably the one that needs me the most. I will go to him. So now Charlie, meanwhile, is like, okay, I need to go apologize to Riley. Because if I stay here, I think that psychic is going to come try to talk to me. So, hey, Riley, you want to talk? She's like, okay, well, let's get a drink first. They sit down to talk.

And he's like, look, I want to apologize again. I did not mean to make you that upset. I certainly did not mean to offend you with my any imitation of you. She's like, yeah, I mean, my only thing is that like when you say that something has racial backgrounds to me, you just don't understand that. And if I'm your friend, just listen what I'm saying and actually care about it. He's like, fair, fair. Yeah, fair. OK, yeah. I see your point of view. Totally fair. Yep. Glad I heard you on this. Genuinely sorry. OK, genuinely sorry. So she's like, OK, so they hugged.

And then meanwhile, Ariana is also yacking out. She's like, oh my God, I'm going in the pool. Make sure my tampon strings aren't hanging out. And then there's party stuff happening, making the pizza. Charlie and Ava are cutting dough into a heart. And Riley is like...

they're just like joking about it. Like, oh my God, like, is your man going to get jealous? So Georgia talks to Charlie and she's like, did you apologize? He goes, yeah, but I already apologized on the bus to be clear. She goes, no, but like, sometimes you're just like, I'm sorry, but like, not really like, I'm sorry. And he goes, cause I'm not really sorry. And she's like, well, don't,

Don't say that. So there's another guy here, Cooper, who's George's best friend. He's like another gay. And he's like, well, don't say that. And Charlie's like, well, can't people just be happy I'm saying sorry? Like, you can't make me feel sorry. Like, I said sorry. What more do you want from me? And so Cooper's like, um, hi, I'm Cooper and I'm about to get on this show.

excuse me so meanwhile Charlie goes up to Chloe's like hey you got any plans this weekend you want to chill and give Seth more ammo she's like yeah that's actually what I had on my books like I was like Saturday hang out with Charlie press him so that my dad gives him more problems so meanwhile Charlie's not watching time to make my move so he goes on over and he's like um yeah so hey Ava

So I was like talking to like Charlie a second ago and like he said he's like not apologetic at all.

Yeah. Pass it along. She's like, oh, my God, that's so annoying. And so she's like, that is so rude to Riley. My God. So now she goes to Riley and shy and she's like, yeah. Hey, guys, can I sit down? OK, so here's what I heard. Charlie's not really sorry. And Riley's like, OK, that's hurtful. And Ava's like, yeah, and I'm close to Charlie. And I wanted to know if you wanted to speak to him about it in a way that could maybe get through to him a little bit more.

And Riley's like, well, you're another black woman. So, I mean, whatever. I guess he views you the same way he views me. But I'm bigger and I'm from the South. Like, we're just different, you know? Like, you're from New York and you have these New York experiences. And I'm not a New York. I just wish you would tell him, like, I'm a black woman too. And doing, like, a head roll and a finger wave, like, that hurts, you know? And you have to let him know that's not okay, you know? So, I like that Riley's like, yeah, I can talk to him, but so can you.

mm-hmm Ava and and so Charlie sits down and then Ava confronts Charlie just kidding it was Riley because if it's not going to necessarily yet so Riley he sits down and she's like hey I heard you said that you didn't actually believe what you said you just said it to appease me he's like in a way yeah but like is

is that what you want? We've been over this. I apologize. And she's like, you know what? We're good. We're good. He's like, oh, well, I hope you mean that. I'm like, oh, so you want her to be sincere for appeasement, but you get to appease. Okay. Got it. Yeah. So she just walks away and Ava's like, Charlie, I'm really trying to be your friend. And he goes, oh, now you're mad at me. Oh, great. Great. Great. Now everything's mad. Now everybody's mad at me. You know what? I'm not going to sit here and listen to this.

And she's like, OK, then I'm done helping you. He goes, yeah, I'm done. I'm out of here. I never asked for your help with Riley. I'm done. I'm out of here. So then he goes up to Riley. He's like, are we OK now? Are we fighting again? Because now I'm fighting with Ava about this. And she's like, OK, but like you just need to realize that you have black women that are friends. And he's like, oh, God, I thought we were fine. Now we're not fine. Wow. Wow.

Yeah. So now he's going to walk away. And, uh, and then like, she's like, no, wait, stop. Like, just like, like, let's talk about this. She grabs his hand and then he's like, Oh, well let go of my hand. I'm not having this conversation again. I'm getting an Uber. So she's like, whatever. She lets go. And Brooks is like, wow, that's like fucked up. Right. Chloe. And Chloe's like, what's wrong with him?

So he goes inside the house and there's like a mall, five miles. Like now it's my chance. She's like, so I did want to tell you that you have beautiful energy. And if you're open to it, I would love to just to sit with you and just talk, not even do cars. Just talk. I don't know. He's like, I'm single. You're single. We're adults. We're consenting. I don't know whatever you want. He's like, no, no, I'm going to politely decline, but I appreciate the offer. Okay. Thanks. And she's like, I'm going to light a candle for you. Like a dead person. Oh,

I'm going to pretend you have passed on to the spirit world. Did not just diss me like this on television. He's like, whatever, crazy. So he leaves and he's like, I also like that. I also like that in the middle of this shy is like inside. There's like a, like a cheese board and shy is like, what is that? Is that cheese? Is it not cheese? I can't tell. I mean, it's orange. Is this cheese? And then I think it was Ava was like, wow, you weren't sure what it was, but you ate like half of it. That's a big tester bite. Yeah.

And that brings us to the end of Next Gen NYC. Loved it. Loved it. Great time. Learned it. Thanks, everyone, for being here. And get tickets for our show at WatchWhatCrapIs.com. And we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye.

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