#2897 RHOM S7E2: Grist for the Milan
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Oh,

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me, Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hi. How are you? I'm so excited. If you're listening to this in time, hopefully you can come join us tonight. I'm so excited.

at the Fonda Theater in the heart of Hollywood, California on the Walk of Fame for our big final show of the Mounting Hysteria Tour. We are recapping the Valley. If you're wondering where is our Valley recap, it's because we're recording it tonight at the Fonda. So come join us. Tickets are at watchworkrappens.com. The links are there. Come solo, come with friends and have a fun time. We're going to have a fun time. That's the plan. Anyway.

On Patreon, we have recaps of Love Island because we were watching it and having so much fun with that. Those are our bonus episodes. And we also do crappins on demand where you can watch us, not just listen to us. So that is all the exciting stuff. Patreon.com slash watch our crappins. That's the news. And today we return with Miami, Miami, Miami.

goes to Milan, two M cities with, I think the same number of letters. So exciting times. What did you think? I mean, Milan. So good. The show. So good. Love it. Shot so well. So beautiful to look at. My God.

It's also nice to go to like a real fashion event. So many of these housewives shows are like, we're putting on a fashion show at the Foot Locker in the Salt Lake City Mall. And it's like, you know, 30 people. And here we're at like a real deal fashion show in Milan with like hundreds of people clamoring to get in. It's just nice. Nice to raise the stakes a little bit. Yeah, I don't know anything about fashion, so I don't know who this person is or if it's real or not. But I liked it. It was fun.

I had heard of him before and I thought, oh, is this going to be one of those fashion designers who's just like a fame whore who just always will bring out reality stars? But then it seemed like there were a lot of people trying to get into the show. So I was like, that seems like a legit designer. I don't remember where I've heard of this. It seems like his global ambassador is the one who got them in anyway, because the designer is like, who's your friend? The blondie. Who's the blondie? Yeah. Who is this person?

Um, yeah, I wish I knew more about fashion to know whether or not like this is a guy we should make fun of. Like, is he crap or is he good? I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. He's got like jogging pants and man purses. I don't know. It looks the same to me as every other douchey thing I see. So I don't know. But let's see what happens. Miami takes Milan. Gertie, Lisa and Adriana are talking. And Adriana is full on whatever happened to baby Janie today. Not sure what she's thinking, but she's in like a little girl dress and then bows in her hair.

And she's like, oh, look at me. Talk about my man. He's inspiring me to look younger. OK, younger or like dance moms. Like what? What are we doing here? I know. Why are we trying to look like Clueless in 1996? Is your boyfriend on a list because you look like a 12 year old cheerleader? This is this is a bit too much. If you need to do this for your man, there are some kinks you need to question. Nah.

Yeah. And so we're like, they're chatting, but they're also getting flashbacks of what happened in the last episode, which means we have Alexia being like, Oh God, Todd moved out to my house with Frankie there. And well, sometimes what's right for the whole isn't what's right for the soul tagline.

Yeah, well, we were traveling and I was asked to walk in the Milan fashion show. Bad news. My dad had a heart attack. And then so we see her telling Jodi, yeah, you know what? My dad has a heart attack like he could die in a second. But you know what? I got to live my life. And they get that. They get that.

So Lisa, this is so Lisa. You know, he could die. It's so difficult not knowing if he's going to die. Here I am going to Milan. Oh my God. Is he dead or is he not? It's so hard to concentrate on putting on lipstick.

i gotta live my life but guess who i have to see in milan larsa i'm so mad adriana's like yeah i mean you don't go into someone's house and that you tell you're a and stupid just don't do that i'm like have you seen seasons one through until this moment adriana that is your entire thing

That is your M.O. I do that, but you don't do that. Okay? So Gertie's like, oh, God, I don't want her to make it about her in Italy because that's probably what she's going to do. And Lisa goes, she wouldn't do that, right? And Gertie goes, hmm, would she? Would she? This is what they're all concerned about because they all know they all will make everything about themselves given the chance. So we'll get back to that. Put a pin in that. So then now we have Lars at home. Preston, Preston.

"Preston, XYZ, like, XYZ WABC, Preston, where are you?" He's like, "Oh my God, Mom, I'm right here." So she has to call him on the cell phone. She's like, "Bro, like, you don't, like, hear me, like, calling for you, like, like, you're gonna miss, like, your flight, like, bro, like, come on, like, they don't have, like, multiple flights, like, to Milan, okay? This is, like, the only flight, come on, God, ah!" So she tells us that she's known Philip Plyne for years.

And originally, of course, they like asked me to walk on the show. But I was like nervous because like, what if I trip? Like walking's hard. Like so I suggested like Preston, like he's like he's the creative one in my family. And you want creative people can do walk. It's like so creative how he walks. He's always walked. Like when he first took his first step, I was like, oh, my God, you're like basically Michelangelo. This is me. You're like an artist.

He's a creative walker. Preston, you don't have your passport? I mean, come on! I love when her, like, non-affected accent sneaks out and she starts talking like this. Then she goes back to like this. Preston's in college. He's figuring out who he is. I mean, if he wants to model, I will make sure he models because he's a creative model walker walker model. So I really want to support that. And they're like, um, do you know that Lisa's in the show? Yeah, that's fine. I'll be okay with that. But like,

Do you think Lisa's actually going to be on the flight?

You guys wouldn't put Lisa on the flight, would you? You guys are just reality TV show producers. You would never do that to me, right? You just said there's only one flight that goes from Miami to Milan today. What do you think's gonna happen, Larza? Put two and two together! Hey, so there, stupid. Creative. What, you think I'm stupid? I'm like a creative son, stupid. You're stupid face. You're dumb. Everybody knows who you are, you stupid recap or stupid-like face face.

So Lisa is calling Jody while she's getting ready. She's like, oh, my God, I can't believe it's happening. I'm walking in Milan Fashion Week, one of the biggest in the world. Oh, God, I've watched fashion shows in Canada. I've done tons of covers. I've been Saskatchewan Vogue. I'm sorry. And I was also in Saskatoon Vogue. I've been in Alberta L.

They just call that Albert L. Quebec. I mean, our cats don't have corn syrup monthly. God, that's a great magazine. Canada really brags about that one.

I'm in Newfoundland's edition of Women Wear Daily, which is just flannel every day. But that's fine. I was in it. I was on an electronic McDonald's menu once. I'm huge. Huge in Canada. It's how I got my visa. Okay? Oh, yeah. So I just can't believe this is happening. This is huge. It's huge. You know what? When I'm walking amongst 18-year-olds, I'll be like, looks like I still got it. I'm like a fine wine guy.

I guess a fine wine that Lenny wants to fuck someday. I guess that's what an 18 year old is like. Am I getting my metaphors right? I feel like I'm losing the thread. Let's go to reforming Pilates where Lexi and Gertie are working out.

And wait, what did I say that? Let's not do Alexi and Gertie. It's Alexi and Julia. So they do their workout. And of course, Julia is doing the Shannon Bedore. I'm so wacky. I don't know how to work out. Oh, I'm falling. Oh, this is so difficult. I have to stand on thing and move my hip. Oh, my God, I fall. I'm not used to this. Wacky Julia.

I'm glad we came here because I'm only little godladdies. This was much less stinky.

So like, she's like, well, they need to have a conversation because I don't want this to turn into like Lars and Gertie last year. You know what I mean? By the way, how are you and Gertie? Take five seconds because I'm going to talk about da da da. And she's like, I don't care to see Gertie because I had this cool message from her after she found out about the boys.

I was holding both boys in my hands and I was dictating message. I said, you miss news. So you find out what everybody else, that's it, you know, and she wrote congrats and that's all she wrote. How dare you? And then Martina had the health scare and I told Gertie. And so she volunteered to come to a date with me to a dinner and Martinez place. And then she made it all about herself and her PR and accused me of not looking after her properly for some dinner reservation.

Um, excuse you, ma'am. Julia, you know, I like Julia in general, but first, the thing you did to Gertie was shitty.

This lady couldn't make it to your Zoom call. She used to tell her she has to find out with everybody else. That's a shitty friend. Sorry. That's dickish. And then you ask her to sub in for Marina and or Martina and you have her sat at a different table from you and then ignore her all night. She was there as a favor to you. You're on the wrong here. I don't know exactly what you're trying to prove with all these Instagram screenshots either because it just makes you look more and more wrong.

Yeah, Julia made like a statement on her Instagram about Gertie. She's like, first of all, I was in emotional time. I did not know if I had boys yet, if it would be boys or goats or neither. And it was a hard time for me. I was like, OK, it's already ridiculous that you're holding this Zoom moment against Gertie. But now that you're going to pull the, well, we didn't know it was so emotional. Oh, my goodness. If you didn't know, then how did you have a Zoom call announcing it?

yeah yeah what else did it say i was actually i'm trying to flick it up i was hoping i was like keep talking around and keep talking i'll find it i can't find it anywhere i saw a little bit about it on reddit but i was like what wasn't it was actually not interesting enough so

Yeah, it wasn't interesting enough. And it was actually in a really bad font. That was on my page. It was too long. It was two pages and it was in like a cursive font. And I was like, no, I'm not. I won't read those. That's why I never know what's going on with Bronwyn Newport, because I'm not reading that. I don't go to Instagram to read five pages of your bullshit. Okay. Brevity. Bullet points. So Alexis is like, well, guess what? I wasn't listening to anything you're saying because I'm in emotional limbo. Oh, yes. Yes.

Okay, well, I guess we're done with my thing. So tell me about your thing. Okay, good. So I hope that this doesn't move forward because like five years ago, I would be done, but the ball is in his court. And I tried to save our marriage, but I have to say God has a plan and I'm super anxious. And that plan has to do with the ball and the ball is in the court. And that's also part of God's plan. God really wants to see a really good game today. So he's like just waiting for it to start. Ball in court.

there's a bottle in the court i don't know what to do with it what are you supposed to do with the bottle in the court do i throw it to the judge what's gonna happen to me so she starts crying which she does in every fucking scene so then we go to milan lars and preston arrive and lisa and jody arrive and jody's like uh if you're gonna be a model you learn how to learn how to handle the cold honey

I'm international. Jackets or what? Are models not allowed to buy coats, Jody? I don't understand Jody's logic. So I saw Larsa on the plane and I didn't say hi and she didn't say hi and it was awkward because this is my moment. It's about me. How do you say me in Italian? So they have a van to pick up and the van...

The van has, the driver has a sign that says, "Hochstein and Pippin." And she's like, "Oh, God, really? Oh my God. Are you sure there's not another car like? I mean, I was on the same flight like, and now the same car like? I would have like taken a camel like to get away from her like. Where are all those famous Italian camels like?" And Preston hates this so much. He's like, "Oh God, I'm taking the front."

And she's like, "Wait a minute, but you're gonna leave me back here with him? Oh my God, don't leave me back here with them, like." And so Lisa's like, "Oh God, hi, Larsa. I didn't know we were driving together. Preston, you got up there? Oh God, you want Jody to sit there?" Like, where's Jody gonna sit? You want me to sit next to him? You want to sit next to him? Larsa's like, "No, like, I don't like wanna like sit with him. No, like, no. No, like, no."

I like that they're by the way, they're all too cheap to actually get their own separate Uber. Like, well, God forbid. They don't want to say, but Lisa, but I also don't want to turn down a free ride. Oh, well, I promised Preston. I wasn't gonna, you know, do all this. Cause it's like his thing. I want him to enjoy his moment. So anyway, okay. Preston, did you have your moment?

Great. Okay, we can do our thing now. Hey Preston, I just like want you to remember like this is your moment like that you only like got because I dropped out of my moment. So like enjoy your moment that was supposed to be my moment. Okay, person that nobody really would have called had it not been for me first.

Preston, have you ever walked before? Do you ever do like, I don't know, Quebec City Fashion Week? No? Never did that? Oh, it's pretty cool. Northern Territories Fashion Week? No, that one? No? Oh, okay. Katie Lang Fashion Invitational? No? Okay. Guess you're more inexperienced than I thought.

What do you mean? Like, I haven't even seen you practice, Preston. Like, what are you talking about? And Lisa's like, oh, what are you, a show mom? You're like a show mom. And Larsa goes, yeah, like, I know, like, when you said, like, everyone knows what you are. I was like, I know who I am, Lisa. Like, I have four superstar kids. Like, I'm an entrepreneur, like. No, I'm sorry. I'm an entrepreneur, like. Like, that, like, really kind of, like, hurt, like, really bad, like.

Both of them. It'll take anything just to make it into a fight. You were so mom. Yeah. Cause like, you really hurt me that time when you said that thing, like,

larsa is saying she doesn't want to fight in front of preston and then launching right into it well you know what was hurtful was when you came to my boyfriend's party slash my wedding to be and you said jody is cheap well like and and jody's like yeah it was my birthday i hugged you i was nice to you that was really bad quiet over there jody take your ac and be quiet

It's fine. Be friends with Marcus. You chose him. I would choose Lisa over everyone because, by the way, I always choose Lisa. Okay, then if my next boyfriend says don't be friends with Lisa, then fine. But like for me, as like a woman-like, I could never like be friends with like with someone who's like bashing my friends like.

He's like, "Well, but I can't, like, not be his friend. Like, I'm not supposed to, like, not be his friend." Oh, yeah? Then, like, move in with him then, like... Like, he's not even your friend. Like, he's getting back at me. Like, he doesn't even like you, Jodie. Your mouth doesn't even move. Like, he does things to hurt my family. Like, look at Preston. He looks so sad. Preston, are you sad, like?

No. See? He's like, he's like despondical. So like, if you don't like understand that, then you're like a psycho. Like, you're so psycho. Like, you know what? You think he's your friend? Like, then fine then. But like, you want to choose to believe someone you've known for like five minutes and like whatever. Believe your stupid like friend. Like, look at Preston. He's crying. Preston, are you crying? No. He's sobbing up there. You're mean. You're a psycho mean person. Stupid. I hate your stupid faces, both of you. Ew.

You know, every time the president says no, that's a creative person's way of saying yes. So he's really agreeing with me. Jody's like, well, if I shouldn't believe someone I've known for five minutes, then why should I trust you? Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good one, Jody. That was a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? She's fighting with me and her son is like right there. Okay? Like, be a good example for your kid. I would never, ever, ever do that. Please roll the flashbacks of me and Lenny fighting in front of the children. What are you talking about, Lisa? She's so fucking crazy. Yeah.

So Lisa tries to pull a charm. You're giving the kids pizza? What do you want them to be, fatty four eyes? It's bad enough he's not a four eyes now? Like, Lisa, we've seen the tape, okay? Yeah, and by the way, my dad is sick and he's in the hospital. And is he going to die? Is he not going to die? Like, I'm on standby. And she goes, yeah, then go home. You shouldn't be here. I'm like, what? Yeah, leave. Because, like, if your dad is, like, sick in a, like, hospital, like, dying, like, what are you, like, doing here? Like, I mean, Lawrence is not a point.

Larissa does not fall for the tactic. She's like, "You're not gonna use that to manipulate the situation." She's like, "Okay, that's rude!" Well, I mean, he has a week to live. Like Jodie said, like, "You shouldn't be here, like. You shouldn't have come, like. Like, this is a place for creative people, like my son. Son, be creative!" No. He was being creative saying yes. Okay, go home. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So now we go to Gertie and Russell and she's in there for a checkup at the plastic surgeon. And she's still got she had breast implant removal after having cancer. Like she's had so much going on, you know, and so now her boobs are kind of messed up. And so she's trying to get them reconstructed properly. She's had like fat moved from parts of her body to her breasts. And it's going to take a while for her to get them back.

done and Russell's just like over the surgery. He doesn't want any more surgeries because he's watched her go through so much, but she's, you know, she wants to like feel confident and do it and

Oh my God. It's, it's rough. I hate watching Gertie go through stuff. And so I can't believe she puts all of this on camera because she's, it's hard for her, you know, it's like she just takes off all of her clothes and they don't even blur out anything. Like they put a blur on the side of her boob. I'm not really sure what they really do. Like they really left little to the imagination, but yeah, she basically is like, I just want one more surgery. I'm so close to looking good. And I've went through a lot and I want this. So he's like, okay.

And I'll tell you who else is going through a lot. Marisol, who's a vegan and just was served sushi. Hey, Steve, did you forget that I'm vegan? What's good for the stomach is good for the...

Steve, you're going to have to help me out with this one. Water fish and it's bad for your bitch, Steve. And he's like, well, I might have gotten a whole table full of sushi, but I also got you a little seaweed side salad. Why are we pretending you eat again? He's like, all right, well, you got sake. We're eating them in this little box. So little lipstick come out of this one because it's all over it now.

I'm a real lipstick lady. Am I right? It gets hilarious. You know, I love to put some lips on the wood. What's good for the wood is good for the shud, right? Am I losing my touch, Steve? What is good in my hud? Am I right, Steve? Yeah, there we go. Yeah, that was good. Hey, Steve, you got me some sake, so you're going to get some sake. Am I right, Steve? Got it. Nailed it.

i'm excited to be married uh you know i mean we are married and i get married every season on this show but that's okay i'm gonna be keep it simple i can't feel safer we're gonna make it we're gonna make it legal for reals what's good for the laws is good for my paws all over steve

What's good for Steve gets all over my sleeve. All right, I'm going a little far, probably. That was a handy joke, Steve. Did you get that? You're hearing aids in, Steve. Meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. That's right, I say meow, meow.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I say meow, meow to Steve. You know, I don't want to go on because Alexia to Alexia, you know, because the whole Todd thing. I mean, Lexi with Todd. This is not good for Alexia. She gets very defensive, angry. I mean, she's away from him. It's like a breath of fresh air. And, you know, I don't like fresh air, Steve. But in this case, I'll take it. He just brings out the worst in her. Steve, are you still eating that dead thing? It's like, God, I love fish.

Yeah, I mean, I got to see another side of that edginess. Just not fun. And so we see a clip from last season of Alexia being mad at Marisol. And she's like, I mean, it's her home life that's creating this angry person. I know that she's just not like that. I'm like, that seemed like the Alexia we've seen every single season. I don't know. It wasn't any different to me.

Yeah, she's like, yeah, more than what I fear about the situation with Alexia, what I fear more than anything is for myself. Okay, I just like, it's hard. It's hard being friends with someone who's mean to you because of their boyfriend. Steve, are you still eating fish? Listen, you might like sushi, but you're not going to get into this sushi. You like that, Steve? Drop the fish already. It's disgusting.

So now we go back to Milan and Lars and Preston are getting ready. And Lars is like, so Preston, what did you think of that conversation? Like as a creative person, any notes? I'm just like trying to make her see my point of view. Like, and it's like, I'm going through a lot. Like, and like, I know like she has her whole dad situation. Like, God forbid your dad could pass away in a week. Like, but like, why are you in Milan? Your dad's sick. And he's like, uh, that's their business. Like, don't be confrontational. I'm just like telling her how I feel about her, her sick dad. Like, what's the problem with that? Like,

It's so weird seeing a carbon copy of Scottie Pippen with microbladed eyebrows. Can I just say it's weird? Is it weird to you? I don't even really know Scott. I don't even know sports that much. I've just seen him before, but I'm like, God, you look exactly like him. But with microbladed eyebrows, it's like a mindfuck. I don't know how people are dealing with this out there in the fandom, but it was rough for me.

Yeah. You went through a lot. So Jack, the global ambassador of Philippe Lime shows up and Hey rockstar. Hey girl. So they're going to go to a fitting in about an hour. And then we cut over to Lisa's room and she's getting her hair and makeup done and she's gonna. And so Jody comes in, he goes, well, time to get out. What? I said, how are you doing? I was like,

What? You just, no, you didn't say that at all. Were you talking about your relationship? He's like, all right, time to get out of this relationship. I mean, how are you doing today, Lisa? She's like, I thought you said you were going to head out. Eh.

So she's like, oh, my God, you know, I just recently connected to my dad. He's dying. I mean, you need I just need to stay positive. You know, I mean, I can't believe Larsa said that thing about my dad and his health. I mean, she has no idea. Here I am trying to get into pantyhose knowing my dad is dying when I'm doing a fashion show and I could have been there with him. I mean, how dare she? And you know what? She's a terrible friend. She's being it. Why isn't she with my father? Has anybody asked that?

yeah she shouldn't be reacting to me about something that was in the news about her like that i didn't need what how are you doing that's what i said so then we see the headline marcus jordan shades x larsa pippen on instagram after fans suggested he went her back see his fiery response which i think was literally just like a little emoji being like whatever she should be in the or something like that so lisa's like this whole fight is stupid yeah there's like a bit there's like way bigger things to be worried about in life like

Will I ever be cured of this lockjaw that seems to plague me every single year? Yeah. Whatever that was. Yeah. He's got lockface. It's not even his jaw. It's his entire face. Every time his eyes move, I get freaked out because it's like watching... It's like the Haunted Mansion. When you're walking in the paintings, the only thing that moves on the paintings are the eyes. They, like, watch you as you go back and forth in the room. It's like candy. I know. So then now it's time to go to the fitting and check...

Jack is like, oh my God, practice your angry eyes. I want to see some angry eyes. And Preston's like, like this. It's like completely dead-eyed. He's like, yes. Just like that. Practice your angry eyes so we can see them when you put your giant sunglasses over your face during the show. He's like a real Paul Cuck.

Hello, I am Philip Klein. Oh, look at this. She's sparkling. She's shiny. She's a little star in the sky. Yeah, that's right. Like, I'm like a star in the sky. Like, oh, and this is my son, Preston. Oh, you look good. You look tall. You look in shape. Did you show? Did you do some show before? All eyes on you. This is life. This right here. Fashion show is life.

It means whatever happens here, everyone can see. But the good news is you don't have to wear heels. Ha ha. Stupid women wear heels because girls are wearing heels. But you're not a girl. You're a boy. Okay. That's a different ballgame, bro. So she's like, yeah, like, you know what? Like, I would do like anything to make my kids happy. Like, I remember like Preston, like forgot his Spanish book at like school. Like, and he was like, my teacher, like, is going to be like so upset. Like, so like I got my Ferrari. Yeah, I had a Ferrari. Like,

And I drove like a hundred like miles per hour, like hour. And like, I literally had to pay the janitor to let in. Like I got his book and then like I brought it to him so he could do Spanish homework. Like, like that's what kind of a good mother I was. And they're like, so how much did you give the janitor? She's like, well, like I just took off my shoe and put my foot up against the glass. And then he, he opened the door and started thanking me in Spanish and chasing me down the hallway with like a newspaper in his hand. He was like crazy. Like,

this i don't believe any of this story she did not go racing to school to fetch the book he left behind i'm just gonna say that right now no she didn't and she never paid anybody 50 either you know you know larsa doesn't tip she would pay off the teacher to not give her son an f

Yeah, she just wanted to remind us she had a Ferrari. So she's like, yeah, like, I'm, like, totally invested, like, in my kids, like, like, the fruits of their labor need to, like, come back and, like, take care of me someday, like. And I believe that. That's the most believable thing she said. Remember when I took you to Milan? That should have been my show. But, like, I let you do it, like, and you're not going to give me, like, half of your modeling money? Like, come on. You're a terrible son. Yeah, like, how about your mom? Like, even though I look younger than you, like, sorry, like.

So then Preston's like changing into the outfit and Philip's like, no, no, no, no, no. We don't wear t-shirts under the tux. This is not America. It is Milan. That is no girl. No t-shirt under shirt. And your shoes, what happened? We cannot lace them up like this. It looks really weird. You just look like my little son who goes to kindergarten. Stupid American shoes. Why are you doing this? Why are you in my fashion show? I can't believe Bravo pay me money to put this idiot in my show.

Oh, do you do this like in America? Like this? You lace them up like this? Because this looks weird. I don't like it. Change America. Change the whole thing. I want a revert. Change it. Whoever voted for this is bullshit. I don't want to see it anymore. Yeah. Well, he's never modeled before, but I don't want him to do too well because I want him to get an MBA in finance. Like all creative people do.

"By the way, where's your friend? You know, the blondie, the blonde one, the stupid one, the fella. Where's she?" And she's like, "Oh, Lisa, we're like not even like friends anymore, like so." Yeah, we haven't like talked in like minutes. We're like not friends anymore. She's so ridiculous. Can I push you down the stairs or something? He's like, "Yeah, well, maybe she won't fall out the shower." Maybe. She's a father.

So, um, then we go back to Miami and Alexia's at a restaurant and Marisol's there and Kiki and Julia and Johnny shows up and Alexia hilariously is like, oh, well, Johnny's like one of my best friends. He's like my son. And he's actually like Peter's age. Oh, well, you know, Peter, he's like a Johnny, but he's not a Johnny because Johnny's a Johnny. And like, he's like an incredible human being that I miss so much. And like, he moved to Madrid. Um,

And like, I'm just kind of surprised with all his friends, you know? And like, unfortunately, Dirty and Adriana didn't make the cut because I want everyone to have fun. And I don't want anyone to make it about them. I want to make sure in this scene, no one makes this scene for Johnny about them. So understand, it's a scene for Johnny and it will be only about Johnny. And anyone who makes the scene about them are going to be removed from the restaurant. Okay.

Oh, my God, Johnny, we're so happy to have you here. You know, Johnny's been in Madrid for a year, everybody. And unfortunately, when Todd moved out, he didn't think about how Johnny would feel about it when he was on his plane coming from Madrid. I can't believe Todd and I did this to me.

Hold on, hold on, Alexia. We need to have some fun and games here. So let's talk about uncircumcised men. So many in Madrid, right? No, no, no, not yet. You'll get your moment. Okay, uncircumcised man. What do you have to say about that, Alexia? Spanish guys don't get circumcised. Are you circumcised? Are you? Are you? Who's circumcised? Okay, if you got foreskin, raise your hand. Okay? No one? No one?

So the guys aren't answering. They're like, whatever. And the guy goes, what about you? And she goes, what about me? I don't have a dick. I would like a penis. And by the way, extra meat is fun. You just pull it and snap it. And if we're handing out dicks, that's what I'm saying. Give me some foreskin and a dick and I'll put it right there. And that's what you call a good sushi. Yeah.

You got foreskin, this whore's in. Got it? Well, thanks to Johnny, when the news was terrible, Johnny was like, I'm booking a flight to Madrid because you need to get out because the news has been bad. Right, Johnny? Right? Because unfortunately Todd filed five to six months ago and the courts have picked up that he's fired. And so now there's no action in the case. So they're forcing him to dismiss it and drop out or proceed. So the ball is on his court.

You know, and I said, "What are you thinking about the court? They don't like that in there. What are you going to get a basket in court? I can't play ball. Like this is unfair. It's unfair." But I said, "You know what? God wants me to play ball. So I'm going to go to the court. So I got a glove." And then the guy at the table is like, "You need to decide what you want to do." "Um, excuse me? No, this is the ball is in his court. Okay.

And Kiki's like, "No, Alexia I know is very strong. She's very stubborn. She'll tell you how it is. I've never seen this weak side of her. And I know love makes you do things that are crazy, but girl, you got to get your power back.

I think he's playing with me without a ball because it's in his court and he left it behind. And basically the story was he didn't like the show live. Todd, he liked the show in the beginning and then he didn't like the show because he didn't like the way he saw himself or how the public saw him. They said he didn't like how the papers made him look. So the show bothered him and he couldn't control it. So that's what happened.

And I told him after we got back together in the therapy, I told him I will leave the show. I will leave the show. Dad, if that's what you want, I will turn all the cameras off. You are more important to me than cameras. I mean, it was a lie, you know, because like I'm a giver. So like I have to give the people what they want.

And the people want me. You know what I mean? Like, you can't tell the people to walk out and look up in the sky. There's no stars there. OK, they need to see the star. And that's me. But I told him, you know, I was like, I'll leave. I'll leave that if you want me to. And then he said, oh, no, it's too late already. So you might as well stay on the show with me and co-starring with you. And I was like, I knew it. He's a show or I knew it. I hate men who are show or Steve.

Come here, sit on my lap, say something fun. Okay, go back to the car. God. He's just soothing her and calming her down because she's filming a show and wants her to say nice things about him. I don't like it. Yes, I'm realizing that it's not that he doesn't like the show. He doesn't like the

power that the show gives me and he doesn't like my friend group and he doesn't like any of that and he says marisol is a slut and has a stupid face and has bad hair hey whoa whoa whoa too many details here right and he wants to control the narrative and by the way i don't want to bash him this is not bashing this is truth the man does not own all the shit he's done no accountability he's stupid he has an ugly nose tiny dick and he is dumb but i'm not bashing him just saying the truth that's it and one of the guys is like well if it acts like a duck and quacks like a duck

Is someone going to finish this? Because I really don't. I've never learned how that ended.

- It's a goat. I put the little duck bills on goats and make them quack. That's how it works. - Well, one day it's hot and one day it's cold. And I don't even know him. He's like a total stranger. I'm like, who are you? My ring cameras like registering someone's at the door, but I'm like, what are you from Amazon? And he's like, no, it's Todd. I'm like, who? You know, because I live in your fake rented apartment. Okay, it's not even a real apartment. It's like a shoe box. It's like a shoe box. There's no AC in there. It's not even real. I drive your fake rented car. You know, there's a little person under there with feet.

that makes the car move. It's not even real. So like there, I said it, I said it, I do everything. Nothing is yours. Nothing is mine. And that's the truth. It's all true. Okay. It's all true. It's been a lie. This whole thing has been a lie. Alexia, you're one of the strongest persons I know, but I'm, but I'm weak when it comes to this man. I hate that I'm so mad at myself because I fucking love this man. I fucking love this. All right. All right. Okay. Well, you got a narc, which is short for nurse, but I guess that's,

i guess i should be careful when i say narc around you alexia yeah i already had that chapter in my life okay everyone gets an arc right so alexia's sobbing really making sure this night's about johnny alexia sobbing which is why she invited him here in the first place

And I love that Marisol goes, you had a narc. I had a narc. Wait. And she says, Julia had a narc. She goes, wait, you had a narc, Julia? Oh, my God. I can't. I can't. How did you not know that Julia didn't have a narc? That's like her entire storyline, the first two seasons. Yeah. Let's not even waste time explaining to Alexi because she ain't going to listen anyway. So she's like, oh, my God, I can't. They should all die. They should all die. We should kill all parks.

No, it's a narc. No, I never liked parks anyway. What are you supposed to do? Go outside? Like, am I supposed to do that with this face? I put cream on. Come on. You know what? I don't want to see. I don't want to see it. Kill them all. I just want straight lines. No, not arcs. Narcs. Oh, well, I don't like that shape either. Rainbows should be straight lines. Just a straight left to right.

Well, listen, you know what? It's a personality disorder. It's horrible. It is so horrible. Marisol's like, it's a mental illness. Okay. It's a mental illness. What are you going to do? God, terrible. Let's get rid of all of them. You know what we should do? Take mentally ill people, put them in a swimming pool, cover them in gasoline, just light a match. Just kill all the mentally ill people. I'm just over it.

I did think it was really hilarious when Alexia was like, "Oh, narcissists. They should all fucking die."

She's like, "They should all fucking die. They're terrible. They're monsters." So then she's like, "You know, I'm going to leave it on him because he wants to put it on me. But you're the one that wanted it. I tried. Okay, I made the effort. And you know what I'm not going to do? I'm not going to give him that. I'm going to say, 'You know what, motherfucker? You're the one. You did this. You've been playing me for five to six months and now I've waited this long and it's going to be on you. Ballon court." Ballon court.

And so one of the guys is like, oh, yeah, so you're supposed to be the bad guy and file. And she's like, oh, yeah, exactly. Like I like for eight years, I gave you my heart and soul. And like the guy's like, yeah, he's trying to get you to file for divorce. So he could say, look what she did to me. Well, I'm not going to give him the opportunity. You know why? Because he's a coward and he's a coward. He's like a park burn. That's what I want. I want dead parks, no slides for anybody. He's going to do it like a coward, you know? Yeah.

And she's fully screaming in the restaurant. She's like, "He's a coward! And how he lived as a coward! And he's not gonna do it like a coward!" She's making—she's so riled up and it's hilarious. And of course Marisol loves this because she loves the piling on. And Julia's like, "You know, I keep on wanting to like Todd. You know, he's charming.

And when I visualized what you said to all of us, and his daughters were packing, and Frankie was there, and you came home and Frankie was sitting on couch, and Frankie was saying, "God is gone!" Oh, if only I had God for Frankie in that moment!

Every time you say you have dinner with him and I run into you in a restaurant or wherever we are, and I think, oh, you're charming. You're, but you're the guy. You smile to me, but you are the guy who let Frankie see somebody move. I was like, oh my God, he did this to Frankie. Frankie had to see him move. Frankie was on the couch. Frankie has never been the same. This morning Frankie came to me and he said, mom,

Can I have breakfast? Oh my god, he has ruined Frankie. Oh, Frankie has ruined forever. My kids are everything to me, and it's just so fucking true. She just starts making these noises, and the entire table gathers around her. But I still love him. Please help me, everybody. Please. You have to help me. You have to help me. I can't go back to this guy.

They're like, I love how this is playing out on the Valley and Miami together. This one at least makes it fun, you know.

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So then Larza is walking with the global ambassador. And she's like, oh, my God, like the traffic, like it's crazy. Like and so they're at the Philippine show and it's packed and makeup is being done. And Lisa's like, I want bigger hair. I want these kids to know who's coming down the runway. It's me. Stop calling me mom. So I'm looking amazing. My hair's looking fine. I'm going to show these little 20 year olds. What's up? It's Lisa. Lisa Hochstein.

The next big thing. I think we need to work on that. The newest big model, Lisa Hochstein.

Yeah. So then she checks in on Preston, which is actually really nice. She's like, you need food? Okay, because I'm going to be mama bear because your mom's not back here. Okay, I guess she doesn't have the same sort of access that us famous models have. Oh, well, Larsa, too bad. Enjoy sitting with all the regular people. We're models. If your mom had really done what she said she was going to do and make the last fucking man whore of dad to you, he would have had some coke and he never would need food again. But he's not here. So look, I got a Pop-Tart in my purse.

so then Jody shows up and uh he's like shows up in like a little white blazer or whatever and the music's like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun I'm like what is this like 450 commercial music for him why are they stealing from McBee Dynasty all over they're like if we have to air it we're gonna steal their music for incidentals well

So now they go, Jodi is on one side of the gay and Lars is on the other side. And Lars is like, oh my God, like Jodi, who like? Like, I'm like, as far as like I'm concerned, like he's just like another face in the crowd. He's like a doorknob. He's like a doorknob with teeth. Like I don't, and eyes that move. Weirdly enough. Did you just talk? What just talked? I think something talked, but I don't know. It doesn't move.

Jodie is sitting there like the FAO Schwartz clock and he's just like "ohhh" and Jodie's like "so Lisa, when she was doing her practices took a wrong turn choice? Larsa, you don't have any marbles do you?" "I actually do like but she's a father like she falls she doesn't even need my marbles like why doesn't she want my marbles like I tried to have marbles to knock her over and she didn't even use them like that's not like a real friend I'm glad we're not friends anymore like"

So Preston comes out number two and Jack is like, oh, my God. Preston came out as number two. He basically opened the show. I mean, basically, I mean, it was the number one. It was number two. I mean, that's like close, like basically the opener. It's just, yeah. And like this is like number 50 or something. Ha ha ha ha. Boyfriend to number 50. Hello.

I'm like, "Dad, like number 50, that's like so pathetic." So then Lisa comes walking and so when Lisa comes out to do her walk, Larissa's like, "Wait, wait, wait, Jack, Jack, Jack, let's do a selfie light. Let's do a selfie." So they do a selfie. She pulls out a full selfie light. She's setting up like a full ring light in the front. She's like, "Can we get a wind machine over here? That would be great because we're like going to do like a selfie light. Oh, look at that."

love you jack love you much and lisa just blows them a kiss

And Jodie's like, well, she did great. Yeah, like, I don't know who did me. Yeah, like, I look so good in this one. Lisa's like, even though the spotlight's on her with her little light, no one cares because everyone's looking at me. Like, cut to, like, Italian fashion editors. Who is the older person walking down the runway? Why do we have senior citizen on the runway right now?

So, Jack, you know that they just got these people for stunt casting because Jack tells Larsa, she goes, oh, my God, the finale is the best because they all come out again. Yeah, we know, Jack. I love that Larsa needs to be told this. Yeah. She's like, oh, my God, there's a mob on the runway. There's too many people. They're rushing. It's a riot. No, they're all supposed to be all the models at once. Oh, my God.

But like, I support my son so much, I'm going to do like another selfie like during his bow. So she does another selfie while they're doing their walk. And then backstage, Jodi comes back and he's like, wow, do you think Larsa was going for you with the kiss? She goes, yeah, yeah, honey, you're watching me over there and I'm over here. So I'm going to be a bitch and I'm going to be a bad one. What do you think about that, Jodi? He's like, you're so amazing. Your dad would be so proud. Yeah.

I called him. I have to be honest. It just, there was a lot of beeps. Oh, uh-oh. That means it's probably okay, right? Really slow. Everything's fine. Yeah, he's fine. Everything's fine. I have to be honest, like, I wasn't sure Preston was going to be doing, do a good job, like, because he's creative, like, but he's also like, I don't know, he's not very good at things, like, but he killed it. He did a great job, like, good for him. So now we go to the after party and Larsa and Lisa are just totally ignoring each other and Lisa's thanking Philip for the opportunity and Lisa, Larsa goes up to Lisa and is like,

I feel like we have to talk like when we get home, like, yeah, we have to. But like, I don't want to do it here unless there's like a rapper who was big in the year 2004 to come to to to mediate between the two of us. OK, I just want to have fun tonight. Oh, so we are besties again. Come on, you guys. You're in Milan with me. We have to be best friends. You and the blonde one. Come on, stupid face. Hey, how come you didn't fall? Do you want me to push you? Sometimes in America, you know, if you want to fall, you should tie your shoes like this idiot over here.

You know what? Larsa's tone is terrible. She likes to talk down to people and this is all too familiar. And then we see flashbacks of Lenny equating Larsa to Lenny Hochstein is hilarious and like definitely no, it's not the same. Larsa's terrible on her own grounds. That's the thing. Like you don't have to equate her to Lenny. Larsa is her own awful, you know, vertical. Like she doesn't need to be equated. So Lisa's like, I don't do that. I have boundaries. She's going to respect me or she's not going to have me around anymore.

Oh, my God, I hate this fucking woman. I can't wait to hang out with her the rest of the night and ignore my boyfriend, which she does. So they decide to, like, put it aside and just hang out anyway. So they're talking to fabulous.

And he's like, oh, I'm just trying to be messy and see what's going on with the housewives. And Lisa's like, well, if anyone can solve this, it's going to be Detective Fabulous. I love your cleaning stuff. Love your cleaning stuff. You're from New York, right? Like, I'm like, so you understand loyalty, like, right? Huh? He's like, so.

you aren't loyal? She's like, well, if someone says, fuck you, you're a bitch, your man's cheap, would you kick her out of your house? Okay, but like, how are you going to hang out with my ex-boyfriend when he's talking shit about me publicly? How about that, Fabulous? Nah, he's lying. She's lying. She's lying. Never did that.

And he's like, okay, well, but if the boyfriend was doing it, then it's not her, right? She goes, see, if fabulous says so, that's what it is. Okay. Could he use a new one in his name? Sure. But whatever. And he's like, this is how we squash it. You don't hang out with her ex and then she won't be disrespectful to you. She goes, if fabulous says, that's what's up. That's what's up. Yeah.

I love that Fabulous came in here and randomly like took over and like solved it for them. He's like, I can't deny it. I'm a fucking writer and you guys have too much of a beef. Okay. And so she's like, wow, judge fabulous sided with me. I won America. And then Larsa's like,

I'd let it go. It's fine. Fabulous definitely sided with me. It was very clear. Judge Fabulous was on my side. Loyalty is big in the rap game. And as a rapper, I think he saw that in me. Loyalty is big in the rap game, is it? Am I reading different news feeds than you? Like, what are you talking about?

Lisa shouldn't be hanging out with my ex. And of course I shouldn't be disrespectful in your home, but notice what needs to happen first for the second part not to happen. Like clock that fabulous. So now Jody isn't found and Lisa's like, Oh, Jody's going to be mad because he feels alone and left out. But you have to be social. That's like our business. Like we just talked to fabulous. So like, it's like we're in the rap game now, basically. So tell Jody to get over it. He's going to get a cap in his ass.

I learned that from Fabulous. So then the cameras on screen, the camera shut down for the night. But the tension between Lisa and Larsa and continued and Jodi, it also didn't shut down.

So one week later, Kiki's like, oh, I want to hear about Milan because I've been hearing about Alexia talking about Todd for seven days straight. Please, something new. Okay, we're like Lisa, like, and I like started to like get along, like, and like we made progress, like, but then like the last night of Milan, like Jody got so like crazy and he didn't want to talk to us anymore. And he was like yelling at us, but no one could see his mouth moving. So I thought it was the lady behind me yelling and I like almost punched her in the face.

But it turned out it was like this piece of wood that was yelling at me and his name is Jody. So like, I'm going to show you a photo. And someone goes, oh my God, what was his eyes like? What was his eyes like? It's like, let me show you his eyes. And they show the eyes and Jody's like.

he's like poked out of his brain look at his eyes jody had a step and repeat in like some paisley jacket or something like that and he's like oh my god but watch it be that he like did a step and repeat without lisa and they're like without lisa how could he do that

Well, they said something about his eyes and the show, his eyes all cracked out. So I'm guessing they're going to come for Jody for his Coke use because last week after the very obvious, like, oh, let's go into my room and do some AC bro or whatever. Wow. Isn't this AC amazing? Yeah. This AC is great.

So he came out with an Instagram post. He's like, this is just editing. This is ridiculous. You know, my friends came to support me, but we don't like being on TV. So we were in my room. And so what if I was doing Coke anyway? It's Miami. Half the people do Coke. But I wasn't doing Coke. And how dare all of you? And that was another one that was too long to read the whole thing. I was like, girl, Tony, nobody need five pages from you.

Yeah, it was all about his friends didn't want to be on TV. They didn't want to be on TV, though, because they don't want to be seen on TV doing coke. So I guess that's probably the thing.

anywho this was a hilarious episode honestly alexia's big monologue in the middle of it like while she's saying she doesn't she wants the night to be about johnny and she turns it not only in about all about her but she makes everyone's meals about her because she's like yelling like oh god kill all the narcissists it was so camp like alexia is so camp that's why i love her so much yeah this shows this shows off to a great start and they're really smart in how they're editing it

It's very quick moving. And the first scenes, just having all the ladies getting together and explaining really quickly what's going on to those people who are just jumping on. Because Miami is not one of the highest rated. And you never know when people are just going to leave that TV on and keep watching. And that's smart. They're doing a good job this year.

I'm loving it. Yeah. I, everyone should be watching it. I can't wait for the new, new girl to join the cast too. She looks like she'll be fun. So we'll just have to wait on that and we will see what happens with this photo next week on the real housewives of Miami. But until then, hopefully we'll see a bunch of you tonight at the Fonda again, tickets are watch what happens.com and we will catch you on the next episode of. Watch what happens. Bye everyone. Bye.

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