#2905 RHOM S7E3: A Wedding, A Funeral, And a Very UnGOATlike Fall From Grace
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

Hi, how are you? Sup, brah? Sup? Today is Real Housewives of Miami Day here on Wild World Problems. Also join us over on Patreon for our three-day-a-week Love Island coverage. That's going to be super fun for you. You guys should go check it out. Also, that's where you get videos. You get videos of us doing all of our recaps at patreon.com.

What's going on today? Anything fun? Who are you writing right now? I hear... I'm typing because I literally just bought a board game and I have to like... I was typing in the address. I was like, oh, Ronnie's going to be making some announcements, but I didn't realize how loud my keyboard would be. Tour is over. Announcements are done. There's nothing left to say. You've got to break audience, okay? Now we can just jump right into the show. How do you think about that? I have to say, I mean, Miami is just...

It's so good. It really is up there with Salt Lake City. And I just, I know we say it every week, but I just cannot believe people don't watch it. Like, I can't believe there are people that say, oh, I just haven't been able to take it on. Like, it is...

Such a good show. And I was just thoroughly... I was just cracking up at this ridiculous shit show. Everyone is always on 10. And from start to finish, they just really kill it. Also, I have an update. A very important update about last week's episode. When Larsa and... Well, Larsa's son and Lisa walked in that fashion show for Philip Pline or whatever. So I think we were wondering, is this guy a legit...

like fashion designer or not. So I did ask a friend who works in fashion and he was like, well, I mean, yeah, he's definitely like a real like fashion designer, but he's also sort of like,

He's like the one that everyone just sort of like laughs at. And I was like, okay, that tracks, that tracks. I knew there had to be some catch. So it all makes sense now. That is what I learned from one single person in fashion. Yeah. It's like fashion for Miami influencer types, you know? I mean, they have Lisa, they asked Lisa and Larsa to walk in it. So what more do we need to know about this? Philip line, man. I would never fit into it. I'll tell you that.

I would not fit into any of it. That's what I know about Philip Lyme. That's all I need to know. Yes. So this episode is three of season seven, episode three, and it's called the worst wedding ever, which is something on Bravo. That's quite a claim to make.

It's actually, what's actually nice is that a lot of the wedding episodes on Bravo, people are on generally good behavior. Like usually, like we always think the wedding episodes will be crazy and chaotic, but usually it's like they're, they're pretty, you know, civilized affairs with like

Some small thing, a little rent they may throw in there, like Cynthia's mom hiding like the what was it? The what the marriage certificate or whatever it was. That was a weird one. And they got married in the dinosaur like gallery museum or whatever. That was pretty weird. Getting married in front of a skeleton, especially when you're marrying Peter, is just it's bad juju.

Yeah, exactly. But this one was like legitimately a terrible wedding reception because the fight was it wasn't just just that they were fighting. It was like a loud water flinging fight. I mean, the sort of thing that like I would be mortified if I ever did that at someone's wedding, really anywhere in public, but especially at a wedding. Luckily, it was like the third wedding to the same couple. So I was going to say it's like the 70th wedding of Marisol. So it's OK.

Yeah, exactly. So it's Marisol and Steve's wedding day, everybody. She's getting ready for her third wedding to Steve. Okay. She's getting makeup done. I'm getting nervous. Butterfly nervous. Dios mio. La mariposa's inside me. It's so me. Go make it stop.

Yeah, I'm really, really excited about getting married for the 16th time on this show. Let's show a montage that should carry us through the 42 minutes that we can wrap up this episode. Look, there's me getting married on a mountaintop. There's me getting married at a miniature golf course. There's me getting married in line to see Final Destination Bloodlines. There's just a lot of weddings happening for me.

I'm like in heaven right now because Steve is an angel. Steve, aren't you an angel? It's like, yeah, I'm a fucking angel. So we see Mary Soule's wedding celebration and she's now dressed in black wearing an eye patch with a bedazzled dollar sign on it.

And Steve is saying, here's to my beautiful and lovely wife. And she's like, oh, no, I don't want anything to hex our wedding day. It has to be perfect.

Lightning strike. Women are sitting at the table and Gertie's saying, Do you want to do this with a whole group of women? Do you want to do this? No, no, no. I am going to point in your face and scream at you. You're not going to be bruising, okay? You're not. Oh, yeah? You're screaming like a hyena. A screaming hyena. Yes. I am proud hyena who could eat goat but would never do such a thing.

And then Steve's just like, good Lord. Dios mio. Am I right, guys? Am I right? And Julie is like, I'm hyena. I'm proud to be hyena. Oh, really? Go sit down, hyena. Go sit down. Go sit on your words. You can sit on your words. That's what you can do. You know what hyenas do? They sit down on words.

Oh my God. This is the worst wedding party ever. You can put that in the trailer. Bravo. Worst wedding party ever. Soundbite. Three days earlier, Larsa's home. So Larsa's with Preston in the kitchen and she's like, Preston, do you like realize that you like walked in like Phillip, like Plains, like fashion, like show, like in Milan, like, like holy, like shit, like this is like huge. Like you're so lucky. I let you take my spot. Cause he asked me first. He asked me first.

You have to really like take advantage, like of the advantage of your opportunity. Like, and like, I'm excited, like for your journey. Like he's like, yeah, the journey is the reward. Yeah. Especially cause it was my journey. Like that I gave up for your journey. Like, and that was like really good. Like I need to post that on Instagram. That was like such a, like a, like an inspirational thing I said about journey. Like I love going to journeys. I always get my sneakers there. Like,

Yeah, she's a total journeys person from back in the day. By the way, he did not make up the journey as a reward. And it's so sad that someone who posts as much as on Instagram as Larza has never heard that before. You're looking at the wrong threads. Okay, get off the butt bleach, you know, influencer threads. I feel bad now. The psychological pop psychology threads. What do you feel bad, Ben?

You know why? Because I started off the episode just shading Philip Pline, who is, you know, whether he's a laughingstock of fashion or not, he's still like doing it. And he obviously had like lots of people there. So he's successful. And you got this kid who,

who got to go to Milan and walk in the show and that's like so super cool and I'm sitting here being like it's whatever he's like not even a real designer like who the am I to say that okay this is a fashion Milan gonna be a Philip line Instagram uh no or what no it's not even that I just like being upset on the freeway listening to you this is no I don't care about Philip line I'm just saying like this kid this is a cool thing for this kid and like

you know we've seen kids in Bravo like walk literally in fashion shows at the Browns for posh and like oh my god I'm walking for posh and they think it's so cool and now there's like someone who actually gets to walk in Milan Fashion Week with like legitimate people there and press and everything and I'm like whatever it's like not even cool I'm like you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna take a seat for myself I have decided to put myself in timeout Ben please be a better person this is watch what crappens so that's why people listen

All right. We hold on one second. Good people having good opinions about good people. All right. Guess what? And you're a loser who walked for a loser fashion brand. I'm back, everyone. Yeah. I walked for hefty children's clothes at Dillard's. You know what? Did that make me a badass in my own head? Yes, it did. Okay. No one can ever take that away from me because I have the confidence of knowing that I was a chunky child model. So suck it. Anybody has anything to say?

The journey is the reward. I came up with that in 1983.

Okay, so three days earlier. Oh, yeah, we already did that. Okay, so now we go to the beach. And Adriana is with her new man. She's probably renting, let's be honest. And she's like, oh, my God, they were saying he's so nice. He's so handsome. That's all they're saying. They're talking about you. Who else, buddy? Come on. I'm going topless now. Watch me walk into the ocean topless. Are you watching me? Are you watching me? And he just looks at the camera like, oh.

his teeth are kind of gritted like oh god it's like why did I do this now we're going to get paid up front

So now Martina and Julia are in the kitchen and Martina is like whisking batter and Julia's like, "Are you making my scrambled eggs?" She's like, "No, I'm making banana bread for the boys." "Oh, look, Martina is cooking." "More than I can say for Chris Everett." "Anyway, I can't talk while I'm doing this. I need to focus." "Must get Grand Slam in banana bread." "Okay, so you can't multitask?" "No, no, I need to do double everything." "Must make banana bread." "Martina, make banana bread."

When are you going to just memorize recipe? What are you, hyena? And she's like, stop talking to me. One teaspoon, two tablespoons. Oh, is it the other way? I'm just a person trying to make banana bread. So then we go to C Spice Brasile and Lounge. And it's Alexia getting out of her white G-Wagon, which we now know is fake.

So she walks in with Frankie and she's like, oh, my God, Frankie, do you remember this place? Do you remember it? Can you still be in it even though you've been traumatized by being moved out of in front of? I brought you to see Spice to ease the wounds. So, you know what I'd rather? I would rather that Frankie see Spice and not see Todd moving.

In front of. So Alexia is like, "I'm here to see Mariam." And by the way, when she said Mariam, I honestly, I was like, "Oh, it's finally happening.

We are going to finally meet the new housewife. But no, like this is what, the fifth episode? I mean, next week we know we're meeting her. But I was like, hello, when can we get the new housewife? But also just goes to show how stacked this cast is. That like, they just have to get through all this drama before they can introduce someone new yet. So she goes upstairs to see Mariam, the owner of C Spice.

not to be confused with ice spice and mariam's like alexia oh god you look lovely my darling oh yeah media calendo i love what you're doing here i'm so happy we're gonna do this for free right

It's all for free, right? This is for free. This is so crazy. It looks like a boat, a free boat. So I want to have a surprise celebration for Mary Sol and Steve because they're finally going to get officially legally married because they've been like married before, but not like legally. They did it in a drive-thru of a Sonic Burger once because they like the ice. You know, they like the little crumbly ice, which I don't blame them. You know, that's good ice. But I was like, you should do it someplace else, you know? So they did a little golf course once. So pop, pop.

But I don't like doing that. So they don't have drinks there. So I said, do it there. It looks like a boat. Yeah. So they did it there. Then they went to Tilly's, did it again. It's been a fun journey for them. So Alexia is saying that this would be a big surprise. She goes, oh, my God, so many good memories in this bar. Remember all the good memories? This is where I met Todd. And then I think Alexia was trying to queue up some sort of like

flashback sequence. All right, producers, show us how we're in love. Show how the star is in love with Todd. Do it. Okay. Alexia, who hates making things about herself, is like, you know what? I'm going to throw the wedding party for my best friend in the place that I met Todd. So I can say, oh my God, I'm so happy for you, but this is where I met Todd. This is where I met him. You guys, keep me strong. Keep me strong, okay? Oh my God.

I think I picked C Spice because like I'm a masochist and I like to torture myself holding on to those memories with Dodd. But like, I've also had like a lot of money and naughty nights with Marisol at C Spice, by the way. And oh, well, you know, Peter, he also comes here because he's an artist and this is a place for artists. So like a lot of memories and masochism here. So Miriam's like, oh my God, I always tell everybody my yacht's bigger than your yacht because it looks like a yacht in here, right? And then you have the beautiful downtown skyline. Look at that. And sometimes I tell people like,

Like, hey, my downtown is bigger than your downtown. Because, like, I got downtown on my window. Am I right? It's like crazy, you guys. My downtown brings all the boys to the yard. Am I right? And Alexia's like, oh, this view. This is perfect for Marisol. I mean, I am so glad that Marisol is going to get to stand here and look with both of her eyes at this beautiful view. So we see the view. You know what's going to make this great, perfect for Marisol? Depth perception.

Being able to really see how far away she is from all the buildings and how far away all the buildings are from each other. It's just really going to be so wonderful for her. So the tables are in the shape of surfboards. Oh my God, I get it because it's like a boat. That's so funny. That is so funny. A yacht that carries surfboards. It's like being on a yacht and all the passengers are surfboards. It totally makes sense.

So she's like, well, this is great because I've never been to one of her weddings, like whether it's the first one or the 19th one. Like, I need to celebrate her. OK, because like I've never seen a wedding. OK, they've always happened outside, outside of my eyesight. So we see her weddings past and Stephen Marisol at their Mexican wedding. Then a clip of Marisol in a black evening gown, a Steve and a Marisol.

some Scottish castle and they didn't even go over the other weddings on the show. Do you remember that one in her first year where she's like, I'm marrying this guy. We're so in love. We're going to get married on us on the Alps. I just want to get married. It's like this random guy. We Alp.

I'm pretty sure it's the same guy that Adriana just went on a date with to the beach. Like they looked exactly the same if memory serves. And they went all the way up to the top of that mountain and they were freezing and the priest was there and he was freezing. And I was just like, what is happening here? It was a whole storyline. It was a whole thing. And I remember every time we had to stop and do that storyline, it was the worst thing ever. It was...

It was a lot. Because Marisol was very different back then. In the original run of the show, Marisol was nothing like she is now. She came up with this personality for this show, like this persona. And it's so funny. But back then, she was really boring and mousy and never said anything.

and she was like very serious and she would be like always about to cry and yeah like she was actually like a terrible casting choice back then yeah but she basically was kept around because her mom was so entertaining yeah and then she kind of stole her mom's personality and she's she's made it work you know yeah sometimes it just takes a decade

You know? Yeah. So then we see a flashback of five months earlier because Alexia is like, oh, my God, it's been so hard. Am I right, Frankie? Don't make Frankie talk about it. He's very traumatized. And Frankie's like, yeah, it's hard. Mommy, please don't cry. And she's like, oh, my God, I gotta help you, Frankie. Because you know why? Because we're on the boat. Like where I met Sea Spice Todd. Oh, my God.

oh, Mariam, let me tell you something like this because I want to tell you something. This is so difficult. The last thing I want is for Frankie to have to live this all over again. But I got home and everything was missing and he had moved him and all his daughter out and he even took the shampoo from the bathtub in front of Frankie, right there in front of Frankie. And Frankie's like, oh, and Julia, I guess Julia's there. She's like,

Oh, no. Oh, because it's a flashback. It was a memory. It took everything. And Frankie's like, yeah, Todd, don't mind me. And she's like, well, you know who's missing out? It's not you. It's Todd. And she's like, oh, my God. But, you know, it's so hard because, like, thank God I have, like, Frankie because he's like my angel. Like, does he stop furniture from being carried out of the house? No, not really. But.

Does Frankie make sure that my shampoo isn't stolen from the bathroom? No, not really. By the way, Frankie, why didn't you stop him from stealing my shampoo from the bathroom? Do you know how expensive my shampoo was? Oh my God. - Frankie knows what's going on. Just because he can't express himself the way a lot of us can express ourselves, like for instance, the way I express myself so well, his comprehension is there and he's very intuitive, okay? So for instance, when he felt like the shampoo was missing, he went to the bathroom and guess what? It was missing. It was taken.

Yeah. You know, listen, here's who knows about it. Larsa, Gertie, Julia, Kiki. They all know about it except Lisa. But you know what? Lisa doesn't answer her phone. OK, so how is Lisa going to know? You know what I mean? Lisa didn't even say, oh, my God, your hair doesn't smell like strawberries today. I mean, come on, Lisa. Like, are we friends or not? You know, so then let's call Lisa. Why don't we call Lisa right now and see what happens? I'm sure it'll be a good phone call.

Lisa's like, "Hello?" "Oh my God, I'm calling you because I wanted to invite you to Marisol and Steve's wedding. Did you know they're getting married again? I mean, I hope I have shampoo." And so Lisa goes, "I'm in Canada right now." And Alexia goes, "Oh my God, don't tell me your father passed away." Who says that? "Oh my God, please don't tell me your father died."

I don't know why. They show every time they get enough. Don't tell me your father died. Imagine she said, no, no, he's fine. It just one of those things like, I don't know. I kind of feel like it's up for Lisa to be the one to say it.

It was funny. It was just funny. She goes, oh my God, no. And then she slams her phone on the table. Like, why are you hitting your phone on the table? And only this, like, how is it that this show two times in a row, not in a row, but like, how, how is it that this show manages to have a wedding and a funeral at the same time? Like this, this is the second time it's happened. Oh, that's true. Yeah. And it just matches. Yeah.

The show is wild. I'm telling you, it's wild. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. She's like, yeah, well, he was unconscious, so I didn't even get to have a moment with him. I still got some selfies, you know, but, you know, it's rough. She's like, oh, my God, it's so rough. She's like, yeah, well, just know that he's in heaven right now and he's watching you. And he's saying, why aren't you on a boat right now? That's a restaurant. And, oh, my God, is that a restaurant? Does it float? You know, oh, my God, I recognize this restaurant. It's the boat.

That Alexa met Thor on. Oh my God. Tell your father thank you for thinking of me. And if he sees any narcs there in heaven, I want him to say to them, good, I'm glad you're dead because you all should die.

I wonder if she even understands that means narcissism because Alexia is, has been against narcs since her first marriage, you know? It does drive me. It did really drive me crazy, crazy that Marisol was like, it's another narc. It's like, that's narc is a different thing. It's a different thing. Marisol. It's a different thing in Miami for sure. Here comes one right now.

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We go to Marisol's house and she's getting her makeup done and she's like, all right, you know what? Some people call this getting their makeup done. Some of us call it re-adobing the front of the house. You know what I'm saying?

Go ahead, mix the cement. You've got to mix it first. Don't just put it on my face. It'll clump up. Dios mio. Santa Maria. Get this back already. Just put it back just in front of me in a mailbox and I'll be a house. All right. Well, I'm just so nervous today, guys. It's like for reals. It's for reals.

Now this wedding's gonna be good because I just talked to my numerologist, Kelly. Flashback, flashback. So I had a couple of friends that lived here, Kelly, and we were all hanging out by the pool and some guy comes to look at the house. Some guy, am I right? And Steve over here, that's what I'm trying to say, Kelly. Come on, keep up,

Kelly. So I guess I left my swimsuit at the pool and then my friend calls me and says, hey, the new owner found your swimsuit. You following, Kelly? And the next thing I tell him, I get a text about the swimsuit. He's like, come on soon. Why don't you come on Friday? Come Friday night. And then I didn't have to leave for three days. So OK, so since you're a numerologist, what does swimsuit plus swimsuit plus new house mean?

this is a wild story so she sold her house to steve left her bathing suit went back to the house to pick it up and steve at her house and then stayed there just like it's just like i never laughed literally i just felt like the numerologist was like so i deal with numbers and this story i can't do anything with why are you telling me this

So they're picking their perfect outfit to wear on the motorcycle because they're going to ride the motorcycle to City Hall. And she's like, we're real nervous because there's a lot of money on the line between the two of us. You know, we're nervous. Yeah, a lot of money. And oh, God, by the way, did you find out Lisa's father passed away? Oh, it's terrible. But she's going to bury him with a Philip Lines sunglass. So it'll be nice. And.

Anyway, I don't know what happened. I just heard he'd been in the ICU. By the way, not only do I see you, I see Spice. We should go back to see Spice someday. Anyway, it's just so weird just sitting there getting married. At least he's going to bury her father. I mean, what are we, two seasons ago? Okay, life is quite the cycle. Speaking of cycles, we can get on that bike of yours or what? Come on now. So they take the hog down to City Hall, and she's like, I've ridden this hog before, but not the orange one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm going to cry. This is serio. Okay. This is serio. Oh my God. I'm so nervous. And he's like, don't cry. You're too pretty. Life is short, especially for us. Am I right? So, you know, that's what we're doing. You know, it's just like, just with mom and dad could be with me. And then we see a clip of her mom just being like, do not marry stupid people. And we also see her dad who I forgot that we ever met. And Marisol's like, look,

When they couldn't speak for themselves or take care of themselves, they had me and my brothers, but I don't have any children. So Steve and I decided that what we need to do is we need to be able to access each other's funds and maybe their children. You want to call me mom? No? Okay. And take care of each other, protect each other, make decisions for each other because we know we're going to be together forever or at least another season or two. So that's just something we need to do that's legal in the state of Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida, Florida. Am I right?

So just don't go too fast because I'm a first timer on this hog. I mean, not the first time on a hog in general, like your dick. So you keep enough seed, you know what I'm saying here? So they get married and then they ride around on their motorcycle with her wedding veil. So romantic. So that's like the love life.

You know what's crazy? I actually really enjoyed this entire sequence. I couldn't believe it. I was like, it's another Marisol wedding. It's a stupid thing. It's sentimental. I actually really liked it. I like in a weird way. I really liked that they found each other. They had this low key sort of situation with the motorcycle and they just were thinking about like, listen, we're getting old. We need someone to look after each other. We need to do this. I don't know. I kind of got me a little bit.

Well, I did appreciate that they did the third wedding right and didn't force everybody into...

hell you know what i mean like she didn't do the oh my god i'm gonna have a big tv wedding and then we have to do a whole thing and that's gonna be a whole season and then everybody else yeah we have there's a story i'm glad it's just like we're doing it at city hall we're doing it for each other's money the end you know i thought it was lovely on like philip blind's fashion show yeah i'm not sure who did you just read a comment or something like ben's mean

No, no. You know what I love? Life, people, the elderly. I love dolphins. You guys, I've adopted a dolphin. I've adopted is a Miami dolphin. Wow.

This good person Thursday. Bring back my husband. No, I'm just kidding. I got sentimental. I got sentimental with their little wedding thing. I don't know, for some reason. It just sort of, when she said, you know, life is short and we're on the other side where life is shorter. I was like, hmm. And then when she, I don't know, I got like sentimental over it.

What can I say? What can I say? I'm feeling sort of nice today. Well, I've got a place you can go to the Love Life Cafe.

That's you today. You're like, you know what? I love life. I'm at the Love Life Cafe today. I love life. I love life. You know what I love more than life? Seeing spies. See spies. See spies. See spies. The restaurant looks like a yacht. Adriana comes in and orders from the barista. And she's like, what kind of milk would you like? And she's like, skim milk. And she goes, oat milk? And she goes, no.

No, regular skim, like skim milk, like from a skinny cow. You know, don't give me fat cow milk. And she's like, we are a vegan restaurant. She goes, oh, God. Because when she said skim milk and the lady goes, oat milk, I was like, oh, my God, are we in Los Angeles? But then it turns out that was our Adriana. She didn't even know what skim milk was. She was like, what? Huh? Skim? So, yeah, it's a skim.

Yeah, Adriana is like mainly vegetarian, but she loves, I love a good French sausage. Dating French man now. Did you hear? So, and then in case you didn't get the joke the first time, she's like, I can't stop liking French blood sausage. Okay. All right. We're like, I can't help but love French penis erection sausage. Okay. Okay.

Could I have a coffee with wiener sausage? Thank you. I love French wiener sausages. Only penis cock sausage coffee. Okay. Would there be foam on that?

Extra cream. So Julia arrives. Oh, look at you. Are you texting boyfriend or goat? She goes, no, it's actually my car insurance. I didn't even clock that when I saw it. That made me laugh so hard. She's like, no, actually, it's my car insurance. She's like, oh.

So there's like, oh, it's a long summer. And Julie's like, yes, long summer. And you didn't call me. Just, well, you can pick up the phone too and call me too. And she's like, well, of course I can. But, you know, I was like, why isn't she calling me? You know, I miss my friend. Everybody's calling me. How's the boys? What's happened with the boys? Congrats on the boys. You got boys. You have boys now. Hello.

She's like, wow. They're all saying things like, congrats on finding boys. Now you can act like total lunatic because you don't have to be worried about the adoption process anymore. I said, oh, thank you very much for the tip.

Well, you know, I was very upset that you didn't tell me before everyone else to tell you the truth. And then we see Julia's Zoom call when she's telling everybody. Was Adriana even on that call? I think she was. I don't know. You know, Adriana, she does not she does not like to not be first.

Well, that is weird that she's like going through the process with you and helping you and she brought you onto this show and you're her best friend and you don't even call her. That's weird. It's like six people beat her to the tweet.

So Adriana is like, she's like, "Well, I mean, Alexia already saw the boy, so maybe I was a little resentful." And I think she's actually being very honest and upfront, like, "Yeah, I was being petty. I was resentful. You know, you're my best friend." And we see flashbacks to their friendship. And she's like, "I feel a little disappointed because since I'd been through her with process, you know, I would have thought she told me privately, but she didn't."

So Julia's like, you know, I probably should have told you before, you know. But Adriana is basically saying she feels a distance because Julia is getting closer to Alexia and Marisol.

Yeah. And she's like, well, I have something to ask you. I want to have a boy shower for you and the boys. It's like a normal shower, but there's French sausages there. So I thought that would be good. And it's like, oh, my God, this is so sweet. This is good. Let us hold hands now. And let me just tell you, you are the seventh best friend to me in this group. Thank you so much. Thank you.

So now we go to stretch lab and Kiki and Gertie have arrived to get stretched and Gertie is like, oh, who's wanted to get stretched? I'm with the troublemaker over here. Oh, we're going to stretch. We're going to goodify the stretches.

And so they stretch and it's like wild and crazy. Wacky stretching scene. And so now they're doing the talking portion. And Kiki is like, well, listen. So Gertie's like, did that feel good? Oh, my God. Did you pat the puss? Oh, my God. Girl, bye. What are you patting the puss while you're stretching? Oh, my God. Gertie.

Goodbye. That is too much for me. Like, I'm going to sit down. You should sit down. Everybody should sit down because this girl's a lot. Okay. Did you see how this girl stretched? Did you see it? That was like crazy. That's a lot, girl. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And so the big thing with Gertie is that even though she's gone through cancer, she is still carrying a lot of baggage from it. She's really insecure about her body now, and she's just trying to get things like the way she wants it and get through it, et cetera. And so she's here getting stretching and yada, yada, yada. So then Gertie and Gigi are talking.

And Gertie's saying that Alexia's was really great all summer. She was checking in like every day on how Gertie was doing. And Kiki's like, oh, because Alexia decided to put like a girls night to dinner a couple of days ago and you weren't invited. Basically, she's like, yeah, so this person who was checking on you did not allow you to come to dinner.

the dinner that was all about Johnny, that was all about Alexia. Yeah, she's like, "And part of the problem some of the ladies are having with you is that Gertie comes across as like she's too much, like extra, you know, like maybe she's this or she's that or she's this or she's that or she's that or she's this. Do you understand what I'm saying?" And Gertie's like, "Huh? Me? Extra? Okay, hold on. Let me think about that. Hmm.

And then we cut back to Adriana and Julia talking. And so Julia's like, well, what have you been up to? It's like, well, actually, I met with Gertie and Lisa and Gertie was saying how things aren't good between you and her. And then Adriana's like, yeah, she doesn't understand what she's done to you. Oh, she makes it about herself. That is her MO. And you know what? I have no time for that. I have no time for it. No.

I have no time because I have children now. And it is important for everyone to realize I have children. And whatever you're doing, please stop and acknowledge the fact that I have children. One of my favorite things on reality TV, especially on The Real Housewives, is when people accuse each other of making something about themselves. Because always the implication is, I wanted to make this about me, and you made it about you. And I can't believe you would make something about you.

Cause I'm the only one who's allowed to make it about me. That's always what it's about. And Julia, that's what Julia is doing. She's like, you didn't come onto my zoom when I wanted to make a big announcement and that was supposed to be my moment and you didn't honor it. And you tried to make it about you and it's like, okay, so you're all just going in circles. And by the way, is Gertie totally extra? Absolutely. Is everyone else on this cast?

Absolutely. She's no different than anyone else. Alexi was just screaming and bawling in a restaurant last week. And this week. They should all die. They should all die. Literally every week that she's ever been on this show, she's sobbing and crying. So Kiki's like, well, Julia said she had a problem with you, something on a cruise and you try to get attention. She's like, oh, well, apparently my good friend Julia has been talking about me behind my back.

And so Julia tells the story. She's like, well, OK, a few months back, Martina and I were invited to a fabulous cruise. And unfortunately, Martina got a little health scare. So she chose to stay home. And I called Gertie. And so Gertie sighs. She's like, and then I get a call from Julia who says, oh, my God, I need your help. Please go with me. Please. Martina can't do it. I need you. I need you. Oh, my God. Please. I'm dying. Please come on the cruise. Please. I'm dying. Do it.

And she said, "Would you like me to come with you?" Yes, and she asked me to come because she was distraught and needed emotional support. I said, "I will go to fight this cruise." So I went on the cruise to support a friend. It's the basics of it all. And then she make it all about herself. The connection she would make, the pictures she would take. And she never said, "Julia, how are you? How is Martina?" Not once! Not once on cruise!

There were a lot of things while on this boat cruise and I gave Gertie many chances. And then I seen with my own eyes how she acted with others. I just felt uncomfortable in our company. And next time the person I bring onto the cruise will be God. I think Gertie, I love Gertie Turner phrases. She goes, I don't know what's her deal, but trust you'll be me. Whatever she's saying out there, it ain't what it ain't.

I'm like, not one of that, not one section of that made any sense. And I fucking loved it. I was like, can we just narrate everything in my life? Listen, trust you be me.

I ain't what I ain't. It ain't what it ain't. It ain't what it ain't. It's almost Popeye. Also, by the way, I just want to point out Gertie actually has a job in a company and Julia doesn't. And so Gertie going onto a cruise and trying to get clients for her party planning business. I don't think that's outrageous. I think that's actually something that you should be proud of and supporting because she's networking and trying to actually do something with her life. Well, what makes it even more ridiculous is that we find out later that this is a, um,

Captain Sandy Cruz. It's one of those fucking- I love that it's Captain Sandy. Yeah, it's like one of those Captain Sandy appearance things where people go pay to get a picture with, like a women empowerment cruise or whatever that they were invited to go on. Captain Sandy's inviting them because they're Bravo Leberties who will put it on their Instagram. And the whole thing is about taking pictures and putting it on your fucking gram. That's what the whole event is. So to be mad that she's doing that, especially as a real housewife who married a celebrity-

named martina is ridiculous yeah and gertie has a very strong point about this but i will wait for her to make it later on but gertie kind of in my mind comes up with the strongest strongest strongest point of all that i think is totally there's just no way that that julia can even counter it which is why she ultimately throws a glass of water on her i think

So Julia's like, it was Cruz. We stay in beautiful suite. She gets all Martina's messages and all the lunches and I'm sorry, all Martina's massages, not messages and all the lunches and all the dinner. And she got complimentary DVD set of some TV show called Wind. I don't understand. But except this one dinner where Martina was about to go and because she didn't go, the person removed her from guest list and Gertie threw such a fit at me.

Like, yeah, invite your friend to go on to a cruise and then you go to a dinner and you leave your friend behind and your friend just has to go to some other restaurant. That's absolutely obnoxious. And you should know better. You say, if my friend isn't on the list, then I'm not going to this dinner and not like, see you later. Have fun. I like the shrimp next to Bob from Iowa.

Yeah. And she's like, well, it's weird. I'm on a cruise for you. But then you switch it up on me and you tell me to go to a restaurant over there, which, by the way, they didn't even have my reservation. And then, like, I'm a sea feller. So I feel less than. And now she has the nerve to say I betrayed her. Come on. Julia's, like, trying to ruin my life, like, to talk shit about me. And, like, they don't want me to be. They don't. She doesn't want them to be on my side. And that is bizarre. It is bizarre. And Kiki's like, OK, but you need to tone it down.

you know, because I'm your friend and you got to listen to me. Like maybe tone it down because they don't like you being extra. Okay. Kiki, out of all the people on this cast, you're going to sit down and tell her she's being, you carry hamburgers in your purse. Yeah.

You're famous to whip out in every scene is a dildo or a vibrator. I mean, give me a break. So she's like, you're just too extra. And she goes, there is nothing wrong with my personality. And so Kiki's like Theragunning her own head. She's like, oh my God, I'm just trying to help this lady. Maybe I could do it with the Theragun to my head.

we are going to work through the weeds and pick them out because i don't have time for hypocrisy now let's also say that do i gertie is also painting herself as this person who's like well you know there wasn't room for me at the restaurant so i went to a different restaurant and i sat there politely you know gertie also had probably some meltdowns as well like you know these are two real housewives and like gertie is not known for being chill all the time either so i'm sure there was like it's not

all gertie what gertie said was exactly how it went but i kind of feel like regardless of how people acted i think if we what we know is that there was a dinner that there was no seat for gertie and julia went to the dinner anyway i think that's just totally shitty and she should not have done that to her friend even if her friend was having a meltdown outside you should support your friend in that moment not not but then she just dumped your friend

is crazy too like to just dump her after and then try and have her excluded from everything is really shitty you know commercials here comes one right now we acting bad bad bad bad we ain't trying to hurt nobody for decades he was untouchable i'm going from harlem to hollywood

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So then we go to Canada where Lisa has, you know, a sad scene about her dad and stuff. And, you know, we see Jody had photos of the dad. And she's saying, like, even though she was late to making up with her dad, she's glad that she did. You know, and you should always make up with your dad. So then we go to the Museum of Ice Cream and Kiki's there with her daughter, Summer, and her mother, Lisa.

who's so cute and is her mother's name Gurleen? I love that. - I think so. G-U-I-R-L-E-N-E, Gurleen maybe. I'm not sure how you actually pronounce that,

But, yeah, her mom has this nice sort of like outfit on and everything. And the daughter, Summer, is just like running through. And all that Summer wants in life, much like me, to be honest, is chocolate ice cream. And they keep on offering her ice cream around every corner of this museum. And she's like, chocolate. Do you want a banana? No, chocolate. Okay. Would you like to try this beautiful sorbet? No, chocolate. Chocolate.

No chocolate. Hello little girl, we've got something special for you just on time for this. No chocolate!

And every room's like a different theme. It's this crazy place. And she just keeps going into every room. They offer something different and it's never chocolate. She's just like, can I get some fucking chocolate? Yeah. How did they, how did they not have chocolate during any of this experience? I got a bread to get some chocolate in this place. So we've got mango, banana, kiwi, sorbet, no chocolate. So then we talk about Kiki and her mom end up sitting down and talking about the

- Pinky's father, right?

So the mom's like, you know, are you going to talk to your dad? She's like, I don't know. Like, I mean, look, I understand you did everything to make sure that I have an OK relationship with my dad and he's coming from Haiti. So I'm making a plan to see if I can pick him up from the airport or something. She's like, no, you need to be a father. And no matter what he might have done, he's always going to be a father. And she's like, he kicked me out, mom, when I was 15. And Trudy's like your father, by the way. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And she's like, and also he, she, he treated you like crap too, mom. And she's like, yeah, that's true. But whatever. Still your father, still your father. And basically the mom is like, I don't care really what he did and what he didn't do.

But he's still your father. I don't care. So she's just like, you have to have that. You must, must, must have that bond no matter how much particular is. Yeah. And Kiki's like, well, after years of not speaking to him now, he's reaching out to me, which, yeah, of course, because he wants you to take care of his ass. Now you're on TV and he's getting old. And so now you want someone to take care of him and you should do exactly what he did to you and ignore him and pretend he's dead. Absolutely. That's what I say. I don't care if people are your family. They don't have the right to treat you like that.

That's ridiculous. Boundary. Correct. So, yeah, basically. But then Kiki is saying that, like, you know...

Her daughter doesn't really know her grandfather and she does think it's important for her daughter to have a grandfather. So she's considering bringing it all together. So it's basically back to back scenes about daughters and fathers and what you owe to those relationships and how, how much of a toxic relationship should you let back into your life? It's interesting because,

And now it's over. So now we go over to Marisol's wedding celebration and oh, Alexis at Sea Spice. Hello. Oh my God. Oh, okay. Lindo. What? Okay. This is beautiful. Sea Spice. This is like the biggest yacht I've ever seen. And so then we see, you know, all the decorations. It's really nice. And then there's like families that's there. Marisol's brother, Tommy, who I don't know if we ever met Tommy back in the first few seasons. I don't remember him, but it's wild because like I never would have thought they were a brother and sister.

And well, I mean, Marisol doesn't look like anybody in the family anymore, you know. So she so Marisol come away. Is Marisol there yet?

No, she's not there yet. So Lars is like, oh my God, Alexi, like, like I haven't like seen you since like the trip, like, like it was like so good. So what's going on with you and Todd? Like are things better? Are things like worse? And she's like, oh my God, like last week I had a breakdown. And by last week, I meant earlier today at Sea Spice, but also last week too. And the week before that, oh my God, did I tell you that Todd moved out in front of Frankie? She's like, you told me like.

Yeah, like, okay, all right. So like, let's remember that. Let's take over that again. Todd moved out in front of Frankie. Just wanted to get that in there one more time. So like, I'm in like emotional limbo and you know, like that, you know, I got like that 13 day notice. That's so crazy. Like, and you have to make a decision though, right? She's like, I mean, he kind of does like, you know, the ball's really more in his court. And she's like,

I'm like, isn't first season back in the reboot you sitting around waiting for Scotty to sign divorce papers? Literally you waiting for him to say whether or not this is over. Oh yeah, I guess so. I forgot that. So she's like, oh my God, like stop like letting him like control like your heart like it's like danger like us.

And so she's like, oh, my God. So people start arriving. And Julia comes with a bouquet. Everyone's wearing white. And they're just saying hi and all that good stuff. So then they start talking about Gertie. And Lars is like, is anyone coming besides like Mary so like? And they say Gertie. And Kiki's like, speaking of Gertie, she feels like Julia's brainwashing you guys. And Julia's like, oh, oh.

"Oh, is she threatened of me? Is she threatened of me? This is what she said to me? Oh, really? Oh, really?" So Gritty walks up and she's like, "Hello, I'm here to party, honey. I'm here to party." And she says hi to Julia and she's like, "Oh, look at you, Julia. You look just like a friend I used to know. How are you?" "Oh, oh, really? Okay, so do you. So do you." Julia with the epic comebacks. "Oh, so do you."

So Gertie is like, yeah, Julia's playing Betty Boop. Like, oh, oh, moi, moi, kiss, kiss, kiss. You know, I'm watching and I'm ready, Boop. I'm ready. Bring it on, Boop. I've always wanted to beat the shit out of Betty Boop. Bring it. Bring it to me.

So now Marisol, now she has this eye patch on with the money sign on it. And they're riding in a cab or in a car to this thing. And Marisol, she just thinks it's like a little family dinner. And she says, you know, people wake up with a lot of different things.

We are dudes. My clothes are on the floor. Sometimes you might wake up. There's a parrot in your room because left the window open. Maybe an iguana. Crazy shit. I woke up with a stye. That was a big wind up just to say I've got a stye. And Steve's kids are there saying, oh, it's a family dinner. Call me mommy.

It'd be hilarious. Am I your mommy now? Call me your mommy. Call me Madre. No one even tries to, by the way, no one even tries to surprise Marisol because she now arrives and she walks up the stairs. She goes, oh, it's like a lot of people here. And they're like, should we surprise her? No, she'll just let her walk in.

Mary Sol's going to get here and there's no more food. We did that on purpose. Mary Sol does not like food. She gets very offended. So she's like, oh my God, it's so hard to see with this patch. Gosh, your mommy's half blind. So this kind of half surprised her. And Kiki's like, oh my God, she has one eye. She's a pirate. Why is she a pirate? Yeah. Why is she like a pirate like?

Yeah, like, why is she a pirate? Like, a pirate like XYZ, like, why are you doing that, like? What happened to your eye muscle? What did Steve do to you last night? Is it Halloween already, like? I didn't realize it was a costume party, like. I'm like, Lars, you're wearing a flesh mask right now. You're always in costume. You look like you're in Mission Impossible right now. You're like Tom Cruise's fifth mask layer, you know? It's like Tom Cruise when he's just putting the fingers right under the chin about to take it off, so there's like a little bit of ripple under it, you know? Yes.

Oh, Alexia really nailed the guest list. I mean, I'm just so happy she forgot someone's number. Her name rhymes with an A. If you don't know who I'm talking about, blood sausages from France. Okay.

So, all right. Hey, okay. Hey, kids, let's try this again. You want to call me mommy? Anyone? Okay, waiter, do you want to call me? Someone, for crying out loud, call me mommy. I mean, I put this whole eye patch on and everything. Come on. Can I get a little bit of sympathy around here? Steve's like, we can do stepmommy, maybe. Stepmommy? Yeah. Why don't you guys call her ma? Ma, what do I have, fat old hillbilly? Come on. Jeez.

Funny story, everyone. When I woke up this morning, Steve always wakes me up and gives me kisses. But this morning he goes, I love you, wifey. And I was like, oh, he goes, you got a big fucking sty on your eyes. So get me a patch. Okay. Great story, guys. Right. Okay. My day.

So she's talking to Tommy, her brother, and she's like, oh, there's this pirate patch. What? I'm channeling dad. Am I right? Because, oh, yeah, my dad had the same growling voice as a pirate. Right. Do you think that Steve looks like dad? And Tommy's like, well, he's not nearly as mean as dad. That's for sure. It's like, wow, we're having like a sensitive. Our dads are dead. Let's like be sensitive to the story, sir. It's like, fuck that. Am I right?

Marisol's like, "Okay, awkward. Do I have another eye patch to pump the other one so I can get out of here?" He's like, "Rest in piss, Dad." So the good thing is that Marisol, not only is she getting married today, but she's learning a little bit of empathy because as she walks to the table to sit with the girls, she's like, "Well, I have a new respect for people who lost an eye. I mean, this is very constricting." This is like when Tyra Banks put on the fat suit. Like, "Wow, you never know until you walk in someone else's shoes."

So Kiki asked about Milan and Larsa's like, yeah, but like, we were like having a conversation about my ex. And I was like, I don't want blogs to say like, my friend is like hanging out like with my ex, like when he's like publicly like bashing, like me, like, like that doesn't like make me like feel good. Like, you know what I mean? Like,

Like, and then, like, I want this, like, person out of my life. Like, and, like, Lisa's my friend. So, like, you guys break up and, like, I'll never speak to you again. No offense, okay? But, like, my loyalty is to Lisa. So, like, that really bothered him. And then we got along. But then, like, in the end, he, like, got really mad at us. And he got, like, super furious. And, like, oh, my God, he got so mad and, like, so crazy. And Julia goes, how big were his eyeballs?

I'm going to show you a photo of his eyeballs. Like, I just wish that like judge fabulous. We're still here. So I could enter this into evidence. Like, so she pulls out the phone and she shows everyone this photo and they're like, Oh, and we see a closeup of the photo. I agree with the second count, but I have to say, and you know, I love finding Cokie eyes and we know he's probably a big Coke head because of his AC episode last episode or whatever. But, um,

He does just kind of look like that anyway. He's kind of a crazy eyed person. I mean, we see a shot of we do see him, I think, again in the episode or I don't know. But I remember looking at his eyes and.

And his eyes are not normally as open as that. And at least in the next shot that I saw of him, or maybe I went back, but his eyelids were sort of like more normally like at like Dave from Garfield level. But, um, so his eyes were definitely very big, but I didn't think it was necessarily like a damning photo. I was like, it,

could just be like a flash went off like yeah but if it's to the point where all of your friends are like oh my god what were his eyeballs like then that means like that's bad when he's got that reputation that in a in a town that's built on coke everybody it's like oh my god what resembles true thanks like kiki kiki's like i mean i've seen jody's eyes looking crazy before but this was a special crazy so i guess like

There is something to be like, if you're landing on Kiki's crazy eye radar, that's not nothing. But I kind of agree with Alexia, who's like, girl, those are Jody's eyes. That's how they look. He looks completely normal to me. And that could have been a flash issue. I mean, sometimes the flashes and you're coming, it blinds your eyes and you're like, especially if you like all the photographers are following you because you're the real celebrity there. But then somehow you don't have a seat at the dinner. Yeah.

So then, um, Lars is just trying, Lars is just mad and trying to be petty ultimately. And she's basically saying like, listen, he's like controlling, that guy's like controlling of Lisa. And she's like, I love him though. And I was like, no, cause he's, he's like controlling. Like I'm concerned about her. Cause like, I think he wants her money. Like, uh, everyone's like, uh,

What money is that again? He's like, my dad's money? Did her dad have money? And she goes, but like access, you know? Because like, she'll never even get on a like call these days, like a business call without him on the phone. And then we see a flashback where Jodi's like, in the limo, Jodi's like, um...

you know you didn't sign that deal properly you need to send those deals to me because you're like missing stuff and said okay you're right but maybe he's just helping her because she's Lisa you know what I mean she is not I'm sorry people seem to forget your their own storylines on the shows Lisa got with Jody because Jody is the one with money didn't last year they were they were saying that she was only with him for his money and this year they're like she's using her for her money

He doesn't really have money. So like she, she's, that's why Jody is there because he's wealthy. And I think that Jody being like, Hey, so remember how you sent in that contract, but there were errors all over it. Yeah. Next time send it to me. Remember I said, don't send it because there might be errors. I don't think that he's like trying to control her. I think he was trying to make her not look like an idiot in business. Yeah.

That's what it seemed like. But, you know, I don't know. We haven't really seen enough of Jody for me to have any idea. So he's like, so he's a gold digger. And Garty's like, oh, my God, how did you and Lisa end it? What happened? Did you fly on the same flight? Did you say goodbye? Like, how did it happen? Did Captain Sandy say bye to you or did Julia tell her not to? Like, tell me that.

I laughed like, oh, did you invite her tonight? Oh, well, you know, Lisa's father passed away. So Lisa's in Canada. I called them up. I said, oh, my God, I hope I'm not in the middle of the funeral. And it turns out I was. So I said, let me give a speech on FaceTime. And I said, listen, Lisa's father was such a good person. Unlike Todd, who laughed in front of Frankie. Very sad.

I don't like that Lisa, that Larsa picked this time to talk about Lisa and Jody while Lisa is grieving her father's death. I don't think that did Larsa know this? I'm not sure. So, you know, I'm not going to defend Larsa. I'm sure she absolutely knew she knew about this. So Marisol was like, well, you know, so they were like, well, was she even close with her dad? It was like, was she close? And Gertie's like, oh, they just made up. They just made up. You know, it was nice. It was very nice. So now we move to the congratulations, uh,

Julia just starts screaming, "Mary, so congratulations on your wedding!" Oh my God, look at me, I'm cheering the loudest. Oh, look at me, still cheering. Wow, look, this is how you do it to a friend. Thank you, thank you for showing up for my Zoom call. Yes, congratulations. - Yeah, she's being like loud and performative, probably drunk too. Like we've seen in seasons past that Julia's actually a really bad drunk.

And so Gertie is like, what the hell? You know? And she's like, am I crazy? Because they call me too much. And yet Julia is the one being most extra of all of us. So Julia's getting another drink.

and gertie starts to tell the women uh about their rift and about how there's like you know she's like wow julia has a problem with me or whatever and julia is just like drunk and she's like around the guys and she's like i'm in middle of you i'm middle of marisol and steve just kiss oh my god i like watching you kiss i'm like hyena who wants to be voyeur oh so exciting watch kiss

So she comes back to the table and Kiki's like, Julia, I think you two should really talk. And she's and Gertie's like, sure. And she goes, I don't know about that. Well, you want to do it with the group or you you do this producing. Don't do this producing. OK.

What? Wow. What is this? What are you doing? What are you doing? And Gertie is being totally chill. And Julia has her finger all up in Gertie's face. Like, like, like, and this continues like the whole scene. Julia's fingers are in Gertie's face. Like I am, I applaud Gertie for not slapping those things away because it's,

I'm sure it took a lot of willpower not to. So Julia's like, you're not clevering anything and you're not producing anything. Okay, well, how many of those drinks have you had? I am not. I

I don't think the answer to how many of those drinks have you had is I am not. She's screaming at her and yelling and Gertie's like, OK, we're not talking then. OK, because you're screaming. You're like a hyena. I am screaming. I am a hyena. I am. I am a hyena. She goes, OK, this is not the farm. This is not the farm. OK, I am a hyena.

I have farm by the way. I have farm. Come on farm of hyenas come at me. Oh, you've been talking shit behind my back all summer all summer. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're an animal. This is not an animal farm. You're disgusting. You are disgusting. What the hell? My mother would be mortified. We see a mama Elsa clip going. Tell them act like ladies. Ladies.

Look, I'm so sorry Steve. I'm so sorry that this is happening. Oh! What? You're in my suite at my jacuzzi talking badly about Alexei and talking badly about the group? Oh, animal. Animal. What's happening? What's happening? There's an animal over there.

I am hyena and I am proud to be hyena. Oh, you are. Go sit down. That's what hyenas do. They sit. Go sit. Hyenas call you out. I call you out. I am a calling out hyena. And she gets right in her face and Gertie's like, what are you going to do? Touch me? Just never, never in my life. So she's like, go sit down and be a human.

And so everyone else is like watching all the other guests are like, oh my God, this is crazy what's happening. And they're all just staring, just blatantly staring. Like this is full on like gladiator stuff. Find your words, find your words. Do not spit on me. Don't spit on me. You're so loud as all over my mouth. Disgusting, disgusting hyena animal. Non-sitting hyena. Disgusting.

All right, guys, can you sit down? Stop. This is great, isn't it, guys? I love this. All right, everybody sit down. Just kidding. Don't do it. Call each other names. I'm loving this. Oh, really? She's been all summer talking to everybody else. It's just ridiculous. Oh, why do I want to talk to you? You are so self-centered. I took you on a boat. A boat. Because you wanted to go on boat. You begged to go on boat. People want to go on boat. I take you on boat and you not like it.

Well, I just left the fucking boat. You're the one who freaking called me, okay? And so then she's up again. She's like, sit your ass down, girl. Just freaking sit your ass down right now.

This is not an opera show. Okay. We were all invited actually in one cruise. You know, there were three itineraries. I chose itinerary one. So she couldn't make it. And it was myself, Russell. We were on this cruise. We had the most amazing time on the cruise. And we know what this is. This is Virgin telling all the ladies, you can come on these cruises.

and you you get like a weak fear influence or cruise or whatever i'm sure that's what i'm guessing it is because they've got like a big thing with virgin this year so gertie already went on her cruise with russell and martina and this chick chose another cruise so she's coming back from her cruise and martina couldn't go on the next cruise and gertie's like i don't want to go on another cruise but if you need me to i will who wants to go on a cruise twice in a row nobody that's a cruise

they're fun but they're also like a pain in the ass you know well it's also like if you're coming home from vacation then you find out as you're unpacking that day that you have to go back out on vacation like we all love vacation but there's also a mental moment where you say okay time to get back to real life i can finally like take care of my things again so gertie's like well i'm literally unpacking i'm with russell saying what's wrong what's wrong she's literally hysterical

friend that i am i said julia what's wrong with martina and she does not want to go with me now so she says i will tell you on the ship manipulator and i say okay i'm gonna go on the ship i will go so i literally repack i literally repack everyone not figuratively i literally put things back in so i'm gonna be quiet be quiet be quiet be quiet don't you tell me you're psychopath

And then she throws her drink at her. What the hell? Julia. It was wild. She throws a drink at her, which also gets Kiki, too. And Alexia ducks and everything. Liar! Martina had a cancer situation! And Gertie... I mean, this is...

This is this is crazy. And never mind the fact that there's all sorts of microaggressions like just floating all over the place from Julia around this whole situation. But Gertie is now like she's completely wet, which is mortifying. And everyone's like, Steve is like, they're going to kick us out. So Julie's like, you're a liar. You're a liar. Martina had.

I told you this on phone. You are liar. You're doing everything for your social media. And she's standing over her. So Martina had a biopsy. So you went on a cruise, A. Yes. And B, you're throwing woman, cancer on the woman. You're throwing water on the woman with cancer. Like still going through the aftermath of cancer. You can't use cancer against a cancer person. Stupid. Exactly. And that was Gertie's strongest point, which is like, yeah,

if Martinez going has a health scare, you are the one who should have been back there and you're blaming me for it. So Gertie is, Gertie is saying, you know, like, you know, what do you mean social media? Cause I guess she, she, Julia is saying that Gertie does everything for social media. Cause because you never, you used me, you used me for social media. You were brought onto the boat for social media. No one's using you for social media. Gertie's more famous than you. She doesn't need to use you for social media. You fucking weirdo.

Yeah, she's like, you used me for social media. You completely used me. You were using her. You said, come on to this boat. I need you to come on here. And it's as evidenced by the fact that then when you didn't need her, you just didn't even fight for her to come into your dinner that you had on the boat.

Yeah, so Julia's like, all she wanted is to promote herself. She didn't. She wanted to be invited to be very special event because Captain Sandy was there. Well, yeah. So you have her go on a Captain Sandy cruise and then have her seat filled for the Captain Sandy day.

That's annoying. It's like clearly a Bravo-Liberty thing. Like, yeah, it is shitty. It's like you're trying to take her out of this thing. Like, you're all on Bravo. Why the fuck wouldn't she be there? That's weird that she has to sit there and wait in some other restaurant while you're, like, getting on Captain Sandy's nuts the whole day. It's weird.

So Julia's like, never once that she has how Martina is feeling. To me, it was clear Gertie was here for Gertie. So Gertie, meanwhile, is like, well, I'm going to continue the story because she's like, I don't care that I'm wet. I'm going to state my case. And she goes, low class, lowest class, no class. Now let's get back to the problem at hand. Martina has an issue. She gets on the boat and she leaves Martina. And that's the fucking issue. And you're trying to spin it all around. Don't get

involved with my family. You made me involved when you invited me on the ship to be with you because of Martina, just the same way you got a facelift while Martina was in New York getting chemo. Oh my God. It's like, do not deflect. Do not deflect. And I'm like, wow, her face looks great.

I know. I'm not. Look at yourself and realize what you're doing, even though it looks very less wrinkly. And she's like, yeah, well, you stupid. And she's like, all you got to say is, Gertie, I have a problem. But you waited almost a year. Just no, I did not want to have anything to do with you. So I didn't wait.

So, yeah, I didn't wait to talk to you about it. I just dumped you is what she's saying. God, Julia is really out of pocket here. What the fuck happened? He really is like, wow, like really, really out of pocket. So Kiki is basically like, yeah, I'm going to leave. She's like, if I get water thrown on my face, I will say my point and leave. I wouldn't sit there and be like, bring it on. So she's like, by the way, everyone, I came in dry and I leave all wet.

Yeah, but at the same time, Kiki, why are you spending this episode lecturing Gertie on being too extra and this and that? And meanwhile, you've got this other lady throwing drinks all over people and screaming about nothing and no one says anything to her. But Gertie's the problem. What the fuck's going on on this show? They're not. Yeah, it's also hilarious. But yeah, they are nuts.

So then Lars is like, guys, we're not going to fix this problem tonight. Like, but I just want to say something. We're here for Marisol. Like, so let's talk about Lisa and how terrible she is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Thanks a lot.

And Gertie's like, I feel like a pawn for a sorority. Hey, so kudos. Kudos, Julia. You just made the mean girl sorority. And then a wedding cake comes out. And Marisol's like, Steve, Boom Bear, everybody has been such a magical evening. Even my children. Am I right? Call me mommy. Call me mom. Okay. And called me back. I just want this to be over. Take off mic. I'm going to cry hyena tears. And

And Larson's like, I just wanted her to stop. You're the one screaming at her. What is wrong with you and throwing drinks? Get her out of here. Jeez. How can a friend say those things to me? I feel embarrassed to be in front of the barstool for allowing Gerity to get the best of me. I just wanted her to stop. You started it. Gerity was like, do you? Gerity was trying to start a normal civilized conversation with you and you acted like a total monster.

Yeah, Julia. Wow, what an idiot. I've never seen somebody turn that fast. Well, I mean, we've seen it multiple times. What am I saying? I know. That was a really quick fall from grace for Julia. Wow. Are we going to be on Adriana's side about the fallout in their relationship? Yeah, I'm already on Adriana's side because she just dumped Adriana, too. For what? Yeah, that's how she is. She gets on a show and then she dumps everybody to hang out with the cool girls or who she considers to be the cool girls.

Stupid move, Julia. Those girls are going to dump you and they're going to turn on you the second they can. So have fun with that, stupid. Wow. Wild, wild, wild, wild. Well, that was it, everyone. The wedding happened and chaos ensued. Thanks, everyone, for being here. We always appreciate you and we will catch you on the next episode.

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