Ep 224: Triumph & Robert Smigel
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Hey! Look at that! What are the odds? They got a cool bar in the lobby. I heard it's sick. They don't play music, though. Did I just say sick twice? Yeah. Who the fuck do I think I am? I heard it's dope, bro. Fucking dweeb. Ugh. Sorry. All right. I'm hanging out with Bieber. I don't know any cool kids. No, my asshole's fine. You're the one saying it. Who's a young kid? Who's cool now? Who's cool? Who's the cool kid reference? Chalamet?

I don't know if he's even that young. He's even 30. I'm talking like 19-year-old cool dude. We're too old to even know who's cool. Wow. Yeah, I don't know. Let me call Kevin Spacey. Who's the cool kid? Oh, no, Macaulay Culkin? That kid's cool. So then flew to Chicago, did three at the Den, drank all the Den. The Den is amazing, by the way. Den is sick. Unbelievable. Den is sick, dude. One of the great...

Hella cool. Hella cool. No, I taped a special there for a reason. It's great. Yeah, I walked in. I was like, this is a perfect room. You're repping it. That's right. They give me free shit. You give me anything free, I'll wear it. I got a turquoise blue one I wear all the time still. Great fit. Great fluff. Yeah. Then went to bed, drank all night. Santino texts me, let's get a drink in Chicago. It's St. Paddy's Day.

I got a fucking ginger. He's the mayor of Chicago. He's the mayor, and he's a luck of the Irish Mick patio. So we hit the town, and then we did Adam Ray's thing, and then we drank there, and then we went to an after party and drank there. He always is an after party. Always. It was a hell of a night. Any big names show up for Ray? Chevy Chase showed up. That's a big one. And then it was just me and Santino, so not really. That's pretty good. But I don't know if I can say much, because I don't know when it comes out, but Jeremiah did Baron Trump. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And it was huge. He came out on a bird scooter. I mean, it was gold. Slick back hair. And I did theirs. He came out in a skateboard as you. But, yeah, he asked me to do one in Dallas, but it was after like a 10-day road stretch, and I was like, dude, I'm cooked. Yeah. These long bus runs, by the end, you're just, there's just nothing left. You guys, we have a special guest in the studio. Oh, really? Is there a camera on our special guest? Yes, sir. Hello, can you hear me? Hey!

Look at this. It's Triumph, the insult comic dog. Yes, isn't that exciting, everyone? Hey, what accent is that? Who cares? Seriously. Sounds almost like Eastern Bloc. I've been doing this shit for 30 years. All right. No, I'm here. I'm here to, you know, because the Jew up my ass isn't quite enough for you guys. Ha ha ha.

Don't let the heel on. He's here to plug a charity event and as if that should be enough. But no, no. We need the dog. We need the 30-year-old act from Cohen. We love the act. What? We love the dog. What was the benefit? We love you. We love you. So this is, I'm like the bartender. We're trying to make, you know, the network called in and they said they want the show to be more like Andy Cohen's. You know? Yeah.

So I'm like the bartender. So the show is just like a Bravo show, only gayer now. Well, I'll do some hair of the dog. Hair of the dog. What did it be? How about Bodega Cat? Yeah. I love it. See, I got the plug in and everything. Yes. Nice to see a dog and a cat getting along. Always. But I'll tell you what, though.

I love cats, but never let a cat give you a handjob. Oh, really? Trust me. Trust me. Not a good idea. Not a good idea. Mark, you know, but you guys are great. You guys are great. Now I'm getting to the prepared jokes, but you guys are great. Oh, you prepared something. Two great comedians who definitely know which strip club has the best brunch. Is that the joke? No.

It's technically a joke. Okay. I like it. Here we go. Now, Sam, I don't know. I'm a little worried about Sam. Are you angry at me or is that just your eyebrows, how they always look? You've already gone through two cigars. What are you, Bill Clinton? Please don't start any fires with your mind until I've left.

I love Sam. No, seriously, Sam. Where's the fucking other eyebrow? I got two more eyebrow jokes. Bring it on. Holy shit. Where are they? You're like Kanye. I know. I'm exactly like Kanye. Except. Oh, shit. Here's the. Oh, yes.

Yeah. We finished about the eyebrows. Then a smooth transition as Sam. So seriously, Sam, is it true that when you die, your eyebrows will float away and find the next worthy host? Yeah.

That was worth the wait. Wasn't that worth the wait, ladies and gentlemen? Slow bro. I love this show. You guys are like if Joe Rogan traded all his money, fame, and following for a Jew fro. I'm just glad I could be here to make the episode somehow even more Jewish.

Please. Yes. So a little ad now for your sponsor, the wailing Walmart. Oh, my God. Who wrote that one? Jesus Christ. Is there a greeter? Is there a greeter? I thought Sarah Sherman was going to be on. I had six. She bailed on us. Hit her with a joke anyway. Yeah, Sherman. No, no. Sarah's like, I love her because she's like an innovator. You know, she's the first sketch comedian who wears her costume offstage. Ah.

- That's good. - Usually, she's a sketch comedian who looks like she's not in a sketch when she's in a sketch. - Right. - When she's not in a sketch,

She, okay, you get the idea. You guys good? Is it weird? Let me ask you, is it weird interviewing a ridiculous puppet who isn't like the mayor? You see? Little political joke there. I like it. I got a few left over from my appearance on Rosanna Scotto. Would you like to hear? Oh, yeah, let's do it. Who's that? Oh, Rosanna.

I was on Good Day New York last week. These are great. Oh, Zanna. I just which one of you wants to play Rosanna? I'll be Rose. Okay, Rosanna. What the fuck is with your eyebrows? No, that's a pre written one. Just a coincidence.

Seriously, Roseanne, it's so great to be on a new show on Fox that isn't just demanding that we pardon John Wilkes Booth. Roseanne, Roseanne, you're so much better. I love you, Roseanne. You're way better than live with Kelly and Mark, your show. Do you know how bad the show has to be for Ryan Seacrest to walk away from it? Good point. Killed on Fox.

But seriously, let me plug Night of Too Many Stars because that's what the Jew is here for. It's going to be filled with amazing celebrities.

Absolutely amazing. Who's going to be there? Oh, my God. Well, it's going to be like the Oscars, but nobody has to pretend that they watched Amelia Perez. I've got Jon Stewart, Amy Schumer, Adam Sandler, Suzy Essman, Alex Edelman, Sam Morin. Hey! Wow, this is really falling off. Sarah Sherman. Sarah Sherman. And then for the sake of diversity, Jim Gaffigan.

A lot of Jews. A lot of Jews. It's a little awkward, you know, because I have a lot of Jews. We're talking about this show and, you know, Sam is going to be on it. Mark, I would have loved to have you on it. Please. I would have done anything to have you on it, but you're not good.

I kid, I kid. He's great. No, no. Seriously, Mark, if it was in my hands, you know, it's out of my hands. I can't make you funny. If I could, in a second, I'd have you on the show. Thank you. Well, luckily you have a great comic like Drew Barrymore on. Ouch.

No, she's great. We're on Hollywood Squares together. We're on Hollywood Squares together. I love working with Drew and I love to see her on Hollywood Squares because it means she's not shooting Fever Pitch 2. All right. You've been a great crowd. Yeah. Killed it. That was awesome. All heads up.

Jesus Christ. WNBA over here, man. That was killer. Hey, well done. You still got it. It's Michael. Oh my God. So not too many stars. Everybody. That's going to be awesome at the beacon. I'm pumped. One of the best rooms in the city. I have a great memory from when I did it last time. And I, I, Oh, I think I closed on a dead baby joke, which is probably not the best choice. That was hilarious. Uh, but I got off and I remember seeing a look of horror on, uh, Steve Buscemi's face. Uh,

And then I looked over and saw a look of horror on Harvey Keitel's face. You managed to horrify Harvey. Yeah. Bad Lieutenant. Yeah. And then I turned to my left and I just saw Paul Rudd and he was like,

hell yeah i was like ah saved by rod for the record that might have just been buscemi's face i might have yeah his default face yeah it appears to be no it's a huge event and it's for a great cause uh so that's really cool i don't know is it autism really yeah no it's it's for uh autism school oh thank you for the money autism school services programs and it's uh

My wife and I started it like 25 years ago when everybody was just focusing on curing autism and we couldn't get our kid into any kind of school that was helping him because there was such a shortage of schools. And then we realized, like, Jesus, people who don't have dog puppets have it even harder. So I knew everybody in comedy and I figured, Jesus, I'd be an asshole if I didn't do this. Here, here. And then John...

So we did one at Roseland and I didn't know John very well. I had like Adam and Conan were my friends who were like kind of anchoring it. And I had a lot of SNL people on it, but John was on it too. And John asked me a million questions. He just walked over to me at one point, just wanted to know. He was so curious what,

what it was like, what it was like for parents. And at one point I was telling him, yeah, we're thinking of maybe trying to start a school with other parents, try to raise money. He said, I'll just, just let me know. I'll host an event for you. And he did. And we were able to start a school. It ended up not being a great place for my son, but it helped a lot of people. And then John just went to comedy central where he was doing the daily show and

said i want to have this on comedy central well all right we then it became a regular thing hell yeah comedy central went to shit yeah and so now we just do it at the beacon live hell yeah even better even better because people get to do stand-up and not have to worry about burning their act yeah it'll be fun man it was fun last time and uh yeah it's awesome you do it

What are we looking at? Is it a telethon? Can you call in like Jerry Lewis? No, the TV ones, we did have a phone-in thing and we would give away weird prizes like a Tina Fey calendar where she posed in a... I can't even remember. We superimposed her body over bizarre things and then like a bikini calendar. And then one year we actually did this for people who donated over the phone $100 or more. We gave them...

a DVD of the first episode of Game of Thrones with color commentary by J.B. Smoove and Tracy Clark. Oh, that's amazing. That is amazing. Yeah. Great idea. Ever since then, I've been wanting them to just do that as a TV show. Yeah. Just their own version of Mystery Science Theater. Do you have to pay them to watch it? Because they got to do that, right? You actually have to do it. The creators of Game of Thrones donated the rights to...

Like, is that what you mean? No, I mean, like, do you have to pay Tracy Morgan? Like, hey, can you sit here and watch this for an hour? Oh, no. He's like my old SNL buddy. He did it for free? Of course he did. I was about to imitate him, but he threw up at the nickname. I hope he's doing great. He had food poisoning. He's fine. Is that right? Yeah. Just food poisoning?

That's what they said on the news. Oh, good. Oh, okay. He'll be fine. I don't know. I heard he had a kidney transplant. No, he was eating pussy. He's going to do 10 minutes on it now. Of course. He's going to sell out from that. Yeah, he's at Conan's Mark Twain Award Sunday night. Is he? Yes, he is. Oh, beautiful. Is he receiving or just doing it? He's going to be stealing it from Conan. Oh, Conan's doing it. Hell yeah. Conan's getting the award, yeah. It's about time.

Yeah, he crushed the Oscars. Killed it! No, it's really good timing. Because if anybody had any doubt of how great he was... Did you write on that? I had one idea that I called in. Hell yeah! Who was it? It was the section where... Lithgow? No. The dune worm? No. Ah, that felt like a you. It felt like a me! It could have been, but no...

So I had heard that they were struggling with how to handle the L.A. fires, you know, and there was a lot of talk going back to January. We got to address it. So I suggested you have firemen come on and then they tell incredibly rude Golden Globes style jokes. Yeah, that was great. That are too offensive for Conan to tell. And that they're protected because they're heroes. Ha ha ha ha.

But I didn't write the jokes, but yeah, that was the idea. It's a good idea. Isn't it crazy? LA fires, billions of dollars of damage, people lost their homes. We've already moved on. We're like on to the next thing. No one cares anymore. Yeah, we don't live there. Well, I mean, I'm just saying the country feels like it's like, oh, we've already had three fires since then. The country's attention span is just laughable in general. Yeah. If they had any attention span, global warming would be a huge...

thing on everybody's mind. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, think about like a couple of summers ago, remember when New York just fucking had the orange sky? Oh, yeah. I was out of town for all those days. Whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm out here, I feel like a traitor. Those Canadian wildfires spread so far that the sky was orange and people were wearing masks again. That's why we brought the tariffs because they fucking... I thought, oh, finally...

yeah finally people are going to give a shit about this because now it's affecting the east coast sure no well you know who hasn't piped up is thunberg she hasn't said a peep about the fires she's moved on what that was her whole thing was the environment she would take a tugboat you go with the money environment is so 2020 no i don't know i don't know what to say it's like i thought that would do it uh and then they thought maybe the la wildfires would yes but they're so brilliant at

changing the subject they made it all about the depleted fire department and the depra and one of them was a lesbian god damn it all these dumb side issues that you know just distract you from what's really going on in the world this unavoidable fire happens and then everyone's like the fire chief's a lesbian yeah this is crazy no wonder

She doesn't know how to handle a hose. Global warming. Here's the statistic. She's a lesbian. Now, there could have been things I'm sure done better. But yeah, it is hilarious that that's what like you find shit to get outraged about. Right. Yeah. But your point, you're right. There are definitely things could have been done better. But what always drives me crazy is that.

They always turned it into an either or. It can't be both. God forbid it's like both mental health and gun control. It's always like, it's not the guns, it's our mental health. We got to get to the source. By the way, how many people do you think are mentally ill? How many people do you think in this country are mentally ill? Healthy? It's got to be 78%. 78% healthy or unhealthy? Unhealthy. Yeah.

I mean, if we're really getting down to it. But abusing a gun unhealthy, that's probably a 75%. Yeah, that's a spectrum. But you're right, it's nuance. Nuance is the new N-word. No one wants to, it's all good or bad, black or white. And I love saying it. Exactly. You said you had a great Pacino story before we were on air. Oh, I got a million stories. Yeah.

You've written on everything. SNL, blah-de-blah. I'm very old. Very, very old and accomplished. What happened with Pacino? Well, Pacino I got to do, if you Google Dunkachino. That was you? Yeah. Dunkachino. People don't even know it's from Jack and Jill. Yeah, yeah. It's from a movie. There are a lot of people who think that Al Pacino literally did a commercial for Dunkachino.

- The whole movie-- - You've never seen this? - No, I've stayed away from Jack and Jill. No offense. - I know, I understand.

It did great in the box office. It's not Al anymore. It's Dunk. Dunkachino? Don't mind if I do. What's my name? Dunkachino. It's a whole new game. Dunkachino. Holy shit. You want creamy goodness? I'm your friend. Say hello to my chocolate blend. Attica, who I lucky like. This whole trial is out of sight. They pull me back in with hazelnut tube, caramel swirl. I know it was you.

Oh, wow. Look at him dance.

Yeah. Boom. There you have it. It's actually 32 seconds. So I lose two seconds. Maybe you, how did you pitch this to Al Pacino? Well, there's a whole movie about this. That's the thing. It's not a real commercial. It's a whole movie about Adam Sandler's in the ad. He's, he runs an ad agency and,

I think to save his job, he needs to make a big splash. So he he had at the same time he has a sister also played by Adam Sandler. Don't give it away. Who wants to. Well, 2009, I think pretty much everyone's seen this movie. Spoiler alert. No. So he brings his pain in the ass sister to a Laker game.

And Al Pacino, because he hears that Al Pacino is going to be there. And then Al Pacino is way more interested in his sister. And and then there's comedy. But eventually he does the Dunkachino commercial. And then it was just put online. And and everybody, a lot of people thought it was just a real commercial.

And, but yes, my job on that movie, I didn't write the movie, but I, I came in to do a rewrite that was mostly just about Al Pacino's part. And then I, he asked me to work on the set and,

whenever Al Pacino was on set. Oh, hell yeah. So I got to be, I don't want to use the term babysitter because he's not a baby. He's a brilliant... Handler. I don't know what I was. I was Al Pacino's... He's not a baby, but he's still having babies, which is weird. That's true. Yeah, that's true. But I would get calls in the middle of the night, Robert, it's Al. I had a thought about the movie. What if my guy dreams of...

being don quixote what if al is the part that he's never gotten to play is don quixote we'll talk about it tomorrow i love that he's approaching it like it's dog day or something right yeah right right no but he uh well he was he's like going for the comedy of it like that al pacino has this dream of playing don quixote has he ever done a comedy we actually put that in the movie it was actually oh it turned out to be a funny idea and he was like

The most fun actor I've ever worked with. Whoa. You would think that this would be like total slumming for him. Yeah. I'm just doing it for the money, whatever this shit is. But no, he made Adam and me and another actor, I can't remember who, he would make Adam do script sessions with him where we're going to read the part and then we're going to improvise and we're going to learn about the characters.

And we would go to his house and they would go through the lines and then he would like riff. And then he would lecture us afterward. You see what happened there? You see what happened? We had, I'm sorry for the, you know, let's get Bill Hader in here. The rest of this, we couldn't get him. No, but he, it was hysterical how, how into it he was and how much fun he was and enthusiastic he was about doing this movie. And then at one point we had dinner with him and he said,

It doesn't matter what the movie is. You always approach a movie as if you have a chance to win an Oscar. I don't know about Jack and Jill. But yeah, that's that. But Duncacino, that was unreal. I can't believe you did that. What a cool dude. I know it's the guy. It was like a dream to like just jam every catchphrase. Yes. That's worth the ticket price right there at the movie theater. It's definitely like a really big thing on YouTube. That's for sure. Wow.

That's why you want to be a writer. So just, you can make shit like this. He's one of the most fun people I've ever gotten to work with. Who else was like on that level of fun who surprised you? Well, that surprised me. I mean, Larry David getting to be on curb was one of the most exciting things I've ever done. My dream. It didn't surprise me. It was just like better than I ever dreamed it would be. Yep. Cause they've let you improvise and, uh,

it was an insane part they gave me where i played this oh yeah i played a mechanic who oh there he is that was on the baseball team in central park yes it was like i i was a mechanic who ran who sponsored the softball team and i took it way too seriously and like literally i get to the set and the director larry charles is like can you give a pre-game speech before the scene starts

as amy schumer yes before she was amy schumer right and um yeah i got to i had like 15 minutes to like think in my head what i'm gonna say and then i i got to do it and um and then i got to do another scene with just larry where i got to yell at him hell yeah and make him laugh in the

It's just a dream. I mean, I love that show so much. Me too. And this is the early year. Those are the best years. This is actually not, I don't know what's early anymore. This is actually not, this is 2011, the season that he did in New York City. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I thought this was one of like season two or something. This is the season with Bill Buckner, I think. Yes. This is the episode with Bill Buckner. Yeah, yeah. This is the Bill Buckner episode. And the car periscope.

And the what? The car periscope. What is that? Oh, pull it up. It was one of his inventions. It's in the same... It's in the New York season. Oh, but it's not in that episode. Not in that episode. Do we have any... On YouTube, do we have the speech? Ooh. Let's pull that. Oh, you already... I didn't know you could act, too. Well, that's subjective. Thank you. Oh.

- It's like an eighth grade science experiment, this thing. That's what it looks like. - It's not what it's gonna be. - What is it gonna be? - We don't have to watch the whole thing, but what's cool about this scene is Larry goes to where he lost his virginity in New York City, and I walk by there all the time and I go, ah, there's that building that Larry David lost his virginity in. So it's fun to see. - Did the real Larry David lose his virginity in there? - Yes, yes. - Oh, that's beautiful. - Oh yeah, it was in NoHo area.

That's a place to lose it. Back in the 40s or whatever that was. It was a different time. Did I mention Susie and Jeff Garlin are going to be on the show? Oh, nice. They're going to be on together.

Nice. People are going to get to bid to interact with them. Oof. Interact with Garland. You should pay them. Yikes. Well, we're having Susie next to Jeff to make Jeff look normal. All right. All right. That helps. She's a good buffer. Yeah. One of the first people I ever opened for. We made it.

We made it to the big game. Center stage. Every one of you. All give yourselves a clap on the hand. I'm so proud of every one of you. I literally giggled in the middle of it. I didn't know what I was going to say. Before I came out today, I think about I'm like the Steinbrenner. And I think what would Steinbrenner say right now? He would say that when you put on this uniform with my name on it,

There is no substitute for winning! No substitute! Or you hit me! So we're going to go out there, we're going to play this other team! And this is all up the dome? Wow. With their pussy mustard yellow shit uniforms! We are just going to beat them. We will grab them, and we will fuck their sisters! Are you listening?!

Bring it in! Come on! Fuck these people! Fuck these people! Wow! So you really do two voices. I know. It's so funny because he had every comedian in New York audition for parts. There was just one day where Larry Jeff and Larry Charles were just looking at everybody who was a funny actor in New York, and they had me read for a completely different part.

And then Larry Charles said, oh, let him try for Yari. And I just did sort of an Israeli thing. And then I get a call from Jeff later.

Garland and he says Larry Larry loves you and he wants you to play the part but he says just do the triumph voice whatever that's awesome Wow did Larry write for us to know when you were there he came for one episode he had written for SNL I think either the year or two years before I was there like in the early 80s when Dick Ebersole was the producer and he was miserable he

He got almost nothing on. And that's where the story of the Seinfeld episode about the pretending that he didn't quit after chewing out the boss and just showing up again. And then oddly enough, I'm not going to say who did this, but there was a writer who ended up working for Larry and

who didn't chew out the boss, but he got fired and then still showed up. Whoa. Like the next week and everybody... So he pulled a Larry? He did. But Larry quit. This was before Seinfeld, I think. Who was it, Schneider? No, I can't say. All right. But he ended up being a very successful writer, but not on Saturday Night Live. But Larry...

Did do one episode. So Jerry Seinfeld hosted SNL in like 1991. Whoa. And I was there and I wrote a sketch called Stand Up and Win where Jerry is hosting... The game show. The game show with all the other comedians. Yeah. And all the questions are like rhetorical. Like, what's the deal with...

peanut with airplane food or whatever yeah and then the correct answer is i know he's a great sport about that you could do the what's the deal with all day long and he's he's never offended yeah and i hear i saw in an interview where he never said what's the deal that's right in his act

He never does. But it just feels like he would have said that. Yeah, I don't know. But he'll say like, what's up with this? Yeah, or who are these people? Yeah, but what's the deal? Because years ago, before this sketch, I wrote a sketch with Tom Hanks and Damon Wayans. Dude, this one, I've seen, pull that one up too first. This is,

For the writer's room, you're just like, what's a shitty version of a Seinfeld joke? Exactly. I mean, that's like, it's so fun to write. It was inspired more by, and probably What's the Deal, because that's where I put it in the original Tom Hanks version, was because I had noticed that there were so many Seinfeld knockoffs. Right, right. And that's really what I was parodying at the time, less than Seinfeld himself. Sure. So that's probably where What's the Deal came, because there were comedians. But Jerry found it very funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Obviously, because he played along in this one. And Sandler and Schneider, who were both working stand-ups at the time and intimately aware of hacky stand-ups. Oh, yeah. They both helped me write this. Nice. Yeah, and Sandler's character, after a while, he just gives the same answer over and over, which is, who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Yeah.

No matter what the question was. Who are the ad wizards? That was a huge trope in stand-up. Who put this together? I'd love to be in the room when they came up with whatever. Yeah, exactly. Does that really ever sink in that you have millions and millions of people, private jokes are just things that you wrote? Lines like that were private jokes of me and my friend. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, I hear people tell me every now and then. Yeah, I repeat it and it's a line I don't even remember.

to my friend for years. Yeah. Like, like there's a sketch I wrote where it's at a Greek restaurant and,

And Rob Schneider is the lead guy. They're serving gyros. Is it about juice? You like the juice, right? Oh, that was huge. That was huge? Yes. You like the juice? Absolutely. It's big on the internet. No, we said that in school. Yeah. And the bears. Well, the bears, everybody talked about that. In this climate, it's just nice to hear someone say they like the juice. You don't like the juice. Yeah.

He's just watching this like, well, comedians must be insufferable to hang out with. Oh, yeah. This is what some people must think it's like to just...

see hanging out folks if you're watching comedians aren't like this at all they're just really angry and bitter and they're a blast just in their heads yeah somebody made an account because uh they do comedians and cars getting coffee and it was like the poor waitresses and it's a cut of all them trying to be funny with the waitress you know fucking larry david and uh will ferrell and all these people and the wage is like all right i'm just trying to take your order like stop fucking with me we're gonna diner leave me alone louis black guys are fun and like i

I'm generally like, I kind of recoil when I'm around too many comedians. I get tense. Yeah. Like it feels competitive and stuff. Or angry. There are so many of them that are just so angry and I just get afraid to hang out with them. Well, the tough thing with the angry comic is they have to stay angry about everything. Yeah. So you're just on stage like, have you seen these fucking socks? And you're like, why are you so mad about the socks? Right. I mean, Louis Black is a candy corn chunk. And you're like, how can you be mad about candy corn? Ha ha ha.

Is this real? And then how do you manufacture that every bit? He's like the sweetest guy. Oh, dude. We met him on here. He was so good on this show. Oh, I bet. Yeah, man. We got to get him back because he said he drank with us the next time. He didn't drink with us last time. Yeah, we...

Dropped a hell of an acting. And he would finally stop shaking, I think, if he didn't get drunk. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got that thing. Yeah, right. He's a jiggler. He's a jiggler. Is that the term? Yeah. There's a stand-up term for every type of comedian. The nemesis of the Rizzler. Yeah. The jiggler. That's what I... Stephen Sherman's got that funny kind of... Oh, really? Well, just that...

I mean, I think she's hysterical on Saturday Night Live. Yeah, she's so funny. She has that very funny kind of body movement where she's like... Yeah, jerky. Jerky, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull up a little Sherman jerk. Oh, wait, I don't type that in. But yeah, yeah, I like that. You know who had the best jerk was Jerry Stiller. Yeah. He had kind of a halting way of speaking. Oh, yeah. Killed me. Thinking back to...

Yeah, look at that. Very intentional movements. How major. Where do you buy these clothes? If it wasn't for the amazing Jew president, he would have been like, we can't go to war with Iran because it's too expensive. She's jerky. We have to buy the assault rifles because they're too loud. Wow.

What is that? Your dick is swinging around? It's funny how no matter how alternative or wacky you go, it still just comes back to stereotypes. You know, with comedy, it's like, it's too expensive, I'm a Jew, whatever. You can go like this peak level of comedic intelligence, but it's just... That's probably the most mainstream thing she does. That's true. Yeah, probably.

Were you at that big SNL thing? Oh, yeah. That was like a whole weekend. Let's hear it. It was like a destination wedding or destination bar mitzvah. Did you write any of the stuff? No, I pitched a couple of things that didn't get up. What did you pitch? You're still getting shot down. You're a legend. I'm not. I wasn't part of the writing team, so I was just like calling Steve Higgins. Oh, you were just annoying him. What if we do? Well, there were a couple of things I thought of.

And this is what I do. I sit at home. I'm supposed to be rewriting Leo or something. And I hear like Conan hosting the Oscars. So I'm like, anything to not do what I'm supposed to do. So I thought of something for Conan and they used it. But for SNL, well, there are a couple of things. One thing was I thought it was really funny that Trump

And Elon Musk had hosted the show. Oh, yeah. And there were so many, you know, that's what they do. They bring back all the hosts, you know, like and they're in the audience. There were a lot of people wondering if Trump was going to be invited or not. I don't know if he was or not, but he obviously wasn't there. But I thought it'd be really funny for for James Austin Johnson to either sit in the audience or.

you know, during the show and kind of schmooze with Keith Richards, you know, like, or whoever. Or some other person who's hosted in the past, like, you know, Jeff Goldblum and like, what was it like for you? You know, you know, or do a thing where love the fly or do. Yeah, exactly. Or, or do a thing where they like a pre-taped interview. Cause there've been so many documentaries about SNL, like examine more than world war two. I think.

And like where they interview like two previous hosts like Ariana Grande and and I don't know, let's say

Who's a person? Anybody? Tom Hanks. Who's a human? And Tom Hanks. And they're just talking earnestly about, yeah, the first time I was so scared. I walked in there and I, you know. That would be fascinating. And I was like, you know, Lorne Michaels had begged me for years to do this show. And I was like, is everybody going to be as funny as me? I was worried, you know, for people. Were you there for that episode? I was there for the Trump first episode, not the controversial one.

oh yeah 2016 or 2015 but in 25 2005 he was the host of the apprentice and everybody loved him back then sure i watched it yeah and he hosted and i actually had a cartoon in the show that required trump to do a voiceover so we actually came into the booth and did this voiceover for me and then the cartoon got cut ah but it was a cartoon i don't know there was a little commercial within the cartoon about

the Trump Cartoon Network and he was going to make the Flintstones live in a luxurious prehistoric high-rise. I don't know, he was like redoing every cartoon so that it was luxurious. I don't remember anything else about it. You can't find it because it was cut. Like the Flintstones house, but he makes it better. The most luxurious, beautiful...

Caveman, all the other cavemen are scared and intimidated. Was he cool with it? And Popeye now has... I can't remember. Could he laugh at himself back then? Yeah. Yeah, he could laugh. I mean, he read it. He did. And he was very polite and...

You never see him laugh. No one has footage of him laughing. I've seen him laugh once. Okay. It was on The View. There was a baby in a cage. No, it was the time. This is a very famous quote. Pull it up. So he's on The View and he says... Is this when they're blowing him? Because they used to love him. No, everyone blew him back then. Colbert, everybody. No, he...

He was on The View with Ivanka. Okay. And they're just, you know, being interviewed together. I don't remember why. Probably because she was on The Apprentice with him. Ex-wife. And at one point he says...

Isn't she beautiful? You know, he's always like objectifying her right in front of her. Yeah. Can you believe these tits? My daughter. Your daughter, sorry. I mean, have you ever seen tits like this? Can you imagine how tight a pussy must be? It was never that bad. It was never that bad. But he's, oh, yeah, yeah, this is it. Oh, the old view, yeah. Yeah.

He says I'd be dating her if she wasn't my daughter. She is attractive. Oh, it's so weird. Keep going. No, keep going. Oh, no. So right after that, Joy Behar says, you know, what are you, Woody Allen? Something like that. Oh, a solid line. Yeah, and Trump.

Oh, we got to find that. I got to see this. Yeah, it's like a longer version of the same clip. Wow. Well, the fact that he laughed at that's probably a good sign. Oh, yeah, true. It's way worse to be insulted by that. Right, right. That's a very good point. Here's a clip where it says this is his real laugh from a clip from The Apprentice. Okay. Thanks, Larry.

That's a chuckle. I need a laugh. Yeah. That's a he-he. He laughs his ass off. All right, I'll find it. We got this. We can do this. Then we'll go to Norm on The View. Talk about how clean he is. Oh, that was a funny one. So good. What? Norm on The View. Oh, when he accuses Hillary of murdering. I thought it was a matter of public record. Yeah, people murder. Everybody knows the guy murdered. Hey, that's pretty damn good. Oh, yeah.

I did a thing once on, I was a guest on Seth Meyers and I wanted to do this bit where I imitated Norm, but it was, I don't know. They were afraid the audience would find it too dark. It seems to be scrubbed. I cannot find it. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Okay. It's going to cut off. That's it. Oh, it's going to cut off. Yeah. It's not going to make it. It's not.

There you go. Hey! Whoa! See, and he's... That's the hardest thing I've ever seen him laugh. And he gave her props. He's like, come on, bitch. He can be a very personable... That was his... I mean, that's why he's who he is. Damn. Nicely done. I give him credit for changing politics, because I covered... Sure. So when I was doing...

In 2016, I did a whole series of political specials as Triumph covering the primaries first. And so I went to Iowa and New Hampshire and I went to like Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush. And they're all doing these, you know, rote kind of speeches. No matter, you know, how many times I would see them, they're doing the same prepared shit. And to the point where I did one remote where I was like,

going to every Ted Cruz pit stop. And by the third one, I was reciting the speech like down to the pauses next to people who were listening as triumph. I'm like literally repeating the speech verbatim as he's saying it. But Trump,

was like this guy who's just like, how's everybody doing? And he's just like Regis Philbin. Right. He's literally just your friend. He's like, isn't this great? We're going to get everybody together. And, oh, did I tell you what happened last night? I was with Arnold Palmer and, you know, he's got a huge dick, as everyone knows. And he's just so conversational and he made the audience laugh.

feel like they were all in on this movement. Yeah. In a completely different way than all these other guys doing the bullshit, trying to be Obama. We are going to together. We will bloody blue. Yeah. You know, and it makes a huge difference. And I feel like.

I feel like that's had a really positive, that's the one thing he did that's had a positive impact on politics. I feel like more people are trying to really communicate as opposed to- Yeah, except Democrats won't go on podcasts. Yeah, what's up with that? Oh, well, whatever happened with that? Because then there was like a he said, she said, where Kamala-

claimed that she did want to go on the podcast and rogan she went on call her daddy and that's it no i know but she created she was claiming that rogan created an excuse ah he wanted her i think and he was he said she gave him a lot of parameters i heard that but i don't know yeah came out later i don't know if they're just trying to cover their ass i think so yeah i mean in general trump's just way ahead of the curve in terms of

how to break through as a communicator. As an entertainer, too. As president, he's basically... I mean, when he was... He was doing rallies when he was president. Like, almost every week, he would just be doing rallies. Yeah. It was like a stand-up act. Like, whether Biden... Whether you think Biden was successful or not, he was...

horrible at making the case that things were going well. He was hiding. Yeah. Hiding and yeah, I don't know. Falling off bikes. It's so confusing because like I saw him be interviewed on Conan's podcast and he was really, he seemed really sharp. Biden? Yeah. He did Conan's pod? He did Conan's pod. How did he do that? He did Jimmy Kimmel and he was really sharp on that. And I was like, why are people saying he's seen all this? This was like the late, late 2023. Hmm.

And then, I don't know, I think he must have declined or something, which is eminently possible. Or he just has bad days. All it takes is a bad day, right? Yeah. That one debate was rough. He had a couple bad days. Yeah, but most of them were hidden, I guess. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, I don't know. Someone said that was the genius of Trump's insults, is that you'll eventually live up to it.

Ooh. So if he's like, sleepy Biden, this, that, and like, there'll be a day where you fuck up and you're sleepy or like you get something or you stumble. People run. Sleepy Joe. Yeah. Eventually Ron DeSantis is like, I need a fucking sandwich right into my plan. Remember Trump did the marriage ref? Remember

Remember that show that Seinfeld did? Tom Papa? Yeah, Trump did that. Who was he on with? Tom Papa was the host. I think Adam Carolla was the other guest. And maybe Madonna? Trump and Melania were on? No, no, no. It was like a panel show. Oh, giving advice on marriage? Yes. What you want to do is get a prenup. Because...

- It's funny, but I also believe you learn something from it. - You're very helpful. - People can learn a lot about their own marriage. - Don't do what I did, whatever that, you know, just listen to my advice and do the opposite. You learn a lot. - Did you work with other presidents? - Did I? - Yeah. - I got to do, I wouldn't call it working with more than working at. So in 1995,

You know, like when Conan started or even the whole late night show on NBC, they did this bit where Conan would interview celebrities and it was a photograph and they would cut the lips out and the lips would like, oh, I would do Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Trump a couple of times and Bob Dole and whatever.

basically I did Bill Cosby. I did a million people on that show, but yes. So Bill Clinton was the most popular thing I did in the early nineties. And Conan got invited to host the white house correspondence dinner and he got to speak. Sorry. That's just a text. Uh, somebody has the Bill Cosby joke. No, Jack and Jill. I'll remember that one. Uh, so Conan, um,

they wanted Conan to not just speak, but interview Bill Clinton in front of Bill Clinton. So it was a pretty trippy experience getting to imitate the president right in the same room, right in front of him. - With Clinton? - Yeah. - Is there footage of this? - Maybe on C-Span.

Was Clinton laughing? He laughed like a donkey. Really? Yeah, and I don't know if to this day, I don't know if he was being sincere. You can only say that about a white president, by the way. Sorry. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Back then, I did a lot of black people on the show. Did you? Oh, yeah. I did Don King. Oh, hell yeah. Only in America. I just did the whole thing. It was one of the most popular ones I did. Yeah, is it there now? No, that's just Bill Clinton on... Post.

Oh, sorry. That's just a typical Bill Clinton bit. Yeah, yeah. You seem pretty upbeat given what's going on right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm upbeat, man. Yeah, nothing's

It's Krimist time at the White House, yeah. Krimist time. Like 70s. That's right. Well, a very merry Krimist to you too, sir. This is the Monica Lewinsky scandal, I guess. My favorite president, I'd say. What do you think? You got a favorite? Eisenhower. I don't know.

I'm a big Lincoln man. He's aged well. Eisenhower. Of course, Lincoln. What? So Clinton. So I did Clinton in front of Clinton. Yep. And he's laughing like he's hee hawing. He's and I don't know if he's laughing to show what a good sport he is or if he was really thought it was funny. Maybe.

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and hillary you know angry a little more serious person than bill clinton that's what i hear uh and we made a point not to do any like um dick suck jokes dick sucks jokes jennifer flowers any of that we're gonna do any poon poon dog uh poon hound jokes down yeah because it was it would be rude to do it in front of his wife so we didn't do that but what's left

Well, there was, you know, getting high and things like that. Oh, saxophone. Yeah, there was. I mean, we made a joke out of the fact that this was on C-SPAN, so I had Clinton start confessing things like, I inhaled, yeah. And it's all killing because he's like,

nobody's watching it. C-span slack, a tree in the forest. That's cool that he did it though. It is no. And, but then at one point I did this joke and Conan and I debated whether to do it or not. And all it was, was like, uh, he's just making more confessions. And he's like me and Willie Nelson got high on the roof of the Kremlin naked. And you know, and I don't even remember what, what the joke was, but he's just taking it too far. Uh,

And Hillary just dropped her head. Wow. Oh. And Dick Cavett. If she did that more, maybe he wouldn't have done what he did. Maybe. So, ladies and gentlemen. Jesus. Ah.

I wish I had said that back then. That would have really brought the room down. Hey, Hillary, why aren't you laughing? What the hell? You're dropping your head for the first time. I love Rock's old bit. Hillary put the whole country at risk. You know what kind of man you have? A weed-smoking fornicator. That's right. That was a great bit. Great bit. Brilliant. So Dick Cavett's in the audience. You know who that is. Sure, sure. The first podcast. Yeah.

Is that true? I would say. His old Orson Welles interviews are maybe my favorite. All his interviews on that ABC show are amazing. He did everybody. Groucho, John Lennon. There's an amazing interview with him, and it's, God, it's Peter Falk, John Cassavetes. Yes, they're all drunk. And they're all fucking drunk.

hammer for 45 straight minutes he just has to roll and he's such a pro he's just rolling with them yeah who's the third uh ben gazzara and gazar and they're the craziest and they're all nuttiest fucking yeah they're completely gone and they're not at all charming they're just like annoyingly i don't know to me they were charming because did you ever see the movie husbands i didn't see this one it's an amazing movie yeah cassavetes is one of the great films he's great

Falk looks good. Peter Falk, the in-laws, is one of my favorite comedy followers. I love Peter Falk. He's still drinking on the right. He's done it all. It's over? Is it?

Would you like to nominate one who speaks? It's charming at first, but like 30 minutes in, you're like, what the fuck? No, to me, it was fascinating. This is the television I want to see where everything goes wrong. Too much television is like, yeah, that was nice, and we all love each other. By the way, Fallon is doing lipstick, karaoke, or whatever. Meanwhile, these guys come out, they show up in a blackout. Hell yeah.

And they air the whole thing. Basically, it's amazing. There's been a few drunks on Letterman back in the day. Oh, Richmond Glover. Oh, that was a classic. Barrymore. Yeah, Drew Barrymore. We watched a Tarantino one on Leno where he was fucking bombed. He was wrecked. We got to get him on. But Dick Cavett said to Conan after the...

After the Clinton bit, he said, Hillary's face changed from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. And the whole room saw it. And we lost the audience. Oh, wow. Because they're taking their cue from the president and his wife.

And Hillary just was like this. And we lost the audience. And we had like another two minutes or three minutes to go. Damn. We had like Jimmy Carter coming in. And it was like, fuck, do we cut bait? What about Chris Farley on C-SPAN? That was a classic. Remember when he did Newt Gingrich? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Looks like Charles Manson. What drugs is he on here? He claimed that he was in character, that he was making a movie and he was trying to stay in character. What about Joaquin Phoenix? Remember he had that? Oh, that was brilliant. He was in character. He was doing that for his documentary. And then Letterman had the classic line, Well, I'm sorry you couldn't make it tonight. Solid. Solid.

This is back when we watched TV. Yes, exactly. I feel like when Letterman ended, that was the end of watching TV. Conan had a run. Before that, once he was on TBS, he did brilliant stuff, but people don't. But it was online. People watched it online. Yeah, people watched it online. No one watched that show live. You'd be lucky if you got one tweet. Exactly. That's a good point. Exactly, but...

We didn't know that at the time, but it turned out that Conan ended up building this amazing online presence, and that's how everybody watches everything now. I know. Nobody stays up to watch any of this shit anymore. No, this is live, and no one's catching it. Wouldn't that be weird? Who are the people you work with on SNL that were like crazy? Did you work with Elon?

I did not work with Elon. But yeah, that was something I pitched. So the Elon Musk thing, yeah, I wanted to pitch that. And then the other thing I wanted to pitch was a song about Lorne Michaels. Because I have this sick desire going back to when I started at SNL to always...

poke the bear sure comedians do yeah so like I mean when I did the SNL cartoons I always started with Lorne Michaels chasing a like a little dog came and tore the logo of the show away oh yeah revealing TV Funhouse and Lorne Michaels cartoon is like come back here with my show oh yeah and um so

I wanted to pitch by so and I was one of the first people who impersonated Lauren me and Dana Carvey yeah uh and then it just spread over the years and now I'm told that everyone at the show impersonates Lauren is there is there truth to the fact that Mike Myers and Dana Carvey had a falling out because Dr evil supposedly there was like really so I don't know if it was a real falling out but I think Dana has said on in interviews that he was a little upset that

Because the pinky, I remember distinctly Dana Carvey, part of his impression of Lorne was Lorne looking at the board. Imagine these are all just sketches that are, you know, and he's contemplating the running order. Whitney, what do you think? Right, right. If we move act two to act three. Yeah. And so I think that was the thing that may have gotten Dana is just that he used the pinky and never like,

just called dana and said something like hey i'm going to use the pinky i'm doing lauren it is crazy if you feel like someone your pinky right well someone kind of takes an impression you do and makes it huge i could see yeah yeah he could have done a different voice and it still would have been i mean those austin powers movies were so amazing amazing theater he was like the first one especially was incredible yeah one's amazing too he's got great moments for sure i heard he's difficult mike myers

You know what? He, uh, I mean, I've heard I'm difficult at times. It's like people who I could see difficult. I could see, uh, hated. I could see not. Do you get along well with Mike? I actually saw Mike at the, at the week over that weekend. And I don't know if this is, it's very weird. So I go up to Mike at this, there was like a, there was like a Friday night thing at radio city and,

with all the musicians and then there was a toast to lorne michaels on saturday night in the rainbow room that only the fancy people got invited to and i got in and i was very flattered that they included me but i mean i did work there 20 years uh and mike was there and i just looked at him and i said you have you ever thought that you could play elon musk on the show

Dana did a three-second impression in December or in November after the election, and he shit on it publicly. Oh, pulling that up. Mike's was... Then Mike took it again and really flew with it. Mike's was much more broad, and Mike looks much more like him. Uh-oh, it's just like Dr. Evil all over again. He's over Dana. No, no, he didn't steal. I'm joking. Dana did it reluctantly. Wow. So I don't know...

But there it was, like a week later. Were you close with Dana Carvey? Literally a week later. Mike is doing, I'm very close with Dana Carvey. He's one of my best friends. He's funny. We want him on the pod. We're big fans. One of the funniest people on the planet. We had Spade. We got to get Carvey, man. Oh, yeah. Carvey's. I think he's one of the best. Oh, yeah. I think he's in a lot of people's top five if you were to make a top five. I think it's hard to leave him out of your top five. Let's do top five each.

It's hard, right? Try to make this episode interesting. Come on. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. No, you're great, man. No, cast. Cast? I would say that...

Will Ferrell, for me, is the all-time best. All-time number one? For me, because if you look at it like a five-tool player, he could be funny as a regular guy in a sketch. He could do funny impressions, crazy ones like Robert Goulet and George Bush. He did amazingly. And he could write his own shit.

Really? Absolutely. He wrote the fucking... The cheerleader? Well, I'm sure he co-wrote that, but he wrote the cowbell sketch. Whoa! All by himself. All by himself. There you go. There you go. That's insane. I'm cleaning up. Wow. Who else is in your five? That's one. Eddie Murphy, obviously. Okay, that's a twofer. There's nobody...

Whoever has a list can't leave Eddie Murphy out. Yeah. I don't see that. All right. Nobody's carried the show like Eddie Murphy did for the years he was there. Yeah. Save the show.

That's true. Some would say. It was tanking in the 80s. And then it gets, I think after those two, it gets subjective. Like some people would say Hartman. Oh, Hartman. I don't know how you don't put Hartman in there too. Yeah, but then there's Dan Aykroyd, who's also the same kind of thing. Farley. And then Farley and Belushi, like which one of those? But then there's like Kristen Wiig. I would put Kristen Wiig. She's amazing. I would make her, I would put her up there with those guys. All right, what do you got?

That's very close to mine. And Bill Murray, I would... Ah, my hero. It's tough for me. Yeah, I mean, Farrell's so good. And I was like the perfect age for him at that time. Right. All right, I'm going Ellen Cleghorn. How about me? I was like the fourth Bears guy. I'm just saying. The fourth guy in that scale. Molly Shannon's pretty good. I love her, dude. I think she's awesome. Yeah. Molly Shannon.

i do think she's a great dramatic actress too yeah that movie where she had cancer oh what's it called again that was she was amazing she's also she was amazing on um the white lotus oh yeah she's um she rules and she people knew she was a great actress when she was on the show i remember people talking about like she just had a a depth to her

acting yeah it was beyond sketch sure we were at a party at Schumer's once and Rachel Feinstein and I were like oh fuck we're late for the cellar we're like oh god damn ass he's gonna get mad at us like many years ago and

Molly Shannon just overheard us saying this and she like sprinted across the street and got us a cab. And I was like, that was like cartoonish the way she just, she's like, she's like, you're going to make it. And we're like, Molly Shannon. She's hilarious. Wow. She rules. Yeah. She's the best. I love her. I was like already a fan. I'm like, this is crazy. Damn. And Sherry Oteri had an enormous impact on the show. Like they came in together and,

in like 1995. And I was, it was like right in the middle of my time there. And I gotta say, like when I was hired, it was like for all the, the cast was entirely, they looked like they might as well have been, you know, the cast of The Office or something. - Right. - All white people and dominated by men and the writing was dominated by men.

And there was like an inherent justification, like, well, you know, more men are public figures and in politics and whatever. Yeah, yeah. And there was a perception, I'm sure, among some people that men are funnier. Sure. And then Sherry and Molly come in and they're just writing their own characters and they're murdering. Right. And they were the first two to really do that.

just bring in their own character. I mean, Gilda Radner probably did it in the 70s. Yeah. But after that, like there were a lot of great women, but Tina Fey, that was later. Right, right. It was like those two just destroyed with like, you know, Mary Catherine Gallagher and the cheerleaders. Sherry had like five or six that, you know, because before that women would

be in sketches that they wrote and there was this prejudice like oh that's a woman's sketch it's like sort of tender and and it's about you know it's more about there was this perception that they write the sketches that are softer and just about relationships and woman-y things and then these two come in and do these really big broad characters that are killing and the show changed overnight and it's never been the same women are

just as or more important now on the show than men are in. - Let's not go more. - Well, I think there have been periods, like that was a period where women kind of dominated. Then Anna Gasteyer came in and like, you know. - Yeah, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were the-- - And then Tina and Amy came in. - The head writer, Weekend Update. - Yeah, so. - What about-- - Yeah, those do a lot of credit. - What were other highlights of that weekend? 'Cause that just seems so crazy. - So, well, first I'll tell you the pitch that I had, which was, so it was gonna be a song called "Everybody's Gotta Lorne"

that I had pitched to Martin Short and he liked it. ♪ Everybody's got a Lorne ♪ And then he was gonna shove the microphone into the audience and just make celebrities impersonate Lorne. - Oh! - 'Cause he knew that everybody did a Lorne and we would find funny people to do it, whether it's like Emma Stone and then Charles Barkley. - Right. - And then we'd get to previous cast members.

And they would do their Lorne's and then, you know, coming back to Marty Short every now and then. And then he'd get to current cast members and they'd be afraid, you know, and they'd be like, I'm Lorne Michaels and I'm a legend or whatever. They'd try to fuck it up. And then it finally get to like a cameraman who's like, please, please, I, I,

I haven't paid my mortgage off. I got a kid. I still got two kids going to college. Do your fucking, Lorne. I think that this show is really cool. Just desperate. What's it like pitching to Martin Short? He's not intimidating. He's a really nice guy. Oh, cool. Canadian. And he's also really friendly. It helps that I'm really old and accomplished. So he's like, Robert Smigel.

I can see that. You're a genius. He's one of the funniest humans ever. He's never not funny. Dating Meryl Streep. What? Dating Meryl Streep. How the hell do you... I mean, imagine watching Martin Short jizz. Well, he did it. Here it is, my semen. With the Ed Grimley voice. Can I ask you something? That was very intense.

highly stimulating, I must say. Take it, you whore! Wow. Yeah. That's bananas. That is a cool-ass couple. Very cool. A lot of stories. Very cool. Well, Meryl Streep was on the show. She did a sketch with Kate... I always call her Kate... Blanchett. Kate Middleton. Middleton. No, Kate...

McKinnon. McKinnon. Another legendary performer. She's great, too. Wow. Barrel must be tiny because Martin Short's what? Three foot eight? He's wearing... Heels? Three foot lifts. Okay. Wow. Good for him. That's a win. Five eight. Five eight. Okay. That's average. Not so bad. What's barrel? He's the nicest guy. Sweet boy. Yeah. I know three amigos. Who's an asshole that you had to work with? Who's an asshole? Yeah. Five six. Oh, man.

Yeah, come on. They weren't that many, I gotta say. Michael Che. Michael Che. Come on. He's such a nice guy. He actually was walking around with a jacket that he got everyone to sign at the end of the show. He's just walking around with this

You know, with, with, and he's making people sign it. It was so cute. Cause you don't think of Che as like a nerd, but he's a, he's a comedy nerd. He is a comedy nerd. Great writer too. Oh yeah. Such a funny writer. But you know what was really funny? Paul McCartney was like the last guy to leave studio eight H he'd, he had closed the show.

He did The End and Golden Slumber. The End of Abbey Road, basically. He closed the show with those two songs. Wow. And then everybody piled onto the stage who had anything to do with being there. And I walked down there and then it was just so crowded. I was like, I'm not going to go up there. Do those people get paid? Who? All the performers.

I think they have to get paid for just being on the show. But how much money did he give Paul McCartney? The guy's richer than... Oh, I'm sure he got scale. Oh, he got scale. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Who was the drunkest celebrity that you know? There we go. Oh, Jesus. You know, the party was such a fucking... Rip Torn. Rip Torn came back from the dead just a moment ago. Oh, shit. Sorry. I didn't know he died. Yeah, yeah. RIP Torn. He's very dead. It's been years. Oh, I love Torn.

That's a bummer. Not enough to follow his... What'd you say? I said you were torn. And RIP. Oh, no. Rip. No, he's... I didn't see anybody totally hammered, I gotta say. It was just a crazy zoo. There was a party afterward at the Plaza Hotel, and they'd like...

had 15 rooms. - Holy. - Like literally you could just go and there were like four or five floors. - What? - There were like a thousand people in each one. - Five floors of whores. - Yeah. - Was there blow? - It was a lot. I didn't see anything. - Oh, this cast has changed. - I didn't see anything. No, it was,

And there was a lot of dancing. There was one room of dance. I'm not good at parties. You know, loud noises. Come on. You're not the party animal. I know. It's hard to believe. But there were eras when you were there that were probably crazy. Honestly, like when I got there in the late 80s, we had heard all the stories about the 70s and they were kind of like, you know, what's the term when it's like a teaching moment, kind of like a cautionary tale. Hmm.

You know, Belushi had only died like two or three years before I got there. And yeah, he hired a bunch of people that were literally like office workers in terms of their personalities. They were hilarious, you know, but it was like Kevin and Dana and Phil. None of these people were were wild like that. And then Farley came in. Yeah. And and things started to change a little bit. And then what do you remember? How do you remember Farley?

Oh, I love Farley. He's a lot smarter than people gave him credit for. He was treated kind of like... You're worse than Norman. This is crazy. Well, my phone doesn't ring. No, but you got the beeping with it. Oh, I got that. That's the opening riff from I've Just Seen a Face. The Beatles actually wanted to talk to Paul McCartney and pitch him. I was like, why don't you do a country album? Because he's done a couple of amazing country songs. That's one of them, I've Just Seen a Face.

And I just wanted him to laugh in my face and say that's a million people who suggested the scowl bitch. Whatever. But I didn't get the opportunity. Sandler sang a song. Farley. Farley. Yeah. He was Robert. He was a lot like he was on the Chris Farley show. Oh, yeah. He loved comedy. And he was like, Robert, remember when you did that joke? Like if I would make a joke that he laughed at, he would just savor it.

I used to do this thing where I would make fun of when people would make him fall in sketches because it just seemed kind of hacky after a while. So I was like, what are you going to do this time? A triple box stop? Just giving his different falls names and he would just be like, triple box stop. Yeah.

- Robert, that's so great, Robert. - I read in that book, Gasping for Airtime, that at one point-- - Oh, that's Jay Moore's book, yeah. - I think him and Spade shared an office. - They did. - Yeah, so one time Spade was like, I've got this book, this limited edition whatever book, some crazy book. And he went out of the room and Farley jerked off and jizzed and the pages closed it.

And then, you know, Spade had to come back and the book was ruined, obviously. But I just love that. That reminds me of my childhood. You know how much that book could sell? He had a horrible father. What is this, The Catcher Mockingbird? You fucking queer. It was the Korean. Cheers.

It was the Koran, but I'm just saying you can do that back then. It was the Koran. You can't do that in an office anymore. I just like the, that's what I want to happen in SNL. You can't jerk off to the Koran anymore. No, you can't. These fucking woke pussies took away jerking off on each other's stuff. I'm afraid of no, and then go into that voice. That's what I want more of. No, it's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. Yeah, that's what they would say. Farley, and they'd be right. Of course, but that's the fun part.

but and they would talk in that voice yeah that's it just every comedian does that voice now whenever anybody's politically correct no it's not they suddenly turn into a match game contestant from the 70s um farley uh he liked the hookers he liked he he he had a wild he definitely brought the

brought the show back in terms of i've heard sam say that he'll like he he would drink and he'd be ready to throw down really get angry when he was drunk sometimes that's scary yeah no there was a darkness but he was clean for like two and a half years wow really on the show he got fired from the show temporarily oh no when

I actually was with him. So I used to do things in Chicago with him, like the super fans, like me and him and George went, we would do these extracurricular bits because it was so big in Chicago. So one time literally we went to a soldier field before the bears playoff game and they had us give a pep talk about

On the 50-yard line before the game started. Me, George, and Farley. Wow. Before an actual Bears playoff game. That's how big the characters were at the time. And Farley... But afterward, Farley...

Sort of broke off from us. And later I heard that he cleaned out his hotel refrigerator. Uh-oh. And he put his hand through a glass window. Ooh. Yeah, he was with an old Second City friend. Oh, boy. Who couldn't control him. And then Lauren heard he was out of control and he fired him for a few... For at least a month or two. And it really shook Chris up. And he was literally...

He did Tommy Boy clean, I'm pretty sure. Oh. Yeah. Can I just reiterate my point about the jizzing in the book? Yes. Okay, I wasn't saying...

uh my point is i feel like if he did that now he'd be demonized but we can he can do that and still be considered a fun guy no i told i was fucking with you all right all right i got what you were saying okay we're just trying to make a joke oh okay all right um i love the jizzing in the book i'm just sad because think of how many more books he would have jizzed in you know good point

Well, you got to know where you're left off. God damn it. Bring me Hanley's new book. Let me rub one out. They could have been sold for charity. I could have raised a lot of money for my... Yeah. I could auction them off. Robert, whatever you need. If you jizzed in Mein Kampf, there'd be a lot of dead Jews in there. All right. You get it? Strong joke, man. Okay. That was big. That was fucking solid. That's...

The jizz was solid. This is the day to tell that joke. That's true. Israel! There you go. Yeah, what are some other... Are there any other memories you look back on? Not a one. No? No. All right. Let's see. Let's... Well, the SNL anniversary...

Who else was got to talk to Billy Crystal. That was exciting. Never met that guy before. Yeah. What'd you talk about? And I met Eddie Murphy. Oh, Hey, Barry in the lead. You never met him. Murphy. He was at that Lorne Michaels toast. Yeah. And, uh, and I, he just walked in my direction. Otherwise I would never have approached him. I would have been terrified, but he's like, I don't remember how the conversation started, but, uh,

- He said hey and I was like-- - He knew who you were. - That was what was crazy. I was literally like a little kid. I was like, my name is Robert Smigel, I did cartoons on the, I know who you are, you're Robert Smigel. - Whoa, that's gotta feel good. - It was shocking. I was just-- - What'd you talk about?

Well, I told him I just got all SNL nerdy because I am an SNL nerd. And I told him, hey, did you see there's a magazine article where they interviewed all the cast members and asked them what their favorite sketch was of all time on SNL. And the winner was James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party. Do you know the sketch? Pull it up. Oh, now that's sacrilege. And I was one of the people who voted for it.

I had actually met one of those writers in a really strange circumstance. The guy, before he was a writer at SNL, he was a segment producer for the Mike Douglas show in Philadelphia. My dad was a guest on that show. My dad was a dentist. Wow. And he was one of the guys who invented tooth bonding. So he was demonstrating this on a person in the audience on the Mike Douglas show. We had a low bar for guests. Oh, no. I know, I know.

But anyway. But it's got to be so hard to be Eddie Murphy. It's almost a cursed life because everybody knows you're the funniest guy ever. And now you have to be funny.

on command i mean the pressure what if you have a bomb he can't guys well he can't bomb on on the show and he didn't he was actually in two sketches he didn't oh okay great amazing tracy morgan impression on the show all right he vomited and then he did another sketch with will ferrell the two him and will ferrell the number one and two interchangeable oh hell yeah working together it was pretty amazing to watch i'm gonna watch that but um

I'll tell you one other crazy thing that I did. So I told you about the Lorne Michaels idea I had, and it was shot down very quickly. By Lorne? Yes, I was told by Lorne. I don't think he was necessarily offended by it, but he just probably didn't want the attention. Sure. That level of... Yeah, he's already getting a lot of attention. Yeah, all about him on his own show. But 25 years ago, I was doing cartoons about...

On SNL and they were very popular at the time. So they asked me to do an anniversary show for the 25th anniversary And if you want to pull this up, it's insane. It's on Instagram. It's on triumphs Instagram page So and I did this cartoon and it was I just decided to make it all about Lorne Michaels and Because I just again I didn't like it. Well, that's the craziest part of it. I

He panned down. Oh, there it is. Lorne. See Lorne? Yeah. What did he say? Well, he had me watch it with him and Paul Simon like an hour before the 25th anniversary. Here, watch a little of it. You'll get the idea. This takes me back. Oh, yeah. But then in this case. Oh. Hi, I'm Lorne Mike. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Thank you. Thank you. Bottom shock. Thank you. Brilliant. You know, I think it was when John and Danny were coming into their own and Chevy came back to host that the show really had that thing of are we a hit? Now is our... That's great. Jimmy Fallon is hot and that's the show. Thank you.

And then he starts. Thank you, Mike. That's really not necessary. Thank you. Thank you, Dave. Is that you doing the voice? Yes. We've had a lot of fun tonight. As you know, Saturday Night Live isn't just about glitzy guests and fabulous outfits at glamorous parties. It's also about merchandising.

- No self-congratulatory celebration would be complete without a nod to the hot new line of SNL anniversary gear you'll be hearing about in loud commercials during the 2AM Jay Leno show.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

That was really Miller. That was really Miller, yeah. Oh, my God. We're not worthy! Swing! It's too crazy after all.

yeah and i think it was when chevy he's like he's like howard hughes right uh yes the snl anniversary is the talk of the town then it goes on into a long a whole song and dance number where he's deciding who gets to sit where which celebrity and he's just dancing around with glee and putting all the people from dick ebersole's years in the back and

And Eddie Murphy and his cat in the front. But anyway, at least you kept the caption short. That's good news. Yes. So. Holy hell. No, I just rub. I told the story that I'm about to tell. OK, it's a good story. So literally. Oh, Wilson Vince. So like so. So I submit this script. Yeah. And one producer tells me that there are two producers under Lauren. One tells me, oh, you can't do that part about merchandising and.

telling the boring story. He's not going to like that. Then the other producer says, oh no, that part, I really like that part. I think he's not going to like the part where he sings and dances around and talks about all the guests. And I was like, what if I, let's do, I'll do it all. And then we'll just see. It was like a perfect storm where I could just say, well, you don't like this and you don't like this, but that means you like the other half. Let's just try it. So I put it, I make, I make the whole cartoon and,

And Lauren hasn't seen it or maybe he has seen it, but he and I'm showing it like John. I show it to like John Lovitz, who's who was at the who makes a cameo at the end and Paul Schaefer and Lorraine Newman. And they're laughing their asses off. And then I get a call. Lauren wants you in his office. And this is the 25th anniversary show. Everyone's in a fucking tuxedo. Yeah.

and i'm being told i got it and so i go into his office and it's just him and paul simon nobody else and you know robert i i just the cartoon i i just i'm too close to it i saw it i i just i can't judge it i'm too close to it so we're just gonna play it for paul oh his best friend so i'm well alone with lauren michaels and his best friend and i'm like thinking oh my god like

If I would ever have told the 14 year old me, saw the fucking show and worship these two people, that 25 years later, I would be in a room alone with them before this anniversary show, making them uncomfortable. It's just like crazy. A lot of pressure on Paul Simon here, right? Yeah. And Paul Simon, of course, is stone faced, you know, he can be very serious.

And so we watch the cartoon, including that part where it's basically like practically a Paul Simon skeleton in a toupee. Yeah. Singing still crazy. And he watches the whole cartoon dead silent. And then just Lauren turns to him. Paul? And Paul's just like, well, I didn't think it was very funny, but I did think it was affectionate. Oh. And-

And I have no chill, I have no poker face at all. So I just like,

can't hide my relief i'm just like thank you i'd see no and i'm talking way too much no that's what i was going for because it is it's not really meant to be and lauren's just looking at me like get the fuck out smart we get it we get it okay it's in the fucking show hey well you got it in wow i got it in and then no and then this is also funny like so then

the show happens. And, and the reason I had written it was because the, I had worked on the 15th anniversary show, which was very self congratulatory. It was a lot of people at podiums, just introducing clip packages and reading it like, you know, commemorating some amazing, it just felt like I always wanted to be like the seventies SNL where it was all counterculture and rub. Yeah. So I get in there and, um,

Yeah, and these guys... So the show, the 25th anniversary show, was way better. Like Bill Murray's doing Nick the Lounge Singer and people are doing sketches together. It's much more active. And now I'm feeling guilty that I made fun of the show because it's actually really good. And then they have these moments where they...

Show a Chris Farley sketch. He had just died like a year and a half ago before. And Phil Hartman had died like a year before. And they have like the cast members introducing a Phil Hartman clip and they're all holding hands. All these guys I worked with.

And I'm like in tears at this point. - Oh boy. - And then I go up to an area where there's writers like Adam McKay and some other guys I worked with. And I was practically in tears. I'm like, I'm gonna tell Lauren to cut the cartoon. It's just not,

this show's great and it's, it's, I don't want to shit on the show. It's not right. And Adam McKay is like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's, it's not really mean. It's okay. There you go. I just shut, shut it off. It's a comedy show. Ultimately. I'm like,

As racked as guilt as I felt, I just needed one person to say, nah. I was like, okay, yeah, no, we'll do it. Yeah. Sadly, I have that guy in my brain. At least you asked another person. I go, well, maybe that was too much. And then the other guy in here goes, ah, do it. No, I always need one person to justify anything.

my sick behavior. But man, what a career. What a career. It's all over now. It's all over. It's not too many stars, baby. Nice when it lasted. Not too many stars. And Leo 2. Leo 2. There's going to be a sequel to Leo. Is that out? I don't want to. Oh, God, no. No, but I mean, is that. And Sandler and Burr are back. Sandler and Burr are back.

Sandler and Burr back. Lizard and the turtle. An old lizard and an angry turtle. And a jaded, bitter turtle. So Sandler had to put on a whole voice. Hi, I'm Leo. And Bill Burr is just like, what the fuck is this? I'm a turtle now. Okay, now I'm a turtle. It feels like Bill should be the lizard and Adam should be the turtle. Why do you say that? Lizards are angry.

Oh, they are? The Iguana, the Komodo Dragon. Oh, those fuckers. Mark, the movie's already done. That's true. Good point. It worked out. People went with it. No, it's a great movie. My five-year-old was like, it took me out for a second. Why isn't Bill the Lizard? But then I went with it. Robert Smigel, everybody. Robert Smigel! Not too many stars. You can buy tickets at

N-O-T-M-S dot org slash. Oh, shit. I got it wrong. Come on. You can buy tickets at next for autism dot org slash N-O-T-M-S. Sam will be there. Yeah. Jon Stewart's hosting. Sandler's going to do a set. Wow. It's going to be amazing. One of the hottest comedians in the world is a surprise guest. I can't say who she is. Oh. But she.

she's going to be there and Judy to Nuda, Judy to Nuda is coming back from the dead along with rip torn. Hey, and, uh, yeah, it's going to have, uh, Amy Schumer and, uh, also, uh,

Chris Rock. Chris Rock's going to be there. Marcelo Hernandez. Please don't follow Marcelo. Killer. He kills. The ladies love him. Does he kill? Does he do stand-up? No, he's funny. Yeah. Oh, my God. Murders. Oh, I didn't know that. Funny, funny Cuban. Fuck. I'll have him do stand-up. I don't know.

Oh, you weren't having to be standing? I didn't know he did stand-up. He does great stand-up. Give him 10 minutes. He'll blow the roof off. Oh, my God. Mark, what do you got, man? Where are you going to be? Hey! Coming to Nashville, the Ryman Auditorium, then Napa, California, Santa Barbara, Asheville, North Carolina, Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, Reykjavik. We're going all over the UK. London, Birmingham. Yugoslavia. Lascaux.

I know, but I'm doing that one first. Oh, okay. And then Belfast, and then we're coming back to Rochester. Ain't that comedy for you? You go to London, you live it up, and you land back in Rochester and get your ass eaten by a fat lady on a rascal. Burlington, Vermont, Wausau, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Eugene, San Jose, Hyannis, Mass. Come out to the Melody Tent, Massachusetts. Auckland, New Zealand. Then we're going to Australia, New Zealand. Melbourne. You better believe it, Fatty. Oh, that's a fun one. Brisbane. Can't wait. All right, what do you got, Sambo?

We got Columbus April 10th and Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa, never been. St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis. Then we got Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento, SF, Portland, Adelaide show on a Monday. Don't make me regret it, guys.

Seattle, Vancouver, Late Show. Guys, buy tickets to those. Boise, Idaho. Salt Lake City, I believe, is already gone, but that's a small venue. And Denver, Colorado. And more dates coming very soon. Reykjavik. Hang on, Reykjavik. He's coming. I'm coming. I got a good funny bone there. Robert Schmeichel, we love you, man. You're the best. Go watch his Triumph, the insole comic dogs videos on YouTube. The Daily Show. I'm on the Daily Show. Oh. Triumph. Oh, hell yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Good to have him back.

And on Hollywood Squares. Oh. Ramp is on Hollywood Squares, too. Bodega Cat Whiskey. Yes. Buy a bottle of Bodega Cat Whiskey. We love you. Follow us both at punchup.live slash samorell, punchup.live slash marknormand. Woo!

And buy a bottle, guys. It's coming to your town, your liquor store. But yeah, and follow that Bodega Cat Whiskey Instagram. Let's build that up to impress the buyers. Yes, good call. We got a lot of fun footage on there, clips, our dates, you name it. So yeah, tell a friend, queef it up. Comedy. See you next week, guys. Comedy. Snacks and juice close. Norman's talking shit when dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in nude. This woman doesn't look true.