141: Hot Takes Tuesday Fest
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Last week of the show. The last week. So this is our final Monday for a while. Wow. And this will be episode in total probably 140 episodes.

Well, we're at 135 as of today. So your math is right. Yeah. I felt like you were going to poke a hole. I was. I was. My math got real weird. I was going to go like, we're at 135. We're going to be at 180 by 5. We've talked about this before, but it is wild recording for five hours and being like, all right, and we're good till Thursday. I know. Really, there were days where...

I mean, it felt like we had really put a dent in future recordings. It would be like, all right, we're good for two weeks. But I wonder why that is. Well, partly, especially when our show's really cooking, we do edit the calls. Yep. So it's not we don't have one of those podcasts where we just kind of talk. We you know, you know, I really like it produced. So I like when it's pretty lean and mean and tight. Yep.

But what ends up happening is it just takes way more time. Well, I also think that what would happen was we had a good bench, but as we started to feel like people were listening, we just really...

We would do a call and we'd be like, well, let's do that for Monday. Like we were just, our good calls, we would just put right in because we were so excited about it. You know what also made it a little tricky was the Patreon of it all. Yeah. And we wanted to do special stuff for there. And we were like, this is becoming a full-time job. Yeah. No, I think that before we decided we were going to take a break, we were going to go to once a week, which probably would have been...

I think if we come back, and I know we've kind of talked about it, but I think it's once a week, Zoom, fuck video. And I know for the video people, sorry, but then we could do the video on Patreon, and that's just going there, but it's an audio-based show, and see what happens. I think so too. I think that it's just like anything where a lot of it was birthed out of excitement, and then it kind of just got...

I think that would just be the way to keep ahead of stuff and keep feeling like we have good shit. And then because we still have a lot of people writing us on patron all the time asking for, why can't, why aren't we accepting their money? And the reason we're not is we stopped taking money because we're not putting enough content there. Again, I'm accepting the money. I can't be more. I am. My Venmo is. My Venmo is very public. I'm accepting the money.

So we appreciate you all. Thank you for listening. Thank you, truly. Oh, my God. Hello. Hi. Can we get your name, please? My name is Cindy. Cindy. Okay. And where are we calling from, Cindy? I am calling from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. And what do you like to do up in Calgary, Cindy?

Oh, shit. Listen to your podcast, I guess. Okay. And what do you do for work, Cindy? I work for an airline. Airline. Do you get on the planes? No. I'm on the ground. I'm in the airport person. That's pretty great. And what's your favorite band of all time? Oh, shit. Metallica. Hell yeah. Cool.

Favorite album, Cindy? Yeah, favorite album? Fuck, I like Monster Puppets. I'm just throwing one out there. And Cindy, let's pretend you're in a jail cell, you're on death row. You actually didn't commit the crime, but you are going to get electrocuted for it. It's a terrible tragedy. You are given one last meal. It could be whatever you want. It could be mix-match. What's that? What's going to be on your final plate, Cindy?

Oh, shit. You know what? My friend asked me this and she took the piss out of me so much. She was like, seriously, that's going to be your last food. I was like, yo, I'm thinking off the cuff here. You got to have pizza. I would have pizza. I would have a Punjabi dish called shol le patore because it's just full of grease, kind of bread. Love it. Just all bread things. You just have a plate of carbs.

Absolutely. Yeah. All right. Well, Cindy, I think we got a pretty good sense of this. I know we all love you. We're all fired up about this. Your catchphrase already is, oh, shit. I was just going to say, I love any answer that always starts with, oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, yes, it is my go-to. I do say it a lot. You just said it in response to being called out on it. So Cindy Calgary, Metallica, loves carbs, works with planes. What can we do for you?

Oh shit. Oh shit. Okay. So a couple of weeks ago, my friend just out of the blue, she was like, let's do a Halloween coloring competition. And I was like, oh shit, I'm on vacation. I can't play. So I was watching from afar. So,

So she just printed a bunch of- You said coloring competition? Yeah, I missed it. Yeah, coloring. Just coloring in. Yeah. Sure. So she printed different Halloween themed pictures and everyone got to pick whatever picture they wanted, color it, hang it up, and then there was a vote. So- Sorry, one more time your age? Oh, I'm 42. Okay, just making sure. Oh shit, indeed. Okay, 42 coloring, keep going.

One guy, we're going to call him Ronaldo. He cheated because he added treats to the bottom of his picture. And he was like, if you vote for me, I'll give you candy. And he lured people into the office and said, this one's mine. Write my name down. Vote for me. Everyone says he cheated. But I did send the shark some pictures. We're looking at these pictures of people in their 40s and what they're doing. We see the candies sprinkled on the bottom too.

I will say, Ronaldo did a solid job coloring in. He didn't half-ass it. It's a good drawing. But he did tape two little strawberry candies. Again, Jake, you're buying into the premise that people in their 40s coloring should be complicated or difficult. But we are. We are. Premise of the show. Premise of the show. Exactly. For sure. Okay. Okay.

His coloring wasn't the best, but he was creative because he actually added a couple of ghouls and ghosts. But the fact that he lured people to vote for him is the cheating bit. A quick question for you, Cindy. Was there any sort of rules that said you can't tape candy on it?

Not to be rude. No, there wasn't. No, there wasn't. It's kind of crazy to call it cheating. Okay. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. You know what I mean? If you don't spit on the baseball, you don't get as big of a curve. You know what I mean? But Jake, I don't know if you should be doing a kind of like athletic growl during this Halloween coloring a picture competition.

it's just okay but now christmas is coming so we're doing this is getting fat oh jake stop uh okay please put a penny in that old man's hat if you ever got a penny a penny will do jake and if you ever got a penny then god bless you they're in there we're gonna see you later they are in their 40s coloring um okay city so so what do we expect for christmas more coloring

Yeah, she's doing so we're getting off the whole Gareth. We got to buy in. We can't just get on her trying real hard. The call. I know you are trying so hard, but I need to win. I need to win. We are. What can I do to win? We got it. Yeah. So Cindy,

The premise of this one is you guys do a coloring competition. Fucking Ronaldo taped candies to it and he won. Now you're doing it again for Christmas. And the truth is Ronaldo was not the best drawer. Now here's my question to you, Cindy. How's your drawing? Not good. No, I'm shit at drawing, but I'm good at coloring because we've got a color. Oh, okay. Okay. So this is just coloring. That's right. So you're good enough at coloring. Do you think you, cause this has reminded me of the golf call where the guy said like,

You know, I got to win this fucking time. How good are you? And he's like, not that great. And I'm not going to practice. We were like, you got to color outside the lines to win. So you're a good enough color artist to win.

Yeah, she set a few rules this time. You can't tell anyone which one is yours for voting. And all she said was be creative. OK, so that's one rule. I also. OK. OK, so that matters, Gareth, because we don't fight with the rules without question. That sounds like there's no rules.

I already have a pitch. I don't know if, I mean, is there anything else we need to know about the upcoming Christmas coloring competition, Cindy?

No, she's only got three rules. Have fun, be creative, and don't tell anyone which one is yours when it comes to voting. But taping candy is fine. Taping candy is fine. You know what else is fine? Yeah. You know when you go, like you're walking down the street and you see a flyer and it's like guitar lessons and it's got those little tags and you rip one off to call the number? Oh, yeah, yeah. So what we're going to do is at the bottom of yours, we're going to make that and you're going to be able to write above that, say,

Send a dollar request to this Venmo for an extra happy Christmas. And you're going to create a Venmo where whenever someone sends a request to it, you're going to send them a dollar. So basically, you're paying a dollar for every dollar. By the way, not bad. You could even do it cheaper. You could do a quarter. You could. Yeah, sure. You could do a quarter. You could also do two dollars.

I also do $50,000. Well, I'm just saying, a quarter? A quarter. I mean, you are the shitty house for Halloween. He's a Tootsie Roll kid. But how much money is Cindy going to pay? Yeah, man. We don't make that much money. Well, Jesus Christ. I mean, what do you want me to do? It's a coloring competition. You're all in your 40s. What are we doing? You have money? $17.

You think Ronaldo got all that candy for free? That costs money. You're not wrong. No, he probably did because there's a fucking candy jar in our office. He probably took two out of there. Well, you know what? Rob Ronaldo and use that money towards the Venmo. So here's what I'm thinking, Cindy. And this is not cheating, but it is. It is fudging the system the way Ronaldo did. I like the idea of paying people. You got to keep it cheap because there's a way that could get on top of you.

Yes. What you could do though, is you could take the image you are meant to draw, take it to a copy center and make it like 25 times bigger than it. Everybody else is drawing. Don't tell anybody. So yours is fucking massive. Then you color it in because they never said it has to be this size. Tell nobody.

So the day of, you have it like rolled up perfectly. When you get there, you go, which one's best? These 11 little eight by 10 shitty ones or this fucking mural that I did. I like that. How about this? I like that. What if you blow it up and then you paint it?

And so you really like. And what if we also did this? Whatever you come up with at the end of it, yours, you tape Christmas lights around it. Yeah. And you plug that in. So you know, you really. Yes. You know, you could do no matter what is even if it's not around it, you could even do the lights through the. Yeah, that's great. That's great. So like you could hear through like if it was a house, you kind of have lights on the house.

Yeah. Look, it's a big art project, but you could take it over the top and you know, you could also do, and I don't know how to do this, but turn it, parts of it into a scratch and sniff.

That's impossible. I mean, that is an impossible pitch. Jake, you are asking her to crack the scratch and sniff technology, which we have been trying to figure out for my entire lifetime. We don't know how it works. But you could also just buy, go on eBay, buy an old scratch and sniff and just put it on your drawing. By the way, remember when they started with $17 was too pricey of a budget? We are now going on eBay to buy scratch and sniffs.

So what do you think, Cindy, about a big to blow up the size of it, make it huge, throw lights in it, throw fucking sparkles on it, you know, so that it all of a sudden it really pops. Yeah. You can also make it three dimensional places. You could put like different levels of tape on the outside. So like it comes out at you. Yep.

Make it pop a little bit. Not much, but give it a little shape. I like that. Spray it with perfume. Spray it with perfume. You're really going for the scratch and sniff. Jake is assaulting every sense, which is good. That's what I'm trying to do. But I like that he backed away from scratch and sniffed it. Well, you're right. We'll never figure out the technology. It's insane. It's insane for us to be like, this corner's coconut. Oh, but what you could do is you could have like press a button. And when you press a button, you get like sprayed in the face with something.

I mean, you are. Are you going to come on board as a producer of this art piece? Yeah. Like I need an electrician for that. Yeah, you're right. Let's not do that. But we can do a really big one with the lights and just fucking find a weird smell and spray it all over that. So people, when they're looking at some, they go like, oh, that's a really good gingerbread house. That's a tree. Holy shit. Cindy smells like.

you know, a pine tree smell, you know, and it has Christmas music coming out of it. You know what else you could do? And this might be a hat on a hat, but you could also at the bottom be like,

Look, I know I stepped it up for this this year, but that's just because Christmas is so important. And the truth is, no matter who wins, I'm just lucky to have people like you in my life. This is an amazing turn. Like a little emotional. By the way, dude, this is a really manipulative way of winning. Yes. Oh, it's pure. You don't mean it. Well, OK, you guys hit the nail on the head.

Because I'm retiring. This is my last Christmas working with them. Oh, my God. Yes. You know what? Really built them into voting. And it's a great way to say this is Cindy's. Here's my idea. Yeah. And it's Cindy's without saying it. Without saying it. Hey, you guys mean a lot to me. This is my last spin. Either way. Does the the chief of this, do they pick the drawing or can you pick your own drawing?

No, because she's in charge of it. She picks all the drawings and nobody knows what's coming.

Cause what I was going to say, if there's a way to get like, you know what you could do, whatever, here's what I would do. This is very manipulative. You get whatever house they give you. So whatever gingerbread house or Santa, whatever, then on top of it, somewhere in there, you get a work photo of all the employees and you go to a Kinko's and you get that matted in and you draw everybody in it. Or how about this? If it's like a house or something like that, you,

You take a picture of these people and you kind of cut them in the windows and you put them all around and you sort of say like, I'll miss you above the house. I'll miss you all. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Okay. If someone doesn't vote for you, they're Scrooge.

Yes, I think I think get get images of all these people and cut it around whatever it is. Even if it's Santa, you make them elves. If it's a house, everybody gets to see themselves. And they're like, oh, my God, that's so funny. I'm so little. Yes. Yeah. Well, if I'm blowing it up, then the pictures can be a little bit bigger. Yes. Cindy, if you do all this with a everybody knows you're leaving, right?

Yeah, everyone knows. So that you go, I'll miss you all. I love you. Merry Christmas. If they don't vote for you, what kind of pieces of shit? And then after you win, you go like this. Hey, Ronaldo, good trick with the candy. Hey, Ronaldo. Yeah. Hey, take those little strawberries and shove them up your ass. Mine only cost $150. Or just walk up to Ronaldo and go, hey, checkers.

Yeah. I'm Chess, baby. I'm glad you had the ending because I was like, not sure what that is. I think that's the right way to do it. And I think that I think it's a win. I think it's a win. If you lose there, you work with the coldest people on planet Earth. Yeah. What do you think, Cindy? Do we get an oh shit? I love that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. I'm going to do as much of that as I can. You begged for it, Gareth. It doesn't count. I felt good. Just accept it. Jesus. Not everything is on your terms. We got to know shit. We're out on a good note. We just have to edit out you asking for it. No, we don't. That would be so funny. Ha ha ha.

I listened to it and I'm like, that's crazy. All of a sudden she just goes, oh shit. Oh shit. Gareth ending his standup shows with, can I get a thank you? Can I get a standing ovation? Hey, could everybody just stand up for a second? Everyone clap a lot. Clap more. All right, Cindy. Well, do us a favor and send us what your final product is. Yes, that makes sense. So we can take a look at it. But I think this is a way to step it up.

Oh, shit. You're going to win. I knew I called the right people. Thank you so much. I have so many ideas now. It's amazing. Thank you. Cindy, good luck to you. Thank you for the call. Happy holidays. You too. Have a good one. Bye.

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And February 16th, 2025 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time.

Hi. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Thank you so much. Of course. Can we get your name, please? Yeah. My name is Carly. Carly. Carly, where are you Carling from? Jake. I'm Carly from New Jersey. New Jersey. And Carly, let me ask you this.

You're in the jungle. Good question. And you see an animal. Silverback. Stop. And you see an animal. Silverback. Stop it, Jake. You see an animal. Silverback. Jake, you see an animal and it fills you with... Jake, it fills you with fear, but you're also a little excited by that fear. Good question. What animal in the jungle...

Is this for you? Silverback. Jake, turn your light on. Turn your light back on, weirdo. I think for me, it would be like a little tiny tree frog. So great. Why? Because they can kill you.

That's right, they can. But they're so cute. Carly, you know, there's some people who just take the bait and just go silverback eight times. But I like your little tree. Silverback nine. So Carly. What's going on, Carly? Well, hold on. We've got more questions, Gareth. Do we? I think she answered the weird joke. Carly, what do you do for work? Busted. I work in suicide prevention.

Thank you. That, by the way, I tried to get us away from this comedy poison. Okay. Jake wanted to go up and touch the tree frog. Foolish man. Okay. Thank you for doing what you do, Carly. And tell us what we can help you with today. The idea that you're calling us for help is shocking with what your job is. I listen, I didn't know where else to go. This is such a weird, weird situation. I'm in. Hopefully you came to the right place.

I hope so. But well, long story short, my mother, who I love very dearly, is in her hot girl era, one might say. And she really likes to tell me about all the guys that she's dating. And she's even brought some home. She doesn't know these men very well. Just because it's appropriate. How old are you? I'm 21. 21. You're still living at home with mom.

So I don't live with my mother, but I'm over there a lot. And she's... How old's mom? My mom is 56. Young. And my sister lives with her. Okay. Okay. And when did mom and dad end their little dance? Oh, this is a complicated story. So they...

got divorced in 2008 but my mom was remarried to my stepdad uh he's been out of the picture for like three years at this point okay so she kind of went marriage marriage now she's kind of celebrating being single for the first time in a long time but what sparked it for mom to enter hot girl era

You know, I don't think that she's ever really been without a man, to be completely honest. And what's she doing? She's date-napping? Is that what she's doing? Date-napping. Date apps? Is she on those? Oh, date-apping. Oh, yes. By the way, I thought you said date-napping, too. I just didn't want to comment on it. Tell me, Aaliyah, go on dates. Okay.

We'll go out. I'll have a huge margarita and burrito and be like, time for a little date nap. Well, Kevin, we saw what you did when you went out on the town and you ate a big bowl of pasta for five alone. By the way, we hosted Thanksgiving and did another little 7 p.m. like, I'm going to lay down for a couple minutes, woke up at 4.30 in the morning. Everyone was gone. Kevin is honestly 70 years old.

He really is. He's into cigars, pens, and crashing at seven hammered. So Carly, Carly, back to you. So your mom dates a lot, but she's always dated a lot. So this is not a new phase. She's just kind of a good looking lady. Well, it's new in the sense that she hasn't been single and playing the field. So she's really playing the field. She's been single for three years.

Yes. Yeah. Has she been playing the field for the last three years? So yes, but it has gotten a little worse the last couple months. Okay, walk us through what has gotten worse, walk us through where we're at, and then finish off with what we can do for you. So she has probably in the last...

two months gone on six to 10 different dates with six to 10 different men and has brought some of them back to the place where my mom and my sister live without knowing them very well. And it's making everybody a little uncomfortable. So I guess my question is, how can we get her to stop doing that and also get her to stop telling me all of these details about these men she's seeing? Yeah.

She's bringing them back, meaning we're going to the bedroom and... Yeah, scared. Sometimes. Sex. Say it. Carly, say it. Sex. Yes, sometimes. Yes, sometimes they're coming back for sex. And are they going to the bedroom? Yeah. Well, actually, she did make out with a guy on the couch once while my sister was locked in her room, and she could hear them, and it was weird.

It is weird. I have a question for you. How old is your sister? She's 19. Move out. This is awesome. This is awesome. But hold on. I'm not understanding this call. She's 19. She can't move out. Of course she can. No, she can't. Rebs is crazy. She can't. But here's my question on this one, Carly, and maybe I'm crazy. We're talking about a 56-year-old woman who's having a good time?

Yeah, you know, good for her. She's already raised her kids, 19 and 21. If you said, like, my sister's six, I'd be like, Mom, take it easy. She's a 19-year-old woman. But, well, the thing is... What am I missing here? Well, I mean, okay, Jake, imagine if you, let's say you are staying with your mom. With Pam. Stop. Stop.

And you were living there? I would say no. Clean up your tattoos and get some supplies. Pam and I are happy. You know, you find a thing and then you've got your new hook. It's tattoo time. Until we take the break, it's tattoo time. Why don't you take that dog for a walk? Me and your mom are going to have some fun. Jesus Christ. But imagine...

Like, I... Okay. When I was in high school, my mother was single. Was she just cleaning up? Shut up. Shut up. Sorry. Trying to relate to the... Shut up. My mother... Stop. I know that when...

It was I don't can't even do it. I know that when there would be a she'd go on a date, even it would make me feel fucking weird. So I can't tell if I knew she was making out on the couch, I would want some sort of solve. So I guess this is less your problem, Carly, and a little more your sister's problem. But the question is, how do we dissuade mom from dating? Well, from bringing it home.

But it's her home. I know, but we don't want mom in a parking lot of a Burger King. Well, we might rather that, honestly. Not for mom's safety.

No, not for a second. But it is. But by the way, speaking of Sam, she's really playing the field. So, Carly, the main issue here is mom is bringing home too many guys. Is it a safety concern? Is it a grossing out the sister concern? Do you not want your mom having making whoopee? Yeah, she doesn't want her mom banging. I'll tell you what. My dad, before he passed.

If he was having a little bit of fun, you know what I would say? Great. If my mom said, hey, the plumber came by and he laid some pipe, you know what I'd say to Eve? I hope you guys had a wonderful time. No, you wouldn't. Sure I would. Stop it. It's not at all true. I want my mom to have a good time. That's not the problem. Good for her. She's got the power. But I don't want to have to hear about it afterwards, given all the details. I got you. TMI.

So it's essentially she's telling too much. Yes. Yes. How do we keep mom from talking about her hot girl summer? How do we limit that? Do you ever tell her stories? I was just going to say, no, well, I think we got an eye for an eye. I think we got, I mean, there's one way to slow it down. Carly, do you have a boyfriend? I do.

I want you to have sex with him on the couch. Well, slow down, Jake. I think I think you can start communicating fire with fire, even even fake stories. But then also, if your mom goes like, hey, hey, what are you guys doing? You go like, I thought you were running this like a goddamn swingers party. Yeah, that's an option. Does 19 year old have a boyfriend?

Yeah. So what I think that you and 19 year old have to do is you've got to outdo your mom so that your mom goes, what is happening in this house? And you go, maybe we should create some boundaries. I think that is really the best play.

And then she goes, I don't want to hear you and your boyfriend doing what you do. And you go, same mom. And we go, we're all active ladies who like to have a good time. But can we do it with a little bit of a we got to have we got to say, yeah, we need to be a little less open about what we're all doing here.

I think that I have another pitch. What is it? The other pitch is the next time she goes on a date and brings a guy home, you mentioned to the guy how that guy's just going to be another story in the long line of stories. And you call her out and make her never want to tell you another thing about a guy. Or when she brings home a guy, play really unsexy music really loud. Yeah.

So we've done this before. And the whole house is Bluetooth. We could so do that. Yes. So that you make the least sexy music imaginable. And you just, so your mom has to finally go like, stop with this. And then you go like, mom, it's too much. I like that. And then you could start saying like, why don't we do weekends? Friday night is a home, like Friday nights for the boys.

but weekdays is just us. Or you do like two days a week. You say like, you know, what if we had like Thursdays and Saturdays are date nights, the rest, let's just live peacefully. So those nights your sister can go to her boyfriend's those nights. Yep. Those can be home date nights and the rest, the schedule cannot. I think that's pretty good. And then I think you just dissuade her. I mean, you can dissuade her a few ways from the gabbing.

Like we mentioned. Well, when Gareth was younger and Pam and I first met, what did we do? This is crazy. All I remember is... No. The 69ing. Didn't happen. Do not ever. I remember 69ing with your mother and little Gareth. That is crazy. He must have been 19 years old. You are a year older than me, first of all. Yeah, I was 20. So you were 19. He had his big ginger hair, little mullet in the back. And he yelled...

Get out from under my mother. You're not my daddy, daddy. And I said, I'm not going to be your father. And he said, can you take me fishing? It was awkward. Get out from under will not be forgotten. That's going to be like on my wall as I like train.

to come over to your house and fight you like your weird garage tackle dummy. I got to say, Gareth, we've done a very bad job on this pitch. I don't think we have. You don't? Okay. What is our pitch? I think our pitch is dissuade your mother from talking about it

by outdoing her with tails. I think that's right. So when your mom says, oh, the other night, Carl couldn't get my bra off. It was so awkward. So he ended up just having to get my boobs out. You say, when I was hooking up with Gareth's mom, we were standing six feet apart. Mute him. That's crazy. Jake, that is the most ludicrous part of your story, you being able to handle a standing six feet apart. So...

So I think you outdo her and you say, oh, yeah, I know that one time. I mean, again, you get as graphic as you want to, but you open it up to where your mom is a little like, and you go, well, look,

This is what you started. I don't want to have these conversations with you, but this is what you started. And then you sort of drop the battle plan of saying, look, it's a little awkward for you to bring guys home. We're not in the same sorority. So can we say Thursday and Saturdays are your nights where you can bring a guy home? Your sister is going to spend the night at her boyfriend's if she has to those nights. And outside of that, she needs to figure out a home game for the guy. Carly, what do you make of that? I think that's pretty clean.

Yeah, I think that that's not too bad. I also like the blaring loud music part too. So it might be a mix of both.

I think you could also, here's what you could also do if you really wanted to show your mother, stop telling us these fucking sexcapades. Yeah. The next time she's regaling you with one, record her. And when that guy comes over, you Bluetooth that story over the Bluetooth. Ooh. And make her realize how she can't trust you with these stories. By the way, that's really good. You could also do it not in front of the guy. You could record every time she tells you a story.

And then just play them all back for her. Also, you know what you could do? Even just, you can use it as that cannon fire if you need, but you could also, every time she's doing it, just take it out, take your phone out, and just be like, here, talk into this, because these stories are so fucking disgusting that I play them for people because it's so crazy that my mother's telling me these stories. You know what we could also do, Gareth? Have her on the show. I'll date her. We could go back and do the, who were the two characters?

Oh, you mean, yeah, it was Moe and Piglet. And we could do a thing about how mothers talking to their daughters about the sex they have is proving to be a really unhealthy thing. It's creating celibacy in daughters. But what do you think, Carly, would you want to go the...

Dr. Piggly and Mr. Mo, would you want to go the loud music? Would you want to go the fight fire with fire? Where's your heart at? I think it's got to be a mix of the fight fire with fire and somehow get a recording of something in there. Great. So recording of like her talking? Yeah, like her talking or like the music. Something's got to be. Yes, I think that's right. Why don't you start with the music? Yep.

And then if that doesn't work, because recording her talking, she could get pretty mad. But it also shows it does show her that it's crazy. Yes. But why don't you start with that and follow up with us? And we'll kind of we'll see if this one needs a part two.

Absolutely. Sounds like a plan. All right. We appreciate the call. Good luck. All right. Thank you so much. By the way, let's just point out 56, not a crazy age to be banging. Go ahead. Take care, Carly. Thanks so much. We're getting a tattoo. Take care. Thanks a bunch. Thanks. Bye.

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Hey everyone, it's the shark the original call from this next follow-up aired on may 2nd It's called you are the danger and it is the second call from the episode So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher go for it. Enjoy Hello Welcome back

Whoever you are. Thanks for welcoming me back. It's good to be back. Who is this person? Sounds like Hot Takes. Yeah, it could be. We know you're a follow-up. We just know you have great energy. What's your name and what was your first call or your last call? Jake got it in one. Hot Takes! It is Hot Takes. It's me. Hot Takes is back. How you doing, brother?

I'm doing great. I am. Listen, part of the reason I'm excited is just because, Garrett, you said I was on your Mount Rushmore, and that has been filling my head for weeks since I heard it. You need a big head to be on Mount Rushmore. I know. I'm ready to be chiseled. Now, let's just say again, we call you, I want to guess...

Mr. K? What do we call you? Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. I know you're on my Mount Rushmore. I don't want to insult you. No, you are, because you are like, I feel like we ring the bell on you every time we catch up with you. So what is going on? As you know, or if people who maybe are not familiar, you are a teacher. You were giving hot takes for a while to your students, things that made you riled up.

hot thoughts you had. And then eventually that became too much. We suggested that you start giving the students the spotlight for them to come in with hot takes so you could still kind of carve out your niche at your school. That worked. And now it's sort of caught on and it's a trend. So is that a pretty good summation?

That is a very good summation. I would say the latest update is, if I were to ask you, what do you think best case scenario would have been? I think I'd beat it. We are killing it. What's going on? Well, recently we've started to design the Hot Take Festival, which will happen on one of the last Tuesdays of the school year. Holy shit.

I think science fair, but for hot takes. Oh, that's awesome. Check out the library. We're inviting people in to come in to argue with my classes about their hot takes. They are very excited for it. I think that's excellent. This is great.

We are booked. My class is booked months out. I have teachers who want to come in and give hot takes. I'll tell you, I've had, like, I knew it was a success. The very first student won of the year. The kid finishes, looks right at me and says, when can I go again? Wow. Bye-bye.

We got it. We got it. And we've been firing at all cylinders since. We've got great hot takes. I mean, some of the kids, we have a wall at the back of my classroom that is just pick

pictures of all of the kids after they've done their hot take. Mr. H, let me ask you this, because this is a win. I mean, obviously, this is a win that keeps winning. This feels very Shark Tank-y in that we just sort of yes-handed and you've taken it off on your own, and we did very little, honestly. But you've heard a lot of hot takes. Out of all those hot takes you've heard from your students, what is the best? What is the one where you're like,

Like, God damn, that's pretty good. So it's not one I agree with, but the best word in all of my students have agreed with this one is a kid stood up in front of the classroom and just said, nothing is better spicy. And he went on a rant about how everything is better spicy. How good! Actually, what are some other hot takes the kids have had? That one is great. We did, you can retract an apology after it's given.

was one that got the kids fired up. They got a good one. We had one that had a great follow-up this week. Speaking of follow-ups, kids on Tuesday had two boys in one of my classes. They know they're in a class with a lot of the girls who are athletes, so they ranked sports. And to poke the bear, they put all of the girls' sports, the girls in the class were playing at the bottom just to get a reaction.

Wow. And so the next day was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's kind of like a wasted day anyway. We did Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is Wednesday, and those two boys had to go out and play field hockey, volleyball. It didn't go so great for them. Boy, oh boy. Well, Mr. H, to me, you're the teacher of the year. You're the teacher of the year, and I think for our show, this is truly...

When we come up with our advice on what the show is going to be, never do we think... I mean, you are the running back as far as you have taken this and just run with it. It's impressive. To continue the metaphor...

You are the offensive line. I want to push back that you guys didn't do anything because I originally called wanting to get out of it. And the very first thing they made clear was there was no getting out of this. So you guys are the offensive line if I'm the running back. I mean, I would say we're the GM and the coach, honestly. So, Mr. H, what's your hot take of the future? What's going to happen next with later this year, next year, and going forward with Mr. H's hot takes?

It is going to be a permanent part of my classroom. Part of the Hot Takes Festival is going to be getting future kids in here to look at it, to see how Hot Takes are made, so they come in next year ready. A museum. Ooh, what about a Hall of Fame each year for Hottest Takes?

I so that when kids come back to the school, they can have a photo. Well, that's what should be the end of the hot takes festival. Someone should get inducted into the hot takes Hall of Fame. And this year is the first annual. That could be one of my kids did suggest that they thought we should vote at the hot take festival in the winter, should have to give their hot take in front of the entire school. Yeah, it's a bit intimidating, but it's an idea.

That's a great idea. And whoever gets voted and does that gets their photo. And every year there is one kid who does that. And so part of the thing is, if you're in Mr. H's class, you're like, I kind of want to be the person. Yes. Who wins hot takes. It's H-O-T-H-O-F. And then what you're really hoping for in like 15 years is one of those hot takes Hall of Famers.

Has like a great career. Yeah. And does something big. Becomes an orator. And then comes back and goes like, visits the school and goes like, when I did hot takes, I realized that, oh, I could fly fighter jets. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. And I like that career trajectory. I think that's it. Yes. You're doing it, man. That's great, Mr. H.

Well, Mr. H. Thanks again, guys. We love you, buddy. Thank you for the call. Shall I ring the bell even though we can't hear it? I'm ringing it. Yeah, ring the bell. Thank you, Mr. H. Keep us posted, Mr. H, and thank you for what you're doing. Oh, we will. Thank you for what you guys are doing. Enjoy the rest of your day. That's what I was fishing for. See you, bud.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

Hi, guys. I'm Aga Wodum. Check out my new show, Thanks, Dad, now on HeadGum. I was raised by a single mom, and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And spoiler, I don't think I'm ever going to have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hasan Minhaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like...

How do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday. ♪

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod.