167: The People's Picks: Chronicles of Conor (Re-Release)
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And we are back. So today's a re-release day, Gareth. Yes. And it is your turn.

Yes. And then we threw this on you last minute because we got a little bit of time. Jamila is coming in to record with us, but we've got a little open window. Yes. So I said, I could pitch on your pitch. You have a pitch. And you said, it's unorthodox. It's highly unorthodox. And I agree with you. It's never been done before. Well, let me explain where I'm coming from. Okay. I released my last one, Mr. Hot Takes. Fantastic. I was looking at the Spotify comments.

From Laura Dahl, Connor needs an episode like this. Oh, this is pretty good. From a lady named, or a gentleman named Jade, absolutely Connor calls. From Laura White, Connor episode for sure, 59, 67, 83, 101, probably more, emoji, crying, laughing. That's a good pitch. Then there's another one.

Number 104, Uncle Master Rodney's a gem. I don't remember that one, do you? He's really been on the show a lot. Connor, yes, agreed. And then there was another one. Chronicles from Tom, Chronicles of Connor. Or the Conicles. The Conicles of Connor. So I think if you're okay with it, Gareth, and you can do the Gareth picks next, let's do the Chronicles. Chronicles.

Of Connor. It's highly unorthodox, Jake. But it's also, this show continues and always shall be democratic. But if the people are voting. The people have spoken. You know what my brother and I are starting to do, actually? So my brother is a web designer.

And he's been creating a thing called jury search, which is a way for people to search for juries by because you can like pool people together. So we were talking the other day and he's like, you know, I'm changing the app and I'm having it grow where it can be something where you can like as a group of people all pick.

And it's a database of picking and I was like, why don't you flip it around for our show a little bit so that we can get all of our calls on that thing uploaded and people can pick what they want for a re-release and who they want as a follow-up. That's great. And he's like, he's going to work on it. So it's not ready yet. I'm just telling you now early because we were texting yesterday and getting excited about it. It started because of these Connor comments.

Where I was like, that's a good idea because I think what's different about this when people go like, you can hear them. I go, of course you can. But you can't hear them all together, goddammit. And this episode is a curated... True. Well, and we want to incentivize people to listen to all of it. But also, I think you're right. I think we have these people who really have...

Become part of the world. Yeah, like Robert, who you really fell hard for today. Robert, for those who don't know what we're talking about, because this might be sooner than that, although I don't know when Rob's coming out, but Robert was the Max Greenfield circumcision character.

And he called back and we got an update. Yeah, we got an update and you fell hard. But Connor does deserve his own episode. So let's just get to it. Let's just do it. You want to start the show? You want to start the goddamn show? Yeah. Really quickly, you're in a holiday and how do you like it? Did you get it on booking.com? Not happy with it. Yeah?

This is not a booking.com. That's why you're not happy with it. That's right. When it's a booking.com booking. Yeah, I'm happy. This is a through the club and it's, it's not great. And if people want to see Gareth Reynolds live, how do they find you? They go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Uh, the next thing I have are dollop dates in June. You can go to dollop podcast.com, but then a lot of dates in August, a lot of dates, all of them.

Where are you going in August?

I'll be all around that little area. I'm doing a lot of the South lately. I love it. It's fun. So if any of our audience members are there, why don't you go check out the G-Man? You'll have a good time. The helpers come out. The Gilly Beans come out. That's pretty cool. It's great. It is cool. This feels like a do. A do? Yeah. And we promised without further. I agree.

But it's nice. It's about me, which you know I like. I know. I want it to be nice to you. I like you. You're a nice guy. I like you. I like you, buddy. That's super weird. Well, we're getting older. No, we're not. We're getting younger, bro. And we've been doing a lot of Zooms. And again, all we do is look at each other's face for three hours. Well, we're going to do some in person in May. I agree. Yes. And I want to get Eric Edelstein on more. Great.

There's no pushback from the network on that. God damn, is that guy funny. And yes, Gareth, we got to let him cook. We won't have him do a million calls because it'll just be us sitting there reacting. I know, yeah. We'll get him to do a couple and just...

Well, you know, you never know. Let Kobe shoot. We never know where a river will open from some weird pitch. So it's good to have him there, considering that as we learned on Jamila's podcast that, you know, he was a 7-Eleven healing Elvis. Without further ado. Hello? Hello?

All right, here we go. And we are rolling. How are you? Good, thank you. Sorry about that. That's okay. We're definitely going to blame you for whatever technical issues. I got to say, we know it wasn't you, my guy. It is. We're going to put it on you. We're in a new studio. Yeah, we're in a new studio. Gareth is in a new vest. Listen, it's the old vest. What is your name? First of all, welcome to We're Here to Help, America's Number One Podcast. What is your name, age, roughly, where are you calling from? And then we'll get into it.

Sure thing. My name's Connor. I'm 24, and I am in Florida right now. What part of Florida? Southwest Florida. Northport? Yeah. Beautiful. Can you imagine being 24 again, Jake? Yeah, I feel it. Okay, that's... My vibe is 24. Your vibe is mannequin in a Ross dress for less. All right, Connor. What, unfortunately, Jake... You look like an action figure. Jake is...

murdering me over what would just be considered a lovely outfit. I look good. Someone has to step up the fashion on the show. Do I have to raise my hand and talk? Look at you. What year are those new balances from? Be honest. How many characters have you played that wore those shoes? Seven.

Can I raise my hand? Yes, Jake Johnson. We're here to help press. Connor, he just started dressing up for the cameras because we're on YouTube. I've always been... Connor, I always... Jake... Connor, don't listen to Jake. This is what Jake does. What has happened... A lot of words, Connor. I've always... A lot of talk. Cheeks are getting red. I've always...

I've always heard in the outfit. You have earthy tones. I've always been a fashion icon and I'm just continuing that today. Connor, what is the problem? I have the problem. Uh, go ahead, Connor. What's your problem? Your problem is, is your face is too red for your earthy outfit. Connor, go ahead. Whenever you're ready. What can we do to help you, buddy? Okay.

So my problem is... I got to go hunting soon. Go ahead, Connor. What's going on? Sorry. Hunting for a new vest. I recently got an internship down here in Florida. Great. Okay. So I needed to find some quick housing and I found a nice cheap one. It was Airbnb, but it's one of those ones where you share it with other renters. So like I have a room, but we share a common area. So you're just renting a room? Like a dorm almost. I'm renting a room on Airbnb. Sure. I didn't realize Airbnb did that.

They're doing everything. I don't know. They're fancy these days. Respect. So rather than going through... Okay, so you're renting a room through Airbnb. You got an internship. You're in a room. Okay, you're back. So my roommates, they're very nice people. They are senior citizens. They each have their different ways of life. That's incredible, Connor. They're senior citizens. This is great. Wait, quick question about your group. Yes.

How many people? How old? What are the... Yeah, what's the range? And I'm going to tell you why, because I'm going to steal it and I'm going to sell it to NBC, baby. I swear to God. This is a TV show, Connor. In my head, I was like, keep this in the back pocket. So eventually, Connor, we might use this, and guess what? You'll get a chunk of change too, baby boy. I wouldn't go chunk. That's all I'm asking for. I wouldn't go as far as chunk.

Lawyer, please define chunk. A shred. Yeah. Eight dollars is a chunk. A morsel. So, Connor, what are your roommate situations? One, I'll give you, they're Roger and Cindy. They're both in their 60s. I love this. Are they a couple? Yeah. They're both in their 60s. Are they together? No, they're not together. Oh, all individuals. You got Roger, you got Cindy. We have each individual room. Respect. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So anyway, in our room there. Oh, it's the three of you. You got Roger, you got Cindy, you got Connor. I can't. I'm very excited for the problem because my mind is. But by the way, if there's no problem, this is just a setup. I'm into talking about it. We're here to help just discuss before the next call. What's going on with Roger and Cindy? This is our side podcast. We're here to gossip. Yeah. Oh my God. We're here to gab about Roger and Cindy. Really quick, Connor. Is there any vibe-age between Roger and Cindy? Come on.

I'm going to tell you what. Cindy stays to herself. She keeps to herself. I've seen her twice in my time I've been here. What's Cindy's kind of story? What does she do for work, do you know? Cindy, she's visiting some family down here. Respect. And she's from the Midwest, so she has a Midwest accent. Love Cindy. But she just usually keeps to herself.

And she stays in her room for a month. She is the cat. And I got a feeling Roger's the dog. He's barking at everyone's business. Is that true, Connor? What's Roger doing? So Roger, yeah, he is the chatterbox of the house. Yeah, he's the dog. He is...

He's very talkative. He likes to be out and about. So Roger is basically me and Gareth. Yeah. Won't shut up. Yeah, just always down for a fat chew, hanging out at the kitchen island. I'll tell you what this show needs, Connor, is a fucking Cindy. Narrating everything. Oh, more eggs, huh? Oh, another vest? Another vest? Okay, we're really getting vest heavy on this. Kevin, we're going to have to do a vest pass in editing. I agree. Take it off. No, come on. You can't do that in the air. Listen to Jake.

Wanting less layers. Classic. Classic Roger. So you've got Roger talks all the time. Cindy's quiet. Connor, what's your vibe in the house? My vibe is I come in and Roger's there. So this is where the problem is. Roger, he has started to secretly claim the common area for himself. Nightmare.

He has completely taken it over. Whether that's him doing laundry out there in the common room where it's not near his room. He might be watching TikToks full volume, taking phone calls on speaker while we're out there. Roger is acting like it's his home and he's the dad.

Oh, absolutely. So dad doesn't wear a shirt in his goddamn living room. No, I, oh man. I get this. Okay. So, okay. So in the common room, we have the laundry. Do we have a TV? No, no, not the laundry, his laundry. He's just folding it. There is not a TV in this common room. So he's blasting his phone. Kitchen is in the common area, obviously. Yeah.

Yeah, the calm area. We got the kitchen, all that stuff. He's right there. He claims the couch for himself. So this is good stuff. So Roger's pissed on that area if he's the dog. Okay. So Roger's in the center. Your vibe, which I like how you describe yourself, is you're just coming home and Roger's claiming the center. Hey, that was work! Yeah.

Is that similar to what's happening? I bought some hummus and carrots if you want to have any of those with me, Connor. It's funny you guys said he's the dog because he's got this little 14-year-old dog as well that loves to just yap around. I'm pretty sure that dog's leaked a little bit here and there. I think Roger has too. What's the dog's name?

The dog's name is Millie. It's one of those tiny white ones. I got to say, one second, one second. I added a dog named Millie. I got a little connection with you. Uh-oh, you've broken through chicks. You probably met Millie because it was in the Rowena apartment. Oh, yeah. That little beagle. Yep.

Look at us. Okay, so keep going, Connor. Walk us through. So, wonderful setup. I'm liking everything about this. I wish there were little cameras hidden around your apartment so I could just watch. This would be my favorite show. We can make it happen. Yeah. This would be my favorite show. So, what's the problem?

I'm trying to win the common room back because Roger, he is being a chatterbox. I'll go in there and he's in the common room whenever I arrive, whenever I leave, he's always there. So I tried to wait him out before.

You can't wait out an old time guy. Yeah. There's one thing you're not going to buy a 60 year old man. Connor stays up. Connor. I'm going to tell you. Yeah. Connor, I'm going to tell you this as a 45 year old man and you're a 24 year old, you get more stubborn every five years and more desperate for interaction. Like a lot of this is probably coming from Roger really wanting to hang out with you. Interesting.

I wouldn't see that. Do you feel like he's pining for your friendship a little bit, Connor? Or is he just a lunatic hanging out? He's just claiming space. You don't know him. No, I felt you guys might say this. Because I do. I have felt that at times he can be looking for, we're just chatting. Cindy, she keeps to herself. So he doesn't have a Cindy to talk to. And so it's him and I.

but he's also started doing this pet peeve lately yeah and this is mostly why i had to call in because i needed to change something and that is whenever we're in talk and conversing he'll start pointing and what i mean by that is he points and then he asks you a question about what he just said so whether he's in the middle of a conversation and you know who showed up and

And then he points at me asking me to guess who showed up. Yeah. So this is more my thought on him. I don't know who showed up. He's kind of mad. He wants you to mad lib with him, basically. You fill in the specific with a point. But he also wants to make sure that you're listening, that you're staying focused, that you're paying attention to him. And I'm going to tell you why. Because it's his space. Okay.

So as what happens to men, in my opinion, and possibly women, but I will just say men for sure is as we get older, everything becomes world war one.

And that is, there's a line in the sand and you go, I'd rather die of 10 infections than move one inch backwards. Yeah, right. I'd rather rats eat me out from every hole in my body than give you motherfuckers one inch. And that's what's happening. Right. He said he and Cindy are fine. And he goes, who the fuck is this brat?

And this brat's coming in my space, so I'm going to tell you a story, Connor. Hey, Connor, what's my name right now? Pointing at you. My name is Jake. You got to say it faster. You see what I just did there? I rogered you. I took control. I dominated you. He's dominating you, Connor. I got my first pitch. Connor, I got my first pitch. Am I too early to pitch? Do you have more info?

No, that's basically the whole gist of it. So you want to stop... He wants to take over the space. You want to take the space back, and Roger has the pointing oddity. Okay, go ahead. So I got my first... He has a stronghold, yeah. Yeah, well, he's winning. It's World War I, and right now he's got the territory you want. So my pitch is going to be called, you got to Roger, Roger. Okay. Ooh. Okay. So you've got to Roger, Roger. What I mean by that is you're in the space...

earlier than him, you're telling stories pointing at him, you do an impression of Roger to Roger. Where he likes to be on the couch, you get there first. You're doing your laundry. So Roger has to deal with Roger. So guess what? You can't win in a war if they're fighting exactly the same as you. And that might make him go like, "Holy shit." - Fire with fire. - Roger with Roger. - Roger with Roger.

I like that a lot. I think that's, I, I, I, my fear would be that Roger is going to re, I mean, like it. Yes. And that you will find now that you're like, Jesus Christ, Roger has like sucked you into his world. Guess what? Connor might like it. You might. Let me ask you this, Connor. What, uh, what do you have? Like, do you like your room? Cause I, I gotta be honest. I definitely like, uh, what Cindy's approach. Yeah.

Cindy's picked up on Roger. Cindy's like, Roger's out of his mind. I want no part in this. I'm going to make my room the common space for me, and I'm going to just sit in here. Yes, because Cindy's normal. You know who Connor is? Roger Jr. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. And I say that with love. I say that with love, Connor. That's a diagnosis more than a point. Connor, I say that with love, because guess what? I'm Roger Jr. You have Roger Jr.

Well, we all did come running. And so was Garrett. You ever go to the gym? Like, remember when you go to the gym, there's always like an old guy who's hanging out there and he wants to talk or on the plane sometimes there's a guy who is, or like the bar, there's always a guy who's there and you like, you're not trying to have a conversation, but you like look into eye contact and you're like, Jesus, that guy's looking at me and he's like, I was from Michigan. Well, I think,

Our Rogers are different, Gareth. Okay. I think your Roger is looking for human connection. And I think my Roger is drawing arbitrary lines in the sand and defending them. Connor, what is your gut? Do you feel like it's more like the Jake thing where he's kind of just trying to... Dominate a space? Yes. He's trying to be the alpha. Or is he looking for human connection? Or is there a little sadness under this? Yeah. Where are we at? And then we can go forward.

At first, I felt for that. I thought it was a little bit of sadness. But now I firmly believe it is about marking territory and that he is trying to outweigh me. So I'm going to just make a claim on this call. And this is now more to my friend, Gareth. You're projected, my king.

There is a sadness. Let's step away from it. Title. But title for a different call. That's when you call in. Which will be great. But this is not this call. Okay. Let me ask you this. Does he drink? Good question. No. Do you drink? Yes.

24 year old in Southwest Florida. When you say, I mean, like, you mean like, like Jaeger or like a hundred million beers? Like, I don't like drink right now. Do you like to party? Yes. Not you. Do you, Connor? Yes, he does. I would start. Listen, I mean like party, like right now. I think there's cocaine right now. I'll do a bump. I think there's some leverage here to maybe if you make the common space a little bit. Also, do you have friends out there?

They, no. He's just starting an internship. They're all coming down eventually. Okay, I would start adding a little bit of party to the mix in the common room. But we also don't want to fuck up Cindy. But Cindy's, listen. No, but Cindy matters. She's collateral to me. You got to shoot the hostage. Sorry, Cindy. You're in the bedroom. You're hanging out like a weird cat. You got your litter box in there. I have a feeling she's pissing in jars. I think Cindy's okay. Again, you're projecting. I've pissed in a lot of jars.

I think maybe you bring a bottle of 151 out there one night and you start bringing the hammer down a little bit. I feel like that's going to maybe, that might counteract or throw some sand on the Roger energy. Okay. So the, another thing you could do here, Connor is smoke them out. And I don't mean with actual smoke. It's just the idea of making the common space less comfortable. So you figure out what Roger likes about that common space and you take it away and

So one of the things if he likes sitting there listening to his tick-tock Well, you're in the kitchen listening to your phone even louder So like if I go to a restaurant by myself, which I like to do and some fucking asshole has their phone without headphones Yeah, and they're watching their it's insane. I hate it insane But what I now do and I'll tell you a real story that just happened the other day. I was with Eric Edelstein Okay, we were walking down by the Arroyo having a pleasant time and

Quiet nice kind of rainy day just loving it some fucking asshole on the hike behind us has his music crazy playing on a speaker and

So I hear this guy from 300 feet behind me. So Eric goes, brother, let's be mature. Well, I chose not to. I chose to smoke him out. And you know what I did? I turned my phone volume as loud as it can get. So when he was near us, we were in a world of chaos. And what I was saying is like, hey, asshole, we can all

They all ruin a common space. They're really in this society we have. The auditory privacy is absolutely insane. Headphones are the best. We all have them. Absolutely. I like that a lot. What I would do is there's a version of you smoke him out. So one is, you know, Roger to Roger and you imitate him. Smoke him out means you're in there while he's in there. If he's talking to you, you're playing music. You're playing whatever you want to listen to. You're on the phone with a friend talking at full volume. Ooh, awesome.

Face timing with someone full volume is good. Yes. Full engagement in another world. You could feign obliviousness very well. And so and then you've got the shoot the hostage and that is turn the center into a party. When you're hearing these ideas of the idea of party. I've got two more. Go. OK. What about working out? Do you work out?

Yeah. Now you do it in the common room. I remember you used to do this, the P90. Yes, I used to do the P90X. And let me tell you, nothing alienates others. Neighbors, there can be walls. If you do that in the common area, that's going to make him feel very, very strange. But then I also have the Hail Mary. And this is where I'm talking about some ally forces. Okay. I think you go to Cindy.

And you let Cindy know that Roger has moved his troops way too far into this area. And you are worried about annexation. I'm getting too deep into it. And now you and Cindy want to have dinner in the common space. Try to make Roger feel like the third wheel a little bit and see if that'll put the gopher back in the hole. Okay.

Okay. That's interesting. So you go to Sydney and you go, look, I understand you like your privacy. I like my privacy. I feel like Roger's gotten way too comfortable. I think for a little bit, if you and I can do a couple things out there, I'll buy us some noodles. We sit out there. We hang out. We have a gab. I think that'll make Roger feel like the third wheel and maybe he'll go home. So obviously that has a big win, big danger zone.

I can see it from Cindy's point of view. You might have to start sleeping with Cindy, but I think for me, that's worth it. It's a different show. It doesn't go to NBC, but we could still sell it. Yeah, of course. So, Connor, you got Roger to Roger, where you essentially do an impression of Roger to Roger nonstop. When he's doing laundry, you're doing laundry. When he's telling a story, you're telling a story. When he's watching TikTok, you're watching TikTok, to the point of he goes like...

This fucking kid's driving me nuts. Yes. And he's driving me so nuts, the only way to get away from him is go to my room. Yep. The other one is smoke him out with noises. FaceTiming. Music. You're in his space while he is. Third, shoot the hostage.

You literally bring a bottle of booze, party your fucking ass off. You're going through a dark time. And he's got to feel that. Bad news at work. And guess what? Get a decanter. Yep. Cindy's going to pay the price too for that one. Yep. But you are now exploding the dynamic of the apartment to get him and Cindy out and start over. Four is the workout.

You just start doing your sweaty, gross workouts in the common space. Be the grunty guy. Be the grunty guy. Yes. Two more, Connor. Yes. And you're in shorts and t-shirts and you're laying on a yoga mat on the floor and he hates it. Five is connect with Cindy and turn him into the third wheel. Connor.

Back to you, our 24-year-old friend who is still wet behind the ears, starting life. What are you going to do, young man? You gave me a lot of good options there, fellas. I'm not going to lie to you. I feel like he's a judge. You both present pretty good arguments.

I'm leaning towards smoke them out. I feel that sets a tone. It gives you like a little bit of fire, fire, fire versus fire. And I'm not putting Cindy in the middle of harm's way. Right. I respect this. I do too. Yeah. So you're going for an old smoke them out, but you're being sensitive to Cindy as you smoke them out. If she's not in the house, things get weird. If she is, you walk away.

I think that's right. If it escalates, I think I go with the Hail Mary option and I try to team up with Cindy. Interesting. Dinner. You want to get to know her. But I think that's right. So you're starting Smoke Em Out and if it goes sideways, you're having a great talk with Cindy and saying, the reason I'm doing this is because of this. Do you want to team up? And if she says no, you leave. Yep.

And then you cut ties. Airbnb has a lot of different places. Yes. I can see. Cindy has dropped little hints here and there in the two times I've seen her that Roger is not her type of guy. I think you got that play if you need it for sure. That's good to know. Hold on to that because in World War I, the way to win is you got to get more countries as allies. Yes. Yes. But the first thing you do...

You run right for that line and you try to knock them on their goddamn ass and get them fucking backtrack and move the line into their territory. I think that's, I think it's good. I think both, I think they work in conjunction well too, you know? I do too. And Connor, when you say you like to party, what's a party for you? What are you drinking? Walk us through a little bit of that evening really fast before we get out of here.

No, it's a lame type of party. I'll tell you that. Well, let's hear what it is. What does that mean? What's that? It's just like go out on a weekend, have a few, one, two, three, something like that. By the way. A few beers. And what kind of beers we drinking? One, two, three, a couple of shots. One, two, three. Shots ever? Yeah, I'm not. Um, what is it? Probably like Coronas. Maybe a shot or two or no? One, two, three, tequila.

Not as many times as me. You make eye contact with a guy across the bar who's got a stuffed parrot on his shoulder and he holds one nostril shut and gives you a wink. Do you meet him in the bathroom or one, two, three or no? One, two, three, no. Connor, you see a guy at the bar. He's wearing a vest. He looks like he's a mannequin from Ross Dress for Less. Thanks for the call, Connor. Do you walk up or do you run? You hug him. Bye, Connor. Bye, Connor. Bye, guys. Thank you. Bye.

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Hey, welcome back. Well, thanks for having me back, guys. You're welcome. Who are you and what did you call about and what's your follow-up? We have no clue, so just key us in. Okay. Yeah, my name's Connor. I called about living with senior citizen roommates in an Airbnb room. My mother listened to this one and loved it. She was so invested. Okay.

I'm glad to hear that. So you basically have a place where you're sharing space with some seniors, and one of the seniors is kind of...

is a very he's taking over the space yeah and uh and connor you're in florida and you were what 24 years old but i remember you didn't party your party was like two coronas or something like that yeah wild man you guys got a good memory yeah all right so so connor year and this was one where we really did what was the advice on this garth because i remember this was like

fight fire with fire I think we said oh it was like kill the hostage or something I think well I think we started with I think we said try to form a united front with the other person in there what was her name Wendy or something Barbara or something

Cindy. Cindy. Roger and Cindy. Roger and Cindy. So we said sidebar with Cindy. Yes. And go for that. And then I think maybe we, what did we land on? Did we land on the idea that you kind of. To make Roger's life miserable. Yes. To work out in the living room. Work out in the living room. Be very, like listen to things on speaker. I think the advice was out Roger, Roger. Yes.

Connor. Yes. I think we settled on smoking them out. And then if not, it would go to Cindy and like try to form the front with Cindy and just force Roger to get out of there. Well, I'm dying. What's happening? You're edging us. Yeah. So the attempt to smoke them out.

was not very smoky. He did not really get bothered by it. What did you do exactly? Walk us through, because if you tried to smoke him out the way you parted, he might not have even known you were smoking him out. Yeah, he might not have known you were there.

I turned my TV volume at a 38 rather than a 33. I used the dimmer switch, but it's pretty bright. Not all the way up. I made it very bright. And then I took the light bulbs. They were 14. I made them 18 in the bathroom. It's way too bright. It's way too bright. Yeah.

It's very, with the white walls, it's uncomfortable. Oh, it's very, I mean, it's tolerable, but barely. Roger likes a soft toilet paper. I did two plies harder. Still soft, but not quilted, baby. Oh, I'm not going to go insane. Enjoy that, Roger. Perhaps it'll be a little less comfortable for you, Rog. The subtle hemorrhoid, I call it. So, Connor, how did you smoke this maniac out? What'd you do?

So started doing things like go out there, start going on FaceTimes or phone calls on speaker, just trying to let my presence be known. Okay.

And it seemed like he couldn't even hear it. And so anyway, I went to Cindy. By the way, that's an issue. It is, yep. Yep. There needs to be a lot of smoke. Yeah. I went to go to Cindy and she wasn't there. But hold on. Hold on, Connor. So all you tried to do to smoke him out was make calls in the living room?

That's right. What else, Connor? Well, here's the thing, guys. Talk to us. I am trying to work through this story because the story gets so much better in the second half. Sorry. Go, baby. Go, baby. Yeah. So the whole point is like, so I tried to make this front with Cindy. Cindy's not there. Lo and behold, I go to Roger. I say, do you know where Cindy is? He goes, I have no idea. We find out she's been gone for three days. She left in the middle of the night.

From this, Roger and I form a friendship, and it goes great for however long he stays there. When he parts ways, he gives me 100 shark teeth, and we call it a day. Hold on here. No, Jake, you hold on. He gives you a—was there any—had you talked about shark teeth, or was this—has he sort of seceded from Florida, and he's kind of come up with his own currency? Yeah.

He's like, here's next month's rent. I think shark teeth is the currency down in certain parts of Florida. It's certainly a Jimmy Buffett restaurant you can pay with shark teeth. Can I get two burgers and fries? That'll be nine shark teeth. That'll be 31 shark teeth. We had mentioned, because he would go during his time in the morning, he'd be like, yeah, you know, I went to the beach and got these shark teeth. And I was like, oh, sweet. And so then when he left, he just gave me all these shark teeth. That's really cool.

Yeah, I just got a bunch of shark teeth. I thought, you know, it was pretty neat. Sure, yeah. He then, after that, he left. I thought I had the house to myself. Less than five hours later, my next set of roommates come in. Ooh. So we're replacing Cindy, and now, so we don't know what happened to Cindy, why she left like a thief in the night. That just happened. Not a clue. Not one bit we don't know. Okay, so now you have two new people coming in. Let's go.

And so their names are... So instead of it being senior citizens, these guys are...

They are foreign citizens. They are immigrants who have come over. One is Mexican. His name is Roberto. He doesn't speak a lick of English. He has nine fingers. It is incredible. Connor, you're living a wild life. Jesus Christ. It is incredible, Roberto. So we got Roberto, who's number two. By the way, we love Roberto. The other one is,

No, yeah. Here. The other one is Maria. She is from Russia and Roberto and I, we think she stinks. She is terrible, terrible roommate. Wait, as a person or literally smells bad.

No, just as a person. How do you communicate with Roberto if there's no sign language? He's got some basic like he knows some regular key phrases, which are main shark teeth like like hello. I don't think he really knows my name, to be honest. Like he tried. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Not to Connor. Kevin just wrote in our group chat.

You should get him Babbel. Babbel. Which is one of our sponsors. That we love and we would highly recommend Babbel. You both should use Babbel. Absolutely. You know what we might do, Connor? We're going to talk to Babbel about sending you guys through them a

uh, subscription to babble to figure out how to communicate. And then maybe you guys follow. Oh my God. Yes. If we could have, oh my God. Oh, okay. So can we just pop champagne at their HQ? Will you, uh, try to get on that and see if we can do it. And if we can, we'll do a follow up with Roberto and Connor.

And see how Babbel's working for him. So back to you, Connor. Yeah, go ahead. Well, our main form of communication, we figured out a way, our own bartering system, because he'd make all this real deal Mexican food almost every night. And I get some of that Mexican food. And in return, at the end of each week, I buy him a queso modelos.

You and Roberto have a real budding friendship here.

Oh, yeah, it's pretty great. And then Maria came along, and it's just been... There's been an energy in the house. Well, so... I like you a lot, Connor. I'm just going to say, you've made my morning a lot better, my man. It's not only like you, but I love your predicament. You live... I mean, you are really living in a wash. I got to say, Gary, kind of...

Connor's a great guy. I mean, Roberto's a great guy. We got this thing. But then frigging Maria came in from Russia and she's stinking up the joint. Yeah. While he's just sort of like, I imagine Connor with a shark necklace. Yeah. He's got a hundred shark teeth around his neck. And he's like, and Cindy,

She's dead. Yeah, Cindy obviously evaporated. She's been murdered. She's in somebody's old, she's in a trunk of an Oldsmobile down in like, down in Miami. I hired a PI, but it almost, he needs 400 shark teeth down here. But the PI is going to be Connor's next roommate. He's 65 years old. He's trying to break in. He's got a drinking problem.

So Connor, so you and Roberto have this beautiful relationship. Falling in love with this relationship. So you and Roberto, soft dating. Now walk us through the Maria of it. I mean, Gareth, in every project I've ever done, I've written Roberto as my side character. It's a wonderful dynamic. I'm trying to think of one more you have.

There's always a Roberto. We don't communicate in English at all. He's got nine fingers, but he's an amazing chef. And he goes with me most places. Yeah, we have become best friends. So give us some specifics on the Maria issues, if you could, Connor. So the first day she comes in, it's around dinner time. And as someone, if you remember, I said I was down here on an internship.

And so I've got a small budget, and I'm a big pasta eater, like eating pasta. And I'm getting ready to make some dinner.

But walk me through, okay, so you and Roberto have this really nice thing. You're eating great food. You're giving him beer. By the way, fair trade, well played. I like how you're doing that. Love it. And Marie comes in with this fucking stank attitude. Yeah. From Russia with hate. How are you and Roberto getting rid of her? Well, that's what I'm calling you guys about. We're going to give you the same advice. You got to out-Roberto-Roberto.

I mean, you got to kick rocks. You got to out Marie Marie. What is she doing, Connor? What is Maria doing that's so crazy? I got three things that just sent me over the edge here. Talk to us. First one, I came back to have dinner. I'm trying to eat some pasta. I'm looking for the strainer in the house. Strainer is nowhere to be seen. She sold it. Where is the strainer? She sees me looking and goes, oh, are you looking for this?

She has turned the strainer into her own personal fruit bowl And when she did that she's like do you want it back? And I said yes. Yes, I would like that back. Yes, please I need that straight ahead. Well the reason you do for a fruit bowls You can water them all at once put it right in the sink. I've done it continue. All right second was

It was a weekend day, went out, came back in, and I guess, I don't know if she thought she was home alone, but she's out in the kitchen making some food. Again, they're not as old as Roger and Cindy, Roberto and Maria, but they're also pushing 55. Okay, that's fine. And she's in the kitchen just in a towel. Hmm.

Just straight from the shower. Are we talking under armpits or just waist?

It's got to be. She can't be letting those just fly around. I feel like we would hear that detail, but I just don't. Yeah, I mean, you got to lead out like that. That is a top of call problem. My roommate cooks pasta with her breasts out, and I don't know what to do. That is a top of call. That's where we're going straight to Patreon live. See you.

She's out there, though, and we're talking, and she has no problem doing nothing, and I'm holding my ground. I'm like, who's going to break first here? Who's going to talk about this? Who's going to bring it up? And who did, Connor? What happened? How do you get out of that situation? No one brought it up. She's like, you know, I got to go back to my room. I was like, okay, you do you, Maria. And I was like, what's going on? And anyway, though, the best one. Here we go.

The best one was I came home from work and she meets me at the door and she goes, Hey, uh, you work at this place, right? And I'm like, Oh yeah. And she goes, well, that's really convenient because I have a colonoscopy appointment tomorrow at, uh,

About like two minutes from where you work. And my car broke down and where we live, I don't know if I can get an Uber in time. Like I can reserve it. So can you drive me to the colonoscopy? And I said, Maria, sure thing. I'll drive you to this colonoscopy. And, uh, we get there or we're driving. It's a painfully awkward car ride there where she's telling me about why she needs to get this colonoscopy. Yeah.

And at the end of it, the end of the day, I come back from work. She's back home now. She's telling me about like, oh, how thankful she is for this, for me taking to a colonoscopy. And I'm like, yeah, no problem. And then she takes a deep breath and she's like, I'm sorry, but what's your name again? She did that. Oh, wow.

Hey, Connor, would you write a book, my man? I'll write the foreword for it. Let's see what we can do with you. That's a great short story. Oh, God. And so, Connor, we're in a situation here where you're living with a maniac again. And is the question on this follow up, how do we get rid of Marie? Yeah.

Well, we don't have to go that extreme, I'd say. But if there's a way that we can figure out how that she can start acting with some roommate etiquette, that would be great. If we can't figure that out, though, I'm always down for how Roberto and I can get her to a new Airbnb or something. I don't know. Well, I mean, here's what I honestly think. I don't think this is a fight fire with fire situation.

I don't think this is an out Marie, Marie. I think this is a good old case of sometimes you're in a bunker and your enemy's in a bunker and you're fighting for a line in the middle and you just got to wait it out. She's going to disappear in the middle of the night like Cindy. So I would say water the flower that is the relationship with Roberto and

And let Marie eventually, you know, you could always just for the fun of it, try to out Marie Marie, start walking around in a towel. You could try to use her stuff as, you know, like her strainers, but that doesn't really work here. You could ask her every day what her name is, but I don't think you're going to make a dent in this one. The issue with someone who is kind of,

that lacks inhibition on that level is that it's a hard one to fight fire with because she likes fire. Yes. So what, the only thing I could think of would be is if you could find someone to maybe replace her to try to get into that living situation that you have vetted in your actual life. If there's someone who's also an intern that you work with, or if that's any way to, no, he doesn't want a normal intern in there.

Connor, you're running a circus out of this. You like the freak show, Connor? Is that what's going on? I don't know if I like it, but it is fun when every day I get to have a story to tell my parents. Here's what we got to jump off, Connor. Here's what I'm truthfully asking. Will you call back in three months and just...

The update is just simply what's happening. And you have a great, you're living in a premise of a sitcom. Kevin, let's start calling Connor's follow up with Connor. Just what's up with Connor's roommates? Uh-huh. Connor's corner. Connor's corner. And then you want to just have a corner of our show, Connor, where you just call in and give us some quick updates. We don't give advice. We just thank you.

Okay. Yeah. The Babel play with Roberta would be awesome. Yeah. So we're going to contact you with Babel and we're going to see if we can make that happen. And Connor, we appreciate you. And I mean, this, you're, you're living a hilarious life, man. I appreciate you. Promo code shark teeth. Thank you, Connor. All right, guys. Hello. How's it going there? Good. How's it going there?

Good. What is it? It's me. It is Connor. I'm the guy who called about the room. Connor weird room. So this is our third. I know. I'm like, Connor, just people probably know you now you're a friend of the show. But Connor, will you set up your first two calls? The floor is yours. The first situation, the second situation, and then where we're at. So,

So the first situation, I moved down to Florida for a job and I had to get an Airbnb rental. And the first rental I was rooming with two senior citizens, Roger and Cindy. They were not a couple, but Roger was very much into cleaning the common area for himself.

Cindy had backed off and I was calling in to see if I could figure a way out to get this area back from the senior citizen. The second call was about Roger and Maria, who were two new roommates that moved into this house. And Roger, I mean, Roberto, it was Roberto. Roberto, Roberto. Oh, right. It was Roberto and Maria. And Roberto didn't speak a lick of English and he would go around. He was your buddy.

He was a nine-finger construction worker, and Maria was in there trying to really make the place her own and kind of put people at odds in the house. And Roberto and I were not feeling it. Quick question, Connor. This is a one-bathroom place, yeah? You're all sharing one, John? This house, no. I had my own bathroom. Okay, respect. It changes it. Yeah, that's a big change. Okay, keep going. They shared their own, yes. Okay, God bless.

Anyway, now I am calling now for the third time where I have now been to a new house with new people. What do we got? Well, I left the other house after Roberto left. He completed his construction job. It's an excellent Costco, by the way. I'd recommend it to anybody. Thank you very much. Shout out. Costco construction somewhere in Florida. Yeah. We get to then...

Maria and I are there and within just about like two hours of us being the only two people in the house she wants to start a fucking will they won't they of all the ages she wants to start a cleaning schedule for the bathroom that I do not use between you and her

Do you want me to participate in cleaning the bathroom that I do not use? Do you want her to clean yours? At that point, I was basically just out. I was like, oh, I was kind of taken back when she asked. And she's like, oh, or you could have me just do it by myself.

And I was like, okay, Mario, what's going on here? And so anyway, he ended up, that was the final straw. I immediately went on Airbnb and tried to find a new place to live. And I have now found this place

It's on the road. It's a traveling circus. I have to wipe my roommate's ass. Yeah, it's good. I sleep with the elephants and one lion, but life has been good. I highly recommend the freight train. With a merman. So the new place. The new place is with a 75-year-old pest control man who is a deep state conspiracy believer.

And the only thing else he loves more are TikToks and smoking cigarettes. Your picks and roommates, my king. Good Lord. Yeah, it is. How about a couple of 25-year-old geeks just looking for somebody to chip in a little bit? Yeah. Don't those exist near college? I mean, honestly. Honestly.

That's not Connor. That's not Connor. It's not Connor. Connor would be a fish out of water, man. He couldn't breathe there. He walks in. He sees a 24-year-old girl going like, hi, I'm just... He's like, get me out of here. He sees one guy, an 80-year-old guy with two fingers smoking a cigarette, and he just goes, I see a roommate. I'm home. He sees a 77-year-old man. He's like, sometimes when I run the garbage disposal, my nipples squirt. And he's like, hey, buddy.

As he's driving, if there's a building and one of the windows has smoke coming out, he's home. Yeah.

It's like there's always a new pope. Yeah, so 75 years old, pest control, cig smoker. I know who these people are before I get into it. Well, Connor, look, you're the light for the weirdo moths. Can we be honest? Yeah, but so an Airbnb, you're not paying before. You go and you meet, correct? Yeah.

No, it's you book it. And then like they say, Oh, interesting. I gotcha. But your dice rolls are, are gold. So yes, that's right. Keep going. And anyway, this guy also has a roommate and this roommate is, he's a snowbird. He comes down to Florida from Minnesota during the winters, but he himself described it as he doesn't leave the house.

That's not great. How old is this cat? This guy is about 50. Okay. Young guy. Young guy. Yeah. He's a kid. Yeah. Is he a silver Fox or do you still have color up there? Little puppy. No, he is a silver Fox. Absolutely. Okay. Well, some people go gray early. What's his vibe? His vibe is very much like the original Cindy vibe. He came out of his room twice. The one time was when I asked him if I needed to move my car for him and

He himself said, I don't really leave the house, so you're fine. I was like, okay. That sounds like it. Cindy 2.0 and 75 cigs. You're basically back to Roger and Cindy. I am. And I guess this time with this version of Roger, Bill and I, we've been having a food feud, you could call it, I guess, where he likes to make himself a lot of food for himself there.

And then he kind of realizes he made a lot, and then he offers it to people. And so the first time he said, oh, do you want to have some spaghetti? I was like, sure, I'll have some spaghetti. I didn't like how he made his spaghetti, but I had a few bowls. And I was like, all right, I'm going to be like... Bowls? You said bites or bowls, Mark? He said bowls. What are you going to do? You're going to have just a one? One bowl and say thank you. So most people...

one bowl and out. Yeah. If you don't like it. You have to play it up a little. You got to give him some status. I got to tell you from Connor, from Roger's point of view, Phil's point of view, he might be calling in saying, I made some spaghetti. I offered it to my kid roommate. He had multiple bowls. I offered him. He wanted, he had said, get the bowl. He said, get another bowl. I said, okay, I'll get another bowl.

Okay, so you eat a bunch of balls of spaghetti.

And so then after that, though, every once in a while he'd make himself food. But when he does like the spaghetti, he dumped a lot of olive oil on it. And that wasn't for me. I wasn't a big fan. Six bowls later, you're like, I don't like this. Yeah. Can I finish it? Yeah. I'm going to eat this entire cake, but I didn't like it too much butter. So then on, I'm always bringing in my own food to eat.

And he cooks the food before I get there. And every once in a while, I was like, oh, do you want some food? I got it in the fridge. And I was like, no, like I got my own food. Thanks. He goes, oh, well, if you want it, it's there tomorrow. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Tomorrow comes around. I brought back some food. He hears me come in and he's like, oh, um,

You know, I can just put it in the oven for you right now. He doesn't know that food I was talking about. This is becoming a weird guy. It's strange. Why does he want to feed you? You're just a roommate from Airbnb. It's like a good problem and not a problem, but it's a weird problem. But I got to tell you, if I'm Connor, no me gusta.

Yeah. Cool it. I don't like your weird food, man. It is a bit hard. And it's not shared economics. It's not like we all pitch into a fund. I buy my food, you buy your food. We just share the fridge, my king. Yes, but he gets somewhat funny, passive-aggressive when I turned him down there. Give us a taste of what that passive-aggressive vibe feels like. So I come back, he's like, oh, I'll put it in the oven for you. I got some food. I got a still life.

Got some Panera. And he kind of just stares at me and goes, I made a lot of food, Connor. I'm like, I understand, though. Like, it's going to be a lot to put away here. I get that. He's like, you know, I don't even know if I have the fridge space to put all this food away. I'm sorry to hear that, though. Then he starts like doing some big moaning and groaning. What kind of food is he favoring? Noodles. Is it noodles? Yeah.

No, I think the other day he made a deep fried pork shoulder, I believe he called it. Jesus fucking Christ. This guy's an animal. Okay, so we're seeing the situation there. Cindy 2.0, you don't see. Philly's trying to fatten you up for the kill. What do you think, Connor? Where are we at on this one? What are we going to do?

Well, if he's also fattening me up, he's also trying to sweat me out too because he doesn't turn on the AC in this house. And we're in Florida. That's not great. Holy shit, man. He's full of pork shoulder and sweating. What a disgusting situation. You got to sweat the shoulder out. Holy fuck, Connor. What are we going to do here? How do we get out of this one? You going to stay or you going to leave? I don't know.

I think we're okay here. You do? Yeah, I do. I think that it's like, I think you're okay. I think what you could do is you could say you're trying to lose a little bit of weight before the summer and be very pleasant in that way. Yeah. Maybe pick him up a little something from Panera one of these days, hand that off to him, kind of a mea culpa. Yeah. And then I think what we have with you, Connor, and I want us to preserve the honesty of these situations because it's so great.

is we just need to keep knowing what Airbnb halls you find yourself in. Because it is, even if it's boring, it's interesting. Yeah. I mean, you really are. You play roommate roulette, and it is fantastic. So, Connor, what are you going to do here, my guy? What's the move? Are you going to just grin and bear it, or do you want to move here? I mean, I might have to start looking at the moving. But do you like, oh, how about this? How about this, Connor? I got an idea. Where is the switch for the AC? Okay.

The AC, it's near, it's pretty close to his room, actually. But not in his room? No. And do you guys share the utilities bill? I'm sure it's a third, a third, a third.

I'm free. I mean, whatever it is, I just pay for the room. So yeah, probably. Yeah, but it's included. So it's included. So you know what I do if I'm you and you walk in? Turn that bitch on. That's what I do. And you know what else I do when he offers you food? You don't have to be nice about it. You just say, no thanks. And he goes, well, there's a lot of food. And you go, that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.

Wow, Jake is really... But you can be nice and then you go, it smells good, my man. I think I would start turning the AC on and I think, yeah, you just go, oh, no thanks. I'm on like a calorie count right now. Yeah, and then if he says, if he turns it off, go, hey, my king, I'm sweating in here.

I need a little bit colder. Yeah. And if he goes, no, you go, now we got an issue and now we can figure it out. But he's just stepping forward. If this was jujitsu, fine. If this is chess, he's moving his pieces. He's moving his pieces near your king. You're not going to win if you just keep defending.

It's just going to be a matter of time before he pinches you out. I would start pushing the AC, Connor. You got to start slowly pushing back, take away his knight, take away his bishop, kill off some of his pawns, and then very quickly, you and Cindy 2.0. I guarantee Cindy 2.0 is baking in that room. Yeah, she's like a pork shoulder. It's hot as hell. Maybe I can...

bring it up, but I can't be going up immediately out the gate, just pressing the AC. Like that's the one rule that you could do. And you know, in somebody's house here,

That puts the guys. Look, you can always someone can always make themselves warmer. So tell him to put on a sweater if there's an issue. But I would push it. And again, let's say it doesn't work. You're going to move situations. And that's good news for everybody, especially us. Yes. And what did so what do you think, Connor? What do you what are you going to actually do, my man?

I mean, I might, I gotta start dropping some hints probably like we'll be walking by and like, wow, it's really warm in here or something like that. Like subtle things here. I got a question. I got a question and I'm gonna take it nice and slow for Gareth. Inside joke. You know what I mean, Garth? Yeah. So I got a question. Why?

Do you have to ask about the AC if the switch is available to you? Just turn it on. I would do that. Just turn it on. You don't think it leads to more problems here? No. It's a shared space. You are paying for the AC. It gets the conversation going. If he turns it off, then you could say like, hey man, do you know what state we're in? And also you're in there cooking pork shoulder. What?

You're not arrest. I mean, it's going to heat the place up. You are deep frying pork in Florida in a box. Yeah, it is far within your rights to turn it on and at least start the conversation. Will you at least and look, Connor, you've already said you're already considering the sneak out plan and another one. But before you do it, can you experiment with just turning the AC on and see how that goes before you go? And let us know, please.

It's not over, Gareth. I got 19 more questions. I will try. I will try for you guys. You are going to try? I will try.

And before you go, could you very quietly and very slowly do the alphabet frontwards and backwards? Connor, it was great to catch up with you. We appreciate the call. And let us know how this goes. Gareth has to go. He's got another podcast he has to run to. We love you. Bye, Connor. Call back. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye, buddy.

Name, please. I think that's me. I'm Carly. I'm 31, and I love hedgehogs. Where are you calling from? I'm calling from New York, but I'm from Vancouver, which I mentioned because it's relevant to my call. Okay, so Carly, take over.

All right, sure. So Vancouver, assuming you've been there, Hollywood North. Great place. Beautiful place, but it had a milder climate when I was growing up. And of course, climate change has ruined that. So now it gets so hot in the summer that air conditioning is a necessity where it used to be a luxury.

So my problem is with my 75-year-old dad who lives there by himself in an old house that gets really, really hot.

um he did buy a couple of portable air conditioning units for me to use when i visit but this old son of a bitch won't turn it on exactly you already know i am there alone most of the time um and we just cooks in his own juice yeah extreme heat is really dangerous for seniors and it got so bad when i was visiting last year that he had to take me to the hospital for heat stroke you

You got heat stroke in his house? Yes. Jesus. Okay. Yeah, really gross. This is too much. Gross. Yeah, it's too much. It's honestly really stressful. Yeah, I understand. I fully understand. So what's dad's first name? What are we calling him? His name is Terry. Terry. So Terry...

He didn't grow up with that AC. He's a Canadian boy up in Canada. He doesn't need an AC. But the world has changed. But Terry hasn't changed with the world. He likes to soak in his own juice. He doesn't even think. He's like, I'm not turning it on. I'm not spending money for this show. Is it about the money or is it about principle, you think, Carrie? It's very much not about the money. And I think it's a pride thing, which I don't understand, but I'm hopeful that you do. I do.

I do. It doesn't make any sense to me. Cause if you're hot, weird lines in the sand, you got to live by him without, without weird lines. What are we doing? Well, that's why he's creating a desert. Um, so I guess, all right. So why don't you just say your exact question? How do I get my dad to turn the AC on? How do I convince my ridiculous father to turn on his air conditioning? So I don't need to stress out about him every day. What kind of air conditioner does he have?

He has two portable units. They're large-ish. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? No. I'll tell you what I just started thinking there, Carrie. And this is a really weird run a mile to go block. They've got these Nest ACs that are controlled via Wi-Fi. Wow. You can set up a Nest in his house and control his Wi-Fi from your house and never tell him.

Oh my God. That's true. So there's a Nest thing that I have, and that is I could turn the AC in my house on right now. Your central air. Yes. Okay. And I could cool it down. I could do whatever. I have access to it through an app.

Uh-huh. So you can control his AC from your phone. But he doesn't have AC. He just has portable things. Is that right? He doesn't have like central air. I understand. So he just has like one little box in a window. Is that right? Is it even that or are they like little weird portable ones? They're not little. They're, you know, they're a decent size and he's got big rooms. Window units? But no, they're like, I don't know, on wheels.

The little R2D2 guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know those things. They don't really do much. But it'll help you with that. It'll do more than nothing. Yeah, so the question is, and then are you worried, Carrie, about when you're not there? Or are you just in general, it's stressing you out, you want your dad to cool down, and how can you do it? Or is it when you visit? I'm worried about the accumulation. Like, I'm thinking that...

heat damage or whatever it is to older people probably I mean it was acute for me I had to go to the hospital but I'm just worried about him being in I don't actually know the Fahrenheit conversion almost 100 degrees every day in the summer look Carly it is bad yeah okay so what let me ask you this let's say money is not an issue what do you want you want him to have central air or just turn it on

I want him to turn it on. Okay. I have an idea. Good. You got nothing? I got something, but I need a minute. Go. Okay. Someone said, Jake, having this kind of technology knowledge is throwing us off. Fair. Yeah. I'm thrown by that. This

This feels like a classic time, Gareth, for a video that we could send the audio to Dad. You're so right. Right? And I don't really know what... We do a fake podcast. We do a fake podcast about older men... Yes. ...in climates that have changed... ...and the importance of colder air for longevity. Okay, longevity. And why don't we ask... If only we had a caller who had experience with older men in warm climates.

What are you talking about Kevin? Hello? Is anyone else on the call? Yeah, I'm gonna think that's my time here. Hey guys, this is uh, this is Connor. I'm the guy who's called in. Oh my god. Oh my god. Connor! Connor, you don't even need- we were- when were we talking about him? We were talking about Connor the other day. A lot. Okay, Connor, I don't know. Carly, do you know who Connor is?

I know that he's a legend, yeah. Okay, so Connor ends up living in an Airbnb with senior citizens all the time. And he's very good at picking sides, playing the game, figuring out how to crack the code of the elder mind. Just excellence. Well, why don't we... Why don't we let Connor talk? Okay, Connor, what are you thinking? You got anything? Connor, have you heard the setup on this?

Yep, I've been listening to this setup here. And I mean, what do you think? Right now I picture Connor cracking his knuckles in a desk chair with his feet up and he just put his arms behind his head. I've had that headshot when I was going commercials. I wish I didn't. It's awful news. Connor, what's up, my man? What do we do here?

Well, I mean, your logic is sound with this nest thing and it could work. But as you said before, people are going to have a line in the sand. And a guy 75 years old, that line's in the sand. And you need to show them that that line, that line is a wrong line. So what I'm saying here is,

it could, it could be far, but you might have to smoke them out here. There's gotta be a list where heat is too hot. It's too hot. No, Connor. Jesus Christ. Hold on. I think you're wrong, but I think, I think Terry. Just to be clear, Connor, your, Connor, your pitch is to turn the heat on? I'm saying, obviously we're within health reasons here, health safety, of course, but heat,

He needs, like, there has to be an understanding where there's a limit for this guy. And he realizes, like, okay, AC is needed.

And once you get to this point where ACP... We're not going to... You're talking about the sauna technique, and we're not going to sauna Terry. But what I love is how long Jake was on board with anything you said. Me too. I was. Jake was like, Connor, cook. You're totally right. Connor, go, baby. Let him cook. Connor, go. Speak the gospel, Connor. Connor, we're about to do a video for Terry, and it's just going to be an audio one we're going to send to her dad. But before we do that, my friend, pause life.

Life is pretty good. I have left the Florida Airbnb situation and now I'm living in Salem, Massachusetts with a new roommate. In an Airbnb? Not Airbnb, but recommended from a friend. Like didn't know the guy beforehand. How old is the roommate? 74. So we're navigating down. We're navigating down.

-Connor, I gotta say, for you, I'm happy. For us, I'm sad. -Why are you living with such a kid? -You might like this, then. -Talk to me. -When he got introduced to me, it's like everyone only called him Dirty Mike.

and no one has explained why he's dirty mind what would be your guess well that's the thing he has been immaculately clean since i've lived here and i am worried for when this no because there's obviously going to be a shoe drop and i don't know when that's going to drop

So Connor, will you tell us three weird things that's going on in your life, my man? What's going on up in Salem? Where they used to have burn witches. What's a weird thing? I'll give you another. What's cooking these days? One weird thing is I'm picking up a part-time gig up here where I'm going to be navigating the tours, like the ghost tours there. Oh.

Great. Hold on, what's the name of the company? And if anybody's in Salem, they can request you. Yeah, I think it's Ghost Tours of Salem. Okay, hey, you let us know when we have it, and we will post it on the social. By the way, living with all those people near death is really going to help you with doing a ghost tour. But you would be a great tour guide. Oh, yeah. Okay.

And do not be afraid to go off script, my king. I'll tell you what, a lot of people feel like, I've got to say all these talking points. The tour began. Not you. You are somewhere in a basement. Just start riffing. Yeah, go. Make up what happened in that elevator. They can't prove what you said. They can't. Either one. Even what's written. They can't prove that there was a ghost there named Mary. They can't prove it. Make up the ghost. And worst case, you were possessed. I don't know.

Connor, they're in your world. Yeah. So really quick, Terry. No, I'm sorry, Carly. We're going to make a little thing to your dad. Does that sound good to you, Carly? If we go that route, we make a little fake podcast clip that you can play for your father? Oh, I'm really hopeful. I'm willing to try anything. Yeah. Before we start, we need a little bit of info. Can you tell us a little bit more about your dad? And Connor, I need you to listen because you're going to be with us on this, bud, if you're willing. Okay, sure. Thanks.

So Terry is 35. He's from Vancouver. Does he have any health issues? Well, he's 75, so he's got health issues that go with that. He tells everyone about his enlarged prostate, but I don't think that has anything to do with it. No, no, no. We can use that. It's hyper-specific. You never know.

Okay. He's just a ridiculous person. Like people describe him as a character. He's very stubborn, always laughing, always joking. But then he's also very concerned about the safety of everyone around him. What is he, a Gemini? He's an Aries.

Okay. Just a sign. Use that. That's crazy. That's the first time I'm hearing that. That's not okay. He's an Aries. Stop. He's an Aries. I know, right?

That's crazy. What's crazy is what Jake just said about the Gemini and the way that he's acting. What's crazy is Gareth is such a cancer right now. Oh, cancer men, watch out. Can you believe it? Jake. Gag me with a spoon. What just happened? So, Carly, is there anything else we can say in this? Because I think the move for us, and you tell us if this is wrong, but I think, and Connor, obviously, we're all going to be thinking. Well, this is Moe and Piggly.

I don't think we go that big. We got to go. So I don't think we think about the comedy of it. It'd still be Moe and Piggly. To a 75-year-old man, Garth? Hey, you want to hear a serious, I can Charlie Rose a Moe and Piggly. His favorite channel is CNN, if that adds anything. Like he takes facts very seriously. Garrett is just having drinks and wants to do Piggly. Obviously I want to be Piggly.

Well, what should we do? Should we have like a CNN podcast? I think we do a serious, yes. Okay. And I think, because we're trying to get her dad to believe this and turn it on. Okay. So I think you and I are hosts of a very serious podcast. I'm flexible on the name. Okay. And Connor, I think you're- Could the name be CNN's Moe and Piggly? Yeah.

Yes. Okay, great. I think that's fair. Do you want to do CNN Dr. Moe and Dr. Piggly? I absolutely do. Okay. Can I pitch Dr. Moe and Mr. Piggly? Yes, of course. Thank you very much. 100%. I don't know why you wanted to be Mr. Not a Doctor. Well, I want to be the guy. I'll be the interviewer of the doctor. Okay. But I also like the way Mr. Piggly sounds. But Connor is our star.

Okay, so Dr. Moe, Mr. Piggly, and Connor can be the guests, but we don't want to put too much on Connor. Connor, do you want a lot, a little, or medium? Because I think you can handle a lot. I think I can handle a lot. I'm interested to see where it goes, yeah. Okay, well, Connor, just so you know, what we're going to need from you is we're going to need kind of...

The dangers of being a senior. And not having the AC on. Not having the AC on, especially in areas like Canada, which are heating up at rates that we were completely unpredictable. I'm going to give you something, Connor. And a big prostate. Yeah, but I'm going to give you something. The reason why, Connor, is the heat enlarges the prostate further. Do you guys want seconds, or can I have these? I'm okay. You have those. Keep going. And the AC is actually known to shrink the prostate.

Oh, that's good. Well, how about this? Not the AC. Cold temperatures. Yes, a house that has a mean temperature of around 70 degrees.

Helps the body. It helps longevity. It helps healing. Heat exacerbates current medical conditions for seniors. So, Connor, do you feel confident? Oh, yeah. I got that. Are you sure? Yeah. Just, you know, lead me into it, and I got it for you. Yes. Carly, if this works, because we're going to try to do it quick, will you actually send this to your dad and then follow up with us? Oh, in a heartbeat, yes. Okay. All right. We're going to call you Connor Salem. Okay.

Connor. Okay, so Connor. Professor Connor Salem. Alright, so is everybody ready to try this? We're gonna try to get it in one, guys. Nope. And we're gonna do it in three. No, let's get it in one. Okay. Hey, not because of me. Piggly's ready to go, asshole. Piggly's wild. My mom's hating this. It's not for your mom. It is. Hang in there. You're being more wild than me. I've been very controlled. Kevin, you think that's true?

Don't let the drunk lifeguard decide who's wild. So I'm Dr. Moe, you're Mr. Piggly. Connor, you're Connor. Now let's do an intro. Agreed. And CNN. Yes. All right, ready? Yeah. Ready? And I say a little CNN swoosh into it. I love it. Okay.

Okay, and welcome back to Dr. Mo and Mr. Piggly. We're happy to be here again today. We've been talking about the heat and what the heat is doing in certain communities. This is a really interesting one. I actually find this so interesting, and this is a problem that affects everybody. But I also didn't realize that the temperature of your home can affect your health. I think that's the thing, and that's why we're going to bring in our guest in a second. But a lot of people think it's just the external temperatures that really mess with you. You know, Mr. Piggly, you're...

Go ahead. What's going on? Yeah, go ahead, Dr. Mo. You're 100% right, because I remember when I was growing up. What just happened to you, though? It felt like the heat took you over. Stop. Start over. It was saying, Mr. Bigley. Oh, I saw. So goofy. Your body, your throat rejected saying it. It didn't want to say it. Yeah, you were allergic to it. I think we're going to win here. By the way, I called it in three. Yes, let's do it. That was my fault. All right, ready? Yes. Be professional. Three, two, one.

And welcome back to Dr. Mo, Mr. Piggly, CNN podcast. Here we are today. We're talking about heat. The heat is something that affects everybody. The heat's been getting more and more. This summer is the hottest summer on record. It's wild, Mr. Piggly. It absolutely is, Dr. Mo. Did you have any idea that the temperature within

in the home affected the health and longevity this much? It makes sense, but I really didn't. I think people always think of the external. It's the external. So older people have notorious, always going to the Floridas or the Arizonas, but now the studies are coming out that the colder temperature within the home...

Yes. And that's we're going to bring in our guests in a second, Dr. Connor Salem. But but before we do. Yeah. I think that is one thing that really we are so interested in. Everybody has someone in their life who's a little bit older and we really need to take care of them. And the way that it can exacerbate health conditions they already have. Yeah.

I just never thought that the air conditioner was our friend. Heart conditions, breathing problems, prostate enlargement. Oh, if you have an enlarged prostate, you turn on the AC and it might go down? Okay, well, why don't we bring in our guests? This is Professor Connor Salem. Connor, or Professor Salem, sorry. I was shocked when I read your paper. Now...

You are basically suggesting that a senior citizen's house has to be kept at around 70 degrees in order for them to get through some of these extreme heats. Is that right? Yes, gentlemen, I am. It took a lot of years of studying and a lot of years of doing clinical trials, but at the end of it, we did get some conclusive results, actually. And

And what were those studies you did, Connor? So we were seeing how temperature affects the elderly there. And what we found out at the end of it, surprisingly, was that if you are over the age of 70 and you have a heat temperature that is above 85 degrees in your house, your prostate is 12 times likely to enlarge.

So what if it's not, so Connor, just I have a question here because I find this fascinating. What if it wasn't as hot as 85? What if it was say 80? Or 75? Well,

Well, then it becomes more like an 11 or 10, but it's usually anything 85 and above was 12% of the market. 85 is so hot. We don't need an AC to get it below 85. We need like 70. It's got to be way colder, Conor. I thought we were going there. 80!

85! That's like there's a fire in the house. I'll tell you what Terry's going to say is, I'm good. I don't have a fire in my living room. I thought a compromise at 85 is so much better than a fire at 75. 85 is crazy. Connor, you're doing great. We gave you some notes. Let's go way colder. You feel, yeah, colder. And we're all hoping for our setup too. This all has to be under two minutes, guys.

It has to be. That's a note for me, Connor. Don't worry. We're all getting notes. I don't think... Carly, you tell me. Is your dad going to listen to a nine-minute clip? He watches CNN. Honestly, you guys put prostate enlargement in that. He's listening. Absolutely. Okay. Okay.

Okay. We'll get it in the beginning. All right, we're going back. So, Connor, it's got to be a little bit colder, my guy. Yeah, we're talking 72 degrees. We want him to feel he has to turn it on 10 hours a day. He has to stand in front of it. And just not have a burning fire in his house. The secret to the old-fashioned is the Luxardo cherry. It adds a little sweetness. And Kevin. I'm a shark. By the way, Kevin's talking like Terry. Okay, here we go. We're back in. All right.

All right. And welcome back to Dr. Mo and Mr. Piggly, a podcast that always investigates something that's affecting citizens of this great country. This is such an interesting one, Mr. Piggly. Well, we've been digging into it. I had no idea. Well, I think one of the things we love about doing this show is CNN is able to give you the broad strokes, but we get down to the nitty gritty. Yeah, but I'll tell you, Mr. Piggly, the thing for me, I always believed it. So

Sorry audience, I'm jumping ahead because I'm excited. But we're talking about internal temperatures, temperatures within the home affecting your health. Well, to contextualize it a little bit more, we're all dealing with extreme heat. This summer has been the hottest summer on record. And so we're wondering... Even here in Vancouver. Well, and you always say, yeah, I mean, anywhere. I mean, I never had an AERI-C when I was growing up, did you? No, I did not. You didn't need one though.

But health wise we need one now? Didn't need one though. But the way that the heat is now sort of exacerbating things that people already have, conditions that people already have, especially seniors. But did you know that everybody, but especially seniors, but did you know that it affects your prostate? If you have an enlarged prostate and you take your AC on, it exacerbates anything. Let's get to our guest. Okay, but it exacerbates heart conditions, it exacerbates...

breathing, but enlarged prostate is a big one. I believed this was just the sun. Okay, we're very excited to have our guest here because he's a professor who's written a lot on this. Love his podcast. And he's got a great podcast called The Salem Trial because his last name's Salem. Professor Conor Salem. Now he wrote a lot about the idea of how important it is to keep your home cool. We think that the heat outside is what gets us, but it's actually

And you could jump in here, Professor Zalem. It's actually the heat inside your house that can be the problem. Is that right? That is absolutely right, Mr. Tegeler. You've been hitting a lot of it on the nose already. I see why you're a professional at this. But...

Well, thank you. And I'm not even the doctor on the show. I'm not even the doctor on the show. Both of us are professionals. All right, Mo. Go ahead, go ahead, Professor Sandler. But yeah, so I've done a lot of research lately. So you went to school for a while. Go ahead. Sorry about that, Professor Sandler. Yes. So I went to, did some clinical trials.

And we were discovering whether heat had an effect on the senior citizen population. And what we found at the end of it was that if you had the house over the temperature of 72 degrees Fahrenheit, your prostate was 12 times likely to be enlarged.

Wow. I'm sorry, doctor. Did you say 72? Over the temperature of 72 degrees. Yes. Wow. So naturally, a home is anywhere from 71 to 75. So are you saying that people should keep their AC on, even if that's not their personal preference for their health? It is for the betterment of their life, the quality of their life. If they are looking for better health results, it's

It starts with the AC. But can I just jump in quickly? Because I know I have elder parents, and I think to some extent they think that living in a hot house is kind of a point of pride or it maybe helps them. Or my father's pretty stubborn. Oh, you should see. You think Dr. Mo is stubborn. I'll tell you behind the scenes, he really is. But his father is a nightmare. Your father's a nightmare. But what we're trying to drill down on is you're basically saying that

It's important for them to keep that temperature down. It's a point of pride. Question for you, Mr. Pigley. What was that whole tangent you just did? Yes. Years of research have shown. I met your father. He was... Your father was very upset. I just don't know why you'd interrupt the interview. Well...

It's crazy. Your father visited the set of the podcast one day. I understand, but it's crazy. And he was very upset there wasn't oatmeal. And I saw where you got it from. But Professor Salem, so... Maybe cut all that out. Professor Salem, so you're saying it's very important for the seniors, especially those with any health conditions, just keep that temperature down. Yes. If they have the ability, 70 degrees and lower will

will improve their prostate and will improve their brain function. But the cooler, the better.

Fascinating. Let's hold on. Now, hold on one second, Carly, because we can cut out that middle part, right, Kevin? Yeah. So everything besides the weird tangent where Gareth and I blew it, I think that's pretty good. Carly, what do you think? I definitely agree. You also got me excited about Central Air and maybe just sneaking that into his house. But I think I'm going to start with the podcast. No, no, no. Let's just do an addendum. Let's just do an addendum. Let's do an addendum. Let's do an addendum. No, no, no. I think the podcast got it.

Okay, you're happy? Are you going to send this clip? Oh yeah, absolutely. We'll do a CNN swish, all that. So Kevin, we'll cut out the middle. Hey Connor. Connor, great work. We love you, big man. And please tell us what's going on in Salem with these tours and we will give a plug. And when you find out why he's Dirty Mike, let us know. Please. The shoe's going to drop. And Carly, thank you for the call.

All right. Yeah, this is good stuff. Thank you, Carly. Thank you, guys. Thanks, Carly. Thanks, Connor. Thanks, everybody. Producer Sherlock here. We have a little update from Connor. Connor, take it away. Hey, everybody. This is Connor. Got one more life update for you guys.

I'm still living in Salem with Dirty Mike. I now know why he's called Dirty Mike. And it's because back in college, he was an amateur mud wrestler. I also do not know how I keep finding these people. But other than that, I'm a teacher now. And I've realized that working with kids is way harder than living in those Airbnbs with Roger, Roberto, Maria, and Bill.

I want to thank all you guys for lending an ear, hearing about some of those crazy stories. And thank you to Gareth and Jake for giving me advice during some of those trying times. If you guys are ever looking for a story of yourself, look no further than Airbnb Shared Space because I guarantee it will not disappoint. Thank you, guys. It's been fun. This whole thing's been awesome.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

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