174: Sucking a Bald Spot & Tree Jim
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26. So Gareth, when you use Gemini, which we both use, what do you use it for and what do you like about it? There's sometimes like if there's a topic that I think I want to do stand up on or if there's sometimes like if I'm writing something for my other show, it's just like a way to kind of have something. It just gives you all the information and right away you go, oh, OK.

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And we are back. Jake with the... Yes. And Gareth, you tell me if I get choppy. If I get choppy, you just keep driving. You know what happens? If you get choppy, the intro gets sloppy. Because when I drive... Not true. Yeah. You know it's like when I drive. I think you're a very good driver. You're so sweet. You know what I just listened to? Huh?

Am I off, by the way? You're okay. It'll be all right. Is this going to kill us? No, it'll be all right. Well, first of all, I'm very excited for what your month is going to be. I really, you've got, can we say where you are?

Yeah. Okay. So you flew to Alaska and I said, I think you're going to like it. It's simple. And you said that feels like a dig. And I was like, no, because it reminds me when I've walked around there, I'm like, it, it just reminds me of like the Midwest in like the nineties in the best possible way where you're not overwhelmed with outdoor malls. Like they exist, but

but it's just a little more, but it's different. It's different. I wouldn't surprise me if I walked into a bar in Alaska and you could smoke.

totally like i get that yeah we'll see i got in last night at about 2 a.m so wills i drove through anchorage last night and it was so empty empty that i kept saying to ashley one of our producers i'm like nobody there's literally no one on the streets yes yes which i like not one person i'm like i like i know i was like

I'm a little, as of now, comfortable around a few humans. Yeah, I like a few. I definitely like them. Give me the weird guy riding on his bike in the middle of the street. Yeah, that's your guy. That's your guy. That's my guy. By the way, that guy has weed. If you need weed, that's your guy. Yes. But anyway, I'm very excited. But I don't want to stop and talk because that guy's angry. Yes, yeah, without question. I've got something I think you're going to like, Gareth. I like to hear that. Okay.

So wait, by the way, can I say one thing very quickly? Oh yeah. My mother, um, had to go in the hospital for a broken femur and, um, in the UK and it was very quick. It was very rushed. And, um, you know, it's difficult as, you know, it's not like a life-saving injury, but she was in a lot of pain and you sent her a video that was, uh,

You weren't... You had no shirt on, but it was only neck up, thank God, for everybody. And you sent her the kindest video that really made her, honestly, on a tough day, very, very happy. And so, I don't know. It was very nice. And she feels very supported by the, we're here to help people, and by you. So it was really, genuinely, like, she was very, like, she was laughing. It was awesome. So,

So anyway, okay, go ahead. That's awesome, man. I had to take my shirt off for the video. Yeah, I don't think that's true. I made the first draft of that video, I was wearing a shirt, and then I went, wait a second. We love you, Pam, if you're listening. We can't wait to get you back on the show. And by the way, she did listen to the intro where you suggested that you too should 69.

You know what I realized with our jokes? Too far there? I forget there's listeners. I know. I know. I completely get that. Because you and I just play characters with each other, and we just find rhythms to mess with or make the other guy laugh. Yes.

And I will forget that just people listen to this and believe all this to be real. This is our relationship. This is who we are. As opposed to, we're playing having fun. 90% of the time, that's a good thing. And then the 10% where we're like, what have we been talking about for five minutes? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

And it will be like, we'll just look at each other and be like, there's someone on the phone right now. What is this? Yeah, what is happening? There's someone who's got a problem. The audience is so mad. Speaking of, they're so mad at us, Garrett. Why?

They hate Bigley and Moe so much. You told me. You texted me that. Why they hate him? They're good guys. Well, they're supposed to be hated. That's what I said to you. The whole point is that they're like... People hate the tactic. We can stop it, I guess. But I'll tell you, and I know you get a little frustrated with me, but what I love about this podcast, and it's because I've never had it in my film and TV career. I've never had it before. Yeah.

There is a whole community. We've been talking about that grandpa competition of hot grandpas.

Well, a woman reached out yesterday. We started, she's a web designer. My brother and I are working on a website that we've been working on for a while that I want to use for our show. Yeah. She reached out. We're talking. She might start doing our social media. She has a whole pitch on how she wants to do the grandpa competition. And I'm like, this is an incredible, and then she literally goes, this is so weird. I emailed the show and now we're zooming. And I'm like, well, it's weird for me too. Yeah.

It's weirder for them. It's weirder for them. I got to say, it's weird for me too. We're talking about a grandpa competition, Gary. Well, no, I don't even get frustrated that you listen. It's just there are times where, you know, it's like, look, if there's an overwhelming consensus, it's very good that you're out there in the streets.

Because, like a weird guy in Alaska on his bike. Because if people don't like Piggly and Mo, they don't have to hang around. Okay? Yeah, or, but when we bring them back, we're bringing them back as a choice. Because what I like is, I like how engaged the community is. Yes.

And I like how much ownership everybody feels of the show. And I like that it's not even fully ours anymore. It's theirs. We're just here and there. I like that they keep listening while getting mad at us and going like, hey, one person wrote, can I call in and ask how to get rid of Bigley and Moe? I mean, by the way, it could be funny to hear them out. Incredible. It could be funny for an intro to hear them out. Agreed. Oh, yeah.

That is really. So, you know, we're going to do based off Gareth's thing, which is great. Will you record yourself doing a voice note of what you want different of what you don't like about Piggly and Moe and email it to the show? If you have thoughts about the show, good or bad, send a voice note in.

Obviously, we can't include them all, but they might start appearing randomly. They might be tags at the end of episode. It could also just be a good Wednesday. American flag shorts at the end. Yeah. Could be a great Wednesday caller's responses. Yeah, we could just listen to our comments. I think it's really fun. But I got an email that I thought, or we got an email that I thought you would get a kick out of. Okay. So I'm starting to pull some of these because I know you're not reading them, but you will like it. Okay.

It says, just a shout out. I just wanted to write in for the Meemaw's wig episode and give a shout out to my Nana, who is amazing. She's 92, lives alone, texts, FaceTimes, and uses her iPhone, Apple TV, and Apple Watch like she invented them. She still drives, cooks, cleans, stays up to date on all the shows, and listens to your podcast. Oh my God.

We have a 92 year old listener, Gareth. - That's great. - Shout out, Nana. - Shout out, Nana. - N-O-N-N-A. - That's awesome. - Obviously she's doing better than me and I'm fine with that. Long live the tech savvy Italian queen of independence and drama. We love you guys and we love you, Nana. - Ah, well,

I mean, not to just go back to the well. Pretty good. But that's a great intro. Yes. We should have Nana on for an intro. You're totally right. She deserves it. You are exactly right. So two great things have come out of the people's response. Yes. More Nana, less Piggly and Moe.

Listen, we will fight. Piggly and Moe were driving to a gig. They got into an accident. The car went off a bridge. They didn't have that thing they sell on TV where you could puncture the window with great ease. And they're gone. Well, let's do something that's going to annoy but hopefully tickle a little bit. And let's report the death of Piggly and Moe. Okay. All right. Sure. All right. You ready? As...

Piggly Jr. and Moe Jr. They're children. All right. So this is it. This is the swan song. And by the way, this could end with us doing Moe Jr. and Piggly Jr. on the show. And that's even worse. For the audience's sake, I sure hope not. I don't think we will. I don't think we will. Okay. Okay. So this is they got on their parents' computers or they went in their parents' podcast studio. Sure.

Three, two, one. Wait, and they what? No, no, go ahead. No, you're right. Okay. Three, one. Well, it's obviously a very tough episode of Piggly and Moe. Well, as you guys have probably heard, our beloved fathers have passed away in a truck accident. Their Camry went off of a bridge, and they didn't have the thing to puncture the window.

And they're both gone. And reports similar to what they have in an airplane where they have the little black box and they can hear the audio. They were both talking at the same time. But we're not going to play that audio. We're not going to play that audio because. Cut to the audio. Cut to the audio. I'll tell you, Mo. I'm excited for tonight's show. Wait, hold on. Hold on. We are going over a bridge. We are going over.

a bridge. Oh no, there's water coming out the car. Do you have the little puncture thing? I don't have the puncture thing. Get the little puncture thing. I don't have it. I never had it. A note to our listeners. Always have a puncture thing in your car. I feel like this isn't the last you've heard from us. And that was tough to hear. And without further ado, we love you, Nana.

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. You want proof? Go to garethreynolds.com. I love the little curly-haired ginger. Lord knows I do. I've known him for 20 years. But I wouldn't call him the sharpest tool in the shed. I wouldn't call him the dullest. But I would say he was a little closer to the dullest than the sharpest.

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Episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by the crisp, refreshing, angry orchard. Listen guys, there's a litany of things we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. Don't get angry at Piggly and Moe and say that it makes no sense and nobody would fall for it.

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Hello, good morning. Good morning. Wow, great energy. What's your name, please? My name is Sav. Sav. Okay. S-A-V? Yes. Great. All right, Sav, where are you calling from? I'm calling from Pensacola, Florida. Florida. How old are we roughly, Sav? I am 26 years old. 26. And we actually just got a new list of optional intro questions to ask our callers.

What would you, Sav, what would you title your memoir? The end of your life, you're looking back, you got a book coming out. What's the memoir title for you, Sav? I feel like the first thing that just came to mind is the title, Not Sure What Just Happened. I'll tell you what, super insightful. Yeah. I was going to say Sav the Day, but I like yours better. Okay, Sav, what's up? What can we help you with?

Okay, so to give a little setup, this is not only an issue I'm having with my husband, but the one and only Jake Johnson as well. Whoa, what? I'm going to preface this all with love, but it is a real issue that can happen in men, and I've noticed that, and Gareth, you do not have this issue very often. It is mustache sucking.

I have been married to my husband for eight years. I think he's the hottest guy in the world. And we got married when we were like 18. And so he couldn't really grow a mustache, which, side note, we don't have any babies. We got a picture of you two right here. Okay, yeah, he's got a beauty. So he couldn't grow any facial hair then, but...

or a lot because we were 18, but now we're 26. And he was like, I want to try this whole mustache thing out. And I was like, I think they're creepy, but give it a shot, babe. And he got one and I was shocked by how sexy it was. I was like, okay, don't hate it. However, the first time in my life I've ever taken notice to men sucking on their mustache. Yeah. They like put it in

in their mouth and then suck it like there's nutrients in it. This is an indictment on the gender, honestly. But Gareth, you don't do it too often. You do it every once in a while, but I think you keep your short enough. But Jake, I am such a fan and I love you. But now it makes watching the video hard because of just...

See it. And you got me. So you suck it like there's nutrients in it. Like there's food. I suck it like a, I suck it like a starving person and it's food. Yeah. Jake, that's what a safe or as 50 cents. Like a fat kid loves cake. Yeah. And I can only imagine that your wife just loves it as well. But so all of this around back to the question, I, uh,

I'm struggling. So I had him, I told him, I was like, hey babe, it's kind of gross. You are super sexy with it. I love it.

You're talking to me or Sav here? Sav, I see the photo. He's got beautiful on here. I get it. Mine's sprinting off the top of my head. You sucked it out. I sucked it. So by the way, tell him this. If he sucks it too bad, it'll get pulled from his head through his mouth. The mustache is the straw to the dome, Sav. I'm not allowed to know that. I am sucking a bald spot.

All right, but keep going, Seth. Tidal. No, you're good. You're good. So I've tried... Keep sucking it. Okay, so I... Tidal. ...have told him that I'm just like, it's kind of gross. And he's just like, I don't think anyone else notices. So anyway, long story short, he ended up shaving it. But then I went back to that picture a couple days ago and I was like, damn, he does look really fine with it, though. Yeah, Seth. So my question is...

I think I want to pair it with a challenge. If you're willing, Jake, I want to figure out a way to get my husband to stop sucking his mustache. I've already told him I want him to grow it back. But then maybe you can pitch things that would work on you as well. Because sometimes watching you, it's hard. I got to say, I got to say, first of all,

Excellent setup. Yeah. Thank you. Wonderful presentation. Very clear. And you just evolved the show a little bit. We are now in a whole new era of the show, which soon people are going to get annoyed with, but it's how we're part of the problem too. But I got to tell you, no, but I like it. And I got to tell you this, Gareth, this one's going to be, the burden's going to be on your shoulders, my ginger king, because...

I don't know how to pitch on a problem when I am the problem. I suck my mustache. My wife tells me it's gross. Garrett should pitch what he thinks. And you need to say, Jake, if you think it would work. So then let's do this. Not to boss you around. No, but I like being bossed around and you're a bossy lady and I'm into it. But I think you're running this in a great way. So let's do this.

Gareth, you pitch. Sav, you and I are the ones. You tell me if it works for your husband, and I'll tell you if I could actually pull it off or if I would just go back to sucking my stash. Oh, okay. Does that sound fair? It sounds wonderful. It's just even the word sucking my stash, it's so gnarly. I

I agree. I hated saying it. I almost barfed. And let me just say that I am not above this problem. I'll pitch one practical up top, but... Shave it. But she wants it back. Not even shave it. It's...

It's the length thing. If you can keep it, it's when it sort of starts to cross the border. Jake will be short and he'll still suck. I will? Yeah, I've noticed that you shaved like a couple of weeks ago or on one of the episodes on the Patreon a couple of weeks ago and you're still sucking. She is breaking this down like game film. But by the way, she's not wrong. No, you are taking this note very to heart. Well, because I know it's a thing that happens. I suck the corners, Sav.

You pull them into your mouth, especially when Gareth is talking, which is kind of pervy, but keep going. That's not why. I think you like the girls too much. Keep going. Hold on. You think I like the girls? Admit it. No. Can I tell you what it is?

I have an overactive mind and I got to stay a little bit busy. So I'm either doing like a leg shake or a weird thing with my finger or a mustache suck. My husband does the leg shake. Yeah, because it's an overact because I'm trying not to interrupt the ginger king. So I'm like, go ahead. But if I don't eat my mustache, I'm going to start talking. Or my leg's going to shake or my hand's going to do something weird or I'm going to start writing down or whatever.

I'm going to get a little distracted and start thinking about something else. And I'm trying to stay focused on the goddamn problem. But the truth is your husband might have some of this stuff, but the solution isn't eat your mustache, my long haired King. And also does he use curling creams or is that natural? And I want the truth. That's all natural. Yeah. Would it be hotter if he used creams? It's not a perm. Sav, you're really...

You're, it's not a perm. I mean, I don't know. I'm a huge fan of you both. We're huge fans of you. You are, by the way, you've, you've jumped, you're in the posse. You're in the posse. She's in the posse. Yeah, you're not, you're not a caller. You're a pal. There's a different thing. She's not a caller anymore. She's a mentor. Yeah, I agree. Sav, what should we call this legend? Your husband.

I don't know if he's going to be mad at me, but let's just call him his name, Daniel. Daniel, okay. We'll call him Daniel. Danny boy. Sweet little, we'll call him Danny boy. Tasty Danny. Just so you know, Jake is off the one sip a day coffee thing. So, you know, he's full tilt now. So you're getting a fully caffeinated guy. So there's some extra spice. Oh, he did a full cup? Oh, he's off. He's gone. He's rocking. Wait, he did have a cup?

Let's talk about this later. I'll tell you why, because we're about to pitch. We can have you back on and talk about this another time, but we got a great problem. I drank way too much goddamn coffee. Let's eventually round back to if you're back on coffee, how are the poops? But let's round back. Okay. Even if we circle back, that's not going to be a part of the conversation. I don't know if you're our point guard. By the way, I was just going to say, we were like, come on in. And now she's got her feet on the table and is throwing beer at the wall. It's like, Sam, come on. Well,

Okay, so I'm going to pitch. I got a few for Danny Boy here. I'll pitch the most practical last. My first is, why don't we make a kind of like...

vinegary salve that we almost like when you're trying to get a kid to stop their thumb, sucking their thumb, you put something on there that doesn't taste good. What if without overpowering the sense of smell, we come up with something that we just put on the base there that sort of punishes the taste buds eats each time he goes in for a rip of the stash.

So like, will he know or do I have to sneak this onto his mouth? Look, you're going to in my pitches, you're going to have to approach this as a couple. You're not going to be able to do this while he's sleeping. So you're going to say, I love the stash. And you're just going to put a little bit of like Vaseline vinegar under the undercarriage of the stash to punish each suck. Hmm. That's pitch. Jake, if your wife wanted you to do that, would you do it? Or would you just say, no.

I'd say, no, I'm not putting vinegar on my lip. It makes everything I smell disgusting and it's ruining something I love and that's called lunch.

Oh, okay. I think I'd have to sneak it onto his mouth like when he's sleeping if we're going to go that route. Don't hate it. Well, I'm going to say if I found vinegar on my mustache, I would ask so many questions about our love story and the trust that we have in our bond. And I would go, what's that gross smell you're putting on my face? And she would go, nothing. I would go, I don't feel safe around you.

In our marital bed? Okay, Gareth, it's a good start. Okay. Oh, yeah, and look, I'm very comfortable with the process. My next one is that we get Jake to record him shouting,

stop sucking your mustache. What are you doing? And that can not only be utilized for you every time you see it happen, for anyone out there who is dating or married or in a relationship to a mustached human, they can also utilize that to stop this epidemic. So a sound effect that you can hit...

That sort of like trains your husband. It's like it's like kind of, you know, it's sort of like it's shouting no to him in a fun way. It's like training a dog, like training a dog. Because let's be honest, these they're dogs. These get your husband, Jake. They're animals. They're disgusting animals going out there. So that's pitch to go ahead.

I mean, I think it's good. I wonder that that would probably help with my husband to try and train him out of it. Like I said, not that he's a dog, but we would run into the issue of that wouldn't also work for Jake. Would not work for me. No.

Okay. All right. Okay. But I like it. We could use it. We could use it. Well, let me put that in the sidecar. I love how you're running this. You're doing great. You're doing great. You're valued, Derek. Your opinion's valued. And I feel that. It wouldn't work on everyone, but I think it could work. It could work. And I feel that. Do you guys want a taste of it?

Taste of, yeah, yes, we do. Of your mustache? No, of the same. Jesus Christ. There's a product that wouldn't sell. Imagine that on Shark Tank. Oh my God. Now I'm going to give you guys all a sample. Barbara would be like, yummy, yummy in my tummy, tummy. Robert. He cuts some off and chews it. That's really tasty. I'm a goofball of a son. Can I try anything from your back?

As he cracks himself up and falls out of the chair. All right. Ready for this? Hey, I see what you're doing. Stop eating your mustache. You're an adult. That's for ladies gazing, not for tasting. I mean, I feel like more aggressive, like angry, like yours is like more like scolding. Can you be mad? Yeah. Hey, stop eating that goddamn mustache.

That's for gazes, not lips. That would work. That's great. You like that? Well, I don't like when you say, do you like that? But I do. That one was a lot better. That was good. Okay, good. Okay. I think maybe we can incorporate that a little bit into pitch three.

So pitch three is that your husband agrees to have almost like a fun chore jar that we treat as a punishment. And every time he's caught sucking his mustache, you tell him and he has to go to the chore jar or whatever and pull out a fun little favor he's got to do on your behalf.

that is going to sort of course correct him after a few of these into realizing that he needs to stop because if he doesn't, he has to go to the fun chore jar, pull something out, and do something that benefits you. Gareth, you wonderful, wonderful genius. That is perfect.

And, dare I say, we could incorporate the Jake yelling into that as well. So you could play that. That's a sign that it's time to go up to the mason jar, pull out a piece of paper that you've put in there. That's the alarm sounding. Okay, okay, okay. This is wonderful, but now we need to take it to how Jake can do it.

and i think if you gareth because we can't see him if you catch him the mustache during the podcast jake has to like think of something like genuinely nice to say to you or compliment your curls i think if jake's down and maybe i'm down of course maybe i'm not gonna maybe i'll i'm not gonna be able to fully focus on it but i think jake when you have the mustache back he's on any producer can comment

We can force a compliment out of you. Okay, I think that's really funny. I'll do it. So right now I am clean shaven, but when I'm done with this project. My husband is too, but he's growing out, so you guys will be in this together. It'll take me a little bit of time because I've got to finish this, but naturally I will go back to having a mustache and a beard.

And for Rob, Natatuck, and Sherlock, if anybody catches it, just say mustache. And I will... Sav, what do you want me to do? I say a genuine compliment to Gareth? Or it could be to anyone on the show. Something that would also pain you a little bit. Yeah, because that wouldn't pain me. I love Gareth. It would be easy to do. What about his curl specifically? Or his vest? Or his hat? Well, the cat for sure I would be fine with. The curls... Here's the problem with the curls, Sav.

They look handsome. They're fine. The problem is, is it's a whole new generation of younger men doing it. And they're kind of 14 to 22. I just don't want kids. I don't want Gareth doing whatever they'll call the yak hair or whatever they're called.

We're kids. We're kids. And Jake, I think what you're not imagining is me walking up to a group of 22-year-olds with a similar style and just fitting right in. I'll pay for the video.

I'm like, 100%. I'll pay to not watch the video. I will pay for the true-to-life 21 Jump Street where you're not trying to get drugs. What's up, guys? You're just trying to get them to check out garethreynolds.com. Anyone want to go to my website for tour dates? Yeah, what's up, guys? Hey, you guys ever seen this unbelievable website? There's this comedian who's around our age. It's garethreynolds.com.

A comedian around our age. Well, I think this will grow. I'll do it. You've escalated the show. And this is what I would say. You've elevated things. I would say, do you want the yelling Jake sounds to go in conjunction with the fun favor jar? Yeah, I think we should maybe send that to Sav if we can. But Sav, I just need to pitch on something really fast because it's honest.

I don't think I would have a hard enough time pitching something nice about Gareth. I think it'd be fun. Gareth, what would you like to see Jake do? That you think would actually be really uncomfortable. And if I heard the mustache thing, I wouldn't think like, oh, this is fun. I'll spin it.

But like, you know how we used to with the Bears and Green Bay, where we used to whoever lost in the season, the other person and I lost more. I would have to dress in Green Bay clothes. We'd spend the whole night at Taylor Steakhouse. And I was a Packer fan. And all night we had to talk about how it's a great organization. And honestly, it was an unpleasant evening for me. Here was what was so funny about that, Sam, was I remember one year, like, so I got to put Jake in whatever outfit I wanted that was like Packer regalia. And.

And I mean, I got him this Packers Christmas hat and he looked at it and he goes, you know, we're going to a restaurant, right? And I was like, yeah, maybe you're right. And we go in and they sat us on the second floor near the kitchen. Like we, it was like we rented a floor. It was like, I mean, they were like, we shut down the whole place for our dinner. They pushed us so far in the back, but it was true.

It Jake, it is sports, but Jake really would struggle with having the conversation where he had to be very complimentary about the Packers. So for me personally, maybe I'll say I can pick if it's Packers or curls. And I think that's great. It's a great addition to the show. Sav, you feel like you've got your, uh, your, you feel good with this suggestion. You feel good with where you're headed as well.

Heck yeah. I do most of the chores around the house anyway, so then this way I can get some help from it too. This is awesome. Hey, Sav, can I ask you a question really fast? Yes. Do you want to stick around for the next call with us? Ooh. Hell yeah, brother. Highly unorthodox. Highly unorthodox. But then will you just keep doing your role and will you start us off?

And just see what happens? Yes, I can do that. Pretty good. Does that work, Sherlock or Rob, with our next caller? Or do we have like a follow-up that one of us has to drive more? No, no, that can work. Okay. So let's do it. When I give Gareth Reynolds a little bit of Smalls cat food for Jose, the look on that little guy's face, and I'm not talking about Jose, I'm talking about Gareth, is

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This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hero Bread. Hero Bread is awesome. It's very easy to fit into your lifestyle if you have health goals. Bread helps you pack on the pounds. Hero Bread steps in, saves you. That's why they call it Hero Bread. Hero Bread is absolutely delicious. I eat it on a regular basis. It

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And Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to hero.co and use code HELP at checkout. That's help at h-e-r-o dot c-o. Hello. Sav, the floor is yours. Hi, you're here with We're Here to Help with Garrett Reynolds and Jake Johnson. What's your issue today? Where are you calling from? And what is your name? Is the caller here? They've joined, but they're still muted. Okay.

Here we go. All right, Sav, let's go again. We're in. We're probably going to play all this, obviously, even that, but let's just try it. Oh, no. Yeah, no, we really. We kind of play everything. Unfortunately, yeah. Sav, take it away. Hi, I'm Sav. You're here with We're Here to Help. And we got Gareth Reynolds and Jake Johnson, and we want to know who the hell you are, what your problem is, where you're from, and what the title of your memoir would be.

Hi, I'm Nick. I am from England. What was the other question? What would the title of your memoir be? My memoir? Good question. Thanks. I came up with it myself. I'd probably be, let's try that again.

Oh. Okay. Lovely. This is a great new question. It is. There's more, but that's a great one. This comes from the Patreon community, but that is great. Yeah, Patreon. Go join it. Let's try this again. Wow. Nick England, let's try that again. Sav, anything else you want to get out of Nick? Yeah, one quick question, Nick. Do you have a mustache? I do, yeah. How do you know? Well, do you suck on it?

No, what makes you say that? Yeah, you do. No reason. So what's your question? What can we help you with today?

It's a big one. I hope you guys are ready. The mustache or the question? Both. All of it. Take us away. It's a moral ambiguity, but I'm trusting you guys are going to look past that. We won't judge you. We're not here to judge. My wife and I joined her family for a holiday two weeks out of the year in the summer. And

It's a great time. There's six of us in total, me, my wife, her father and mother, and her sister and her boyfriend. And we all get on really well. Usually quite a chill though, sort of holiday. Me and my wife get on well with the sister and brother-in-law really well. So there's like a bit of a party time with the younger attendees and then chill time with the parents. And that's sort of the trend that follows. Except once about three years ago,

last night of this two week holiday my father-in-law just decides to absolutely send it after a barbecue and just get absolutely shit-faced and it was just glorious it was just the best thing ever like everyone loved it cherished memory it's a bit character for him because he's like he's a social drinker but he's a gentleman he reserved measured quite calm individual and

like very self-controlled. But this, just one moment, I don't know what spurred it on. But yeah, we're sort of gearing up for another holiday in a couple of weeks. A holiday since that one time we've all attempted to try and bring this guy out of his shell just so we can see this magic happen again. It was that good. And nothing we seem to be doing seems to be encouraging this guy to...

really let his hair down and just send it with his kids. And I'm hoping you guys will be able to sort of pitch on some ideas of how I can sort of... Can you give drunk dad a name? Yeah, Jim. Jim. Is that his actual name or is that his persona when he's drunk? That's his alias for this conversation. Okay. Yeah.

- We have a video of him. - Oh, fucking awesome. - That we maybe won't use for the episode. - Oh, the name of the video, so I don't know whether you guys can play that to yourselves. - Okay, so we're about to watch the video of Jim, Nick's father-in-law, when he's on the piss, as the English would say.

And we're not going to be able to release the video. We are going to be able to play us reacting to it Werner Herzog style. The reason is because I think it maybe is a bit of an embarrassing performance and we don't want Jim to feel shame or to out him or anything like that. So you might not be able to see it, but we will and we will be your liaisons to the visual as usual. I'll tell you what we're starting with is pretty bold.

Um, the starting point of the video is Jim, the father-in-law, I believe in a tree. Um, is that right, Nick? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Okay. So the opening shot of him in a tree. All right, here we go. We ready? Oh my God. This. Oh my God. Oh my God.

We have a monkey man. This is incredible. He's stuck in the tree. He doesn't know how to get down. He's and he's just. Oh, my God. He parkoured out of the tree. Yeah. It's an amazing performance. By the way, for a 64 year old, like. It's shocking. Yeah. This guy's a physical anomaly.

God bless. If I drunk Jim me too, I think so too. If I could jump out of a tree at 64 and land like that, I'm fired up. You could jump out of tree now. That's a good title too, by the way. Um,

Okay, so, well, maybe there's a way we can figure out if we could just post the jump, maybe, blur his face, something like that, because it is a remarkable, it is a hell of a leap. Yeah, it is. And what we're seeing is we're seeing the specimen in the tree clearly liquored up, but having a good time. He's talking shit about the French. He's, everyone's, I think his wife is a little freaked out that he's up there.

And then to get out, he just does an amazing jump. I think the thing is, when you first called, I was like, well, you know, if this guy doesn't want to drink, it's a weird position for us to be like, force him. But we're A, on your side, and B, after watching that, that is, you want that Haley's Comet to come around again in your life. I mean... Yeah, for sure.

uh jake were you surprised by what we just saw there i i mean yeah i was and gareth i actually agree with you at the beginning i was thinking i don't know and now i'm thinking we jim needs to come out again yeah jim needs some rules so we keep jim safe yes but there's a there's a part of jim who's needing to come out and the alcohol helps yeah

It's 60, 64 years old climbing a tree and jumping out of it like a goddamn chimpanzee should be celebrated. Not ridiculed. I couldn't agree more. Um, and I'm sure. Have we tried so far? Good question. So it didn't end there either. He jumped in a pool, fully clothed.

challenged everyone to a push-up competition. There were shots involved. It was just epic. What have we tried? Handing him drinks as he's lounging on a sun lounger. After a couple, it's no, I'm good, thanks. Trying to, I don't know, just trying to kind of bring him along with the momentum of the evening as it's developing. And that seems to have sort of... How does he feel about the video? Is he proud of that moment? Well,

I mean, as far as the family goes, it's like a cherished memory and something we've all got on our phones and we'll never let them forget. I think he's accepting and he had a great time, so I can't imagine he'd be that embarrassed. Yeah, but it's inhumane to, you know...

Put on a performance like that and be the soul of a party and then just deny everyone that for the rest of the time. I got my first pitch. He's a sangria cicada. I got a couple too. Yeah, go. My first pitch is, next big thing coming up, your anniversary or birthday, and he goes, what do you want? You go, I'll tell you what I want, Nick. I'll tell you what I want, Jim. Who's talking there? That's Nick. What's going on with him? He's already drunk? No. Oh, okay. You say this, I'll tell you what I want.

- Paul, you know. - Why doesn't he just tell him what he wants instead of, 'cause I'm not sure what's happening. - I'm trying to find the voice. I think what you then tell him is, "What I would like for my anniversary gift to your beautiful daughter is for you to let it rip and go back to tree gym."

Tree gym is a pretty good name. The only gift I want is tree gym. Tidal. Tidal she-outs. Tidal she-outs. Christ, Zev. You're killing it, Zev. But Nick, the idea of you straight up ask, he goes like, what do you want for your birthday? What do you want for Christmas, for the anniversary? You say, I don't need a gift from, I don't need a sweater. I don't need socks. I don't need a bottle of wine.

I need to see inner Jim out, but I think we need to put some rules and regulations. No climbing, no leaving the house, no weapons, no knives. Why don't we want him climbing? We got to put bumpers on this bowling alley because we can't have a gutter at his age. We got to put him in a safe spot where he can let it rip, but no matter what, he's going to knock some pins down. Now, I will say, I think you're right, no trees, but I think the name Tree Jim is pretty good because

And I think maybe giving the, not to Frank the Tank him too much, but giving him an alter ego title that is embraced is maybe helpful. What does he drink normally, Nick? Red wine with dinner or like pale ales, that kind of thing. Yeah. But what did he drink that night? Oh, everything. White rum, tequila. So booze is what sets him off. So...

So I have a couple pitches, and I think you could maybe implement a couple. But Sav, do you have anything you want to pitch before I jump in?

My pitch I don't think would be morally correct because I was thinking spike the wine. No. We can't. Believe me, we all thought it, but we can't drug the poor man. We all want his party animal out of the cage. He's a bit of a connoisseur as well, so you'd see that a mile away. Yeah, okay. So, well, this is what I would say. Connoisseur leads me to my first pitch, which is, you know, maybe if it feels more like an event...

we can start to grease the wheels a little. What about on this holiday, if you set up for like a mixologist to come over and kind of mix some fun cocktails for you all to try? And that way it feels a little more like a professional event. You're all doing it. And we're adding in like some more alcohol that's made because I do what he's doing, which is I try to just stay in the wine lane now myself, because honestly, like,

The last time I was tree gym, it was not a beautiful performance where I stuck the landing as well. It was more embarrassing. So that's led me into the wine life. But I know if I was at a thing and there was like a mixologist, like someone who's going, hey, let's do mint juleps and tequila sunrise or whatever, that would get me more into it. So-

That would be my first pitch is like on this holiday, find a person to come over and make some fancy cocktails for the night. So I've got, can I pitch on that? Absolutely.

When I first moved to Los Angeles, thanks, Seth. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I lived with the great Brian Patrick Farrell. One of the best. And he had a 1950s bar in our living room, and me, him, and Eric all lived in the same building, and we hung out all the time. And the little bar, when you have it in your living room in your late 20s, was so cool to us. Yes. So whenever one of us would get a little bit of money, we'd buy a different bottle, and we'd put it at the bar. The reason I say that is we created a character named Carl, right?

And Carl was the living room bartender. So if one of us, and it only happened one time officially, but we would do it for each other. But the idea is, because we were both caterers at the time, if one of us had a date, he could text the other and say, I'll be home in 40, make sure Carl's there. And so when he got home with a date, I was in my little bow tie and my button down standing behind the bar, and I served them cocktails as they hung out in the living room until they went to the bedroom. Yeah.

and they felt like they were in an intimate evening, the two of them, with a personal bartender. And Carl's drinking too, obviously.

Yeah, for sure. Carl was drinking before he got the call to go to work. Right. Of course. And so my thing to you, Nick, is what if you create Carl and one night when you guys are going, you say, I'm going to be the personal bartender this evening. So if anybody wants a drink, I'll just be making them and passing them. So you just then say, hey, everybody,

Carl's got a house special and you pretend to be the bartender you walk from the table you come back and you go drinks on the house everybody some tequila sunrises or some vodka sodas with a splash of fresh lime I everybody goes like oh thank you Carl here's what I like about the most of that pitch Nick is that if it seems like it's something that you have interest in or your wife has interest in it almost puts

it's almost like you're kind of sharing in something that you care about, which maybe adds more investment. Yes. And Jimbo has to take sips because he loves you guys. And I think, you know, once you get to a certain point, Jimmy's climbing a tree. Well, that is, that is the thing too. It's once you have a couple, it just becomes a lot easier. And I just want to remind anyone who's going to comment on this episode that a, we're on Nick's side and,

And B, this video of this man is epic. It's not like he was like... Nick, can we put it on our Patreon? We don't have enough on the Patreon that'll ever get back to him, but it's worth seeing if anybody wants to. Well, we got to blur his face. Okay. So, Sav, where are you at with this?

I think it's good. I think the guilt approach of saying, hey, Nick, this is Nick. I'm very interested in this. I want to know if this is good or not. And looking at Sweet Daddy and saying, please take a sip of this drink and seeing how it goes could really work. I wonder...

Is Jim, is Jimmy boy, is he nervous to get that drunk again? Because he's like scared of what he'll do. Cause you could also assign like a buddy system of like a tree, Nick watcher.

Interesting. Jim Watcher. Someone to babysit him. Like a shadow. No, so I think a little bit more context. This was the last day, the day when the video happened. It was the last day of the holiday and Jim had to get in his car first thing in the morning on the first hangover he'd had in decades and drive from the south of France back to England. Oh, my God.

So there's like this negative reinforcement thing going on there. Of course. In terms of the homemade cocktails, my sister-in-law and her boyfriend actually do that. And we get an Airbnb with a private bar, with like a little bar sort of area. So they're the guys doing the mixologist stuff.

and handing them out, and he seems to be relatively sort of indifferent in terms of getting involved, because his daughter's made it. - What I was gonna say to the mixology pitch is, if you make it more of an event with a menu, and maybe we name a drink after Jim, like a Jim and tonic,

or something like that, that may be kind of... It's like, you got a cocktail named after yourself, you got to try it. Like, if they come up with something like that, that may... And they could do that for all of you. If they came up with, like, a menu that each one of you had a drink, you know, that was for you, and we all try each other's drinks, that might make it feel like more of an event. The other pitch I have is...

is that, you know, if you made some shirts with tree gym on it and we sat him down and we said, Jim, we love Jim. Yeah. We need Jim. But once a trip and then we kind of all reveal we have tree gym shirts and we're like, we want a tree gym. I love this. You know how we could also do that?

You guys could be all saying like a night starts when he and he and mom-in-law are not there yet when you know they're coming to the table in a little bit and be talking about this unthinkably fun character that you don't see enough and they don't know who you're talking about and they go, you know, we just love him and blah blah blah and the reveal is this legend, this king.

This savior of evenings, this person you guys all text about and think about and love is Tree Jim. And he's with us tonight. But we just need you to free him.

And then like simultaneously, the whole family starts going, all hail tree Jim. All hail tree Jim. And then you have shirts. One of us. One of us. And then everyone rips open their butt in shirt and tree Jim's on each one of their shirts. And you pass him one too with a drink. Totally. And I think the shirt, if you can get him like some...

We can even find someone from the show who can just draw you a rudimentary silhouetted man in a tree. And I think it should say free tree gym. I think like what you just said, Jake. Yeah. Call in all audience members who are creative and want to do it. We know you're out there. Somebody send up a mock drawing and we will forward it to our friend, Nick. Free tree gym. What are you thinking? Yeah.

Great timing, Sav. That's exactly what I was about to say. It's time to shift into that gear, Sav. You know the goddamn schedule. I think what might have helped with the first time was I think I made a comment at dinner saying, Jim, I think you're probably one of the most disciplined people I've ever met. And I think part of his head was like, I'll fucking show you discipline. And that might have kicked off

That opens up a can of worms of new pitches. That does too. Yeah. And so I was thinking like the free tree gym idea with all of us with hidden t-shirts is absolutely hilarious. Now I'm kind of thinking having like an anti-intervention where we're all sat around...

And then, Jake, what you said then about this glorious man, Tree Jim, you know, we love Tree Jim. Where is he? Like, I think having like that come on the TV or something like that would just be absolutely hilarious. It would be so fun, yes. Nick, I think it is, I think...

I think you can make the pitch. I would get the shirts. I would play the video and I would be like, we celebrate you tree gym and then take off your, your button downs and show the free tree ready and have shots ready. So Nick, what are you going to do?

I think that sounds great. The shots and personalized cocktails ready, the video of Tree Gym, Tree Gymming, us with hidden t-shirts. I'm wondering, is there any way to have like...

a voiceover or like an appearance at the end of that video. Do you want to take it, Jake? Do you want to throw maybe a little something, like a little plea at the end there? Yeah, so Nick, what you're asking, and I just want to say this because we're going to get a lot of comments. People hate Piggly and Moe. People hate when we make little videos. This is not a Piggly and Moe. This is a Jake. I knew that Piggly and Moe was coming. No, they're not Piggly and Moe. They're not. Everybody hates them. They died in a car accident like it was Chappaquiddick. Okay? They passed away. I don't know.

pigly and mo died the audience killed pigly okay but so nick what are you looking for because i'm happy to do it i'm sure mo and pigly is too but we just gotta know what we're doing zombie mode he's a beatbox man uh i don't know i could play the video and at the end of it you two could be and and sav

Yeah, and so, sorry, yeah, of course. Yeah, please don't forget me. A lot of people do. You three could be, I don't know, like...

Jim, we've asked you here today because we all love you. Okay. And that kind of thing. But I know Jim doesn't watch the podcast, so it's essentially Piggly and Moe and Sav. We're not doing Piggly and Moe with boys. Okay, but we won't do it. It's us, but basically it's them. No, because it's not a slice of a podcast. It is a slice of a podcast.

Since it's a podcast, he doesn't know you're right. Everything's Piggly and Moe. But a more direct plea. It's not a slice of conversation. So then here's how we set it up. This is a fourth wall breaker. After the video ends, Nick, you start as you, and then you throw it to us. Can I start by using his real name and then bleep that out? Yes, we will bleep that out. But then we got to show a little bit of the video. We just got to show the jump and we'll blur his face. And we're not going to call him Jim in the plea.

yeah yeah don't call him jim but as long as we can we'll bleep it out well no because we've said jim so many times in this goddamn well yeah yeah no we don't have to bleep that out but we just when we the video that he's going to show understood quote unquote jim we don't want to be calling him jim we'll just refer to him as him jonah or maury tree man how about we how about it's jonah

Well, it's the same thing. We don't want to call him a fake name because then it's like, well, who are these people calling me Jim? Let's call him Ira. I'll probably share in the episode as well. All right, let's call him Jim. Holy fuck. All right, here we go. No, no, no, it's good. All right, here we go. End of the video.

Are you stuck there? No. You ready? Watch out, I'm going to jump. No! Don't get in my way. Scream. Oh, my God. We've brought you here today because we miss Tree Jim. It's a cherished family memory. And we kind of feel like you're Bogarting Tree Jim and we want to see Tree Jim again. We miss him and...

We've all collected here to try and bring this legend back out of you again. And to help us all do that, we've got a couple of guests that will hopefully speak to that as well. We've got a few guests. We're going to start with our dear friend, Jim, Tree Jim, a lady named Sav. Sav, go ahead. There's not much we need more than you to come back, Tree Jim. You stuck the landing. You brought joy. You opened hearts.

Get drunk, my man. And now. Let it all hang out. Tree Jim, we're going to end this by G-Man is going to drop a little beat and I'm going to take us out. We don't have to do it. With a little. No, we need to. Come on, G-Man. With a little song that Nick, Sav, and I are going to put together for you. It's going to be all about bringing you back in the tree in three. And Gareth, the whole thing should be about 20 seconds.

Okay, okay. Why don't you just not give me a no right now during the countdown? Maybe you're not getting me the right beat. Jim, when you go from...

Wine to tequila, you become a king. You become Tree Jim and we love Tree Jim. When you come out and you drink the gin, you become Tree Jim and we love Tree Jim. Please party with us tonight. Stick the lid. We love you, Jim. Nick, your thoughts.

speechless absolutely beautiful let's take the win Nick you're the best Sav you're the best and Nick keep us posted when is the holiday July and then here's what we need to do

We need to bring you back for the follow-up, and, Sav, you've got to be part of this follow-up. And dare I say, Jake, start this pitch early in the two-week holiday, and if you're getting some friction, do not be afraid to call back in with Tree Gym, and we can give another pitch to see if it works. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Oh, brilliant. Thank you. All right. Nick, Sav, thank you guys. Appreciate it.

Producer Sherlock here. This next call is a follow-up to episode 147, Long Island Lisa, with Michael Cera. Hello. Hello. Hi. That big hello. We know you. Who are you? Oh. Who are you and what was your first call? Hi. My name is Kate. I called about my daughter Darcy liking...

my alter ego grocery store person better than me. Right. This was the Mike Sarah one. Okay. Yeah. And he told me it wasn't a problem. That's, that's me. Yeah. So that just to be clear, you have a daughter and you've created an alter ego named Darcy who does a Long Island accent.

My daughter's name is Darcy. Okay. She created an alter or I create an alter ego. She named it Lisa and she's from Long Island. She works in a grocery store. Will you give Gareth a taste of Lisa? Just talk to Gareth for a little bit as Lisa. Okay. Um,

Welcome to the grocery store. Welcome. And I'm here working today. Usually I'm working at the hair salon. You know what I do? I do my big hair, but today I'm at the grocery store because Gary has the day off. So I'm coming in today. Cause I just can't be home with him when he's doing his bed and on horses. Now, yes. Now, Garrett, what do you think the problem is from Darcy, her daughter's point of view? Well, it's, we've got Lisa who's awesome and chatty and Kate who's normal and regular. And Lisa's exciting. How old is Darcy? I don't know.

three and a half. Holy shit. Come on. Great. And so Kate, what did we advise? What was our final advice? So your final advice was, um, for me to play with her as dark or as Lisa, but then come in as Kate, but with a lollipop. So I like Pavlov turned to thinking, when you play with mom, you get a lollipop. Okay.

And it worked. I think I sent in a clip. We did. The clip was really sweet. It was your daughter liking Kate at the end. Yeah, she ended up being like, oh, a lollipop? Yeah, you're cool. It worked. So then walk us through where we're at now with Kate, Darcy, and Lisa.

Um, so the execution of plan, obviously like the plan worked. Um, I struggled a little bit with like dipping in and out of Lisa as myself in real time in front of a three-year-old. Cause it,

But she was so focused on the lollipop. Only Robin Williams can really do it perfectly. Yeah. Yeah. There's no lag time. I didn't know whether to move my head back and forth. Who has the most struggle in transitions? No. Yeah. But she was like so excited about the lollipop. She wasn't like, oh, mom's having a psychotic break. So it worked. It worked out. She expanded the Lisaverse since then, and it's getting really confusing and weird, but

The original problem was like, she wants to play with me without Lisa sometimes. So that's, Oh, that's cool. Cause that's never, that was never the case before. So now she'll be like, I just want mom and she'll get upset at the accent if she's not into Lisa. So Kate, this is your tone is a little bit like it's not working. But what your, your words are problem solved. Am I correct or not? Correct here.

Yeah, I mean, the original problem is solved. I've just created a bigger problem with this. That's what's happening. The universe is too expansive. Yeah, I created a separate problem. I understand what's happening. Okay, so hold on, hold on. First victory. Bell? Yes, big W. Bell. Bell, some bell. Thank you. So now, first problem solved. You've got a problem two, and that is...

You've created too rich of a world of characters. Is that correct? Yeah, she's expanded it. Sometimes she wants to be Lisa now and now there's two Lisa's and there's, it's, I think we're just going to have to be the improv house. Like if you're coming to my house, you're just going to have to get ready to improv. Yeah. But Kate, so what is the, cause I'm not understanding the problem. What is the specific question with the second problem? And we might not even try to pitch on it. We might take our victory here, but I'd like to hear it first.

The Lisaverse is just becoming so like comprehensive in her brain that I can't keep up with it. And I'm constantly having to dip in and out of myself into Lisa. She's adding a new character. Certain people. I got an easy pitch. I'm still a little in the weeds, but go ahead. So here's what I mean. I get why you're in the weeds. I think if you, the first call set it up a little bit more in that it's,

Kate created Lisa, who you've heard. Yes. Lisa's great. Darcy likes Lisa. But now Darcy likes Lisa and Kate. But Darcy is really evolving the Lisa world in a way that Kate can't keep up. That Darcy is sometimes Lisa as well. And or like Lisa's different. Yeah, my husband is Janet. My son is sometimes Janet. Well, these are new names.

Yeah. So the kids just going nuts with it. So here's what you need to do. You need to transition Darcy from you guys to her dolls. And when you start doing Lisa, have some little doll in front of her that it looks like the pup is doing it. You got a Sesame Street it a little bit.

And then have her do the voices of all. She's just trying to play basically action figures with a real life family. Does that pitch get us in the direction of Lisa is no longer. Kate is no longer Lisa. Kate no longer is Lisa at all. Okay. Darcy creates the voice of Lisa for her dolls. Because I don't want to kill off Lisa. And I don't want to have Lisa moves away. Yeah, I can't kill off Lisa.

Yeah. I want Darcy is in control of all these characters and she could play by herself in her room and all her characters, all her little stuffed animals. She can do the voices, but mom is Kate. Okay. What do you think of that? Okay. I don't think she's going to go for it. You don't know in Darcy. She's going to give me a hard no. Do you want to get, do you want to get rid of Lisa for yourself or whatever? You're kind of like, whatever. I, this, I, my original problem, you guys solved it. And I'm,

okay with the Lisa universe and I think I've accepted the fact that if you're coming to my house and you're going to play with Darcy you need to be able to be a part of this because it's kind of interesting to watch her create this insane world you know what I mean? I don't really kill her imagination I want to take the win and get off the goal

I get it because we're now getting in a world and this isn't a bad thing, Kate, but like this is getting tricky. I'm like, we got a victory.

You got the victory and I'm I I consider it a win and I'm not going to squash a three year old's imagination because I have a hard time. That's how I feel like I don't want to ruin this. This is now. Can I let me add one last pitch that's not in the direction of stopping this in any way. Get some matching Lisa wigs that you and your daughter can wear. And sometimes that shows a very clear time when you can be the character and when you can't be.

I do like that actually. Clearly so time. There you go. Great wigs. Have a good life. Kate, we appreciate the call. We're taking this goddamn victory. Thanks Kate. Bye Lisa. Appreciate it. Bye guys. Wait, hold on before we go, Lisa. Yeah. What do you think of this follow-up call? Where are you at?

You know what? I think we did it. I didn't want to die. I really didn't. I didn't want to get killed off. I really liked playing with Dossie. And I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I really do. We got to keep playing. Kate's a little crazy to go in and out. It's too much, but you know what? We're going to make it work. And Lisa, what do you think about Kate's vibe on this followup?

You know, she came in a little shaky, but I think she picked it up at the end. I think she got there. You know, I think she wrapped her head around. She didn't come in great, but, you know, we got what we wanted. She finished strong. And what do you think, Lisa? How would you rate...

the we're here to help guys in there. If you were to grade us, which we used to do and we haven't done in a while, how would you grade the call, the solution, where everything's at with your dear friend Darce and your friend Kate? Lisa, give us a grade on this.

You know what? Long time listener, first time caller, 10 out of 10. You guys did great. My doc is always happy because, you know, she's got dum-dums coming out of here at this point, let me tell you. Ain't that right, baby girl? And I'm excited for the new outfits and wigs that we're about to wear. Me too. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. And Lisa, what kind of music are you listening to these days? You know me, I like a little vibe. I'm into like the 80s bops. You know, I like a little vibe. The hair salon music. I think hair salon music does me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And who's your biggest rival?

You know what? Janice's ex-husband, I can't stand him. He's too much. I don't like him. Why? What's the matter with him? What does he do? You know, he's a dog. He's a dog. He was texting girls on the side. I don't like it. I don't like it. He said he would go to bet the ponies. He got rid of all their money on those ponies. Let me tell you. That piece of shit. He set off without them. One other question for you, not including Darcy and Kate. Who's your best friend? You know, I love Janice. I love her to death.

Yeah. I got it. Let me ask you one other quick question. I understand Lisa. Now we got to go one other quick question. What's your relationship like with your mother? Oh my goodness. You know what? She, you know, when we in high school, you know, it gets a little rocky, you know, the teenage girls and the mothers, but you're really blonde in your twenties with your mom. And now that I'm in my thirties, Oh God love her. Okay. So, uh, can I talk to Kate for a second?

to us saying you guys have a good day. Hey guys. Hey, here's the problem. Uh, Lisa's incredible. She's awesome. I know. And so I think what you've done, you're a victim of your own talent, but here, but here's the real problem. And I think I'd now do have a pitch.

Kate, you can't handle the Lisaverse. You're trying to write somebody else's story. Lisa is the head writer of the Lisaverse. So if your daughter asks you, you don't know. I honestly, in my heart of hearts, believe you don't know, Kate. But I believe Lisa does. You got to just see yourselves as separate. So if she's got any questions about Lisa, it's overwhelming for you, Kate. You can't handle it. Talk to Lisa.

I got to dip in because it's too much. She's cool. But you as Kate, you don't have the answers, but Lisa does. So if she goes, if Darcy goes, what's da-da-da? And you're going, oh, let me think. Just go, give me a minute. Just ask Lisa. And if she ever asks you, go, mommy can't deal with this right now. I'm making mac and cheese, honey. I don't know. But maybe after you eat, you can talk to Lisa and they can ask her all these questions.

Yeah, she's wise beyond her years, that Lisa. She is. That's strange. It's a little concerning, right? No. Okay. Okay. Go ahead, buddy. But so the pitch to the second problem is this is Lisa's problem, not yours. Lisa in a wig. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Happy? Happy.

Very happy. That's two W's for you guys and one call. Thank you. Last but not least, can you throw Lisa back on? Jake, she's just going to keep blathering. No, she's wonderful. All right, hang on. Hey, guys. Hey, Lisa, can I ask you a quick question? Sure thing. What do you think about the Wednesday episodes?

The what episode? So sometimes we've been dropping season two, a Wednesday episode where we'll do like a re-release. Sometimes it's not the same show always as our Mondays. What do you think about the second episode of the week? What's your take on it? It's like a B-side. Yes, yes, one side. You know what? I like it because, like I said, I've been listening from the beginning, so it's like a little...

like a little refresher, like a little memory, like nice little walk down memory lane in the middle of the week. I think it's nice. You know what I mean? Like you like to, it feels comforting to know, to know what's coming up. You know, that's what we think too. Yeah. And here's another question for you, Lisa. We still got another bunch of episodes to do. What can we improve upon? And what should we be thinking about as we move this show forward? Lisa, you're a smart lady. Oh, thank you so much. I think so too. Um, you know, wise beyond your years.

I hear it all the time. You know, I think you guys are really doing a great job. I do think, you know, sometimes you get a little ahead of yourself. You're chatting, chatting, chatting, people waiting to dip in, and from the other end, you know, we're jumping in a little bit. So I think maybe sometimes we just got to...

sit back and listen a little more. You know, put on our listening ears, really open our hearts. And what do you think about this longer inch? Says Lisa, who doesn't shut up. Go ahead. Hey, Gareth, would Lisa watch that? No, no, no. It's just very interesting for Lisa to say something like that when her whole most leaf is chatterbox. I don't want to talk with me.

I'm not starting with you. Lisa, the reason I'm asking you is because you're giving it to it straight and I appreciate it. I think when you force someone to criticize Jake, you're probably going to hear one. So go ahead. Lisa, what do you think about the longer intros? And I'll tell you why we do it. Because the ad company wanted to throw ads in the middle of the calls, which we didn't like. So we're just doing a little bit longer intros because we don't run the ads they do. But what do you think, Lisa?

You know, as a person who listens to podcasts in my car on the way to work or wherever I'm going, I like a long intro. I do because it gives me time to adjust and get ready for the episode. I don't like the dip in the middle of the episode so much. Yeah, I don't like the dip side of it. I'll take a long intro if I don't have to listen to the middle of the episode dip. I gotta be honest, I like it. That's exactly right. So we'll just spend about like 10 minutes. We'll catch up with each other. We mostly do it at the beginning, but you like that too. Yes. And Lisa, what's going on with your love life, honey? Where are you at?

Oh, you know, I'm married. Love of my life, that man. Oh, Gary, I love him so much. Married. You know, he does, you know, he does get on my nerves sometimes, you know, when you've been married as long as I have. How many years? What are you guys at now? What's your next anniversary? We're at 25 years, me and Gary. Congratulations. Amazing. Amazing. And how's his health? I heard he had something going on with it. He's doing it again soon. I love it. What's going on with Gary's health? I heard there was something with his heart. Am I out of line there? I don't think you heard that.

No, it wasn't his hot, but he does have a bad hip from all of those years playing hockey. You know, he gets a little off. So he's got a little, little limp sometimes. Who did he play for? What was the name of the team? The Edmonton Oilers. He played for the Oilers.

He played for the Edmonton Oilers? What's his last name? I'll look him up real quick. Okay, Lisa, I'm not going to make you do this. You're not going to have to do that. Gary from Long Island. Is he from Canada? What's the Canadian association? Did he ever live in Canada? Where did he live in Canada? Newfoundland. Goodbye, goodbye, hang up. Hang up, he's about to get here. Goodbye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler.

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

- All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com/heretohelppod. - Hi, I'm Jessi Klein. - And I'm Liz Feldman and we're the hosts of a new HeadGum podcast called

here to make friends. - Liz and I met in the writer's room on a little hit TV show called "Dead to Me," which is a show about murder. - But more importantly, it's also about two women becoming very good friends in their 40s. - Which can really happen, and it has happened to us! - It's true! - Because life is imitated

art. And then it imitated life. Time is a flat circle. And now we're making a podcast that's about making friends. And we're inviting incredible guests like Vanessa Barrett. Wow, I have so much to say. Lisa Kudrow. Feelings, they're a nuisance. Nick Kroll. I just wanted to say hi. And Matt Rogers. I'm like on the verge of tears. So good. So good to join us and hopefully become our friends in real life. Yeah, take it out of the podcast studio and into real life.

Along the way, we are also going to talk about dating. Yep. Spousing. True. Parenting. Uh-huh. Careering. Yeah. And why we love Thelma and Louise, and it's the greatest movie of all time. Shouldn't need to be said. No, we said it. It's just a true thing. So please subscribe to Here to Make Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Friday.