29: We’ve Lost Gareth
31:32 Share

This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies, like backpacks, binders, and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project due tomorrow.

Okay, it's time to commit.

2024 is the year for prioritizing yourself. Begin your new smile journey with Bite, and you could start seeing results in just two to three weeks. Just order your at-home impression kit today for only $14.95 at Bite.com. Bite clear aligners are doctor-directed and delivered to your door. Treatment costs thousands less than braces.

Plus, they offer financing options, accept eligible insurance, and you can pay with your HSA FSA. Get 80% off your impression kit when you use code WONDERY at Byte.com. That's B-Y-T-E dot com. Start your confidence journey today with Byte. Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a Be a

Oh, gobble gobble, Jake!

Happy Thanksgiving, Garfield. A very special We're Here to Help. And we hope everyone's having a lovely day with family and friends. You guys are with your families. And we're hoping there's a lot of fallout so that we get a lot more calls. But also, Garfield,

On Thanksgiving, a day to be with family. You've snuck off. You're listening to the podcast. Yeah. Stuff and stuff into a dead bird right now while you're listening to this, trying to probably find another episode, but you can't touch your phone because you're covered in giblets and guts.

Anyway, enough. Hold on. No way. This is a wonderfully fun day to cook food, listen to podcasts, maybe watch some football. And drink a little wine at 145. Now we're talking. Kevin, happy Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble, Kevin. Kind of annoyed that you guys made me record this morning, but... Kevin? Kevin?

fall in line. Come on. We told you we're a team. We're doing whatever Jake says. We want to say we are grateful to everybody who has listened and come along on this journey with us.

It has been way more fun than we expected. We are all recording from our closets and we weren't sure you guys were going to come with us and we have been blown away by the numbers. So we are grateful and thank you guys for coming along with us. We're going to make a lot more and we hope they get even better.

Exactly. And today, while we're talking about stuffing birds, we have an interesting call from a pet owner. And dare I say, I get a little caught up in it and we find our way out. And while we're talking about being with family...

We talk about a mother's gift that might be a little bit too much. Look at what we did there. Here's the truth, everybody. It is not Thanksgiving while we are recording this. Jake, don't do this. Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake

And we're brought to you by Philo. You know Philo. We love Philo. Philo's got current seasons of shows that I and Jake and Shark can't miss on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. They've got shows like The Office, Martin. If you haven't watched Martin, and The Office, Martin's

Martin is one of the greatest shows of all time. Friends. They have a library of 75,000 movies and TV shows, all which I can rewatch anytime for a whole year. You don't miss a minute of anything.

They've got Catfish. Jake and I probably wouldn't be doing this show without Catfish, to be fully honest with you. You don't believe me? Go watch Catfish. That's what got Jake into it. He was watching the Catfish Marathon. Tons of stuff. Kid shows, SpongeBob, Paw Patrol, classics, Golden Girls, Best Pilot of All Time, and then reality shows like The Jersey Shore.

But best of all, with Philo, you get all of this for just $28 a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to philo.tv slash gil sent me and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's philo, P-H-I-L-O dot TV slash gil sent me to start watching.

All right, we are brought to you by BlueNile.com. We love Blue Nile. The road to getting engaged can be long and full of memories, or it can be short and thrilling, or somewhere in between. But the road to finding the perfect engagement ring is a straightforward path every time. All you've got to do is head over to BlueNile.com. Kevin, you just recently got married. Do you have an engagement-

I got engaged before I knew of Blue Nile, and I had an odd experience where Leah and I went to a place together and were looking at different rings, and the person we were looking at...

multiple times throughout, which I guess I appreciated the honesty, would go, I mean, I wouldn't get that, but if you like it, go for it. Super weird vibe made one of the more exciting moments of our life. Very awkward throughout it. Blue Nile would have been perfect. We wouldn't have had

very awkward customer service like we did at another place. I was just going to say, if you go to BlueNile.com, you can create a bigger, more brilliant piece than you ever imagined. Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. And these are ethical standards. The ethical standards are observed when sourcing the diamonds and jewelry.

Everyone is insured. When it shows up, it doesn't look like an engagement ring. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. There's even more stuff. Okay, just go to bluenile.com. So right now, get 30% off. Select lab-grown diamonds on bluenile.com. Plus, use code HERETOHELP to get $50 off your engagement ring purchase of $500 or more. That's $50 off with the code HERETOHELP.

at BlueNile.com BlueNile.com Hi. Hi.

Welcome to We're Here to Help, where we're going to try to help. You're on with Jake and Gareth. Can I get your name, roughly your age, and where you're calling from, please? Yes. Oh, fuck. I'm so excited. My name is Shannon. I'm calling from Tampa, and I'm 29. Can we just say what a great attitude you have? And also, Shannon, I'm so fucking excited. I'm pumped. I'm so fucking excited. Best attitude ever. I'm excited, Shannon. Yeah, right.

Jake just ran through a wall. I'm running through walls as we speak. Shannon, hold on. We need to take five.

Okay, Shannon. So Tampa 29, what can we help you with? So I was given a heads up by my younger brother, who's 27, which is relevant, that my mother would be giving me a box of my old thing sometime soon. And he was warning me because he'd already gotten said box. And when he opened it up, he found...

Every single one of his baby teeth in an, in an envelope with it assigned the date it was lost and where it was located in the mouth. What's mom's name by the way?

Manson. Manson. Mom. What's mom? Teresa. Sweet Teresa. Dad or my brother is Connor. Interesting. You called your brother dad. Let's get into that. That's another call, Jake. Keep her excited. Hold on, Gareth. I just entered a new tone, which I really like. Let's talk. Let's talk about your relationship. We're not here to Freud. OK, I agree. I agree. Moving on.

Well, I think that was on my mind because my brother is a dad. And so I was thinking maybe like my mom... Is he a good parent? Is he saving the teeth of the child? No. He's a fairly new parent. His kid's only like four months old. Okay. He's got time. But I'm wondering, like, did she send him that thinking...

oh, well, he's a dad now. So like, maybe he'll want to do this too. I don't, I don't know. And so, so you have not gotten this gift yet from sweet Teresa, correct?

I have not received my teeth. No. And you are anticipating you'll receive the teeth. Now, the question is basically, what the hell do you do when your mother gives you a box of teeth? I think the question's also in two parts, because I know what she's going to do with the teeth. Throw them right in the garbage can. But how do you react to your mom handing you a box of dead teeth?

Well, just in case my brother has held on to them until, cause I told him I was coming on this podcast to ask you about this. Connor still has his babies.

We've held on to the teeth in case we can come up with some kind of fun. Oh, Shannon, imagine this dark turn. I got a dark turn for you, Shannon. Imagine if your mom didn't save your teeth. Oh, sweet Connors. And a couple of years go by and then you go like, Hey mom,

Go ahead, give me the gift. And she goes, my teeth. And she goes, I didn't save your filthy teeth. That is the wild card. You are anticipating a problem that potentially could turn into an irritant. Yeah. Wow. I hadn't even considered that yet. Let's hope that that happens because that's the funniest outcome. And easiest for me. And easiest for you. Let's assume you're going to get these teeth.

Um, what the hell do you do? First of all, I will say I stumbled upon this phenomenon, uh, doing standup and found it hilarious one night when, uh, I think someone told me they found their baby teeth at their mom's house and they were like, what the hell? And then, so I started doing, but then what I found was many people were like, I saved my son's teeth. And it was like, I was the crazy person for sort of pointing this out. So, um,

It's a very, very, very strange thing. I would assume, Jake, your reaction as a parent, you're not doing this? It's complicated. Well, it's complicated. I wasn't sure what I was going to say here because part of this is if any young listeners are listening, which they shouldn't be, is part of the game of parenthood is the gamemanship of the Tooth Fairy,

You know, Santa and everything. And in our house, I do the nights. So in terms of the teeth, that is, you know, quote unquote, my gig. And I say quote unquote, because maybe the tooth fairy is real, right? Sure. Keep it open. And so I have had, let's say I am the one doing it. I have had those moments where,

where I've snuck into a child's room and I've held on to a tooth and I've walked out and thought, I got the dollar bill under there. Big win. I rolled it up in a little ball. They didn't hear me, which is one of the most anxiety driven moments as a parent when you're sneaking in because you think if your kid goes, what are you doing? You just have to go tucking you in with a dollar bill. Or you go creepy. You go, I'm stealing your tooth money. Yeah.

Yeah, that would be the or as a kid, you were fake sleeping the whole time. And yes, but that's what thoughts you have to go through. And you tiptoe in and you've talked to other parents about it. And it's a it is part of the scary nightmare. But what I'll say I do is throwing out your kids teeth. I'm going to go on Teresa's side here is shockingly is shockingly sad.

Interesting. Because you adore those teeth. You watched them grow and then they fall out. And that means they're not babies anymore. So I have not thrown out my kids teeth. You have them. No, but yes, but here's where I'm a trash person. And this is where I'm going to embarrass myself.

I haven't put them in a safe spot. Where are they? We have a bookcase. Oh, God. I just store them up. Jake, Jake, Jake. They're littered around. Oh, Jake. You don't even know who they belong to. There's just dead babies. So you don't know whose teeth are whose. This is gross, yeah. This is...

Just have like a small box filled with teeth. No, not even in a box. Even worse, Shannon. They're like behind books. Like there'd be like, oh no, really high shelf. I just toss them back. It's phenomenal. It is the perfect, by the way, is there a better encapsulation?

of when your buddy becomes a parrot than the soft, sweet tenderness of, gosh, my little girls are growing up. I should save these because it's a way to hold on to an innocent time that is sort of fleeting versus the man from Chicago who is just like, I just put them on top of a bookshelf, figure it out later. Well, because I'm up here. But Shannon, here's why. Because your mom is in a tough spot because she doesn't want those teeth either.

Clearly. Yeah. Yeah. She's trying to she's trying to clear out some closet space. Yes. You have a pitch, Jake. I got it. I got something. You go first. OK, I listen. This is you're not going to want the teeth. It's going to be pretty easy to throw the teeth out. If she gives you the teeth, I would just get rid of the teeth that you you you have no connection. It was probably she was pulling a move like Jake was. I Jake alluded to something earlier that I think could also work.

And this is kind of the you're kind of pushing the pressure back to Teresa a little bit here. And that would be you and Connor take your teeth and you get a little sort of jeweler's felt.

And upon the jeweler's felt, you place these teeth in some sort of mouth order and some sort of like oblong circle deal. And you encase them. And for Christmas, along with a much better gift, you and Connor have gifted Teresa, the architect of this awkwardness, with a sort of pink, purple felted

display of teeth for her to do with what she wants. Oh my God. Yeah. I think that's fun actually, Garth. Cause obviously when you do the shadow box,

Yeah, exactly. Because Shannon, here's the here's the easy advice, right? You just you take them, you throw them out, you give your mom a hug or you tell her you don't want them. That's kind of nothing. You're calling in because you I think you want something fun. And I think the Garf man found it. I think I think you gift them back. You could either do that. What I was thinking when he was saying it is you could turn them into a really scary, gross necklace and you could give it back to her so that your mom goes, oh,

fuck do I want with this? And you go, same. It's now yours. And then as a game, you can gift each other back and forth these. And then when Connor's kid starts growing up, when the first one comes out, you've started a fun family tradition. And that is you start saving them. And then Jenna, if you end up having kids,

The first thing you do when that first tooth falls out is you're not sad. You just go like, I've just started the gross necklace. The bit begins. The bit begins. And I think you, Connor makes his. And then when you get yours from your mom, you guys do it at the same time. And I think you turn it into a really fun thing, but I think you make a horror gift.

based off dead baby teeth. Oh my God. This is amazing. I like it. I like those. I like the game legacy a lot. And you know, it wouldn't even necessarily need to be necklaces only. You could open yourself up to, all right, what are you going to, what are your children going to give you with that? They've made out of their teeth. So Shannon, I think we've given some pretty solid one on this one. We kind of come together. The Garf man. Yeah. And, uh,

and myself and kind of said we should take these teeth and turn it into a gift that you give back to your mom in a loving funny way so you're also saying thanks for being a good mom and caring about us but these also take your garbage back take your garbage right right and so please take a moment to recognize your strangeness exactly right and so shannon what do you think you're gonna do here

Well, I got to say, I've been listening to the podcast since you guys started it. And I think it's pretty rare for you guys. I think it's pretty rare for you guys to end up on the same page at the end of one of these. Correct.

Correct. These pieces of advice. So good for you guys. Thank you. Oh, what a great way to. Also, Shannon, I like your positivity in your vibe. Great attitude from top to bottom, from the top row and the bottom row. Let's do this, Gareth. Next time I'm being mean and being mean to you in an intro for no reason, calling you fat Aaron Paul or baby Ginger. We don't need to. Yeah, yeah. Because you're kind of doing it again. So don't. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's bring Shannon on. Great. Yeah, just bring me on. Shannon, will you be. I'll bring you guys back together.

Will you be the show therapist and keep us on vibe when I'm being a dick for no reason? Yes. You're spot on. That's literally my job for a living. So, yeah. I'm sorry. That's great. I'm a therapist. What are you specializing? You're excellent. I am. Shannon. Shannon. Hold on, Gareth. What? Oh, we've got huge breaking news. Look at our producer, Kevin. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Hey, Shannon, I am rocking a necklace. Oh, my God, Kevin. What are you wearing? Several layers of fake teeth. I'll send you a picture. It's very stylish. It's very in. All the kids think it's very cool, and I'm very relatable and normal now. Shannon, he's wearing a double choker with teeth around it. He's got Connors and Shannons on. What is happening here, man? This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

Did you do this just for my story?

Yes, this is my fiance's necklace that she wore on our first date. And I did think it was all real teeth. It is not. It is fake teeth from a dentist. But as you are pitching this, I asked her to put it on me and I said, I'll explain later. OK, so Shannon, in closing, Kevin, thank you for being a maniac. Yeah, thank you. Our kind of coming together advice to you.

is make a game of it. Make that weird necklace. You as a therapist have helped Gareth and I come together. Yeah. So what do you think you're going to do in the, what do you think you're going to do in the end here, Shannon? I think it's worth considering based on my childhood experience that my mom did not save my baby teeth. And perhaps this is just the Connor thing. Um, but I'm going to, I'm going to carry that with me. Um,

Can I interrupt really fast on that? Just because I think there's meat on that bone. If you find out that your mom didn't save your baby teeth, can we get you and your mom on the podcast together? Because that is a really fun for the confrontation. You can bring up. Yes. If you can, you try to find out via text. And if she says,

I didn't save yours. Can you not follow up and we'll have her, we'll have you both on so you guys can do it on air? Please. Absolutely, yeah. Okay, thank you. And then, I'm sorry I interrupted. Go back to where you were. No, that's okay. I think I really like the necklace idea. Okay, and then I've got a question for you. Sure. You've listened to every episode. Am I too mean to Gareth?

As a therapist now, what can we do for our relationship? Now we're asking you for help. Okay, let's break this down a little bit. So maybe there could be a little bit more compassion. However, it's a comedy podcast. So Gareth does have to have a little bit of a, you know, thick skin. In terms of the compassion, I do love Gareth. He knows that.

Okay. We also, he's way more ruthless to me via text. Stop it. This is, here's what I'll say. Here's why it is okay. If this was just, we start rolling and Jake starts turning it up and I'm going, who is this guy? Yeah. That could be considered, I signed the terms and conditions for this man a long time ago, far before we started this. Yeah.

It's not new. You give Jake... There's a lot of times where I gave Jake a little bit and went, probably shouldn't have said that. And it is a 10-year-long bit. It's countless. That's the thing about these friendships. Like, you know, every friendship's different. You've got a different capacity for...

Ruthlessness. So in closing from a therapist, she's saying I'm doing great and maybe you need thicker skin. Shannon, thank you so much. She's saying that and she's saying stop playing with the intros, I think is the bottom line. Everything else remains OK. Communicate, you guys. Your friendship is very important. Don't forget to communicate. I think we do communicate a lot. I think that's true. But this is not about us. Shannon, thank you so much for the call. This has been a real fun one. And if I'm in the Tampa area.

I'm going to lay on your couch and ask for some advice because I need a lot of help. And you seem like just the right kind of therapist. Yeah, we're going out. You're more than welcome. I'll show you guys a fun camp. And we're brought to you by Squarespace. We not only love Squarespace, I use Squarespace for all my personal websites, but we use Squarespace for the show all the time. Whenever we need to help a caller, we're

We send them right to Squarespace, and we are not lying about how much we love and use Squarespace because we just did it. The wigs and whatever. Suits and wigs. Wigs and suits party. And then just recently, we had a caller who lied to her boss and told her that she was taking a cooking class for a week, which just sounds insane to begin with, that a cooking class would be a week. Really, she was going off and doing some BDSM stuff.

Yep. So she didn't want to get caught in a lie. So we came up with the website for her and it is www.friendly shark.squarespace.com. The friendly shark.squarespace.com. You should, you have to check it out. It looks so legitimate. Our, uh, Caitlin and our patron subscribers all made it look like bulletproof. And if you haven't heard the episode, the caller's boss,

totally believes it. It's crazy. It's awesome. And the reason we can do that is because Squarespace is so user friendly, so easy. And it's not just websites. There's tons of stuff you can do there now. But anyway, we love Squarespace. If you need a website, if you want help building out your company, Squarespace is the place to go. So go to www.squarespace.com slash Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using the

code GILSENTME. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. All right, Shark, you know what's up. It's finally time for summer travel, and there are so many choices of places to stay on Booking.com across the United States. From the stylish hotels, the family-friendly resorts, the cute B&Bs, beds and breakfasts,

Breakfast is that did not go right. Booking.com has the right option for you this summer. So book a fabulous stay and maybe catch a baseball game while you're visiting your rival team city. Now, I was just telling you about how I was at a northern Colorado Owls game. Yes. And I stay. Go Owls. Let's go. Who? Who? Who? And I needed to find a place right near the stadium.

As always, I use Booking.com and truly got a steal of a hotel. Huge room. That's awesome. Two nights, two rooms because my friends were filming it, and it was all Booking.com. So no matter what team you're rooting for, Booking.com can make you a fan of anywhere. The right stay can make you a fan of any U.S. city, even your rivals. Book today on Booking.com on the site or in the Booking.com app.

And we're also brought to you by Babbel. Jake, we've talked about this before. Babbel is the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Saves you money. You don't need to hire a tutor. It's 10-minute lessons, handcrafted by 200 language experts. Helps you speak another language. So...

I spoke French when I was in high school and all that stuff, and then I had completely forgotten it. So I use Babel and French is coming back. As a matter of fact, the other day I was in Toronto doing a show and talked to a French person from the stage.

Gareth, give us a taste of what Babel has helped you with with your French. Je m'appelle Gareth. J'ai étudié dans l'école française pour deux ans.

Babbel helps. It really is so easy. It does not take very long. You can do it anytime. So here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get 60 percent off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at Babbel dot com slash HTH. Get up to 50. No, get up to 60 percent off at Babbel dot com slash HTH. Spell B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash HTH. Rule and restrictions.

Hey, how are you? Good, and you? Good. You're here with the Garf Man. Ones and twos. Hi. How you doing? What's your name? Where are you from? And what's your problem? This is Lance from Tennessee. Lance, Tennessee. My problem is a few years ago, my wife and I rescued a dog, and she is the light of our lives and the pillar that holds up all of our mental health. And

So that dog rescued you. Oh, Jake. Yes, we could say that. So like all caring pet owners, we constantly think about the fact that she's going to die at some point. And.

And this is fair. This is a thing that you just hit Gareth's heart. He just I have a stand up joke about this. Yes. What's the bit, Gareth? What's the bit? Well, that they should live longer than us. And half of your enjoyment of the pet is you can't ever leave. And my next pet is going to be a parrot because they live to be 140. OK, keep going.

Okay, so my problem is when the dog passes away, I would like to get her stuck. And that way I never have to really say goodbye. She'll always be here. My wife thinks it's weird and is not on board. And I would like y'all's help to convince her that we should get the dog stuck. So just to set this table a little bit, Garth. Yeah.

Hey, Lance, are you 100% serious that when this dog passes away, you want it stuffed? Yes, I'm 100% serious. Okay. This is not a crazy thing. So let me ask you a couple questions, Lance. How old is the dog now? I would disagree. It's a fine thing. How old is the dog, Lance? She's about four right now. So you're doing it real early. He's in love. Yes. I never want to say goodbye. And there's no medical issues or anything like that. You just want to get this already established, right?

Correct. What kind of dog? She's a pug. And what's her name? Her name is Ronnie. Ronnie the pug. By the way, Ronnie, a four-year-old pug, I got to say, Lance, pretty cute. I love pugs. I know they have breathing issues, but there's nothing funnier to me than when you get a pug excited. An excited pug is just like, you're like, what's behind the corner? The pug's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, this is a very straightforward problem. How do you convince your wife to stuff? Yes. And where's she at on this, Lance? What's her kind of, when you've brought this up to her, you're both in love with Ronnie. You're both eager and you say, I'm so sad and scared about her dying. And she goes, I know, but let's enjoy the time now. And then you said, when Ronnie dies, I'd like, you know, I'd like to have her stuffed so we can save her. What did she say? Absolutely not.

100% she as on board as I am, she is the opposite direction. Does she have a counter pitch or is she just like, let's go the traditional route? Just ashes, the traditional route. Yeah. And so when Gareth started this call, Lance, and he's when Gareth started this call and he said, this is totally normal. I'm with you. I'm with you. Is it your wife or your girlfriend? My wife. I'm with your wife on this one. If my wife wanted to have one of our animals stuffed, I would be a no.

And I think the Garf man would be a yes. So this is going to be an interesting one because this show is we're on your side. But I don't know if I'd want a stuffed dog in my house. Go ahead, Garf. Well, I have had I took care of a senior dog for probably the last three or four years who passed probably three months ago at this point, which is crazy. And it was the worst thing ever.

and I went through a lot of the... And it wasn't even fully my dog. It was my friend's dog who I took care of a lot of the time. And listen, what you're... I'm not going to necessarily...

I try to give you advice on how to convince your wife. This is what and then at the end, maybe I will. But this is what I'll say. There are many options along the lines of how do you keep the presence of the animal in your life without having a stuffed dog? The downside to a stuffed dog. I'm weeping. The downside to a stuffed dog is that what if they don't get it right?

What if, you know what I mean? Taxidermy is a slippery slope. Yeah, like you. Hold on, Gareth. Gareth, we can't change the premise of this show. I'm not going to. So I will say I have a number of things that remind me of the dog in a great way. But that's not what Lance, Lance isn't talking about. Go to the beach and write a poem about a senior dog. So here's what I'll pitch.

I think what you say to your wife, and you have a long time to get the slow pitch out. Hopefully. Jake, is what you do

Don't get that pug too excited. Is what you do is you tell her that at the end you want it stuffed, but you'll just keep it in a private spot for you where you can go and talk to the dog when you feel right about it or when you need to see Ronnie. She doesn't need to know. Real weird stuff, Gareth. And maybe you have an attic or...

Real weird three minutes. Started with the senior dog, then went to- And maybe you have- Then a private area in your attic. You have a rough- We were telling three minutes. Lance, I'm going to jump in and save a good friend of mine. I'm going to jump in because Gareth is emotional and he's spiraling. We started talking about his senior dog and he went to a really weird place. So here's what I'm going to say to you.

I would say if you're really going to do this, you need a multi-tier plan. The first thing you got to do is you got to find the place that you could have this dog stuffed. So it's a real plan. Listen, Jake, you're amazing. I mean, keep going. But that's right, right? So the first thing, Lance, is I would find a place that does this. Because right now it's just an idea and

And for the idea, I think she's kind of like, no, we're not even talking about it. But there is going to be a come a time where you're going to have to make this decision. So if you have a place, you know how to do it and you know how to execute it. And then once you've got that place in mind, you could find a place in your home that you would like to honor Ronnie. And you would say like, well, I think this could be the place for Ronnie.

Garth? I'm just catching my breath. You still there, Lance? You still with us, bud? I'm still here. Okay. There is also this other option where there are places that will make a stuffed animal version of your animal. That's not what he's saying. All right. Well, then what Jake said is right. I've got a question, and I'm not looking for you to get emotional. I'm not trying to press buttons here. Have you ever thought about this with Jose?

Oh, my God. Yes, I've thought about I honestly I've I've gone the route of cloning as possible. There are clone options. So, Lance, if you want me to ruin your marriage further, I'm more than willing to throw this firecracker into the Lance. Have you ever considered cloning?

We have jokingly talked about cloning. You've got 12 years to turn a funny bit into a great pitch. Well, the stuffing started out as a bit, and I kind of won myself over to it accidentally. So I like that y'all's approach is taking it seriously. Here's what I'll say. Let's go this route. Abandon stuffing, pitch cloning. When she's like, that is insane, stuffing now doesn't seem too bad.

Or here's a thought, Lance. When you were to say you would want to have Ronnie stuffed and saved, do you care where Ronnie's body is then featured? No, we could bring her out for holidays. Lance, I don't think Jake's going in that direction. But here's where I'm going with. So I just need to know if this is just a bit for you or not a bit. Do you really want Ronnie stuffed?

I do really want her stuffed, but I don't necessarily want her stuffed and mounted in the house and full display at all times. So that's exactly where I was going with. So I think we could win here. I think what I would do is I would find a place. Then I would find a really classy, essentially like old suitcase, but like one of those like hundred year old, like magicians cases, um,

where you put all the stuff of Ronnie's like her blanket, her toys, all her favorite stuff in there. And then you could put Ronnie in that too. Now your wife never has to open that old magician safe, but why cremate when it's essentially the same trouble that you would do that you would keep in your attic for you. And one day maybe show your children.

Maybe pass it on. Maybe not. But you could say to your wife, this is something that I want to do for me. And here is the solution so it doesn't weird you out. I'm not keeping it in the living room. What do you think would happen if you presented it that way, Lance?

I like the doggy diorama approach. I think we can make that one work. And a diorama that could close. So, cause I'm with her. If she's like, I can't go in my fucking living room and see a stuffed pug. It's weird. But then if it's like the Superbowl or some big event that Ronnie liked, Ronnie can come out for that. Exactly. Jake. And what do you think, Lance? You think this is real? We've lost. Yes.

We taught, we, this is Garrett's weak zone and he's spiraling and we're going to have to talk for about 30 minutes after this. It's fine. Kevin already knows we're having a big meet and greet about all the animals. And I have a lot of stuff, a bug all around the place. You can do a ton of stuff. It's just, it's great. Lance, if you want to get my email, I'd love to sidebar in some of this stuff. We can kind of keep going outside of the call. Go ahead, Jake Lance. What were you going to say? Uh,

I was going to say we can maybe combine a couple of these ideas, do the doggy diorama approach. And maybe if I track down someone to do it, I can put together like a little presentation proposal. I think that is going to make it real. I think you've nailed it. I think what I think you have to shark tank it. I think you are 100% right, Lance. I think you got to take it out of the idea and you got to present it with a real pitch and all you're asking her to do.

is say yes. And if she says yes, she never has to hear another word about it. It's all finished. But you know, for example, when we all die, we're going to have to have plans of what happens. I'm going to be stuff. I will be stuff. Can you mute the Garfman? I'll be myself. I just will be stuff.

So Lance, I think you're 100% right. I say, let's shark tank this. Let's make a real plan. Give yourself six months to a year and present a real pitch to her. And when she feels uncomfortable, which she will, because what you're doing is very weird. She's going to feel very odd about this. But you then say to her, all I'm asking you to do right now, honey, is say, okay.

And then we never have to talk about it again until hopefully in 15, 16 years, however long that put 30, however long that peg is going to go. You get to then say, remember the plan. And at that point you can reevaluate, but you do have a plan. I like it. You're going to do it, Lance.

I am. I'm going to start working on my slide deck immediately. So I think that's great. And now could you do us a favor tonight? Can you give that dog a big piece of pepperoni and kiss it right on the goddamn face? Because right now that dog's alive, Lance. You still got Ronnie.

I'll give her all the treats she wants tonight. Why don't you give that dog about a week and a half of nonstop affection and just live right while you got her? I feel like this call was like a professional hostage negotiator and a drunk grieving man trying to team up. Jake handled everything well.

Just get saving me from myself as often as possible. Lance, thank you for the call. Thanks, Lance. Thank you all. I'm going to jump in and save a good friend of mine here.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HateGum podcast.