39: The Deddy Beddy with Natalie Morales
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And here we- It's the intro for the podcast. Who knew?

Natalie Morales is on this show again. America's officially number one podcast. Just don't let you do. Cut it out. One's in 268 and Balmy. Guys, write into the Instagram handle if you guys want to hear any more Gareth catchphrases.

we will incorporate them in Natalie Morales, who is the star of one of the stars of my new movie, self-reliance Hulu, January 12th, 68 and balmy. Uh, she's great on this episode. We have a followup this episode. Yep. It's a lot of fun. Yep.

Yes, we have. We pay off one of our early calls this episode and we're excited to do it. And Natalie's fantastic. And yeah, we we hope everybody's, you know, enjoying it, enjoying and going to see self-reliance on Hulu. Go watch it. Tell people about it. Yes. And why are you telling people about stuff? Tell them about this show. Agreed. And why?

While you're listening, keep in mind this is the show that my mother Eve Johnson refers to as too wild when you and that other guy just start yapping too much. How long until you think she knows my name? Is that possible? If you think my dyslexia is bad, the apple did not fall far from the tree. She'll just be like, you and Rarteg are just kind of all over each other. You know, the other guy. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show.

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Hello. Hi, you're on We're Here to Help with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and one of the stars of the new movie I directed, Self Reliance, and somebody I'm a big fan of, Miss Natalie Morales. Hello. What an introduction. What's your name? My name is Whitney. Whitney. Okay. Whitney, where are you calling from? I'm going to use some fake names and places here, so I'm just going to say I'm in New England. Okay. Okay.

That is a fake place. Yeah. I'm glad you didn't make up a weird state. I'm glad it's just fake to you. I'm in Bungle Town. Bungle Town, beautiful. All right, Whitney from Bungle Town, what can we do for you today? Okay, so my problem is that my boyfriend is obsessed with a puppet monkey.

So my boyfriend, we're going to call him Phil, and he is 31 and I'm 26. About a year ago, this stuffed hand puppet monkey came sort of back into his life. It resurfaced. And he has a nine-year-old son who loves stuffed animals. So it was super funny. We were all sort of just playing with the stuffed animal. This was a childhood stuffed animal? Yeah.

that he had that resurfaced? Yeah. Okay. Okay. The monkey has a name. His full name is Deddy Dunkey, the puppet monkey. We call him Deddy for short. Okay. We gave Deddy a whole character arc. He has like a whole personality and he is just like totally became part of our family. We will like set him up around the house like he's making coffee or like typing on the computer and his son

Phil's son wanted us to like bring him to the grocery store. So we just sort of like gave him a whole goofy character. So I'm getting what's happening in Bungletown. I'm not seeing what the problem is. You guys are just weird with daddy. I'm seeing the problem. Yeah. So the problem is that Phil's son only lives with us half the time. So I started to realize that even when his son wasn't here, we were still like setting up daddy and,

He's very active. So he would be in the bedroom or just on the couch playing video games. Not in a weird way. One time, Phil and I went to Canada and Phil insisted that we bring Daddy. And I thought... Without the sun? Without the sun. Was it for photos of Daddy so that he could take photos of Daddy in Canada? Exactly.

exactly yeah yeah yeah so i thought it was all just sort of fun so we could bring it back and show the son and be like how funny is this yeah but i'm worried that that's not really the case anymore because i thought that the bit would fizzle out after a few weeks and this it's it's been over a year daddy is still super active feels getting weird

Yeah, it's getting pretty weird. So I want some advice because I feel like there are two ways that I could go about like living the rest of my life with this stuffed animal. And I was hoping you guys could help me decide which way to go. Quick Whitney, what are the two ways? Where are you at? Let's start with what you're thinking.

Yeah, basically. So I don't know if I should either fully embrace it and just like have daddy be a thing. At one point I made him an Instagram account because I thought that would make it like sort of funny and like socially acceptable. Yeah.

Don't plug it. Don't plug it. No, no, no. Don't plug it. I'm not. Say it. Well, obviously it's Daddy Something the Something Monkey. I can't remember what she said. Just give it a plug. Give it a plug. It is Daddy Donkey. I did send Kevin some pictures and the Instagram account if you guys want a visual. Yes. I would love a visual. Slap it on, Kevin. Oh, my God. Jesus. I didn't expect the jaunty chapeau. Oh, God. The eyes. Okay.

So it's got a little like a bird box. It's got a little taxi cab hat. The fur is like a Brillo pad. Yeah. It looks like a 1950s toy. It's got a little bow tie, a little matching cap. It's really, it is disturbing. Daddy donkey. Okay. Take that off, Kevin. Take it off. So number one is to fully embrace daddy and just, you know, it makes perfect sense when his son's around. It's a bonding thing you guys do as a family. Yeah.

And then while it's not there, if you know your husband does it cool. And then what's option number two? So option number two is we need to end Debbie and I need to convince it's my boyfriend. I need to convince him that it's time to just like be done with this bit. It's weird. It's sort of psychotic. And Whitney, I think you have more options. What am I? I think you're limiting yourself by believing you only have two options.

The third option that you have, which is always the best, is to talk to him about daddy and go, what's your deal with this? Why are you doing when your son's not here? Is it special to you in some way? Are you doing it because you want to take pictures for your son to keep it alive for him? Like, what's the, you got to find out the reason why your boyfriend is doing it. Boring. Then if it's still creepy, then you can be like, I'm not cool with daddy when your son's not here. Yeah.

I find it a little strange, but I think it is it a little bit, Whitney? Is it a little bit just a little bit that you're a bit jealous of the attention that Daddy's getting? Oh, I didn't see that. Just a little bit like just dig deep into yourself and let's hear it. Yes. You know, I haven't thought about it, but there's potential. I mean, he does get a lot of attention. I don't think so.

I don't think that that's like the main reason. I think I'm more just like embarrassed that I have a 31 year old boyfriend. Hold on Whitney. Part of this is you're embarrassed, but you're jealous of a stuffed monkey. You said daddy. I would be. You would be Natalie. Yes.

Are you serious? Yes. What would you be jealous of? Like all the attention. I actually do think that connection does make sense, though, because it's like the time you're spending with your boyfriend is interrupted because we all need a little alone time. Yes, but you're not. But it's like when you're not alone time. Yes. When you're gone, he can play with Daddy.

- Who cares who he's playing with? - It's up with Jake, listen to what you just said. - Fair. - Listen, I'm just saying, I understand that if suddenly an ex resurfaced from his past that he used to play with a lot. - Daddy is no ex. - No, no, daddy is no ex. - An obsession from the past resurfaced and now is alive in their home again. After a few weeks, I'd be like,

Fucking Denny. Look over here, bitch. I'm right here. I bet you fucking anything that Whitney's walked around in sexy clothing and Phil has not noticed because he's been too fucking busy with Denny. Hold on. Hold on, Whitney. Is that true? I can't say that it is.

Okay, well. Natalie, we just learned a lot about you. You try and walk around in some short shorts and see if he looks twice at you. We just learned more about Natalie Morales than we did Whitney. If you're dating her and you have a stuffed animal, she will get laundry and prance around. That's actually a good move, really, if you think about it in the long run. It's a great tactic. You start dating her, you go like this. Hey, from my childhood, this is Ralphie the bear. She goes, what? You go, I love it so much.

This is how you know if it's an actual problem, Whitney. If you walk around in sexy clothing and he doesn't look twice at you, then it's a real fucking problem. Oh,

If not, you're fine. And it'll be, he'll be over it in a bit. Okay. I got a pitch for you. Go. Okay. I'm going back to the one and two option, the fully embrace or the end. Right. And then Natalie entered the third phrase, which is maybe talk to him. And so I'm kind of going to enter the third phase a little bit, but in the talk, and here's what I would pitch in the talk. I wouldn't just open this up because it's,

If something like this came from my childhood and I was dating somebody and I really connected to my son about it and then my girlfriend was like, it's getting weird. A part of me would be like, back off. I'm really connected to my son. It's a fucking monkey. You're getting goofy. Yes, you look good in lingerie, but chill out. Everything is just fine. But here's what I would pitch to him.

I would maybe build, I heard this story about a Candace Bergman. I think I'm saying her last name correctly. She grew up and her dad had like a puppet, a ventriloquist doll. Sure. And they called it her brother and they put it in the closet and it was at all their family meals. Yeah.

They treated it like it was an actual human. - Yes. - And then they said, but they had a closet where like, I'm forgetting the puppet's name, let's just call it Daddy. But Daddy would go to sleep sometimes in the closet and when he was sleeping, you left him alone.

So I would build a little sleeping area for daddy. This is great advice, Jake. And I would say, I understand daddy's connected to your childhood. I understand that daddy's connected to your son. And I think it's a lot of fun too. When your son's away, let's have daddy sleep until he comes back.

Hmm. OK. I like that. If he then says, like, no, I want him. Then you enter a world of is everything cool, Phil? Then you have to have the conversation. I think the way that Natalie pitched it where you're just like, what's what's going on here? What's up? I have another pitch. Yeah. How old is the child? He's nine. Nine years old. OK. I would maybe pitch that Daddy lives with the child. That's that Daddy is the kids thing.

And also, does the kid even like it? It does feel like a projection. OK, so I would say that's the pitch. I would say you say to your boyfriend, basically, Daddy belongs to the nine year old. And when the nine year old goes, you think it would make sense for the nine year old to take Daddy. And then he also has joint custody of Daddy. But Gareth, two things here. You don't know if the kid's mom wants anything to do with fucking Daddy. Oh.

I don't think she's going to get jealous, too. She's going to wear mom outfits around Daddy. It sounds like it sounds like part of the Daddy thing is sort of an elf on a shelf situation where they set him up in these. Yeah, but these lines are blurring. But Phil's son could take the photos, too.

True. Yes. It's way better for Phil's son to be sending the pictures to Phil. He's not that little. So, Whitney, what do you think about the idea of the son getting daddy? And what do you think Phil would think of that? I don't hate that idea. I think...

I think, honestly, I might be able to work with his son to convince Phil that that's what should happen. This is the move. This is a bond. But we got to think about the son here because we're setting him up for a life of daddy. No. He's going to do this to another woman when he's in his 30s. We'll be dead and gone by then. That's not our issue. We need to solve this for Whitney. Okay. I'm just thinking of the child. Do you see that creepy ass daddy? I can't stop thinking about it.

So, Whitney, here's the advice we've kind of given. Okay? We've got build a little sleeping quarter for the monkey, and the monkey sleeps when the boys awake. The Daddy Betty. The Daddy Betty. So build a Daddy Betty. The other advice, which I actually think is the winner here from my two cents, is...

is have the monkey live with the boy and go with him where he goes and he takes the photo. And then lastly, we had make this a weird jealousy thing between you and the monkey. Try to sexually outdo a monkey by wearing sexy booty shorts and see if your boyfriend would rather look at your butt or a weird monkey's butt, which is from Natalie Morales, which is really weird stuff, Natalie. Really weird stuff.

It's a test to see if it's a real problem. That's all I was saying. No, because he could also go, wow, my girlfriend's ass looks great. I'd love to have sex. And then as soon as it's done, I want to play with my monkey. Then it's a problem. It's still a problem. And you know it's a problem. What you just said should be read by an attorney. I wasn't saying it was a solution. I was saying it was a test to find out how deep the problem is.

The idea of sleeping with your significant other and then be like, I'm going to go play with my monkey now. Agreed. I mean, that's it. But I'm blaming Natalie. I'm not blaming me for that. I am blaming Natalie. I'll take it. Whitney, where are you at? You've gotten some kind of advice. Where's your gut at? What are you feeling here?

Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm not going to do the sexual one. That feels a little weird. Well done. No offense. No offense. I like the idea. Take it easy. Take it easy. All of a sudden you're going to get into sexy lingerie and walk around this zoom and go like, now who's advice are you listening to? Are you guys going to focus on the call?

Or are you going to focus on me? Want to go play with your monkeys? Yeah, Whitney, you just became the podcast monkey. And now Natalie is not happy with the podcast. Okay, I'm paying attention to Natalie. Back to Natalie. Fuck Nettie the monkey. Nettie. Nettie, Nettie, who cares? She pulled up her sleeves.

All right. So that's, you're not going to do that. Then keep going. Yeah. So I think I like the idea of sort of teaming up with his son to convince Phil that the monkey should stay with him. Yes. I think that might be an option. Yeah. Okay. You think you're going to actually do that? Um, I think I'm going to try. I don't.

know how Phil will respond. Okay. Well, Phil doesn't have to respond. You're talking to the sun. Well, I think if it, I think also if this just ends up prompting a conversation, it can also be, yeah, it can also be the bridge to that, you know? Yeah.

I think, honestly, the best advice is just to talk to him and be like, what's he doing with the monkey? No. Is it a thing? No. We've pitched that. That leads to you walking around in lingerie getting competitive. Right. So, Whitney, you're considering talking to the son about if he would take him. Is that correct? Yeah. And I'm actually, I'm almost thinking, because I think if we say to Phil, hey,

your son's going to take the monkey over the week and bring it to his mom's house. I feel like Phil will just say no. So I'm wondering, like, maybe we do it in a sneaky way. How about we do this? You talk to the son. If he's on board, come back on the show. Yes. Why would he say no? Is it because Daddy's too, like, delicate because he's an antique?

No, because he would rather have sex with it than Whitney. Obviously. It does have a hole at the bottom. Oh, dear. Stop. You don't do that. It does. It's a puppet. It's a puppet. You're doing wishful thinking. I'm saying it's a puppet.

a puppet. No, it's not a puppet. You don't think a hole in its butt. Look, it's a hand puppet. We could very easily put a hole in it. I mean, it's easy to put a hole in a doll. Good Lord. Guys, we've got... How does Gareth... Gareth is like, if you can put a hole in anything... I have a guy. If you need a hole in it, I've got him. So, Whitney, we gotta get off...

In final, our advice to you from at least Gareth and I, not Natalie's, would be to talk to the son. And if your boyfriend is a no on that, then I would lean into the, what did you call it? The daddy den? The daddy bed. The daddy bed. But also if you want to talk to him on the show, that's definitely an option too. Yes. The daddy denny is a good name too also, I will say. So Whitney, let Kevin know if you want to do it on the show. We're happy to have it. If not, we would love an update on this one.

Okay, I will definitely keep you guys in the loop. Good luck, Whitney. Do the short shorts thing. Okay, bye. Okay, I'll try it. Bye. Thank you. And we're brought to you by Squarespace. We not only love Squarespace, I use Squarespace for all my personal websites, but we use Squarespace for the show all the time. Whenever we need to help a caller...

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Hey everyone, this next call is a follow-up from episode 2, which is titled The Santa Dilemma. So if you'd like to check that episode out before listening to this follow-up, we highly recommend it. And enjoy! Hello?

Hello, welcome back to the show. Gareth and I do not know who this is. We just know that it's a follow-up. Oh! Yeah! Hey! So give us some clues, Gareth, because we're lost! Yeah! Guys, it's me, Tori. I have Rocky, the son who thinks my yard guy stands up. Whoa!

Oh, Santos. Santos Claus. Santos Claus. Yeah. Whoa. Well, for starters, Tori, what's happening? What's the update? What's going on? And it's also the holiday season. Christmas is coming. It's a really, really good moment for us to be having this conversation because I need help. Oh, boy. I really do.

I really do. Okay, so here's the full update. Oh, no. I can't. Okay. As far as Santos is concerned, he has been gone for most of the season because it's winter. So we're not seeing him as often. We're not seeing Santos as often. Does Rocco miss him? But...

So Rocky's three now, and this issue has expanded in its complexity. The more he learns, the smarter he gets, the more conscious he is of the world, the harder just Santa in general is.

And most of us are lying to our kids about Santa Claus. Yeah. Well, maybe we are. Maybe we're not. I think it's a mysterious, magical thing, which I don't know what's 100% real, is that

So basically he's in a spot right now where he still believes. Are you leaving the door open to the, to Santa being real? I know the door is open. Is he there right now? Rocky. So you're like an Santa agnostic. No. So, so Rocky's not here right now. We never told him. We never told him about Santa. I was setting up to talk to Rocky.

I thought he was there. Oh. Because I thought she said at the beginning, he's here. I thought she was... When I said I know where this is going, I thought the boy was going to come on. And I was about to do a hard sell of the play... Not the play I do, in case my kids listen, the reality which I do. And that is...

How the hell should I know? Yeah, right. So what's happened in my house, Tori, is they cornered my wife, or my one daughter cornered my wife while her sister was watching and said, we know Santa's not real, admit it. This is this year? No, this was, I think, two years ago. Okay. And my wife never wants to lie. Right. So she went like, and I wasn't home, and she goes like, I don't want to talk about it. Wow. And my daughter said...

You need to tell us the truth now because you're lying to us. And so she said, well, she said, the truth is, is we think Santa's a beautiful thing, but your dad and I do all the presents. And they were like, yeah. So when I got home, they go, we know the truth. And I took a different approach, Tori. And it's what I believe. And if anybody's listening under a certain age, and that is, well, you think your mother knows everything? Yeah.

And that is, they go, well, we know the truth, Dad. And I go, well, what's the truth? They go, there's no Santa. And I go, that's wild. You think that? Then who ate the carrots? And they go, pretty funny burn my daughter did because we put cookies and carrots out. I go, because we're still doing this now. Mine are 10. And they go, they always try to get to the bottom of it. And they go, I go, so who ate the carrots? And my daughter goes, definitely not you. Mom ate those. You had the cookies. Ha ha ha.

Never felt more like a fat boy. And I went like, that's actually true. I don't even. It's fake. It's all fake. You happy? So is the question, Tori, when your kids get older, what do you do about the Santa reveal? Because Santos is seems to be out of the question. Is that where we're at?

Yeah. So Santa is kind of out of sight, out of mind. Right now, what I'm struggling with is we are telling the most persistent and curious beings on earth a lie with a lot of holes in it. And so I'm like driving my son around and he sees Santa and he's like, there's Santa. Is that Santa? Is that Santa?

Santa? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that Santa? Where does he live? The dance gets tricky. Why? Why? And he's three. So here's what I lean into. Wow. And this is the same thing with the Tooth Fairy because what happened, we had a year where, which was a really funny thing,

it was what broke this before i think it was about three years ago one of my daughters goes it was christmas eve and we're all like matching jammies and doing all that ridiculous stuff for photos for photos we're not even taking and uh i go like all right guys let's go to bed and my daughter goes i feel scared and i go why she goes because santa's coming down our fireplace he's gonna be in our house and he goes she goes so can i sleep in bed with you guys and i went

because there's obviously still presents we needed. Not tonight. And then I went like, no, you shouldn't be afraid of Santa. And she goes like, but there's going to be a man in our house. And I went like, he's little. Yeah.

And then she goes, how little? And I go, it's tiny, it's tiny. And then as I was saying it, I realized, well, that's scary. I was like, a little Santa? Yeah, like a little gremlin. And then she goes like, she was seven and she goes, how little? And I was like, little, little, just not scary. And she's like, are the reindeers little? And I go, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, this is getting really freaky. Everything's smaller than pitch. My wife's behind them looking at me like, you're going the wrong direction, my guy. Hold on. So what I lean into on this 100% is we live in a world of mystery, Tori. I think that I cannot believe...

how much I like this. You do. I thought you were going the other direction. Because it's very much like... I thought I was about to get killed. No, it's really... It's kind of genius in the way that it's like... Because... Do you still do the stockings? Yeah. Yeah, see, because it kind of keeps... Of course, it's fun. It kind of shifts from...

from the lie to the tradition. Yes. And that is actually kind of genius because it takes it off of you a little bit. They, at some point, will be like, this is bullshit, but they can keep having a stocking. Or maybe it isn't. They can keep having a stocking for a long time if they want. It's kind of a game. So that's how I see it. And that is... And this is for if they ever listen to it, although they're not fans of any of this stuff. No, believe me. But...

What I really think is, I think part of the game is the kids transition into an older thing is...

Who are we to say that the magic of the holidays is over? It's so funny to make it like UFOs. Yes. I don't know. I kind of believe in it, but you're allowed to believe in it. UFOs is the perfect comp. Yeah. Because they'll get the logic game, Tori, where they'll go like, so Santa leaves. And I go, you're asking me questions I don't know the answers to. All I know is that...

I believe there's a Santa. And I know your aunt, my sister, believes she saw the tooth fairy as a kid. So what am I supposed to say to that? And she go, they'll go. She did. And my sister as a kid had like, you know, a problem, most likely a vivid dream. Yeah. Or saw the fucking tooth fairy. What are we? Come on.

Is there no such thing as magic, Tori? Jake, Jake, Jake. Merry Christmas, everybody. Jake, Jake, Jake. I'm with you, but let's not- Merry, no, happy holidays, everybody. Let's not enter your sister saw the tooth fairy land just yet. Let's keep it with the mystery. I like that. Kev, cut it out. Okay.

Wait, what's the full house? Cut it out. Yeah. Cut it out. That's my new catchphrase. The cool that you can't take Dave Cooley's catchphrase and say, it's Mike. You don't do that. I'll take yours. We've got the number one podcast in the world. Don't look it up. So Tori, I would say in closing on this one, because I do understand you're in a tough spot. Uh,

And how old is Rocky again? He's about six. Oh, he's only three? He's three. Shockingly smart little guy. Shockingly smart little guy. Have you ever given him a Rubik's Cube? No. Come on, Jake. Let's keep it on the call. Agreed. So here's what I would say, Tori. I would lean into the mystery and you and Rocky are on the same team where he goes, why is that? And I think the parent is allowed to say, I don't know. That's a really good question. Yeah. I like that. That is a very...

Legally, you're clear. Yes. He cannot sue you. Because you don't want to lie, lie. But I also like the idea of if you're in a snowy place and you do the footprints while they're sleeping, even as teenagers. Tiny footprints. Keep in mind, we're trying to consistently say Santa's about seven inches. The tiny one was bad. I like the tiny, tiny Santa. But that kind of gamemanship of the holidays, you know, there are certain families that

they always act like kids. You'll see them every once in a while, but even as like 20 year olds, they'll call their parents, mommy and daddy. And when they're all together, they act like kids. I find that gross. Yeah. But what I find nice is, is that families that can still have the element of fun together. And I know when I was growing up, once I was around nine, my mom's like,

I'm fucking Santa. And you know what? I buy all the gifts and I do all the stuff and I'm like, I'm sick of doing it for him. And you know what? I do all the cleaning and he gets the credit. And I had to go like, Merry Christmas. Happy holidays, everybody. I like it a lot. What I really like is I like the idea because I remember when my mother did the reveal after getting over the trauma, I was like, how the hell was she sneaking it in the night? There's kind of a game to that of like, if you want to keep that going, you want to keep filling the stocking.

I think you leave it like that. You don't necessarily fully answer, but it does kind of keep a tradition going. But I'll tell you why, even a little correction to what you just said. Here's the reality, Tori. We don't know if there's a Santa.

So we're talking right now, like we know for sure. Hey, Tori. Jake. Is there a God, Gareth? Jake. Is there an afterlife? Jake. Are there aliens? Jake. Merry Christmas, everybody. Happy holidays. Tori, here's what I'm leaning into. This podcast is not right now two guys saying, there isn't online to your kids. This is what I'm saying. If any young person listens, first of all, you shouldn't be listening. And second of all, if you do,

I'm not I cannot say with a straight face that there is or there isn't a Santa. I can't say with a straight face if there is or there isn't a, you know, Easter bunny. Jake, I don't hide all the eggs. There's eggs in the yard. Jake, there's not. OK, we're not going to do money six feet or two feet. Why are you asking me? I'm not the king of the Easter bunny colony. Right. But I think important to create.

of reality for those young impressionable minds to not say, hey, look, we got an egg yard. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. Magic eggs appear. Well, you do. I think what I like is we leave it open to it's a tradition. If we choose to believe, we choose to believe for as long as we want to believe. And that, I think that is a little more than saying, you know, there could be leprechauns. You just got to catch them to get wishes. Well, there could be. And on the end of a rainbow, there might be gold. I've never found it. Do you remember?

and I don't remember, I don't know if this stuck or it was just our childhood or if it was a skit, but what was Hanukkah Harry? Do you remember that? Hanukkah Harry was, I think started as a skit and then got made into a movie. But it was real, okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, it was like, it was like, it was for, you know, because it's like Christmas is just so celebrated and then the Jewish kids would be like, Hanukkah. And I want to say with that, there might be a Hanukkah Harry, there might not,

There probably is a guy named Harry who's out there. For sure. Yeah, okay. All right. We're keeping that door open, too. That one's real. So, Tori. But either way, I think that's a good way to slice it. And I think we can definitely call this call a Christmas, Tori. What do you think of that? What do you think of that pitch, Tori?

By the way, your response to this poem was perfect. Yeah. All right. That's why I snuck it in. I snuck it in. Yeah. Hey, Gareth, honest to God, Tori and I are going to say this together. One, two, three. Cut it out. All right. Nope. We're not stealing. You can't do that. All right, Tori, take us out of here. Where are you at? So I feel like if I could settle in on this, if this could be my consistent answer to him, well, some children believe that

And then that'll be my answer to everything. Sure. And I don't have all the answers, but I think that works. Why don't you also say you talk to your friend, Jake,

And he said, OK, well, Jake Johnson believes that'll be my answer. Yeah, he said, well, you could say some some kids. I like the idea that you could also say, well, my friend Jake believes that there could be one. There could be not. He seems to know a little bit more. Jake lives in Hollywood. He's not a Scientologist. Don't mention he's Hollywood anymore. It won't help us.

If I can transfer this 100% to Jake, then I think I'm good with whatever. I think that's right. That's great. And then when he gets older, he's going to go, who the hell is Jake? But don't say my last name. Just say Jake. Just say Jake, Hollywood Jake. Sure. I like that. What do you think, Taurus? Okay, perfect. I love it. I think it's a pretty happy ending to a Christmas tour. And I'm going to tell you this. Anything? Nothing. Yeah. I'm going to tell you this. If you want Rocky to call in,

I would gladly answer any questions he has. If you're comfortable with that, I'll probably mute myself. And I'll make you a promise, Tori. I will not give anything away because I have nothing to give away.

I will answer it. I'm happy to do it back and forth with him. And he is going to leave a little bit more confused. But there's no solid answers that come out of my mouth in terms of what's real or what's not. A guy like Gareth, he knows it all. There is none. Right. Bo Humbug or whatever it's called. Bo Humbug. Like we always say. No, Bo Humbug. Absolutely. You know the expression. Get the fuck out of here. Cut it out.

Thank you, Tori. What is a bum humbug? Bum humbug, yep. What is it? Huh? That's when someone denies anal. Bum humbug. Bye, Tori. Bye, Tori. Bye, guys. Thank you. Thank you.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HateGum Podcast.