43: Machete Through the Jungle with Andy Samberg and Steve Berg
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All right. Yes. The Garf Man's in upstate New York. Another intro, Jake, against all odds. And you. You're blowing past that? The upstate New York? Yeah. I'm blowing past it. Oh, you're private. You're private. Yeah. I'm a private man. You're going to be gone by the time this comes out. It doesn't matter. You're not going to be gone. I don't want. Listen. You know how they think. You're right. I get trailed like a bloodhound. You're more famous. I'm more trackable. Nobody wants to track me. What?

Tracking you would be the easiest thing ever. And grossest. Congratulations. You went to the same two restaurants I always go to. Yeah. I want to tell him out of them. Pistachio shells. Yeah, exactly. It's like, it's tracking me. It's like tracking a Chicago detective in the eighties. Congratulations. You can see the, you can see the pistachio shells. You see the restaurant. I go to follow cigarette butts. Who cares? Congrats. I do not. By the way, you need to get back into smoking. Um,

We have a great episode today. Great episode. Two great guests. Our first guest, actually, Andy Samberg, which is a huge get, and I believe

believe he's involved in a project you know about Jake what would that be yes so Andy Andy came on board to be in the movie self-reliance we had a great zoom during the pandemic which was a highlight of that boring year and he was so funny in the movie he helped so much he and Akiva and Yorma and Ally Bell who they all produced the movie and

they just really kicked ass and they're just kind of the best. And I really realized working with them, how jealous I am of the lonely Island guys. I've talked to Gareth about this, but how they just all have each other and they're so creative and smart and they just pitch like crazy. And then when Gareth and I talk projects, it always goes back to the Packers and bears and we just get mean to each other. Well, the Packers are better, but, uh, the movie comes out January 12th. Yes. Uh,

on Hulu. Yes. And Andy's, uh, episode on this show is really funny and disgusting. This is kind of a disgusting episode. Well, that's what I was going to say is we've got his, his one is a little below the belt. And then our second one is a little below the belt too. So we're just preparing people. Uh, Steve Berg is our second guest who is our, uh,

long time friend for a while, the bridge in our friendship when we started playing frizz ball. And exactly. That's a whole podcast in its own right. I guess when you throw Steve and Eric in, that's our lonely island. God damn. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the loneliest island because they don't help us. But Berg helps us on this one. And it's just two great problems. Yeah. And his is also disgusting. Now, if you want, if you like Steve, which we know you will.

Everybody always loves Steve and go, who is that king? He's the funniest. You can find his podcast, High, Strangeness. And it's a podcast about strange occurrences hosted by the strangers of the strange. Yes. Yep. A big, big strange man wore all denim to the recording. I'm sure you could go watch the video if you like, which reminds us there is video now of the show. So if you want to see like a lot of people when I was doing gigs this holiday season were saying,

They want video. We have video now. So you can go to our YouTube, which again, why don't you promote the YouTube, Jake? We're here to help on YouTube. Yep. And that's what we, we're good at this. So, but anyway, great episode without further. I'm doing a little bit. Oh, wait, the Bears Packers have already happened. So one of us. Congrats on the win, Jake, without further ado. Congrats on the, you won. You won. You won. You won. You won. You won.

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And we're brought to you by Philo. You know Philo. We love Philo. Philo's got current seasons of shows that I and Jake and Shark can't miss on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. I've got shows like The Office, Martin. If you haven't watched Martin, and The Office, Martin's a great show.

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Whoa, hey. Hey, how are you? This is, uh, can I get your name, please? Bilbo. Oh, Bilbo. Isn't Baggins? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're all big fans of you. From Bag End. Okay, and Bilbo, where are you calling from? I'm calling from Los Angeles. Hey-o. Now, you're on with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and Bilbo, we got a special one.

And we've got a man who I guess would be the reason why my movie got greenlit, Andy. That's generous. But you agreed to be in it. Then all of a sudden we got old Anna Kendrick, too. So Mr. Andy Samberg's on the call. Hi. Oh, boy. That's right, Bilbo. High stakes. All right, so Bilbo. Bilbo, are you quite ready to go on another adventure? Take us with you, Bilbo.

I'm ready to tell you a tale. Okay. Young lady, the floor is yours. So me and my husband, we'll call him Frodo.

It's a little bit problematic. You guys ended up together. We're going with it. Yeah. That's some fanfic stuff for sure. Yeah. Well, I'll try to focus through the eroticism. Okay. So me and my husband and a couple close buds built a recording studio and we get one of my personal musical heroes coming in for a crazy session that he's going to book with my husband as his engineer. Um,

We'll call him Sneagle. Sure. And on the last day of the session, I'm working next door in our other studio and I'm like, yo, Proto, how's it going? And he's like, today I found not one, but two chips in the toilet. Two what? Two unflushed human poop.

In the toilet. And I was like, yikes, that's a weird situation too. And he was like, and that's not it. There was no toilet paper. The lid was down. The light was on and the door was closed each time. And I was like, that's psychotic. A couple of weeks passed. He comes back.

to finish some more stuff on this session before I can even like ask my husband, like how his day was. He was like, before, before you even ask, like, yeah, same thing. Huge dump. So hold on, hold on, hold on. I got to understand what the hell's happening on this call. There's a musician who comes to your studio, takes a dump in your bathroom. He doesn't use toilet paper. He closes the door and he leaves the lid up.

Yes, he's not... No, lid down. Yeah, but he's not wiping. No flush, no wipe, lid down, light on, door closed. It's a very specific... Whoa! Very specific. This artist is treating the bathroom as if the room itself is a plastic bag and the door shutting is burying it under the earth. Yes, yes, yes. It's his litter box. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. It's so crazy.

I have no shame around spreading this news because I think it's so funny and also mad disrespectful. How is this mad disrespectful? Just because he doesn't flush? Yeah.

Yeah, it's or white. Well, he's an artist. He's an artist. Jake, you're pulling the curtain back a little too much for everybody on this one, to be honest. Who would flush their art? Who would flush their art? Is that what you just said? Yeah. You're not talking about some mid-level fucking yuck. You said he's a top guy. It's the toilet paper that is hurting me the most. Gareth, do you think this person is so healthy that it's clean break every time?

It could be, but I mean, that is, you are really. That's a real Russian roulette move on your health. Yes, you are depending on your system greatly. So what is your question? Is it, what do you do now? Because this is just a setup. So my question is, how do I, someone who knows the person, but isn't on his session, how do I. Bring it up.

Yeah. Okay. So I think I'm going to start off. So the question on this one is just to paraphrase really quickly, you own a studio, there's a musician who comes in, you're fans of him, you respect him. He takes dumps in your studio with no toilet paper and he does not flush and it's happened a lot and it's a reoccurring thing and it's going to continue to happen. And you're feeling disrespected to the point of should you bring it up? And if so, how is that correct?

Yes, sir. So I'm going to say 100% you bring it up. Wow. That's so interesting, Jake. Yeah, that is not where I would go. I was going to say 100% don't. I'm on team Andy. There's only one way it can go if you bring it up, in my opinion. How? Super awkward. Yes. And then never work together again.

Or you bring it up in a conversational way. Give me an example of how that works. Yeah, walk us through that. Andy, you pretend you're the guy. Oh, I would love to. Thank you. And I'll pretend to be Bilba. Okay. Great take for me. Here I go. I got to go to the bathroom. Oh, my God.

No toilet paper. Gonna put the lid down. Leave the lights on and go ahead and close the door. That's my normal thing that I do. Doop-de-doop-de-doo. Heading back to the studio. I'm ready for another take.

Well, I'm not bringing it up now because you're on fire. So take two and you're rolling. That's what happens. The genius overwhelms. That's the way. If that's the genius and he needs it to stay hot, well, I'm an engineer, man. I'll flush a fucking toilet to get that gold. But what I would do now, let's pretend, Andy, let's do it again. And the day's over. Bill, do you ever see him socially? Yes.

You do. That's what I was thinking. I know, but the socialization. No, Bill, but it's better because you can't do it in the studio when he's fucking dropping heat. Andy just showed you that maybe it'll throw off the sesh. Maybe it's part of it. But now, Andy, we're at a dinner getting drinks after and we're all hanging. We had a great session.

All right. So, Andy, if you want to start as our guy, let's call you a bill. But give us a name for the musician. Just use his real name, please. Schmeagle. No. What's his real name, please? Jake. Nice try, Jake. You're good. Some say the best. Gareth, I need you on my team here, baby. Yeah. Can we? Okay. Just. Okay. We're taking a pause recording the name. So, okay. Schmeagle, we're at the bar. We just sat down. We just had some food. Food.

You were on fire today. Oh, my God. Thank you, brother. You dropped some really great. I mean, I think this album's the best you've ever done. Are you serious? Man, I hope so. I hope so. Put my heart and soul into it. You know how it is when you're a musician artist. But what's your favorite song from this album? For sure.

Stink, roses and petals. That's a great one. It is. I love the lyrics that I wrote. What are the lyrics again? And how does the melody go? It goes, roses and petals. Again, what a hit. Yeah, and then there's that big bass drop. Yeah, I bet. So you know what I was thinking in terms of, I just have a question for you because I've noticed you're a pretty clean eater.

Oh, and I'm trying to get healthier myself. Do you feel when you go to the bathroom that if this is too personal, we don't have to do this talk. But do you mind, Smeagol? I'm not sure what the question is, though. I can't answer it. Do you feel like when you go to the bathroom, sometimes it's so clean you don't have to wipe? I don't. I'm not sure I follow.

when you go to the bathroom because your diet is so good smiegel do you feel because with me i have to wipe so much it's disgusting and it's wasteful it's like personal information to me trying to loosen me up well i was hoping you weren't going to be so aware of that but i just didn't realize this was a profile for fucking us weekly

What I'm trying to say here, Smeagol, is do you take dumps in our toilet and not use toilet paper? Oh, so it finally comes to a head. Well, yes, I do. And you know what? If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. And we're never working together again. And we're not really friends. Okay, that went sideways. I got to tell you, Bilbo, that went sideways. Boy, the mind of an artist. Yeah.

And I would work with him again because his music was on fire. But here's what I honestly think. I think if you don't bring this up, that's a very easy move, right? It's really easy to just not bring it up. But the longer you work with this guy, the more it's going to happen. The hanging socially does complicate it.

Yeah, because you know him. Go ahead, Garth. What if you put a sign in the bathroom? Sometimes you go to public places and there's signs in the bathroom that are like, don't flush the towels because someone tried that. So what if there was a sign in there? You did think of this or you did this?

But it feels so funny to be like, flush your shit. To you, but if you think about the fact that like, I mean, I would say this is a good starting point to just sort of be like, hey, we don't know who it is. But FYI, something along the lines of like, these are old pipes. When you flush, please hold it. Like something that just is indicating that flushing is mandatory, which again, it should not be necessary. Or Garth, shame a little bit.

Okay. Give me that pitch. What does that sign say? Please flush thin walls we can all smell. Oh, man. That is wild. That is brutal. I know it's brutal. Thin walls? The thin walls. First off, you don't want to advertise your thin walls at a recording studio. Facts. Facts. How about this? How about this? Thinnest walls in town.

Come on down. You can hear the drilling.

What about something in the world of please flush? Smells have been intense. Because you're not saying to him, hey, man, we know it's you. We're saying we know that you know that you're not flushing. Shared bathroom, please make sure you flush. Ooh, ooh, wait. I have a new pitch. Okay. Do it. Water pressure not strong. Please flush twice. Yes. I like that, too. Ooh.

It's you're basically saying, hey, sometimes you accidentally don't flush. And the wiping thing is just that's we can't fix that. What do you think of that, Bilba, about putting up a sign? I like that. Like you need to flush. Wiping's on you. Oh, hold on, guys. That's really passive aggressive, but it's really good. Aggressive.

I'll say this. Well, because you're not doing it face to face. A sign in general is a passive aggressive, like roommates in college kind of a move. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when there's three people in your apartment and you put up a sign being like, just a reminder, everyone who lives here needs to do the dishes. Yeah. Also, please don't eat other spaghetti, especially when that one person just got home from work and was excited. Yeah.

um so bill let's be clear do you have the guts to confront this person face to face i think i do but not in a social setting i could be like in it like like caught in the ass you know what i mean like yes that's what i was like hey hey man follow uh yeah notice that i don't know like

Because I'm not on the sessions, which would be more hilarious. But you're close to where the studio is. Oh, yeah. So why not have your husband text you when it's break time and he's going in there. You come in. You follow artist into the bathroom after. Like directly. And come out and go, hey, whoa, you left. That's a big leave behind.

Bill, does this sound like you might do this? Because there's a move here. I think that's where I'm leading, but I'm scared. So then here's what I would do. This is intense. So I like what Garth said about having your boyfriend text you. I like standing right at the door so when he opens it, he knows that you know for sure.

Right. So one more time. My leavings are godly. Andy, will you be Sméagol walking out of the bathroom and Bilba, will you try to confront him and let's see what happens? Right. All right, here we go. So Sméagol's in the bathroom. Click, click, door opening. Hey, yo, hey, yo, oh, fuck, yo.

Oh, hey, Nagle. Bilbo. Oh, I'm just going to use the bathroom myself also. Great. Because I do that too. Can't wait to see you in a professional and personal manner moving forward. Yep. Me too. Oh, look at that. Everything is on and the lid is down. Whoa, Nelly. Hi, my friend.

You left a huge dump in the toilet. And I have to ask you to take care of that. I'm going to just leave for a sec. You go ahead.

All right, Frodo, let's kick it. I'm already all the way back at the booth. I agree. Good. Bill, but your pacing is so slow and weird. He's not hanging out while you do this. It's longer than the last movie. Blue roses and petals. I agree. He's deep in his second song while you're talking to nobody going, so you should know that. About the human digestive system. Frodo, should we do a harm stack right here?

Holy schmoly nelly. There's a dumper in the toilet bowl. Nelly needs to come back. That's also part of my takeaway. I'm a hundred percent. You can auto tune that. My falsetto is off today.

From screaming after letting loose the biggest dump of all time. All right. I think we're ready to wrap this one up, Bilba. I think here's where I'm at. Here's your options from us. You can bring up socially in a bar environment. Hearing how you do it as your friend on this, I'm not going to recommend it. You could put up the number two is just let it go. Yes.

You're a business. He's a big client. He wants to shit and do weird things. Just he it's worth having him. Number three is put up a sign, something that's very clear that says, please flush twice or, you know, we need you to flush your dumps or it's disgusting not to flush something in that zone. The next option is a caught in the act routine that we just painfully lived through. Mm hmm.

So, Bilba, where are you at? Sign or maybe I'm not going to stand outside the bathroom door. Good. Super weird. But if he's in the studio again, I'll probably just like a little knock, knock. Hey, just a reminder. You got to flush the toilet. You are going to do that, Bilba? There's a huge distance between the sign and knocking and being like, hey, start with the sign. Yeah.

I would start. Let's just start small and go. Will you do this? Let's let's end this with a window. Will you can we decide on a sign right now? And would you put it in the bathroom, even though he's not there as a new store policy? You would like a photo of it. Flushing is man mandatory. Yeah. What font do you want?

Oh, wingdings for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Would you do wingdings? Laminate it. And would you put it pretty big over the toilet that says flushing is mandatory? If he comes back and he takes a dump and he does not flush after the sign, then it's time to confront him. Bilbo, are you going to do it?

Yeah. Will you send a photo to Kevin? Yep. Yeah. And last, before we go and we need to do this for everything, this is how we end all of them. Can you please tell us the name of the musician really fast without thinking? We end every call like this. Like Jake said, this is not out of the ordinary. Bilba, thank you for the call. We're getting off. Okay, bye. Good luck.

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I'm good. How are you? Good. You're on with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and the host of High Strangeness, a weird UFO-themed podcast. How is that? That's great. It's perfect. Steve Berg. Can we get your first name, please? Yes, it's Renee. Renee. Can we get your age, please? Yes, I'm 31. 31. And where are you from, Renee?

Missouri. The show me state. I knew you were going to say that, actually. Wow. Welcome back to High Strangeness. Rene, he didn't. Rene, he didn't, and we're going to plow ahead. Okay, then hold on, Steve. What city? St. Louis. Easy. Rene? No. Nope. Kansas City. Oh, well, do we count that? You said easy, so... Oh, Rene, what's... Does that count? It counts. It counts. Okay, Rene, what can we do for you today? Okay, so I'm calling in about my husband and I. We have been...

married for about a year and a half. Congrats. And we're very comfortable with each other, you know. I like to think we have a good, healthy sex relationship, sex life. Congrats. Nice.

Yeah. So occasionally, from time to time, he likes a little backdoor tongue action. You said tongue action? Yeah. She said tongue action. Act like you've been here before. Jake, let's do another take. Jake, let's do one more take where you react. Plus, he likes a little backdoor tongue action. Respect? What's the problem? Yeah. You know, nothing...

Just a couple of normal people from Missouri. The flyover states have changed, kids. Well, this is the show me state. It sounds like it's happening. We're out here in weirdo Los Angeles hearing about people licking buttholes in Missouri. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't think so either. It's great. Okay, so every now and then he likes a little tongue back there. Great.

A little, yeah, just, you know, nothing crazy. Just a little tongue action. A little licking. A little licking. A little yum yum. Yeah. So that's not the problem here. The problem is this man is, he's a very hairy man. Oh, this is disgusting. Hey, hairy man. No, no, no. We're going to help you. We're going to help you. Take us with you. All right. Jake, he's a hairy man. So I think I know where you're going, but why don't you just take us there anyway? You know where I'm going with this. Go with it. You know where I'm going with this. Go.

So do I go just face first into this jungle? No, no. Hold on. But I feel like if I say something to him, I don't want to kill his confidence or kill the sexy. You know what I mean? I don't want to...

So how do I navigate this backdoor jungle? I've got some questions to start with. Renee, first of all, much respect to you. Thank you for the call. I apologize for my tone before. I am on your team, and we're going to figure this out. So first question. Welcome back. Thanks. It was just a jarring start. Listen. And it was my weakness, not Renee's. Yes. Renee, what's this guy's name? What's your partner's name? Or any name. Adam. Adam.

Have you done this before with Adam? I have. Okay. Has he gotten hairier? See what I'm saying? Columbo, one more thing.

No, it's been consistent. I just – I need something to change. You need help. You know what's not sexy is pulling hair out of your mouth. It's not. So your tolerance level is dwindling on this yum-yum situation. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, I got a very boring, like, fix, and that's a dental dam. But, I mean, is that going to ruin the situation? Well, either way, you're – I mean, the problem with that is you're still – it's still –

Your issue is you don't want him to feel like it bothers you. So if you're throwing a dental dam back there, you're basically saying you're shutting it down. You're right. You're right. You're right. Hold on. You just said butthole Don pass. Come on. It's good stuff. Renee, basically what happened here is you, I mean, you're, you know, you're in love. It's early. You're going with it, whatever. And now that it's kind of settled down, you want to make it a little bit easier. Cause yeah, you are asking your tongue to machete through a back jungle.

And you want help with how to scribble the title. We want, we want, we want to help you figure out a way. I've got a foolproof plan already. What is it? Is it a dental dam again? Before you say, can you remember it? Yeah. Renee, can I ask you a Columbo question? Cause Gareth is talking like Adam's friend and trying to find a way to get you there. And I need you real here. Do you want to continue doing this or do you feel like you should continue doing this?

Okay, so. Are you ready to retire and hang up the jersey? Yes, that's exactly right. No, I feel like, you know, I like, you know, we like to satisfy each other. So I like to, you know. How do I satisfy my man without choking on a hairball? Okay, now we're with you. I went on a road, Renee, I needed to know that. Now we're with you. Steve, do you want my easy fix? Sure. Okay, so I love how open your sexual relationship is. So you could always say,

hey, Adam, I'm going through a phase where I'm into like smooth skin butts that are not hairy. And you kind of make it into a joke like, hey, what if we tried something crazy and we shaved your butt?

And it might be a whole new thing. Hold on. Let him go. Let him go. You could frame it as like, it's a kind of a kink I want to explore. I want to explore a twink butt. I've been exploring a bear butt. If you pitch my kink is shaving your asshole. I would potentially say, and this happens in reverse all the time where women, guys go,

I'm really into hairless and women go get waxes. I think rather than you having to shave his butt or do a big lie about being into a new kink, I would lean into this idea of I'm happy to do it. The hair is getting much.

what about doing a wax to which he'll go, no gracias. And you'll go, well, I've done it for you. Yeah, there you go. That's the turn. That's a very straight shot. That's an A to B, which I like. That option is there. And by the way, I think that

What I like about it is that you are honestly approaching the subject. You're being respectful. I would imagine that you would go, oh, I get it. But I also get the idea that you want to try to navigate around this a little. So I'll throw a couple pitches your way in how to do that. My first is, I don't know what your situation is in your pubic area, but if you keep it pretty high and tight,

Hey, we're growing it out. We're going to fight fire with fire. We're going to show him the problems with hairs. Quick pause. Don't lose this. Renee, are we high and tight? Where are we at here, kid? Yeah, we're high and tight. High and tight. So we're talking about we're going back to 1972, and we're going to show Adam some of the problems with having to navigate through the bushes. Because what if he says...

Hey, sweetheart, do you mind trimming because I'm getting hairs in my mouth? Could lead us to your plan. Right. Could lead us to, well, why don't we go get a wax together? All right. Well, that's really interesting. Okay. So that, so there's, there's that one. Okay. My second one is wild, but again, we just like to give people options. So here's what I recommend you do. You go back there, you're performing the duties that you've signed up for. You're performing yum yum. Yep. You're going back there for a little yum yum.

While you're performing a little yum yum, uh-oh, one of the butt hairs gets caught in your mouth and you fake a choke. I love this. And you start coughing and going, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Some of your butt hairs got caught in my throat. And you go get water, drink it, gargle. So sorry. And that leads you to, look,

It's just hard sometimes to get where you want me to go with all of, give me a second with all the obstructions we have back here. It would probably help me and help you if we kind of just trimmed it up back there. I need to jump in. I need to jump. I need to jump. There's too much debris. Renee, you said you don't want him feeling self-conscious.

- So Gareth pitched. - Gareth? What the hell's going on? You have pubes in your fucking throat? - What's your name?

Let me tell you what Jake just did. Jake looked at the poster of our podcast behind me and just said, what's your name? Well, why do you think I never introduce people, man? This is my buddy. My brain is darkened. I forget cousins' names. What's your name? That's why I take notes. If it all just said Gareth, all of Jake's notes is just my name. So here's what I'm afraid of on that, Rene.

If you're trying to make Adam not feel insecure and you fake choking on his butthole, leave the act to get water and then go, sorry, I was really hoping to help. It gets us to a conversation. It's a really tough one. It's tough, but we're options. So as of right now, Renee, we've got Steve's kind of version. And that's say you've got a new kink. Maybe will he shave his butthole?

You've got my version and that is maybe ask for a wax and say you're willing to do it. Also, you've got Garf's option of you let yours get 70s and you fight fire with fire, which I might think is the smartest. And four, you've got fake a choke on a pube that ideally leads to a conversation and he then chooses to shave or wax.

Where are you at right now in this stage? If we can close and win right now, we will. If we have to keep pitching, we will. But I want to hear from you if you don't mind, Renee. My first instinct would to be to kind of dance around the idea of let's go get a wax together. Okay. Just so it's like a together thing. So I'm not pointing my finger. Okay. So I feel like that's fair. But I am entertaining the idea of like choking on a hair because that would...

But maybe playing it like downplaying it? Yeah. You don't need to overdo it. Just so it's kind of like I'm making a point, but I'm not saying it. Renee, can we do a game here, Renee? Okay. Can you please be you?

I'll be Adam. We don't need an Adam. We do need an Adam. I can play Adam. I mean, it's what I have to picture Steve doing, which I don't love. To be as sincere as you can. Yeah, of course, of course. So, Rene, you are performing Yum Yum on Adam whenever you are ready, and action. Really enjoy it. Oh, yeah.

Okay, I'm sorry. Cut. Sorry, Rene. Let's just cut right away. Hey, Adam. Keep the... No audio. No reaction to the act. We'll let Rene start with the kind of pseudo choke and then you'll be there for the conversation. I go hard, let you pull me back. I'm going to just say this as an extra. I know you won the strike, but in this you don't have lines. So let's go again. And action. Babe, are you okay? Is everything all right?

No, I'm trying to get this hair. It's like stuck in my throat right now. And I'm trying to get it out of my mouth. Hold on just a second. Give me just a minute. Oh, God.

Sorry. Hold on, Renee. The actor we paired her with is really good. He's pushing it. Yeah, but hold on, Renee. I'm going to say as your friend, I would not do fake choke. I would not. She cut the fake choke. She's doing a sort of it's caught in her throat. But the fake choke is the hair in her throat. Yeah, but it's caught. But I wouldn't do this. And here's why. You're entering a really weird zone. She already did that. But in a conversation when you're saying you don't want him to feel embarrassed.

You're choking on his butthole hair, leaving the act to get water for him to sit there alone and go like, Jesus, my asshole is so disgustingly hairy. But then I chose to marry. I humiliate. I think so, too. And then the next time you go, hey, maybe you want to get into it. He'll be like, maybe don't kiss me anywhere beneath my nose because there's disgusting hair from my ankles to my nose. And I'm sorry, I nearly killed you.

I would say the go couples wax. I got another. Maybe I got a middle ground that leads you to the couples wax. You're doing the act.

And you tell him that it's hard to give him what he wants with what's back there a little bit. And it's more on the level of for what you're trying to do. It's a little difficult. And you think that you can do this after and say, you know, after everything's finished, after you're in the throes of passion, you think it might be a good idea for both of you to go just clean up your nether regions together. Yeah.

That's interesting. Renee, can I go back to you for a second? I need to get, I need to get to the core of this one a little bit. Where are you at in real life on this? Are you thinking of doing a little bit of like a song and dance to get to this talk?

Because I think this is a danger zone. She wants that. It is. I think that it could go south. So I think I need to play it safe and just maybe suggest the couple's wax and see the reaction from that. I think that's right. And then I can gauge where it goes from there. And I think there is something to Gareth's idea of letting it rip down there a little bit because your dream scenario is he says to you,

hey, any chance you want to trim it up a little bit? And you could say, sure, how about you? And he goes, trim what up? And you go,

maybe everything. Yeah. I think if we look, it's funny right now, we're having a lot of fun. If you enter this role play about choking on a butthole hair with your partner, we explored it and we had a good time with it. Yes. But here's the problem. Here's the problem. I think you only get one real shot. You do this properly. I agree. So I think if you just straight up go with a conversation, um,

you know, it, that also feels a little bit like out of nowhere. So that's why I think if you, if you let it, the seventies, if you, well, if, if it's the seventies or even if it's when you are doing it right after you say, it's a little hard for me to get to where you want me to go because it feels like it's coming. It's coming out of an experience. I was thinking that maybe like just kind of like it's easier to get to the sweet spot without the debris in the way. But,

By the way, he's going to like this. Title. He's going to like this, too. He's performing other things back there that probably are going to go a lot better without this nightmare shrub. It's more unfettered yum-yum access. You don't have to peel away. So, Rene, what do you think about how would this play for you if you...

did the act and then said after, hey, you know, honestly, honey, it's a little bit hard to get to the sweet spot with all the debris in the way. How do you think that's going to play in your language with you and Adam?

I think that if it was while we were still, you know, in a playful, loving mood, I think that it would play out right. I think that would be how I would do it. Post-coital. So we've got our advice from this group seems to be right after the act, bring it up sweetly with the intent of, I just kind of want to go further and give you what you want. Be better at it. Yeah, exactly. The other advice I don't want you to throw away is

is the 70s play fire with fire and let him bring it up. And then you as a both could say, what if we did a waxing together after the first waxing, then you go deep and he goes, that was great. And you go, you know, it's actually, I never thought of this. It's better without the hair. Yeah.

So Renee, what do you think you're, what do you think you're going to, I think we've given you two rock solid ideas here. What do you think you're going to do? I think I'm going to bring it up after it happens while we're still in the, you know, playful loving mood. That way it's light and it's not too heavy. I'm not bringing it up out of the blue. Yep. And if,

If that doesn't go anywhere, then we'll go with plan B because then it puts the ball on his court. Yep. I think, I think that's really smart order. You can kind of do both. I think you're exactly right. And, and remember this, the only other thing I'd say is like, I would want to approach this as carefully as possible, but you are doing this from a loving place and, you know, reminding him of that. If it seems like it gets sensitive is going to be helpful. It sounds like you're going to be coming from a very sweet place. I think the timing is right.

Godspeed. It's a help me help you situation. What did I call you earlier? Gara. Gara. Gareth. Gareth. Gareth. You combined Garthy and Gareth. All right, so this is Gareth and Jake with special guest Steve Berg saying, just talk to Adam. Thank you for the call. Good luck, Renee. Good luck. Thank you. I think that one with some trims is going to be a lot of fun. I think that's what her policy is. Bye-bye.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum Podcast.