54: The Barn Boys with Jonathan Scott
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All right. Jake wearing the headphones. Gareth not. We're here to help. We are getting insecure about that.

Damn it. We got a great show. Buddy boy, we sure do. We have a special one. This is great. I think, you know, we definitely sometimes when people come on the show, we don't know what to expect. And I mean, today was just a killer. Well, I knew to expect we've got the great Jonathan Scott. Yes. The future husband of my dear friend and co-star, Miss.

And without question, our favorite property, brother. It's not even close. We hate Drew. We're not Drew guys. We're just not. We like Drew. But we do. But Jonathan was so great. Well, I knew he was a man of mystery because everything he kind of does in terms of his shows, you can tell he's always producing. He's always moving. I know he's a magician. I know he does martial arts. He's like a black belt in taekwondo.

He does everything. He's a renaissance man.

He really is. And he is extremely helpful on the show. But we're trying something new on this one because we ended up just chatting after, because I wanted to ask him a little bit about Zoe and I wanted to give him a little bit of a compliment because she's an old friend. So at the end of this stick around after both calls, we do like a little fireside chat. Yeah. A little fireside chat with our man, our new best friend. Yeah. So we have a property brother. Yeah. So, uh,

Follow everything Jonathan does. You obviously already do. Everybody knows who he is. Yep. Enjoy it. GarethReynolds.com. Yeah. Starting my tour February 26th, basically through April 7th on and off. I'm going everywhere, so go there for tickets. And Lamorne Morris is looking good in that photo. Man, you miss him? Yeah. Yep. He texts a lot. Right.

The morning after show is also a podcast, which is now our competition. Yeah. So, and I know that because he sent me a photo of his show doing better than our show on Apple podcast. And he said, the people have spoken, suck it. Oh, well, fantastic. And I told that fool when we started, we were topping the charts and he said, take it easy. I was joking. Yeah.

So yeah, support that. Go watch the episodes on YouTube. Follow us on social media. Especially YouTube on this one because we do have some photos that you'll see why. There is a visual moment. But even if you are somebody who, because I am not a YouTube watcher. Right. So I do listen to my podcast on my phone when I'm working out. Okay.

But just do us a favor. Check on YouTube. Fast forward to the part you want to see because Jonathan shows a photo of something that is relevant. And crazy. And totally insane and sticks with me. And without further ado, enjoy the show, everybody. Ones and twos. That's right. Hi. Hi. Can we get your name, please? My name is Julia. Julia? Julia. I-A-N-D-A.

And Julia, where are you calling from? I'm calling from Oakland, California. And how old are you, Julia? I'm 29. 29. So you got a special one. You've got the great Jonathan Scott.

with us a relatively new friend who I've met through an old friend, Zoe, but a hell of a likable guy and somebody we're really happy is here. Jonathan, thanks for joining, man. - Pleasure. - Appreciate you. - I am willing to bring my wealth of useless information.

Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. It's a low bar we've set here as far as being able to help. So anything you do will be good. So Julia, the floor is yours. What's up? So I'm going to, I'm planning to move in with my boyfriend later this year. And recently I like, I heard this story and it really stuck in my head. It was about like this guy who like as exercise, he walked around his house on all fours just every day, like for 20 minutes. So the hemorrhage.

That's not a joke. The like, are you talking about like a weird kind of crawl?

On all fours because you're really using your core? You guys are looking at me like I'm crazy. You know what I'm talking about. Well, because what you're saying is crazier. Crazier. Yeah, crazier. You guys are looking at me like I'm crazier. This is a thing. Just imagine a chick around his house telling his wife he's Hemsworth-ing. Honey, can you get up? Yeah, I Hemsworth to the fridge. I get a bite to eat. I Hemsworth back to the couch. I don't know if you eat pasta. It sounds sexy. It's not.

It's like belt sanding naked. Not sexy. Things are shaking. Well, but that's why you add Hemsworth. Because if you said the Johnson...

You go, what? He just goes on all fours throughout his house? And he does the sloppy Johnson. You heard about the sloppy Johnson? That's where he eats pasta while bear crawling in his house? Fucking boner time. For you? Not for us. We are in the presence of a lady here. Yes, and the caller. So, Julia, you heard a story about a guy who goes on all fours to exercise.

Well, yeah. And so but so I was like, wouldn't it be wild if you were like moving in with somebody and you found out they had like that weird, like this weird thing that they do every day. And so then I realized that I'm about to move in with somebody and I have the opportunity to give him this wonderful experience. But I don't want to walk around on all fours. That's right. It's like that doesn't seem right to me. He would never believe that that was like something that I did.

just usually did, you know? So I was trying to think of something else. So basically the idea here is Julia, you could freak out the significant other you're moving in with by creating something that he doesn't know yet. You can play a good little prank. First of all, you're my hero. We're all proud of you. We're all proud of you. What about, what about something less exercise and more you have a fake, uh,

that lives with you. I've actually met somebody who had a fake baby that they would take around in a pram. This is good and scary. But it could be like a grown-up one and you could say it's my roommate and you treat it like it's totally real. You could even call it Jake. Yeah, interesting. Let's be honest, it's a great first pitch. It really is. Because, I mean, even in my limited experience

going through like a toy store. They do have those kind of bigger, like... Like you've never had a sex doll. My God. All right, let's call it what it is. Do you see? But if you put it in a pram, it's adorable. Do you see the spin this guy does? Yeah. It's like a big thing in a maid's outfit that...

One can be on top of. You can power wash it. It's fine. But really quick. It's got to be dishwasher safe. So, Julia, here's where we've started. Cascade. This idea that there is a version of a doll that you have and love. Jonathan said the idea of Jake. He had told a story early on about when he was first birthed, his brother had...

been sitting on his head and smushed his skull. So when he came out, he had a mushed head. You could create the idea of like the you twin doll that you've always had with like a really scary smushed head. Uh,

So that, you know, because if you want this to be believable, if you go far, he's going to know it's a bit. But what we want is him to believe that this is now part of his life. I have more backstory. I have great backstory. It turns out you had a twin in your shoulder. Oh,

No, one of these. One of those. And don't worry, the teeth are still there inside, but the rest of it absorbed into your body. And so you grew up with this doll that is representative of your twin. This is phenomenal. And...

That just gives you a little bit more backstory to make it believable. Before we go on this road, because this could be interesting, Julia, if we're going to pitch on this, I need to know, is there a chance you... What's your boyfriend's name? Or what should we call him? Call him Charlie. Charlie. So is there a chance that Charlie could believe...

That you had a shoulder twin, which I guess would be a version of conjoined. How long have you been together? A little over a year. I feel like I would have mentioned that. I don't know. I feel like a year you could still get away with shoulder twin. But I feel like 18 months were past. But I don't want to go down a road that she then says at the end. Okay. Have you ever had a shoulder pimple that could pass for teeth?

Yeah. These are good questions. I want to tease you, my man, but you're coming out on fire. I know. It's hard to pour water on this. I mean, I keep wanting to say this is getting too crazy. Go away from shoulder twin. Do you have a weird pimple on your shoulder that could be the spot of the shoulder twin, Julia? And my only thought too is like, if it's a big doll, like he,

He has been to my apartment before. He would have seen something like that. But, I mean, if it were something small. But does he go through every drawer and every... That's another red flag right there. I also think you have the freedom to say you had some stuff in storage, and now that you're moving in with each other, you brought a couple things out of storage. I think you're weird. Now that I have, like, a bigger space. But, okay, so we've got Weird Doll. We can go back and keep pitching on that. I'm sensing a little hesitation. She's pushing back. Let's go to...

A second pitch. Let's go to a second pitch. All right. Gareth, you got anything? You got something? Well, so you were talking about weird exercises. So I will say when you move in with somebody for the first time, there is a lot that does get discovered. There is a newness to it. Yeah. So we do have...

the crawling on all fours when you're entering that world maybe we create a morning routine for you that you might only pull off for a day or two before you break yes but is shocking and disgusting and just makes him do go ahead is the coffee enema at the beginning of the routine or the end of the routine that's exactly right technically the end that you have things that you do

That early in the morning. Or... Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. Are you willing to put java in your anus? Will you? The amount of times I've heard that in this business, man, that takes me back to when I first moved here. That's how you got new girls. Yeah.

Liz Merriweather's first thing. Can you say any lines? No. Are you willing to put Java in your anus? Absolutely. Yeah, of course. Do I sign the contract? You know, when you test for a pilot, you sign first. Yeah, absolutely. So what do you think about if we created a weird morning or two? We need more from you, Julia. What do you want this thing to be? Give us some rules.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, I think like routine, you know, because I was trying to think about things and like a doll is a good idea. I mean, I think it would work if it were like, you know, if it were something that, you know, reasonably I maybe could have had the whole time. Like if it was something small, like a little like troll doll or something. Troll doll's great. The more creepy lifelike, the better. Yes. Yeah, you could, you could have, you could just, if you wanted to do like troll dolls, you could get like eight of them. You know what we could do? Here's a weird play.

We create this idea that you have this twin doll. You've had it since you were a kid. It was as a smash head. It could be called Jake. You know what? Connect both of the ideas. You do not mention it to him, but in his area that like, you know, when you move in, there's going to be a part of the closet that's his, you clear stuff out. You wait until he goes, what's this? And you without breaking go like, Jake,

And she goes, what is it? And you go, oh, I've never. That's like very significant for me. That is good. And he goes, he'll laugh or feel uncomfortable and you need to play dead serious. This is my twin doll I've had it since I was a baby. I love it.

Oh, here's what we could do. We make it disgusting, and you say, this will be given to my first child. Oh, yes. And this will be passed on because it means a lot, and it was given to me by my parents. Yeah. And we create, like, a disc, and it, like, make it smell weird, rub it in mustard. You can run it over with a car, put it in some mud. Yeah, a little mustard in the hair. What do you think of something like this, Julia? Is this something you could commit to? Yes, actually. I mean, it's kind of, I do have sort of, like, weird collections of toys. Okay. That one would have been, like,

I like that backstory. Do you like the backstory of the twin? Yeah. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if you can pull it off with serious face, it'll go a long way. But what is something, if we do the twin, what is something about you and your life, Julia, that we could connect this doll to that's going to make Charlie? Jonathan's doll shopping, by the way. No, I have a doll. What color hair do you have, by the way? I feel like light brown.

I literally have the doll. It was on an episode of Property Brothers. And I came across it. And it was under the bed. And I pulled it out. I'm like, it's a life-size, creepy-as-fuck doll. And I pulled it out. And it was exactly what we're talking about. This woman said it was her best friend as a kid. She's had it her whole life. I literally have a picture here somewhere of it.

which is not very effective in a podcast. If we get it, who cares? And you say life-size. What are we talking here? When I lifted it, it was like...

five feet tall okay so julia just to be clear then if there's a world where and jonathan do you have that doll do you have access to it or no i don't have the doll okay i have an image photograph but i'm sure it exists do you want are you thinking something five feet tall or you think it's something small

I mean, I'm about to move to San Francisco, so I'm probably going to have a pretty small apartment. Five feet might be a little. So when he finds this photo, we're going to pull it up as a reference for you? I think either way, it's a parting gift. But when you think of, when we were pitching the twin thing, one of the things that could really spook Charlie out is if whatever the backstory is truly connects to your life in ways that it's almost too real that he's not allowed to laugh.

Oh, I mean, honestly, I cannot. Wait, hold on. Gareth is looking at the photo of the doll. Okay, so we'll send you a photo after Julia.

I don't really know how to describe the doll other than the fingers are disproportionate to the rest, which is not good. The doll is haunting. The doll has a bit of a red face. It has sort of Julia Louis-Dreyfus hair. It looks like a small witchy Julia Louis-Dreyfus with, again, the fingers are shockingly long. Also a shocking expression. Just

Just very off-putting. But I will say, with the backstory that we're talking about, Jake's having a look. With the backstory that we're talking about, is particularly, it kind of would line up so well. Oh, so this is shocking. And this is really good.

I'm glad you showed this. I'm imagining your reaction, the way you said that you just played nonchalantly. Oh, how do you not know about? Yes. Oh, did I never tell you this? Yeah, exactly. But, Julia, here's the other catch with this doll that I like, and this is a different direction that I was pitching. I was pitching, like, scary doll from, like, the movie Annabelle. Yeah.

What's great about this is that's a little person. Yeah, and the hands are so problematic. But that's close enough. The fingers are so problematic. Like even whoever designed this like had some idea, but somebody must have been like, why is each finger a hot dog? I'm not going to lie. The husband in this episode that we did,

He hated the doll and she would not get rid of it. It's pretty good. He hated it. Oh my Lord. I really think, I mean, again, I think we, I, if I were you and you want to go absolutely fucking crazy, uh,

A doll like what Jonathan just showed is really amazing. I will buy the doll for you. I will buy the doll and send you the doll. Is out of the Property Brothers budget, you get the weird Julia Witch Dreyfuss. Julia, I have a pitch for you based on what we just saw. And it might change a little bit and it's going to make you a fucking weirdo to him, which is the point. Yes. So what really scares me about that doll, like if I went to a woman's house

and that was under the bed yeah that would scare me honest to god to my absolutely that would like really fuck with me yes if i moved in with a woman after a year and i saw that fucking weird doll i would go on a tailspin so here's what i'm pitching we figure out a way to get you a doll that looks just like you and is very realistic and you have like a little you doll but it seems as real as that so it's not like a fucking weird it

And I think maybe we go bigger than a little, like if it could be the size that that doll was and production, if we can find it, we'll send it to you. Yes. But if we can put under your bed,

A four foot doll that weighs like 65 pounds. Here's what I would do too. That shit is really scary. It's awful looking. It is. It's awful. It's like if you saw a smell. But I also want him the first time he looks under your bed to scream because he thinks it's a person. Well, what I would do too is. I want that moment. I would parse out. I would. If you're going to do it, I think, which you should. I was your friend. I'm inviting you strongly. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I misspoke. Legally when?

I would parse it out. So I would, you know, maybe two weeks before the move, I would explain this like it's a bit of a difficult secret for you. Just get the fact that this twin existed in your world. Explain how you do that. So you just go, look, there is something like... Jonathan, will you be Charlie? Do you mind? All right, I'll be Charlie. What's up, babe? Do you mind if I do an affectation? Please. Should we...

Should we be more affectionate if we're... I mean, well, look, we're about to move in together. So this isn't even a big deal. But there is... What is it? Anything. I know. Just because we're getting serious and we're about to move in together, I did just want to tell you that I did have a strange thing happen before I was born. I had a twin. And the reason why you've never heard about her...

is because she didn't make it. She was partially on me, attached to me. And this crazy as this... Conjoined? Yeah. And it was like a head and they're not sure what happened if it just fell off or if I ate it in the womb.

But I've always... If you ate your twin, it's so gross. Where's that voice coming from? I'm in Julia's head. I'm in Julia's head. A weird neighbor who gets to say who he is. No, Julie, I'm just in your head. I'm in your head. Well, get out, motherfucker. Am I the neighbor? Yeah. No, stay out. Stop. What the hell is he doing? Nothing. Nothing. Honey, are you losing it? Put me under the bed, baby. Yeah, I'm your twin, baby. It's a very emotional experience.

I just wanted to tell you that because it really means a lot to me. And I just, you know, I love you and I haven't told you that yet. So that's just something. Well, should we have post-traumatic revelation sex now? Absolutely. At least kiss. At least kiss. The neighbor is really weird. Can I give my third party unbiased opinion? Of the acting? No, Marathon. It was totally...

Middle of the road. Where it needed to be. I prefer Jake's proposal where she doesn't even say anything and then pretends that it's like... But I mean it. Because we heard it. I wanted to hear the setup. But I like that it's just there. I actually like that we go... I think we go size...

I think we have to do Jonathan's size of a doll. And I think we put it under the bed and let him find it. Yeah. So that it's horror. And then you double down and say like, oh, this. Why would I even bring it up? I've had this forever. I've got to follow. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. OK, what if we do this? If we really want to play the long con a little bit more. Yes. Why don't you if he freaks out, which he will if he's a human man.

Why don't we then, you suggest calling into our show to see who's right, and we do a follow-up call where Jake and I will totally take your side to fulfill the prank on him fully. That could be a fun second half. So, Julia, where...

Where are you at with this? So far we've given you the idea of creating, Jonathan came out hot with an idea of pitching a doll. We could go small, we could go kind of smashed head. And then we've kind of leaned into this idea that we went down the road of it could be a conjoined twin that used to live off your shoulder that maybe you ate. Probably. Maybe pitch it beforehand. And then we've kind of ended with the idea of spending a little bit of money that's worth it for the bit. If we could also find something, we would send it to you. We'll help. Yeah.

if we can find it. Yeah. But the idea of getting a pretty good sized doll that looks pretty realistic, just put it under your bed. Let him find it. So then Julia, here's what we need you to do to make this real. Yeah. You do research and find the doll and then email Kevin.

And I'll tell you, if you want an option, we have it. I mean, what we saw on Jonathan's phone was shocking. Yes. Well, we don't have it. It belongs to some random lady. You know, we could do an episode with every picture on my phone because there's so much weird shit on my phone. This phone can never get stolen. Thank you for the call. All right.

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And Jake, we are brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. We've talked about this before. We've both had multiple things we did not know we were still paying for. That's why we're here.

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Hi, thank you. Can we get your first name, please? I am Emily. Emily. Where are you calling from, Emily? I'm calling from like central New York area. Central New York area. Very mysterious. Very general. Cool, I like that. And what's your sign?

I'm a Capricorn. Okay. Interesting. Favorite snack food real quick? I thought you were going to say yield for a second. I like a no pun. I like a street cleaning. And Emily, you got a special one today. You've got obviously me and Garf, and then you've got Mr. Jonathan Scott. Yes. Boo-boo. Boo-boo. Boo-boo. So this will be- Who the hell is that? She knows who it is. She knows who it is.

the man who created Property Brothers and pulls his dead weight brother along for the ride yeah Drew for no reason we're coming after you you son of a bitch sit on my head you're never gonna live in here you sit on our guy's head then we sit on your head you're coming for your head Drew

So all of a sudden, we have an enemy of a show for no reason. And it's really weird. And it's a very likable guy. I support this. Not a lot of people have civil warred the Property Brothers, but we will do it. Yes, exactly right. So Emily, thank you for the show. Drew, if you're watching, turn it off. Come on, Drew. Turn it off. We're coming for you. So Emily, what is the problem? What can we help you with?

All right. So I am excited about you, Drew, by the way. Did you just call me? Emily, you blew it. I'm out. Oh, no, Jonathan. Please, Jonathan. Jonathan. Emily. Emily. Drew's the enemy. We're here to help. First of all, we're here to help you. You can't.

You can't call a twin. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. We've got Jonathan. We hate Drew. I liked you so much. Yes, same. We hate Drew. We hate Drew. Okay, I'm on your team. There we go. Emily. No, you need to promise after this call, you call five people and get them hating. Yeah, it's like the ring. I will. Now, Emily, now because of your big blunder, you have to sing a quick song about your love for Jonathan and your hatred for Drew. All right. And three...

Two, one, go, Emily. I love you so much. And I hate that true guy so much more. All right. Now, Jonathan, is she forgiven? You know what? We're back where we were. Okay, Emily. What is the problem? You saved it.

Okay. Thank you. If it happens again. Okay. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not going to say a name for the rest of the call. There's no way. All right. What's going on? I absolutely will not. Okay. So my husband is going through a midlife crisis, as we are calling it. And like your classic midlife crisis, he wanted to make an absurdly expensive, completely unnecessary purchase. And I eventually caved, let him buy it.

But with the condition that I can get or do something similarly absurd for myself. Respect. And I really need help figuring out...

What I want. Okay, respect. Everyone is thinking the same thing as me right now. What was the purchase? You really teased us. So he bought a kit to build a barn so he can build a barn right next to the freaking house. I don't know if that's stupid. So he's going through an Amish life crisis? Hold on. Darling will be erecting a barnyard. Emily, what's his name? Ezekiel. What's his name?

No, Adam. Adam. Okay, great.

building a backyard little cabin or a barn. It's adding square footage, usable, functional square footage. Is that midlife crisis? Well, it's just very funny. It's very funny to picture like a Corvette. What's he, what he wants a three, he wants to make a barn. I thought it was going to be like a Miata. Yeah. I've had the great Jonathan Scott in my backyard looking at my midlife crisis films. I built a little cabin. Then you were in the area and you came and looked at like the little like porch area. You were doing

great you you had your eye on the prize it was good thanks buddy but what's that what's your concern with this yes why is this a midlife crisis is this not something that would add

space to the whole family? Oh, because he wants to fuck his new girlfriend in the barn? Well, the barn, because the barn is a part of America. The barn becomes his own country. So either the barn has its own laws or the barn is like a 60s shack room. He's in Austin Powers outfits in there. Yeah, baby. So is part of the barn... Jonathan's right. What's so bad about the barn, Emily? Emily, you're up against three barn fans.

You done fucked up, Emily. By the way, you just nailed us in the worst way. We're all barn fans. Gross. We're barn fans. We're the barn boys. We just became the least fuckable three guys out there. The barn boys don't need to fuck. We got each other. If she called in and said, I'm thinking of building a barn, we would all go, do it. Kevin, why is this even a call? We just want to take this guy out for sandwiches. Kevin.

Can we help? Yeah. Real quick, Emily, is Adam there? Can we talk? He sounds awesome. He's not here for a good reason, and it's for the barn. So this is like, this is, we're talking about a whole ass 30 foot by 60 foot pole barn. Wow. Like huge 25 foot, like it's humongous. Does he know what he's doing?

No, we don't build barns. Is he getting a permit? Yes, yes. So he's got that stuff figured out. How big is your lot? These are great questions. We have 80 acres. Oh, shit. We have 80 acres. He wants to put it right next to the house. So why is he so dead set on it being right next to the house? Because heat and electricity. Okay, so it makes sense.

Okay. Well, listen, we're not here to cheerlead the barn. But hold on, Emily. Because before we get to yours, and we are on your team, just so you know, we're going to pitch some stupid shit for you. My pitch for hers is also a barn. You build a barn next to his barn. You build a bigger barn? You build a bigger barn. One foot bigger in every area. He's 60, you go 61. Would you classify yourself as an anti-barnite? Are you a barn burner? No. No.

We are in the country. There are lots of barns around. I don't understand why we have to build our own barn when you could go to the neighbor barn. Have you ever seen Field of Dreams? I think he's having a Field of Dreams, but with a barn. If you build it, they will come? Again, with the shag shack. Yeah.

If you build it, they will come is the grossest way to think. I'm not a barn guy anymore. I don't want a bunch of people. I've never been more in. I don't want people in mid-New York all coming in like coming in a barn. Well, because it's hard to get out of the straw. Yeah. Stick to the tarp. Here's my question is I don't understand. I agree with you. I don't understand why it has to be right next to the house because if it's just a matter of power, you can just build.

buy a longer cable to run power to the barn in its new location. So is there a flat area that's maybe a couple hundred yards away from the house? Yes, there's plenty. Plenty to choose from. Has he started building? He took down trees by the house. Okay.

Yeah, so I'm starting to get more on Emily's team here. It's not just the barn. It's kind of weird. It's like you don't have to be so close. Is he doing a zip line from the upper story window to the barn? That's a good pitch for yours. I'm back with Adam now. I'm a zip line guy. All right, hon, I'm going to go to the barn. We have a zip line. Wait, go ahead, Emily. We have a zip line.

You do have a zip line? We have a zip line. And like this barn is for, this barn is for like, not for equipment or animals. It's for like circus stuff. Okay. Hold on. You got to lead out with that, Emily. What does that mean? What's that? Trapezing and stuff. So right now he is traveling like five hours away to pick up a, an Olympic trampoline. Okay. We already have an Olympic trampoline. Okay.

Wait, Emily, you do realize you buried the lead, yeah? Yes, yeah, yeah. The midlife crisis is not... He's becoming a carny. Hold on. The midlife crisis is not that he's building a barn. Yes. It's that he's building a circus. It's that he's becoming a clown. Yeah. Okay, I have another revelation.

I'm a former professional clown. Jesus Christ. You are? I was a clown for years and years. I also trapeze. And so all of these sorts of things. You're also a martial artist. And a magician. And a magician. What is going on? If you're hiring for the circus. Does he need a barn maid? What does your husband do professionally? Where is Drew? Where is Drew? What does your husband do? I'm a professional clown.

I mean, we're both scientists, but he is like also a pole vault coach. He was an all American athlete and his father's into circus. Like this is not totally weird. Just so I need to just get clean on something. So he's building a circus next to your house with a big trampoline. What else has he put in, in his fun circus?

And why is it... Why isn't it attached? Yeah, he's not moving. Why do we need the barn? Yeah, but I just need a little bit... Just because I really do think you buried the lead on this circus stuff. A barn, when you live on 80 acres, makes sense to me. I imagine some tools and maybe some animals. That's what I imagine. An actual barn. I'm getting really thrown by the circus. Yeah, I know. When he's unicycling around on his own, that's where it gets creepy. So what else does he have in there? He's got a trampoline. What else does he have? So there's like...

ropes and silks. Like he has this idea that we're going to be doing a lot of aerial acrobatic type things. Where did this come from? I think again, from his mother and father who are more circus oriented. Interesting. So his midlife crisis is tapping into this childhood thing that his family did. Circus meant a lot. This was cool. And he's like, you know, they say before people die, they move back.

to the type of environment that they grew up in. So if you grew up in cold weather, all of a sudden you're living in Florida. A guy like me, at 80, I'm going to be like, maybe I'm going to go to Chicago. Because you want to die where you started. Don't worry, your husband's not dying. It's fine. But midlife crisis is the start. It is the start, Jonathan. Have you thought of any of the things you want to do? Have you thought on any worlds that you're interested in going into for your...

barn? That's where I'm really stuck. Cause I, I'm like generally pretty content and I'm,

did not, I don't need a barn. Like I get it. I mean, you're not having a crisis, but what are certain things? Like if you know, what are certain things that make you really happy? If you have a free Saturday and no one's around, what do you like to do? Again, that's really hard. Like I'm still, I'm in that like mother of young kids constantly like cleaning the house and taking care of the kids. I get it. Um, so I don't really have moments to myself. How about this?

While you're working with the kids and everything's tired, you're working, you can't sleep. You do have a fantasy, right? What is something you would like to do? Tear his barn down. So I've been learning. I've been teaching myself French with the idea of like going and being able to actually speak French. Okay. I got a pitch. I got 30 pitches, but go ahead. First pitch. None of them are good. I should point that out right away. First pitch. You build a French bistro.

i was thinking beast and it is you get the tables you get the chairs yours is outside that connects to the barn and it is a french circus so all the if he ever wants to put a sign like your last name circus it has to be in french the aesthetic everything has to go french and if he's like i'm not loving this you go that's how i feel about the barn

Right? Because what you might be wanting to play is a little bit... Spite Paris. A little Spite Paris. But we could start building something in that world that you're doubling down on this French thing where he goes like, why is everything in our kitchen in French? And you go, I'm learning the language. And he goes, I know, I get it, but it's a lot. And you go, it's kind of how I feel about a fucking trapeze act in our backyard. Jonathan, what do you got on that phone really fast? Spite in French is...

DP. All right. The barn de DP. Gareth, let's hear some pitches. What do you got? Well, I guess, okay, so he has his barn. How many kids do you have? Two. In order for him to have his barn, you could say that for one night a week, he's got to go out there with the kids and you get a night off because he gets to go do sort of the little circus act with the kids. This is actually a good idea. Gives you a free night. And you could take up a hobby. You could keep learning your French. You could do something like that. Yeah.

Yeah. So he kind of like the whole idea of the barn is that the kids, like my daughter already knows how to do rope and some silk type stuff. Like he wants to encourage it more with them. This is information that we should have known. This is all kind of nice stuff. You know what I'm getting out of this one, Emily?

You're a selfish asshole. Just so you know, he was making eye contact with me when he said it. It seemed like it was to you. It wasn't me. I will point out, kids do love the aerial stuff and the silk. It is a lot of fun to do those sorts of activities. Analyzing all of this, it sounds like, actually, one other question I have first.

How big was the financial impact of this thing that he bought? Is it totally irresponsible or was it like... Yes. No, that's actually what's most out of character. That's what shows it's a crisis. It's like...

What did you just what? But your question today, Emily, was not what do we do about my husband overspending? Yeah. Now. But your question was, what did we do for your your midlife crisis? Right. Yeah. So I just. So for you. So I think we're going to end this pretty soon because here's why. What we have learned is your husband did a really weird thing, but it does. He is incorporating the kids.

What we've also learned about you is...

You're not sure what you want to do. And I think your midlife crisis is time to find what makes you happy apart from your job, apart from your kids, and apart from the weird fucking circus which you're not interested in. So, Emily, you got to get your groove back. You got to find what makes you... This is City Slickers and you got to go get your smile back. Yeah. I also think what you could do is you could pitch... I mean, because this is quite an undertaking to have a circus barn. You could pitch that you...

get a trip to France, maybe in a year. That's what you do. You take a solo trip. You use your French out there. You get 10 days around a beautiful country. There's a lot of unrest. But but you could pitch something like that. Also, here's another option. You could just I mean, I don't know what we're talking about, how much he's spending. Cut that in half and you can just gamble with it.

yeah i was gonna say you sell the tickets to the circus and you get to keep the money oh sell oh yes that's pretty good the one thing i will say is i don't think you making another irresponsibly expensive is the move is the move because then it puts you doubly in a financial right hardship so you know there are positives it sounds like with this building i'm gonna stop calling it a barn because it sounds like it's maybe just

an unattractive building. I think you're building. It's a box. It's a box. But, you know, make the most... It sounds like it's happening. Yeah, it is happening. But I agree. I think if you could find a little bit of your joy back again, and, you know, we've got two kids, and believe me, I know how much time that takes. It is so important for you to find...

something that makes you happy and as a family you need to make time for that that's important i think that's so here's what we're gonna end this one on emily because i think jonathan's right there so you can either lean into what he's doing but he takes the kid he teaches him this stuff and you find your kind of hobby what you like you can take yourself on a solo trip to france

You could build a bistro, which sounds like you're not going to do. You could gamble. You take half of what this barn costs. Yeah, you just find a place. You could, and we didn't go deep on this one, but there might be something here. And then if I had more coffee, I would have pitched harder on this one. But that is, you could sell tickets to the circus and create a weird side business. You're talking about getting her further incorporated into the circus.

So, Emily, what do you think you're going to actually do in this truly unique setup of a call? So I really honestly, I like the idea of like he goes with the kids. He takes the kids in the barn one night a week and I find my own place.

personal happiness again. This is great. I love it. And also, maybe I'll just go to France anyway. Great, do both. And also, while you're finding your happiness, it might be, you seem like a highly educated, smart human being, so you're probably going to learn the language pretty fast. And may I recommend Babbel. Babbel. With Babbel, all things are possible in linguistics.

Yeah, you can start making pizzas or you could make a list of movies you've always wanted to see or you could get specialty cocktails. What better thing for him to come back to the barn and you're shit-faced? So, Emily, we appreciate the call. I think this is going to end up being a happy one for you. And really weird stuff. Yeah, super, super weird. Really wild. Spending money you guys don't have to build. Wild, dangerous barn swings that we're all in support of pretty much until we learned about

the clowning. I've also learned in a real, like you are also a professional clown. Yeah. That's got away. We just got the alarm. We are on it. Emily, thank you for the alarm. Good luck out there. Bye.

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We have a whole different scenario, a different dynamic, because Drew was a surprise. So my parents did not know there was a second baby. Holy shit. What? There was no ultrasound. So back then in Canada, you only had an ultrasound if there was a complication. And so we, there was no complication. Our heartbeats were exactly in sync. Oh my God. And so I was born and the doctor left. And then the nurse was like, clean everything up. She's like, I,

doctor i think there's another one and mom drew was born to mom going oh shit and then drew came out now my head was all like misformed and like everything and so they were like oh god it's because drew was sitting on my head in the womb so when we get yeah well i'll always be like doesn't matter because twins are competitive i won the first competition i was born first andrew's like

I had my ass on your face. I mushed your head to a wheel. That's amazing. That is crazy. What a shock for your mom. Also, not doing ultrasounds. That is crazy. Yeah. I mean, it was a newer technology. That's wild. Now you're spoiled. How old are you? It's hand. I'm 44. 44? You're only a year younger than me. Yeah. What were you guessing? You were putting him as boyish. You were going to say 30s. Well, I was thinking 30. No, he was going like 55.

- No, I was like, well, 'cause you're like-- - That's crazy, I'm like, really? 'Cause my phones have only been around for what, 10 years, nine years? - My stupidity ages me back to a lot of people. - You are stupid. - I am dumb. - Yeah. - But he's great looking. - But you're good looking. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're gonna do okay in life. - Really quick before we get rid of you, just because you are marrying a friend of mine. - Yes. - What's going on with it? Where are you guys at? - So we're engaged. - I know that.

We're trying to figure out the right place because I, you know, but we both have the same thing where it can't just be like some random place. It has to be something that has a history or meaning or a connection to us. So we've been having, you know, a challenging time figuring out what is right. And I also, I don't want it to be so complicated or expensive for people to get to. That makes sense. You already never come out anyway. I'll come to this. You will? You'll come to that. I will come to this. All right.

All right. You're not invited. I figured. But I'm very available. I got a location. Yeah, we're trying to plan it. The barn. When we want to do it. Also, you know, maybe it's because we're, you know, a little bit older. We're, you know, lazy. But we want it to just be easy. We want it to be warm. I love that. And we want it to be a hell of a good party. Yeah, yeah. Well, what I will say is somebody who knows Zoe well, and I've gotten to know you better, I'm glad it's you. No, thank you. You're a fucking good human.

human on the good team and knowing zoe when you did that show we were so close and we like battled through everything for so many years we all became like cousins yeah so like seeing how everybody ends and like what's happening uh she landed well and i'm uh it's fun to watch

well i appreciate that is it a guest list thing because you don't have any room for other people or is that oh because there's a vibe what's not you went like this between us well i mean can you picture us at your i think all of us at a table that'd be a good i'm great at weddings jake could bring you as his date but i really like his wife i'm bringing my wife i love you you bring me out for gary i'll bring my wife i'm not gareth never stops talking i'm going to bring him to a wedding oh come on i'm great i'm great this is this is how the wedding will go

you'll in the middle of your vows in the background, you'll hear. I knew I should have done that. Shoot or shoot. And I never stopped shooting. Shoot or shoot. I think the funny thing is we've talked about this too, because so many people are so stressed about who do we invite? You know, everyone's got to say, I'm like, we've both been married before.

I don't care what anybody else thinks. We will do what we want. And one of the rules is everyone invited has to be someone we both know and spend time with. Yeah, I think that's right. And yeah, we want to keep it simple. I love it, man. That must be because you've been married before. That must kind of take a little bit of the...

the pressure off in a way because you feel like now this is for you a little bit more. Oh yeah. Cause even when you're, you're dating somebody, when you're younger, you don't know what you want. You don't even know what love is. And we were literally having this conversation with our eight year old yesterday. She's like, you know, she was trying to explain to us that a crush isn't love. It's just a crush. I'm like,

Yes, this is true. I didn't know. Where were you? Then when you're a little bit older, you know the stuff you want. Most importantly, you know the stuff you don't want in a partner. And I have to say I'm the luckiest dude alive because we...

we just gel like you wouldn't believe. - That's awesome, man. - Yeah. - Well, we're gonna stop wasting your time. Thank you for coming. You're the best, buddy. - This was not a waste of time. - Okay, good. - Not only was this great, this was the best laugh I've had in a long time. - And we saved lives. - And we saved lives, guys. Just remember that. - Yeah, and if you are really searching for a location,

I mean, we did just find out about a pretty cool barn in Central New York. There's no chance he's always going to Central New York, some weird guy's barn. Unless there's a zip line. Yeah, which there is.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.