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We're back. We are back. Not in the studio. Well, we are for the calls, but we're only zooming for the intro.
Yes, I'm on the road doing gigs, and I almost spilled the beans before we started, because let me tell you, Jake, there's a movement out here. There are, what do we call them? We're here to helpers? We got to come up with fan names. Well, I know that you started this, and then I saw on the YouTube comments, people are trying to figure out what the
hell we are as a group. Yeah. That one. I like that. The helpers. Oh, that's good. Helpers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there's definitely that there's are definitely people showing up to my shows who are fans of the show. They're very effusive.
What a word, effusive. Listen. We might be the Brainiacs. I don't think that would work. No, that would not. That would be offensive. But a couple of funny things have happened. But like I told you, someone shouted out, where's Gil during a show? Incredible. But last night, last night was pretty great because...
I don't remember how it started. Oh, someone was bragging that they drove really far to see me, and then they revealed that it was an hour and a half. And I was like, that's not that far. I was like, we live in LA. It's not that far. And then so I was having whatever, a dumb little competition about who came the furthest. And then some woman goes, I'm wearing nipple clamps as earrings. And I was like, what? And at first I thought, I was like,
Is this B? B? Yeah, it wasn't B, but it was a woman who, as an homage to the show, had nipple clamps on her ears. That's awesome. Yes. By the way, when people take the show into real life,
That makes it feel like this is fun. It's great. It really is. I mean, you know, we talk about doing some live thing at some point and that'll be a great experience. You talk about it more. You talk about it more. We are always spitballing where we're going to go. You are pushing it. And I'm saying, oh, Jake is ready to go. Gil Buchanan on the ones that, um,
um but uh no but yeah as you push to do this podcast i'm sure there's gonna be a time very soon where i go hey gareth why am i in cincinnati acting like this is my idea well what i've got to do to you is how i even got you to do it's just i just gotta inch you push it's not it's glacial i'm not shoving anybody i'm just hey a little more over this way so garth what do you think we should be called
You're a catchphrase guy. I'm a machine. So let's hear it. What do you think?
Helpers is pretty good. You know, let's take a beat. And also, I would encourage people to reach out to us with ideas. You know what? Do this. Because on Spotify or Apple, we appreciate when people rate it and all that, but the comments aren't the same. I don't even know how to look at comments on Spotify. So just go to the YouTube and just post. Leave some ideas. Just put a name in.
And I will say whatever gets the most likes, that's what we're going to be. We'll consider it. Okay, we're going to consider it. Where are you? I like your toughness there. Listen, you know what I mean? As if there's a panel. Yeah, there is.
I'm in beautiful Tulsa, by the way. Ooh, Oklahoma. Absolutely gorgeous. Oklahoma City tonight. But either way, Jake, we do have a podcast and a great episode. You and I. Solo. Solo. Just us. Just the fellas. Yeah, and even though, again, this is on Zoom, the calls are in person. Gareth is on the road, so we're going to be doing some of our intros like this until he's back. And...
I would say without further ado, what do you think, Garf? I think you did just say it, so we already did it. Enjoy the show! Hello? Hello? Hello? Hi, Yolanda, we're here to help with JG. Can we get your name, please? I'm going to go with Rachel. Rachel. And where are you calling from, Rachel?
Oh, central California. Okay. Central Cal and how old are you? I got it. Garth. 42. I think I can never keep track. Okay. In your forties. So Rachel from Cali, you're in your forties. What can we do for you? So my husband, we're going to call him Ross. We're going to go with Ross and Rachel because we're old and we were old enough to watch that show when it first came out. So Ross has a, uh,
tattoo on his back that is unfinished and has been unfinished for about 15 years. Okay. And why didn't he finish it hurts? I told him that I was going to tell you guys about this. And he said, tell them I never see it. So I don't care. Respect. What? He just doesn't care. What is it that he's never finished? What is it supposed to be? Okay.
So we both grew up in South America. We're American, but met down there in South America and have traveled a bunch. So he had this cool idea. He's going to get all the flags of the countries we've either lived in or been to tattooed on his back, right? Cool. So his original idea was
all right, I'm going to get the first however many that I've already been to. We're going to get U.S. and Brazil where we grew up big and then smaller ones underneath. And I'm going to have them go ahead and tattoo a grid on my back for these flags
And when we go to the country, I'm just going to point to it and be like, yeah, tattoo your flag on my back in this spot. So he has like a spreadsheet on his back for all these flags. Yeah, like Excel spreadsheet on his back. And one of the things when he gets to a new country, he's going to get it. Why would he do it like that?
Why not just every time you get it, just put it on there instead of calling your shot of like, we're going to go to 40 countries. Well, Ross didn't make a... Ross made a bad decision 15 years ago, but we're here now. We are. Okay. So Ross has grid back. Yeah. I mean, we thought of this problem before he even got the tattoo because like I said, his original plan was to get the tattoos in the foreign countries, but...
Bad idea, Ross. Also bad idea. No, you don't go to like a foreign country and have them tattoo your back. It's also like if you're in a foreign country for a trip, you don't want to spend your time there with getting tattooed and having it wrapped up so you can't go to the ocean. Yeah, that's exactly right. So, Rachel, what do you like about Ross? His decision making? Yeah.
Did he make one good decision in his life and that's you? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. No, he has made many. No, we're teasing. We're teasing. No, he does a lot of stuff like this. He has a really good idea and then sometimes there's not follow through. Usually there is.
So as we're not real therapists, we are a couple of clowns on the couch. So there are other decisions we can't help, but we can probably help with this tattoo. So what is the specific question? How do we finish this tat? Yes. How do we get him to get it done? Because I've asked and I've offered like, hey, do you want for your birthday? How about
the way, we just saw the photo. It's not terrible. Well, here's what's good. It's not terrible. It could be worse. Gareth has worse. Stop it. Stop it.
What I was picturing was like eight blank spaces. He's just got three more. Yeah. Have you visited three? Have you visited three? Yes, we've visited. Jesus. Yes, we've visited like five countries. All right, quick thing. Caitlin, when this comes out, can we do a poll? Say what is worse, this tattoo or Gareth's psychedelic cat one?
And I got a feeling it might be close. And the call is not, Gary, how do I cover my psychedelic cat? Listen, I'm going to call it right now. 100% people are going to say mine is worse. Because this one is so normal. Yes. So here's what I would say on it. Mine's more creative. Well, I don't know. This is pretty creative. Don't you have more than one?
Yeah, he's also got a Green Bay Packers logo. Oh, that's right. I got two good ones. And then he's going to get a blockbuster one on his thigh, another organization he just cheers for. All right, come on. So question, he's getting Trader Joe's on his lower back. So Rachel, first of all, I understand where Ross is coming from, where he goes, he doesn't look at it. And there is a world where it kind of looks done to me.
Like, you know, if you didn't know the game plan, I'm not looking at that saying. It's representing the possibilities of where we could go. Yeah, but I don't know. When I look at a tattoo, I don't see the backstory. But I hear what you're saying. Hey, by the way, this tattoo is a backstory. A title. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't do this, Rachel. By the way, you hear that laugh? That was bad. Can we grab that? And after every little. No. We're not going to have a sting. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
- So here's what I would say. He's not in a nightmare situation. And I would also say he's got a nice head of hair. - He sure does, but I'm hoping he's wearing sunblock in this pool picture. It looks very sunny wherever he is. - And I also am very curious where his left arm is. - Yeah, I think we know, unfortunately. - 'Cause the right arm is blocking people. That left arm might be having a little party. - It looks like it is. - Here's what I'm gonna say. Where are the other places you've been to for those bottom three tats? Can you fill those?
Yes, we've been to Italy, Canada, and I can't remember if he has Mexico already on there. Okay, so stop right there. So you got those three right now. For his birthday or your anniversary, you book a local tattoo artist in Central California. If anybody's listening who is an artist and a tattoo artist who wants to do it,
And you surprise him with those three and you close the box. I think that's close the grid. I think that's right. I mean, it's so it's right. Don't you think? I mean, does he have an aversion to doing this? He just doesn't see it and doesn't care. I think I think you do that. I don't see it and he doesn't care. But that's not a good birthday present. It's an anniversary. It's your birthday present. Here's how it's a good birthday. OK, maybe for my or. Yeah, or.
For your for his birthday, you plan a trip to somewhere like Mexico or something like that. You take him to a third country that's going to fill in one of those blocks. And while you're there, before you go, you look up a tattoo place the day before you leave. You get it. So you fill in Canada. You fill in another one. And then the country where you are. I got a clean. I got it. I think that's good. Go. That's sweet. I'm going not sweet. Go. I'm going. So, Rachel, here's what I say you do.
For your birthday, he says, what do you want? You find out the price for these three tattoos and on top, you write in, I love my wife.
I like that. Because he has said he doesn't see it. Wait, is that he's going to get that tattoo? Tattooed on his back. You are calling the back bluff. I don't want that. I don't want that. How about places I've been with my wife? Or how about your name on top of it? Or how about I did it? How about something to honor you on top of it? How about grid kid?
What do you think of that? Are you happy now, Rachel? Yes. Yes. Are you happy now on top and small, cool font. And then you finish the tag. So every time you see his back, you get a laugh. I like this. I like that too. What do you think? I,
I think that's a good idea. I don't want him to get the tattoos in another country. What about the, no, you do it locally, but what about this? Yeah. You get, and you don't even need his name. You get on top of it and it would look cool there. Are you happy now? And you finished the grid.
So that people look, you know, people get on their arm where they'll be like, remember to breathe. Right. And you see it on their forum and you have to pretend that's cool. Well, you're like, well, you're going to forget them else, you know, but they'll have little messages of like life memories now. And they all have a period and you're like, whatever. So are you, are you happy now? Somebody at a pool at a resort is just going to go like, Oh,
Oh, he's reminded himself to be happy. What they don't realize is he's talking to his wife. And you got a tattoo to say it to yourself. So when you see it, you could go. Yes, I am. Yes. Yeah. I, I like that. I also, again, have to just point out the insanity of,
of his plan yeah he got two big spaces for two big flags which is like okay and then he got six small spaces for smaller countries yes which is an insane in brazil mean the most they grew up in brazil but they're america okay but then you have three the grid part of this yeah is shocking it's a weird angle for a grid and it's the way it and yes it's like
Not straight. Agreed. And Brazil just looks like a weird psychedelic eyeball. That might be the picture. That might be the picture. And whatever weird thing he's apparently doing under the water. I got you. Yeah, he's cool, Jack. Title. I really hope not. We were there with our kids. Title. So here's what we're going to pitch.
We're going to pitch on your birthday. He finishes the job. Yep. And really, there needs to be a written sentence at the top to close this up. And let me ask you this. Do you think she should tell him that this is coming or maybe the day of the birthday? No.
This is what I would do then. Yeah. Day of, I would plan something after this, like a nice dinner, something like that. So you're going to go to dinner. You tell him it's at five 30 cause you want to get home early, but dinner's really at seven. Okay. And so if five 30, five 30, you take him to the tat place. You tell him what's going on, right? It's your birthday. It's your birthday.
And by the way, what would be great is can you film his reaction and send it in to us, please? That'd be fun. Get the tat finished and then you go out for a nice dinner where the tattoo's finished. Rachel, what do you think of that? You gonna do it? I'll give it a try. I mean, this has been 15 years that I've been like, alright, are we gonna get this done? So anything is worth a try. When's your birthday?
it's coming up in march this is this is party so let's party let's do it just pull the fucking trigger and do it and then if when you're at the tattoo place and he says i pass well then you know it's never going to get done but don't talk about it have the option you got three different flags you're going to put there yes and if he really buckles on that are you happy now then say i thought you couldn't see it i i was just going to say if he pushes back you
You have the best argument ever. His argument. Yes. So, Rachel, we wish you all the best and keep us updated, especially if you get that tat. Yep. Thanks a lot. I'm a big fan. I watched your new movie last weekend. I can't remember what it's called, but it was good. It was called Unfinished Tattoo. All the best. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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Hi. Hey, how you doing? I'm pretty good. How are you? Good. How are you? Didn't I just answer that? I love you. What's your name, please? I'm Roxanne. Roxanne. You ever see the Steve Martin movie of the same name? I did back when I was a kid. Yeah. Anyone ever said you don't have to put on a red light when you say your name? No. What's that a reference to? Never mind. Roxanne. There we go. You don't have to put on a red dress. Yeah. Roxanne. Red light. Red light.
Roxanne, where are you calling from, the red light district? I'm calling from Portland, Oregon. Hey, Portland. The dream of the 90s is alive in Portland. Absolutely. And how old are you, Roxanne? I'm 33. Oh, what you said as a kid. You're still a kid. A kid. You're a pup. You're talking to a couple of guys in their 40s. Well, we don't like to say age. We're late 30s. We play...
Late 40s. Okay, Roxanne, what's going on? We just dress boyish. You should see us with our clothes off. We play our age. I think, Roxanne, just to give Jake a shout out to an earlier call when you said you take your clothes off and look like a weird toddler. So, Roxanne. Okay, I won't read into that. No, do not. And you don't want to see it either. You don't want to see into it. Roxanne, what can we do for you?
Well, it's a pretty high stakes problem, obviously. So I play pub trivia with a group every few weeks. And it's so my best friend from college is the one who kind of invited me into this group. And the problem I'm having is.
They are not very funny or creative when it comes to naming the trivia team. And I just want to have a funnier trivia team name. What are the names? What are you guys? What are you? What are your names? Well, every week or we don't go every week, but every time we play, they pick the name. Nothing matters. And I just think that's really boring. Okay. Yeah, it's not good.
Yeah, it's not good. Do you guys have a specialty? Is there a strength of the team, or is there...
We're trying to find something to sink our teeth into. Sure, sure. I mean, honestly, we're a pretty solid team. We kind of have everybody on the team has different strengths. You know, we've got our sports person. We've got our current events person. I'm kind of the pop culture person. Hey, Roxanne, how'd you guys meet? So it's my friends that I know from college. We've been friends for a long time. What college did you guys go to?
We went to Lewis and Clark College up here in Portland. Lewis and Clark. So what'd you guys do in college as a group of friends? Did you guys drink? Did you smoke weed? Did you do trivia? Did you play video games?
Oh, boy. Well, I was an art major and she was a theater major. And what kind of art or theater did you two bond over? You know what we bond over, not related to academic, is we both got really obsessed with or we already were obsessed with Degrassi High. And we would bond over just watching Degrassi and eating like, you know, those like pull apart biscuits.
I don't. What's the pull-apart biscuit, please? Oh, you know, like a Pillsbury. It's like a can of biscuits. Oh, you would do like... Yes, okay. So the grassy high remind me. Was that Jared Leto? No, that's my so-called life. The grassy high is the one... Drake. Drake was on it. Yep. Yeah.
Degrassi High was about a high school, a bunch of kids. Was Drake in a wheelchair? Yes. Yeah, he got shot and paralyzed. Okay, here's a name. Drake's wheelchair. Uh-oh. I think if we were going to go with that, we would probably go like wheelchair Jimmy, which is kind of what his character is commonly known as. Okay, so wheelchair Jimmy's a lot of fun. And Willie's character got shot. So you could also be called the day Willie was shot.
Good. You can also do Post Degrassi.
You could do Degrassi old. Degrassi graduate school. Degrassi graduate school. Those are a lot of fun. Yeah. Degrassi old is a lot of fun. Okay. So then what else? So then you guys bonded over Degrassi high. He did the pull apart biscuits. What else? Well, I guess, so here's, here's the challenge is,
I'm kind of a late comer to this trivia team. They had established the name before I even joined. So we, so Roxanne, I'm going to stop you there. If they end on this call, we can't help with them. We could just pitch names to you. You got to win that debate. Yeah. How are you, is your question also, how are you going to be able to sell this to them?
Well, I mean, like, I know the mature adult way to handle it, but I kind of want to hear what you unhinged maniacs think I should do. What's the adult mature way? Say, hey, guys, I think we should change our name. Yeah, say, you know, this name is not super inspiring. I want it to be something that we feel excited about. Here's another pitch for a name. Lewis, Clark, and Drake. I like that. Lewis and Clark and Drake. Or Lewis and Clark and Degrassi High. Yep. Yep.
But not everyone on the team went to Lewis and Clark. I understand. How about arts and drafts? How about the day the biscuits popped? How about popping my, how about popping our biscuits open? How about quiz kits? How about Drake was literally a child actor. Drake biscuits. Pull Drake apart. Eat his biscuits. Pull apart Drake. Edible Drake. Edible Drake.
Eat Drake's biscuits in a wheelchair. Wheelchair biscuit. How about nothing matters but Degrassi? All for Degrassi. Oh, I like that. I like adding to the existing name. I think so. That's a way to convince him. How about nothing matters but Jimmy's wheelchair? Yeah. How about nothing matters but biscuits?
Now that I think I could probably sell pretty easily. Okay. So we like the nothing matters. Connect. How about nothing matters, but Drake, I feel like people might take that seriously. Like we really do. I agree. Give us a second here. Now you pitched to us three titles based off the ones we've thrown. Yeah, that's great. And we're going to pretend to be the group. Give Gareth the name of one of the members of the group, please. You can have Molly. You're Molly. And who's a, who am I? All right.
You can be Jerry. So Jerry's probably like 6'4". Jeremy's probably like 6'3", 6'4", about 9% body fat. Tough guy, smart guy. Probably smarter than the group. Molly's probably 3'9", 500 pounds. No, no, stop it. No teeth. Does not help the team. Molly, she's waiting for the right partner. She's very indecisive in her free time. She does a lot of crocheting and she's come up with three board games of her own. She loves puzzles. I like Molly.
Could Molly and Jerry, Jeremy be a thing? There's been a will they won't they? Is there a little bit of a will they won't they between these two crazy kids? You're damn right there is, Jake, no matter what she says there is. But is there one for Jerry? Jeremy. Is it Jeremy or Jerry? It's Jeremy. It is Jeremy. Sorry.
Christ. Do you want me to seriously answer that question? Please. No, they are both married to different people. That doesn't stop. Hey, nothing matters. I've been unhappy at home for a little while, to be quite honest. All I care about is Drake's wheelchair. Maybe that's the secret meaning of nothing matters. Nothing matters but you and me. You ever heard of Bob Seger?
Yes, I have. Silver bullet band. We got tonight. Roxanne, let's turn the page. And why don't you pitch Jeremy and Molly? Turn this fucking thing into Hollywood nights and let's figure this out. Let's let's let's let's just get back to the old rock and roll. Now, pitch Molly and Jeremy on the fact that you're changing a name and give us a couple of those names. But keep in mind, we got tonight. That's all we got. Nothing else matters. Both of us lonely. OK, probably will be even after today. So just fucking come take my hand. Really thinking hard here.
All right, go ahead. So now it starts. And then I just finished the puzzle of the Corvette. Hey, hold on. I'm talking to my wife. Yeah, so I'll be home at six. How is she? Is she okay? I know you guys have been on the rock so lately. Not great. Darren's been so distant. He's got this big architecture project. Maybe you're over talking. It's not that. I mean, most of the time I just kind of sit here myself and I'm just sort of thinking of stuff. Roxanne will be in a second. Sometimes I just sit there and I think about myself. Yeah, go ahead, Roxanne.
wondering, did I make the right decision in each pursuit? Could you guys just stop playing footsie under the table for a minute? Oh my God, Roxanne. I literally wasn't. I wasn't. Jeremy. Oh, I love your goatee. Go ahead, Roxanne. What's up? Grab a glass. I'll pour you some from the pitcher. What is your character's name again? I'm Molly. Molly, shut up. You don't even know your name, Jeremy. But hey, Roxanne, what's going on?
Um, well, you know, uh, I'm really glad we've been getting back into trivia lately. It's been a lot of fun. Yeah. Oh my God. I've been like, after making whoopee with my wife, there's nothing I like more than going to nothing matters and kicking ass at trivia. Did you see they have jalapeno cheddar chips here now? Go ahead, Roxanne. Well, it's just that actually I'm glad you bring that up because I wanted to talk to you about, about the name. No, the chips do sound good and we should order those. But, um,
the name Nothing Matters, I'm having a little trouble with it, to be honest. Okay. And I don't want to over-exempt my bounds because I know you guys were using that before I joined. What do you think? Yeah, we were. Well, I had some ideas that maybe would be fun to kind of incorporate. Maybe we could just make it a little longer, a little more kind of like pop culture specific of like maybe we could go with Nothing Matters but Degrassi High. Okay.
I mean, Jeremy's laughing, but I'm kind of like, what is the tie-in? I don't really understand. Because, you know, we love teen dramas and paralysis. Okay. Wow. Jesus, this took a dark turn. How about another one? What else you got?
Well, again, along the same lines, I was thinking maybe like wheelchair Jimmy would be a fun name. Jesus. What else you got? You know what? Now that I'm saying these aloud, they maybe would be offensive. Yeah, I don't disagree. Yeah, we're going to get canceled. We can't do that at trivia night. I'm going to get some of these chips. So here's what I think you do, Roxanne. Jake, are you going back to normal? I think I got a pitch for you. And I think it's the only way this is going to work.
I think you say, can we each week add to the name? We are Nothing Matters. And then each week a different member names it. So it's Nothing Matters, but... I like that. Nothing Matters,
blank and this. And so, so on yours, it could be nothing matters, but Degrassi high. I like that. But for somebody else, it can get nothing matters, but winning nothing matters, but jalapeno pop. Because there, there is no reason to keep the name every week. Right? I mean, there's no, but you're, you guys are team. Nothing matters. So comma, comma. And so however you want to do the second half, you, you put it on each member of the team to decide.
And so part of the fun is when they announce it, it's a surprise to everybody. How about this? After every night of trivia, the team picks an MVP and that person picks it for next week. What do you think of that, Roxanne?
That's a legitimately good idea. Isn't that crazy? Sometimes we do it. So, Roxanne, let's lean into that. Let's take a win. And what you said, which is going to take us out, is that is a legitimately good idea. Alt title for the podcast. So nothing matters but legitimately good ideas. Thank you, Roxanne. Thank you, guys. Bye. Bye. We are brought to you by Hero Bread.
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Hey everyone producer Kevin here this follow-up is from episode 14 called here we go with Catherine Reitman it is from October 2nd of 2023 and it's the first call of the episode so if you want to check that out go for it and enjoy this follow-up hi hello hi you are on this is a follow-up but Gareth and I do not know what the follow-up is so the floor is yours
Oh, lovely. All right. Well, the follow up is my husband has not gotten laid by anyone but me just yet. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I think we need a little bit more shout out. We've done a lot of calls. You don't even know the topic. No, we don't know anything. So can we get your name and just maybe bring us into the fold a little bit more? But congrats to your husband. Oh, thank God.
Oh my God, this is horrifying. Okay, so I was on way back in the beginning with Katherine Reitman. I'm Sally. I'm from Western Massachusetts. I had called in about my husband. Oh, the Hall Pass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, with Cat Reitman. You had said it to him a long time ago. Then you saw his Google search, like, how do I bring up a hall pass? Yes, exactly. Okay. Wow. So what was your first name again that we're calling you by, just so we know? Sally. Sally. So, Sally, what's up? It's so funny. It opened up, like, this whole...
I didn't actually open up a hole. I didn't. Not only mine. Yeah. Only mine, she said. Yeah. So the hall pass was extended, obviously extended a long time ago. I married my husband. We've been together since he was pretty young. He was in his 20s. He'd just never been with anybody else. Yeah. So he was...
virgin when I met him. And so I'm still the only person that he's ever been sexual with. But we're working on it. You know, like there's lots of conversations. There's lots of really a lot of fun conversations. We're having a great time. What does that mean? The conversations are fun. And what direction are these conversations fun? You mean as far as him having a hall pass or your own sexual relationship, if I may pry a touch?
I'd say both. Yeah, because I'm open to it. You still are. I'm actually in support of it. You are. I really am. And you know, during our first conversation, I know I'm getting drunk uncle advice from you guys, but Catherine repeatedly said to me, are you honoring yourself, right? Yes. And it really, really, really...
to me. I had to really kind of explore this. So the conversations are, you know, what are you okay with? Like, how much would I want to know? Hmm.
What would it even feel like to see my husband flirting with somebody? So we have done those things. So we've gone out with that intention. Like, let's just go and pretend the two of us, like, who would you pick? Who turns you on? Women don't necessarily ask their husband that kind of question, right? So just having that, right? So hot weekend in New York City, you know,
fun. I have a few drinks, went to the comedy club and had wild sex for like three days. It was great. Kind of fun. So you guys are, you guys are exploring the idea. You're talking, you're saying to him, like who turns you on here and what would you do? And so far it's adding a lot of heat to the bedroom between you two.
Exactly. That's really neat. And when you say what Catherine Reitman said about honoring yourself, you know, so what did that kind of mean to you? That's just more of you're figuring out where your comfort level lies with this as well. Exactly. Exactly. And where is your, and Sally, just because we are guys who pry, what is your comfort level? What have you come to? No, no, no repeats with the same person. Ooh, no repeats. That's a good one. That's a great one. How about in the same night?
Oh, of course. Yeah. Good luck to that. That's just a shift change. Okay. So that's a shift change. Okay. Yeah. But he's not allowed to, let's say he picks somebody, somebody picks him. They have a great night. He's not allowed to three weeks later be like, uh, Veronica. That's a great. Okay. No repeats is great. What else you got? Uh, preferably nobody, absolutely nobody that we would ever know or see like in our personal circle. No one in the circle. Not,
completely open to the idea of hiring someone like a sex worker you haven't gotten to that yet that's probably yeah good a lot of money but you know yeah things like that and also um that i really need to be involved like it has to be very open no secrets it can't be like like you know i would never want to but you know if he were to ever put a profile on an app or something which
which he never would. He doesn't have any social media, but if he did, like, I would want to be able to see his profile. Right. And it would be very open. Like, I never want to like wonder where he is. This is very adult.
It really is. And I think it actually it is. And I think what's great. Well, first of all, let me just say when Catherine Reitman gives advice on our show, it's our advice. So I don't like. And again, I was thinking the same thing. I want to take credit for it. I don't want to be singling out who said what. I think we said it with the community of the show. Had a great pitch. So but what I do think what is great is.
Right. Is and I guess it's just kind of spurned on by having an open conversation with us about it a little bit. Is that now it is like a very honest conversation, which is one of the really difficult things in monogamy is to acknowledge the reality of the difficulty of it. And now you guys are actually having this kind of.
open forum and not only is it adult and healthy but it's like informing your relationship which again we all take credit for you know what I think we could do in terms of taking credit and making it about our show
Which we are. You know what I think we could do? We could create a we're here to help rule book to opening up your marriage and make a t-shirt because your rules are pretty good where it's number one, no repeats. Number two, no one in the circle. Number three, no secrets. You know what? Gil Buchanan. Gilly, will you sell those three things as the ad?
JK, boy. Gilby, you can't have ones and twos. It's 68 and Balmy. Listen, let's be honest. Sometimes we're out there and we want to play the field even though we did in front of our friends and family and someone on behalf of the Lord say, till death do us part. And we committed to something that maybe seems a little bit more ambitious than it is. Now listen, we've got three simple rules to keep you locked in if you want to fray from the flock a little bit, which everyone does from time to time. And I don't want to say Cat Ripon came up with these. These are on behalf of the show. The first rule is...
If you meet someone and you have a night, boy, let's just keep it to that. We're going to cap it at one night. It's a one-time only affair. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, and that's it. Rule number two, this cannot be someone you're going to see in your circle of friends. The last thing we want to do is disrupt our real life. You're taking fantasy, keep it in the fantasy world. Real life is a completely different one. And the third rule is that if you're... What was the third rule again? I've been drinking a little bit. No secrets, everything open. There will... Shut up, Jake. I'm in the middle of something. There will be no secrets. No secrets.
If you have something and you want to pursue something, well, by golly, you're going to let me know about it. These are the three rules to the monogamy loophole. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos. Listen, I've been with Alice a long time, and you don't think every now and then I've thought about Fran. Of course I have. Maybe I have at one point, and maybe it really almost... Okay, thank you, Gil. We're going back to Sally. Absolutely, Jake. Thanks so much, buddy. Let me ask you this, then. So now that we have a nice kind of setup on that,
You guys are going on kind of hot dates, having talks, going to the city, flirting with strangers. Well, fuck, I got to know what's next. Interestingly, I have a date set up this weekend. That's a turn. You're going to fuck before he does. No, I'm not. That's my other rule. That's my personal rule. I will not be first. I am going to go out. I agree with that.
All right. But no, I this was all initiated by my husband. He is actually what I have learned is that the fact that I'm going out on a date is about the hottest thing I could have said. Interesting. How did you how did you meet this person? And where are you going? Roughly, you know, broadly, nonspecific.
Yeah, on an app and just meeting for a drink like in the middle of the afternoon. Does does this person does this person know your situation? Yep. Yep. And this person's in the same situation. Oh, interesting. And so your rule, Sally, is let's say let's just do a hypothetical. Let's say that drink is spicy. Are you going to kiss? I don't know.
What are you, Sally? What are your rules? We're here to help you now because he hasn't kissed a lady yet. Has he? You're the only person. Yeah. I mean, I think he's probably kissed somebody else, but yeah, I got you. But so like, where, where is your line on this date? Cause you said you are not going to have sex with this guy. You are not going to be first. Where's the line? Uh, flirting, kissing, you know, maybe like a little bit of that, but I'm not, yeah. Like there's no plan. I'm like taking it elsewhere. It's a public thing.
What happens in Applebee's, we're going to stay in Applebee's with it. Exactly. And I have learned that's a normal thing. So we learn all kinds of stuff. So there are couples out there that are like, that's the rule. Like you can go out and have a drink and flirt and that is all. And then that's enough juice for the couple, you know, or the people involved. And yeah,
you can go up from there and you're just very open and honest. The whole community of people that's like ethical, non-monogamy, they are very upfront with their rules. I'm married. I won't do this. I'll do that. I got a couple of friends in the community. I've heard about the community.
There's a lot of rules. Jake's lying. A lot of rules. Jake's just trying to get his tickets to the Enchanted Forest stamped. He wants to go behind the palace walls. I know a couple people behind the velvet roof.
I'm a very cool guy, Gareth. I am not this loser in my closet doing a Zoom. I'm a very cool guy, Gareth. Very cool guy. I know a lot of people in the community, Sally. We probably have a couple of friends in common. Maybe we can off air about it a little bit. Do you know Dale? Do you know Dale and Megan? Great couple. Wonderful. My best friends. Great rules. Love their rules. Love their rules. Best rules. Sally, will you do us a big favor and will you follow up? This is a story that
uh, give us, I'm invested in, I want to know what happens on the date. I really want to know what happens when, uh, your husband goes on his first date, how you feel about that. This is now becoming a novel. And I just realized we're on chapter two with you. Yep. Absolutely. So please, and we're very happy for you. So yes, if you could include us in chapter three and, um,
And on behalf of Jake, you know, when you see some people in the community, tell them Jake said what's up. I'm friends with all of them. They all know me. Great people. We discuss the rules. Am I going to get into some secret passageways here? Oh, yes. You just say, hey, you know Jake, and they'll go, welcome to the real VIP room. Yes, Sally. In that community, don't bring up secret passageways unless you're very clear, by the way. Thank you, Sally. Thanks, Sally. Bye.
I think that... We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio. And our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh. And you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.
The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.