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Sign up today. And back we are, Jake. You know what I just got, Garf? Huh?
A response from the Reiki person. Oh, wow. This is an update. What do you got? Was there smoke in your room? Did you see that, Kevin, in his thing? I think you might have a bug. There's a small fire. That's fine, though. I don't want anything to get in the way of the intro. So tell me about this Reiki thing. I'll die in a house fire. Oh, you don't know. I don't know. What was the first email you wrote?
You come highly recommended. What's Reiki? What's Reiki? Is this real? Can we call you Jakey Reiki? I love it. Yeah. Well, if I do it and it works. Yeah. There's a real chance it's going to be Mo on that table. And they're going to go like, we are now releasing from your knee. And I'm going to go, you haven't released nothing. $75. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to give you that $75 and two pokes in the eyeballs.
I released nothing. Let me see the energy. If you released a bunch of energy for me, let me see the trauma. Yeah, put it in the fucking jar. I'm going to take it with me. We really, by the way, I love how Moe's turning into Joe Pesci. He's becoming. By the way, who do you think inspired Joe Pesci? Joe Pesci used to have a two-person singing act.
What? Joe Pesci is like a song and dance man. That's amazing. When he started, you know how we all started with our like you and Evan, you know, our little two man sketch groups and comedy groups. That's what Joe Pesci was doing. Wow. He did like big sketches and songs. Then he watched Three Stooges. This is a makeup. He watched Moe and he goes like this. I think I could do that. And I'm only five two. He's like, live. And you probably Googled if Moe in real life, if we Googled him, I bet he's a little guy, probably five one.
He probably was. And I bet he was a nice guy. Whenever you see those things, you're always like, that's what they say, like Harpo and the Marx Brothers. He was like, he was the funniest guy, but he never spoke. Mo was probably just like a real sweetheart. He's like, I'm sorry about the eyeballs. We have a great guest on the show today, which I'm really excited about from Mythical Kitchen, Josh Shear, a.k.a. the Mythical Chef, Josh Shear.
He has a show on YouTube called Last Meals, which I was on. You can check it out. It's a great show. He cooks all your last meals and then asks you questions. And we actually had a really good chat. He did a on his show. They produced the hell out of it where they brought Kevin, who was the guy he brought on again, the guy from the ostrich farm.
Yeah, the caller from the ostrich farm. Right. He came onto the show, which was a lot of fun. He's got a book right now called Mythical Cookbook, and he's just a great guest. He comes on, he crushes it. He's a lot of fun. We appreciate him coming on the show. So if you're a fan of Josh, you're going to enjoy it. And if you're not, I think you're going to become a fan. And so, Kevin, how do we get out of here? Without further ado.
And now the show's beginning. Welcome to We're Here to Help Caller. Can we get your name, where you're calling from, and your age, please? Yeah, I'm Garrett calling from Indianapolis, and I'm 29. Whoa, Garrett. Okay. Well, Garrett, listen, I'm not going to lie. You've got a pretty special one here.
You got Jake Johnson always here. You got me, Gareth. But you also have the host and author, but the host of the wildly successful and popular Mythical Kitchen. Josh Shearer is here. Give it up. Hello. Crazy. No way. Thank you, guys. I appreciate that. It's a great...
I mean, we'll talk about it more, but it really is so engaging. It's such a great way to mix food and interviewing. As fun of a show to be a guest on. Oh, I love it. As there is. Thank you. One, thank you. You were an incredible guest. Everybody loved that episode. Two, we figured if Hot Ones is asking people to burn their buttholes off, we would do the exact opposite. We're like, come eat your favorite foods. All you got to do is talk about dying. All right, Garrett. We're all missing the H on your name.
Why don't you let us solve your problem? What's going on? Okay, so I've been dating my girlfriend for about 10 months. When we first started dating, we were watching Guardians of the Galaxy. I had passively mentioned that I liked the character Rocket, and I have a few funny stories about some raccoons that lived in my backyard.
Now, I didn't intend for this to be talking about a deep interest of mine, but she's since taken off and ran with this. So to start off, she got me a raccoon finger puppet as a housewarming gift, and then it moved to stickers and a Christmas ornament. Now I have wall art and posters of raccoons in my living room. I get this. You got like a raccoon fathead on the wall? No, I get this. This happened with my mom. My mom mentioned once she liked frogs. So every holiday, I just got her frogs, and finally she's like,
I like them fine. I'm not identifying with them. But you're like, once you have an in, if you don't know, she just goes, he likes raccoons. It's what I go through with the Packers, and I'm not even doing a bit. Yes, I think this is right. I've identified myself as a huge Packer fan, and I am now in my 40s going like, I can't wear the cheese head anymore. It's sad. And people are like, there you go, more fake cheese.
All I hear is people complaining about others giving them gifts. Yeah. You just accept it. You just accept it. Yeah, but. You know, I had this guy give me a book once. I had a guy give me the mythical cookbook, which was very successful. What book did you get? I got Master Margarita. It's about Russia. It's not just about Russia. I mean, the Bolshevik Revolution. It's about the Bolshevik Revolution. It's a good book. Yeah. All right. So, Garrett, you become a guy who receives nothing but raccoon gifts. The floor is yours.
Yeah, and so I'm like, even just last weekend, I was looking to get a tattoo, and she influenced me to get... So now I have a raccoon tattoo. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Big escalation. Big escalation. He just went from the driver's seat to you're in the driver's ed car, and you're the teacher. Yeah, hold up. That's a wild question. Also, I don't buy that she bullied you into getting a raccoon tattoo. No, that's what I mean. It's like... No, she didn't bully me. Garrett, you got a raccoon. So what's the... Okay. Please. So...
Well, I don't want to start jumping in. I want more setup. So you just got a raccoon tattoo. The floor is still yours. But I saw it, you know, sort of as a joke. And I just, you know, kept going with it over these past 10 months. But she is she's genuine and thinking that I have like this obsession with raccoons. Like anytime she sees anything, she's like, oh, either I got this for you or which I think it's sweet, you know? Sure.
That's why you're calling. I just need to know. Yeah. I just need to know. Like, how do I tell her that I'm not actually like obsessed with. Well, first of all, you get rid of your raccoon tattoo. Buddy, you got a raccoon tattoo last week and now you can't put the raccoon genie back in the bottle. You know what certain women say? The whole this whole world of like boys are simple and girls are complicated.
If I were her, I have no idea what message you're sending, Garrett. How do I tell her I don't like raccoons after I told her I like raccoons and I got a raccoon tattoo? After I got a raccoon on my belly.
There's a very simple answer here. Please. You're a raccoon guy now for life. You have to lean in. I want to know what the bridges were from finger puppet to tattoo. There have to be bridges, right? Garrett, why did you get a raccoon tattoo if you're not that interested in raccoons? On top of that question, please tell us where dimensions and specificity of what this is.
And can you send us a photo of it that we can post? Are you comfortable with that? Or is there any way for you to send it to us? I have one. Oh, you do have one? I'll put it up. So Garrett, keep talking. We're going to see it as you're going. But can you describe the tattoo? Yeah. So it's a raccoon that's sort of like cosplaying as Ash Ketchum from Pokemon. Holy fuck. Garrett, come on. Garrett.
10 months and you're getting this? I mean, you may as well ask her to marry you. Was this your idea or her idea? Sort of both. I wanted something sort of similar to this. What is similar to the mic? Well, I wanted something sort of Pokemon themed. Okay, so you like Pokemon a lot.
Now, let me ask you a real question. So you do like raccoons or you just kind of said it? I mean, I don't dislike raccoons. This is wild. If this is real life, you're a wild guy. See, Garrett, I think we all were identifying the problem until the fucking enormous raccoon tattoo you got on your bicep.
That is visible in a t-shirt. Wait, Gareth, can we see yours? This is a Gareth Garrett moment. This is where the H comes in. This is where the H comes in. But that's Packers. Oh, no, that's it. This is my cat. Incredible. And I recognize. You're directly in front of the mic. Go the other way. I recognize. Produce the moment.
- There you go. - I recognize that they're-- - That's the same tattoo. - I recognize it seems like I'm in a glass house with a handful of stones. - I would like to disclose something. I have a tattoo of a goat on my lower back. - Can we see it? - Yeah, yeah, hold on. - Jake, you're the weirdo. - I'm the weirdo. - You're the weirdo. - Hold on, let's see Josh's.
By the way. Now, this is the fit check you want here. Caitlin grabbed her phone. Anything to see. Our show just changed. I'll show it to Gareth first. Jesus, Josh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Josh, it's great. Yeah, thank you. Oh, my God. It rides a lot lower near the butt track. Incredible. I mean, you have a goat stamp. I sure do. I honestly just felt like I was at a strip club. Is it when you stood up with your body taking those pants off? You didn't feel that when I lifted my...
My t-shirt a little bit? No, I felt like I was at like an AA meeting. He's like, well, at that point I lost my family. You were at a Chili's and the waiter needs an extra dollar on the tip. Hey, let me show you my arm. I went from the back room of Chili's to like Wiggly Snake's.
And I like the wiggly snakes a lot more. You tip 200 in the champagne room. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. That's all I'm saying. We were talking before. You are nicely ripped up, Josh. So before we get to this raccoon for a second, because there's just a lot that's happened in the last three minutes. Yes. Can you describe that tattoo and what that means to you? Yes.
Yeah, so this tattoo is actually for a charity, a charity called No Kid Hungry. A baby goat is called a kid. Yeah, I know. No Kid Hungry, yeah. Yeah, they do great work. Ending childhood food insecurity is a big, important cause to me. I had a terrible mustache at some point, and the fans raised $5,000 to me to shave it. But we had a whole two-week campaign going. That goal was out in five minutes. So I said, 30 grand, and I'll get a lower back tattoo. No way. And so mine was, you know, 300,000 meals for underserved kids. Gareth, what's your story?
So mine is actually very simple. It's called Cats for Hats. And there's a lot of kids out there who don't have, and I know we're laughing, but there's a lot of kids in some countries that don't have access to clean hats. And through, please stop. Through this campaign, and I'm going to talk into this camera. Through this campaign, I got a tattoo and I was able to give 400 children hats.
Hats. Brimmed hats. Meshed hats. You are the stupidest person I have ever met. We're both philanthropists. He's talking about...
Feeding hungry kids you're talking about putting Jake here's what's so western about Here's what's so western about your take okay because you're just so used to being able to block the sun out a lot of these kids cannot do that. How about the back of their necks? They could turn it around like you know Ashton Kutcher style. So Garrett we found out why Josh and Gareth got their tats
Your raccoon, which is massive. You like Pokemon, but you're telling me that's on your left arm and you don't identify as a big raccoon guy?
Not really. I don't dislike raccoons, like I said. No, but you didn't get an alligator. You got a raccoon. You're the raccoon guy for life. Josh and I at least have a story. We have a story. There's a rationale. The idea of you getting this ink is wild. It is.
You understand. I'm not even we're not even trying to be like this is just a crazy leap. Yes. Far as like now you want to tell her you're not into raccoons. I mean, I would worry that she would be like, are you OK? She will. So, Garrett, as your friend, which is what we are.
Josh said it earlier. You're a raccoon guy forever. I could pitch in the direction of trying to solve this, but I do agree. You have branded physically branded yourself now. Yeah. And also, Garrett, when you look at like when you get a big tattoo like that. Right. So raccoons, for at least what I know about them, they live in the cities.
Trash pandas. They're trash pandas. They go around. They eat people's trash. They're like little bears. They're very smart. They're feisty. Adorable at times, too. Adorable. And in certain suburban areas, they get fat. They're little fat garbage people, right? Yeah. That's what you're...
kind of saying is your thing. It's like getting a tattoo of a big rat and then it's not bad, but people are going to inherently go like, oh, you love, you're a raccoon guy, which says something about your personality. For example, there's a, uh, what looks like a spork. Correct. So I'm going to assume you really care a lot about food and or eating. Correct.
If I see a fucking huge raccoon, Gareth, the joke is that, but the reality is that's your cat. Yeah. And your cat's your family and you love Jose. Thank you. The other one is a logo of a team that you care about. Keep going. Agreed. Just keep moving because you're doing it in a great way. I got nasty for no reason. No, you haven't yet, which is shocking. Thank you. But you, Gareth,
I don't see this as any other path, but you're a goddamn raccoon guy. Well, can I say, please, some stories start at the beginning, right? I wanted to raise money for charity. Ergo, I got a tattoo. I think you can write some stories starting at the end. Let's take this tattoo. Yes, I love.
Now you retrofit a charitable cause into that tattoo. You're now raising emotional support raccoons for elderly inner city citizens. I love this. I love the charity. It doesn't have to be charity, but I do love the idea of creating a story that then goes with your tattoo.
It should be charity, to be clear. And not for any sort of philanthropic thing, but you can get a pass for any tattoo. You're totally right. And for any personality flaw, if it's for charity. You're not wrong. You got to start, I mean, you got to start like an S Corp or what are they called? Like a GOC3 or something, you know what I mean? Well, there was about two years on Shark Tank where every bad pitch just said at the end, and 5% goes to charity. Yeah, exactly. And then one of the sharks would go-
I'm interested. It was also it was either that or you talked about someone who passed. Yes. And then you'd get a deal. And then so, Garrett, back to you for a second. So your question today is not.
How do I justify having this huge raccoon tattoo? No. Your question today is how do you tell your girlfriend of 10 months that you don't like raccoons that much? It really... But Garf, we have to go to his question. Is that right, Garrett, or have we switched it? Garrett, that's what we're trying to solve, right? How do we tell your girlfriend that... Right. Right. I think Josh is right as far as if you want to...
A great tattoo story, if you can get there, is I didn't even want this fucking thing. Right. But hold on. We've got to go back to the premise. So let's... Here's what I would say. Wild. I would suggest that you have now peaked. You have climbed Mount Raccoon. Yeah. You're at the top. You've planted your flag in Raccoon Mountain and there is no land left to conquer. And you could tell her,
that after that, after the apex reach, you now feel like you don't want any more raccoon stuff. Since you have kind of... You've peaked. You've peaked here. That might be an angle. Josh, do you have any instinct of how Garrett can now, after 10 months, tell a woman who gets... You like this woman, right?
I do. You don't want to break up with her? Can't. No. Definitely a future there. Okay. So, Josh, if you're Garrett's buddy, you now have the setup. He wants to kind of curb this raccoon stuff. Do you have any thoughts or advice of how he could do this?
If there are a couple core tenets in relationships, one, honesty. Honesty is number one. Two, lying almost constantly, right? Like you should, because hear me out, that's what you've been doing. That's what Garrett's been doing and that's why he's actually afraid of telling his partner, right? It's because he's been living with this for months and months and months, letting it build. And so now by admitting there is a tacit...
you know, agreement that, hey, I've been lying to your face. So I kind of agree with your sentiment that you need to start titrating down. You need to start going, hey, I was so into raccoons and now I have physically purged this by getting it scarred onto my body. And now I'm into platypuses.
Get ready for the platypus finger puppet, baby. No, no, no. Switch. His other arm can't have another weird animal. Garrett, I got to give you some in-closing advice because this is as weird of a call as we've had in a while. You got a tattoo of a raccoon. You can't go back and say, yeah, I kind of liked raccoons, but you've gone really far with it and got me gifts forever. And they're not a big passion.
You got a huge raccoon on your man. It's a big passion or you're telling her you're a maniac.
So it's either you say to this woman, I like you. I'm a total maniac. Get used to me making weird decisions for the rest of our relationship, such as you say to her, I've always wanted to be a dad. You have a kid. The kid's 10 months old and you go, I got to be honest. I've never wanted kids. I want to dissect. Yeah, you're you're just giving such mixed messages that I think you have to double down on being a raccoon man.
If you were to come off just super jokey on it, it's like, oh my God, it's crazy. I don't even like raccoons like that. But like, wow, totally in character for me. I'm a man with two lower back tattoos. My fiance watched me get one of them. It's of another man's face inside this man's kitchen after making chicken Parmesan. It should have gotten infected. It didn't. I went into the water at the Jersey Shore afterwards. There was so much drinking. Straight gin too. But I'm the whimsical weird.
And my fiance signed up for it. You're saying this is all just a bit. It's an arm bit. Now pull out. If it were on your foot, one thing. It's the real estate. The real estate for me is where it has taken an insane turn. Here would be my closing Hail Mary pitch. What you could do is the next time that you get the raccoon gift, you can then go, this is great. I think...
I love I think saying it's your love language gift. That's I love that. That's what you do. I really appreciate it. I just got to say I have enough raccoon stuff for our relationship. I have the tattoo. I love it. But I think I don't have any more room for raccoon stuff. Or you get or you say you got attacked by a raccoon.
Okay, or we go the option where you come double back. Or we go the psycho route, which is always an option. You go out one night to take the trash. You take a blade. You cut your hand and you come back in and you say, you just saw a red-eyed raccoon out there. It bit you and you're done with the breed. So Garrett, what do you think you're going to do here, bud?
You can either do Mount Raccoon. That idea is you've gotten so much raccoon stuff that now you're full. You could do the slow reveal. You could double down on it, or you could pretend you were attacked by a raccoon, and now you hate raccoons. He has to get a rabies shot, though, to really sell it. But you can do that without her. Can I just say, it's coming in real late in the game, but I'm falling in love with the last one.
Well, you used to be the guy doing the bad ideas. I know. Now it's become me. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. All right. So Garrett, where are we at here, pal? I sort of like the Mount Raccoon. Like I sort of peaked with this and then let her know, like we can sort of cool down with this raccoon. Okay. So do us a favor before we go. Can you pitch three things really fast and we got to go three things you like that could take over the raccoon obsession from her.
All right. Nature being outside. Nature. Raccoons. We're looking at Colorado, left Colorado. Colorado. Okay, three.
And Pokemon. Raccoons? Those are all raccoon adjacent. They all lead back to raccoons. You're a raccoon guy. You're a raccoon guy. Sometimes it's good to take a walk around and look at other houses to know you love your way. It's like, what are things you like? It's like nature, garbage bins, trash, being a mini bear, rabies, clogs that really hurt, being in a pack, being able to stand on two feet, hating water. You're a raccoon.
raccoon guy so how about this tell her you're getting obsessed with colorado and maybe she can start getting you like a colorado mug colorado shirts but that's going to lead back to in colorado there's a lot of nature by the way and you guys are getting colorado we're going to talk to you in 18 months and you're going to have the state of colorado tattooed on your chest with a raccoon eating trash here we wish you all the best man thank you for the call buddy
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Hello? Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. You've got some killers today. You got Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and we have the wildly popular Mythical Kitchen host...
Josh Shearer is here with us today, also author of The Mythical Cookbook. Oh my gosh, amazing. Yes, that's the right reaction. Now, who are you and what have you written and how are you on YouTube and where are you calling from? How are you on YouTube? No YouTube presence. Okay. Fair. Whenever you want to cut the call, Kevin, we're good. Hey, let's be honest, neither do we. Okay, what's your name?
Lauren. Lauren, hi. Nice to meet you. How old are you? Where are you calling from? I'm 34 and calling from New York City. Okay. What part of New York City? Upper East Side. Upper East Side. Yeah, my aunt used to live on the sixth grade in Sagat. Apartment number? That's a nice neighborhood up there. Okay. Lauren, the floor is yours. What can we help you with today?
So I would love your advice on if I should and how to confront a guy I have inadvertently been following across the country for 12 years. What? These are back-to-back wild calls. Okay. We will not chronologically use these calls, but... Wait, we might. We might. Now, let me ask you a question. Does he have a raccoon tattoo? No.
Josh, please. Anytime somebody uses an adverb, I realize, like inadvertently, I always immediately question you. I don't know if that means that I'm not a trusting person. No. You just don't love it. That's a sticky word for me. I don't trust anyone who knows what an adverb is. I'll be honest. I don't trust anyone who knows what a verb is. So, Lauren, explain what this means. You have been following around a guy.
Across the country? Break this down. I don't get it. Totally unintentional. So I first met him. We'll call him Jerry. Jerry. In college. We were both chemistry majors. Cool. Big school, but overall a small group of us. Okay. So a big university, but the chemistry department was small.
Yes. So you knew Jerry. Jerry knows Lauren. We are in a lot of classes together. We're friendly, but not friends. Okay. And it's hard. Like everyone knows each other, but that's the only place I really knew him from was from those classes. Okay. We graduate in 2012. He goes wherever I have no idea. And then I moved back to Minnesota and
where I'm from, where I start. I'm teaching for a few years. Then eventually I start medical school. So it's been now a seven-year time period. Now I've moved to Texas for some additional medical training. And Jerry is there. He's in the residency program. Okay. And when you guys see each other, is it excitement? Is it like, Jerry, Lauren?
No, we don't acknowledge each other. Wait, why did you say you're, didn't you say New York City? We're getting there. This is medical school in Texas. Yeah. So you guys see each other and you don't acknowledge each other? Strange. No. Well, we. Does he have a raccoon tattoo? No. Well, now we have to. Are you in love with it? Let me tell you, he's not into raccoons. Can't get his head. Previous caller, previous caller. Okay, so you guys see each other.
It'll make more sense when you hear the episode. I think I had a really wild thing with raccoons. We're not open. Sounds like a real Jerry. So you guys see each other. You don't say hi, even though you went to college together in a small group, and now you're both in Texas. Yes. Okay. If you called then, I would have advice for you. Say hi. Yeah. Well, I have a habit of recognizing people, and then they don't know me. And so it's very awkward where, like, I'll know that we've met, but then they forget, and
Can I ask a quick question? Hi, this is Josh. I mostly make meatballs for a living, but now I'm here. Are you positive that they don't recognize you, or is that something... Quick pause. That's Gareth's intro. You just don't... Wait, you're filming it? Hey, this is Gareth. I mostly make meatballs for a living, but now I...
That's how he opens every one of his stand-up sets. How much are you selling those meatballs for, though? Josh, your food's delicious. Garrett's is disgusting. It's actually a charity that I got a tattoo for. Meatball hats? You put hats on meatballs?
Do you know some people not in the Western world like you, you show this out here, they do not have access to fresh meatballs. Yeah, you Italian. Previous caller. Can I ask you, is that something that you are positive about, that you mostly recognize people and they do not mostly recognize you? Do you have tangible proof of that? Yes. Well, there you go. Everybody, let's close up the courtroom. We're all leaving early. No further questions. So, Lauren, you guys see each other in Texas. You don't say hi. Then what?
So he had been there before, so he leaves that year to do a fellowship somewhere else. I don't know. I spent another four years in Texas. Now this year, I've moved to New York to start a fellowship. I'm a first day orientation. I'm in line, turning paperwork in.
And Jerry is there in front of me in line. Do you guys say hi? No. Okay. Jesus Christ. So this is when Harry met Sally. What is, you guys are going to end up together. Seriously. I don't, like you should say hi to him because you might be meant for each. Are you single? I am. Is he single? Of course he is. I,
I don't know. This is a goddamn romantic comedy. Does he have like a does he wear like a cool kind of 70s whiter sweater? Yeah. Does he look like Billy Crystal? And does he have like anger issues? And he's a know it all. But you're opposite. Don't go out to lunch with him. OK, what is your what is your question? So exactly. Should I say hi to him?
Or should I just like acknowledge that maybe he has forgotten all about me, doesn't know who I am and leave it at that? Or if I do say hi to him, how do I say hi? I guess without seeming like a psycho that like I realized we've had this long connection. And your insecurity is you're going to go.
Hi, Jerry. We have this thing and he goes, I've never seen you in my life. And you're going to go, we literally went to college. We were literally in Texas and we're here and he's going to go, I swear to God, I don't think I've ever seen you in my life. Is that the fear of this, Lauren? That's it. Exactly. Okay. Now it makes sense. So it's less. I'm with you. Like, is this a cosmic that the universe is telling us that we should be together? So this boils down to, and Lauren, if I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong.
How do you take the chance and get over your fears and say to somebody,
We've literally been in three states together and I think secure had the same life that you've never even noticed me Josh go ahead Well, do you have to necessarily say the three states thing because what you could do is start a little slow go Hey, yeah, you look a little familiar. Did you go to a big university with small intimate chemistry department? Back in 2012 you could start there. I think that I think that's probably the best version of it And I think you do I think you just say hi because I
With these situations, a lot of times someone doesn't know and other times people are just like, I don't want to bother. You know what I think? It's never a problem. What is the university you went to? Can you say it? You feel comfortable? NYU. My instinct on this is that Jerry is calling another advice podcast. Yeah.
Asking about the same thing. What he should do with his raccoon tattoo. Their guest has a much less rockin' bod. And I will say, Josh, without question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This happens to me. I think the gym is a microcosm of life, which is something that people who look like me tend to say.
Sure. Me too, in that you never go to it. I think so too. Did you check out? You said the gin? I agree. I agree. It is if you drink too much of it, you pass out. I drink a bunch of gin. I recognize everybody. There is a crew of about 15 guys that I dap up every day, and I'll call them baby face because you taught me to call them baby face. You are doing it. And they call me handsome, and we dap.
each other up. We don't know each other's names until you ask one to spot you about nine months in. And then you have to break the ice and go, hey, I know we see each other every day. We've never exchanged names. What's the name? And it's never weird. You got to fully just break down your own barriers. When you make yourself vulnerable, you give others license to do the same. There's power in that. It's true. I think that's nice. So, Lauren, I think we're all probably going to end on the same advice, and that is
You got to bite the bullet and tell that squatter whose legs your head is right in between. I don't know your name, but I do know you. And so what I would do is walk up to him next time you see him and go, hey, Jerry, how have you been since college? Did you like Texas? And if he looks at you strange.
I have bad news for you. You're a strange lady. I'm going to I'm going to eliminate the middle. I don't I that does take on. I've been following you. Yes. OK, I think you just go like this. I think it's more of the Josh vibe. You just go.
hey, are you Jerry? I think we went to college together. See what he says. Go from there. What do you think of that, Lauren? Just a straight up... Later that night, you guys are going to be smoking cigarettes after coitus. What do you think of the hey, are you Jerry routine? I think that sounds good. It gives me an ad. He's like, oh, I must be...
be thinking of someone else and then I can book it and run. But if he remembers, then that works out. I got to say, I don't love it. Well, you think just live your life? No, Lauren, I'm going to double down. I think you want the Texas. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to think of some eccentric professor from back in the day. Let's call him Mr. Walton. Okay. And I want you to walk up to Jerry next time you see him in line and from behind go, it's kind of a Mr. Walton sweater.
And he turns back and goes, huh? And you go, it just is Jerry. And then he looks at you and he'll know what you're talking about. And he'll go, I look, you're not wrong. And now if it's meant to be, you guys are deep in the story. If it's not,
Then he looks at you like you're crazy and he goes, excuse me. And you go, you're excused. Double down into the weirdness. Do a 180 and walk away. I like that just because we might be tempting. This might be the fates trying to put you together. So let's have a strong opener. So don't start. If this is when Harry met Sally, that movie doesn't start with Jerry. It starts with Harry. Yeah.
Yes. But Lauren, you need to be I think you have to double down on the aggressive start. You have something in common from way back in the day. Yeah. You know who this fucking guy is. And guess what? He knows who you are. Yeah. You know each other. And for some reason, you're not acknowledging. You want to know why? It's probably a shy chemistry guy. Yeah. I mean, and I can't wait to see if you two have chemistry.
Don't laugh. God, please. Damn it. He's good, though. You got to admit he's good. He cooks meatballs for a living. He sure does. Are you going to cook them? He gives little. Oh, no. I got to make a phone call. I call the podcast. Hey, I've been giving people raw meatballs for three years at comedy shows. Hey, Lauren, what do you think about going aggressive and the next time you see him having a callback and almost saying it in his ear from behind?
Just one of those. Jake, don't push it. I'd say cut the almost out of that equation there, brother. Why don't you just put your pinky up his butt? No, but here I make meatballs. So here's what I mean by that. Here's what I'm looking for. And tell me if I'm out of line here.
I'm looking for a moment if I'm Jerry and I know Lauren, I remember her. I saw her in Texas. She didn't say hi. I didn't say I don't want to weird her out. Fuck that. We're both in New York. We're in this small community. I don't know how to say hi. I'm a little bit of a shy guy. I do chemistry. I don't know. I'm just going to do my thing. Maybe she doesn't notice me. Why would a beautiful woman like Lauren, who's interesting and smart and a chemist, we have so much in common. Why would she want something to do with middle old me? I'm little Jerry the geek. And then all of a sudden I'm sitting there and I hear.
You're looking a lot like Mr. Walton. And I turn and she's got the confidence to lean out. You know what I'm doing when I turn back? In my dreams. Because Mr. Walton had the best style. And then you have a laugh. And right away, you say, because now you're the alpha dog, Lauren. Let's go eat some raw meatballs.
yeah well i mean the last part's crazy but i like you know what i'm saying i like it josh cosign yeah so they actually have this raw ground beef sandwich in wisconsin they call it tiger meat every year the paper's like don't eat those yeah but here's the thing i'm gonna tell you you should lauren i know you didn't ask for advice on that but i'm giving it to you you just should it's delicious you know all food comes with risk yeah that's true but what do you think about this idea is that a
- That the title of this one is obviously now all food comes with risk, Kevin. And the idea is he is a raw meat sandwich
and it takes a risk to see, but if you eat it, it might be delicious. We're not going to give you advice on this because you didn't call in for us to say, I don't know, let it go. Something in you wants to push this. You're looking for someone to kick you in the ass and say, go for it. That's why you called. Am I wrong, Lauren? You're not wrong. Okay. I think you're right. I think if I do it, I need to commit and say, hey, this may be odd, but yeah, we've known each other
For all these different scenarios. So what's something, Lauren, besides, hey, we've known each other, because then what you're doing to him is he has to do that fake thing where he goes like, do we? Oh, yeah. Lauren, he knows who you are. So what's a way to give him an easy and what is something about those NYU days that everybody in that community knows?
We're going to make me sound really geeky too, but we took a physical chemistry course. There's this annoying problem called particle in a box that you can reference. Ooh, this is perfect. So how would that reference go? Oh God, I don't know. He's in line. You're in line. You're behind him.
I would pitch on this and I would have Gareth and Josh do it. Josh might be, I know Gareth doesn't understand particle in a box. Of course I do. He's just going to go like dick in a box. I was also going to do that. Thank God. By the way, I said that's literally all I had. That's all I had. Is this about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle? Whoa, what are you doing? An adverb? What?
Is that another advert? You inadvertently blew my mind. No, there's a thing where the particle, you never know where it is, right? And it's like shifting. It's like the uncertainty principle. Am I lying? Is this right? That's exactly, yeah. Let's go. Hold on. So explain that again, because this is the story of you and Jerry. The thing about Heisenberg, don't ask where his parents went after 1940s. No, I know nothing about it. I know nothing about this. Will you describe to us what a particle in the box means?
Exactly. It's a sense where the particle is moving rapidly in the box. It's difficult to know its position. Okay, so you're in line. You say, did you just see that rat? You go, ew, rat! He looks and goes, huh? And you go like this. It's like a particle in a box. Or you go like this. Or you go like this. You know,
Jerry, sometimes I feel like you're a particle in a box because I never know where you're going to be, but I always know I'm going to be there. It's me. Ooh, that's fun. From college. Or you could say, hey, Jerry, that thing in between your legs is a particle in a box. All right. We want to thank Kleenex.
What do you think about something in the zone? Josh, you got something? I just like Gareth's pinky pitch from earlier. I now think the pinky up the butt. I don't know. So, Lauren, here's what we got. I put a particle in your box, Jerry. There you go. So here's what we're saying, Lauren. We're saying we need you to be the aggressor.
Uh, you saw the way our brains work when we did anything intelligent on this show about particle and box. Garrett and I are instantly talking about sticking fingers in butts and dicks because we're idiots. Uh, you're smarter and I think you should go smarter, but I think you should lead in with a reference. And if he looks at you and you'll know, and he's got squirrel eyes,
then you're just a weird lady in New York who talked about something weird. And the problem is done. The problem to Jake's point, you want closure on this to some extent, then you're done with it. But don't go in with an appetizer. Go in with raw meat bills. I want the whole meal here. Yeah. Yeah. Do we have your word? You're going to do it. You do. Okay. And then I think, and yeah, I'll follow up once we connect. And if you get married, Jake and I will come. Josh will too.
I'll make the meatballs. Yeah. But so, Lauren, on your word, the next time you see him, no matter how bad your stomach ache is and no matter how much you say in that moment, just a stupid podcast. I'm not even doing it. You're giving your word that you're doing it. Yeah. And you're not going to just go, hi, do you remember me? You're going to lead out with something aggressive and weird, Lauren.
Go for it. And you're going to feel uncomfortable, and it might come off wrong. Guts get glory. But you are either going to win big or you're going to lose big. But the beauty of New York, 15% of New York are just weirdos walking by you saying, like, particle in the box. And you go like, shut up. Jesus. This is poop. Get away from me. I'm trying to play chess in the park. I got a particle in the box. I'm going to put my finger in your butt. I'll sell you a particle in the box for $6. So, Lorne, are you going hard on this?
I'm going hard. I love it. Please follow up. This is going to be a great, this is going to be the first true romantic comedy of our podcast. Yep. Yeah. We'll find out if you guys really do have chemistry. You've already done that. I did. Well, we got a second option. That's not the title. You know what? I do know for sure. The three of us have chemistry. There's our out. Thanks, Lauren. Thank you.
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Before we get rid of you, Josh, first of all, thank you for doing it. Thank you, Josh. Thanks for having me, man. That's incredible. Can you... It's ridiculous. We're out here changing lives. Yeah. Just the three of us, just like it's always been. Yeah, no. We sure are. The raccoon guy's life, we really did. I will say, both of those were pretty wild calls. Yes. Yes. Was that intentional, Kevman? I swapped...
- The second one to be more tame. - You did, okay, I interested. - Interesting. - It felt like a theme because with each guest, there'll be like slightly different theme 'cause Kevin picks them. The theme you got were, these are a little bit wild.
Small Wild, though. Yeah, Small Wild. I'm going to spoil something, but the second call initially was someone wanting to gift a crow to her husband. And I was like, this one fits more. I hope we do that one. So, Josh, when I did your show, which I really enjoyed, you told me a little bit about your backstory and how you got into...
cooking and how you got into having a massive YouTube show. Could you tell Gareth and our group your kind of journey into what you're doing? Because it's a wild journey.
It's a wild show, and it's a huge win for you that has ended up now with a cookbook that, as you've said, is doing good. Yeah. Number one New York Times bestseller. Is that true? It is true. We beat Deion Sanders, which was huge. Wow. And I would like to challenge Deion to a 40-yard dash backwards. I think you will win. I think I got it. I think he just had issues with his foot job.
That's a perfect time. Strike while the iron drops. By the way, either one of these I want to see. If you get yours, please invite Jake. But Josh, will you walk us through a little bit about your journey? Because I find it fascinating. Sure, sure, sure. So, you know, I grew up watching Food Network constantly. I was a total latchkey kid, single dad, just lived with a brother. And by the time I was 11 years old, I really took an interest in Food Network. And my dad was like, if you cook family dinners every single night, that'll be your only chore.
He's like, here's a grocery budget. Walk across the street to the Ralphs. You're buying groceries. You're keeping a budget. You're cooking dinner. And how old are you at this time? I was like 11 years old. My brother. And this is out here? This is out here, Orange County. Mission Viejo area for anybody that knows it. And, you know, my dad like worked late at night. And to his credit, he would clean the toilets. He would do all my chores. And I was out there just rolling out gnocchi as a little 11 year old just being like.
this is what it is. And so you just then said, like, I think I can do this. So the first meals weren't great. No, the first meals were terrible. But then you started forming a passion.
I did. And then I got to college. I actually went to school on a track and field scholarship, shot put and discus, which explains I mentioned I was 80 pounds heavier. Just, you know, you're also eating 7000 calories a day. And so you sort of get triple the cooking practice. Right. You're just up in those numbers. It's about reps. But then when I was 19, my dad actually passed away. And which is part of how I started the show Last Meals, because I'm obsessive.
obsessed with the concept of death and I'm the person that even in if somebody's asking for basic relationship advice I'm like well, let's get down to the actual issue. You're not worried about the raccoons You're worried about the fact that you're afraid that you can never be honest with a partner and then one day you're gonna die unfulfilled I always like take it to that level and try and get down to the meat of it But I also love meatballs and so it's like how do I combine those two things? I
Amazing. Yeah, because I watched my dad sort of pass away without like a real hobby or passion. How interesting. And that was something that affected me so hard because we didn't grow up with any money. And so I was always like, let's get a government job. I was going to work for the CIA, whatever that means. And instead, I started a food blog called culinarybrodown.com. And then that sort of blew up and I just kept
So what happened with that? So that when you say that blew up, it just, you started getting views. People were starting to pay attention. You started feeling like, Oh, shit's different. Yeah. It was a blog or was that a, that was video? No, straight up blog. I was a writer and I thought I was going to be a writer my whole life. I had never been on camera. I had no interest. Wow.
But I actually got a literary agent while I was a junior in college. 21 years old, my blog got shortlisted for an award from Sever Magazine, and this literary agent hit me up and said, "I know you're still in school, but when you graduate, keep in contact because you really have the goods here."
And then I dropped out of school immediately 'cause it was hard after my track and field eligibility ran up. And then I worked on a book proposal, I was writing for magazines. I had like a column for a couple years with Maxim Magazine where I just wrote about food and eventually wrote a book called The Culinary Bro-Down Cookbook. Very Tucker Max meets Anthony Bourdain but hopefully not as much of a piece of crap as the first one. He's probably fine.
But anyways, I eventually sent a copy of that cookbook to Rhett and Link over at Mythical Entertainment. And you just did that cold? Pretty much. I mean, it's kind of, you know, PR gifting type of thing. But I had worked with them once on a video. A year had passed. And I was like, well, let's send them a copy of the cookbook. And I thought they may tweet about it. And how big were they at the time?
Oh, massive. They were already massive. Well, they were massive on YouTube, but I knew nothing about YouTube. I didn't grow up watching it. Same with me. I'm still new to it. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. You guys are doing great as YouTubers, though. Well, no, but what it is is for me, it was your show was a big, like there's a few shows I've done that have kind of started. The press tour I did for Self Reliance, I wanted to do it different because I have kids and they only watch YouTube. Oh, so fun. I was kind of like, but I've been always more old world. Yeah.
Yeah. And so doing your show, when I got there, I was even surprised like how big the production value is. We had an incredible moment on that where, uh, so we had Kelly Rowland, uh, on last meals and she, uh, had just like walked off of the today show set and it became a weird moment. Um, but, uh, that was like a week after she was on last meals and, uh, they showed a picture of the today show dressing room and it was just like unkempt. And I'm like,
- We're in Burbank, California. We're a YouTube show and we got a whole like talent wrangler. We got a nice clean green room, all the cold brew. - It's everything about what you guys are doing is as big or bigger than your biggest shows. And on those shows, you're kind of jumping in, you're doing six minutes, it's not quite working. And then on these YouTube shows, it's more long form. And also in terms of the host,
I mean, which we'll get to the follow up. You're really doing homework. Yeah. So when I was there, you're not just fucking around making food and we're goofing around. You had thought about what we were doing. And it's taken interviews in places that I personally wasn't expecting where I was like, oh, I thought last meal tonight. Watch like the Hanks one. I kept up. I was like, OK, fine. But I'm like, oh, we're getting heavy. And then when you and I told Kevin this right away. So.
On our show, we did the we one of our first callers that we released was the Ostrich Farm. Mm hmm.
Arguably, when we were like, this show can get wild. Yes. And that was one of the first ones where we thought, like, these are the calls we need. Yeah. A guy gives his boss a gift. He gives him tickets to an ostrich farm. Small problems, big to you. Yeah. And it was so huge to him. So huge. It was truly... That episode is so crazy because also we dug a little and we're like, you...
have asked him to go six hours for ostriches and he doesn't love them. But then on your show, that guy works at the same company as you. You surprised me with him coming as the follow up. That's great. Producing the way that came about. So my co-executive producer, Annalise, she like shuts the door. We share an office and she looks around. She goes, I was listening to we're here to help. One of our coworkers was on an episode. I was like, what?
who and which one? Tell me. I'm literally trying to produce this show and I want to research. She goes, I don't know if you'd want me to tell you because like, I'm not going to lie. It's like a little bit awkward. I'm like, I'm going to find it. It's going to happen. I can tell me. And so I listened to it and then I was like, I'm going to go talk to Chris. I mean, he would probably love to talk to Jake about this. She's like, no, no, no. Like we got to slow play it. And I'm like, I'm going to just say it instead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so he was super stoked to come on. Yes. Oh my God. Jake called me after that. He's like, you're not going to believe what just happened on last meals. Well, that also really got me obsessed with this idea of followups. I liked them from the beginning. We were always like, we want that. Seeing that I'm like, oh, that's a whole new ring of fun. Yeah. And then you have, you said he texted you, you have a followup to the followup. Yeah. While I, while I go pull that up from my phone, that's on airplane mode. Uh, do you remember what was going on? What was going on behind us? Uh,
While Chris was telling that story,
No. We had Nicole, senior culinary producer, in a sushi. Yeah, cooking sushi behind us. Doing a whole omakase. And doing each dish. As we had some bit about, we were like, oh, where in Japan are you from? She goes, the South. You're like, oh, not like those soft northern chefs. There's just so much going on. I remember she made like a bone, a seared bone thing. Yeah, she rocked it. Yeah, she rocked it. All right, so Chris. This is the follow up to the follow up. By the way, this is so long, it could hit the New York Times bestseller list. We're gunning for it. We're doing it. We're gunning for it.
But so Chris got Link, the boss, the ostrich farm tickets, and then he came up and told you that, oh, Link finally addressed them and said, thank you, this is a funny, thoughtful gift. And then now Chris has left the company. Unrelated reasons, Chris got engaged and his lovely fiance and him are moving back to Boston, but he sent me a message saying,
Hold on. There's a whole. Should I read the whole thing? It's about how I didn't sign a cookbook for him. I just want to say how much I appreciate it in person. Oh, I forgot to go to his farewell party.
Damn it. This is turning. But you know, this is how you know that Josh is sincerely a nice guy because he's casually reading these things like, oh, whoops. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate working with you and also for your willingness to have me on Last Meals. It was an unexpected joy that I never expected when I joined Mythical. And so for him to have that experience was absolutely huge. That was really nice. That's great. And can you, before we go, can you tell us, unless you got something. Well, I was just going to, I, I,
What was the genesis of the show style? Because it is such an interesting way to interview. It really is like it's a very organic way to learn about someone, learn about someone's connection to food. I think food like you're saying, the Food Network was kind of the seed that sprouted in this weird way. Now, I think especially art, this country's relationship with food. But how did you land on that idea and how did you feel about being on camera interviewing people in that way?
It's funny, I had never really been on camera interviewing people. I had been on camera cooking a lot, and I interviewed people when I was like a magazine journalist, but I never actually fused them. But my thought was, if you can get somebody to just be sitting there, drinking a beer, eating their favorite foods...
those to me are when all the deepest conversations happen. And when you can be comfortable enough to look Tom Hanks in the face as he's like, you know, eating a Greek salad and taramasalata and being like, hey, so I heard your dad testified at the murder trial of your grandfather. That's pretty crazy. And then he's like, oh yeah, probably.
You know, it's a great disarming way. And I think a lot of people we're not doing gotcha stuff out there. I think a lot of people want to talk about this stuff. Like the Bourdain connection is there. That was what his show did so trans. And then who are three dream guests for you?
Oh, man. Because what you're doing is you are, it does get people talking. You do have booze involved. It's also your favorite food. So for me, I'm like, it does. And the element, even though it's a high production, you aren't just two people sitting there and the people are dark enough behind the cameras. It's like this, that you're really focusing. Who would be your dream top three? Don't feel like you have to say. I knew you were going to make it about it. Go ahead.
Well, there's this guy that makes raw meatballs in LA. I don't know if you've heard about him. Aaron cannot help. It's been a relationship complaint. Guy Fieri would be one. Great. Travis Kelsey. We had Jason Kelsey on, and he's a personal hero as a Birds fan. Okay, yeah, yeah. But now I want to get the other Kelsey brother on. I want to see what's deeper behind. Guy Fieri would be really fun on that. And then Ryan Reynolds. Interesting. Big fan of him. He actually...
He reached out to me after the Tom Hanks episode. Well, I reached out to him. Hear me out. But he responded, which I did not expect at all. And I sent him a message. It was really weird. I was overcompensating. I was like, I'm a 13-year-old boy. But anyways, he responded, and he was like, I'd love to do the show when I'm back from England. And so Ryan, if you're out there, because he's a listener. Yeah, he's a big listener. He's a helper. Have you guys decided on a name for the fans?
Helpers is what we've landed on. Have we? I heard someone else pitch something. I can't remember. You said trash bandits earlier in the episode. I kind of like that. We had a lot of people on YouTube doing comments on one. I got to say, I like anything connected to Gareth as a character called Gil Buchanan that does our ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like anything linked to that part, the gilly beans, the ones and twos, 68 and Balmy's. Because Garrett creates all these catchphrases where he'll be like, well, ones and twos, 68 and Balmy's. So anything in there is my two cents, but we haven't found it yet. Well, Travis and Jason Kelsey, they have the 92 percenters, which sounds too much like a militia with very upset politics. Most militias don't have great moderate politics, but this one sounds like. It actually does. And then before we get ready, can you tell us a little bit about the book?
Sure, yeah. So the Mythical Cookbook, number one New York Times bestseller. It's everything that Mythical has done with food. We literally took the best recipes we have ever created. I mean, over the course of like a decade, you know, the show spans. Good Mythical Mornings had damn near 3,000 episodes at this point. And so we just converted all of it. I mean, crazy stuff. Animal style mac and cheese. Fun.
orange chicken parmesan, grilled cheese ramen, all these crazy things we've come up with, along with just a lot of very weird stream of consciousness writing, because that's the only thing I know how to do. So there's a whole animated children's story in there. I have a whole butcher chart guide to how we can stop making bacon from pigs and make it with penguins, because we're already destroying the habitat. Wait, hold on. Penguin bacon? Penguin bacon. It can happen. You know penguins make milk? No. Didn't until now, but that's... Wait, so this real pitch is...
Because I thought you were going to go, get rid of the bacon. We're going to plant-based food. No, that's one way to go. And you're talking about...
This is not about you're talking about killing a bunch of penguins. Bacon out of those gross little birds. If you've seen March of the Penguins, they're already dying. That's like lobsters in the tank at Red Lobster. But if you've seen that pig is thriving in the city. You know, it's a wild pitch, but a great one. Jake, by the way, you'd eat penguin bacon.
But hold on. Don't get out of this. This is wild, Josh. You want to do penguin bacon? Well, we have a whole pit. We have kangaroos because they're an invasive species. You know, the Australian government used to literally just pay people to show up. Kangaroos are an invasive species. Oh, yeah. No, Australia is straight up. You could just kill a kangaroo and show up to like a government agency and they give you cash for it. Australia is barely a place. Where are kangaroos supposed to be from then?
Well, no, they just, they eat too many of the crops and they breed super... They're like deer. Rats basically went on ships. What did it, kangaroos? Oh, sorry, sorry. We are the invasive species. I was going to say, would you eat kangaroos? The kangaroos evolved. Would you eat human then? What? Would you eat human? We have to go. We have to go.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com.
The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. Also, if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com.
All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.