72: Let’s Call Him Doniel with Lamorne Morris, Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen
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We're back, Gareth. We got a fun one. We got old friends coming back on this episode. Yes. Yes. Always a pleasure. Yes. What we're doing on this one is when we recorded with the great Lamorne Morris, you know... Friend of the show. Rest in power, as you always say. Rest in power. We know him from a bunch of stuff, but mostly...

the Lamorne and After podcast. Yes, his hit podcast. His hit podcast. We also, when we did with him, we had an extra one when we were figuring out how to do these. We recorded with three with him. And we also have a great one from Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen. Broad Ideas podcast. And so we're pairing those two up and we're going to throw a new call in, but this will be a fun new episode with two old great callers. Yep. It's a

It's exciting. Yeah. What do you think of those calls Garth? Well, I like them. I definitely think, uh, in the one with, uh, well, first of all, like you said, Lamorne's always gold. And, uh, with, uh, Rachel and Olivia, a problem that I feel like is fairly relatable. Um,

I often, I mean, I have female friends who often talk about the world of this call and, uh, it is one of these really weird loopholes, but also still feels kind of icky, but it's, well, there's the, the, we're talking about it. We're going to enter it on the call, but the world of only fans. And I will say the idea of only fans, I had said, I have a story, but I'm going to transition here. Garth man to just the world of only fans. Cause it's a while.

world you got people making hundreds of thousands of dollars monthly yes no it is this strange strange new world it's it's it's not bad it's not bad and they also have broken into comedy too they do roasts and things like that the whole thing yeah i got a question for real now no bit okay

What would you be willing on an OnlyFans to show if you had, it was real money. Give me the number. Okay, Garf Girls, fill up, you're making $250,000 a month. Oh my God. Fine. Let's say $200,000 a month. $200,000 a month. You're getting a lot for $200,000 a month. I mean, honestly. Are we seeing a little frontal? Are we talking, let me ask you one more question before I say yes, because I think you are. Okay.

Are we saying, to use one of our favorite Shark Tank terms, in perpetuity, is this going to be going on forever? Because to some extent, I feel like I'm kind of, you know, that's kind of it. Once I'm doing full frontal. So you think if you show full frontal, everyone's going to drop off?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What you just said, Garth, you said, no, if you went full frontal, no, they're not. This is a monthly service. You're saying if you show that little nub, you would have about nine people. Is it hurting the road?

numbers no no no no no then i see no problem doing full frontal i'll definitely be making sure things are presentable i'm not going to be giving you pick the angles yeah i'm not going to be hopping out of the cold plunge but i will definitely be lighting in my ways and in terms of you know in terms of only fans every model has their own style how could we describe your style garth uncomfortable but into money um but what's like the cute look is it a fireman

I know. And the baby boy. Well, you know, I've offered a rare opportunity where I could say anything was comedy. My fear, obviously, is Jake, you get into the OnlyFans and you're going to be merciless if you see him in the fireman outfit. But I still think I whatever you charge, if you charge 200 grand for one person, I'm your 200 grand. I mean, it is going to be whack-a-mole trying to keep you out. I will hire a person to be like, look, Jake is going to come up with a bunch of sock puppets.

Keep him out of here. My dream after going off of what you just said was that one of our extended friends starts a male and a guy who's not a hunk starts an OnlyFans. I know who we're thinking. Steve. Yep. Steve Berg. Yep. If Steve Berg started an OnlyFans, you can find Steve Berg on the High Strangeness podcast. And while you're listening to High Strangers, imagine him. Oh, what was our bet, Garf?

That we never did with him. You remember this. I don't remember what the thing was, but he lost and he was supposed to. Oh, okay. Yes. I'll, I'll, well, first of all, there's a few. We'll call them. You know the one I'm talking about. The best one. And again, this is where Jake has a skill set that has never really been. We've never been really able to get any money out of this skill set. No, it's just kind of your business acumen, but you came up with this.

basically I got, we got him to bet on a playoff game that had already happened. So, so you, you realize that he didn't know the game had happened. And then he picked me up and he was very stoned. And he said, the Broncos are going to kill the Raiders and the game had happened. No, it was, it was, I honestly think it was Texans bangles. Yeah. Okay. He texted me and he goes, Jake's trying to get me to bet on Houston. Do you think they have a shot? And like,

Houston had already like won. It was a 10 o'clock game. Yeah. And so I go, Oh dude, Bengals got this. And he's like, thank you, my man. Okay. Yeah. Cause he picked me up and we went to Derek water's house together and

and watched it side by side, and I was filming him and sending it to you because they would have the score underneath the game of the game we had bet on, and he would be staring at the screen and not say anything. And then we were just waiting for the shoe to drop. Yes. But the bet, but the bet was... The bet was that the loser, Steve, decided before the bet even happened, because the game had already happened, had to take a Zumba class with a puka-shelled necklace.

And there was another bet that I had with him that I think was that same one, but it might have been another one. And again, we didn't make him do that, but

The loser had to do a photo shoot. Yes. Where they tried to look as sexy as they could, but not funny sexy. No, serious. The way that you think you look your hottest. Yes. You have to take that and that the other guys get those photos. And that's what OnlyFans would really be a blessing because you're not doing OnlyFans to be funny. You're doing OnlyFans to turn people on.

I am going to say to my guy friends I'm doing it to be funny and to the female or the male listeners who support me that I am dead serious and that I really take this account seriously. With that in mind, everybody, enjoy the show. Thank you.

Hello. Hi. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you guys doing? We're doing really great. Hey, thank you for listening to this podcast, by the way. There you go. Oh my gosh, I've been listening since the beginning. It's like my favorite. Well, then I got good news for you because you got another podcast you can listen to today that's also at the beginning. Do you want to know what it's called? Yeah. The LaMorning After.

Okay, say more. I'm going to say Lamorne Moore. Yeah, good. Lamorne. It is Lamorne Morris' new podcast. Okay, that's where I thought we were going. Now tell me right now, does that get you a little excited, a lot excited? Where are you at? Super excited. Lamorne Morris is here!

here on the call. That was a test. And you passed it. And guess what? If you failed it, it would have been really funny for us. Yes, it would have been good otherwise. So we were in a win-win, but you are very excited. Lamar, what's the podcast about?

The podcast is about life. It's about culture. Sometimes we dip into sex and race. But most importantly, we just get to know the guest. Yes. You know, Jake Johnson. Am I going to be on this episode? This is the episode you're going to be on. So after you listen to this, jump over to the La Morning After. And we are going to continue. Continue that conversation. With Nick and Winnie.

- That's right, we do a little dance. - We do a little dance. - And we're gonna talk a lot about your first sexual experiences, Jake. - Oh, great. - You know, when you were a kid, what you were doing. - Like when I was a kid kid and it wasn't. - When you was a kid kid and the neighbor showed up. - Oh, wow. - Dr. Watson, what's up? So can we,

Can we get a shout out to Dr. W? Thank you for everything you taught me, my man. That's awesome. And can we get your name caller, please? My name is Emily. I am 40 and I am in Arizona. Emily, Arizona, 40. Lamorne Morris, Gareth Reynolds, Jake Johnson. What's the problem?

Oh, Le Morning After podcast. Nice. And link in bio to the shirt. Yeah, I'm wearing the very sexy, revealing hoodie with the beautiful man's face on it. When I do your podcast, I would like one to leave, and I'll rock that. Oh, absolutely. Okay. No, I'll give you one. I'll rock it. You look good. Medium. What size do you think I would wear? This is dangerous. What size? Thick. Thick.

Lamorna's very skinny. Tell us why you bragger. Listen, I'm playing Garrett Morris in the new SNL 1975 movie. It's not a big deal, but the whole world's talking about it. Who's directing it? Jason Reitman's directing it. It's a crazy cast. You go look it up on Deadline. That's not important. What is important is he texts everyone from New Girl and he'll say, I'm

I'm the winner. Y'all are the duds. Everybody forgot about your ass. I'm out here with Jason Reitman. What are you doing? Podcasting in a basement? Yeah, dork. You don't know my tone when I text those words. How do you say it? I go, what's up, y'all? Bitch ass. You're a clown. I wing you loose. You underestimated me. You talked down to me. Emily, what's the problem? So I have been with my husband for like, oh,

Almost 20-ish years. And up until probably, I don't know, maybe the beginning of COVID time, four or five years ago, our sex life has been like real vanilla. Like not bad at all. Oh, for the first 18 years it was vanilla is what you're saying? Yeah.

Well, the first, yeah, like 15 years. Why'd you marry him? No complaints. No complaints, but just a little plain. Just a little bit more. There's no complaints, but it just was like... Respect. Nobody's going to write any fanfic about anything we were doing. Okay. So...

Then, I don't know if I'm like, I don't know, hormones, something weird happened to me. And I'm like, oh. I would. Let me stop you right there. I'd write fan fiction about some vanilla shit. Took you a while to commit to saying that. I didn't want to put her on the spot or interrupt her story. But you like some vanilla bedroom stuff. Yeah, because sometimes I'm tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'm tired. You know what I'm saying? No, absolutely. I don't want to be doing all that weird, let me put my leg on the dresser, like, you know, bringing other people in the room. I'm not a cuck. Right.

Okay, is that what you're looking for? There's not enough. Before we attack her, let's listen. Let me finish. You started projecting. Not you finish. Let her finish. My bad. Let them both finish. Let me finish in my pants. Let us finish at the same time. I understand. Let you finish. Well, that's the goal.

How about this? Let you finish and then go in the other room and let me take a hot shower and finish. While I watch my videos. It seems so sad when you do your guy doing it. It becomes really, yeah. Man, I just want you to finish. Then let me finish in the closet. And may I also have a finish? All right, Emily. Vanilla sex, COVID hits, hormones take over. Yeah, and like suddenly I kind of want to do everything, right? And that was like not the way it was before.

So like want to do it way more often. I'm like, let's make the sex tape. Let me send you some nudes at work. Like I don't know what happened to my brain because I used to be like a fairly shy human being. You flip. It's not what happened in your brain is what happened in your. Thank you. 40. Your body starts talking to you. There you go. You know what I'm saying? Do you get what you get my point? Well, what's the body? Oh, yeah. With the body. Yeah.

I don't see nothing wrong. My mind's telling me no. But my body, my body is telling me yes. That's what's happening. Your body is talking. Yeah. And your body is saying, let's get into it. Yeah. All right. Keep going.

So I have always like had a really secret fantasy about having a threesome, but I never thought that was like something that would ever be like a reality that I would try to do. And now I'm like, Emily, even back in the day when you're vanilla in, in the back of your head, you're thinking, I wouldn't mind it. Yeah. They're in here. Always wanted to fight. Fun. Male or female? Female. Okay. Yeah. So I just, I'm, I kind of have like a twofold problem. Okay. One,

I don't really know how to bring this up to my husband. Easy. You want to have a threesome with a woman? Sure. Problem solved. Now he has way harder. Want to have a threesome? And he goes, I'm interested. His name is Gary. That's a problem. That's a different thing. That's a big problem. That guy, David, who was at the Trader Joe's the other day? Yeah.

The guy who dropped all those cans of soup? Or the guy at the gym who's strong? Yeah. Your work husband? Yeah. And I would have a reason with my work husband, but I don't want you here. That's actually a great pitch, but let's keep going. Okay, so that's one of your problems. How do you bring it up? What's the other one?

The other one is like, I have no idea the logistics of this. Like, I don't know anyone I'm like willing to have a conversation with. And then it's like, okay, am I hiring someone? Am I going on an app? How do you pull this off? Okay. First of all, what grade do you teach?

Nice. What a turn. This is just. This podcast has taught me so much. And that is, you ladies are wild. Especially when Lamorne's here. That's what happens. Really? I bring him out. You do? I think, I believe Emily's call was originally about a surprise party. And then the second she heard it was Lamorne, it became a threesome with her husband. Remember the big pause? Yeah. And then she was like, oh. She was like, I'm going to get real. Something chemically has just changed in me. To you and me, it's, I want to have a surprise party. What kind of ice cream should I have? And I'm going, cookies.

and cream. Jake, relax. Peanut butter and chocolate's the route. Oh, Lamar's here? Yeah. I'd like to have a three-way. How do I do that? I've been having vanilla sex for 20 years and now I want to bring a woman in? Well, congratulations. First of all, congratulations to you on having this moment. And congratulations to your husband who you think is going to maybe be upset by this, but I don't think will be. And congratulations to the one parent of one of those kids who hears this and goes, I'm

I recognize that voice. Mrs. Shapiro? Oh my God! Mrs. Shapiro? And then at the conference when you go like, well, I need to tell you, like, Phoenix is doing great. Yeah. He's really developed. That dad's going like, and the mom's going like, it might be me, it might be me, it might be me! If you see a pineapple, if you get a pineapple on your doorstep, you know it's time. This is true. One of the teachers heard this. So what would the pineapple do? It's a...

It's a sign. It's a signal. It's a signal that says you're open to like- Bring it. Really? Yeah. Swing your lifestyle. Yeah. How do you guys, so giving somebody a pineapple? Yeah. How about if a weirdo comes over with a live lobster? What's that sign? Huh.

Is that anal? Yeah. Because Lamorne came to my house with a live lobster while shooting a BMO and goes, I'm so rich. I bring lobster. Am I lying? You are lying. I didn't say those are my words. They were pretty. Those were pretty close. Can I break that down? Really? I did. I did really quick. We were filming and I said, Jake, I've never, you know, I haven't been to your house. I'm finally on this side of town.

Hey, I'm shooting commercial. He said, oh, what are you doing? I was like, I was shooting for BMO. And he said, oh, you rich. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. It's a fair wage.

He goes, oh, if you're coming by my house, bring lobster. Oh, I did? You said that. He said, bring lobster. So I went to the producers and said, hey, can we have a PA run to the store and buy lobster for me? I said, I don't care what kind. I'm thinking a meal with some lobster in it. Just so I can say I did it as a joke.

This poor girl who was vegan and was an animal rights activist, was the PA, brings over a lobster in a bag and looks at me like, I ain't shit. She was just like, how could you? And I'm like, what the fuck do you want me to do with this? But I brought it to you and Jake didn't want it. He thought it was scaring the kids. I couldn't bring that into my house. So I had to go set it free. Wait, what? I'm sorry. What?

This problem you should have called into the show. You brought a lobster to Jake's house and Jake, you were like, it can't be here. We were going to hang out. That's the kind of household they keep. I said, what's in the bag? Almost you were going to leave it outside and not tell me, so I just reached in. Oh my God. I don't remember that part. And then I opened it and I was like,

The fuck, man? You brought me a live lobster. Okay, and then, Lamorne, what do you... When you say set it free, you didn't go to the ocean. I went to YMCA. Okay, that's better. That's what I figured would happen. And you said, gentlemen, you went in the steam room, you go fight for it. By the way, this PA's worst nightmare. Yeah. He was like, just make sure you enjoy every part of it. You're like, I actually threw it in a pool. Jake didn't want it. Well, I think strategy is everything. I think the next time you guys are doing vanilla sex, just whisper in his ear...

I wish I had a little bit of chocolate. And he's going to be like, what does that mean? There's this woman. Her name is Ebony. She's over at the gym. I don't know how spicy you try to get. Keep going. Because them gym folks be strong. Yeah. You know, and then you get it. You know, it gets him interested. That gets him peaked. Yes. Because then you wow. Wow. Having vanilla sex. Yeah.

You're thinking about ebony. That's right. He's going to be like, ooh. And then he's going to start to inquire. What did you mean by that? Oh, so you just started his dirty talk. Dirty talk. And then he's going to be like, oh, I wonder if my wife is into the idea of a threesome. And now you put it on him. This is interesting. Because then here's what you do. Once he brings it up,

then you could push back a little bit and go, you're nasty. What? And then you could say to him, who would you get? Yeah. And then let him find the person. And then what would he say? Oh, I could be like, well, there was this girl I worked, I've been fucking, so now I could bring her. Cut!

Can I make a request, Kevin? Could you just isolate some of Jake's response to what Lamar was saying at some point? Because Jake's kind of like background voice was as creepy as it did sound like a man masturbating behind the fence. Jake just kept going. Oh, yeah. All right. He was cooking. He was cooking with gas. Yeah. Okay. So, Emily, what do you think of the idea of bringing up the idea of a third person

in the dirty talk of your new sex life. Yeah, that makes sense. That feels natural. Agreed. Yeah, I like the idea of kind of like passing it on to him. I just, it gets me back to my logistics question. You know what I mean? Hey, look, we got to climb one hill before we climb the other. Got it. Okay. I don't hate that idea at all. Because bringing it up in terms of something that turns you both on,

Could then start being the game. And then eventually as you're playing that game, if he doesn't say it, you could say, what do you think about doing this for real? Do I? Okay. Do I say that like in the moment? No, no, you don't ever get in logistics. You guys are eating chili. You're talking about Ebony from the gym who as Lamar likes can squat about 600 pounds. Yeah.

Easy. She can bench about 305, 310. That's strong, strong back. She's got the kind of thighs that would just crush a man. Crush a walnut. Yeah. Right in between them cheeks. So that's the kind of pop, pop. That's the kind of stuff that Lamar likes.

I didn't say that. I'm just saying. I didn't say that part. I just said that exists in the world. You've said that via text? Very. Yeah, I sent you photos too, sure. But that doesn't mean that's what I want to do. You've also said while we were hiking, this hike would be really fun if we did a three-way with a really strong woman. Pop, pop. Crack us like walnuts. And I said...

I am really excited. I'd like to talk about the Jason Reitman job. Is there a role in there for Garrett's PA? And you went, pop, pop, grab me a hug. So now in terms of getting a third, Garth, where are we at? Here's another option just on, because I do think breaking it into two. Yes. You had a pitch on accident that I think is better. Talk to me. If you say to your husband, you find the right way and you say,

I want to have a threesome. I want to bring another guy in. He'll lose his mind, and then you go, I'm kidding. I want it to be a woman. Yeah. So that way you kind of give him the in where he's going to be like, worst case scenario into best case scenario. Here's the problem with playing with fire.

It never burns. Imagine. Imagine the opposite. Imagine you say, I want to bring another guy in. And he goes, yes. David. He's in the closet masturbating. He always does when we fuck. Just imagine. He's always been here. And then David goes like, hey, hey, how you doing? Hey. And then Emily. This is awesome. Get out of here. Get out of here. Emily, leave. So here's what I don't love about it. Get out of here. Mike and I have a thing. Here's what I don't love about that idea. The truth is, Emily, you never know.

So don't open up a box in an attic unless you want to know what's in the box in the attic. Because if he goes, you go, what if we had a three-way with a guy? And he goes like this, interesting. And then you went, I'm joking, with a girl. And then he would have to go. Yeah, totally. Grody. And now it's in the back of your mind. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you know what's interesting about something that you were saying? Yeah. Here's what you could do.

Let's just because you even said at the beginning of the call, you don't know if it's a threesome. You don't know what it is. Possibly it could be a threesome during sex. Let's say you bring it up.

This could be the game. Let's say it's sexy. The game that you two could have is just mind games while you're doing it. Ooh, are we going to bring another woman in? And you never actually do, but to you, that has spiced up your vanilla latte. Exactly. That was a spiced chai. I like that, man. Turn it into a chai. Now, let me talk to you really fast, Emily, about how we get the third. Yes. Sometimes it's important to go pro. I like where you're headed. Because you could say...

Let's just find a third. And you know what it's going to be? 10 years of looking for a house, but you're not serious about buying. That's true. You're going to go, well, I want a pool and I want this, but it's got to be under that. Who the fuck is going to be the third? The principal at your school? Pass. Can't be anybody in your school. You just got a visual of your principal. I mean, yeah, you really got disgusted by your principal. Oh, God, that was unpleasant.

Yeah, that was unpleasant. Emily, I'm ready to bang. I'm open for you. I'm ready. Check, please. Come to my office. The idea of finding a person in your life, problematic. Yes, absolutely. You don't want to go off site. It sounds like you and Mike have a nice thing cooking. It's getting hotter and more fun. The

last thing you want to bring into the thing is a third person going like, well, after we had sex, like Mike didn't cuddle. And you go, no, no, no, no, no. This is just for this night. Am I wrong? Or am I right, Emily?

No, you're totally right. I mean, like when I think about it, it's like every ounce of feminism is leaving my body. And I'm like, I want like an alive sex toy. Like, I just want to try it and see what the deal is. I'm not looking for like getting to know somebody. So what would be your ideal third person?

I mean, I don't know how to say that without like, I don't know. Say it. I feel like a gross human being, but you know, somebody like young and hot, like, you know, somebody who looks like they do porn. What it sounds like, Emily, that you just pitched to us, but you just don't want to say it is you want a professional. Yes. And I think the way, the way you do it for the first time is you go to Nevada, you book this out, you go to a brothel,

You do it pro, you have a night together, and you see if you liked it. Gentlemen, I'm getting weird looks. Well, only because we're both so aroused. No, I don't know if he is. No, he's full. I can't see anything. Little left nubbed.

What are you talking about? I've never been harder than even a bump in those sweatpants. You weren't. I actually. Oh, boy. That's revealing. So what do you think of the idea of going pro? I do really like that idea. It feels sort of like I checked all my boxes without like the emotional commitment or anything like that. But.

My only sort of like question about that is like, are they, is that like seedy? Are they gross? Is that like, it'll be all tests. If you go to a brothel, it's gotta be all tested and above board. I think, I think first of all, Jake's answer came way too fast for everybody's comfortability. But I think there is, I like that pitch because,

I think he's right. Like, I'm just thinking of ways like I know when I used to be on Tinder and I used to see couples fishing for a third. And just the idea of having to do that is so fucking annoying. You're not that far from Nevada. I think if you are going to do it, that's probably the best place to do it. You can vet it. I mean, they have the bunny rant. They have a shitload. There's what you can do it all above board. I think you should. Lamar, what do you got? Close us out.

Honestly, I just think you got to pray on it. I didn't think you were going to go that direction. And what would you say in the prayers? Because when relationships are complicated, you know what I mean? And when sex becomes, pardon me saying this, but when it becomes an issue, a bit vanilla, you know, you got to take it to a higher power. And I think in the old days... Sir, what would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?

And, you know, I don't want to be blasphemous here, but I feel like Jesus had washboard abs. He wasn't just sharing that with one person. The picture behind is, it's actually a very interesting picture of you to even be, you know, because that is like, that's kind of sex Jesus up there on the wall. I mean, listen, I don't want to be blasphemous. I'm not, I'm not Jesus. I am not God. Please don't, you know, regard me as that. Stop it.

Don't hold me in that. You understand that we could accidentally. Yeah, I understand. Yeah. Don't don't follow me. Right. I know this is an advice show, but I'm not your savior. OK, thank you for being. I have abs, but I am not your savior. OK, thank you. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. No, it's very clear. But all I'm trying to tell you, Emily, is you got to take that up with somebody else.

Every once in a while, you got to ask the Lord and the Lord will reveal it to you. You could be out at a bar one day. Here's the thing. You're going to be out at a bar one day. There's going to be a lovely young lady. After you ask the Lord, the Lord's going to reveal that to you. You're going to be open to it. I'm sure there have been 20 times in your life where a woman has probably been hitting on you. You just didn't think so. That's interesting, actually. There was a lot of weirdness there to get to the ending. And that is... That is...

It was kind of like reading the Bible to get to Revelation. But in the end there, I would say start the path towards a pro. But once you've started talking about it in Mike's ear and it's become a reality, somebody might pop up.

Okay. Emily? Sure. Good luck to you. I can have an open mound. Mind about that. An open mound? Boner time. And we're back. Keep us updated. Yes. I would start looking online for the website and

On the morning after show that will be released this same day, we will give another piece of advice at some point. Yes. So you have to listen, Emily, and everybody listen to this. There's going to be a part B. Yes, there's definitely a part B to this. Plan B.

I swear to sexy Jesus, I will attend. Okay, so swear to sexy Jesus, and thank you for the call, and good luck, and it seems like you're doing a lot of interesting stuff out there. Yeah, we're really happy, and Mike is going to be happy. Also, what you should do, before I let you go, one day when he's just sitting on the couch watching the game, sit on his face. All right, that's my time. Thank you so much for calling. Sorry about the end.

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Hi. Hi, welcome to the show. You're on with Jake and Gareth. Hi, guys. Hi. Do you have a name we could call you by?

Yes, my name is Lauren. Lauren. Is that a real name or a fake one? That's my real name. Cool, I respect it. Yeah, good work. By the way, I kind of like more when people use their real names. I do too. Yeah. I don't know why. Do you feel this? You like the realness, Lauren. I love the realness. I want to feel like this is a real person I could run into out in the world. I feel the same way. And Lauren, where are you calling from? I'm calling from New Jersey. New Jersey. Is that really where you are? Yeah. No, that's really where I am. All right. And...

What can we do for you today? Okay. So I've been married to my husband for about 18 years. And recently he's been like getting obsessed with his sleep health. I get it. He actually, yeah. Well, he calls it his sleep hygiene. I get it. Wow. I've gone through this phase. Oh, no, bro. Because by the way, he's probably, but Lauren, he's probably in a sleep deficit and he needs to, sorry, go ahead, Lauren. Yeah.

Well, funny you say that about a deficit because he sleeps with like one of those rings now. So like he can track exactly how much he sleeps exactly when he wakes up. We need, should we be calling this guy Albert Einstein? What's his name? Um,

um well we're gonna we're gonna give him a fake name but it's very similar to his real name um his name is don so his name is dan hold on yep so his name is dan okay wait lauren lauren let me tell you hard fun let me walk you through the pseudonym game a little bit so the point of the pseudonym is to get us far off the trail but also not to say i'm going i know but the thing is i knew i would just

Call him by the right name. His name's Donyell. Okay. So Lauren from New Jersey, her husband is Don. And we might end up just calling him Dan. Well, we probably should because that's what his parents called him.

And he has gotten obsessed after 18 years with his sleep health because most likely he listened to Huberman or some other podcast. Or he saw some Instagram algorithm where they were like, sleep is everything. And he was like, sleep is everything. That's literally what happens. It's what's happening to me. Okay, so he's big into the sleep game, which I think could present a number of problems for Don. Yeah.

with an A. And so what is the specific issue? Yeah. Well, no, we have a nightly routine. Now we have a nightly routine. Like, like I'm a baby basically. And it's like, I'm, I'm on board now because I sleep in the same bed as him. So like, whether I want to or not, I, this is now my routine too. Okay. So,

instead of an alarm we wake up to like a light machine that simulates a natural sunrise okay i can't just wake up to like my phone alarm like a normal person we only can get in the bed when we're tired like we can't watch a show together at night anymore and i'm going to tell you that his information i'm going to regurgitate because the bed is just for sleeping it's not for hanging out no

Right. I think I've heard the same podcast as my man, Donnie. All right. So you can only get in bed. I hate to say it. I'm not going to be on your team here, but I am your friend. Okay. So no, no, you have to be on my team. Okay. So he, you can only be in bed to sleep. Right. Um, we have to have a humidifier on. We have to use a sound machine like a baby. Yeah.

And then you had to get a power strip. You made that like that move at some point. It was like, honey, there are not enough outlets for this. Right. We're only breathing through our nose now when we sleep. We can't control that. They have mouth guards, but I don't think Don's going to go that far.

But the worst part is, I didn't even tell you the worst part. The latest addition to the sleep game is now he sleeps with like a satin black like sleep mask over his face. Hey, Lauren. Which is like really unattractive. Lauren.

Again, I'm on your team. I'm on your team too. I wear something called a sleep crown. I got the mask. I got a sleep crown. But we're with you. You're talking to two guys. He's got a crown. I got a mask. Oh, God. Because blocking out the light is so important. We'll still solve your problem. But yeah, keep going. Okay, so he's now wearing a very unattractive mask. Okay. Yes. And then if he has to ask me a question after he's already put it on, he just like...

brushes the sleep mask over his head and wears it like a headband. Oh, that's not a good look. You are very funny. Yeah, I get it. Thank you. You're a winner. And we have blackout curtains too. So it's like, what's the point? So quick question before, is there anything else or is this now the kind of setup? Is the question, what do I do now?

I mean, this is a setup. Like, I mean, any one of these things are fine, but all of it together is just too much. And I don't want this to be like his personality, like which is really becoming. How many hours a night are you? Is he sleeping? At least eight. He's trying to go to bed like 10 o'clock. I'm like more of a night bird. So I like to go to bed later. So this is the other issue. But like, yeah, he's trying to get like eight hours. What time is he waking up with a 10 p.m. bedtime? Six ish. Six thirty.

Like 6, 6.30. Okay. Yeah, that's a natural rhythm. Is he peeing in the night? No, not at his age. No. Wow. We don't even know his age. They got married at 18, Lauren. 44. Yeah, I was about to say he's 43, 44 years old. No, no, we're 44. Yeah, I know the game here.

Yeah, yeah. Jake does sleep math. I think Jake might be Don, a.k.a. Dan. Hey, Lauren, is this my wife Erin calling in disguise? Yeah. Hey, sweetie, I'll be home soon. And yeah, so we're going to get a lot of sleep because I'm really sleep deficit. Well, like you, Jake, I am like, I would love to. This guy's setup is awesome. Yeah. I like it. Sleep is important. But.

But so if you were to condense the problem down, the problem is essentially this man is obsessed with sleep. And it's driving Lauren away from her partner. She does not like I mean, look, this is the same thing that happens when a friend goes through any sort of new phase. It's like if somebody all of a sudden becomes a vegan or a vegetarian and you go like or get sober. Yeah. And you go like, I'm happy that you're sober. Yeah.

It would be nice. It changes the dynamic. We're meeting in a bar and you're drinking cranberry soda water. And I'm drinking a double whiskey like a fucking booze hound. And now I'm slurring and you're not. So you're saying for 18 plus years, you guys were probably together for what? Three years before you got married? Even longer, like five years. Okay. So you guys, you're saying, listen, Dan, we've been together forever. You're going through this new phase. Can I tell you really fast what I think is happening with Danimal?

Yes, please. This is a 2024 midlife crisis. Back in the day, men at this age used to get ponytails, Corvettes, or Miatas when I was growing up and have affairs. You know what we're doing now? We're getting into longevity. Yeah. We're drinking more water. We're trying to sleep more. You know what I take now for the first time in my life? A handful of pills. Yeah.

Yep. And you know what I'm thinking a lot about? Juicing. I'm thinking a lot about longevity, sleep deficit. Yeah. Really? Talking about your gait when you walk. So you're saying I should be happy that it could be something way worse? No, I'm just setting up. I'm just getting in Dan's head first. Now, let me ask you a question. Can I get personal for a second? Please.

Is part of it that it's less fun to want to have sex with the guy in bed with a baby machine and a little mask? You're going like, hey, honestly, it is a real boner killer. Yes. And guess what? You're talking about being in your early 40s. This is time when right now for Lauren, she's going, yeah, I might be interested in having my midlife crisis and having a 24 year old stud with long blonde hair throw me over your shoulder on a beach.

But instead I got a 75 year old geek in bed with me. He was going back in time to being a damn baby. Right. Cause that's what he's doing. He is. I mean, he's basically created a womb. I hear you, Lauren. He's crawled back into the womb. Totally nailing this. I've got a question. I just said it without me having to say it. So, but it's got, I mean, it takes us a second, but so now I've got a question for you and it's neither here nor there. Gareth is a cat man. I'm a kid man. Different, different strokes, different folks. Did you guys have babies? Do you guys have kids?

Yes, we have two kids. Okay, so you did go through the nightly routine. And I think what happens when you go through it is, because I'll tell you, I used to be a terrible sleeper and watching my kids go through it. Now I know how to do it a little bit better. I copy the room, the sound machine. So you've gone through it. I'm assuming your kids aren't babies anymore. And now you've got a third baby.

The man you marry. The one you're supposed to. Your bang baby. So I think, please don't call it bang baby. That is not a title. Legally, not a title. So I think what we need to help pitch on, Lauren, and tell us if this is it. How do we take Danny away from being baby Danny boy, catching up on his sleep so that baby Danny can grow into being a big boy?

And turn him back into Dan Danimal, the fuck machine. Again, it's done. Maybe. Yes. That's what she wants. The thing is that his. This is actually it. This is it. OK, good. His sleep has declared terrorism on everything else. His sleep has taken the reins and he's not thinking about the collateral damage. Yes. Because this is a healthy. It is a healthy move. Yes, it is. So he but he's thinking.

healthy and it's turning into a selfish move and so we need to kind of figure out a way to make him either realize that you're suffering a little bit under this or at least find a way for you to enjoy this routine outside of him go I have some too so here's my first pitch

You know, after a great session, Lauren, when you and the Dan man just get after it, just in terms of like stereotypes, right? After a great roll around the fucking hay.

As stereotypes go, the woman gets chatty and the gentleman passes out. That's right. So my advice is he is using the only tool he thinks he has now. And that is.

He knows how to put babies to sleep, but Lauren, you know how to put men to sleep. That's pretty good. Take off the fucking sound machine and the baby boy mask, throw on some lingerie and remind him that you guys are two wild animals in the kingdom. And after a hump session,

The king needs to pass out while the queen goes, you fell for my trap. I'm turning off the goddamn sound machine and I'm not waking up to a stupid light. I think, are you suggesting that the banging is going, like, you can bang him as a sleep aid? Is that what you're saying? Yes, bang him to sleep. I think that's pretty good. But after that, then he didn't do his routine and in the morning when he goes like,

I slept great. You go like, yeah, maybe it's because we didn't have like a sound machine on a humidifier. Like we're goddamn babies. And you didn't have your mask on. I'm not mad at the blackout curtains, but I don't need them over your face. I like that. I think that's good. Okay. Um, so the other thing I'm thinking is like, okay, let me ask you this and I don't want to get too personal, but, uh, does he, does he know that you have a vibrator? If you do,

Does he know? Yeah.

No, not currently. Okay. It might be a good idea to spur this conversation on. I don't know where you're going, truly. For Dan to find your vibrator. And when he finds your vibrator, he's like, what the hell? And you're like, oh, sorry. And that can make you be like, well, you know, you just go to bed so goddamn early that, you know, I had to bring a third in. I had to like AI it up a little bit. So your pitch is create...

A little bit of shame. In AI 3. Yeah, and this could maybe spur you to be like, look, I mean, you're going to bed. You're like, so the only thing you focus on in the bedroom now is going to sleep. So I brought in a tool. What do you think of that? Top of your head, Lauren. Okay. I mean, that's interesting. I mean, I'm leaning more towards Jake, but the only problem is

Sometimes I'll be doing my skincare routine, whatever, and then all of a sudden before I know it, the mask is on. He's real fast with everything. Of course he is. It has to be something. I got to get in fast. He's got to get to his natural sleep rhythm, and he's trying to find it because it's been offset. The mask is so funny. It's like he's Batman. God damn it. I got another pitch for you. It's like jarring. I believe that. I got another pitch for you, Lauren. Okay. This is a little bit more of a Garf type pitch, but you might like it.

I think you might need to out-baby the baby. I like that. So right now, he's the baby and you're the mad mom. So being the baby when your partner's the mom, wonderful. When I'm really annoying my wife and I'm doing something and she's just reacting with like, ugh. She hates when I whistle. She'll go like, do you always make sounds? Who whistles? Me, constantly. I feel like that stopped. I feel like the iPhone got rid of whistling. So did she.

She also feels like she goes, sounds just come out of my body when the kids are gone. And she'll be like, why are you constantly making sounds? And I don't know I'm doing it, but because her role is the annoyed, you know, regular lady. And I'm the baby boy who's whistling and making sounds. I don't stop. But you know what she started doing that really annoys me. If I'm whistling in the living room, I'll hear from the kitchen, another whistle. And I'll be like, and then I'll hear. Yeah.

And I'll go like, what is there, a bird being murdered in the kitchen? Cool it. And then we both stop. Right. So one move you could do, he puts the mask on.

You put on like a fucking retainer. You put on like, like you put on a mask to a new sound machine, double sound machine. The issue there is he might be like, oh, great teammates. What if you go off of that? What if you now are obsessed with another version of health that affects him? Like,

You're now into juicing or there's no eating during the day or you want to be keto or you're starting to run and you kind of have to drag him into that world. And when that starts to wear on him a little bit, you point out the one to one where you're going, well, you see, you did the sleep thing and that kind of dragged me into your world. And I had to go kicking and screaming. Quite. Yeah. Question for you, Lauren, on this, just to get back to you for a second.

Because we're pushing you towards the idea of either bang him to bed, which is that going to work seven nights a week? I mean, sure, in fantasy world. Yeah, he doesn't have that. If you guys lived in Pornhub. Yeah, he doesn't have that. But in reality, he doesn't have that. No, he doesn't have that. 18 years, he's got a sleep mask? You're asking him to bang seven nights a week? He ain't that guy. He's going to need a second dick. Yeah, he ain't that guy. Yeah, that seems like not the likely answer. And so what will happen is you'll have a great night. He's good for three max. Yeah, not bad. God bless him. God bless him.

So what will happen in that is you'll have a great night where you guys will bang. It'll be really fun. He'll go to bed and the next night he'll be like, I slept like a baby. And then you'll hear...

mask the works to the vibrator routine. I get it, but also no shame in a vibrators game. No, no. So like maybe he'll see it and go like, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Yeah. Three out baby, the baby Gareth is right. He might like it, but that's what I also feel about the possible, like a new, if you do a new health phase that affects him. So here's my question to you. And this is why it's a tricky one.

We've had somebody call in where like a woman's husband wanted to build a barn and hold circus in there. That's goofy. I heard that. You know, that's easy. Like you can't do a family circus problem with what Dan's doing.

Is it is good for him. Yeah. So when we're saying this, Lauren, we need a little bit more from you. What is the deal breaker? Because what you said earlier is it's not one or two of the things. It's all of the things. So is it the mask? The deal breaker. Yeah, it's the mask. Okay. And it makes you feel he's unattractive with this look. Yeah. It reminds me of like something a teenage girl would wear. Yes. No.

No, it's just not cucumber over the eyes. Yeah. So here's exactly. So here's what I think we need to then do. We need to go back to our earlier pitches, but be specific. It's just to get rid of the mask. So I think there's a world where we turn this into a negative, into a positive and you just court him. And all of a sudden he's like, what are you doing tonight?

And you're like, yeah, your face is very attractive. You're a sexy guy. And I don't know, you're going through a phase and I'm into it. And he's like, great. He puts the mask on afterwards and you go boner killer. Every time he puts the mask on, what if you just say out loud boner killer? Yeah. What if you shame? What if you put it on the mask? Boner killer. Oh my God, I have the mask embroidered? Yes. Ooh.

So that he's making a decision. Really good. I think it's kind of bread crumbing death by a thousand cuts. I think this is right. Because I think like it is hard, but I'm like, if you have blackout curtains, it should be effective. So I think it is highlighting that.

This thing to you is fucking gross. I have a bad idea. Okay. That might work because I like the idea of the embroider of the mask. I like the idea of a thousand cuts. But what we're trying to get away from now, because even the sex with him and he takes it off, his sleep's a priority. Yes. But he's creating a vulnerability, Lauren, if this is war.

He's closing his eyes. So you could download on your phone a fart app. And what if as soon as he puts the mask on, you make a fart sound? Because you know what he's got to do?

Take off the mask and go, what was that? And you go, it was my app. And he goes, don't do that. And then you're like, don't do what? He puts it down. Then you make the sound of a lion roar. Roar. And he goes, stop. And you go, well, you're sitting here in a mask, baby boy. I'm just playing on my phone. So you're constantly making, or he puts it off and you go, hey, one more thing. And then he swipes it up. And you're making that mask seem to be the most ridiculous thing on planet Earth.

or you start wearing a mask during the day around them. - Yeah, but when you go to bed, you put on like a Ronald Reagan mask or something. You'd be like, "No, we're both just doing our new thing." - Let's just do masks.

Oh, that's interesting. A mask during the day you like. Or like I wear, like I just all of a sudden don't say anything and then we're ready for bed and then I put on like a really stupid mask. Yes. Yeah. Either way. He has a problem with that. Then all of a sudden he has to put his mask on. He won't see it. I know. It's going to be hard also because like we're saying, his sleep is a priority. How about this? Right. Lauren, I think we might have to cut to the chase here on this one.

Yeah, I think as a 44 year old man, I'm only 45 I'm dancing same way Gareth is 29. So he can't quite relate still get pimples I Think we've got to go to a classic here and I think you've got to sit him down and say I love you But I can't continue having sex with a man who wears a sleep mask. I'm gonna you have a decision to make I

Mask. OK. Or sexual mask or ass. But I also may I put on the Jake Johnson mask for a second and suggest that if you're comfortable with it, we can do it here. We can talk to him as men of his age who understand where he's at, who value sleep. This is right. And we can talk to him and try to talk him out of the mask. And what we will say on the mask here, I have to warn you.

You're going to turn on me. I think I'm going to fuck it. But you might, Lauren. No, but you have to stay on the call. I'll have your back. If you stay on the call, Lauren, then we have a chance. But what we are pitching is mask or ass. Yeah. And I think for you, here's what we need to do.

We need to his arbitrary new sleep things based off a podcast. How about this? This is also a podcast and it's also a health podcast. You know, it's important for men. And this is true. If you don't ejaculate enough. Yeah. You're a higher risk of prostate cancer. That's right. So you tell him I'm cutting that off. So you're no longer sleep deficit. You're also ass deficit. Yeah.

You're going to get prostate cancer, you geek. I think that's the way to do it, and I must warn you, on that call, at some point, I probably will suggest that he bang you in the mask. What do you mean? Just to sort of blur all lines. Oh, she wears the mask. No, he wears the mask while banging, and maybe we're fetishizing the mask, and maybe it's some sort of shock therapy. Now I am okay with the mask. I can tell by Jake's bottom lip that's not going to go well, but we'll put a pin in that until then. Hold on, slow down. I don't know if that's wrong. Okay.

I mean, what do you think of the idea of using the mask as a sex mask? Like a Zorro, but without eye holes. I mean, the thing is, I think of it so differently. I would really take a lot. I'm not even pitching that yet. That's for the second call. So then, Lauren, how about this? Just to go to you before we wrap this up. What do you think about... Here's where we've kind of pitched. Bang them to bed. Add a vibrator into the mix. Out baby the baby.

get into a new health thing.

embroider something funny on the mask that shames him. Keep stealing the mask and replacing it with like a baby's mask. You can also just hide the mask where you can never find the mask. And then years later you can go, that was backup. Take them all. It's dark. It's weird. Then the other one is you could say, I holes into them. You could cut eye holes into you. By the way, Lauren, that's a Gareth. You nailed it. Here's what I'm going to pitch on that.

Hey, Lord, how do you get a baby to stop using a binky? Oh, my God. You throw it out. So that's what you did with your kids, huh? You just threw them out. And guess what? Did they get over it? Yeah, why? Well, the other trick is we used to cut holes in it so it loses the suction. Yeah.

Lauren, it's time to start treating Dan like you treated your kids. You see that mask, you throw it out. If not, you cut holes in it. Mask war. I love cutting holes in it. Cutting holes is so funny. And then you do what you do with kids. Look, we lie to children, right? We tell them about certain things that aren't reality. And it's okay because we love them.

You can do that here. It's because you love him. So you cut holes in the mask and he goes, the fuck? And you go, what? I think this might be a winner. I think this might be a winner. I think you throw them out and you cut holes in them until he finally goes, what are you doing with my masks? And at that point you say, mask or ass. And we can do that on the show. And then we can do that one on the show. Perfect. I'm so in. So you're going to start throwing them out and cutting them?

I'm going to cut them. I think that's what I'm going to do. Will you do us a favor and will you take photos of how you cut them? And so we can have visuals. And then it might solve the problem. If it doesn't, we go to mask or mask or ass. And we do that as a team. And now that you're cutting them, I'm going to stay on your team. Hey,

Yeah. The cutting is exciting. It's so crazy. The cutting is exciting. It's really wild stuff, Lauren. The Dark Knight's Lovers. I can't believe I haven't thought of this. I love it. Yeah, that's a great pitch. Lauren, thank you for the call. We're on your team. This is a fun one. Good luck. Tell Don. Thank you so much. Tell Don bye. Bye, bud.

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Yes, I am. Okay. Now let me tell you, I speak with great confidence that whatever your problem is, we're going to solve it. Welcome to We're Here to Help. I think she. No, no, no. She's working under the umbrella of We're Here to Help right now. Rachel, this one's yours. Yeah, Rachel. You do not want to give it to me. Rachel, you're going to make a call no matter what. This ends in a phone call on speakerphone.

You're on with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, Olivia Allen, Rachel Bilson from the hit podcast, The Broad Ideas. Listen, this is going to be, we are going to solve this problem. What is your name, age, where are you calling from, and what's going on? All right, well, my name is Sarah. I'm 24, and I'm from Pennsylvania, but I'm actually calling from Bali right now. Oh, Bali.

Congrats on that. Yeah, I've just been bouncing around. Okay, so we get it. Things are good, Sarah. You've got one of those, yeah, life's your bohemian. We're having fun. Living out of a van, posting on Instagram. Yeah, fine. Some of us are eating in our cars a lot. Anyway, congratulations on that. What is going on? Well, I'm calling because ever since I met this guy at a college club about like two years ago, he's been insistent on doing things like sending me food when I'm hungover or giving me like

$200 worth of weed a week is sending me money for like random things. Hold on. You said giving $200 worth of weed. Olivia jumped up her seat, pointed to Rachel, made the money sign and pointed at her. What is that? Do you remember when you stored all that weed? What is that? Remember when you used to deal drugs? No. What it was is it's going to go into what we were talking about. It's about men paying for drugs.

Yes. And how do we feel about trades and money for whatever? That's the thing. I only hung out with him twice for like 30 minutes and I barely talked to him. Oh.

During it. It's interesting. So you met this guy two times for 30 minutes and now he's just kind of showering you with gifts and things like that. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I love it. If it was me, I'd love it. Now I know why you're in fucking Bali. Are you just calling to brag? How many guys you got like this? There's a lot.

The rest of us have jobs. All right, so keep going, Sarah. Well, it starts to get weird because like... Starts to. I mean, I have a twin sister and this has not happened with her. Identical or fraternal? Is this an M. Night Shyamalan movie? We actually don't know. We never got tested. You never got tested for identical fraternal? Do you look like one? What do people think when they see you? Like, hey, you look the same? Or are they like, wow, you're different? And now I'm questioning the reality of this call. You have a twin fucking sister and you don't know if she's identical to you?

You know, like Mary-Kate and Ashley are fraternal. They look alike, but we're, it's like 50-50. They're fraternal? Some people think that we look exactly alike. Sorry. No, Mary-Kate and Ashley are identical. Mary, let me tell you a little something, and I've been in this business for a while. They play Michelle Tanner. Yes. And they are the same person. I know, that's why. Wait, what? Do you know, do you guys know what the difference between identical and fraternal is? I thought I did. Yeah, please enlighten us. It's either from two eggs or one. Right.

Exactly. Sarah, do you send yourself $200 a month of weed and then forget you do it? Are you in Bali? Are you in your parents' basement? Are we talking to a fucking maniac is my question. What world is real here, Sarah? I wish I had enough money to do that. Okay, so walk us back to reality. You might be identical. You might be fraternal. There's a guy who sends you $200. You met him twice for 30 minutes. Did you have sex with him? Hello.

Oh, God, no. Walk us through the first gift you got. It was, like, at my apartment, and he just, like, sent me. He was like, are you hungover? And I was like, I guess. And he just, like, sent me a bunch of pizza and, like, 50 bucks for, like, Pedialyte and, like, ibuprofen and stuff. I love him. Can I have his number? Yes. Is he available? Will he go my way? Let's give this guy a name. What should we call this guy? What should we call this man? Let's go with...

Wait, was your sister at the same party where you first met this guy? Yeah, what does this have to do with your sister? Yeah, yeah. Just weird because, like, we look exactly alike. She met him first, and he was kind of, like, just talking to her at first, and then it just kind of did 180, went to me. Just...

Okay. Weird. But it's just getting weird because he's like stayed in touch recently and he's just been like sending me random money. And even if I don't check back, he'll send me like 10 texts in a row. And he recently asked me for feet pics and then started, then started telling me, and I barely talked to this man in like a year. And he, uh, told me about how much, like,

how important I've been for like his year. And yeah, it's just starting to get weird. And like, he keeps telling me that he's not like interested in me or anything, but then he like sent me honey from like Greece and like all these random, like weird gifts. Really quickly before we start ladies, what's your initial take on this? Where are you guys at? I want to know,

If your sister, are you guys in constant contact? Like, is she receiving anything from this guy or is it just you? No, he hasn't like never messaged her about anything at all. And your question now, Sarah, is now that he's specific, now that you know, there's a price tag to this money and that is nobody just gives money and gifts from the goodness of their own heart.

Jump in. Okay, here's what I would say. Fine, no man gives a woman who's 24 traveling around and says like, do you want some honey from Gru's? What do I want back? Nothing. You know what? I want you to enjoy the weed. I've learned a lot about this subject recently and there are a lot of men

Don't know any women who do this, but there's probably women - actually I know a woman who does this their act of service is through money is through giving it gives them a sense Yeah, this it makes them feel worthy makes them feel all these feelings that they're striving to feel in their life, right? So my advice would be to set a boundary and be like hey I have greatly appreciated the weed the money all

all of it. I love it. I enjoy it. It brings me so much happiness. However, I am not comfortable sending pictures, unless you are, of my feet. Here's my boundaries, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If he decides, cool, that's fine. I'm going to continue to send you this

you may be helping him because he may be very purposeless and he may need to be gifting someone something so that he feels valued. I don't buy this one. Go ahead, Jake. Jake Johnson, but butthole. Thank you very much for your time. The only thing that I don't buy about that is I think if somebody gives you money, there's a price to everything. So the idea of I'm helping him by taking his gifts is

Look, you know, I like that spin, but that doesn't feel like I'm on planet Earth. Can I just say? Please. If you want pictures of your feet and you're happy getting all this money and this weed, why not just do it? Yeah! I don't hate it. I mean, I agree. I mean, you don't have to see the guy. You don't have to talk to the guy. You've seen him twice. But it's $20,000. Not even on the same couch. And by the way, it could be your sister's feet if you wanted to. And guess what? It could be anybody's feet. It could be your feet.

Listen, if you want pictures of my feet, I'm willing to... Sarah, I got advice from the three of us and maybe now Olivia. Here's what I say you do. I say you go to somebody you meet in Bali and you say, I'll give you a hundred bucks if I can take photos of your feet. I'm sending it to some creep who sends me money for weed. And if you let me take photos of your feet, I'll give you 10 joints.

And any of those women will go, sure. Sure. Or men. Doesn't matter. Yes. Maybe not gnarly toes. Sarah, what do you think about that? Let's go the Rachel Bilson approach. And that is if you send her money and then ask for photos, she will send those photos. Yes. She's trying to get me to sell my feet. People want her feet. I'm getting a lot of offers. Are you? Yes. And what's your thought on that? Why? She's entertaining it.

Are you entertaining? Hold on. I'm not. I'm not. I can't. Start an overtoes. Yeah. So her husband's entertaining. Walk through what's happening. So people are contacting you guys because of the podcast and they're saying, we really want to see your feet. She has really pretty feet. No, no. We had Amelia Hartford on who's a race car driver. Now everything's about these fucking friends.

feet i'm gonna rip these boots off jake's like look i'd like to make an offer on your right how much it's like up in the up in the thousand people are offering a thousand dollars over thousands and why are you saying no it feels a little weird it is a little weird it's a little weird it's definitely weird yeah everything's weird planet earth is weird going to a thai restaurant and ordering food and getting it served to you is weird without cost remember segways it's

It's a weird world. The future of travel. Sarah, so what we're going to say here, and we got to get off, but... Just like this guy? Just like, yeah. Is you got a good situation. You got a money train. Go with what Rachel would do. And that is... What would Rachel do? It's the Rachel Bilson technique. She would snap the pics and she would send them. She would. At 24 in Bali...

Abso-fucking-lutely. Yeah, if it's helping you out in exchanges, but don't be afraid to draw the line at some point and just be like, hey, listen, this got a little weird a little fast. Yeah, of course. I'm jumping ship. But the feet is different. If it's feet and no face, you're just talking about a pair of feet. It's not full frontal, people. Agreed. You can find a lot of feet in Bali. Full frontal foot. Yeah. Sarah, thank you for the call. Good luck out there. There's a lot of feet, yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.

The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.