Trevor’s New Years Resolutions
01:02:43 Share

Hold on, hold on, hold on. We need some more of that music. Yeah, I'll bring you some weight music, some suspensy weight music while this all happens. There we go. All right, here we go. This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. This episode is presented by Lululemon.

Everyone has those moments where they say, not today, when it comes to fitness. I mean, I know I do. Well, Lululemon Restorative Gear is made for those days. Days where you want to max out your rest and not your reps. Lululemon's new campaign features Odell Beckham Jr. and DK Metcalf in their buttery soft, breathable, restorative wear. Designed to keep up or kick back with you.

Visit lululemon.com for everything you need to bring it tomorrow. Rest day is the best day. This episode is brought to you by Borgata Hotel, Casino, and Spa in Atlantic City. Your perfect getaway. Immerse yourself in the style and sophistication of Atlantic City's number one gaming resort, where elegance meets entertainment and luxury awaits at every turn.

If you're ready for an unforgettable experience, visit thebogata.com to book your stay today. Must be over 21 to gamble. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. This episode is brought to you by Ricola. I think we can all agree that having an irritated throat is one of the worst feelings. Thankfully, there's an easy solution. Ricola Cherry Drops.

It provides the soothing throat relief you need, and even better, it's packed with flavor, so you can make every day more delicious and still feel great. Try Ricola Cherry Drops now. To find out where to buy it near you, visit Ricola.com.

Hey, what's going on, everybody? Happy 2024. Welcome to our first podcast of the year. This is a special episode as well because I don't often get to chat to the entire team. Like you are the guest, in effect. You, the people who helped me to make this podcast, are the guest. And I thank you for that because we're all coming together to make this at the top of the year when no one should be working. And yet, unfortunately, many people are. So Josh...

Emmanuel, Ben, Barry, welcome to 2024. Happy 2024. We made it. Yeah, thanks for bringing me. Well, I didn't bring you, Josh. I think you were going to be here without me. Well, you brought me to my first thing of 2024, in a sense. I did. I did, Josh, and I'll take that. Yeah. Am I the first...

Anything that you have done of 2024? Not the first of anything. I definitely have eaten and I've done at least one session of exercise and stuff. I mean significant things, Josh. Of significance. Like things that you would tell them. Let's say you died tomorrow and you had to wrap up your year.

What would be the most significant thing you had done this year? This is the first thing my mom will be proud of this year. Well, there you go. Yeah. My mom's probably listening to right now and she's very happy. Hey, Mrs. Johnson.

The fact that I'm recording from my in-laws closet right now, they couldn't be prouder. They actually don't know that I'm in here. Can I tell you, that's my favorite thing about doing a podcast, like when everyone is still sort of in the remnants of vacation, is that you have to find a little enclave somewhere.

Before doing this podcast, I don't think I realized how echoey some houses and hotels are. It's absurd. Make the ceilings lower. Yeah. Like now I walk into a room snapping my fingers like a bat that's like trying to find something using echo. You should see me like when I check into hotels, I just start snapping my finger. Like,

And then like, you can see the staff just thinks like I'm a very jazzy guy. You know, they're just like, wow, Trevor Noah, you check him in and he just starts snapping away. I'm trying to figure out where the least reflective surface is so I can record the podcast. And everyone just thinks I'm a really happy guy, you know. I've just got some jazz playing in my head. Welcome to Room 503, folks.

As the one and only Trevor Noah stepping in. Do not disturb. Can we replace the theme song with what you just did? No offense to the theme song, which we love. You could. Maybe it can be outro music.

Just saying. You could. You actually could. I have been known to perform exceptionally intricate intro and outro music with my mouth. Like I'm the person who like walk into the kitchen and I will just make intro music for me and my friends hanging out. It actually adds to the vibe. Makes quite a difference. I can imagine. I also do it for like a really awkward moment. Those ones are the best sometimes. So like friends of mine will be fighting or strangers. Strangers are the best. I'll be in a restaurant or a public place

And then a couple next to us will like fight and they'll go at it. And oh my God, I swear to God, John, if you don't shut up, they'll go back and they'll pause. And then I, in that moment, I will always have like a song ready where I'll just, I'll just be like, do, do, do, do, do, bop.

Oh, man. Can we try it now? Can we try it real quick? What are you going to do? Well, you didn't tell me that that's not my baby. That was a bit of a Seinfeld, but I mean, still. That was Seinfeld. That was just absolutely Seinfeld. It has a feeling. It still has a feeling, though. It still has a feeling. I wonder if that guy who played those notes on

on the Seinfeld song was able to find a gig anywhere else because that was him playing. That was his style. Yeah. Yeah. And now everywhere he goes, people are like, you're playing Seinfeld. And he's like, I am that. I'm the guy. And they're like, play a riff, Johnny. And he's like, okay, here we go. Then they're like, you're playing Seinfeld. And he's like, no.

I'm playing me. God damn it, it's me. Johnny Hooks. That's what I do. They called me and they put me on Seinfeld. Now they say I'm Seinfeld. I feel sorry for Johnny Hooks. In evidence of your point, I found him on Instagram and his Insta handle is Seinfeld Music Guy. You're lying. Jonathan Wolf. Seinfeld Music Guy is his Instagram handle.

Created music for Seinfeld, although it says and Will & Grace. So he did work again. Oh. Yeah, but it's not the same. Well, exactly, because his handle isn't Seinfeld and Will & Grace music art. It's just Seinfeld. Exactly. He looks so happy. I mean, if you look at him, he has got a gorgeous smile. He really does. He's a lovely man.

So all those checks, all those Seinfeld checks. I love that for him. Good for him. Good for him and anybody who has made something or contributed to making something that keeps people happy forever. I think that's dope for him. He should be smiling forever.

See, look at you. You're all smiling right now. Everyone listening. You can't help but do it. Everyone has to do it. Not everyone. Not Justin Timberlake. Remember when he, in the NSYNC era, he thought making percussives with his mouth was the way to go. He would beatbox when no one asked for it. Prepare yourself. It's the human beatbox.

Yeah, that's me. Everyone but Justin Timberlake. Yes. Yeah, he would just break into the song randomly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he would just do those things. It's like, please don't. It is the pitfall of many an individual who gains a lot of black friends quickly. You do just start trying everything. Like I've watched many because I've been like, you know me, I've been a lot of people's first black friend. Right.

And I've been the one where it was like, all of a sudden they beatbox or they really want to use their knees more when they danced or whatever. And I'm like, oh, you don't have to do that because I'm here. Did they take your feedback to heart or did they just find your presence encouraging? It was more of the latter. I thought so. Yeah. It was a lot of me being like, hey, you really don't need to do that. And they're like, what? I'm just feeling the beat. Mm-mm-mm.

And I'm like, oh, please don't. Please stop. They did the horns? Every single person who has tried to nickname me JJ has also done the horns. What up, JJ? We doing this tonight? Yeah.

It's distressing. So when I look back at that Justin Timberlake where he was just like, ooh, ladies. It's like, ah, man. Timberland was the only person there. Yeah. And Timberland turned to him and he said, yo, dog, I don't know if you need to do it that much. Yeah. There weren't enough. You needed a tipping point of black friends to keep you in check. This is a very crucial lesson. Look at this. We just started the year and already we're dropping gems. Yeah.

So I'm really excited for this year for a few reasons. Over Christmas and the New Year, I was thinking to myself, what are we going to focus on

for the podcast this year. As always, I love speaking to interesting people and we're going to be doing that over the course of the year. You know, fascinating guests lined up, like everyone, like the king, the queen, the CEO, the rapper, like all of them. And whoever you're thinking of, you're like, wait, which one, Trevor? Those ones, whatever. And I don't, you know, I'm not going to play all my cards at one go. So I'm very excited for all of those people. But you know what I'm really excited for? I don't remember a time

when we lived through this many momentous elections in one year. Like this is the year of the elections. Obviously you've got the United States, arguably the most important election in the world, whichever way America goes, the rest of the world sort of follows. I mean, you saw America got Trump and then every country had the Trump of that country.

You know, it was like the Trump of Argentina, the Trump of the Middle East, the Trump of Brazil, the Trump of, you know what I mean? It's like the Trump of everywhere. England with Boris Johnson. Oh, yeah. They were like, he's the Trump of... By the way, did Boris like that or was he offended being called the Trump of the UK or... I think he just liked anyone talking about him. I'll be honest. I think that was all it was. Well, that sounds again like the Trump of... It would be great if we found out that Trump actually certifies them. He has like a university, another university of Trump. Yeah.

And then you go there and then he like grades you and he's like, always thinking about yourself. Check. Always making it about you. Check. All the things. Check, check, check. You are the Trump of Venezuela.

And then you get like a little certificate. And a steak. A Trump steak. A Trump steak. You get a certificate and a steak. Medium, rare, medium, however you want it prepared. It's yours. I miss the days when America's elections were crazy but not dangerous. Yeah. I feel like this year will be very different. You can also tell in every debate, whether you're watching the Republican debates or you're just watching like rallies or, you know, when we watch Iowa coming up and stuff, you can tell...

points people lose and go up.

genuinely by how entertaining they are. Like, like you can, you can just see the moments like, like, I don't know. I know I was little when, you know, they were having the Bush years and everything, second Bush years, but like there was still some sort of, you'd walk away from a debate being like, he did make some good points and he did talk about this. Whereas now it's like, like when Trump had that, that roast on DeSantis heels and he did the walk away from the podium, that's very funny. Yeah.

And he was like this. Yeah, he did floppy arms. He was like, he can't balance. And I was like, oh, I think Trump just went up eight points and DeSantis went down three. And I was not far off.

Isn't what Ron is doing kind of camp, though, with those heels? Like, if you've seen the diagram of what your foot has to look like to fit in the fake boot that he wears, it's entertaining. So his numbers aren't climbing because of that. But I do think that he's inspired Nicki Minaj's latest lyric, high heels on my tippies. I feel like that's about Ron DeSantis. LAUGHTER

Citation needed, but I'm just going to say that. We don't need a fact check, and it's fine. You know what Ron DeSantis doesn't realize is if he took his shoes off at a rally or a debate, he would jump up in the... Because everyone would speak about it. He would be everywhere, and he'd be like, look at my feet. Tell me these are not the feet of a president, and he pulls them out of the boots. No matter what feet come out, he's won in a way. Yeah.

Just to get back to it, why is this the year of big elections? I think of the American one. What else have you got? Oh, my goodness. There's a whole bunch. Some of the biggest ones. Algeria, Botswana, Ghana. You've got Brazil. What's going to be municipal in Brazil? Oh, Mexico. That's a big one. Yes. That's a big one. That's coming up. You've got Uruguay. You've got Venezuela. These are all pretty big.

Croatia is a big one. The European Union is having its election. Russia, big presidential election. Who's going to win there? Could be Putin. Could be. Might be Putin. Maybe. You never know. You never know. When you're running against yourself, who really wins? That's going to be an interesting one. There was a report today, Ukraine is saying there's three different Putins.

He's got three body doubles. So therefore, which Putin are we actually voting for? Can I tell you something? I don't believe that. And I'll tell you why. There was a video that came out where Russian, like basically the Russian tech industry was showing off its AI advancements. And they created an AI that spoke exactly like Putin in video form or whatever.

And they were just showing like, look, look at what Russia can do. We are also making AI. And then Putin says in like the same sentence, he's like, yeah, that's impressive. And then immediately he goes, and he says this all in Russian, but he's like, but after seeing this, I realized there should only be one Putin and it should only be me. So I don't think we should allow this.

And I mean, if you're the tech guys, you're like, damn, did we just get sentenced to life in prison? I don't know. But Putin just basically goes, I don't like this. Because think about it. If Putin has doubles, what's to stop the doubles from taking out Putin? I don't think Putin would allow it. Oh, yeah. I bet you're not even allowed to get his haircut in hair salons in Russia.

Because you just come in and you're like, give me the Putin. Like, what are you trying to do, comrade? It's probably illegal also to ride a horse without your shirt on like he likes to do. Show off those little pecs. Yeah, I'm not mad at that for everyone. I hope they bring that law everywhere. Yeah. Anyway, Ben, it's going to be a big year. I'll get more of the details. It is going to be. There's a lot of things shifting in the world. You can feel it already. Look at it. The year hasn't even started.

And people are waiting for the Epstein list, which was supposed to have come out and hasn't. You live to fight another day, Trevor. You live to fight another day. As soon as it comes out, I'm searching your name. You love a private jet. You love a private jet. And you love an island. Can I tell you something, my friends?

There is no joy greater than the joy of knowing you cannot be a part of something because you were just not around. What a joy. What an abs... I remember when they were talking about the Me Too movement and they were like, ooh, Hollywood all through the 90s and the 2000s. I was like, whoop, I was in Africa. I'm like, oh...

It's not even about whether or not I'm a good person or not. At that point, I just wasn't there. I was not in America for Jeffrey Epstein's things. I was not around America for Jeffrey Epstein's things. I have never been on a jet for Jeffrey. This is one of those stories where I'll be comfortably eating whatever meal I'm eating and chewing and swallowing it while I wait for the list to come out, Ben.

I'll be having a one. Whoever's name is on that list, by the way, is not having an easy day. Yeah. Yeah. Can we just agree on that? Like, it is hard for you to walk into the office the day after the Jeffrey Epstein list comes out with your name on it and act normal. Hey, Sheila. Hey, Dave. How's everybody doing? Wait, what? Do I have something on my tie? What's...

Patrick, you haven't seen the list? The list? What list? The Jeffrey Epstein list. The Jeffrey what? Your name is on the list. Wait, let me see that. Hold on. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

Yeah. This is my thing about the list dropping like an album that's really frustrating is that my thing is a lot of people around the Epstein stuff are conspiracy theorists, right? So it is weird to me that you don't trust the mainstream media. Yes. And you think that there's a cabal of all the elites. Yes.

but then you also need the elites to tell on themselves to you and you think they're gonna drop the full list of themselves. It's a lot like when people didn't trust doctors, but then they got COVID and went to a hospital. What you're saying is intellectually correct,

But what you're doing is squeezing the juice out of being a conspiracy theorist. You see, the joy of being a conspiracy theorist, Josh, is that you don't believe anything unless it confirms what you do believe. Okay, fair enough. And that's what makes this list so enticing. Yeah, yeah. Is that this list is a slip-up.

Because the judge who's releasing the list is probably not in on it. And that's why they're releasing the list. Unless the list doesn't have the names of the people who you know were on that jet and on that island. If it doesn't have their names...

it's a cover-up to throw us off who was really on the list. See, this is how you conspiracy. I actually want to get into a few things in and around the list, like the Kimmel thing, the list itself, and conspiracy theories. But let's take a quick break to hear from our favorite advertisers, and we'll be right back. ♪

Get 3% daily cash back when you use Apple Card to buy a new iPhone 15 or pair of AirPods at Apple. You can choose to grow it at 4.40% annual percentage yield when you open a savings account through Apple Card. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on iPhone.

Subject to credit approval, Savings is available to Apple Card owners subject to eligibility. Savings and Apple Card by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch, member FDIC. Terms and more at applecard.com.

This episode is brought to you by KPMG. The people at KPMG make the difference for their clients. Talented teams leveraging the right technology to uncover insights that illuminate opportunity. KPMG teams together with their clients working shoulder to shoulder to help grow and transform their enterprise. Are you ready to make the difference together? Go to

visit.kpmg.us slash transformation to learn more. And we're back. Okay, so here's the first question I have for you as people of the world. Is everyone aware of the fact that the list sort of was already released?

Does everyone know this? Yeah, yeah. Well, I could be honest. I'm confused by this list because I see copies of a list of people who are on a flight log with their initials, but then they're saying it hasn't been released. And is this whole list just people who have been on his flights? It's anyone who gave a lift on his jet. Is that what we're... That's what apparently this judge is releasing. Am I correct? That's my understanding. But then we've already seen it. It's already been out. Yes, yes. And this is what I love about marketing.

and re-releases of albums, to Josh's point. This stuff came out when it was really noisy. I mean, think about it. We were dealing with Trump. There was no news story. You remember, Josh, at The Daily Show, we always used to say,

that Trump, while he was great for, let's say, you know, comedy or late night or like chaos and news coverage, he was terrible for helping people keep up with every other piece of news that was happening because he would suck the air out of every other news story that was out there.

This sort of list story came out. There's a whole bunch of names that have already come out. Those people have already breathed their sighs of relief because they're like, wow, I thought this was going to be a much bigger deal. And now, because the news cycle is a little more standard, a little slower, people are paying attention. And now this is a re-release of things that I think we sort of already-ish know.

But now it's going to be a lot more official with some redacted names. But yes, Ben, that's how I understand it. You know, I think that this is okay. I'm trying to tread lightly because I don't want to sound a certain way. Are you on the list, Josh? Look, if I was on the list. I'm just joking, Josh. You're a young black guy. What were you doing on that list? Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, Josh. This is my thing.

One thing that Harvey Weinstein did back in the day that was like... Wow, this... Yeah, that was really... This could go anywhere. Yeah, this really could. This is one of those moments where if you are listening to this podcast...

driving, if you are carrying a hot drink, if you are in any precarious, if you're jogging on the side of a cliff. So just pause for this, pull over. We're going to give you a moment because Josh just started a sentence with the one thing Harvey Weinstein, and we're just going to pause just for a moment so that you can situate yourself before Josh gives us his Harvey Weinstein take. Yes, Josh, we're ready now. So the one thing that Harvey Weinstein did that really...

taps into how calculating and manipulative he was, was he would do these charities. He would do these benefits for people, and he would make sure to be seen in a picture with everybody there. He's running up behind you, putting his arm around you, snap, snap.

So there are pictures with Harvey Weinstein where the person isn't even looking at the camera. He's just like over here to the side because in his mind, if I am in a picture with everybody, when the time comes and everybody is in a picture with me, how are they going to let me go down? How are they going to let me fall?

I think Jeffrey Epstein worked the same way where it's like, what's it cost someone who already has the jet as already going a certain way to put three people on the jet who are also going that way? Like, oh, come on, come on the jet. So now you as like even a mildly famous person get a ride on the jet. You're part of the flight logs now. You weren't part of the second leg. So now he's going to fly wherever to do whatever ungodly things.

I don't think it exonerates anyone. I'm just saying like, that is a thing that I think a lot of people in power do where they drop some breadcrumbs to just implicate you a little bit. Okay, okay, then how's this for a proposal then? I'm willing to accept the Josh Johnson amendment. If you are on Jeffrey Epstein's jet once-

we say that maybe you are a very lucky hitchhiker. Yes, exactly. If you are on twice? Once you're on like three times, I'm like, no, y'all roll together. Huh. So we're using the same metrics of like having black friends. Yes. If you've been on the jet more times than you have black friends. Yes.

You're up to some shit with Jeffrey Epstein is what you said. Yeah, because at eight, you're at least a freeloader. I'm not mad at this, Josh. Let's say you didn't do anything bad, but you are the jet 10 times. I'm not mad at this. You're at least not a good friend. I'm not mad. By the way, did you see the thing that Aaron Rodgers said about, I don't even know. Does anyone know a backstory for that? Because did they have beef? Apparently, they have problems. Yeah. Oh.

I think Kimmel made jokes about the fact that Aaron's an anti-vaxxer. I think that was what it was. Oh, okay. Okay, it's when Aaron Rodgers said, I'm immunized, when they said, are you vaccinated? Probably. Yeah, and so he made a flippant joke. Aaron Rodgers made stupid jokes saying, you know, being rude about Jimmy. And he was like, Jimmy Kimmel's going to be on that list. Mm-hmm.

And then Jimmy Kimmel was like, don't you... Yeah, he had to tweet out and everything. He had to Will Smith. If he was in the same room, he would have been like, keep my name on your mouth. He would have had to do the exact same thing. Nobody... Can I tell you? You can say almost anything in America. And because of how polarized America is, you will find a base. The one thing that nobody, and I mean nobody, has a base for is anything involving a sex trafficking ring of underage children. It's like...

Like even Jimmy Kimmel was like, I don't care if that was a joke. No, stop. Yeah. Yeah. No one even wants to make a joke about it. That's how terrifying it is. See, listen to all of you right now. Quiet and terrified. Yeah. Silence. Silence. Just complete silence. I'm calling Jonathan Wolf to get some music for it.

Oh, man. It's amazing how quickly the year has kicked off with news, you know, because you've got the Epstein thing. And then, oh, one of the other big stories was the president of, is it Harvard? Yeah, it's Harvard. Claudine Gay. President of Harvard stepped down. That's been a messy affair. It sure has. Half of the story is that her stuff was plagiarized.

Yeah. Allegedly. Okay. Allegedly. Here's what I find strange about plagiarism in the world of academia. Isn't everything in some way, shape or form plagiarism in the world of academia? Because what are you? It's not like you're coming up with new words or you just go, oh, Josh Johnson did a study on frogs and he said frogs jump higher when you call their names in Spanish.

And then I take that and then I put it in my work. And then is the plagiarism the fact that I don't say Josh Johnson said this? Is that the plagiarism? It's about citations. That's pretty much it. Yeah. You didn't put the features on the album. And so that means now we take away your Grammy. Or the proper features in exactly the right way.

It's the nerdiest scandal you can be involved in. It truly is. It's really exhausting. Because the thing that frustrates me about any plagiarism in academia type thing is that I remember when I was starting to write essays and how frustrated I would be. Like, I was not trying to be a jerk to my teacher. I was genuinely trying to understand how this worked. I was supposed to have a sort of thesis statement. And the thesis statement is something I believe. Then I know I'm right.

I believe the thing. Then I have to go find people who said it before I did. But then if I don't list their names right in the bottom footnotes, I've now lied about what I already believe. And also, who did they cite, right? You can put like Confucius or a wise person once said. What if you do that? Can you say that in your citations? If you just put them all at the bottom and be like, all citations a wise person once said. That's technically correct. Yeah.

These were all wise people and they said it. For me, if your scandal is that you wrote papers and you didn't write the names of other people who said the things, I think you should be the president of a university. You're like a super nerd. Well done. You're a super nerd with a hint of like bad. Like I think every university needs that. Well, yeah. Wait, so Josh, did you go to university? Yeah, yeah. I went to Centenary College in Louisiana.

That doesn't sound real. I don't know anything about squeeze, but that doesn't sound real. Oh, yeah. Like, I wouldn't pay money. And I'm from Africa, by the way. I wouldn't pay money to Centenary College. What did you study there? I studied design. I studied lighting design. You studied design? Yeah. Did you finish? Mm-hmm. I used it for four months, and then I started comedy. So we're doing great. You know how useless the qualification has to be?

For comedy to be your safety cord. Like your parachute was comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard that before. Huh. That's fascinating. Yeah. But I think design did help me in the way that I think about jokes and the way that I think logic. Because...

design has you solve problems that don't really exist yet. And then you sort of move forward in a way that you hope is structurally sound. And if it is, then your lighting design or your building or your bridge doesn't fall. And if it is not sound, then people just stare at you at the end of the joke. I think you have made a valiant effort at justifying why you wasted so much money. Yeah.

I think that was a worthy exploration into how it could help you. But you just did what every person does when something terrible has happened in their lives and they go, but you know what? If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be me today and I wouldn't be here. And I'm just, I'm actually, I have learned from design and it taught me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that. I wish I went to university, but I could never afford it. When I was finishing high school,

I asked my mom if I could go to university. I wanted to study IT. I believed that computers were the future. I know, I was ahead of the curve. And then my mom said to me, okay, if you want to go study, I will pay for half the tuition. And South Africa is not like the US where like your family will be, you know, indebted forever if you go to school, but it's still a sizable amount. And so she said, if you come up with half of the money, I'll pay the other half. And now I was like, but where am I supposed to get the money?

And she's like, well, that's not my problem. You figure that out. So I went off to try and earn money to go to university. And then I just worked. And I'm still working now.

And I never went to university. But the reason I wanted to go to university is because my cousin went to university. And I would go hang out with him every single day on campus. And then I would go with him to his classes. And I would just sit there. Like I did a full year of corporate communications, the subject.

Never paid. I just sat in the classes and I would answer questions and I was a pretty good student. And then towards the end of the year or in the next year, the teacher saw me in the cafeteria and he asked me, he's like, hey, he's like, excuse me. He's like, hey, Mr. Noah. I was like, yeah. And he's like, he's like, oh, I didn't see your exam paper. And I was like, oh yeah, I don't go to the school, man. And he was very disappointed because I think I was one of his favorite students. Because I had that swag of, I can't make a mistake because I'm not in the school.

So whenever he'd be like, anyone who has a suggestion, I just put up my hand. And then everyone in the class was just like, man, we like this guy. He's pretty cool. And so there are some people till this day who think they went to university with me. And while they technically did, they did not. That's true.

That feels like if someone was the most fun at Thanksgiving and then they stood up before the meal was over and they were like, I'm not in this family. They walk out and it's like, who brought him? And he was great. We weren't even arguing. Why did he leave? Oh, man.

Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's actually, I wonder if you could do, do people wedding crash anymore? I feel like that would be worth doing. That's how my grandparents met. Yeah.

Wait, how? Being wedding crushes or a wedding crush? Oh, that'd be cool if they were both. No, my grandpa, there was a free bar at the other wedding that was like in the same area. And he was like, well, I don't want to pay for my drinks. So he just went to the other wedding to go get drinks there. And my grandma was a bridesmaid and they met there. And he was like, cool. And then they got married. That is amazing.

I've never crashed a wedding, but I did have something similar. So there was a time in South Africa when the best, well, the most popular thing you could get for a wedding was a comedian. You would hire a comedian for the wedding and it just became all the rage in the country. At the time, I just started doing comedy. And so these wedding gigs would really keep you going for most of the year.

And one year I show up at a golf country club that is, you know, where most of the people get married. I walk in, find the people gathered around. There's a stage microphone. And I walk in and I had a decent amount of like familiarity in South Africa. People knew me as a comedian, you know, wasn't super famous or anything, but people just knew me.

and the guy turned, and he's like, hey, you're the comedian, and I was like, yep, and he's like, oh, are you performing? Then I was like, yes, I am, and then I got on stage, and I performed, and they were amazing. They were a great crowd. We had a fun time talking to the bride, the groom, the family. It was fantastic, one of my favorite gigs ever. I leave. I get in the car. I drive back home. On the way back home,

The promoter, essentially, who booked me for the gig, phones me, and he's furious. He's like, Trevor, what the hell? Where are you? I'm like, Joe, what's going on? He's like, Trevor, let me tell you something. This will be the last day you ever work in this town. Where the hell are you? I'm like, I'm driving home. He's like, you're driving home. How can you drive home? You're supposed to be at the gig. I was like, no, I've already been to the gig. It was a great gig. I did really well. He's like, what are you doing on the phone with me right now? They said you never showed up. I was like, I did the opposite of not showing up. I showed up like crazy. Those people...

Those people are dying. What are you talking about? I never showed up. Turns out at the same venue, there were two weddings happening, just like with your grandfather. I just walked into the room, assuming it was the room. I didn't think there were two weddings back to back. And they assumed there's a performer at a wedding. They let me perform. The other wedding waited more than an hour and they didn't get the wedding performer. And I performed for these other people for free. And yeah, it was, I felt very sad for the other people's wedding.

But also happy that I had a great gig. And so I was like, I'm glad I had a good gig. That's all I thought about. I was sad at the same time. That's how you know you killed, too. Where you're like, man, I felt so bad for them that they didn't get this heat. That was a phenomenal night for me. And they didn't even get to witness it. That's a shame. Because they were the ones who should have got it. Oof.

hate it for. Yeah, no, I did feel sorry for them. But going back to the university thing, you know, this is something I've been thinking about over the, I mean, just since the university presidents had to go and testify in Congress. It's like, do you feel like, I'll ask it as a question because I do have my own thought, but I don't want to pollute yours. Do you feel like universities, predominantly in America, have set themselves up

correctly to be the places where people have the hardest conversations or walk away with a broader understanding of a topic or of other people. This story now was about college kids fighting about Israel, Palestine, and what kids were saying to each other. But it's been interesting to see how universities don't seem to be

It's almost like they aren't prepared for how polarizing conversations are getting in America. And they haven't sort of set up, for lack of a better term, the correct mental boxing ring for their kids to be in. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if I'm articulating this correctly. But like, okay, let me put it as a dream.

I would dream, I would want my kids, or even if I went to university, I would want my kids to go to a university where they are going to be forced to encounter ideas that both challenge them and then force them to refine their own views. But I would want them to be in a space where they have to argue the merits of an idea, where they have to come up against philosophies and concepts that they don't agree with and then go back and forth. But I don't think the universities right now

are creating the most conducive environment to it. It seems like a free-for-all in how many of these stories break out. But I don't know. Obviously, I'm not an expert, and I don't sneak onto university campuses anymore. So my expertise is limited on this. I guess, okay, maybe this answers the question. But the thing that I felt when I was watching the president speak to the Senate was I think that in every...

Maybe every facet of how we live, whether it's education or companies with their CEOs, so schools with their presidents or even the president in general. We've got to this place that shifted even more so than like ideology has shifted to the point where our leaders aren't necessarily people who embody the best ideals of us and help us move forward. They're people who...

most functionally maintain a sort of status quo. So the same way that I think a lot of people in error look at police as like freedom fighters and they're always going to do what's right and just, they're actually there to maintain peace. So even if peace is unjust, it's their job to just keep everything smooth. And I think that's what we've looked to a lot of now leaders who we depend on. So the musks of the world and

these college presidents, they just make sure, hey, money is coming in, the school stays open. If that means we become more right-wing, if that means we become more left-wing, if that means there's protest every week, if that means there's no protest—

The money's coming in and the school is open is more so, in my opinion, what I see as the thought process than are we creating a sort of environment for the next generation of leaders or whatever the mission statement of a school is. I think that the people who are trying to do that are usually –

And sadly, in almost every respect, someone who is middle or lower. So I think that there are definitely professors who are trying to do that. I think that there are, you know, middle management who are like, this person needs sick leave. Let me just give him some extra days. But the head of something is about maintaining the function of that thing. So when I see them not be able to answer what feel like very simple questions on hate speech, very simple questions on politics,

they're thinking about the functionality of how do I keep this place open. Maintaining the peace of the place running consistently. Yeah. Ben, I feel like you have a thought. Yeah. Just I thought they handled themselves appallingly.

And I think that actually it's not about coming together and sharing ideas. If it was, that would be fine. I agree with you. Share ideas. We can only learn from each other. You and I have had many conversations about many of these controversial topics, whether it be Israel, Palestine, whether it be race. We talk a lot often as friends about it.

And that, I think, I mean, I can't speak for you, but I think it educates us and it makes us really understand everybody's perspective. But that's not what we're talking about at universities. What we're talking about at universities is threatening behavior to other students, which can go into Islamophobia, which can go into antisemitism, which can go into racism.

And when a senator, whether we like that senator or we don't like that senator, says a question as does calling for the genocide of Jews violate Harvard's protocol or whatever it is, and she goes, it can be depending on the context. I think if you're the leader of the top education institution in America, that's an unacceptable answer. Now, she didn't lose her job over that, but whatever. I'm not an expert in it, but I know it's more than that. But fundamentally, there was nothing more disappointing.

When you have students all over the country, and I say this on both sides, I'm not just talking about Jews, I'm also talking about Muslims too. When the leaders of those universities sat there and acted like vanilla politicians, refusing to give an opinion because they were worried about their lawyers sat behind them, they've just got to go, of course, calling for the genocide of anybody is utterly appalling and we don't stand with it. And the fact that they all found it so difficult was...

devastating at a time when so many people are feeling

hate and not enjoying the rhetoric that is happening up and down cities across the world. Right. And that's exactly what I'm trying to say is I would hope, and maybe this is naive of me, but I would hope that the one place where people are figuring out how to have the conversations that most of society is struggling to have would be in a university that is costing people fortunes that they have to pay off for the rest of their lives. Let's use any other sphere.

If I pay money to a mixed martial arts fighting gym, I would hope that I, as Trevor, am now more capable of engaging myself in self-defense or even in like a manner of fighting that is like, you know what I mean, the least detrimental to myself and to other people. You know, so like, Josh, you love fighting, but...

And not fighting in the streets. I'm saying you love like UFC, et cetera, and boxing and all of that. One thing professionals all have is the ability to hold themselves back, the ability to know how much damage they can do and can't do, the ability to understand what the purpose of the fight actually is. And I think that's what I would want to get if I spent my money going to a mixed martial arts gym, right? If I went for whatever it may be, if you were in that space, like I would, I was disappointed because I'm like, man,

You would hope that universities would be the place where people are walking away going, yeah, I know the rest of you idiots in the streets don't know how to have these conversations, as spirited as they may be.

I know you don't know how to have them, but we're learning how to have them on like a much higher level because we are being educated. Does that make sense? But to Josh's point, it feels like it is less about that. Like even with, let's go with, you know, take it away from like the most heated topic right now. Go to a conversation like in and around Trump, for instance, or, you know, Republican right-wing politicians or whoever it is.

You would hope that schools found a way to let students engage in a topic that is both fraught and threatening theoretically and in many cases literally.

But you'd hope they'd find a way for people to engage in it, where your kids come home and they go, hey, mom, hey, dad, let me teach you how to have conversations around this topic. Let me teach you some of the tools that we've learned in our school that may not solve the issue, but bring us a step closer to solving it because we at least know how to speak about it to each other. Does that make sense? It does. But hasn't university always been, to a certain extent, the hotbed of an extreme view?

because it is... Oh, that's an interesting point. Because ultimately, when you are young and you're 18 to 21 or whatever, that is where... If you look at all of our politicians who run this country right now, they will always be at the most extreme view that they had when they were 18 to 21 without responsibility. You know, I think about my own politics when I was a student. It was more left than it probably is today where I'm probably a bit more central. I think that is...

That is, it was ever thus. And actually, it was really interesting. I was clearing out my parents' house a couple of months ago. They wanted me to clear out a thing. And I found like a university magazine from when I was at uni 20 years ago. And there was a whole article on the front page about a demonstration and about anti-Semitism and socialism.

There was a quote from me as the president of the Jewish Society of Leeds University saying, speaking out about how we had just held a meeting and there was a protest outside and we felt very threatened as we walked into this room. And I'd forgotten that. I'd forgotten that that was what was happening. And if you go to my parents' time, they were the ones who were on marches. My parents used to go on marches when they were students. I doubt they've been on a march since. I think it was always so, but I think that...

what's just happened is the leaders of our universities have just not handled this current crisis well at all. And a couple of them have now paid the price for that. That is true. What is sad, what is sad as a side note, it is sad

that some of the people coming for these universities are not coming for them for any issue other than the fact that they just don't like higher learning and they feel that these are the bastions of liberalism. You know, it's weird when two things are happening concurrently because it is both true that the university presidents did a terrible job in that hearing, but at the same time, a lot of these Republican politicians who are coming off the universities don't really care about that.

Like it's such a weird mix of intentions. Like they're just like, yeah, let's dismantle these universities because we don't like what they stand for. Because I will say I did find it particularly funny that the politicians, many of them who are up there asking these questions about anti-Semitism are the same politicians or run in very similar circles with politicians who will not like stand up against those tiki torch dudes saying the Jews will not replace us. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, so you have to ask, like, what's in it for them to care about this particular case? And this goes for those politicians, but also the conservative journals that were launching this campaign against Claudine Gay, the Harvard president. And I can't help but wonder if a lot of this also has to do with the fact that she is the first Black president of Harvard, the second woman.

And they do probably think of her as a representation of, quote, woke influence. Or even hiring, yeah. Yeah. It's a messy thing that touches every point. And I don't think that there'll ever be one clean...

One clean hit, you know where you'll go. That is true and that is also true and that is not true and that is also not true. But all of these things coexist in the same ball and then at the end of it, we're just left there. Like many of the bigger issues in life, I think it is a lot more nuanced and maybe even boring than people would like to admit it is. And so it's easy to just keep it on the surface and go from there.

But it is a messy one. And I think in many ways, this is what going back to the beginning of our conversation, I think that this is the precursor in some ways. Everything we're seeing now is the precursor to what we are going to experience in a much larger way throughout 2024. And before we talk about what we expect from 2024, let's take a quick break to talk about what we can buy now.

This episode is brought to you by Borgata Hotel, Casino, and Spa in Atlantic City. Your perfect getaway. Immerse yourself in the style and sophistication of Atlantic City's number one gaming resort, where elegance meets entertainment, and luxury awaits at every turn. If you're ready for an unforgettable experience, visit theborgata.com to book your stay today.

Must be over 21 to gamble. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.

This episode is brought to you by the podcast Tools and Weapons with Brad Smith. You know, one of my favorite subjects to discuss is technology. Because when you think about it, there are few things in the world that can improve or destroy the world like the technologies that humans create. The question is, how do we find the balance? Well, one of my favorite podcasts that aims to find the answers to these questions is hosted by my good friend, Brad Smith, the Vice Chair and President of Microsoft from

From AI to cybersecurity and even sustainability, every episode takes a fascinating look at the best ways we can use technology to shape the world. Follow and listen to Tools and Weapons with Brad Smith on Spotify now. Okay, so we got two big news stories that have...

I mean, like they've set the tone for the year, I feel. And this being, I'm still going to stick with this, by the way, Ben, this being the biggest election year in many years, I'll just find more countries. Don't worry. I'll figure, I'll find them. Take it. I'm not arguing with you. No, no, I know you aren't, but I, but I, but I feel like I have to prove this. I will, I will personally go to all these countries and show why this is the biggest year of elections. But, um,

Yeah, what do you, let me break this into two, because one is fun, and then one is, I think, a little hopeful. You know, it's nice to start the year off on a hopeful note. What is the one thing you think we should expect to see in 2024? And then what is one thing you hope we will not see again in 2024? I'll give you a few seconds to think about it. Because I mean, if you're listening to the podcast, you can do that too as well. You know, just think about it.

What is something you think we'll see in 2024? And what is something you hope we don't see again in 2024? I'll give you some music to help you. I think everybody's on the same page.

I can start. I can start since I put everybody on the spot. The thing I think we're going to see in 2024 is a lot of people claiming that the thing they've said or done is AI when in fact it is them. I think we're going to see a lot of politicians being like, that was AI and it will be them. And then their people will be like, no, that was AI. It was definitely AI.

And there won't be as much AI as we think, but it will have done its job. I think we're going to see a lot more AI blame coming up.

And just so you know, up front, I'm saving one AI blame for myself. I'm going to use it one day. I don't know when. And I hope it's for something completely just like benign and stupid. You know, Trevor, we saw you at the yogurt land eating yogurt directly from the dispenser. And I'll say that was AI. I hope it's something like that. But I hope you know that I'm saving an AI blame story for myself. And then what's the thing I hope we don't see this year again? Yeah.

I hope we don't see another one of those submarines with a group of people going down to see the Titanic. I think that was an unnecessary story. I think it was an unnecessary journey. Like if you want to go down, don't do that submarine thing was terrible. And no, sorry, submersible. Submersible, not submarine. I think submarines are the ones that come back up. Do not do a submersible thing.

to go see the Titanic, watch the movie and enjoy all the money that you have. That's the thing I hope we won't see again. It's people dying for no reason in a stupid way.

How about you, Josh? I think the thing that we will see, which I am hopeful about, so maybe I have two hopeful things, is that I think as people get more acquainted with how social works, like you already see it in some younger people of age.

It's almost self-regulation around how they engage on social and what they think about things based on how they found their news source and stuff. None of it's perfect, but I think that people are going to start to be a little bit savvier about their...

their reactions. That's like, that's something that I think you do hit this tipping point where you're like, because I had it with myself where I was like, man, every time I get on Twitter, I'm pissed off. So I'll either just get on Twitter less or I'll start muting more words because I at a certain point, I just don't want to be mad all day. And I think that at some point, the only word left is ad. Yeah. Yeah. And that's where they want you. Yeah.

I would only like to see ads, please, Elon. Everything else is stressing me out. Just show me ads. The only ad I've been getting recently is one with, I think there's some doctor trying to convince me to put blueberries in my ass. Oh. I don't know what's fully happening.

but it just keeps coming up and then I keep scrolling over it. That is so specific. Yeah, but the doctor keeps getting me more and more into it. So he goes like, blueberries, you know where you should put them? Then I scroll. Then the next, blueberries, you know where you should... And then after the 10th time, I was like, all right, where? So you've got your butt and I was like, I scrolled. And then now I think this might be the year where I let him finish the thought. I think that's where it's going.

But I don't know. You took what I was going to say for what I want to see more of. Blueberries in people's asses. Sorry, Josh. What was the second thing? Oh, oh. What do you want to... The second... What do you hope we don't see anymore? I...

I'm not necessarily a fan of him or anything, but I really hope Aaron Rodgers' other foot doesn't fall off. Because, like, he's trying to make a comeback pretty quick. And that was a pretty brutal injury that he had the first time. And so if the other foot comes off. Oh, that's sweet, Josh. I mean, I just want him to be level. I'm not rooting for him to win or anything. That's adorable. I thought you were going to go for something big like peace, you know, and you were just like, no, I just want Aaron Rodgers to be able to, like,

to be able to like run better. That's adorable, Josh. But that's what I don't want to see. I don't want to see his other foot fall off. Yeah, but I hear you, but I'm just saying like you could have used this for many things, you know, but you used it for like just some random football team. That's an interesting choice. I'm proud of you. I like that. The road less traveled. Oh, I feel like I've messed up. What about you, Barry?

I think we're going to, kind of similar to what Josh was saying, but I think we're going to see more. Aaron Rodgers? No. Everyone here just doesn't want Aaron Rodgers' foot to fall off. I barely even know what team he's on. Don't ask. No. No, I think we're going to see more people wanting in-person interactions and activities and engagement versus social media. I think people are going to want to get together more, especially around things like elections and things. I think people want to like,

talk more. But hey, I make podcasts, so that's just what I'm hoping. And then I don't want to see more of Trump, but that's just me. I actually think that is you and 70, no, 80% of them. No, I think it's even higher. Yeah, I think it's like 80 something percent of America. I think you are in good company.

I think many Republicans do not want to see more of Trump. They are praying that it's Nikki Haley. And whether you're Democrat or Republican, or even if you're one of those people who doesn't vote, I think a lot of people are like, I don't want to see more of Trump. So I think you're in good company there. More friends, less Trump. More friends, less Trump.

What if your friends are Trump? Oh, no. Get new friends. Emmanuel? Let's see. What I think we will see, because the impact of this podcast and this very conversation is so grand, I think we will see Ron's feet. He will listen and be like, you know what?

This is my last chance to get the nomination. That would be huge. It'll be kind of like a gender reveal, but a foot reveal. Look at this toe. It'll be over several days. I think we might see that. I hope we see Renaissance Act 2. I'm a Beyonce stan. Okay, and what do you hope we don't see? I hope we don't see...

Not to make this about Melania's husband again, but I hope we don't see him get away with every single thing that he's done. I want him to suffer a single consequence. Can we just get one? I'm not picky. Just pick one indictment and let's have it stick. Oh, you want it to be an indictment. Would you accept him tripping, not falling completely, doing that long running stumble thing where a person is trying to keep themselves up?

and then falling face first into a substance that is funny to fall into, i.e. mud or freshly made concrete? Would you take that? Or does it have to be like a legal consequence? Would love prison, but I will take falling in mud, would take falling in blueberries that have been places as prescribed by a doctor. But yeah, I want to see the downfall, either literal or figurative of this man. Finally, I just really want it.

Let's manifest. I'm going to use my crystals tonight under the whatever moon it is. Let me check. Waning moon. It was so fast. Under the waning moon. That was so fast. Yeah, it's on my phone. He has a chart. I'm a witch, y'all. He has it on his phone. But my witchcraft doesn't work because he's still free. Maybe you just have delayed witchcraft. I think people take that for granted. You don't know how long. What if your spells just take really long and you are like a good witch and it's just... Okay, so watch out Trump in 2029. Yeah.

your ass is toast. That's right, Emperor Trump. You better watch out. You see how the emperor fell on those blueberries? Man, that was crazy. Praise be to the emperor. Ben.

What do you think we're gonna see? What do you hope we'll see? You know the only thing I would say that is mind-blowing about Trump and where he was a genius There's only one thing and that is back in 2016 when he would say fake news We would go that's just what you're saying because you're saying because people are saying truths about you and you don't like it So you're calling it fake news, but actually the news back then was more or less. It wasn't fake. What's amazing is is

Actually, fake news has never been more true today, partly because of AI, partly because of the social media platforms that we exist in, partly because of the echo chambers that we all follow. And what's fascinating is the only thing I would say Trump is ahead of his time about was his prediction of fake news, which I now think is really hard to decipher. Oh, boy. I find it harder than ever to know where to get real news from. And I think that's only with AI, partly because of your yogurt land drinking from the spout of

I think that's only going to get worse. We are at the tip. We are at the tip of fake news. And I think 2024 is going to be even harder to decipher what is real and what isn't. And I guess my hope for 2024 is that there is a little more conversation and a little more kindness going

Because I think that people are so quick to judge. They are so quick to anger. There is such a lack of understanding for anybody. And when people do make mistakes, they are so quick to jump on them and make them pay forever. Sitting on a higher platform when we're all equal. And so I guess I just hope for a little more kindness in 2024 and a little bit more understanding.

That's beautiful. But if we can't get that, we will take Aaron Rodgers having a good foot. I think that's the most important thing. I don't even necessarily want him to play again. Josh, it's fine. Yeah, Josh, you've done it. You chose to use your magic and your crystals to hope that Aaron Rodgers has a good foot. And you know what, Josh? There's nothing wrong with that, my friend.

There's nothing wrong with that. Well, I'm really excited for the year. I truly am. And I'm really excited to be on this journey with you. Not just you, who I make the podcast with, but everybody who listens to it. I think it's going to be a really fascinating year. And I hope that we will see ourselves having conversations that remind us to laugh, remind us to be human with each other, and remind us that tomorrow is going to come, probably. So, yeah. Yeah.

We're going to have to dig into this at some point. What, me believing that you should never take anything for granted in life? Okay, I like that. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. My favorite word is in Arabic. It's inshallah. It means God willing. So even when you say to your friends, I'll see you on Friday, you say, I'll see you on Friday, inshallah. Like, God willing, I will see you on Friday because we do not know what will happen. So I hope...

that I will see you again. I hope that we will speak to each other again and I hope that in our conversations we will, you know, we'll come out feeling like, you know what, 2024 was actually worth it. This was a good year to be a part of. Yeah. Or we get to the end of it and we're like, damn, that really sucked. Beep, beep, oh, beep. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions, Fullwell 73, and Odyssey's Pineapple Street Studios. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Ben Winston, Jenna Weiss-Berman, and Barry Finkel. Produced by Emmanuel Hapsis and Marina Henke. Music, mixing, and mastering by Hannes Braun. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now? What Now?