Brett Goldstein
57:14 Share

where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes, is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive,

you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law.

Not available in all states. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay. Forget your wallet? It's all good. Because with Apple Pay, you can pay with a simple tap of your iPhone, a wallet you never forget. At millions of places worldwide, including websites, apps, and anywhere you see the contactless symbol. Security is built in with Face ID, so you don't have to worry about your cards getting lost or stolen.

And the best part, you still earn the card rewards, points, and cash back you love. So say goodbye to the buy fold. Add your card to Apple Wallet and start paying the Apple way. Terms apply. It's okay. There's a lot going on at the moment. No, I'm an airhead.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name. Today's guest is a magnificently talented actor, stand-up comedian, podcaster, and playwright, much, much more. Brett Goldstein is his name. And if you're a huge fan of the other Ted, and I mean Ted Lasso,

You know Brett for playing the footballer Roy Kent. He also has written on that show and others, including Shrinking on Apple TV+, and Soulmates on AMC, both of which he co-created. Brett has a new stand-up special on HBO Max. It's called The Second Best Night of Your Life, and I cannot wait to talk to him about it. So let's get into it. Please meet Brett Goldstein. ♪

Hi. Hi. Fred. Ted. Dancin'. Can we not pretend that we didn't just start a conversation about George Wendt? Yeah, would you like to talk about that for a bit? Yeah, I would, just for my sake, and I know that you know and work with Jason today. We could tell the listeners. I was with Jason in the Ted Lasso writers' room when the news came in of George's death, and

Jason and the writers sat and watched like compilations of The Best of Norm and told stories. And I mean, I'm very sorry for your loss. He was, I know from Jason, wonderful stories, but he was also individually so lovely to all of us at Ted Lasso because he came to the premiere and he'd be like, and he'd be like, you'd get a thing saying, George wants to meet you. And you'd be like, what? George? And you'd go over and he was so...

generous with all of us. So like complimentary and lovely. And you're just like, I can't believe I'm talking to him. He was so very, very kind. And we saw him a few times over the years and he was nothing but lovely. So I'm very sorry. How are you doing? Sorry. I think I'm fine. And I have a big old hole and I haven't started to process it. I feel totally complete now.

with George, so I don't have any regrets. And we were able to, Woody and I, were able to sit down and have this great conversation with him early on with his podcast. Some of it's private, but I had just seen Bernadette recently. So anyway, I was in the middle of working and I had to kind of squelch, had a little cry and then had to move on.

So I haven't really caught up with it. But I actually... So when you ask me something, I may tear up. That's okay. But the truth is, I am...

Oh, my God, what an amazing man. What a funny, unbelievable actor. You know, I could sit there and watch and laugh and will continue to for a very long time. So celebratory-ness is called for as well, even though I will miss him and I can't imagine what it's like for Bernadette and his kids that I can't touch in my imagination. Yeah.

but there's so much love it is quite a lovely thing to I mean

the to have as good a reputation as him as well as aside from all the work and all the joy that he brought people no one has a bad word there's no like he he brought joy to people on screen on stage and and in meeting you know I mean it's quite something very much so so I guess not to wrap it up like we have to but is um

I'm going to go watch him and let him make me laugh like he always has and always did. But thank you. Thank you for at least, you know, getting that. Because I've been working a lot and kind of tired. And my skills for being full of shit are less than. That's good. That's all right. Yeah, I prefer that. Okay, here's the stupid thing. Because, you know, obviously...

I know you from your work, Ted Lasso, which just took this country and the world by storm and read a little bit about you and all that. But then today, because you're coming, I...

I got to get clips and things, and I said, well, I'll just look at his stand-up, Brett's stand-up, so I can be intelligent about it. I watched the entire thing. I just turned it off a few minutes ago. My dream would be to sit next to you, literally, and watch it together and do a running commentary on it. It is just wonderful. Just brilliant. What a thing to say. And the number of times I...

went, oh, that's a little bold. And I totally agree with them. You know, silly things like,

Musicals. Yeah. They're wonderful. Yeah. Plays, fun to do, boring as batshit to watch. So boring. Yes. But too guilty to admit it, you know. Yeah, you're not allowed to say that, especially if you do them. I really appreciate you watching it, Ted. That means an awful lot to me. I told you at the beginning. I don't know. I have listened to your podcast. I've listened to every episode. So I think I can't. No, sorry. Seriously, but I also think what I have learned about you is you don't mind...

being told that you are loved. Like I said, I was sort of like, is he going to be bored hearing what a fan I am? But I have listened enough to know that you actually like it. I find it very calming. So we could do a bit of that if you'd like, because I'm very happy to. But I mean it. I'm curious what it is like to be...

For the many years that you have, like Cheers, I was six, four, but we watched it every Friday in England. There was Cheers and the Cosby Show. Yeah, yeah. We reversed it here. Yeah. I know we're trying not to talk about it, but brilliant, brilliant. And the reason why Cheers became top ten was Bill Cosby and his show. Right. And all the actors. Yeah, yeah. And so...

Cheers was part of my life as a child. Then when I went to university, we watched it again. And, you know, my dad is not in the greatest of health. And he still watches Cheers. Like it makes him so happy. And he'll call me sometimes. He'll be like, I just watched the episode when... And it's like this huge...

Like I don't, sometimes when I talk about myself and acting stuff, I think it's like embarrassing. It's, you know, a sort of shameful thing to do. And then when I think about you and what you have done over the years, I sort of go like, it's a service. Like you have been a huge part of my childhood, my dad's mental health, our family, our sort of frame of reference, what brought us together every Friday night. Like it's such a huge thing.

Huge deal. And I wonder what that is like to be the inside of, you know what I mean? Like as it's, it's, it's, it's an amazing kind of water to swing, swim it in life. It's, it's rare. It's privileged. It's misleading. It's all of that stuff. Um,

Does the mantle of it ever stress you out? Well, the mantle feels like, oh, Mr. Davidson, here, let us put the mantle on as long as you go sit over in the corner and say goodbye sweetly and pass the baton. And the ego in me is going, no, no, no, I haven't done it yet. Please, don't give me mantles. Can I just check, what does mantle mean? Because I said it and thought, I actually don't know what that means.

It means... I'm not looking for the joke. Sorry. I'm not going to try to banter with you. You're so fucking smart. Mantle meaning, oh, look at all the work you've done. You get mantles when you're 70 plus and you're still working. Oh, okay. I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was... A yoke? What I meant was the...

Like, in some ways, and I, again, it's fucking silly. I mean, it's real, but it sounds like you are an icon, as in the image of you means a lot to a lot of people, regardless of what you are like as a person. You seem to be a lovely person, but even if you weren't, the image

You as a person, the iconography of you makes people happy, makes them think of their family, makes them think of life. You know what I mean? What is it like to be inside the icon? And maybe on a bad day, what is that like? First off, I live with Mary Steenburgen, who is the most remarkable, wonderful human being in the world. And we're ridiculously in love and happy. But she...

Nothing makes her happier than to poke my balloon of ego and watch it pop and explode. And nothing makes me laugh harder than when she does it. So we're very, I'm with a very real,

So there's that. Then there's, I was raised to have false humility. Right. You know, I have British in me in the background. You've got some embarrassment of existence. Yeah. Oh, sorry. This is great. Here's my mom talking to my nephew when he first got a little video recorder and Cheers was just starting to become rock and roll. And he said, so Jessica, I'm,

my mom, how do you feel about Ted's, your son's success? He was, you know, the interviewer kind of guy at the moment at age 11. And she said, well, I'm happy for him, but I've always been raised to believe in the nobility of quiet failure. Oh,

Correct. Yes. Very Scottish, very something, very Celtic somewhere down there. I get that we're talking about an image that you have of me because you had a laugh because I was in some funny moment that somebody wrote. Yeah. So I think once you're clear about what that fame is and enjoy it and make use of it, then it's all good. How about you?

Because that must have been an explosion from writing and doing parts, but then Ted Lasso was just an explosion. Well, I think we had a particularly sort of surreal experience because we went, other than Jason, everyone else in the cast were unknown, basically. And we made this show that we didn't think anyone would watch.

for many reasons. And one of them was it was on Apple TV, which was new. And every single person I knew, including myself, said, how do you watch Apple TV? So it was like, no one's going to watch this thing that we made.

We made it. It came out while we were in lockdown. So like the world shut down. Oh, right. And then when we came out again, we were suddenly recognized in the street. So it was like something had happened. Our whole world changed kind of overnight because it was like the last time I went outside, people didn't stare. And you know what I mean? It was very surreal. Really strange. Yeah. Pleasant?

No. Well, it sort of freaks you out. Yeah, it does. I remember a story and maybe this is wrong. Forgive me if I am misquoting the story. I believe that Marky Mark, Marky Mark Wahlberg

used to get in fights when he was first famous because people were looking at him and he'd be like, what the fuck are you looking at? But they were going, we're looking at Marky Mark. I felt a bit of that. I'd be like, what the fuck? Really? Truly? Truly, because I'm still the same person. Nothing had changed for me but the way that...

I was being perceived in the world was changing. And it took a while to realize, oh, it's because they've seen the thing. It isn't because they want to fight. You know what I mean? John Krasinski is really good at somebody fucks with them.

He won't necessarily get in a fist fight, but he's more than capable of, but he will stop them dead in the tracks by being really smart. Right. But confrontive. Yeah. And trying to clarify what that meant before I knock you out. Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. Do you have that energy? Did you grow up with that? I'm not saying that any of these people are trying to start a fight. I'm saying that these people are just looking because they go, oh, it's... But your reaction was, what the fuck are you looking at? Yeah, because...

Because you came from that? No, just because I guess I'm like, maybe that's my default. My default is, what the fuck do you want? I guess it's probably my default. But now I'm like, oh, I guess you just like it. Yeah, you have to change your perspective. It's usually...

They're excited to see you rather than they're horrified. Do you have that? I could be wrong, but my impression of the British Isles and fame and actor-ness is

I vomit my life out on people. I am tilting so far forward. I am just so huggy this and that. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, but it's not big in England. No. I was once in a play and some famous English actress was sitting in front of me and I was just hooting and hollering in delight. And she turned around and went, oh, like, really? Yeah.

It is a genuine difference between English and American. Your mum is right. We don't really like success in England. You're not really allowed to be... I think I'm still embarrassed now to say that I like acting. You know what I mean? I feel ashamed. It's like...

It's like grace to think that, you know what I mean? And I think in America, you're taught to celebrate and be proud and go for stuff. What about, because your writing is astounding. Thanks. And you've been involved with so many amazing projects as a writer. How is your, is it a different ego? Can you accept acknowledgement about the writing easier? Yeah. Are you more happy being a writer famous than an actor famous? Yes.

That is a very interesting question. And I think I am more... That is weird. I think I am more comfortable accepting writing because I think you... Maybe you know when writing is good because you're seeing if it works or not. Whereas with acting, it's so...

and captured and you make something you still don't know until the edit and the edit can change everything and there's so much that can affect it whereas the writing is the writing. So I wouldn't want to hand it in if I thought it was shit. So maybe there is some, somewhere along the line there's enough esteem to go, yeah, I think this is good. Good enough to hand in. You're also the creator. I mean, as a writer, you are...

the blank page that all of a sudden becomes this amazing film or amazing whatever not play in your case but maybe musical I've written plays oh you have yeah yeah before stand-up I love that in your stand-up you just go off on plays plays are so boring but I have I have written

But you're the creator. I mean, I have no desire to be a writer, director, producer, anything. I'm an actor and that's just who I am. Because I'm not a storyteller. But you must... What was my other question for you? You've done enough, like as in, if all you'd done was cheers, you'd go, okay, maybe you got lucky. But you've done a hundred very, very good things and you've picked really good projects and you've done very good work. You must...

be a writer inside. There must be something. You don't even talk about story with the writer, the showrunner. You're not with Mike Sherga. No, my job, and I was trained by these wonderful Les and Glenn Charles and Jimmy Burrows who wrote and created Cheers. The way I was trained, because I was really the first thing, I mean, I'd done some stuff, but that was the first intense creative relationship I had. They didn't want you to come in and pitch ideas. Yeah.

the actors. But as soon as we said the words, as soon as we got up on our feet and had a rehearsal and they could see their words, then they were very interested in how it made you. I always thought my job as an actor was to go, okay, I've just said your words and this is how they made me feel. Are we on the same page? Because we need to be on the same page. And you're saying that

What you created is not generating what you thought it was. What it generated is what you saw in me. And they were so good about that. And that's my... I get my jollies doing that. And I'm not a good storyteller. I just don't believe you. And I take a vote to cross the street. So a director? No. No, really. I just don't believe you. Because you must... Okay, what happens if...

Have you ever had the experience? You have, to be fair, seemingly worked with the best writers of all time. By the way, I have to say for the record, because I would never want to take credit for something I didn't. When you say I'm a creator, I did not create Ted Lasso. That was Jason and Bill. I co-created Shrinking.

But I just wanted to do it on record. Which is unbelievable. Oh, thanks very much. Yeah. Wow. Well done. Oh, thanks. And I didn't know that. I knew about drinking. And I didn't know your connection. Me being in Jackson. You need an American to jump up in front of you and walk going, this is Brett. He's astounding. Yeah, you're very nice. But no, none of that for me. But my question is then, if you've ever been in a position, and maybe you haven't, to be fair,

You're making a show, you're making a long-running show, and you get a script, and for the first time you're like, I don't think this is good. I think there are problems with this script. I don't like this script. Then what happens? I don't have a solution. I don't have a better idea. That doesn't pop into my mind that maybe she should come in the other door. I don't. I will turn and look at these people who I trust and go, boy, I'm having trouble. And I've never worked with people

maybe once or twice, that said, no, no, it's funny. Just say the words. That to me is the death knell of comedy, you know, of funny. If I can't make it, if the joke is great on the page, genuinely great, and I can't make it funny, me, Ted, then I've been blessed with people going, okay, we'll change the joke and make you, Ted, funny. Right.

Yeah. Can we talk about your... You do have a podcast, don't you? So you're used to taking over conversations. I also don't like talking about myself. Very English. That's good. Can we talk about... We'll trade. Go ahead. You're up next. Can we talk about your dramatic skills? Can we talk about that a bit? Yeah, let's do, but not for long. There's a bit in... I think it's the first episode of Man on the Inside. Yeah.

where you get to the neighborhood, the memory unit, and you don't say anything. And you do acting with your face. And it's my favorite kind of acting. My favorite kind of acting is face acting, where we are just, we are reading your, it's really, really good shit. We learn everything about you and your past and the history and what you've been through, and you don't say anything. And

I love that shit. I do too, but for me, it's like I turn to the DP and say, now this is camera acting, right? You're going to do something with the camera, so I don't have to do anything, but the camera will do it. Yeah. But you know how aware it is, because if you're not a producer, you know the camera, you know the angles, you know stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you know, you just know when things aren't working. I'm just not the guy who can tell you how to fix it, which is fine. And writers who are confident, good, bright people are happy to see that it's not working and have that reflected to them. And I think they're even happier when I don't suggest the fix. Right, yeah. So the brilliant, like Mike Scher, who seems to be some kind of a genius. Unbelievable.

He never comes to you and goes, I've been thinking, what do you think of this? He just goes, this is it. Yeah. No, I mean, I actually...

Yes, yes. To be honest, yes. And I also am really smart enough to know this person is right next door, if not pure on genius. And he's thought about everything so that when I come up and I do have the, I'm not sure, he will explain what his thinking was. And invariably, he will have thought what

my question. He had examined that and went, well, I think this is better. And he's able to, with ease and confidence, say that to me because he's really a thoughtful, thoughtful man. Yeah. I've just heard about a serious but rare heart condition called ATTR, cardiac amyloidosis.

or ATTRCM. If you have ATTRCM, you may experience symptoms related to heart failure, like breathlessness and swelling of the legs, but also have issues that seem unrelated, like carpal tunnel. There's a treatment option that may help called Atrubi or Acheramidus. Atrubi is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with ATTRCM to reduce death and hospitalization due to heart issues.

In a study, people taking Atrubi saw an impact on their health-related quality of life and 50% fewer hospitalizations due to heart issues than people who didn't take Atrubi, giving you more chances to do what you love with who you love. Tell your doctor if you're pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or are breastfeeding, and about the medications you take. The most common side effects were mild and included diarrhea and abdominal pain.

If you have ATTR-CM, talk to your cardiologist about Atruby or visit Atruby.com. That's A-T-T-R-U-B-Y dot com to learn more.

Hershey's milk chocolate with whole almonds makes for a wholly amazing, wholly delicious experience that's, well, wholly Hershey's. Everyone should get to experience the satisfying surprise of a whole almond tucked inside creamy Hershey's chocolate.

And if you have already tasted Hershey's milk chocolate with whole almonds, then chances are you're already a lifelong fan of this confectionery delight. Because let's face it, everything's better when you put your whole self into it. Why should an almond chocolate bar be any different? This is a chocolate bar that gives 100%.

And that's something to celebrate nowadays. Late at night, I wake up, but I want a little something to go, you know, a little taste treat before I go back to bed. Quarter of that little chocolate-covered almond. Scrumptious. Shop for Hershey's Milk Chocolate with whole almonds now at a store near you. Found wherever candy is sold.

Dads are a lot of things. Grillmasters, soccer coaches, gadget fixers. Not me, but, you know, good dads. And they're also the hardest people to shop for. This Father's Day, let Macy's be your guide to gifting. They've got pretty much any type of gift you can imagine. We're talking polos, watches, fragrance, Lego, barware, electronics, barbershop.

barbecue, gadgets, wallets, underwear, and sleepwear, travel accessories, exercise equipment, and gaming gear, to name a few. And they've got all the brands your dad will love, like Lacoste, Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, Levi's, Clubroom, Hugo Boss, Fanatics, and Finish Line. If my kids are out there listening to this, they may not be, but if they are, I want some Lego.

There, I said it. Let Macy's be your guide to gifting for Father's Day. Head to macys.com slash gift guide today. All right, my turn. Okay, go on then. My turn. Go on then. Okay, so before any kind of performance acting, writing, what were you doing? How old were you when you went, oh, wait a minute.

I think. It is weird because I always knew I wanted to, like I loved film, I loved TV. I liked, I always liked making stuff and I think me and my sister would like put on plays, like not boring, but it's like we do, we just make stuff, always making stuff and I never had any other interest. And I think the reason I learned to, my mom told me the reason I learned to read, like I was quite stubborn, I didn't learn to read

But I would ask her what's on TV, the TV listings. And eventually she was like, I'm not telling you, you have to learn how to read. So that's why I learned to read because I wanted to know what was on TV or whatever. And then, and I will credit my dad with this. I think like my parents are not in the industry or any of that. But when I was six, I did a like creative, at school wrote a short story about like a shipwreck.

And my dad read it and he was like, this is really good. And he said, you know, this is a job, like writer is a job. That is a thing you can do. And I got a D for that story. So he was wrong. But I do remember that. And I sort of go like, yeah, I guess...

Little things like that I think really do matter because I think it must have put in my head like, oh yeah, okay, then this is the thing you can do. Your first professional whatever being paid, writing or acting or whatever. When was that? My very first one was proper TV show was The Bill, which is like a police show that ran forever that was like...

NYPD Blue if the budget was £20. And I think I played a suspected paedophile, but I didn't do it. So just suspected. But looking back, I go, weird that they, that I came in for audition, they went, he's our guy. Yeah, he's got the look. Yeah.

And it was many years before. I was always writing and I did write plays and put them on and take them to the Edinburgh Festival. I was doing that for years. So I was acting and writing. When did you come to America to study? You studied acting, right? Oh, I just did a brief summer course at the American Academy of Dramatic Art. And then went back to England. Then I went back to England and then...

And then I started stand-up. And once I started stand-up, everything changed. Because before I did stand-up, all I ever got offered was terrorists. All I got auditions for was terrorists because of my face. And I kept being like, I don't think I'm a terrorist type. But that was all that would come in was like, oh, there's another terrorist show they'd love to see you for. Once I started stand-up, I think...

It was because my face is this. And I think if you see my face in the headshot, I look like a psychopath. But then when I did stand-up, I think people were like, oh, he's like that. And then once I did stand-up, everything kind of changed because then I did Ricky Gervais' show, Derek. And that was the first sort of big, big break. Would you say you have a persona or a character or an attitude for your stand-up? Do you adopt something that's not...

You want a serious answer? Yeah, yeah. This won't play in England. You can be real. Okay. I think there's modes. That's why I say there's switches in your head. I know a switch I can turn on that is the funny. And I also know the sincere. It's like a different mode of communicating, I suppose. And the stand-up is just that one. It is me plus one. It's me without the...

There's stuff in the way, I guess. I mean, you do set things up really well when you decide to be sincere with the audience. Yeah. When you're actually setting them up for the next joke or something. Yeah. It is very real and sincere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I think you must...

I think everyone has it. It's like, you know, you're different at a party, you're different in a meeting. And there's like a writing. I think the only thing I don't think is different and why I don't believe you on the writing thing is that I think acting and writing is the same thing.

mode. How so? Because writing is just like a private version of acting. With acting, right? It's like an act of empathy, right? You're imagining, you're in imagined circumstances, you are imagining, you are putting yourself in the position of this. What is the obstacle? What's in my way? And the writing is exactly the same. It's like you're writing, you're imagining this person, you're

You're imagining the obstacles. You're imagining it's the same act. But you're also telling a story. I don't have to tell a story. I have to fill that moment in your story. I don't have to know what the next thing that should happen in the story. That is different, right? Yeah. You can tell a story, though. I've heard you. No, I swear to God, I cannot tell a story. I myself get bored halfway through.

Okay. Yeah. Anyway, that's my thought about it. But I do think they're similar like buttons. But one of them is you do it on your own and one of them you do it in front of people.

Yeah. It's the same game. Yeah. I'm going to force you to write something. No, I swear. I'm going to force you, Ted. Oh, now, who is that? Which bread is that? I'm going to fucking make you write something by the end of this podcast. Can we go to the ever-popular Ted Lasso? Sure. You are brought on as a writer? Mm-hmm. Through who? Bill Lawrence. So it's created by Jason Sudeikis, Bill Lawrence, Brendan Knight, Joe Kelly.

I had done pilot season in America. I'd done an HBO pilot that didn't get picked up. I did a pilot the next year for Bill Lawrence. As an actor. As an actor. Right. And then I did one for Bill Lawrence who made Scrubs and everything else. Yeah. And we did this pilot. It was really...

And it was such a good pilot that when we finished wrapping, I remember the producer saying to me, see you in August. And I was like, I guess I'd pack up my life and I'm moving to LA, baby. And then it didn't get picked up. And we were like, what? But me and Bill Lawrence had got on in the making of this and he knew I was a writer and we stayed in touch. And then he just...

When people always ask you for advice, I'm always like, make stuff. There is no magic phone call. Waiting for the magical phone call doesn't exist. You've got to make short films, make plays. All of it is self-generated.

And then one day I did get the magic phone call, which is out of nowhere. I got a call from Bill Lawrence saying, uh, we're making this show. It's about football. We need an English writer, uh, to come and sort of help. Uh, do you want to come out on Monday? And I had a standup show booked and I was like, I can't, I,

I'm not, I can't, sorry, I've got a show booked. And he was like, cancel the fucking show. And I was like, yeah, but 40 people have bought tickets. I mustn't. These poor 40 people, they need to hear my dick jokes. And, and,

and I spoke where are you in London yeah and then I spoke to a friend of mine and I was like what do you think about this and he was like are you insane immediately go to Castle and thank God I did and it was my first experience of a writer's room because in England we don't have them yeah it was in LA at Warner Brothers so usually it's a single writer or two who sit in a room by themselves yeah and hammer out all the scripts for the season yeah what did you think of a writer's room that's a whole different

Yeah, it was a real... It took me a while to sort of figure it out. And then it's like... It is like group therapy. It sort of is. And it's a very strange... You sit around a table like this with between 8 and 14 people and you stare at each other for hours. Just hours of just... And it's all just keep the ball going, keep the ball going. If there's a silence, someone better feel it. You've got to like...

generate generate stuff but you're also just sharing and people don't say anything and kind of look off you need to shake that off too when you fill it with something that didn't maybe work for other people it's a real like uh energy thing it's a you're you're you're almost an improvisation yeah in a way for hours yeah hours and hours and the day goes like that always

And when you suddenly hit it, you feel it. That is what is kind of magical about it. You know when it's right. Because suddenly it will be like, yeah, and then, and then, and then. And who ran the room? In the first season, it was Bill. And was Jason part of that? Yes. It was Bill and Jason. It was amazing. Because it genuinely was a thing we didn't... It was like a small thing we were making in private that no one would ever see. Let me fan out a little bit. It's like the show...

doing a sports is tough because your brain goes, okay, they couldn't hire people who are really athletes. So it'll be a drawing room comedy sports show. Yeah. Kind of thing. Yeah. And you know, you were out there and you, I don't know. I please explain. Did you hire athletes then actors or actor athletes? Because it felt really good. Really real. Well,

Well, I don't like to admit this, but I am absolutely dog shit at football. But the rest of the cast are really, really good. And it was originally like in the early days of The Rats Room, it was kind of like, this isn't a show about football. It's about relationships and blah, blah, blah. But then the more it went on, it was like, it is a little bit about football. It is kind of about football as well. And the team in the first place was like,

Most of the people who don't really have lines in season one, they were semi-professional footballers. Someone who had played professionally. And then the cast, amazingly, Phil Dunster, Sam, Tahib, Jimmo, and Mohash. These are three, like, they are excellent at football. And then most of the cast were really excellent. And then there was me going, oh boy, what have I done? But it worked. It totally worked. Yeah, we got away with it. Yeah. Yeah.

So much fun, really. And so nice to know that a show that's, I don't know, I shouldn't put my own adjectives, but it was about decency, you know, amongst many other things. Yeah. And how nice that the world just went, yes, and gobbled that up. I think it was a sign of things happening.

that felt so revolutionary. You know what I mean? In a way, it should have. You did. I mean, it was. I think it made the way for a lot, including some of Mike Schur's stuff. That's very nice. Yeah. Are you doing a fourth that I read? You're doing a fourth. Have you written it? Have you shot it? It just came from the writer's room. Oh, you said that? Yes. Jason sends his love. It's okay. There's a lot going on at the moment.

No, I'm an airhead. Yeah. How far along are you? Halfway. Yeah. Halfway in the scripts. Where do you shoot it? Do you have the stadium? We shoot it in London. Now, you would be fucking amazed by the special effects on that show. Oh, wow. That is a special effect. That is a science fiction show. Wow. Like, where we shoot the football stuff is bad. Like, it's a very... A high school feel. Yeah, essentially. And we just have...

green curtains around it and we have a small stand with like

and there are 50 people in it. It is really quite impressive. We all scream about AI, but everyone's like, thank you, AI, thank you. Oh, thank God. We could never have afforded this. That's pretty cool. Are you part of the cast thing now? We see the tapes. Do you like that part? It's so ephemeral. It really is. And it's...

It's look, it's vibe, it's... And you know, always know instantly. I'd say you rarely watch, you rarely see someone and go, not them. Oh, maybe them. That almost never happens. It's like immediate.

And brilliant, brilliant people go through and it's like, not them. And so the thing of... So not them, not a good actor, but not them for the part. Yeah, not them. They're brilliant, but they're the wrong vibe. They're the wrong fit. And so knowing that there is that thing as an actor going into auditions, it's like you truly have to do your version of the thing and then fucking forget you ever came in because...

It's so out of your hands. It really is nothing to do with anything other than a vague feeling that you just know when you know. You know what I mean? My real truth is I want a really good actor

to make me look good. There are certain actors I'm working with, so many right now, but I'm also working with my wife, Mary. How is that? This is what I want to ask you about. It's delicious. Explain this to me. I am freaked out by the idea of couples who act together. How does it work? And how do you leave your, do you leave, you go to work together in the car? Yeah. And then what happens? Did you act together before you got together?

Yeah. We met on a film. But you check your ego at the door. Yeah. And I realize part of my job is to host my wife. I was here last year. I am this man on the inside. Okay, this is for season two. Yeah, this is season two. And if she doesn't have a wonderful time, I'm an asshole. And that's on me. So make sure... That's just...

attitude. But then Mike Schur has just written, he's really good at having an idea for a character, then finding the person that he wants to play that character, and then writing full out for that actor or actress. He knows what I can do well and what I can't do well. And he very kindly writes to what I can do well. And the same for Mary. So, and we're

Oh, it's just magical. We're falling in love. The story evolves, but I'm just head over heels, my character, in love with her. And to sit there on camera and look into your wife's eyes, and we're nauseatingly in love in private life, and just disappear into her eyes in front of a camera is pretty astounding.

That's so nice. Yeah. What is... By the way, if we suck, it's her fault. I just want to go on the record. What is... I've heard you talk about Mary a lot and you seem very, very in love. And it is unusual. Your relationship appears to me who is... You don't see people this in love this far in...

And I don't know what's wrong with you. We both came from other marriages. Right. So there was an awareness. And we both realized shortly before we met each other, we both had the same thought. Well, obviously, I'm not capable of being in a relationship. I will fuck up anything. Right. Was mine. Hers was, I know I look like I'd be good at relationship, but clearly I'm not. Here's the route we go. Yeah.

Anyway, this is me being embarrassed, but we consider it divine. I think we have angels that are putting us together. There's no reason I was such a hot mess when she met me. There's no reason she should have taken a second look. And somehow, here we are. And we work at it. That's nice. Okay. Anyway.

And do you think this, I am interested in seeing you two together because I always thought if people are together, it's difficult for them to have chemistry on screen if they're together in real life. I agree, but that's also a story. There was a long time where we couldn't work together because where's the surprise kind of thing?

And yeah, you're right. But this story is perfect. It's about kind of second chances. And yeah, somehow it works. Or it doesn't. It feels like it's working. And I'm too old to be superstitious. Fuck it. It's great. I love it. That's very nice. Yeah.

Dads are a lot of things. Grillmasters, soccer coaches, gadget fixers. Not me, but, you know, good dads. And they're also the hardest people to shop for. This Father's Day, let Macy's be your guide to gifting. They've got pretty much any type of gift you can imagine. We're talking polos, watches, fragrance, Lego, barware, electronics, barbershop.

barbecue, gadgets, wallets, underwear, and sleepwear, travel accessories, exercise equipment, and gaming gear, to name a few. And they've got all the brands your dad will love, like Lacoste, Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, Levi's, Clubroom, Hugo Boss, Fanatics, and Finish Line. If my kids are out there listening to this, they may not be, but if they are, I want some Lego.

There, I said it. Let Macy's be your guide to gifting for Father's Day. Head to macys.com slash gift guide today.

Some pieces just have a way of becoming instant staples. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts, and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. The best part? Everything with Quince is priced 50% to 80% less

than what you'd find at similar brands. I was actually with my kids the other day, one of my daughters, she was admiring my Quince cardigan. And I said, yeah, that's Quince. I read ads for them on the podcast. I said, oh my gosh, all the kids have Quince articles in their closets. I was astounded because I'm always, you know, late to the party.

But they love it. Elevate your closet with Quince. Go to quince.com slash tedandwoody for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash tedandwoody to get free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash tedandwoody

I'm sure you don't want to talk about relationships or no relationship. No. Are you crazy? I saw your stand-up. I got it. Thank you. You get the gist.

It is just delightful. Thank you. Tough on those people who haven't seen it. Well, you can. You can see it on HBO. Yeah, HBO Max. It's really, really, really wonderful. HBO Max now. Now, will that? Sorry. HBO Max, thank you. Or just Max. No, it's now HBO Max. Oh, it's back to HBO Max? Yeah, there's been a lot of meetings. Well, I'm Netflix, so I don't know. You don't care about them.

These animals, they haven't hired me for years. Who cares? Yeah. Could you take that basic, the premises is not the premise, but you do a lot of, uh, you know, fish out of water. Yes. Here I am from England. And let's talk about America a little bit. Have you done stand up and could this play? Well, it couldn't play in England.

because of that conceit that you are checking on me. Oh, I just cut that stuff out. But you could do. And have you done? And does it play in England as well? Yes. Touch wood. Yes. Oh, that's wonderful. Yeah, yeah. I developed it in London. But I toured the show that is the longer version of it. I toured it for 14 months in America. I went everywhere. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Me and my Welsh went all over. And did you... And did you...

that goes this yeah yeah yeah like grew and grew and grew and I always do a thing in my live shows where I have a bucket in the lobby where you can put any question in and so after the sort of show I then do a

sort of improvised whatever's in there. On the stage. Yeah, yeah, that I don't know what's in the box. That's fun. Yeah, really fun. That's the most fun. That's funny, different Q&A. Yeah, yeah. Which is always much more fun. So much more fun than the show. No, than giving a speech, you know, than doing the prepared... Well, you know, it's easier than... It is more fun. And it makes it live and special that night and all that shit. People must...

Because of Ted Lasso. Yes. Must hang out afterwards and want to talk and have photos and all that stuff. Yes, and I try and leave through an underground exit. Do you really? Gosh, I just go through the front door. But I think you're... Are you an extrovert? Is that a thing? Do you believe you are? Not in real life. No, I am a bit of a wallflower. The reason why it's very...

A little embarrassing that you, I don't know how you said it. It was so sweetly at the very beginning. He's like, I have noticed that you don't mind a compliment or something. Some converted, you know, like, I understand. I'm supposed to compliment you if this is going to go well.

That's no way, man. But it does. Because I'm going, why the fuck would Brett want to come talk to me? That is my knee-jerk reaction. It is the same at a party when I am... Because you're a fucking legend. It's my false humility. It's a pain in the ass.

It's making other people work hard. You had to work a little extra hard when you sat down to reassure me that I'm wonderful. And it's bullshit, but it's, fuck, it's how I grew up. It's a pain in the ass. Can I tell you something? And this is nothing. No, no, if it's about me, please go on. It is about you and it's about you and Mary. I was in, I guess, around the corner from here, I'm realizing now, and I was with a friend having lunch and you and Mary came in to have lunch. And we'd never met.

and I saw you. And it is a very, it is strange. Because you mean so much and because of the history I have with you and your work and all of that and Mary and seeing you, it is a strange feeling

thing where you sort of go, fucking hell, there's, fuck this, fuck. It's a weird sort of feeling. And I know that everyone in that place felt the same. And that, and we're not weirdly or weirdly, you two sat right in the middle. You were taking the table right in the middle. So you were in the center of everyone and everyone's lunch was,

was affected because they were all like, oh, wow. And I know that then all their conversations were like, you know, this and that. Like, love, love, love. You're in this kind of circle of love. And I glanced over a couple of times and you two...

just were locked in each other's eyes and having... It was like in The Little Mermaid when he's kissed the girl and Prince Eric's about to kiss Ariel and all the sea creatures are around and making a love thing. That's what that lunch was like. It was a very nice image. We nauseated a lot of people in that moment.

Yeah, I'm sorry. That is... That's your life. Yeah. Unless I pissed her off. Yeah. You know? I notice I only get mad at Mary when I am dead wrong. Yeah, that makes sense. Because I don't want to be left with that image of myself that you just correctly pointed out to me. But now if she's wrong, oh, that's so sweet. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. That's funny. That makes sense. That might be the secret. Yeah. Can we do your podcast, the movie thing? Yeah. What movie would you be buried with? What film? Films to be buried with. I tell you, you've died. You get to choose how you died. Then I ask always the same questions. What's the film that made you cry the most, made you laugh the most, scared you the most, et cetera? We talk about all of that. And then at the end, you pick a film to be buried with.

And I've seen most of your films. I've seen Loch Ness. Oh, wow. I've seen... I got to be in Loch Ness, in the water. Yeah. I don't know if it was any good. I loved making it. Loch Ness, I think the tagline is, you have to see it to believe it. Oh, no. The tagline is the opposite, and it always confuses me. You have to believe it to see it. Oh, that's good. And I was always like...

What? Okay. And then I figured it out. I like the idea of the film was you don't want to prove or disprove luckness. That would be a crime either way. You want the mystery. Spoiler alert. There is. Yeah. You do see it. It's real. But I guess that's because I believed.

Just one quick thing. Yeah. The Loch Ness bumps into our boat and we go flying into the water. Yeah. And we were on Loch Ness, which is the deepest, coldest body of inland water. Wow. Period. Yeah. So they give us a big jar of Vaseline. They say, put this all over your body, then put on this wetsuit, and then put on your costume. And we'll get you out of the water very quickly.

And I'm going, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. You know, I can, you know, I'm young. I can do my own stuff. This is great. And I'm going to hit the water. I'm going to spin around. I'm going to look at the boat. You know, I hit the water and it's just like, oh, the air went out of my body. It was unbelievably cold.

I went, me and I was writing a film and we went to the edge of Scotland somewhere for a weekend in this cabin to do work on this film. And it was winter and we went in the sea, like, get in, it'll be fun. And we went in like, so cold, so cold. So I then swam, swam, swam, swam, swam to warm myself up and I swam out.

And then, and the others went in and I just swam around, swam around, swam around. And then I was like, I'm warmed up. I've warmed up now. And, uh, and they were at the shore going, come in, come in. And I was like, nice, good. Like I've, and I started to feel like, it feels like a hot tub. Like it's hot. I feel really, really hot.

And it turned out I was dying. It was like all my organs were shutting down. And so it was like hyperventilating. Yeah, yeah. I was like, so what? I was having a lovely time. They say, I mean, you have like two, three, four minutes maybe before it starts to have that. What did they do? Cover you in blankets and goose? Did they really? No, no. Sorry.

Because the next time I'll be out with my kids. Goose fat. Get goose fat quickly. Brett said he seems to know what he's talking about. Anyway, film that I would be buried with? Yeah. There's so many, obviously, blah, blah, blah. But I do think that The Muppet Christmas Carol is the best film. Okay.

are you angry about that no i'm not i'm guilty that i haven't seen it because if you who are incredibly bright yeah and well everything

It's amazing. I have to watch it now. Why though? Tell me. Well, because I think A Christmas Carol, I think is the greatest story ever told. Right. Like as a story, like it's the story of like therapy. It's like he has to see his past to deal with his present and his future. He has to see his past, present and future to change himself and become a better person, which is like...

a great story. Yes, it is. And ghosts and regrets and all of the stuff that it is. So I think it's a great story anyway. Any version of Christmas Carol I'm going to love. But then The Muppets, it's like...

it's a very serious adaptation of the story that they don't fuck around. No tongue in cheek. No tongue in cheek. It's, but they're being very funny. There's lots of very, very funny one liners and slapstick and fun, fun, fun. But they're taking the story very, very seriously. And Michael Caine is playing Scrooge and he ain't fucking around. Oh, wow. Michael Caine is playing it like he's in the Royal Shakespeare Club. He is not

There's no twinkle. He's not like, oh, I'm with Muppets. He's like, I'm fucking, I'm being fucking screwed. And it's like heavy and it's the craft of it is beautiful. It's beautifully directed and it's moving as fuck. Like it will really kill you. I really appreciate it. I will find a way to let you know that I've seen it. Yeah.

It's properly... Like I've watched it in England. They have sing-along screenings at Christmas and I always go like every year like Midnight Mass. That's what I do is go and see that. And genuinely, I'm not being ironic. Like as a piece of craft, every year I watch it, I find something new in it. The writing, the acting of my gang and the Muppets. It was wonderful. It was just after Jim Hansen had died and I think...

And I can't speak to this, but it feels like that infuses it. There's a certain melancholy to the whole film. And Brian Henson, his son, directed it. There's a sadness to it as well. It's a really fantastic way to work. Thank you for that. I will indeed watch it. Yeah, yeah. What's your film to be buried with? You can take your time. I asked myself that when I read what you're doing.

And I don't know why I say this, because it's so not that. Lawrence of Arabia. It's a fucking great film. Yeah. It's a great film. Yeah. But why do you think? I don't know. I got to work with Peter O'Toole. Oh, yes. I mean, he was tiny and I was huge, so basically my acting was, I was on a stepladder. It was down there. But I was just enchanted by,

And I got to work with Omar Sharif in that it was Gulliver's Travels. It was a BBC production. I saw it. Mary's in it. Can I just tell my quick one little theater thing? You can tell me everything you want. Peter O'Toole and Omar Sharif hadn't seen each other for some years. And they'd spent all that time in the desert in the, what, 60s, I think, early 60s, making Lords of Arabia. And...

They were both in this thing I was in, Gulliver's Travels, and Peter O'Toole did his part for a month, and then Omar Sharif came in and was doing his part. And to say hello to each other, they threw a big party. And we were in this wine cellar, St. James Hotel or something, the stables that used to go past. Anyway, this wine cellar was older than Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels.

And there they were reminiscing and they started to talk about their time in the desert. And they heard because they were out in the middle of nowhere. And they said, this won't work because they said, well, we'll give you your weekend off. Who cares if you're sitting in your tent?

And so they said, no, we'll work 12, 15 days in a row. Then you fly us to the nearest town that has a hotel and a bar and all that. They got to there and there was this, they saw a magazine about the twist that was just raging across the world. What is this? The twist? They said, you must bring us the next time the plane comes and you have to bring us the music, Chubby Checker, the twist. And yeah,

They had no idea because they hadn't seen it, what it looked like. So they, in the desert, on Marshall Reef, Peter O'Toole, made up what the twist looked like and did the stance. And they got up in this wine cellar and it basically looked like a couple of, you know,

course boys doing a soft shoe but they were doing their version of the twist that's great and this wine cellar that was older than jonathan you know it was like i was just in heaven great we're very very very very lucky very yeah we're very lucky ted dancing yeah and you can tell a story it's the one story i've told it 150 times

On this podcast. Hey, I can't thank you enough. You just made me so happy. I am chuffed that I know you. I'm going to boast about knowing you. Thank you, Ted Danson. It really means a lot. This is a huge honor to meet you and I've had a lovely time. You're a lovely man. And you give Jason a hug for me, will you? I will do. I really will do. Thank you. That will mean a lot. And I'm going to give you a hug when this ends. So thank you very much. It'll be on camera. Oh, okay. Thank you.

Okay, Brett Goldstein just gave me a hug and left the room and I had the best time. I cannot sing the praises of his stand-up enough. Be sure and watch it. The second best night of your life on HBO Max now. And yes, it is HBO Max. Look it up.

That's all for our show this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, definitely send it to someone you love who likes to laugh. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and maybe give us a great rating and a review on Apple Podcasts if you're in the mood. If you like watching your podcasts, all our full-length episodes are on YouTube. Visit youtube.com slash Team Coco. See you next time.

Where everybody knows him. You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, Sometimes.

The show is produced by me, Nick Liao. Our executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grahl. Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Bautista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Yen, Mary Steenburgen, and John Osborne. ♪

Dr. Dolittle. Ha ha ha!

Staying Alive with John Gaberson and Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad-free with SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts. Hey, it's good to see you. How are you holding up? This diagnosis has been stressful. Finding out that I need a mastectomy, it's really hard to wrap my head around it. Hopefully,

Hope it's not too personal to ask about your experience. No topic is off limits. It's helpful to hear firsthand about what to expect, like the numbness, for example. The numbness? Yeah. Even after reconstruction, your chest will probably be numb. That sounds so scary. It's a strange experience, and it's not something people really talk about, but it doesn't have to be forever. I had a nerve repair procedure called resensation as part of my reconstruction. Now I'm getting some feeling back.

It's such a relief. This is going at the top of my list of questions for my surgeon. Your breast cancer journey is unique, and we want to help you explore your options. For more information on restoring sensation after mastectomy, visit resensation.com. That's R-E-Sensation dot com.