Sarah Silverman
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you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. There's no free speech. No, you can absolutely say anything you want. And the thing that makes edgy or dangerous comedy so is that there are consequences. Yeah.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name. Today, I'm lucky enough to be with a stand-up comedian, actor, writer who radiates intelligence and charisma.

I had to spend most of my brain cells, not all, but most, keeping up with her because she is so sharp. Sarah Silverman. You know her from her many roles across TV and film, including SNL, Mr. Show, the Sarah Silverman program, Wreck-It Ralph, and many more. She's even written a musical.

We also got to work together on the HBO series, Bored to Death. Her new comedy special is out now on Netflix. It's called Postmortem, and it's about grieving the loss of her parents. Here she is, Sarah Silver. I know it helps your menses if I massage your feet, if you want that. Oh my gosh, hi.

That was so fun. I was dying to see their faces because we're talking about Bored to Death and the scene that Jonathan Ames wrote, Jason and I did with you, where you played a psychiatrist who oddly wanted us to massage your feet. Yeah, I made them rub my feet. It was such a great scene for me. It was. And I'd never got my toes painted before. Yeah. But it was, I know, I should just say. And then the craziest thing was

First of all, you are my one of my all time favorite actors all time. Woof. Yes. And at that time, you were also in Damages, which is. Yeah. I don't know why that show isn't like the hugest. I mean, that show was so brilliant and you were so mind blowing in it.

But I, in the scene, called you by the Frobisher's name. Frobisher, yes. I called, what was his first name? Arthur. I called you Arthur.

And I just remember you in the scene looking at me like, huh? And then they stopped the scene and I still didn't know what I had done. But I called him by the other character's name because I was so completely entrenched in damages at that point. But wasn't that your character's excuse to ask us, or maybe it was part of therapy or something for us,

To do something together, but it also helped your menses. Yes, that's what it is. I just want to make sure that you all know that I was not just deciding that would be good for Sarah Silverman. I made them rub my feet. My character did. Yeah. Yeah. That's like, takes a lot of focus to say lines when you're in deep relaxation and also slight terror because it's, my feet are...

And vulnerable. My feet are, you know, I've got this, that second toe that's, I have finger toes. So I'm, you know, a little self-conscious. I don't remember anything, any fault of your feet ever. No, sorry. I can't let you bad mouth your feet. Thank you. You're right. My feet are beautiful just the way they are. Yes. They're strong and they work.

I can't wait to see. And I thought, oh, because somehow it was in my research that I somehow would magically be able to see post-mortem before it's released. Oh, no, they could. They could have sent it to you. No. Yeah, I would have. Sorry. But, you know, don't worry. Well, I'll wait. I'll wait. But I am so I cannot wait to see it in my I'm 77. And it's the time where you lose everything.

friends and we have sat with i sat with my mother who came home to die purposefully and in her vernacular joyfully and we mary and i sat with uh we cooked and took care of a friend of ours mary's lifelong friend for two and a half months and it's one of the great hard privileges

of my life and i i cannot wait to see what you do with it in post-mortem oh yeah you're spectacular by the way i'm being cool but you are you are i love i love your stand-up i love your sense of humor and i love your acting and i no no but also a maestro you were wonderful

Wonderful and maestro. Thank you so much. Yeah, really good. You're a really good actor. And Mary does send her love, and there you are. Oh, I love her. And Charlie...

Charlie Mack, who directed... A pilot that did not go, but it was great, and I loved working with him. I just fell in love with him with a kid. Yeah, he's amazing. Man. Man. Yeah, we just spent a month and a half in the same little house together. He and Lily Collins had their little Tove, who's now...

A little girl who's, I think, eight and a half weeks, maybe nine weeks old. Oh, I was going to say eight years old. Oh, delicious. Yeah, scrumptious. Life is very rich right now. Oh, that's so. Really lovely. Yeah. That's great. Will you talk about it, the event and your special post-mortem? Oh, my parents, my dad and my stepmother died. It'll be two years ago in May now.

And, you know, we were really close. I very, you know, sadly rare kind of like I loved seeing them, you know, and they they moved out here and they came to over every Sunday and my sisters would come over and we'd have bagels and cream cheese and just belly laughs, you know, always.

And I mean, 20 questions was, I don't talk about this in the special, but we were just talking about it. Everything was 20 questions. We love playing 20 questions. And it was so dark, like it'd be like,

guess who we found out has cancer? 20 questions. You know, it was like terrible. I mean, not like, not to bring joy to it, but I don't know. We made everything a game, but my dad was hilarious. You know, he was my best friend. And how old he, he was 85 and Janice was 80. And like, they were totally young. Yeah. You know, they were, had all their marbles and everything.

My dad did stop driving after having an accident. And he always would, you know, he returned his license, driver's license. He didn't need to do this. He just stopped driving. But he like wrote a letter to the DMV returning his license. And I am not capable of driving capably. And, you know. That's hard. I know. I know. But, yeah.

Yeah. You know, my stepmother got diagnosed with cancer and just stage four out of nowhere, wasn't sick or anything and pancreatic cancer. And it was awful. And it was, you know, my dad was a total mess about it.

And I remember comforting him because he was like, I don't want to live in a world without Janice. And, you know, he's got a thick Boston accent. That wasn't a good example of it. But and I don't want to live without her. And I was trying to comfort him. And I was like, well, you know, statistically, you won't. But I didn't know that would come true, you know, but yeah.

So did she pass away first? She passed away almost four months to the day. They were holding hands. We were all there, you know. And he really could have, like, probably gone to the hospital and gotten better with his condition. But he just wanted to go, you know, is one of those things. It happened to Conan's parents shortly after that.

But he just wanted to go. He was happy. The only thing that scared him was he was scared it was going to hurt. Because I remember a few years ago asking him when he was over on Sunday, like, are you afraid of dying? And he goes, not at all. I just don't want it to hurt. You know, but he always said, like, I don't remember before I was born. I'm not going to remember after, you know, but... Surprise. Yeah, but he...

He was scared it would hurt. He was a huge pain pussy. Like he one time he got like EKG, you know, the stickers. He wouldn't peel the stickers off. He was scared it would pull his hair.

He was kind of, no, he goes, I'm going to let him wear off. Yeah. I have a picture of him like at the pool with like all these, he keep, he looks like a dog with that just had puppies or something. But, um, yeah, he was a real character and, uh, oh my God. Like,

People, you know, when we were just taking care of him and this was it. Oh, and he the doctor told me. So the doctor calls and says, this is it. Your dad's dying. He needs to go to the hospital. And I said, I don't know what to do because we promised him no more hospital like he fucking hates it there. And, um.

And the doctor said, well, you know what? You know, maybe he'd live longer if he went to the hospital, but there'll be hospital days. And he's home. He's surrounded by family. I think that's just the ticket. And then he said, and the way he's going to die is kidney failure, which just happens to be a painless death. You're there and then you go into a fog and you're gone. And I was so excited. I should have taken a beat, but I ran into his room and I was like, dad, great news. You know, just awesome.

It was, though, right? He was thrilled. He really was. He was so happy it wasn't going to hurt. We all got into bed with him, like singing old camp songs. He loved camp, telling stories and stuff. And it was a great way to go. How long was that process? You know, it should have been shorter. You know, there was that. And the same thing happened with his mother, where he'd wake up and be like, I'm still here. Like, ugh. Like, he was ready. Yeah.

But what we realized, and I don't say this in the special, it was, oh, well, it was nine days. It was nine days since when Janice passed. And he had a, what's this? Monitor? Yeah, a pacemaker. A pacemaker, thank you. The younger people in the room know. I mean, truly. We don't. I mean, his pace, they never turned his pacemaker off.

So there was a part towards the end where I was like, I don't know why he's gone, but it's like he's gone. But it was like he was a zombie. Like he was just going like, and he was going like this. You can't see, but like, like this. And, and I said, what is this? And cause there was a hospice worker came and,

And they see that it's like scrolling his phone. He's doing muscle memory things, that his body. But they finally turned the pacemaker off when we realized they hadn't turned it off. And then he peacefully went like that night. But it was, oh, so people were saying goodbye. People came by to say goodbye. Jeff Ross, you know, the comedian Jeff Ross, he does all the roasts.

He was very close with my parents. And he came in. Everyone called my dad Schleppy. He goes, Schleppy, I got bad news. I don't think you can be my emergency contact anymore.

And, oh, my gosh, Jeff had introduced my dad and my stepmom, Janice, to a friend of his who is a magician. His name is Bernie Shine. And he's older, and they became very good friends. And about maybe six months earlier, they had gone to see him do a show. So Jeff was sitting with my dad, and he said, do you want me to FaceTime Bernie so you can say goodbye? And my dad said, okay.

And he called him and he held it up for him. And Bernie got on and he said, oh, Schleppi, I'm so sorry. And my dad goes, Bernie, your show was so bad it killed Janice. And then he goes, and I'm not feeling so hot either. He was so funny. He was killing while dying. And were you there when he passed?

I wasn't. I left, I went home to sleep. Yeah. And I knew this was it, but I don't know, there was something. Sometimes I think parents wait for you not to be there. Yeah. I mean, my sister Susie was there, and I think that she's the oldest, and she was the one that if she walked out of the room, he'd go, where's Susie? So I think he, and she's a rabbi, and I just think he felt like...

he could die with her there, you know, but I went home to sleep and, but he was pretty much cognitively not there. And, um, yeah, my mother got pneumonia. She was sharp tack, 88, 89. And, um,

slowing down, but totally there. Enjoyed her walks, all of that. And she got pneumonia. She couldn't shake. And she had aspirated the night before something, choked on something. So she had horrible laryngitis, couldn't really talk. I flew in. This was Sedona, Arizona. And my sister lived next door. So she had been part of the soul process. And

And I flew in and we took her to a clinic in Sedona as opposed to the hospital further away. And the doctor said, I'm going to have to put you in the hospital, Jessica. She went, no.

And he said, Jessica, if I don't, you will die. And she went, thank God. And it was so strange to go from keeping a parent alive, doing everything you can to make them happy and more energetic and live longer and all of that, to, oh, we're now, by her choice, happily, consciously wants to go home and be home and pass away.

And she was a very spiritual, religious woman. And so it was real, totally, for her. This was going to be a joyful event. And we went home and the hospice person was there and they take you through what to expect, what your body, how it will shut down and how long it will take and all that. And she

She was so disappointed because she had, this was it. I said, I'm coming home to die. This will be fine right now. And to hear that there were 10 more days, I think kind of disappointed her, but she couldn't talk. And they said, and we, at some point we will give you morphine. So there'll be no pain. And she went, no. And she said something that sounded like burn.

And my sister and I literally were playing charades with my mother, trying to figure out what it is she meant. And we finally pieced together she wanted to burn. And then it kind of dawned on us, oh, in some religious, philosophical, whatever, if you choose to consciously suffer at the end, you can burn off everything.

karma, you know, or you can whatever, you know, burn off some of that stuff that you want to not go to, to this next place with. And so by God, that was, that was her. And then her voice came back and we spent about a week of pulling her up to the dining room table. And my only regret is she told a joke, a genuine joke that made everybody laugh. And I cannot remember what it is. I would have loved to,

to have known what that, you know, my mom's last joke was. So funny because my brain went to the, what a comedian would think, which is kill her right away. Let her end on that. Get the hook. I was sure that's where you were going. Oh yeah. No, of course you went to remote. Oh yeah. And I woke my sister up several times cause I took the night shift.

And talking about, you know, bodies. Y'all can tune out now or tune back in, whatever you want to do. I like this conversation. I do too. She had kind of left, although her body was still pumping away. She was no longer able to open her eyes or anything, but her body was going. And then I watched her stop breathing and I...

counted and then i looked at my watch and counted and i picked up the phone and i called my sister jannie mom's a pastor oh wait hold on and another day and a half it's so strange it's so and it's you know like watching childbirth for me like you're like oh my god we're animals we're animals and death is similar where you're like

We're like animals, you know? Like, it's so interesting. And it's... But we're kind of... I mean, you...

It's going to go in a really murky place. I don't even know. It's not a complete thought, but just like... I always think like when you see the deep ocean or you see the outer space or you see like molecular... Yeah. Like inside of our bodies, it always looks the same and there's some kind of connection. Yeah. I don't know. But... Someday we might, but... Yeah. Yeah. That was the other thing that happened to me. Sorry. I'm full of like...

I had read over the years this book and that book and studied with so-and-so. And I had all my little spiritual, religious, philosophical thoughts. And I watched my mom towards that last day or two going. And all of those thoughts went flying out the window. And I realized, I don't know. She may be about to know, but I don't know. And I kind of left that from that moment on. And I

Try to be a little bit better every day and that'll do it, Teddy. You know, just do that. Yeah. The rest you'll find out. I mean, I have no religion, but grief felt like the closest to that for me because it's

we're trying to understand something that is maybe beyond our comprehension, you know, like a sister, we're on our sister's chain, you know, on WhatsApp. And one sister will be like, you know, two birds landed in my window and I know it was them. And we're like, it was them. And I go, oh, this must be, this is religion. You know, it's trying to understand something that is very possibly, at least for now, beyond our comprehension, you know, but I, you know, I'm interested, but.

Even like, I wouldn't even call myself an atheist just because I think that's as definitive as saying like, religion is this. That's a real hard belief. That's a belief system. Totally. That's a belief. Totally. This is what you believe, you know, and it's. I love, well, there's a kind of religion or a theory that I always was so tickled by called last Thursday-ism.

And it's the belief that everything was created last Thursday. And you can't disprove it because even our memories, even what we perceive as history, everything created last Thursday. And I just like that. It can't be, if the onus is on you to disprove it, you can't necessarily disprove it. But that's great. Last Thursday is, um,

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I fucked Matt Damon is the funniest thing. I, for some reason, missed that huge cultural event. It was huge.

It was, and it's so long ago now, but I watched it maybe a year ago, and I was like, this actually holds up. It does. It was great. So much of my comedy and comedy in general, just not evergreen. But that one felt pretty evergreen. Who came up with that idea? It was someone between two writers on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Tony Barbieri and Sal Iacono, Jimmy's cousin Sal.

And they had some kind of idea. I don't know if it was to be a song or not, but I was on tour and I was going through Miami and that's where Matt Damon was living at that time. So we planned to do something when I was there. And it was, I remember I was like, we were together. We were a couple. And, and I remember I had to lie to him about where I was on tour. And I, I'm not good at that at all. I was just, you know, but I go, okay, just commit to this.

Um, but the night before we got together and we just wrote the song in a studio and recorded it. And you and Matt, no, uh, me and Sal and, and, um, Tony and a producer in Miami there. We wrote the song like in a fury of just like, and we recorded it. And one of the guys did Matt's voice. Then we had three hours at this hotel the next morning.

And Matt had given us also three hours because he had to have a hard out at noon because of his daughter had a Halloween pageant. Nice. But he was all in. Oh, my God. He was amazing. And they'd already had that battle. He and Jimmy, Matt and Jimmy. Well, that was actually an idea that I had, which was Jimmy at the time, um,

He couldn't get... I remember his second guest was a man with the longest arm hair. Like, it was really slim pickings. He couldn't get anyone, and he was, like, embarrassed, you know. And I said, you should say... Take the biggest movie star, you know, Matt Damon. Say, sorry, Matt Damon, we ran out of time at the end of the show, you know. And he started doing that. And then when Matt started...

engaging in it. He was like, I want to do this, but don't ever stop doing it. And I think he still to this day says, sorry, Matt Damon ran out of time. So, um, he came in and learned,

learned it in a closet in one of the hotel rooms, recorded it, his part. And then we just played the audio and lip synced it. And we had like four different locations and it was just like run and gun. And it came out so great. And it's, I think you'd like this story. We were, remember we were standing with all the, there were dancers. There's one part with like dancers and we're all in red,

uh, outfits. He did that fitted. He fit that in that three hours, all in three hours, recording it and shooting it. It was like, just run and go and run and go. And, uh, but there's a moment where we're kind of standing between shots and the dancers are around and we're talking about movies. And, um, I said, did you ever see, uh,

the, the DV, did you ever see the, um, the DVD of, you know, a DVD at that time of the shining? Cause I wanted to talk about, there was like this featurette on it. That's incredible. So I go, yeah, have you seen the DVD of the shining? And one of the dancers cut in and goes, I was going to say you look like her. And we just started laughing so hard because it was

you know, you don't listen. She's a lovely, interesting looking woman. Uh, you know, but that, what did he think I was going to say? Have you seen the shining? I look like Shelley Duvall, but, it was so uncomfortable and we were just, it was like that crying, laughing, you know, cause it was so funny in the moment. But, um, yeah. So wait, let me keep going. Cause when I did, uh,

Jimmy know anything about this? Nothing. So when he cut, we'll be back when he, when you showed it on air, that was his first time seeing it. Yeah. And he, I think he acted mad cause he felt like he needed to, but he loved, you know, he was, he was, he loved it. And I remember we were brushing our teeth and,

uh, before the show, like in his dressing room. And he goes, everyone says this video is great. And I go, I mean, keep your expectations low. It's just a, it's just like a funny video. Cause I, you know, but it really, it really was kind of one of the first, um, like viral videos. Yeah. And it's so funny. Cause after that people would,

would try to hire me to make a viral video. And I was like, you, I, everyone wants to make a viral video. That's everyone's intention. I'm sure. I don't, you know, I, I don't, that's not something you can make. Yeah. Right. Yeah. When I watched it, I went, Oh wait, did he? No, he must've known, but he played it. He did not know. So well. He knew there was a video and it was for, I think his son,

Maybe it was birthday or the five-year anniversary. It was supposed to be for his birthday, and then it was around the writer's strike. So it must have been 2007. Yeah.

or eight. How did you get the courage to go anywhere with your comedy? I am so full of shoulds and should nots in my life, you know, raised by the people who said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all kind of thing. And yet comedy depends on surprising and delighting and going where no man has gone before. Woman has gone before.

That takes a lot of guts to do that. Did you always have that? Did you always have the, I'm okay to shock you right now? Yeah. And I mean, listen, I got famous from comedy that I would not do today, you know, because it's not evergreen. It's funny. I started out as a, what do you mean? Because it's not evergreen racist. And, you know, and in my view, it was like,

It was I wouldn't have articulated it this way, but I articulate it now, which is like I'm liberal. I'm not racist. So I can say racist things in comedy. And in this moment in time, I would not do that. And I wouldn't. But I do accept that comedy is not evergreen. And I, you know.

I accept myself and everything I am and have changed into and and even the girl I was then. And a lot of the comedy was great, but there's a lot that is, you know, I can't watch now. But in my mind, I was playing a character that was an ignorant, arrogant person.

And the irony, as I look back on it, was that I was actually an ignorant and arrogant person. Do you really feel that way? Yeah. I mean. I do. I watched it today and yesterday. So that's me. You watched my first special, Jesus is Magic? Parts of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Parts of it are great. Parts of it are like, wow, you know. Sure. But I mean, don't you see people now still pushing the envelope with everything, including race and gender and all of that? Totally. And I think there's probably a great way to do it. There's probably a cheap way to do it. But for you, it doesn't feel right anymore. Not as a blanket. You know, there's always an angle. There's always something interesting that I, yeah, I mean, I'm interested in it.

And that's why I came, I talked so much about race in the beginning because I was interested in it. It was, and I, and also in my, on my view is playing a character that said the opposite of everything I felt with the, with the, with the hope that the kind of absolute value of that to use a math term is what transcended. It did. It did. I think for a lot of people it did. But I do think that,

I'm a big Law & Order fan, and as Jack McCoy would always say, it's like you can't unring that bell. So if you find that this... You know, it's like I remember when it wasn't that long ago when Bill Maher said the N-word on an episode in a joking way that was... Anyway, but the following week he had some, like, black thought leaders on, and basically...

I remember Ice Cube was also on and he said, like, you're cutting people. There are people that are cut from just that word, you know, and you can know that and you can still say it, but...

As Jack McCoy, that's what I was getting at, would say, you can't unring that bell. So if you know you're hurting people, listen, I still do pretty hard comedy and there are going to be people that don't like it or are offended by it. And there's only so much I can do. But in like large swaths in ways where I saw a lot more of the world when social media came along, I remember going so embarrassing. I remember going like, oh, my God, there's like.

an epidemic of cops killing unarmed black teenagers. And then it was just a few beats later when I went, oh, right. That's how it's always been. And I'm just seeing this now. So, you know, I mean, listen, I, I love being changed and I love learning new things and being like changed at a, from an, at a molecular level, level from, I can't put words together, but you know what I mean?

I think we all, I went through the thing of, well, I know what my intention was. I had a pure heart. Doesn't matter. No. It doesn't because things live forever, especially now things live forever. And somebody who thought one thing of you and then sees this thing, then you are cutting them. Yeah. And also, listen, this is hard for comics. And a lot of comics get so pissed at me when I go, oh, I wish...

I could erase that, but I can't. I can just only be changed. And I do accept myself or whatever. Or if I've apologized a couple times for things I've done in the past. And I don't apologize if I'm not sorry. I like that quote. And then I always apologize when I am. It's like so simple. I'm bad at apologizing for things that I'm not. Are you bad? It's hard. It's like a comma for me. It's very hard for men too, yeah. I say the word sorry like commas. Like what? Like it's a comma. I say I'm sorry way too much.

Oh, you say it too much. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm all right with saying it when I should say I'm sorry. But I also say it just like. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's probably, sorry, don't hit me. Sorry. Sorry. Well, that's like someone once said, what we say to our dogs is what we want to hear. And at the time, I thought about what I would say to my dog all the time. And it was, everybody likes you. Yeah.

But the example that my friend who told me this said was they had an older, hunky actor friend. And he would come over and he'd go, oh, you're old, but you're still sexy. Yeah, yeah. That's what I want. Yeah. I'm going to start saying it to my dog. You still got it. You got it. But yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. You know, there are comics and there are people who are like, you can't even say anything anymore. There's no free speech. No, you can absolutely say anything you want. And the thing that makes edgy or dangerous comedy so is that there are consequences. Yeah. Right? Yes.

they have any consequence and they're like oh you can't you can say it it's very brave if you do and then you suffer the consequences right i mean it's so wild when people when the comics comics would that sell out you know stadiums that are like i can't even say anything anymore like i'm pretty sure you can say anything you want yeah and you'll be criticized or not yeah yeah

And then you can take it or you can be changed by it or you can not be changed by it. And there you go. You're a dangerous comedian. I've just heard about a serious but rare heart condition called ATTR, cardiac amyloidosis.

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Picture this. Spring has sprung. The clocks have been changed. Those morning birds are waking you up early again. And you're wearing the same spring clothes as last year and the year before that and the year before. You get it. It's uncanny. It's like they've seen my wardrobe. Don't fret. Macy's is here to help you refresh your spring wardrobe.

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What are you waiting for? Shop now at Macy's.com or in stores. Okay, so I am going to change because I am curious. Have you ever directed a movie? No. Aren't you thinking about it? I don't. I, yeah. Well, now I'm thinking about it only because...

Um, I just joined the director's guild because I directed my special and I didn't know I'd have to direct, uh, join the director's guild, but I, I guess I did. And so now I'm in it and I was like, well, I should direct something. You should. You're hired. To, oh. Star in it. Oh, yes. Okay.

You do need older people standing next to young people. You don't realize how young those people are. So I figure I've got a job forever. Oh, my God. You're gorgeous and brilliant. See, that was false humility. Thank you, but go on. This is what I was trying to elicit. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you have not even reached that.

Yeah. The sweet spot. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, so egotistical. I, people ask me about career and I don't want to think about career because that ego in me goes, no, you haven't really done it yet, Ted. And I know that's insane because I've had lovely blessings and wonderful writers and all that stuff for so long, but I do feel that way. I, you know,

In a rocking chair when I'm immobile, I'll think about my career. No, I think your career is mind-blowing, and I honestly believe that you have not reached the pinnacle of it. I've said this without you in the room. I feel this way. I find your acting absolutely thrilling.

This is so cool because I knew how much I liked you. And I've been around you. And I know you're totally wonderful to be around. But you're so smart, bright, and fast that I thought I was a little nervous.

to be talking to you because you're so smart. I know. That's my truth. And now I'm just a pussycat. I am so mellow and happy. All those things you said. Oh, I can tell you fun memories I have with just the few times we've been together. Oh, let's do it. We'll just fade the sound as we go out of you complimenting. Remember when songs used to fade out? Yes. It was interesting. Like, how do they do that live? Anyway, um...

Yeah, I'm smart and bright, but I'm not fast. I'm slow. Slow. Like, I don't know, my brain doesn't... Figuring stuff out? Yeah, I don't think fast. Terrible at improv. Me too. I get scared. I will improv. I mean, improv is really just working off the other person and not saying no, kind of. Right, right. Basically. Yeah. And it's what you're taught in acting classes. Don't do anything until the other person makes you. And so...

I don't know where I was going with this. Oh, I think in a scene it's you could do it because you're just being truthful with the part that you are. But like when you go see an improv show. No, no, I'm not that kind of comedian. No, no. Where they wrap it up. They wrap it up and bring it back. And an hour later, they yes. No, I couldn't do that either.

I'm going to tell you a story that you and I'm going to try to remember and then you can fill it in because it's a story you told when I did Bored to Death. And it was so funny where you everyone was getting into having beehives to save the bees. And you and Mary had just bought.

The whole thing, the outfits and the equipment and everything, but then you never did it. And then you ended up just wearing the outfits for Halloween. For many years. Many years. And then also... We even bought fake bees so that they could hang from our... Fake bees.

Yeah. Actors. I mean, we had the bees and we were going for it. And then we went out and bought the wardrobe because that's important. Yes. And we looked fantastic. And then we both got jobs out of town when we came back. The bees had swarmed and left. They were so totally bored. But we loved our outfits and we made use of them. I love it so much. And then also...

We were talking. We had so much. I had such a good time talking with you guys and just gabbing in between shots. It was just a fun. It was a great set. And you started talking about something that happened while you were doing Becker. And Jason Schwartzman was like, Ted. And he goes, and you go, I'm sorry. He doesn't like when I talk about the Becker years. It's just so funny. I'm not reiterating it well.

It was so good. I've never had more fun. That was a great trio. The dynamic between you guys. Zach Galifianakis was just... Oh, God, right. Zach was in that. Yeah. He wasn't in your scene, but... And what a mensch. What a mensch. Yeah. His wedding. And that was the other story. I was sitting with you guys at the wedding. Yeah, that's right. And I just remember...

Um, a couple of things from that wedding that, but one with you, which is someone was making a toast and this happens to you all the time. So, and then the toast was over and everyone was to say cheers and clink glasses and you were across from me and I went, and you were like, I know, I know.

Cheers. But the other thing about that wedding was so great. And the thing I loved the most was, I don't know if you remember this, his brother Greg. Greg, yeah. You know, he's from North Carolina. And his brother Greg got up and made a toast. And all these brilliant, pithy, comic minds had gone up and gave brilliant toasts. And here comes his brother. And his brother's like...

It was just such a beautiful flip. He goes, he tells a story. And I think everyone, we're all kind of our hearts are sinking because he's like, you know, I was, you know, I'm Zach's big brother and I bully him. And I remember one time I pulled all his clothes off and I pushed him outside and I locked the door. And he's saying it like it's funny. And I think all of our nerd hearts were breaking like, oh, he's a bully.

And he ends it by saying, and you know what Zach did? And then he gets completely choked up and he said, he loved me anyway. And it was like, it went from a bummer speech to the most beautiful speech I've ever heard. It was so beautiful. I also remember Zach's vows where he broke into tears four or five times. Yeah. And then he finally finished and then he went to...

to Quinn, his wife. Top that. Well, I guess the Galifianakis men are big criers. Marriage? How do you feel about marriage? You know, never was, never. One way or the other? No, never was. I never wanted to get married. I just never. I always with people would push it off. And then with my love,

Now, Rory, five years ago, I said, well, let's wait five years and we'll talk about it. And he goes, recently, well, this August is five years. And I was like, what I realized is, I mean, I love him and I want to be with him forever. But I don't know, marriage, of course, started out as like the woman was property. And of course, it grew into something equal and beautiful. But now in this world, it feels...

Like property. I know that wouldn't be for us. I just I don't want to do it. I don't want to get the government involved. I don't want to get this government involved. I will sign. I will promise him to love him forever. I know many couples that have never gotten married and are madly in love with each other. Yeah. And I also don't want him to relax.

Nice. Okay, this is the first thing you said that really makes sense. Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't want him to relax. I want him to always try. And he does. He does. Boy, Mary's got me on my toes. I find her the most fascinating person I've ever met. And one day my farts are funny. The next day she's outraged. I can never quite tell where we're going to go. That's so true.

It's so true. Have you got to hang with her? No. She loves you. Oh, I love her. I love women who are sisters. I love women who love men but are sisters. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. That's like you have your girlfriends and they're your ride or dies. And sisters, too. I have three sisters. My wife is a full-on feminist and you'd never know it. Do you know what I mean? It's not something she wears on her sleeve because she also happens to love men. Yeah. You know, but...

Don't get confused. Well, feminists look like all sorts of people. I bet you're a feminist. I am in the making. No, not in the making, in the constant growing and learning. Yes, right. I was stunned to discover that 90% of what comes out of my mouth is mansplaining. And I don't mean just technically. I mean, I fucking do it.

You know, constantly. But I mean, also sometimes like Rory will go to explain something to me and he goes, well, do you want me to tell you what I know? Or would that be man's like, no, no, I want you to tell me what you know. But it's nice that he takes a beat. Mansplaining is when the woman has to patiently explain.

Go along with it to not hurt the person's feelings, but they already know this information. Yeah. Women aren't perfect, but the thing is we've, we have all been raised in a toxic patriarchy and it's hurt all people, you know? And I mean, listen, my boyfriend Rory is, you know, just in these past years realizing that,

What he was raised in and what he was terrified of to be called gay. You're gay. You know, he's he's working on it. I think he's working on stand up on this and it's so brilliant. But just the conceit is just he was so afraid of being gay, you know, quote unquote, whatever, like you're gay, you know, whatever that would mean. But right. That he didn't experience things.

You know what I mean? Like he, he kept himself from doing any kind of thing he might be interested in because of terror. I mean, masculinity is, is terror. It's fear. It's fear based. I mean, that he would say the thought of being sad or expressing a vulnerable feeling was not an option. So what he's fighting now and unlearning and re-educating himself is he

That what would happen is he would feel, and this is true with so many people and specifically men is you feel shame or you feel sadness and it instantly converts into outward rage because that's the only emotion that's okay for a man. Around fear. Do you feel this? I don't know. I, um. I mean, you're really one of a kind, but. Not really, but, um.

I'm also full of shit. And Mary calls me her faux Christ, F-A-U-X. It's like I'm always pretending to be holier than thou and all of that. But I was raised, yeah. You do seem vulnerable. I never had, it didn't come up.

Where you were allowed your feelings. Yeah. Here's my problem. That's the biggest thing. I saw my father who was kind of not emotionally available. He loved me. He was proud of me. He was all of those things. But he was not really truly emotionally truthful with himself. And so he'd be gruff.

when he got to an emotion or something. Right. And I'd watch then my mother be kind of the pacifist and the understanding and the taking care of people's feelings. I went, okay, I'm going that way. But that way wasn't a choice. It took me years

therapy in many years into my 40s before I went, okay, yes, I am. The silhouette won't change that much that I am a sensitive, kind, nurturing, thoughtful kind of person, but I'm also an asshole, a dick and a vengeful, pissy little, you know, all of those things are true. And if you, but if you don't acknowledge the dark side of yourself, then when you be nice, you're not

You're choosing to be nice if you know that you're both. Yeah. And I wasn't allowed to be both. I was only allowed to be kind, gentle, nurturing, and all of that. So I'm getting better. That's interesting. I think that's a unique, fairly unique male experience in America. Would you think? There are more out there than you'd think. I really do believe.

But no, it's not the vocal, verbal one you get thrown at you most of the time. Well, the loudest. The loudest, yeah. You know what I mean? And also, there are just things men, good, kind, loving, loving.

you know, eager to do the right thing. Men have no idea about the female experience because whereas women have always had to be able to see the world through a male lens in order to survive, men don't need to do that in order to survive. So there are so many things that I'll tell Rory that he absolutely never knew about.

Or women's rights in this country. We are so entitled that it's hard to let in how entitled we are as a male. I said, when do you think women got the right to get a loan at a bank? God, when was it? 1988. Without her husband's signature. Wow. I was 17. Isn't that crazy? Yes. Wow.

When is it that women get equal pay? Oops, not yet. No. Not yet. And people say, well, women only get paid 77, 78 cents on the dollar. That's white women. Yeah. And in closing. I am so tickled pink to sit next to you and talk. I admire you so much and I'm sorry I don't.

uh that i put up all these barriers of who am i i i just have had so much fun talking to you no i oh you're so sweet and generous i love you i want to be friends in real life yeah and you would love love mary come on rory and i are gonna come visit you yeah all right that was truly an honor to have that time with sarah

I delight in how bright and serious and funny and fully human she is. I hope you love that as much as I did. That's our show for this week. Special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to a loved one. Find us on YouTube where you can watch full-length episodes. As always, subscribe on your favorite podcast app and leave a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts. We'll have more for you next week. Everybody knows your name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, Sometimes.

♪♪♪

Hey there, everyone in podcast land. I just wanted to thank you all for listening and telling your friends about our little podcast. Let's talk off camera with me, Kelly Ripa. I know there are millions of podcasts out there, so I really appreciate you giving us a listen. There are so many gems from season one, from Matthew McConaughey disclosing that he and Woody Harrelson might be brothers to Selma Hayek telling us about the argument that started her friendship with Prince.

Hope you enjoy season one and stay tuned for a bigger and better season two.