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cover of episode A Marriage Organized Around Trauma

A Marriage Organized Around Trauma

2023/10/30
logo of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

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女方
治疗师
男方
Topics
男方:战争创伤严重影响了我的日常生活和婚姻关系,导致我患有创伤后应激障碍和酒精依赖。我与妻子之间的亲密关系受到了极大的损害,性生活也因此变得困难。我努力摆脱过去创伤的困扰,并希望通过找到工作来提升自信和自我价值感,从而改善与妻子的关系。我意识到自己长期以来依赖妻子照顾,这阻碍了我们之间更深层次的连接。我需要学习如何放松,如何与我的焦虑共处,并尝试与妻子建立更健康的互动模式。 女方:为了支持丈夫,我牺牲了自己的事业和个人生活,长期以来扮演着照顾者的角色。我感到焦虑和精神紧张,并感到自己被忽视和不被看见。我需要丈夫的理解和支持,也需要找到属于自己的生活和价值。我希望我们能够恢复亲密关系,并享受更多快乐和轻松的时光。 治疗师:他们的婚姻关系长期以来围绕着创伤、成瘾和照顾者角色而运转,这阻碍了他们之间性爱的发展。治疗的目标是帮助他们走出创伤的阴影,恢复彼此间的亲密关系,并重新定义彼此在关系中的角色。治疗师引导他们进行呼吸练习,帮助男方放松身心,并鼓励他们坦诚沟通,与父母分享他们的经历和感受。治疗师建议他们改变关系结构,丈夫应该主动关心妻子的感受,并通过一些小举动来表达爱意,从而提升彼此的幸福感和亲密关系。 男方:战争的创伤使我难以放松,在亲密关系中容易出现恐慌和身体僵硬。我将我的焦虑命名为“Battle Boy”,并尝试通过自我肯定和安抚来缓解焦虑。我意识到需要改变自己长期以来依赖妻子照顾的模式,主动关心妻子的感受,并尝试通过一些小举动来表达爱意。 女方:我长期以来扮演着照顾者的角色,牺牲了自己的需求和感受。我需要丈夫的理解和支持,也需要找到属于自己的生活和价值。我希望我们能够恢复亲密关系,并享受更多快乐和轻松的时光。 治疗师:治疗师引导他们重新审视彼此的关系模式,并鼓励他们主动改变。治疗师指出,持续的担忧和警惕会阻碍放松、臣服和释放,这些都是性爱和感官体验的关键要素。治疗师建议他们通过坦诚沟通,与父母分享他们的经历和感受,从而减轻负担,创造更轻松的亲密关系。 男方:我需要找到工作来提升自信和自我价值感,这将有助于改善与妻子的关系。 女方:我需要丈夫的理解和支持,也需要找到属于自己的生活和价值。 治疗师:治疗师引导他们重新审视彼此的关系模式,并鼓励他们主动改变。治疗师指出,持续的担忧和警惕会阻碍放松、臣服和释放,这些都是性爱和感官体验的关键要素。治疗师建议他们通过坦诚沟通,与父母分享他们的经历和感受,从而减轻负担,创造更轻松的亲密关系。

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Chapters
The episode explores how PTSD from military deployment affects not only the veteran but also their partner, creating a constant state of vigilance and impacting their relationship dynamics.

Shownotes Transcript

He was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther’s guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of.

For additional resources on recovery after war, please see:

The Hidden Trauma of Moral Injury- by Jack Saul (https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/hidden-trauma-moral-injury)

The Veterans Crisis Line - dial 988 and then press 1.

Provides access to free, confidential support with an actual person qualified to support Veterans 24/7, 365 days a year.

Serves Veterans, service members, National Guard and Reserve members, and those who support them.

Department of Veterans Affairs - VA PTSD Program Locator- (https://www.va.gov/directory/guide/PTSD.asp)

VA Caregiver Support Program -(https://www.caregiver.va.gov/) The Department of Veteran Affairs Caregiver Support Program offers clinical services to caregivers of eligible and covered Veterans enrolled in the VA health care system. The program’s mission is to promote the health and well-being of family caregivers who care for our Nation’s Veterans, through education, resources, support, and services.

The Headstrong Project - (https://theheadstrongproject.org/) A non-profit mental health organization providing confidential, barrier-free, and stigma-free PTSD treatment to our veterans, service members, and family connected to their care.

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