Presence of Hope w/ April Daniels
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you I feel that for somebody you don't need no edge entity you need boundaries. What? I don't need your likes I don't need your validation All I need is a God fighting for me that says all things things Child

Girl, listen, if you're breathing, you've had your own unfair share of wounds that cut so deep you didn't think you'd survive. I've been there. I've been there more times than I can count.

Moments where I felt ill-equipped, moments where I felt inadequate, moments where I felt like I could not be trusted with this level of pain, this level of responsibility. It's literally the grace of God that fills you with hope to dream, believe, and even to love again. If you've heard of April Daniels, then you know, like many of us, she is hope personified.

Whether it's picking up the pieces of life after the sudden loss of her husband or the viral video of her praising God when their son was admitted into law school, it truly is an honor to have April as today's co-host and have her touch on this week's topic.

the presence of hope. I promise you, if you've been in a dark season, you've been wondering if you'll ever get out or if there's any light at the end of the tunnel. Keep listening. This is the Flicker of Hope. Hey there. Hi, how are you? I'm doing great. Thank you. How are you?

I'm well. I'm well. Thank you for asking. We have met in passing, but I'm excited because I feel like now I'm about to like really get to ask you all the questions I want to stalk you and ask you on Instagram. Oh, wow. Yes. Yes. That is so true. Mutual friends. Yeah. You know, we never had this opportunity. So I'm honored. Thank you very much. Thank you. How you been feeling? Yes.

I've been good. You know, yesterday was actually my wedding anniversary. And, you know, for the I won't say for the first time since Sean's been gone, I totally forgot. Wow. And I got up and I was like a little heavy thoughts of him, but I wasn't even thinking about the date. And I went and worked out. And then all of a sudden I got a text that was like, so sorry. I know you're hurting today. I'm like, no, I'm hurting today.

And then I looked and I was like, Oh my God, how did I forget? And it's kind of funny because like the last three years, Sean and I forgot. Oh, wow. Our sons woke us up and was like, What are you doing today? We're like, what's today? We don't know, you know, it's like your anniversary. So I felt like he was giving me a little hug like baby still forget and I'm not there.

I'm good. Thank you for asking. But yes. How long has it been since your husband passed? Almost three years. In September, it'll be three years. Geez. Time flies.

Waits for no one. It's just flying. I'm like, God, it still feels like yesterday, but almost three years. I can remember, I think on Instagram, because we have mutual friends, but no one that who would have alerted me to the loss. But I can remember being on Instagram when news just kind of started spreading about your husband's passing. And I can remember just the devastation, just like...

That I felt, and I didn't even know you. I just knew your story from the outside looking in. And of course, like many people, you know, you go to your Instagram page, you go to his Instagram page. And I feel like as a wife and, you know, I have my husband so incredible.

And I think that you instantly just imagine, you know, what would that experience be like for me? And I know no matter what we imagine, it can't it probably can't compare at all. But I had this thought that like I bet.

It's not the big things like the anniversaries and the birthdays, though I'm sure they have their grief connected to them. For me, it's like those little moments where you got on your bonnet and you watching a show and they roll over. Like those little moments in marriage that are so sacred and intimate seem like they would be the most challenging part of missing someone. Yeah.

Yes, absolutely. I mean, a lot of people, they tell you, oh, after you get through the first, but I'm like, there will always be first. It's not like you just get through a first birthday or first anniversary. There will always be moments that will be first that you won't be a part of. And you're so right. Like getting

in the bed at night. I'm like, yeah, this sucks. I said, any woman that tells me I love being alone, I'm a teller, you're a liar. And the truth is not in you because let me tell you, I miss that man so much. And, you know, I'm grateful that I'm in my right mind and I'm able to still function, but it'll be just moments where I just want to sit down and have breakfast with him. Yeah.

It's just a normal time. It's not the big to-do event holiday, but just the normal, the going to bed at night, the waking up together, the what are you doing today? Oh, I have to do this. Like those little things, it changes completely. And it's like, you know, you have to learn how to live all over again by yourself, you know? And although you have children and they're great, it just...

They're missing their father. I'm missing my husband. Two different things completely. We lost the same person, but in completely different ways. And so, you know, the highs and the lows and all of that stuff is just so different for all of us. It's not like, you know, a commonality where it's like, okay, Sean is gone. Yes. But what he meant to each of us is so very different. And

And what he contributed in those areas and those moments of our life is still so very different. So like, man, what I don't know if I want to talk about you finding hope or if I want to honor just.

the reality of what it feels like to be without hope at first. And maybe you didn't have that stage, but maybe you can kind of take us back to the extent that you feel open and willing. Like, what were some of those hopeless moments like? Because this week we're talking about the presence of hope. And I think a lot of times when we find ourselves in dark moments, someone's always like ready to push hope on us. But I think in order to

earn the trust to bring someone into hope that we first have to relate to how they feel. So maybe you can talk to us a little bit about what that feels like and then where was the light that was shimmering or blinking in the midst of that dark season?

Yeah. Oh, gosh, you know, it was kind of like a roller coaster effect when it initially happened. I was on the scene when I got the confirmation and my flesh just wanted to just fall out. And I did. I fell out completely. But as soon as I hit the asphalt, the Holy Spirit was like, get up. Jet was with me. That's my youngest son. He was 14 at the time.

And I just got up and went into mama bear mode. And as we're going back home, it was like instantly God was just like, you got this. I didn't feel like that, but I heard the connection. I felt the connection. My heart was like,

My world is shattered. Yeah. But my spirit was like, you can do this. And so, you know, I drove back home and I think about that often. Like, how the heck did I drive home from the scene of the accident? And everybody was trying to drive and everybody wanted to make sure I was OK, who was there. But it was my responsibility to get me and Jet home. I didn't want anyone driving me. I didn't want anyone to drive.

impose on our ride home together that was the time for him and i and you know the moment we got into the house i just kind of went into this i can fix it mode and you know i'm thinking like who do i need to call what do i need to do what would he want me to do and inside i'm just completely feeling devastated and like everything that we were building towards is gone

I'm like, what does that look like? I don't even know how I'm functioning. I don't even know how I'm not, how I'm going to get, uh, get back from this situation. How does this look? What does it look like? But I'm still moving in the process. I know, obviously it wasn't nobody but God, but it's just crazy when you have an outer body experience and then you can go back and reflect and you're like, what in the world was going on and out. But in that, you

You know, inside I'm broken, I'm devastated. And I'm like, I don't even know what the next hour looks like, but I'm still multitasking and doing everything that I knew he would want me to do. And, you know, we got through it. It was hard. I definitely,

From that period up until his memorial, I just really was trying to hold on to the promises of God. Because for me, it was like, if you stop believing God now, everything you and your husband represented would be a lie. Mm-hmm.

That was, you know, the whole concept of our cool couples ministry, including faith, including God and the home front in the marriage. That's really your superpower. And so I'm like, if you detain from going, this is where you have guys have been. You cannot walk away from that. You know, the example, you know, the history you have with God, you know, who he has been, you know, his faithfulness.

I know it doesn't look like tomorrow is going to mount to whatever you may have thought it was, but do not let go. Do not grow weary. And I really just had to kind of keep replaying that stuff over and over so that I could really stay focused because it was days, it was weeks. It almost was months where I didn't want to get out of bed. I'm like, I'm not going nowhere. My friends are like,

We love you, but you got to wash your behind and you need to wash the sheets because this is getting crazy. But it was the only thing that made him feel like he was still with me. The scent on the pillow or sleeping on his side of the bed. You know, those things that you take for granted. But that was all I had that equate to my husband.

And so with that, you know, I got a call and I think this was the pivotal moment for everything. I got a call from a young lady and she was one of the wives in our cool couples. We had an e-group at Elevation Church and we had about maybe.

40 couples in the E group. And one lady called me and she said, hey, I need to talk to you. I'm having problems in my marriage. And I'm telling you, we are maybe not even a full week after the memorial. And my flesh instantly wanted to be like,

You're calling me. Do you know what I went through? Like, why are you on my phone asking me anything about your marriage? And I heard the Holy Spirit say, why can't she? And in that moment, I was like,

I have work to do. Like, April, you're going to be okay. Get it together. God is not done. He has not forgotten you. He is not leaving you to figure it out on your own. Give it to him and get yourself together. And, you know, I haven't even spoken to that young lady since that, but I believe that was nobody but God.

calling her to reinforce what he had already started in me with my husband. And so with that, you know, I just took it and, and,

allowed it to be the thing that was the catalyst to get me back into, come on, girl, put your armor away, get yourself together. You got this. Like, yes, you've lost the wing. You've lost the big part, the pillar in your home. But this is not the end. And so from there, I was really able to adopt this vision.

mind frame that was just like my husband was so good with this because he would be like, babe, when you go in the room, don't you let nobody take you off your square. Don't you let nobody change you from being who you supposed to be in that room. And I have not let go of that. And so with it, I was like, okay,

you have it, let's do this. Like, you really got to give yourself these type of pep talks because, you know, sometimes it's just you and God, you know, it's like, okay, I got to do what I got to do. But, um, in that it changed everything. It just allowed me the things that my flesh wanted to kind of buck at and be like, what? Like, you know, I,

I feel like people were taking advantage and trying to do things that they knew because Sean was no longer there. They could get access to me or they could achieve the things that they were trying to do with their own agenda. And I just felt so alone. But I just had such a peace because I was like, do not let anybody down.

take you off your mark. Do not be anything other than what God expects you to be in this room with these people. I don't care if they're your enemies. I don't care if they're your friends. I don't care if they're your family. I don't care if they're your children. Be who you're supposed to be. And each day it was like I was getting stronger and stronger and able to just really be able to embrace, you know, all the ups and downs of this

traumatic ride that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You know, it's like, okay, God, you chose me for this. And what am I going to do? I can't say no. Thank you. It doesn't change the result. I'm still walking in it. So I'm like, listen, I know who you are. I know who you've been. And we unfortunately all have a, a,

An appointment with death we do we can't avoid that obviously my husband left way sooner than any of us anticipated or would have liked but with it

I'm like this purpose and I see him every day in some way, his spirit. I know when he's right here looking over me. I know when he's, you know, involved in anything. And I know everybody won't get that because they're not spiritually in the play. They'd be like, okay, man, you're the husband talking to your aunt girl. But, you know, I'm very sure of that.

His spirit, I'm very sure of the purpose God has laid on me. And I'm honored that he chose me to be able to do the work that he's put before me. Because, you know, it's a price for your oil, but it's a blessing. And when God selects you to do a deed for him. And, you know, that's how I have to look at each day. Yeah.

Okay, well, first of all, you're trying to drag us up underneath the weed. Listen, I need tissue and Kleenex over here. I marvel at your ability to explain the unexplainable and to give context to this

responsibility, because I can tell that you really see the responsibility in it. Did you ever wrestle with the notion that God is trusting you with this responsibility of recovery, of restoration, of life after loss?

even though you didn't necessarily trust yourself, like, did you ever have this stage where like you were angry with God for trusting you with this? Because I do think that like where you land is where I think all of us,

should be able to land when dealt with any level of grief, whether it's the loss of someone, a devastating blow to our job, our family, like we're all trusted with grief and pressure and pain. And it's difficult in certain moments to not just feel like, God, why? God, how? And like, I'm upset with you and I'm going to turn my back on you. But I love what you said because

I'm going to say this, but then I want to hear your answer. I do feel like there have been moments in my life where it's like, if you can only be in relationship with God, when everything is going the way that you want, then your relationship with God was based off of this genie in a bottle mentality. But my faith in God, if I

really believe this stuff that I'm saying, like if I really believe what I'm posting about and preaching about, it's going to be put to the test in my own life. And like, what do you want your faith to say when fear or anger or pressure is trying to take the microphone? I have moments where I can tell that that's my fear and my anger talking. I may roll my eyes at God a little bit, but then I control them and start focusing on faith again. Yeah.

You know, it's crazy because I had a situation where my husband was alive and you know, him and I made this huge decision to move to California for several different reasons. And we felt like God confirmed it. Like literally we was like, Lord, if it's meant to be, we need to see it happen. We need X, Y, and Z to happen.

It was at the time when real estate was like not at all a seller's market. We made the front page of the real estate section of the newspaper when we sold our house. That's how miraculous this thing was. Everything we prayed came to pass. And then when we got there, I was publicly humiliated. I was devastated. And I was like, God.

You told us to come out here. I was like, I felt like you threw me on the front line with no type of armor, no gun, no nothing. And I just took bullets.

And I was so angry. Oh, my God, I was so angry. I was heated. I mean, it took me probably well over a year to really get out of it. And I could not understand for the life of me, like, OK, you love us. You sealed the deal, answering everything we put on the altar to know if we should do this or not. And then you let it blow all up. I couldn't understand. I could not wrap my head around it.

And I remember that whole year, I was just angry. I was like, I'm not praying. I am not even talking to you. I didn't want to look at you. I'm not going to church. I don't, I didn't want no parts of it. And I remember showing like, baby, you gotta, you gotta let go. You gotta let go of this anger. And I was like, I'm not letting go of this anger. Like it was the only thing I owned. So I'm going to, as far as this situation. So that to me was like,

remember when your heart was heartening. Remember how hard that was because I went through it the most God wasn't going through it like you know, he's like, come on door to get back over here. But you know, I'm you think you're getting back at God, but you're not.

And you know, you're over there with a hard heart. You know, everything is just being affected by that hard heart. And it's no fun for anybody. It's not fun for the people that have to deal with you. It's not fun for you when you want to be angry and everybody want to be happy. So I knew what that looked like, Sarah. I was like, yeah, I don't want to do that. That cannot be a repeat. And I felt like that experience had...

had been preparation for this moment, not to say that the things that happened then versus losing my husband were equal, but I believe, you know, God gives us those little, you know, tests to let you know, like, okay, remember this. Cause when I get, take you there, I'm gonna need you to remember what not to do, what you did over here that didn't work. And so, you know, I was like in that moment,

I just, I had such a peace and it wasn't that, you know, if people didn't understand my faith,

Somebody would have looked at it and been like, well, why is she so happy her husband's not here? It wasn't that, but I knew God had me. I just knew that even though he took him, he's where we want to be. You know what I mean? He's good, but he was not going to let me fall. He was not going to let me, you know, it just, it wasn't a dead end for me. And so I just said, you know what? Don't do that. Yes.

Stay focused, April, because you know, no, keep your head straight, you know, because we can often be our worst enemies, you know? And so with that, no, I never had a time that I wanted to be angry when Sean passed. I had questions. The biggest part for me was the way he passed. I

I felt like he was such a phenomenal man and such a great person. Now I'm like, how would you take him that way? Like, couldn't it just been peacefully in his sleep? But even with that, I found out later that it was just like,

snap of a finger. It wasn't what I thought and had envisioned and was carrying with me. But in that, man, I just, I didn't want to be, I didn't want to have a hardened heart. And more importantly, I wanted to be able to, when that lady called me and asked me, could I help her? And I heard the Holy Spirit say, and why not? I knew at that point that

I had to be some type of help to women who didn't even know they would be walking in the same shoes as I am. When I looked up, I was like, who can help me? There was no one, Sarah, no one.

You have your grandmothers and the older people that lose a spouse when it's time, you know what I mean? But they don't know anything. They don't know how to talk into a young woman losing her husband at 41. Like, what does that look like? So, you know, with it, I was just like,

Not that I wanted to be the poster child, but my heart was so heavy. Like whatever I'm going through, I'm sharing. Somebody needs this information. I have to let people know, you know, what this feels like because there's no information out there.

Who's talking about being a widow young? It's people. Don't get me wrong, but it's less people talking about that than it is. And so when I started being open about, you know, my healing and the process and everything I was going through,

Till this day, I still get such an overwhelming amount of DMs and I am honored to be able to just help people because something as small as when we were sitting at the table and my husband's business partner was there and we were just going over business things. And I said, what am I? He said, what do you mean? I said, well, I know I'm a widow, but I'm like, when I write, when I fill out an application,

Like I'm not legally married anymore. And I couldn't wrap my head around it. Like it sounds silly. Like, yeah, you know, you're a widow. Yes. But in that moment, I'm like, no, I'm not a widow. I'm a married woman. My husband just isn't here, which obviously is the same thing. But it's just little things that you don't even know until you know, you know, no one's sitting up giving you the education of how to be a widow.

But it was just so many things that I had to learn now in this new stage of life that was oblivious to me. So I just wanted to be a vessel of information for other women and to be able to, you know, really have the conversations and be educated or have some type of.

you know, knowledge from someone who's walked through it. And because I believe that's why God gives us these things. We go through these things to help somebody else. It's not to keep it to ourselves. And so, you know, in doing that, it was just like, okay,

I'm just going to be a vessel of information. Those who want it, I'm here. If you don't need it, that's great. But I know what God has told me to do. Now, I've had a gang of questions for him, but I have not been angry. I don't I don't choose. I don't want to be angry. I don't even want people.

People to be able to have that kind of power over me to make me angry because it's just it's I just feel like you lose out on so many other beautiful things when you're focused on being angry, having a hardened heart, toxicity. It's just it's no room for that. Not when God has purpose on your life. It just isn't.

Okay, so I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video to be a co-host to podcast.

Podcasts at womanevolved.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about, why it's important to you that you be on the podcast. Maybe you're like, girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign. Overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question. Podcasts at womanevolved.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast.

You know, April, while you're talking, I'm thinking about in Scripture when Jesus talks about people coming to him as a little child. And I think that when we are angry, whether it is justified or not, that it does make us feel big, right? Like hanging on to this anger, it makes me feel big. It makes me feel strong. Like it doesn't make me feel like a victim. It doesn't make me feel weak.

And yet the reality is when we release anger, it's not necessarily that you go from anger straight into hope, but you go into anger to small. And from that place of small, from that place of wounded, from that place of vulnerability, we do have encounters with God that allows us access to hope. But it does require that letting go. And it sounds like you found the beauty, you found the hope and returning to being small. And I feel like

I feel like I'm walking that out in my life, especially as a faith leader in these days. I see so many people who are like so strong and vocal about certain things and judgmental about different ways of thought. And like, I don't speak out about a lot of things that are political because I don't think that God is on either side. I think God is on both sides and we're all a little bit wrong sometimes.

And no one wants to be that small, though. No one wants to admit that we are all just out here doing the best that we can and trying to be the best reflection of God. But it sounds like you found the power, the beauty, the hope, and just being small and allowing yourself to feel. And in that place, I think we see you as big. We see you as a giant. I see you on Instagram.

Sis, like, of course, you've been sharing your healing journey. Like, I'm going to give you all of that. Yes, the healing journey is beautiful. It's powerful. But you come for our edges every time you post. And you know you do. You know, it's giving beauty. It's giving queen. It's giving stunning. It's giving there's life after pain. And I think that's important. How intentional is that for you to make sure that like,

You're still posting the truth and beauty and essence of your life and your journey. That video that went viral of you and your son when he I think he passed the bar or I got in the bar. Yes. Yes. The bar. Your story is so much. It's I mean, obviously, the passing of your husband is a large part of it. But you've allowed us access to the fullness of who you are as a woman. And I love that.

Yeah. You know, I guess, you know, we was just crazy enough to be an open book when he was here. And why should that stop? You know, I just listen. I don't have it perfect. Some days I'm on here like y'all not getting no makeup. I ain't stealing no edges. I'm just going to tell you. And that still takes our edges. But there's other days I'm like, girl, go under there and knock that button.

the park. But, you know, I think it's good to be, it's such a freedom to walk in who you are. I don't have to pretend. I don't have to go and rehearse lines because I forgot the script. I can wake up and be myself and I can walk in that and either you love me or you don't. And if you don't, that's fine because there's some things I don't particularly care for too when it's here on social media. But, you know, at the end of the day,

more importantly, I need to do this for me. Yeah. I need to know that I can make it. I need to survive from this. I will survive for this. But I need my sons to see what forgiveness and healing looks like. Because, you know, they're still...

figuring it out. They're still going through their healing process, but they're so much younger than I am. And so what we know is God can sometimes feel like, well, if it is a God, then why would he take my dad? And so for me as a mother, especially with African-American boys, men, I need them to see

the beauty in being able to walk in this peace and know that it's nobody but God. I would love to say, girl, yeah, I know I put this together, but listen, thank you, Jesus, that you allow me to be able to do this because it...

You can take the little things for granted so quickly. And, you know, I know it is nobody but the grace of God that has allowed me to still be my funny self, to allow my alter ego, Vera, who is a whole mess, come in and hassle

of fun every now and again, but also to speak wisdom, to just want to be a blessing to other women. You know, that's nobody but God. And so I walk boldly in that someone was like, Oh, you're an influencer. I'm like, I'm not an influencer. I said, you know what, let me correct that. I'm a faith influencer, because I want people to know that if he did it for me, he can certainly do it for you. I don't care what you're facing.

don't turn your back on God because that is it. For the first few months, it was just me and God. You know, it was obviously my sons too, but I really had to lock in with him because had I let people persuade me to be a certain way or to feel a certain way, I don't know if you would see this version of April sitting before you. And I was very intentional about where my healing came from. And so, you know, I just...

I'm honored that I can just still touch so many people individually as I did with my husband because we really enjoyed our ministry. Like it was like, okay, we just love talking to couples and sharing all our crazy mess because we know if y'all anything like us, the first

first five years we was getting divorced every week. You know, that was really authentic and fun for us. And so, you know, coming into this new era that God has placed me in, just being able to be my authentic self, the things he's blessed me with in the place of the couples ministry with the magazine, you know, it's just so many things that he keeps

choosing me for that I'm like, I can't and I won't turn my back on him. It's just not in me. And so I'm just, you know, again, overjoyed at who I'm becoming. Yeah. But also how he felt about me and knowing he could trust me with this assignment.

That part, man, trusted with that assignment. I think if we can remember that, that we've been trusted with it, then I believe that we can find how it could work together for good. That doesn't mean everything was good, but how it can work together for good. Okay, April, you have to tell me what has been like one of your most proud moments as you've been on this other side of life?

you know, single womanhood, widow life, parenting. Like, tell me about a moment where you were like, you know what? I'm doing all right out here.

You know, I have to say, being the editorial director of Mind Blowing Magazine, I started on the inaugural cover as her first guest. And she was like, oh, my God. She said, yes. So, you know, from there, a beautiful friendship blossomed and she offered me the position. But Sarah, no.

doing the darn thing over there. I couldn't do it without my team love. That's all around me. Beautiful women. It's definitely teamwork, but just to see, I didn't graduate. I didn't go to college. You know, I graduated from high school and I've always felt heavy about like, dang, why didn't I go to college? Like I should have went to college and I didn't. And, um,

I had regrets up until recently because to me I felt like that college degree would define me even more had I had done it and with me now doing this and operating in this role and just seeing

The vision God has given me for the covers and the features and just seeing it grow and I'm just blown away at how it's really just becoming this beautiful faith-based publication and it's like, oh my God, like you chose me to be a part of that. And I didn't even go to college for this. This is amazing.

But, you know, we can take the little things for granted. And sometimes the things we tell ourselves will make us feel like we're not capable or we can't do this. And, you know, I think that's very important for people to, you know, not get in the way because we do that a lot. You know, if I believe that I was less than who I was supposed to be because I didn't go to college, but to see what God has allowed my hands to touch. And I don't...

have any knowledge in any of this stuff. I'm just learning as I go along, but I am just really overjoyed at every issue we put out and just my part in that magazine. And, you know, it's ministry for me. It really is. Okay. So you got to tell people because they're going to be hitting me up. How do we find a magazine? Can you please tell them how can we support our sis out here doing the things? Yes.

Yes, absolutely. It's mindblowingmagazine.com. And we're also on social media at The M.B. M as in money, B as in Bob, MAG, M-A-G. And you can find us across all media platforms. But yes, we are very proud. We need you to come and grace the cover, ma'am. Well, you know, whenever you need me, I'm here to serve. Yes.

Okay, but I'll go ahead No, I would say yes that that for me as far as my career is one of my proudest moments and of course to seeing my children continue to excel You know, I mean not having my wing them not having their father can really make you think that you know, you won't be okay and and what if this and what if that and and

I'm a woman raising men. They need their father. You know, it's just so many different things, but they have continued to soar and do well. My youngest just finished high school a whole year early. Yes. And, you know, my other two are doing amazing. Omar, he's now working at the law firm he chose to work at. He's been dreaming to work at and

My other son, he is now getting back into his music. So they are my three heartbeats and I am so proud of all of them and how they are recovering from their loss. Yeah. And it sounds like you've been an incredible North Star for them. So I commend you. I commend you for leading the way.

Thank you. Okay, we have an advice question, and it's long, but we got this. Okay. It says, Hey, Auntie Sarah, first, I want to thank you for this book. I am at the part where you talk about using things in your life not to just serve your wants, but also to push darkness away. I suffer from wanting immediate gratification, and I struggle with finding the beauty in the suffering.

I am 25 years old. I live in Northwest Florida and I have been working as a delivery driver for a big named courier for three years now. I enjoyed my time here. I climbed as far as I can here and my time is up.

More than anything else in life, I want a career that matters. I decided to go back to school. Now I am a criminal justice major. As a black woman, I believe it's important to have women who look like me in these roles so that they know someone is here who understands them. We're underrepresented in law enforcement. I recently applied for a law enforcement agency in Central Florida, and I'm excited about it.

God called me to this and he sends me confirmations. I feel like he is preparing Central Florida for me to move there. I feel no hesitation or reservations about changing careers or moving. Now, Auntie Sarah, my problem is this. I have to wait to get processed and have some steps to complete before getting into the police academy. And while I get those things done, I have to stay at this current job because it keeps the bills paid while I transition. But it is literally making me miserable.

Being here makes me want to cry. How do I use my current situation to combat the darkness? How can I stay happy at a place that makes me so depressed? I often feel like if I'm so unhappy, what's the point of staying here? The truth of the matter is I can't jump until God says it's ready, but I find myself moving prematurely a lot of the time because I'm ready for new adventures and I don't like to be in situations that make stuff

So how do I sit patiently and not get depressed while God moves things into place for me? Wow. Yeah. Um,

Well, that's loaded. One thing I will say, you do not leave till God releases you. A lot of times we think what it looks like on paper defines the moves we should make. And if God hasn't released you, don't you go as minute before the time that when he does. I kept doing that. And yeah.

Every time I did it, I found a harder wall to run into because it was not time. And I did right back where I was running from and didn't want to be there because I felt like there was just like it just wasn't giving me life. But what I realized later on was that.

It was part of the alphabet. You can't skip letters to get to another part because you like that one more or it's closer to your passion project. I feel like that every letter in the alphabet is beneficial to the journey. Don't try to put it fast forward. Don't try to, you know, skip some of the,

the letters, like walk through that whole thing and walk through it, trusting and believing God is going to take you to where it is that you have placed on the altar before him to do in your life. I think that a lot of times,

It's the trick of the enemy, you know, like to remind you, you're not happy here. You really don't want to be here. You should just go and do it. Okay. And then you do that and then you can't pay your bills. And now you find yourself in a situation that was even more worse than the one you were running from. And so I think that when it comes to those type of situations, first be a person of your business. If it don't make sense, don't do it to create more problems. But.

In addition to that, if God didn't say go, then don't you move. I don't care how much they drive you crazy. It's something in that season that you have to get that you have not gotten yet to go into the next season with excellence. So that's my little two words about that. I love that. Yeah.

We run and we think the running is actually progress, but it's avoidance of a situation of a suffering. There's beauty in suffering. Suffering doesn't come without a lesson, without reassurance, without a type of understanding that makes you excel in the next season. So don't focus on the lack. Don't look at it being half empty. Look at it being half full.

I love that. I think God shows us this vision and we get so excited about the vision that we want to move right into the vision, not realizing the steps that lead to the vision. And sometimes we get frustrated because my reality doesn't look like this vision. I see clues of the vision, but not

the fullness of it. And we get so desperate, so hungry, so excited to move into that vision that we begin to discredit our reality. And I think that you have to be willing to say, God, thank you for showing me the vision. I see it. I have a hope. I have a future. Now give me this day, my daily bread, because right now this day doesn't look anything like what you're promising me. And if I'm going to make it through this day,

I'm going to need help. I'm going to need patience. I'm going to need wisdom and I'm going to need strategy because I recognize that this is the thing that leads to the thing. But sometimes today's heavy. Sometimes it's hard. And so I think you have to understand that vision and reality don't always look the same, but it doesn't mean they aren't connected. So trust those connecting pieces. Yeah. I'd also say, you know, sometimes I got to dip my toe in the water to see if God is releasing me.

go on and look for some jobs that pay the same. You know what I mean? I'm not going to leave. I won't leave until you tell me, but if you give me this job, maybe you tell me to leave. Because you're just in there frustrated, but have you applied for another job that could just patch you through? I don't know. Just see what the Lord is saying. Yes, yes. Make sure you do your research, your homework. Don't just make a quick decision on that, but I'm with you on that. I'll be like, well, you

I thought she was busy. So I thought of another option. I just wanted to see. I just wanted to see. That's it. If you say no, if they don't call me back, then it's a no. I'll stay here. But if they call me back, I'm going to see what's happening. Right. Then I know that's what you wanted me to do. Yes. No, absolutely.

April, I love you so much. I just wonder before you go, would you consider just like maybe praying for someone who's in a dark season? They have no hope. They're watching this and they're thinking, man, if she made it through that, then maybe I can make it through my circumstance. But they just need a little bit more of a push. Can you pray for us? Yes, absolutely.

Father God, in the name of Jesus, Lord, we thank you for this day. We thank you for this opportunity. Father, I pray for your child, your son or your daughter, wherever they may stand, that they feel your voice and your hand and your touch, Lord, over their life and their situation. I pray, Lord Jesus, that they put their focus on you and not on their circumstance, that you continue to show them ways that you are covering them in their time of need.

and let them know that they are not alone and that you have everything, everything, Father God, in control. Nothing wasted, Lord, for that individual who is struggling, who doesn't even see hope at the end of the day, Lord. I know certainly if you can do it for me and are still doing it for me, that you can do it for anybody else, Lord, as they seek your face. And so, Father God, I pray that as they hear this message,

podcasts, that they are touched, that they are lifted, that they are inspired, Lord Jesus, to rest their cares in your arms and allow you to do what you are going to do through them, Father God. We know that through pain there's so much purpose. We know that you have your hand on each and every one of us, Lord, and I just pray that they can fill you in a mighty way that lets them know that there's peace all around them if they give it to you, Lord.

Father God, I thank you for what you're going to do. I thank you for what you have done. And I give you all the glory in everything that I am and everything that I do, Father God. I pray that you continue to blow your breath on every individual who is in need of you right now, Lord. In your mighty name we pray.

I pray that you cover Sarah and her home and her children and her family, Lord, and that you continue to allow it to be a blessing to so many people, Lord Jesus, through our ministry. Lord, we thank you for this opportunity and we give you all the praise in your mighty name. We pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you. I received that. You're a gift. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I feel the same way about you. Thank you. Yes. Take care of yourself. All right. Bye. Bye.

I'm not sure about you, but that conversation has left me feeling more hopeful about so many situations. I feel peace, the kind of peace that makes me feel like I don't know what life has up its sleeve, but I know what grace is following me, what mercy has gone ahead of me.

April, I thank you. You're a blessing, a light of hope to so many of us. Keep shining, keep slaying, keep dragging us on this timeline, okay? Delegation, listen up. I need someone to pull up and fill April's seat as my co-host. And all of you can answer at once by sending me an email to podcast.com.

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I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Most deals are barely worth mentioning, but then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get in on them when you're trading your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from

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