Reigning While Waiting w/ Myleik Teele
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries

I'm going to be honest, one of my least favorite things to do is getting on the phone. Text me, please send me an email, send me a pigeon, DM me, do not call me. What I hate even more than being called is having to make phone calls, especially to like customer service or trying to get a solution, an airline, whatever it may be. I dread the period of waiting on the phone while hoping to get a solution.

There's always these moments, right, where you're on hold and you're like, I hope the call doesn't drop. I hope the call doesn't drop. Or you get into this phase and you're like, you know what? Forget it. I'm going to hang up. I'll figure it out online or I will try and figure this out tomorrow. But then there are other moments, moments where you have full bars of service. Your phone is completely charged and you don't have nothing but time. In those moments, waiting is like a competition.

I wish you would put me a hold for 20 minutes. I don't have anything to do anyway, and I am going to make sure I get the answer to this problem. When we learn to posture ourselves in a position of confidence while we're waiting, it is hard to be shaken.

But it's challenging to get to that place because there are moments where our anxiety gets the best of us. We don't know that the solution will be worth it or that the destination in the end will produce the result we had in mind. And so we lose our position.

In those moments where we're waiting. This week we're talking about having the hope to reign no matter what is happening going. And I don't mean R-A-I-N, I mean R-E-I-G-N. Where we maintain our crown, our confidence, even when there is uncertainty about where we are presently located.

There's a woman in the Bible. Her name is Ruth Ann Chow. You got to read the whole Bible. You'll find it. But if you read her story, you'll see that her life experienced a major transition, the type of transition that should have sent her back to who she used to be. She should have shrunk. But instead, she made the decision while she didn't know where life was headed to still maintain her position.

I don't know what you're up against, but I want to encourage you to continue to reign even while you are waiting. Don't allow the transition to change your position. Still trust that God has a purpose for your life. Trust that there is no hope in going backwards, that the only hope that you have right now is waiting with faith and trust and consistency that led you to where you are right now.

One of the things that I love about Miley Teal is that she has allowed us access to her life as she has undergone transition after transition. She is evidence that once a queen, you are always a queen. Her resume is beyond impressive. She is the host of a

podcast, My Talk To You. She is the founder of Curlbox, but most impressively, she is a woman on a journey who has invited other women to be a part of the highs, the lows, the victories, the lessons, and the blessings that have shaped who she is. I'm so excited to mind her business with you. So let's get into it.

You are one of the most inspirational women that I have the opportunity of following on social media. And I think part of what has really drawn me to your story, your journey is like watching this evolution of you.

you have been generous with sharing with us where you are at any given stage of your life without apologizing for having changed. Like it's such an invitation to join me as I discover what my truth is in this season while also honoring that that was just as much my truth five, 10 years ago as this is my truth now. So like, tell me a little bit about like how you decide, um,

to cultivate what you share, how you show up in social media, knowing that there are so many people connected to your story. You know, I'm the youngest and I have a brother and my brother and I are four years apart. And so we were always sort of just like distant our entire lives. And I just wished for a big sibling, a big cousin, someone that could

show me the real part of life, you know, because you can, you get to see this sort of romanticized version. You get to participate in the fantasy, but I really was like, I want to, I want somebody to show me how things really are. And so I share sometimes hesitantly because I know that people need reality. Yeah.

Okay, so I want to ask this and then I'm going to fix it if it doesn't come out the right way. But I feel that from when I first started journeying with you, listening to your podcast, watching you on social media, I felt like one of the things that drew me to you is that you were...

so direct you came off as like so and I loved it because I am people tell me I'm not direct you know I beat around the bush but it's not like I know I'm beating around the bush it's just how I communicate so when I came into this stage of my life where it was evident that like

You're moving into a larger leadership role. You need to be clear. You need to find your words. Like you literally became a mentor to me. And so that is, I think my initial connection point with you, but I feel like you have started engaging. I will say before it even became a thing, like soft girl,

era and something that we started to see you really tap into before that was like the term. So like, have you noticed, am I picking up on something? Like, has there been a shift in like what do you attribute that shift to? Yes. So I started to like, you know what I mean? It's like I cringe a little bit because I can go back and listen to some podcasts and look at some content and I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, absolutely direct and

But I think becoming a parent, Sarah, becoming a parent has really allowed me to see the inner child in people when I engage with them.

And so I would say that that is probably what has shifted for me is that like when I see my kids throwing tantrums or I see them struggling and I realize that this person didn't have a caregiver in their life to help them in these moments, sometimes the way that they're behaving, it's that inner child. And so I think that's what started to like soften me. And then the sort of aha was like,

If I'm treating my children this way and I'm making all this room for them, why am I so tough on myself? You know? And so I think I started to like soft life myself. And so becoming a parent has been a gift for sure. I mean, it's hard work, but I think that's what I started to see in my audience. Like, oh my gosh, I want to be softer with them. Like I am with my children and myself.

Did you ever feel like you were, like, betraying who you were by shedding the skin that you no longer needed? Because...

don't know I feel like when I don't know when you become known in a certain way your your your delivery has become known in a certain community and you begin to shift like do you feel I'm just even thinking about because I get a lot of women that were like I want to entrance in my soft girl air but we do draw a lot of confidence from independence from being tough from being strong and so how do I let go of the

the

There is a legitimate pride, a confidence, a resiliency that we believe is cultivated from having this tough exterior. But also I want to say I need help and I want to be able to depend on other people. So did you have to navigate? I'm going to have to betray who I was to step into who I'm becoming. So, you know, I'm going to be super frank with you. I spent probably a calendar year. I spent a calendar year working with my therapist, my

Around this idea of like, I was resisting. I was changing, but I was trying to go back. You know, I was resisting the change in my life and my therapist, she, she helped me understand two things. The first thing was, um,

I was in survival mode. She was saying to me, you are not in survival mode anymore. You know, and I realized that that sort of tough exterior, that hunter, that go get it was I was seeking safety and security. But that was coming off like getting the bags. And, you know, I got to get to the bag. I got it. I got to hustle. I got to grind. But I was trying to get to a place where I was safe and secure. And the truth of the matter is that I am safe and secure now.

And it is really hard to transition. It is such a process.

to not believe that you have to stay that way or to for us to believe that life truly is steps that like we are not designed to grind forever that like we do something to get somewhere and then when we get there it's not that we and that this has been the hard work for me i was like i'm not giving up because that's really how it feels it's like if i'm not getting up at 4 30 and i'm not doing this and doing that it feels like i'm giving up and so it has been a transition of getting out of survival mode

And I think something else she also helped me understand was that panicking and resisting the change was blocking my access to all the creativity that got me where I am. And so it's like you literally cannot access your tools when you are in this state of panic, which which I was. Yeah, I was changing. I changed completely.

That is, I feel like that's got like so many layers to it that's worthy of just like sitting there. Because survival becomes a permanent state and it should not be. Survival is a waiting period until we get to a place where we're healing up to really start walking in recovery, restoration and living again. But survival has become such a permanent state for so many of us.

And we attribute our success to it. We attribute our work ethic to it because we act like the gun is still up against my head. And if I don't have this gun up against my head, then will I still have the same passion? Will I still have the work ethic? So I have to live like I was talking to my kids the other day. You have to live like you're one no away from not having anything to eat. Like that's how you got to live.

that's a lot of pressure when that's not your reality. And when that's no longer your reality, I do think that it feels like

And I want to lose the hustle, the momentum. But you're saying that you're actually going to miss the creativity and innovation assigned to where you are right now. You're going to miss the abundance that comes after survival if you don't let go of the mentality that you're barely making it and explore what all is available to you. That is it. That is it. Because I kept saying to her, well, if I don't want to do these things or if I don't want to...

I don't want to operate like that. But I feel like if I stop operating like that, I was like, and this is just straight facts. I was like, I'm going to have to sell my house. She's like, no, you're not. And I'm like, yes, I am. And just her helping me understand that I have gotten myself, I have worked myself to a place where I

I can sort of like, like my pay will never be what it was when I first started. You know what I mean? You have experience. You have started a business. You have done these things. You're like, and I need for you, like until you can get out of this mode, you will not, I couldn't see or believe it. And the crazy thing is that in a one year I was like, all right, I'm going to just, she kept just wanting me to relax. Like,

You make a plan and now I want you to relax. So I started relaxing and you know what? I'm actually saying that with the attitude. So I started relaxing. I started to, because, because she would say this and I'm like, this woman does not know me. She does not know. She doesn't know. She doesn't know my financial situation. She does not know. And I was like, you know, I was panicked, panicked. And she, every week she would say that. And so finally, I mean, it took me months before, like at least six or seven before I could trust her.

I said, you know what? I'm going to relax. I'm going to relax. I'm going to have dinner ready for my kids. I'm going to go for a walk every day. I'm going to do some of the things that I want to do. And money continues to come in. Bills continue to be paid. Vacations still continue to happen. It's like my lights are not going off. No one's taking my car. And I'm like, wow, I just didn't believe it.

Um, and so that to me, I feel like is the real, is the real flex of like, what are we doing all this for? If we are not going to enjoy any of it. Do you think that had you kept moving at the pace that you were moving at, that you actually would have done the opposite instead of keeping or growing it, that you would have run the risk of losing it? I do. I do because I think that I would have gotten very tired, very burned out. Um,

You know, I do think that I don't know. I just don't think that we are designed to do the same exact thing forever. You know, and so I I don't know. I feel I feel called to different work, but I feel like the work that I now feel called to. I don't know. I don't know that.

I used to feel like people wouldn't relate to it or care about it because it's not like grind, you know, it's not that. And so I don't know. I was like, can I really say that? Do I really want to say that? You know? Um, but I, but I do, you know, um,

It's almost prophetic, though, the way that God continues to grow you and attaches people to your growth, because you were honestly about the grind and the hustle thing before that was in the zeitgeist, before that was the move that everyone was making. You were getting the bag before people were calling it getting the bag.

Like that was your game. Building your own business, a warehouse, like the shopping mall sales that people post. Like mine had already done that. Like it had already been done when people were doing it. And now even with the soft growth thing, like people were still on that when you started transitioning. And so I think really being sensitive to what you hear in any given moment.

because I do think God's giving you like insight to continue to blaze that trail. And it does feel lonely and it does feel awkward. And it's supposed to feel that way because you are the one who's going to teach everyone else how to follow in those footsteps and to find that balance. And so even when you look at like the NAP ministry, like this conversation about balance and rest and achievement and success, being able to live in the same place, which I totally think

it's helping our culture black culture in general to have restoration yes because whether it is what we experience from the inception of this company at this country to what we've done when building our companies like we only know work work work work yes and i don't know but um

Yeah. Yeah. Stay afraid. Stay afraid. And I'm like, do you know what staying afraid does to your nervous system? You know what I mean? Like when you are like, I'm one, I'm one check away from not eating. I'm one this, I'm one that. And I was just like, my nervous system cannot handle this. Okay. You tweeted something the other day. You said accepting your season and life is not giving up.

You said acceptance does not mean you're done striving. Your way is a way, not the way. And then you said you can tell by my post what I'm working through. And I can't tell. And now I want it. Like I want to put, I want to put the clues together, but I don't see them. Okay. Okay. You know, I, um,

So I'll start backwards when I said my way is a way, not the way. And I think that I was so rooted in that. I know everything and I know what's best. You know, I feel I felt like that. I did. And even I felt like that, obviously for myself, like I know maybe I don't, you know, maybe my way is just a way. And.

And there are many ways to be in many ways to get there, many ways to live. And so I do feel like I am exploring other ways. I am open. I'm so open. And then when I talk about acceptance,

I'm just having a really hard time. You know, I grinded a very long time. I mean, since I was... I skipped first grade. Like, all of my life since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to dominate, be the best. You know? And...

I don't feel like I'm the best in many. I don't feel like I'm the best in a lot of areas right now, you know, and you see your peers doing things. And so I see people that I used to hang out with doing things. I don't get invited to some things anymore. And I really am just like my league. You you don't want to do that.

You're not doing that because you're not working to be in that room. You are working for a lifelong relationship with your children. You are working to really give yourself what you needed as a child. And you are working to trust that you can rest, that you don't have to be showing up on social media telling people how hard you're working every day. Yeah.

You know, trust that you can do that, you know, and that doesn't make you lazy. That doesn't mean you have given up. That doesn't mean, you know, that people, we want to be seen, you know, and it's like, will I be seen? And it's like, maybe not. Maybe not right now.

So I don't know. That just felt like, yeah, that felt like such a word because I don't care. Accepting when you said you're not doing the work to be in those rooms, like what you are working towards is a lifelong relationship with your children and really understanding that sometimes you have to choose.

Do you think that's fair to say? Like, do you feel like sometimes you have to choose? You do. Sometimes you do. And I don't know that it'll be this way forever, but I can tell you based on a lot of the research that I, you know, I get, I get all into these things and they say that like the first five years of your kid's life is when 90% of their brain is like setting up and that, um,

Even if you like, if my kids went off to live with another family, they would have that wiring that like, you know, that those the regulation, the tools and that sort of thing. And so I really want to be the person that.

to help like get their brain coding so that by the time they're five, my son just turned five last weekend. And it's not like, I'm like, okay, I'm done. But it's mostly like, okay, you know, I can start to do some other things, but I have a two and a half year old who now who also needs me. So I want to give her that time as well. And so it's a little bit of a delay, you know, I feel a little bit. And so I'm okay with that, but I do, but you do, I am choosing, you know, I am choosing, um,

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Thank you.

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Yeah, where our theme for this week is, like, having the hope that you can reign, like, as a queen reigns while waiting. And I think a lot of times when we are in these, like, seasons of transition that we can go from feeling like I was...

Yeah.

That's exactly it. And that's the part when I was telling you just about trusting, trusting that this season and where I am right now, I'm going to be able to do that.

You know, it could be I'm planting seeds. You know, this could be me putting seeds down for I don't know. No. But it's not easy. And it's a and it's a process. Like I said, it took me a year to kind of get to this place where I'm like, you know, I'm confident. I am confident in what I'm doing right now.

Especially because it doesn't look like what everyone else is doing. And I want to show someone who might be in this season that it is okay. We're going to be all right. Okay. So I feel like just so you know, like I have enjoyed seeing the transition. I think it's important to,

as women that we do see one another being successful that we see ourselves walking in power and we see the sisterhood in that as well but I do think to show the full picture of and I can do this as well like trusting the credibility from the previous season while you're creating

equity in a new season I think is really important. I do think a woman can have it all. She just doesn't always have it all at the same time. And those moments where she does have it all at the same time, she's so stressed that she doesn't see that she has it all at the same time. Yeah.

Yes. And that was it. I mean, I could really try to do all of the things all at once. You know what I mean? Like I could, but I think that that is the real, the release that I have just given myself of like, I don't want that. I don't want to not sleep. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to always go, go, go, or be so frustrated or my cup be empty so that I can't, this is what I wanted. You know, this is what I wanted. I wanted to be, I was a single entrepreneur and,

And I was lonely and I was like, okay, I'm going to put the effort into partnership. And eventually I arrived at children. And so it's just reminding myself that this is what I wanted. And this is where we are right now. And this won't be this way forever. Um, and I know, you know, it's like small kids are hard. And so it's just accepting my heart. Yeah.

right now the big kids are harder believe that's what yeah well my parent friends say that of like you know it's it's easier now because you know i can contain them and manage them and then once they start to it's different you know it's just even just a small transition from my son being in daycare where they send pictures to now i have to rely on him to tell me what what's happening yeah

yeah and it's never anything you know it's like it was good i have to ask questions like did something make you laugh today did you almost want to cry did anything funny like give me more like i spent my whole day wondering how you were can you give me a little bit more than it was good and i'm hungry that's it and they're just they're not they're not phased and so you know you're right those transitions uh they're tough but i'm glad i'm here

Okay, so you said earlier that you feel like you are called to different work now than the work you've done in your past. And so I'm wondering, outside of raising the family, do you also see kind of like your purpose and even your professional skill set moving into a different direction than the work that we've come to receive from you? And if so, will you tell us what that is? Okay.

I think I'm still, I think, I think I'm still, um, sort of learning what that, what that is. I think the big job for me was to release, to release what I knew, you know, I was so resistant to like, I have to do this.

or else I'll die. And it's like, you actually won't. And so I do feel like some of the work that I feel called to, you know, there is the parenting part of what I do, but I had this moment where I was like, you know,

I just, when I had my son, if you would have told me that I would have a son that, you know, sort of behaves the way my son does, I just would have bet all my money that that just wouldn't be me. Not me. What does that mean? What does that mean? So, you know, my son, my son hits, kicks. I hate you. You know, he does the stuff that I was raised to believe that

My kids just, you don't do that. And I think the work that I have been, you know, what I have found out over time is that that is just basic child development and our society, you know, my son expresses anger and our society does not like anger, you know, anger, no emotion tells us what we need more than anger and tantrums. And so I have had to really raise myself to,

to, you know, I want to maintain my kids' access to their desires. And so some of the things that I share with some of the women, and so I do like a private community where I just talk to other women. It's like, if you want your kid to be the person that asks for the raise or asks for the most money or negotiates or doesn't take no for an answer, they've got to do all of that work with you.

All of the work is done with you. It's not fun and it's not rewarding, you know? So it's like, okay, I do all this work with my son and is he going to come home and thank me and tell me I'm wonderful? It's like, no, he's just going to do more work, more I hate you's, more, you know, he's got to. And so the big aha for me was I have to co-regulate my child's

I have to co-regulate with him. And the way that he learns to self-regulate is by staying calm. So when he's carrying on, I'm staying calm. And honey, that's a job. That's a, that's a job. Yeah.

When that's not your wiring. It is. When that's not your wiring. When that's not your wiring.

But the thing about it is like kids need to feel powerful. You know what I mean? And so they need access to their power in the home. And you think about it for almost two decades, somebody is telling you what to do, where to be, here are your clothes. You can't buy them. You have no money. And so all of that behavior comes up because they feel powerless. So what do they do?

They're going to give it to you, you know? And so that's what we talk about ways to, there are ways to create. So, you know, letting them have, you know, pull out a couple of clothes. Do you want to choose these things? Do you want to do the meal so that they, that starts to bring some of that down. But Sarah, I have to spend all my time learning this stuff because my wiring is like you said, like my wiring, my reflex, my first thought, right?

Is not what I'm doing. You know? And I see... I see the benefit because... Small story. My son was on... He was doing a little soccer. And they had him on a team with kids that were too young. And because he knows his voice has value, he said to his dad, please go tell them to move me to another team at four years old. Like, these kids are too small. I need to move. And they moved him. And I'm like...

This is because he boxes with me at home. He knows that his voice has value to an adult. So he's not going to let anybody do anything or say anything because I've helped him maintain his voice. And that's not easy. And that teaches them to take up space in a world that is tent on making them feel small. You don't.

how to take up... I think sometimes we think, oh, I'm going to keep you small. Then when you're 18, you're going to just know how to take up space. It doesn't work like that. You have to be able to take up space your entire life. And that can be... I'm just going to keep it real. It's going to be very embarrassing as a parent, right? Like my son will say, I don't want anybody talking to me. And I...

And so sometimes I have to like, I'll say to, we have some company, Hey, this guy, he's kind of not talking today. Uh, you know, just so that he knows, you know, I don't, I don't make him, but I had to speak. Like my mom just didn't play that, you know? And so trying to find some ways to navigate and be in society and have him learn how to take up space. Let us let him feel powerful. Let his voice have value. Um,

Yeah, we're not, I think, especially in black families, there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of, um,

There's no blueprint for that. Well, and you know what's funny is that's true. That doesn't happen a lot in our families, but where it does happen, we see them climbing ladders and having audacity that we would never have. So maybe that's okay as positioning our children to have some of that audacity. It tends to come easier for some over others. It definitely does. This next generation, they're moving, you know? And it's like, whether you want it or not, they're moving.

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Who am I called to be in this season? That's a question I like to reflect on from time to time. In changing environments, meeting different people, and facing new opportunities, I get to rethink the way I see myself. My husband and I recently had a conversation that honored a new way of being. I really needed to hear that.

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Okay. So I want to know before we go, who is the woman in your life who has most influenced who you are in this moment of your life? Oh my gosh, that's a good one. The woman who has most influenced who I am would probably be my godmother who was my mom's aunt. And my mom was 23 when she had me needed a babysitter.

in a pinch and my mom, my mom's aunt said I can keep her. And she loved me so much that she offered to like basically keep me forever. Like she babysat me up until I started school. And then she became my godmother and she was 60 years old when I was born. So she passed away when I was around 25, but there was just a way that she moved around with such like such confidence and

I mean, this woman was so confident, you know, she'd walk in a store and it's like she had credit cards and she wore jewelry and, you know, she was kind, you know, but she didn't take any mess. And I just think that modeling for me was like, OK, I want to I want to live like that. And I want to retire like that, like fancy, you know, the Cadillac, the chill, you know,

I dug her life for sure. What is one thing that you hope she knows about who she is to you, her legacy? You know, this is so crazy.

When, so she died and then my godfather died. They died like back to back, like within a year. And I get a call one day that they had left me an inheritance, which is like, what? You know, this, these sorts of things just don't happen to kids like me. So they left me an inheritance and they spread it out over 10 years. And so from 25 to 35 or 26 to 36, I got money every year. It

due to the interest every year, it'd be a little bit more. And I actually, when I started Curlbox, I started it with like my second to last check or something or third to last check. And I remember when I got the last one, I was like, I just hope that she knows that like her bet on me was not in vain. I believe that she saw something in me early and I believe that she never told me that she was gonna do something like this for me.

And I was just like, I just hope that I have made her proud and that wherever she is, she sees the way that I'm living. And it's like, it's honest and it's hard and it's pure. And I don't know that I, you know, that small investment in, in like,

and capital like just blew my world up, you know? And so none of this is done on my own. You know, it's because someone like that took a chance and bet on me in this life and then beyond. So I hope I have made her proud. I'm sure you have. Not only your honesty and how pure you are, but you're fancy too. Yes. You're a fan.

I was here with my stylist, Jason is here. And he was talking about like, just her as thick, like the wallpaper, like he's looking at stuff. I've never even noticed. Now I'm gonna go back through your timeline and look at your wallpaper. But he's like, she just gives what needs to be gave. And I just want you to know that you tapped into the fancy. I tapped into, oh, I do. I'm always like, be clear. I do. I do like the fancy and she did too. And I remember at her funeral, her husband sat next to me, my godfather. And he was like, he goes,

you know, she left you some gold jewelry. And so I do have just like some of her chains and rings, old school, you know, she wore Chanel perfume. And so I got exposed, you know, to the finer things. I like it. Amazing. Thank you, Malik. This was amazing. Yes, it was. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. I'm not going.

stuff. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Most deals are barely worth mentioning, but then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get in on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from

the real talk so grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on at&t at&t connecting changes everything requires trading of galaxy s note and z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for zero dollars additional fees terms and restrictions apply see att.com samsung or visit an at&t store for details hello from wonder media network i'm jenny caplan host of womanica a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten who

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.