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WELCOME

You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.

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SHOW NOTES

Mentors help their mentees steer clear of actions or situations that would hurt them and hurt others. Whether you’re helping your mentee mature into adulthood, teaching them an age appropriate skill, or confronting a destructive behavior, here are some of the things we have found helpful for mentors to consider.

1. Earn the Right to Be Heard

Don’t assume your mentee knows why you care for him
Speed of Trust by Covey
A kid doesn’t care what you know until he knows that you care
Trust depends on your actions and their past
Hard conversations require trust
Give trust to build trust

2. Pick Your Battles

Don’t rebuke every small thing
Focus on what they’re doing right more than what they’re doing wrong
Be wise and patient with them as they grow
Is this a life or death issue?
Are their actions ordinary for kids their age?

3. Prepare Wisely

Pray before you engage in a difficult conversation
Check yourself and your intentions
Choose timing and environments wisely
- Share feedback toward the end of a meeting rather than the beginning
- In a quiet place where they can focus on what you’re telling them

4. Asking Permission

Instead of just blurting out what they are doing wrong, you can saying something like this:
- “You know I love you and want the best for you, right?”
- “Well, I’ve noticed some things that might keep you from being the best version of you. Do you mind if I share those with you?”
If they say yes, proceed with your feedback. If their answer is no, let it go
Establish that sharing feedback is not the central part of the mentor relationship

5. Rebuke Thy Neighbor Like Thy self

Put yourself in your mentee’s shoes
Asking questions and getting them to think about the “why” behind their actions typically works better
Ask questions instead of talking “at” or lecturing your mentee
Share personal stories and examples to help them see the bigger picture
Be careful with your tone
- If the child thinks you are judgemental, harsh, or angry, the possibility of them shutting down or getting angry are high
- We want the child to know that we are for them and that we believe the best about them
Care more about their heart than their actions
Grace oriented

6. Call them up, not out

Call out their giftings and their potential
Speak life over them
Encourage them to do better and let them know that you are there for them in case things don’t go as planned
Call them up to all that they can be instead of calling them out for what they have done wrong

7. You Can Lead a Horse to Water but You Can’t Make Him Drink

We have to be ok with the fact that we have done all that the Lord has called us to do
We invest, and God transforms
God the Father is patient and gentle with us
We must remember that we are dealing with children
Love them no matter what

12. Call Them Up Not Out, How to Confront Destructive Behavior in Your Mentee, and Wisdom to Help You Pick Your Battles 45:59 Share

You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast

Shownotes Transcript

12. Call Them Up Not Out, How to Confront Destructive Behavior in Your Mentee, and Wisdom to Help You Pick Your Battles