Chapter 10: Smoke Alarm
You Probably Think This Story’s About You
Deep Dive
What was Lou's reaction when she unexpectedly saw her abusive ex-boyfriend John years later?
Lou's heart stopped, and her body screamed when she saw John in a barbershop window. She felt an overwhelming physical reaction, realizing she had not fully healed from the trauma of their abusive relationship.
How did Lou's grandfather influence her life despite his abusive past?
Lou's grandfather, who was physically abusive to his own children, became a loving and supportive figure in her life. He acted as her protector, often stepping in during difficult times and providing emotional and practical support, such as helping her when she ran out of petrol and hiding money in her car for emergencies.
What were some of the manipulative tactics John used in his relationship with Lou?
John used manipulative tactics such as presenting himself as a 'gentleman' who respected boundaries, while subtly pressuring Lou into decisions. He also gaslighted her, making her believe she was in control when she wasn't. He introduced her to his swinging lifestyle without prior discussion, framing it as something she had to accept.
How did Lou's friends and family react to her relationship with John?
Lou's friends and family were not fond of John. Her friends followed her to ensure her safety during early dates, and her parents were unaware of the extent of her relationship with him. She kept much of the relationship secret, which isolated her further.
What was the turning point that led Lou to leave John?
The turning point came when John left Lou at a gig, and one of his friends intervened, helping her get on a bus back to Dublin. This incident, combined with John's escalating drinking and abusive behavior, led Lou to eventually leave him and move on with her life.
How did Lou's upbringing affect her ability to process trauma?
Lou grew up in an environment where crying was discouraged and seen as selfish. This made it difficult for her to process emotional pain, and she often suppressed her feelings. It took her years to unlearn this behavior and allow herself to fully process her trauma.
- Chance encounter with abusive ex-boyfriend triggers trauma
- Generational trauma's impact on Lou's life
- Supportive grandfather's role in her life
- Difficult relationship with her father
Shownotes Transcript