Danielle: Raw Interview
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It's Britt. If you just found my show, you're going to want to start at the first chapter. There are a lot of spoilers coming up in this episode. While we're busy working on season two of You Probably Think the Story's About You, you have a chance to listen to the raw interviews from season one. The raw interviews go really deep, and there's a lot of conversation that we could not fit into the show. I'm really excited for you to hear this.

Before I interviewed Danielle, all of our communication had been text or direct messages and getting to sit down with her face to face really brought her story to life for me. And one of my favorite things, though, has been hanging out with her after the interview because now we're so comfortable with each other that we're sharing old secrets, knowing that we can trust each other.

Danielle is working every day to get healthier and move forward in her life. But the situation with Kanan and her previous relationship have definitely left a mark.

I don't know if Danielle and I would have ever met if it wouldn't have been for Kanan. And it was a really shitty way to have it happen, but I'm so grateful that I got to meet such an incredible woman. In this interview, Danielle and I talk a lot about her past and different traumas that we've both experienced. You might have a hard time with some of the topics. With that, here's Danielle.

I was telling Brittany, like, I was not looking forward to this. My apologies. Of course. Yeah, I really want to be able to help other women. Well, and to meet you. I was excited to meet you. I know, that's the best part for me. Yeah, exactly. But mostly I was just dreading this, thinking I don't know what to say. Right. I don't really want to revisit my inadequacies and my bad choices. It's what I've...

sort of experience through talking with all of you guys and this is

It feels so good to feel validated that we're not the crazy ones, you know? And so that's been one of the better things for me to experience is there are other people. And the story with him is amazing because they didn't date. I mean, he does this to coworkers. That's incredible. You know, who else? Confusing. Who else has he done this to? Yeah.

I imagine all of his relationships are like that. On some level. So how long after your divorce did you wait before you started dating? And how did that look, starting dating? So...

Things had gone pretty sour with my ex-husband for quite a while. And he had told me for a long time he was divorcing me. So I'm just saying that because letting you know, it was only a matter of months after I moved out on my own with my two children that I decided I just wanted to know if

I was as horrible and annoying and dumb and ugly and fat as my ex-husband thought I was. I was looking for validation when I got on the apps. And I know now, I think I knew then, but the validation, the need for validation was stronger than my wisdom for knowing that that was not a good place to be to get on the dating app. Yeah, the dating apps. It was just not...

Not good. It's an up and down validation and it's complicated. Yes. So it's definitely, I'm still on the dating apps. I've sort of switched my MO though. So, but it's, it's awful. And your ex-husband's wrong, by the way. Oh, I am still learning where I'm at. And I think part of why I was trying to remember all the things that

that happened between me and is because things were so awful between my ex-husband and I he was stalking me during that time uh I was still having really bad panic attacks and like my hair all fell out it was not all of it came out in chunks and um he broke out my uh my headlight on my van uh

My kids saw him driving by. Like, I have this really elaborate alarm system on this house. And I never wanted to go anywhere. I stayed here. And so I, of course, then, because all I did was stay home, cry, and eat, I gained 20 pounds. And I wish I understood his pathology a little bit more. I really do. It's very fascinating to me. So...

Obviously, I recognized that as gaslighting, which was my first red flag. And I told myself all done Z's. So I knew at that point I was going to break it off with him. And I did. What did he tell you about his son and his siblings and, you know, his his ex-wife? So he told me that he was in. I know he was married.

in Afghanistan or in, he was definitely a Marine and at war or at, he was in action. Well, we, we for sure know that he was a Marine. Yes. That's all that we've confirmed so far. Oh, really? There's no more? I mean, we just don't know what his history is. He told me he had served four tours. I think he told somebody else. I don't think it was you that he had served 16, which I

you can't even do when you're only in the military for 16 years. So, yeah. Um, but, um, everybody's sort of got a different history of where he went. Okay. You don't know. I, there's no way to know what's true or not. Um, I believe from the women that I've talked to, you're the only one that he had a sister with and the only one he was a twin with everybody else. He had a brother. Um,

Oh my goodness. So it's yours is a whole different story. He showed me pictures of her and everything. Yeah. So with her, with the grandmother. So with me, he, see, I wonder if it was a picture of,

But I've seen a picture of, I believe. Yeah. It's diabolical. Exhausting. It's so exhausting to normal people. Yes. I think it's how he thrives and lives. So does he not have a twin sister? I don't think so. We, I haven't confirmed siblings, but I don't believe that there's a twin sister. So I wonder if that is why he constantly told me the story about how he seemed to be very

self-conscious about being smaller. And of course he's taller than me and I'm short, so that's not saying much. However,

I what what is he five nine I would say five nine okay so he would tell me stories about how he would flex when he's at the you know the gym and how some guy would try to come get in his face and you know the guy might be like what you gonna do five eight you know and he would stand up for somebody I don't know I just know that he did seem to have very much have a preemie attitude and

So he did tell me, I cannot believe his preemie story is not true. Well, I don't know. I don't know why I can't believe it since it's all a lie. I don't know. But I think he is probably a preemie because that's pretty consistent with all the women that he said that he's a preemie or he'll use that.

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that there was another child except for Dajon. Right. And I had no idea there was a daughter. Most of the women in Seattle didn't know about the daughter. The girlfriend he had for three years in Hawaii was

knew about the daughter, didn't know about Dajon. How? And they lived together. He played football there. And her lived together. They were looking at houses together. And she had no idea that there was a son. How does he do this? She had suspected that there was, but she had never confirmed. So a couple other red flags that just I'm reminded of is his reticence to give me any information about Dajon.

Facebook, Instagram, anything like that. And I, at first, I should have known that this was nowhere near the truth. But he had told me it's because of his son's stardom, and how he didn't want to jeopardize that and whatever else. And I thought, well, okay, it kind of sounded okay to me. And I will tell you where I was in my life, I wasn't looking to get super serious. And

I thought I hit the jackpot. And so where I was, quite frankly, was I kept thinking, well, this is this guy is amazing, but I don't have it together yet. So I need to get myself together first. I remember being so excited because I thought he was just so smart. He's good with words. He

really immersed himself in Midwest euphemisms, you know, the Midwest way of life. And it felt like he really wanted to know me and understand me. He also, you know, when I told him about my kids, he also taught himself a little bit about like soccer and some of the things that may be issues for me and my son as my son gets older and goes off to college, just as his son did. I just,

I just was so, I felt so good about myself. I felt beautiful and smart, capable. Whereas in, like I had said, I had just gone through a wicked divorce and felt pretty horrifically about myself. And I didn't think I would find another human being who thought positive things about me and that it would be someone who looked so good. I mean, I, come on, he's...

He's, he's very good looking. He is. Yeah. And it's very hard to resist. Yes. Because he makes you, he made me feel so comfortable. And like you said, there was no pressure in any of it. It just, I've said this a few times now. He made me feel like he was home. Yes. You know, and just, it was easy. The conversation was good. Even now.

I don't think there was one date or time where I was like anxious around him or anything. He just draws you in. Yeah. Almost immediately. That's exactly how I felt. Comfortable is exactly it. And I let all of my guard down. And just thinking, I remember thinking like I'm not ready to fall in love because...

I'm still so hurt from not just my ex-husband, but from the whole family and what, how they participated in the divorce. And I, he made me, it kind of filled a need. It filled a hole in where I was at. And I,

Yeah, I just and plus I felt validated with I know it's dumb, but just cooking for him. And like he was so excited about cooking for him. And I would bring I would leave leftovers for him and bring him treats. In fact, damn it. My darn it. My he still has my casserole dish. He still has one of my little coolers because I would also take him food and lasagnas and things and drop them off. And I lost that.

Um, and then another part, I know we were sitting there for a while, ended up turning off the game and we're just talking. And then he, now I know that he just pretended, but I didn't know that at the time. It seemed so genuine. We were talking and then he just got this look on his face and he said, you are so beautiful. And I almost burst into tears because I hadn't heard that. In fact, try not to tear up right now because that's,

I don't hear that. I had grown up with a dad who does not affirm. I first husband, second husband. And then I thought I'm making great choices now meeting a man like this who knows how to treat a woman. He knows how to treat all the women. Initially, in some ways, you're probably absolutely right. But you and I know it's not lasting on the first date. So we're still on the first date.

And I remember he kind of made a big deal about wanting to treat me like a princess, that he had respect for me because I had told him when we were dating, when we were talking back and forth, that I was looking for someone who would respect me and want to get to know me and those kind of things. And then when I met him,

All of that flew out the window in my mind. I was like, let's just do it right here, like right on the floor, get naked, you know? And I was like, what is wrong with me? What is, holy smokes, like this is not who I was. I didn't think, I didn't think I was that type of person, but I feel like he just elicited that type of reaction in me where we had been talking. I guess he had been verbally massaging my face

love button or something. I don't know. And so then when I saw him in person, I was already primed for thinking those things. And so then when of course he sits there and then gazes at me and says that, and then he also says, I want you to know that I respect you in that way. I was like, that's it. Let's have sex like right now, you know? And so

And we actually, we didn't, we kind of made out on the couch, but I believe it was the second time I went over that. And I was like, I was like way beyond ready, but he basically made me go home because he said, you were very clear to me about this. And I want to show you that this is how I feel about you. So perfect first date. Yep. Perfect first date. More than perfect.

I went home, like, I was humming all the way home and singing, like, so happy. Was communication mainly through text messages, and did you guys communicate, like,

every day or how was sort of the daily relationship if you weren't seeing each other more than once a week? We were texting every day. He introduced me to the function on your phone where you would do a digital message. And then he'd also do the video messages to me a lot. And once I got comfortable, I started doing that in return as well.

And he would just tell me about his day. So all day long messages, even at work. And I tried to, you know, I'm a teacher, so I would only have time at lunch. And so I would keep my phone kind of off. I would see that he messaged me. And of course, every time I saw his name pop up, I'd be like, you know, just like so excited and excited.

But I would wait to check my messages. And then when I got home, we would talk on the phone. And then of course, he would say, well, when can you come over? And my, I guess I don't want to say boundary, but where I was at in life was such that I didn't want to go anywhere in public. I think I had mentioned that I didn't want to do anything in public.

So I would always go over to his house. And since I had kids that who were still recovering from the same things I was recovering from, we I didn't want to introduce anybody to them as well.

So I, he said, it's totally fine to come over to my house. I guess I saw him through a move, but I was super busy during that time. And I didn't realize that a week had passed and we were texting still constantly, but he had moved himself entirely. And now I wonder if he had had all of his other girlfriends help him move. Yeah.

And set up and everything. So I don't even know. I know he helped him shop for new furniture and got the, like, the decorations and stuff that are around and the flowers and, like, the fake potted plants and, like, those sorts of things. So he was...

Seeing her that whole time. There were. Yeah. That he was seeing you? Yes. So if he was seeing her in 2020, then we overlapped since I started dating him in November of 20, I'm sorry, 2021. Yeah. And I stopped dating him in March-ish, 2022. Yeah.

I just, I remember when you had first told me about this and I vehemently opposed wanting to know any of it. And now I just think it's fascinating. So fascinating. It's so fascinating. How does one person have so many, and well, I mean, the big reason also, why? Why would someone want to continue a life and live in a manner that is so deceptive

I don't know. Does he even does he even know what the truth is? Does he is there like, OK, here's the truth and then here's what. How is it activated? Does he look at you and know this is the story and he just code switches? And I don't understand how he makes it work. It seems to me with talking with the other women that.

The siblings or the divorce or sort of the history mirrors a lot of their experiences. So if they say, I have a sister, or if they say, I'm really close with my brother, or any of those things, or my parents were divorced, or sort of whatever the women's stories are, which are our true stories of ourselves. Right.

His stories mirror and match that. So it creates more bond. And you think you have more connection. It makes sense that he sees you because he's experienced something similar. Or he has a son that also does sports. My boys did sports. So, you know, we talked. My son at the time was...

Just we were starting the process of touring colleges for football. So we talked about that all the time as well. You had talked about the gaslighting and the red flag.

Did you, like in hindsight, were there more red flags throughout that maybe you missed? With me, we had constant text communication, but then he would disappear for like eight hours or a night or, and then he would just tell me, oh, I just had to disconnect from my phone or I didn't check it. Or you could have texted me. I get anxiously attached. And so, you know, I had told him that and he sort of ignored it.

And there was a little gaslighting there. Yes, that's actually absolutely what happened. I believe it was before Christmas and I had gone home for Christmas, home to the Midwest for Christmas. And but alternatively, he would go back and forth. He would say I was being it was twice that he would say that.

I was attached to my phone and then he would turn around and say the opposite. Like you are ignoring me. You know, everyone else is more important now.

to you than I am. So you have to make a decision if you, if we should be dating and blah, blah, blah. And it was just confusing, but he would say the same thing. Like he would go silent. There was once in particular, I remember, I can't remember exactly how I put it to him, but he countered saying, are you jealous? And I said, should I be? I, I

It sounds like your coworkers and you enjoy being with your coworkers. So then he blasted me a little bit about I've been in quarantine this whole time. I haven't seen my coworkers. I am just taking them out for this outing. And you're being crazy about me doing these things like this one time that I go out and

And I'll tell you, like, that's not what was happening. I was confused because he and I would talk about something and then he would answer with name. And I'm like, dude, I didn't even ask you about people. Why are you saying her name again? And then I started to wonder, do I need to be worried? And he's like, no, she's just a friend.

And it's her birthday. But then he went out that night and said, I'll call you or I'll text you. I'm sure we'll be home by 11. Well, he didn't text. And then I texted him at 11. I was like, I think I'm going to go to hopefully you got home safely.

But honestly, I was worried thinking, okay, could it be? Is he okay? Like he had said where he was going. You were being a caring girlfriend. Well, I thought so. Right. And then he didn't text me at all until late the following day. And then he blasted me for being crazy.

And that was one of the first time then he apologized about it. So then and then I thought, okay, we got past it. So like, I had told you that the first red flag was when he said, you don't pay enough attention to me. And then he flipped it and said, you're clingy. But you're right, it started much sooner than that. It was within a month or two of us dating. Yeah.

that he did that. But he apologized profusely. So I thought he didn't mean it. He was stressed out. That's what he said. He's like, I'm stressed out at work. I'm tired of being at home all the time. I finally got to go out with coworkers and I felt like you were, you know, challenging that and there was nothing there. I just realized, and I can't believe I haven't figured this out sooner. He might have single-handedly been the cause of COVID. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Because I want to hear this during quarantine. There were all of these women just coming to his house. First of all, thinking that it's a quarantine safe place and he's just been there by himself this whole time. But it's this rotation. Oh, my gosh. I don't know. Oh, my gosh. It might be his fault. I think we can blame it on him. I. Yes. You noticed the gaslighting and given where you were.

yourself, what, how were you able to break it off? And how did he take that? So I had started to see some of the signs that I didn't love. And I

I had told myself I was going to pay attention. I had friends in a place that I was talking to them about him. My mom, I was talking to my mom about him. And I even reminded her, I was going to pay attention. I'm going to pay attention. And I don't want to do this. And I said, mom, I really, really like him. And I don't want to break it up with him. But I'm going to do that. So

remember just talking to him, I said, well, can I actually call you? And there was no chance for us to actually get together with my schedule and his schedule. It was mostly my schedule. And I knew I wouldn't be able to actually see him. So I know this isn't the right way to do things. But I just said, can we talk on the phone? I think it's so sweet that you're still worried about doing it the right way. Well, I

Yeah, I know in retrospect, like the whole... No, it's because we're good people. But it's dangerous to be a good person. It is dangerous to be a good person. And I don't... Unless you have the tools to identify, which it sounds like you were really working on...

how it was making you feel like you were feeling confused and you felt like you were being, and you know, in your previous experiences, recognizing that so that you can take a step back and set that boundary. Yes. So you, sorry, you, you asked if you could talk to him on the phone. So I asked if I could talk to him on the phone and he and I started talking. I said, Hey, uh, I think I need to take a step back. I'm not doing so well. Um,

When it comes to where I am personally, I'm still not finished with my divorce. I said it wouldn't be fair for me to say, hey, can I revisit this idea of a relationship in the future?

Because I did really want that. I, despite seeing the red flags, I still thought he was this amazing human being because of all the things I said before. He was entertaining. He was very, very intelligent, quick-witted, always made me laugh. And I really enjoyed that about him and I knew I would miss it.

So I just said, I need to take a break. And I said, it's not from you so much as I just need to, I can't have anybody right now. And I said, if I start dating again, can I look you up again? And he said, not in a mean way, but just said, I really think you'll regret this. And he said, I can't promise that I will be around. I said, I totally understand that. I said, I might be really

messing up. And then, ironically, though, oh, my goodness, this is embarrassing. But because that wasn't the last time we saw each other. So I had texted him and just said, Can I just come over? You know, how long after? Oh, my gosh. I, I think you had told me October or November. Is that following? Yeah. Was it? I

I really wish I had kept all of my records, you know, all of the tests, but it would be here and there. Oh, so it was like, it wasn't just once, but every once in a while. No. And I want to say after I broke it off with him, it was really only two other times that I went over to his house. I just don't remember when it was. So I broke, I know I broke it off with him in March and then I got a little itch, wanting a little itch. And I said, can I just come over? And,

And I did that twice. Now, the second and last time that I did that, he was a complete a-hole to me and was, you know, like he answered the door, but then he just kind of flung it, didn't fling it open, but just opened it and then started walking away. And I was like, oh, hi, you know, I mean, I will say that I did.

basically preface the visit by saying it was a booty call. So maybe that's what I was thinking. Maybe that was his attitude. That you had hurt his feelings. Yeah, that I'd hurt his feelings. I know it's so ridiculous that I was still worried about his feelings. But then the second time, that was the second time when he was really rude to me. And I just... And if...

If I'm remembering correctly, that was like midday sometime in like September or October. I remember there was a game on. Yeah. And literally we both were like, okay, it's halftime. Can we just, and then I can go home.

So that was the day that I was with him that night. Oh, my gosh. Because remember when we were talking and messaging and we figured out that we had had sex on the same day? Oh, my gosh. We were like midday and then I had been over that night. Oh, my gosh.

And I am so sorry. As far as I know, we're the only ones that were same day that I've talked to and confirmed dates with so far. But sorry if I wore him out for you. No, I'm just kidding. I don't think you can wear. I know. Right. I don't think that he has a Viagra prescription. There's no way he does not. I mean, I'm sure there's some aspect that we'll probably have to look into. There's a sex addiction in here somewhere. Yeah.

you know, whether or not that's the root and the start or it's a byproduct of the narcissist, but somehow because it's insatiable. I will say. It was one of our running jokes when we first connected and I think I had told you that I... Saltine. Yeah.

That I had been, I'll explain. I had been in a long marriage where, you know, my ex-husband never once, even like on our wedding day, told me that I was beautiful or pretty. He just wasn't complimentary at all and also completely devout of me.

emotional connection. But when I got to, um, I was so starved for emotional connection and just any sort of anything. And so he was just, he made me feel so amazing. Um, so beautiful and so smart. What's interesting is that he was kind of dumb with me. Like he would, he would act

Like he didn't know things. And that was one of the red flags that I picked up on through our relationship because I knew he wasn't. Because most of the time he would, you know, speak and I'm like, oh, this is a smart person. But then when he, I don't know if he needed more attention, but he would...

like he didn't know what was going on. Like his hot water went out and I was like, well, did you reset it? And he's like for a week, he was saying that he was just freezing in his house and that his heat didn't work and like all of this stuff. And I'm like, but well, did you call your landlord? Did you reset it? Like, did you check the breaker and like all of these things? And, and,

He just kept digging on this. I don't know how to do that. I don't know what to do. I'm from Hawaii. Like, I know how to run an air conditioner. And one of the issues that I had was...

And one of the things that made me think that he wasn't my forever guy was I don't want to have to take care of a person. I would like a partner. And so I'm like, I'm not going to go and fix this guy's water heater. I could have, but I'm not gonna. Right. And so he made himself seem incompetent and he wasn't. And I saw that. And that was one of the red flags for me. Right.

But when I got to him, he was like that.

Like, I think I told you, like, if you're in the desert and you're starving, a saltine is like a steak. And you're just so amazed at this saltine. And so his nickname is Saltine. So we should send an Amazon box of saltines to his house, like anonymously, just for the fun of it. Just for our enjoyment. Yeah, he would have no idea. Yeah, just a box of saltines. Right, while we go out for steak. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

So at one point, he needed to have something removed in his chest area. And I believe it was some kind of a tumor. Breast cancer. Did he say that to you? It's a vague recollection. Because he had told me that he had had breast cancer. That he had a little... Yes. Nodule of some kind. Yes. So...

Because I was an excellent girlfriend, right? I wanted to be able to help him and take him because he, in those situations, as you and I have discussed, he would become helpless, you know? And so I really wanted to help him. And I thought, well, how can I, yes, I'll be there for him.

And I could drive him. So I offered, I told him all the things that I can help. I said, obviously, obviously I will cook for you because that's what I could do. Obviously I can drive you to and from the hospital. I want to be there for you. But he kept putting me off.

and putting me off about it and said, no, I'm going to do this. Then I still don't understand why he did this, but he gave me a phone number of one of his buddies. Now he said this friend was someone that he served with. And I don't remember his name right now. I might recognize it if you told me, but I texted this man and he was such an asshole to me. He said, I don't want to talk to none of those people.

And my, of course, I didn't know what to say back. And I said something along the lines of, well, and I also wasn't ready to recognize who I was to either. So I said, hey, I'm a friend of Anne. I'm concerned that he won't have a ride to and from the hospital. I want to make sure he's being taken care of afterwards. And so that was his response to me.

which should have been another red flag. So then later on, I talked to Chris about it. I said, your friend was really rude to me. He laughed about it and said, oh, that's just how he is and blah, blah, blah. So after you talked about his friend speaking to you this way, what happened with the surgery? So...

I remember he, he kind of, it was where he kind of went dark for a while. I didn't hear from him. And then was, was that about the same time he was moving too? I just remember that he wasn't available. He did give me updates, but I remember I also was busy and I

I said, Hey, I want to come over and bring you food. So then I was able to bring come over and bring him food and he had he was all bandaged up. And yeah, he had sent me video messages too. So that made me think, again, that I was the only one he was speaking to because he was giving me like on the spot updates.

you know, of him like going into surgery or whatever, and then coming out of surgery and then showing me the, his little owie, you know? And so. When he sent you the video updates, did he use your name in the video? I need, I wish I had really paid attention to that. I don't believe he ever did. I don't, I, but I wish I could look that up because it's,

Of course. He's probably, you know, sending the same videos. Exactly. And why wouldn't he? Less work. Work smarter, not harder. Way to go. But then I started seeing the red flags and realizing maybe this isn't as good as I thought it was. It seems to me that you are really...

self-aware and even at that time when you were struggling you were aware of what you needed and what you were willing to sort of accept which I'm so grateful for because then you sort of experienced

the good parts like I did. I got out before it, it became volatile. When he flips, he flips hard. So, um, and emotionally and you know, there, there was he physically abusive? No, nobody has said anything. Okay. Um, even close to that. Um, it's all, it's all psychological and, um, emotional warfare that he, that he inflicts. So, but I think you and I sort of

Same thing for me. Like, I was at a place where I wasn't going to accept...

less than what I thought I deserved. But I had a hard time wanting to break it off with him because like, I didn't know if it was my trauma and I was creating these issues. Like, is it my fault that I'm recognizing this? Is it my trauma that I'm imposing on this relationship? Or is this actually happening to me? And he was so good at gaslighting and making me feel comfortable when I would bring up different things.

I didn't even suspect that there was another woman. I mean, it didn't even occur to me that I saw him once a week or every once in a while. And there was, you know...

And well, he would make it very clear. He certainly did not have time for such things. He was working so hard all day, all the time. And he would even chronicle that with me. This is where I'm at right now. So that's why it seemed clear to me that he had no one else. Well, between him and his son, how could he have time for anything else? And he was such an amazing father and so involved in his son's, you know, career.

Did he tell you the story about how he hurt his foot? He didn't. I think I've heard a version, but tell me. So he said that it was when he was in Afghanistan or not in Afghanistan, but... Iraq. In Iraq. So he was in Iraq and apparently...

They were misinformed or they were caught unaware. The enemy was closing in on them. So there were about five of them that were running away trying to find cover. So they ran into a building. It was, like I said, the five of them. He wasn't the leader. However, he tells the story about how he's sort of the hero of the situation.

So they're trying to get, he can hear the gunfire. And of course he tells the story way better. We should probably get him on this podcast for sure. But so he, the five of them are getting away from the gunfire. They continue to hear it. They're hoping that someone intercedes that, you know, and they run out of bullets, like every horrible situation that you could possibly think of. They go up the building, like up inside the building, even though that's probably the last place that you want to go, but, and they really didn't have any,

alternative. So they continue to go up, they get to the top of the building and again they're still hoping that they're going to be rescued, that maybe the helicopter will come, maybe someone will come from behind and get them and save them. And again they have no way of fighting because they're out of ammo. So they get to the point where they're at the top of the building. They only have one option and that is either die by gunfire or jump.

and nobody wanted to jump. And he made it very clear that the sergeant or whoever it was that was in charge was not being a leader. So he decided he was going to step up. And he said, Okay, I'm gonna go. And he ended up jumping, fell onto some pilings at the bottom, broke his foot, like shattered his foot. And but it did break the fall for the other men coming down. I guess he had

unconscious, came to again,

you know, told them like hollered up at them to jump down and they all long story short, yay, they evaded the enemy. They jumped down and were able to kind of shield each other's fall for one another. And they all got away from the enemy. Now he's the one, he doesn't remember so much of it because they carried him to safely safety. Um, and so, yeah, he had shown me his foot. He

because I think it was his left foot. I don't remember, but one of his feet was constantly hurting. I think it was left. It was left. Yeah. So, and it was constantly hurting. So he had lots of stories like that. And he told me another story about how he had saved some children from bad, bad things happening. And he even showed me a paragraph that had been written about him and

And I don't know what kind of medal he received for it, but he was very proud of that. So he showed me that same photograph and the story I heard was similar, um,

But not as in-depth. He sort of skated over the... About his foot? Yeah. So the story about his foot for me, he had said that he was needing to plan a surgery because the hardware in his foot was old and they wanted to replace it and he didn't want to have surgery. But that he had shattered it jumping out of a building. But he didn't go into...

details about the how. One thing that I think we have confirmed, and I say that so loosely, because every time I think there's no confirmation, is there? I'm blown away by a different tidbit, is that he was medically discharged. And that's how he left at 16 years.

And why he left. It wasn't because of his son or his wife being a drug overdose. I just think it's more interesting. Then I didn't want to face it. Now that I'm in counseling and I'm really kind of digging in and trying to make sure

I think for a while, I first wanted to dig in to help other people because like you said, that's kind of part of our nature is who we are. And that's the type of person that seeks out those kinds of people who want to help other people. So that was my first, my first push was to help other people. And then I realized I, I need help. So then I kind of backpedaled a little bit and realized I'm going to go into therapy for myself and,

quite often. And which is why I feel a lot more, I still have gone up and down with depression, like even just getting dressed today, like I even curled my hair. I know, you know, you're only going to record my voice. But I, I was like, you know, I need to do this for myself. And I think it was one of the last straws, you know,

Being in an abusive relationship with my ex-husband, even the extended family was very abusive. All the gaslighting, the things that we've talked about, you know, a narcissistic family. It's incredible when you come in contact with a whole family that works in tandem and they destroy you. It is so toxic. And you start to realize who's what. And when your eyes are open, you can't close them again, right? You can't just ignore it.

So here I am like thinking I'm getting better. And then I meet, and I think he's this genuinely nice person. He's nothing like either of my ex-husbands. And I think, you know, he's just so incredible. And so to find out that he was not who I thought he was, I, that really did plunge me into depression. So again, it wasn't just because of him. It was

my journey and knowing or thinking that I would never be in a place where I could have a friend, a healthy relationship that where someone would love me and I could love them in return, but we're friends and we have a partnership for life. So for now I'm in counseling and I'm just trying to become healthier emotionally. I'm trying to make sure as I always have to be there for my kids and

Well, the good news is, is now we get to be friends. Yes, definitely. And partners for life. It was so nice actually meeting you. And support each other forever. Yeah. I'll say that has such amazing taste in women. Everyone is, and you are so strong. And even if it doesn't feel that way, you're so strong and powerful. And the work that you're doing is,

To make sure that you get what you deserve, which is a partner and it's what we all deserve. And to be an intelligent, caring mother and somebody that just focuses on

the needs of other people. And I think through therapy, you'll probably backpedal a little and learn to make sure that you're caring for yourself first. But I'm, I'm so impressed with you and I am so proud of you. And I thank you so much for trusting me and sharing this with me. Well, I appreciate you because I didn't want to do this, but knowing that you were actually doing this to help other women, that's,

The only reason I don't want other women to experience this. I want to be able to, I hope that this whole podcast can teach women the things to look for and to, to have that confidence to stand up and say, Ooh, I see a red flag. Ooh, yep. Definitely. I see something because now I'm learning and you've learned this too. I know it. I know you have that. If you see a red flag and you push back on that,

And it's not actually something negative that they will correct that in a positive, healthy manner and let you know like, oh, that's not what I intended. Let me correct that or let me fix that. And in my history, it never has. It's always been it's always gotten worse.

Thank you.

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