The One Where We Talk About Being Women
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Hello everybody, my name is Waikikiya Curly Bear Hilaire and I come from the Kona'a Indian Nation.

Hello everyone, my name is Haley Rapata and I come from Lummi. Hello my respected people, my name is Santana Rabang. I come from Lummi through my mother and through my father. I come from Nooksack and First Nations Ch'wai village.

What are some misconceptions about indigenous women that we would like to address? Okay, so I was doing some research on something called the Pocahontas Paradox. And this was something coined by Cornel Puety, who was a Comanche professor at the University of Kansas.

and it's basically just like talks about how in mostly in media and pop culture that indigenous people and indigenous women fit into one of two categories it's either the like what did they say the either the exotic submissive indian princess or a wild savage

And when you look back at like anything we're portrayed in, we fit into one of those two categories and there's not much depth in the characters other than that. And I don't know, I thought that was really interesting. I've never heard of it before. Have you guys? I don't know. I've never heard of it. I think we've done a good job against like battling...

against the mentality of like being like stay-at-home moms and like women that are like only good in the kitchen or taking care of the kids because there's you see so many women now that have really stepped outside of that like norm I guess and are like more cultural keepers knowledge keepers you know there's women that are fisher women there's women that are leading a lot of

you know, environmental justice when it comes to like salmon restoration, dam removal. All of the women that we've met within the Salmon People Project are in like such high level like advocacy roles. And I think a lot of women have been doing a good job in inserting themselves in spaces that maybe have not been created for them, especially women in leadership.

Yeah, I think just battling against that misconception, I think, is the biggest one, because there's so many women that are like on council or, you know, Alyssa is the CEO of her organization. And there's just so many women that are just in large leadership roles that really, you

make a lot of men feel demasculated. And I think that's such a beautiful thing, especially when you're in a relationship and you're like the bread, the bread maker and you're bringing home like the money. I think that's like something that's really cool that when a lot of women are stepping into is really just being authentically themselves and pushing against those norms that have been like

putting us in a box. - Yeah, those gender expectations that like, that's what we're made for. That's what we need to do. But we're so much more than that. - Exactly. And I think that's like really powerful and it really allows us as young women to just start imagining what large roles we can,

start feeling and following the lead of women that are in those big roles. So is there a woman that comes to mind in the history or in the present who personally inspires you? I think for me recently, it's been all of the women that we've met through our Sam & People project.

Amy Cordalis, Molly Myers, Ashley Bowers, who now have created their own nonprofit, Ridges to Riffles, and Vanessa Castle from Elwha, Frances Charles, Alyssa Macy with Washington Conservation Action. And they've all been inspirational in their own ways, but I think more of the...

I think more of like what they've all brought into my life, like personally is just like reminding me of stepping outside of that box that we've kind of been shoved in and also just reminding me of like, sorry, no, you're good. I think just reminding me also of like the strength and resilience I carry as a young indigenous woman, because I think when we're really

you know, sensitive in our healing journey and get to points where we feel like we can't go further or we have nothing else to give. These women have really came into my life in like a

really like insensitive times that I've been going through. And I think with my relationship that I've recently developed with Alyssa Macy is just, um, her reminding me of that strength that I carry because of her, um,

battling her journey with cancer and overcoming that and just how she's really started to prioritize her health and well-being as a woman. I think that as women who have taken in our younger brothers or taken in a niece or have taken in someone in our life, we've gone to a point where we forget to put ourselves first. And I think it's

also become so normalized as women to kind of be caretakers within their family units or within their communities. And we hold such high responsibilities as women because we're, you know, growing to be matriarchs. We are going to be, and today we consider ourselves matriarchs, but with being a matriarch, it comes with a lot of

you know, stressful responsibilities. And I've felt that pressure on myself as like a young woman. And last year when I went on a trip with Alyssa to Neah Bay for the work that we were doing with Native Vote Washington, I was in a really hard space. It was after my breakup and after I lost my husband

younger cousin. I was just really in a hard space and I went there and I was like very agitated and like irritated really easily. And after that, I feel like I'm really good at like

self-reflecting and like holding myself accountable and after I came home from that trip I actually asked to talk with her in person and I went to her house and I really just apologized to her for the way that I acted during the trip and she kind of shared something with me that I've been really caring with me since then and something that like I'm really learning to embody which is just um

like knowing, like learning yourself well enough to know when like you should take a step back and like kind of reevaluate and reassess where you are in your life. And I feel like I've been

doing a good job of doing that since then. It's like when I realize that I'm coming into work and I'm not in the best mood, then I'm trying to be like more communicative on like, hey, if I don't like talk a lot today or I'm not seeming like myself, then

I just want to let you know it has nothing to do with you, but more so myself and learning not to like project my traumas or insecurities onto other people. And yeah, I think something that that's just something that I've been carrying with me for a while. And so I feel like Alyssa Macy has been that woman for me lately. And I'm so sad that she'll be moving away soon. But I know that my relationship with her is going to be

Still there. Yeah, no that ain't going nowhere. She's such a badass. I think I'm most inspired by Nolani is the first person that comes to mind. I love Nolani. I think she was in a really similar situation to one that I'm in right now and that's taking in her family at a young age and being that parent figure.

Santana, I look up to you for doing the same. And Keeks, I look up to you for taking in Nicole. And I think, dang, I'm gonna cry. No, I think I'm in a place in my life right now that I never thought I'd be in. But seeing all of you and seeing everything that you guys have gotten through and everything that Nalani's gotten through, I think it just gives so much strength.

I'm 21 and my brothers are 15 and 10. And I just like, just such an unexpected position to be in. But like I'm so empowered by you guys and so like you just show me that I can do it. I think um I've had them for about like six months now and it took a lot of adjusting and I thought that

I didn't know how I'd be able to like take care of them and then also be at work and like make money so I can do that and thankfully CSSP is like so amazing and was able to give me that time to kind of adjust and figure out how I fit my life back together and I don't know I just see so much strength in you guys and

You just inspire me so much. I don't know. I just love you guys. Oh. I probably say that every time because I just love you. We love you too. We love you too. No, that's so good that you mentioned Alani because I feel like I was going to circle back to her and to my mom as well. No, Alani is hands down, literally hands down, my favorite older cousin that I have because she's really...

The example that I had growing up, like if it wasn't for her, like in her guidance and like her ongoing support and advice, like I don't know where I would be because exactly she took in her siblings. And then when I had to take in my siblings, like she was there for me, like every step of the way. And she's really like the prime example of

breaking generational trauma and like still till this day, you know, it's a journey that's forever ongoing and never ending. And she sets that example for us like every single day by battling against, you know, really harmful

you know, like behavioral traits that like have really gotten a lot of our families where they are today, you know, with alcoholism and drug addiction. Like she has such a beautiful example of what, you know, a marriage should look like between partners. And I'm not saying that it's perfect, but she actively, you know, works towards,

growing together, being better together. And I love Nolani so much. She's such a good cousin and definitely is also someone that reminds me of the strength and resilience I carry as a young woman, a young indigenous woman.

even though I may not have the best relationship with my mom, you know, my mom still is someone that I love and adore in my life and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my mom. And, you know, just her, she has a lot of strength and resilience as well. And sometimes I'm having to remind her of that, but...

She's someone that has shaped me into who I am today and she still is there for me anytime I need her to be. - I feel like this is another thing we go through. We all hold so much trauma within ourselves and we all have to grow up a lot sooner than a lot of other people do, I would say. But Nalani's someone I also look up to just 'cause her situation and how she's always

giving really good advice. She gives really, really good advice. - Literally you can go to her for any type of advice and she'll have it. - Like she won't make you feel any type of way about it either. Like I feel like she reminds me of my mom a lot. And I feel like even though me and my mom don't always have the best relationship, she made me who I am today. Like I wouldn't be the person I am right now if it wasn't for my mom.

Vanessa Castle, special person to me. When we were preparing for my wedding, she was just like, let me know if you need anything like culture wise or if you need any like indie interior anything or materials, I can bring it up for you. And she, just the work that she does, it's really inspiring, I think, for

I was really into that before I moved up here and then I kind of lost my way. But seeing her journey and what she has been doing is really inspiring to me. Can you share a favorite memory or lesson from a woman you have had in your life? I was having a really hard time with this one. Me too. I think I kind of already said mine with Alyssa. Yeah. You know, she just taught me about like

we really need to look internally when we're going through those bad times and those bad spaces to really just reevaluate, you know, why am I feeling this way? Where is it coming from? And a lot of the times it's pointed back to trauma that we still carry inside us and really just actively trying to heal that. And then, I mean,

Nalani really advocates with like internal self-healing as well. Like I'm going through so much with my family right now. And I just recently moved out of my house that my brothers and my grandpa and my mom were all living with me in. And I was just really getting to a place of resentment and being that person

you know, caretaker in my family when it really should be like a prideful thing that we're able to do that for our family. But it got to a place where I was feeling like I wasn't being appreciated or respected or loved. You know, it got to not only resentment on my end, but resentment from my brothers for stepping into this kind of

authoritative figure role in their life and trying to teach them right from wrong, trying to teach them that, you know, a lot of why the reason why we act the way we do is because of that trauma that we carry. And then also just like the lack of communication that we've had from our parents growing up. And Nolani just really, um,

has like inspired me to like go back to like counseling and really try and work through that because it's just, it's all rooted in trauma, literally. And exactly. And so it's really like just her constantly reminding me of like how important it is to take care of ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually. And just knowing that

our health and well-being is like really interconnected in a lot of ways. And I can't keep carrying other people's trauma as my own and to just work through like the trauma that I have. And it's just like hard to be not be that caretaker in my family. But when I've consistently put others before myself and have always like

made myself come last. I think I just, it's good to be reminded that I'm worthy to be taken care of as well. And I'm worthy of self-love and self-respect and I'm, I'm worthy of having a healthy relationship with my family, but she just reminds me that like, it starts off with me first. So I have a

Finally made an intake appointment for counseling in a couple weeks. Oh my gosh. Go you. I'm such an advocate for therapy. When I say that, though, I think back to our mental health episodes that we did a few years ago. And we were talking about therapy and stuff. And I, like, hid from the camera. And I was like, I'm not going. You won't catch me. But now it's such... Like, I could not get through life without it. I think it...

We grow up not learning some of the skills that other people do and therapy can really provide those. It's also good to just not trauma dump on people. You know, I feel like I was gotten to a place in my life where I was like,

a lot of my conversations with friends and family were revolving around what I was going through. And it's hard to kind of put your friends and family in those situations because you don't also know what they're carrying or what they're going through. And so I think it's just good to have a designated person to talk to. Especially so that trauma is not in every single part of your life.

I'm learning to put it on the shelf and really like leave it for when I have the time to deal with it. Because I was the same way. It was coming up in every single conversation I had with everybody. And I was like, okay, this is, if it's too much for people, like it's, it's too much in general. Like I need to do something about it. I need to put it somewhere. I think you really inspired me to go to therapy because

You were just advocating for it. And I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll try because myself, I like to push people away. And I don't, I just don't think, I'll think about it, but like, I'll push it down and pretend it's not there. And it's like, I'm a robot, like no emotions. I try to put on this really hard face where nothing's wrong when everything is really wrong. And I just push everybody away.

But I think for me, I've been fortunate enough to have a lot of teachers in my life teach me things. But I would say my favorite memory from somebody is from Moki, or Melissa Kapoman. When I was first running for Miss Quinault, she helped me.

with my button blanket and she taught me how to do that and she also helped me weave, I guess. So she's probably one of the people that I hold up there for me. Is there a certain experience that has shaped the woman you are today? Yeah, I think the first thing that comes to mind for me is the women's circle that we did in Sacramento.

at our Salmon People Gathering. That was like two years ago, I think. It was just like the most powerful circle of women I've ever seen. Everyone we've listed off, Alyssa Macy, Vanessa Castle, Alexander Salmon, Amy Cordalis, Ashley, her sister, like just like such an amazing group of women. And that was like...

That was my first time being in a space where I had the opportunity to speak in front of people like that. And I remember being so nervous about it. And I'm pretty sure even then, like, I didn't even say much. I like, I was just too nervous to talk. And I think I was talking about boarding schools. We were having a discussion about boarding schools and

the impact on our people with that and I like couldn't get through it without crying but not once did any of those women ever made me feel like they weren't listening. There was probably a lot of silent pauses in what I was saying and they just like they were just so welcoming and so helpful and they just gave me that space to like learn and I think about

that women's circle a lot, just when like I get scared to use my voice and because it happens, but I draw strength from that memory because all of them are such trailblazers in every single thing that they're doing and they've all overcome so many struggles of their own and they're up there and they're doing it. And I think also during that gathering, I was

doing some interviews of just people attending. And I remember this one with Ashley Bowers and she was just, she thanked me for crying in the circle and for like showing that vulnerability. And I don't know, it just made me feel like I could do it. I don't know. I feel like

Both of you know about the tribal disenrollment that I've gone through, and I really feel like that experience really pushed me. Without that experience, I don't think I would be where I'm at with using my voice and, you know, being an advocate. I think it really...

It was such a traumatizing experience and I suffered from such a huge injustice that I made a promise to myself that I would never allow anyone to question my self-worth, like allow anyone to make me question my self-worth or my belonging or anything.

my voice. You know, I made a promise to myself that I would never be silenced anytime I would see any injustices happening. And I think that really, that experience really shaped me into the advocate I am today, you know, when it comes to our work here at CSSP and

us doing such high level advocacy work here around salmon restoration and dam removal and just teaching people who we are as like the broader community and just who we are as like indigenous people. And I think that it was such a hard thing to go through, but I don't think I would be who I am today without that. And then just

Also, after that, you know, I enrolled into Northwest Indian College and the education, the indigenous place-based education that they really gave to me there. Like, I don't think I would be who I am as well if it wasn't for Northwest Indian College because I was such in a sensitive space after the disenrollment that I

I was really still going through that phase of like questioning who I was and if I belonged. And I feel like the education that they provided to me there really reminded me of that. Like I remember during one of my cultural sovereignty classes, they put a family tree in front of me and still like since I don't remember when I enrolled, I think it was like 2019.

that I enrolled into Northwest Indian College. So for about six years now, I've still been developing and ingraining in my head of, you know, my family tree. And I've gone all the way up to my fourth great grandfather. And now I'm, you know, today this, like, I'm going down. And so I'm

doing a more in-depth family tree, like all of my grandma and her siblings, their kids and then their kids and then their kids. And so I'm like writing everybody's family units down and like so I can learn like who all of my auntie and uncles and my cousins are because my family is so big.

on both sides of my family. And that work has already been started by my, on my dad's side has already been started by my auntie Rayanna Rebang, who has done really, really in-depth work on our family tree. And she's been working on it for like over a decade. And so she inspired me to do that for my mom's side. And so really just grounding myself in like who I am and where I come from

is doing my family tree work. Like we always hear that saying, like, you don't know who you are unless you know where you come from. And I don't think that's place-based. Like I'm not just from Nooksack and Lummi. I'm actually from all of these people that have came before me. And so...

If it wasn't for Northwest Indian College putting that family tree in front of me, I don't think I would be doing, you know, all of that work that I'm doing today because they really inspired me to and pushed me on that journey of learning my family tree. And that's honestly...

really grounded me in like my cultural identity, like as an indigenous woman, because like I said, I was at a point in time where I was questioning myself. I was questioning my belonging and to ground myself in learning my family tree. It's really provided me like the strength that I, the strength and confidence that I really needed in my life. And as long as I know

who I am and where I come from, like nobody is able to take that away from me. And I will never go through questioning my self-worth or my belonging ever again. Yeah. How's that for you? Nobody else is to decide. Oh boy. For me, I would say like the way I grew up, you know, bouncing from home to home,

like never really having a place and never really knowing who I am and kind of just never really feeling like I have purpose in my life, I would say, has got me into like in high school, I was finally, I told my mom I wanted to get back like deeper into my culture.

And she got me to all these people that I look up to and all these teachers. She got me in contact with them to help me learn what I know today and what I will continue to hopefully continue to learn. But yeah, I feel like my culture has really shaped the way I am today and

the person that I want to be in the future. You know, I want to be hopefully one day a little old grandma, just weaving, just weaving with little kids and teaching them. I want to be a teacher, I guess. I love that. You already embody that. Not the little old woman part, but you are a teacher in all of our lives. You're going to be bringing back Culture Fridays and teaching us how to weave and bead and...

all of the above so I feel like you're already a teacher. She's already our Aksalva. Aksalva. Okay, there's often a narrative of competition between women. How have you navigated or rejected that idea in your personal or professional life? I hate a competition between women. There are like

We used to be able to do nothing. Now I feel like it's so important to just uplift every single win that women make because it's very, it was very hardly fought for. And I don't know, I hate, I don't like competition. I feel like there's room for everybody, room for everybody here. We make our own way and just empower each other.

It took me a while to start rejecting that mentality. I think the older that we get, the more we realize that that's not the way to be. And I don't want to sit here and claim that I'm perfect in my life. I have struggled with supporting other women because of the influence of competition being

put on us you know when you grow up in that lifestyle you know with like I had a lot of bullies in high school like I I was bullied and then I turned around and became then became the bully and I think the older I've gone I've realized that it was because I was going through a lot in high school my

you know, dad was active in his addiction. My parents separated and I realized that I was taking a lot of that pain and anger to me with, with me to school. And I think all as I can really sum it up around is that I wanted

others to feel that pain that I was feeling and I inflicted it upon other people. And then the older that I've gotten, the more I came to that realization where it's like, I'm not going to allow my pain and trauma to define me.

who I am as a woman. And then I started really battling against those notions of like competing with other women and more so uplifting them. And I really think that the root cause of that is really just trauma and our own insecurities as women and wanting others to feel that way. So once you come to the realization that that's not me and that's not who I am, then I think

you know, you're working on more of that internal healing and that self-healing to where you can get to a place of love and be able to receive it, give it. And I think I'm in that place now where I think I'm able to do that, where I'm able to reject that mentality. But it's just a shame that we do still see it and it is still happening and

all's we can do is really work on doing better at supporting the women that mean a lot in our lives. Like for me, like I don't ever want like you two specifically, like I really want to be someone. Oh my God. I might cry even talking about it. It mean it like, it means a lot to me.

to like be a safe person for you too in your life, in like my life. And that's something that I've reflected on a lot. And it's crazy because I was talking about it with Vanessa when I went down to Elwha and I was like, right now I just want to be like how like Nolani is that person for me. And there's women in my life that like

bring a lot to my life like for me like that's like how I want to be with you too is like I want to be someone that you guys can go to for advice or just know that you can lean on me when you need it and like just that's something that um I just want to be like I just want to be there for you guys like I want to be someone in your life that you can count on and um it's just like

being someone for the younger generations that I never really got in when I was growing up. So I think that's like once you get to a place in your life where you're like, I don't want like I said for like my pain to define me, like I want to be someone where people look at me and I'm like strong and I've like they look at me and I've like overcame so much and like I just want to be inspirational, I guess.

To end us off, what advice would you give to your younger self? I can go. The advice I would give to my younger self would be to not be so hard on yourself and to speak up more and not to be afraid of everything, you know? And not to shut everybody out because that's not cool. That's it. That's me.

I think I would tell my younger self that it's not all your responsibility. I think, I mean, like, naturally we have that like caretaker in us, but that doesn't mean we have to have so much responsibility so young. And I feel in like, in my case, I feel like a lot of it was I put the responsibility on myself and,

I thought it was my obligation to step in and help wherever I could when it probably was not my job to be watching 10 kids at once at 10 years old. But like I, they asked that of me and I, I mean, they definitely would have let me say no, but I told myself that I needed to and that it was my responsibility to

be that person to help people. But I'm going through the process of unlearning that because it is not all our responsibility. We have a very small circle of control and I've gotten a lot less anxiety just focusing on that circle of control and not on everything else that I might be able to take care of, but I don't need to.

I think I would tell my younger self to let it go. I feel like I have carried so much of my childhood into my adulthood and Geminis are good at holding grudges. And so I think really learning forgiveness and understanding. I think it's important to remind ourselves that

Our parents and our grandparents went through just as much as us, if not more, especially because my mom grew up in an era, you know, and I feel like I got the kind of the end of that era of where it wasn't cool to be Native, it wasn't cool to be Indigenous. I went to a predominantly white high school, and I didn't engage in my culture or who I was.

And I think that's also what I would tell myself is learn your culture at a young age, be proud of it and ground yourself in that. And then also, I probably sound like a broken record when I say this, but to not allow your pain or trauma to define who you are as a person. I feel like I did a lot.

of that when I was younger and just it was just pain and grief anywhere. I felt like I was carrying that with me anywhere I went, anywhere I walked. It was like I was a very troubled kid. I was, like I said, really mean in high school and a lot of people

didn't understand where I was coming from. There was only a select few that really understood that this was coming from a place that was much bigger than myself and to just learn when to set it down and move on to your life because you're made for bigger and better things. Well, thank you all for tuning in to this episode of Young and Indigenous. We hope to see you next time. So cool. Hi, Shikha.

so