5 Hard Lessons That Changed The Way I Lead | Ep 265
24:59 Share

What's up guys, welcome back to Build and today I want to talk about five lessons that changed the way that I lead. I was kind of reflecting today, just going through what have I learned over the last six to 12 months and what kind of lessons can I take forward into pouring into my team, into pouring into the CEOs that we lead, into pouring into our portfolio companies, like what would I need to transfer in terms of my knowledge over to them? And that's been a huge thing I've been focused on and

I actually think that content, making content helps a lot because, you know, before I ever started making content, I only just knew how to do things. Like I knew how to run a company, but if somebody were to ask me, I'd be like, oh, I don't know. You run a company, you do the thing. Like I couldn't explain it. So I think this has helped a lot, but I also thought in making this podcast, this would help a lot of people out there because

thinking about the way that I have changed how I lead, how I operate and how I build businesses, I realized like not one thing came from like a single breakthrough. And a lot of things come from taking a step back and taking time to pull yourself out of the weeds and then look at what has happened over the last, you know, three or six or nine months

and then reflect on what have I learned? And then how can I make sure that I embed that learning into what I do today, tomorrow, and for the future? And I think that there was five lessons that came up that I have continued to run into over and over again in the last, I wanna say 12 months, these were the most prevalent for me. And these are not things that I got from like books or mentors or anything. It's just like literally from experience and from like random things that have happened in my life.

And I want to share them with you guys because I think that they'll probably resonate with anybody who's out there building the thing. You know, like you're building the company, you're building the team, you're leading. And if you're at a point where you're especially leading people, running a team, scaling something that's bigger than you have scaled before, I think that these are going to resonate for you.

And so I'll start with the first one, which actually came from talking to somebody about some of the stuff I was dealing with earlier in the year with health issues. And that lesson is just because it's common doesn't mean it's right. And this is something that one of my physicians said to me, and then

I thought about it and I was like, wow, right. Just because it's common to have these issues or deal with this stuff, you know, they're talking about in terms of the body. They're like, that doesn't mean it's right or normal or supposed to be happening. And

I thought about how that tied into business, of course. And I thought about it like, you know, early on in my business career, I spent a lot of time looking sideways. Like, what's the right way to do this? Like, how do other people, other teams, other companies, how do they run their teams? How do they structure their offers? How do they do their sales? How do they do their marketing? What are their industry best practices? And while there's obviously nothing wrong with learning from other people, here's what I figured out.

Common doesn't mean correct. And best practice doesn't always mean best for me, right? Most of the major, major pieces and major things that have grown me as a leader and grown my company came from me actually just saying, why does it have to be that way?

Whether it's like constructing a team, an organization, designing customer experience, or even just like redefining what I do. I stopped asking myself, like, what is everybody else doing? And I started asking myself, like, what do we actually need? And how do I think that I could do this? If I had nobody to look through, if I had nobody to look at, like, how could I do this? And I think that's where I've gotten a lot of clarity for even my role as a CEO this year is not in copying people, but in questioning norms and in questioning people.

how things operate today. And it really just illuminated a lot of things for me. And so I have a list going right now of things that I want to plow through that are common, but I don't think they're right. You know, one of those that I'm going to plow through later in this quarter is like the quarterly planning process, like planning for the quarters. Now there's companies that don't plan and there's companies that do intense quarterly planning. I tended to do a lot of planning for the quarterlies

And I've continued to try and make it easier and easier and easier. But I've really been thinking like first principles, what are the most valuable things that come from these quarterlies? And I'm really trying to distill it down to that and then figure out, okay, how can I only do those things and get rid of all the bad? Like, it's really just like, how do I keep all the good and get rid of all the bad?

and that's helped me a ton. You know, the other thing that's helped me a ton has been this quarter looking at, okay, if I need to take more time for myself, I need to take more time to focus on my health, I need to take more time to do these things, how do I get the single most leverage out of my time as a CEO of the company? And in terms of like activities, in terms of strategy, et cetera,

Obviously spending time on strategy, but the second thing that I realized was, you know, I had pulled myself too far out of recruiting. And so I was like, you know, if there's anything I can do to better this company that has the most leverage, it's me being involved in who we recruit and who we hire and how they come into the company. Because it's almost like if you want to look at how do I extend the LTV of my customer? How do I make sure that I build a great business? A lot of people would say, okay, let's look at the onboarding and let's look at the sales experience for the client.

Same goes out for the employees. And so did anybody tell me to do this? No, but I just use first principles and I kind of, you know, in some ways followed my quote gut or intuition of like that just makes a lot of sense. And so just because a lot of people don't do it doesn't mean I shouldn't. Doesn't mean it won't work for me. And those are two examples that I can, I think, resonate and help me so much this year. And I feel like I've gotten a lot of clarity because of those things.

The second lesson that I wrote down for this year is that you earn trust not by avoiding problems, but how well you handle them. Man, this one feels heads deep. Like I used to think that the best leaders were the people who didn't get anything wrong and they were perfect. And I thought that having control was the goal.

But what I realized is that real leadership is not about controlling the outcome. It is about how you respond when things break. And I had multiple instances in the last six months where

You know, we had big hairy people problems. We brought in the wrong leaders. I had to get out some leaders that a lot of people really liked and there was an immense amount of change as well as we had some losses as a team, not in the macro. The macro were winning, but in the micro, we had some losses that just stung.

And there were things that I felt like were my fault and things where I probably didn't have my eye on the ball. Of course, I can say I just don't have the bandwidth, but nobody gives a shit, so here we are. It's still my fault at the end of the day. I should have figured out how to have it or how to get somebody else to have it. And what I realized is that these are all not problems. These are all opportunities to show my team how I handle pressure. And how I handle pressure is how they're going to handle pressure.

And so do I take ownership? Do I communicate clearly? Do I protect the team while still holding the line? And in doing these things, it really determines if I'm going to build trust with my team or I'm going to break trust with my team. And so now I think like I had this mental shift and I've made it a few times, but like it really cemented in me this last quarter, which is like,

how I respond to all of these things is what dictates if we succeed or fail. It's not in trying to avoid these things. In fact, I will not avoid these things. I am not invincible. My company is not invincible. Gosh, it's so similar to like personal stuff where it's like,

the person who succeeds versus the person who doesn't, it's not that they have less problems in their life, it's that they respond to the problems differently. Business is the same way. And I think I had to like really nail that one in my head. I was like, oh shit, you know, like I, and this is so real for me because in my first business, I had so much less skill. And in my second business, I have so much more skill.

but I still have so many of the same problems. Why is that? Even with all the proactivity, even with all the things I can do to prevent it, it's because this is just how business goes. All businesses experience these problems. They are unavoidable. However, my skill, the skills that I accumulated in my last business are the skills of how to handle those problems, how to respond to them

in a way that makes my business better, not worse. If you're listening to this and you're thinking like, oh gosh, Layla and I probably don't have the same, like we have the same problems. I just have more experience handling them in a way that makes my business better, not worse.

Once I got this frame shift, I was like, this is so helpful for me. And it's funny guys, like I've known this stuff 'cause I'm so gung ho about that with personal life. Like I've had a lot of things I had to overcome in my personal life and in my childhood and my family life and all these things. And I really just believe that it's how I handled them that allowed me to be the person I am today, not the fact that I was able to like avoid those things. Like obviously I didn't avoid those things.

I had terrible things occur and I'm still able to be the person I am today. And I really believe it's just because of how I handled them. And when I transferred that over to business, and I was like, oh shit, it's the exact same thing. It's not about avoiding problems. It's just about handling them. And what that's helped me do is like, I don't try to avoid problems anymore. And I don't try to help other people avoid problems.

I just try to be the kind of leader who can handle them well because that's what builds a great company. That's what earns respect. And that's what inspires people. And so every problem that happens in my business is actually an opportunity for me to show my team how they can respond to similar problems in their departments, their product lines, et cetera. And so that was a huge one for me this last year, especially in just like making that comparison. You know, there's so much

that we learn in life, in health, with our kids, with our family. And it transfers to business if we take the time to think about how it does. And so that lesson was one that I have drilled into my head this year. Now, going with that is the third lesson, which is, you know, it's funny. It's like, again, I'm like, I already knew this. It's like, yeah, sure, I already knew it. But it wasn't like that real for me until it was real for me, which is like,

time, not money, is my most valuable asset. Not even, like it's not even close. And I think that's really hard because like I did not grow up with money. So at first, that's all I thought about. Like with the business, it's like, okay, what are the profit margins? What's the revenue? Like, do we have financial security? I'm like,

obviously how humans work is like we want whatever the scarcest resources. So like for me, the scarcest resource was money. I had time when I was starting my first business, you know, over a decade ago. That is what I focused on for the first good chunk of my career. That is how I measured the success of the business. That's how I measured success for myself. And that's what I focused on because I just hadn't had it. You know what I mean? And I'm sure a lot of you can relate. It's just like when you grow up without money, it's like, okay, I know everyone says that when you, you know, money doesn't solve your problems, but like, fuck it, I'll find out for myself.

And I fucked around and found out, right? It doesn't solve all your problems, but you get into this habit of treating money like it's the most important thing. What I've realized in, you know, making a lot of money and continuing to make more and more and more money over time is that time is so much more expensive than money.

And the more valuable your time becomes, the more disciplined you have to be with how you spend it, with who gets it, and what you trade it for. And so a huge shift that I've had to make and I've had to realize is that everybody always wants me to accommodate their wishes, to accommodate, to help them, to give them more time.

I've just, I can feel it. It's like every person is just like more time for me. It's my family, it's my team, it's my friends, it's my direct reports, it's a candidate, it's everybody, right? It's like they want something.

I thought about it, about how I protect my money and how diligent I am at making sure that even when we're making a lot of money, we're not excessive. We're not just blowing money. We're not just like throwing money at problems because I just don't believe that's a good way to run business and it just is not aligned with who I am. I don't like excess. I don't like waste. And so I was like, geez, I need to take the same approach with my time.

And I have, I'm really, this is something I'm really working on. So I'm not gonna say I'm perfect at it because I would say the one thing that gets in the way is I just, I never wanna ask my team to do something for me or for the business that I wouldn't do for them or for the business. And so like, I will find a lot of ways to insert myself so I can demonstrate that to them.

But what I have found is that in saying no to so many more requests, in saying no to so many more meetings, in saying no to so many invites, speaking events, podcasts, one, I am happier. And here's the frame I've been using, which is like, if I wouldn't want to do this tomorrow, then it's a no. And if it's not a hell fucking yes, obvious yes, it's a no.

And so my default really that I'm in right now is no. If it's not my idea, if I didn't think that it needs to happen, I don't need to allow somebody else to push their agenda on me. And I think that this is something that

is really difficult, especially when you're running a company because it's like, you're like, wait, my team needs me. And you look at it and you're like, you need to train your team how to use your time. You need to train your team how to use you. And you need to train other people how to use you. Something I have learned from my partner and husband, Alex.

is that he is notorious for not responding. He does not respond. Unless it is of dire importance, he is not going to respond to the thing. And I was listening to a podcast recently by somebody else who talked about like, even the response takes so much effort. And when you get to a certain point in life, you're being asked all day, every day for things that you just have to be okay also with just not responding.

And that was probably the hardest part of this for me because I get a lot of people asking for a lot of things every day, all day. And not necessarily my team, but like external people, I just realized like, I just can't respond to all of it. I just can't. It's just, it's too much. I would be taking three hours a day to say and then discuss and the reasons and blah, blah, blah. And it's just like, you just can't.

And if that means that people think I'm an asshole, let them think I'm an asshole. If that means that sometimes my team's like, "Gosh, you know, I wish she was more available," they can keep wishing I'm available. At least that means they like me, right? It's like at least it's a compliment if they want your time, right? Because they think you're helpful. But that's been a very real one for me. And I think the second piece to that is that, you know, I said no to a lot of opportunities that have come my way in the last 12 months. Opportunities that are, you know, seven figures, eight figures, whatever you want to say, right?

multi-million dollar opportunities that don't seemingly take a lot of my time. You know, I think about it as like, it takes my time, it takes my attention, is it aligned with my long-term goal? Am I a hell-fucking-yes? If not, then no. It's not about the money. It's more important that I treat my time as the most valuable asset.

And I also know that every time I say yes to something that takes only a small amount of my time, and it might make a lot of money, it distracts me from the big thing that I really enjoy and love putting my time into that gets me to my goals and helps me accomplish the vision that I have for my company. Yeah, I think at the end of the day, like if I waste my money, I can earn it back. If I waste my time, I can't get it back. So that is why I've made the shift.

The fourth lesson I wrote down is people want to feel seen more than they want to feel impressed. And this one, I will say I have oscillated between because I have known this my whole life. I've known that people don't need to be impressed as much as they need to feel seen. But I think that it's been something that I've struggled with, especially in

Gosh, I think more in this year in, you know, I have a lot of people join the team, a lot of them come through seeing the content that we put out there. A lot of people listen to my content and I felt like a pressure for like maybe the last year to just come off as like overly competent, not confident, but competent. And I thought that, you know, being a good leader in any sense of the term meant being on all the time, like sharp, unshakable, professional.

And I realized that that's me thinking about me, right? That's me thinking about how I can impress people and how I can show, quote, show off to people. Whereas what's important to people is that they feel like they follow somebody who sees them, right? And I really thought about the best teams that I've built, and they were not built off the charisma of a leader. They were built off the connection of the team,

Because when people feel seen, they try harder. They take ownership. They care more because they feel like they matter, not just you, the one person. And

Now I try to slow down and pay more attention as to where I'm leading from, right? Like, am I trying to come off as impressive to my team or am I trying to connect with my team? And I think the same goes for content. I've asked myself that a lot lately, which is like, am I trying to impress people with this content or am I trying to connect people with this content? Because at the end of the day, this thing I drill into my team a lot, which is like, I don't care about putting out something

if it's not going to change someone's behavior. Like if you're listening to my podcast and you don't have a different perspective, if you don't have a different way of seeing things, if you don't feel like you can actually take action based on the things I'm telling you, or at least see things differently in your business, then I feel like I'm failing. And sometimes when I'm so busy and I'm just so spun up into just like getting stuff done, I lose sight of why I do what I do and of what's most important. And what's most important is that people connect

to the leader, whether it's a leader in content, whether it's a leader in a business. It's the same principles that apply. And so, you know, I've really taken a step to think like, how do I portray this message in a way that makes everybody feel like they matter, that makes them feel connected, that makes them feel good, that makes them understand that they're not alone.

Because to me, if that means that I have to look shitty and I have to look weak and I have to look then cool, I will look shitty and weak and incompetent. And I think that I am at a point in my life where I've just realized like, I'm fine making that trade. I'd rather look less competent and be able to really make an impact on people's lives. And I think a lot of the realization was,

you know, the first seven years of my business journey, you know, I was not external facing. I just ran the business from, you know, essentially the inside. Like I didn't have a brand or anything. And I started, you know, building a brand, making content, et cetera. And at the end of the day, you know, I really like took a step back and thought about this a few months ago. Like I care more about having the responsibility than I do the credit.

Like at the end of the day, if I had to pick, I prefer having a lot of responsibility and building and doing the thing than I do getting credit for doing the thing. And that changed how I view making my content. And so, you know, you will see like the changes that I'm making. Like I'm leaning way more into vlogging. I want to just capture what I do. Like I'm less excited for the like

I've got to pump out this amount of content per week and get this amount out because that's what I've been doing. It's like, well, I can't make that work. I can't make that work. And that's okay. I still love the responsibility I have of leading this company. And I love helping people through the content. But I don't need to try and impress people by keeping up some unreasonable cadence or by seeing like I'm a superhuman. And I think I'm just over it.

And I think that it's probably one of the best things I can do for my company and my team and anybody watching my content. Because like, I think it would also be a shame if just like I remain the same forever. You know, I think everybody evolves and I think a lot of people find new and better ways of doing things. But...

At the end of the day, it's really just realizing that I think all of us just really want to feel connected with somebody. And if you're the leader of a team or the leader of a cause or the leader of people, I think that making them feel connected is so much more important than making them feel impressed. And that brings me to my last lesson, which I wrote down.

If it's going to be this hard, why build something average? You know, this stems from like a lot of, it's a tough quarter, the beginning of this quarter, and it's still tough. You know, it's still tough. I feel like I've gotten out of some of the like everything hitting all at once and now some things are resolving and some things aren't and that's okay. But building a business is fucking difficult. It takes, it takes everything. It takes your time, your energy, your late nights.

take sacrifice that most people will never know of and will never see and will never understand and will always say is too much. And you know what I realized is like, if I'm going to give that effort, because I am, I give that effort to everything I do. It's just who I am. That is not going to change about me. I've been like that since before business. I'm obsessed and that's okay. But if that's the case, why build something mediocre? Why build something average? Why build something

that sounds realistic. And I don't mean like building something that's perfect. I mean, building something that's excellent. And I think there's like a big difference between building something that's really good and then building something that is

excellent. The weirdest thing is like everything that I've done in my business career that I'm proud of is the thing in which I have paid attention to every detail. And I think it's so contrary to what people say and even to some of the things I say. But I think in building the company, the fundamentals that make it work, it is so hard no matter what. I just don't want to come out with something that's average. It's going to be

So much sacrifice either way. Why build? You think about it like, I think the equivalent would be like raising a kid. It's going to be hard raising a child. You might as well try and build this person into an amazing human and give them an amazing life because it's gonna be hard either way.

And I think one way is kind of harder in the short term and one way is harder in the long term. It's like in the short term, you know, if you don't pay as much attention to them or parent them as well as you could, then you get relief in the short term. But then long term, you're stuck with a kid who's like, you know, maybe they're not the greatest person or they don't have the most skills or they're not, you know, they're just not something you get along with, whatever it might be. Whereas if you take a long term perspective, it's like, okay, well, I pour everything into this person. Like, what could they be capable of? What could they possibly achieve on this earth?

And I think of business the same way, which is like if I pour everything into really assembling the right team, into really being meticulous about how we do things, into really holding the standard, into like pushing myself to be somebody, to get and acquire skills that I have not yet acquired, then like we can build something that has never been built before. I think, you know, I wrote this down, which is like, if you're going to put your name on it, make it great or just don't do it.

And I have put my name on this company and I've put my time into it. I've put so much of my life into it, poured my soul into it. It's like, why bother unless it's going to be fucking amazing? It's going to be hard either way. You might as well make it something fucking awesome. So those are my thoughts. Those are my lessons and reflections from the last, I want to say like six months, you could say year, that I've been thinking about that I've been noodling on in my head and

I'm definitely at a different point, I would say, even when I was making content six months ago in that I really have built out a full leadership team. I now have almost a complete executive team and I'm just in a different point in where I'm at as the CEO of the company. And I think just taking more time to reflect on how I do things, on what's important, on what's not.

I hope that you do the same. I hope that you find some practical tips in there for yourself and hope you have a great rest of your day, week, month, walk, workout, cold, fun, sauna, whatever it might be. And I will see you on the next one.