45: Moments faking it till you make it
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have no outline for today. I did not really even know what I was going to talk about, but I do kind of have an idea now. And I don't know, obviously, I don't really want to spend all this time sitting talking about like what it feels like to struggle and what it's like, just like, I don't want to sit here and be sad and talk about what it's like to be sad. So I had the idea to

make this podcast episode about talking about how you fake it till you make it. And it's something that I am doing constantly. And a lot of us are doing constantly without even realizing it, but it's actually very healthy. Sort of, kind of. I don't know. It's a catch-22 because I want to talk about mental health because I know that like so many of us are struggling, but it's also like, I don't necessarily want to talk about it because I'm

What is the point, kind of? Like, if we're all trying to feel better, sometimes talking about being sad and being drained isn't going to help. But obviously, it's also important to me, at least, to remind you that what you're feeling, like, you're not alone. We're all going through it. We are all under the wave sometimes. And I feel like this episode might be a little bit like what last week's episode was about, except last week I...

Honestly was like stressed out to post that episode because of how all over the place my emotions were but I got a ton of DMs and I don't know if all of you guys listened, but it was moments under the wave and in that episode I went from like being so down in the dumps and so miserable and while I was recording and while I was talking to you guys I felt such a shift in my energy and I think that that showed and

Because that's what a lot of people said. They're like, it was so powerful to watch your energy shift just from talking about what you were feeling. And I think that is why it's important to sometimes talk about what it feels like to be freaking down and in a mess and just know that it is okay to be down and a mess and

It's part of the wave and obviously not all my episodes are going to be me being sad or going through it. A lot of them are me being like so extra hype about life and that is the beauty of it. That is, I constantly remind myself that that's why I started this podcast was to take you guys through the waves and take you guys through the motions and be able to be there for each other and just get through this crap and I won't lie to you. Well, first, I guess let me give you my quick little life update. I

Last week recorded, I was home for a couple days, and same thing again this time. I'm recording, and I'm home for a couple days, and then I'm going to Arizona. And you guys know I can't sit still, and it's a blessing, and I'm living my dream, and this is what I literally wanted to do for my whole entire life was be able to travel and work and do everything that I've ever wanted to and go all the places I've ever wanted to. Obviously, with that comes the times of being a little bit burnt out and being a little bit

down so that's kind of where I'm trying to learn to not necessarily feel like that after every trip because after last week I went to California with Lissette for her birthday and honestly at the beginning of the trip I was kind of like upset that I couldn't be home and I couldn't get my life together but then towards the end of that trip I was like oh my god this was so fun and then now I'm home

And we're kind of going through the cycle all over again. And I know a lot of you guys are probably like, well, Lexi, why don't you just not take so many trips? Like, why don't you actually just chill out? It's again, a catch 22 because I want to take all these trips and I want to do all these things. And there's nothing I feel but blessed when it comes to that. But yeah,

It's something that I'm learning to navigate. And obviously, none of our lives are exactly the same. We all have different struggles and different cycles and different motions. But I can promise you that at least 50% of us, 60, honestly, all of us go through some kind of high and low cycle in whatever way that it relates to your life. And we all struggle deep down. It's usually the same thing. It's the same source. It's the same deep-rooted like

subconscious struggle and cycle and you guys get the point obviously our lives aren't all the same but we're all struggling with a lot of similar things and I just want to talk about it like I want to talk about faking it till you make it I woke up this morning long story actually not that long I'm just gonna tell it to you I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning with the worst migraine I've ever had in my whole entire life and I was like are you kidding me also I

Super random. I don't know if anyone has ever had this happen to them. It's a little bit off track, but I was on the plane back home from California and we had a red eye and right when I got on the plane, like right when we took off, I had the most sharp excruciating pain in the left side of my brain. Like I thought I was having some kind of aneurysm or I don't know. I thought I was going to die.

It was like a migraine, but it was only on the left side, and it was like a sharp shooting pain. So I started massaging around my eye, and I hit this one spot in my eye, and I heard a pop in my... I can't even make this crap up, you guys. I heard a pop in my head, and the pain was gone. It was the weirdest thing. So...

I guess that only related because what I was going to say is I was trying to get rid of my migraine by doing that this morning at 5 a.m. It wouldn't go away. And then on top of the migraine, it made me so nauseous. But like I couldn't look at my phone. I couldn't like text anyone because it was 5 a.m. And usually when I'm sick, all I want to do is just tell people that I don't feel good. I don't know why. Like for some reason it makes me feel better.

But I couldn't do that because I couldn't look at my phone. I'm sitting over the toilet thinking I'm going to throw up. Also, fun fact about me, my biggest fear is throwing up. Like I don't get sick. And when I throw up, it is like the end of the world for me. So I was so worried that that was going to happen. And I also don't like to take medicine. I've talked about that before too, but I knew I needed to take something. So I finally got up from the toilet. I go to take to Advil at like 630 in the morning. So now I've been up with this migraine that has not gone away, has not settled for an hour and a half.

Finally fall asleep at like 7.30 and then I slept until noon. And obviously that's what my body needed me to do. I've also been traveling. I'm dealing with the time change. I landed at sunrise yesterday morning. So I've just been going and going. And my body needed me to rest. But when I woke up at noon, obviously I woke up to messages, notifications of things I needed to get done that day. And it's also...

The day after Alyssa had her birthday, so we're going out tonight for her birthday with her friends and obviously being her best friend, I want to make it as awesome as possible. Moral of the story, I woke up very stressed and I woke up very anxious and I had a text from a friend of mine who helps me upload the podcast every week and she was like, I saw your private story yesterday, like are you okay? And I just cried. I woke up at noon crying about how I'm stressed about all the things I need to get done and I know I probably sound like a broken record person

When it comes to all this stuff, at least I feel like I'm a broken record when it comes to this stuff. And that's another thing I'm going to talk about is just like when you are struggling, it's okay to talk about it a lot because sometimes that is what is going to help you get through it. And for me, that's what it is. I need to talk about it because if I don't talk about it, I...

hold in all these emotions like a crazy person and wonder why I get so irritable because that's something that happens to me. And I'm not sure if I touched on this last week. I'm sure I did because again, constant cycle when I'm really, really struggling mentally, I get so, I hold in all the emotions. Like even if I tell certain people that I'm not well, I obviously don't talk about like the deep rooted struggle that I'm feeling. I hold that in.

Then I just get irritable with everyone especially when it comes to work like my mom. This is kind of personal But you know, obviously I keep this podcast pretty personal. I'm gonna talk to you guys about everything I get really really angry with my mom sometimes because she's my best friend She is I could cry thinking about it like I am so lucky to have her as my mother like I am blessed to have the relationship with her that I do and She was the one person

who keeps my head screwed on straight, who makes sure that I am like getting things done and she keeps me accountable and she wants to see me grow and do all of these things and she wants to watch my dreams come true and she's the best thing in my life.

That being said, she is also sometimes like my manager. And because she always wants to see my dreams come true and always wants the best for me, she's always giving me these ideas of, like, you know, what I could be doing, not necessarily what I should be doing. But, yeah, like, what I should be doing to take the next step and to level up and to make my dream life even more of my reality. And...

When I'm already stressed and feel behind in my own life, to hear her give me all these new ideas of what I could and should be doing is very draining. And it always makes me feel like I'm drowning. So I get really, really irritable with her. And not only with her, like if I'm upset with my mom or stressed out with my mom, and this is just like a recent example, like in California with Lissette.

My mom stressed me out, but instead of taking it out on her because I know she just wants to see me do well and thrive, I take it out on Lissette because she's the other person that I'm closest to in my life and the person that I love the most in my life. And then I sit there and have this battle in my mind. I'm like, all of these people just want to see me happy and see me doing my best. Why do I get so stressed?

angry with them. And I've come to understand that it's because I'm angry with myself and I'm just constantly telling myself that I'm not doing enough. And so when anyone else tries to encourage me, I feel like they're emphasizing that I'm not doing enough, but that's just how I'm taking things personally. And I definitely talked about this last week is like not taking anything personally. And yeah, I guess just where I'm trying to go with this is

Is just I guess me trauma dumping on you. I saw a tiktok of this girl who has a podcast on mental health, too She's super cool Uh her her I don't know what her podcast is called and I don't think i've actually listened to it But I follow her on tiktok and she was talking about how she has this podcast and she talks about mental health And it was just kind of this funny thing. She's like being able to You know talk to other girls about mental health and like how to get through it and then she's like but it's also trauma dumping their own mental struggles And that's what i'm doing here. So

I love you guys and thanks for listening to me ramble. But I do think we all can kind of relate to it on some level. And I guess I just wanted to talk to you about how sometimes if you find yourself angry at other people or irritable or just like being mean to people when you don't even want to, just check yourself and ask yourself, am I taking out my own hurt onto the people that I love the most? Because that's something that's super common. And when I was in Hawaii...

I did the same thing, but I also isolated. And right now, since I'm not super, super far away from my family and friends, it's not really isolation. It's more just like taking out this constant anger. And it's not even anger. It's deep rooted sadness and struggle that just comes out as anger. And what I'm trying to say is that if you do that too, you're not alone. But check yourself and ask yourself, like, is this the way that I want to be treating the people that I'm closest to in my life?

lot of times we don't even recognize that we're doing it until it's kind of too late and This isn't to say that I just sit and I'm like some evil terrible person to my friends and family That sounds horrible, but I just get a lot more frustrated easily annoyed easily and then I take it out on them and it's something that I'm working on and it's something that I think all of us need to work on because

We watch it happen in like everyday life. Like, you know, you hear about Karens and you hear about people who are just mean for no reason. I've learned to have some sympathy or empathy. I don't know which one it is for those people because I know that they're probably just struggling with something and obviously it doesn't make it okay for them to treat people horribly, but it's just kind of like, okay, they're probably having a bad day. They are going through some deep rooted crap because happy people don't hurt people that

hurt people aren't happy. Does that, did that make sense? I'm trying to figure out how I want to word that, but if people are struggling, they're usually just not happy. And if people are happy, they're usually not going to be hurting other people. And if they are, I promise you, they've got some deep rooted stuff that they need to work on. All besides the point, I wanted to make this podcast episode about faking it till you make it. And I know that right now, I'm

I sound pretty okay. Like, honestly, I'm not going to lie. I feel pretty okay. And that's because today I decided to fake it till I make it. You guys know, I woke up, I was anxious. I was stressed. I woke up crying and I've been crying a lot more than usual lately. You guys, I told you this last week. I usually cry like once a month when I'm about to get my period. And, uh, last week I was about to get my period this week. I am on my period. So I

I don't know if that's a factor. I'm sure it is. I'm a girl. I have hormones. You don't get to pick and choose when they affect you the way that they do. But that being said, I woke up a mess, a hot freaking mess. And my migraine wasn't completely gone. It's honestly still not, but I feel much better. And I had to sit down and talk to myself, like really talk to myself and be like, you could choose to go out today miserable because I know that that's how you feel.

Or you can choose to go out today and make it your goal and set the intention to feel better and to take it one step at a time and really work on feeling better. And that's what I chose to do. And it's been a game changer. I feel 10 million times better than I felt this morning. And I wanted to kind of take you guys through some of those steps of what I did and how to fake it till you make it because it works. It truly, truly works. Um,

After I woke up, I went, I made my coffee, I sat down. I woke up and realized that I was banned on TikTok, so that didn't feel very good. I swear that someone is just reporting my videos for fun because, and that person is really bitter. If that's someone who's listening to this podcast, please stop doing that. I highly doubt it is. But I posted a slideshow of all my B-reels and someone reported it for nudity. I'm like, nudity? Really? You think I would ever post something nude? Anyways, besides the point, it got me banned for three days.

I don't like being banned, obviously, because I wanted to get on and make a video posting of me talking about mental health and probably being a little bit dramatic and there were tears, so there were going to be tears in the TikTok, but God clearly didn't want me to do that because he didn't want me to sulk in it anymore. He wanted me to level up, take the next step, and make myself feel better because I do have control of that sometimes. You have control of that sometimes too. It is in your power to

whether or not you take the step in the right direction. It's okay to feel. It's okay to hurt. We are all going to feel and hurt. Life is uncontrollable. Things are going to happen that aren't in your control. But what is in your control is what direction you take to feel better. You can sulk in it. You can feel it. But then it's your choice to, yeah, just feel better. Like redirect your thoughts, redirect your mindset, shift the way that things make you feel and fake it till you make it.

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Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. And I'll see you in the next one.

I absolutely love BetterHelp. I love therapy. I have talked about it over and over and over again. And that is for a reason. It is the greatest thing ever. Having an outlet and a person to talk to about what you're going through and getting unbiased opinions and advice is so, so beneficial.

So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just have to fill out a brief questionnaire and you'll get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash moments today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash moments. Here we go. I'm going to start actually saying the list now. I know I've been talking for 15 minutes without giving you my...

My thoughts are my advice, but it's important to just ramble. So this is me rambling to you. And if you're listening to this and you want to talk back to me, obviously I wish I could listen. I can't, but someone's listening to you, whether it's God or the universe, whatever it is that you believe in. For me, it's God sometimes that I feel like I'm talking to when I talk to myself. Someone's listening and someone is going to make sure that you feel better. So you can talk back to me while you listen to this podcast. I don't care. I want to hear it. I wish I could. Anyways,

My list of how I fake it till I make it. I sat down in my kitchen. I sat with myself and did nothing and stared out the window for like five minutes and was like, I am choosing to put myself first, to take the steps in the direction that is going to make me feel better. I'm going to put aside the constant stress that I feel in my mind. And I talked about this so much last week that I'm not going to get into it again this week, but I'll touch on it. I just feel like my mind is constantly battling with itself on like,

everything, you know, time's moving so fast. I'm like, I need to be working. I need to be taking advantage of everything that I can while it's here, while it's hot, while it's in front of me, while I'm young and I'm 21. And then the other side of my mind is while you're young and 21, you should be having fun so that you can, I don't know, have stories to tell your kids and just all that stuff and just take it slow and take it easy. Because one day I'm going to be like

Settle down with a family and kids and I want to just live while I'm young and I'm thinking way too far into the future when I do that Anyways constant battle in my mind I'm sure you guys can catch on to it while I record these episodes because I go so back and forth But it's something that I'm working on so I sat and I told myself you're gonna let go of the battle in your mind You're going to be here and you're gonna be now and you're gonna write down What it is that would make me feel better in this moment. I

So that's what I did. And one thing that has been weighing on my mental health so heavy lately, and I just touched on it, is I feel like I'm constantly in an argument with my mom, even when I'm not. And the reason that I feel that is because I know she listens to this podcast, so I don't want to get too into it. So I don't know. I'm going to anyways.

I always feel like I'm arguing with her because I'm holding on to this constant tension. And it's something we've talked about before. It's trying to keep the relationship between my manager mom and my real mom separate, but it just gets hard to do because again, she wants to see me making my dreams my reality. And I want her to do that, but I also just want her to be my mom sometimes. And it feels like a lot of our conversations are work driven and

And like I said, she's my best friend. So when I'm already stressed about work in my own mind, the last thing I want to talk to her about is work. So I realized that that was the biggest thing that has been draining me lately. And I knew that there's no way for her to understand that if I don't talk to her about it. And I

Me and my mom, it's actually very funny. Like when we have deep conversations, like we can't do them in person. Like we don't talk about deep things in person ever. Like we're just such big texters that we'll just text each other these long paragraphs. So I did. That's what I did today. I had a call with her and the website, this website guy, because I'm trying to redo my website earlier. And then after that call, I was like, okay, my relationship with my mom,

And I want it to stay great. So I need to talk to her about this. And this is just, I'm telling you all these personal details because again, obviously our lives aren't the same. But if you're having a struggle with someone where you feel like there's this constant tension with someone who you're close to in your life, you can't expect them to understand what you don't communicate. And I'm aware of that, but I haven't acted on it.

So I sent her a message. I was like, mom, you are my best friend and I love you. And I'm so grateful that you helped me keep my head on straight. But sometimes I can't talk about work when I'm already feeling like I'm drowning on my own. And I explained to her that when it's like that, it just gives me this feeling that I'm never doing enough for her, even though that's never her intention. That's not at all what, when she gives me ideas and advice, she's not at all telling me that I'm not enough. She's telling me,

That she knows how much potential I have and she again I know I've said it 10 million times wants to see my dreams come true But I had to explain to her that that's not how it reflects in my mind and it's something that i'm working on But I just had to explain to her that when we're constantly talking about work. It constantly Reminds me in my own brain in my own way that I perceive it that i'm not doing enough for her and obviously that's not the case so

When I said that to her, she clarified with me. She's like, dude, I just love you. And I'm so proud of you. And I want to see all of your, everything that you've ever imagined. I want you to see it come true. And she gets it. She knows I'm stressed. She's my mom. She literally birthed me. You know, she knows how I get when I'm overwhelmed. And it was just a conversation that we needed to have. And obviously there's still more of it that I need to have with her.

But I'm going on a trip with her in a couple days. We're going to Arizona, and it's going to be awesome and great, and I'm so excited. And I'm excited to be able to talk to her about this stuff even more. But being able to text her that lifted a weight off my shoulders that I can't even put into words to describe to you guys. But, like, it released a lot of my tears and struggles. It just, like, picked them up and said, okay, you don't need this anymore. You took the step in the right direction. I'm going to take this weight off of you.

And I just wanted to share that story with you because I know that in a lot of cases, we all kind of have struggles in our relationships, whether it's with our friends, our family, our moms, our sisters, our siblings. Like you need to talk to people about what's bothering you. It's so important and it makes a world of a difference. And I'm telling you that from the most personal experience that there is. I...

I just felt it. I just felt the shift in my energy. Go talk to the people that you need to talk to, that you're having issues with, because it will make you feel 10 million times better. And that was the first thing on my list that I wrote down of faking it till I make it. And I faked it and then I made it. Like, I don't really feel like I'm faking it anymore. I can confidently tell you that that made me feel so much better. So that's step one.

Go mend the bridges that you feel like are a little bit broken right now. Take the power into your hands and go communicate with people that you need to communicate with. I know it's easier said than done. I've been avoiding that conversation with my mom for weeks now. And I just, I'm so glad that I did it. And I think that we could all benefit from communicating what we're feeling and how we're feeling to the people that are kind of the root of it, if that makes any sense at all.

I just heard a weird loud bang. I don't know where it came from. I'm not sure if you guys heard that. Anyways, back to my list of faking it till I make it. The next thing that I wrote down was that I just needed to... This is going to sound silly, and I know that this isn't really going to relate on too many levels, but obviously you guys know at this point I work on social media. I run the podcast Instagram. I run my Instagram. I run the podcast TikTok. I run my TikTok. I have my little spam account. I have just tons of different...

that I feel like I am, not feel like, I am in charge of running. So I felt super behind on posting on there and I've just kind of been avoiding posting because I haven't like had everything perfected to post the way that I want to. And I know that sounds so freaking silly, trust me. But when it is my job and it is my passion, obviously I don't need to justify how important it is to me.

to do it right. But I've been avoiding. So I sat down and I posted on my Instagram story. I was just like, Hey guys, here's my little mental health check-in. Like, how are you feeling? Because this is how I'm feeling. Um, and I like to do those because again, it just reminds people that they're not alone in what they're struggling with. And mental health is just such a

fun thing to talk about fun is totally the wrong word to use but I just know that I feel so encouraged when I'm scrolling through Instagram and I see someone actually talk about what they're struggling with because it reminds me that it's okay to be not okay um so I guess I don't really know how to explain this piece of faking it till you make it but just like

Knock out the thing that you've been avoiding. Stop waiting for everything to be perfect to just go for it and just do it because the time is perfect now. And to get a little bit off the train tracks, to redirect for a second, I've also been working on the merch drop number two because I've told you guys 10 million times, I don't want moments to just be a podcast and I don't want the merch to just be merch. I want the two to combine into this little community that we have. So each drop that I'm going to do

It's going to have like a word theme. And for the second drop, I want the word theme to be passion. So all the quotes and phrases that I'm going to use on like the pieces of clothing or whatever it is that I decide to create, I'm going to have them all relate to passion and just create

Taking the first step towards your dreams and understanding that it doesn't really matter how young you are or how old you are. You can always accomplish your dreams and you can always make them your reality. And it all starts in your head and it all starts with you because it does. It all starts with you. You are in control of your mindset.

And that is one thing that's never going to change. You know, I say often like you can't control when you're under the wave and you can't because life happens, but you can control how you react to it. And I don't know. I just have this huge long list of quotes and like pieces of advice that I've learned from other people in my notes and it just gets longer and longer. So I just try to share those things with you in like different words and in different phrases because I've said this before too. It takes...

Different people understand things at different rates and like sometimes different phrases work better for some people than they do for other people. So I try to give you a little bit of all of it, which is why I'm so repetitive in everything that I say.

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Also off track, I have been working so much on taking this podcast to the next level in the way of just like getting it out to more people and taking it just a level up. I want to have more guests on the podcast and I want to talk to more people about mental health and share more like life advice with you guys, I guess. I just get so... I hold myself back so much out of like fear and anxiety of talking to people and like feeling...

Like I have to carry a conversation with someone about these things because it's very hard to do. And it's something that I'm battling with myself so hard because I know that I have the potential and I know that I know how to talk to people. And there are so many people that I think that all of us could benefit from having a conversation with. And those are the people that I'm trying to get to come on the podcast and talk to. And everyone wants to. Everyone I've asked to come on wants to come on the podcast. I just can't.

Don't let it happen because I hold myself back because I wait for things to be perfect. And this is just me telling you, don't wait for things to be perfect. If you feel like you've been mentally struggling because you haven't taken the first step and you don't know how, just take the first step. Like dip your toes in the water. You know how people say like if the water's really cold, once you get past your stomach, like it's not cold anymore and you adjust to the temperature or like when you just jump into a freezing cold body of water, like it's not that bad.

That's all you have to do is just trust that once you start, it's going to get better. It's going to get easier, but you have to start. You have to just take the first step. And that's what I'm asking you to do because I believe in you. Everyone in your life believes in you. You're the one who's not believing in yourself. And that is a direct at for me to myself.

I told you guys this before, but when I do this podcast, usually a lot of the things I'm sharing with you are all the same things that I need to hear. Because again, we are all in this together. We are all young and dumb and learning and trying to figure life out. And life right now is a really hard thing to figure out. I mean...

like when you think about it in a real world perspective like life is hard to figure out at this day and age because There's like so much technology. There's so much like struggles in the economy. Everything's expensive Everyone's trying to figure out what they want to do what their passion is Not sure really where I'm going with this or what I'm even saying but life is hard. It's hard to navigate We're navigating it together and I'm telling you that the one thing that always works for me is taking the first step I could not have accomplished

anything that I've done without taking the first step. So trust me on that one. Like that is one thing. That is one thing I want you to write down. I want you to like write it on your forehead. Just take the first step. Okay. That's how we're faking it till we make it. Um, another thing, another reason, I guess, I think I've been struggling a lot with my mental health and I'm sure maybe multiple of us are having the same struggle ever since I got stitches in my hand and stabbed my hand while I was cutting an avocado. Um,

I haven't worked out once. Like I have not gone to the gym. I have not gone for a walk. I have not gone to hot yoga in almost two full months. And I think that it has been affecting my mental health so, so, so much. And every single day I just avoid it because I'm like, well, it's not a priority. I have so much work to get done. However,

I don't get my work done when I'm struggling so much mentally because, well, I'm struggling so much mentally. I lack motivation. I lack everything. And I think that I just need to go outside and take a breath of fresh air and go break a sweat and start taking care of myself again. Because when I take care of myself, it gives me a lot of motivation and encouragement to take care of everything else that I have going on in my life. So this is kind of just a piece of advice for me and for you.

Go work out, not necessarily do this crazy workout or workout to like look a certain way, but go do a workout to break a sweat and release toxins and just release some endorphins into your mind and body because it's so important. And I never realized how much it weighed on me until I really thought about it and sat down and was like, well, what have I not been doing? Like what has changed in my life that has made me feel this way lately?

And I was like, well, I haven't broken a sweat in two months and I've kind of been feeling crappy for two months. Maybe that has something to do with it. You know, maybe it does. And I don't know. I just think that we could all benefit from that. That's another thing that's on my list of faking it till I make it. And sorry, I'm a little bit spacey right now too, because I don't have an outline. Like I didn't write anything down for this episode. I was like, I'm just going to get on there and I'm just going to talk and we're just going to rant and we're just going to ramble. So that is exactly what I'm doing. But

Back to the note of the podcast and taking it to the next level. I do have plans of recording with some people that you guys have been dying for me to record with. Like I am planning to fly back to Oahu in November to record with Miss Ava and Miss Hannah. And I have so much to talk about with them, especially Hannah, like Hannah and I.

live together basically for like a year. So obviously living with someone comes ups and downs and then you take into effect like all of social media kind of watching both of your every moves and like making assumptions and starting rumors that like you guys aren't friends and stuff like that. Like, first of all, I can promise you Hannah and I have never not been friends. We've always been super close and we've always kind of had like

these mental health struggles and cycles. And it's interesting. We kind of work on an opposite schedule. So when it comes to, you know, struggling and thriving, like we're on opposite schedules. So it'll be very cool to talk with her about all of that. And with Ava, she's got such an awesome podcast too. And I just want to like, I know that you guys want to hear from these people too. And I just think that it can really help us understand a little bit more point of view than just me rambling to you guys, which obviously I love to do. And that is the number one

I'm a little bit of a

started following her maybe like a year ago and I've loved watching her journey and I can't wait to have her on and Spencer Barbosa she's in I'm just kind of like getting you guys pumped I guess giving you guys a little sneak peeks of who we're going to be talking to but yeah that's all coming for the moments podcast merch shop too is coming for the moments podcast I have all these passion projects that are brewing and they're happening and they're happening slowly because you guys know how I work and I

This is really what I wanted to talk about. I am currently looking for someone to become a part of the Moments team because like I've kind of been talking about, I do feel like I'm drowning a little bit and just a little bit drained. So I want to have someone come on this team to help keep the vision alive and keep the passion alive and make the dream come true who can just help me run things like the social media a little bit.

Help me design graphics who can capture the vision the same way that I do. I just have such a hard time. And I don't know if I've ever talked about this on here before. I'm sure that I have because I tell you guys everything. I have such a hard time delegating different tasks and having people help me do all this because since it is like a creative thing, I want it to be created the way that I envision it. But obviously I can't do it all. I'm one person and I'm

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it sounds really silly to say that I'm drowning when I really am so blessed. But again, I don't need to justify anything or validate anything. Everyone's feelings are valid and every struggle is a struggle because it affects us all the same, no matter how big or how small. But yes, I

I'm starting to get so sidetracked. I don't even know how I've been talking for 35 minutes. I hope I got something good across to you guys. I don't know. But I want someone to join the team, so I'm going to post an application on my Instagram story, and I'll highlight it because I'm going to post it tomorrow. But by the time this comes out, it will have already been posted. See, these are the things I don't even need to get into, but I get into anyways.

It'll be on my Instagram story highlights if you didn't see it originally. I'm going to put it on application. I'm looking for someone who has like a creative design background or like a social media background. If you're interested in social media marketing or design, like I want to make it like a real position. And obviously it's paid and you can use it on a resume and happy to write you letters of rec if you want to take this to your next job.

Again, getting way too far into it. If it's something you're interested in, go fill out that application. I just want someone who I can build a super close relationship with and who can help me create this vision and make it a reality and help me run the Moments Podcast socials. That's basically what the job title is. And just someone new. I'm excited to read everyone's applications and I don't know. Moving on, back to mental health. Back to being under the wave and struggling.

I also feel like my wave right now, it's like it's super choppy. That's the way that I would put it. Like I'm riding the wave and then the wave just kind of ends and then I'm under the wave. And then, oh, boom, she's riding the wave again. And I mean this like by the hour. Like I said, I woke up so miserable. And now I feel pretty great and I feel pretty good about where I'm at and how I'm slowly going to get myself back.

caught up and I think that the only way that I was able to do that was by taking the power into my own hands and letting go of relying on outside factors to make me feel better. I get to choose what I feel like or at least how I react to how I feel and that is what I want you to take away from this episode. I hope that I was able to help you understand that it's okay to feel

But it's also in your control to feel better. And I do think this was a lot like last week's episode, but in kind of a different way. I don't know. I blacked out last week when I recorded. I have no idea what I talked about. I was a hot mess. But this time I'm slightly less a hot mess because I did take things into my own hands. And I made my list of what's going to make me feel better and how can I do this for myself. And obviously all of the little things are going to make a huge difference. Make sure that you're making time to

to do what you love and you're taking time to take care of yourself and you're taking time to drink your water and you're getting enough sleep and you're listening to your body when you need to listen to it and just faking it till you make it understand

That you have to just be patient and you have to understand that when you're hurting, you're in a period of growth. And soon enough, you'll be able to look back on this moment and be like, I am so glad that I went through that because if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't feel this good right now.

You're learning something when you're hurting. You are always gaining knowledge and wisdom when you go through these moments of struggle. And I can promise you that. And I know that from personal experience. And it just comes down to being able to remind yourself that when you are going through it. You're not going to be able to avoid that.

What life has to offer life's going to hand you a lot of shit, but it comes down to making lemonade out of your lemons. How can you grow from this? What can you learn from this? How can you appreciate this and be grateful for this? And I know it's cliche and you hear it all the time, but you're in charge of your mindset. Choose to take what you're going through and make it something that's going to grow you.

Trust me. And I think that that's all I got for this week. Next week, I don't know what we're going to talk about. I don't know if we're going to have a guest. We will see. And I actually might record with my mom. I think I should do that, especially after everything I just talked to you guys about. We could all benefit from building a better relationship with our parents.

So that's what I'll do. I'll have Miss Jamie on and we'll chat and we'll talk. And I'm excited to talk to you guys next Monday, but I love you and I'm grateful for you. And I couldn't do any of this without you. Like seriously, you guys get me through my worst days and I hope that I can just be a little bit, a small part in doing the same for you. You're my best friends. I love you. Thank you. I'll talk to you soon.