Good day, good people. Welcome back to another episode of Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman Podcast. I am Lauren and I so love this episode. So I am talking to Dr. Tamara Dias about caretaking. Now, if you are taking care of a parent, if you're taking care of kids, whoever you may be taking care of,
it can take a mental and physical toll on you. I've been there, so speaking from experience, but Tamara shares about what life looks like now as a caretaker, building a routine that incorporates rest, getting out of fight or flight mode, the administrative side of caretaking, how she's basically like a project manager for her loved one, writing a book in the midst of it, which is wild,
feeling the need to postpone joy, getting out of survival mode, the importance of therapy. We go into so many things in this episode, even letting go of control when there is no playbook. Y'all, when you're in situations where you're taking care of other people, whether it's any form of loved one, parent, neighbor, kids, you don't know what's coming next, right?
And so when there is no playbook, what do you do? Especially as someone who loves a system. And don't forget, stay till the end of the episode because at the end, we always reframe the living beliefs that we have to fit more within our desired reality. So stay tuned so you can shift your mindset. So let's get into it. This is Tamara and let's go back in time a bit. This is how she approached life before becoming a caretaker.
If I think about my life beforehand, it was very kind of me focused. And I don't mean that in a selfish way, but I was very much like, okay, what do I have planned for the day? What are my goals for the next five to 10 years? Like very much building routines and structures around my life, what's going to set me up for success, thinking about future plans and that kind of thing. It was also very...
busy. I'm always someone that like has 10,000 things going on. And so was doing a lot, moving a lot in multiple places in the same day, having to go around. And then I would also say that it was very much kind of, I don't know if the word
There's probably a word for this. My vocabulary is just not there yet to think of it. I was definitely a little less kind of empathetic than I am now. Very much like was able to identify with people's experiences and was always like a giver, showed up for people, but was kind of also like, okay, you know, it's out of my control. Like,
There's nothing I can do. Like, I'm going to help where I can and, you know, hope that things work out. Like was very much living in a in a way that was like, OK, I want to be thoughtful, but also it's like their situation. So I don't know what I can do. Like, I don't I'm going to do what I can. So, yes, very much driven, focused, determined, doing all of the things, navigating life, trying to show up in all the places at the same time. Yeah. What year ish was that?
Let's say before. My entire life, maybe. I would say the last year was 2022. Got it. Okay, got it. It's so funny because that was mine too. Mine was 20, well, mine was like 2021, but in early 2022. And I would say the same thing for me because I was, I was so focused on like achieving and
Yeah. And when you say you were me focused, I a thousand percent resonate with that. It was like exactly like you said, where do I want to go? What is next in my life? Let's plan. Let's go. Yeah. This is what we're going to do. And you know what? That felt real good, too, though.
Yeah, I felt real good. I really, really did. But then you put in a post, you said, shout out to all of the millennials parenting their parents right now. The roles have reversed and we are struggling. We love them, but it's rough one day at a time, y'all. And so it made me wonder, like, what is your daily life looking like now or weekly life? I don't know how often it occurs for you, but.
Um, I would say as of now, now that I'm like two plus years in, I am just now starting to figure out like, okay, what can a routine look like for me? Because I feel like for so long, everything was just so reactive. Yeah. I lived in such a like,
oh, I have to show up and do this and oh, I'm needed here. And this is, so I feel like now, I actually worked with a coach last year around like rest because I am one of those people that have been programmed as like rest is a vacation. And so if I don't take a vacation, I'm working and I'm doing, so it's like twice a year I'll rest. And then other than that, I'm going to do. And in working with her, one of the things that we actually talked about was like, what does it look like to build a routine in your life?
that naturally incorporates rest. And so for me, I finally feel like I'm starting to at least be more reflective and have those conversations now of like, okay, it's been two plus years. What does a routine of some, some kind look like understanding that you still may have to be flexible. Um, but I'll say in the two years leading up until this point, um, it has just been a whole lot of like waking up every day, not knowing what to expect. Um, and,
Always being in fight or flight mode, like all the time, just kind of like wondering, like if my phone is ringing, like what's going to happen? Am I needed? And then I would say in the parenting our parents aspect, the huge shift from being me focused to now, I don't think that there is a day that goes by where I don't wake up and think about
my parent, like, okay, what is he, even if we're not talking or we're not together, I, it is in my head and is on my mind. And I always, you know, know my parent friends, you know, they talk about like, when you have a kid, your whole life changed, like your whole life becomes about this,
tiny human and you plan life with them in mind. And now, you know, I have always had to be very thoughtful about like, if I'm going out of town, am I making sure that things are covered? If I'm trying to plan a trip, do I have stuff in order for him? If he needs something, is there somebody else in contact that can be there and show up? So it is one of those things where now I don't really plan a life without thinking about him and making sure he has what he needs.
needs um and that's really like my day-to-day basis of of how I navigate things is yes I think about me and my own family but then it's like also yeah you have a dad that's like he might need something and he also may not need anything right I'm always anticipating like oh my gosh do I have all the things um
So, yeah, really just in a even if it's I tell a lot of people, even if it's not like a physical act of me doing something mentally, my brain is always going 24 seven. Man, the mental is so real. Are you able to share and you don't have to because I'm not sure what the situation is, what you have to do to take care of your father and like what is happening with your father? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
So my dad in 2023 suffered from two strokes. Got it. That we know of. They say there may have been more, but they know for sure that it was two. And so went into the hospital. He drove himself, checked himself in.
And went in because he thought he had a headache. And when they admitted him, they were like, absolutely not. It's not a headache. You've had multiple strokes. Like you are not going anywhere. And immediately checked him in. We got the emergency call. And basically he ended up being in the hospital for like six and a half weeks. He had emergency surgery on his skull.
And then went into critical care, intensive care, and stayed in intensive care for weeks. And it was at that point that we realized he had to learn how to talk again, walk again, feed himself, do all of the day-to-day functions. But at the same time, during that period, I was also not aware that over the course of years, the home where he lived had essentially become inhabitable. And so...
I found that out while he was in the ICU. I went to go pick up clothes for him because they were like, oh, you know, when he goes to therapy, he'll need clothes. And when I went to the home is what I was like. And so the doctors are looking at me like, so, you know, when he leaves therapy, the plan is that he's going to go home. We'll send in-home folks there. And I was like, he doesn't have a home. Like, and immediately was thrusted into like, this is not just a health thing. This is now like a life thing. And so immediately I was dealing with like,
bills that had to be paid that hadn't been paid that I didn't know existed. The mortgage, do we sell the house? How do we get him what he needs? But also like he's very much facing like a health crisis at this time. And so it's like, I have to make all these decisions about therapy and services and sign off on this. And can we give him this Medicaid? And I'm doing all of this at the same time. And so since then, obviously grateful that he,
Now, at this point, he can pretty much walk with a walker. He can talk. He talks a lot. Very clearly. And yeah, so from that person that was like in a bed and couldn't form full sentences to now forms full paragraphs that sometimes I don't want to hear because you shouldn't say those things. Yeah. Yeah.
Yes. So now we he's been in several in and out of several kind of like nursing facilities just because one of the kind of like long lasting impacts of his stroke is that prior to him getting sick.
he had started losing his vision due to diabetes and the stroke where it happened in the brain made it worse in his other eye where he was not having any kind of impact. And so the doctors have actually said like, had he not been losing his vision, he probably would be able to be fully independent for the most part, but because of the vision loss, he's able to, it impacts his balance. So he pretty much needs to be,
around someone just in the event that he falls or, and you know, like to be able to, he can see some things like on a phone and things like that. But as far as like food and medication needs assistance. So he is in a group home facility right now. And for me, the bulk of what I am doing for him is like supplementing anything that he needs while he's there. My dad is a little bit more,
Potentially. Maybe not even though. Because I feel like my friends would say. Like my parents would also demand the same thing. So he might not be spoiled. But he's very much like. They cook this food. I'm not eating it. I don't want this. Bring me something else. Yes. For my grandma it was Chick-fil-A. From here. I would like this meal. Like.
It's that it's he's probably the one of the few people that gets like Instacart deliveries because I'm he's like, can I get watermelon and cantaloupe and berries? And so I want what he wants.
I'm making grocery orders. Or like he's very much, you know, he wants his own stuff. So he's like, I don't want to ask them to bring me anything. I want my own water. So he has a fridge in his room and he's like, can you deliver it? Have my water? Like I would like my own water and my own drinks and my own. So like daddy, we got to teach you how to use this Instacart on your own phone. My guy like so that and then of course, like on the logistical side, I'm still very much managing everything.
his care team. So he still sees a neurologist periodically post-stroke. He has a cardiologist because after his strokes, while he was in one of the nursing facilities, we found out that there were times where like his heart would stop beating. So he ended up getting a pacemaker.
So now he has a cardiologist. He has an ophthalmologist for his vision. He has a regular primary care physician. He has a separate cardiologist that he sees not for the pacemaker, but just for his heart in general. So I'm literally managing his online portal has like six or seven doctors that I...
kind of managing and of course managing appointments for all year long. I handle all of his like Medicaid, Medicare. So like helping him navigate that. Which is a whole thing in itself because that system is trifling. Yes. So like navigating that, helping him
in these doctor's appointments when they're asking questions about medication, I'm kind of like the middle person between everybody at the home where he is making sure like they know changes and things like that. So yes, really I'm like
a project manager. Yeah, you are a project manager of his life. Yes. Specifically medical life, a thing that you knew nothing about. Yes. No training, no nothing. That's how this is. You just get kind of thrown into it and then you got to figure out, okay, where do I get a bed that like you can click the buttons and it just lifts the back by itself? Or like, how do, honestly, how do you catch the pee? Like, there's a lot of
things so many things that you learn along the way and you learn about a lot of gadgets which is really interesting um are you the only child that was one thing i was wondering through this so i very much function like an only child i have a uh half brother who's really not in the picture okay um i think he calls my dad like once every six months okay that's about it but as far as like helping and assisting it's just me and then um how old is your dad
He is 65. Got it. Okay. Got it, got it, got it. Yeah. So that's a lot, Tamra. That's a whole lot. It is. It sounds very, very exhausting. Sounds like a whole thing to have to learn that you've never done before. So one, I just want to say kudos to you. So-
Hard stop right there real quick because that takes a lot. And I don't know if you kind of have like any more of a village, but if you don't and it really is on you, bruh.
That is just shout out to you. Shout out to the work that you've been doing on behalf of your father, who I do not know. Thank you, girl. Thank you. Because I know the parents don't be, they don't be able to say that all the time, depending on the generation. You know, yeah. You know? And even when they do, it's like, oh my gosh, okay. I appreciate the thank you, but like, can you also just listen? Yeah.
Yes, yes. Because they grown, you know, and they're like, why is this child? Because they often still see you as a child telling me what to do. Yeah. So for me and my situation in 2021 slash early 2022, initially I was
I was living in DC area in Alexandria. And then I was thinking to myself, I heard this thing on a podcast and it was like, measure the amount of time that you have with your family in Christmases. Like how many Christmases you might have left with them. And then I was like, dag,
I might really got one Christmas left with my grandpa. I was like, all right, I got to move back home. That and student loans. I was like, okay, I'm gonna go back home. So I just moved back home. Turned out that was true that I would have like one more Christmas. But because I moved back home, I had...
Over 100 more days, you know? So I was so happy that I personally made that decision. But I didn't know that his decline was going to happen so, so, so, so fast. He was 90. Wow. Yes. And my grandma, same. She was 92. Wow.
And he had this thing where if he sat up, he would pass out. So, but it like happened slowly or like he couldn't get up. So it was brushing teeth. It was feeding. It was...
scratching his butt like yeah yeah because they can't they can't reach it yeah yeah making sure they're comfortable trying to find some fun so like dancing with him all sorts of stuff and then it leads to moment where you're
in like hospital calls all the time at night. For some reason, nighttime was always the time when the hospital ambulance would need to be called. Racing there to their house. I lived maybe five minutes down the street from them. So it was always real easy to get over there pretty quick, but was over there probably almost every day. But the good thing with us was there was me, my mom, my uncle and my other aunt.
So we were able to kind of take shifts in different ways. So that's why I say if it's really just you, bruh, like, cause I know just on a shift basis, like that was exhausting. Um,
But then leading up to point where you all end up like in room trying to figure out, you know, the life and death decisions type of stuff. So it was definitely a time. But then one thing that resonated with me when you were talking was how you are literally planning your day around what they might need too. And so I remember I was helping a friend with like a, like an art show type of deal. And she asked me to go pick up some chips and,
But in my mind, I'm like, am I able to go do that right now? Because what if somebody calls me and they need me to go do something? And then that turned out to be true because I went to pick up the chips and then somebody called me. It was my grandma. And she was like, Lauren, can you talk to him? Because he had dementia too. And so he would think that he was in other places and all of that kind of stuff. And I was basically the one who was able to calm him. I was like his calm place. Yeah.
And so she's like, can you calm him down? He's in here yelling. And he was just like yelling. And he was like, Mook, she got me in the back of this trunk. Like, why is there so much dirt in the back of this trunk? And I'm like, it's okay, grandpa, you're not in the trunk. But she was trying to feed him. And so he was like spitting out. In his mind, it was dirt, but it was food. Yeah. So just like complicated things. And then, so he passed in 2022. Yeah.
late 2022, September. And then 2023 came around and my grandma was fine. I just knew my grandma was living to 100. I just knew it. But she, for some reason, like her hip got messed up. And so she ended up getting a hip replacement and
So that had her in the hospital for, you know, a bit. So I was in there with her helping her like get up and move around. Sleeping in the hospital with her and all that kind of stuff. Because we would not leave her alone. Like my grandpa couldn't read. And then she just, she could read and write and take care of herself. But not to the extent of medical attention. Yeah. So we stayed with her.
for a bit in the hospital at that time. My uncle, he is schizophrenic and a bunch of other stuff, a bunch of other stuff. Sweetest boy, sweetest dude, sweetest dude, but wild one.
He ended up having to be in the hospital too. So we're all just like trying to navigating so many things, so many situations all at once. And that was also, there was still a little bit of COVID stuff happening at that time too. So I had to be with my uncle in, um, the rehab facility after his stuff and they couldn't technically come because somebody at the other hospital had technically gotten COVID. Um,
Then my grandma ends up falling. She ends up in the hospital again. So then that's more, we had like a full spreadsheet of who takes shifts for what. And so I would often take like 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. And then would have to wake up and get on my 9.30 a.m. call for work and then like attempt to do work through the day. So it was a wild time. But when I'm thinking about work, I'm thinking about the fact that you wrote a whole book, bruh. How? Yeah.
How did you manage to do that? Because I know the exhaustion involved in caretaking. So how did you manage your day-to-day life while also taking care of a whole other human?
So I think, you know, I am fortunate that he does have support where he lives. Good. Yeah. If they can be like if they do a really good job of like if we don't need you, like we will not call you. It's usually him being like, I don't care what they say. Like, come over here and talk.
So that is it's managing that part of like, okay, dad. He sounds like a character. Oh, easy. My goodness. A television show would be so entertaining. But actually writing the book. So I have been seeing the same therapist now for over a year. And so at this point now, she's very well versed in my life.
And my challenges. She knows everybody in my family. She knows about all the conversations and the insomnia and, like, everything. She knows all of it. And so probably towards the end of last year, maybe, like, last quarter of last year, you know, she kind of sat me down and was like, all right, Tamra, so at this point, like, your dad...
is you know he hasn't been like diagnosed with anything terminal like there's no kind of like planning for the end of his life like as far as you know the doctors have said like if he continues on this way like we're gonna do everything we can to give him as much as we can like a normal quality of life and she was like we have to get you out of this mode of operating yeah like
I just have to pause everything and I'm not going to live and I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to sit here and wait until the next thing happens. Because for me, I very much lived in like this. I'm too afraid to dream and to do things because something's going to happen again. That's going to throw my plan off. And so she made me for homework. She was like, I want you to go like sit down about things and write down some things that you want for yourself.
Genuinely, like that you haven't done yet that gets you excited that maybe you push to the back burner. And it took me a while to do it because I remember like one of my one of the last year I made a vision board was the year he got sick and went to a vision board party, had all these things on the vision board. And it was so hard looking at it.
realizing like dang nothing on that board happened like that year I was just trying to stay alive and so I just was like I'm not gonna set goals anymore like oh I was in the opposite extreme of where I was like I went from okay I gotta go for everything like I'm waking up today what are my goals for the day to like I just want to get out of bed
Man, bro, but sometimes that's how life be. There's seasons for things. And like sometimes there is a season where you just got to be like, all right, this is what it is. And then the next season can come. You can be like, all right, goal time again. Yeah. So like giving your grace during that period. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So while I was editing, this part really stood out to me. And it's because I feel like sometimes we don't go into our next season. We might stay stuck in a previous season. And so I just wanted to jump in the middle of this to say, be mindful of what season you're in right now. Because where you are now, your mindset needs to shift to today's circumstances.
Don't get stuck in what was and what happened back then. Like truly analyze what is happening today and make a shift to accommodate where you are now in this very season. For me, if you've listened to this podcast for a long time, you know that I name all the chapters of my life. And so maybe that could be helpful for you in this moment. Like where were you then? Name it, give it a title.
Where are you now? Name it, give it a title. And it can be something super simple. I'd name them like two words, whether it's leveling up or receiving or rest. Like what season are you in now? I just want you to be mindful. Don't get stuck. You may have progressed. You may feel like you've gone backwards. Your path is not linear. Never will be because that is life.
But just take a moment to think about where you are now. And are you living in alignment with now or in alignment with the past? That's all. Let's get back to the episode. I had always wanted to write a book and had been honored and privileged to do a chapter in a book before. I had co-authored in a multi-author publication and for years had like
said I'm gonna write a book one day and people had said like Tamara when are you gonna write this book like we want to hear what you have to say um and just kept putting it off but all on my laptop on my phone had notes everywhere had rough drafts that I had started and stopped just all these files and would start it get a chapter done and then be like I can't do it anymore I'm
So just had all these pieces of a book that had not come together. And finally was like, I think it's time for me to put these pieces together and do something with this. And I was like, I think this is going to be hard, like sitting down, compiling everything, reviewing everything, working with an editor. But what if I'm able to actually like in tandem with going through this really hard thing, do something that is really meaningful and,
for me and it's something that I want to do and so that was really kind of my first oh that's interesting first moment of like stop waiting for everything to like fall into place like things are still very messy and things are still very hard but you can still do this thing that means a lot to you um because for me again I was a very big fan of like postponing joy until I
Things got better. Like I will have the fun once everything gets worked out. Medicaid falls into place. We find the perfect place. He's happy. He's eating everything. He's like he's doing what he wants. The doctor stopped calling. Like once all of that happens, then I will hit my I'll work on a goal. I'll dream. And my therapist was like, Tamara, that moment may not come in that way.
It may never look like that. What I want you to do is still figure out, even with all of this happening, you still deserve to do the things that you want to do that are meaningful to you. And so that is how I did it.
And just became very like focused on. I did not do it alone. So, of course, I worked with a coach who was an expert at doing this. So that was my first like big investment was like I'm going to work with somebody that literally helps people take all of the things that they have done and finally like bring it to fruition, which accelerated things because I worked with someone who helped me navigate step by step.
I didn't have to do any of it alone. And so I had her, I was in a community of other writers who were also like at different points. Some of them were still at the outline stage. Some of them were at publishing already. So that helped. And yeah, I mean, that's how I did it. I held myself accountable for it. And I realized like, this is something you're doing for you. Like this is your thing. You get to do this and you get to create it.
and put something beautiful out into the world. And most importantly, you get to do it while things are not perfect. They're not how you envisioned.
And maybe that's like part of the process is learning, like even with things not looking the way you want them to look, you still get to do really great things at the same time. Man, that's huge. Cause that's hard to like, Oh, it is. Focus on in the midst of the struggle. When you in the midst of the struggle, you think you just can't do nothing but be in the midst of the struggle, but you got another option. Yeah.
And a lot of people I know I showed didn't didn't think about that because time management can be pretty hard. So I love that you had a coach who helped you through. So it's almost like as you're
you know, focusing on supporting this other person, having someone else who's there to focus on supporting you is really helpful in that situation. For me, I know I like, I was doing my podcast for a long time and then I just stopped when I started the caretaker stuff. Like, sorry, listeners, I had to take care of my old people. They're my favorite people, you know? And just balancing all that was just so hard. And I ended up in a intense burnout,
intense burnout after both of them passed because I just kept on trying to help them but there was really nobody helping me so yes I really love that you said get like a coach have your therapist whatever you need having somebody to support you I think that's so good
Yeah, I mean, and burnout for sure. I lived in burnout. I think about that for you. Like, I be thinking about that when it comes to you. I want to just make sure you're also, you know, taking care of yourself. So I love that you were talking about the rest part. Yeah, no, I and the one thing that I am reminding myself of is that.
Life is just not linear. Right. It's not. It's just it's so all over the place. And unexpected. You can't you don't really know what's coming next all the time. You don't. And I think one of the things that my therapist was so really focused on was getting me out of this like survival mode. Yeah. Yeah.
And to be honest, I feel like people probably get annoyed because therapy is one of the first things I recommend to people. Whenever they're like, oh, I'm stressed, I'll be like, do you have a therapist? Because I just honestly do. I mean, other than God, the way I have sat on that couch sometimes and just let it all go, I don't know how I would have been able to navigate that.
this without her, especially having someone who is licensed and able to get me out of my head and bring me into reality sometimes to talk me through, to help, to give space for like validating my feelings, but also like problem solving of like, well, what do you want? And so she has been really instrumental in like, okay,
Let's let's try to do like little little baby steps around. Like, let's get you out of survival mode. Like you've done the right things. Like you're building the systems. And no, like you have to because in my head, I'm very much a type A. You know, you tell me to do something. I'm going to do it probably better than you ask. I'm going to check the box and then we move next. Like we follow a process. We follow a system. That's how life works. And this has been nothing like that.
We follow a process. We follow a system. No. So I have been very much like, I'll go and sit in therapy and be like, all right, so I built the system and it's not working. Can you fix my dad so the system works? And she's like, no. And you can't fix him either. So like, now let's talk through like how we live life. Knowing like we can build the perfect system, but like we're dealing with imperfect people. Yeah.
And yes, Tamara. And so I'm sitting there and I'm like, okay, well, maybe I built the system wrong. Like, help me work through like, and she's like, no, the system's not wrong, sweetie. It's like, it's life.
And that's okay. Like, you don't, it's not you. Like, you're not crazy. You're not stupid. Because again, I'm a competency-based person. So I'm like, let me read the book. What course do I need to take? You know, who do I need to like bring in as a consultant? And the hardest part was realizing like, you are just dealing with a very hard thing that there is no playbook for. And even if you had a playbook, it still would not succeed.
save you from the unexpected happening. So what we need to do is figure out how to build a life where you are still living life in a way where you have moments of joy, you're doing things that you enjoy, you're resting, but you're also still helping your father and you're having to show up in a different way. And so I'm still learning that on a daily basis, but I am now coming back to that space of, yes, I have to live. Like,
And I have to figure out a way to do that. And you doing it now, girl. You know. And you doing it now, girl. You wrote that book. You launched that book. You did that thing, girl. I did. Yes. In the midst of everything, it came out. It published. And it's in the world. I'm happy for you. Thank you. Can I share something that came up while you were saying the systems part? Yeah. Yeah.
A perfect system designed for an imperfect reality is actually an imperfect system. Yeah. So you've been trying to design these perfect systems. Yeah. For this imperfect reality. So that means your system is broken anyway. You got to make room for an imperfect system for an imperfect reality. Yeah.
yeah and be I with that yeah but um so at the end of each episode we always reframe the living belief to fit within our desired reality and I think what's coming up for limiting belief for me and you could tell me if you want to do something else is that something like it has something to do with like you can't focus on you or you can't is something in that direction absolutely you can't focus on you you can't
You can't create a life that you love while going through challenging situations. The idea that I keep telling people so much of this experience has taught me the both and of life. You can be, I can be in the hospital with my dad crying, upset, and then also feeling
doing the speaking and planning for a speaking engagement that's like one of the most exciting things I've ever done an opportunity that I love and realizing that both of those things can be happening at the same exact time in my life that's really beautiful yeah I think that's also why I like imperfectly phenomenal yeah because you think like then you everything that you just said is very imperfectly phenomenal
You know, like it is like you're having this struggling time. You don't exactly know what you're doing. But in the face of that, you're also still being able to go to the speaking engagement, being able to do that's all the phenomenal part. But the phenomenal part is also the fact that you're taking care of him in this imperfect world, in this imperfect system, embracing it all, crying, struggling. And then and then and then still going and doing the thing. Yeah. So dope.
Thanks. You're welcome, girl. So you can still do all the things, listener. Just keep in mind the both and. Yeah. Dope. You got any last thoughts you want to share before we wrap? If not, that's okay, too. Do I have last thoughts? No, I think we hit on a lot. I just want... You talked a lot about your village and the people you had around you. And...
In this moment, there's definitely times where like a hard part of this is wishing that other people would kind of show up in a way that you want them to. Other family members, like I wish there would be other family members that would check on him the way that I do or that show up for him or that just call and say like, hey, Tamara, take the month off. Like we're actually going to take the lead on this and like.
handle this um and i do like and when i say that i specifically think about like his side of the family so they typically will just like check in for updates like hey he's straight and i'm like i wish you would ask him um or like talk to him um and that's also hard too for him realizing like he wished people would show up for him in a way that he had hoped and they don't
But I think what has been key has been finding the people that do. And I think a lot of times we live in a world that's like, I'm not going to show up for people that don't show up for me. And I get it. But I think in that we lose sight of the people who are showing up for us. So I've really tried to be intentional about like, yes, there's cousins and folks that I'm like, oh, my gosh, I wish...
you would just make yourself uncomfortable for a little bit and like help. But then I'm also like, there are people that are family to me. And then some who are not, who are friends who were like, Hey, I'm willing to step up. I'm willing to do this. So like, let's not focus on the people that aren't who,
who is around me that is willing to do it. And I've been really fortunate to have so many people to step up in that way around me. And then also like, again, I have a therapist, I have a psychiatrist, like just people that I'm also bringing in. Again, I worked with a coach last year around rest because as a business owner and an author doing all the things, I was like, I still want to figure out how to do this. Did you feel that as a business owner and an
- I felt that, I did. - So like, don't be afraid to bring people in, whether that is like hiring, outsourcing, and then also tapping into your friends, extended family, other family members that may be willing to step in and do the work. Because again, in these moments, and it's not just for caretaking, it's through any difficult time, it can be so hard because your brain is going so fast and you're showing up so much.
And you're thinking, this is what I need. This is what I want. And when it doesn't come in this way, it's not going to work. But then there are also these moments of, okay, this is not working, but wait, there is this little like corner over here that I think might lead me to something. And then that can bring in a lot of possibilities. So,
I always say make the ask, ask for what you need and allow yourself to be surprised at the people who are willing to show up and support you in your challenging moments, whether that is caretaking, caregiving, whether it's your own health challenges, whether it's going back to school, whether it's having a kid, navigating a divorce, like whatever it is, be open to like the people that are truly willing to come with you and be a part of that season of your life.
Amen. I support that. I endorse this message.
And everybody, give yourself grace during this season of your life too. If you happen to be in it, like you got to give yourself so much grace. You are trying your best. You do not know what you're doing. You are making an effort. You probably are running on a lack of sleep, but you still here. You are still being so, so helpful. So, so helpful. Beyond helpful. This is one of the like most meaningful things that you could probably ever do in your life for real.
Like you use that word meaningful a few times. This is one of the most meaningful things, supporting somebody in their time of need and like kind of sacrificing your own needs in the meantime, bruh. This is a meaningful task that you are doing. So thank you on behalf of the people you are taking care of. Shout out to all.
All of you. Thank you. And shout out to you for being there for your lovely grandparents. Oh, my old people. I just love them. Nobody on earth like them. They're special humans. Those are my people, man. Those are my people. So, I mean, and that's you. You want to take care of them, you know? Yeah. Like, I would want nothing more than to make sure I am there for my grandma and lose my lack of sleep and have to stop my podcast. It is what it is. She first. Yeah.
So, yeah. Well, if people wanted to connect with you, where can they find you? Yes, I am on Instagram. That's probably the fastest way, the easiest way at Dr. Tamara W. Dias. Also on threads, which is directly linked to that. So you can follow me on both of those spaces. Yeah.
Feel free. I'm kind of friendly. Just introverted. Just introverted. Friendly, but introverted. Kind of friendly, just introverted. You know where you can find me? I am at lauren.e.will on Insta. You can find that IP with my podcast on Insta too. Feel free to shoot me a DM. I love chatting with y'all. Connect with Tamra too. And we will chat with y'all next week. Farewell.