Letting Go: You Can(‘t) Let Go of One Dream and Embrace the Next
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Good day, good people. I appreciate you for tuning in to another episode of Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman. I'm Lauren, and in each episode, I talk to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. And so this week, the limiting belief is that you can't let go. Holding on to things that are no longer for you is holding you back. But specifically in this episode, we talk about letting go of one dream so that you can embrace the next.

following the path towards your dreams, conversations with your inner child, the space between knowing and readiness, slowly transitioning between one dream to the next, and the beauty of releasing the gifts that are burning inside of you. So initially I was doing episodes weekly. I've done that for the last three years-ish for the most part, missing some here and there. But right now I am trying to focus on another show that I'm creating. It's called New Growth.

It's a limited series where I'm actually on video. I realized I was hiding behind the podcast and felt safe in audio world. But because I want to shift my focus to that a bit, I'm releasing these episodes more as what I'm calling sweet treats. Like they will come out when they come out and you can indulge in those moments.

But I have to be mindful of my personal energy and where I know that I'm supposed to go. But Sweet Treats works for me right now. And if you need some more to listen to, you got 150 episodes, sis. Go ahead, listen to those. And thank you for the grace that you are giving me as I create this next thing that's in my spirit. So here we go. And I have another lovely guest with me this week. It is Lauren Lograso. Awesome. Awesome.

Or just Lo Grasso. Either one. Whatever tickles your fancy. But Lauren, before we jump into the actual topic, I always like guests introduce themselves by sharing what brings them joy as a way for people to get to know their spirit. So what's been bringing you joy lately? Well, number one would be your authentic pronunciation of my name. That was just...

That brought me so much joy. I wish y'all could have seen it because the fingers, y'all missed the fingers. She really brought the true Italian Sicilian flair to it. And I'm grateful for that. That brought me a lot of joy. Other than that, I think it's been enjoying my personal life for the first 31 years of my life.

not the whole time, but it definitely my adulthood. I was so focused on my career. Yeah. And during the pandemic, I really realized my personal dreams aren't just going to fall into my lap if I don't prioritize them. And so that's when I started really prioritizing looking for love, prioritizing my friendships, prioritizing just the little things that bring joy like

you know, making up a weird little song or doing yoga. And so I would say my personal life and spending time with my boyfriend and my family and friends has been bringing me so much joy lately. I love that. Cause I feel like I often have prioritized career, but I want to shift. I think I want to shift my priorities a bit more than I have, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's ongoing when you're career driven, it's very difficult to shut that part of yourself off because it's

even when you're in moments of rest you'll be like I should be doing more I should be working I should right yeah but then creativity too I feel like and I've been thinking about this a lot I feel like as a creative it just never it's something that never turns off and so I kind of get stuck in that and I choose it all the time almost over everything else I can't help myself yeah

But creative can be play too, you know? It can be work driven where you're actually trying to create some sort of product or art. Or it can also just be you make up a little song because that's what feels good to you. You do something playful because that's what feels good. So there's a way to channel your creativity toward joy and your personal life as well as your business. It's everywhere. It's every part of every life. Yeah.

Well, I love that you're focusing on your personal now. So good for you. Glad that's bringing you joy. Glad you enjoyed my little grasso. Loved it. But we can get into the actual topic. So each week I talk to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. And usually what I do is I will send a list of topic options and let guests choose their different topic. But usually

your lovely fellow Lauren and Holly sent me a lovely list of things that we could use. Um, so this week we're going to do the limiting belief that you can't let go of one dream and embrace the next.

And I think that's such a it's such a good one. I feel like it's very timely in my life right now and in a lot of people's lives. So like, where did the passion for that one come from for you? How'd you get into talking about letting up one dream go and embracing the next? Well, just life, you know, it, it came up because this happened to me. And so something I thank you for having interest in this, first of all, because it's one of my favorite topics, something that I

I always say is the dreams you find on the way to your dreams can sometimes be even more powerful than your original intention. Often they are. Yes. And I found that out because when I moved to Los Angeles 11 and a half years ago,

All I wanted to do was act. Lauren, I wanted it more than anything. I wanted it to the point where it was almost like an abusive relationship where I felt like if I got it, I was a good person. Like if everything was okay with acting, I was good. And if I didn't, I was bad. And it was unhealthy to say the least. Um, and so, um,

I started writing music as a result of my heartbreak over acting and music healed my heart. It was this new fresh thing that I could do that I didn't have any attachment to. And then I found podcasting and radio as a result of my music. So I would be driving to these gigs that I was doing in LA and I was super homesick and depressed at the time. And I would listen to the radio and there was this

guy on Sirius XM who is from the same town as me. So I pretend like I was just driving down the freeways in Detroit. And so it was if I had just succeeded with acting right right away.

then I never would have written a song. I never would have hosted a show. I never would have produced a show. I never would have done so many things. I never probably would have become a business person because I would have just let people like hand me scripts and do that, which is great. But the dreams I found on the way to my dreams were so powerful. But the letting go, that's the hard part because there's this inner child within all of us. I mean, for me, the dream of being an actress was ignited when I was probably four and did my first musical.

So I had to gently talk to my inner child and say, I know you wanted this so much and I know you feel disappointed, but there's this other big dream for us that we can go toward now. And it was years of having those kind of conversations and telling myself I was okay.

And that if I ever did want to come back to acting, I had to come back to it from a place that was healthy, not from this place that was so needy and based in this fear of not getting it. So that's a long answer. But that's how I how I came to this idea that sometimes we have to let go of a dream so that we can dream even bigger. Yeah.

Okay. So many things, so many things there. So I want to share kind of my, my journey too. And I almost want you to repeat the very first line that you said, if you can remember exactly how you said it, cause it was literally like perfect and so true. Um, the dreams you find on the way to your dreams can sometimes be dot, dot, dot.

Yes, so I believe that sometimes the dreams that we find on the way to our dreams are even more powerful than our original intention So for me with podcasting started this podcast because of a breakup one and I get very productive after breakups Shout out to them because you know, we get to a good place after those I couldn't see myself as being a host initially I had all these limiting beliefs for myself personally, like I wouldn't be good enough or

No one would want to hear me speak, like all of these different limiting beliefs that were holding me back. And so I told my friend, I was like, you're going to be the host. You're going to be the host of this random podcast that we're going to make as a result of my breakup. I will do the producing in the background, but you, you are the big personality. You will be in the forefront. Do your thing, girl. So we started with that. And then after another breakup, I was crying to that same friend and she was like, Lauren, you're an imperfectly phenomenal woman, blah,

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, that's my podcast. Like literally it was just crying, completely stopped crying. It was like, that's, that's the thing. But then as I've journeyed through this podcast space, it's like you really do stumble upon all these other things that you're interested in. And now I'm at this point where I want to create another show. I realized I was hiding behind podcasting and didn't want to put my face out there because, you know, audio world just felt safe.

So now I'm in this space where I wanna create another show.

But that's, again, something I never thought that I would be able to do. Nothing I've ever dreamed of before. And so initially I was like, OK, maybe I am Red Table Talk Jada Pickett Smith or something like that. But then I was like, am I Issa Rae? I think I might be like an Issa Rae. We will see where this path goes. You could be both. I could be everyone. Isn't that the hybrid we've all been waiting for? That'd be cool, right? Yeah.

Yeah. And you're going to do it the way you do it because nobody else can do it the way you can do it. Yeah. And it's interesting because when I asked my friend to start doing the hosting for the podcast, I kept saying like, you're going to be Bopra because her name is Breezy. So I just put the V in front. But then I've realized that I think I want to be Lopra and I was just projecting onto her.

you know so i don't know the path is so interesting you just stumble upon things that you never would guess of yeah and i mean i was even thinking you know regardless what you've built here is the foundation for what you'll do next so you're not letting go of it like i i went to this church once and i don't know how much i agree with from this church but the the pastor said this one thing that i thought was beautiful because i've dealt with unrequited love in the past

He said, "No love is ever lost. It is remembered in the heart of God. It is written down in the heart of God." So the fact that you gave someone, or even in my case with acting, I look at that kind of unrequited love. I gave acting all this love. I poured into it. But the idea that that love didn't just go away, that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, that it's somewhere and it's going to boomerang back to me in a different form.

It's beautiful. And I think that that's true with whatever you'll do next. If this show is done whenever you say it's done or if it continues on, it's still the foundation and still the love that allowed you to take that next step into the even bigger vision for your life. Yeah, I think that's really beautiful because with letting go, it feels so final, you know, and that can be scary. But I like that you're saying it can still it still really does live on.

Yeah. Well, first of all, podcasts live on forever. Literally, they don't go anywhere. Nothing you could do. Even if you took it down, there's probably the audio that exists somewhere. And that's like the beauty and the scary part of podcasting. But no, like it's a time capsule. That's why I do recommend to everybody, like if someone's listening right now and they're like, should I start a podcast? There's so many podcasts. Start one because it's like an audio diary. You're never going to regret being able to look back at this specific time and be like, what was I

thinking at that time and then you can just listen to it i mean you can literally tell your grandchildren like go back and listen to this episode this is what i was doing when i was you know 27 you know i think it's such a beautiful thing to have also another thing i wanted to talk about was i recently saw someone talk about how life is based on destruction like in order for a seed to sprout it has to break open

That's what it feels like too. Yeah. And it's not pretty, but then once it blossoms, it is. But you need that destruction in order to create. Look at the Big Bang, the way the universe was created. It wasn't just like,

"Oh, I think we're gonna have some planets and some..." The universe literally burst open so that it could exist. And we're made of that same stardust. So why would we think we wouldn't have to burst open in order to create something new? - Starting with a seed, I love that, and planting those seeds. You had mentioned speaking to your inner child. And I've been having some conversations with mine too. I call her Lil Me, that's her name. But what conversations were you having with her?

I think she was throwing a lot of temper tantrums. She's like, what about us? Why? Why? Why can't you do this for us? Just do it. You can do it. Don't give up. And I had to explain to her that it wasn't giving up. It was self care. Yeah, I had to do this so that I could be okay. Because to this day, breaking up with acting is like the most pain. I was in a relationship for seven years. Breaking up with acting was more painful than that breakup. Wow.

Because it meant so much to me and so I had to talk her down and make her realize I'm not giving up I'm choosing a different dream and I'm choosing to not engage with this thing that does not feel healthy to me anymore and where I feel like I'm just bashing my head against the wall and so we can still perform in different ways like we can sing we can do podcast interviews we can do red carpet interviews we can

maybe someday get back to acting, but I have to do it from a place that's healthy. So it's like the inner child has so much wisdom, but it also isn't experienced. So that's when I think you have to balance what the inner child wants with the wise adult and say, okay, little one, I've got this, get behind me. I'm going to take care of this and keep us safe and keep us healthy because you don't have the full perspective, but I do.

That's huge. I don't know if you listen to Almost 30 podcast. I don't. I've heard a couple episodes, but it's been a minute. Yeah. They just did a recent episode. They're like my podcast mentors. But they just did a recent episode about parts and like the different parts that we have inside of us and having conversations with those parts. And a lot of the time.

the inner child or the ones that are trying to protect us, I think that's a good way to phrase it too, the ones that are trying to protect us, we often try to dismiss them and keep moving forward rather than having a conversation with them. So I love hearing that you were having the conversation with them. During a conversation with my inner child a couple weeks ago, I realized there's just another part of me that I'm calling essence.

And yeah, and so she's like my truest essence of self. So her name is going to be Essence now. And so I kind of got them into this room together. And Essence is like the wise one. She has a different voice than me too, which was interesting to notice. Is it like deeper? What is it like? It's so, oh, it's so comforting. I think that's the word. It is deeper. She just sounds so sure. Yeah. Yeah, she sounds so sure herself, but...

she was like holding little me's hand and was like, you're safe girl. Like you're safe. But having those conversations, you mentioned she's not as wise little me or your inner child, like huge. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's been a big wake up call for me because when I first started my podcast Unleash Your Inner Creative, I was all about like, we have to honor the inner child. And yes, I believe in that. I do believe in that. We have to honor their wants and desires and when they want to come out and play and

But also we have to realize when our point of view is outdated because of something that the inner child is holding on to that the wise adult knows better on, but is trying to like protect or placate them. Because I think the same way when we're kids and our parents are going through something and we know something is wrong, but we're trying to like either understand it or fix it in our own way, which I think I did a lot as a kid. Your inner child deep down knows everything.

Yeah.

I think it can be really beautiful and healing and allow you to move on. Because sometimes we feel stuck, I think, because we're attached to those old ideas. And so how have you known when it's time to transition into the next thing, into your next dream?

So with acting, I actually have a really distinct moment when I remember this. I was living with someone. They had just moved out. It wasn't a boyfriend. It was just a roommate. But the room was vacant for the time. And I remember calling my parents and I had a full mental breakdown. I was like scream crying, not at them. They were just like... Yeah. I know what you mean. They allowed me to have this little moment. And...

I just kept saying, I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. It's breaking my heart. It's breaking my heart. And it was really after I hung up that phone call and kind of collected myself because I have to have like real big emotional kind of over the top emotional releases in order sometimes to know how I feel and to let it go.

And it was after that phone call when I hung up that I kind of felt not a peace. I didn't feel peace, but I felt a knowing that if I don't put this to the side and focus on my music and podcasting at the time radio career, I'm not going to be okay. Yeah.

And so it was just a knowing. And I would say here's an interesting thing. A lot of times people are like, if you're asking the questions, you already know. And yes, I agree with that. But I also think that sometimes we may know something, but we're still not ready to take that leap. And if I could give myself one piece of advice for all those times I've beat myself up in between my knowing and my readiness, I would just say,

Give yourself grace. Yes. When you know you will not be able to unsee it and you will not be able to do anything else but take the next step toward the thing you're supposed to do. Whether that's leaving a relationship, whether that's leaving one dream to go toward the next, moving, whatever it is, whatever this massive life shift you're trying to make is,

Once you know you can't unknow and if you have any question mark I don't think you should waste a lot of time beating yourself up that you don't know because when you know There's nothing you can do but move truly know and when you know what to do. Yeah, that almost made me cry. Oh It's so true. I mean, I'll tell you so I was in that relationship my relationship before the one now for almost seven years six six and three quarters Yeah, and I spent

five of it questioning it. And I beat myself up for being like, well, why don't you just do something? I would choose to be with him or go like, and I was, I was still with him the whole time, but I was questioning it the whole time. And as soon as we broke up, it was like, I couldn't unsee it. I knew I did everything I possibly could. I had to leave that relationship.

And as soon as we broke up, my first thought was, oh, my God, like, I wish I could give myself back those years I spent beating myself up not knowing because it didn't make me any happier. It didn't make me make the decision any quicker. It just made me feel bad about myself. And two years after I broke up with that man, I met the person I'm with now who's the love of my life. And so I

If I hadn't done that, I might never have met Tim if I had left the relationship sooner before I was ready to leave it. Yeah. So I don't know. I think society has these like really binding ideas about I think you even said in like the things we were going to talk about today because we did a little like pregame document about what we may chat up. And I think you even said in there like, oh, I should be married by this time. There's so many rules that we put on ourselves. Yeah.

But like start trusting your own inner knowing. No one knows better about your life than you do. Grace. Yes. Yes. That's such a good filler between those two spots of knowing and readiness. Grace is such a good filler. It's so necessary. Yeah. We just like beat ourselves up for not moving. Right. Yeah.

but maybe you're not ready. You're not ready. Just because you know something, like, you know, you know someday when you're in middle school, you're going to graduate high school someday. It doesn't mean you can do it that day. But why do we put these pressures on ourselves when we know something for our lives, but we're not ready to make the move yet? And you know when you're not ready sometimes, you know? And specifically in this idea of the show that I'm making too, it's like, I can see the steps in front of me

And I know still what I need to do next. And sometimes people suggest going all the way over there. And I'm like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to go all the way over there yet. So trusting that. But kudos on you for knowing that. But it's listening, you know, listening to yourself and getting quiet. Yeah. Breathing too. Oh my gosh. Why is breathing so important?

So hard and so simple. Why? And like the best hack I've learned in the past year. Do you know Thich Nhat Hanh? No. The monk. Okay. So I just learned about him in the past year. He unfortunately passed away. But he's this really wise or he was this really wise monk and philosopher. And somebody asked him a question. He goes, the question was, how can we love ourselves? And he said, breathe deeply.

And remember you have a body. And I was like, what? Yeah. Yes. Guess what? It works. I've lived most of my life as a floating head. Yes. And just this past year, I've been trying to remember I have a body. It can be really painful at times because I think so many of us have dissociated from our bodies, especially women, people of color. Like there's so much trauma involved with the body. But.

Remembering you have a body, breathing and pulling the breath down from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet and through into the earth. I would say if I could leave anyone with anything, whenever you're starting to get into one of those moments where you're spinning and feeling like you're not enough, if you can just do that even three times, it changes your life. Beautiful. Sometimes I imagine myself sitting on a spinning earth. Yeah. Yeah.

It's kind of trippy because we're going really fast. I know. But it really does ground me and help me remember like I am a teeny tiny part of this really, really, really big thing. One, stuff is just not that serious, you know? It's just not that serious. So we should just have a good time. Just do things and have a good time. It's very simple. We overcomplicate things. It's not necessary.

Why do you think we do? - I think because of potentially the way our brains are set up. Just thoughts in general. I think they say you have like 60,000 thoughts a day and the same ones are,

The I think it's I can't remember what percentage, but some crazy huge percentage is the same negative thought over and over and over again. And so we've been conditioned with the social expectations and trying to live up to the expectations of your family, friends, society, the limiting beliefs that we have within ourselves. Like we have all these negative thoughts and no one ever tells us to just be or to just be ourselves.

comfortable with who you are to get to know yourself. Like we never get the good messages, you know? Yeah. Until now. Right. The consciousness of the world has changed so much even in the past three years. It's just so much more holistic than it was growing up for sure. But when your messages are to live up to all this unrealistic stuff and your brain is set up with like these neural pathways of negativity because we keep ruminating on the same things over and over again, we just overcomplicate shit. Yeah.

Enough said. Enough said. So I like to jump in the middle of episodes to share some thoughts that came up while editing. And this conversation about readiness, bruh. I was thinking like in between your knowing and your readiness, we said give yourself grace.

which is so, so, so, so, so important. And simultaneously, I'm wondering like, what does it take to get to ready? And I was thinking that it takes time and growth. I think it takes those two things, time plus growth equals ready. But then it's like, how do you do the growth part? And I think it might just be experience.

Whether it's experience, like just general life experience, because sometimes we don't seek therapy or seek out that course or, you know, try to get advice on exactly what to do to get to that next point of being ready, whether it's launching your business or following your dream or relationships or work. Like we might not actively seek it, but we still might have an experience that leads us to ready. Yeah.

And so in a way, we have control over being ready. Because say for example, if you're an athlete, if you keep working out and keep trying to get that jump, you'll build that muscle over time and then you'll get to ready. So in some scenarios, in some cases, we have control, but then there's also the element of time, which we don't have control over in the same way. So patience is important. Grace is important.

And we live in this world of external factors and experiences too.

And that for sure we cannot control the things outside of us. We can only control ourselves. And so as much as you might try to get to ready, sometimes the external factors aren't ready for you. So grace, my friend, grace is the name of the game. We talk about that a lot in this episode. We talk about that a lot in a lot of episodes, actually. Wishing you the best as you grow. Wishing you patience. Wishing you peace between your knowing and your readiness.

And let's get back into the episode. Let's talk about the ego. Because I feel like we can go there now after that part. How has the ego played a role in like your thought process of letting go in general? Yeah.

I think it's something I have to fight on a daily because that I think the ego is probably in charge of my shame talk, which my recurrent shame talk is you're not doing enough. You need to do more. You're not far ahead enough. Like, go, go, go. What's wrong with you? It's like you're doing so much. Yeah. Actually, I'm probably doing, to your point, too much. I'm doing the most sometimes. And I got to I think I got to reel it in and simplify. Simplify. Yeah.

So I'll tell you one thing that has helped, whether it's with this letting the one dream go so you can embrace another or just in general with the shame talk I deal with and how that can derail me. My therapist gave me this great tactic. And again, talking to something or to someone. She told me, I was telling her my recurrent shame talk, and she said, what if you ask that voice what it wants?

What does that voice want? What does it want for you? So the next time it came up, I got quiet and I felt into the voice and I asked it what it wanted. And it said, I don't want you to give up. You know, and that made me start crying because obviously I don't want to give up. I want to keep going toward my dreams. But then I had to talk back to it and said, thank you so much. I don't want to give up either. I want to keep going always toward my heart.

but that kind of tactic doesn't really work for me it just makes me feel bad about myself and it actually kind of makes me want to give up so could we try something encouraging like i know you can do it i believe in you keep going this is disappointment it's not failure you can do this lauren and the voice still comes up and still will you know berate me but when it does i try to breathe

chat with it a bit and redirect it. Or sometimes I will literally say, stop. Mm-hmm. Sat down. Yeah. I don't want you to give up. I wonder where she gets that from. Because I wonder if she's trying to live up to the expectations of other people or maybe it just really is really pure. I just wonder where she gets that message from.

I think it's both. Yeah. I think that there's a big part of that voice that wants me to keep up with the Joneses, that wants me to be impressive, quote unquote, to society. And I think there's also a more pure part that is concerned with the same way the inner child was a me being.

taking up as much space as I want to and going toward my dreams. I think that there's both, just like both of those parts are in me. There is a part of me that wants the external recognition, but there's a deeper part of me. It sounds like essence is like your higher self. Oh, yeah, definitely. The higher self version of me knows that I will never be satisfied by external validation. She knows all. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But there's still a part of me that wants that. And that's what I've struggled with in the past year. And I'd say I'm way further along on becoming internally motivated versus externally motivated. I did realize in the past year who you are is the best thing about you. But I still have big dreams and big goals. So reconciling the fact that I love myself for who I am, whether or not I ever do another thing in society, and the fact that I have big dreams is something I consistently...

work on making them both exist in one world. And it's difficult. - It is difficult. It is difficult. We are made up of so many little characters. It's wild. - It's a full theater in here. Oh God, they are all coming to the table read. - It is crazy. It is crazy. Have you ever seen, what is that movie with the little people in your head? "Inside Out." It's that one. - Yes. - So you remember how they have the big islands that are like your core memories?

I don't remember that because it was so long ago. That's okay. That sounds familiar. It was a major movie in my life, which is why I remember. But basically, just imagine floating in the sky. There are five islands or whatever, and they make up who you are. And they call those your core memories. And there was a part where the island started to destruct everything.

and fall to pieces. It was very jarring for the little girl when that happened. But I guess in a way, when you're letting go of one of your dreams, it almost feels like one of those core islands is self-destructing. And that's just extremely stressful. So how did you end up managing this shift?

I guess between when you were doing your acting and you were letting that go and you had that full breakdown, what did that transition into the next thing look like for you? And how did you feel into that transition? It was slow. It was years long. Yeah. And I didn't declare like, I will no longer be acting. Everybody take note.

I just started doing more of the other things. Yeah.

and do more things at the time I was working at Sirius XM. So when radio, so I was producing radio, I was hosting radio, I was doing after buzz TV. So I started making those things more at the forefront of my life, not submitting myself for all these auditions. If they came in, I would still do them, but I just started prioritizing other things. And, um,

It wasn't until I had, and it's still a pain point for me, by the way. It's not like, oh, I'm just like over it. I still feel sad about that. I might always feel sad about that, but I don't feel destroyed by it the way I did when I was pursuing it. So I would say if you are realizing that a dream is either no longer healthy for you or just no longer your dream anymore,

You can do it slowly. You can do it quietly. You don't have to tell anyone. You can just start prioritizing other things and seeing how that feels and stepping into that and claiming those things as what you do now. And I think the other thing that I wish I had had this knowledge at that time that I have now is realizing that you are not what you do. That we think that these things are our identity, but they're not. You may be creative. You may be...

musical you may be somebody who loves storytelling those are parts of who you are but you are not an actor or a host like that's not you when you introduce yourself it's so interesting that we always go toward what we do instead of who we are so I think

If I had to distill what I just said, my pieces of advice would be slowly start to let go. You don't have to tell anyone unless you want to. Start prioritizing the other things that feel pure and interesting to you. And remind yourself daily, hourly, by the minute that you are not what you do. You are who you are and who you are is the best thing about you. Yeah. That slowness sounds like grace to me. And that quietness sounds like grace to me.

And it sounds like not forcing it, which also equates to grace for me in this moment. So I think it all goes back to grace again. Yeah, I think that that's so much more of life.

than we would like it to be. - Right. - Or that we give it credit for being. I think so much of living well is giving yourself and others grace. - And you said more of what we would like it to be. I think it's also more of what we allow it to be.

We don't allow ourselves to give ourselves grace. We always opt in to the beat up or to the negative self-talk. But opting into the grace, opting into the grace is a beautiful thing. Check for grace. Yes. Yes. I do want to be on the grace email list. Thank you so much. There we go. One of those morning email lists. Yes. Opting in. One last question before we get into the reframe.

So you had shared about one of your experiences where you found two guitar picks in your home. And I think the guitar picks weren't even really yours. They came out of nowhere. You just discovered them. And you kind of felt that that was a message to start playing music again. And you were saying that music poured out of you. But specifically, you had said, I was able to release this gift that was burning inside of me.

And so I was curious, like what did you learn about yourself from releasing the gifts that were within you? - Ooh, first of all, kudos to you, Lauren, on doing such incredible research 'cause that's not easy information to find. So I just wanna give you a snap as a fellow host. That was damn good research. - Thank you. - Yeah, so this situation was wild. To backtrack a little bit, I had been trying to play guitar for three years at this point.

And I kept having the idea. I brought this guitar around with me to every place I lived within those three years, but I just kept it in my closet. And I kept having this thought in the months leading up to finding these picks. You're supposed to play guitar, play guitar. You're supposed to play guitar. But I was like, oh, that's cool. Not going to do it. But kept the guitar there. And then one morning I woke up. Don't know where these things came from, but there were two picks on the ground next to my bed, just laying there waiting for me.

And I was like, oh, that's cool. Wasn't scared by it, but just thought that's weird and cool and interesting. Still did nothing about it.

Just noticed him and kept walking. Got a snack. Just noticed him, kept walking, got a snack, moved on with my life. But then about a month later, I used one of those picks. And suddenly, for the first time ever, I was able to play a chord without muting the strings, which means instead of the strings all sounding like they're not playing out, the strings were playing out and you could hear the chords. And so then I could start playing songs. I played Eleanor Rigby. It's only two chords, that whole song. And I thought to myself, okay, well...

If the Beatles, who are one of the greatest bands of all time, could make a song with two chords, maybe I could too. Yes. And then I started falling asleep writing music. So it was like I was playing guitar and I had never written before. I was just playing other people's songs. But then in that state between when you're awake and asleep, songs started coming through me. Yes. And so then I'm like, OK, I get it.

And I started putting the guitar and the music and lyrics together. And so that was like about a year long process of learning guitar, hearing those songs coming to me and then putting it finally together. What I learned is we have so many gifts in us that we don't even know. So that I didn't write my first full song till I was 23. And I know now that I'm 34, that's not that old. But at the time, it was wild to me that

From the time I was an infant, I had this ability and I just didn't know I had it because nobody told me I could. I had to learn that for myself. I didn't know any songwriters growing up. I didn't know people who wrote music. It almost sounded like a myth to me. Of course, I knew these songs got written, but I couldn't imagine how it actually worked.

And so what that taught me is we have so many gifts burning inside of us that we don't know. And if we can just somehow release the dam that's holding them down, if we can open up and allow them to come out, we will be amazed by what we can create. We can do things that we thought that was like a special gift only for other people. I don't think anybody...

can't make music. I believe everybody has the ability to write music. I believe everybody has the ability to be whatever form of creativity they desire. It's just about releasing the dam, releasing the limiting beliefs of, oh, that could never be me and saying, what if it was? And seeing what comes out. How did the dam feel? Was it intense at any point? Because releasing a dam is intense. Yeah. You know,

I didn't know it was there, but here's what it felt like. It felt like sometimes it was getting like pushed to the side, you know, like sometimes the beavers decided they didn't want to be working and it just like, there was a crack in the dam because sometimes I would make songs. I mean, not sometimes from the time I was little to the time I was 23, I was constantly writing little funny songs or, you know, making up. I remember I would like

on my blackberry at the time record songs as i was driving from michigan state back to detroit and i i was singing and writing songs but i didn't think i was writing songs i know that sounds very odd and it doesn't make a lot of sense but i just didn't think of myself as a songwriter so i thought i was just doing something yeah and so it felt like i was finding these little pieces but then burying them under my bed and honestly it felt cluttered and and i'll tell you

The first time I really realized I was a songwriter was the second time I ever got high.

I smoked way too much pot because I didn't know what I was doing. And I sang every thought I had for two hours straight. Wow. And I kept saying, this is the real me. This is the real me. Fast forward to a year after that, I wrote my first song. I was like, oh, that's what I was talking about. Clearly you need a song called This Is The Real Me. Did you not do that? No, I didn't. That's obviously a thing. I didn't. I got to try that. You've inspired me today. But yeah, it felt like...

I think there's like these little glimmers you see of who you are or who you'll be or what your creative path could be. And you're like, oh, that's weird. And then you just push them back down. So it feels like literal light, like golden energy coming out of your body and then swallowing it back in. That's what the dam felt like. And releasing the dam felt like all this golden light. Ooh.

coming out and me embracing it and letting it surround me. I love the golden light dam. It's a beautiful dam. I love it. Shout out to those beavers. They did that. Shout out to the internal beavers. Yes. I love that one. I love that it felt like golden light pouring out. That was such a good explanation, I feel like.

And then you try to just suck it back within you. That was such a good question though, Lauren, because no one's ever asked me that. And I've never had to think about it before, but don't, have you ever had something like that where even maybe this podcast, like,

There were these glimmers where it was like, and then you kept being like, no, no, not me. Not me. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's why I feel like the golden dam example is actually perfect. It's perfect because that is exactly how it feels. It's like, you know, that this special thing is within you.

And you keep trying to suppress it, but it tries to fight its way out. It tries to come out and then we keep suppressing it. But then when you finally let it out, it feels so freeing and it feels like you. Yes. And it feels exactly how life is supposed to feel. And...

That process, it kind of like the golden dam breaks and then you explore the golden dam. But like as you go down that river, you come upon another golden dam. Which are the dreams you find on the way to your dream. Exactly, exactly. And then that one's even bigger and it breaks. And so I'm so excited as I keep going down this river. I'm like, where the fuck are we going? I have no clue, but it's so good. Yeah.

It's such a cool journey, but it's like you don't know where the path is leading. You don't know where your river is leading. But if you keep following it, you're going the right way. That's all I know. Yeah. It's so much trust. Well, so at the end of each episode, we always reframe the limiting belief to fit more within our desired reality.

And so an example of a reframe, I always give the same one. It was my first episode. If I were to say, if I'm not married by 30, then I'm a failure. I'd reframe that to say the societal timeline isn't even real. I don't have to get married. I can start a partnership at a time that's right for me. So for you, in this case of living belief being you can't let go of one dream and embrace the next, how would you reframe that to fit more within our desired reality?

That's a beautiful question. First of all, it brought tears to my eyes. That letting go of this dream is only going to allow you to dream bigger. And that if you stay stuck in this reality of this thing that doesn't feel true to you anymore, or is even hurting you, then you're holding yourself back from whatever you're

your version of writing music is, whatever your version of creating a podcast is, whatever your version of creating a business is, you're holding yourself back from all these other dreams that are even more powerful. So in letting go, it's actually someone who came on my podcast recently, Ozan Varel said, letting go is an act of love. Reframe letting go of your dream as an act of love and that your old dream is the foundation that you build your new dream upon. Hmm.

That's beautiful. I peeped him say that too. I was about to put a question in here about that. So I'm glad you picked it back up there. Oh, yeah, that that really blew me away. Letting go is an act of love. Mm hmm. So good. And so if you wanted to connect with you, where could they find you? I'm on all social media at Lauren LaGrasso. My podcast is at Unleash Your Inner Creative. You can get it anywhere good podcasts are found.

And I have music out too. I have five or no, six singles out and I'm putting more out this summer. So you can find that on Spotify, Apple music, anywhere you listen to music, just type in Lauren LaGrasso. And thank you, Lauren, so much for having me on. You're such a deep and soulful person. You're so present. And I just want to say one thing. I know you said that essence is this essence.

powerful, higher self version of you. But when I came on to the Zoom with you, that's who I saw. I saw this woman. I'm like, oh my gosh, she's so powerful. You held space. You picked me up with the space you held and you continue to throughout the whole podcast. So I want you to know from my perspective, and I'm sure from your listeners perspective, she, you,

are coming through all the time and holding space in such a powerful and grounded way. And I'm very, very grateful for you and for the questions you asked. Thank you. I strive to be essence and I'm glad to hear that she comes through. I just met her like two weeks ago. So I am really glad that's, that's what I've learned from podcasting too. I say I met my soul's voice, um, from doing podcasting and, um,

essence is really my soul's voice and even in this conversation I started off I felt frazzled as fuck honestly because I was like got off a plane and ran over here um but by the end of it I felt very grounded for sure and I feel like that is essence like she comes through when I'm grounded yeah her and my golden damn

The Kraken has been unleashed. Yeah, man. The Golden Dam is open and essence is coming through strong. Let's go. I feel like all of us have an essence. It's our truest essence of self, so I just decided to call her essence. But I really think we all have our own essence. So anyways, listeners, thanks for listening, friends. Thank you. I'll chat with y'all next week. Farewell.

Bye.