Take Small Action: You Can('t) Find Time For Yourself to Create
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Good day, good people. I appreciate you as always for tuning in to another episode of Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman. I hope that you choose to make today as best of a day that it can be, regardless of what may be happening in your life. So maybe you get yourself some ice cream. Maybe you go sit outside. Maybe you call a friend that you haven't talked to in a while. Like, choose joy today.

even if it's just for a small moment. But anyways, hey, so this week I'm talking to Taya Marquise and y'all know if you've been here before that in each episode, I talk to women about their limiting beliefs that hold them back from living fully and authentically or limiting beliefs that they've experienced before. So Taya had chosen the topic, balancing priorities, I can't find time for myself. So she just had a little baby,

She got herself a husband and she's in a totally different place than where she was when I last spoke to her in 2019. So honestly, we talk about so many things in this episode from baby steps to our anxiety to PTSD to the new business that she's created. So regardless of if you have a child or not,

take a listen. So before we get into each episode, I always let guests introduce themselves by sharing what brings them joy as a way for you to get to know their spirit. So this is Taya Marquise, and this is what brings her joy. Well, I just had a little baby boy. Little baby boy. Yeah. And he's seven months, and he is definitely my joy. And yeah, he's just...

everything, my purpose, my new why. And yeah, he, he is my, my newfound joy. And I also got married in 2022. So that's, that's a little over a year ago. So my husband is also my, my new joy, I guess new, you can say new. And yeah,

Yeah, I would say my life has really changed since we last spoke. My joy was a lot of like my music and my work in music. And I've taken a big,

I would say a big pause on that and kind of like reframed my life to focus it back on like personal and family life. And I started a family, literally started a family since we last spoke. So that's been my new joy for sure. Cool. I'm really interested in that actually. So we'll probably talk about that a bit too. Just like putting something on pause.

I think that's a, yeah. I'll talk about that for sure. All right. Dope. I think the people got to know you a little bit better. So thanks for introducing yourself and we can get into the actual topic. So each week I talk to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. And I do that as a way for us to shift our mindset because at the end of the episodes, we always reframe them. Let's

So this week you chose the topic and the limiting belief that I can't find time for myself. And so I was wondering just why you chose that topic. So I'm a new mom and it's a very complex

common belief and it's a it's a common thing that we go through as new moms like I know because I'm like scrolling on Instagram and I my whole timeline is now like mom life and Instagram Instagram knows I'm a new mom so they they the algorithm definitely feeds me like mom yeah mom content now so I I've seen it in so many different posts moms are just like oh

portraying themselves to be so pulled in different directions, which it's a real point of view, I guess, like, it's very real. But I have definitely found a way through my own, you know, personal experience, which I'm going to share on the podcast of how to kind of bring balance into my life. So I don't lose myself as a new mom. And I think,

Yeah, I definitely it wasn't easy, but that's why I'm here. I want to share that with any moms who who want to create that balance for themselves as well. Yeah, yeah.

And so I guess one of the questions I wanted to start with is just like I put on the episode outline, welcome to motherhood. How are you feeling? Like how you feeling these days? Because I would assume it's different than before you were a mama. Potentially. I don't know. So I almost want to ask, like if you had to describe it in three words, what would you say? So one word, the first word would be like there's definitely like a shock value. Shock like shock.

You're in shock. There's so much shock going on in my life. I'm not even registering. Sometimes I don't even register...

And I hate to just straight up say this out in the public and be candid about this, but I probably shouldn't say something like this where I'm like, I forget that I'm a mom sometimes. Wow, yeah. Yeah, it's trippy. I'll be driving...

And then all of a sudden, you're like, Oh, I look back. I'm like, Oh damn, that's my son. Like that's, Whoa, he's in the rear view. Like that's him. Like I have a child, but like, obviously I know. No, I get it there. But I, it's so shocking because you go through this whole nine months journey and you're growing this baby and you're growing and growing and you're excited. And then boom, like overnight, um,

overnight they're here and and it's just it's just it's a lot to register and in in such a short time and so yeah I would say that um shock value number one like shocking first word second word um like magical that like magical in I feel like that's such that that word is like downplaying it I don't know what what's a better word like

like out of body magical experience. Like it's like you're, it's like spiritual, like a spiritual magic. Yeah. Like a spiritual magic. Yeah. Like a very divine, divine. That's the word divine, divine. You're like your baby. When you look at your baby, you're like, you are my everything. Like, oh man, like I'm going to cry. Like you are my heart on the outside, you know? And,

and you just see this sweet innocent baby for boy or girl that you created and you you spent so much you spent nine months you and god and your husband or your spouse or whatever um

you three like created this thing and like you spent so much time, so much love, so much energy, so much like the journey of weight, of growing this baby inside you and then birthing them. It's just like such a beautiful divine experience. So yeah, divine. And then number three, responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. Like honestly, straight up, like some part of,

motherhood is just like is is is pretty robotic like you don't you have to you have to be on and you don't like

you kind of have to be like super disciplined where your emotion, you have to regulate your emotions and this and that so that you like wake up, you, uh, get them their food, you nurse them on time, you put them to bed on time. Like no matter what is going on around you or internally inside you or externally, um, it doesn't matter. Like you have to be, uh,

you have to be there it's like it's kind of like a doctor um and and if the doctor is like going through a divorce or the doctor is going through like a mental breakdown themselves or the because they're a human being too right so doctors but then they have to show up and operate on the

operating table, they have to put their freaking needs aside and be responsible and save this person's life. So that's, yeah, responsibility, no matter what, you have to stay on top of your responsibilities with your child. Yo, those were three really good words. Like that was really, really good for on the spot. So a shout out to you. I want to kind of go through each one. So shock is

One, I appreciate you for saying that and for saying the things that you feel like, you know, society doesn't really accept that.

you might forget in a way. Yeah. But I feel like there's probably a whole theory, you know, like a whole real thing around that, that a lot of people experience, but we don't talk about because of societal, you know, expectations and expectations. Exactly. Cause we don't want to seem like a bad mom, you know? Um, so one, I appreciate you for saying that. Cause a lot of people probably feel it and don't feel like they can say it. So speaking on behalf of a lot of people there to,

too with divine i often think about like after i have a kid can't nobody tell me nothing you can't tell me nothing because i just made a whole human i ain't did it before yet yeah like i am like magic like you said like what the fuck you can't tell me nothing you're a portal for humans i'm a portal for humans

Literally. So I was thinking about that at work, like at one time where it was like, y'all gonna come in here and try to tell me to do something. Nope, I ain't doing it. Y'all don't understand my power. Like you don't understand. It is true. There was that. And then with responsibility and you started talking about surgeons and such. The other day I was thinking about too. So my mom used to do OBGYN.

- Oh my gosh, wow. - Yeah, and so I was thinking about how, so I mentioned to you, my grandma just turned 90. We had a whole Zoom call for her and everyone was going around in the Zoom call saying like thanking her for different things.

And my mom thanked her because she was like, without you, I couldn't have raised my kids. Because my mom would literally drop me off at like two in the morning, three in the morning, whenever anybody was ready to have a baby. Because my mom was a single mom. So anytime someone was about to have a baby, I had to go somewhere else. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. And so true. Yeah. And so like she had gone through a divorce.

Had to find places for me to go at like random hours. So two, three, four in the morning, whenever somebody's baby was ready to pop out, especially full moons. So people have babies often on full moons. And she says that all the time. Anytime a full moon is out, she's like, oh, about to be a lot of babies tonight. Wow. I wonder what the...

Yeah, I think it has to do with like the gravitational pull or something. Same with like tide changes during the moon. But yeah, you really have to drop everything as a doctor and go to whoever is in need at that moment and put everything else aside. So to the mamas having babies, don't forget that.

your doctors might also have babies that they got to figure out what to do with. So it's true. That's, that's a very good perspective. Just kind of flip it around. Cause we're so as the patient, we're so focused on us as us, but yeah. Shout out to your mama. Yeah. Shout out to the OBGYNs. Exactly. But now you started this company, Mama Juice. Yes.

Yay! I love how excited you got with that. I was really excited about it. So tell me about Mama Juice. How'd you get here? Did you always want to be an entrepreneur? I always wanted to be an entrepreneur because with Taya Marquise, that in itself was...

an entrepreneurial journey, if you want to say it that way. But yeah, so I have that entrepreneurial background with my music. And I found when I became a new mom, I really like I obviously had to put that whole thing on on the pause, like my whole career, my whole music career and all that I had to just hit pause. And it was shocking to me. Yeah, because I was like, hold up, hold up.

my focus is not on myself anymore. And it's on this new thing, this new thing that I'm growing inside me. And like, who's, who's this? Like, I was like, who's this person? Like, why are you taking up all of my time? And like, yes, I love you. Literal energy, physical energy. Literal, physical, emotional energy. And I'm like, and I don't even know like who you are.

And I'm like, and then who, like, why do you, like, do you deserve, like, I don't mean, you know, obviously I love my baby, but like,

It's like you have to be selfless and learn how to be selfless like overnight and just be like and just put your needs completely to the side for this new little baby that you create and love with your whole heart. But also you're like, bro, can I have some time? Yeah. Can I?

I have my life back. Like, geez. Yeah. So, and that's kind of why I feel like, or not I feel, but like it's known that postpartum

is the case when, when moms feel like that, like that's kind of what plays into postpartum. So I, I like to prepare for things. So I talked to so many moms and I kind of prepared myself for this postpartum quote unquote thing that I'm about to experience. And I started experiencing it because I,

When you pop your baby out, it becomes all about your baby. You're also waking up every two hours to feed your baby. So you're running on lack of sleep. You start becoming delusional. Then you don't want to go out of the house because it takes energy to put clothes on and it takes energy to think of what to wear, especially while you're a nursing mom. I was kind of like...

surprised by the challenges with that for the first time in my life I have so much anxiety about what to wear just just to go outside because I know I'm gonna have to pop my boob out every one and a half hour to two hours for my baby and then I started looking for clothes and I hated all the clothes that were out there I was like ew this is so ugly like all these clothes I'm like I'm a mom but I'm not like a grandma yeah I want to still be cute I love it

but transitioning to balance. So how have you been able to balance starting your own business with having a child and being a wife and needing to eat? Like there's a lot of things that need to happen. So how do you prioritize all of it and balance it? Yeah. So,

It is very, very challenging. And I'm going to be completely real firstly about that. So I'm not going to sit here and say like, oh, like, you just got to do this and this and this. It's hard work and it takes a lot of mental strength.

It takes really knowing your why and your purpose. If you don't have a really good why, then you're going to make excuses to not do it. I was about to say, so what does time management look like for you? Yeah, so I would say with that, with time,

With time management, firstly, like take the approach of being really, really easy on yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself because that's what maternity leave is. It's all about spending time with your baby. So if you choose to do that, that's perfectly fine. But if you throw in a little bit of an extra challenge for yourself, like, hey, you know what? During my maternity leave, I'm going to see...

if I can find little, little, little glimpses of moments to spend on my business that I want to start. So I just want to talk about this really quick. The reason why I say it is my son who inspired me is because a lot of people might think like, wow, this, you know,

This mom who started a business, like, how did she do that? Like, that's pretty selfish that she, like,

You know what I mean? Like, that's pretty selfish that she took or took out time of her maternity leave or or her maternal moment, like where she had to spend time with her son. And she focused it on like building a business like like honey, like chill for a second and spend that time with your son. There's that perspective, too. But.

it's like no no no no my son is actually what motivated me to to build this business thinking long term like I want to spend as much time with my son and the only way I could do that is like creating this business but it's also like you still spend plenty of time with him yeah if you're feeding this person to

every hour or every two hours, that's a lot of time with someone. Exactly. And so that's what I was going to come to. It's all about time management. So it's like a lot of us moms, we have mom guilt and we're like, uh-oh, I'm spending too much time on myself. I need to get back to spending...

my time as a mom. And it's like, no, like, why can't we learn about balance? And like, why can't we spread our time and manage our time so that everybody's winning here and everybody's getting a little love? Like my son's getting a little love. I'm getting a little love. And my husband's getting a little love. And then also my social circle is also getting a little love. Why can't we all

Why can't we spread the love? And so be completely easy on yourself knowing that this is an option. This is something additional that you're adding to your plate. You may have set yourself goals to work on it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

And for whatever reason, you just got to work on it on Friday for not even the entire amount of time that you had. Be okay with that. Be happy about that. Be proud of that. That's how I got this business running, up and running, because I was really, really kind to myself. And yeah, so start with being really kind to yourself about your schedule that you're creating yourself.

as an optional thing. You know what I mean? I love that so much. I think that resonates with me a lot because with the podcast, I didn't know

I do weekly ish. But at first I was like, so on it. I was like, I'm going to do every week. I'm going to stay up until like 2 a.m. editing episodes if I need to. Like, I'm going to make sure like it was it's a lot of work to have a podcast. People just assume you click record and it's done. But it's no like I have to message these people have to find these people. I need them to actually fill out like to.

register for their times and figure out the time slots. We got to figure out this topic. I need to make this episode outline. We're going to, there's just so many pieces to it. Then if you want to do marketing, PR, figure out sponsors, they're just a lot. It's kind of like you're dropping, it's like you're dropping a single. It's kind of like you're basically, yeah, you're dropping a single like every week. Every week. That's really what it is. It's like you're going in the studio and you're like, that's so funny. Reaching out to the producer. Yes. Yeah.

Like, yeah, that's really what it is. And I am the producer. I'm like editing the episode. So there's so many pieces to it. But I took that so seriously for so long. And then more recently, I remember I had a conversation with somebody and they were like, you realize you're not really getting paid for this, right? Like, you don't have to do any of this. And I was like, true. Like, it's not a true responsibility in the way that I have like my full time job, you know? And so-

I like truly have to do specific things for that job. But for this, this is like the thing that I enjoy. So why put so much pressure on this thing that I enjoy? Like,

I might not release an episode every week, you know, and that's okay. It's okay. Y'all got, I've done over 150 episodes. Y'all can go back and listen to another one. You know, you ain't listen to all 150. Go back and listen. Go back. If you need something for the week, there's something there for you. And so removing that pressure from myself has been huge. And I have been approaching it as like an option. I have another project that I'm working on now, um,

another creative one where I'm calling it my project and joy. And my goal is really for it to be like a good experience. Like I just want to have a good time. And so you had mentioned having like moments,

like finding moments where you can do it. Like maybe you said you were going to do it Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, but you might not like just look for the moments that pop up where in your spirit, it's like, I think it's time to work on my show. Feels good right now. And truly approaching it like that has been huge. It's been feeling so good. Like I'm not, there's no pressure.

No pressure. There's no pressure. Yeah. Anything like it's just like I know they say like, oh, pressure creates diamonds or whatever. But like, no, not with creativity, like anything creative and anything like new that needs work.

It needs a lot of like open, calm, receptive energy. Those words. Not pressure energy. Those words. Those words. Yes. Open, calm, receptive. I was thinking at first before you said those, I was thinking peace. Like, yes, pressure creates diamonds. But like peace like really opens you up to the shit that you're really supposed to be doing. Yeah.

And like that leads to like really meaningful shit, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's like you get to tap in. Yeah. You get to tap into that, what you're really like meant to do and things like that. Pressure does the opposite. You can't tap in and pressure. No, exactly. So recently I've been jumping in the middle of the episodes to share something that's come up while I've been editing episodes.

And for this one, I just want to remind you not to discount your small actions. The little things that we do, even though they aren't applauded, they add up to make a big difference. And over time, it will get you to where you want to be.

Don't rush. We have this desire within us to be an instant success. We don't have patience, y'all. We have to practice more patience. Practice more patience. It takes time to build the things that you want to build. So move slow. Move with intention.

Move with joy, move with peace and allow yourself to make slow progress. You don't have to rush. I'm gonna say that part again. Allow yourself to make slow progress.

Because like in the next 10 years, after all that slow progress, you'll look back at yourself and be like, damn, I did that. My pastors did a thing recently where they showed where they came from. They used to be in a high school preaching. That's where they had their congregation. And now they've grown to like multiple campuses in multiple states. But that took them 32 years, y'all. 32. 32.

So slow down, expand your timeline. Let's get back into the episode. And then the second thing I wanted to say is baby steps. Like it's all about the baby steps. Like there are some days where I literally clicked a button. And that's all I did. I went on Amazon and I clicked a button and then my, my baby started crying and, and I had to go take care of my baby. And then, um,

And then, you know, I had to empty the dishwasher and I got just carried away with the rest of the like the chores. But like I went to sleep that night and I'm like, I opened my computer. I just actually opened it. I'm like, great.

I'm happy with that. That's great. You know what I mean? So like it's just rewarding yourself for those baby, baby steps. Because like honestly, if you add up baby steps over, you open, okay, you maybe opened your computer on Monday. And then on Tuesday, you're like, okay, yesterday I opened my computer. So today I can like open it and like read everything.

a paragraph about starting how to start Amazon. And then it's like, yeah, okay. Every day you do a little bit the next day, that little bit seems to be not so much. So you can push it yourself a little bit more.

And then, you know, you just watch. Okay, today I'm just going to watch a YouTube, a five-minute YouTube video on how to start my Amazon business. So, like, every little, little baby step, you add it up over the course of, like, you know, your maternity leave. Like, I don't know, for us Canadians, it's...

You can have up to 18 months. So imagine what? Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. I think what do we have? Eight weeks or some dumb, crazy shit. Like what? Yeah. My sister is also on maternity leave and she's taking the whole 18 months. I decided to go back to work. I gotta Google. Yeah. It's insane. How long is maternity leave?

In Virginia. Why did it give me hours? Like I do math. Oh, it says eight weeks. Oh my gosh. I know. That's yeah. You guys. I need to move to Toronto. I know. 18 months. 18 months. Like your baby's like already one. Yeah.

and some and then some yeah I love Canada for that like God bless Canada for that but I didn't take the whole 18 months I actually really like my job so I went back at six months but yeah I if you take those little little baby steps every day and then you add it up trust me you're going to get somewhere with your business you want to know what's funny too while you were saying it

as a mom, I'm not a mom, but like through the lens of motherhood, you genuinely get to see what baby steps look like quite literally, you know? Interesting. Yeah. So true. What baby steps turn into over, let's say the course of three years, right?

Wow, that's kind of profound. You go from seeing them take their literal first steps. And you know how excited everyone gets when they take their first steps? I wish that when we were starting a business, people would get that excited for our first steps, right? So I just want to be really excited about Mama Juice for you real quick because you're starting to take your first steps. So go, Taya. Go, Taya.

That's dope. You go girl, take your baby steps. And then like, I don't know. I don't know the timeline of walking and shit for kids. - 11 months. Yeah, 10, 11. - But by three, they're like tearing stuff down at that point. - Oh yeah. - Yes. So think about over the course of three years. So I've been doing this podcast for three years now. I'm so comfortable in this space, like with my walking.

But a lot can happen over three years. And I think what we mess up with a lot is thinking that things are supposed to happen so quickly and we don't give ourselves like time and like space and grace to build our thing.

So we assume that those first baby steps are supposed to lead us to like, I don't know, stardom to like our master's degree to like all of these big, big things to have in this multimillion dollar business. Those first baby steps are just you laying the foundation and we need to take time with like,

getting better with walking and that takes time. So over three years, even like they still have their little teeny baby legs. So they're, they're like not making a whole bunch of, they're not going very fast. They still struggle getting up the steps a little bit. But let's say five years in, you are hanging upside down on the monkey bars. Like you go hard. And then as an adult, there could be situations that knock you back to zero. Like,

You never really know. But the baby steps, I think is just true. Yeah. I think we need to take our time.

Yeah, taking it as my main thing. And I love that you brought it all back to baby, all in one big like metaphor. I was on I was on the phone every day with Amazon. Wow, literally, for like two and a half weeks, I was literally on the phone every day for like, some days, it was like 10 minutes, some days, it was like 20 minutes. And I was so persistent, because I

my products were just not going through for some reason. Like they were just not getting uploaded and there was so many like roadblocks. And then I finally got my two products on Amazon. Now that you bring it back to babies, it's like, it's like my son every day, I've been trying to get him to roll and roll. And it's like, it's, it was, it was like, it's sometimes it's like frustrating. Cause I'm like, bro, just like, like roll, roll, damn it. Like it's not hard. Yeah.

It's not hard to roll, bro. Like just do it. But like obviously I have to be patient and I'm like, come on, honey. And like every day there's a little bit more that he does to roll. So like he'll look in that direction and then he'll kick his leg up. And then the next day he kicks his leg a little farther back.

And then it's like, finally, he started rolling. And now he's fully rolling and super comfortable with it. But it took like three weeks of little baby movements. And it's like, yeah, that's exactly what my business is. That's huge, too. Because...

A lot of people have a hard time just starting to walk, you know, like starting the business, like starting those first steps in it. That's hard, too. A lot of people are in the phase of just rolling where they haven't even like gotten the confidence to start walking yet.

And they quit. Yeah. Or they just genuinely don't start. So I did an episode with someone else not too long ago who was also a mama and she had ideas of things that she wanted to do, but she didn't start to like implement them yet. Right. And so I would say that that's still in the phase of like starting to roll. Like you have that thing in you that you know you want to create, but you're

You're held back by fear. You don't think you're good enough. Like you have all these other things. You still have to get rolling first before you can start to walk. I don't even think...

I don't even think she's at rolling. I think she's at the part where you hold a toy in front of the baby and the baby's like thinking about it. Like I want to get to that toy, but I know I have to move my body to roll to it. She's in that phase. Like she's just looking at the toy. She's just looking at it.

And she's got to like, she's got to like move like she's got to like start moving her body towards the toy. Yes. To get rolling. Oh, I just really like this idea of rolling because it's like not even the real start yet. I feel like the start is walking. Yeah. And like rolling is like the prep for it. Like I don't know what the prep might be, but the toy is the real that's the idea. That's the spark.

Yeah. And it's like, yeah, the toys, the spark. Exactly. And it's like, why are we so patient with with the babies and allowing of them to like take their time? And for ours, us, like as an adult, we're like, no, yeah, we beat ourselves up and we're like, oh, this is taking too long. And it's like, oh, I must be a failure because my business isn't launched yet. But it's like, no, you're technically a baby again, all over again, because you've never done this before. Yes.

And that's what I call my podcast, too. I'm like, my baby's three, you know? Yeah. My pod baby's three. A lot of podcasters call it their pod baby. That's cute. Yeah, exactly. You had mentioned like failure and such. And so like I'd mentioned in our last conversation, we talked about this idea of being broken. And so I'm wondering in your process of like starting your business or becoming a new mom, have you ever felt like you were broken? Yeah.

Girl, I'm going to share something and be really candid and open right now. I appreciate it. Yeah. And I just discovered, well, not discovered. I actually got like, I had to, I was talking to my doctor and getting properly assessed and I just found out I have PTSD and anxiety. Ooh.

On top of it all, it's like, great. I also actually diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. And it's like, awesome. Like, great. Another challenge on my plate. But yeah.

It's like the last episode where I'm like, you're not too broken to be fixed. And you know what? I'm 34. I don't usually talk about my age, but hey, since I'm being candid here with you guys, I'm 34 and it's like at my big age, 34, I'm freaking finding out some new information about myself that I have.

a whole new baby to tackle here my my PTSD and anxiety is like a whole new thing it's like so you're not too broken to be fixed and also there's no time limit to it so you know you may have been broken in the past but like as long as you're working on yourself to heal and not just be okay with um

the things that are limiting you and you're working on whatever you need to work on personally, you'll, you'll be, you'll, you'll never be fixed a hundred percent, but you'll be a little more,

stronger version of yourself every day. I think in the episode you had, I don't remember everybody's reframes or whatever, but I remember yours specifically because you got really excited. And so there are different ones that I remember different pieces of episodes for, but you were like,

I was actually here when we recorded that one and you were just having this whole like mental math going on in your head. And then at the end, it got to, you know what? You're not broken. You just feel broken. And as someone who had also felt broken before, it's like you just feel broken and like feelings change, you know?

Um, and then going to your PTSD thing, I had, I had this moment, I guess it was in 20, it was in 2020 into 2020 where I thought my throat was closing in the car while I was driving. And, um, I literally thought I was about to die. When you think you about to die, I called 911 and I was like,

yo I can't breathe blah blah blah he's like pull over I'm like I'm not pulling over I'm dying like I have to go to the uh to the hospital you're not about to I'm not pulling over like the fuck so he that person eventually helped me like get to the hospital I drove myself still but after they did tell me to pull over I pulled over for a bit because I needed to calm down

And after that, I had PTSD for a bit. I couldn't get back in a car like I could not drive. I had an emotional support water bottle. That thing really got me through because it helped me know that my throat was not closed. Why was it closing? Because I was taking some meds. And so I'll get like anaphylaxis. I have anaphylaxis.

EpiPen. And so I don't know if it was actually closing or if I was just so scared that it was closing that like my body just started to let it happen, you know? Oh my goodness. Wow. So I don't know, but I've always had an EpiPen for my entire life. And so I was too afraid to drive, but...

then I knew the thing is like we have anxiety within us I call my anxiety monster Lucy and so like I'll be like Lucy like relax it's okay like go to bed and I'll literally try to put her to bed that's so good it's really it's really helpful to be able to step like separate yourself from your anxiety I think

And so it's like, there's a part of me who knows I'm able to drive. It's safe driving. I've done it a million times before. Lucy's just over here and she's freaking out. And so like, I just got to get Lucy to relax. And I still am capable of driving again, you know, like,

I know that I can do it. And so it was going through that process of, I know I can drive again. I'm scared. And Lucy got control, bro. Lucy got control. Yeah. And she knows your weak spots. Yes. She already knows. Um,

But it was really building up to driving again. So I created a whole plan for myself, even in my PTSD. I was having panic attacks. I was doing a whole bunch of stuff. I couldn't I literally couldn't drive a block by myself. I could not do it. And so there's a whole story to that, which I'm not going to go into the whole thing because there was just a lot. But over time, just building it up like it's possible to like I started as a baby in that again and took.

baby steps. I was like, I'm going to drive a block. I'm going to drive two blocks. I'm going to drive to Kroger, which is like four blocks away. And then when I got to Kroger, I would always play that song. Hey, look, I

I made it. And then I would like literally ball because I would be so proud of myself. So proud of myself. But it takes baby steps to get these things done that we want to get done. We are not broken. We just feel broken. And.

You know, I want to talk about that, the feel, feel broken part. I love that you reminded me of what I, what I had said in the last podcast. And, you know, since then, I've actually been like, since, since saying that. Yeah, that was like 2019, I think, right? That's crazy. Wow. Yeah.

So, so since I've been diagnosed, I'm, I'm a person that like, you know, I, I explained how I, I like to be prepare, uh, prepared and like with that whole, uh, being extra prepared, um,

there's another part of my personality where I'm very hard on myself. So I also like to, um, when I find out about myself and discover things about myself, um, negative things or whatever things that I have to work on, I'm, I, I get, I get really into it. Like I want, I take it as, um, yeah, I take it as like a whole new project. Like, and I, I want to attack it. I wasn't very self-aware of my anxiety and PTSD, um,

Thankfully, my husband has been very tuned into me. That's a good word. Yeah, he was very tuned into me. He's like, bro, you should check it out with a doctor. Maybe you do have something like anxiety or PTSD or something like that. And lo and behold, he was right. So since I discovered that I had this disease,

uh Lucy PTSD and anxiety right like I was like oh shit like I actually have it so then I put my backpack on my shoes on and I'm like I I'm gonna climb this mountain whether it's the last thing I do I'm going to get to the top of it and I'm never gonna like I don't want this to

affect me anymore negatively. I want to grab a hold of it. I want the, I want to control it. I don't want it to control me. So I started doing a ton of research. I started watching videos about anxiety and PTSD. And one thing I want to share with the people who are listening is that one, um, I don't remember which video I watched and which doctor said this, but I, it resonated with me so much. He said, feelings happen before thoughts.

So, so yeah, which means it's like, if you are anxious, and if you have PTSD, firstly, hone in and start getting being aware of how you feel right now. So like describe the negative feelings, firstly, address the negative feelings that you're feeling, and then try and put

put yourself in the new feeling where you're going to be calm and comfortable and where you, where you, what you want to feel. So like, I'm going to give an example of having a difficult conversation with someone and you know, you need to talk about this very difficult thing and you have all this anxiety around and you're like, Oh man, I know how this person is going to react, but I have to talk to them about this. This is really important to, and I need to bring it up. So,

So firstly, address those feelings and then think about already having the conversation with them and them being receptive to you and the conversation going positively. And then...

feel that, like ask yourself, how would I feel after the conversation goes well? And then you feel comforted and you feel more confident in the relationship and you feel like there's more, yeah, there's more trust there. And then when you're at

that feeling and you felt those feelings, you can now bring yourself back and change the thoughts that the negative thoughts. So you're like, no, they aren't going to be resistant or frustrated. They aren't going to, cause I'm going to, I'll, I'm going to,

Yeah.

So it's all mental, but it actually becomes physical because we allow the mental to make us do things to then jeopardize the outcome. But if you change the mental, then your actions might actually change too and change the outcome, if that makes sense. But it's not even just actions. It's like literal, your brain tries to protect you, right? And so it releases chemicals. Like when you're scared...

Your brain is literally releasing chemicals that like give you adrenaline and like give you all of these things so that you can hop into action, even though it's like nothing's attacking us anymore. There are no more lions trying to get us. We're good. You know? So like it really does become physical. So at the end of each episode, we reframe the limiting belief to fit more within our desired reality. And so, yeah.

Like we did in the last one, the limiting belief was that you're too broken to fix and you can't fix yourself. Yeah. And so we reframed it to say you just feel broken. But so in this case, if the limiting belief is that you can't balance your priorities and you can't find time for yourself to do all those things that you want to do, how would you reframe that to fit more within our reality? Yeah.

I would say you pan with baby steps. I think baby steps is like the final conclusion here. I think baby steps and kindness to yourself, like understanding that

that babies are allowed to take those baby steps. So we should be allowed to take those baby steps too in something new that we're starting because we are a baby in that environment. Yeah, and take your time. Take your time to develop and learn and grow. Don't put pressure on yourself. Yeah, and enjoy. Unneeded pressure. Yeah, enjoy the journey. Yeah, don't rob yourself from the joy of that new thing. Yeah, don't rob yourself.

So good. All right. So if people wanted to connect with you, where can they find you?

Tamara key. So at Taylor Marquis, that's T-A-Y-A-M-A-R-Q-U-I-S. You guys can hit me up, DM me. Oh, and my mama juice account. I just started. I just started it. So like, yeah, that's why it's not on the forefront of my mind, but I should drop that here too. So it's at mama juice store, M-A-M-A-R-Q-U-I-S.

J-U-I-C-E store. S-T-O-R-E. Yeah, and she's got these cute tees where there's a zip, unzip, and then you can get your boobie out. Yeah, so I love the white tee look. I always loved like...

having a cute little white tee with denims and then I could not find a white tee for nurse like nursing moms on Amazon and so I have it for you guys now on Amazon and it's basically a white tee with like zippers uh on your boobs um to pop them out to unzip and then pop out um and feed easily so you don't have to like lift up your shirt or pull your shirt down and then I also have a black um

really, really beautiful, thick, nice, cozy, warm knit sweater. And it's a pull-down method. So you lift up the flap and then you pull down the closure and then you can feed. And I like that sweater a lot because...

I wear it all the time everywhere because you can feed anywhere because of the flap. It actually hides the nipple. So you don't need to like, you don't, yeah, you don't need to like bring a shawl. I just hold the flap over his mouth and literally he's eating and you can't see no boob, no nipple, nothing. So it's, I love it. Free the boobie to free the boobie. Yeah. Honestly, like free the boobie too. Like,

It's just, it's food technically. Like, that's what it is when you're feeding your child. It's not a boob. It's like a hamburger. Yeah, true. It's a hamburger. So if y'all need to find me, I am at IP Woman Podcast on Insta, on Twitter. Taya, I appreciate you for joining me. And listeners, I will chat with y'all next week. Farewell. Love you guys. Bye.

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