They Do(n't) Want What You Have to Offer
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Good day, good people. Welcome to the Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman podcast, where each week I'm talking to different women about limiting beliefs that hold us back from living fully and authentically. I'm Lauren, and I have been doing this podcast since like 2019, and I'm realizing that this is like low-key research. It's really, really interesting hearing all the different limiting beliefs that so many women share and have internalized.

This is episode 180 something, which means I have been able to find limiting beliefs for over a hundred women. And that in itself is wild to me. This episode is going to be a solo episode. So the way that I've been structuring this podcast since I've relaunched it again, two episodes in the beginning of the month will feature guests. The third week, I'll do a solo. And then the last week, I'm taking a break.

Solos are nice, short, and sweet. And that's what you're about to get this time. I wanted to talk about the stories that we tell ourselves, but for some reason, this guy that I met this morning just keeps popping up. Well, not this morning. It was yesterday morning. Keeps popping up in my spirit. It was really interesting because I was just sitting on the bench, right? And then this guy was like all the way on the other side of where I was.

minding his own business doing his own thing in my mind I told myself like I want to pray for this guy right few minutes later he's on his bike he is riding over to me and literally rides his bike to me and says excuse me ma'am excuse me ma'am do you know anything about birds and

which was a very, very random statement, right? A very, very random statement. I'll mind you. I've prayed for this dude before from afar. And so it was interesting that I had just thought like, I want to pray for this dude. And then he just decided to ride his bike over to me and asked me the most random question ever. Little did homeboy know I had been paying attention to set bird too. And so I was able to actually engage in random conversation with this guy and

and ended up asking him, I was like, can I pray for you? And the way that this man hopped off his bike so fast and was like, girl, if you pray for me, oh my God, I would love that. So he ended up getting off his bike. I prayed for him and he just kept saying, oh my gosh, I needed that so much. And it was just so interesting because before I said that to him, before I said, can I pray for you? I had these like nerves, right?

I was afraid to ask. I was afraid to say the thing that I wanted to say because I don't know this man. What if he thinks that's weird? He did have a cross tattoo, so that gave me more confidence in just asking. But I don't know. I had these nerves before asking him. But then I realized after this man got off his bike so fast and he wanted it so bad, how many opportunities are we missing?

to whether it's do something good in someone else's life, to do something that betters your life, whatever the thing may be, whether it's asking the question to the thing that you might think is a stupid question at work or applying for some job that you think you might not be good enough. How many things are we missing out on simply because we're nervous about saying it or doing it or going for it?

Because I was sitting there and when I saw the reaction of this man hopping off of his bike in genuine like urgency, he got off his bike with an urgency because that was something that he wanted so badly and needed. How many opportunities are you missing where you're assuming that other people don't want what you have to offer? Stop assuming.

That other people don't want what you have to offer. That's a limiting belief in itself, right? And so it was interesting. Like I mentioned, I wanted to initially talk about the stories that we tell ourselves. And the story that I told myself in that moment was that that man didn't necessarily want what I had to offer. Turned out that man was craving something.

this random thing that I just so happen to be learning about right now. He was craving and really, really wanted that particular thing that I had to offer. But then when I'm looking back at all these different episodes that I did for this podcast, we've covered all these different limiting beliefs. I'm just going to read through and scroll through the podcast app, right? So there's, you can't pay off your debt. You can't let life unfold. And I'm going to say this differently because while I say them, I want you to kind of

settle in and see if any resonate with you. So let's kind of walk through them. I'll never pay off my debt. I need to control everything going on so that I feel safe. Everything around me is too much and I can't find peace of mind. I need to stay in my comfort zone. It's safe here. When I don't know what's next, I become anxious. For some reason, I just can't speak up for myself and tell people what I really want. I don't even really know what I want.

I don't know if I'm a good wife. I'm not a good wife. I'll never feel like the me that I used to be. I don't know if I can let go of this thing because I don't know what's coming next. This is my safe space. This is what I know. I gotta get all this stuff done now and if I don't get it done now then there's gonna be some kind of something going to happen later. Something going to happen later. There's no time for rest. If I ask for help I look weak.

Why do we have all of these stories in our minds? I'm just, this is me scrolling through the different episodes that we did. But what are these conversations that we're having with ourselves? Why are we telling ourselves so many negative statements? All of these things are holding us back from helping ourselves and helping the people around us and being the best version of ourselves and being who we're called to be.

But this is also why I started this podcast. It's like, I want you to be aware of the limiting beliefs that you are telling yourself, to be aware of the stories that you're telling yourself so that you don't miss opportunities, so that you can feel and experience peace, so that you can speak up for yourself, so that you realize that you can rest.

so that you realize that people do want what you have to offer, so that you realize you can ask for help. It's possible to feel better and that even when you're in the midst of uncertainty, you can still find peace. Bruh, there are so many possibilities of an existence that you wanna live and that I wanna live, but we hold ourselves back because of the stories that we tell ourselves. Even when you feel nerves,

The nerves that are trying to protect you from what might be on the other side of that limiting belief, if you try to go for it, if you feel those nerves, you can do it. You can still do the thing and say the thing and feel the thing and you can still rest and you can still speak your mind. You can still do all those things. Do it even when it feels uncomfortable because then you're starting to really build the muscle.

You might be surprised what's on the other side of you changing your can't to a can. If you look at all of the titles of these episodes that I do, they're all framed with a can and a can't or a do and a don't or was and wasn't, whatever it might be in the actual title. I do that for a few reasons. One is to acknowledge like where you may be.

in your personal journey, to acknowledge the limiting belief that you have, and then also to acknowledge what's possible. Then I also do it because for some people, some of these things really are facts. So let's take, for example, if someone says, "I can't wait to have kids." For some people, it's limiting belief. For other people, it might be more of a fact.

depending on what's going on in their life. They might have something going on where they must have kids right now, or some issue could arise with health issues. So I'm trying to be mindful of that too. And then in other cases, some people just genuinely don't agree. So because that is their truth, like the opposite would be a limiting belief. But whatever it may be for you, this week, I want you to try to be mindful and listen to yourself. Ooh,

Listen to yourself. I think I've done an episode before about being a passive listener to your thoughts. I need you to be an active listener to the thoughts that go through your mind this week. You might catch yourself thinking things that are not in alignment with what you want or who you are. And so when you catch yourself thinking these things and not being a passive listener, but an active listener to your thoughts, when you catch yourself thinking these things,

I need you to grab that thought. I need you to repeat it to yourself, but like, I need you to be an observer of it at this point. It's not even a part of you. Look at it, ask yourself, where does this stem from? Because you got to get to the root. If you've got a therapist, ask them about it in therapy. Get to the root. Where does this belief come from? Where did that belief for me come from that that man wouldn't want what I have to offer? A simple prayer, right?

Why did that give me anxiety? I don't know. I don't know. And that's something that I'll be thinking about this week. This happened yesterday. But look at that thought. Ask yourself, where does it stem from? And then ask yourself, is it true? My limiting belief was that he didn't want what I had to offer. The truth was he wanted it so badly with an urgency and a desire.

Don't let the false narratives hold you back. Examine it, get to the root of where it stems from, ask yourself, is it true? And then go ahead and give yourself a reframe. You know, at the end of all these episodes, I reframed the limiting belief with the different guests to be more in line with our desired reality. And so in this case, if my limiting beliefs are, you can't rewrite your narratives, you can't rewrite your limiting beliefs,

Clearly you can, 'cause we're gonna rewrite this one, right? My limiting belief was also they don't want what you have to offer. And when we reframe it based on the truth of what I saw, how do you know what they want until you ask? How do you know what they want until you give it to them? How do you know what they want until you build up the courage to just take the leap? Don't decide what other people want for them.

and especially not in the negative, because they want what you have to offer, and they want it even more than you know. Like I mentioned, these episodes are short and sweet. I had just put some handheld chicken pot pies in the oven. That thing is beeping now, and that is my cue to go eat some dinner. I hope y'all have a lovely week.

And I'll be off next week, just taking me a little chill break. But we will be back in May with some really good episodes that I'm excited about. We're going to be talking about IVF. You might still hear my oven beeping in the background. But anyways, we're going to be talking about IVF and, you know, babies. And we're going to be talking about caretaking. So, yeah.

Super excited about next month. Going to be so good. I will chat with y'all in May. Farewell.