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Our experts have the answers to those questions and many others. Tax Act. Let's get them over with. Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive podcast. I never procrastinate.

Nope. Nope. Nope. But at least one out of five people admits that they are chronic procrastinators. And there are, and procrastination is basically a problem of self-regulation. It's not a problem of time management. Not a problem of planning. Procrastinators have no inability to estimate time. It has nothing to do. Procrastinators are not born that way either. No, they're learned.

Sometimes, whatever's going on in the family, kids have to be perfect so they don't want to let their parents down, so they avoid something. Some people have a different attitude, and that is they're rebellious. It's sort of a screw-you attitude. So they'll, oh, of course I'll do that for you. It's kind of a passive-aggressive thing, but they procrastinate because they really didn't want to do it in the first place. They just wanted to look nice. They get themselves, you know, those sort of the nice types. They get themselves jammed up.

Basically, procrastinators would rather you saw them as sort of confused and having a problem than incapable. Okay. Procrastinators have a higher level of alcohol consumption. Procrastinators have more physical ailments because they put themselves under a lot of stress. Procrastinators tell lies to themselves. I'll do this tomorrow. Procrastinators actively look for distractions. And there's more than one type of procrastinator.

Some procrastinators just like the euphoric rush at the end, the excitement of trying to jam it all in. To me, that would be a nightmare, just a total nightmare. The avoiders, they don't want to fail. They don't want to succeed. In any case, they're very concerned with what others think of them and would rather others think they're lazy than don't have the ability.

Then there are the procrastinators who are just the people, some say, can't make a decision. I don't believe there's a can't. I believe there's a won't. Because if they make a decision, they have to act on it. And the acting on it has consequences that scare them. Now, if you're a procrastinator type, you can change, but it's going to be hard. It's going to be very difficult. Very difficult. So, for example, here are some little tips. If you say, okay, I'm going to do that in the morning. Don't say, okay, I'm going to do that in the morning.

I'm going to do that in the morning, say, I'm going to outline the three main points of the report while I drink my morning coffee, just before I look at the mail. It's very concrete. None of this vague stuff that some of you try to sell me when you call me. And I go, this is vague. I don't know what you're talking about. Be specific. Preempt that which tempts. You know the things that tempt you. Television, social media, texting, immediate gratification, mood reward,

Nah, save that for when you're done. The way I faced exams in college and graduate school was all one technique. I would plan something that would happen after the test was over. After the test is over, you can go see that movie or go buy that cute top. I would set something up, whatever it was, concretely set it up. So that meant to get from here to there, I had to study and take the exam, and then I would get that thing.

So I worked on a reward system. The other thing is, you know when people say, do you want the good news or the bad news? Do you want the harder thing or the easier thing? Always do the most difficult thing first. You're the bad news first. Always do the more difficult thing first. Then you get it out of the way. Willpower has gotten such a poo-poo with all the 12-step programs. I got to tell you, willpower is everything. It's everything ultimately. It's your ability to self-regulate.

It's your ability to make a decision and stick to it. It's your ability to suffer when it's uncomfortable and do it anyway. This is willpower. It takes grit. And there are people who will exercise grit. Nobody's born with grit. You practice grit and you develop grit just like any other muscle. Things can either become a habit or not. Good things can become a habit. Bad things can become a habit. Whatever it is, it's just your most familiar. Okay, gonna take a break.

Yeah, well, maybe I can take it a little later. Maybe I could do it tomorrow. I'll be right back.

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Talk to Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. Deep. You haven't yet developed your grit. Like my caller, Veronica, whose chronic procrastination was destroying her dream of becoming a nurse. Take a listen. Veronica, let's try it again. Hi. What can I help you with?

Okay. I have a problem with procrastination when it comes to my school. What is procrastination? What does that mean? What is procrastination? I just, when it comes to school, I just leave like studying or just the project. I just wait until the very last minute. I try to make changes to where I... Are you getting good grades doing that? I used to, but now they're starting to suffer. Okay.

So in the beginning of procrastination, you would still get A's? Yes. Like throughout high school, I would still get A's. No, we're talking about nursing school. See, in high school, depends on the high school, if you're pretty smart, you can get through high school doing very little work. When you start entering specialized studies, then it gets a little more competitive where they take the smarter of the smarter's

And then it's competition. So you can't get away with it as much because it's harder and it requires more work where high school didn't. Correct. So you're going to, you're going to flunk out or not have your, first of all, if you're in nursing school and you're only doing your work at the last minute, I hope you flunk out. The last thing we need are nurses. Oh, sorry. That's my goal. Can I finish what I was going to say anyway, please?

Yes, I'm sorry. Good. Then I hope you flunk out of whatever you're in, because if your attitude that you've had consistently through your life is to do things at the last minute, whatever the psychological background is, and we can go into that in a moment, then you're not going to be equipped to be a good nurse because you won't have taken the time to really study all the information. You'll just be passing the tests. Yes, I understand that. That's what I'm trying to change.

Like I know being a nurse is dealing with people's lives and I do not want to just memorize things for any time. I think that scares you way too much. That it's dealing with people's lives? Yeah. I think that may be just scaring you way too much. I mean, I deal with people's lives, but not life and death. You're a nurse. You'll be dealing with life and death. Maybe that scares you too much. Look, there is no major cure. I'm sorry. What did you just say? I didn't hear it.

Is there anything I could do to change that? Put your ass in a chair and study so that the chances are you won't kill somebody. There's no miracle here. It's like people say I'm fat. Eat less. Oh, and they don't. Exercise more. Yeah, I know that. And they don't. I have to study and put in the hours that are boring and annoying and difficult. Eh, I'll wait till the last minute and see if I can pull it off.

And there's all kinds of background about procrastination, fear of failure, having to be a perfectionist. We can go and spend a lot of time on all of that if you'd like. But the bottom line is going to be that you're 40 years old. If at this point you cannot discipline yourself, then I suggest you do something different that doesn't challenge you this much. Seriously, it's not an insult. Find something else to do with your life that doesn't challenge you this much because you can't rise to the occasion.

So what do you think you could do that isn't this challenging that you could just more just sort of slide through? Tell me what that might be. Well, I think I could pretty much do anything. I just want to know. Nobody can do anything that helps. I can't. And I have an extremely high IQ and I can't do anything. Nobody can do anything. There's a little narcissism there around the edges right there. I just heard it's not true.

But that's very interesting. I think I can do anything. If I apply myself, I think anybody could do anything. But the problem is I'm not applying myself. That's nonsense. That's nonsense. And you just gave it all away. You don't want to fail because what you said is irrational and you're not irrational. So the irrationality gave away the punchline, which is you're afraid to fail because you know damn right you can't do anything. You can't do everything. Nobody can.

No matter how hard I applied myself, I never could have become a physicist. Okay, that makes sense. My brain doesn't work that way. My brain makes associations. That's why I'm good at what I do here. But I can't do anything, and you're afraid to fail. So you fail by not doing the work. That way we know that you didn't fail because you couldn't. You failed because you didn't. Okay, that's very insightful.

So I suggest you pick something else to do. Something where the fear of failure does not suck the life out of you. And the first thing you need to do, frankly, is to humble yourself. You can't do anything that you put your mind to. It's not true. And that's your safety defensive mechanism to hide the fact that you're scared to fail. So if you don't really do it in the first place and we call it procrastination, then you never failed. That's what you're doing. And I don't know if you can flip that around.

I just think maybe you should take something that's not as challenging and enjoy your life. You're not going to live forever, you know. Okay. I thank you for your insight. Couldn't be an astronaut either. I think that was a lot of math and physics too. It's funny how things work. When you get clarity on a problem, when you understand the motivation behind your behaviors...

you're instantly better able to change. And that's what Veronica said when she called me back months later with this update. Vero, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call again. Oh, what did we talk about the first time? The first time I called your body a year and a half ago with the problem with procrastination.

I was procrastinating in school and I was trying to get into a nursing program. Yes, I remember. Go ahead. Yeah. So I remember I was stuck in a loop because I knew that my fear was the fear of failure. But the words that you said to me were feared in my brain. And you told me you rather fail because you're

You didn't then because you couldn't. And that like completely clicked in my head. And I'm happy to call you now to tell you that I actually got accepted into a nursing program. Oh, yes. So right now, because of COVID, it's actually very limited. So I was actually one of 30 students. Oh, this is wonderful. I'm so proud of you. And, you know, I appreciate you.

Knowing what the trigger was. Yes. I remember our phone call. Thank you. Yeah. So I wanted to thank you and just give you a little update. I'm working on CCNA now in a COVID unit. I love what I do and I know that I was meant to do this and you just gave me the little push I needed to stop being afraid.

Well, I guess sometimes it's good that I'm pushy, huh? Yes. Yeah. Thank you so much for calling, sweetheart. And congratulations. And boy, we need you. We need good nurses. So wonderful. All right. It's time to take a break. And I'm disciplined about breaks. No, I'm not. And I usually get away with it. But I'll be right back. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive. Deep Dive Podcast. Deeper.

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Talk to Laura's Deep Dive Podcast. Understanding what was behind her poor study habits helped Veronica. However, sometimes analyzing the situation, therapizing the situation, trying to understand yourself is, in itself, if you go on forever with it, a form of procrastination. Irony. Analyzing something to death is an escape and a mistake, as I explained to Patricia when we spoke.

Patricia, welcome to the program. Hi there. Hi there.

Dr. Laura, I have a question. I'm trying to get an answer to a deep-rooted problem. I read your book like three years ago, Bad Childhood, Good Life. And that book inspired me a great deal to go back and look into my childhood and see some of the bad things that I witnessed as a child. The question is, I am 51 years old.

I never finished high school, but find myself a very intelligent woman, have taken lots of classes, attend seminars. I have two sons, one 30 that's graduated college and one 14 that's in ninth grade that is now enrolled in all honors classes. But I am wanting to be a...

Just I'm wanting to do something for myself and say my desire is to go back to school, finish high school, because that's a goal. I really want to do that, but something is blocking me. I can kind of see myself, you know, earning a college degree. I feel that I have the ability to do it, but there is a blockage somewhere, and I can't figure out where that is.

How do you know there is one? Because I have made several attempts to do it. I did come to find out that codependency was my problem because I was married for almost three years to a professional man. What does codependency have to do with anything, and what does that mean? I felt that I was codependent. The reason why I say that is because when I started going to... You notice that that word was not in my book.

No, not that particular word, no. But later, this is what I came to see, that because of, based on the information I got from your book, the unhappy childhood, and my mother never completed high school, nor did my father. And although my life has taken a total different turn from my parents, because as far as, I would say,

Although I haven't completed high school, I would find myself... Okay, you're jumping around, and I need you to start all over again and try to have a straight line of thinking, okay? Okay. You would like to get your GED. Right. So when you sign up for your GED, at what point do you let it drop? Um...

I would say I never entered a class, although I've purchased a book and I've also got no line. And then there will be all these things that will come up that I will find. It seemed like there will be like a lot of distractions, me raising my son or me volunteer with different organizations. And then I would just kind of put it off. And I'm not sure why that is. Why do you have to know why?

Seriously. Now, that is not a frivolous question. There's no reason in the world that you have to know why. All you need to know is what you must do.

procrastination is what you earn by saying, I have to know why first. Okay. You don't have a high school diploma. You're an older woman. You're going to feel like you look stupid. You're not sure you can necessarily do the work, even though you perceive yourself as smart. You're avoiding failure. There's nothing new here. It's called being human.

Okay. You're just going to have to deal with all of that like the rest of us have had to deal with challenges that scared us. You do it. And as the challenges come up, you face them. You're having trouble with a course, you talk to the teacher. You get one of the other kids in the class to help you along with some of it. You just simply do it. Okay. You're procrastinating because you're afraid of failure. That's all. It's not complicated. It's human.

Oh, okay. So that's not something I should, like, focus in to say maybe I acquired a bit of... because going through counseling...

You want to go analyze, read the book again. You want to go analyze, see a therapist. You want to go analyze, decide. Until you have an understanding on some philosophical level, you're not going to do this. This is all procrastination.

Okay. And that's all it is. Okay. And my quick question, just to answer, and so what would be your response? Procrastination is actually just fear of doing something, fear of failure. Is that what it is? Exactly. Okay. All right. That's it. You're going to have to face some potential failures. Uh-huh. Because some classes you won't do well in. Right. As smart as you are.

So it won't have anything to do with as far as my fear. I need to go in a little bit deeper. Let's just procrastinate again. You're just trying to find a way to do that. I'm sorry. Let's just keep... I really don't have to analyze this. I gave you the answer. You don't want it because that means now you have to go to class.

Right. So I'll take the answer and I'll go to class. Thank you so much. All right. Let me know when you graduate. I'll make you a graduation present. I will. Thank you. Seriously. I'm not kidding. I will. I will. All right. You know, thank you. Bye bye. You're welcome. You're procrastinating because you're afraid of failure. It's not complicated, but it is human. Even a self-starter like me can have moments of putting things off.

I do it on occasion. And when I do, I ask myself, why are you putting this off? For me, it's typically when something looks overwhelming. So one of the first things I do is completely clean and organize my workspace. It's a ritual that makes the task at hand easier to confront. Then I plan out the steps and decide, okay, I'm going to do one through three today. Sometimes I can even end up doing more.

And then say, okay, I'm tired now. If I go on, I'm going to get sloppy. That's not procrastination, by the way. That's making an intelligent decision. So one strategy is to create yourself a little workspace. Maybe it's a closet that you turn into a special environment, the corner of an attic, whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed.

I like to get a specific timeline in my head and I get rid of distractions. Leave it all out. Emails, phones, get rid of the distractions so you don't punctuate your work with those little detours like my listener Erin was doing when she called me for a better strategy.

Erin, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. I have two kids, a three-year-old and five-year-old, and I'm very active with them. So I don't really feel like I'm a very lazy person when it comes to parenting and being a good mother. But I need your help desperately to get motivated to help

around the house. I feel very lazy when it comes to getting things done in my house. I'll start something and then stop, start, stop. And I do everything by piecemeal, it seems like. And I have examples that I've just done today, and I'm just sick of this. So I just thought I need to call you so I can get some help. Today I'm folding laundry, and then I just stop in the middle of that.

And then I start doing dishes. And then I stop in the middle of that to write a bill. And then I stop doing my bills, remembering, oh, I have a thank you note I have to do. So I do my thank you notes. But by the end of the day, I'll have 10 unfinished tasks. And then it seems like I draw out these chores for days, you know, like three days it takes me to do laundry, it seems. Have you ever been more disciplined, organized?

Well, I would say maybe in the last year I've gotten worse. No, but that wasn't my question. Have you ever been disciplined and organized? Disciplined, yes, but organized, no. I've never really been an organized person except whenever I used to be a teacher. In my classroom, I was a very organized person, but in my home... Oh, say, you had a lesson plan.

Yes. Okay, get a piece of paper. We're going to do a lesson today. Okay, I have paper and pen right here. Okay. I'm working on it right now. What I used to do when I was in college, it's going to sound very compulsive, but it worked.

Uh, every day I had a three by five card. Okay. With every hour and I'm in class, I'm studying, I'm doing this, I'm in gym, whatever it was, I ate dinner, whatever it was, it was on that card. And I checked off one after another, like a robot until I got through the day. Okay.

Obviously, I was very successful at this. I was on Dean's List every semester. And in high school, I was less than stellar because I was bored. But anyway, in college, I organized myself. So this is what you're going to do. You're going to now we have two kids that puts an extra dimension in there. But you're going to make a list of the things that will be done by the end of the day. And you're going to give a time, approximate time when they're going to be done.

And they have to be done before you can go on to the next one. Okay. So if you haven't finished folding the laundry, you are not allowed to touch the dishes. Ah. Not permitted to touch the dishes. And I promised myself I'm not going to move until this basket is folded, yet I move. No, but now you have a lesson plan. Okay. Basically, you don't want to do any of this crap. I don't, I know. No, but it has to be done. Mm-hmm.

And you will feel better when it's done. Like I get up in the morning and I don't really want to put myself through the rigorous exercising I'm going to be put through. But when it's done, I feel great all day knowing I did it. Okay. A famous writer said the joy in writing is having written. So the joy in taking care of your house is that at the end of the day, it's done. And then you look at that and it makes you feel more comfortable.

I know you don't really want to do it, but that's not how you're raising your kids. Right. Now, I mean, do you consider this being lazy? No, I consider this being passive aggressive. Oh, wow. You don't want to do it, so you don't. But your excuse is that you have something else that has to be done. And that's what passive aggressive means. Instead of just saying, I just don't want to do this crap, you're saying, oh, I want to do this, but gee, this other thing came up.

Yes. So that's never owning the fact that you don't want to do it. The thing is, it has to be done every day. And so it gets wearisome and you're annoyed with it. And I understand all that. But you took on the obligation of making that house a home. It is, yes. And these are some of the things that make a house a home. When everything is cleaned and neat and put away, it makes everybody feel better.

And it makes your husband feel that you care about him enough to put in the effort. Because if he did at work what you're doing at home, you guys would be living in the car. So you owe him. Yes, I really do. He does a lot. Yeah. And this is your gift back. So instead of looking at it as tedious, annoying nonsense, look at it as your gift back. Okay, I will. This part of the gift is done. Check it off. This part of the gift is done. So every day.

You can put them in different orders. Okay. I have a big whiteboard in my kitchen and I could just make a checklist on that. Right. Okay. And then when he comes home tonight, you point to the board and say, I got all those things done because I appreciate what you do for us. Repeat that sentence. I got all of these things done because I appreciate what you do for us. That's right. Very good.

Yes. And how do you think he's going to look at you then? He will be happy, yes. But how will he look at you then? How will he see you? He'll look at me with admiration. Yes. Wouldn't you like that? Yes, I would. I really would. That's right. Well, go get it, woman. Thank you. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. I really appreciate it. You're welcome. Having a hard time staying focused. Well...

There's no key to being focused. Get enough sleep. Set a certain time that you're going to do it or die. Set up a reasonable schedule. Honor it. No magic. You just make decisions that you're doing it, whether you feel like it or not. Whether you're highly motivated to do it or not, that's what I do. And then I look myself in the mirror and say, oh, and of course my dog Lily thinks I'm talking to her.

So a lot of you today have listened to everything I've said. You even took notes. And now you're going to ignore it. Yep, because that's what procrastinators do. But some of you heard yourself in this deep dive and understand what you need to do to change. Good for you. Now, go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

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