the curse of perfectionism, advice session
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Hey there, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topics are failure, work ethic, and perfectionism. And perfectionism in particular is a topic that I hold near and dear to my heart because I myself

am a perfectionist. And no, I'm not humble bragging. Okay. I'm not over here like, I don't know. I just have an incredible work ethic. I know it might sound like a blessing, but I promise you it's a curse. It's exhausting being this perfect. No, I'm not saying that. In fact, I'm saying the opposite. I actually think my perfectionism gets in the way of

of me achieving. If perfection did exist, it doesn't. But if it did exist, my perfectionism would be preventing me from reaching that. My perfectionism holds me back. When I call myself a perfectionist, it's derogatory. You get the idea. This is not a flex.

That's sort of a misconception about perfectionism is that it ultimately is a blessing in disguise. And maybe it is. Maybe it is. Like, maybe if I were to observe myself, my current self, who I am right now,

and myself in an alternate universe where I'm not a perfectionist, perhaps me, the perfectionist, would achieve more than the version of me in an alternate universe who isn't a perfectionist. Perhaps, perhaps. But we'll never know that for sure. And as far as I can tell, it gets in my way. Maybe for some people it's a blessing in disguise, but definitely not for everyone. And it is not a fun thing to deal with. And I've been dealing with it for many years now.

And it's gotten better, I'd say, but I definitely don't have it all figured out. Like I haven't cured my perfectionism by any means. It's still something that I struggle with actively. So when I give you advice about it, take it with a grain of salt because I don't have it all figured out.

If you want really good advice, go find somebody who has it all figured out. And then also send me that person's number because I need their help as well. Anyway, without further ado, let's begin.

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Now back to the episode. Somebody said, as a perfectionist, I never feel like I'm doing enough. I see other successful people and I constantly feel like I'm not enough. How do I fix this?

Well, these are two separate issues. Okay. Number one, never feeling like you're doing enough, never feeling satisfied with your accomplishments, with your productivity, et cetera, and comparing your success to others. So let's address not feeling like you're doing enough.

To start, let me just say, I could not relate to this more. I could literally be on my grind for like six months straight, get so much done, be so successful. Everybody around me is jealous. I'm slaying and I literally still feel like shit and feel like I got nothing done. So I completely understand this. I think the hard truth for perfectionists is that

Perfectionists may never be able to fully experience fulfillment and joy from getting work done, from being productive. I don't, that might not be true, but in my experience thus far, like I haven't cracked that code. I still really struggle to feel like I'm doing enough. And just by simply being productive, like I almost never feel like I'm doing enough.

naturally. Like it doesn't matter how much I get done. I just never feel satisfied. I never feel fulfilled. I never feel proud. And I think for many perfectionists, that's the case. And so something that I've tried to do is to release any expectations about how productivity will make me feel. I think the reason why it's so painful is

to work really hard and then never feel like you're doing enough is because you had an expectation that working really hard would cure your perfectionism, would finally make you feel like you're working hard enough, you're doing enough. The truth is when you're a perfectionist,

There is no level of achievement of productivity that will create that feeling. That's the problem. That's why you're a perfectionist. So something that I've tried to do is release expectations of experiencing any feeling from getting work done. Because at least I'm not ending up disappointed because I'm not feeling the feelings I wanted to be feeling. You know, I might not feel satisfied and that sucks, but at least I'm not feeling dissatisfied and disappointed.

Do you know what I'm saying? Does releasing expectations solve the problem? Does it allow you to find satisfaction and fulfillment from your productivity? No, not necessarily. But in the meantime, while you're figuring out how to cope with your perfectionism, it can be helpful. And so that's something I try to do is work towards achieving things for the sake of my overall well-being in my life.

Instead of searching for a feeling of satisfaction and a feeling like I'm doing enough, I try to work on things that are ultimately leading to a better quality of life. Does that make sense? I don't know. I don't know if this is even good advice. This is just some of the things that I've tried. So that's one sort of tip. But another thing that I personally try to do is

And it's kind of cringe and it's like, I don't know, it's like, I don't know, maybe empty advice. I think it's important for perfectionists to, in a moment when you're being hard on yourself, when you really, really feel like you're not doing enough, the best thing that you can do is take a moment, close your eyes or not, open your eyes. I don't know, just fucking sit there for a minute and

And think about all that you've accomplished in the last week, in the last month, in the last year, in your whole life. Take a moment to remember what you have accomplished. And whether it's large or small, you've at least accomplished something. And I can almost guarantee, especially if you're a perfectionist, that a lot of those things were challenging. I can almost guarantee you have a lot to be proud of.

And it sounds ridiculous. It's like, Emma, like who's going to fucking, when you're in the midst of a meltdown because you feel like you're not doing enough, the last thing you want to do is think about what you have done. It's like, who cares about that? But it can really help. You could even write it down. Like write down 10 things that you've done in the last year that you're proud of. It's just, it's important for perfectionists to like shift the attention to what has been done, to what has been accomplished. Right?

Because I think a lot of times perfectionists complete a task, accomplish something, and immediately move to the next thing and take no time to relish in the excitement and the satisfaction of accomplishing. Instead, just move on to the next. Because perfectionists are always thinking about what's next. So that's another thing. Like potentially, every time you accomplish something, force yourself to take 10 minutes, maybe even 24 hours, right?

to relish in that satisfaction. Treat yourself. Take yourself out to get your nails done. Buy yourself your favorite lunch. Treat yourself. Force yourself to celebrate every accomplishment.

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I think we tend to compare our successes to other people's successes when our self-esteem is being based on our success. When your self-esteem is based on the wrong things, for example, your success, your appearance,

your romantic relationship, your friend group, whatever. When your self-esteem is rooted in the wrong things, all hell breaks loose, okay? Because...

Number one, your self-esteem is not, it's not going to be consistent. It's not going to be solid because it's based on something that is inconsistent, that is surface level, that is, it's actually not a healthy source of confidence and self-esteem. Okay. Number two, wherever your self-esteem lies, your appearance, your success, your relationship, your friend group, you'll start abandoning

obsessing over these things. It'll become your main focus, which usually ends up causing way more harm than good. For example, if your self-esteem is held in your physical appearance, you know, you're more likely to develop a plastic surgery addiction or, you

you're more likely to facetune your Instagram photos to oblivion, you know, to a point where you don't even look the way you look like in real life anymore. And that's mortifying. Like that's not something, that's not an admirable thing to do. You know, the list goes on. Or if your self-esteem is rooted in your romantic relationship, you're going to be obsessive about your partner because you're

they are your confidence, you know? So like if they don't text you back, you're like, oh my God, they're cheating on me. Oh my God, you freak out. Do you see what I'm saying? It causes more harm than good. You will obsess over whatever your self-esteem is based on, okay? And what comes with sort of obsession? Comparison as well. So if you are basing your self-esteem on your success to take it back to the dilemma that we're facing here,

If your self-esteem is based on your success, other people's success is going to drive you nuts and you are going to compare yourself to oblivion. Okay. Because you're obsessed with your success. That's what your entire being is relying on at this time. You know, you're in, it's like your backbone, your foundation is that.

But what's ironic is when your self-esteem is based on the right things, okay, it's based on your character. It's based on how generous and kind you are. It's based on how you make the world a better place in small or big ways.

It's based on your morals and values. It's based on being a good sibling, a good child, a good wife, a good husband, whatever the fuck, okay? When it's based on your character, who you truly are, material things aside, you don't compare yourself to...

to other people. You don't care that other people are hotter than you. You don't care that other people are more successful than you. You don't care because your self-esteem is in the right place. So you don't need to compare because you're not trying to

measure your physical appearance, your success, et cetera. You're comfortable with what you add to the world. You know what I'm saying? The point of all this is the reason why you might be comparing your success to others is because that's where your self-esteem lies. And that's not good. That doesn't feel good. Okay?

The best way to stop doing that is to build your self-esteem in a healthy way. And it sounds simple, but it's about having discipline, you know, taking good care of yourself, taking good care of people around you, being a good person. The list goes on. I mean, it's about having self-esteem rooted in non-material things, genuinely who you are as a person.

And then all of a sudden you won't care that other people are more successful than you. No one's, there's no such thing, like there is no most successful person in the world. Like that doesn't exist. So let go of that, okay? All right, let's move on. Somebody said, I'm extremely afraid of the future and of not living up to my potential. I'm scared of failure. How do I combat this? I think it's incredibly helpful to differentiate what you can and can't control about your future.

Because then you can let the elements you can control empower you and even inspire you, right? It clarifies like, all right, what am I working towards? And what can I do to get there? And what type of plan do I need to orchestrate to get there? And what's the next step? You know, being aware of what you can control, right?

empowers you and inspires you and gives you sort of a path. So that's awesome.

But also being aware of what you can't control allows you to set that free and take that energy that you were dedicating towards stuff that you can't control and now put it towards the stuff that you can control. Once you have a clear understanding of what you can and can't control, you can begin the journey of developing a healthy relationship with your future and with your goals. But until then, you're

You're going to be putting your energy in all the wrong places, focusing on what you can't control too much, neglecting the stuff that you can control. You know, you're going to move through life aimlessly. It's a mess. Until you really get a grasp on what you can and can't control, there will be chaos. Okay? And there's still chaos even when you do grasp what you can and can't control because it's

The nature of life is that some of it is out of our control and that is chaotic, right? There will always be a bit of chaos, but there's a healthy amount of chaos once you truly are aware of what you can and can't control. And again, then it's inspiring. You're like, all right, fuck all the stuff I can't control.

I know now what I can control. And that gives me a clearer path and a clearer set of goals. And I know what I'm working towards now. And I know the steps I need to take to get there because I know what's in my control. So...

That really helps. But I also think it's helpful to shift your goals to be less specific. Like instead of your goal being to live in a 10 bedroom house in Dallas, Texas on this exact street with this exact street number and you're married to this exact person and you have this exact job.

Shift your goal to being, I want to live in a beautiful home, in a beautiful city that I love, with a person that I love, with an incredible family. Like shift your goals to being a bit more buildable, a bit more open. You know, a lot of times we can become obsessed with these specific goals. And the problem with that,

that is that it doesn't leave room for change of plans. And inevitably, there will be changes of plans. The job that you thought you were going to get, the person you thought you were going to marry, the town you thought you were going to live in, it actually might not be right for you. And it might not work out. And that doesn't mean that you failed and that you haven't accomplished your goals and that your life is a failure. It just means that there was a change of plans.

It feels like a failure when you have specific goals that are so specific that it's like, if I don't check every single exact box, I'm a failure. Set your goals up for success. Set your goals up in such a way that there can be changes of plans. And that's okay because you'll still accomplish your goals anyway. It's not like lowering the bar. It's just letting the goals be a bit more open-ended, right?

For the sake of the future being unwritten and you not knowing exactly what's going to be right for you. And it just gives you the freedom to truly evolve and change as a person, but also as an achiever. And it sort of takes the pressure off.

You know, like there's a lot of pressure put on you when you have very specific goals. When you loosen the goals up a bit, you'll notice that the pressure lessens as well. And for most of us, pressure is not a good thing. We achieve less when we're under pressure. Majority of human beings work best when they feel free in a way.

And my last piece of advice is to reframe failure because you said, you know, I'm extremely afraid of the future and of not living up to my potential. I'm scared of failure. How do I combat this? To address failure specifically, I think reframing failure is so important. Listen, I'm not going to be unrealistic. Okay. Failure still sucks sometimes. It sucks. It

It's not always fun, and I'm not saying it is. However, failure is not bad. The most successful people in the world fail constantly. We forget this, but in order to be successful, you have to fail 100, 200, 300, 5,000 times before you'll succeed. No one succeeds the first time.

The only person that never fails is the person that never tried anything. Do you know what I'm saying? Listen, all of this is cliche. All of this is cringe, but it's absolutely true. Failure should motivate you to try again or to pivot your plans, not to give up and hide in a corner forever. You know what? I have a beautiful metaphor for all of you. Okay. Failure is not a dead end street. It's an intersection.

If you see failure as a dead end street, then you're afraid of failure because you're like, well, if I go down that that road and it's a dead end street, then like I'm fucked, you know, like I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out and like whatever. And I'm lost and all of this and there's no getting out. It's it's whatever. It's a dead end. I can't go any further. That's the end of the road.

that's not what it is. It's an intersection. Okay. You're now faced with a choice. I can go left. I can go straight. I can go right. I can fucking flip an illegal U-turn. Like it is not the end of the road. It's just a point in the road where now I have to make sometimes an uncomfortable choice. Am I going to stay going straight on this exact path? Am I going to turn right?

Am I going to turn left? Did you see what I'm saying? How beautiful is that? How fucking beautiful is that? Okay. That is what failure is. And once you reframe it and you're like, all right, it's actually not a bad thing. It's literally an inevitable step towards success, towards achievement. It is quite literally unavoidable. Once you see it like that, it's like, oh, okay, I'm less afraid because it's,

literally something that every single person is experiencing. And also, if I don't fail, then that means I'm not working towards anything. Does that make sense? Like, there's nothing to reach achievement, you have to fail along the way. Do you get what I mean? It's like, that's actually a sign that you're working towards your goals, you're, you're moving forward.

you're driving on the road. If you're stopped on the side of the road, you'll never hit an intersection. You'll also never hit a dead end because you're just pulled off on the side of the road. Only when you're driving can you reach the intersection where then you're forced to make the decision of what to do next. You know what I mean? Does that metaphor make sense? I don't know. But anyways, this episode is brought to you by Netflix.

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Someone said...

I feel like I'm never the best at anything. I'm decent slash good at things, but I don't ever stand out at the top. It makes me feel average. What do I do? I am sick and tired of the average person's slander. Okay. There is nothing wrong with being average or

average just means what most people are. Do you think most people suck and are idiots and are bad at everything? No, I can name so many different people who are incredible at things, who I admire, who are incredible people, who are not the best at anything, who are maybe not even above average at anything, but they're great.

My entire life, I was never the best at anything. I got decent grades, but I wasn't the best student. I was decent at sports, but I wasn't the most athletic. I've never been the best at anything. I've never even been the best YouTuber. You know what I'm saying? What even does that mean? I've never been the best podcaster. What does that even mean? Who is that? There's no... Okay. Okay.

The whole idea that being average is bad is ridiculous. Majority of people are average. Majority of people. Because that is what average is. We shouldn't do things in life to be the best at them. We shouldn't do things in life to like win the medal. Listen, sometimes it feels great to win the medal, but most of us are not going to win the medal. Most of us are not going to win first place.

Most of us are not going to be the valedictorian. Most of us are not going to go to the Olympics. Most of us are not going to be the scientist that cures the rare disease. Most of us are just fucking average. And guess what? That is incredible.

That's great. That's totally fine. We should do things because we enjoy doing them because they make us feel fulfilled and excited and inspired. We shouldn't do things to win the gold medal because guess what? 99.9. I've said 99.9%. Like 99.9%.

so much today. I'm just absolutely obsessed with data today and statistics. I just can't get enough of data. Anyway, 99.9% of people are never going to win the gold medal in anything in their lives. And guess what? It's okay because the gold medal is a fucking piece of metal. It doesn't make life any better.

Being above average is actually nothing more than a gold medal. It is nothing more than a piece of fucking, literally nothing. If you were to look, a gold medal, being the best at something is nothing more than

than honestly like a piece of junk, like a first place trophy. What is that? Does it actually serve any purpose? No, it means nothing. You can't even use it for anything. Do you get what I'm saying here? Being above average, it's great. You know what I mean? And it's really cool to see the people in this world that are above average at something, right? Like that's awesome.

But at the end of the day, and I mean like on our deathbed, what's really gonna matter? Not the trophy, not the gold medal. What's gonna matter is that we filled our lives with things that we loved to do, whether or not we were good at them, okay? That is what fucking matters. Being above average, fuck that. Who gives a fuck? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That's all I have to say.

Do things that you love to do. That is my advice to you. Sorry, I got really passionate there. Okay, somebody said, I feel like I'm failing at everything in life right now. My grades suck, my friendships are bad, and I'm single. What do I do? You know what the good news is? When everything sucks, when you are at rock bottom, the good news is it can only go up from here.

You're at rock bottom. Everything sucks. How exciting is that? That if you literally put even just a little bit of effort in, you can make tomorrow better because shit sucks. Do you know what I'm saying? That's actually kind of inspiring and exciting. Like when I'm at rock bottom, that's what I try to remember because it is inspiring. It is. It's empowering. My suggestion to you is to make a plan. Okay.

You can make a plan in any way that feels right for you. You could say, okay, I have all these things about my life that suck right now. My grades, my friendships, I'm single, you know, whatever. You can pick one thing and say, all right, I'm going to work on this first. Perhaps the thing that's most important, maybe in your life that's friendship or maybe in your life that's grades or maybe in your life that is relationship. I wouldn't focus on that though. Maybe you save that one for later. Save that one for once you have your grades and your friendships figured out.

I think dating is best pursued when you're not at rock bottom. My opinion, my opinion, make a plan on how you're going to improve your grades. Make a plan on how you're going to make friends. Make a plan on how you're going to start working on new hobbies. Make a plan. Until you make a plan, you're just going to sit around aimless.

You need to sit down and say, okay, I'm going to start with my grades. All right, I am going to make it a goal that for the next month, I'm going to work on homework after school for three hours a day. Three hours a day. I'm going to go from one hour a day or maybe even zero hours a day to three hours a day. I'm going to set a timer. I'm going to light a candle and I am going to do my homework for three hours a day or until I complete it and see how much my grades improve over the next month.

I am going to sign up for an extracurricular activity. I'm going to sign up for the badminton team at school. I'm going to sign up for the lacrosse team at school. I'm going to sign up for something extracurricular. And I'm going to slowly but surely make friends with the people on the team. And we might not be best friends.

but we'll see what happens. Like make a plan, figure out how you're going to improve your grades, how you're going to make friends, how you're going to stop failing until you have a plan, until you have something to act upon. What the fuck are you supposed to do? So you need to get organized and you need to figure out

what your next step is. Because it's very easy to just wallow in like, oh, I'm so far behind. I'm failing so bad. There's no getting out of this. Not true. Not true. You'll be shocked at how quickly things can turn around the second you have a plan and stop dwelling in the feeling of failure and instead say, it's all up from here. Let's figure it out. You'll be shocked at how quickly things turn around.

Okay, somebody said, advice on how to be more gentle with myself in my early 20s. I'm so harsh and critical with myself as a first instinct. I am the same way, to be honest. But when I react really harshly to myself...

I try to remind myself how truly young I am. And this is not in like an ageist sort of way. Like I think we should be graceful with ourselves no matter our age. But I do think that when you're in your 20s, you're really young. You were a teenager like a few years ago, right? And what I do to put my age and lack of life experience into perspective is to remember myself 10 years ago.

15 years ago, 20 years ago, back when I was four years old, you know, 10 years old, 12 years old, like only just five, 10, 15 years ago, I was a child. And now I look back at myself and I'm like, oh my God,

What a little baby, you know, like what a little fragile baby. What an innocent little soul, you know? And the truth is in 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years, we'll look back at ourselves now with so much patience and I don't know, we'll be gentle with ourselves. And so why not be gentle now? 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 years down the line,

we're going to be gentle with ourselves. And that's the same person as we are today. Why not just be gentle now? I don't know if that's good advice, but that is something that I think about. Like when I was hard on myself when I was 15 years old and I was hard on myself, if I had thought about myself at 23, almost 24, and how I would feel towards myself, I maybe would have been more gentle with myself because now at age 24, I look at my 15 year old self like a baby and I

I feel fond, gentle feelings towards my 15-year-old self. There's something comforting about knowing like down the line, I'm going to look back at who I am today and be so patient and be so kind. Why not just do that now? I don't know. But I also think too that sometimes like age aside, we can be unnecessarily harsh and critical with ourselves if other things are going on in our lives. Again, age aside.

For example, if we're hanging out around the wrong people, hanging out around people who are not supportive of us, don't love us fully, don't support us fully, that can lead to being unnecessarily harsh and critical with oneself. I've noticed that in myself. When I've, say, you know, dated or been friends with people who weren't really on my team and

it's manifested in me being harsh and critical with myself. When my self-esteem is low, which we talked about earlier, when I'm not basing my self-esteem on the right things, when I'm not basing it on my character, I'm basing it on my physical appearance or my success or, you know, when my self-esteem is in the wrong place, you know, I can be overly harsh and critical of myself.

I think age can contribute, but I also think too that there's probably something else going on in your life, like beyond just you being in your 20s. Like I do think it's a normal thing, right? Like we're hard on ourselves always, right? But I think once we reach our 20s, we're really hard on ourselves because...

I don't know, our frontal lobe is the most developed it's ever been and we're starting to realize like how dumb we can be sometimes and it's abrupt and it's, I don't know, overwhelming. But a lot of times, I don't know, there's something else lingering beneath the surface as well. So maybe pay attention to that too.

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Somebody said, in order to be the best at something, do you have to do it 24 seven? Well, number one, I'd let go of the expectation of ever being the best.

Because good luck with that. I personally have never been the best at anything ever in my life. Never. So fuck that. Like, that's just not going to happen. That's a ridiculous expectation. It's like, in order to be perfect at something, do you have to do it? No. Perfect, the best. These things don't exist. So let go of that. That's number one. But let's rephrase this question. In order to be good at something, in order to be great at something, do you have to do it 24-7? I think no. I think no.

But I also sort of think, yes. Okay, let me explain.

I don't think doing something 24-7 is healthy. Like I think putting all of your eggs in one basket and saying, I'm going to dedicate my entire life to this one thing. I don't think that that's healthy. I think you need to have variety in your life, right? So if you're working towards a goal, it's good to have time off on the side. It's good to have other smaller goals. It's good to have hobbies. Like it's good to diversify what's going on in your life. You don't want to have all of your eggs in one basket. Otherwise...

Number one, it's bad for you psychologically. It'll like make you depressed and anxious. But number two, it puts too much pressure on this one thing, which isn't good because if it doesn't work out, which it might not because that's the reality of life, now you're fucked because you put all of your eggs in that basket. Not great. But also too, if you really love something and you really want to be good at it, you don't want to burn yourself out. And doing something 24-7 will burn you out. So you definitely want to have other stuff going on in your life, even if you want to be great at something.

There's also something about being like overexposed to something that weirdly can hold you back. Like when I work out every single day, seven days a week, I achieve less gains, if you will, than if I go five days a week and have two days of rest in between.

short-term and long-term. Short-term because I'm not exhausting myself, so I'm actually able to perform better in my workouts. But then long-term because, number one, I'm preventing burnout because I have balance. I'm doing five days a week. I have two days off, two days to recover, two days to do other things with my time. You know, five days a week is still a lot too. Like, let's say I was doing three days a week, four days a week, same idea. You know, there's time away. There's time to recharge. There's time to rebuild, right?

So that you can go back even stronger and with a fresh perspective, because that's the other thing. Let's say you're working on an art piece. If you lock yourself in your house for two months and work on this art piece and you never go outside and you never talk to anyone and you don't work on anything else. Okay. If this painting doesn't work out, you are going to be a mess. You are going to be an emotional wreck. That is not good.

Okay, that's number one. Number two, you're going to get burnt out because you weren't doing anything else and it's going to ruin your spark and you're not going to want to make another painting. You're going to want to quit painting after that and you'll quite literally physically suffer. I mean, you didn't see the sun, you didn't move around a lot, like you will physically suffer. In order to be the best at something, you shouldn't work on it 24-7. You need to have balance. However,

You do need to work really fucking hard. And again, we rephrased it. It's not the best in order to be great at something. You need to work really fucking hard. So yeah, you shouldn't work on it 24 seven, but you should work on it a lot. And unfortunately there is no like exact formula

amount of like how much time you should dedicate to it. You know, I think a popular number or a popular split tends to be 80-20. Like 80% of your life should be put towards doing the right thing, right? Building your life, right? Working towards something. And then 20% is for fucking off. That's kind of a number that comes up a lot. Like,

I don't know, I see on the internet, like the 80-20 diet, where it's like 80% of your diet is healthy, nutritious foods, and then 20% is like junk food or whatever. 80-20, like lifestyle, like 80% of the time you're, you know, you got a routine, you live a healthy life, you exercise, you do this and that. And then 20% of the time, you do whatever you want. You smoke a cigarette, you get blackout drunk, you lay in bed all day, you do whatever. It's about...

balance. I think that applies here. But if you want to be great at something, maybe it's like 85-15 or like 90-10. I don't know. But it's definitely not 100%, you know? Both extremes are not good, right? Like working too hard, not good.

Not working hard enough, not good. Next, somebody said, how to be productive again when you feel like everything you do will fail. So it's all just useless anyway. Always feeling like a failure. I did talk about failure earlier, but let's touch on it again. Number one, failure is not bad. It sucks. It can be discouraging. It can be annoying. It can be frustrating. It

especially when it happens over and over again. But sometimes that's the path towards success for you. Like if you keep pushing through, you know, and you keep working, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will eventually succeed. It might not look the way you expected it to look. It might not be in the way you expected it to be, but you will succeed at some point, but only if you keep going. So that's one thing to keep in mind.

But also this idea that everything you do fails is ridiculous. That doesn't happen. Like that doesn't happen for anyone. We all succeed sometimes at something. So give yourself a little bit of credit. Shift your attention to where you have succeeded in your life thus far and allow that to motivate you. Like, okay, actually I do succeed sometimes. Here are all the times I did succeed. I can do that again. Even if it's just small little successes,

That is success. So you can't say everything I do is a failure. I'm a failure. No, you've succeeded before. And be motivated by the fact that getting back to productivity will help prove this false narrative wrong. Right now, you're remaining stagnant because you're like, I don't want to do anything. I'm just going to fail again. So why the fuck would I do anything? I'm a lost cause. Well, guess what? That's a false narrative. That is not true.

And the sooner that you get back to it and start working again, start working on whatever you want to work on, the sooner that you do that, the sooner that you will ultimately succeed at something. And the sooner that you'll prove that false narrative wrong and you'll start to build hope again and you'll start to build confidence again.

But as long as you're sitting around just like, I'm a lost cause, you're living in a lie. You're living in a lie. And until you get up and prove yourself wrong, you'll be living in that lie and nothing will get done. And it'll just be painful and uncomfortable. So be motivated by the fact that you need to prove yourself wrong. You know what I'm saying? Remember, okay?

Feeling like everything you do will fail, so it's all useless anyway. Feeling like a failure. This is not real. That is not real. None of that is real. Nobody is a failure. That does not exist. You can fail, but no one is a failure. I just don't even think that that exists. As long as you keep pushing through, you will eventually succeed.

you will. You won't succeed if you just stop. Like what you're doing right now, you won't succeed now. But if you change your mindset and say, if I keep pushing, I will eventually succeed.

There is a 99.9. Here I go again with that fucking percentage. There is a 99.9999999% chance that if you get back to work, you will eventually succeed at something. I would even say there's a 100% chance you will succeed eventually. All this shit going on in your head, it's a lie. So get out there and prove yourself wrong. Improve that mindset wrong.

That's it. That's my advice. That's my advice for today. I hope you enjoyed. And if you did, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. Tune in. And new episode of Advice Session every other Sunday. So yeah, tune in for that. Watch Anything Goes on YouTube and Spotify. Listen anywhere you stream podcasts.

Follow on social media at Anything Goes. Follow me on social media at Emma Chamberlain. And check out my coffee company, chamberlaincoffee.com.

in stores near you, store locator on chamberlaincoffee.com, on social media at Chamberlain Coffee, in the Westfield Century City Mall in Los Angeles. If you live in Los Angeles, that's it. That's all I have for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. It is always a pleasure. And I truly, truly love all of you and appreciate all of you. And yeah. Okay.

I am going to go make a veggie burger. Yum. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I'm going to toast up my little buns. I'm going to cook up my little veggie burger on the stove, get it all crispy. I'm going to do a little bit of ketchup. I'm going to put two types of mustard on there, spicy mustard and classic yellow. I'm going to put a bunch of pickle slices on there. It's going to be tangy. It's going to be delicious. And then after dinner, maybe I'll make one singular chocolate chip cookie in the toaster oven.

That is what's on my agenda for the rest of the day. Not to brag or anything. Yeah, it's whatever. Okay, that's it. I'm going to go make my veggie burger, eat my little chocolate chip cookie, and I will talk to you guys later. Okay, bye.