Refresher: How Can Teresa Find a Better Way to Cope With the Loss of Her Son?
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in Los Angeles, California. Get the details and your tickets now at drlaura.com slash event. Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. Remember, you can hear my live radio program weekdays, 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Teresa, welcome to the program. Hi, thank you. Thank you. What can I help you with?

Well, March 26th, my son will have been gone a year. March 10th is his birthday. He'd have been 23. What happened? And he was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was heading south on a highway, and a woman was stopped, and I guess she thought she could beat him, and she turned right in front of him, and he hit her. And is she in prison? No.

why not um well your guess is as good as mine on that um they they say it was an accidental death that it wasn't intentional and if you ask me she's the one that made that judgment call to turn in front of him and causes go ahead holy cow that's why i have a trike as big as a small car

Um, I am so sorry. I don't even, there is nothing to say. Sorry. I'm sorry. So my guess is you're feeling like crap. Yes. Um, I do a lot of crying and I do a lot of not sleeping and, you know, a lot of, you know, he, he left behind a son. Uh, and then his daughter was just born. Um, she's, she's coping real well. Um,

And then his daughter was born in December and she will never know her father. She'll never know her dad. And my son was an excellent dad. And you, are you over there a lot helping with the grandkids?

Whenever, I'm a truck driver, so I'm gone. But whenever I'm home, I get my oldest grandson because the little girl, she's breastfed. So, but I spend time with her, you know, and then I get my grandson for the weekend or however long I'm home, you know, because. Please tell me you weren't calling, hoping I could make you feel better.

No, I'm just trying to figure out. I guess I don't know. I don't know how to come to terms with it, I guess. Deal with it. In over 40 years of being a psychotherapist, I have never met a parent whose child was dead who accomplished that.

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Yeah, well, that's what I was, you know, thinking that, you know, it's going to be something that I contend with every day and try to deal with every day for the rest of my life, you know. Well, no, we don't deal with it every day. You know? No, you shouldn't be dealing with it every day. That you shouldn't be doing. I have a... Well, I... Do you understand what I'm saying? I do. No, I don't. You don't deal with it. You don't do... Well, then let's talk about it.

You cannot obsess. Right. And I think I do that. Well, it's not an example of love, obsessing. Yeah. And not obsessing is not proof of no love. It just means that you're becoming more and more mentally challenged. Right. And what's the point of that? Because you have a daughter-in-law and grandkids. You have what he left behind for you. And if you let yourself...

be obsessing, you can't be fully there for what he left for you to take care of for him. Well, that makes a lot of sense, you know. Well, and I know part of the reason why, because doing what I do for a living, you're by yourself 24 hours a day, and your mind just starts clicking, and I try... That's where music comes in. You play music. When I get in the car, I put on all these rock and roll.

Because I sing not well, but I sing with it. Right. And it keeps me out of any bad places in my head. That's a good idea. I think I'll start listening to music. What would your music be? I listen to everything except for rap. I cannot listen to rap. No. What's the one music that really speaks to you? For me, it's Motown. What is it for you? I like the oldies. You know, the oldies channel. Okay. Well...

Sirius XM, if you have it in your truck, has a 50s channel, a 60s channel. Yeah. You can bring tapes. I have Sirius in the truck, and I do listen to it every now and then, but I think I need to start listening to it more. All the time. Whenever you think of him, I want you to tell him, I am here to take care of your wife and kids. Don't worry. Repeat that. Yeah. Say it.

Well, I do. You know, I do tell him. Teresa, do you not understand the words, say it? Now. Right now. Say it. What's your boy's first name? I'm here to take care of your wife and your kids. What's your first name? What's his first name? Sorry. Rex. Well, I'd appreciate if you could say it like you meant it. Rex, I'm here to take care of your wife and kids for you. One more time.

Rex, I'm here to take care of your wife and kids for you. And that would be more important to him than his birthday or his death day. Yeah. He wouldn't be impressed with you celebrating his birthday. He wouldn't be impressed with you going to hell with yourself on his death day. He would be impressed if you took care of his wife and kids for him because he can't. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

okay then and i do i do know that and i do need to work on trying to stop obsessing over it music yes really music to be surprised how powerful it is to change our mood instantly right that is true it can uplift you when you need it sometimes yes music is magic oh that is true

Thank you. I think I needed somebody to, because nobody will tell me anything, you know. But I think, I think, yeah, I think I needed to hear, you know, stop obsessing over it. Music. Yep. Call me back anytime you're in town or you stop for lunch. Okay. All right, sweetheart. Take care. All right. Thank you. My number, 1-800-375-7000.

2872. Please join the growing number of listeners who have signed up for the Dr. Laura family. It's free. You get priority access to things like my call of the day podcast and my design store, which features jewelry, glass and knitted items. I personally design and handcraft myself. You also get our newsletter, the daily dose and lots more to sign up, go to drlaura.com. Click on the pink box that says, join my family.

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