Don’t Spend All Your Time on a Screen
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Well, it happened for a season where one of my kids was bringing to me these videos from an influencer that I did not like. And I was stuck. Danny, it was a conundrum. Because if I say I don't like that person, what is my teenager going to do? Smile and say yes. Yeah, right. And so I really struggled with this. And maybe you struggle with something like this as well.

I'm John Fuller, joined by Dr. Danny Huerta, who leads our parenting team. And it's impossible to compete with all those voices out there. I mean, how to make $50 million in the next 50 years, how to get X amount of percentage of income from YouTube. There's so many different voices out there, and they all seem like they're speaking directly to my child through the phone. What do I do about that? That's the design, right? And

Recently with the elections, my son, 21, my daughter, 19, both in different places as far as social media. And we were very careful as far as the whole social media thing, delayed it as long as we could.

They got to have social media after 18 and the phones we delayed till 16. But man, my son around the election time, he's going, hey dad, did you hear this and that? And there are things that were just way out there. And I'm going, son, we gotta be careful with what...

comes through this whole social media thing. And music has been another one that has been interesting to me. My daughter, she was listening to a variety of artists and she put the music up and we'd have conversations around the influence of music. And I'd say, hey,

can we stop and just listen carefully? Yeah. What are those lyrics about? What's being sung? Because I just heard this word and this word. Can we talk about this? Very catchy tune. Love the music as far as just the musical side of things. The words, not so much. So let's talk about this and help me understand. I go, I'm not hearing the words. I don't even listen to that. I love the tune. Totally get that. I go, let's find another tune that has real life redeeming things because

And I go, man, I'm sorry you guys have a therapist, a psychologist as a dad. Because I really think about these things and there's a direct subconscious influence on your life through music. There is. There's an influence. It's not a direct, hey, this is what I'm telling you. It's a song and it's getting in there and repetition becomes part of your thinking. Yeah.

And music goes directly to the emotional centers. And during the teen years are the most powerful moments of music. Those are the ones we end up remembering into our 30s, 40s, 50s, what we listened to in our teen years. Our brain's designed that way. I will attest to the truth of that, yes. So it's interesting to think about

All these different types of influences our kids are being exposed to. Yeah. Have intentional conversations. You don't have to just shut it down. Say, hey, help me understand. That's a good way to start. Yeah. That's good advice. And we're going to hear now a segment from Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Jim spoke with David Murrow about...

why and how we need to guard our screen use. - Well, I think in the past, and it still plays out today, but I think when Christian young men and women go off to college out of high school and they're out from under mom and dad's roof, it's kind of an analogy to what you're saying with what they do with screens. It's just mom and dad may not know it. Now they can go party and do things. And if mom and dad have not had those discussions with them about what does it mean to be on your own, be responsible for your life now and making good decisions,

That's really not good. And it's the same thing with screen time. Yeah. And there are a lot of voices out there that want to pull our kids toward extremism. You know, they really, and I think a lot of kids are falling for these pitches because they're couched in the word of compassion and love and, you know, let's be kinder. Yeah.

And it's just – it's pulling – the young people today have a very compassionate heart, and activists know this. And they use screen time to manipulate their views and to turn them away from Christ. You know, Christians are just a bunch of bigots. They're not compassionate and all that stuff. We all know that's false. Christians are the most compassionate people we know. Hmm.

But they're redefining things. And our kids need to have discernment so they can understand that they're being manipulated. It's a filter that's going on, and the truth is being filtered through these glasses. You know, David, I'm thinking of that frustrated parent. They're doing it poorly. The kids are doing it poorly, all of that. How can we more fully embrace what God has for us when we limit our time on the screens? Yeah.

We only have 24 hours in a day, and we are devoting nine of those to screen time. God has a mission for us. God wants to speak to us. God wants to use us. And it's very hard for him to break through now because screens are the object of our worship. The Bible says, fix your eyes upon Jesus. Our eyes are fixed upon our screens.

So we've got to tear our eyes away from our screens and put them back on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Yeah, it doesn't say fix your eyes on Google. Or any of the other billion things we can say. That's well said. Let's end here. You use the analogy of rehearsing a play for interacting with the real world. How can that help us understand better the importance of getting off the screens?

The final story I tell in Drowning in Screen Time is just a little parable of an actor who comes out on stage completely unprepared. He flubs his lines. He stands in the wrong place. He knocks over the props. And the other actors are busily trying to cover up for his flubs. I think what we're seeing with a lot of young adults who have grown up 7, 8, 9, 10 hours a day on their screens is they are flubbing their lines. They haven't practiced. They haven't been to rehearsal.

Real life takes lots of rehearsal. We have to learn how to be in community with people who might say things that offend us. Yeah, wins and losses. We have to learn to take wins and losses. We have to learn how to come out of our digital castles and encounter real life. Our car breaks down. We have to learn how to deal with it. All these real life situations that we're insulating ourselves from by being on the screens are

we're flubbing our lines and we're missing out on real life and the real joys that are available to us. So the purpose of my book was to teach everyone how to get people out onto the stage, back into real life so that we can create an award-winning, how's my analogy go? To fulfill our mission in life. That's the whole goal of it is not to deprive us of something that's good. It's to give us the opportunity to fulfill the mission God has given us.

Well, it's so true that we have choices in how we fill our 24 hours and some habits, Danny, that you recommend for parents to kind of get a handle on screen time. What would some of the top habits be? Yeah, man, this one, it's unique to the different personalities, but I'd say in general, finding the sacred places, right? So dinner time, you determine that a no phone zone and you find a parking lot for your phones. So whether it's a basket or whether it's

on counters, or you know it's self-controlled in your pocket, even though it might vibrate. Putting those things away and making that a no-screen zone. And then the car is a fantastic one, unless you're looking for restaurants or you're looking for directions. Having that be a time of connection the most you can. Then the bed, that place of

When you're connecting with your spouse or you're going to go to sleep, making that a place where there's rarely any type of screen time there. And then when people are gathering together, if you're at a gathering with other family members and you're checking your phone and looking at your phone,

guess what your kids are going to be doing? They're going to be doing the same thing. And so modeling the importance of face-to-face relationship, those are initially good habits to show your kids because you'd want them to do that. The other part is finding hobbies,

exercising, finding ways to do things other than the easy thing, the low hanging fruit of, I'm just gonna pass the time on the phone. If you're in line somewhere, show your kids other ways to pass the time in line. Like what? There is nothing else. Maybe grab a magazine or look at the ingredients of some of the things that are there or look at the gadgets and talk about them. But find ways to continue conversation

to show that there are other curiosities that you can spark on your own instead of the phone doing it for you. You're modeling how to handle boredom, how to work on patience, how to handle relationship.

When you bring the phone in, it short circuits those opportunities to teach and model. And so look at those and maybe sometimes you feel a little bit tired and you show a balance. You go, guys, how about we look at our pictures from the past? And you guys are on the phone together and showing that sometimes maybe having the habit of being on the screen together rather than by yourself.

that can be a fun thing to do as well. Yeah, that's good. Those are some really great starting points. I love the concept of create some other things, foster some other curiosities to fill the time where you would passively just be looking at the screen. You've got to replace bad habits with good ones. Yes. And so that's critical. And once again, we have a parenting show where this is really more about you, mom and dad, than your child because we've got to lead the way with this stuff.

And it's not easy. We get that. And John, we have a new book, Becoming a Screen Savvy Family, that the Plugged In team put together for this very reason, to create a habit that you can go back to. So that's another good start. I appreciate that. Yeah, our Plugged In team is on the job seemingly 24-7 looking out for what's out there in the media and encouraging a proper use of screens.

Of course, we heard from David Murrow, and he's got a terrific book, Drowning in Screen Time, a lifeline for adults, parents, teachers, and ministers who want to reclaim their real lives. So, so many practical things in this book. Get a copy from us today when you make a generous donation of any amount to support this show and this ministry. Donate online or over the phone.

And we've mentioned the PluggedIn team. We'll link over to some of their resources and excellent starting points. If you don't know about PluggedIn, it is a gem of a ministry here at Focus. It has been so useful to so many families in determining what's good, what's bad, what should we avoid, what can we embrace in today's modern culture. Find out more about PluggedIn in the episode notes.

Next time, Cynthia Tobias, a former police officer and teacher and educational specialist, talks about things kids are learning in the classroom. For now, on behalf of Dr. Danny Huerta and our entire team, thanks for listening to the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast.

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