Friendship Breakups
01:03:24 Share

Welcome back everyone. It's now 2024, so happy new year. We had a week off last week and Thursday just did not feel the same without hot mess, so I'm so excited we're back into it. And it's the new year. I really want to focus on, you know, keeping my circle small, keeping the people around me, people that I trust and people that I love and people that respect me and that I respect them. So today we're going to be talking about

So friendship, friendship breakups, how do you break up with a friend or maybe you're the friend that gets broken up with? This episode is presented by Sephora. Nourish yourself with hair care that really works whatever your hair type from brands like Amika, Kerastase, Moroccan Oil, and K18. Click or tap the banner or visit sephora.com to shop now.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never going to happen.

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

and the time it takes you to get a drink. You could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it. Open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. It is hot out this summer. It is actually absurdly hot out and you don't have to be an athlete like Braxton to get the sweat going working outside training. I'm sweating walking to the car, walking down the road. People are taking zoom meetings on their porch sweating and you need to replace that sweat with hydration. I personally love Liquid IV. They have three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness. Liquid IV hydrates two times faster than water alone. If

any of you were listening to one of the episodes where I said I had a panic attack this summer, it's because my body was so dehydrated. It was run down, didn't feel good. The boat captain actually had to bring me out a liquid IV to put in my water because I was feeling so nauseous. That just truly shows my love for liquid IV and how much they do. They're so amazing. They have a bunch of flavors to choose from and, you know, take it to the beach with you. Make sure you're staying hydrated this summer. So grab your liquid IV.

hydration multiplier sugar-free in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code HOTMESS at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code HOTMESS at liquidiv.com.

The reason I wanted to talk about this is one because I feel like I went through a lot of friendship breakups this past year and I have dealt with that in the past as well and it's really hard like it feels like an actual breakup with a romantic relationship sometimes I think even worse because your best friend is like you know your partner someone who's there for you or maybe it's not a best friend but maybe it's just like a friend in general like it hurts and

I don't think it's talked about enough that like when you're dating a guy, right? If he is treating you poorly, if he's shit, you know, you're going to break up with him. And there's a set term for that. You know, you're having like a breakup conversation. They say to you basically like,

I want to break up. You say I want to break up. But like, there's no term for that when it comes to girlfriends. Like, you don't say like, hey, I want to break up with you. Or like, I don't know. It's like, hey, I don't want to be your friend anymore. But like, how do you do that? And like, what's the right way to end a friendship that's not serving you?

And I don't know, I think that this is gonna be a fun topic. We have a lot to go over with this, but first I wanted to get started with going over where I'm at, some life updates for the new year. So I did make some New Year's resolutions, not a ton, because I feel like you always make New Year's resolutions and then by like February you forget that you had them, so...

Mine, I kind of kept it pretty simple. For my New Year's goals, I have this journal where I like write everything in and a lot of my New Year's resolutions are more like goals. So like I'll set goals for myself for the year because I actually did this last year with my 2023 goals and

I think we get caught up so much that like you forget where you are in life. So like you, you know, complete one task and you're so focused on like getting to the next one. And I think it's nice to have like a set list and like go back and see how much you've accomplished because like,

you forget the little things that you've accomplished and they're important. And it was really, really cool to check off my 2023 bucket list. I completed a lot of my goals, almost all of them. So I made a new one for 2024. And those are more like aspirational goals in like life and work. And as for my New Year's resolutions, I really want to start going to therapy more. I have been a few times in like the past couple of months, but I want to start going like

every week maybe every other week I don't know nothing's like necessarily wrong but I just think therapy is so helpful and eye-opening and I don't know I think it will help me grow as a person so therapy is on there and

And weirdly enough, number two, I wanted to start taking dance classes again because I used to be a dancer and I miss it. It was so much fun and a good workout. And I was like, you know what? Maybe I should find like a dance studio in Miami that I can go take some dance classes.

So if you see Big Al dancing, mind your own business. I'm definitely very rusty and like will be horrible, but I think it'd be a fun workout. And then my third resolution, which I'm doing kind of with Braxton, my boyfriend,

So we will often at times like laying bed together and just talk and like stay up until like one or two in the morning and he has to get up so early like it's not great. So we decided to start putting our phones down at like 11 p.m. and we already did it a few nights and I woke up at like 8 a.m. bright and early. I was feeling great. It makes sense.

such a difference going to bed at like 11 p.m. versus 1 a.m. because if I go to bed at 1 a.m., I'm trying to like get myself out of bed by like 10, 11 in the morning and I still can't do it. So that's been good, helpful. I think like off the phones because I'll sit there like scrolling on TikTok. So that was kind of our like

resolution to work on together. Something else I've been doing, which is for the month of January, if you're following me on any social media, you've probably seen me posting about this, but I'm doing the 30 hard, which is technically just, there's this challenge, like the 75 hard, this whole like diet workout thing for 75 days, but I was like, I cannot do 75 days, like that's not in the cards for me, so I posted, I was like, I'm just gonna do 30 days because I'm

Big Al's not doing 75. And basically the rules are like, work out twice a day, a gallon of water a day, no alcohol, like read 10 pages a day, keep yourself on like a diet of your choice. And I am basically like always traveling. So if you guys watched the last episode when I named all the trips of last year, I'm traveling around a lot. So it's not really like maintainable for me to do something like this or...

I don't know, even like get myself to the gym regularly. Like I have just been so over the place with the gym and like eating. And I don't know, this past year has been, it's been a whirlwind, but I've basically like kind of messed up my whole like

health schedule, I feel. And when I say I want to like get in shape, that doesn't mean like, oh, I want to like lose a bunch of weight because I think people were confused and they were like, well, you like you're skinny, like you don't need to lose a bunch of weight. And that's like not why I'm doing this. Like for me, getting in shape is like

feeling good, feeling healthy. Like I want to be able to literally go on a walk without like getting a cramp because last week I was walking with Kristen and I was like, oh my God, like I have a cramp. Like, oh, I'm like bent over in pain. Like I just was like not in shape. Like I didn't feel good. I didn't feel like my muscles were like, I just wasn't feeling myself. So

We're getting in shape this month and I'm not traveling for the month of January. I think I'm only maybe gonna go to New York for a few days to shoot something really exciting for work, but then I'll be back in Miami. I don't think something like this would be attainable for me at any other month in the year because I am traveling and just like super, super busy.

So I decided while I have a month at home, let's get right health and wellness. I'm going to the gym. But like,

I mean, I'm only on day five right now and like, I'm like, my body is sore, but I do feel good. And one of the big things that people keep asking me about is like the alcohol, no alcohol part of it. I would love to have a glass of wine at night or like I'm going out with my friends. I would love to have a drink, but like, I'm okay. Like that is probably like the easiest part for me, I feel like. I think the working out twice a day is the hardest part because...

That just takes a lot of time. I don't know the alcohol. It's fine. Like I went out with my friends last night and I didn't drink and the only thing I'll say is that like it's so weird going out when you're sober and like witnessing everyone else. Like I almost was getting the ick for like me going out because I was like wait, it's just like everyone in a room like small talking but like they're drinking. So I don't know. I felt so like kind of socially awkward and

But then, once I, like, got past that initial hump, I just kind of was like, Alex, like, no one knows that, like, you're not drinking right now, and that's not a weird thing that you're not. So, like, just be yourself. Like, I don't know why I went through, like, a weird little, like, mental thing where I was out, and I was like, oh my god, I can't talk to anyone right now. But honestly, it was great, and I came home, I did my skincare routine, I woke up feeling great, no hangover, so...

I don't know. I don't think it's that bad. And I was just sipping on, like, club sodas with limes because that's another thing that, like, when you...

don't want to drink when you're going out. Like, there's nights before where, like, I don't want to drink. I'm going out where I've had, like, one or two drinks and I'm like, I'm over this. And everyone, like, badgers you to drink. They're like, come on, just drink, just have fun. So, like, I feel like my tip for that is just, like, put something in your hand and just, like, let people, like, be. Because, I don't know, I think people need to stop forcing, like, people to drink when they're going out if they don't want to drink.

That's my one thing I'll say about that. But I'm not really worried about the alcohol part of it. Yes, I will be so freaking excited to have a drink when this is over. But like, I don't think I'm going to

die, I'll be fine. My roommate Kristen is actually also doing the 30 hard with me and she's in Costa Rica right now, but she's coming back and then I'll kind of have like a little workout buddy. So I'm going to go on walks with some people on social media are very very mad at me because one I'm doing this like 30 hard thing and I didn't really I don't know. I just post about my life. I'm like, hey, I'm doing the 30 hard like

this is what I'm going to be doing this month. Like if anyone wants to follow along with me and a lot of people have been following along, which is so great. But then some people are literally so mad. Like I didn't mean to make this like its own challenge, but I don't know. Now it's like the Earl girls were doing it. We're getting back in shape for January. I don't know. Some people are very, very triggered by that. I think like the health and wellness and like cooking people on social media scare me because I'm like, I'm just trying my best here. Like I'm

I'm just trying my best. I was cutting an onion the other night because one of my goals with like the diet part is I'm not really restricting myself. Like it's kind of like, you know what, get groceries, eat healthy, cook. I'm restricting myself from Uber Eats because I Uber Eats way too much, way too much.

way too much. So no Uber Eats for me this month and I've been cooking, which is great, but like I posted a video cooking and I was cutting like with a serrated knife an onion and everyone was like, oh,

Not the serrated knife, not the bread knife with the onion. I'm like, I honestly don't know. I feel like I use that knife for everything. Like the cooking and fitness people scare me. Love you so much. But like, I don't know everything. That's not my niche. And my last thing I'll say about this is I feel like

I don't know. You know when you get a boyfriend and, like, you kind of just, like, let yourself go a little bit? Like, you get very comfortable. Like, I feel like when you're single, you're like, all right, like, on my shit. Like, we're looking hot. Here we go. I feel like people call it, it's like, you gain, like, boyfriend weight or whatever. I feel like I've just been, like, too comfortable recently. I'm like, you know what? I am just not feeling myself. Like, I just have not been feeling good. And it's regardless of, like, any guy. Like, I just want to feel comfortable.

good and hot for myself, if that makes sense. So I don't know if anyone else is on that wave with me. In for 2024, looking good, feeling hot for ourselves. Out for 2024, looking good, feeling good for a guy. We're doing it for ourselves. 2024 is our year. Here we come. We're starting off the year in shape, feeling good.

keeping our circles small and keeping people around us that make us feel good and lift us up. So that's why I really want to talk about this

Whole friendship debacle in this episode. We're starting off the year with a clean slate and maybe you're not. Maybe you're like, wait, I have not been starting off on a clean slate because I do feel like I'm stuck in a weird friendship that I kind of want to get out of or maybe it's not serving me the right purpose. But we are going to go over all of that in this episode. So let's get into it.

This episode is brought to you by Tinder. We all have a dream of how we'll meet that special someone, right? We think it's going to be this big romantic moment. I'm going to be walking down the side of the road. He's going to see me, think I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, turn right back around, come sweep me off my feet. But that's never a

quite how it happens. I mean, I met my boyfriend at the bar, at a party, you know? I mean, I feel like that's how it happens when you go out. Some of you are still waiting for a meet cute moment to happen, but in reality, you might be more likely to find your meet cute on Tinder. A new relationship starts every three seconds on the app.

in the time it takes you to get a drink, you could have already met your special someone. So don't overthink it, open Tinder and take a chance on romance. No matter how your journey starts, you may join the millions of relationships that started thanks to Tinder. Explore all of the possibilities for yourself. Tinder, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions...

Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women.

In 2020, the brand launched the Missouri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. Because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world, feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one. Start stacking your favorites, shop online, or visit the website to find a store near you. Okay, friendship. I don't even know where to start.

I don't want you guys to take this as like drama or anything other than like, I'm just telling my like personal experiences with friends. I always kind of struggled with friends growing up. Like that was a big thing for me. And my sister Ashton, like she found her friends in kindergarten and they are still her friends to this day. And like, that was not the case for me in middle school. Oh no, I could not get a friend to stick around. Like it was actually a joke that like,

if I hung out with a girl and they came back to hang out with me a second time, my dad would be like, oh my God, like we're so surprised to see you again. We're surprised you're still hanging out with Alex. Like, I don't know what it was. Middle school was like not great for me with friends. Then going into high school, I went to a high school that was like

probably 30 minutes away from where I went to middle school and I just wanted like a new start, new experiences. I think a lot of this had to do that I was like not confident in myself. I was just like, I don't know, I was like shy almost, but like I wouldn't show that I was shy if that makes sense. So like I got into like a big friend group in high school and a lot of them like

still friends with them. But in the beginning, like, I remember I was the friend that, like, we would sit around at, like, a table and, like, I would say something and everyone would just, like, keep talking over me. Like, I had no voice. That was something I really struggled with. Like, I always just thought that everyone hated me and that's probably because I dealt with, like,

bullying or whatever in middle school. So I just had no confidence when it came to friends. I distinctly remember just being the friend in the group that just felt scared to speak up and talk. And I felt like if I did, everyone didn't care what I had to say or was laughing at me. And sometimes those insecurities will still come back. Weirdly enough, I had a weird

anxiety spout last year where I was like really in my head about everything and all of a sudden I'm like in my house my college house with my friends and I was like I don't know like I just feel like you all hate me and they're like Alex what and I don't know but I did used to struggle with that a lot until probably the end of high school I think I started to like find my confidence find my voice and I think that helped me a lot with friends I'm not really sure what I was so afraid of but

But I don't know. I just felt like I didn't have a voice in the group ever. Like I felt like I was kind of just like the shadow sitting there that like it didn't matter if I was in the group or it didn't matter if I was out of the group. And the second that I like found confidence in myself and I was like, okay, here's who I am. Like I don't really care if people like me or not is when I just started to be a little bit more integrated and I would speak up more and I felt like I was more of like

a leader in the group. Not that anyone needs to be, like, a leader or a follower, but I just felt like I was able to speak. But I think confidence we can talk about in a whole episode of itself because that's a whole nother topic, but...

being secure with yourself is then gonna allow you to, like, have good friends and have good people around you. You're allowed to be yourself and you shouldn't be scared that your friends are gonna judge you and if they are judging you, then, you know, you're not hanging around the right group of people. And now, really, the gist of this episode is, like, maybe you have a friend and...

They're just, like, not healthy for you. And there's different types of friends. And I think different points in your life when friends aren't important or important in different ways. Like, I will say...

I graduated college this past year and I had a lot of friends in college that were like going out friends. Like I never saw them more than like we're pre-gaming together at my house and then going out to the frats. And I think that's okay and normal, but past college, I've tried to kind of just keep the people around me, like who I want to hang out with when I'm not going out and like who I'm FaceTiming and texting like with constant updates of my life. Back to what I was saying before about like a friendship breakup.

those are hard. Like, how do you even orchestrate a friendship breakup? And I had a few friendship breakups this past year, and then I've had friendship breakups in the past, and...

I've gone about it in many different ways. I've, you know, been the breaker-upper, but I've also, like, gotten broken up with, and it is so hard, and I've done it in a few different ways, and I'm still not really sure what is the best way, but I'm going to go through with you guys, like, a few different scenarios of ways I've gone about it, because maybe there's someone that, like,

you like as a friend, right? But, like, they value you as a best friend and maybe you don't see that in your eyes, if that makes any sense of what I'm saying. Like, I've had people before be like, this is my best friend in the entire world, like, she's my best friend, and I'm like...

you barely even know me. Like, I like you and I like hanging out with you, but, like, you barely know me and, like, I necessarily wouldn't value that person as a best friend. And I don't know, there's this awkward kind of line where it's, like, maybe you don't hate someone and you, like, don't mind them at all and they are, like, someone you would like to go out with, but...

Maybe they're not someone who you want is like your best friend's sister, if that makes sense. And I think girls and girlfriend groups, it can get so toxic. And I'm not saying that I've been the perfect friend my whole life. Like there's definitely points in my life where I've been a bad friend. Now that's something I try not to ever do and not to ever like turn on my friends or talk shit about my friends. But like I would be lying if I said like I hadn't done that before and not in like

an evil or malicious way ever but I think like I don't know life gets to you and like you get caught up in things life is all about growing and experiencing and learning and something like I have truly valued since I've like been in college is my friendships and no matter like

like boyfriends, whatever, like your girls are going to be there at the end of the day to have your back. You want to surround yourself with someone who has the same values as you. And like I have had friends just completely like disrespect me or do something that I find super disrespectful. And I have just had to like cut them out because I'm like, I just I don't know, like as much as you can say, like, I'm sorry, like,

you just kind of see those qualities in that person and I've just been like, that's not someone I want to surround myself with. But let's get into the different ways of which I have kind of tried to like separate myself from a friend and it's hard. It's definitely actually harder than breaking up with a boyfriend because...

I don't know, I'm like boyfriend, like cut off, out, like maybe they're toxic. I don't know, you go back a few times, but then you're like, you know what, it's not happening. Like you just want to believe that a friend is different. Like...

I don't know. You hold such a high standard, I think, when it's like a guy and you're like, oh, they do one shitty thing, like, fuck them, they're shitty. But when it's a girl, you're like, oh, but I don't know. Or like, maybe it was just a bad day or something. But it's like, I don't know. I've kind of tried to just be pretty like cut dry with that. Cut dry? Cut and dry? I don't know the saying. You know what I mean. Cutthroat? Cutthroat?

Whatever. Basically, I've just tried to say like, you know what, if you've done something to wrong me, even if it's the first time, like this is not someone that I want around me all the time. One way I think to cut off a friendship or break up with a friend is start like ghosting them over time, which I have done before.

But I definitely do not think that this is the way to go because i've had people before like I said just kind of show like their true colors and maybe it's not someone that i'm like, oh, you know, like I don't think they're gonna be my best friend But you kind of just try to like distance yourself a little bit like you don't talk as much and it kind of fades out but then you're in a position where like you look like A bad friend because they're like, oh well They just cut me off without saying anything like they just stopped talking to me like

I don't think that's the way to go. I've done that with some people. I think that's more so in a spot where it's like someone is...

you know, saying like, oh my God, they're my best, best friend. They're my best, best friend. And I'm like, you literally, I don't even think you know my middle name. And that like, I'll just try and kind of like creep away and like maybe not answer. But like, that's also just not the way to go. Because then again, you're like left in that position where it's like, you look like a bitch because you have just like kind of stopped talking to someone else. And I've also been in that position on the other end of things where like,

someone has kind of just stopped talking to me but I think a big thing is especially with friendship and a lot of what you guys have wrote into me which we're gonna do what would Alex do at the end and like different scenarios is you know being self-aware you know if someone is not like answering me and like you know even reaching out first ever I'm like kind of self-aware and like okay maybe they don't really want to be my friend like maybe I will just back off and like I

I don't need to force me being their friend down their throat. Like if they want to be my friend, like they'll mutually also reach out to me. So I think like being self-aware in those situations, but I don't think that's ever the way to go in terms of just like kind of slightly stopping communication and like not really talking too much.

Another thing I've done, which this has had a few kind of like crazy scenarios, but I like had a best friend from seventh grade all the way until college. Like best friend, basically a sister would come on my family vacations with me. Like this person was just like my best friend. And basically...

It was like, I think my sophomore year of college, she started hanging out with someone else. She really liked her and kind of started like pushing me to the side. And I could see it for what it was like.

Like I just also kind of took a step back. I can see that she's putting way more time and effort into this other person, not even really like integrating all of us to hang out. Like she kind of just like almost replaced me. I just kind of let it go. It is what it is. Like that's okay, I guess. Like I was really sad about it, but I wasn't gonna like...

scream at her, yell at her again. I was trying to be self-aware. I was like, whatever. If she wants to be friends with this other person, then, like, I'm not gonna be your friend. And basically, in the midst of this, I had gone through a breakup and I heard that my best friend, or I thought she was my best friend, had tried to set up my ex-boyfriend with her new best friend. For me, I saw red. I was like, you know what? Not happening. Like,

I cutthroat. Here we go. Cutthroat. That's what I was trying to say before. I basically just called her. I was talking to her. I told her like why I was upset. I was like, hello, like why would you do that? She tried to like deny it, but I don't know. I just was like, you know what? It's not happening.

I don't really want to speak to you anymore. And we stopped being friends. And that was not as easy as it may have like seen to be because I was like crying every night. I even like months, a year after this like friendship breakup, I would sit in my bed crying and I'm like, should I just text her? Should I just call her? And I never did because I was like, you know what? If someone like didn't value me enough,

as a best friend, like, then that's not someone I should be with. But you care for them and, like, you want the best for them. And maybe you see something, like, going on in their life that's sad and you want to reach out. But that, like, really just put a ton of distance between us. It was kind of like we would have some communication here and there, but...

it went from being like my best friend to basically like a stranger and that i think if we could have gone back i wish i would have like sat down and like had an actual like talk with her more so than like me getting my feelings hurt and just being like you know what not a good friend like cutting them off and that's what i would do a lot and i will get into the like sit down talk part of this a little bit more but that was just really really hard for me and just an example of how like i

I was just so clear on like if you don't want to be my friend, then I don't want to be yours. Going throughout college, you know, making a lot of friends that some I'm really close with, some I'm not, some are just going out friends and...

My senior year or like maybe my junior year, I started hanging out with this girl. I don't think we ever got to the point of like, I would say like she was like my best friend over anyone in the world, but like she knew everything going on in my life. It was basically last winter. So like last December, January, I was going through a breakup and you know, she knew all the details of everything and I had basically had girls DM me saying that like,

She was at a bar saying like, oh, I'm Alex Earl's best friend and was telling them like personal secrets about like my breakup. How would these random girls know these details if they weren't telling the truth? Because that's something I've only told like a handful of people. So I was like, okay, well, that's really weird and like kind of unsettling. So I kind of just started to like mentally take a step back and

Because again, this person was not like my best friend, just someone I was like hanging out with a lot and would like talk to a lot. And then I, you know, went out with this person and they were at a bar cursing, slurring. And I was like, oh my God. And like that for me, I was like done. Like I think we had plans to like go out or something. And this is...

something where I don't know because we weren't again like best best friends and I didn't even want an explanation the things that this person had done like just kind of reached a threshold in my mind where I'm like this isn't even like a sit-down conversation like I'm sorry or like whatever like if you're doing those types of things like

morally like that's just not someone I want to be friends with at all I don't even want to like know someone like that I don't even want to follow you I don't want to be associated with you like to me that's just like not a good person and that was someone that like I literally called her I said like 15 seconds of like basically like please like I do not want to be your friend hung up the phone and like that was it and like she sent me a bunch of texts after and I just like never answered and

I'm not sure if that's also the right way to go about that type of situation. But like for me, that was so clear cut. Like I was never going to be friends with this person. Like the things I saw, I was just like, nah, it's not happening. Like I will never, no matter what, I don't think I will be friends with this person. So...

That one, I don't know. Again, not my best friend. Really, like, harsh cutoff was just like, this is not happening, girl. Um...

Did I look like a bitch? Probably. But do I regret it? No, because after I've kind of cut contact with this person, I've still heard like similar things go on. And that's just not someone that I care to be friends with in the slightest. So I don't necessarily regret that one. I think I was definitely...

acting out of emotion like I definitely did not need to be that harsh and like be a bitch like that and call her and give her really no explanation but I didn't really care to and like I don't know if that's like really bad to say but like I just didn't care like I saw what I needed to see to like

deem her as a bad person in my mind and maybe she's not maybe she's changed but like for me I just was like it's not happening oh my god this one's like a little like personal and a little raunchy so sorry in advance but

My friend and I came back from going out. We were drinking, whatever. I'm laying on my bed naked because I don't know. I'm laying on my bed naked. Booty cheeks are out. And this person decides to like take a picture of me laying on the bed. OK, not like cute, sexy pose laying on the bed. Like I'm laying there on my phone texting. My legs are like spread a little bit. My tacos out. And this person takes a picture of me.

This person then texts this picture to NFL Man, my boyfriend now, but like at the time was not my boyfriend. I was kind of just like hanging out with him, starting to hang out with him. Oh my god, this person just texted a picture of me laying naked on the bed to NFL Man.

I was like, do not send that, do not send that. And this person hit send because they were like drunk and like whatever, thought it was funny. I don't even know how to describe how I felt in this moment. Like a mixture of like anger and sadness. And like, I just felt like taken advantage of. And immediately I called NFL man because I was like, I did not want him to think that I wanted this to like happen at all. I was bawling my eyes out. He felt so bad. He was like, oh,

Oh my god, he was like literally what are you dealing with over there? He was like i'll delete it like no worries More so was just the fact of like I cannot believe someone did that to me and like oh, oh my god That was bad. I I

I don't think you guys understand, like, I saw red in that moment. So, yeah, sent a picture of me naked without my consent, not looking cute also, like, I need you guys to envision, like, this is not, like, a cute photo that you want out there. Like, this is me flopped on the bed, like, after going out, like, oh, oh no, no, no, no, no.

So that was pretty bad for me. And I was kind of like, all right, you're not my friend. You're a freaking psychopath. So goodbye. But that has to go down as like the craziest, most disrespectful thing anyone has ever done to me, I think.

Like, what an invasion of privacy. Oh my god. We can laugh about it now, but definitely was not funny in the moment. And then there's another situation where...

You kind of just see someone over time and kind of see their true colors. And then you know that they're like maybe not the best person, but like you're hanging out with them, you're friends with them. And once I was done with college and I graduated, I really just wanted to keep people around me who like I respected and like no one ever like stabbed me in the back. And this past year particularly was very weird with friends because I...

got a following on social media and you know some people like care about that a lot and tried to like slither their way back into my life like people who told me they didn't like me they didn't want to be my friend like six months prior I don't know I could kind of see right through that and I had another friend where I'm at this point I'm trying to be open and honest and like talk to this person and I would have talks with them I mean we had like a fight I was

don't think you're a good person and like not someone I really want to be friends with. You know, we're going out together a lot and then they're posting like a week later, like this is my best friend, like me and my best friend. And I just was like, okay, so clearly like I don't think you really care about like anything I said to you. You just kind of care of like posing that we're best friends. And I was struggling with this because I was like, how do you tell someone that maybe you don't want to be like their best friend, but you don't necessarily...

you know, hate them and never need to see them again or never need to speak to them again. But it's kind of like an addition of little things adding up over time that it's like you see someone's true colors and it's just like not someone that you really want in your like close, close circle. And like, how do you translate that to this person? Like, that's hard. Another friend topic that I want to talk about is giving people the benefit of the doubt. And like, I...

Because I've been like a friend before that felt kind of excluded and I don't know, never felt like seen. Like I'm always one for like, let's give them a chance. We don't have to hate them. We don't have to be mean. Why don't we just hang out with them? Give them a chance. Maybe they're shy right now. Maybe they're not being themselves. And sometimes that's led to good friends. And sometimes that's led to not so good friends. There was someone in college that was kind of

you know, getting with people's guys, like, right after they would get with them was kind of snaky and...

I, you know, thought this person was kind of fun. Like, we were all, we would go out together, but it was not, like, someone that I would trust. Like, and we kind of knew that. I was like, okay, well, this is, like, more so of a going out friend. Like, this isn't going to be someone that I'm, like, besties sisters with. But I'm going to invite them. Like, people change. Like, we're young freshman year, you know. And, yeah, added them in, like, the group chat and stuff. And, yeah.

Some people don't change and some people are still kind of, like, snaky and suspicious and selfish. Like, there's a type of person that will step on anyone or anything to, like, get their way and it doesn't matter because...

They're so focused on, like, doing what's good for them that they don't really care about other people. And I think that's fine if that's the way you want to be. Like, but that's not someone that, like, I personally want as a good friend because if someone is, like, so...

selfish with themselves and like literally just like sees their goals and like does not care like what happens or who they step on to get there that's not someone that I'm gonna put all my time and energy into and that's not someone that I want to hang out with and then you're kind of left in a situation where you're literally like how how do I tell someone that like I just don't want to be friends with them that's kind of the truth like it's just like you don't

see them as a good person because you've seen things they've done and like what they've done to you and you have to like stick up for yourself at some point. Would a best friend have done that to me? Would a best friend have said that behind my back? Would a best friend have just like completely ignored anything I've like brought up and said and talked to you about? That's just something that like I've had to take into account this past year and...

then in turn had to like be selfish for myself and you know say like you know I just don't see us being that great of friends but that doesn't mean that it's easy and sometimes you know just because someone's like fun doesn't mean that they're a good friend I don't think that I can like necessarily say that I really like 100% trust you because I've seen you like

screw other people over. You know, I've seen you like talk shit about people I'm friends with and like that's something that like just doesn't really fly with me. This person had one of our friends blocked. Friends, like she's saying that this is like one of her best friends had her blocked from

freshman year all the way to senior year and then is like upset that they're not friends. I don't understand like you literally had her blocked until we were on this like big vacation together. You only really started to like include these girls or be friends with them when it was like convenient for you. So now I'm at this point where I have done the kind of like cutting off of friends and it hasn't really like made me feel great. So I was like, you know what? I am a big believer. I think especially in like

romantic relationships and friendships that you need to like sit down with someone and have a talk and that is like the scariest thing ever. Like I feel like when you're having like a fight with your boyfriend or sit down talk with them. It's not that scary. But when you're like sitting down to confront a friend like I don't know why like that was the scariest day of my entire life. I did not want to do it. I was procrastinating it for so long, but I was like, you know what? Let's just sit down and talk like let's go over everything and I

I kind of went into that talk with like an open mind of like, you know, maybe we will be good friends again. And, you know, there was like distance. And I think that person was mad that I distanced myself without like saying too much. And they felt very blindsided. And I apologized because I said, you know, that's not how I meant to come off. Like I was kind of just trying to like

protect my peace a little bit and I did not mean to like blindside you. I apologized. I took accountability for that. This person like could not take accountability for anything that they had done and I also think that that's a big thing. I don't think that anyone's perfect and anyone's ever gonna like go throughout their life being, you know, the most perfect friend and the most perfect person, you

but you have to see where like all that's coming from and friend groups can be really tough like when you're putting that many girls together like of course there's going to be drama at some points but I will say like my friend group like we really don't have drama I went into this talk basically being like you know what we can talk through these issues but like if we can't

talk through the issues because you're not taking any responsibility, then we're not going to get anywhere. Like this conversation was two hours basically like going in a circle. I don't think we got anywhere at all. Friendship breakups feel like a real breakup. It's just such a tough thing that I think a lot of girls go through and deal with. And I've also been on the other end where I've had a friend get a boyfriend and, you know, one of my best friends and then just kind of like stop talking to me and like,

I don't necessarily blame her. She's like happy in a relationship. But then, you know, if you're not going to give any time to our friendship and our relationship, then it is going to like wither away. Like all of a sudden we don't know what's going on in each other's lives and like your best friend turns into a stranger. And I think that's something that's super, super important that like we need to understand

talk about. When you get a boyfriend, you cannot ditch your friends because at the end of the day, when you're breaking up with this person, if you break up, if you don't, happily ever after to you, but like when you break up with them, you're gonna want a best friend there to like cry on their shoulder and to, you know, talk about it with. Like you cannot-

ditch your friends when you get a boyfriend and I have I'm like a boyfriend girl like I think I've always kind of had boyfriends just because that's I don't know I like being in a relationship if I'm gonna like be with someone and I always always try my best to like prioritize my friends literally like I will try to do things more with my friends than my boyfriend sometimes and maybe that's not great and something I need to work on but like

I think having good girlfriends around you is so, so important and keeps you

I don't know, grounded and keeps you a good person and finding friends is hard. So for me, like I found a good group of girlfriends and I would ride or die for them, you know? Like they are my best friends and my sisters. I know that's very rare because I've dealt with a lot of my life not having good girlfriends and always looking at like a girlfriend group and like wanting that. But I will say out of all the kind of different friendship breakups,

For me, I think sitting down and talking with the person as much as I know you don't want to do it. No one wants to do that. No one wants to sit down and talk and have

have this big fight but it's just so much better to like get out there and maybe there's something that this person's going through that like you don't know and maybe they're not telling you something and you didn't know about this xyz and you are able to kind of like resolve your problem and like be friends but i always always think it's better to sit down and talk with someone

Hear them out. Let them hear you out. If you don't want to be friends with them after that and if they don't want to be your friend, then that's something that you just have to like accept and be self-aware of. But I think having a talk is always the better route to go when going through these kind of like friendship breakups. And there can be a lot of red flags in friendships and like those friend relationships. I think...

you know, if someone seems almost like jealous or like makes negative comments at you or tears you down in any type of way, like that's not a good friend and that's not someone who's like supporting you because behind your back, they're like secretly like

i don't know planning some scheme like they they don't actually like love you with their whole heart like having a good girlfriend should feel like hyping each other up like you want her to feel as good and look as good as you want yourself to feel i think that's been a really big thing with kristin and i who's my roommate my best friend like

We both have our own passions and goals and we help each other try to achieve those goals and hype each other up. And I want her to look good, feel good. She wants me to do the same. And there's no competition. There's never anything weird when it comes to a guy. And that's another big thing. If you and your friend are having a weird situation over a guy, that's just...

not a good friend and you're gonna go through so many different friends in the different phases of your life but the only thing that you can really control yourself is being a good friend to them and respecting them and hoping that they're a good friend in return and if they're not a good friend respecting yourself enough to cut that person off and I think a good piece of advice for friendships is to give them as much as they're giving you you know you shouldn't always be the one that's

reaching out first, trying to make all the plans, like they should mutually want to hang out with you. And I think being self-aware if they are not answering you, like, you know, I've been in that situation before where I'm like, okay, like clearly they don't wanna be my best friend. So like, you know, taking a step back and realizing that,

I think is super important and will help you find the girlfriends that are going to want to answer you and hang out with you. You know, you're one step closer to that once you stop putting so much time and energy into maybe someone who like isn't valuing you as much as you value them. And maybe there's someone that

you're friends with but you don't necessarily feel the need to like have a sit down conversation and you're like Alex this is so dramatic like I don't need to completely cut them out of my life but like if you recognize that like they're not someone that you trust respect etc like

that's okay to kind of just like mentally note that and I've done that before where it's like okay well I'm not going to share as much with this person I'm not going to you know tell them all my dirty life secrets and you just have to like kind of take mental notes with your friends and I've been in a position before where I just kind of like get super close to anyone I'm close with because I

I don't know, I enjoy being close to people and I want to tell them everything and I think maybe sometimes you like rush into that before realizing who they are as a person and then you kind of like regret that and you regret like letting so much of your guard down in front of this person that like doesn't seem to be a good person anymore. I really want to sit down with you guys and read the what would Alex do questions and scenarios because you guys have

a lot of input and a lot of stories and I want to hear from you and share what I would do. But basically, the moral of this whole friendship breakup section was I don't know exactly what's the right way. I don't think there's a right way.

In general, I think it's kind of dependent on your situation and you kind of just have to like read the room and assess the situation. But I don't think sitting down and talking with someone is ever going to be the wrong thing to do. I want to hear what you guys have to say about friendship breakups. I have lists of what you guys wrote in here. So we're going to sit down. We're going to do what would Alex do.

This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you're a fan of bubble tea, then you guys have to try this range from Joiba. I've seen this all over my TikTok and personally, my little siblings are obsessed with this Joiba Bubble Tea. They show me videos all the time. So Joiba Bubble Tea, it comes in several delicious flavors.

This episode is brought to you by Joiba Bubble Tea. If you thought bubble tea was just a trend, think again. In fact...

Now you can have it in the comfort of your own home. I have seen it all over my TikTok page. Ooh, bubble tea. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, okay, what is this? I need to try it. All of my friends are now drinking it. Joiba bubble tea comes in several delicious fruity flavored tea combinations with popping boba, like strawberry lemonade green tea and mango passion fruit green tea. Enjoy your popping boba moment anytime, anywhere with Joiba bubble tea. Follow Joiba.

joyba on Instagram and TikTok at joyba.fun for fun giveaways and to find a retailer near you. Okay, please excuse this scene right now. My beanbag, I'm currently moving my sweatsets from my closet to this like outdoor little dresser thing I just got. So my sweatsets are all on this beanbag right now. So I'm sitting on a mountain of sweatsets. So I'm so sorry.

It's looking like a hot mess in here. All right, let's see what you guys wrote in for what would Alex do. Hey, Big Al, this is a friendship question. What would you do if one of your best friends invited three of your other really good friends on a birthday trip but excluded you from the invite? Not sure if I should ask her why or suck it up and realize we aren't that great of friends. Okay, this one is a tough one because I think that...

Again, we're going to have to be self-aware here. I feel like if she didn't invite you on her birthday trip and didn't say anything to you about it or didn't give you any explanation, maybe you are really good friends, but she's like, hey, for this, I'm taking my high school friends, for example, this specific niche group of friends. But if she didn't say anything to you and you're hearing about this trip and you're not invited on it, she may not value you as...

good of a friend as you value her and I think it's totally fair to like say something if you want maybe after the trip and just be like hey like I don't know I thought we were really good friends like are we not and maybe have a conversation and

If this is someone that like seems like your like best best friend, but if this is like someone who's a friend and maybe not necessarily like your best best friend, I think that's a moment where you kind of like take a step back and realize like, okay, well, this person clearly doesn't value me at the same level that I value her. But that's a super tough one like that hurts and

I think, I mean, you already like said it, like you have the right idea there. It's like maybe you guys aren't as good of friends as you thought, but I don't think you can ever go wrong by like asking to talk to someone, but I don't think you need to come off in a way as like you're battering her. Like, why didn't you invite me? Like, I'm so upset. Like, it doesn't even have to be really about the birthday trip at all. Just kind of more so like where you stand as friends. But again, that's for you to kind of assess like, are you...

friends or are you like best friends because like if Kristen planned a birthday trip and like invited three of our other friends and like didn't say anything to me I might be like hello bitch like what's going on here but if this was someone that like you know I hang out with I go out with and she's doing a birthday trip and didn't invite me I'd maybe be like okay well maybe I'm not like her best best friend and that's also okay like sometimes on trips like you can't bring everyone like I've

had stuff where it's like birthday parties and stuff. It's like expensive. So it's like sometimes you can't bring everyone and maybe you're not best, best friends and like that's okay. Or maybe she wanted to bring a specific group of people and

Assess that in your own situation from what I said, but that's probably like what I would do based on those like different scenarios. I think with this one, like...

It is kind of natural that like if you're not hanging out with someone or, you know, you're abroad in a different country and if you're not keeping up with like constant communication with them, it's natural that like the friendship is going to like drift. That doesn't mean that it's over forever. And I don't know if you're friends with these other two girls and like you want to be friends with everyone again, then I think that's totally fair for you to like try and make a plan to hang out with everyone or to see someone.

someone from the group that like you want to see that you haven't seen in a while and you know say like oh my gosh like I went MIA for a little bit there but I'm back and I think like friendships do like come and go in a way that like if you're not there like it is

harder to be a part of the group if you're like physically literally not there with everyone. My friend group right now is like pretty split up between like Miami and New York and my one friends in Spain. And we do a good job at like keeping up and texting every day. And I think that if you want to be friends with these people again, like there's no harm in like reaching out. Maybe it's not, you

timely enough where you're gonna be like invited to the wedding or in the wedding party, but I don't think there's any problem with like reaching out and trying to be friends with them again in a way of just like asking them to hang out like, "Hey, like let's do something like miss you guys, haven't seen you in a while." Okay, so this one's basically about like friends getting in a fight, picking a side. "Alex, I have two good friends that had recently had a falling out. The issues that they had with each other, I was not involved in, but they are no longer speaking and they're expecting me to pick a side. What would Alex do?"

So that's a definitely a tough situation because you're like put in the middle of someone's fight. But I think like you literally say to them, like, listen, I'm friends with both of you and I don't know your issues. Like, that's not my issues. Like, I'm going to continue to hang out with you and I'm going to continue to hang out with you. And if you have a problem with that, then like

again, like they're not really like respecting you. So I think like just sitting down and talking with your friends, you know, you can talk to them separately if they don't want to talk. And it's just being like, listen, like I'm going to continue to hang out with you, but I'm also going to continue to hang out with her. Now, I think it depends like what they were fighting over. If it's a silly little like girly fight that like wasn't anything catastrophic. But if like one friend like did something like completely terribly wrong to the other friend, I

don't think it's wrong of someone to like pick a side and be like hey bitch like you definitely shouldn't have done that like I don't like stand by you for doing that to her but I don't know I think if it's like they're just kind of not wanting to be as close but you like them both like think just be honest with them don't try and hide it because then

It'll make it seem worse. And I think something to say to them is like, I don't want to hear about your fight and I don't want to hear like the talking shit about each other and like make that very clear. I'm going to hang out with you, but I don't want to hear you talking shit about her and vice versa. Like, I don't want to be in the middle of this. I like you both, whatever. My best friend of three years keeps hanging out with my ex-boyfriend behind my back. They used to hate each other until we broke up. Hmm. Am I crazy for thinking that something's up? What would Alex do?

Alex would not tolerate this behavior. I don't know. Like for me, if I broke up with someone and my friend is like hanging out with them, I'd be like, just like, no, it's not. No, no, no, no. I don't know. I would not be down for that at all. And I would not value that person as a good friend on my scale. They would drop down to probably not talking to them that much. Maybe have a conversation with them and be like,

this bothers me and like hear what they have to say. But...

Um, I don't love that for you. Not- not feeling great about that one. So, I don't know. Yeah, no, that would not fly for me. Alex, I'm always the friend without a boyfriend and I always feel like my friends are pushing me aside to hang out with their boyfriends. I know to them the boyfriend comes first, but I'm tired of losing my friends over boys and then when they break up, they want to be friends again. Have you ever dealt with this? What do I do? I have dealt with this where-

I've had a friend I kind of brought this up before but like stopped talking to me stop calling me stop facetiming me because she got a boyfriend and I you know after being declined on facetime so many times I kind of just like stopped reaching out as well and we grew apart a little bit but then you know they'd break up and she'd come she'd hang out with me we'd be back to best friends and

And then she'd get back with her boyfriend. We've kind of like drifted apart again. And then, you know, they'll break up and then she kind of comes back. And, you know, I've said to that person, like, this is bothering me. Like, you're not talking to me as much as you could have. And I think for any girls listening that are in a relationship, like just remembering again that like,

you cannot be ditching your friends for a boyfriend. Like, that's just inexcusable. And if your boyfriend should feel like another best friend to you, so it's like, why can't you all at some times, like, do stuff together? And I think there should be times where you are exclusively making time for your girlfriends and having girls nights and not, you know, just being with your boyfriend or having him around at all points. But I think there should be definitely a good balance of, like,

boyfriend time, boyfriend time with your friends, and alone girl friend time. I don't think you should ever get distant from your friends when you have a boyfriend. I think if you feel that way, like, sit down and talk to your friends. Maybe tell them to listen to this and maybe have them realize that, like, without even purposefully doing it, they're putting a little bit of distance between the friendship. So...

I'm sorry to hear that because that sucks and no one wants to lose a friend to their boyfriend. But like you said, boyfriends come and go and the girlfriends are what stay. So I think just, you know, telling them you feel a little bit like lost and not seen and want to do stuff together. And if they really hear you, they should make changes to include you.

as a friend more and if they're not then you know maybe it's time you go out and like start hanging out with other girls who don't have boyfriends and who want to like hang out with you more and go out with you at night so this is one about like having a friend in like a big friend group um that you don't necessarily like personally get along with alex i have this friend that is constantly negative and if she doesn't get her way she gets into her moods

Our friend group knows how she is, but I'm getting tired of it and just want to distance myself from her. The only downside is that our group is really close and the other girls won't cut ties because they would rather deal with her than deal with the drama. I don't want to invite her to my plans, but when the other girls plan things, she is invited. What should I do? I mean, that's a situation where I've definitely dealt with something like this before. I think if you're not close with this person and...

don't see her as like a really good friend like when you're kind of planning things and doing things you don't necessarily need to invite her I don't think you owe anyone anything

fake friendship. As for like the other girls hanging out and doing bigger things where like she's there, I feel like there's not much you can really do about that other than just kind of like talk to the other girls that you get along with. I go to private school and I have private school friends, but I also have town friends that I'm pretty close with. Sometimes my town friends use their school as their excuse to not invite me, but other times I'm invited. The thing is all of our guy friends go to private school too, should I confront them? Personally, I think

that's a scenario where it's like come on now like there's no reason that you shouldn't be invited and

I don't know. I feel like I dealt with this with like sororities. Like there was stuff where they're like, we're going to have this exclusive sorority pregame. And some girls were like super strict about it. And like other girls that I was closer with were like, literally, who cares? Like we value you as a friend. We love you. Like just come. Like, I don't know. If you're friends with someone, they should like want to have you there and want to hang out with you. So to me, that feels like a little fishy. And Alex would probably be mad and distance herself a little bit.

My childhood best friend of 15 years got with my ex a month after we broke up. She doesn't know that I know. Should I confront her or just act like it never happened? I don't want to lose her, but what she did was messed up. Girl. Oh, no. No, no, no. First of all, definitely confront her and definitely talk about it, but definitely stop hanging out with this person. Like, this person does not give a shit about you. I'm so sorry, but like,

That is so horrible. Someone who's your best friend for 15 years and gets with your ex-boyfriend. Oh my god, I'd whomp her in the face. So, um, Alex would definitely never talk to this person again. I'm so sorry. That's just what I would do. I would, I would not be friends with them. What would you do if you had a friend that is really fake, always tries to tear you down, tells your business to everyone, and you just can't trust her, and you want to stop being friends with her, but all of your friends are friends with her, and you have to be around her every day because of school?

So I've dealt with something super similar to this. And I think it's just one of those things where it's like, you don't have to be best friends with this person. Like if she's there at a pregame and whatever, that's fine. But like,

if someone is not your best friend, like, you don't have to, like, hang out with her one-on-one. You don't have to tell her your secrets. You don't have to, like, open up to this person. I don't think you necessarily have to, like, shun this person. And if it is, like, a school thing, like, it is harder in school because everyone just kind of wants to, like, go out and have fun and not really create problems. So I think it's just, like, keeping your own peace. Like, keep your stuff to yourself. You don't need to, like,

give this person anything, really. But if you see them in a social situation, I don't think it's a problem. I just think like,

Keep your peace and keep your stuff to yourself and keep your distance from her. You can't really control what your other friends are doing. And, you know, maybe if this person is not a good person, they will see that eventually. But that is all for this episode. Oh my gosh. Happy 2024. I hope that anyone who is going through friend problems or has gone through friend problems, like, this is helpful to you in any sort of way. And I think...

really, really the big thing I want people to take away from this episode is to respect yourself. Do not surround yourself with people who you do not have the same values as because that will come back to kick you in the ass. And always...

Be open and honest. Try to sit down and have a conversation with this person, even if it's awkward, even if you don't want to, but you should definitely, like, let it out. I think so many things can get resolved by you just, like, sitting down and talking with a person. Why am I doing this with my hand? Okay, we love you guys. Happy January. Wish me luck on this 30 hard. Next week, I'll let you know how it's going. I'm only on day five right now. We're gonna keep it up, keep up the health and wellness for this month, um...

But keep writing in for What Would Alex Do? Don't forget to subscribe and follow this podcast. It means the world to me. Earl Girls, I love you. Happy New Year. I will see you next Thursday. Bye.