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cover of episode The First Stone: Cheating, shame and a series of unfortunate men

The First Stone: Cheating, shame and a series of unfortunate men

2024/1/23
logo of podcast Terrible, Thanks For Asking

Terrible, Thanks For Asking
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J
Jenni
N
Nora McInerney
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Jenni: 我从小在摩门教家庭长大，对婚姻的理解是从小灌输的，认为结婚是必须的，并且一旦结婚就必须坚持到底。我的恋爱经历也深受摩门教文化的影响，例如尽早开始约会，没有足够的时间去了解自己和关系的需求，以及对性行为的严格限制。早期的恋爱经历让我在后来的恋爱中总是觉得自己做错了，并为对方的不足负责。我23岁结婚，婚后与丈夫的关系变得充满争吵和控制，但我当时却相信主教的话，认为结婚后性生活会解决所有问题。然而，婚姻中的问题并非性张力，而是真实存在的控制和沟通问题。我的丈夫在工作和娱乐上投入大量时间，忽略了与我的相处，导致我们的关系越来越疏远。我患有饮食失调，并经历了黑暗的时期，主教却将我的问题归咎于我自身的羞耻和罪过。离婚后，我在约会中感到尴尬和压力，我的恋爱经历并不顺利。在健身房，我认识了两个男人，戴夫和詹姆斯。戴夫的真实性格与我最初的印象并不相符，他是一个不诚实且不尊重女性的人。与詹姆斯的关系发展迅速，他让我感到美丽和自信。但后来我发现詹姆斯已婚并欺骗了我，这让我感到非常羞愧和痛苦。戴夫也让我感染了性病，并试图将责任推卸给我。我向朋友们坦白了自己的行为，朋友们给予了我支持和理解。我和詹姆斯重新开始交往，但我们的关系依然存在挑战，例如詹姆斯的离婚和女儿的反对，以及他与其他女性保持联系。我再次出轨，最终导致我们分手。在经历了这一切之后，我开始反思自己的行为，并试图从羞耻感中走出来。 Nora McInerney: 詹妮的经历与圣经中“妇人被捉奸在床”的故事产生共鸣，因为她经历了背叛和羞耻。许多宗教寓言在个人经历之前并没有意义，直到与个人经历产生联系才变得有意义。人们通常更容易同情被欺骗者，而非欺骗者，因为在人们的观念中，欺骗者是反派。但有时，出轨并非单纯的邪恶行为，而是受伤的人伤害人的一种表现。詹妮在没有充分了解恋爱关系的情况下就结婚了，因为她更关注找到一个丈夫。詹妮婚姻中的问题并非性张力，而是真实存在的控制和沟通问题。主教对詹妮讲述“妇人被捉奸在床”的故事，可能预示着詹妮未来会需要原谅自己犯下的错误。詹妮在生活中一直承受着来自男性施加的羞耻感，而她所承受的羞耻感并非她自身造成，而是由社会和男性强加于她的。詹妮值得拥有健康、安全和充满爱的关系。

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Jenni's early life in the Mormon church heavily influenced her views on marriage and dating, emphasizing early marriage and strict dating rules.

Shownotes Transcript

Jenni was raised Mormon, and for the first part of her life, was a dutiful follower. She got married young, attended church, and was a loyal wife. But life got messy and complicated for Jenni, and she eventually made a choice that surprised her. A choice considered a sin in her culture, and a pretty hurtful thing to do by the rest of society: she cheated. For the last year, Jenni’s been grappling with the shame and guilt of this choice and how parts of her dating history led to this choice.

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