4 Simple Ways to Stop Giving a Sh*t About What Other People Think of You
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Hey, it's friend male, and welcome to the male Robin's address. Alright, welcome to the malvinas podcast. I am excited for today because today is a little different. We're doing something in prompt so the rails could go off.

But the fact is, i've been wanting to talk you about this topic for quite some time because you keep sending in question after question about how do I stop caring about what other people think about? How do I stop worrying about people's opinions? How do I just be me wouldn't not be amazing to be more of yourself.

I have worked so hard on this for myself personally. IT is easy to read a quote on instagram and to feel inspired. Yeah, the only opinion that matters is my own. But IT is so hard to put that in the practice in life, the art of not giving a shit is not so subtle. It's actually very difficult.

And so I thought about how have I arrived at this point in my life at the age of fifty four, where I can say to you, honestly, I truly do not give a shit about the things that used to hold me back. And the number one thing that used to hold me back with other people's opinions. So i'm showing up today with four takeaway that I want to teach everybody.

You could call them steps, but the realizations that i've had that have helped me learn how to not give a shit. And this morning on the team call, when I said, I think this is what we should talk about today, holy cow, uh, people had a lot of stories and a lot of examples of how I go through my data day life at work and in my personal life. And I demonstrate this quality of truly not caring.

And so I decided, you know what, why not invite some of my team members here to the episode so they can share examples from real life? In fact, all this happened last week, and I can use the examples that they're sharing to help me unpack these four realizations that will help you learn how to stop caring about things that don't matter and start focusing on things that truly do. So I have Christine, Jessie Cameron and amy.

Christine is our COO and CFO SHE runs the show here, one for three studios. Just e runs video production. Cameron is a producer on the podcast, and amy is one of our senior team members that does all kinds of producing and content development. So without further a do, how do not give a shit in four simple steps? Who wants to go first?

I'll go first. This is amy and male. I noticed that you really don't care what you look like.

If IT feels .

good for you, you just do IT. For example, last week in L. A, we are having a team meeting outside at the cafe in the hotel where we were staying, and there was a lot of sunshine, and we were all soaking IT up and love in IT.

And you were two right now? yes.

And then I got a little hot, and everybody else thought, lets get out of the sun and melt to take our shirts off. That makes IT out worse. That IT was but that is, I think maybe one of the things that you said, i'm just going to take my shirt off now you have a shirt on underneath. Yes.

thank god. I mean, I never would have take IT off my shirt if I was not. We hearing anything underneath and further record.

I feel like I to defend myself. Uh, what I had on underneath was not a raw I had on a body suit. This is the first time I ever worn a body suit.

I bought one from skin. My daughters claimed that they are amazing. They are. But I was wearing a compression body suit. I had a tank e top. And so I basically felt like I could take off my t shirt because i'm basically wearing a new bathing.

Yeah, I know IT looked, IT looked like, I looked like a 3 reman my four。 But I think IT didn't stops there, right?

Christine SHE had the top on, but I could see her nipples. So i'm like, uh, I felt like an H. R. Violence to have the team there. And you are toilet davit, but I like a cake. You like all put my t shirt over and so you talks the t shirt you're wearing into the top of the body seat so that I was just like, kind of across the a IT was .

like a chest deep and right.

And I think now .

I was so shocking about that because I have to say there was a pool that was projected forty ards for us. We are technically on like a pool deck in the restaurant area. This may be one of those episodes that you want to check out on youtube because we do film all our episodes, and we will be putting up photos because Christine did take a photo of me.

And can I see IT? I haven't seen. Can I see IT? Is IT really bad?

I mean, it's pretty bad, but prety bad.

Would you pass your iphone? Okay, this is ugly. I have a really bad farmers stand, and i'm starting to get sun burn on my arms and the undercarriage of my arms, those others muscles that we do this with, try seps, try seps.

The try seps are really flag here and White, so the town is not uniform, in fact, is not even coming in that but it's appropriate. I mean, looks like looks like a shirt tuck into ebra is what IT looks like. okay. So that's number one was at the .

shocking example. Yeah mean, this is pretty shocking, I think is pretty shocking to not just stop the fact that you're not wearing a bathing or stop at the fact that your naples are showing or stop at the fact that you're talking a shirt into your chemise. What even .

is that or you know.

stop at the fact that you don't have sun screen on, like there are a lot of moments. I think many people would have heated the stop sign or at least yield a little bit, but you floor IT to the sun. And like you got what you wanted and you didn't give a ship.

I didn't give a IT. I'm sitting with four ladies and I we're all from the northeast. I am so pale and translucent, and I need a little vitamin B.

I think I can roll with that one. But one thing I have to share, I never would have done that my, because I would have been so worried about what you guys thought. I would have been embarrassed by my pinkness. I would have been embarrassed by my flappy try seps my flab by boobs.

I never would have taken my t shirt off, never done, and I would have SAT there in the sun, sweating bullets with sweat rings in my t shirt, wishing that I could take my type off, wishing that I was in a beating suit. And I can figure a lots of times where i've been in a similar situation, like for example, I can't tell you how many times I have not taken my jacket off in a meeting at work because I was worried about pit stands in my blast and I don't worry about those things anymore. And in that moment where we were all meeting, you know, in that restaurant by the pool, all I could focus on was how fun IT would be to just take my shirt off and soaked up the sun.

And that's what I valued. And when I took IT off, you guys started laughing, which meant I had brought the fun, and so IT confirmed the value, and I didn't consider that somebody might be. But i've come a long way from mellor twice, because I never would have done that way back then. By the way, Christine, whose our chief ob. Orating officer was that any should and .

pressure that in most cultures that would be unacceptable.

And instead of one for three studios, we make a pot gas deepo. Okay, okay, so what?

What else should I do? Okay, who has the next one?

Well, then later that day, we had an important meeting with somebody we've never met before with ottawa. yep. And I took note of the fact they were an open toe shoes, which, in my previous corporate experience, would not be the way you would show up for a first time meeting.

Wait, open to, what are you talking about? Who made up a rule that you can't wear open to choose?

I think in general, toes are kind of a touchy subject. Not everybody wants to say people speed, especially in a professional environment, even though is casual. I was very meeting out after work kind of dunk situation, but still that, you know, I am intentionally hacked close to our student just for that meeting. You did I did you?

So can you walk me through the thinking that goes into giving a shit about close to slippers?

Yeah, yeah. where? And I were like ballet lets because I didn't want to shop for meeting with my expose, left my candle at home so that I would have appropriate farewell, are for the first meeting, okay, which never crossed your mind. I know your toes right away, but then I didn't say anything because obviously, if you're the boss, you can show up everyone for those nations.

Well, you're kind of the boss. You run the place. I just break the rules, apparently. So never in a million years that even cross my mind that open toed shoes are a problem for any kind of meeting.

I think open to shoes are like the neck hair of the pat. You know what I mean, like you don't want to see neck hair. You don't like button the top button, get your toes covered up like really one.

Now i've my i've got my broken stocks on right now open.

so choose.

But you know, here is my thinking. I'm thinking those aren't just open told choose bit. Those were valentino wege aspirators that I had bought to where to graduation.

And so ice I I put those those puppies on, like a fricking fara on my feet. I started into SOHO house. L A.

Like the boar I am, and you are right behind me, threaten in your channel belt flats because Christians, the bad as business bitch. And so he was walking in those bad issues, ready to do some business. And so I goes stripping in there. I had no idea that you gLanced at my toes and you judge me. Yeah.

I didn't judge you. I didn't have any idea that they were fancy shoes. All I saw his toes.

I'm like, whatever you are, you a hundred percent all the time. So I wasn't na say anything because we were walking out and you are the courter away. And so I was judged a little, but again, it's your meeting, your call.

possibly with good reason. The judges .

think I anybody not going to do business with you because you have.

As for girls on to put them back up here, Cameron, you were good with in my alone and thinking that this is a kind of corporate aino go in some environments.

it's definitely a logo. And also, if you have .

unpainted toes.

I think .

so little worse .

painted, they might have even had I was looking here I am thinking, oh yeah, I got important meeting. I'm a pull, my high ways to to build bottom genes because I am an L. A.

And i'm a pull on my expensive valentino. Wedge things with the studs because, man, that is what the bad as women boss situation. And i'm going to breezed in there with my COO, who is always the deal maker, and we are gna while the shoot out of this thing. I didn't for a second think about my toes because I gave a shit about other things, which is killing the meeting, which I, which I do believe I did.

He did a making you.

Thank you. I'm also proud of myself for hearing that I committed a corporate for pa and not caring, because if you had told me this open toes feedback, even, i'd say, just a handful years ago, you know what my reaction would have been? I would have gone. I would have been modified.

And then as sad as IT is, I would have probably never worn those as for those again, or I would have obsessed about bumping into the guy in our next meeting, because I would be worried as he judging me for my toes, as he looking at my feet. But i'm so happy that I don't feel that way at all. It's liberating.

I don't care what here you think about my outfit. I was focused on what I valued. And what I valued is how the meeting actually went.

And I went great. And this is another point. You went, know why I went great.

He went great. Because from the moment I walked into SOHO house, I felt like myself. I was in my S.

S. I was in my wide leg jeans. I was relaxed, I was confident. I just felt like me. Yeah so if you're listening and you're the kind of person that struggles with what other people think about you, you're constantly wasting mental energy worrying about whether or not people are judging you, what they think of your outfit or whatever. It's why you feel so awkward. Every time you walk into a party or network meeting, you feel exposed because you've assumed that everybody is now turning and judging you. And I am here to tell you complete waste of your time.

Yeah.

let me just stand on pack what happened with me in Christine. I didn't even know Christine was judging me. And this is a huge takeaway because let's just say I do know the total and let's say I know that Christine cares about IT if I were to wear closed toe shoes instead of the aspire that I love that I had packed and planned on wearing to this meeting.

If I wear the close told truth just to make Christine happy. You know, i'm doing, i'm changing myself at my car. Why would I do that? Why would you change who you are, your core, just if somebody else feels Better? I mean, I love you, Christine, but me in ballad, lets not the vibe you can rock, not me.

And there's an even deeper issue. Does you worrying about everyone's opinion influence their opinion at all? no. All IT does when you worry about being judged is IT create to turn on yourself doubt and IT makes you change who you are and what you are. And IT takes your focus away from what's gonna mpower you to caring more about what everybody else might be thinking.

Something I would just add. As somebody who's no new for a long time, eighteen years at this point, do you have always been exactly the same person i've never known you to make a negative comment about anyone else is a and how anyone else is dressed. I don't think that something that you process or connected to, and I think it's because you freed yourself of those concerns.

I don't even know that it's something that you notice. And I think that's quite adorable. That's also something to share a leg. Once you stop caring about those things, you'll stop in attention to other people too. And IT makes a bit for everyone.

That's a huge, profound point because i've heard other people, Christine, make this point where they go, you know, when other people judge you, it's about them said about you. But I think you just illustrated why I don't judge what anybody else looks like or what they're wearing because I don't judge myself for what I wearing. I think I can laugh at myself. I have humanity and humor about IT, but i'm not actually very critical of myself. And I think if you can eradicate that in your it's true you don't criticize other people. It's really one of the most important skills that you can learn because what you're doing is your really giving a shit about your values and you're putting your attention and your mindset and your effort told what you value and you're spending less than less time and energy on things that you don't wow, I didn't expect this to be so profound, so aiming. Christian Cameron, Jessie, anything else that that's all you got, you guys.

that's IT. Well, well, there was only that was monday.

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Welcome back I melt Robins and you and I talking about the art of not giving a shit in four simple steps. And i'm here with four amazing members of our one for three studios team. And there are sharing stories from last week when I just really didn't care.

I was myself unapologetically. So if you're wondering, okay, how can I be more of myself, like my full self? Get ready.

Because I am feeling we're just getting started on the stories. But I promise you we are going to get to the four steps to. So let's go back to L. A. What the heck did I do next?

But then two day we went to a high yog class up, which we usually do. All were in L. A. And IT was a super sweet, hot class. And you're recording itself fee on the way out and this day really run over like you are so hot and slight in your side this is father and you and without fail, you're recording yourself you and I just am always impressed of how you show up really what is truly one of you are like worth looking um being out of this class because your heart, your study, you're like just a mess and you just are ready to go alive and sure .

that so if i'm hearing you correctly, I look like absolute shit.

You did look like absolute shit and we will pull up the post for folks so they can see exactly what we're talking about. Body, we watched on me too. And I think because you do that, I know other women that we were running to are always feel unlike, you know, if my Evans can do this with all the people that SHE is connecting in with, then what do I worry about? There's something very free and that um that's a always the huge compliment.

Thank you. No IT is a IT is a huge compliment. But then I think IT also is framed for youtube because you do that at those worst moments, then you never really, you know, are concerned about what those other moments are, where maybe other people would feel self conscious because you ve already share at those moments.

I agree, I looked like absolute shit, but here's what I think I walk around looking like that.

So why would I be worried about putting IT online? I, if you walk into the grocery store wearing a pair of yoga tites and your sweat and your hair, M S, why do you feel bad putting up a photo of yourself looking like that online? Stop and consider that you're OK going out in public or being around friends looking like crap, because that's how we all look in real life.

But somehow that's not acceptable on social media. It's been very liberating for me to just go fucking. I don't care what I look like because I walk into a grocery story like this. I know I look like shared.

Who cares? What I look like in public is exactly what you should put on social media because if you don't, your subconsciously giving a shit about your appearance yeah and one of the things that I gave up a long time ago, Christine, is worrying about what I looked like. And maybe I was because of the experience of being a commentator on CNN.

Because when I was on CNN as an on our legal commentator, there are only five of us in the entire world that were on that team. And IT was a really cool job analyzing some of the biggest cases of our time. I noticed something that whenever I would be on TV and I would have an opinion about, particularly a case that people were really hot about, like travon Martins murder, or what happened in ferguson, or pretty gray to mere rice, I noticed that when people criticized me, they never criticize what I said.

Here I am on television talking about a very serious topic. People on twitter or on social media, you you'll bucket bag, you know, if you seen your neck just constantly trashing me, that I just learned how to tune IT out, and I started to not care. And there's something very liberating about leaving an exercise class.

And your master from last night is running down your face like dracula and going again in your coffee anyway because you don't give a shit what the other people who are standing in line around you think about the fact that you're fucking masks are is right, and half of them you're probably never going to see again anyway. So who gives a fuck? I spent way too much time caring way too much about what other people might think. And IT jokes.

you can I read you what some people said to you on CNN?

Wait, you have IT, I do. Oh my god. SHE went back in time.

This is pretty brutal. Your neck sagi just like your opinions. It's funny now, but you probably like go when you got that right like yes.

probably in the beginning yeah probably.

Why is someone so ugly on television?

Because i'm smarter than new fox face. Okay, the .

last one, how does the moron like you have a lot degree?

I treated that. That's not giving ship. Well, you know how I learned how to not give a shit? Empathy helps a lot. Number one, let's just take a minute and zoom out and have some perspective and imagine what is the life of a person who is sitting on their phone watching T. V, not stop sounding off at pundits online.

What is your life actually look like? I would imagine hypertension, negativity, going to throw on a little alcohol or drug abuse, probably a small circle of friends, not getting a lot of sex, perhaps living in your parents basement. I would think your bills are piled sky high.

If that's how you're spending your time, your life sucks. Even like the mean girls, mean girls are still people, you know, and secure. They are, if you need a fuck in designer herse, whatever, in order to have high self esteem, you are really fucking and secure.

And so I kind of just look at people that are critical of other people, even though i'm being critical of other people, you know, for the sake of humor with a lot of sympathy, like, wow must really suck for you to watch TV and feel so offended or triggered by what i'm saying, that you are taking time and energy to spread negativity. That's a really awful place to live your life. I hope you find a good therapist at some point, and you get the healing you deserve.

And one rule of them that I think about, a lot of this, I think small minds talk about other people, and really cool, big, creative minds talk about ideas. They talk about things, they talk about the future, and that's what i'm interested in. And when you elevate yourself above the kind of and the criticism and the negativity that other people might throw out, you IT helps me rise above IT.

And the truth is, you know, there days I look like shit, and there are days that I probably look like I shouldn't be on TV. And you know, I don't give a shit. It's mentally healthy to be able to detach and a lot of your mental health struggles. It's all a result in many, many, many cases of you being way to concerned about ship out your control. So if anybody y's out there gossiping about me, you need to get Better hobby.

right? Amy, yeah. Well, no, i'm glad we're talking about gossiping because it's such a waste of time and energy that only makes the negative voice in your head louder. It's like poison that you drink yourself. You think you're dishing IT out about other people, but it's really toxic for you.

Ah that's interesting.

Yeah and IT makes you even more atom to the fact that you give a shit about small, petty, critical things that don't matter. And when you say petty things about others, you reinforce those neurological pathways in your mind that say, I cut people down.

Amy, i've never thought about IT that way. I ve always thought about gossip and the negativity IT stars up. But you're taking this to a really important point, which is your training your brain to cut people down.

And it's true you think it's harmless and that you're doing IT to bond with other people. That's why we do IT. But what happens, and i've experiences myself, is that you turn that nasty, cut people down mindset back against yourself.

Yes, I mean.

at least I did. You know, I used to be a big gossip. I can say this was certainty because I used to be that insecure, desperate, clingy, anxious, competitive bitch.

And i'm so happy that i'm not that person anymore and if that's what's happening in your social that you're stopping and you're thinking, huh wow, i'm around a lot of people that gossip and I spend a lot of time with friends gossiping, which by the way, different than you seeking advice about a person that's different than gossiping. But if you are the kind of person like I used to be where you're just engaged banter about other people, you're cutting people down who aren't present. You need bigger goals.

You need to do more with your life. You need to assess who you're hanging out with because i'll tell you some when people gossip with you, guess what? They're gona gossip about you when you leave because that's what those kinds of people do.

I love you take amy. That gossiping trains your mind to cut people down, and you will end up cutting yourself down all the time too. And here's another thing, I don't think very successful people, or accomplished artist or the greatest entrepreneurs or civil rights leaders are wasting time gossiping .

about other people, right?

Alright, I think we put the nail on the cough in on gossiping. Stop doing. And everybody you guys have any other levels from last week where I could care less about .

what other people might think. Well, the next day you took IT to the next level.

Hold that story. Let's check in with our sponsors because we have some great new sponsors on the podcast. And amy warning, here you tell this story when we returned art.

Let's talk about the special bond you have with your pet. You come home after a long day, and maybe you went to your dog or your cat. I know my m.

mr. noodle. He has heard IT all for me. Don't sometimes you could understand them. I mean, that's the tough part of love in a pet.

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H, L, P. That come such small. Welcome back. I melt Robins, and we're talking about the art of not get english IT. And i'm about to boil IT down to simple steps before I do. Amy was about to tell us yet another story of something that I did, where I demonstrated that I could clearly care less what anyone else thought.

And if that's something that you will learn how to do, how do I care less about what other people think? I think this story, based on the look on everyone's faces, is kind of a duty. So amy, what the heck happened next?

Well, the next day. Now you took IT to the next level.

God.

yeah. Well, you you did not care about what anyone thought when you were showing up for an extremely important lecture.

Was this launch? yes. okay. So and let me just tell everybody what davy's so amy is talking about. The fact that we have six month course going on with the students are in this coaching program with me, and we had our very first live training while we are in los Angeles. Es, but what did I do?

Well, I like Christinia pager because, Christine, I know you didn't like the toes. So what did you think about the space suit?

Wednesday, we had our first live events for our course with mall Robins. And as a surprise, our team had ordered some props for the event to make IT a celebration and the launch with my Robins. So they had purchased a space suit with a helman um and a pop of tent shape like a rocky ship.

Let me just say here Christine, just you go on. Everything Christine is describing is child size .

so yeah not .

like a Normal fitting space suit or like a big helmet or a tent that like an adult should even be in. These were all things that needed a squeak to get into. So I just wanted let the audience get that visual.

Let me also add that these were purchased in hopes of just having them on the desk and they weren't actually in hopes of you putting anything on. We just wanted to get you energized by looking at IT.

Oh.

and so when we brought them .

out and .

you were so static and really like i'm putting this song IT was definite a little more of, is I actually going to feel on her like that? I was just t sitting .

on the date a space suit or a skin suit.

all of us in time astronaut suit um yeah I I somehow I missed in the set up because I was so surprised and the paint of picture, we're doing this six month long coaching program. We have our first live training. I'm in the serious studios and they pull out all these props.

I'm like, awesome. And I start pulling IT on with with minutes to go before we're supposed to be alive. And I kind of pull IT up and I did fit like skins. I had to like, suck way in and do that.

You know, like when you try to pull your genes on and you ve got to kind of like, do the buttock to get the zipper to kind of go in, and then the helmet was so tight, you guys, I D take my glasses off and my pony tail out to squeak the child size helmet onto my head. And then I climbed into what was probably a three foot tall space ship playpen that you might put up at the beach so that their baby could take a nap in IT. And so i'm sitting in there squashed like a ball with this helmet grinding into my shoulders.

why? Cause I don't give a shit. You know, I give a shit about the enthusiasm in the surprise and delight that it's onna create that I would be willing to do something so ridiculous in order to surprise my students.

That's why I did IT. Now there was a downside to this. What I didn't think through is that i'd be climbing out of this thing.

I can barely get the helmet up over my years. I get the helmet off. And then I have another problem. The suit is not only so tight that I have to do a strip tea in front of five thousand people to get the thing off, but it's got elastic things around the ankles and I can't get over my shoes. So I begin our first live train on the ground, trying to pull this fucking thing off of my shoes in front of five thousand people watching. I think IT was a pretty big hit.

IT was a huge IT. Huge IT was a huge hit. And IT was a good reminder to me, because when I saw this props, we point them together in the Green room. I had some concern, but I was, you know, but I was absolutely marvellous because people were watching the tents and people were gethin in the comments of, like, I think melin there, I think mells in there. And I didn't know, I didn't even even know that you are in there because I didn't think you could bit. So when you came out of bed tent and I wasn't in the room, I was watching on the APP, I would like no fucking y way if you poked out in everyone with bananas on all the chat in comment IT was a huge really reminder to me of like things aren't that serious and to have more fun next .

time i'll wear my open toe, choose Christian. That story that you just told about the fact that you did not realize that I was in that little tent because you didn't think I could fit into IT gave me a visual we spend so much time twisting ourselves and nuts about an important things. Just stop and ask yourself, how much time have you wasted rewriting emails because you're worried about coming across wrong and rehearsing for days what you're going to say or worrying about .

what other people may be thinking as the thing is go when you got you train your mind to be petitio. The same thing is true when you obsess about pleasing other people, when you focus on everyone else's reaction, you give your mind the message, I come last. I'm not as important as other people. I can't be who I am.

Oh my god, you're so right, amy. I mean, just imagine if you change your mind to do something else, right? Imagine how everything changes.

If you get deliberate about spending that same on the time, energy that you are using to gossip or you know, to focus on what everybody else is going to do and people, please imagine if you trained your mind to focus on just being yourself. Yeah, I mean, that would change everything. Yeah, i'm kind of afraid to ask. But did I do anything else that day? I mean.

probably.

probably, probably the right answer, but I don't .

have any specifics.

I do 好看。

Oh my gosh. Oh, I started .

IT works the other day. Jessie, you will tell everybody about that. And then I took photos of Jessie laughing and put them in. The slack was at an hr violation.

Well, that again, this situation very thought, limping in elbow and I and then then before I can stop and I thought been posted already.

I can't say i've ever had a boss fight in front of me before they started in front of you. They just to hate IT let's true. But you did they like, lean on a cheek to make IT known that like this is common, it's common, it's common and there is no time to run.

Were stuck and I can't help but laugh at farts theyre. Ah I was a memory that I will never forget. And you did IT now once.

But please, what you like for a minute straight. Ah, I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.

I could be hilarious, could not. Now this is a woman, by the way, who's worked at nasar. She's worked for the ball tomorrow VS.

And you've never heard anyone that worked for no, especially if you know no a female in your toes, farts and toes, farts and toes. He had made my day so but you didn't give a shit. You had to. Well, I didn't.

Too much.

too much, too much, too fully. They want edit that. Okay, Cameron, anything else? You could a job at a law firm to come here.

I know best decision I I ve ever made.

I'm so glad to hear that because we think it's the best decision that you ever made to come work at one for three studios to Cameron, anything else that I did last week.

So doctor r in the shop was an expert that we had come on the podcast about hormones, eating habits, maniple use great episodes that came out of that interview. SHE definitely looked up to you law as a mentor. And when SHE SAT down, you asked her, like you do with most, guess what do you want me to call you and at that moment he said, amy, just tell me and you said, I think that's a bad idea.

You need to be going right, doctor and me. And here is why and you said, IT, in a very Graceful way, SHE is a double board certified doctor. I league degrees from harvesting.

Lumbar definitely has the expertise to go by doctor. And I think that level of honesty, especially in a space where people are kind of walking on, excels a lot about you, what you to all you, what you go by. And you're very honest about what you think.

And I think you do IT in such an amazing way that you're walking the line of being a dick. But so giving a shit without being a dick, I think, is very, very much the hardest thing. The master.

well, first, Cameron, thank you giving feedback like, that's really hard because you don't want somebody to feel demoralized. You don't want them to go. Oh, shit.

I should have been doing this forever. But for me personally, I am so committed to helping other women own their power that I don't want to travel on somebody. But I know i'm fucking right.

yeah. I think at the core of IT was just a level of kindness. And the amount that you care for people was shining through versus you coming off as judgmental. In many ways, you do give shit because you're giving really authentic, valuable, intangible advice to someone who really was open to listening .

to IT Cameron. You just gave me this huge wake up moment in relationships I used to struggle with, like walking on neg shells, tip, toying around issues. And I personally look back on that and say to myself, you are bad friend.

You should have told them the truth because you cared about them. You're not doing anybody any favors if you give a shit about disappointing people or upsetting people, but you are being an incredible friend or family member or mentor or leader or colleague. If you can support someone and tell the truth, you can manage your tone, but you don't sensor yourself. Although I am picking up from this conversation, maybe when IT comes to taking off my top in public, I should start censoring myself there.

I love all those stories are so great. But honestly, a lot of people structure with this. And if you find yourselves struggling with this, what do you do? Well, you know, I mean, you changed.

You used to be insecure. Gsp, people, please sweep in freak and look at you now you do not give a shit about a lot of stuff. I'm dying to know and i'm sure everybody else is too. What are those four things you mentioned in the meeting that can help us just not give a shit?

Um it's a great question and i've thought a lot about this because i've worked really hard to stop caring so much and to really focus on things that I did care about. And I have boiled IT down to kind of these four realizations if you well. And so the first one is kind of counter intuitive, but amy, if you want to care less, try actually caring more, try giving a shit about absolutely everything and see how IT feels. I'm dead .

serious about this. What do wait? Say more about that.

okay. So I know that sounds kind of done, but how about you turn up the dial and worry more about the shoes that you're worry, really worry about what everybody's thinking, worry about what your boss is doing, worry about what's going to happen next week, then stop by yourself. Is this really working for me?

Does that work for way me to lie in beta at night and worry about your friends are doing? Does IT really work for you to score through social media and think about the way that you've gained? Does that really work for you to obsess about what out you're going to put on and then change your out at seven different times before before you leave the house?

Does that really work for you to worry about the fact that you're makeup is running and you just wanted get a cup of coffee and baba, baba, baba, like, turn up the caring and the reason why this became the first thing that I did is that if you're worrying about everything and you give a shit about all this stuff that's making you miserable, if IT worked to worry, you'd be happier. If IT worked to put more value and other people's opinions, you'd feel more secure. If that worked for you to obsess about, not disappointing people in managing what people are going to think about you, you'd have more time.

You'd feel Better about yourself. You'd be a happier person, but he doesn't work strong. I mean, think about the fact that IT doesn't help you if you put your hand on a hot stove, you only do that once because you get burnt and you never do IT again. And if you really make the worrying amplified, you're gona realize this fucking hurts. And I don't want to .

do IT anymore. Yeah, makes a lot of sense.

I mean, IT is liberating when you realize, my god, I am robbing myself of my energy, my focus, my confidence by worrying about so much stuff that I can't control and I shouldn't care about. So stop IT. Stop IT.

That is step number one and then step number two. And this kind of goes back to the things that we were talking about when I was sharing about experience being on CNN and everybody trashing me, and how I started to use empathy. And I started to really think about the emotional maturity of the people that criticize me.

I mean, come on now, if you really stop and think about IT, the average person has the maturity level of somewhere between eight and twelve. And that's rule number two. Rule number two is use empathy and visualized absolutely everybody that you meet as somewhere between the ages of eight to two hundred years old.

IT really helps. Most people are about the emotional maturity level of somewhere between eight and twelve. And anytime somebody who's going to disappointed with you or they're cutty you down, that's literally in eight year old throwing a tantrum.

We don't have time for that. And we conflict adult with adult maturity, and ninety nine percent of the population does not have IT. And so if you can kind of imagine your boss as an eight year old, like I think about the guy that we were meeting with at an audible greg Y, I freak in love him.

I can hope we do a tonne business together, but I think about him is like up like a cool kid, you know, who's playing video games and super innovative and super smart and IT allows me to just relate to him on that human level, instead of trying to do that game's ship. No, think about everybody is between the emotional maturity of a to twelve, and you're worry a lot less about how they react. I love that.

I do too. Now rule number three is incredibly important, and I want to thank my team for helping me to still this down. Real number three is when IT comes to not giving a shit, there is a time and a place for IT.

There is a time for really important standards and filing them and a time to amplify yourself, expression and a tool that you can use to figure out where are you going to place your caring in this moment. Just visualize ze A C saw, you know how IT goes up and IT goes down, depending upon where you put the weight. And sometimes in life you put the weight on standards and following social norms.

And then there are going to be those times that you put your weight behind yourself, expression and you being fully yourself. I'll give you a couple examples. So we've been talking a lot about open toed shoes. If I were walking into J. P.

Morgan chase world headquarters right on park avenue, just two block's north of grand central station in new york city, if I were walking in there to close a massive corporate training deal, I probably would not wear my aspa drills despite how much they cost. Or I would have at least gotten a petitio. why? Because in that particular moment, I recognize the standards and a large fortune fifty financial institution.

And you know what I value in that meeting at J. P. Morgan chase. I value closing the deal.

So I will put my weight into following the standards because IT allies with what I value. Here's another example. Your job. Your job is a place to pay attention to standard.

Why you're there? Because you're getting paid to do something, which means you should care more about the standards and the culture and the Operating procedures and the expectation of your job, then you might care about those things in your personal life. why? Well, because you value the money they're paying you and you value the contribution that you're making and you how you your job security.

But I have one giant caveat when IT comes to talking about standards in the workplace, and I want to take this opportunity to have a conversation with you about IT because IT is incredibly important. IT is very real. It's very real and work.

It's very real. And life in general and IT impacts people's ability to be fully, authentically, their true ourselves. See, there are a lot of standards, especially in the workplace, where discrimination and bias is very real and IT impacts people's ability to be themselves.

And as a White woman, I have the privilege of never having to deal with that. I'll give you example. So I have a bunch of black female friends who do not feel comfortable wearing their natural hair.

And it's not just anecdotal. There is incredible research documenting this. So a recent study from michigan state, for example, confirms that eighty percent of black women feel they need to switch their hairstyle in order to a line with more conservative work standards.

And a recent study from duke has proven the black women with natural hair styles like an afro or twice or grades less likely to land a job interview that a White woman like me or a black woman was straight in here. I mean, that just makes me want na cry. And here I am talking about open toe shoes.

And black women have to worry about their hair and being who they are. That is so shitty. And that's why I wanted to take an opportunity and why I think it's so important to call out this type of bias. And that's why i'm doing IT right now.

So I want to acknowledge that whether it's your gender identity or your religion or your race or your sexual orientation or a disability that you have, I want to acknowledge that how you manage this baLance that i'm talking about between self expression and being, your authentic full self and the very real bias and discrimination that exists in social and workplace forms, that is a deeply personal decision and balancing act that you are going to make every single day. And it's easy for me to say, hey, hiding who you are is never OK because it's true. I don't want you to ever hide who you are.

But I just felt IT was important that I acknowledge that is easy to say, but it's not that easy to do. So let me kind later that into this rule number three, that we're talking about, which is there is a time and a place for self expression. IT is up to you to decide what you value most in any situation.

When you think about that sea saw between standards and societal or workplace norms verses your self expression and you being you. But here's what I do know. I hope that you find the courage to choose your values and to choose being yourself as often as you can.

Okay, now let's talk about the fourth rule. And the fourth rule is, you go first, you go first. You cannot wait for permission to be yourself.

You gotta a be the one that choose up with the aspa drills. You got ta be the one that is alright. I'll take their child size space suit and squeakin do IT and climate, that tiny little thing. You got ta be the one that brings the fun, and you gotta be the one to decide that you're going to be your full self of at work.

And what I found over and over and over again, is that by being willing to be the one to be the one that has the courage to be your full self, whatever that means to you, you three other people to do the same. Everybody's trapped in some kind of cage, whether it's their insecurities, whether IT is workplace norms, whether IT is conservative environment, that you're whatever IT may be, if you're the one that's willing to go first, your example, freeze other people. And what I found over and over again is that by being willing to put the real me out there, whether i'm firing in front of somebody and laughing about IT, or I am willing to look absolutely hideous, like the moments when I leave the gym and I am painting and my eyes or bloodshot and my face is beat red.

And I look at myself in the cell e that somebody just took with me, and I think, how on god's earth is Christopher Robin's wake up next to this every single morning with a smile on his face? Because, my god woman, you are ugly. My willingness to do that, to go first.

I know that it's liberating for other people to see IT. Don't wait for someone to give you permission to be yourself. Don't you dare do that.

And one of the thing, if you're not comfortable being yourself, either with your circle of friends in life or at work, please stop trying to change yourself to fit into a place that doesn't accept you for who you are. Instead, put your energy into changing your friend group or changing your job. I love that famous nipsy has.

So quote, if you look at the people in your circle and you don't get inspired that you don't have a circle, you have a cage. And i'm going to add to that quote, if you look at the people in your circle and you can be yourself, then you don't have a circle, you are in a cage. And you going to be very careful about this.

Because here's what i've realized over and over and over again in my own life. It's that my own behavior and my insecurities are almost always what put me and keep me in that cage. And that brings me to a final story I want to share with you from last week.

It's a story about our daughter, kendall, and how insecurities can put you in a cage. If you follow me on social media, you're probably aware that our daughter graduated from USA last week. SHE was given the honor of singing the national anthem at the hundred and forty eighth commencement ceremonies for the university of southern california.

So we were there. IT was an unbelievable moment to watch our daughter singing the national anthem ocp la, in front of twenty thousand fellow graduates and their families. So we're talking at least fifty thousand people there as SHE was singing. And one of the coolest things is as he was singing the national anthem, and is the song starts to build, you hear the crowd getting louder and louder, and you can also hear her just coming into the fullness, most authentic version of who he is. Just take a listen to this moment of the very.

红 哈 了， 对。 That moment will probably be one of those moments that flashes before my eyes on my death bed, like a core memory. But that's not the point of the story.

The point of the story is this, twenty four hours after that moment, I asked her, so can what was the most surprising thing that happened since you saying the national anthem yesterday? And SHE said this, I didn't realize that ninety nine percent of my friends have never heard me sing. I'm like what he said, yeah, he said hearing missing IT graduation was the first time in four years of knowing me that they'd ever heard my voice.

Now keep in mind, SHE is a popular music matter. For four years, he has been performing in college. And just stop and consider that ninety nine percent of her friends over the past four years have never heard of thing.

why? Because of her insecurities. See, SHE gave a shit about what people would think about her singing.

And if you look at her social media for the last four years, there was only one post on her instagram account, and that one post was of her singing. But that's IT. Now this is her deepest passion, her standing the four people and singing and sharing herself.

This is the tourist form of herself, expression. And yet SHE put herself in a cage because of her ian security. It's so sad, and I know you're doing IT too, that in some area of your life you are so concerned about what other people might think that you're not sharing your full self.

That's what that means to put yourself in a cage. Now here's the good news. The door of that cage is White, open and IT always has been. I hope this episode has inspired you to open your wings and express yourself your full self.

Because when you drop those insecurities and you stop caring so much about IT and you allow yourself to just be you, you, my friend, will set yourself free. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. I believe in you.

Give a shit what you're wearing or what you look like. I believe in your ability to create a life that you love. Now spread those wings and fly out of that cage and set yourself free after after a few days.

Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

IT is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapy or other qualified professional. stitcher. Running a small business takes endurance, determination and the right support to reach your goals. And mastercard is here to help fuel that journey in a fast pace digital world with innovative tools and resources. We are here to guide businesses every step of the way digitally, because when small business wins, everyone wins, let's power of our communities, one small business and one step at a time, keeping the community running strong, Price less. Celebrity cruise es black friday event is so good, you're going to need a bigger bucket list. Explore the kerival in europe or alaska was seventy five percent off your second guess plus bonus savings book today and see why nothing comes close to celebrity cruises visit celebrity 点 com call one eight hundred celebrity or contact your travel advisor offer applies to select sAilings savings amount varies by state room category other terms supply this is celebrity 到 com for details， ships registry, multa and equal.