18: This is Where the Watermelon Comes Into Play with Max Greenfield
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Welcome to another episode of the America's Favorite Podcast, Jake. You can't say that, Garf. You can't say that. Yeah, I can. Actually, you can. Why not?

And then people might believe it. Yeah, that's how marketing works. Hey, my friend who I love and I care about, Gareth, what nickname did you just tell me that you gave yourself about living with your mother? What did you call yourself? I think I said...

What did I say? Sweet baby ginger? What did I say? Sweet ginger baby. Sweet ginger baby. So we got a new nickname. Fat Aaron Paul's gone. That was fun. Well, I grieve it. I do not. But it is now sweet ginger baby. Way better for me. Not great. Shouldn't have said it, obviously. We would think Fat Aaron Paul was kind of organically fading away, but...

Here we go. Off-air with Jake. Off-air becomes on-air with such ease. We have a great episode. We do. Great guest. My dear friend, great co-star from New Girl, Max Greenfield comes on the show. He is, as always, he's funny. He's the best. I love the guy. He has written a children's book, which I'm sure you guys all know about. But if you don't, it's called I Don't Want to Read This Book. And it is fantastic. Fantastic.

And he's great, and we were very lucky to have him. And then the second call you would think is a little more my wheelhouse, but...

Just a very strange little predicament. Animal ownership can be a roller coaster, and this really proves that in spades. So thank you guys for everybody who's been sharing it, posting about it. Thank you for Caitlin for everything you're doing with social media. And thanks to everybody. We're having a lot of fun. Thanks for listening. Yeah, you can go watch us on YouTube. We got stuff everywhere. So with that being said, enjoy the show.

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Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? Good. Welcome to the show. You're on the podcast with Gareth Reynolds, Jake Johnson, and a very special guest, my friend, my former co-star, Mr. Max Greenfield. Wow. I'm such a huge fan. You, Max. You, Max. He's giving you love, baby.

Well, all three of you guys. Oh, thanks. Thanks. I was going to let Max have a little shine. What's your first name? Oliver. Oliver. Where are you from, Oliver? I'm from Long Island, New York. Yeah, baby.

And how old are you, Oliver? 25. 25. Now, you got a serious problem today? Well, it's serious to me. We'll see how serious everybody else thinks it is. Oliver, if it's serious to you, baby, that's all that matters. Let us know where you're at. What's happening? Good stuff. That's what I like to hear. So I may, I guess you'd call it a content creator and a documentarian.

But I make a lot of stuff about- Do you actually make documentaries or do you just make content and you're referring to yourself as a documentarian? A little bit of both. A little bit of both. How's that? I definitely- Do you make, hold on. Oliver, do you make documentaries? Do you just film content and don't want to just say content creator? You know what? We'll call it what you want. I think it's a little bit better than just a standard YouTube video. I do travel. I do invest money into the content that I'm making. Okay. I respect. I respect. I respect.

Okay, so so what's our issue? So the topics that I usually cover are kind of silly individual quest and so last year I

I was laying in at almost 400 pounds. And so I hit the gym and I got really into shape. However, you were a 400 pounder, my man? Almost. I didn't quite break the brink, but I was on the way. What's your height? What are you walking around at? I'm six foot even. Six foot? Almost 400. Interesting. Nice. Four bucks. Okay. So you said this is getting too big. I was getting way too big. It was...

You know, I'm a big fat party animal and that's fine with me, but it's getting hard to buy clothes. I get it. I got to throw away. I bought like 15 of the same black t-shirts. I got to buy a larger size. It's a nightmare. I know. And then you got to upgrade the whole wardrobe. And then if you go back down, all your clothes are too big. And that's kind of where I'm at right now. Oliver, you and me are related. These two little skinny guys are rolling their eyes. Yeah.

All right. So what happened? What was your wake-up call? You wanted to lose weight? Why? What happened? You know what it was? I got married and I really enjoyed the last year of my life. And I said, you know what? I want to stick around for a long time. I love it. And so I said, I'm going to try to lose some weight. And then here's where we run into trouble. Sure. I kind of have plateaued in the last year or so. And I've decided to set myself a weight goal, something to do at the gym that I can hit.

Max, one quick, let me stop for one second, Oliver. Max, don't pretend this is not a wheelhouse call for you. A big guy losing weight talking about the goddamn gym. We got the right guy for you, Oliver. Don't interrupt him, James. I got excited, Max. He's talking about a gym. Shut up. Well, we're going to fight. So the goal that I set myself is I want to be able to crush a watermelon between my thighs. Oh, great.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? That is, without question, the greatest gym goal I'll ever hear. Yeah, you just went back to Gareth's camp and not to Max's camp.

Yeah. Come on over, baby. You were losing Garrett. He said watermelon and he perked up. Oh, content creator. Oh, man. All right. So you want to squash a watermelon in between those big thighs, my guy?

Correct. Right now, I'm on the hip abduction machine. I can hit 205 pounds. Amazing. Are you just going hips right now? Are people like, buddy, your arms are like wiry and kind of flabby, and you're like, I got him a goal. Well, I was going all arms, but I'm worried about being a light bulb. So I moved on to try to get the legs up where the arms are. Oh, my God. Oliver, what are you saying right now? Right now, I'm 290.

Nice, man. Oh, wow. Way to go. But I've plateaued around there, which is where the watermelon comes in. I really think if I can get the hip abductor machine up to 340 pounds,

I can crush a watermelon. I feel really good about that. And I'll have lost weight along the way. This is where the watermelon comes into play is is just a great I'm very I'm enjoying what you're saying a tremendous amount. The problem, the problem. No problems. I'm still kind of with you on this one, Oliver. So you are.

You're wanting to squash it. This is going to get you stronger, which will make you lose more weight. What's the problem? The problem is my support system right now. I've made a practice stream just to prove that I couldn't crush a watermelon right at the beginning. I went all out on filming it. I staged the whole thing, and I was not able to crush a watermelon in that stream. My goal is in two months' time to duplicate the entire stream, but

but be able to crush the watermelon. Okay. Now, did you genuinely try your hardest the first time? I did. I got juice out of the watermelon, but I wasn't able to do the full crush. Anyone drink that juice? You know what? I'm hoping that the second watermelon will make nice snacks for the week. Yeah, but hold on. So how much power do you need? Are you doing, is this for real for you? You're just doing it for your documentaries.

Oh no, this is, well, I'm doing it for the documentary, but it is 100% for real. Okay. And how much power do you need to smash a watermelon? Is there any kind of test for this? Can I go back to one of Jake's original questions? The watermelon journey, is it more content or is it a full documentary? Well,

I'm going to be doing a full documentary about it after the journey is over. But I legitimately want to crush this watermelon. I get it. What do you think the title of that doc's going to be? Squash and Melons? Waiter Melon. Waiter Melon? Melons Beware.

Melons beware. Don't hate it. Let me tell you, if this is an advice show, you gotta go back to Jake. Jake's real good at this, man. So, beware melons is good. Think squash and melons too, but we're in a zone right now. We gotta figure out how to... Wait, real quick. Jake.

what why you to pretend that you're at the movie theater and you go up to the concession and or whatever and you ask for two tickets to squash melons go hey um yeah can i get a two adults for squashing melons i think it's a hit man yeah i think it's a hit

So, Oliver, where are you at with squashing melons right now? So you can get a little juice out, but you can't squash the melon, correct? Correct. And what are you doing at the gym, my man? So it's a big focus on, first, obviously, legs. I start with some cardio to warm up, limber up, and then I'm hitting the hip abduction machine to see if I can get up. Actually, do you mind if I interrupt, Oliver? You're doing this all wrong.

Okay, hit me. A gym is not the place to learn to squash melons. Okay. A farm is. You just need to go to a goddamn watermelon farm, pay a farmer and squash the little guys. Ask him if he's got any rotten watermelons. Because it's a mental game, man. You have lost 100 pounds, Oliver.

You can squash a goddamn melon. It's a mental game. That melon has you beat. Don't beware melons. Beware Oliver because you're afraid of a big watermelon. A kettlebell, a fucking hip flexor machine is doing nothing for you. You got to go find some rotten watermelons and squash those big legs of yours and get your confidence up. Have you tried other melons? Have you tried like a cantaloupe or anything like that?

Well, that would be the eventual goal. I figure a cantaloupe is smaller and more dense than a regular watermelon. Yeah, you don't want to go cantaloupe, my man. You don't want to go cantaloupe. Cantaloupe's a nightmare. If I'm you, I start with a plum. I go real peaches. You got to keep on theme. It's melons, but I like plurals. You hit the honeydew. You hit the cantaloupe. You squash it. Honeydew is unsquashable. Non-squashing melons.

But what's a soft melon? I bet you Arnold Schwarzenegger could squash a cantaloupe. You're right. You mentioned this last year has been really good, correct? Correct. And did you meet a woman in this last year? Is that what I heard? Well, I didn't meet her in this last year, but we got married in this last year. You got married. What does she think about this squash and melon skull?

It's a great question. So she's into the goal of squashing the melon, but this is where the content side comes into this. I've recorded the stream where I couldn't smash it in the kitchen of our apartment, and she's not a huge fan of the stream where it does get smashed being recorded in our kitchen. I think partially because it's a small apartment, our kitchen's very close to the living room rug,

And it's a weird change of pace because she usually does support all of my endeavors, which are often similar to this.

She doesn't like this. Go ahead, Max. What do you mean, what similar endeavors? What's another one? Give us an example. Recently, I threw a black tie affair in the apartment to celebrate the recent release of the new Monster cereal. I had this place filled up 50-ish people, and she was all good with that. I'm also big on hyper fixations and collectibles. She's usually fine with that. Our whole living room is...

She doesn't want you squashing a fucking watermelon. Those activities don't get juice and seeds all over the living room or at least I can tell you as a fact, my wife, Max's wife, and I'm sure Gareth's cat would not want any of us squashing a watermelon in between our thighs in the kitchen. Yeah. Video or no video.

So I think what you got to do is you got to forget about your stream for a little bit. You're either a documentarian, you're either a content creator or you're a guy smashing fucking watermelons. You can't be all three at the same time. You're either the director or you're the goddamn subject. And if you want to be the subject and this is about losing weight, then forget setting up that iPhone and filming yourself squashing watermelons and get out to a field and just start squashing them. You need a Rocky montage.

You need to spend about two months. Don't film any of it. Don't worry about the end product. Worry about squashing goddamn watermelons, man. And I don't think you go to a gym for that. I think you put a big melon in between those legs and you squash it. I think you watch what you eat. I think you go to the gym to get your cardio up. And then I think every single day you go to the grocery store, you buy the softest watermelon and you try to squash it.

You ever see one of those videos where they put the rubber bands around the watermelon and then they keep putting it on the watermelon until it explodes? Yep. I would figure out how many rubber bands you need to make it explode and then work backwards from there, squashing them in between your quads.

That's a great idea. You got anything here, Gareth? I do. I agree. I mean, well, I think once we all heard go find a watermelon farmer and just give them the pitch, I think that's not going to hurt anything. I think you can do some training towards it. You're doing the right thing, but you really should be squashing as many melons as you can between your legs. I think from a content perspective, you can film some of it. And I think the day of...

the main event, if you do want to do it in your kitchen, just go get a big tarp from Home Depot. And I would say start with warmups from smallest melon to watermelon and, you know, really lean into it like that, like those are the practice swings. But it's a hell of a goal.

Yeah. So I think our, in closing the kind of advice for this one, Oliver, it's a tricky one because it's a hard goal. And Max is saying, do something weird with rubber bands and figure out how many rubber bands. I don't know how that connects to the thighs.

What do you what's your advice on this one, Gareth? Well, I think you can do it in your kitchen and, you know, tarp it up. And if she doesn't support it, then maybe this is not the right relationship. I think that's a turn. I would say don't listen to Gareth.

I would say you met a woman. You don't think you could find, let me tell you something. You're going to be able to find a woman out there who you love, who also, trust me, I have a cat, who you love and who also supports the thigh melon stuff. That's all I'm saying. Oliver, this is going sideways, my guy. This woman, you got married during a year when you lost 100 pounds. I think you got a winner at home.

squash watermelons in your kitchen. My advice to you is find an outdoor park and every single day squash a watermelon and don't take a day off. And I would say throw money out the window. Whatever you put into this financially, I think you'll make back when you sell the duck. Oliver, thank you so much for the call, my man. Hey guys, thank you very much.

Next time you're around a watermelon, are you going to go, hey, can I just, can I try something? Some watermelons? Can I just see what I can do with this between my legs?

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Hi, who's this? This is Maddie. Hi, Maddie. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good. This is Jake, and you're on with Gareth the Garfman Reynolds. Hello, Gareth. Hello, Jake. Hey, Maddie. How are you? I'm good. So, Maddie, what can we do for you today? What...

What's the issue at hand? What can we try to crack open as the three of us? We're your partners in crime here. We're on your team. What do we got? So the other night, my cat was in my room while I was doing the deed. And ever since then, he has been just nonstop humping me. And I'm not I'm not sure what to do about it.

When you say the deed, is there a cosigner on the deed or is this your mortgage? There's a cosigner. There's a cosigner, okay. There's a cosigner. Because if the cat watched her masturbate and then started humping her, it's a very different question.

Then the cat's saying like, I'm right here. I am right here. I love you so much. Yes, yes, yes. Because then it's not a question of jealousy. It's a comment on love and loyalty. Arguably a bigger issue. Yeah, motherfucker, I'm in love with you. Let's go.

Put down that fucking flashlight. I am in love with you. What were you looking for? So you had somebody over. You guys did what came naturally to you two. And your cat, what's your cat's name? His name is Sushi. Sushi. And how long have you had Sushi? Three years. What's this guy's name, if you don't mind me asking?

His name's Riley. Riley. Riley and Sushi and Maddie. He will be listening to this. Let's be honest. Is the thing that Sushi saw you and Riley do, were you guys pulling out some moves that were new to Sushi? Great question. Was there something about this session? Was this a special event? Was it special? Exactly right. Yeah. You know, it was...

It was a good one. I mean, it just felt like he was more ingrained in this one, you know? You talking about Riley or Sushi? Yeah, we got to use names. Sushi, Sushi, sorry. Okay, Sushi. So it seemed like you and Riley were really connecting. It was going well. Both of you were performing at a high level. And Sushi was into it. He was invested and passionate.

At that point, I was like, I can't really just stop this to kick him out. He screams at the door when I lock him out. It's a mood killer.

Okay, so the cat is a little possessive of you to begin with. Yeah, to begin with, yeah. Really quick pause, and then we'll get back into it. Gareth, I know you have a tattoo of your cat on your arm. Thank you. You're impressed by it. Has Jose ever watched you have sex with another? No.

Follow-up question, does Jose scream to leave? I'll answer Kevin's first. No, thank you. Everyone would want to be part of the show. And he has. And he's, yeah, I mean, but not in the way ever where...

I feel like he's in any way observing something he enjoys. He always looks like what's going on. He looks freaked out. Yeah. As anyone would be if they saw me in the act. Can I ask a question, Maddie, about this? So you and Riley have sex. Sushi watches. Riley leaves. How soon after that does Sushi make his move on you? Right.

Yeah, that was probably like an hour or two after. So a couple hours after Riley leaves, Sushi goes, my turn, jumps on you, starts humping. And what do you do, Maddie? You just shove that little puss off? Yeah, because he starts doing it. And I'm like, oh, he's just making muffins like usual. Yeah.

Sorry, real quick, Maddie, let me jump in here. For those of you listeners like Jake or other people who maybe are not familiar with making the muffins, a.k.a. making the biscuits, depending on the regionality of your cat, that is when the cat will get on a blanket or something soft that they enjoy and they'll begin to sort of...

No, Jake, please. We're trying to keep it wholesome. This one's for the kids. And the cat will start to sort of use their claws and they'll kind of like a baker would need the dough. They'll kind of start needing the blanket to prepare it for themselves to sleep in it or rest inside. And you thought Sushi was making the biscuits when he started humping you, Patty? Yeah. Yeah. It was like it was a new motion. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Biscuits. Quick pause. Has Riley come back for a second time? He has come back and he's aware of the new situation. Did Sushi watch round number two? He may have been in there. Oh, wow. OK. Great question. Let's label a great question when we hear one. Great question. Thanks. So Sushi has now. Can I just ask again, how many times has Riley been? How many times has Sushi watched you and Riley have sex over under? Is it five?

um probably under five okay under five so more than two yeah yeah this is i would say three i would say three let's go with three so can i ask you a question maddie this one's now yeah i hate to be a sushi seems to be a little predator and i don't want to be on the predator's team here but oh yeah can i ask you a question yeah the first if i had sex with uh my partner and a dog watched and then later the dog tried to me

I don't think I'd ever have sex in front of the dog again. Yeah, no, that's because I would say, I think I'm teaching this dog to get on top of me. Maddie, you've done it three times without an adjustment. What's happening here? I know. Okay. That was probably the second to the last time. And I think,

I think it's just like, I just forget he's there. And you're right, you're right. I need to make this adjustment. So I think I got a zone, unless Garf, you want to jump in? No, I think I'm ready. I have some thoughts. So I feel like we've got it. Well, okay, this is what I would say. Since the situation has happened thrice,

Has your relationship with sushi remained the same? Is there awkwardness? Are you loving sushi? When I say loving affectionate towards sushi more or less? I think, you know, keeping my distance a little. That's heartbreaking. Because I don't want that relationship with my cat. But that's not what sushi wants. This is. No, no, no. I just, you know, we're working through it. I think in order to work through it, what I would suggest is you there's

Look, doesn't help that. I'll be frank. Your cat now knows how to fuck. But what I think will be helpful will be if your cat feels like they're it's not like I if I put myself in Sushi's headspace, Sushi's like, I'm losing you. And Sushi's wires are all crossed and crazy. And so Sushi is doing what Sushi can do to keep you.

And then the fact that you're maybe allowing some distance is driving Susha crazy. By the way, you doing this emotional cat POV talk with a painting of a cat behind you is an out-of-body experience for me. Thank you. Thank you. Matty, you can't see this. He has a tattoo of his cat on his arm, and behind him is a painting of his cat. And he's talking about... It's amazing.

The cat's point of view is afraid of losing him. Yeah. This is just the most emotional I've ever seen the Garf man in my life. Oh, my God. You're in it. I'm cooking. So I think the worst thing to do is for you to allow sushi to think like, oh, yeah, there's a difference now.

So what I would suggest is that you overdo it with kindness with sushi. Lots of affection, lots of love, make sushi feel like there's no worry that sushi is going to lose you. And on top of that, I would suggest maybe a little – I mean we've all seen dogs do it. They'll curl the blankets up and they'll go to town. I would suggest maybe a little sushi pal. Yeah.

A little, you know, a little stuffed animal. Let me finish. A little stuffed animal we'll call wasabi or something like that. Just something there that if sushi needs, if sushi needs a...

What kind of level of perversion are you pitching here, you creep? A little fuck toy for him? This is a bifurcated pitch. They make masturbating toys for animals and people buy these? They have animatronic cats. Oh, my Lord. Well, I mean, I'm not saying we get a real doll for the cat, but I'm just saying maybe a little outlet...

for the sushi push. That's all really good emotional advice and I think that could work. Here's another solution. A spray bottle of water and when the cat gets on you spray it. No, no, no. And go like this. Go, get out of here. Sushi.

Get out of here. Stop trying to fuck me, you weirdos. I'm not opposed to a, like, sushi no. Sushi no. Yeah. I think it's sushi no. Gareth, what you're pitching is this. Sushi no. Go make love to that weird toy I got you named Wasabi while I watch. Because we live in a world of weirdness and madness in this apartment. I'm pitching. I'm pitching. You're creating a cat masturbating temple, you weirdo. Pass.

I'm pitching Sushi, no. But Sushi, it's okay. I love you. Okay, listen, but hold on. Now, let's go. You went in the POV of Sushi. I'm going in the POV of Riley. I go there for the fourth time. She's like,

hey that was so fun you want to get in bed and I go yeah we get in bed it starts getting on the cat starts watching she goes hold on sushi no sushi go to wasabi yeah I'm talking about a sushi I'm talking about a sushi and I as Riley go Riley no Riley out of here

I'm saying we do the sushi no for the sushi humping. I'm not saying we need to stop the act. How about this? If you're Riley and you go to a woman's house and you go like this, oh, is that your cat? Oh my God, it's fucking that pillow. And she goes like this, oh, that's Wasabi. It's his fuck toy that I got him. Walking out...

No. Yes, I would. If I went to someone's house and there was a dog openly humping a pillow and I go, hey, man, your dog's humping a pillow. And he goes, I know I got that pillow for her. It's a fuck pillow. I'll go, what? No, no.

So in the end, Gareth recommends you give this cat as much love as you can. You get it. You give it a little fuck toy. Right. And when it tries to hump you, you go, no, but then you instantly fill it with love.

I recommend Riley comes by and gives it some attention. You never allow the cat to be in the room while you have sex and you definitely don't get it a fuck toy. Now at the end of the show, what we like to do is what do you think you're going to do? I think, I think I'm going to take this all in. I'm going to, I'm going to just firmly shut him out the door. I'm going to give him some love. I'm looking at him right now.

Okay. Yeah. What's the vibe? What's his vibe? What's the vibe? He's in the corner. He's sleeping. Okay. He's faking. He's faking a little pervert. He's tired. He's all wiped out. He knows you're on a Zoom. He's like this. I'm fine. I'm all good. Once you hang up, I make the move. Sushi strikes. So you're going to show Sushi some love.

You're going to block sushi out of the room. Yes. And is that it, Maddie? Is that where you're at?

That's where I'm at. Thank you guys. Thank you so much for the call. Keep us, I'm very invested in this one and I don't know if it's just because I have a cat too and a painting of my cat behind me, but please let us know in like a month or so how this develops, please. Okay, I will. I'm curious to see if this cat, what happens with the break. Okay, I will. Thank you, Maddie. Thank you for the call. Yeah, thank you guys.

Hi, welcome to the podcast. We're excited to help as always. We're on a roll today too. We're really, really solving some issues. You have Jake, you have Gareth. Sometimes Jake refers to me as Fat Aaron Paul. We're trying to nip that in the bud and get that out. Why do I do that, Gareth?

because you're a bad friend and what's the backstory? What's the back? Do you like to hurt? You're not your, your parents didn't give you the love you needed. So you take that out on others. I don't know. Thanks for the call. Oh, that's it. Gareth got too real. All right, everybody. Uh,

Melina, really nice to meet you. Kevin, I'm done. Garfman, fuck you! We also want to let you know that we have a reporter from the New York Times. It's not been great. We have a reporter from the New York Times, Melina Delkic, who is joining us. She might jump in if there's something. But let's start with you. What is your name, pseudonym allowed, and what is your age?

I'm Grace and I'm 24 years old. What can we help you with, Grace? What's going on? Talk to us. So I have recently moved to Norway for school and I live in like a student apartment and I kind of randomly picked a room. You know, I know some people here, but we couldn't really figure out getting in the same apartment. So I randomly picked a room. I get here and my three roommates introduce themselves to me and I

And I immediately forget what they have said. I have no idea what these people's names are. I think in the next couple of days, I'll be like, maybe I'll ask them again. But eventually I forget. And now it has been over a month. And yeah. And they refer to me by grace every day. Shit. This is something I can relate to. This is something I can relate to. I'm really glad you made this. Well, you had an opportunity early, but a month down the road is now you are an illegal conductor. I did. I did.

Grace, have you had a moment with not knowing their names where it's come up? Have you had to introduce them to anybody? Has there been a near nightmare situation? You know, I've had like some friends over and I've been like, oh, this is my friend so-and-so and like hoping they would say their name.

But he never did. None of them ever did. Jake, Jake, you'll know this. I think you, I mean, you in your career, even mine and mine, you have these times where you go, I know that I've met this person nine times. What is your tactic when you're confronted with that? The oldest trick in the book? Just, yeah. So if I'm with you, Gareth, and we see some executive where I know I've sat across the room and pitched them a show they passed on?

You need me to do the legwork. I go, you know my buddy Gareth, right? And then you go, hey, I'm Gareth. And they'll go like, I'm James. Yep. Yep.

You need this is I don't want to say we can solve this one too quickly, but you need to do a setup like this. My first pitch would be do a Zoom with your family and let your family know going in. This is not about how is everyone doing? That's going to be the backdrop. That's going to be the lie that you're pushing throughout. This is a fact finding mission. And your mother, your father, whoever, their job is to say, oh, I'm

I've heard of you. Who is who? What are your names? Some version like that. Get in. Grace, I think we're going to give you a great solution here. And I think the Garf man just set the table. And I'm about to throw a Norwegian fish on that plate. There we go. I think, Grace, you do a Zoom with your roommates and us.

And we put it under the umbrella of how do we help Grace feel more comfortable in Norway? And we start it with, hey, everybody, can we please get your names? They say it. And then we go, here's what we need from you guys.

Three ideas for Grace to have a fun Friday night. And it's a throwaway fake episode. The whole thing is three minutes. This is it. Grace, I don't feel, I'm going to say, I don't think we've solved one faster. I feel the same way. Grace, do you think, is that something you would consider doing?

I mean, why not? Like, I've been here for super long, you know? Just say... I gotta get out of the way sometimes. Listen, just let them know there's a podcast you like. You wrote in, you wanted some advice on things to do in Norway for fun because you're new. And they...

And the producer, Kevin, our bloodhound, he was doing our hunky bloodhound, which I don't actually think I should say hunky bloodhound. We're now diverting into a category I'm not comfortable with. But we want to do a sit down with you and the roommates to kind of figure out what it is. It'll be a five to ten minute call. We'll do the work for you. You'll know their names.

Okay. Grace, are you in? I'm in, but I'm just letting you know they're going to have no idea who you guys are. That's even better. They're not all Norwegian. That's fine. One's Norwegian, one's Russian, and one's German.

The Russian is like this set up to a good joke. That's fine. Grace, thank you for the call. We're going to talk to you really soon. And we're going to get in the umbrella statement of the next call. Just so you know, will be that you emailed the show trying to find if we had any suggestions of fun things to do in Norway.

Yeah. And then we'll say, we've never been, maybe your roommates could help. So it's all on us. We're the weirdos. You're just saying, will you do this? Also, Gareth, let me go really fast. Also, you can ask them if they don't know us. Ask them if they've ever seen Breaking Bad. No, no, no. We're good. No, Grace, we've moved on. No, no, Jake, Kevin, it would be a great time to meet Jake because he's being a little greedy. No,

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you, Gareth. I don't think they actually have the show over there. So, Grace, we will talk to you super soon. And and we're excited to do this. And thanks a bunch. And I've been on the road. So there is some water and chip weight in the United Kingdom. But that's going to drop real soon. Thanks, Grace. Appreciate it a bunch. This follow up with Grace is a few weeks later. Hi, Grace. Hi. Hi, how are you? It's Kevin, the producer of the show.

Hi, Kevin. I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Hey, I was chatting with the guys. We think it'd be funny if we had them all on...

uh, you and your roommates all on together. We have kind of a little, a little devious plan. Are you free? Thank you. Are you any chance? Are you free next Wednesday at the same time? Like 10 Pacific time? Yeah. You know, I, I will track them down by then. Hey, great. This is Jake. Do you know their names yet? This has been about a week. Yeah.

Okay, I do know their names. Like, oh, you do. I'm sorry. All good. All right. How did you how did you learn their names? Well, I asked like, one person. Okay, like, say there's like 123. I asked one for number two's name, two for number three name and three for number one. Garf, I'm taking this as a win for the podcast. We don't have to call on Wednesday, but it did work somehow. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't think that was our advice, but I think we... Who cares? No. I know, we like to take the wins. I thought you guys were going to email me back, so I just asked them. Don't turn it into something like that. We're taking the win. Here's what I'm going to say, what the premise of this goddamn show is, is we might not be the guys who give you the advice, but we might be the stepping stone to you winning. Yeah, I think you are.

Thank you. That's all that matters. Now that, that is all we need. Is the end of this call. Thank you so much. That's the nugget these fat boys want to eat. Victory, fat boys! Yeah, another one. Thank you for the call. Ring the bell, Kevin. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Victory for the fat boys. We got a sale. We got another sale. The fat boys are back. Oh my God.

HelpfulPod at gmail.com.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.