Lou's heart stopped, and her body screamed with a visceral reaction. She felt as though her heart might pop out of her chest, realizing she had not fully healed from the trauma of their abusive relationship.
John presented himself as a 'gentle giant,' offering to help Lou when she was lost and vulnerable. He used phrases like 'I'm not going to hit on you, but you're beautiful' and 'You shouldn't trust me because you just met me,' creating a false sense of security while subtly manipulating her.
Lou's grandfather was her protector and biggest supporter, offering her care and stability. While he had been physically abusive to her father, he transformed into a loving grandfather for Lou, providing her with emotional support and guidance throughout her childhood.
The turning point was when John hit Lou during an argument at a party, locked her in a bathroom, and pushed her into a bathtub. This physical violence marked a clear escalation in his abusive behavior, which had previously been more manipulative and controlling.
Lou's friends were concerned and tried to intervene, while John's own friends explicitly told Lou to leave him, calling him an 'asshole' and urging her to get away from him. Despite their warnings, Lou initially stayed in the relationship.
Lou cherished her grandfather's voicemail as the only remaining piece of his voice. She would call it repeatedly just to hear his voice until the phone was disconnected, highlighting how deeply she valued their bond.
John revealed his swinging lifestyle well into their relationship, which Lou was not prepared for. He manipulated her into accepting it by claiming it was part of his identity before they met, creating tension and further isolating her emotionally.
Lou left John after he abandoned her at a gig and his friend intervened, putting her on a bus back to Dublin. This incident, combined with his escalating drinking and abusive behavior, led her to finally end the relationship.
Lou was raised in an environment where crying was discouraged and seen as selfish. This upbringing made her less likely to cry over physical pain but left her struggling to process emotional trauma, which resurfaced years later when she saw John again.
Generational trauma played a significant role in Lou's life, as her grandfather's abusive behavior toward her father influenced her father's parenting style. However, her grandfather broke the cycle by becoming a loving and supportive figure for Lou, showing the complexity of generational patterns.
This episode references domestic violence and other mature themes.
*[Lou’s Story Part 1/3] *
Lou's story isn’t just about survival—it’s a battle cry of reclamation.
In this chapter she unravels the deeply personal account of her entanglement with John, her manipulative and abusive ex-boyfriend. The emotional wounds of their relationship left scars that refused to fade, but it was the unexpected moment of seeing him again years later that pulled her back into the shadows of her past. As the trauma resurfaced, Lou found herself grappling with questions she thought she had buried.
In retracing the steps of her formative years and confronting the weight of generational trauma, Lou begins to piece together a path toward recovery. But healing isn’t a straight line — it’s a labyrinth of pain, resilience, and startling realizations that could change everything.
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