get out of your own way, advice session
44:18 Share

Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session.

A series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And then you take the advice with a grain of salt. And then we are both happy. And today's topic is getting out of your own way. Because wow, we can really be our own worst enemies sometimes, huh? I'm my own worst enemy all the time. Sometimes I'm my harshest critic. Just chill.

just shitting on everything that I do. Sometimes I'm my biggest hater, just unfairly shitting on myself. Not shitting on myself literally, but metaphorically. I do not often shit on myself. Okay, so let's be clear. But also sometimes I'm my own worst enemy in sneakier ways, like allowing myself to self-sabotage.

or convincing myself that my bad toxic ideas are good ideas, or not standing up for myself, or allowing myself to harbor limiting beliefs. You know, there are so many different ways that we can be our own worst enemy. And I think to be human is to be at times our own worst enemy. It's something that we all deal with. Let's begin.

At Sephora, we know how you love to use makeup, skin care, hair care, and fragrances that work for you, but also how important it is to be in the know about the ingredients that are in them, which is why we created Clean at Sephora. Curated products from brands like Merit, Amika, Summer Fridays, and Fleur that have everything you want, minus certain ingredients you might not. Clean at Sephora is only at Sephora. Shop now at Sephora.com.

This episode is brought to you by Bumble. Dating can be exhausting. Even just getting to the dating stage is a little bit overwhelming. You know, I'm not somebody who loves casually dating. I like to be in a relationship.

Finding somebody you're attracted to is challenging enough, but then making sure that you're compatible is a whole other challenge. Well, Bumble is helping take some of the pressure off. Now you can make the first move or not. It's entirely up to you. Thanks to Bumble's new feature, opening moves. It's a simple way to start conversations. Just choose a question and let your matches reply to kick off the chat.

Try opening moves on the new Bumble. Download Bumble now. This episode is brought to you by Azo. Vagina isn't a dirty word, and vaginal issues are totally normal.

So if you got vaginal health concerns, the Azo brand has products that are backed by science and can help provide relief for all kinds of vaginal issues. Visit azoproducts.com and save 20% off with the code podcast. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Somebody said, how do I let go of the fear of judgment?

Well, the truth is judgment is inevitable. We're going to judge people because it's kind of like a natural human thing to do. And people are going to judge us because again, it's a natural human thing to do. I did research on this a long time ago and I forget everything that I learned, but what I can remember. Okay. So I didn't, I didn't forget everything I learned. Okay. I remembered one thing.

One thing that I remembered is that it is natural to judge. In a lot of ways, it's a protective mechanism in our brain. You know, we judge people because

to figure out if we want to be friends with them, if we want to talk to them, if they're safe to talk to, if they're going to be a good match for us when it comes to friendship or dating or whatever. Like there are so many reasons why we judge. So I think that's the first thing to get comfortable with is that judgment in all ways, in all forms is inevitable. You judging people is inevitable. People judging you is inevitable.

Once you become comfortable with that and sort of accept that as truth, then you can take the next step. But I think before you come to accept that, it's really hard to, I don't know, let go of the fear of judgment. Because I think some of the most challenging fears to manage are

are the fears that will come true, right? And a lot of our fears are those types of things, things that could possibly happen to us. And judgment is a great example of that because we will absolutely be judged. In fact, we're being judged all the time.

And not always negatively, but sometimes negatively. You know, it's different than like a fear of flying on planes, right? The likelihood of something going wrong on an airplane is actually pretty low, right? If you look up the statistics of it, it's very low.

The likelihood of you being judged is very high. In fact, in order to avoid it, you'd need to be in your house all the time and never leave. So again, I think the first step is acceptance, accepting that it will happen and it might be negative, but that that's okay and that no one's going to get hurt. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you're a cringe person. It doesn't mean you're an embarrassing person.

It doesn't mean you're a failure. It doesn't mean any of that necessarily. It's just an inevitable part of being a human being. And it's an inevitable part of doing things. Anytime you do anything in front of anyone else, you're at risk of being judged. And I think it can be kind of comforting to think back at all the times in your life when you have been judged. You survived it. You know what I mean? It's actually not that bad. It's not that big of a deal. But in the confines of our mind, we can inflate so

certain fears irrationally. And I think the fear of judgment is very much that. Now, that's not me saying that your fear of judgment is irrational in a negative way. Like, that's not me sort of putting you down and saying, like, that's irrational. It's natural. We all do this. Like, I've done this. We've all done this.

In the confines of our mind, we inflate fears and make them bigger than they need to be. And I think the fear of judgment is absolutely one of those things. Because at the end of the day, like, you're not going to die. You're going to be okay. Everyone's okay. And I think for me, when it comes to my own personal fears, right?

especially with fears that are inflated. They're made bigger in my brain than they need to be because they're actually not life-threatening. You know, they're not life-threatening. They're possible to recover from. It's important for me to remember that I am inflating them to be scarier than they need to be in my own brain.

So step one is to accept the inevitable. And step two is to look at your fear rationally. And then I think step three is to practice.

The best way to get over a fear is to activate that fear in yourself in your day-to-day life. For example, like I recently developed a fear of flying on planes, which is so weird because I never had that before. And it just, it's bizarre, right?

But you know what I do? I get on a plane as often as I possibly can to try to get over that fear. And listen, am I over that fear yet? No. But every time I fly on a plane and I prove myself wrong and I prove to myself like, this is fine. Everything's fine. This is not scary.

it gets a little bit less scary. And it takes a lot of time and it takes a lot of courage. But actively activating your fear and not running away from your fear is crucial. And so when it comes to the fear of judgment, do the things that you're afraid of being judged for and let yourself be judged. And then prove to yourself that you don't care about judgment, that you're confident in what you're doing and that you're going to do it anyway and that judgment just rolls off your back.

But the only way you can prove that to yourself, that you have that ability, is by doing it. Not just once, but over and over again. So wear that risky outfit. Send that risky text. I sound so Pinterest quote-y today. I feel like

I feel like very walking Pinterest quote today. So excuse that. But send that risky text, wear that risky outfit, stand up for yourself in front of your friends, do these things and see what happens. And the worst case scenario is that you do get judged and that it is in a negative way.

but you're going to be okay. And there is so much to look forward to in your life in the future when you no longer fear judgment. You're going to be more confident in yourself. You're going to be more independent in a lot of ways, you know, like not relying on other people, other people's opinions. Big risks reap big rewards a lot of times, you know, like in order to win big, you have to risk big.

And so there's going to be a lot of benefit that you can't even imagine now that comes with pushing through the fear of judgment. There's a lot to look forward to. And life becomes richer and better and more exciting and more full of reward when you're not afraid of judgment. So get excited about the future.

Next, somebody said, how to take the pressure off of yourself to perform well. I do think to a certain extent, you know, it's important to do your best, right? And I think to set the standard for yourself, like I'm going to do my best is healthy and great.

But striving to do your best is very different than striving to perform well. Because sometimes performing well means doing more than is your best. You know what I mean? Like,

torturing yourself in an unhealthy way to perform well is not doing your best. Doing your best is working as hard as you possibly can in pushing yourself as much as you possibly can within reason, you know? So I think when someone's in a moment where they're stressed and anxious and overworked trying to perform well,

it's important for that person to remember that doing your best is enough. And that doesn't always mean succeeding in the eyes of others. That doesn't always mean getting an A plus on every test. That doesn't always mean getting promoted at your job on the timeline that you wanted to or that people expect of you. And that's okay. That's not a failure. As long as you're doing your best, that's something to be proud of.

So I think the most important thing is to shift your mindset a bit, you know, instead of striving to perform well, strive to do your best. And it's really challenging because many of us are overachievers and our ego and identity is tied up in performing well.

And in order to set the new standard and say, I'm just going to try to do my best in wherever I land is where I land is challenging. Because again, when your identity and self-esteem and ego is all tied up in your performance, it can be really foundationally rattling to make your new goal to do your best and then potentially fall a bit shorter than you expected.

are used to, but that's when you need to consider how important your quality of life is. Like when you're stressing about performing well, instead of just being okay with doing your best, your quality of life is destroyed. I mean, that is a one-way ticket to a stressed out, burnt out life. And also our ego and self-esteem should never be tied up in our performance.

It should be tied up in our work ethic, which has nothing to do with the end result. Our work ethic is just how we get our shit done. Somebody can have incredible work ethic and fail all the time. In fact, there are many people who have incredible work ethic who fail all the time.

Work ethic is where your ego should lie, or not even your ego, but let's say your self-esteem should lie. The type of person that you are is where your self-esteem should lie. Those are the most important things. How you actually perform...

Listen, it feels great to perform well, and we should strive to perform well as often as we can, but never if it's only achieved in a toxic way. We should strive to do our best and perform well when that just falls into place. So I think the key is to shift the mindset. I already said that like six times. Here I go again. Shift your mindset. Instead of wanting to perform well, do your personal best.

And then work on building your self-esteem in other areas. The type of person that you are, the type of friend you are, the type of child

child that you are to your parents, the type of sibling that you are to your siblings, the type of partner that you are to your loved, your romantic loved one. You know, like work on that. Find your self-esteem in that. Find your self-esteem in your work ethic. Are you proud of your work ethic? Even if you fail, who cares? But are you proud of the way that you dedicate yourself to what you do while still maintaining a quality of life? Those are the things that your self-esteem should lie in.

And when you set your self-esteem free from your performance, you'll find that your sense of self is far more solid.

because it lies in something that you can control. You can't always control your performance. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you can, but I don't know, in some ways it's sort of out of your control. Whereas how you treat people and how you work, you can control. The outcome of your work, how your performance is, you can't control that really. Like all you can control is how hard you work on it.

but you can't control how well the ultimate performance is. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, somebody said, how to ensure you're living life to the fullest. I think the first thing to remind yourself is there's kind of no such thing as living life to the fullest. Like, what does that even mean to you? What does that mean to anyone? It's very broad. So I think the first thing is

to try to figure out is what does it mean to you to live life to the fullest? Like what are experiences that you want to have in your life

that are a priority for you. Because for some people, living life to the fullest means traveling the world. To some people, living life to the fullest means succeeding in their career. To some people, living life to the fullest means having a family one day. You know, it's very different for everyone. And for some people, it's a combination of a billion different things. Like it's so different for everyone. And it can be really easy to get caught up

in comparing your life to other people and saying to yourself, well, they're living their life to the fullest because they're traveling the world and I'm not. So that means I'm not living my life to the fullest. Well, that might not be what living life to the fullest means to you.

So I think determining what you want to experience in your life and what your ultimate goals are in life is one of the most important things you can do when feeling stressed about living life to the fullest. Really talk to yourself and

And avoid all bias as much as you can to determine what you want to do in your life. What are things that you really want to do? And then from there, take the steps necessary to get closer to having those experiences. I would say that that is what living life to the fullest is. It is working towards and then ultimately arriving to your ultimate goals in life. So like for me, for example...

I want to have a family one day. There are certain things career-wise that I want to do, maybe, you know, certain things I want to create, I guess.

And there are certain things I like to do, you know, like certain hobbies that I really enjoy and stuff. And so at all times, I'm working towards all those different ultimate goals, like getting better at the hobbies that I enjoy, working towards finding a partner so that one day I can have a family, working towards my career goals. And because I have all these things that I'm working towards,

All the things that happen on the journey to accomplishing those goals is incredibly fulfilling. You know, there's challenges, there's moments of hard work and hardship and all of this. But I think when you have goals and you have a vision for what you want to experience in your life and accomplish in your life, the journey working towards accomplishing that, experiencing that is living life to the fullest.

in a lot of ways. But I think more broadly, right, about like having life experiences and, you know, making memories and stuff like that. I do think that another key element of living life to the fullest, and this might be controversial, so I don't know, but this is my opinion, is finding good people and...

finding good people and doing fun things with them. Okay. Like I do think that that is a really important element of living life to the fullest in a way is constantly striving to have good people around you that you can do fun things with. Because I think living life to the fullest is a combination of having fun and

in making dumb ass memories in balance with working towards accomplishing your ultimate goals, working towards experiencing your dream experiences. That balance is, I think, living life to the fullest. And listen, like, again, it's so subjective, like what that even means, what it means to you. I also think it's important to lower your expectations and, or not even...

maybe lower them, but to like create healthy, open-minded expectations about what living life to the fullest means to you. Like you don't need to like go to the moon and date your celebrity crush and party every night and go to the Bahamas every month to live life to the fullest. You know, like living life to the fullest could look far more mundane. But I think if you have good people around and

and you have goals that you're striving towards, the path that those two things will put you on will inevitably allow you to live life to the fullest. But don't worry if you're lost right now and you're like, God, I don't even have a group of friends and

I don't even know what I want to do in the future. That's all a part of the journey as well. Most people aren't just born with a perfect group of friends and, you know, a clear idea for the future. Like that stuff takes time and it evolves and it changes. And there are times when you're goalless and you're friendless and you're like, ah, fuck. But like a year ago, I had goals and I had friends and now I'm confused again. You

You'll go through cycles in your life, but I think striving to have goals and striving to have people in your life who mean something to you, who are good to you, is always good to have. And then in moments when you do have goals that are clear and you do have those friends and those people around you who are important to you, then you're living life to the fullest, I guess. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

October is the time for Halloween masks and costumes, but I want to talk about a different kind of mask. One that some people wear year round or when they're just feeling uncomfortable. It's interesting. I look back at all of the romantic relationships I've had in the past and I have weirdly worn a mask in every single one of them. I think because I've always feared abandonment. You know, if I'm not perfect, if I'm not

exactly what they want me to be, they'll leave me. And I don't think anyone really ever got to know me. Learning to accept all of you and sharing it with the world can be incredibly difficult. And if this is something that you're struggling with, maybe consider talking to a therapist about it.

Take off the mask.

Visit betterhelp.com slash anything today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash anything. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. I've seen so many cool products that just don't have a good website. Honestly, they should be using Squarespace.

Squarespace has everything to help you create a beautiful website that can actually help sell and expand your business. And your site will look great too, thanks to the customizable site design that Blueprint AI gives you. Plus, with Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools, you'll have all the help you need to get people to your site. Head to squarespace.com slash Emma for a free trial and use code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase.

Somebody said, how to stop feeling bad about being behind on all things, relationships, friendships, party experience, hangouts, et cetera. I'm scared I'm never going to be in a relationship. And then somebody else said, I'm scared I'm never going to be in a relationship. I'm 20 and I'm panicking about it.

So I'm discussing these two at once because they're sort of similar. I cannot stress this enough. We're all on our own journey. We're all on our own timeline. And no one timeline is better or more right than the other.

Like if you lose your virginity at 40 years old, who cares? Yeah. Like maybe socially people are like, what? Like you haven't had sex yet. Like, I don't know, but who cares? It doesn't matter. Your journey is your own. And to compare your journey to other people's is to take away the joy from your own journey. You're going to do things when they feel right for you.

You're going to get in a relationship when you're ready. And when that person comes around...

You're going to find deep friendships when those friendships present themselves to you in your life. You're going to have party experience when it feels right for you. You're going to hang out with people more. Like all of these things will happen eventually. And it doesn't matter. Like, I just think that we're under the impression that like we have to, we have to have these experiences by a certain age or else, you know, we're underdeveloped or we're not, or something's wrong with us. No, no.

That's like a societal norm that has been sort of presented to us from a young age. You know, like, hey, this is the blueprint, right? Like, this is what happens at this age and this is what happens at this age and this is what happens. And there's some truth to it in some ways because a lot of people have those certain experiences at those certain ages. But it's impossible for every single human being on the planet to follow the same trajectory. Right.

For whatever reason, your timeline is just a little bit different. But that doesn't mean that you're not going to experience incredible relationships, romantic relationships. That doesn't mean that you're not going to experience incredible friendship. That doesn't mean that you're not going to have a lot of fun hangouts or party experiences in your future. It just means it's happening at a slightly different time. That's all. And there's nothing wrong with that. For whatever reason, that's just the cards that you were dealt.

But it's not a bad hand of cards. It's just a different hand of cards. That's all. And if you can remove the negative emotions around it, if you can take the pressure off of yourself to experience certain things at certain times in your life, then you can truly just enjoy the moment that you're in. Like, there's...

There's something really beautiful about not having been in a relationship yet. You know, there's something so exciting coming soon for you. You're going to experience something so beautiful, potentially painful, but so beautiful. Same thing with like friendship. You're going to be even more grateful for the friendships that you experience in the future because you've not really found a meaningful group of people yet. Like, do you see what I mean? All of these things are going to happen for you. And instead of being like, oh, I'm stressed out that they didn't happen yet.

just be excited to experience them in the future because you absolutely will. And another thing too is that I think the older you get, the wiser you get. And when you do have these experiences, you do fall in love, you do get into a group of friends, you do start going to parties, you're going to be so much wiser going into those mature activities and

the older you are and you're less likely to make fucked up mistakes. Like in a lot of ways, being farther down the timeline is actually kind of a positive thing. I think it is a positive thing because you're entering into these situations that most people enter into when they're far younger and far more immature and far more naive. And there's a lot of challenge that comes with that. Are there some benefits to that too? Sure, you know,

But there's challenges with that as well. Be grateful for where you're at. Look forward to the future and try to find beauty in the situation that you're in. Next, somebody said, how to get things done with no motivation. It's tough, but there are a few ways that I trick myself into getting shit done when I have no motivation.

I think one way is to reward yourself, almost like a dog. Like, if you want to teach a dog how to sit, you got to give them a treat after. Like, they're not going to just sit for you whenever you ask, unless they get a treat after. Okay? Now, I feel like our brains, when we're not motivated, is similar to a dog. Like, we don't have the motivation to do shit.

unless we get a treat at the end. So when I'm having a really hard time motivating, a lot of times I'll figure out a treat to give myself. Like, okay, if I get X, Y, and Z done today, at the end of the day, I'm going to go get frozen yogurt.

Or at the end of the day, I'm going to go get a drink with my friends. Or at the end of the day, I'm going to go watch my favorite show for two hours. Or at the end of the day, I'm going to order myself something fun online. Don't do that all the time. But maybe you've been wanting something for like a month. If you're really having a hard time motivating me, like if I get all this done today, maybe I'll go and order that thing. You know, don't become addicted to doing that, though. That's not healthy. But

giving yourself a little treat at the end of it. Like there's a lot of times when we are motivated, right? And in those moments, we don't have to bribe ourselves with little treats. But when we're really struggling, it can be really helpful. Like for example,

And recently I've been really getting a lot done because I just have a lot of stuff that I have to do. And it's very easy to get burnt out and run out of motivation. And so what I've been doing to keep myself excited is making really fun plans for the weekend. Like, oh, I'm going to go see a movie at the movie theater, even though I don't really like doing that, but like people that I love like to do that. So I will do it with them, but I don't actually like it, but at least it's something fun. That's like,

going out, doing something. I'll go to flea markets and go vintage shopping. I'll find a cute wine bar and like make a plan to go sit at this wine bar for like four hours with just drink wine with like a loved one or a friend or whoever, like making plans that make me excited for the weekend. That just really helps me get through the week.

So I think rewards, rewarding yourself is really important. But I also think it's important to try to be organized. Like it's 50 times harder to motivate when I don't even really know what I should be doing. Do you know what I'm saying? If I write out a clear plan of what I need to do every single day to get shit done and be on schedule, it's just more digestible and it's easier to motivate because you break it down and

You see it for what it is and it becomes less overwhelming and it's easy to motivate to do small tasks that are broken down than it is to motivate to do one large task. So I think breaking it down, scheduling it out, that just makes you realize, okay, you know what? I can do this. You're not just looking at the finished project that you need to have done. You're like, okay, no, no, no. To get this done, you know, I have to do this and I have to do that and I have to do this and that. And you know what? If I spread it out over three days, it's only like a few things a day that I actually have to do.

And I think that's really helpful, sort of breaking it down. But last but not least, I do think that when it comes to dealing with lack of motivation, I also think too, you have to have some discipline to get up and actually get started. Once you get started, it's a lot easier to, you know, objects in motion stay in motion, right? Once we're in motion, once we're working, it's easy to stick to it, right? It's easy to keep working. When you're sedentary, you're laying down, it's very hard to get up and go and do shit.

So the hardest part is getting up and starting. That is the hardest part. And if you can remind yourself of that and say, I know this is about to be the hardest part. Things are going to get easier from here. Once I get up and start getting shit done, it'll get easier and easier. I just have to get up and start. Set a timer for five minutes. Say, okay, in five minutes, I'm going to start. Enjoy that five minutes and then just fucking get going. Somebody said, how to handle the feeling of guilt.

My greatest advice for this is to take the situation that you have guilt about and try to find and extract all of the lessons that you could possibly learn from that mistake. Get out a notebook, write it all down. Talk about it with your loved one. Talk about it with your therapist. Do whatever you need to do. But well, I guess your therapist would probably just tell you what to do. So yeah, maybe just talk to the therapist. But if you don't have a therapist...

Take this mistake and allow it to make you a better person and work hard at doing that. Like, I think, at least for me, guilt stems from a mistake that I made that I've not grown from a lot of times, or I've not grown from enough, maybe. It really helps to prove to yourself that you have learned your lesson and that it is never going to happen again.

And I think why that helps with guilt is because you can replace guilt with this feeling of, it sucks that that happened. I do feel terrible. I have remorse about it. But

it has made me a better person. And for that, I'm grateful. I also think when it comes to guilt, you know, it also really helps to like just continue. Like if there's somebody that you need to apologize, like in most scenarios, when we feel guilty, we've wronged someone for the most part. Continue to say you're sorry. Continue to communicate with the person that you've wronged as much as you can. Now, I mean, I guess that is not always possible, but if it is, don't hold that in.

Express your apology as much and as impactfully as you can. I mean, obviously, it's not like you want to be calling somebody up every day and saying, I just want to say I'm sorry again. You know, that I think can become a bit odd. But I think don't hold in your apology. Sometimes we do that. Like we're like, ah, we get nervous about apologizing or apologizing.

admitting our wrongs. Don't do that. Don't hold it in. If possible, keep an ongoing dialogue about the mistake that was made. And even at times, it can make sense to ask the person who you've wronged what they think that you can do better. You know, involve them in your process of becoming a better person through the mistake. Again, only if it makes sense. And last but not least, I think you need to practice forgiving yourself too. I think

We can experience guilt even when we've apologized profusely and we've, you know, improved and learned from the mistake. We can still find ourselves feeling guilt. And I think that that is when we don't know how to forgive ourselves.

And forgiving yourself requires self-love, you know, and that's something that is really challenging to acquire. But I think it's really beneficial to figure out an effective way to forgive yourself, whether that's doing a journal entry, like, why do I forgive myself for what I did?

And you can write down, well, because I learned a lesson and I'm better for it. You know, like I've learned so much and I'm never going to do this again. And, you know, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, when I made this mistake, it was because I was naive and I didn't understand the consequences and I just had no idea. Or I was going through a really tough time and it was just, you know, something that I'm not proud of and I know it was wrong. Like,

write down why you forgive yourself. I think a good exercise could be like, if someone did what you did to you, why would you forgive them? And write that down or talk about that with a loved one or whatever. Or a slightly different idea would be ask yourself, like, if someone made the mistake that I made, what would I want to see them change? You know, almost take yourself out of it for a second. And I think that can really help you come to terms with things and in

ultimately forgive yourself. This episode is brought to you by Bumble. Dating can be exhausting. Even just getting to the dating stage is a little bit overwhelming. You know, I'm not somebody who loves casually dating. I like to be in a relationship.

Finding somebody you're attracted to is challenging enough, but then making sure that you're compatible is a whole other challenge. Well, Bumble is helping take some of the pressure off. Now you can make the first move or not. It's entirely up to you. Thanks to Bumble's new feature, opening moves. It's a simple way to start conversations. Just choose a question and let your matches reply to kick off the chat.

Try opening moves on the new Bumble. Download Bumble now. This episode is brought to you by Azo. Vagina isn't a dirty word, and vaginal issues are totally normal.

So if you got vaginal health concerns, the Azo brand has products that are backed by science and can help provide relief for all kinds of vaginal issues. Visit azoproducts.com and save 20% off with the code podcast. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Somebody said, I overthink so much. Is it possible to stop?

I mean, I don't know if it's possible to stop. I don't know because I am quite the overthinker and I have not ever stopped.

But I do think that there are things that help with overthinking. I think, number one, talking to other people. Like overthinking is the worst when done alone, when it's in the confines of your own mind. Speaking it out loud, speaking it to other people, getting other people's perspectives can really help soothe the overthinking. When it's just spiraling and spinning and

sputtering around your brain, there's nothing to slow it down. But when you speak the thing that you're overthinking about out loud, you almost set it free from your brain. It's almost like now you can hold it in your hands and then you can hand it over to the person that you're talking to and let them hold it in their hands. You can get it under control. Another thing that really helps me is staying busy. I overthink way more when I'm bored. Listen, sometimes boredom's amazing,

but only when you're in a good headspace. Sometimes boredom is not helpful and it's better to almost in a way distract yourself.

And ideally, you're distracting yourself with something that is positive, like a hobby or getting back to work, working extra hard, you know, hanging out with friends, going out to dinner with your parents. Like, you know, keeping a busy schedule is so helpful for overthinkers because you don't have time to overthink. And

And the truth is overthinking is rarely helpful. So to distract yourself from it is a positive thing. There are certain thoughts that are painful that are beneficial. I would argue that overthinking is not one. So if you can keep yourself busy, it can help you break the cycle of overthinking because you're distracted. You don't even have the time to overthink. You have stuff to do. So that's, you know, that's kind of what I do.

And last but not least with overthinking, I think building a healthier relationship with your own thoughts

can really help. Like finding different ways to express yourself and express your anxieties and your fears and all the things that you're overthinking in a way that helps to resolve them is really helpful. Like some people love journaling. Some people love meditating. Some people like talking to a therapist. Some people like making plans and organizing things and whatever. Whatever that is for you, I think...

Becoming comfortable with your thoughts and finding a useful way to organize them in a way is very helpful. And again, people find that in many different formats.

journaling, meditating therapy, et cetera. Like there's so many options. So I think finding your own method is key, but take control and figure out what helps to alleviate the overthinking that you can integrate into your day-to-day life to try to avoid as much overthinking as possible. All right, next, somebody said, how to not be a people pleaser and have an actual consistent personality, LOL.

I think that this just takes practice. Like in any moment when you catch yourself not being yourself or not standing true to your beliefs, try with all of your might, take every ounce of courage that you have in your body to fight against the urge to be a people pleaser, to just fit in and see what happens to be yourself. Just see what happens. Now, the first time is obviously going to be the scariest because

The second time is going to be the second scariest, but then the third time will be the third scariest. And the hundredth time will be the hundredth scariest. And the next thing you know, it's not scary to you anymore to just be you because you've been practicing it for months or for years or for, you know what I mean? But it takes practice.

And I think it's a matter of catching yourself in the act and correcting it, you know, and doing that over and over and over again until it becomes automatic. Somebody said, how does one force themselves out of their comfort zone? I really struggle with that. I think it can be really nice to make one small goal at a time. Like, let's say your goal is, I want to get out of my comfort zone once a week for the next year, okay? Okay.

You make that your goal. Maybe you make that your New Year's resolution. Okay? Now you have a goal. I want to get out of my comfort zone actively. I want to actively make a choice to get out of my comfort zone once a week for the next year. Okay. Well, now at the beginning of every week, make it a ritual to come up with some sort of

new way that you can get out of your comfort zone. So let's say week one is I'm going to wear a really bold outfit this week that I would normally be afraid of wearing. Then the next week is I'm going to say hi to a coworker that I've never said hi to before. Then the third week is I'm going to go to an art class, even though I'm kind of embarrassed because I don't feel like I'm a good artist.

The next week, I'm going to cook a recipe I've never cooked before. Like every week you can come up with one thing. It's not that hard. I think the key is to have some sort of structure because if you don't have structure, it can be very hard. Like if you don't have a clear goal, it can be really hard to hold yourself accountable.

And if you're somebody who really struggles with getting out of your comfort zone, it might make sense to take a more structured approach like this. But, you know, tweak it and make it make sense for you and your lifestyle. But I think setting clear goals is very helpful. And last but not least, somebody says, I'm really scared to move out of my hometown. How do I gain courage to just do it? As much as there is to fear about moving out of your hometown,

I would argue there's even more to look forward to. I mean, the new people that you'll experience, the new restaurants, the new foods, the new landscape, the feeling of independence that you'll experience, the maturing that you'll experience. There's so much to look forward to. I think if you can shift your mindset and stop focusing on all the fears and shift that towards excitement about the great things that are going to come from this,

I think that is key for building courage, is building excitement. Try to build excitement. But also, always remember that there are so many people who have done what you're about to do, you know? And that always makes me feel better. Whenever I'm really afraid to do something, I'm like, wait a minute, so many people have done this. I can do it.

you're going to be okay. And you're far more self-sufficient than you think. Turn into a positive, exciting thing because that's what it should be. Anyway, that is all I have for today. I hope that you all enjoyed this. And if you did, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday. You can stream anywhere you get podcasts. Video episodes are exclusively on Spotify. Add Anything Goes on all social media. Check it out.

Check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee. We're in a store near you, possibly if you live in the US. We're in Target, we're in Whole Foods, we're in Walmart. Find us next time you're at the grocery store or order online at chamberlaincoffee.com or you can even go on Amazon. Chamberlain Coffee wants to be a part of your morning routine. We really do.

So go check Chamberlain Coffee out, chamberlaincoffee.com online or at Chamberlain Coffee on social media. And last but not least, find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. I love you all. I appreciate you all. I adore you all. And I can't wait to talk to you in a few days. Okay, bye. This episode is brought to you by Adidas. Whether you're a professional athlete or lacing up a pair of sneakers for the first time, everyone feels pressure. Okay, for me, it started when I was a young tween

There were a lot of pressures that I experienced as a cheerleader, not only from coaches, but also from within. You want to be good because you're like, if I'm not, then what am I doing with all this time that I'm dedicating to this thing? The only problem was, even though I did well under the pressure, the pressure still made me miserable and it made me anxious. But it wasn't until I got older that I realized that sports should be where you escape pressure, not feel it. For me now, it's less about perfection and being the best, and it's more about doing what feels good

and what makes me happy. With the right mindset, you can beat anything, including pressure. You got this. Visit adidas.com slash you got this to learn more.